


S&M (a Death Note fic)

by uberneko_zero



Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe, BDSM, Chance Meetings, Controlling Behavior, Crazy Family, Drinking, Family, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, L got game, L with good posture, M/M, Questioning one's sexuality, S&M, Sychronicity, Young Love, bad with feels, can hats be characters?, club, dubcon, fateful encounters, light is the uke for once, massive character development, relationships, restrictive parents, untested heart, young characters acting young
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2018-11-12 15:32:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 91
Words: 499,821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11164809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uberneko_zero/pseuds/uberneko_zero
Summary: Light was a straight-laced academic at the end of his rope. A little rebellion could be just what he needed. But the venue he’d chosen might be more than he’d bargained for.





	1. The Beginning

**Author's Note:**

> I historically write only Light/L, with L being the uke. Time to turn that on its head!! What a challenge that was, but I like the result. : ) I let L have some game this time, and Light is the one struggling to keep up. Karma, bitch! Heehee
> 
> PS. I wrote this off and on for like 2 years. There will be a ton of chaps : ) I'll post them as I'm able.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

 

* * *

 

_ Part 1: The Beginning _

_This was it,_ Light thought.

Standing before him was a building that would either be the ultimate rebellion against his stifling life... or, quite possibly, it would just be something he would really **_regret_** for the rest of his life.

School. Parents. Restrictions. Expectations…

He’d had enough.

Perhaps just enough to push him to this.

He ran a hand through his hair, brushing it out of his eyes, but it was a nervous gesture. He wasn’t sure about this. He wasn’t sure of himself either, if he were to be quite honest.

Midterm exams.

Stress.

He’d survived. Barely.

But at what cost? It wasn’t enough to merely pass. It wasn’t enough to achieve top scores. In his family, nothing but perfection would do. Nothing but the best of the best. And afterwards, they would nod and say they had expected nothing less from _their_ son.

He was getting so sick of the endless studying, the endless tests, the endless, tedious cycle which he longed to be free of.

Had listening to everything they said gained him anything? Would his life improve merely because he scored 100 percent on every examination - every piece of drivel the school put before him to determine his worth? Would 95 percent, and a chance to do something with his free time, truly land him in the gutter? Would it ruin his existence?

He thought not. And yet, his parents remained stonily unrelenting on such matters.

The neon sign blinked and flickered. Beckoning him forward? Warning him away?

His parents were away. For once in his life, they were both away. For once in his life, he had agreed to do everything they asked - and behave as expected - **but** with the full intention of doing the _opposite_.

He was to start applying for colleges, writing essays, and doing all manner of things which would while away the hours in soul-sucking boredom and confinement….

...the opposite of which, would be where he was right now. Standing in front of a shady club that had been unerringly catching his eye for months now. It shone in the darkness like a forbidden fruit, the garish light of the purple neon reflecting on the brick wall behind it.

Maybe they wouldn’t even let him in.

He wasn’t sure if there was an age restriction on getting in the door.

The thought was almost enough to anchor his feet, but the promise of freedom was too tempting.

His feet crunched loose gravel upon the concrete. His eyes fixed on the door.

His heart was beating hard in his chest.

Was it the name that caught his attention first? There again, on the door, were the bold, sweeping letters: S&M.

It evoked images of the taboo, the forbidden, the erotic. All of the things he was sheltered and guarded against, yet thirsted to discover. His dating situation alone would be enough to drive most people mad. Simply: It wasn’t allowed. It ** _was_** madness. The explanation his parents gave is that he couldn’t afford distractions. He would like to loudly argue how distracting it was to NOT have those distractions.

It plagued his thoughts some days, a serpentine thread of desire, winding its way through every corner of his brain until he thought he would break under the pressure.

He tried to date in school, at the least, but nothing was ever long lived. It seemed no one else was as desperate (or reckless?) as he was, to have an indiscretion just beyond the sight of others. Fevered kissing, wandering hands, these he could secure for his own, but inevitably there would be the questions of why his house was off limits, and why he was never free on weekends or after school. It was only normal that they would ask these things. It was only normal that they would begin to wonder about him, if they they were allowed to dwell upon such things too long. He was always the one to break things off in the end, when the questions became too frequent. It was impossible for him to admit to the cage he lived within.

It was demeaning.

And this urge to break free had been building... Rising like a beast from the deepest depths of his being. He wanted to act upon it. _Needed_ to.

He didn’t know what he would find when he went inside.

Trepidation coated the inside of his chest.

He just hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed.

* * *

The noise hit him as the door thudded closed behind him with finality. The music was a wall of sound. Darkness and gloom reigned here. Smoke drifted on lazy currents, hanging like clouds or mist over what he could see of the room.

He looked around, covertly, but no one seemed to be manning the entrance.

 _Just as well_ , he thought, turning up the collar of his jacket and making his way inside.

As he surveyed his surroundings, he soon realized that even his attempt to find clothes in his closet that had a hope of blending in had gone awry. Almost everything he owned looked preppy and straightlaced - button-down shirts and polos, khakis and slacks……..  and nothing like what the people here were wearing. _Damn my parents._ They couldn’t even leave him to choose his own clothing. Anything they did not approve of was summarily dismissed. He had on the darkest slacks he owned, which were a dim, dark green; a black, collared shirt; and his annoyingly light colored khaki jacket. He would have done without it, but it was entirely too cold out tonight.

Skin. Leather. Black cloth. The room was pulsing with these things, pulsing with people, and pulsing with an electric vibe and the smell of excess.

People made out on the dancefloor, some with drinks in their hands. Others seemed to be pantomiming sex, or quite possibly indulging in it.

He shook his head, getting lost in the sights and sounds, while the tiny voice of his conscience was trying to bring him to heel with uncertainty. It was like a nail driving through his brain, reminding him of his age, his inexperience, and all of the unknown factors he was dealing with here.

He _wanted_ to be a part of this. But damn that little voice, because a slight twinge of anxiety was there too. He did not want to look a fool, to be dismissed as being too young, or overlooked in some other way which would keep him firmly on the outside.

 _(And what if you **do** get what you _think _you want? What **then**?) _ that inner voice asked forebodingly.

He took a steadying breath and headed towards the bar. _Then, I’ll get exactly what I want_ , he threw back with a degree of spite; it spoke of a confidence he didn’t feel.

As he weaved through the crowds, his eyes alighted upon the tables at the edges and corners of the room and the people that occupied them. He saw people that looked interesting, people that looked off-putting, people that looked strange and people who looked like they were trying too hard.

He saw everything that he never usually witnessed within the human population, and it soothed some part of his soul - that he had uncovered this hidden underbelly which aligned with his suspicions of what _must_ exist in this world. Not everything was grim and sterile as his parents would have him believe. He knew that, just as he knew the tenor of his own thoughts. If **he** didn’t fit into the confines of their worldview, than it made sense that there would be others who wouldn’t as well. It was just sound logic. But here… here was _confirmation_.

He closed his eyes briefly as the thought surged through him, quickening his blood. He could feel the swell of music beating in his veins and the pulsing beat of validation in his chest. It was like being reborn.

So much possibility was here... if only he could grasp it....

Light jumped as the sleeve of his jacket was tweaked. He turned to the table he had stopped beside and was offended to find that it was a slender booted _foot_ that had brushed against his clothing to garner attention. The dark-clothed person was leaning back in their chair, both feet on the table, crossed at the ankles. A fedora style hat tilted to obscure their face. Even their hair was dark, blending into the gloom.

“Excuse me?” Light said, frowning in irritation.

The person made no response but to crook a finger, waving him closer.

“Yes?” Light said, leaning in and feeling the irritation grow as the finger crooked, beckoning him even closer.

Resistance began to sizzle up his spine as he was continually beckoned closer, leaning practically to the fedora wearer’s ear. He figured it might be so the man didn’t have to shout whatever he was going to say, but it peeved him nonetheless.

He was so close that he could see the spiky jags of the man’s hair from underneath the hat, defined in the darkness.

The man finally spoke, turning in to lay the words in Light’s ear, the deep voice resonating in his head, “You are in the way,” he drawled, “ _Akanbo_.”

Light shot upright, indignation searing him. Not only was the man mocking his age by likening him to an infant, he had the **gall** to say he was in the way?! It was obvious he couldn’t have seen much of anything with that hat covering half of his face. Not only that! The man then raised one slim white finger to poke the brim of his hat up to expose his soulless black eyes.

His expressionless face seemed to challenge the fact that Light was still standing there “in his way” after he had expressly told him to vacate the premises.

Light wished that the shock hadn’t made the heat of embarrassment rise to his face. He’d been taken off guard. Leaving now felt like letting this ornery and rude man have the upper hand…

And he was so sick of having other people tell him what to do.

Oh, how he wished he had the nerve to swat the hat off of the man’s head, or some other such thing… but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was still too deeply inside the shell his parents had forced him into. His hand twitched with the urge as sleepless eyes regarded him, watching. They reminded him of a snake’s eyes - all black and unblinking.

Light allowed disdain to darken his gaze and an empty smile to quirk his mouth as he said, “Nice hat,” with veiled sarcasm, implying it was deficient in some way, before turning on his heel and rejoining the promise of the crowd.

If he made the man self-consciously doubt the stylishness of his prized hat and took him down a few pegs, _that_ would be a decent revenge.

* * *

The bar, Light discovered, was infinitely crowded. Unimaginably so. Any thoughts of gaining a seat were fast becoming fantasy.

It was frustrating, as well. The sheer magnitude of the crowd seemed poised to make meeting anyone near impossible. Many people seemed to be part of predetermined groups, or were already paired off.

However did people here advertise their availability? Should he wear a sign on his back? Or a look of desperation?

Not knowing something as simple as this gnawed at him. He didn’t even know if he could properly blame his parents for this particular lack of knowledge either. Even if he wanted to.

This wouldn’t be much of a rebellion if he couldn’t even find a likely person to explore.

S&M was going to remain solely the title of this club, it appeared. Part of him was mildly relieved, but the greater part was falling into despair.

He could really use a drink. _God..._ Could he at least hope for _that_? A first taste of something stronger than beer? He spent some time trying to gain the busy bartender’s attention.

“They won’t serve you, _Akanbo_ ,” came a deep and amused sounding voice in Light’s ear.

Light jerked as the voice startled him and the hateful, fedora-wearing man came into view. He wasn’t much taller than Light himself. The soulless eyes did not meet his, however. The man was looking towards the bar and signalled the man who was frantically pouring drinks.

To Light’s overwhelming consternation, the black-haired man successfully obtained the bartender’s attention and service in short order. It rankled him and he opened his mouth to say something on the matter, but the man in black spoke first. “You look too young. Like a choirboy.” That dark gaze settled upon him. “No one would lose their liquor license on serving you, _Akanbo_. Common sense.”

Light swore he saw that gleam of amusement again, at his expense, and it infuriated him.

Before he could say a word on the matter, the man held a pale finger up to his own lips, the other three fingers and his thumb lazily grasping the rim of the tumbler he held. One eye closed in a flippant wink and just as quickly, the man began to melt back into the crowd.

“Hey- wait, you--!”

Light grabbed the man’s sleeve, and spun him around.

Before he knew what was happening, he felt the fedora being placed haphazardly upon his head as a face tilted to meet his under its brim, lips and tongue meeting his in faux secrecy.

Reaction kicked through Light, razing his thoughts and tripping his pulse. He pulled back instantly but a spidery hand upon his face kept him tethered.

Just as quickly, the sensations disappeared, leaving him triple blinking in shock.

 _Was I just kissed by a… guy?_ This had never happened before. He felt like he was suddenly in the midst of a rather significant crisis.

“Come,” the dark-haired man beckoned. A sly, mischievous look ghosted his largely impassive face as his great, dark eyes took in Light’s reaction to the transgression.

“No,” he said, surprised by the tension in his voice. “Whatever idea you may have gotten, I do _not_ swing that way, so you can just--”

“Excuses,” the man offered with a smile, not cowed in the least. “Consider it an experience.” He shrugged artfully, as if to say it meant nothing at all. Like it was a common greeting and Light was merely experiencing culture shock. “Come,” he beckoned again, gesturing a path through the crowd.

Light chewed the inside of his lip, not sure why this was such a hard decision. The man repelled him and yet seemed to intrigue him at the same time. Or perhaps he seemed hard to ignore, like a pesky itch…

“You wanted a drink,” the man said with a cavalier gesture, “have mine.”

Light decided that at the least he should try to get a drink out of this abominable endeavor. He reached for the glass, but it was kept just beyond his grasp.

“At the table, of course. You wouldn’t want to be discovered, would you, _Akanbo_?”

Light growled under his breath at the repeated use of the irritating nickname. Again he saw the amused glint in bottomless black eyes. They were framed by dark smudges that seemed either the mark of too little sleep, or dark eyeliner. He didn’t get a chance to determine which before the man inclined his head toward the tables, indicating his destination, before wading in amongst the crowd.

Oddly enough, the man did not return to the table Light had last encountered him at. He threaded his way deeper into the club, and it was hard for Light to keep him in sight.

On the way, Light found that a lot more distracting things were happening in the dark recesses of the club. He heard the clink of chains and the faint cracking of… what sounded like whips, hidden under the din of the music.

He wanted to see more, and to get to the bottom of these elusive half-images and obscured figures, but he had to keep the drink-bearer in sight. Which was hard enough to do, even using his full attention and focus.

Someone bumped into him, nearly spilling the fedora from his head and he watched as what looked like a “slave” was marched by, blindfolded, gagged, and lead by a leash that attached to a thick leather collar with spikes. The girl wore only enough to not be considered naked, and pink stripes decorated her skin. It looked like she had been whipped, but nothing in her demeanor made her appear to be at odds with any of this. The person holding the whip jerked her forward and said something only she could hear and her face quickly stained with a blush.

It was fascinating - trying to figure out the whole of what went on in such an interaction…

They moved on and so did he, remembering himself once more.

Light couldn’t see the dark-haired man anywhere. He continued onward, figuring he would find him eventually. If not, the sights were definitely worth the trip. His head felt as if it were on a swivel. In his gut, there was an increasingly growing knot of tension. It was not unpleasant, but it _was_ unfamiliar.

Back in the bowels of the club, the atmosphere felt more depraved. It was frightful and exhilarating at the same time.

“There you are,” a deep voice said, and Light felt the hat being lifted off of his head. He turned and saw the dark-haired man place the fedora solidly on his own head at a rakish angle with a look of satisfaction at the reacquaintance. He took Light’s arm and guided him further back aways. “Here,” he said, holding the tumbler out to Light. He didn’t let go of it, however. “A sip,” he said. “Then tell me what you are doing here, _Akanbo_ , sticking out as you do.”

Light shrugged in annoyance and tipped the glass to his lips, trying to ignore the irritation that even _this_ was being regulated.

It burned mightily and he struggled not to cough as he choked on even that small sip. It was _not_ like beer. _At all_.

In an effort to regroup, he said, “Do you have a name, or should I just keep referring to you with expletives in my head?”

Pale lips turned up in a mischievous smile, and the man’s dark eyes were becoming the most expressive Light had seen them yet. The effect was surprisingly arresting. “Oh, I doubt very much that that is the case. But you may call me L, if it pleases you.”

“Just L?” Light said skeptically.

L nodded and was not forthcoming about what name the initial might actually stand for.

Something felt like it was shifting in their interaction. Like a net pulling closed. There was a sort of tension, like held breaths. Light reached for the glass of alcohol and took another drink, ready this time for the burn, now knowing what to expect.

It was almost pleasant on his tongue this time, more of a tingle than a pure burn. It was starting to warm him from the inside outward. He made to tip the cup back again, wanting more of that sensation, but spidery white fingers were a strong opponent.

“First, answer,” L said, hooded eyes looking quite engaged.

“Something new,” Light responded with a shrug. Inwardly, he tensed up, thinking of the real reasons. Reasons which he would _not_ share.

“Interesting,” the dark-haired man commented vaguely, nodding his head a little.

“What is?” Light felt suspicious of the tone and demeanor.

“I didn’t expect you to be such a liar,” he said, in a voice that wasn’t exactly judging him.

 _Still, to be caught outright…_ Light felt his face flush with embarrassment. “What makes you so sure?” he said in an accusatory tone.

“Now, now, let’s leave things be. It is an observation, that is all.” That engaged look was still captive upon L’s pale face. He reached up to run fingertips along the curve of Light’s jaw.

The touch felt electric. Threatening. “What are you doing?” Light swatted the hand away.

“Nothing,” L said with a smile, plainly showing his response wasn’t even close to the truth. “Why are you here?” he asked again.

“I told you, I--”

This time, fingers brushed his full lower lip and stilted the words before he could revoice the lie. His eyes flickered closed for the barest moment, betraying a reaction that he himself couldn’t quite understand. Denial surged up almost as quickly. “Wh--! What the hell are you doing?”

“I’ve decided that I’m quite alright with you lying to me,” L murmured, “as long as I can do the same.” Abyssal eyes stared into his. “So, to answer your question - I’m doing absolutely nothing.”

The threatened feeling amplified and Light moved back as L slunk forward like a lazy cat. The small amount of height the dark-haired man had on him only served to make it worse. “Cut it out,” he said tightly, feeling his back hit a wall. “My business is my own.” It was his _right_ to lie or not.

“Of course,” L agreed amiably, stilling the advance. “It is your right to answer as you see fit.”

Light was suspicious at the reprieve. “That’s right, it is,” he intoned as L unconcernedly tipped back the last of the alcohol that was in the tumbler.

He caught the barest glint in dark eyes before L’s alcohol laced lips sealed against his and shared the flow of the drink he had just taken. The fiery liquid was burning his tongue and throat even as the kiss tried to burn him from the inside. He had to swallow or choke as L’s body pressed against his, mouth devouring his once the alcohol was gone. His head was swimming and he couldn’t tell for sure if it was the alcohol or…. or the feel of lips and teeth and tongue, and the press of hips against his.

_Jesus._

His hands raised to push L back, but they hovered uselessly, before gripping his shirt.

_This wasn’t supposed to happen._

_Not with a guy… but…_

A noise tried to crawl its way out of his throat. He could feel it vibrating there, the culmination of what was going on inside him. He felt like he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t stand, couldn’t do anything but notice the sharpening ache in his belly.

Long fingers threaded in his hair and pulled his head back, breaking the kiss with a gasp and his panted breaths. Lips descended upon his exposed throat, tasting, exploring, taking their time and driving him mad.

“I would love to collar you,” L’s husky voice murmured in his ear, making him flush as he felt the words spike through him.

“...train the stubbornness right out of you,” L said against his throat, a hand trailing down Light’s chest. “Perhaps an impossible task…” L’s hand slid lower, down his belly and teasingly lower, making his heart pound frantically in his chest, “...but then, I do like a challenge.”

Light choked out a gasp as L’s long fingers brushed the front of his pants, then molded to his throbbing desire. The words alone had been like tripwires in his system, flaring through him like an unchecked blaze. Physical sensation was almost too much.

Lips rejoined his as L’s ministrations pulled moans from his mouth, out from the depths of his being. His body was stuttering, trapped between L’s hard, lean frame, and the unyielding wall behind him.

His mind was chaos. Never before had it been so disorderly, such a mess. Thoughts had no way to parse themselves and there was only one pervasive thought: _Need_.

“You have more promise than I originally anticipated,” L said breathlessly, ceasing what he was doing and drinking in the raw expressiveness of Light’s face. His eyes missed nothing, and caught with particular focus upon Light’s lip as he bit it, trying in vain to get a hold of his body and the terrible ache that was slicing him apart. L pressed a slow, deliberate kiss to bitten lips, smiling against them when something that could have been taken for a whimper managed to escape.

“Precious,” he breathed, sounding indulgent. He nuzzled Light’s neck, tormenting him with the soft movement of lips. “I could lose myself in you,” he murmured, “more lost than you are right now.”

Light tried to catch his breath but everything in the universe seemed to be conspiring against that goal. His head was spinning and his heart was a triphammer. He ached. _Ached_.

“Does it hurt, _Akanbo_?” L’s deep voice whispered in his ear.

The irritation at the nickname did nothing to penetrate the deep fog of lust that was ravaging his body. To his dismay, he found himself nodding.

“Say it,” L’s words thrummed in his ear and through him.

“...yes,” he choked out.

“Tell me what it is you want…” L’s desire-laden tone was indulgent.

Frustration surged. Light didn’t know what he wanted, not to where he could demand some specific action. He just wanted to continue, to end the games, to find completion…

“I want you to break me,” he heard himself say in a voice so choked with lust he could hardly recognize it as his own.

Light felt reaction ripple through the dark-haired man, which surprised him almost more than what he had just heard himself say.

“Pledge yourself as _mine_ ,” L said fervently, “and you shall have what you desire.” He laid butterfly kisses upon Light’s cheeks, brow and eyelids.

“I…I don’t...” _I don’t know what that even means..._

“Just say _yes_ …” L’s tone sounded only a step or two from begging, and desire was crawling through it more audibly now. “I’ll _teach_ you.”

“I…” Light found it hard to answer. As if this was a major decision he was supposed to make, and he felt completely unable to render thoughts well enough to understand what he was agreeing to. His body, unhelpfully, was silently screaming, _‘yes’_.

L took Light’s face in his hands and his dark eyes were like pools of midnight, drawing him in with the gravitational pull of a black hole. “Be _mine_ ,” he repeated, “and I will set you free.”

The words echoed in Light, rippling through to his core, like stones thrown into a still pond. Chills swept down his body. There was something here that he wanted, needed, and it was more than physical release.

Absolution.

“...show me,” he voiced at last.

* * *

L released a long breath as if he had been holding it, and his mouth descended on Light’s like a starving man’s. It was an even more passionate kiss than the others thus far, and desire twisted in Light’s gut like a knife. He moaned into the secrecy of their mouths, sensation rolling through him in waves. L slipped his hand down the waistband of his pants, and the hot skin of his palm married the molten heat of his aching, trembling desire. “Please,” he gasped out, needing to be heard, needing to be relieved of this overwhelming pressure that was eating him alive.

He pressed his lips together to keep the sounds in, as his head tilted back in ecstasy. It was mindless pleasure and he was being tossed around in the storm of it like a broken doll. He was helpless against it. He welcomed it.

Just as his back began to bow with the impending whiplash of something too profound to simply be called orgasm, he felt strong teeth settle into the flesh of his neck, spiking him with pain and a honed blade of pleasure. It speared him through, decimating him and riding him throughout the waves that struck his body in violent release.

“God...” Light breathed as his legs gave out. He would have slid to the floor if L hadn’t been holding him upright. His mind felt utterly blown. The whole of him was an empty shell.

* * *

L sucked at the place where he had bitten the brunet’s neck, nursing the broken skin that he knew would later produce a spectacular bruise.

“You… bit me,” the other said hazily, reaching up to touch the spot, wincing when he did.

“My mark upon you,” L said simply, wanting to take advantage of the haziness clouding the brunet’s sharp and stubborn mind, “What is your name?”

“Yagami Light,” he said without thinking, rubbing the area gingerly. “Is this really going to leave a mark?”

“That would be the idea,” L said with amusement coloring his deep voice. He pressed a kiss to the brunet’s lips. The slight bit of panic forming on his face was endearing.

“What am I going to tell my parents if they see this??” Fresh horror was dawning on the younger man’s face.

“Not the truth?” L offered. “That should be easy enough for you to manage.”

“You don’t understand. There _are_ no not-truths that can cover this.”

This peaked L’s interest. “No girlfriends to pin it on?”

“No.”

“Boyfriends?”

“NO.”

A sly smile spread upon L’s face. “I was your first, wasn’t I?”  he said, clearly referring to the latter.

Light averted his face, clearly not as amused as his companion. This was serious.

L’s hand clamped down on the bite mark, sending pain and remembered pleasure jolting through Light, making him jump.

“Wasn’t I?” L repeated, his tone patient but direct. He expected an answer and looked ready to pull it from him if he remained too reluctant.

“Yes,” he mumbled, looking away.

“You are full of surprises,” L said enigmatically.

Light covered his face with his hands. “Oh **god** … I can’t believe I just….. _here_ … with _you_ …”

“And yet, the world continues to turn,” L observed. “No one is the wiser. Look around. Everyone is preoccupied with their own dalliances.”

“My parents are going to freak out,” he said, sorrowful voice muffled by his hands. “They don’t even let me date.”

“Ah, that explains a lot.” L paused, considering. “Don’t you think it is about time you stand up for what you want and don’t want? While they _aren’t_ out of town?”

“How did you--?”

L waved a lazy hand. “It’s obvious.” He calmly regarded the brunet then, with a penetrating stare. “As it is also obvious by your reaction that you don’t expect them home for another day or two. And so, I will expect you _here_.”

Light jumped like a rabbit. “Here? but…”

L twisted a quick hand into Light’s hair and tilted his head back unforgivingly. “Here,” he stated again, voice calm. ”Here, or wherever I ask of you.” He laid a kiss upon Light’s mouth, sealing the contract. He wouldn’t lose one such as this to any excuses. He felt the thread of desire that met his lips. His _Akanbo_ was hooked. He just didn’t realize it yet.

* * *

TBC


	2. Self-restraint

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...where L might just be the new king of dubcon. Move over, previously written versions of Light! Haha

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 2: Self-restraint _

Light spared a sour glance at his phone as he trudged home, feet dragging with the weight of his thoughts and with the odd lethargy that had seeped into his limbs after his encounter with L at the club.

His face and body flushed immediately as he relived the heat of that closeness and lips skimming his. Desire, shared breath, intensity, and the trembling of everything inside of him as L touched him. Lust had crippled him with every caress, every word. He could still recall the feel of firm, wiry shoulders under his clenching fingers as sensation had overwhelmed him and obliterated him with release.

Light rubbed a hand over his face.

He couldn’t argue that that had been the most intense experience of his life. Or that - given the choice - he wouldn’t just do it all over again….

But some part of his mind was still grappling over the fact that he liked GIRLS. And L was most certainly not one of those. Not to mention he wasn’t even very nice, had no sense of decency, and quite honestly had struck Light as being a bit of jerk. What was appealing about him in the least?

 _Nothing, that’s what._ It was a novelty. That’s why he’d reacted so strongly. Also, there was the unexpectedness of the location...

Maybe if L had a cuter face, or disposition, it wouldn’t be so hard to process this. It wouldn’t be such a drastic change from the girls he was used to seeing and fooling around with.

Thinking back though… L had something of an androgynous face. Somehow soft and effeminate, yet angular and strong at the same time. _A perfect frame for those black pits he calls eyes…_ that gaze which seemed to strip him down to his bones _,_ and that smirking mouth …

He had a vision then, of that lascivious, jokester mouth parting as it came too close, encompassing his vision, swamping his senses and reverently licking his empty, reddened bones for anything that was left. Like a vulture, slowly scraping the dead clean. Owning the kill.

Intimate. Macabre.

Light had to take a minute, his breath coming harder and faster, and his stomach turning a little.

His hand reached up to grip the material of his shirt, just over his heart. It was an unconscious motion, the sensation meant to ground him as his eyes stared blindly ahead.

The imagery was both disturbing and disturbingly erotic. He kept recalling various expressions and moods mirrored on L’s playful lips - mocking, sly, intense, passionate... and in light of that vision it was both off-putting and enticing.

“Jeezus,” he said, wondering what was wrong with him.

_This isn’t right. None of this is right or makes any sense._

Light glared again at his phone, thumb poised over the Delete Contact button. He could feel his heart speed in his chest as he regarded the picture L had taken of himself and assigned as his own contact picture. It looked entirely black and white. It was very dim and dark - the only contrast to the background and his black hair was the paleness of his skin. Under the brim of the hat, messy jags of bangs fell across smoldering eyes, and pale lips curved up in the hint of a knowing smile.

Light felt a sharp quickening in his gut as he was pulled into that expression. He bit his lip in agitation. He felt at a loss and almost upset over this - out of control. Like none of this had been his idea and if it persisted, he’d be eaten alive.

“Whatever,” he said harshly, locking his screen without looking again and shoving the phone into his pocket. Tension fizzled through his body as he put off a decision.

_I’ll deal with this later._

Maybe he’d figure out why L had used “M” for his contact name. Or maybe he’d just delete it and forget the whole thing.

 _I could really go for a drink right now_ , he thought somewhat dejectedly.

* * *

Light let himself into the house and kicked off his shoes. He moved through the darkened rooms, finding it was easy enough to see in ambient light that he didn’t feel like turning on any lamps or anything. As such, he spied the blinking red light on the answering machine which indicated voicemail.

He walked over and pressed the button, picking up a pen and tablet in case he had to write something down. It was a habit. Whenever he didn’t bother, it turned out he needed to take the message and that meant he had to listen to the infernal thing _twice_. Better to just be prepared and get it over with more quickly.

Beeeep.

7:45 pm

 _“Light, honey, this is mom.”_ (Her voice sounded cheery.) _“I wanted to see how you were coming along with those applications…. Are you there? Pick up.”_ (Now it sounded a little confused.) “ _Hello? Light?”_

Beeeep.

8:30 pm

 _“Light, this is mom.”_ (Her voice was bordering on stern now, though it still had the cheery tone to it.) “ _Please pick up. I’m sure you are there…”_ (This sounded authoritative. Maybe like a threat.)

Beeeep.

9:55 pm

 _“Light Yagami, you stop whatever it is you are doing and pick up this phone right now.”_ (She was now fully into Threat Mode.) “You know your father and I worry, and it isn’t too much to ask that our responsible son picks up the phone when we call.”

Beeeep.

10:25 pm

 _“Last chance. Pick up the phone.”_ (Now his mother sounded flat and terse. Not good. Disciplinary Mode came after this.) “ _If you are fooling around when we are **trusting** you to be studious and **responsible** ….”_ (She also sounded slightly tearful. Crocodile tears, to be specific. But regardless of authenticity, the result was the same.) “ _Very well, have it your way…” sniff!_

Beeeep.

10:45 pm

 _“Light. This is your father.”_ (Clipped, gruff tones meant he was pissed. Punishment was imminent. His father would play the executioner, and his head was on the block.) “ _Call when you get this. I don’t care **what** time it is.” CLICK._

Beeeep.

“Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugh!” Light said aloud, expelling his frustration. He was stewing in the tension the messages had stirred up. He jabbed the buttons on the answering machine and deleted them all.

There was a _reason_ they didn’t call his cell. They were checking up on him. They wanted to ensure he was home. Which, he hadn’t been. For a long while. Which they **knew** because he never would have let messages like that go too long - he understood the consequences. Which would be more bullshit to deal with, basically.

Unfortunately for him, it was almost midnight. He’d been out since around 7pm, reveling in the first “freedom” he’d had.

_Better get this over with._

He would have loved to pretend he’d fallen asleep or some such thing, but that wasn’t going to fly. (He could tell that was why his father said to call no matter what time.) And any other excuse was going to sound like just that - an excuse. _But what am I going to tell them? Other than **not** the truth? Shit._

L’s words floated into his mind: _‘Don’t you think it is about time you stand up for what you want and don’t want?’_ They even made sense as a course of action, for one deranged moment. He could tell them exactly what he was doing, that he’d gone out, that he needed a break and that their obsessive tyranny had just gone too far. He was an adult. (Essentially.) And it was about time they treated him like one instead of a child. So if he wanted to go to a club and get laid in a public place with a complete stranger, that was _his_ decision.

“What the hell am I thinking?? I can’t do that!”

No, because he had a plan. That plan involved sliding into a prestigious school that his parents would be ecstatic over, one that was FAR away. Then he could loosen the leash they had on him. It was a GOOD plan. Making some kind of stand would likely get derailed by arguments about who pays for what and who put a roof over his head, _ad nauseum_.

_‘Don’t you think it is about time you stand up for what you want and don’t want? While they **aren’t** out of town?’_

Again he heard the words, but this time another thought was on its heels. They **are** out of town. And yet… their control was every bit as present as usual. _Will going to a school that is far away actually change anything? Won’t they still call and check up on me, and control me, just as they are doing now? When will it END??_

He had half a mind to run away and never look back. The crushing claustrophobia of it was almost too much.

He also had a half-baked impulse to go back to the club and see if he could find L and demand he produce enough alcohol for him to get well and truly drunk. Since he couldn’t obtain it himself.

Instead, he picked up the phone and dialed his parents. Gritting his teeth, he curbed the impulses.

The phone clicked after the fourth ring and his mother answered, sounding drowsy. “Hallo?”

“Hello, mother, it’s me.”

“Light?” she sounded shocked. “Good _gracious_ , son, look at the time! I thought you were **_dead_**!” She was overdramatic as ever. He steeled himself for the phone handoff which he knew was coming.

“Is that Light?” he heard his father’s gruff, sleepy voice in the background. “Let me see the phone, Sachiko.” The voice got louder. “Light, is that you?” he demanded.

“Yes, father, it’s me.”

“Your mother thought you were DEAD.”

“Did you call the authorities then?” he said drolly. Almost instantly it registered that he had actually said that **out loud**. _Oh god… what the hell am I doing?_

His father sputtered on the other end in disbelief. “Are you back-talking your father, boy?!”

“Errr, NO, sir. Sorry, sir.”

“It galls me that I can’t even believe you.” He sounded pretty pissed. “Now, where were you tonight? Speaking of untrustworthy...”

 _Ugh…_ “I was out --”

“OUT? Out _where_ , I must ask, because you were to be **home** , completing very specific tasks!”

“Well, I can hardly answer your question while you’re yelling at me, can I?” he snapped, wincing as soon as the words left his mouth. _Oh crap, not again._

The spluttering this time sounded like it could become fatal. He’d never seen his father’s face get beet red with anger, but he was pretty sure that’s what was happening right at this moment.

“Sachiko,” he roared, “I’m going to KILL your son!”

“Our son,” she corrected, somehow unfazed even though moments before she was ‘SO’ upset. “Give the phone to me.”

“You can have it!” he raged.

There was fumbling, so the phone must have been chucked onto the bed or something.

“Light, honey, are you there?”

“Yes,” he said reluctantly, waiting for a bomb to drop.

“We are going to have a nice long talk about this when we get home. I hope you are prepared.” The cheery tone did nothing to assuage the resonance of doom in those words. “Until then, it would be prudent not to set foot outside the house.” A threat.

“But, I--”

 _“Not another word!”_ she snapped, cutting him off. Her tone then morphed back to faux cheer as she said, “We’ll see you in a few days. Goodnight~!” CLICK.

“JEEZUSFUKINARGH!” Light exclaimed.

 _Now I’m held prisoner here for the remainder of their time away???_ Unbelievable. TYPICAL, but unbelievable.

The feeling of oppression had intensified into a dull roar that was near deafening.

* * *

Under duress, he nonetheless did as he was expected - filling out applications, writing essays, and any manner of pointless bullshit that his parents would be checking on the moment they got back. He did it all for the better part of the day.

He drank copious amounts of caffeine as it was the only substance he had on hand to abuse, and he seethed. Seethed, and did as he was told.

He was incensed at being beaten further back into the box they’d crafted for him, losing any ground he’d gained to be himself, or be true to himself.

_Do I even exist to them? Do I have an identity? Or am I just a thing, a possession, a reflection of them?_

When they called at 7pm, he answered. When they called at 9pm, he answered. When they called at 10:30pm, he answered.

At 11:30pm, the restlessness and agitation surged and he couldn’t take it anymore. He grabbed his coat and left the house. There was a good chance they wouldn’t call again, but even so, he would risk it.

He’d found himself nearly contacting L, to tell him he was under house arrest and that he wouldn’t be coming back. But any time he contemplated it, it made him more aggravated and made him feel stupid. He couldn’t tell if it was over the situation or because of how he expected L might respond. _He’d probably laugh at me, or shake his head and say that I’m doing this to myself because I’m not “standing up” to them…_

Besides, what did L care about his problems? They didn’t even know each other, had no established rapport… And L might have sexed him up just because he was there. Convenient. He might not have had any personal interest in him at all, despite the way things had sounded yesterday night.

Regardless, he was going to go to that club and see if he was there.

* * *

“What do you mean you can’t let me in?” Light said with frustration. Tonight, there was a bouncer. One that was distinctly ageist and would not let him in. _God, my luck SUCKS!_ How was he going to see L if he couldn’t get in? He was really reluctant to have a potentially awkward phone call. He’d rather gauge things in person.

“I told you, kid. No _kids_ allowed.”

“Why the hell not? I was here just yesterday. Can’t you just look the other way or something?”  He really wanted to curse the guy out, but that wouldn’t help him get what he wanted. So, he attempted to use reason.

“No.”

He was seeing red. He wasn’t even sure exactly why it was bending him out of shape… although it easily could be because it was another restriction, and he was already pissed off about his parents. He actually was starting to believe that engaging in a fistfight with the guy would be a good way to let off steam. Not smart.

“Oi, _Akanbo_ ,” a lazy voice called out to him, jagging through him with surprise. He whipped his head to the voice’s location and saw L sauntering down the alley, peeling off from two other people he’d been with. Once more, he was dressed in darks and wore his rakish hat and slow smile. “What are you doing here?”

Light wasn’t sure how to respond. He was reluctant to admit he was there to see L. He didn’t want him to gloat over it, or worse - ask him why he would bother.

“I needed some fresh air,” he said stiffly.

“Well, you aren’t going to get it in there,” L said, jerking his thumb at the club. His eyes held some amusement. The irony hadn’t been lost on him.

The bouncer tossed a questioning look at L. “You know this kid?”

“Yeah, he’s an old friend of mine,” he said, continuing the theme of irony. “Have a nice night.” He tipped his hat and looped his arm through Light’s, acting the playful drunk.

“Where are we going?” Light asked pointedly. He felt suspicious. (And a little on edge, nervous, with the unexpected proximity.) Something about L seemed decidedly untrustworthy. Not just now but yesterday as well.

“Nowhere. Anywhere.” L looked at him with a lazy, laid back aire. “What is your desire?”

The word _desire_ struck something in him, but he ignored the pervasive reaction. “I want to drink. I’ve had a rough day.”

“Hmmmn? You? What could possibly be rough about _your_ day, _Akanbo_? You’re practically a kept man.”

 Light tensed with aggravation. “And what do you know about me?”

“Enough,” the dark eyed stranger said enigmatically, a knowing smile touching his lips. His gaze held mysteries and also laughter at his expense.

“Forget this,” Light spat, and tried to wrench his arm out of L’s. Unsuccessfully. L was stronger than he looked and his grip was like iron.

“That’s quite a temper, _Akanbo_. And what is your rush now? You came all this way to see me, after all.”

“I did _not_!” Light exclaimed, indignant. For some reason, his face felt a little hot.

L smiled, like the cat who got the cream. “If you say so. Still, it would be a shame to part ways so quickly, neither of us having gotten what we _wanted_...” Sly eyes slanted at him, amplifying the heated feeling and layering it with uncertainty.

“Where are we going?”

L patted his arm as they walked, and it felt both casually dismissive and possessive. It sparked a sense of unease… or was that butterflies? “Why, to fulfill your request.”

They walked for some time before coming to what looked like an apartment building. The anticipation/anxiety surged. “What are we doing here?” Light asked. “Is this where you live?”

L shrugged noncommittally. “I don’t fancy letting you get smashed in public where people will see how _obviously_ underage you are. I have a reputation to protect.”

“Pfft. I doubt that,” Light scoffed. L didn’t even sound all that serious when he’d said that. “You have an ulterior motive, I bet.”

L leaned in close. “I have so many motives,”  he murmured intimately, “It’s hard to choose which one I’d rather indulge first-”

Light leaped back, body quickening. His mind was supplying images of drinking, yes, then the afterparty. It was part two of what they started at the club. A part two that would last for hours. Mindblowing hours in which he would forget all about curfews, parents, and restrictions. He wanted it. Oh god, he did. But… if he agreed to it, if he let it happen, there would be no going back. Hell, he might not even _want_ to go back afterwards. Ever.

“I can’t.”

And what if they did it… went all the way? Could he claim to just like girls at that point? Wouldn’t he have to change the way he identified? Was he ready for something like that??

“I bet it’s the parents, yeah?” L said, looking at him with something like pity as he unlocked the front door. “You really need to wind down. Come in and have a drink. Before you implode.”

“But…” Light wasn’t even sure what he was protesting at this point. Partly he wondered if he and L got physical, if he wouldn’t be able to stop himself. Would he end up using L as an outlet and maybe regret his impulsiveness later…?

“ **Now** , _Akanbo_ ,” L ordered, “quit the stalling.” L pushed him forward, towards his front door. “I cut my night short for you. The least you could do is act appreciative that I’m trying to make you feel better.”

“Jerk,” Light muttered under his breath, making certain it was loud enough for L to hear.

“Pain in the Ass,” L calmly retorted, unceremoniously lifting a booted foot to push Light’s backend over the threshold. He closed the door behind them.

“Ugh!” Light snapped, swinging a punch at him, “You’re such a--”

L caught his wrist, then his other wrist, and backed him up against the door with a sauntering stride. He locked gazes with Light and his eyes were smoky once more. Light swallowed. “I’m such a what?” L said silkily, hunting his lips.

“Uh…” Light uttered, unthinking. His lower belly was tightening and his breath was starting to catch in his throat. L smelled _really_ good, and the pressure of those angular hands on his wrists were whetting his appetite. The desire for more sensation and more contact was growing.

The tip of L’s tongue flicked at his lower lip and spiked the desire he was feeling.

“I love these faces you make,” L said huskily, brushing their mouths together at last. It was a butterfly dance of light touches and quickened breaths. His body was starting to catch fire, losing itself to abandon.  He wanted this. Whatever _this_ was. Whatever it was that L would give him, or do to him. One of Light's wrists was released and a hand traced up his neck and cupped his jaw, holding him in place as L deepened the kiss and pressed against him.

Light felt the rumble of a moan in the back of his throat as he felt L’s body react and his own body harden. Deep in the depths of his soul, there was a desire to lose himself in this, to this person. But no - it was more than a desire, it was a _need_. 

L pulled back just enough to speak, lips hovering close. “I’m a horrible host…” he murmured, not sounding like he believed that one bit. “What was it you wanted to drink?”

Light shook his head slightly, the thought of alcohol having fled him entirely. He had an entirely different craving now.

“Something with one of those little umbrellas…?” L mocked him lightly.

Light tried to glare at him, but _god_ , the desire rushing throughout his body… He was quite sure the glare had fallen flat, if L’s enamored look was anything to go by.

“Adorable,” L breathed, quite pleased with himself. The press of his lips contained his infuriating smile. The slide of his tongue was especially hot, filling and overwhelming. Light could imagine other uses that sensual mouth might be put to.

He became dimly aware that L was unbuttoning his shirt. It hardly seemed important compared to the very captivating ‘dialogue’ they were currently sharing. Cool air touched his skin and made him shiver slightly. Fabric slid down his arms, pulling them slightly behind him, then it tightened, binding his wrists. He reflexively pulled against the restraints and felt a jag of unease as found his hands were immobilized. 

“You’ll like it,” L promised in soft tones, eyes glinting darkly into his before he even had a chance to voice a question. Somehow the reassurance put Light more on edge, catching his breath in his throat. Yet, it wasn’t without anticipation.

L traced his collarbone with trailing fingertips and a considering expression. His eyes remained dark, ominous, enlivened. The touch trailed ever slowly, down his chest, abdomen, and finally to the quivering flesh of his taut belly. Light sucked in a breath as his pants were undone with deft fingers. He could hardly believe how intensely he needed touch. He would have thought this raging fire would have been banked after their association the night before, but if anything it was even stronger.

“Do the rest,” L said, pressing him with a meaningful look. A telltale quirk lifted the corner of his lips with dark humor. “I’ll get your drink.”

Light contemplated the seeming impossibility of that request as L left him for the kitchen. He frowned, quickly realizing he would have to work his pants down from the back with his bound hands. He glanced over at L, wondering once more if he was actually serious. Within milliseconds, L was returning his gaze with an expectant look and an arched brow before pointedly returning to rummaging through the cabinets. He was serious.

Embarrassment colored Light’s cheeks slightly. There wasn’t a dignified looking way to do this, he was sure. He hooked his thumbs in the back of his pants and arched his back so that he could leverage his hands lower, pulling the pants down with them. At least L wasn’t watching...

He had to shimmy to work the pants down past where his hands could reach. He would quite possibly feel mortified, if he wasn’t so distracted with getting through this and back to what they had been doing…

A soft snicker caught his hearing mid-shimmy. He whipped his head up and caught L staring at him unabashedly, looking beyond amused and also incredibly lascivious.

“You’re not supposed to watch!" he protested, feeling his face grow hot.

“Says who?” L said lazily. “The entire point was to watch.” He paused. “And get your drink, of course,” he stated like an afterthought.

 _I’ll really be needing that drink **now** , _Light thought, dignity in shambles.

“Don’t mind me. Continue.”

Light cursed under his breath, regretting that there was no way to do this in a less embarrassing fashion. _You really are a jerk!_

L watched him work, not even bothering to hide it now, as he brought over two short glasses filled with what promised to be hard liquor. “You are a lot more flexible than you look,” he commented approvingly, hiding a smile as he took a sip from his glass.

Light’s face colored further, imagining how this all must have looked to a spectator. “And you are just as much of an ass as you look,” he tossed out, pride stinging with his embarrassment.

“ _Akanbo_ , your anger _wounds_ me,” L responded with mock hurt. “And here I so thoughtfully brought you your heart’s desire.” He held the second glass out to Light expectantly as if his hands weren’t bound and he could take it.

“Ass!” Light growled, pulling against the shirt knotted around his wrists which held his arms captive.

Glee broke out upon his tormentor’s face. “It’s adorable. Truly.” The look was oddly striking, a colorful emotion contrasting with the monochrome of his skin, hair and eyes. Light felt aggravated and captivated at the same time. _How does he manage to keep making me feel that?_

“But here, I’ll hold it for you.” L brought the glass up to his lips so he could drink. That vaguely indulgent look was back. He seemed very caught up in the act of feeding him the drink. His eyes looked warm and endless.

The alcohol burned, as expected... It was followed by a thorough kiss, _un_ expected. Light felt it all the way down to his toes.

L nuzzled his neck, nipping here and there. “Don’t hate me too much, _Akanbo_. I just can’t help myself.”

“You tease too much,” Light grumbled, even though every touch was ringing him like a bell and making him its slave.

L held the glass up and allowed him another deep sip. “It looks to me that you like _exactly_ how much I tease you,” he said slyly, panning eyes down Light’s body.

Light almost choked. He cursed inwardly as his face turned red yet again. He didn’t have his pants to camouflage his interest any longer, not that they were doing an excellent job previously.

L trailed a featherlight caress up the front of his underwear, tracing the prominent line of his urgency.

Light bit back the whimper that tried to loose itself from his throat. His knees were starting to feel bendy.

 _Enough already!_ The suspense was killing him. Any reticence he’d had previously was falling by the wayside. He wanted L to **_do_** something to him - not just these teases. Tiny threads of desperation were starting to corrupt him. His whole being seemed to be straining towards the dark-haired man, and he didn’t even care to stop it. He just wanted more. Anything. Something.

“Follow me.” L’s dark eyes were luminous. Full. Unreadable.

Slight trepidation washed in, but it wasn’t enough to overthrow impulse or desire. He followed, like drawn on strings.

L led him to a bedroom. It was dark. Not just in lighting, but in color. The cover on the bed was black silk. The sheets were a rich indigo blue. The walls were a dark color that he couldn’t even register, preoccupied as he was.

“Get on the bed,” L said, his voice sounding lower than before.

Light had a moment of second guessing - not sure what was about to transpire, or if he would be ok with it….

L pulled him into a kiss, winding long fingers into his hair. Their mouths melded together and he could taste the ambrosia of desire. Musky, sweet, intoxicating. He kissed back just as desperately as L was starting to kiss him. Cool hands skimmed over his naked skin. His head was starting to spin. He couldn’t think.

“On the bed,” L repeated in a roughened voice. His eyes didn’t leave Light’s for even a moment. It was intense, intimate, and completely foreign to him.

His own protests crushed, he did as he was told, crawling onto the bed on his knees and struggling with his bound hands. L followed, discarding his own shirt, herding him backwards little by little towards the head of the bed. Light stared at his pleasing form and the startlingly pale skin, his mind not quite registering what was going on - not until L was before him, capturing his lips and pressing him against the headboard and wall. He felt naked skin against his, and passion flared. This felt a lot more like sex, didn’t it? Not like in the club where everything was covered and covert. And here, the stray moans weren’t taboo. They were more fuel for this thing between them.

Light’s head was spinning well enough that it took a full moment to register that L was now kissing down his throat and chest. The hands roving upon his skin were firm, rough, then soft again, molding him anew. L’s mouth was a hot trail moving lazily lower, amplifying the ache in his groin that was encompassing his reality. He wanted to grip L’s shoulders, dig his fingers in, but his hands could only clench uselessly, still bound behind his back.

Sensation ceased for a moment and then something was being pulled over his eyes, something tied tight.

“What are you…?” he asked in a desire-wrecked voice.

“Trust,” L breathed in his ear, fanning the flames in him. It was such a possessive, passionate voice he had on now. More so than Light had heard previously. His voice exuded sex and power.

A kiss was pressed to his lips, then something was forced between his teeth - something hard that kept his mouth open around it. It made him feel spread wide open. Vulnerable. Sight and speech were taken from him, no explanation. Once again something was fastened about his head.

His breath heaved in his chest as he tried to get used to the foreign feel of it, and experienced a tremor of something like fear.

L stroked his side and the touch felt magnified compared to before. A gentle caress that crashed through him. He made a sound in his throat, uncertain and lost in sensation. Before the gag, he could have kept it in. He just couldn’t with the way his jaw was locked open now. Oddly enough he felt oppressed and liberated at the same time. His head thrashed from side to side as L stroked a finger down one side of his hips, then the other. His underwear was tugged low and his skin was stroked, petted and licked. Everywhere but his now painful arousal.

Light’s back arched as L hooked a finger in the band of his underwear and dragged it slowly down, down, nuzzling even more sensitive skin. He found a sweet spot and his mouth worked upon it, sucking upon the taut skin of his lower belly and bruising it. Curious fingers finally, FINALLY moved to touch his desire, though they were infuriatingly fleeting. He groaned, a sound of frustration and need, beyond his ability to control.

Again, the touches that graced his skin were light as feathers, tracing his upper thighs, inner thighs - making his stomach melt and churn. When clever fingers ran up the backs of his legs and then dug deeply into his buttocks, he thought his legs were going to buckle... because at the same time the hottest thing imaginable had descended upon his arousal. He moaned piteously as slow, intermittent suction and heated sensation stole any sense he had left.

 _God god **god** …._Tears stung his eyes and a few even slipped down his cheeks as his world amplified to a roar. His body bowed, and orgasm whiplashed through his body. His voice cried out in a broken sound as came, and there was no thought to trying to hold back. Self-restraint no longer seemed to have meaning.

He felt L swallow around him only moments before his body started to sag like a marionette on cut strings.

Strong arms caught and held him, and a deep voice murmured in his ear. He couldn’t even register what it was saying. It sounded soothing, but also intense. Was he being praised?

The ball gag fell from his mouth and he felt the bed upon his back as he was lain down. The blindfold was pulled away as well but he hardly noticed. L was kissing him, his bruised mouth, and he nearly choked on the wash of desire still present.

His body felt weak, distant. It was like putty. It had no will of its own. But it responded to L and his will.

He was dimly aware of L’s body, heavy upon his own, his parted thighs, a flare of renewed desire, and the press of something incredibly hard against his backside. It was slick, and hot and probed against his opening. That was almost enough to break the haze but L’s fervent whispers in his ear were making everything aside from responding to that voice seem inconsequential.

His body reacted reflexively, hips lifting as he was bidden, and that hardness advanced unrelentingly and filled him up. Still, his useless hands wanted to clench and rend and they could not. He was speared through and had no anchor. No way to stabilize himself or his senses. L’s breath was fast and sharp in his ear, sending eddies of pleasure through him in response.

L gave him a long moment to adjust, before pulling one leg over his shoulder and sliding impossibly deeper, wrenching a groan from both of them. He withdrew slowly and slid in deep, again pulling sounds of pleasure. It was a completely different sensation from before but just as all-encompassing.

“Swallow me,” L uttered brokenly against his lips, both his voice and his touch becoming more urgent. He rocked into Light and each movement seemed more intense than the last. Light was burning up from the inside, pleasure snaking sharply through him, making his muscles spasm, quiver. He could feel his body wrapping around and squeezing his partner’s hardened flesh, just as mercilessly as the thrusts that were spearing him over and over.

“Uhhhn--! L.. I- I can’t….!”

He couldn’t catch his breath. He felt like a living heartbeat, his pulse was pounding through his chest and ringing in his ears so loudly. Everything was so intense, overwhelming.

“I can’t…” Light gasped out, “take….ahh! Haaah….!”

“Just... breathe,” L replied, voice hardly recognizable through the lust.

Light had a wild and unrecognizable urge then. Without thinking, he heard himself say, “My name… Say… my name….” He too, sounded nothing like himself. He didn’t let himself dwell on it too long, though.

L was working at his throat, running his lips across the oft abused skin, soothing and hurting in turn. “Light,” he breathed, a faint sound of worship in his tone. “Light, Light, Light,” he repeated in hushed urgency, causing shockwaves. “God--!” L gasped out, and bit down on his neck hard as he drove into Light with a flurry of orgasm-driven thrusts. Light shuddered against him, his body tightening like a bowstring as everything hit him at once and his second orgasm leveled him brutally. 

His dark-haired partner collapsed upon him like the very life had drained from him. He was kind of heavy but Light found he didn’t really mind. He wanted to stay just like this - not moving, not thinking. He could feel L within him still, and he didn’t mind that either.

Oddly enough, everything felt good. Everything felt right with the world. If he could just stay like this… No expectations, no distractions. Just this, here, now.

Despite this, the thought still trickled in: _‘What would your parents think?’_

His blood ran cold and he fought the urge to bolt upright.

_Oh my GOD. What did I just DO?_

He glanced at L who was regarding him with a drowsily raised eyebrow. “You aren’t going to let yourself enjoy this for even a moment, are you?”

The shirt was unknotted from around his hands, freeing them at last.

“They would _freak out_ ,” Light said, freaking out. _What does it matter if they freak out… ? It was my decision, right?_

L’s hand trailing up his naked thigh snapped him out of it.

“ **I’m** freaking out, aren’t I?” he realized.

“Yeah, a bit. The question is, why?”

“I… I don’t know,” Light said, putting a hand to his head. His mind felt like it was racing, and yet it was an utter blank. He couldn’t _think_. It was a simple question, but why didn’t he know the answer?

“Tell you what,” L said, sitting up, “Why don’t you go for now, and think on that.”

“But…” Light felt even more confused than before. He was getting kicked out?

L leaned in and gave him a lingering kiss. “You’re _mine_ now, in word and deed. All that is left is acceptance. You _know_ what you want.”

Light pulled back, unsettled by his own desires and actions. _What I want?_ The denial tasted cheap on his tongue as he said, “No, I don’t…”

Dark eyes regarded him with thinly veiled skepticism. They seemed to see through to his core, to his naked soul. “Go on, get out. I’ll see you soon.”

* * *

TBC


	3. Pandora’s Box

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Platform boots.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 3: Pandora’s Box _

It was surreal. Sitting at his desk, in his room at home, Light knew he had all the appearance of a dedicated student. He shuffled papers, made notes, filled out forms, and typed things up on the computer. It was automatic. Mindless.

His calm, unflappable exterior was only a facade. The bland gaze which flicked over his work, that was only part of this shell.

Inside, his mind was humming distortion, occupied with deeper things, darker things.

_‘You **know** what you want.’_

L’s words rang with the ominous tone of truth. A truth which scared him. Just those few words were enough to conjure perverse, destructive thoughts in his head which he’d never before even entertained. What L had shown him was just a taste. It rippled through his mind and took root in the shadows there. He sought it out and it was like looking into a dark mirror, a distortion-reflection of his Self, of the future, and he saw himself in a place in which there were no controls, no limits. And he found that so much freedom felt more threatening than anything else; he found that he doubted his own intentions, impulses, and self-restraint.

He sensed that things with L veered down a dark, crooked path. One that only got more twisted the further it went on.

Shouldn’t that be more than enough to make him stop pursuing this? Common sense would have him put an end to it and forget the whole thing, wouldn’t it?

Light brushed his thumb across his bottom lip and his gaze lowered.

He didn’t even know L, he argued with himself. Not only that, he appeared to be unpredictable and untrustworthy at best. At worst, L appeared to be quite talented at breaking his resistance, evading his personal boundaries, and setting fire to whatever established moral code he thought he’d had. What was this compulsion to keep seeing him at all?

_This is only the tip of the iceberg… but I want to see more._

Was this only curiosity? And rebellion?

The tip of his thumb pushed past parted lips and he tested it with his teeth. It could be…. but he really wasn’t sure. The true question might be how much he even trusted himself or his own judgement at this point.

A pandora’s box seemed to have opened up beneath his feet.

Would he step back? Or would he test how far he could go before risking a fall?

* * *

Boredom and dutifulness wore Light out to the point of unconsciousness much earlier than he normally would have felt tired. Around 9pm he flopped down face first onto his bed, and almost immediately started fading out.

His parents hadn’t bothered to call today. Likely to put him on edge, or maybe to lull him into a false sense of security. He shook his head slightly, feeling annoyed. It was an elusive sort of agitation which was buffered by the cotton-like wall of exhaustion.

_Geez, and after calling so much yesterday…_

He guessed they could be hoping he’d let his guard down, and that he’d try to facilitate a jailbreak at the wrong moment. Then again, would they truly expect that? Their minds did seem rather set on his obeying them…

He sighed into the comforter which was pressed into his face. Figuring out whether they were as smart and canny as they appeared at times, or whether they were as blind and totalitarian as they seemed to be most days… what did it matter? It didn’t truly change anything. He rolled hazily onto his back, sleep overtaking him, and flopped his arms out to the sides. His intelligence had to come from somewhere. It was a shame that he only noticed it in his parents during the height of their manipulation and control methods.

 _Maybe if they actually talked to me sometimes… about work, or anything….. then I could see it……_ He yawned widely and his eyelids fluttered down over his eyes. _Yeah... a shame… I only know them through the roles we play - jailors and prisoner._

He felt a pang at that but was so close to sleep that he wouldn’t remember it later.

* * *

A low buzzing noise dragged Light from a fairly deep sleep. He groaned and tried to locate the source. It took him a minute to recognize it as his cellphone. It was on his nightstand, beyond arm’s reach. _Damn…_

He considered trying to use his foot or feet to grab it somehow, but doubted he’d be successful due to sleep-affected coordination skills, and that he’d not been born with highly versatile toes.

He gathered his strength and threw himself upright, wobbling a little, and retrieved the phone. “Hello?”

He heard nothing but the dialtone. He’d missed the call.

“Uugh,” he sighed and flopped back down onto the welcoming surface of his bed. He’d call them back later, if they didn’t just call him back first. His parents usually followed up with calls and more calls, _ad nauseum_. Maybe they’d get mad he didn’t pick up, but at least he was where he was supposed to be. They likely figured that was the case after their scare tactics or they would be calling the house line, not his cell.

 _Meh. They really have me all figured out, don’t they?_ No huge feat, that. So, they could predict his behavior to a large extent… not all that impressive when it was just a reaction to the strict training he’d been subjected to his entire life. It wasn’t surprising that he would lay low after the other day. It wasn’t exactly a fear of punishment… if nothing else, he just didn’t want the aggravation of them putting on theatrics or giving speeches about responsibility and disappointment. It could go on for quite some time. He suspected sometimes that they enjoyed it for the sake of drama. Though, maybe not his dad so much… His dad had seemed pretty authentically pissed off this time. Then again, it was the most he’d ever stepped out of line.

He ended up falling asleep again, despite his musings and the static-like feeling in his chest. He gave himself up to it. There seemed to be no good reason to stay awake, and it was an excuse not to deal with all the paperwork for the schools. It was also a reprieve from thinking about L and trying to figure out what he really _should_ be doing about that situation.

Some time later, his phone buzzed again, a call coming through. Funny enough, he hadn’t dropped it in his sleep. It was still in the palm of his hand. He pressed a button to answer the call and managed to lift the phone to his ear, despite massive coordination fail. His arm felt like a crane lift, which he was the operator of. He almost hit his face with it. Pretty sad.

“Hello?” he said in a sleep-mussed voice, touched with resignation. He half expected this call to be the one where his parents told him when they were going to be arriving home. He dreaded it. For while he had been given tasks to do while they were gone, the oppressive air in the house had lightened significantly and he wasn’t looking forward to its return.

“Good morning, sunshine,” a droll voice greeted him.

_L??_

Light had a brief panic that it actually was morning, but realized just as quickly that L was only acknowledging that he had obviously been asleep, nothing more. His window was dark, and the clock stated it to be about 11pm.

“What do you want?” Light asked, surprising himself with his own blunt response. It hadn’t been what he’d intended.

A barely detectable chuckle could be heard in response. It was low and rich, and thrummed through Light like a plucked string. He swallowed.

“Care to try that again?” L sounded stern, but with a touch of amusement in his tone.

Light already felt like he’d been caught with his pants down, thinking he was answering a call from his parents and finding it to be the least expected caller he could think of. And this was the first time they’d been on the phone together, ever. He was caught off guard and he didn’t know what to say. L always seemed to be in control of their interactions somehow.

“What do you want?” Light repeated in an even more abrupt tone than before. He suddenly felt that if he backed down, L would win… something. He didn’t know what exactly.

“Are you always so defiant in the morning?” L asked in a smoky voice. “I’d love a chance to see it firsthand.”

Light felt his face flush. He could practically see the eyes that would accompany a voice like that. _Spend the night together? All night?_ Even just thinking about the previous few hours they had spent together was enough to make him overheat. He could hardly conceive of what they could get up to if time was not a factor… but it made his heart race nonetheless.

 “Oh, but schoolboys like you have strict curfews,” L said with mock disappointment, goading him, “and are all tucked into bed by 9pm…”

 _Ohhh, lucky guess._ There was no way L could have known he had actually fallen asleep around then. But it galled him anyway. “No, they aren’t back yet,” he said snarkily, anticipating L’s real question.

“Pretty well behaved when your keepers aren’t even here… They have you trained that well, hm?”

The awkward truth in that assessment rankled and struck deep. It raised his venom even more. “Was there a point to your call?”

“Is there a point to your obedience?” L didn’t miss a beat. And he didn’t sound perturbed at Light’s attitude in the least, which almost irked him even **more** , though it was fascinating as well.

“You’re a horrible conversationalist,” Light grumbled under his breath.

“I agree,” L said easily. “I’m much better at _other_ things.”

Light’s eyes widened. “You really have no shame,” he said, not meaning to actually say it aloud. L’s forwardness was only mildly shocking. The real surprise was how much he reacted to it. Flushing, butterflies, racing heartbeat, depraved thoughts, all of these could and would accost him at any time. L could somehow play his strings, ones he never even knew he had.

“Oh, I’m sure there is some in me somewhere,” he said with an audible smile.

Light put a hand over his face. “I don’t even…” He couldn’t think of a single thing to say to that.

“Now that you are awake, I’ll tell you why I called.”

“So you did have a reason?”

“Of course. You shouldn’t let appearances fool you, _Akanbo_.”

“Of course…” he trailed, somewhat sarcastically.

“I want to see you.”

Light triple blinked. The words struck some chord in him. Shocked him with their sentiment. _That’s it?_ “Are you serious?” It sounded so simple and straightforward, which wasn’t like L at all. Was there a trick to it? A trap?

“I want to see you,” L repeated, unwavering.

That chord resonated even harder and threatened to reach the untested territory of his heart. It sparked a small panic along with the warmth of emotion. He’d never cared about anyone like that. Even just having a relationship had been hard enough to accomplish - so he’d really shifted focus largely to whatever physical intimacy he could get. Emotions were a luxury. They would be nothing but a detriment in his situation with the lockdown his parents had him under, and in the resulting, fleeting nature of his relationship connections.

 _This is no different,_ he told himself.

If he had gotten attached to anyone, it would have just caused him needless pain when things inevitably ended.

 ** _L_** _is no different,_ he told himself. _He and the situation may feel unique but nothing has changed. My parents will return, the cage will slam back down, and everything will go back to status quo. It will be over. It wouldn’t even_ matter _if I like him or not._

“I shouldn’t see you,” Light said. His stomach twisted as he spoke. He already felt too invested. Seeing L would just make that worse, wouldn’t it? But he still felt torn.

L was quiet a long moment. Deep in thought? Light couldn’t tell. Anxiety locked his throat and he felt like they were staring each other down. Minutes passed. It felt like seconds or maybe hours.

“And what do you _want_?” L said at last. His voice was quiet, almost sounding subdued, but it retained a deep intensity. The impression of being stared down with his dark eyes grew stronger.

“I- I don’t know!” Light felt agitated, cornered. “It doesn’t matter what I want anyway.” His breathing started to get shallow, coming faster, and there was a growing pressure in his head. He’d spent a good deal of his life knowing that what he wanted would be overruled by whatever his parents wanted. It was easier to just not have any desires at all. At least then you couldn’t miss what you couldn’t have.

“It’s okay,” L said. And Light almost believed him. 

This was the first time L had ever sounded like he was trying to be soothing or calming. But it set Light further on edge. “What is ok?” he demanded. “What is ok about this at all??”

“ _‘This?’_ ” L queried.

A gentle prompt. Patience. A willing ear.

It all conflicted with Light’s perception of L up to this point and it made him want to clamp down on speaking further. If he allowed this empathy to infect him, he really would be in trouble. If he opened up and let him in - it would either be used against him, or he would totally lose it when the force of his parents severed this connection.

“You wouldn’t understand,” he said flatly. He suspected that wasn’t true at all, but there was nothing else he could come up with to say.

“Perhaps not,” L said shortly.

 _I finally got to him?_ It didn’t feel as rewarding as he would have thought earlier when things had felt like a game. If this was winning… it felt a lot more like a loss...

A long, uncomfortable silence ensued.

Light fidgeted, feeling dismayed. Was L waiting for him to break it? What should he even say? He got the distinct impression that he had done or said something wrong. He almost felt pressured to apologize.

Instead he tried conversation. “Um… why did you put your name in my phone as ‘M’?” he asked, for lack of anything better to say. The question sounded so out of place that he kind of wanted to take the words back and stew in the silence instead.

“Maybe I’ll tell you later.”

Light felt a pang. L didn’t sound like himself at all… there was something missing. It was subtle, but….

L sighed. “When do they come back?”

“Oh… my parents? I’m not sure, maybe tomorrow? They haven’t said.”

“One more night of living for yourself.” It was the humor. That was what was missing. L sounded entirely devoid of amusement. He was too serious.

Light frowned, the words almost making him feel sick. There was a cloud of impending doom on the horizon, it seemed. Everything in his Being resisted a return to ‘normalcy’, his prison. “That’s not true,” he whispered, more to himself than anything else. It sounded like the kneejerk denial that it was.

“You can’t stand up and bow down at the same time.”

“Well, _obviously_ \--” he was reacting before he even finished processing the statement. L was very perceptive, it seemed. Hadn’t he always gone on about Light standing up to his parents?

“You have to know what you **want** , _Akanbo_. Then you’ll know if it is worth standing up for.”

The soft click in his ear signalled the end of the conversation.

His throat once more felt locked up, and agitation jagged through his body with restless energy. A really huge decision seemed to have been laid at his feet and he couldn’t even see the full scope of it.

 _What do I_ want _?_

The more he thought of that, the more the pressure in his head increased. And every time, almost instantly, came the conditioned response: _It doesn’t matter what I want._

_‘I want to see you.’_

The pang in his chest amplified when he thought of those words. He couldn’t bring himself to say it - _I want to see you, too_. It sounded too much like a confession. Something he couldn’t afford. Feelings….

_Was I always so bad with feelings…?_

He grit his teeth and dialed his mother’s phone, getting that return call out of the way. It also served as a distraction. He fidgeted as he waited through the rings for her to pick up. He couldn’t turn off his ruminations. _Did I hurt his feelings? If L liked me more than just a diversion… could he have seen that exchange as a rejection? Is that why he sounded so different?_ But L didn’t appear the sort to have feelings like that. He seemed so flippant and elusive. When they talked, he usually carried that tone of mocking and wasn’t even very nice. So why--?

“Hello?” his mother answered, interrupting the thoughts.

“Hi. You called earlier?”

“Oh, Light. Yes.”

He frowned. Sometimes when he was the one initiating a call, it seemed weird, like this. Like they were actors without scripts. Just now felt more awkward than usual.

“Did you want to tell me something?” He kept his voice calm and cordial. “Or were you checking up on me?”

“Checking up? You make it sound like we are corrections officers or something. We were checking IN on you, yes. You’re our son, of course we want to make sure you are ok and have everything you need.”

Light’s frown didn’t budge. She almost sounded reasonable but he knew that what they did wasn’t normal.  “I’m old enough to apply to college. Don’t you think I can handle myself at all?” Why the hell was he starting to feel sad? He knew that they were a lost cause. THIS was his reality. Being sad over it wouldn’t change anything. He was starting to see that he would never be able to earn their trust or confidence - not because he was unworthy, but because they were incapable of giving it.

“Light, I’m very well aware of how old you are. I did bring you into this world, after all.” She sounded petulant. “As for handling yourself… we always have high hopes for you and want to give you free reign, but look at what happened. You can’t just _ask_ for trust, honey, you have to _earn_ it.”

Light’s jaw locked, and the injustice of the situation was burning through him like a fire. The lump that was lodged in his throat was hard to speak around. He felt compelled to try, however.

“I don’t know a single other family that restricts their son’s and daughter’s time and range like you do. Don’t you think that you could give me a little more freedom? Control things a little less? I’m not asking for a lot. Just a little free time--”

She broke in, “Don’t start comparing us to anyone else. Just because other families don’t have standards, doesn’t mean we have to follow suit. As for all of this free time, what exactly are you looking to do with that? What are you really asking for?”

“I try, but I can’t study ALL the time. I want to hang out with friends, go out with someone, have fun--”

“Light Yagami,” she snapped. “You will NOT waste your time and education on frivolous, temporary pursuits. Do you know how hard it was for your father and I to save for your education, and to have enough money to send you do a GOOD school so that you could get the best education possible?? All we asked in return for that future and career is that you study hard and get top grades so that you can set yourself up right and get into the school of your choice. And you talk about freedom? We are handing you the _world_. YOU get to choose. We aren’t telling you what career or job to take, that is your decision.”

As usual, her arguments were skewed. You can’t take away someone’s freedom and insist they have sovereignty because they will be allowed some big choice one day.

He decided to fight that fallacy with obtuse insistence. “I want be able to date,” he said stubbornly. If only just one thing… If only they could relent on ONE thing. He could deal with the rest.

She laughed. “Seriously, son. Where could that possibly get you? The girls are all fickle at this age. They’ll be distractions from your goals and nothing more.”

Suddenly he was starting to see how her view of the world, and the conclusions she jumped to, were shaping the prison he found himself in. It didn’t really make him feel better, though having the new perspective made him feel a little more resolute. If he believed in what he was saying, and wasn’t thwarted by this logic of theirs…. maybe he could really battle for more rights. He didn’t have to just roll over and take this.

“Fickle or not, I want to have the choice. The experience. It doesn’t have to interfere with school.”

“Do I have to put your father on?” she said tightly.

“Sure.”

It wasn’t immediate. He waited while their hushed dialogue was exchanged in the background. The dismay he felt was building. His father almost always agreed with his mother, regardless of the topic. Light suspected he went along with things even if he personally felt differently. Maybe he could appeal to him anyway. At the very least, his father should understand a typical male sex drive? Surely his father would have had trouble in this situation as well?

“Light. What is this your mother is telling me?”

“I want to date.”

“Now?”

“Why not?”

“But you are so close. You are a few applications away from going to University. Why would you risk that?”

Frustration surged. He tried his best to stay level. “Why does dating have to risk anything? Would a few phone calls and going out on the weekend really threaten everything I’ve worked for all these years?” The concept was so bizarre that he half expected someone to say ‘just kidding’ at any time.

Soichiro cleared his throat and said gruffly, “If you got infatuated, it could.”

This was beyond belief. He felt frantic. “And what about at Uni? What if I got infatuated _then_? Or how about when I am working in my career… what if I got infatuated _then_? Where does the danger end? When do I get to start living??”

_‘One more night of living for yourself.’_

L’s words had an annoying and profound way of echoing back at him.

“Light, we’ll talk when we get home.”

 _He couldn’t even answer me?!_ It was incensing. _Both of them!_ They dodged perfectly reasonable questions, when they weren’t feeding him flawed arguments or dismissing him outright.

He clenched his teeth and struggled to find a civil tone.

“When do you expect to arrive?”

“The day after tomorrow.”

“Fine.”

“Light, watch that tone of yours,” his father warned.

“I’m just tired. I was asleep earlier. I’m going back to bed when we are done here.”

“Here, your mother wants to say goodbye.”

The phone traded hands and his mother’s syrupy voice came on the line. “Sleep well, honey. We’ll see you soon.”

“Goodnight,” he said in a tone as flat as he felt.

* * *

Light tried to go back to sleep but the dissonance raging through him prevented it.

Trying to argue logic with his mother or father felt worse than just going along with their insanity; it marred the illusion that things weren’t as messed up as they were. If he just played along, he could imagine that they were just really strict, instead of suffering from massive delusions, paranoia, and an inexplicable urge to control _everything_. His mind felt like it had suffered a blow-out. He couldn’t even think. There was just a wind tunnel of unparsed words and reactions.

He couldn’t sleep like this.

Light looked around his darkened room and found he didn’t even want to look at these four walls. Maybe he should go for a walk.

_But you aren’t allowed. It’s late. They--_

_Fuck it._ He stood up. _It’s decided._ If nothing else, he’d roam about outside at night BECAUSE they wouldn’t allow him to. It seemed to him he’d be in trouble no matter how hard he tried to please them. He might as well take advantage of their being gone. Who knew if it would ever happen again in this lifetime.

Sometimes he wondered if they didn’t mistakenly get a son when they were actually looking for a pet dog.

He threw on a sweater, and exchanged his his pajama pants for a pair of dark khakis. He must be the only guy his age in existence that didn’t own a simple pair of jeans. He made a mental note to create a bucket list and put that as the first thing on it. Obtaining money might be a little harder… His parents didn’t let him work part time, nor did they hand out money. He chewed absently on his lip. He’d have to figure out something unconventional…

Some demented part of his brain thought of the laughable image of turning tricks for the purpose of buying jeans.

He hoped it wouldn’t come to that. But he was almost pissed off enough right now to try.

“Yeah, I need to clear my head,” he muttered, and made his way outside.

It was crisp and a little too cold without his jacket. He didn’t care. It almost made him feel more alive. He shoved his hands into his pockets and looked up. The stars twinkled brightly and mysteriously in the sky above, a view you could get lost in. He imagined it could be quite romantic with the right company, not that he’d know from personal experience, nor might he ever.

The frown planted itself firmly upon his lips, and the surge of restlessness got him moving again. He had no plan or destination. He just liked the idea of following the sound of his feet scuffing or crunching on the sidewalk, and feeling the night air and a lack of restriction. It was all left behind in that house. The rules, the laws, all of it contained in that solitary dwelling. It was kind of amazing, really. In any of these other houses, everything would be different. It would be like another world. His entire life could have been so drastically different if he had only been brought home from the hospital as a baby and landed in any other home but the one he had.

It was a sobering thought.

He found that he didn’t much like to dwell on it.

* * *

It seemed he had wandered about for quite some time before he inexplicably found himself staring across the street at the club, S&M.

The thought of going inside was both compelling and off putting. The desire to see L again hadn’t faded. But now he was pretty certain they were not on good terms. L was upset with him… or perhaps just annoyed with him. Either way, it felt uncomfortable.

He chewed his lip in thought. His feet had brought him here for a reason. _L might not even be here._ Was that a good or a bad thing? _Not like I would even get in…_ But he wasn’t seeing a bouncer. Much like his first night there, the entryway seemed deserted.

_Ok, so if I get in, I get in. If not…. then that is that._

He looked both ways and crossed the street. Nervousness twitched down his hands. Now that he’d made up his mind, he really did want to get in.

He took hold of the door and stepped inside. The darkness, noise, and feel of the place were the same. The immediate hand on his shoulder, however, was not.

“Excuse me.”

He looked up at what appeared to be a very formidable bouncer. “Yes?”

“I have to ask, but are you here for the show?”

“Do I have to check in?” he asked. He was getting the impression the bouncer was asking if he was there to be IN the show. He wasn’t sure why. But, best to keep his answers vague. Thank god for dim lighting, he wouldn’t look as young.

“Normally, yeah, but they’re feeling pressed for time. Head right on back.”

Light tried a rueful smile, “How did you pick me out so easily?”

The bouncer laughed and raised an eyebrow. “Come on. No one dresses like that here.”

“ _Touché_.”

For the first time ever, his parent-approved and hand chosen attire had been good for something. Although… the bouncer was going to wonder if he saw Light wandering around the club, NOT in the show, whatever that was. Hmn…. maybe he could stay out of sight if he stuck to the back?

The bouncer pointed him in the right direction and he had no reason not to head that way. _En route_ , he looked for L, though he felt conflicted at the thought of encountering him. _Maybe I can apologize or something…._

All too soon, he reached the area the bouncer had showed him. Was L really not here? He had the impression that this was a place he frequented often. Light took in the room one more time, determined to search every face for even a glimmer of familiarity. It was difficult, though, the place was packed.

Just as his eyes snagged on a person that could have been L, someone was grabbing him by the arm. “Hurry up, we don’t have a lot of time.”

Light planted his feet. “And you are?”

“Event planning,” the girl said with slightly self-deprecating flair. “You’re one of our fill-ins, right?”

“What gave you that idea?”

“The clothes.” _Obviously_ , her tone implied impishly. “No one dresses like that.”

“I’m actually having second thoughts,” Light said, in an attempt to put her off. He didn’t have a clue about what kind of show this was or what he’d be required to do, if he was so inclined. “I’ve never done this before. I don’t even know what to do.”

 _Wait a sec…_ it dawned on him that the person he’d been looking at, wondering if it was L, actually _was_ L. He was sure of it. The people who had been in the way had finally moved aside to give him a clearer look. The dark-haired man sat at a table, surrounded by people and looking quite at home.

_Upset, my ass! I can’t believe I was wasting time thinking about this asshole being upset. He’s over here living it up!_

The tugging on his arm grew more insistent. He realized he was being herded to the door leading to the back and that the girl had been talking to him. He desperately wracked his brain for keywords, or anything he might have agreed to. Blank. It was all a blank. “Miss, I really think you have the wrong guy for this.”

“Honey, you’ll be fine. Just let them dress you up and don’t worry about the rest. It isn’t like this is a dance line or something. You just need to go up there. Besides, you’re pretty. You’ve practically got it in the bag with just that.”

She opened the door and handed him off to someone with considerably more muscle tone.

“Really, there has been some kind of mistake,” he protested.

“Jai, don’t listen to him, he’s just nervous. It’s his first time.” She winked. “See if you can get the boy a drink to calm his jitters.”

The moving wall called Jai said, “Sure, come with me.”

Light sighed and let himself be herded along. It didn’t seem like he was going to find a way out of this. Still, he had more than a few reservations about what a “show” entailed at a fetish club.

Jai succeeded in finding him a stiff drink, which he downed faster than he thought possible. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Relax,” Jai said. “It’s not complicated. After you get changed, you’ll go out there like the rest of them. Think of it kind of like modeling. Follow other people’s lead, you’ll be fine.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“No, um… dancing or anything?”

Jai laughed and it boomed through the relatively narrow halls they were currently in. “Just take my advice, let the designers put you in whatever they want, and stop thinking too much.  Play a part. Have fun.”

“Err…”

“Right down there,” Jai said, pointing.

“I think I need another drink.”

“You’re a lightweight. Two of those would knock you on your ass. First one just hasn’t kicked in yet. Now, go.”

Light hung his head and slinked towards the half opened door that was indicated. It was loud and fairly crowded. At least 25 people were inside, in various states of undress. It was too chaotic to even make sense of.

“Oh! We’ve got someone new!” someone chimed in excitedly, and a petite girl with bouncy brown curls and a small, sequined top hat beelined to him through the mass of humanity.

“Hi,” Light said in response when she reached him.

She nodded then proceeded to poke, prod, and circle him with a scrutinizing expression. She even lifted his arms and patted him down like she was taking measurements. “Donnovan will be pleased,” she announced with a smile, once she was finished.

“What exactly does that mean?” he said, with an edge of nervousness.

“Oh, right, you wouldn’t know. Donnovan is one of the designers, or fashionistas. The shows are usually the handiwork of someone like him. You can think of it kind of like modeling and kind of like interactive visual art.”

“Come again?”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry. Come on, I’ll introduce you. We’ll get you dressed, and then lined up with everyone else. Parts are played according to costume so I can’t tell you more just yet, but I assure you that it will be super easy, no lines to speak, and incredibly liberating.”

The ‘incredibly liberating’ part sounded more concerning than reassuring.

Despite Jai’s opinion that one drink was enough, he had yet to _really_ feel it.

“Donny~!” the petite girl in the darkly glittering tophat called sweetly. “I have your next victiiiiim~!” She winked at Light, not oblivious in the least to his discomfort.

‘Donny’ came from around the corner, in a tight fitting pants and vest combo with a collared shirt. It was all black, except for the bright flash of his blood red tie. His brown hair was sharply cut with an artful arrangement of tousled waves at the top. He lowered a pair of glittering opera glasses from his eyes dramatically, and said, “Oh, my darlings, what have you brought for me today…?”

 Donnovan eyed him critically, panning up and down. “Take off the shirt,” he demanded suddenly. “Let me see what I have to work with.”

Light didn’t move for a moment, still reeling from the designer’s grand entrance and unique manner.

Top hat girl grabbed the bottom of his sweatshirt and hiked it up. She wouldn’t be tall enough to do the rest. He gave up and just did away with it, pulling it up over his head.

“And the pants,” Donnovan ordered briskly, seemingly unconcerned with social convention.

Before he could protest, or get to fight his way fully out of his sweater, Light felt his pants unfasten and drop to the floor. He froze, mortified. The sweater was still encasing his arms, but his face was free to bear the red flush of embarrassment for the world to see.

“Let’s finish the deed, hm?” Donnovan said, tugging the sweater free of his arms. Once more, he was circled and examined. “Yes… yes… “ Light wasn’t getting used to the process by any means but at least he was starting to understand what to expect, such as the poking and prodding. “Lemony, dear,” the eccentric designer addressed the petite girl, “you are an _angel_. He’s a bit young but he’ll do nicely.”

She grinned at him, looking quite pleased at the praise.

“Fi~nally!” Donnovan announced dramatically, cracking the knuckles of his black gloved hands. “Some inspiring _raw_ material!” He circled around Light once more, a hand trailing upon his shoulder and across his collarbones. “When I’m done with you, _everyone_ out there will be making love to you with their eyes.”

Light stood there in his boxers, pants around his ankles, and hoped to god this whole thing wasn’t going as sideways as it sounded.

“Why so grim, darling?” Donnovan asked with cavalier aplomb. “You’re going to look _amazing_.”

“I’m thinking everyone’s expectations for me are set a little high,” Light ventured. “And, I’m not _nearly_ drunk enough to do this.”

“Pfft,” Donnovan laughed. “It’s almost refreshing to see someone so attractive be so totally oblivious to it. Even if it’s also rather vexing. Some of us have to work harder than others.” He sniffed with indignation. “As for the nerves, I can assist with that.”

The thin, attractive designer went over to a table on the side of the room and poured something into a glass. He brought back a fancy looking cut tumbler with amber liquid. It seemed he didn’t do anything small and simply. His entire style screamed flamboyant and stylish.

Light took the glass and knocked it back.

“Oh-!” Donnovan started to say as he did so, reaching out a hand to stop him, but he was too late. “Ah, nevermind. I should have told you ahead it was sipping quality. No matter, let’s get started.”

* * *

Despite being a lightweight, it took one more drink from Donnovan’s special stock to get Light to put on even the first article of the proposed clothing.

It was awful. He couldn’t even…

What did Jai say earlier? Play a part? Don’t be yourself?

“Do you want to see how it looks?” Donnovan prodded.

The shorts were SO short. And the rest… it didn’t bear dwelling upon. “ _No_ ,” he said, wanting to hide his face with shame. “I think I’d kill myself.”

“You’re so unbelievably embarrassed it’s almost cute.” Donnovan pinched his face then smacked it heartily. “If only you weren’t _insulting_ me at the same time,” he hummed.

“I’m sorry, Donny… I don’t mean it like that at all.” Further libations and also time around the designer’s witty rejoinders had made him take a liking to the guy after all.

“At least look around you, while you can. Maybe you can appreciate the style when it’s not on you.”

Light conceded this was true. Much like the other night he was here, the sight of leather and shiny black vinyl, straps, restraints, and the like… it was all rather intriguing.

Still, he couldn’t bear to look at himself. He was wearing, to the best of his knowledge, the smallest, shiny black shorts he’d ever seen. They also laced up the sides, over a two to three inch strip of exposed skin. He also wore boots -  a rugged affair that reached mid thigh. It had taken a couple of assistants a good 10 minutes apiece to fasten, zip and buckle them. (He was pretty sure the boots also had built in kneepads. He tried not to dwell on that.)

The top he wore was more of that same shiny, flexible material as the shorts. Long sleeves, high neck, and so high-cut in the front that he could feel the A/C breezing over his nipples. (He cringed even thinking about it). There were also buckles and straps, and the top connected to the shorts with a thin strip of material which extended on the sides.

He might also have been wearing gold body glitter. ( _Kill me_ , he thought). It was more than a strong suspicion.

Other accessories included the thick, 2 inch thick leather collar around his neck, eyeliner and other stage makeup, and straps that kept his arms practically bound to his sides. He refused to contemplate what had gone onto him just before those - shoulder straps and something that felt a bit heavy on his back. He was afraid they were wings. More specifically, he was afraid they were _angel’s_ wings.

“Lookin’ good, Light,” Lemony called across the room and waved.

He cursed the timing, because as he looked up, two guys were moving a mirror and he unwittingly caught sight of himself in it. The image was emblazoned upon his eyeballs. _Good god, these are platform boots??_ As if he wasn’t tall enough already.

On the plus side, he didn’t much look like himself and his first reaction to what he saw was the same intrigue he felt when looking at others dressed the same way. The rest of his impression was of lots of shiny black, fair skin that sparkled with gold dust, and a sort of otherworldly look. It actually seemed pretty interesting when taken in context with the other participants who were sporting faint glimmers of green, purple and blue. He may or may not have seen some wings and other non-human parts on people; but if so, they blended in pretty well.

_All right, it looks better than I thought, he conceded. I’ll just have to pretend it’s **not** me…_

He turned to Donnovan to admit that it wasn’t SO bad, but the designer was directing people like an airtraffic controller directs planes. Hand signals, last minute instructions, preparations. Things that sounded odd out-of-context, like “Tighten those straps”, “Her bustier is crooked,” “Find the whips, we need those”, and “Blindfold and gag, now.”

The last was apparently meant for him because suddenly the room descended into darkness as a wide blindfold covered half of his face. He was about to ask about that as he hadn’t heard _anything_ about wearing a blindfold, when the rubber covered bar of a gag was shoved unceremoniously between his teeth.

_Seriously?_

He felt something of a thrill lick through him although the trepidation was still stronger. How was he supposed to ask anyone anything? Or follow what was going on, or what he was supposed to be doing?

His arms were bound, so he couldn’t do anything about the gag or blindfold, or even tap anyone on the shoulder. He was blind and mute, and felt like some kind of doll, teetering on the towering hell boots, waiting for something to happen.

* * *

 TBC


	4. Show and Tell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stage show!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 4: Show and Tell _

“Oh, Light, you look _fantastic_ ,” Donnovan’s voice came from his left, along with a hand on his shoulder to get his attention. “Sorry about the last minute stuff,” he said with whimsical levity. ”You know how selfish and spontaneous artists can be~!” Light tried to growl at him but it was either drowned out by the music that was now pumping through the air, or it was ignored. “Now, I know you probably have questionssss-” he stressed, drawing out the words. “Which your cute little mouth is incapable of asking at the moment.” Donny sounded like he might giggle gleefully at any moment, at his expense. “But foremost is this-” Light felt a tug on the collar around his neck and heard a loud click. “Follow the lead, and do whatever the person holding it says.”

He shook his head back in forth, the only manner of protest he had at his disposal.

“Aren’t you just a doll? You can thank me later. Really, you’re less likely to get stage fright this way.”

Stage fright… Oh GOD. People, actual people were going to see him like this. The outfit was bad enough. The blindfold and gag made him helpless. Chills raced over his skin and he wasn’t sure if he could fully class them as dread or exhilaration.

“Silo, Stag,” Donnovan called out over the music as he made to move on. “One of you needs to be Light’s handler. Yes, the brunet in gold with the wings.”

 _Oh sonnuvabitch,_ Light thought. He hadn’t caught sight of them in the mirror, but he’d been right about the wings.

“I don’t care how you boys figure it out,” Donnovan was saying to them, “pull straws or something.”

“I don’t see why we both can’t do it,” a new voice complained, coming closer. “You’d think a twins thing would be popular…”

“Who can even guess at what people go for anymore,” a second, deeper voice responded with a shrug in his tone. “Anyway, let’s let the straw decide.”

Light felt another growl rumble in his throat and his teeth clenched the gag. _Who are you calling a straw?!_

“Oh, I think you pissed him off,” the first voice said, amusement dancing in his tone. A hand graced his cheek and caressed the skin appraisingly. “Cute,” he said admiringly. Light then felt a sharp pull at his neck as the leash was jerked, jerking him forward. “All you have to do is whatever we say,” the voice whispered in his ear lasciviously. Light tried to pull back but he couldn’t. Lips traced the curve of his ear, making him flush and feel helpless anger at the same time. “That is, whichever one you pick.”

Light was of half a mind to try kicking the guy but in these unwieldy platform boots, that just might prove a fatal attempt.

“Quit harassing him, Silo,” the second voice said, taking the leash from his hand and allowing Light to stand upright once more. “You know it’s his first time on stage.”

“But he’s so fun to tease. Look at how easily he reacts to it.”

From the sounds of it, Stag was a bit older, or at least more mature.

Stag leaned in close. “What’ll it be?” he asked, his low voice in Light’s ear causing him to shiver. Like the first guy, the second guy caressed his face and looked for a reaction. Light wondered if it was partly a way of testing chemistry. It made sense that they would want to determine something like that offstage first, and he did react to it, but he still didn’t really like it.

Light weighed the options and figured he’d rather take the one that made it seem _less_ likely he’d actually be molested on stage.

Reluctantly, he tilted his head towards the guy called Stag.

“Aw, man!” Silo griped.

Stag laughed deep in his throat. Suddenly the leash tugged him forward and lips pressed briefly against Light’s, making his eyes widen behind the blindfold. “For luck,” Stag said, though Light furiously doubted that was the reason. Maybe these two were twins after all. They were both equally awful! And, he was regretting his decision already.

“But you’re right, Silo, he **is** cute when he’s angry. He’s seething and knows there is nothing he can do about it.”

“If you tease him too much,” Silo hummed, “I’d hate to see what he does to you after this…”

“Nah, it’ll be fine. Isn’t that right, Slave?” Stag hooked a hand around his waist and pulled him forward. Light had no choice but to trust the man’s lead and walk forward at his pace. He prayed that the guy watched out for whatever was in front of his feet as well, so he didn’t trip over anything. Stag said, “It’s about time, get to your spot, Sil.”

He must have been pretty tall, Light could tell he was leaning down to speak in his ear even with the platform boots. “It really will help you if you get into character,” Stag instructed. His voice was suspiciously solicitous. “Just follow the flow of everything. It’s pretty organic.”

_Do everything **you** say, you mean? _

Light turned his head away from the other man sharply, the only way he could convey his thoughts on _that_.

“Wow,” Stag laughed, a little breathlessly. “I mean, I know you actually _are_ really pissed at me... but it fits the character SO well.” He sounded impressed.

Light turned his head back a little, and tilted it to the side, questioning.

“Well, think about it. You’re captive, and both sight and speech have been taken from you, AND you’re being led along by a leash. You look less like a fallen angel and more like one that’s been ripped from heaven.”

Oh, dammit, now he knew for sure they were **_angel_** wings as well! How humiliating.

“So,” Stag said, tilting his face up by the chin, “You _are_ supposed to hate me. But…” he traced Light’s lower lip with his thumb. His voice dropped lower as he continued, “The audience will also be looking for the grudging heat of _attraction_....”  

“Stag!” Donnovan’s voice cracked out like a whip. Stag’s muttered ‘ow’ made it seem like he’d gotten a smack as well. “Save it for the stage. And don’t get too frisky either, or we’ll be having a long talk later that you won’t much like.”

“Yes, sir,” he grumbled.

A moment later he seemed to have recovered from the reprimand, or at least felt that Donnovan didn’t have eyes on him. “I still meant what I said,” Stag said conspiratorially. “It’s true, after all.”

“Mn,” Light responded, and the noise had an audibly skeptical tone to it.

He was getting annoyingly accustomed to communicating without speaking. He couldn’t wait to get rid of the damn gag. It was starting to mess with his head. That and feeling like he was walking on stilts, while not being able to see. _And_ that he could feel a breeze on parts of his skin not often, or ever, aired in public.

“Ok,” Stag said with gusto, “and here we go!”

 _Wait, **now**?? _ He wasn’t ready!

Light felt the rush of bodies and motion pulling them forward and the crackling of excitement on the air. He didn’t share that excitement. He wanted to turn and run the other way. The music was getting louder. He could hear the thumping, pulsing beats and caught bits and snatches of smoky vocals.

Once more, he heard Stag’s voice in his ear. “You’ll be fine,” he shouted, struggling to be heard over the music despite their close proximity. “This part was practically made for you. Just try and flash those long legs as you walk.”

 _Flash my…_ Oh god. He could feel the heat of the lights, and hear the reaction of the crowd to those that were just ahead of them.

Light pulled back just as Stag started moving forward.

Up until now, he hadn’t thought he was drunk, but at this very moment he realized he **_had_** to have been to even _agree_ to any of this. He’d let himself get pulled along and look where it had gotten him!

Stag changed his grip on the leash to a fist just under Light’s chin, giving him an even more powerful, unrelenting hold. Light’s feet started to slide on the floor, though he tried to brace them and keep from moving forward. His ‘handler’ was way stronger than he’d anticipated and was able to drag him onstage without much trouble.

He heard the reaction of the audience surge as they came out. He felt it like a blast wave. In slow motion he noticed the noise, the energy, the now intense focus of the lights, and the way his stomach dropped out as the crowd’s attention roved over them. His legs locked and his head instinctively pulled back against the pull of the collar as he slid forward several more feet. The spectators seemed to think he was playing at resisting, judging by the catcalls.

He supposed that it would be less painful to try and just play along and get this over with, rather than being found out as a reluctant party. Even so, he felt way out of his depth and wasn’t quite sure how to accomplish it. He stumbled forward a few steps, then planted his feet. He stretched the whole line of his body to oppose the pull of the collar and leash. He even thrashed a little against the hold, kicking his head back for good measure.

He tried not to grimace as he felt a spotlight fall on them, as Stag started to circle him and the music got decidedly less PG. Much like in the dressing room, the other guy was _way_ too close and his hands drifted over Light’s face, arms, and exposed skin. The only difference is that it felt more theatrical, exaggerated, and less personal. Light mentally shrugged and tried to follow Stag’s lead - focusing on the nonverbal cues he could pick up on and making a show of rejecting his “advances”. A hand on his chin, for instance, queued him that his ‘handler’ was coming in for a kiss. He turned his head at the last moment. Bodily, he leaned away from caresses and when Stag used the leash to pull him in closer, he pulled back against it with all his strength and shook his head back and forth as if trying to break the collar or his own neck.

Everything seemed to be riling the crowd up. He couldn’t quite understand the appeal, but the energy in the room was starting to become contagious. His skin was starting to feel warm, and he almost could believe that he didn’t just look ridiculous doing this.

He felt a shift in Stag, and the leash suddenly had a lot more lead. This must be where the act moved into ‘attraction’. He felt the end of the leash slowly trail down the left side of his torso, like a lover’s fingers. He flushed when the motion swept low across his stomach and and swept up the other side, culminating with a lazy circle around his right nipple. His head shook back and forth as a reflex, trying to tell his partner that that was going too far. The audience howled, once again thinking it part of the act. Underneath that, he could hear Stag’s deep chuckle.

_Oh, you bastard. Your brother is right, I’m going to kick your ass after this._

Suddenly an arm snaked around his waist and pulled him up against his stage partner’s body.

_Woah, WAY too much contact!!_

He could feel skin on skin. Stag appeared to have a bared midriff top as well. Or, he was shirtless. Hard to tell, but it didn’t matter right now. Stag was leaning into his neck like he was going to start making love to it with his lips. Light tried to avoid his mouth as much as he could, arching his back, even. Stag took advantage of that and dipped him like a damsel on the cover of an X-rated novel. Light bent and lifted one long leg, clad in the infernally heavy, buckled boots, skimming his thigh up Stag’s side. The crowd roared in approval, proving the move to look like abandon or unbridled desire, though his intent was to put even more weight on his ‘handler’s’ lower back and punish him for pulling the stupid move in the first place.

Stag pulled him up pretty quickly, placing them back into a classic romance novel style embrace. “You are a lot more vindictive than I thought,” he said in a strained voice, slightly out of breath.

Light scoffed at him, the noise barely audible in the din. _Serves him right._ He shrugged a shoulder for good measure.

Stag leaned into his neck once more like he was kissing it, but he behaved. “They are going to do a fade out on us when the next people come on stage,” he said. “Just follow my lead for the finale.” He drew back and let the leash slide through his fingers as he moved away. Light followed the circle Stag walked slowly about him, as if he couldn’t look away, as if he was now infatuated. (It would be so much easier to do with without a blindfold... At least then he could sync with facial expressions!)

Stag stopped before him and cupped his face in his hands, his mouth hovering over Light’s as he tilted it up. _This had better be for the show,_ Light thought at him warningly. Even so, it was hard not to react at all in this situation. About halfway through this whole thing, he’d become aware of the pulsing of arousal in his blood. He could feel the other man’s breath fanning his lips and base desires were starting to overrule his brain. Their lips brushed a few times as Stag’s hands eventually slid down onto his shoulders, and instead of pissing him off, he kind of wanted to take it further. A horrible idea.

“Get down on your knees,” his partner said huskily. “Slowly.”

 _What? Hell no._ He was not going to put himself face level with the business end of this guy in front of hundreds of people!

“I’m stronger than you,” Stag said. As if he didn’t know that already! The grip upon his shoulders started exerting pressure like a lead weight. “Just do it. It’s for the crowd. They’ll love it.”

At a certain point, Light knew that if he didn’t comply, he and the platform boots were going to have an equilibrium problem. He made a show of rolling his head in a slow circle, allowing his hair to fall across his face and fall back from it in turn - a distraction to mask the irritation on his face.

As he started sinking down, the music got faster and more dramatic and he could see under the blindfold that strobe lights had started flashing. Light tilted his head up, as if to look his partner in the face. In truth, he was trying to catch a glimpse of what he was doing. He could sort of see Stag’s legs, planted wide in a power pose.

The music got faster and faster until he was kneeling in front of Stag, whose back was towards the crowd. This pose was awful. It looked like he was about to service his ‘handler’. And the crowd, indeed, was going wild. Stag reached out theatrically to caress his upturned face, then slid his hand around the back of his head and pulled him forward just as sound exploded and died and the spotlight went black.

Just a moment later, new music started up and the constant cheering had a spike that indicated a new act had just come on stage.

Stag helped him to his feet and led him to the wing where the lights couldn’t catch them.

“Here, we can get rid of that now,” he said. The blindfold loosened and started to fall from Light’s eyes. “Take a look out there.”

It was PACKED. He could barely believe how many people were stuffed together out there. And the light show actually looked really professional. He started to inch closer to the stage to get a better look before realizing that he could be rid of the gag as well. But, with his bound arms, he’d need assistance.

“Mmn!” he demanded, staring down the person who must be Stag.

“I dunno… it **is** a good look for you…” the dark-haired man stalled, harassing him. The voice matched the one he’d been hearing.

Light intensified his glare and promised bodily harm if his request was not met this instant.

“Whoo, boy-” Stag raised his hands in a placating gesture, though he didn’t appear cowed in the least. “Maybe I wouldn’t have teased you as much if I would have seen the looks that went along with it,” he said ruefully. “Here, I’ll get that for you, just don’t bite my hand off, ok?”

Light held patiently still while the other man did his bidding. The gag fell away at last and he sucked in his first breath of unencumbered air. “Ugh, it’s about time--”

His grousing was cut short with a kiss. He was momentarily stunned. The man had quite some nerve. Then again, what could he really do to retaliate with his arms immobilized like they were? It wasn’t bad, but that could be chalked up to the sexual tension of the crowd getting under his skin…

An arm looped around his waist, pulling him close and holding him in place. Stag’s other hand brushed over his cheek and tangled in his hair as he deepened the kiss.

Reaction rippled through Light, all the way to his toes.

Ok, it was better than ‘not bad’. It was a whole lot better than that. But even so, Light didn’t feel like this was who he wanted to be kissing. It was L he was thinking of. **_L_** was who he’d come here to see in the first place, although he didn’t know if L would want to see him as well.

He turned his head to break the kiss.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now,” Stag murmured, seemingly enamored. He traced fingertips upon Light’s cheek and along his jawline. The touch was distracting.

“Look,” Light said awkwardly, “this can’t happen.” He was _so_ not used to actually refusing someone in this sort of situation. ( _Thank you, my parental overlords._ ) His experience usually ran more along the lines of _encouraging_ such things to happen - on the off chance someone was inclined to get frisky without all the questions about the location or about going on dates. He hadn’t tried _preventing_ them from happening.

“Why not?” Stag didn’t look particularly put off. He seemed to think all Light needed was a little convincing. “You weren’t sure about the show, yet you did _great_ out there. You can do a **_lot_** more than you give yourself credit for…”

Light sighed in annoyance. “It isn’t a case of _nerves_. I’m trying to say that I’m already seeing someone.”

“Well, then see me instead. I don’t see anyone else around.”

“Just because he isn’t _here_ doesn’t mean you get to move in. What do you take me for?”

Stag playfully spun them in a small circle, like dancing. “I take you for someone who is more available than they like to admit,” he said in all seriousness, locking gazes with Light. “Why else would you do a show?” His eyes drifted to linger on Light’s lips. “If you were really seeing someone, I’d think they might not be too wild about your participation.”

 _Shit,_ Light thought, the idea sinking like an ill thing in the pit of his stomach. Would that really be true? Even for frequenters of this club?

In hindsight, he agreed the other man might have a point. But he hadn’t known what he was getting into… He now fervently hoped that somehow it _hadn’t_ been L who he thought he saw just before being dragged into this mess. Things seemed fouled up enough as it is. He hardly needed to add **more** problems into the mix.

“Stag!” Donnovan’s imperious voice rang out. “What the hell did I tell you about accosting our new recruit?”

Immediately, the taller man jumped aside guiltily.

“ _Mon dieu_ ,” the designer exclaimed, smacking him with a rolled up magazine.

“Ow…”

Donnovan shifted his attention. “Light!” he gushed, “you were both fantastic! Though _this_ idiot took things too far.” He paused to glare at Stag and scolded him, “Will you be happy if you chased him off, never to return? _Hmn_??” He shook his head and tossed up his hands as he sharpened his glare at the taller man. “The lack of foresight simply _astounds_ me.”

“I don’t know if I could do this again, regardless…” Light said reluctantly.

“ _Non, non,”_ Donnovan protested, turning back to Light and pushing Stag out of the way _,_ “don’t say that, my darling, you’ll break my heart.”

“I’m really sorry….”

Donnovan waved off his apology. “ _Non._ Not now, I couldn’t bear to hear the words after seeing such a rousing debut.”

“You’re kind of making me feel bad, Donny…”

“Good. Let the guilt seep into your gorgeous little heart. Also, I’ll give you my business card so you can further stew in the quagmire of my disappointment until you see the light and agree to come back.”

Light had nothing to say to that really, aside from more apologies, so he said nothing.

“Now, it’s common practice for the starlets to mingle with the crowd after. Would you be willing?”

“Er…” He really wanted to get out of these clothes. But he also needed to find L as quickly as possible on the off chance he had been out in the audience and was about to stop speaking to him entirely. “Can I leave off with the blindfold and gag at least?”

Donnovan paused as if considering a very deep question.

“Oh, come on, _seriously_?” There was no way he was putting those back on.

“You’re fine, I’m just messing with you.” He smiled impishly. “Go on ahead to the dressing room. I’ll be right there to give you some cards to hand out.”

“Ok.” Light left the room but caught the tail end of the continuing conversation.

“Stag, you are to maintain an informal restraining order of at least 10 feet from our little angel there,” Donnovan informed him crisply. “Violate that, and I’ll kick you out of the club for an unspecified span of time.”

“Wha??”

“I caught you kissing him and harassing him. At least have the decency to listen to a person when they say they are taken.”

“Oh,” said Stag slyly. “I see. You were _watching_. Did you enjoy the encore performance, then?”

“Silence that mouth of yours,” Donnovan said primly, not exactly denying the accusation, “or I’ll kick you out directly.”

“Aw… you’re no fun,” Stag grumbled.

* * *

Back in the changing room, Donnovan met up with Light and provided the business cards to hand out. He explained that some people liked to collect the cards from shows they particularly liked. He usually posted pictures of the stage goers online after the fact.

Light blanched. “Uh… I would really appreciate it if you _don’t_ do that.”

Donnovan shot him a quizzical look. “More inappropriate self-consciousness?”

“Ah… not exactly…” he said tentatively, and rubbed his hands over his arms. “I just need there to be no evidence that my parents could get ahold of somehow.”

“Really… do tell. You’re younger than you look, perhaps? Over 18, I’m hoping, or I am in trouble.”

“Only just. You’re safe.”

“Phew…” Donnovan patted his brow with a handkerchief although it seemed to be mostly for show. “Well, in that case I suppose you wouldn’t want to wear that home, borrow a jacket, and keep it for a souvenir?”

“I can’t even imagine the fallout from my parents finding that in my closet.”

“Fair enough. I just thought I’d make the offer. In my mind, that outfit is forever only to be worn by you.”

“So…. can we NOT post pictures on the site?”

“Light, I don’t really make exceptions…”

 _Crap. Think. Think…. Offer a better idea…._ “What if the exception made you some extra money?”

“Intrigued,” he announced. “I’m listening.”

“I should be fine as long as you blot out my face and hair. But some people might want the uncensored original. You could offer it as something they can pay for. If our act was as popular as you say, it should be no problem.” He paused. “Do you upload video?”

“Some.”

Light sighed, a little overwhelmed at the thought of video evidence of this fiasco. “Then you’ll have to censor that as well.”

“That is an awful lot of effort to go through, even if you are my new favorite…”

“If you don’t, and this gets out, I’ll never be able to leave my house again, let alone do another show.”

“Hmn…” Donnovan considered. “Then again, you could always agree to do another show in order to ensure my cooperation.”

“Ugh. Donny, _come on_ , you’re already going to be making money off of this.”

“Allegedly.”

Light deflated. “Allegedly,” he agreed.

“Good, it’s settled then. Write your number down for me and then get out there to hand out some cards.”

“Yes, boss,” Light said with a dejected salute.

Out in the club, he dutifully handed out the cards and fielded the interest of more people than he could shake a stick at. He was oggled, groped, fawned over, and congratulated. It was a pretty overwhelmingly positive response. He almost couldn’t believe how accepted he’d suddenly become, since during his first visit he’d been ignored _en mass_.

Maybe he’d found his new calling.

_Not._

He kept it up for about an hour before seeking out an abandoned table where he could sit and take a rest. This was exhausting. His face hurt from smiling unrelentingly and his legs were tired from dragging around the platform boots with all their heaviness. He hadn’t yet spotted L either, and it was making him feel rather dejected. Fear kept trying to crack his heart and hijack it.

_Stop it, you don’t know for sure he was even here._

Damn Stag for setting off this paranoia. Before he’d started talking, Light had figured that anyone that came to this club would be into this sort of thing and participating in any kind of show wouldn’t pose a real problem. Even if they were dating that participant.

“ _Shit_ ,” he said, hanging his head in his hands. How had things gotten so derailed?

He stayed like that for a while, lost in the milling of his thoughts and feeling a bit sorry for himself.

A loud clink on the table made him look up. It was a tall glass of water…. holding it was a pale, spidery hand, the owner of which had a dark, baleful stare and familiarly chaotic black hair. “I’d offer you a drink, but you probably had quite a lot already to get up there and do something like that.”

Speechless, Light gaped at him. His heart surged and sank at the same time, seeing the object of his search. “So,” he started, finding words at last, “you _were_ here. I was looking all over for you.”

“I know.”

Light frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

L shrugged and took a seat, tilting the chair back as was his habit. “Didn’t want to be found. It was easy enough to stay out of view.”

 _He was purposely avoiding me?_ The sinking feeling was definitely winning out over anything buoyant. He made himself ask, “Is there any particular reason?” 

“Of course.”

L remained non-committal and avoided making eye contact. His face stayed blank, without a trace of its usual humor. He was being wholly uncooperative.

Light looked away, his gaze turning inward as he started to destabilize. Was this how feelings were always going to be - things that stung and stabbed? Was he right all along in the danger of feeling anything for someone? It had happened by accident, but he’d hoped that somehow it might not blow up in his face... “Can you tell me the reason?” Light asked, steeling himself.

“You really want to know?” there was an edge of challenge to the words, just underneath the nearly bored sounding tone.

Light bit his lip, chewing it a little before he was able to work up the courage to look L in the face and nod.

Dark eyes looked back at him, meeting his gaze unflinchingly. “Because. We need to talk,” he said shortly.

It sounded so final. Sharp.

Light swallowed. He had no idea what to expect here. From L’s demeanor… he was either really mad about something or… Could it be that things were about to be over between them?

“Talk?” he repeated back, his voice a little high and strained. _About what exactly?_ The suspense was killing him. And why would L avoid him if he wanted to talk? “Then why would yo--?”

L shook his head curtly, and his spiky hair fell messily in his eyes. “I wanted to wait until your new _fanclub_ cleared out. I have no desire for an audience.”

“Oh…” Light supposed that made sense. If he had seen L earlier, he would have beelined for him, and people very well might have followed. He felt marginally better after receiving a real answer, but the air between them was still tense and uncharted. He had no idea how things were going to play out or what L didn’t want an audience _for_.

“Drink your water.” L’s eyes were hooded, unreadable as he tossed out the impatient command.

“Right…” Light drank down half of it, but he was anxious to know what was going on in L’s head. He was also dreading it, however, and chugging water was not a good mix with his stomach at the moment. “So,” he said, trying to sound normal, “what did you want to say?” Tension was riding him pretty hard. He felt like he was on trial.

“It’s more of a question, really.” His voice was dark and unyielding.

There there was an uncomfortable pause.

“...okay?” Light ventured.

“Last we spoke, you said you shouldn’t meet with me. Next thing I know, I’m seeing something on stage that makes me doubt my eyes.”

“About that…” Light trailed, responding to the sharp tone and the disapproval he was certain he detected. Where should he even begin?

“Yes, please **_do_** elaborate on all of this for me, because I was under the assumption you were simply bowing to your parents’ expectations when you said you shouldn’t see me. But now…? Hell, maybe your parents would be _proud_ to see what we all just saw. Who am I to guess? Perhaps being involved with someone is a more grievous sin to them than going onstage in an S  & M club?”

Light swallowed around the knot in his throat, frustration etching his face. _Does he think I’m trying to jerk him around?_ “It isn’t like that.”

L’s eyes sharpened like knives. His face was still bland but he exuded anger. “Do tell.”

“I came here looking for _you_ ,” Light snapped. The accusations had finally gotten to him.  “I had a fight with my parents about even the _possibility_ of dating someone and…” He clenched his fists and sucked in a breath. “I’m still really angry about it. They totally shut me down.”

“You stood up to them?” the quality of L’s voice shifted, holding more expressiveness than before. His chair legs touched the ground.

“I tried,” Light said, scowling at the table. “Fat lot of good that did.”

“Hey,” L said, leaning forward and tilting Light’s face up so he could scrutinize it with a dark gaze. “What was the reason you said you shouldn’t meet me?”

Light felt his face flush and avoided L’s eyes. “It’s not important,” he said evasively.

L leaned in close and laid a kiss upon his lips, stirring up all the emotion that he was trying so hard to suppress. Reaction blossomed in his belly and he tried to pull away. Dismay surged as the feelings rose undeniably to the surface and threatened to overwhelm him. “I can’t--” he pleaded.

“You can,” L insisted, threading a hand in his hair and sinking them into an even deeper kiss.

Soft, hot, barely restrained…. it was tearing through Light’s resistance and setting his passion on fire. He made a noise in the back of his throat, something like a whimper, and felt the reaction ripple through L.

This chaos L inspired in him… he got lost in it so easily, and wanted nothing more than to obliterate himself with sensation. He wanted to give in to and indulge this craving. This _need_.

L broke the kiss, but stayed close, their foreheads touching together. “You have feelings for me, don’t you,” L murmured softly.

Light shook his head, trepidation trickling down his spine. It wasn’t safe, was it? To admit something like that? So he had to deny it. What choice did he have?

L’s hand played in his hair and his lips played at Light’s mouth, wearing him down. “No?”

“N-No…” he breathed, his voice catching in his throat. “Please, stop…”

“What if I don’t want to stop?” L’s voice was deep and low, and his eyes glittered with intensity. “I think I’ll have to keep going…” he traced Light’s lower lip with his tongue and his hand traced up Light’s naked thigh.

Light shuddered, arousal wracking his body. “Please…” he moaned. “I can’t…”

His head was starting to come undone. His chest constricted with unfamiliar emotion.

“You’re still mine, aren’t you?” L murmured against his lips. Hints of wonder and dark humor lingered in his tone. “That never changed.”

Light shook his head as fingers stroked across his chest, down his stomach, and across his hips. The stage outfit left too much skin exposed. He felt like he was going to burst.  

“L, please…” he begged. His whole body was like one raw nerve, straining for one impulse alone.

“I want to hear you say it.” L’s voice was a fierce whisper in his ear. “You’re mine.”

Light bit his lip, fighting a war within himself. “I’m y-yours.” Even like this, the sentiments were hard to say, they were too close to the truth. Saying even that much caused a flooding feeling in his chest.

L nuzzled his ear as questing hands brushed the front of his shorts. “Admit you have feelings for me.”

The soft tone of his urging worked its way even deeper into his being, more compelling and dangerous than even the commands.

“L…”

“I can feel it when you lie to me,” he cautioned, voice sounding rich and velvety in Light’s ear.  “Just as I can feel you tense up every time your feelings come up at all.”

Light couldn’t think, he could only feel.

“I like you,” L murmured silkily, causing him to shiver as his body flushed. “A lot.”

“...me too...” the faint words slipped out before Light could catch himself. He just couldn’t fight it anymore. “Me too,” he said again as reached up to pull L’s mouth against his, wantonly meshing it with his own. He felt rewarded when the stoic L groaned into it and kissed him more fervently than before.

Oh, if only they had a bed and a few hundred less people in the vicinity.

L made a noise of frustration, likely sharing the same thought, and dragged him up out of his chair. Walking was nearly impossible. But they didn’t go far before he felt L lift him up and press him against something hard, probably a wall. He wrapped his arms around L’s neck, and his legs around his waist. He moaned as the position nearly approximated what they really wanted. He could feel L’s arousal pressing against his own. “God.. I wish we could…”

“Don’t…” L breathed heavily, “finish that thought.”

“But-”

“I can barely control myself as it is.”

Light locked his legs tight, grinding their desire together, and spoke in L’s ear. “I don’t want your control. I want you to fuck me.”

* * *

“Jesus, Light,” he groaned, dark eyes swimming with lust. “Why are you doing this to me?”

He rocked his hips, grinding against the brunet, bringing them the closest sensation to sex that was available. It might not have been the real thing, but it sure was a good runner-up. Desire was clenching in L’s belly like a knot and orgasm was building to a razor’s edge.

L reclaimed Light’s saucy mouth, thrusting with his tongue into that welcoming heat as if he were thrusting into his body instead. He took special pleasure in the noises the brunet was unwittingly making for him and the iron grip of Light’s fingers digging into his back.

Each snap of his hips brought them dangerously closer to the explosion of oblivion. It was perfection, this union they had between them. He’d felt it even before they’d courted desire. He had just known the moment he saw the brunet how compatible they would be.

Like love at first sight.

“Uuuuhn… L… God!” Light moaned as he came. He shuddered, his legs trembling where they were wrapped around L, his whole body tensing and locking up.

Just the sound of him was enough to tip L over the edge. That and the visual of his partner’s head falling back in ecstasy and the gleam of his sweat dampened skin. “Nngh!” he groaned through clenched teeth as orgasm ripped through him like a blaze. He curled into Light’s neck as it claimed him.

* * *

“I think we ruined the wings,” Light said a few moments later, still a little out of breath.

He could feel the wall at his back and the flattened mess that used to be the white feathery angel wings, which were digging into him quite uncomfortably. If L hadn’t been holding him up, he’d be sitting on the floor right now. His whole body felt like jello. Even his arms felt too exhausted to maintain their position around L’s neck. Ah, but he didn’t want to move either….

L’s lean body fit against his like a matching puzzle piece and the proximity affected him even now, making him lightheaded. L’s face was turned into the curve of his throat, his breath fanning the skin. It sent little ripples of aftershocks through his body. “Mmn.. Is someone going to send you a bill?” L replied archly, lips brushing skin.

“Maybe…” Light said in a voice that sounded more like something from a porno than his own voice.

“If I didn’t know better...” L softly nuzzled his throat, amplifying the feeling and making his back start to bow. “I’d say you were insatiable.”

Light’s hands clenched reflexively upon L’s back as pleasure quickened his blood. “Mmmn…” a soft moan escaped him unwittingly as he tried to think of a response.

He needn’t worry about that too long, however. L’s warm mouth met his in a soft, exploratory kiss. His lips were firm and sensually full, made for kissing. Funny that they gave the appearance of being thinner than they were in reality…

Ah, he felt like his soul was being drained through this lust, this kiss, but he couldn’t break the connection. He couldn’t stop.

“Come over,” L broke the kiss to say.

“That doesn’t sound like a request.” Light’s head was spinning. L’s place would let them continue this… which seemed like a fantastic idea, except he might just die if L kept him in this constant state of arousal.

Instead of answering that observation, L said, “You looked really good tonight.”

_I thought he was mad about that…?_

“Really?” he asked dubiously.

“Shocked the hell out of me to see you up there...” L pulled back enough to meet his gaze with lazy, hooded eyes. “Never would have expected that from you and that innocent baby face of yours. You looked utterly indecent.”

Light flushed.

L laughed under his breath, enamored of the reaction. His mouth turned up at the corner in an insidious smile. “Come over,” he coaxed. “Let me show you how inspiring you were…”

“Somehow I think I might never get to leave.”

“That could be arranged,” L said, the lascivious smile gaining strength.

“I should probably get home…”

“Don’t sound so reluctant, or I’ll be tempted to force you to give in to me.”

Ahhh… damnit but everything L was saying to him was just ramping up this urge to let loose and let L fuck him senseless.

L’s eyes caught onto his thoughts. He hooked a finger through the steel loop on his collar. “You know... I have just the things to connect to all of these lovely little rings you’re currently wearing…”

_Oh god yes…_

“Donnovan was going to give me the outfit…. but I said no because I can’t get caught with it at home.”

It was a poor attempt at a refusal. It sounded more like an explanation of why he wouldn’t be going home, as opposed to explaining why he was going to be getting rid of the outfit before using it the way L had suggested.

“It would be a travesty to refuse his gentlemanly offer.” L started nuzzling his neck again, nipping it here and there and making Light writhe. “Hmm… You should see if he has another one in white.”

* * *

TBC


	5. Ridden Hard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> couch to 5k. strife with the folks. ultimatum.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 5: Ridden Hard _

When Light eventually made it home, he did indeed feel like he was going to die.

He was sleep deprived and drained of every ounce of energy.

It had been hard enough to track Donnovan down and borrow a coat to throw over his outfit, as well as collecting his own clothes.

The designer had looked him up and down and raised an appreciative eyebrow. “Something tells me not to ask, though I am burning to know who-”

Light tried to deny anything Donnovan might be thinking, attempting to save some small scrap of dignity, but it was a failure.

“Darling, I can tell when someone has been up to _something_ , and you most certainly were.” He gave Light a detailed second look. “Correction. You seem to be on your way for something more. My goodness, boy, I almost have to fan myself just looking at you.”

To Light’s chagrin, he felt his face turn beet red, fully implicating himself.

He’d apologized for the mangled wings but Donnovan just shrugged it off and said something about the heat of the moment and winked at him.

He’d blushed anew and cursed his inability to hide his reactions. He then consoled himself with the thought that he hadn’t exactly had a lot of practice or experience in these matters. It wasn’t his fault.

* * *

_Several hours later..._

Light groaned and fell upon his own bed like the walking wounded. Hell, he was surprised he could walk at all. It felt like every inch of his body had been licked, bitten and fucked within an inch of its life.

True to his word, L really _had_ had things to clip to his rings. What any person needed with such a varied system of restraints was beyond him. But _god_ , he couldn’t deny the appeal or the creative uses to which they put it.

 _L…_ he thought, reliving parts of the evening and feeling his lower belly clench deliciously. L was on his skin, the taste of him lingering upon his tongue, and those dark eyes were burned in his mind.

He closed his eyes, beyond tired, but his brain was buzzing and flying at mach speed. His hair, still slightly damp, was a mild distraction. Small sections of hair clung to his face, and he brushed them aside with a heavy hand.

_Good thing I showered there… I’d never be able to stand up on my own to take one at this point._

Just in case his parents came home before he woke, he figured being ‘clean’ would be the way to go. They hadn’t said yet when they would be back, but he’d learned on many occasions to just prepare for anything. There was nothing saying that they _wouldn’t_ suddenly come home early and take him by surprise.

His sweater and slacks had felt strange to him after spending so much time being half-naked and then actually-naked. He had an impulse to strip off the clothing and chuck it into the corner of his room, but he couldn’t exactly sleep in the nude here. The last thing he needed was to have someone walk in on that.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and he groaned. Even a little thing like answering it seemed like a lot of effort.

He eventually did it anyway. “H’lo?”

“Did you make it home, or are you passed out in the street somewhere?” L’s low voice slid into his ear, making him shiver.

“I’m in the back of a van. I got kidnapped.”

“Did you fall for the offer of candy? Again?”

Light laughed sleepily. “Always with the ageist remarks. Should I start making pedophile jokes about you then?”

“I’d prefer not, since you actually are legal.”

“That you know of.”

“That’s cruel of you, _Akanbo_.” L drawled, resurrecting the use of his favorite, mocking nickname. “Striking terror in my pure heart like that.”

 _Pure? Ha._ Light ignored the obvious baiting. “So you wouldn’t do time for me?” he countered archly, though his voice was a little sleep-slurred.

“Not needed. I picked your pocket and checked your ID the day we met. I do that with everyone I date.”

“Liar.”

“Perhaps. But it sounds like a good practice, doesn’t it?”

“Mm.” Light’s sleepy mind latched onto something. “You said ‘date’. Is that what we’re doing?”

“I think we can agree that we’re definitely doing _something_.”

Light was too tired to wonder if that sounded evasive or not. “Mm,” he agreed.

“Goodnight, Light.”

“G’nyite.”

His hand fell away from his ear and he almost instantly fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

When Light next awoke, he was surprised to find it was late in the afternoon. _Holy crap!_

He sat up quickly, totally disoriented. _When did I get home…?_ He hazily counted the hours back on his fingers. That was around 4 a.m., maybe a little later, and then he hadn’t slept right away. _Ok, so call that 5 o’clock…_ And it was now half past three…

 _Ten hours??!_ He never slept that long! Like, ever.

His phone appeared to be dead, having passed away sometime in the night. _Better charge it and make sure I didn’t miss anything._ He pushed up off of the bed to go put it on the charger and found his legs buckling under him alarmingly. _What the-?_

A quick assessment of his physical state revealed that aside from muscle weakness, he was stiff all over, sore in places he didn’t even know he had, and that overall he felt like he’d been run over by a truck. Luckily, his head didn’t hurt. He figured some of his sorry state wasn’t completely L’s fault, but was due to the alcohol he’d had the night before (and probably walking around in those high heeled platform boots for hours hadn’t helped). He vaguely remembered L putting water in his hand to drink down on multiple occasions. Maybe that had been enough to save him from a dehydration headache. His stomach felt a little iffy though - sort of queasy and hungry at the same time.

Ok, so apparently a long night like that takes a bit out of a person…

He winced as he shuffled to the phone charger. _It feels like I was trying to do splits all night._ His face colored as he recalled what activities would have caused that **_particular_** set of aches and pains, and how many times they’d done said activities. Sex with L was like doing a couch to 5K training, but at hyper speed. Maybe it would kill him. His body was totally unaccustomed to this kind of exertion or the frequency.

At the same time, just thinking about it was sending a delicious tingling through his body, touching on all of his sore spots like favored mementos.  Curiously, he noticed he was suffused with a warm feeling of well-being as well.

Weak, sore, and sated.

He sat on the floor next to the charger and just let his mind wander while he waited for the phone to have enough life to turn on.

 _Maybe after this I’ll take a hot bath._ It could help alleviate the physical toll his night had had on him.

And he needed to figure out what to do about promising Donnovan another show. It was imperative that he stayed anonymous on the website both in pictures and on video, so agreeing was a no-brainer. He just didn’t know how he was going to accomplish it. Once his parents returned, he’d be living within a cell once again.

_Forget the show, what are you going to do about seeing L?_

_Oh man_... He did not want to think about that. He’d just make himself depressed. The situation felt too impossible to tackle. Especially when he was so drowsy. _Damn, I could almost drift off again._

_Maybe I can see him again before they get back…_

* * *

The front door slammed shut downstairs, startling Light into a near heart-attack. His phone took that moment to turn on and he quickly saw an alarming number of missed calls and voicemails from his parents. _They’re home??_ They must not have called the house line - that at least should have woken him.

 _So, they had assumed I would be home and therefore only called my cell?_ That would be one thing in his favor at least. They hadn’t realized he’d been out last night. They had counted on his continued obedience.

“Liiiight?” his mother called out. “Are you here? Come downstairs.”

Shit. _Shit!_

He should have jumped in the bath while he’d had the chance! Now he was going to have to test the limits of his coordination AND his acting ability.

“Be right there,” he called back weakly.

He swung his door mostly closed as quietly as he could and ripped off his clothes, wincing with pain at the sudden movement. He had a shot at this, maybe. Hunting through his laundry, he found some clothes he plausibly would have been sleeping in all day and threw them on. Checking the mirror, he looked suitably rough and could pass for being sick if he played it right. He mussed his hair a bit more and skewed his clothes. _There._ His shirt hung a bit lopsided and his cotton pants dragged the floor.

The stairs posed their own problem.

“Light?” now his father was calling. Impatient.

He decided not to answer and just focused on getting down the stairs without killing himself.

“Welcome back,” Light said, shuffling into the kitchen.

His mother’s back was turned, so she didn’t see him immediately. “We called you multiple times,” she chided sternly, as she sorted through some mail on the counter. “I don’t think I have to tell you how disrespectful--” she interrupted herself mid-lecture as she saw him, even mid-motion, as she had been gesturing with an envelope in hand. “My god, what’s happened to you?!” she looked horrified and a little concerned. Possibly in equal parts.

“I think I might be sick...” he trailed.

She dropped the mail and bustled to the sink to wash and dry her hands, then she started patting him down for his temperature and broken bones.

“Soichiro, look at him,” she fussed with a frown. “And why didn’t you answer our calls?” she asked Light in a distracted mother-hen voice as she kept inspecting him.

“I was asleep.”

“All day?” she tsked. “You know we don’t approve of such sloth-like behaviour…” she trailed off, her frown deepening. “But this seems to be an exception.” 

“However did you get sick?” she wondered aloud. “Your eyes look a little red and puffy. And your skin even looks blotchy-” she touched his neck, eyeing it, and he blanched. Had L left faint marks on him??

He was about to get caught, he knew it. She _had_ to have seen that reaction. She was going to figure this out.

“I’m not feeling so good,” he said weakly. “I think I need to lie down.”

“Yes, yes, I agree. Your face just lost all of its color just now. Go get in bed. Have you eaten today?”

Light shook his head. “I’m not really hungry…”

“Nonsense. Get in bed. I’ll bring something up to you.”

“Ok,” he relented, cowed. There would be no arguing with her. He’d have to cut his losses. Nodding to his father, he shuffled back up the stairs to his room. As soon as he could, he got in front of the mirror and checked his skin. It was faint, but there were a variety of marks which had been caused by L’s very talented and dangerous mouth. Tiny nip marks - diffused rosettes of pink - that had been the soft, leisurely sucking on his skin which he distinctly remembered being tied up during, and some light chafe marks from the collar or possibly something else. He bit his lip as memory rolled through him, sensations, desire.

_Focus, Light, **focus**!_

He didn’t have time to admire L’s handiwork - proof of a very _educational_ experience. He had to keep the wool pulled over his mother’s eyes.

He grabbed his phone and deleted his call history.  Again, just in case. Although it was going to look suspicious to have it cleared out, it was better than having _specific_ , potentially incriminating evidence. But his phone didn’t allow him the option of clearing only certain calls from the history. It was all or nothing.

Light kicked off the long pants, knowing the bed was going to be rather warm with the blankets pulled up to his neck.

Just in time, he was in place as his mother knocked and opened the door in the same motion. It was something that bugged him - she didn’t understand the function of knocking was to give someone reaction time. Either that, or she didn’t care.

“I thought I’d take your temperature and bring you something to drink.”

He let his eyes open slowly as if he had been drifting off. “Okay.”

She put a glass of water on his nightstand and stuck a thermometer under his tongue. Her mouth remained pursed as she waited. “Huh,” she said after it beeped. “You’re running a slight fever.”

“I am?” Light’s surprise was genuine. _Were things rougher on me than I thought?_

“Mmhmm,” she confirmed. “So you better just stay in bed. How did you do with the applications for school? Are you finished?”

_Nice, stress the sick person out. Good plan, mother._

“It’s done.”

“Did you mail everything? Do you need me to send anything out?” she moved over to his desk where she would soon see his white lie.

“It’s all done,” he said, forcing a slight laugh. “I’m fine, mother, thank you.” That didn’t seem to be enough to deter her so he added, “You said something about food? I think I am feeling kind of hungry after all.”

She reluctantly eyed the desk as she moved away. “Of course, honey. I’ll get right on that.”

He made a mental note to finish everything up when they were asleep tonight and get the rest of the things in the mail.

“Thanks,” he said and burrowed under the covers, keen to be out of her view. His heart was pounding in his chest. The lies and deception were taxing.

As soon as he was sure she was gone, he threw the covers back and went to his desk. Some of the unfinished things were in plain view. He grabbed them up and shoved them into another drawer and put some replacement papers in the same arrangement. It would look almost identical to how it did before. It should fool her if she got a second look.

 _Oh, thank god I didn’t have any pieces of that outfit for her to snoop around and find!_ (Those, he’d left at L’s.)

He gave his room a once over. That was probably the only pressing thing, as he made a habit of keeping his room snoop-proof. Anything that could be found was meant to be found. Anything else was hidden deep or was absent. He certainly hadn’t grown up with the luxury of having a protected space - or the ability to say, “This is MY room” and keep his door closed or locked. As such, searches weren’t usually a cause for panic.

Well before she came back with a food tray, he was back in bed, looking like he’d never moved.

“Light, honey, wake up,” she said, touching his shoulder. “Come on, sit up and eat.”

Damn, he’d been hoping she would just leave the food. He should have known better.

From what he’d seen in the mirror, it was the left side of his neck that looked the most incriminating. Unfortunately, that was the side that would be staring her in the face if she stayed to make sure he ate.

“Grilled cheese?” he said, making conversation to hopefully distract her.

“You always did like that when you were sick. Ever since you were little.” She smiled nostalgically.  “Seems like that was only yesterday.”

He picked up one half of the crispy sandwich and took a bite. “Must be weird for you - thinking of me going to college.”

“Light, don’t talk with your mouth full,” she said automatically. Her gaze looked a little vague, and he was sure that his comment had hit home.

He appreciated her taking care of him at times like these. But he also wished she would recognize him as more than a child. Would she even be capable of that one day? He took another bite and found that he was suddenly really hungry. “Thank you for making this,” he said around the sandwich.

She sighed, not even bothering to correct him this time. He wondered if she was aware that he was doing it on purpose. “You’re welcome.” She watched him nearly wolf it down then took the plate. “Your father and I still need to talk to you about what happened the other day.”

 _Uuuugh._ Again with the stressful topics when he was supposed to be a recovering invalid!

“I know.”

“Okay. I just wanted to make sure you didn’t forget or think that we had forgotten.”

 _How could I?_ Just the mention of it was twisting his stomach in knots.

“Have a pleasant rest, sweetheart, we’ll be here if you need us.”

* * *

Around midnight, the house seemed pretty reliably quiet. Light crept from bed and closed his door to a crack. Fully closing it would potentially cause noise, not to mention raise suspicion. He was in the habit of using the door merely as a warning system and extra cover. It was a system that worked.

He went to his desk and pulled out the applications with a sigh. This had to be one of the LAST things he wanted to be doing right now, or ever. But he needed to support his lie from earlier.

In the back of his head, he was thinking of a phone call he was going to need to make. He couldn’t afford to have L call his phone unexpectedly. He had to tell him that his parents were back home and not to initiate contact with him. ‘ _Don’t call me, I’ll call you,’_ was it? Somehow he felt less than assured that the call would go off without a hitch.

Once he finished these, he’d have to sneak out to get them into the mailbox. He could make the call then.

Yeah, that would work. L should be up, he seemed to keep late hours.

* * *

Light was putting the finishing touches on the final application when his phone started to buzz loudly. It was directly on the hard surface of the nightstand, so the vibration sounded epic in the silence.

_Shit!_

He got up too quickly and nearly knocked over his desk chair in his haste to reach his phone. Luckily he caught it before it crashed to the floor and woke anyone up. Light ripped the phone off of the charger. “Hello?” he stage whispered. Adrenaline was pumping through his veins, making him feel a little ill.

“I was calling to see how you were…” L trailed, sounding guarded, “but it sounds to me like _they_ are back.”

“Yes, they are,” he whispered, his hand cupped over his mouth and the receiver. “Today. Unannounced.” Light paced as he tried to figure out what to say. Just the mention of his parents and an awkward tension had sprung between them. “I was going to call you.”

“And say what, exactly?”

“Er…” Light chewed his lip in indecision. He actually had no idea what he’d been planning to say other than announcing that they were back and that maybe L shouldn’t call him. But he felt L was asking about a lot more than that.

“Were you planning to tell me that I couldn’t call you?” L asked in a flat tone. It held a hint of challenge, as if implying he was stupid if he agreed that was the case.

“Er… well…” he fumbled, “I was going to say maybe we should lay low for a little while, until things settle down...”

“No.”

Tension seized Light’s chest. “No?” He had a bad feeling things were poised to go beyond his control. “What do you mean, _‘No’_??”

“It’s simple. No means no.”

Light flailed, trying to figure out what the hell this would mean in relation to his plans or his restrictions.

“You don’t just mean phone calls,” L continued. “I think I know you well enough to know _that_. You plan to halt _everything_ , trying to keep things quiet, keep things contained and controllable.”

“But--” he whispered desperately, “what am I supposed to do, L?” He wasn’t a minor, but he depended on his parents to take care of his food, clothing, housing. He had no job, no way to support himself. He had no bargaining chips. Their rules were law. To go against them with no recourse seemed foolish. L expected him to just throw everything to the wind, without even a half-assed **_plan_**??

“First of all, calm down.”

“ _How??_ ” he shout-whispered.

“Shhhh,” L said. “Your voice is getting too loud.”

Light really wanted to take this call outside so that he didn’t have to monitor his volume and reactions quite so strictly. “Well, you’re backing me into a corner!” he said in a hushed voice. “You want me to be calm about that too??”

“You haven’t seen me back you into a corner,” L promised him.

“I’m pretty sure I _have_ ,” Light shot back, trying to whisper. L wasn’t giving him any options here.

“It’s dangerous to be so sure of yourself, with so little to back it up.” L’s voice was growing darker.

Trepidation trickled down his spine. He tried to reign in his reactions. He had to grit his teeth to accomplish it. L’s words could be exceptionally cutting. They made him want to fight, to challenge him. “Look,” he said under his breath, “I don’t have a lot to work with here.”

“So work with me.”

The words were simple, open, and the tone was unexpectedly mild. “Wha-?” he felt confused. First threats, then… an implore?

“Don’t shut me out.”

“I wasn’t…” the denial started almost before thought.

“Light,” L sounded exasperated now. “That is exactly what you were doing. Probably what you always do.”

“Well _fine_ ,” he bristled. “Since you seem to know _everything_ , why don’t you tell me how to go about this?”

“I’ll give you a week to do it your way.”

The words sent a chill down Light’s spine. _A week?_ What could he do in that time? “And then what?” he asked, hesitation stilting his voice.

“Then, we’ll do it _**my**_ way.”

* * *

TBC


	6. Personality Evolution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> testing the waters

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music for this fic was things like: god module, combichrist and other artists that have industrial or EBM stylings. (Electronic Body Music. it's not quite EDM/dance... it has a darker sound, and themes ranging from sex to violence to saying fuk it to conformity... and some is chill and sexy) I recommend plugging either into Pandora. : )

**S &M**  
A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_Part 6: Personality Evolution_

Light was kind of pissed so he planned not to contact L at all for a few days. If he was honest with himself, he wasn’t really angry so much as suffering massive anxiety.

A week? You bastard. What the hell could anyone do in one week in my situation??

Day one alone had him chewing on his nails, a brand new nervous habit.

The breakfast table felt like a standoff. He sat with his mother and father and the oppressive air of their disapproval. His plate of eggs and toast was as cold and depressed as he felt in this moment. Now that he didn’t appear to be dying of a mysterious illness, they were ready to start in on him about the night they couldn’t reach him.

Uncharacteristically, his father started off. “Are you involved with something you shouldn’t be?” he asked stonily, taking a mechanical bite of toast.

Light’s heart lodged into his throat. They can’t know. There is no way they could know. It has to be something else. He took a large bite of eggs and then bit into his toast. Cold. Unappetizing. But it gave him an extra moment to figure out the best reaction to give. “Something like what?”

“You’ve been acting strangely, honey,” his mother offered. “We’re just concerned.”

Light fought a derisive laugh falling from his lips. “Because I didn’t answer a few phone calls right away?”

His mother gave him a disapproving look. “That isn’t the only thing--”

“Sachiko.” His father held up a hand for silence then methodically wiped his mouth and mustache with his napkin. “Light, you are likely aware of exactly what we are referring to, so there is no need to rehash it.”

Oh no, this was no good. “Are you sure?” he ventured. Without more information, they definitely had the upper hand. He wouldn’t know where he needed to be most careful.

“Consider this a courtesy warning,” his father said. “At present, you have used the extra rope you’d been entrusted with to fashion a noose around your neck.”

He was losing ground.

Crap! This was only going to get worse, when the week ended and his ‘deadline’ was up. He would have no control over anything regarding L or L’s actions. This was it, he realized. This was his battleground. He couldn’t give up here or he would lose the war.

“No,” he said obstinately, standing up. “I want to know exactly what you are accusing me of.”

His dad’s face looked odd as one eye appeared to get bigger than the other. His expression was caught between anger at being questioned and utter disbelief. “You’re talking back, again?”

“Yeah, I guess I am,” Light said stubbornly. “As far as I know, that and not answering the phone right away on ONE day have been my only crimes. I do everything else you’ve asked of me.”

“You’ve been lying to us and hiding things.”

“When?” he demanded indignantly, his stomach dropping out. Oh god, what did they know?

“Sudden changes in behaviour, sleeping during the day, sickness, phone calls in the middle of the night…. need I go on?”

How had they heard him?? He hadn’t been that loud. They should have been asleep!

His jaw locked. “Yes, why don’t you go ahead and finish the accusation while you’re at it.”

Soichiro’s face flushed with anger. “This is what you show me? This level of insolence when you are on such thin ice?”

Light shrugged, maintaining eye contact as his father stared him down. It wasn’t easy. He half wanted to run and hide.

“Your call history on your cell phone has been deleted. You’re hiding something, or someone.”

Light faltered for just a moment, his eyes dropping for a fraction of a second. His heart was pounding and his mouth felt suddenly very dry. What do I do? What do I do??

“We also heard you go outside briefly last night, after the phone call.”

Wait, what did that have to do with anything? He was just putting the applications in the mail… It was such a short amount of time, it shouldn’t be worth mentioning while his father accused him of being involved with someone--

“So your mother and I have decided, we’re taking you for drug testing.”

Wait, come again? He blinked. “You think I’m doing drugs?”

Light was kind of offended, but at the same time, this could be a blessing in disguise. It took suspicion off of what was really going on. Maybe after he passed the test, they would calm down and drop this whole sequence of events.

“The symptoms fit.” His father had grim-face on. “If you have nothing to hide, you’ll consent to the test.”

Ok, if I agree too easily that will blow my cover. “I can’t believe you think I’m on drugs,” he seethed for their benefit. “Seriously! My own parents--!”

Oddly enough, his outburst seemed to affect his mother in an unanticipated fashion. “Honey, calm down….” she tried to soothe him, looking perturbed.

“No, I can’t calm down! I think it’s obvious now that you don’t trust me at all.” It actually felt kind of good to have this staged rant. “Do you have any idea what that feels like?” He looked at both of them in turn. “I do everything I can to color in the lines to make you both happy and if I mess up even a little, suddenly I must be on drugs??”

He tried to avoid looking too long at his father. His stone face would put any gargoyle to shame.

“Will you take the test or not?” his father asked bluntly, with furrowed brow. He seemed to be willing Light into compliance.

“Why the hell should I?! I already know what the result would be. And as soon as it’s done, you will forget all about it but I won’t. I’ll forever remember how intense my family’s distrust of me is and how little you respect how your actions affect me.”

“Soichiro,” Light’s mother appealed to her husband. “Isn’t there something we can do? If Light agrees to take the test?” It shocked the hell out of Light that she even proposed such a thing.

“You want to reward this behaviour?” he asked incredulously, gesturing to all of Light.

She glanced at Light, then raised a hand to her mouth to stage whisper, “But I think he’s really upset…”

Soichiro growled, “Fine.” Pinning Light with a glare that would peel paint off of a barn, he said, “What would you want in return if you agreed to the test?”

Light’s heart surged. They were bargaining with him! HIS parents were backing down and trying to cut a deal.

“I don’t know,” he said sullenly, letting a scowl develop on his face as he crossed his arms and looked away. “Drugs,” he muttered again under his breath. “Unbelievable.”

“See, Sachiko? He doesn’t want anything but to avoid taking the test. He must know he won’t pass it--”

“Shh-Shh!!” Light’s mother silenced his father. “Light, honey,” she turned her syrupy, sunny-day voice on him, hands raised placatingly as if he might bolt off at any moment. “Wasn’t there something you had asked about on the phone when we had talked? Something you wanted?”

He turned to her slowly, keeping the drama high. Hell, maybe he should become an actor! This was playing out better than anticipated! Could she really be playing into his hands this well? She was going to offer him the very thing he’d wanted?? “I don’t know,” he said obstinately.

She glanced at her husband and then tried again. “You said that you wanted a little more time to yourself. Maybe get to spend some time with friends?”

“Yeah,” he trailed then shrugged.

“Wasn’t that it?” she looked concerned that she had missed something, since he wasn’t immediately jumping on the offer.

He sighed. “I said I wanted to be able to date.”

“O-oh…” she said, a little taken aback.

Yeah, being able to date and/or fuck people would certainly be a bigger shock to any clingy parent compared to simply having some time to roam free. He wondered which one they might agree to. Either one would be huge….

Light almost felt glee as he felt his parent’s silent, frantic communication as they negotiated with each other. He purposely kept his eyes directed away.

Suck it, L!

In his head, he lorded this success over his ornery lover. You’re the one who doubts me without enough information at your disposal!

A leer threatened to spread across his face.

I wonder what I could do if I played someone else like I am playing them…? Could he get L to eat out of his hand too?

“Light,” his mother said tentatively. “We’re sorry that this is upsetting you so much. But if you agree to take the test and put our worries to rest, we agree that you can… can have this time you wanted to do things away from home.”

He put on a show of surprise dawning upon his face. “You… you would? I can meet up with friends? Do things on my own?”

“IF,” his father cut him short, “Only IF you pass the test.”

Light let the scowl darken his face, like the sun hiding behind dark clouds. “Of course,” he said curtly. Turning to his mother, he let the sun shine through once more. A tiny peek at happiness to reward her. Her face lit up in turn. “Thank you,” he said. “I’m going to go upstairs and study.”

He excused himself and could barely contain the dark laughter bubbling up in his throat as he closed the door. YES, he even closed the door. A symbol of his newly won independence.

He had more to work with here than he had ever anticipated. Playing the role of the good son was much too limited.

He wouldn’t let this fledgling success go to his head… But he allowed himself to feel the surge of satisfaction and exhilaration this win inspired in him. His mother was the weak link. His mother was the way to overthrow the Emperor. All this time, he’d had it turned around. How had he not seen it? When things had gotten tough with mother, he looked to father to be reasonable, when really, he had to find a way to persevere and tear away her moorings instead.

Today had proved one thing. She had fear that could be used to his advantage. As long as he played to the fear, subtly and not too much, he would have her in his hand.

* * *

2 days later, Light’s revenge was complete. He had the results of the drug test and had been pronounced free of all contamination. As he knew he would be.

He never, ever, EVER wanted to repeat the experience, though, of being walked into the testing center with a parent flanking either side like he was a damn prisoner. He played up his uncertainty of the situation to allow his father to believe he really still could win this.

The receptionist looked pityingly at him. A poor, misunderstood, fresh-faced soon-to-be-graduate who had his whole life ahead of him… a boy who was either falsely accused or a dabbler that was risking his entire future. The story was all too easy to glean from her expression and demeanor. And others were no different. They all lived within the stories they told themselves.

The urge to laugh was near constant. He could see everything all too clearly. How had he not seen these things before? It was as if until the other day, he had been truly blind.

He couldn’t wait to whip these new eyes upon L’s recalcitrant face. And what might he discover there…? Might he hope to gain the upper hand? Everything up until now had been at the dark-haired man’s pace. Perhaps L’s control over their interactions was as much an illusion as it was with his parents.

And what would you do if I played you just right, L?

He chewed his lip speculatively, his lids dropping low over his eyes to hide the illicit look he could feel forming in them.

“Light,” his mother asked with concern, seated across from him at the cafe the family had stopped at for lunch. “Aren’t you hungry?

“Oh, yes,” he said, picking up the inconsequential sandwich on his plate. Hungry? he thought with a dark smile. I’m simply ravenous.

* * *

Light spent the next few days testing his limits with his parents and the lines of his newly acquired freedom. He was getting a good idea of when to push and when to fall back.

He did everything else his mother and father required of him, but he was purposely elusive and uncooperative when it came to curfews, time limits, and the range of his ‘leash’. His father, naturally, was pissed. But, because of his mother, he had immunity. It was brilliant! She wasn’t happy either, but since it had been her idea, she had to protect it and play intermediary with his father. He made sure to act happier around her, to give her a little boost - getting to feel like she was the reason for his improved temperament - which worked like a charm.

It was a bit of a rough start but he was fairly certain that they would adjust to it in time. So far, his rebellions were not huge, for that would defeat his ultimate goal. He was working toward some manner of autonomy - without the questions - and, eventually, late nights spent as he liked. As long as there weren’t too many defiances all at once, he was sure he could eventually make it happen. It was like peeling off a bandaid. Some people needed it to be peeled off nice and slow. His parents were this type. Sudden change was alarming to them. Gradual change…. that could be adapted to as long as he didn’t rush it.

Above all, he had to maintain his calm and keep this distant personna - this act - going with his parents. It was much easier than being authentic and getting pulled around by the nose.

“I’m going to a movie,” he stated on his way out the door. It was 9pm. It was a test. Up until now he had never been home later than 10pm.

His mom rushed over to him, worry on her face. “But Light….” she wrung her hands, torn between controlling him and potentially ‘upsetting him’ again with the lack of trust - thereby pushing him further out of reach - or letting him do what he wanted and keeping him happy. “Isn’t it a little late to be going out right now?” she implored.

Queue the act. He sighed sheepishly. “I know, I thought so too, but no one could make the earlier showings tonight so they settled on this one. But it’ll be fine, I promise. I should be back by Midnight.”

She looked especially torn.

Inwardly he laughed. Go on, tell me I can’t go. If you have the guts to risk my ire. You’ve seen it now, I can make things feel very unpleasant for you. If you let me go, things will still feel more controlled than if you kept me here. I’ll make sure of that.

Outwardly, he had on his wide-eyed studious look. And, you can’t risk losing face with father, he thought, which is exactly what will happen if you tether me down too much after stamping this with your seal of approval.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” he said and leaned in to kiss her cheek, the very picture of a doting son.

She looked slightly mollified, especially when he tossed her a winning smile.

“You aren’t letting your schoolwork suffer, are you?” she couldn’t resist one last, persistent tether.

He kept the smile in place. “Not at all. In fact, I feel like I’m doing even better than before.”

“Goodnight, mom,” he said, playing to her preference for that address over the more formal ‘mother’ which is how he preferred to call her. “I’ll call if something keeps us later.”

“O-Okay, honey... have fun.” The smile she gave looked like it must have hurt. He gave her credit for the effort, however.

After making his way downtown, Light called Donnovan. He had an idea or two on how owing the designer another performance would actually work to his advantage, and not just to hide his face on promo materials.

Foremost, was easy entrance into the club.

Another reason involved much more interesting attire than he could gain access to on his own, plus some options for making L jealous enough to be eating out of his hand.

* * *

As planned, meeting Donnovan was not an issue, even though it was a little early as club hours go. He even got to go in through the back, a crucial element in his plan. He didn’t want to be seen just yet.

“So, you really are going to do another one?” Donnovan asked. “You weren’t just leading me on?”

Light crossed his heart and gave a boy scout smile. “I promise.”

“But you won’t tell me when?” the designer asked as he rifled through some racks of clothing.

“Not just yet,” Light evaded easily. “I’m waiting for some things to come together before I’ll be free to.”

“Hmn….” Donnovan hummed under his breath. “Sounds like you have gotten a bit more mysterious since last time.” He slanted a look at Light who was busy projecting a harmless air. “Definitely something different about you.”

“Less nervous, I guess,” Light supplied. The other man had a keen eye. He might have to adjust his presentation a little to keep him in line. “Even though I haven’t had any of your special stock this time…”

“Ah, you shouldn’t have had any last time either,” Donnovan said archly as he started making clothing selections. “You’re under age.”

“Then why did you indulge me last time?” Light pressed in a teasing tone. He already knew the answer.

“That should be obvious, darling,” the attractive designer said with a jaunty shrug of his shoulders. “I just had to have you for a model and you were so skittish I thought you were going to bolt right out of the door at any second.”

“Aren’t you lucky then, that I’m here of my own free will and you get to play dress up?” he wheedled, laying it on thick. “And, that I’m willing to give you free advertising....”

Donnovan let out an exasperated sigh. “Fine fine, you’ve twisted my arm. Go help yourself.”

Light grinned. This got better and better. The bar here might not serve him even if he became well known through the shows, but that no longer seemed to be a problem. “Have one with me,” he called out as he rummaged around for the bottle and glasses.

“You’re a troublemaker, aren’t you?” Donnovan said dramatically, flipping a hand through his artfully cut hair. “That angelic face is hiding a little hellion.”

“You think so?” Light asked engagingly, raising an eyebrow as they clinked glasses.

“I’m a good judge of character,” the designer stated by way of an answer and kicked back his drink.

“Wasn’t this the sipping kind?” Light smiled.

“Indeed. But I have work to do to get you ready.” He shook his head ruefully. “Whatever is it that you have planned?”

Light gave a cavalier shrug and helped himself to another drink.

* * *

“Hmn?” Light said dubiously, a little while later. “This seems even worse than the last thing you put me in.”

“You’re the one who walked in here and said, ‘dress me’. You got to pick the color, quit complaining.”

“But, Donny,” he implored, quite seriously. “Shouldn’t something like this be reserved for a show?”

Donnovan shrugged. “Maybe I want to make you suffer a little bit, and get the most out of my ‘free’ advertising.”

Light had picked white, due to L’s comment a few days prior about getting a version of the outfit he wore from the show in that color.

This particular outfit was something like an erotic jumpsuit. The pants were skin tight PVC vinyl from ankle to thigh and in the back there was a cutout like with a pair of chaps. The cutout was triangular-shaped and framed the curve of his bare ass cheeks. That was the worst of it - the show stopper. It was made only slightly less indecent with the thong he had to wear with it.

The front and back continued up his body with intriguingly crisscrossed swatches of the laminate PVC cloth. The front came together from the hips into a sort of narrow X shape - the middle of which was just above his navel. The top of the X diverged into two strips that reached up his chest, covering his nipples, and joining over his collarbones into a high neck. Over that was a thick, white, rhinestone studded collar. The back of the jumpsuit was a strip of white circling just below mid-back and connecting to a smaller x, the bottom section of which was the cutout of the chaps. His upper back was largely bare.

Once he saw himself in the mirror, it was kind of hard to look away. He’d never seen anything like it. It was beyond scandalous.

The white ankle boots had a platform sole, which flowed from the toe to the back of the shoe then straight up another six inches or so into a hollowed out heel design.They blended in with the pants and extended the already long line of his legs. They looked a little like anti-gravity boots to him, like he wasn’t even touching the ground.

“Good thing I have a decent ass,” he mused aloud, still unhappy about the excessively Adult rating of this outfit if he was going to be mingling among other people.

“Exactly my thought,” Donny said, nodding his approval. “How can I resist? There are things you can wear that I wouldn’t be able to put on just anybody.”

“I was actually looking for something more casual for tonight…” he said truthfully.

“Beggars can’t be choosers,” the designer sniffed with finality. He was currently using body paint to script the advertising info he wanted out there upon Light’s upper arms.

“Do you have anyone else you can throw out there with me so I can blend in at least a little?”

“Hmn….” Donnovan considered. “Yes, I do. You can also stick to the dance floor mainly, if that is your goal. But, darling, you aren’t going to blend in at all wearing white.”

“Greeeat,” he said, deflating.

“Aw, now you are reminding me of your debut night. It was so cute how resistant you were to everything.”

Light scowled as Donnovan pinched his cheek.

“I’m sure I don’t want to know,” Light said drolly, “but are there any other accessories your ‘selfish inner artist’ is planning on using?” He started to pull on the white fingerloop gloves he’d already been given. The were like fingerless gloves but looped only around his middle finger and covered less than halfway up his forearm.

“YES, as a matter of fact! Hang on.” The designer disappeared for a few moments and Light could hear him rummaging around. “This!” he announced triumphantly when he returned.

“Ugh, another blindfold?”

It was white, the fabric looked like mesh, or a thick weave cloth and was edged in downy white feathers.

“Not just any blindfold. Here, put it on and you will see.”

Light sighed and put it on. “Hey wait, I can see!”

“Exactly. I think it completes the outfit, but you’d probably be more appreciative of the anonymity it will give you.”

Yeah, though someone could identify me from my hair, and the lower half of my face…

“Ok,” Donnovan said, “you’re all set to make someone jealous.”

“Is that what you think I’m about?”

The designer winked at him. “We’ll see, won’t we?”

* * *

By 10pm the club was hopping, even with the early crowd. It seemed to be quite the popular place. It was looking busy enough now that he would be able to blend in somewhat with the other bodies. Luckily, too, the people on the dance floor often dressed more daringly. He would stand out but mostly because of the color he wore, not because he was the only one wearing something risqué.

Making someone jealous… Of course the thought had crossed his mind. In part, because he was peeved at L for not answering his phone the couple of times he tried to call. He only left a message for him once, saying simply, “I’ve made progress.” L obviously couldn’t call him back - that would go against the rules of doing things his way this week.

There was no guarantee that L would even be here tonight, or this early, but that was fine. The biggest thing was to juggle coming here when he was supposed to be elsewhere. It was a test. He had to see how he would do with managing time when he was here, to see if he could reasonably keep to a rough allowance of time. And, this place represented a personal mission. He would lose the inhibitions and reserves that his parents had drilled into him from an early age. He would find a sense of freedom. That, he could work on whether L was here or not.

Dancing, though…

It was a foreign practice. Just one more thing he hadn’t had a chance to be exposed to. This was a bandaid he was going to have to rip off fast.

He threaded through the people milling around in the dim light of the club. Quite a few heads were turning as he walked by. He should be flattered. However, embarrassment at the horribly revealing nature of the outfit still managed to rear its ugly head and try to undermine his confidence. Confidence. Confidence was more important than anything you could choose to wear... Hadn’t he noticed that just from looking around? Outfits aside, it was self-assurance that was catching his eye. He just had to put some distance between himself and what he was doing. Play the part. Just like he had on stage.

The music was pumping, energizing. Plenty of people were dancing on and around the dance floor. He modified his gait to a long, unhurried stride and focused on exuding a sense of total comfort in his skin. Ah, there… after a few moments it started to feel natural and a faint smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. The stares he was getting increased, and this time he could be sure that they were appreciative.

His quick eyes cataloged the way in which people moved to the music, and which things he personally found appealing. Luckily, there were quite a few people who were just swaying, or bobbing to the music as they drank. It was a pretty mixed skill level. Except for a guy who had his back turned who was wearing something on par with Light’s own outfit. He was quite the flashy dancer. Very well, I’ll avoid that corner for now.

He slipped into the crowd and started to let the music move him. He began small, and kept most of his focus on just exuding self-assurance. Not all of the interesting dancers were moving around a lot. Some of them had very minute moves, but were done with flair.

It wasn’t long before people started approaching him. They would dance in and engage him, or even talk briefly as they eyed him. Some people recognized him from his stage show. Some recognized Donny’s handiwork, which he confirmed, or read the advertisement on his arm aloud to him as if he was unaware of it. In any case, he was doing his part, as promised, and it was a lot more simple than handing out actual cards.

It’s going well, he thought, pleased with the experiment. The longer he was at this, the more he was able to branch out and get more involved with the way he moved his body. It felt good, just listening to the beats and interpreting it into motion. Dip of the shoulders, a rolling flex of the spine, a tipping of his head, a deep sway of hips. It was all coming naturally and he liked the feel of it. In fact, he could even feel the faint sheen of sweat upon his skin from putting so much into it.

Suddenly, the flashy dancer materialized nearby. When he turned around, his eyes fell on Light and his familiar face registered surprise. “Wow,” Stag whistled, doing an especially slow pan up his body, before moving closer to dance just in front of him like they were dancing together. “Light, was it? I’d been appreciating the back, I never quite caught the front.”

Ugh, this outfit… The scandalous cheek cutouts in the back… he’d almost been allowed to forget. “So we meet again,” Light said archly.

Stag leaned in, the better to be heard, “I dig the blindfold.” His dancing shifted to a style that was less flashy and way more intimate. It wasn’t anything other people weren’t doing, so Light went with it, matching his movements.

“Just the blindfold?” The comment was intended to mock him just a bit.

Stag ghosted a hand against his back and stepped things up, dancing even dirtier. It was kind of exhilarating, as keeping up was a challenge. “Don’t tease me if I can’t touch,” the dark-haired man said with an easy smile. They were close enough to kiss.

“Oh, but isn’t your ‘restraining order’ still in effect? You’re in violation already.”

“Pfft,” Stag scoffed. “I’m sure that was one night only.” Even so, he moved back a little.

“You think so?” Light teased, toying with him. “If you’re wrong, you’ll be kicked out.”

“But I’m actually behaving myself. I haven’t groped anything - except in my mind.”

“We’ll consider that a first.”

“I never said it was easy, going against my nature,” the other man drawled. “Especially not with you taunting me…”

Light shrugged and smiled innocently.

Stag pulled him close suddenly and spoke in his ear. “You still seeing that ‘someone’?”

As far as I know… he thought. But he hadn’t talked to L in days now and it was getting under his skin, driving his behaviour. What if L decided to go for someone else?

He had originally planned to look for L after establishing himself, but now he was almost reluctant to. Here, right now, he was in control - a master of his domain. L had a way of throwing him off balance. And what if he has decided to stray…? It had not been lost upon Light that he’d observed L several times now, quite comfortably interred within groups of others, with those shifty, sly eyes, and quick smirk. You’d think he’d be a loner, what with his contradictory nature, but the opposite was true. When left alone, he seemed to be surrounded by people and opportunity. It irked Light. A lot.

Light hated having competition and that was what any of these people posed to him.

Just because L had chosen to pursue him, it didn’t mean it wasn’t temporary. The dark-haired man could also easily be involved with someone else here already…. or multiple someones. Light ground his teeth in agitation. Even if it was just physical indulgences and nothing serious or committed, the thought of it really bugged him.

I wonder why he acted like such an asshole when we first met, when he seems pretty amiable with everyone else? he found himself thinking at random. What was L’s true nature? It was hard to tell. Light had seen a pretty big range of conflicting information. The dark-haired man could be insufferable and rude… or he could be compelling and even considerate...

Enough.

He wouldn’t think on that anymore. He had to focus on the present moment. The decision before him was whether he should mark L and seek him out if he was here.

What gives me the most play…? If L was here, he would likely be with others, and Light would have unknown factors to deal with if he approached. It’s best if he approaches me.

There was no guarantee that he was here or, if he was, that he had seen Light. But if he was here, the white certainly stood out enough. L would eventually lay eyes on him. What would work against him was the camouflage of the crowd, and if L had any sort of engaging company.

He had an idea. A way to resolve both issues.

“Hey,” Light said, pulling Stag close by one of the straps on his heavily muscled chest and standing on his toes to speak in his ear. He let a flicker of suggestion color his tone. “I need some water.”

He knew it would look pretty intimate to anyone who was passing by. That didn’t work against him at all. The part he was playing tonight was similar to the one he played on stage - the point was to rouse emotion, fascination, lust. He would put on this performance as if L’s gaze was already riveted to him. “I don’t want to wait at the bar…” He flowed back, receding from the close proximity gracefully, smirking inwardly as the other man’s body unwittingly moved forward as if on strings.

“Stag?” he said the name, sending it crashing through his partner’s distraction.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” the dark-haired guy shook his head a little. “I’ll show you. Come on.”

Light was slightly surprised when Stag took his hand before setting off into the crowd. He considered pulling it back, but this could work for him too. It was crowded enough that they could potentially get separated. Their arms were stretched taut - it wasn’t like they were strolling with linked hands. It was more like the other man dragging him along, and keeping hold when interference buffeted them.

It must have looked like they were headed quickly to a back room to quench something other than thirst, judging by the looks he could see people giving them from the periphery. He saw interest, curiosity, envy, lust, admiration…

All of it worked for him.

He maintained his chosen persona of ‘innocent but sultry’. It seemed fitting with the white. He was sure everyone here would at least subconsciously recognize the innocence for a lie. They were in this place after all, and interests weren’t exactly PG here. But that was part of the fun of it, wasn’t it? That someone could convince you of something like innocence, really make you believe it, when you understood it couldn’t possibly be true? It was part of the intrigue. On the opposing side, there were many here that were playing at being bad, sadistic, masochistic, or deviant, when nothing could be further from the truth. The question was not who was really who, but who put on the best act. That was what fantasy was all about.

Ah, who would have known the sort of education he could garner here? And he had so much catching up to do after being so sheltered.

Given a little more time here, he would build groups to exist within as well. L would not have that over him. His isolation was symptomatic of his parent’s rigid limitations. He couldn’t even create proper friendships under their rule. Acquaintances, certainly. But for anything more, people expected to spend time together. He was at a disadvantage, not having been able to forge bonds, but he was a quick study. He would remedy that in short order.

* * *

TBC


	7. The Sting of Jealousy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at the club... and a little repentance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (there is some more heavily dubcon stuff in this part and next but it really isn't as bad as it looks.)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 7: The Sting of Jealousy _

Stag led him to an area in the back and off to the side. There was a small bar counter, and it  was not nearly as busy as the main bar. The female bartender split a bottle of water into two glasses with ice and handed them over.

“Thanks,” Light said as Stag handed one to him.

“So,” Stag said, taking a sip of water. “I didn’t know you could dance.”

Light shrugged. “Just started.”

His companion choked in surprise. He turned aside suddenly as he coughed to clear his lungs.

“You ok?” Light said archly, an unreadable smile on his face.

“You’re messing with me, right? There’s no way--”

Light shrugged again. “Believe whatever you like.” It truly didn’t matter what his companion believed. But it was exceedingly amusing watching his reactions.

“Ah, whatever, I can’t tell with you.”

L didn’t miss a beat. “Care to buy me a drink then? I left my wallet in my other pants.”

Stag’s eyes almost immediately flicked down to where Light would have kept his wallet, had he been wearing pants with pockets, getting an eyeful in the process. It looked unintentional because in the next moment he had ripped his roving eyes away with a muttered curse and turned to the bartender.

Light felt glee surge in him. Pulling strings had never been so easy.

Stag pushed a drink into his hand as he turned them back into the crowd. “I’m guessing you’re not drinking age so let’s at least _try_ not to get me into trouble.”

As they made their way back across the room, Light couldn’t help looking for L.

He wanted to see him. It had been such a long time, it seemed, even though it had only been a few days. It made him feel sullen, despite himself.

“Up for more dancing?” Stag leaned in to say over the noise of the music.

Eh, he was getting tired, but why not? “Sure, I…”

He trailed off as his eyes caught a familiar face and spiky black hair in the opposing flow of human traffic. It was only for the briefest instant, but like ships passing in the night, he and L slid past each other. Light turned as L slipped past, prolonging the moment which felt like it was in slow motion. L’s dark eyes caught upon him as well, lingering. His face was unreadable but Light witnessed a quickening in the bland expression he wore before he turned.

All too soon the moment was past, the distance between them widened, and sound was rushing back into his awareness.

Stag was tugging at his arm and Light reluctantly followed.

His mind was whirring, busily trying to analyze, gauge, and dissect the encounter. _Argh!_ He wanted pull at his own hair. L played his cards too close to his chest! He couldn’t even tell if the ornery man had been surprised to see him there, let alone determine his reaction. That tiny flicker was not nearly enough to go by. It could mean anything!

 _Damn it!_ For all his newfound skills, L so far seemed to be a roadblock.

He frowned, finishing his drink in short order, not liking the racing of adrenaline in his veins. He had to re-stabilize. He couldn’t let one tiny thing throw him off like this. He wasn’t so weak as that.

_But what if L **is** my weakness…? Or, rather, **feelings** are my weakness…?_

**_Damnit._** It was possible. L would be more difficult to play, because he was invested in the outcome. With all of these other people, it didn’t matter. For instance - he could wrap Stag around his little finger if he liked, and whether he was successful or not wasn’t of dire consequence.

Although…. if he could wrap **L** around his finger, despite these complications… would that not be an even sweeter victory?

It was simple, wasn’t it? He just had to hold to his original plan: Jealousy. He doubted L’s attraction to him would go up in smoke within the span of several days. So he could count on that to be a tool he could use. Feelings could be snared with lust, just as easily as other things, he wagered.

Despite having a reaffirmed plan, he felt a frustration threading through him. It made him impulsive and agitated. It gave him almost singular focus on doing whatever he could to inspire dark and ugly jealousy. Stag would be his tool. A willing tool.

They danced amidst the others, and even _with_ others, but kept circling back to each other, putting on a show. This close, every movement threatened to touch. Every tilt of the head or sway of hips seemed done with intent, in a state of thrall. Stag’s hand came to rest upon his lower back at times when things got especially up close and personal. Increasingly, he felt a possessiveness in the touch, desire. His partner didn’t act upon it, but it existed. Light wondered vaguely what his breaking point would be, if pushed.

More as a way to distract himself from L, he pushed.

The blindfold covered the direction of his gaze from others, but it was obvious where his attention fell, from the tilt of his head. He engaged the other man like this, reeling him in. When his partner unwittingly drifted forward, bringing their faces closer together, he didn’t move away or flinch back. He allowed the closer orbit, and watched the signs of inner battle on the other’s face.

 _Ah, yes, but if you gave in to the urge and tried to kiss me, I could reject that. You aren’t certain what I’ll do, are you?_ Stag was attempting to play it safe. A smart move.  He obviously didn’t want to wreck what they had going on at the moment due to one false move.

_Then again, I’m sending you all the right signals, aren’t I? You aren’t sure what to listen to, your eyes or your intuition._

Just in case things didn’t pan out with L… he should probably put thought into having a backup. _Perhaps this guy would do._ He was attractive enough and entertaining enough…

Stag’s hand rose to cup his face. Fingertips were tracing his jaw as they continued to move to the music, tilting his face upward like an offering. Lips hovered near his. It was an unconsummated kiss, lingering in the air, suspended. Light could feel the desire there. The intensity of interest.

They drifted apart again, allowing other dancers to intercede between them. Different styles, different energy, different levels of daring to match the others’ amorous eyes. It kept things interesting.

_He’ll do... So why am I so fixated on someone who aggravates me and pisses me off?_

He couldn’t get L out of his head. Sure, the sex was amazing… no one could argue that. But his personality left something to be desired, did it not? Quite often he felt at the butt of L’s quick wit. And he didn’t like it when L ordered him around and was stubborn about it. But then other times… sometimes there was just this flow between them, an ease and familiarity. It was like standing toe to toe with an equal and he found that he quite liked it. Or when L fixed him with that luminous look touching his eyes, like he wanted to swallow Light whole…

He more than liked it. In fact, he couldn’t get it out of his head.

Light turned his back on the current dancer into a cooler corner, wanting to just be a solo act for a moment. There were people before him, but as long as he didn’t stay facing in their direction, they wouldn’t open their grouping to him.

He sighed inwardly, thinking of the time. He’d planned to call his mother and say that his ‘friends’ had decided to go out to eat, thus extending the fictitious outing to the movies. That is, if he decided to stay that long. Perhaps he should try and arrive home when he had originally said and earn points with his mother? He could use them to his advantage later on…

He was roused from his musings by someone in his radius, someone dancing nearby. He looked around, not seeing what exactly had caught at his attention.

 _No matter._ He’d finish up the night dancing with the others and then take his leave. Quite a few people aside from Stag were now familiar partners to dance with. It was all very organic and free form. Maybe he’d get to know some of them later, have names for the faces. Then again, maybe it would all remain a sort of mystery.

He spied Stag and made his way closer. _Might as well tell him I’m leaving soon._

Suddenly, someone stepped in his path. He didn’t get a good look before the person circled him, staying just out of sight, moving with the music with aggravating ease. He turned to follow the movement and came full circle.

“How about you dance with me?” a deep, silky voice said in his ear as hands fell upon his shoulders. It was a familiar touch upon his bare skin, and a tongue was tracing the curve of his ear. It felt like L. He shivered as lust fizzled in his belly.

Light turned, finally catching sight of his elusive partner. He wore a black masquerade mask, lending an air of mystery, but the eyes were abyssal, dark and compelling. Spiky dark hair aside, he would know those eyes anywhere.

“I almost wouldn’t recognize you,” Light said, tilting his head to the side, affecting nonchalance. Meanwhile his gaze panned over L’s attire. He absently bit the inside of his lip as he studied the the contour of L’s legs in black pants that were tight enough to be painted on. He wore an open black blazer and white collared shirt, beneath which there was nothing but a black leather harness crossing his chest and a lot of smooth, pale skin.

Light felt a flush of heat roll over him. He hoped he could count on the dark lighting of the club to hide any color it brought to the surface. He wouldn’t show his interest. This was a game. He would win it.

“I could say the same for you,” L countered, openly tracing up Light’s form with his eyes. Light fought off a blush and cursed the amusement touching L’s gaze. “I was looking forward to introducing myself to the eye-catching dancer in white… but, it seems I already know him.”

 _Disappointed?_ He was sure L was trying to make it seem that way, even with the backhanded compliment. “A shame then,” he said archly. “And here you went to the trouble of dressing up for it.”

“I bet you could make it worth my while,” L said charmingly.

“Sorry, but I was just leaving.” Light felt almost short of breath. Playing L felt like such high stakes. The right moves could reel him in. The wrong moves however…..

L reached up to touch his face, cool fingertips tracing the skin. Light had to tell himself to breathe. He couldn’t betray a reaction. This became much harder as L leaned in close enough that he could feel the mingling of their breath. “I’m sure you could afford me one dance… for old times sake?”

A reference to their relationship being a thing of the past twisted in Light’s chest like a knife. _He is just fucking with me, right?_

He cursed himself as a frown tried to manifest upon his face. He was losing ground, and so fast. “I don’t think so,” he said stiffly. “I don’t like to dwell on the past.”

He was hoping to get a dig in and gain even a tiny falter in L’s demeanor. Could he not pull the same trick on L that had worked on him? He didn’t truly believe they were over… If he thought about it, there were a lot of signs to the contrary...

“Yet you wore white just for me, didn’t you?”

Light tipped his head haughtily, “Don’t flatter yourself. I just wear what I’m told.”

L’s eyes flashed and suddenly an iron grip caught Light’s jaw as he leaned in too close, breath fanning Light’s ear. “And what else would you do if you were told?” he mused suggestively.

Light shuddered as the intensity of that husky voice rippled through him.

He couldn’t think of anything to do or say. Movement was further arrested as L’s lips started lightly tracing along his jaw and desire twisted in his gut. Fingertips trailed down his naked back, making his spine want to bow, then moved lower, following the curve of one exposed cheek. His throat locked and his breathing began to speed up. He was losing his ability to stay with it, and _think_.

“Nothing, if it was you,” Light ground out.

“Hmm,” L considered unhurriedly, lightly stroking Light’s hip and setting the skin there afire. “Now, I don’t think I believe that at all...” he said, softly mocking. He hooked a finger under one of the front straps and slid it down Light’s belly to his groin, dragging a muffled noise from his throat.

“I think,” he said in a lazy, indulgent tone, “you would do _exactly_ what I asked of you.”

Light was shaking his head, stubbornness being something of an ingrained reflex. But he seriously doubted his ability to resist this pull.

“Defiance is a good look on you,” L said against his lips.

He was still playing it cool but Light had caught the engaged look in his eyes. Just beyond that, behind a wall of restraint perhaps, was lust.

L withdrew then, a mischievous glint in his eye. Turning his back, he slipped into the crowd.

_What’s he…?_

Light started after him.

“Hey, Light,” Stag caught him by the arm, detaining him. “Where are you off to? You aren’t leaving yet, are you?”

“Yes,” he said, finding his voice at last. “I have to go.”

That last expression on L’s face irked him. _‘Follow me,’_ it seemed to urge.

“I’ll see you another time,” he said, waving him off.

L had gotten quite far ahead of him and wasn’t looking back. He disappeared and reappeared within the crush of the crowd, then slipped through the door to the back. _Oh, just wait until I catch up to you…_ L had caught him off guard. _I will turn this around._ He wanted to see that stoic man on his **_knees_**. And those mocking eyes would succumb to him, holding nothing but the scathing burn of lust. He’d crash through L’s walls of self-restraint, if it was the last thing he did.

Once in the back, however, he could find no sign of the dark-haired man.

He couldn’t have gone _home_ …?!

 _That bastard, he totally **would** do something like that, _ Light fumed. He went to retrieve his clothes and divest himself of the shoes he couldn’t be caught dead wearing outside, the gloves, the blindfold and the rhinestone studded collar. He made an effort to get himself out of the strappy white outfit, but he felt too impatient. His normal clothes could easily fit over top of it - the thing was skin tight after all.

 _Do I even remember how to get there_? he wondered as he yanked his shirt over his head.

 _Is there even time?_ he wondered a moment later as he buttoned his pants. It was almost 11:39pm. Dangerously close to curfew.

He considered going home, making the deadline… but the thought of leaving things unsettled like this boiled his blood. He was pissed, turned on, and not about to back down from a challenge. L wanted to be put in his place? He’d oblige.

Light made his way outside and looked around, getting his bearings. _Let’s see… last time we headed this way, down the alley… then left on the next street._

When he was among the commotion of other people, he put in the obligatory call to his mother. Luckily for him, she didn’t answer. He left a message, adopting a lighthearted tone which he most certainly did _not_ feel, and said that people wanted to get a bite to eat and that he’d be out a bit later than anticipated.

He snapped his phone shut, on the hunt for the source of his ire. There was a turn here… and another here, he recalled. But then… he came to a stop. What was he missing? He felt like he was _close_.

He turned around, surveying the residential area, but not finding a glimmer of recognition that would serve as a guide.

His phone buzzed and he figured it was his mother calling back.

He slowed to a stop. It had only buzzed briefly, not a call. He checked the phone and saw it was a message: _‘Close, but getting colder.’_

Light ground his teeth in frustration. So, he was close enough that the bastard could see him? _What am I missing??_

 _This way?_ He headed East, thinking the apartments looked vaguely more familiar.

His phone buzzed again before he’d gone a dozen paces.

Light took a moment to count to 10 before looking at the message so he didn’t spike the thing on the ground in frustration. It said: _‘You’re a horrible tracker. What did they teach you in boy scouts?’_

Light put a hand to his face, seething. _Oh, I will kill you,_ he swore.

 _‘I’m going_ home _,’_ he typed back. He squared his shoulders, allowing his body language to speak for itself and took clipped strides back the way he came.

Like clockwork, another message came through before he’d gotten all that far.

 _‘Turn right,’_ it said.

 ** _Finally!_** he thought, triumphant that he had called L’s bluff and put an end to his little game.

A few more directions came through after that and he followed them to a door on the second floor on the end of a small residential building that looked a lot more familiar than anything else had.

He thought of knocking, and found he didn’t feel like being that polite. He twisted the doorknob and the door swung open beneath his hand.

“Oh nooo, a stalker from the cluuub,” L said from the kitchen in mock surprise, without even looking up to see who it was.

 _ARRGH!_ That didn’t even make sense! _How could I be a stalker when you purposely directed me right to your door?_

 L was doing something at the counter with his back turned. Light had the urge to hit him upside the head. He scowled and flung the door shut behind him with a stiff arm.

He was about to say something when L turned around, still wearing the infinitely distracting outfit he’d had on at the club. It took him a minute to drag his eyes up to L’s face, where he saw the beginnings of an insufferable smile.

He felt his face betray a flush of color at being caught staring.

“Why so glum, _Akanbo_?” L said with dark, teasing eyes. The undercurrent of desire was still present, not nearly dispelled even with all the distractions. “Things can’t be all bad, if you managed a way off of your leash.” He walked around the counter and pushed a drink into his hand. “Here,” he offered. “Have a drink. Relax.”

“How am I supposed to know what you put in it?” he said in a suspicious tone, intentionally being difficult.

“Oh,” L said, taking a sip of his drink, unconcerned. His eyebrows rose slightly. “You think I’d drug you?”

Light was about to nod when L added, with a baited smile and bedroom eyes, “Do you think I’d need to?”

Ugh, he felt the affects of that all the way to his toes. It pissed him off. He tipped back the glass and downed the alcohol in short order. It was strong and stung, but that didn’t much concern him.

“So,” L said, looking away as he put down his own empty glass. “Who is your strapping new friend you were dancing with? I seem to recall seeing him before.”

“What does that matter if **we** are in the past, as you said?” Light said cattily. 

“Mmn, no.” L shook his head calmly, though his eyes had a glowing intensity to them. “If you’ll recall, I requested a dance for old times sake.” He stalked across the room, coming to stand toe-to-toe with Light. “I never said we were through,” he said enigmatically. “That interpretation... was just your jealousy talking.”

Shock speared through Light, as he realized that was _exactly_ what had happened. Worrying over who else might be acquainted with L, who he might be involved with… He’d made an assumption. One that wasn’t ridiculously far off, but still…. His pride surged to the fore and he went for a low blow.

“You’re one to talk about jealousy,” he bluffed. “You hide it well, but I can still see it burning you up. You know _exactly_ who my new friend is. I’m sure you couldn’t take your eyes off of us when we were on stage. You just don’t know what might have happened **off** stage.”

L didn’t react as anticipated.

Light could swear he felt an impact, but what L did was smile at him. One of those warm-eyed, dangerous smiles that cut him to the core and caught his breath in his throat.

“What?” Light demanded.

“Come here,” L beckoned.

He didn’t understand what had happened just now. He should have felt the next play in the game, instead he felt that the game they were playing was now something else entirely.

Not sure what else to do, he reluctantly edged towards L, not liking the power that steady, dark smile had over him. It was inspiring trepidation and butterflies at the same time.

“What do y--” he started to say when L’s hand fisted in his hair and a hot mouth slid against his, injecting him with a sharp surge of desire.

 _Oh god, he’d wanted to kiss L all night_. He hadn’t realized how much until he could taste him and feel the crush of lips against his.

 _Ah..._ He felt like he was drowning, becoming so light-headed as arousal washed over him. Or was that partly the alcohol? What the hell was in that drink? It seemed stronger than it had appeared.

“Go into the bedroom,” L said in his ear, a whispered command. “Then strip.” It was a tone of voice that seemed to promise everything and nothing at the same time.

He complied without much thought, the sexual tension overriding his usual obstinance. If that’s what L wanted in order to continue this, so be it. He was a little past caring about the specifics.

Light made his way to the bedroom and stopped just inside. Images flashed before him of the last time he’d set foot in here - lewd, indecent, tantalizing things… things he wanted to more than just replay in his head.

He toed off his shoes, and slowly removed his shirt, distracted by the dark appeal of the room and the gold glow cast by red candles flickering in a silver candelabra. Eventually, he dropped the shirt to the floor and his slow hands moved to undo the button of his slacks

“Let me help you with those,” L said in his ear as his arms slid around his waist from behind, hands alighting upon the top of his slacks.

Light bit his lip as he felt the bare skin of L’s chest and stomach touching his back. He shuddered as L started to unfasten his pants then deviated to caress his stomach and meander over other low-lying exposed areas instead.

“You’re not ‘helping’,” Light managed to get out, sounding curt.

“Mmm… that would depend on what the goal was,” L paused to blow in his ear, making his face flush red, “wouldn’t it, _Akanbo_?”

“I-I’ll do it myself,” he groused, shaking off L’s wayward hands. _What happened to being in control?_ he wondered.

He tried to tell himself that he wasn’t complying with the other man’s demands, he simply wanted to sate this lust and make it fast. He would be expected back. He wouldn’t have time to linger...

A clicking sound caught his attention just as a firm pressure encircled each wrist. _Cuffs?!_ he thought in surprise. One of L’s pale hands firmly held the chain at their center. “Hey-” He jerked his head up to look L in the face, but he was being pushed forward and almost lost his balance.

“So predictable,” L scoffed softly in his ear, pushing him towards the edge of the room. “You almost make it too easy.”

Fury and denial surged up as he realized he’d been led to offer his exposed wrists by insisting on unfastening his pants himself. “I am _not_ predictable! You’re just really--”

He was going to say sneaky, underhanded, or possibly perverted. But L was cupping a hand under his chin and tilted his head back to receive a blazing kiss. Heat flooded his gut as L’s mouth worked upon his, the sensual slide of his tongue making his knees weak.

Another clinking sound and Light broke the kiss with a curse. The bastard had distracted him so far as to lift his arms and use a steel clip to attach a link of the handcuffs’ chain to a sturdy eyehook in the wall.

“You were saying?”

Light pulled against the cuffs and hook and found them to be as immovable as they looked. He felt something like dismay at being powerless. Surely it was only because of this deadline he had to get home by… _(and not because I actually thought I had the upper hand…)_

“Feeling worried, _Akanbo_? You should be.”

Light did not like the sound of that. Something about that tone inspired guilt. _But I’ve done nothing to feel guilty for!_ he argued. Except… well… unless you counted the trying to make L rabidly jealous part… he guessed that _might_ qualify…

“That must be some exceptional guilt to keep even your quick tongue silenced.”

“Guilt?” standard issue denial. It surfaced like clockwork, bypassing thought and perhaps prudence. “What would I have to feel guilty over?”

L scoffed. “Do you even hear yourself speak, or is the denial that much of a reflex that you can’t contain it, even at your own expense?”

“Look, I don’t know what you’re getting at, but--OW!” a sharp sting fell across his back and made his eyes go wide as saucers. “What in the hell was that?” he demanded.

“Your punishment for lying. Please, do go on.”

Light craned his head, trying to see what could have possibly struck him, when it happened again. “OW, damnit, what the hell was that for?!”

“Stalling.”

Light growled under his breath and tried his luck with finding a weakness in his bonds.

 _Crack!_ The stinging strip landed upon his shoulder blade and somehow stung even worse than before. “OW! Ok, I’m sorry!”

“For what?”

“Trying to escape, I guess?” He was starting to lose focus on what the actual issue was here and L hadn’t made clear why he was being issued this treatment. The cuffs weren’t a total shocker. That, they had dabbled with before, but this seemed like something else. Maybe.

God, who knew? What in fact did he know about any of this, L or the scene? He was virtually clueless, as much as it galled him to admit it.

“Yes,” L agreed, “but still wrong.”

_Crack!_

“OW!!” The stinging this time made his back bow. Were they getting harder, or was his tolerance lessening? “Look, L, I-”

_Crack!_

“OW!” It was almost funny, you would think that he could stop compulsively saying the exact same word each time and yet, even with effort, that was what his reaction kept being. “Geez! Are you mad or somethi--”

_Crack! Crack!_

The double strike of what he could only suspect was a riding crop by the feel of it, took the breath from his lungs. He hung his head, trying catch his breath, his eyes watering.

“What gave you that idea?” L asked. He didn’t actually sound mad, though that vaguely dark tone was still present.

“Please don’t hit me,” Light gasped out, “I want to talk.”

“I’m listening.”

“Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I-”

_Crack!_

“Ow…” he choked, emotion starting to leak in to contaminate his confusion. He was coming to a point where he just wanted L to forgive him for whatever he’d done. To not be displeased with him. “Why…? You said… you’d listen...”

L used the riding crop to tilt his chin up and looked into his face. “Should I, for one moment believe that you aren’t aware of your actions?” His dark eyes were stern, immoveable. They contained some other quality as well, but Light couldn’t place it at the moment. “I also said, that you would be punished for lies.”

“Please!” Light said, as the pressure under his chin subsided. He had an idea of what was coming.

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Crack!_

_Should I just admit it - apologize for trying to make him jealous? That is what this is about, isn’t it? Or does he really just get his kicks from things like this?_

_Crack!_

_Argh… why the hell did I even try to make him jealous in the first place?!_

“Tell me,” Light got out between lashings. “Please.” He winced, expecting the next blow.

A hand touched his head, smoothing his hair in an affectionate or possessive gesture. He couldn’t tell which. Right now, he’d go for comforting. His back was on fire, and the godawful prickling of tears kept threatening. Was this what he had been reduced to??

“Why don’t _you_ tell me?”

 _Shit._ There was no evading it. Not unless he wanted to continue this excruciating process. He had to go with his best guess. “I…” _Come on, say it and be done with it._ “I……” _Oh my GOD, I can’t say it._ He squeezed his eyes shut, bracing for impact.

L took pity on him. “Your attire tonight pleased me,” he said in a somewhat distant voice, melancholy, brushing the hair back from Light’s face. He jumped a little, not expecting a tender touch. Light realized his heart was hammering in his throat. His chest was still rising and falling in stilted breaths and he felt like his equilibrium was well and truly fucked.

“But do you know what did not please me?” L continued, and the chill of displeasure was now discernible in his tone.

“Yes?” he responded almost by instinct.

“Of course you do. As I’ve said, you are more than aware of your actions.” He paused, soothingly petting Light’s hair a few more times. Meanwhile, tension was building uncomfortably. Light didn’t know if L was going to continue talking this time or if he was going to work on wearing out his arm again. He shivered. L’s hand stroked down the side of his head, and caressed his cheek. “Oh, I knew you were going to be a handful,” he said, sounding almost affectionate now, “the moment I met you.”

Light reeled, uncertain if this apparent mood would last. It was affecting him all the more strongly because of that uncertainty. Was L forgiving him? He hated himself a little for how strongly he latched onto that thought.

He dared to raise his head and eyes to where he had last heard L’s voice. L’s eyes had that vaguely luminous quality to them; they pulled him in unerringly. “I’m sorry,” he said, hoping that L would believe him this time.

L leaned in to kiss him softly, and the relief made it feel like it was breaking his heart. The tip of L’s tongue played at entering Light’s mouth, teasing him and rekindling his earlier arousal.

It was over - this punishment. Finally. He didn’t care if he was handcuffed to a stupid wall. He just wanted L to kiss him, like this….

His reprieve was short-lived, however.

Light felt a sudden panic as L pulled back. “Wait, what is it? L?” What was he missing? Hadn’t things been ok?

L shook his head slightly, his eyes back to the steely version they were before.

He did not relish the prospect of more flogging. There had to be a way around it. _Apologize again! With **feeling**! _ “L, I’m _SO, so_ sorry--”

“I know you are,” L said with only the slightest tone of regret. “But for trying to make me jealous... I still have to punish you.” He gave a cavalier shrug. “How else will you ever learn?”

* * *

TBC


	8. Pain and Affection

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light is so bad with feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (and some more dubcon)

**S &M**  
A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

 

_Part 8: Pain and Affection_

“Please, stop!” Light cried out as the crop whipped his skin over and over. He’d lost track of how many times he’d felt the mechanically timed blows.

His body was getting all knotted up. So confused, as increasingly, between the sharp sting of the crop, he’d felt the soft caress of L’s hand.

Tracing over his hip bone, skimming over his chest, or even just a thumb brushing over his lower lip.

“Do you think that you are in a place to tell me to stop?” came the elusive inquiry.

He shivered as L’s voice seemed to echo through him. What was going on? His body was nothing but pain before. And why should he react like this at all, when L was the one doing this to him, dishing out pain like it was Sunday dinner?

“No…” he said weakly, feeling like there should be something more he could tack onto that like… Sir or something....

_Crack!_

“Nngh!” He had long since been leaning his weight against the wall, on his forearms. His head was ducked between them.

“Would you like to know, now, what the ‘M’ means?”

“The M?” he wondered under his breath. He wracked his brain, trying to determine what L was talking about. L did him one better and flashed Light’s phone in front of his face. The contact in his cell phone! That was something he’d asked about earlier: why L had entered himself in there as ‘M’.

“Shall I tell you?”

L held up another cell phone this time, and Light could see his own picture. The contact name was ‘S’. He blinked at it, knowing it should make sense. It was just on the edge of comprehension. But…

L leaned in to whisper in his ear, his voice low and dark.

Light’s eyes widened.

There was a great deal more than just the answer to that question, which L was whispering into his ear so possessively it was making him flush. And his confused body just kept reacting!

Light shook his head. “No, I refuse to say that. Ever.” The M apparently was for Master. L certainly had a fucked up sense of humor, thinking that would ever fly. And for thinking that way back at the beginning as well!

“Hmm?” L said indulgently, “and here I was going to offer that as a way to make your punishment stop.”

 _Geh!_ That gave him pause. But surely L’s damn arm was about to fall off by now? Maybe he could wait this out. But god, did he feel exhausted.

“I assure you, I can go until morning,” L said in what passed for a cheerful voice. “Although, I doubt the same could be said for you.”

Suddenly, Light heard a zipper being undone and felt his pants drop to the floor around his ankles. Firm hands slid up one PVC-clad leg, almost making him have heart failure as they skimmed up his inner thigh. “See? Your legs seem about to buckle any second now.” Light bit his lip, hard, as L’s deft hands traced up his other shaking leg. “Aaany second,” L promised in a soft drawl as he straightened, eyes meeting Light’s significantly over Light’s shoulder.

“Not a chance,” he ground out, trying not to focus on either his exhaustion or his growing, insane arousal.

“You know,” L said conversationally, “Sometimes it’s hard to tell if your denial is exceedingly vexing…. or if it holds a certain charm.” L ducked under his arm, making him move back from the wall, stretching his arms taut.

“What are you doing?” he asked quickly, suddenly feeling quite compromised.

“Maybe a closer look will clear that up for me,” L mused, leaning against the wall from within the circle of Light’s arms. His eyes were both lazy and predatory.

Having protected his back against L’s assaults all this time, he felt utterly ill-prepared to face L from the front and at such close proximity. His personal space and his self-control were both being challenged here.

_Well, as long as he just stays there and doesn’t touch, I should be able to…_

Almost as soon as he had had that thought, L’s fingers teasingly traced his skin, over, around, and between the strips of white PVC cloth. L’s expression remained the same, while Light desperately fought not to react. He had to look away in order to accomplish it.

_I can’t give him the satisfaction._

“You’re amazingly stubborn,” L said almost appreciatively, his hands growing more bold. “Why don’t you just give in already?”

“You don’t own me,” he managed to get out. It didn’t sound very convincing, even to his own ears.

L laughed, a thoroughly amused sound. “And this from the boy who begged me to break him. Do you remember that, Light, our first meeting?”

Light flushed as something vaguely like that came to mind. They had been, at the time, engaged in…

“Ah, there… how can I not adore that look on your face?”

“Don’t look at me,” Light said shortly, turning away as much as he could. He hated being mocked or gloated over. He flinched as L cupped his face and turned him back to center.

“No, no, I’ve seen so much of your denial,” L said, engaged, “Let me see your shame.”

His face heated further and he desperately looked away.

“Shame is a compelling look for you,” L said, smiling at him in a way that was making things even worse. “Almost as compelling as you in white.”

L hooked a long leg around one of his and pulled him in close, their bodies nearly touching.

Light nearly short circuited. He couldn’t take any more stimulation. He was losing his head as it was. He fought to keep at least an inch or two between them. It was the only thing keeping him from leaping upon L’s gently smirking mouth and giving in to this lust.

“I couldn’t take my eyes off of you,” L said sexily, running a hand down his lower back and trailing it over one bare ass cheek. He’d changed tactics again, and this one was…. fighting it was… His body was starting to tremble with the effort. “Oh, the things I wanted to do to you…” L whispered against his lips, and the lust surged into a roaring blaze.

He’d never ached this badly in his life. His entire existence was whittled down to L’s voice, L’s touch, and the way L was making him feel.

“L, please…” _I can’t take any more of this. I can’t._

“Be a good boy, and I’ll let you off of the wall,” L said amorously, brushing lips against his. “Just give me what I want…”

Light dimly registered that there was some color in L’s face as well. Signs of arousal, such as the parted lips, and the full moon quality to his abyssal eyes. He wasn’t unaffected. No matter how cool and confident he played things.

Not that it mattered… L still had the upper hand. He was the one in control, not Light.

“Please indulge me, _Akanbo_. I’m tired of waiting.” There! L’s voice was slipping, growing deeper and less patient for other reasons than before. Desire was threading through his voice more noticeably and it was wreaking havoc on Light’s remaining shred of self-control. “Come on, say it,” L growled, pulling Light against him. “I own you.”

Light made a noise in the back of his throat as their bodies rubbed up against each other. L was as painfully aroused as he was.

“Please…” Light begged in a broken voice. He was desperate, he could barely think any longer. “Fuck me, _**please**_...” _Or let me fuck you. God, please, I can’t…_

“I own you,” L repeated stubbornly, though it must have taken unimaginable effort. Light could feel the dark-haired man’s body shudder as he’d begged, and the tension in him was only mounting.

_You do…_

_It’s painfully obvious that you do._

_I can’t say it though… I can’t…._

_Oh my GOD, I’m nodding._

“Good enough, stubborn slave,” L muttered and crushed his mouth to Light’s, holding the back of his head with one hand and reaching up to undo the steel clip from the wall with the other.

Light’s arms fell around L’s neck and he was unceremoniously picked up, legs wrapping around L’s waist, and carried to the bed.

Light groaned as L pushed him into the mattress, rolling their hips together as he ravaged his mouth. He wanted more, so much more, but he didn’t know if he could last through getting off his clothes or L’s.

“Tell me you know how to get this thing off of you,” L said urgently, between kisses.

Light shook his head. “Not entirely,” he could barely catch his breath to say.

L reached down to grasp his arousal through the white, shiny material of the scandalous outfit. Light bit his own lip and tasted the coppery tang of blood. “What, no service zippers?” L lamented. “Goddamnit.”

L disengaged from him, a pained expression on his face. “I have to undo the cuffs. You, do your best to figure a way out of that.” L dug a key out of his pocket. The cuffs soon fell away and L tossed them aside.

They both fought their way out of their clothes, so desperate and frustrated it could almost seem comical, if it weren’t for the way the fate of the universe seemed to hinge upon them defeating the clingy BDSM clothing.

“Fuck it,” L said, after ridding himself of the jacket, shirt and harness, and unbuttoning his pants. He stopped to speed up Light’s progress with the jumpsuit, helping him to pull the strappy thing down his long legs and off at last.

Light lay there, panting, out of breath, and aroused half way out of his mind as L took a moment to run his gaze over every inch of skin.

“Pants on?” L asked, obviously hoping it wouldn’t be a problem.

“On is fine,” Light said, reaching up to grab him and pull him back down to the bed. His raw back felt less than fine, but he could ignore it for this. He kissed L like his life depended on it, and heard the moans catching in both of their throats. His arms were wrapped tightly around L’s body. So tight in fact that L had a hell of a time peeling them off and pinning his wrists to the bed over his head.

“ _Akanbo_ ,” he panted, “I said, wait.”

Had L said something? He sure hadn’t heard him. “For?”

“Necessity,” he responded, tearing a condom wrapper open by the corner with his teeth. The move looked practiced. He spit out the torn off bit and released Light’s hands so he could sit up and roll it on. He did so with a grimace, his arousal being as sensitive as it was. “Besides,” he said, sinking down between Light’s parted thighs, “It’s self-lubed.”

“Well, aren’t you romantic,” Light managed to get out before L’s lips crashed against his. L’s arousal pressed against the opening of his body and Light canted his hips upward, taking him in. His body felt ravenous; it took L in without much resistance and it burned for more. He rocked his hips against L urging him to move. “Fuck me, ‘ _Master_ ’,” he said sarcastically, goading his partner to action.

L bit the base of his neck, hard, in retaliation. Then he thrust forward sharply, pulling a cry from Light’s throat and proceeded to fuck the daylights out of him.

_Yes… yes... !!_

Every inch of his body was like a live wire - nerves were being overloaded with sensation and he couldn’t get enough. There was a fire in his belly, fire in the flesh of his back, and fire where their mouths melded together as one. He dug his fingers into L’s back and moved his hips to meet every firm thrust inside of him.

This was the best. This is where he felt _alive_.

Sweat dampened skin kissed sweat dampened skin as they came together again and again to beat the lust out of each other.

Joining with L here, he knew they were equals. L was as much a slave to this right now as he was.

Sparks and flares of pleasure began to gather within him, arching his back, and making him break their kiss to suck in a gasp of air. He let out a heady moan as his body started constricting around L, making his thrusts feel that much more intense and deep.

“God,” L groaned, “Could you get any sexier??”

Light raked his nails down L’s back as orgasm shot through his body, wrenching a throaty cry from the depths of his being.

“Yesss,” L unwittingly answered his own question, closing his eyes and shuddering as he came.

* * *

Light guessed he must have dozed off for at least a few minutes afterward. The cold air felt good against his cooling body, and it felt like he should never need to move again. He just wanted to close his eyes and sink deeper into the oblivion that was calling his name.

L was at his side, legs tangling with his. It would be something to catch him asleep - lids lowered over dark eyes, his face having all the vestiges of defenselessness. But Light didn’t need to look at him to sense that he was awake. It was nothing overt. He could feel the rise and fall of L’s chest, steady, long breaths, but still, something about him seemed conscious.

He cracked one eye open at last, and saw L’s head resting near his shoulder. His eyes were closed in a semblance of sleep. Light was right, L did look almost harmless when ‘asleep’. His face looked a little less pale than usual in the flickering light of the half-burned candles. His jaggy hair was still blacker than night. One section stood out more than the rest, pointing up at a sharper angle, begging to be toyed with. Light reached across and took the tip of it between his fingers. _Soft…_

Almost as quickly, a hand materialized around his wrist, barring him from further exploration. Dark eyes slowly opened and were watching him with a somewhat baleful stare.

 _Oops, caught red-handed_ , he thought with an amused shrug. “Ah, so you _were_ awake,” he said lightly, taking no pains to cover the fact that he’d already known that.

L pressed his wrist into the bed and leaned over him menacingly. He couldn’t quite nail the look though. “You’re feeling rather playful,” he observed.

Light slid a leg up his thigh. “Am I?” He couldn’t keep a mischievous smile off of his face.

L’s game face was sloppy - his reactions were slow to cover his initial responses. First, his mild annoyance at having his hair played with and now, his utter distraction with the sliding caress. It was adorable, he thought mockingly, feeling the makings of a power trip (Haha. L would probably be pissed if he knew.).

_Finally, I **see** you._

It was the chinks in the armor he’d been seeking, at long last.

“Amazing, how quickly you bounce back,” L said, brushing soft lips against his. The touch filtered through him, warm and inviting. “You’d think you’d never been whipped for getting such ideas in your head.”

Light felt a jolt of surprise. Not only because L had caught wind of the nature of his thoughts, but that he had almost entirely forgotten the humiliating and painful experience to which he’d just referred. Light didn’t get time to react or voice his displeasure about that just then - or maybe it was just that his own reaction time slowed - as L’s mouth orbited his distractingly and Light was breathing him in.

L parted his lips and sank inside, a sweeter version of past kisses. It was gently teasing and tasted of complete domination.

How can a kiss _do_ that?

How could it inspire those same conflicting emotions he’d felt when bound and powerless - both the desire to escape and the fabricated desire to do whatever he could to gain L’s good graces? It was demeaning and yet… somehow compelling….

This was the taste of submission?

Instinct bade him to fight it off… but the bittersweet emotions quickened his blood in a way that was hard to say no to, even for pride.  
  
That was true even when he had been feeling the wicked sting of the crop. He was torn between acceptance and denial. Part of him raged against the control, and part of him welcomed the breakdown. Even at his lowest point, he hadn’t truly rejected what was happening, or what L was doing to him.

It was a little too much for him to process, so his brain latched onto something completely different to divert his attention.

The candles.

The candles had been burned down nearly half way.

“What time is it?” Light asked suddenly, pushing L back.

A trickle of unease was forcing its way inside of his calm - panic, to be precise. It seemed late, suddenly, dangerously late. Taper candles had a burn time of roughly 6 hours, didn’t they? And they’d looked pretty much whole when he’d first noticed them.

“Mm... around 3am probably.”

“Shit,” Light said as his fear was confirmed. _That late already?_ There was no way anyone would buy that ‘going out to dinner with friends’ excuse now. No one hangs out at a restaurant for 3 hours. Karaoke? That could be possible…. but at this point, his parents were going to be hung up on the time, no matter how plausible his excuse. “I need to go.”

“Hey,” L said, catching his arm. “Tell me how you wiggled your way out of house arrest tonight.”

Light chewed the inside of his lip. _Well, not that it’ll necessarily happen **ever** again, but…_ “We had an agreement. It gained me some freedom. Though, not _this_ much.” It pained him to say it. This slip up, letting so much time pass, just might have lost him everything.

He couldn’t even blame L for this turn of events, not entirely. _It was my choice to go to the club in the first place, even with such a limited time frame._

 _It was my choice to follow him here instead of going straight home._ **If** you could call that a choice. If he really thought about it, the decision had been made the moment he chose to leave on the outfit from the club. Because there would have been no way he could have worn that home and had it stay anywhere in his room where it could be found.

But after that, **then** it was all L’s fault.

_If it weren’t for him, I might have still been able to leave in enough time to make good on my alibi._

“And where were you supposed to be tonight?” L asked, fixing him with a lazy, expectant stare.

“Er… a movie. With friends.”

L raised an eyebrow. “For how many hours?”

Light’s temper started to flare. “Well obviously not _this_ long.”

L ran a hand through his spiky hair, making it stand up even more. “I suppose you won’t be leaving the house for a while after this, then.”

His nonchalant attitude was putting Light’s nerves more on edge. “And whose fault is that?” he snapped.

L didn’t flinch or look repentant at all. “Firstly, _**yours** , Akanbo_.” Light seethed, knowing it was true but still hating to hear it from someone else. “Secondly, would be mine….” he drawled, “except for the fact that you never told me about your arrangement so I can hardly be held accountable for messing up your timetable.”

 _What, seriously?!_ Like L couldn’t guess that maybe staying out late was never on the table? He knew the kind of restrictions he was under! “So you’re basically saying that everything is my fault?”

L shrugged. “If the shoe fits…”

 _Argh!!_ “ _You_ ,” he said pointedly, waving his hand at L and trying to think of something appropriately scathing and coming up blank, “You are an _asshole_.” Would just a moderate amount of tact kill him? _Seriously_ , saying everything was his fault. Even L would have had to suspect his curfew wasn’t indefinite what with his parents being home.

“Sorry to disappoint,” L said, not trying to deny it and not sounding apologetic at all.

Light gathered up his clothes, cursing under his breath. So much for expecting help from that quarter. Was L just fucking with him, getting him in trouble on purpose? He felt L’s eyes tracking his movements and that got to him even more. He was about to start pulling on his clothes when L slipped off of the bed and walked over to him. He tensed. “What?”

“Come with me,” L said simply and walked past him and out of the room.

 _Why the hell should I?_ The cantankerous remark died on his tongue. He was pissed and felt like doing the opposite of whatever L wanted… But his curiosity made him stubborn. He ground his teeth together and stalked from the room.

The door to the bathroom was open and the shower was running. He chewed his lip, indecisive. It probably would be wise, yet he didn’t feel inclined to go along with the other man’s pace.

“Get in here,” L called.

Light’s hands balled into fists. He had some nerve! He stalked into the bathroom, set to give L a piece of his mind.

“Temper, temper,” L soothed, hooking his hand behind Light’s neck and pulling him further into the room. The touch was warm, possessive, compromising.

“Don’t touch me,” Light growled. He felt alarmed that even while he was this angry, he responded to L.

“You shouldn’t go home like this. Come on, get in the shower.” L almost sounded like he cared. Was it an act?

“Bite me.”

L shrugged and yanked him forward, burying his face in Light’s neck and then sinking his teeth into his shoulder.

“OW ow **ow**!!” Light exclaimed, trying to pull free. “I didn’t mean literally!” _Sonnuvabitch it hurt!_ Pain flashed before his eyes and made his knees go weak. L’s arms held him fast, like bands of steel. “OW, Stop! I’m sorry!” The fire lessened and Light felt a different pressure against his skin, a gentle suckling pressure and the errant flicks of a tongue. Light’s breath hitched as L’s mouth moved up his throat, leisurely exploring the skin. His knees were now getting weak for a different reason.

“You’re so stubborn,” L murmured against his skin, sounding a little frustrated. “Get in the shower. I at least need to take care of your back.”

“Fine,” he relented sullenly.

“Good boy,” L said, rewarding him by pressing a kiss to his lips.

Light trudged into the shower and kept his back from the spray, wondering how bad it actually was. Had the skin actually been torn and broken?

“It wasn’t _all_ my fault,” he muttered as L got into the shower with him. “I wasn’t the one chaining me to the wall.” And _that_ sequence of events had certainly made things go much later, what with the whipping. Besides, he could hardly keep his wits about him, much less worry about the passing of time.

L rolled his eyes, “That’s like complaining for getting caught stealing.”

“Only I wasn’t stealing, or doing anything illegal,” he groused.

“The analogy works,” L said with annoyance.

“Like hell it does, it’s totally diff--” L cut him off by pushing him back into the water and lighting his back on fire. “GYAH!!” He clawed at the hand on his shoulder, trying to get around it and out of the spray.

He was released after what felt like an excruciatingly long minute or two. “What… the hell?” he panted, tears stinging his eyes.

“We have to clean it. There was an easy way and a hard way, and since you seemed set upon being difficult…”

“God, you’re mean,” Light muttered sullenly, taking the soap L was handing him.

“If necessary,” L agreed. Again, he didn’t even bother to deny what should have been an insult. He just shrugged it off. It really bugged Light. Not to mention, it hurt that L didn’t bother himself with such things, like it wasn’t worth the effort. Though, just now, his primary focus was on the hurting of his tortured back.

Light scrubbed his arms with soapy lather and worked his way down and didn’t say a word. He was so peeved that little thoughts were intruding upon him, such as, _Doesn’t he care what I think of him at all?_ He was trying to block everything else out except for the task of bathing, and trying to ignore the persistent sting of his back. _Maybe he doesn’t, he certainly didn’t act like he cared if staying out late tonight ruins my agreement with my parents._

That depressed feeling he’d had much earlier this evening resurfaced.

Unwittingly, his eyes flicked over to L who was also washing. He wasn’t looking up. He had all the appearances of being oblivious to Light’s existence.

Light looked away, a sharpness in his chest.

“What’s on your mind?” L said then, making him jump. He glanced up and met black, abyssal eyes. L’s steady gaze seemed to say he was aware of everything. It made him feel more naked than he was, peeling back layers of his mind, his emotions.... Like L could see his conflict and controlled even that.

“Nothing,” he said quietly, and returned to his task.

L let him be.

They finished up in the shower. He got out first and grabbed a towel and started drying his legs, thighs, then his torso. Maybe he’d let his back air dry. He didn’t relish the thought of raking a towel over it.

L had stepped out of the shower and was wrapping a towel around his waist. “Ok, let me take a look.”

Light wrapped his own towel around his waist as L turned him by the shoulder so that he could see his back. Light almost wanted to fight with him, or be difficult, but the anger just kept leaking away to something more melancholy.

Things felt messed up and disconnected between them, and this might even be the last time he saw L. He couldn’t know if he could find a way around his parents’ imminent wrath and censure.

He was shuffled over to the counter and L pulled something out of the cabinet. Light didn’t really care what it was. He was glad the mirror was fogged over so he didn’t have to look at himself, or see L’s expression. He was afraid to see annoyance or aggravation there, or worse - the blankness, which reminded him of the empty gaze of a snake about to strike.

“This may sting a little.”

L swabbed something cold and wet on his back, which smelled like disinfectant. Light winced at the cold and the very significant stinging. It didn’t seem quite as bad as rubbing alcohol on an open wound but it was certainly comparable.

“You want to tell me what’s bothering you?” L asked as he worked. Light braced his hands on the counter, wincing. Certain spots DID feel like alcohol in an open wound. Or, lemon juice.

Uuughhh it burned.

“There’s nothing,” he persisted stubbornly, feeling a little short of breath.

L was silent a moment, his hands briefly pausing. “Need I remind you, that lying is how you earned a good deal of these?”

“Nngh!” The disinfectant fell on a particularly nasty spot, causing him to clench his teeth tightly. He had to wonder if L had done it on purpose.

_But so what if he can tell that I’m lying? What choice do I have? If he doesn’t give a crap if he even sees me again, then why am I going to spill my guts and say I’m upset about that, and how I’m not sure what to do about my parents?_

L let out a frustrated sigh and grabbed something else out of the cabinet. “So stubborn,” he muttered under his breath, sounding critical.

“What was that?” Light said sharply, looking up at him at last.

L gave him a baleful stare. “So, you’ll talk when you’re angry. Good to know.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Turn back around,” L ordered sharply.

He complied, seething a little. “You didn’t answer.”

“It’s obvious something is bothering you,” L said pointedly. There was a tearing noise and then something thin was being smoothed onto a section of his back. Likely a bandage. “I’m wondering why you can’t just state it like a _normal_ person, instead of needing to be pissed off first.”

His tone, as well as his stressing of the word ‘normal’, pissed Light off. “Normal? That’s funny, coming from _you_. Nothing about you is normal.” His tone was scathing. Much harsher than he intended.

He felt the words make impact, he swore he did, and it made him flinch inside.

“So says the lapdog as it returns to its cage.” L’s tone was almost as cutting. Once again, he did not address the insult directly.

Light spun around, fists clenched. “I was working on that!” The anger was nearly blinding, and underneath, there was the well of frustration at the situation with his parents. Anger was easier to manage. “And I’d finally gotten somewhere with it! Though now--” he faltered a little, his throat locking up as he thought about his return to imprisonment. He looked away and his voice was a little hoarse as he said, “You think I need you to remind me of how fucked up the whole situation is?”

“Are you done?”

Shock slammed through Light as he realized his worst fear had just, in those three words, become reality. He felt stricken. L had gotten him angry, gotten him to share, and then tossed it back in his face.

L turned him back around with calm hands and he didn’t fight, letting himself be moved like a mannequin. He couldn’t think, couldn’t speak. His mind and soul felt crushed. L resumed placing the bandages. “Was all of that really easier than just talking to me?”

Light was silent as he tried to process the words.

“I thought that was what was bothering you,” L said, his voice soft, as if he were talking to himself. “We’ll figure this out. You don’t have to handle everything on your own.”

Light was now horribly confused, and also extremely afraid of the hope that had sprung forth in his chest. What should he believe? What should he trust? “But…”

“Ok, all done. You can keep these on for up to 7 days.”

“L…”

“It’s clear, so you can check for yourself when to take them off. A few days should be fine.”

Light turned around. “ **L** , I don’t understa-”

L put a finger against his lips, shushing him. “I’d do it for you myself, if I could,” he said, absently finishing the thought. His dark eyes looked warm. “Have faith in me.”

He replaced the finger with the soft press of lips.

 _Faith_? Light tried to think past the hammering of his heart. It was cruel, this tenderness, as was the gentle touch of L’s hand upon his face. It wrapped him in a blanket of warmth and emotion, yet the core of him still contained the sharp shards of fear, uncertainty.

“I _like_ you,” L said, pulling back just enough to speak. Light couldn’t see his eyes, but his voice sounded sincere… so much so that it was bringing a faint flush to his cheeks. He tried to turn his head away but L kept him gently in place. _I’m not good with feelings_ , he thought frantically, as emotion swelled in his chest. Tender feelings were laced with broken glass. They weren’t safe. L kissed him again, suffusing him with these overwhelming emotions, and pulling him close. His body was rioting as he felt L’s hot, damp skin against his, the counter at his back, and the jangle of his feelings, hopes and fears, all colliding.

He made a weak sound. Distress?

Light, with exceptional effort, pulled free of the emotional whirlpool. “But,” he said, breaking the kiss, “before… you didn’t seem to care if I never… if I couldn’t leave…”

“You’re mine,” L stated with simple conviction. “I want you with me. Not kept out of reach.”

“But--”

“Light,” L said, invoking his name, and not the nickname he almost always used. He cupped Light’s face in both hands as if it was precious. “I told you, didn’t I?” His voice was soft, and unyielding. “If your way didn’t work, we’d use _mine_.”

* * *

TBC


	9. Ruse, Interrupted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They had officially entered Hell.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 9: Ruse, Interrupted _

It wasn’t much past 3am when Light arrived home. Luckily, L’s estimation of time had been off. That didn’t really make things any better… it just kept them from being a lot worse.

Food poisoning.

The idea had come to him suddenly. It was his only shot. None of the other excuses would be both plausible **and** give him a chance at not losing all of his hard won freedom. Something like food poisoning could definitely make a dinner take a helluva lot longer than normal. 3 hours though… it was a stretch. He would have to have been really sick to not be able to leave for such a long time.

 _‘You really think they’ll buy that, and it’ll work?’_ L had asked him skeptically.

_‘It might if **someone** can give me a ride home.’_

_‘You’re assuming I have a car.’_

_‘No, I’m_ **_hoping_** _you have a car.’_

“Wouldn’t it be better to just go in quietly in case they’re still asleep?” L asked him from the driver’s seat. He looked reluctant.

“You don’t know how they are.” He shook his head. “Even in their sleep they’ll notice something like a car pulling up. Come on, you said you’d help me with this.”

“I was thinking it would be more of the _planning_ side of things…” L sighed and pushed his fedora down over his eyes.

“All you have to do is walk me to the door, say that you hope I feel better, and leave.”

“Yeah, yeah,” L said under his breath. “And pretend to look young as a choirboy in case they happen to look out the window.”

Light smacked him sharply across the chest and glared. “Must you??” He shook his head. “Harass me _after_ the fact. Geez. Like I’m not stressed enough.”

Besides, for all L’s griping, he did look almost passably near his age. Almost. Especially once he’d put on some distressed jeans and an artfully sloppy black shirt.

“Fine,” L said rolling his eyes. He put the car into park and turned it off. “You owe me one for this,” he threatened amiably as he got out.

“Now, why don’t I like the sound of that?” Light said under his breath.

To help pull this off, he’d gotten some iron pills from a 24-hour convenience store. On an empty stomach they were sure to make him feel like crap. Drinking too much might have been a lot more fun, but he couldn’t take the chance of smelling like alcohol. That would have been a huge flag. He would then be getting in trouble for drinking.

The iron was sitting heavy in his stomach, starting to fizzle and burn away. He was definitely feeling queasy. He had tucked a few more into his slacks pocket to take later, to keep up appearances.

Light steeled his nerves and got out of the car slowly, the act beginning. He waited for L to come around, leaning against the car with his head drooping. L, by contrast, had adopted a snappy, rolling gait that made him seem not only younger but wide awake and definitely in good health. He slung Light’s arm over his shoulders and put an arm around his waist. “Cozy enough for you?” he teased as they started up the walk.

Light ignored that comment, though it did bring home a sort of truth. “The thought of you being in the same vicinity as my parents apparently terrifies me,” He observed under his breath. He only voiced it aloud to get under L’s skin.

L leaned in slightly to speak in his ear. “That’s because you’ve been a _very_ naughty boy.”

Light flushed, his anxiety spiking about 10 times higher as choice scenes from their brief acquaintance flashed before his eyes.  “Oh my **god** , _stop it_ ,” he whispered. “I’m going to kill you.”

“I look forward to it.” There was a palpable leer in the words. L was having entirely too much fun baiting him. Or maybe he was trying to prove why he shouldn’t be relied on for things like this?

“Ugh, just do your part and get out of here,” Light whispered tersely. They were nearing the door.

“Yes, mistress,” L whispered back, syrupy sweet, needing to get the last word in.

Light might have kicked him for that but there wasn’t time. The more pressing matter was at hand. It was time for their script. “Thanks for giving me a ride home,” he said in a weak voice. “I’m sorry I got sick--”

“Ah, don’t worry about it. It wasn’t out of my way.” L sounded like the quintessential friend who was inconvenienced but was being nice about it. “Hope you feel bett--”

The door swung open suddenly, making both of them jump. “Light!” Light’s mother rushed out of the house in her nightgown and robe with worry written all over her face. “Are you ok? Oh my god I was so worried.” She patted him on the shoulders and chest as if to make sure he was real.

Light’s arm was still thrown over L’s shoulders. He could actually feel L’s full body cringe. He was experiencing one quite like it himself. “I’m ok… just--”

“Well look at you," she interrupted, "you look ill! What’s the matter? You haven’t been drinking, have you?” He couldn’t get a word in. Her rapid fire mother-hen routine was in full swing.

“Food poisoning.” He kept it brief in the hopes he could break her flow and be heard.

“Food poisoning?? Are you sure?”

“Well, maybe, I--”

“And who is this?” She asked in surprise as if only just noticing there was someone else standing next to him.

“A ride home,” L said, following his example and keeping it brief.

“Well, does mister I’m-a-ride-home have a name?” she asked primly.

L was saved from answering by Light’s father appearing in the doorway. “What in the hell is going on out here?” he said gruffly, adjusting his glasses sleepily. “Who is this?”

_Then again… perhaps ‘saved’ was too strong of a word…_

“My goodness, what are we all doing standing outside?” his mother said suddenly, fanning a hand over her heart. “Come in, come in.”

If there was a nonverbal scream for help that could be detected just by physical touch, L was giving off one of those right now.

“I really have to be going,” L said with faux reluctance, starting to take Light’s arm from around his shoulders.

“Nonsense,” his mother replied, bustling around them to push them inside. “You can at least help him in the door, can’t you?”

She brooked no argument and skillfully prevented even the very idea of escape as she herded them into the house.

The door swung shut behind them with finality.

They had officially entered Hell.

* * *

Everyone had been gathered in the living room. His parents each took a seat in one of the high backed couch chairs opposite the couch where he and L had been seated.

Soichiro looked rather intimidating, despite being dressed in a robe, slippers, and pajama pants that didn’t quite reach his ankles. He had an unlit pipe dangling from his mouth and a sour expression. His eyes might have been squinting in deep displeasure, or because he was having trouble staying awake. It was hard to tell.

Sachiko was sitting on the edge of her seat, expectantly awaiting more information.

L looked like he wanted to be ANYWHERE else right now, though he hid it pretty well. He slouched into the couch irreverently. Light couldn’t manage anything but perfect posture, not when his parents were staring him down. Though his nerves were helping him keep the sick look going.

He stared at the cooling mugs of tea on the coffee table, which no one was touching.

_I’m probably on my own here._

“So,” Sachiko fluttered, “you weren’t feeling well and your friend here was nice enough to bring you home?” She was digging for information. Light wasn’t entirely sure that this whole bizarre turn of events would mean he would avoid a scathing lecture and getting grounded tomorrow, or not.

“We don’t actually know each other that well, mother,” he said reluctantly. “We met today at the restaurant.”

“Humph,” Soichiro growled. “So someone you _**don’t know**_ now knows where **_you_** live?”

“Er…” Light said. “He **is** friends with a friend of mine.”

“What is your new friend’s name, dear?” his mother asked.

“L--” he said reflexively, then thought better of it, “--lliot.”

“Elliot, huh?” Soichiro said gruffly and turned to L. “Any reason you can’t sit up properly, _Elliot_ , and show your hosts some respect?”

 _Oh god_. Light wanted to bury his face in his hands. His father was starting in on his typical drill sergeant thing, and they’d been acquainted for all of 10 minutes. _This is going to be a disaster._ L didn’t take kindly to being told what to do, even when asked nicely. Who knows what he’d do?

“I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, sir. I pulled my back not long ago and it still hurts if I sit upright.”

The unexpected response shocked Light. He did his best not to react.

“Oh,” his father said, looking mildly embarrassed. “Well, that is something else, then, isn’t it?”

“It certainly is, sir.”

Light slanted a look at him, thoroughly surprised as this act continued. Who _was_ this sitting next to him? L had been replaced by someone who sounded polite, well-spoken, cultured, and who had the power to catch his father looking the fool. That was a rare sight indeed!

It was curious though, up until a moment ago, L had seemed to be playing up an irreverent sort of youthful persona. Now… it seemed like he had changed his mind.

“Elliot, dear, I’m so sorry to hear that. Can I get you something for it? A pain reliever? Or a muscle relaxant?”

“Thank you, ma’am. But I probably shouldn’t take a relaxant if I’m going to be driving.”

 _Pod person_ , Light kept thinking. He’d never seen L so proper. It was morbidly fascinating though, watching the exchange move back and forth, like an oldschool game of Pong.

“Don’t be silly, dear, I can give you one to take with you.” His mom popped up and bustled off to the kitchen to procure the medicine which, in Light’s opinion, was pretty inappropriate to be handing out.

There was a long stretch of silence, then. Uncomfortable, as if no one knew what to talk about though there was an expectation to fill the air. Light’s father looked like he didn’t want to risk his pride on taking another false move. Meanwhile, L had perfected a pleasantly bland face that bore the faintest hint of discomfort, to show his nonexistent back pain.

“So, I hear Light is considering N University?” L inquired of his father, breaking the awkward stalemate first.

 _What?!_ Light started, an unidentified thread of panic seizing him. _What’s he talking about??_ N University was in the same TOWN, he absolutely was **not** going there.

“Was he, now?” Soichiro looked surprised as well. “Mother and I thought he should apply there at least, but he hadn’t seemed keen to.”

“But I did apply,” Light reminded him. He shot a nasty look at L when his father wasn’t looking. _What in the **hell** are you thinking??? I don’t want to be trapped here! I’d be a prisoner until I graduate! I’m going far, FAR away. That is the **plan**!_

“N does have some convincing programs,” L continued thoughtfully, ignoring his acidic glare. “I think Light might find reason enough to stay.”

Soichiro was nodding and rubbing his chin.

 _No. No, no, **no**!_ THIS was a _disaster_. This was crazy. **L** was crazy. And crazier still, his father was agreeing with him!

“I haven’t actually decided on anything yet,” Light pointed out, trying to stay calm even though he felt ready to fly off the handle.

“Son, if your friend here has been to the school and thinks it’s a good one, maybe you should give it a bit more weight in your decision.”

The feeling of being trapped was closing in on him fast. _I can’t breathe. Am I hyperventilating? I should sit down…._ He realized a moment later that he already was sitting.

N University would be as good as a death sentence.

He absolutely could **not** allow that possibility to become reality.

“Here we are,” Mrs. Yagami said brightly. “Some painkillers for now, and a muscle relaxer for later.”

“Just the relaxant would be fine, ma’am,” L said, attempting to refuse the unsolicited medication.

“Oh, you don’t have to play tough,” she laughed him off. “Go on now.”

“Ah…” he said awkwardly, “thank you.” He popped the pills into his mouth and took a sip from his mug of tea to wash it down.

Light was mollified somewhat that even L was taken in by their pace to some extent. It proved that they were a force to be reckoned with, and it wasn’t just a failing on his own part that he ended up doing what they told him to. But still, he was royally pissed off at L right now.

L put the mug back down on the table. “Well, I do apologize but I must be off. It is rather later than I had intended to be home.” He rose to his feet. “Thank you for your hospitality, sir, ma’am.”

“A pleasure to meet you, Elliot. Who knew Light had such nice friends?”

“We _just_ met,” Light said under his breath. They never listened.

His mother heard him somehow. She gave him a pointed look over her shoulder. “Not now, dear,” she chastised him sharply as she showed L to the door.

“Bye, _Elliot_ ,” Light called out with an edge of sarcasm.

L turned - stalling the forward momentum of his mother - who was pushing him to the door while hogging all the social niceties - and tipped his hat. “Hope you’re feeling better the next time we meet.”

 _I’ll feel better all right,_ Light fumed, _**after** I strangle you._

Sachiko said some goodbyes, closed the front door, and returned a moment later. Light braced himself in case she did a Jeckyl and Hyde.

“Well, wasn’t he a nice young man?” she said in a sunny tone as she started clearing the mugs from the table. If she thought anything was odd about the largely untouched mugs of tea, she didn’t show any indication. Then again, she hadn’t had any of her tea either.

Light looked from her to his father.

They weren’t going to blow up at him?

“Light,” his father said gruffly.

He froze. _Here it comes…_

“It wouldn’t be such a bad idea to befriend a fellow like that.”

“Excuse me?” he couldn’t help it, his astonishment made the words fall right out of his mouth.

“He seems to have a decent head on his shoulders, he’s polite. Maybe he could be a good influence on you.”

 _Oh. My. God._ The irony. The irony of it all! L was probably a **_horrible_** influence on him at best!  He fought to keep a straight face and not let loose the demented, panicked laughter that was burbling up in his throat.

“You know we worry about your acquaintances leading you down the wrong path,” his mother was saying over her shoulder. “It’s actually a relief to meet one of them, and find him to be such a nice young man.”

Again, the irony. And they didn’t even _know_ L.

He felt a surge of agitation at the implication that he was in need of a good influence. They didn’t give him any credit. No, that was reserved for people they didn’t even _know_!

Indignation eventually gave way to resignation.

 _Oh, mother_ , he thought, _I’m not sure this path could get much further from right._ As if to emphasize this thought, the welts on his back started to itch and throb.

“Is it ok to go to bed?” he asked tiredly. “I feel like I’m going to be sick if I stay upright any longer.” It wasn’t even really a lie anymore.

“Oh! Of course, honey.” She made it sound like an afterthought. He wanted to roll his eyes. _Congratulations, L, my mother is a fan._ So much so that she had been too busy pushing medications off on him, neglecting to offer any to her ailing son. _Well, whatever,_ he thought with annoyance. He’d live.

He trudged up the stairs, finding it ironic that no one offered to help, especially when his mother had insisted he’d needed help getting inside. That answered the question of her using that as a ruse. She’d just wanted to have a platform for evaluating his “new friend”. He sighed, actually feeling tired now. This whole thing was beyond his ability to process at the moment.

Once in his room, he closed the door most of the way and fished the iron pills from his pockets and stashed them in his pillowcase. He then stripped out of his clothes and grabbed a shirt from his dresser. He had it halfway on, when a thought occurred. L had said the bandages were clear, hadn’t he?

Light went over to the mirror and turned to look over his shoulder. Most of his back was an angry pink color with red stripes of abraded skin. Some sections were completely unscathed, having been protected by the straps of the white jumpsuit he’d been wearing. But the bulk of the damage was above mid back where there had not been any straps. There were about 6 of the bandages, which looked like see-through bandaids, or the sticky part of them at least. Angry red welts and broken skin were quite visible through them. Just looking at them made his back start to burn and throb. _Damn, how many times did he…_

Light queasily turned away and pulled his shirt on.

It was best not to think about it. His brain couldn’t make sense of it outside of the moment.

He took his phone out of his slacks and put it on the charger. The screen came on and showed a message from ‘M’.

_‘I won them over, didn’t I?’_

Light frowned, detecting a very gloating tone to the words.

 _‘I’m really pissed at you right now,’_ he typed back.

He suspected this conversation wasn’t over so he took the phone with him as he crawled into bed. His stomach was really bothering him. He wondered if he had put too much thought into being authentic and taking the iron pills. L apparently was all he’d needed to distract his parents from reason or suspicion.

 _‘Answer your phone,’_  L typed.

UGH. Phone calls were so much harder to mask… But his parents did seem to still be downstairs…

His phone flashed silently, L’s picture on the screen. Like always, it hit him like a blast and a lead weight to the gut - that face, those eyes... _Why can’t I say no to you?_ he wondered, aggravated. He toyed with the idea of not picking up, just to prove to himself that he could. But he had some very choice things he wanted to say to the bastard.

“You are a bastard,” he hissed as soon as he answered the call. “Do you know that?”

“You’re welcome,” L said drolly. “I’m so glad I could be of service.”

“What happened to the plan??”

“Oh, you mean the plan where I wasn’t supposed to come face to face with the _parents_ of the person I’m fucking? Don’t you think that was a bit awkward for me, too?”

Well, shit... He couldn’t really argue that.

Light ran his hand through his hair and tried to tone his voice down a bit. “I’m sorry about that. I am. But did you have to sell my family on their first choice of university? If I go there, I’ll be _trapped_ here that much longer!”

“That’s right, you’ll be _here_.”

 _‘Here’._ “You…” realization dawned on him. “You did that on _purpose_?” He felt somewhat betrayed. L _knew_ how he felt about this situation with his parents. Why would he **do** this?  Was this some sort of payback, or--?

“Your grand plan of escaping them, I assume, is to attend a school that is far FAR away. Isn’t that right?”

It was. It totally was. But now... now he wasn’t sure if and how he could get that back on track, thanks to L’s meddling…

“Light, did you ever stop to think how that plan would work for _us_?”

Realization dawned on Light again. L had underhandedly and sneakily sealed his fate in order to keep him here. He was torn between being moved that L cared enough to keep him here, and being upset that L had conspired to keep him here despite knowing how untenable his situation was. “You…” he said quietly, voice tense, “you should have asked me…”

“And when was I supposed to ask you that?”

“Um…” he said automatically. He tried to think of where he could say that L had dropped the ball, but he couldn’t come up with anything definitive to back up his feelings of being upset and usurped.

“Yeah, ‘um’ is right,” L said shortly. “You should be grateful, instead of showing how little thought you put into certain things.”

 _Is he actually mad that I had thought to move away?_ In truth, he hadn’t reevaluated that goal since meeting L.

“I saw an opportunity, and I took it,” L continued. “And it looks like I offered enough of a distraction that they aren’t giving you an interrogation. You should be happy about the outcome.”

“This just isn’t what I expected,” Light said, quietly urgent. “I don’t know what I’d do if I had to live here 4 more years, L… I’m serious.” Despair started to color his words, despite his efforts to hold it in.

L sighed. “There are always options, _Akanbo_. Give it time.”

“Options like what?” he asked dejectedly. “Please, I really can’t think of any.”

There was what felt like a really long pause before L replied.

“Dorms, for one. You can make an argument for wanting the college experience. Two, if it’s completely intolerable, you can always make up an excuse to transfer.” He paused again. “Unless you really feel like there is no reason to stay?” L’s voice was getting that distant, unreachable tone to it. The one that set him on edge so very much.

Light felt his throat tighten.

Did he really have to choose between L and being liberated from his parents?

If he went to a school that was far away… could he expect L to have anything to do with him? Maybe he’d just find someone else? The club was here, his job was likely here….

“Light,” L said flatly, “you have to figure out what you _want_.”

“L,” he said, dismayed.

“Goodnight, Light.”

_Click._

The line went dead and the dialtone blared in his ear.

Tears pricked his eyes and he grabbed his pillow, shoving it over his face and yelling into it. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

* * *

The next morning, Light didn’t even bother with the iron pills. He knew he looked like shit. His eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and his face looked lifeless and haggard.

It was a sleepless night. He felt like a wrung out dishrag and he was still no closer to figuring out what to do about this situation. He’d just stewed in the frustration and helplessness and anger. He felt vaguely ill and not present.

“Good morning, honey,” his mother greeted as he came downstairs for the formality of breakfast.

“I’m not hungry,” he said. He was still pissed at L and still heartsick over the decision that had been lain out in front of him. _How am I supposed to choose?? That bastard. It’s not fair._ Freedom, or L. Why was he supposed to pick one? He wanted both! L was an asshole, yet… he felt compelled to continue seeing where this went. L made him feel like he was finally truly living. How could he choose between that and the yearning for freedom that had been his constant companion for so many years? He’d promised himself he’d get out. Away from them, and out where he could feel alive. Free.

This situation fucking sucked.

“Goodness, Light, you look even worse than yesterday.” She looked concerned at long last.

“I’m fine,” he said, noticing his voice was a little hoarse as well.

“So,” his father said conversationally as he turned a page of the morning paper. “N University, eh?” He sounded _quite_ pleased, almost like he was bragging.

Light was in no mood. He turned to his mother. “I’m going back to bed,” he said flatly, turning on his heel.

“W-Wait, Light!” his mother fumbled. “Are you ok? You seem upset about something?” He ignored her and trudged back towards the stairs. “Shouldn’t you eat at least?”

“I’m not hungry,” he repeated stonily. “I’m going back to bed.”

“O-Ok…” she trailed uncertainly.

He truly had no appetite. This whole situation was eating at his brain and was a wrecking ball to his composure. His future had become some kind of huge, unmanageable monster. He liked L, he did. Despite his obvious character flaws. But to sacrifice his future to him? They’d only just met! He had no guarantees this would last. What if he threw everything away on the off chance of making things work with him, only to be replaced when something new and shiny came along?

 _What a waste of a Sunday_ , he thought as he got back into bed. And here, he’d have school again starting tomorrow. It was hard deciding if this was the worst or best spring break he’d ever had.

He rolled over onto his side to face the wall. _School…_ he felt like high school was in a different reality from the warped one he’d been inhabiting. _Won’t it be weird to go back?_ he mulled over the thought of it. Before this week, his main concerns had been his rigorous study schedule, trying to find an outlet for his increasing sexual frustration, and plotting his escape from his parent’s clutches. Though the frustration had been foremost on his mind, and had been beaten into submission over the last week, somehow it seemed like his troubles had multiplied.

 _Maybe it was easier before…_ School was annoying but had held the promise of jaunty forays of illicit passion that could be had in stolen moments. Easier, even though dating hadn’t really been possible and his home situation severely limited him, which caused people to ask questions…

But now? After L… Well, he was ruined, wasn’t he?

Light put a hand over his face. Could he even look at the girls now and have a flicker of interest? None of them could hold a candle to the passion L had shown him, nor the debased pleasure that he’d been subjected to.

Light even tried to imagine a scene with one of the girls he’d fooled around with on many occasions. Someone who was much less concerned with his circumstances than she was with his body, and… it was no good. The memory of the girl’s soft body and mouth and long wavy hair quickly shifted into L’s lithe body, L’s jagged bangs brushing his face as a demanding mouth met his, inspiring a gut-wrenching pull of desire.

“God-damnit.” He buried his burning face into his pillow. Just that and his body was flushing hot. It pissed him off. He didn’t want to react like this. He wanted to be in control. As things were, L could lead him around by the nose with just one sultry, intense look of his dark eyes, one crooked finger, or the upturned quirk of his lips.

“Damn it, damn it, damn it!” he said, voice muffled into his pillow.

_Choose what I want?_

_Don’t make me laugh!_ His entire body obviously voted L. Except for, maybe, his back. And his sanity, which voted anything _but_ L. His sanity made a case for the logical considerations, like his lack of control over any of this, or the way things seemed to be spiraling towards impending doom, not to mention the biggest point - just because he wanted something or _someone_ , that didn’t mean it was **_good_** for him. It was affecting everything and he couldn’t stop. He even found himself doing things that he never thought he would. He could liken L to doing drugs.

“Uaaaagh!” he sat up. _Oh my **GOD**. That actually makes sense. Now I get why they were going on about drugs... _ He felt a chill. _And now I’m understanding where my parents were coming from... This is bad. My mind must truly be warping. How long will it be until I’m not even myself any longer??_

No, this wasn’t going to be about _wants_ , despite what L thought about it. This was about necessity.

No matter how compelling L happened to be, he needed to be cut out. If he didn’t do that, Light felt he would soon find everything he knew to be warped and beyond his grasp. He needed to normalize things. He needed to forget that touch and to be able to refocus on girls again. _How had he dragged me this far…?_

How had L managed a way around his guard, his preferences, and his morals (such that they were)? He’d never had the slightest tendency or attraction towards men and in under a week he’d been snared, struck dumb with lust, and fucked harder than even his most graphic fantasies (in which he was **not** the one on the bottom!).

_If I let this go on…. it will be even harder to do what I need to do. I already made up my mind to go to University far enough away from home that I don’t have to worry about being controlled and accountable every two seconds…_

He imagined deleting L’s contact from his phone. He would do it for real but it was out of reach. Only… as he pictured it, and saw L’s face on his phone… such stark black and white… there seemed to be an emptiness or sadness behind the sly look. Even in his mind, his thumb quivered over the delete button and his throat felt locked up.

_Really?_

_I’m only just imagining this and…_

_That does it._ Light rolled out of bed to go get his phone. He’d put this to the test. There was no way he’d have that sort of reaction for real. He must’ve been half asleep and dreaming.

 _I just have to rip the bandaid off._ There wasn’t any use dragging this out.

Light pulled up his contacts, located L’s and stared at it. _Calm down and just do it._

He stared, thumb hovering over the delete button. _Calm down? I am calm._

_‘Akanbo...’_

He could remember the sultry quality of L’s deep voice speaking in his ear. And how it sounded like L was always only a moment away from pulling his clothes off and pushing him down onto a bed for the next several hours.

“Jesus,” he muttered, his face growing hot. “Remember what he did to your back. Just cut the ties.” It was hard to say, even harder to do. He felt like he had a lump in his throat and it was hard to swallow. _It’s for the best. You know it is. Come next week, this could all be over anyway._ It both helped and hurt to think of himself as simply a diversion. But it was true - he had no guarantees that L was in any way serious about him. As L seemingly loved to point out, he was young. There was a potentially problematic age difference.

He flinched, his brow furrowing. If he thought about this in terms of who would be dropping who first…. It would be much easier to be the one doing the dropping.

 _‘I would love to collar you...’_ L had murmured that into his ear the first time they’d met, making his knees weak.

_Damnit! Why do I keep remembering such pointless things?_

As soon as he tried to shut the thoughts out completely, they rose with a vengeance. L’s hot mouth ravaging his; L’s hands sliding over his body while he was tied up in his bed; the feel of desire mounting to the point of pain; L spearing his craving body...

He pushed the delete button, and ignored the queasy churn of his stomach at the finality of it. _You’re worse than a drug._ He deleted his call history and text messages. The queasy feeling persisted and his hand was starting to shake a little. _Withdrawal already?_ he mocked himself.

This has to be done.

He was in the real world. He couldn’t afford to give in to fantasy and hope. This could never work. His visits to the club would never be allowed to continue. He had to put an end to it before he got even further from reality than he’d allowed himself to stray. His goal was to get away from here, not give himself confusion and complications.

L and even the club gave him mixed feelings. They made him wonder if he couldn’t make things work here, somehow, after all. And that indecisiveness was going to be his downfall.

_So why don’t I feel like it’s that simple?_

He ground his teeth together, feeling wildly unsettled.

_I’m doing the right thing. This is what’s best for me… I’ll go back to normal…_

_(You hated normal,)_ part of him said, needlessly. _(Hating normal is what started off this little rebellion.)_

“Shut up,” he muttered under his breath. _I have to block his number…. or else I’ll be looking for texts or calls…_ God that’s sad. _No,_ he corrected, _I **won’t** be looking for them, I’ll just notice they’re there and will have to go through the trouble of ignoring them or deleting them._

 _(Liar. You’re afraid.)_ the voice in his head taunted him.

_What the fuck, now I’m picking a fight with myself? **Afraid of what?!**_

_(You’re afraid of how quickly he’ll stop trying to contact you once you start ignoring him. If you block the number, you’ll never have to know. You can tell yourself whatever story you want.)_

His blood ran a little cold.

That was….

_Fine, whatever, I won’t block it. Besides, I already deleted the number so I won’t even be able to now anyhow._

It made him antsy though. How was he supposed to forget everything when L could message him or call him at any time, crashing through his willful clinging to boring reality? Part of his mind would be focused on anticipating that. He wouldn’t be able to fully let go.

 _Urrgh._ He cringed, his stomach churning. If he didn’t block the number, he’d be forced into thinking about how getting ignored would come across, L’s reaction, and then….

“I’m gonna be sick,” he said under his breath. Fuck it, as soon as he got the first call or text, he’d block the number. He didn’t think he could withstand the stress if he didn’t.

How long did it take to break a habit? 21 days?

He crawled back into bed, determined not to spend the rest of this day being conscious.

* * *

TBC


	10. 21 Days (of grey)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the dragging boredom of returning to school, angst, and opportunity

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

 

* * *

_ Part 10: 21 Days (of grey) _

Light sat in class, trying to adjust to the routine, to the blandness of the day, the walls, the faces of his classmates, and the material the teacher was droning on about.

It was the third day of school and it still felt unreal. It was too bright, felt too empty. What was he even  _ doing _ here?

If he thought school felt like a chore before, it was doubly so now. Nothing was grabbing his interest. Nothing at all. It was almost like a nightmare… though the fear was only in being so bored that you ceased to exist. 

The bell rang and there was a sudden impetus of movement - chairs scraping back, people standing, talking, gathering their things.

He slid his notebooks and books into a pile and stood, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and picking them up.

_ I feel like I’ve died and gone to hell. Bland hell.  _

The only thing that felt real right now was the time he’d spent with L and the time he’d spent in the club. Those dark, twisted environments felt more real than anything around him. Here, he was in stasis. He wasn’t really living.

_ He hasn’t contacted me. _

Light had been all ready to block L’s number the moment it came in, but it never had. 

_ Did unexpectedly meeting my parents put him off after all?  _ He felt anxious and also peeved at himself.  _ It doesn’t matter, _ he told himself.  _ We’re done. _

_ I miss him. _

“Yagami-kun?”

“Hmn?” Light looked up distractedly. It was one of the girls in the class. They’d had some acquaintance, but she’d broken things off rather quickly when he was never available outside of school. Why would she bother with him  _ now _ then? It was a nuisance.

“Um…” she looked a little uncertain of herself, or perhaps of what she wanted to say. “Did something happen? You’ve seemed kind of off the last few days…”

He felt startled. He was acting different? Noticeably? “Uh, no, not really.” It didn’t sound very convincing. The girl, Marin, didn’t look very convinced either.

“I don’t really believe you,” she said uncertainly, but with some spine.

“Er…” What the hell was he supposed to say to that? Either she believed him or she didn’t, right?  _ Make up your mind! _ he thought with irritation. “Was there something you wanted?” he asked bluntly.

Her eyes widened and an angry blush lit her cheeks. “See? Something  _ must _ have happened, you aren’t usually so _ mean _ ! I was just worried, is all!”

_ How am I usually? _ he wondered, disturbed. It had only been a week, and it was like he’d forgotten entirely about who he was.  _ Let’s see… to start, I had always been friendly and solicitous to the girls. _ Before, it had been for the purpose of getting with them. But his interest in that… well, maybe it was just on hold? 

_ In any case, I should just play the part, even if I don’t feel it. Maybe I can fake it till all of this feels normal again. _

“Ah… I’m sorry, Marin. You’re right.” He offered her a rueful, sad smile. “Stuff at home, you know?”

She reacted to his change almost instantly. Her eyes shone a bit and she nodded emphatically. “Yeah, I do….” she trailed with a faint frown. She wound a section of hair around her finger glancing at him and away in turns. “Listen, um… I was thinking…”

“Yes?” That’s odd, she was giving off all the signs of being interested in him again. He remembered her doing the hair twirling bit before.

“Well… maybe I was too hasty before.”

He blinked at her. “Sorry?”

“Urrrr… I mean…. well….” the hair twirling picked up speed and she wasn’t looking at him at all now. They really needed to hurry, they were going to be late to their next class. Worse, if they waited much longer they would soon have an audience. “I um… still think you’re hot,” she got out, her face turning red.

He blinked at her, speechless. He had no clue what to even say to her. He supposed it was nice to hear, but it didn’t really have much effect on him. “And?” he said, more bluntly than he meant to. But it just seemed that there was something else that was supposed to follow and she wasn’t getting around to it.

She put a hand over her face and said anxiously under her breath, “Oh god, you’re really going to make me say it?”

“Say what?”

“I want to pick up where we left off.”

_ ‘Where we left off…’ _ he could think of two things that could mean… “As in where we left off in the locker room, or where we left off before you broke up with me?”

“Gah!” her face turned really red then. “Dating, dating!”

“Ah.” This wasn’t incredibly enlightening. “You didn’t like that we couldn’t see each other outside of school. I can’t tell you that’s any different.” The bell was seriously going to ring. They needed to wrap this up already.

“God, you’re a pain!” she announced before pulling him into a kiss.

The first thing he registered was surprise. The second was that her kiss was soft and tasted sweeter than L’s. The third, was disappointment. It wasn’t that he didn’t react at all… which was actually a bit of a relief. It was just that he didn’t really want this. Here was that normalcy he’d wanted, and a convenient opportunity to try and move on… but…

He didn’t really want to. 

_ I  _ **_miss_ ** _ him. _

Damn it all.

Marin pulled back. “So you aren’t seeing anyone, right?”

“No,” he replied, feeling a twinge in his chest as he faked a smile. 

“Good,” she said and beamed at him. “I’ll see you soon.” She popped her purse up over her shoulder and grabbed her books, hurrying to her next class.

Light left for his next class as well, feeling like he was moving through molasses. 

Marin was cute, he should be happy. He even happened to like her more than most of the others. He’d been pretty disappointed when she’d broken things off, but figured her self-respect just hadn’t allowed such an unconventional arrangement as their relationship had entailed. He didn’t fault her for it. He did wonder what had changed though.

_ Am I depressed? _ he wondered, absently. 

This listlessness, the lack of energy or interest in things…. it certainly looked that way.

_ Maybe it’s just because I haven’t been sleeping well, though. _

_ Hmn. _

His thoughts began to wander further as he made his way to class, seeing the familiar dull halls and the stragglers who were about to be late to class, like he himself was about to be.

_ What would I do if he does message me…? Can I be sure that I would ignore it? Can I be sure it wouldn’t make me just want to respond? _

This was a familiar situation. That other time, L hadn’t messaged him for longer than this. In fact, it was only because they had met at the club that they had talked at all...

Ah, the club. So much had happened in those darkened, pulsing rooms. His memory was ablaze with it. His heart and mind stirred as he placed himself back there and relived any of those experiences. There was so much color in that darkness. It was the same darkness that breathed within the walls of L’s apartment. The same darkness in his deep black eyes. The same darkness that seemed to live inside his own heart.

And what was there for him here? In the glaring light of day, all of the colors were sapped of strength and intrigue. Everything seemed weak and tepid, including himself. But that was just the outside he portrayed. It was a false self he showed the world here. It was just as before - before spring break - only now… now he knew himself even better. The darkness within him had exploded and it was truly an effort to try to shroud and contain it.

Was there anyone else here, he wondered, shrouding the same vibrant colors, trying to blend in with the blandness of the light?

He couldn’t be the only one, could he?

No, there had to be others. But who? And how well did they hide their truth?

Agitation gripped him as he thought of hiding. _ This isn’t me. _ These fake smiles, this monotony. There was no challenge here. There was no growth, no nothing. It was all empty.

_ It’s like I’m a different person than I was a few weeks ago… _

What previously was vague uneasiness about not belonging, and feeling different inside, was now full-blown. His inner identity had shape, it had solid form. And that made it all the harder to fake this.

How long was this going to take, feeling so unbearable as it was?

21 full days to break a habit, huh?

He grit his teeth. Hell. This was going to be hell.

_ But I have to relearn how to blend in. It can’t go on like this. I have to face this reality and find a place within it. I can’t just run away and do whatever I want. _

Funny, he thought, it was almost like he was rebuilding around himself the very cage his parents had constructed around him. The very one he had fled.

_ What am I doing? Is this even right? _

_ No _ , he told himself. _ I can’t waver.  _

Just a few more months of this. It would be different when he went away to school. He could dress how he wanted. _ (And buy clothes with what money?) _ . And go out when he wanted.  _ (As long as they aren’t checking up on you.)  _ And go out with whomever he wanted.  _ (You’re still thinking of him. Still!) _ . And basically, everything would be better! He willfully ignored the inner protests to the contrary.

_ Oh god, I  _ **_am_ ** _ depressed. _

It hit him quite suddenly, under the burden of false hope. What if nothing changed with his situation and family at all? Not until he was able to support himself… and by then, who knew how twisted he’d have become? What if he couldn’t function like a normal person at all? His parents would have won. He wouldn’t be able to do anything on his own. He’d have lost his mind, lost any chances at connecting with other people, and he would die cold and alone. He would DIE in the clothes that his parents had picked out for him!

“Yagami-kun?”

The teacher was calling his name. He was sitting in his math class, his hands over his face, in a full spiral of despair. 

“Uh… yes?”

The teacher sighed. “I would appreciate it if you could at least  _ try _ to pay attention, Yagami-kun. Unless you are quite sure you know how to do the lesson I’m teaching and would like to display it to the class?”

Oh. Oops.

“Alright,” he found himself saying, standing up. The teacher’s mouth dropped open. Apparently he had been expected to apologize and look embarrassed? Perhaps he would have before, but just now, he saw a flicker in the tedium. “What problem am I to solve?” He was marginally entertained by the flustered state of his teacher, flipping through the pages of his book and running a finger down a line of problems. He felt a flicker of feeling, the one he got when he was on a bit of a power trip - when he was predicting and directing other’s behavior. 

_ Ah… this…  _ It lifted the dark cloud that shrouded him, even if just a little bit, and made him feel good, like being able to stretch after a long time of being cooped up.

“Here,” the teacher said, writing a problem on the board.

The teacher seemed to have picked a difficult problem, but not the most difficult he could have used. No matter. He knew how these worked. He’d been studying ahead for some time. 

Light shrugged and started working the problem on the board. He could feel the classes’ eyes upon his back. Before, it might have felt a bit uncomfortable, but now it just reminded him of what it had been like to have people’s eyes on him at the club. To be the center of attention. To call and command that attention.

It enlivened this reality for him. 

Perhaps he could play with it. Find a way to indulge himself and get away with it…

He stepped away from the board and let the teacher look it over. He waited patiently, a pleasant smile upon his face for the benefit of the class. He stood at ease, a hand on his hip.

The teacher adjusted his glasses as he leaned in and went over the lines of numbers. He looked a little put out, maybe a little embarrassed but trying to hide it. Shown up by a student. He was a younger teacher and that probably made him feel less sure of his standing, and even more prone to feeling undercut.

Light waited for him to look up, giving a solid and expectant smile. “Well, how did I do?”

The teacher adjusted his glasses and didn’t quite meet his eyes. “You solved it correctly, Yagami-kun.” There was a question in his tone, as if asking how he had managed to do so when they hadn’t even covered these types of problems yet.

“Ah,” Light said, making sure to sound pleased. “It must be because of your excellent teaching.” He smiled brightly, seeing how uncomfortable the whole thing was making the man. How embarrassing it must be to have him say something like that in front of the class when it was obvious that Light hadn’t learned how to do these problems from him at all.

_ Haha, there... _ There, he was seeing just the faintest color rise over the bridge of the teacher’s nose, and his teeth were almost imperceptibly clenching.  _ Am I just a little bit sadistic? _ he wondered as he flashed a meaningful look at the teacher just to see him squirm. 

The young teacher cleared his throat and said, “Thank you, Yagami-kun, you may return to your seat.”

It was fun toying with him.

It brought some color into this place.

It tasted like freedom.

Light shrugged gracefully and sauntered back to his seat amidst looks and whispers of appreciation. He had to school his smile into something tamer than the leer that wanted to settle there. He had to be more subtle here, in the light.

The teacher coughed again. “Well, as you can see, taking the initiative outside of class can really augment your learning here.” He pushed his glasses up with one hand, a nervous gesture, as he tried to regain his stride. “And, I think we all know now who would be a great choice for a tutor, if anyone is struggling with the material.”

_ GEH. _

Light tried not to blanch as the teacher suggested such a horrible fate.  _ Touché _ . Damn that teacher, getting a dig in like that. The last thing he needed was to deal with other people’s studies. He had his hands full dealing with his own.

Several people were turning his way with renewed interest, and yet others were whispering possibilities. 

The horror of a study group, led by himself, reared its ugly head. He could only imagine how painful THAT would be, trying to lead a pack of idiots down the road to intellectual mastery. Please, no. He’d much rather be trapped at home doing his own studies.

Maybe if it were paid, he’d consider it. Likely though, it would be expected to be  _ pro bono _ work. 

_ Hey, there is a thought. Once I’m at University, I could tutor for a fee. _ That would fix at least one foreseeable problem - money. It wouldn’t be fun, but it would be workable. He was pretty sure he could rake it in with that. He was top in his class. That shouldn’t change when he went to the next school.  _ I wonder how much I could charge per hour….? _

“Psssst, Yagami-kun!”

“Eh?” He looked around to see a small, mousy girl waving for his attention.

“How about doing a study group?” She looked hopeful and was vaguely gesturing to some of their classmates.

_ Noooooo _ . He quietly died on the inside while he tried to think of a tactful way to say HELL NO. “I’m sorry, Tamara-san. I have prior obligations.”

Her brow furrowed and she gave an impudent frown. “But I didn’t even say a time or a day. You’re just turning us down flat.”

_ Damnit.  _ This wouldn’t be good for his image. He had to recover the fumble. “I assumed you meant after school.”

“Hmpf!” she said. “I meant nothing of the sort.”

Ugh, she was going to make him work for it. “When did you intend?”

“On the weekend. We can work around your schedule though.” He noted that she and some other classmates were nodding. When had they even had a chance to discuss this? Or did they have some kind of loser ESP?

_ Calm down. _ He was feeling irritated. He did not want to do something like this, especially for free. Plus, he hated when things were demanded or expected of him. It reminded him of his parents. People shouldn’t feel so  _ entitled _ . “Okay….” he said as if considering the proposal. If he did this right… “And how will you be compensating me?”

There, he delivered that well. The entitled look dropped and the girl looked a little embarrassed. “Oh… um… we kind of thought maybe you would do it out of friendship?” She didn’t sound sold on that herself.

He made sure to look as innocent and earnest as possible when he said, “But we aren’t friends?” It came across like polite confusion. Perfect.

Tamara deflated and entered a gesturing and whispering communal conversation with the others. Negotiations. 

He’d be fine if they just canned the whole idea.

“Err… we can pay you…” she trailed.

“Oh? How much were you thinking?” Polite interest. Nailed.

“Well, if you can meet us at the library on Saturday night, from 5 to 9…. I guess we can do $10 a person…” she fidgeted. “There are 6 of us…”

$60… for four hours? That was worse than minimum wage for what he’d be doing.

“You realize that private tutors make much more than that, yes?”

“Er….” she deflated further, and it was obvious from her face that she did in fact know that. She looked somewhat apologetic.

_ ‘Find more people, or shorten the time,’ _ he wanted to say. However… it would be more convenient to gain the extra money… He would benefit more from the extra people as opposed to spending less time there. It would be more annoying, of course, but he had just remembered his vow to buy a pair of jeans and he couldn’t be sure just how much they cost. $60 might not quite cover it. “Can you find more people?” he asked dubiously, as if offering assistance in the solution.

“If we find more people, you’ll do it?” She perked up considerably.

“At least 5... “ he said regretfully. 

“Okay!” she shout-whispered, excited. “You have a deal.”

“Tamara-san,” the math teacher said with a warning in his voice. “I’m pretty sure if I called you up here, you would not be able to follow Yagami-kun’s performance.”

“Ehh…. Sorry,” the girl said, looking embarrassed.

Of course she wouldn’t. He shot a smug smile at the teacher, who flinched a little and turned quickly to the board to continue his lecture. He struck Light just then as a startled puppy.  _ Interesting… I get to him. _ The teacher wasn’t bad looking. Light rested his chin on his hand and stared listlessly towards the front of the class. _ I wonder how old he is…. _ Usually there was a much greater age difference between teacher and student, so that such a couple would be bizarre… But it probably wasn’t much more than the difference between he and L.

_ How old is L, I wonder…? _ It never really came up. Only his own age had.

He sighed, letting his thoughts drift over the dark-haired man in his head.  _ L... What are you doing right now, I wonder. What do you do when you are not at the club or at home? _

Light tried to imagine L at a job. What kind of work did he do? It was really hard to picture. L was so ornery. Yet, at his parents' house the other day, he displayed either fantastic mimicry of what polite people sounded like or he was pulling from personal experience.  _ Hmn...? _ He considered that last thought more closely. So what if L actually had a job where he had to sound polite and cultured  **_and_ ** be NICE to people? HAHA. Though it was a little sad, thinking of the way he’d have to be hiding his true self, just as Light was doing here at school and at home. Maybe the club and at his apartment were the only places he’d be able to be himself? He put on a good front though, if that was the case, like he was himself no matter the consequences. 

Light tilted his head to look out the window.

There was also the possibility that L  **was** himself, unapologetically, no matter where he was. And that the other night with his parents, he wasn’t himself for  _ his _ sake. 

_ For my sake? _ That thought brought a startled flush to his cheeks. If that was the case, that would be a pretty big deal…. for L to do that for him… It would be like L had breached some personal code of his, just to help him out.

_ No, no. _ He shook his head.  _ Stop thinking about stuff like that. You’ll just get your hopes up. And it doesn’t matter if he did something for you - it doesn’t mean he’s serious about you. It just meant he did something unselfish for once. _

_ Aw, damnit. _ He wasn’t even entirely convincing himself. He sighed, feeling the listlessness creeping over him again like a smothering blanket. _ I miss him. Still. _ This was going to be a hard habit to break.  _ Even though he’s kind of an asshole. _

Marin was waiting for him outside of class. He was slow again, gathering his things. The brief bright spot of earlier had already submerged into the oppressiveness he had been feeling for the last few days.  _ The color fades quickly here, _ he thought absently.

“Is it alright if I just call you Light again?” she was asking.

“Sure.”

It didn’t matter to him. Nothing really felt like it mattered or held weight.

“You okay?” she asked him again, looking concerned.

“Ah, yeah, just tired. I haven’t been sleeping well.”

The concerned look didn’t really fade. “Do you want to talk about it?”

One of his eyebrows arched up in surprise before he could stop it. “Talk?” Usually that expression looked rather imperious. He hadn’t meant to use it on her. He was just really slipping.

She flushed with embarrassment. “Er… Well.. I… Um….” She wouldn’t look at him.

_ God, why am I having so much trouble with this? I probably made it seem like talking to her was stupid, and beneath me. _ “Marin, that didn’t come out right,” he said apologetically. “I’m really just not sleeping well, and there isn’t anything more I could even say on the matter.”

“O-Oh!” she said, looking relieved.

“Hey, maybe I should just catch you later?” He couldn’t really handle more blunders and that was looking to become a consistent thing for him as long as he was distracted like this.

“S-Sure.” She fidgeted a moment before looking resolute and rising up to press a kiss to his lips. She was blushing as she pulled back, and quickly made her way down the hall with a wave.

* * *

When Saturday came, it felt just the same as all of the other endless days before it.

Light half expected his parents to fuss about him going out to this, especially as it was in the evening, but they did not. He sighed. It would have given him an excuse not to go at least.

“Liiii~ight!” Marin called and waved.

He’d told her earlier that he was teaching a study group and she insisted that she wanted to come along. To spend time with him or something, he supposed. He gave his best attempt at a smile and waved back.

L hadn’t attempted to contact him at all.

_ I wish I would have blocked his number instead of just deleting it first!  _ It hurt. And that pissed him off. Or would have, if he didn’t feel so grey.

There was a little time yet, before the group was to meet.

“Why are you doing this again?” Marin asked. “It isn’t really like you, is it?”

She was right. It wasn’t like him at all. “Ah, they begged and pleaded and offered to pay me. I couldn’t in good conscience say no.”

Marin pouted at him. “I’ve begged and pleaded to spend time with you and you always said no.”

Light sighed. “I told you it was complicated and that things wouldn’t be much different from last time. Are you regretting your decision?”

“Wha-- no!” she looked a little frazzled. Upset. “No, I’m not taking it back…”

“Okay then.” Geez, he was sounding harsh again. Unintentionally. _ Am I irritated again? _

“Light….” she trailed unhappily, sounding like she was segueing into something unpleasant. “You--”

“Marin,” he said, shooting her a smile and trying to make it look sparkly and authentic. “I’m glad you came. It’s nice to see you outside of school, if even for a little while.”

Her protests started to die under the onslaught. She was weak. Her cheeks started to turn pink, further evidence of her defeat. He leaned in to kiss her, to seal the deal. He kept it tame, bland, but he craved for the debased, soul-tainting kisses that L had always crippled him with. Ah, it was hard to not try and pull something similar from the petite mouth that touched his. Just a little. Just something to feed the darkness in him. Though he knew this was not where he wanted to be.

He broke the kiss and could see by her face that he had let some of that darkness slip.  _ Damn it... _ Her eyes were wide and looked starstruck, like she had never been kissed like that in her life. 

“L-Light,” she said. “W-When did you start k-kissing like  _ that _ ?”

He played dumb. “Haven’t I always?”

“N-No,” she said, flushing emphatically. She looked like she would throw herself on him if he just said the word.

Before, he would have jumped at the chance… but he just wasn’t feeling it.

“Oh,” he said simply, shrugging with a cavalier smile. All innocence. “I’m not sure then.”

He probably needed more time to acclimate before he could even  _ think _ of sleeping with someone. He had to get his head firmly in this reality - not the dark and alluring world he had come from, the one that seemed so full of promise and intrigue.

“You know, there is still some time before your group starts… we could--”

“Ah, sorry, Marin. I don’t think that would be a good idea.”

“But!” he could see rejection written all over her face. Funny that she was so keen on jumping him now that he wasn’t really interested in taking things further.

“Shhh,” he soothed, pulling her into a close embrace. “You’d really want to rush things? I wouldn’t.” He gave her bedroom eyes. “I like to take my time.”

She blushed hard and stammered a reply, something to the effect of accepting his explanation... he wasn’t really paying that close of attention. He was staring off into the distance, past the fountain that sparkled and streamed in front of the library. _ Is that a black fedora?  _ He squinted, feeling that the hat he had spied looked terribly familiar. His heart was skipping a beat as he saw its owner looked from a distance like they could be L.

He had a mad urge to run over there, to see for himself. 

_ God, I’m addicted, bad. _ It had only been a week and the craving was no less. He wanted to abandon everything - Marin, his paying study session, and his own resolve - just so he could feel the crush of L’s mouth against his and feel his strong, lean frame under his curious hands. He wanted to feel the burning under his skin and the raging desire in his gut as he breathed L in, as their bodies drifted close.

_ I’d even let you whip me again… _

Oh, just to be close to him. The wounds on his back had closed, but he’d developed a phantom itch in them whenever he thought about how he’d received them.

“Light?”

He jumped.  _ Jesus H. Christ! What the hell is wrong with me?! Why can’t I stay focused? _

“Sorry, Marin, I should get going. Are you sure you wanted to sit through this thing?”

“Not really, but at least I get to see you.” She smiled at him without artifice. He felt lower than low. How could he look her in the face when he’d so blatantly been fantasizing about someone else? He was starting to wonder if trying to date someone so soon was a good idea. Maybe he should have waited until the addiction lessened. 21 days. He sure as hell hoped it lessened. This was going to be the longest fucking 21 days of his life.

They walked to the library and it was harder than it should have been to not look for the owner of the hat.

* * *

TBC


	11. After Study

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coffee shop

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 11: After Study _

The study group was uneventful, and the 4 hours felt like 10 years. All in all there were 17 paying attendees, himself, and Marin. He favored Tamara with a special smile and a pat on the back for scraping the extra people together. Annoying as it was, this was definitely worth his time at roughly 42 dollars an hour. He started with some brief refreshers with the math and got people started with targeted practice problems. Then, he discovered that some students actually came in with the hopes of garnering help in other subjects. He split them into groups based on what they needed help with most and rotated between mini lectures and assigned work with one group, before moving on to the next. Being a teacher seemed like it would be an exhausting profession.

He was so glad when the end of the four hours was nigh. His energy was really flagging and it was hard to keep up appearances. He could only take looking patient, good-natured, and cheerful while answering stupid questions for a limited time. Apparently 3 hours and 35 minutes was that limit. After that he was on constant alert, trying to keep things from slipping out. The homestretch was grueling. But it was almost over, and he wouldn’t have to do this again….

Wait….

His inner monologue was being disturbed by something _disturbing_ that someone was saying to him. **_Disturbing_** being the key word. Just as disturbing as him zoning out and somehow - _Oh for the love of GOD_ \- agreeing to--!

“Thank you, Yagami-kun,” Tamara, the representative of the low test scorers, was saying, “this was really helpful. I’m so glad you can do it again next week.” Nods of assent backed her words from around the group.

He dredged up a pained smile, trying to remind himself that the money made it all worth it.

“You feeling ok, Light?” Marin asked.

“Just a bit tired,” Light said and made his apologies to the group (for that failure of a smile). “Thanks everyone, for coming. I’ll see you all next week. Try to practice what we went over for next time.” _Let me out of here!_

They said their goodbyes and Marin latched affectionately to his arm as they left the library. She couldn’t know that he was practically grinding his teeth with the desire to be away from all of this and have some time _alone_. Would he be able to hide it for that much longer? He was at his limit.

“You want to get some coffee?” she asked. Before he could respond, she added with a little wink, “Your treat!”

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

She was actually being cute, he just wasn’t in the mood to appreciate it.

“Do you have somewhere in mind?” he asked. He prayed that coffee could revive him. He felt naked, not having his full faculties and wits about him. Exhaustion was a scary thing indeed.

“How about there?” she pointed to a little shop off to their left. “I hear they’re good.”

“Alright.” He supposed he should try and make more conversation, but he seemed incapable of multitasking that along with crossing the street. Ok, there. Back on the sidewalk. “Have you been here before?”

“No, I usually don’t drink coffee. But you looked like you really needed some.”

Huh. That was pretty considerate of her, even though she'd volunteered _him_ to pay.

“I do, thank you--” He’d opened the door to the coffee shop for her and stopped short after seeing inside. “Er - on second thought, why don’t you sit outside and I’ll take care of ordering for us?” he said in a rush, trying to back them out the door.

“What?” she laughed. “That’s sweet but don’t be silly, I can wait in line with you.” She snuggled into his arm and a part of him died inside. His heart was racketing around in his chest. “Come on,” she urged him through the door of the very tiny shop where he could plainly see all of the customers - including the one who was sitting in the back, on a chair balanced on only the back two legs, and who was wearing a black fedora at a familiarly rakish angle.

_Maybe he didn’t see us._

Why, why of all the times, and all of the coffeeshops, in all of the city, was L - who he was trying to avoid - HERE?

_Ok, we’ll order, then get the hell out of here. I’ll just have to keep my back turned. Maybe he won’t look up and notice us._

Why did he feel like he’d been caught stealing?

Or perhaps, more accurately, caught cheating.

 _I’m not cheating!_ he defended himself. _He couldn’t **possibly** have been serious about me. _ It wouldn’t make any sense. None at all. Their ages, their personality differences… It would never work! _Even if we both liked each other…. and despite the fact that a relationship between two guys is bound to have more trouble than a standard one…_

 _DAMN IT._ A feeling like anxiety was pinching his chest. He tried to ignore it.

“....ight? Light?”

He jumped. Oh jesus, fuck, Marin was saying his name _out loud_. He did _not_ have a common name.

She was eyeing him with an odd look.

“Sorry,” he said, keeping his voice low so as not to carry, just in case by some miracle L had not heard his name however many times Marin had said it. _But then… am I so sure he would even care?_ “As you said, I really need some coffee.” He tried to laugh it off, but his nerves were fraying. He couldn’t shake the feeling that eyes were boring into him from behind. “I’ll take a large black coffee,” he said to the clerk. He almost asked Marin if she would like to order, but apparently she already had. He paid the clerk for the coffees and counted down the minutes it would take before they could grab their orders and go. He did not want to be here any longer than he had to.

Marin’s hold on his arm was making the hair stand up on the back of his neck. He barely avoided giving into the urge to rip it back from her. _Just act normal. Act normal._

His coffee cup hit the counter and he gratefully took the cup in hand. One down, one to go. The heat of it in his palm had a somewhat soothing effect. _Come on, Marin’s coffee_ , he urged. After another few agonizing minutes, her coffee was served - one of those tall mocha- frappa- whatever thingies. It looked like a milkshake with chocolate drizzled whipped cream on top. Way too sweet. _But who cares! We can get the hell out of dodge!_ he nearly rejoiced. Unable to help himself, he glanced surreptitiously at the table L was at, only to find it empty. He had to catch himself as he almost missed a step in surprise. He was gone? Had he really not seen anything? Light’s nerves seemed to just fade away, leaving a feeling that was suspiciously close to disappointment.

He turned his attention back to the direction they were walking in and nearly choked.

“Oi, Light!” L greeted them with a big, huge, FAKE ASS smile, standing directly in the path to the door. “Imagine running into you here.” The attitude he'd adopted was some kind of melding between the bum slacker student persona and the proper persona he’d done at Light’s house. And over all of that, was that catlike grace and his sharp yet lazy eyes.

Those eyes flicked down to their linked arms, so quick he almost missed it.

He nodded a hello, not sure he trusted his voice. The nerves had come back full force, and more. Marin’s arm linked through his was making him wish he was able to detach his own limb at will. He wished he could take a drink of his coffee, but he realized that his hand was shaking a little bit. It wouldn’t do to spill it all over himself as he tried to take a sip.

L was smiling, but that wasn’t the emotion Light _felt_ from him.

Marin was looking polite and confused. “Aren’t you going to introduce us?” she asked Light.

To his horror, L walked over and slung an arm over his shoulders, pulling him into a loose approximation of a headlock. His heart started pounding frantically in his chest. He could feel L’s breath fanning his ear, and his voice was too close when he said, “We’re... friends.”

“We’re not friends,” Light ground out, disengaging from Marin to try pulling at L’s forearm which was locked around his throat. It was dangerous to be this close, he didn't trust himself. Also, it pissed him off to hear L say that, even though he honestly wasn’t sure what else L would be able to say in this situation.

“Oooh?” L said, his voice sending shockwaves through Light as it caught in his ear. It was purposely loud enough for Marin to hear as well. “And here I was, trying to be _considerate_ of your new girlfriend.” The arm that was locked around his throat tightened, but the smile L wore didn’t falter.

_Ugh, you bastard! Don’t start implying we used to be together, not in public! Especially not if it’s just some passive aggressive way to try staking a claim..._

“I’m Marin,” the girl introduced herself in a friendly tone. She looked a little confused, however, as if trying to understand what she was seeing. “So… you aren’t _friends_..?” She looked dangerously close to taking things the way that L had implied them.

Light tried to speak, but the arm around his throat cut off his air just enough to prevent him. He couldn’t break the hold. Damn it, he hated how L was stronger than him! “Oh, nooo,” L drawled, shaking his head with a smile bordering on a leer. “We’re _much_ closer than that. ‘Friends’ doesn’t really seem to cover it, does it, Light?”

There was a dangerous tone beneath the words and the unrelenting smile. Probably too subtle for her to pick up on, but he could detect it because he’d heard it before. L allowed him room enough to speak. _Redeem yourself,_ seemed to be the sentiment there. “Y-Yeah, friends isn’t really the best word for it,” he said with a rueful laugh, playing along. He hoped she didn’t pry any further or she’d be finding out exactly what, rather _who_ , had inspired the change in the way he kissed.

Something about this setup was reminding him quite a lot of being handcuffed to L’s wall. The discomfort of immobility, the uncertainty, and maybe the aura L was putting off. His head started to swim and his eyes fluttered shut as sensation started to creep into him. L’s arm around his throat was like a collar. And just as possessive.

“Uh… your name was…?” Marin asked, sliding glances towards Light with concern.

“You can call me L.”

“Ok… L,” she said. “I think you’re choking him.”

“This one?” L asked, turning to look at him. It put their faces kissing distance apart. L’s dark eyes were smoldering beneath his hat and the black jags of his bangs. Light felt transfixed. “Nah,” he said offhandedly, turning back to Marin with a grin, “he can take _much_ more abuse than this.”

“B-But he’s turning red!” she fretted.

“Ah, so he is,” L said innocently, though Light could feel the smugness rolling off of him in waves.

Light made a slight show of coughing as he was released. His body was in a riot. He was mad and also kind of turned on. He wasn’t sure if the stronger urge was to punch L in the stomach or shove him up against the counter and violate him. L took Light’s coffee and nonchalantly took a sip, making only the slightest face at the lack of sugar or creamer. Marin watched him with her mouth slightly agape. “So,” L said, conversationally to her, his hand resting on Light’s back as he had his ‘coughing fit’. “How’s school?”

“Er…. Um, good I guess? We just came from a study group at the library.”

“Oh, and on a weekend,” L commented, “that’s pretty unusual for you, Light.” He took another sip of the stolen coffee. Sharing a drink like that… it showed a level of comfort Light was not keen on having displayed. He hoped L choked on the bitter coffee.

Damn it, though, he was having trouble with L continually touching him…. Even now, just his hand on his back… it was inspiring an insidious, slow ache in his loins, and making him a bit out of breath. It was such a small thing, and yet the spread of his hand conveyed ownership in a way that felt like a collar had been slapped around his neck and a leash was being pulled taut by L’s domineering hand.

“Yes, it is unusual for a weekend,” Marin agreed.

Light would have loved to give a well thought out response to that but he was not capable. “I’ll be right back,” he said as casually as possible. “Bathroom.” L, for once, cooperatively engaged Marin in continuing conversation, which allowed him to escape. Though the bastard was probably laughing it up.

He pushed into the small bathroom area and splashed some water on his face.

This was not going well, not at all.

He gripped the edges of the sink, a full-body shudder riding through him. It hadn’t been 21 days yet! He didn’t have the self-control…

He wanted to do so many things with that insufferable jerk. He wanted to let L do anything he wanted to him as well. Marin was of little consequence. She was simply there to test his ability to hold it all in, in front of an audience, as L openly mocked and teased him. It was just barely subtle enough to keep her doubting that what she was seeing was flirting.

_I need an exit strategy._

He panted, water streaming down his face. He looked at his eyes in the mirror, and the pupils were wide. Wider and blacker than they should be in this lighting. That, along with the slight color to his face and lips, and the quickened rise and fall of his breath….

_Damn it, it’s so OBVIOUS._

He cursed L for being able to do this to him, and for choosing to do it in public. _Rotten bastard…._

The door to the bathroom swung open and shut as he patted the water from his face with some paper towels. He glanced up reflexively.

_GEH!_

It was L. His dark eyes were fixed upon him and he moved like he was stalking prey.

“W-What are you doing in here?”

L shrugged. “Oh, I made some plausible excuse or another.”

Light backed up a few steps as L moved forward. He did it without thinking and realized it put him at a disadvantage - it put him on the defensive. He saw L react to that immediately, a quickening of his expression that could only be described as sadistic, before he gave chase. Light tried to dodge around him and make a break for the door. He almost, _almost_ made it, but L managed to hook him with a closeline move to the neck and sling him into an empty stall. He locked the door behind them and slowly looked over at him, an unreadable expression upon his face and in his abyssal eyes. “What are you up to?” he mused with a calculating, suspicious tone.

Light swallowed. “Up to? Nothing.”

“Heh.” The laugh was humorless, though dark humor slid through L’s eyes. “Such a liar,” he said, advancing upon Light’s personal space. He reached up to touch the vulnerable curve of Light’s neck, watching him too closely.

Light couldn’t completely hide his reaction as L touched him. He wanted it so badly, even though he was trying so hard to fight it.

“What are you trying to do?” L murmured in a voice that stripped artifice.

“Nothing,” Light breathed, trying to get enough air. L was drifting even closer, hard obsidian eyes poised like daggers.

“You know why I don’t believe you?” L said, drawing close, lips whispering against his cheek.

Light’s body started to tremble and he became light-headed. He was so close to giving up on himself. _No, I have to hold on. Just answer him. Shake your head._ He shook his head.

“Becaaause,” L trailed dangerously, hunting his mouth. “You look _soooooo_ guilty.”

Light shuddered as L’s tongue flicked over his lower lip.

_Self… restraint….._

“And,” L continued, winding a pale hand into his hair, kissing his full lower lip and sucking on it lightly, “I’ve neeeever seen you fight me so hard.”

Light was undergoing a meltdown. He couldn’t keep this up. He had to get out of this precarious situation! He could not let L kiss him or he’d be--

_Ahh…_

His spine melted as L’s mouth melded to his.

Yessss……

The steadily growing desire that L had been tending inside of him caught fire. He pulled L against him with desperate hands, no longer able to fight the howling dark. _This_ was what he had wanted. What he **_needed_**. This, _all of this_.

L’s rough kiss and possessive hands. This feeling of uncontrol. This beautiful chaos.

“Uhn,” he moaned through clenched teeth as L took his desire in the cool palm of his hand and brought him to heel. He was breathing hard as L worked him over. He barely had the presence of mind and the motor skills necessary to unfasten L’s pants and return the favor. He took L’s hardened flesh in a punishing grip, loving the feel of his dark-haired lover shuddering against him.

L moaned deep in his throat as Light brought him harshly to climax. His body stiffened and he ravaged Light’s mouth with renewed fervor, devouring him as he came. Light panted heavily and gasped, throwing his head back as orgasm tore through him.

Ah… the sharp feeling of fulfillment, and the eddies of pleasure that followed….

Light’s head lolled and he tried to catch his breath. _I think I’m in love with you,_ he thought hazily.

L kissed his cheeks, his eyelids, and pressed a gentle kiss against his lips. “What am I to do with you….?” he sounded affectionate and a little lost.

Light cracked open an eye.

But L was turning away, already erasing the signs of their spent passion.

“I’ll go out the back,” he said a few moments later, catching Light’s eye with steady gaze that almost looked serene, but much more complicated. He stole another brief kiss. “See you.”

And then he was gone, leaving Light to finish collecting himself. Light wished he could just slip out the back too. He didn’t want to ruin this feeling with having to deal with explaining himself to someone. Especially trying to explain away something like **_this_** … which he had never, in hindsight, _ever_ thought he would do.

He wracked his brain for something plausible as he stood at the sink again, washing his hands with lethargic precision.

Nothing came to mind.

So, he focused on schooling his expression to something more widely acceptable than the one he was likely wearing. He didn’t look in the mirror until _after_ he was sure he’d perfected it. A visual of his own face otherwise would surely just trip him up.

Well, it was an improvement on the face he’d had after first dashing in here, at least.

He heaved a sigh. What was he going to do with himself? Or with L for that matter?

Marin was waiting near the front door, where they’d left her. It couldn’t have been more than 15 minutes, but still... “You ok?” she asked. “Your coffee’s probably cold.”

“Yeah, fine,” he said. “Sorry, I got a call I had to take.”

“Anything serious?”

“Well, I actually need to head back right now. I’m sorry.”

She probably was expecting a kiss, a hug, or _something_ from him, but he couldn’t. She’d notice right away. So, he artfully dodged her attempts to initiate, while saying, “Sorry, Marin, I have to go, _literally_ , right now. I’ll make it up to you later, I promise.”

“....okay”

Light beat a hasty retreat, keen to be away from his sort-of girlfriend and the scene of his complete and utter failure.

21 days? The counter had now been reset to zero.

 _Damnit,_ he cursed. _Why couldn’t I just NOT REACT?_

L had what seemed like absolute command over his body. Absolute sovereignty. He tried to fight it but, as could be seen with this latest example, it did no good.

When L had him in his orbit, he couldn’t even _think_ about anything else. His mind, body, and soul seemed to fix upon him with singular focus. He was lost. And when they came together, united by touch and passion, he was found.

Light ran agitated hands through his hair. _NO! I can’t lose to this._ What would be the point of trading one prison sentence for another? For wasn’t that exactly what he’d be doing if he escaped his parents, only to enslave himself to L?

The point was freedom, was it not?

No matter how tantalizing or convincing L’s tyranny could be, he had to be _stronger_. He had to rise above.

Oh, dammit, he could still capture the feel of L’s desire in his palm, and the taste of him on his tongue. It should have left him sated, but it stirred the compulsion towards more.

He wanted to eat L alive.

 _Go HOME_ , he told himself.

It was probably a good thing he had deleted L’s number from his phone. If he hadn’t, there was be a good chance that he would be calling L right now and arranging to meet at his apartment, consequences be damned.

Light shoved his hands into his pockets and made his way to his parent’s house. He had to refocus this desire. That’s all it was, wasn’t it? Desire? Lust?

...wasn’t it?

* * *

The rest of the weekend seemed to go by both really slow and really fast. Slow, as there wasn’t much to do at home. Just read, hang listlessly over the edge of his bed, counting how long it took to pass out from the blood rushing to his head… normal stuff.

Yeah, he was bored.

BORED.

He couldn’t even focus on studying. When he tried, he just read the same lines over and over without any meaning coming across.

Even with the tedium of finding ways to pass the time, all too soon he found himself back at school, feeling like a weekend had never happened. He sat through his physics class, slowly tapping a mechanical pencil against his lips while staring off into space. Tap. Tap. Tap.

 _What did I used to do on the weekends….?_ he pondered vaguely. _Study? Was that all?_

“Hmn…”

Yes, that did seem to be it… endless studying, some reading, messing around online, calisthenics…

Ah, maybe that’s what it was. A large focus of his had been the ungodly levels of sexual tension he had been under - which had certainly changed in the past few weeks - that had previously been funneled into extra working out. Both to relieve tension and to look good in case any opportunity arose.

_I should start working out again. I’ve really fallen off the wagon the last few weeks._

Perhaps that would keep him from thinking too much about things ( _or people_ ) he _shouldn’t_ be doing. Or, at the least, working out his frustration on that matter.

 _I miss going to the club, too. I wonder if there is any way I can get off my parent’s leash again one night? I could use a little fun._ Of course, even if he did… L might be there. And judging by past experience, if the two of them were in the same space, he would be resetting his 21 day countdown to zero again for sure.

He sighed and wondered if he might just trade in his freedom, bartering it to L just so long as he could avoid being bored. There was a thought. A potentially scary, potentially problematic thought.

But again, it wasn’t really about boredom alone. It was more about changing his untenable situation with his family’s version of house arrest. The more he was around L, the harder it was to say no. He already liked him enough as it was. How much harder did he plan to make it on himself? When the time came, he was determined to move away for school. Getting more attached and involved with L was just going to make him waver on his resolve. And, again, he had no assurances that L was serious about him in any sort of way. It could be that they were just really physically compatible, and that wasn’t enough for him to want to sway his decision.

 _Ugh… why do I like him so much? I could **totally** be serious about him…._ He grimaced. All the more reason to keep some distance.

The bell rang then, saving him from further introspection.

Marin met him halfway to his next class. “Hi, Light,” she greeted with a cutesy shrug of her shoulders. “How was physics?”

“Inspiring.” He felt nothing but sarcastic, but pitched his voice as if he was serious.

“Oh,” she said with a smile. “That’s good. You’ve seemed so distracted lately I thought maybe you were bored.”

 _Not ‘bored’,_ he corrected mentally, _‘BORED’._

“Ah, I’m not so distracted as all of that.” He flashed a fake smile. “Just adjusting to the grind after all the time off.”

She nodded, looking rather distracted herself. “So um…. your friend L…”

“Mmhmm?” _Ah, who knows where this is going to go._ He was glad that he had another class lined up and not a free period like lunch. He did not want this line of conversation to go into overtime.

“I didn’t want to say anything at the time,” she started twirling a piece of hair around her finger. “...but it was kind of odd, you know?”

“No, I don’t know,” he replied. _How am **I** supposed to know where you are going with this? _“What was odd to you?”

“He’s like… sort of intense, you know?”

True, but that _was_ one of his redeeming qualities, Light thought. “Yes, that seems a fair assessment.”

“ _Light_ ,” she complained, making him look over at her. She was wearing a frown and a blush and averted her eyes again. “What I’m trying to say is…” she switched gears and finished in a rush, “well, he’s kinda _hot,_ and for some reason I felt like I was losing to him.”

Light choked in surprise, masking a large measure of amusement as well. Funny, he’d thought that if this ever came up, he would have felt put on the spot. But hearing her voice her concern over L…. it was just kind of hilarious.

“So you’re saying that because he’s hot-” He upped her ‘kinda’ on purpose, because L _was_ hot. _But let’s see if she reacts to my correction at all..._ “-you feel like he is your competition… for me?” He finished the question in a dubious voice.

“Er…” she said unhappily. Her discomfort at the topic of her own choosing was delightfully ironic. Her face said that that was _exactly_ what she thought, but she was embarrassed and hesitant to openly admit it. She also had definitely twitched when he dropped her ‘kinda’ disclaimer on L’s being hot.

He decided to play with her a bit more.

“Whatever gave you _that_ idea?” he said incredulously. Ah, this was entertaining, at last.

“Well, I don’t know!” she said in a tone that said she DID know. “He seemed overly familiar with you.”

“Are you suggesting we slept together?” He decided to attack her suspicion directly, which would make it harder for her to bring it up later.

She gasped and stuttered, her hands flying up to her mouth, as if to deny she ever thought such a thing.

He raised an eyebrow at her and spoke with a subtle blend of confusion and pity, “I didn’t think you were _that_ insecure, Marin.”

“Oh my god, I’m not! I swear. _Oh god I’m so embarrassed_ , just forget I said anything!”

He switched more heavily to concern. “Are you sure? It seemed to be bothering you…”

“No, no,” she said quickly. “If you say it’s not like that, then I’m not worried at all.”

Ha. Actually, he _hadn’t_ said it wasn’t like that.

“Well, maybe **_I_** should be worried,” he teased her in a fakey serious tone, “since you think he’s so _hot_ and all.”

“Noooo, Liiii~iight!” she latched onto his arm, hiding her face and shaking her head as that embarrassed her even more. “It’s not truuue, I have eyes only for you.”

“So you _say_ ,” he drawled, “But maybe tall, dark and handsome is what gets you going.”

Her face was turning even more red. He could see the edge of it which wasn’t hidden against his sleeve. “You’re so mean….” she lamented. “And I never said he was handsome,” mumbled, “that was just you.”

“Marin,” Light said, tilting her head up. As fun as it was to continue tormenting her, he was also toeing the line of her suspicions. Her face looked flushed, a little upset, and a little worried. “Look at me,” he said softly, putting his play into motion.

He almost felt bad that she had a slight shimmer of tears in her eyes over him being ‘mean’, but more than that he felt engaged with the reactions he was able to set up and pull from her. _(He wondered, not for the first time, if he had some inclination towards being sadistic.)_ It was obvious, however, that even if she thought he was being ‘mean’, the teasing was also embarrassing her because she really liked him and wanted to please him, not continue exploring her fear of L getting between them.

“Stop worrying so much,” he said, and dipped his head to bestow a slow, indecent kiss upon her unsuspecting mouth. Much like the time before the study group, he could feel her fall completely under his spell. At least this time it was intentional. He really did need to not have L keep coming up. It would make trouble for him, and for his intention to refocus on Marin as someone he was dating in truth. It sure didn’t feel like that right now, but maybe in time it would. He just had to get out from under L.

It worried him though, that both times now, where he should have been focused on the girl in front of him, whom he was kissing, he was instead thinking about the dark-haired man who inspired him towards nymphomania.

 _Focus on **her** , damnit. Focus on the kiss, on sensation. L isn’t the only one who can turn you on, even if it almost seems that way. You just need to refocus. _Her soft, feminine mouth yielded to his. Her slight body was a wisp in his arms and trembled slightly in reaction. If he could get his mind to wander, to anticipate more…. envision it…

The mood was elusive, but he could almost capture it now. Almost… Like it was on the tip of his tongue. He could almost stop thinking and just feel. Slowly, he was starting to feel something.

But his mind was not to be silenced so easily.

_((If you are avoiding him because you don’t want to get attached and make it hard to leave, what exactly do you plan on doing if you successfully get attached to Marin instead? You will still be leaving the area when you go to school. Aren’t you afraid that Marin will hold you back as well?))_

_No._

It hit him with unrelenting clarity, that simple truth. He _wasn’t_ afraid that Marin could hold him back. He didn’t even have to think about it.

_The bell is going to ring._

He pulled back from the brunette, placing his hands on the curve of her shoulders. “I’ll see you later, ok? Class is about to start.”

_Is the reason I don’t think she could hold me back is that I would never care that much? Or is it because we are both students and technically she could just go to the same University if we got serious?_

“Hey, Light?” she said, looking dreamy. “When can we meet outside of school? I… really want to see where this goes.” She blushed as she suggested it, but she looked determined to voice it anyway.

_Is she offering to sleep with me? Or…?_

_Crap,_ he thought.

He was surprised though, that that was his first reaction.

But, he really couldn’t afford to get that involved at this stage. It was inconvenient. He needed time to get L out of his system. As of right now, he didn’t even _want_ to be that involved with her.

 _What can I say though………?_ He wracked his brain for the right tactical move. Something to keep her from feeling shot down, while also buying himself more time.

“If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were offering yourself to me after just the second kiss,” Light said, tossing in the barest hint of disapproval with the tone of surprise. He smiled at the same time to lessen the blow and make the message more subliminal. Hopefully in the back of her mind she would start to worry about seeming too “easy”.

Marin chewed her lip indecisively. “I… er…” she gave him a hopeless look. “I just really like you.”

“I like you, too,” he said, too easily - a part of the script he’d decided to use. “But maybe we should take it slow. I don’t want a repeat of last time.” Guilt. Guilt and embarrassment should be the tools to lever this situation into a more acceptable position.

And… There. He saw it in her reaction.

“Y-Yeah… you’re right.” She looked kind of uncomfortable. The last time they’d dated, she cut things off presumably because they were going too fast. Perhaps she'd thought he wasn’t interested in her, so much as having sex. But this time, she was the one pushing the issue. The turnabout should give her pause. “Well, like you said, the bell is about to ring.”

“I’ll see you later,” he said, and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips. An apology.

She nodded with a weak smile and turned to rush down the hall.

* * *

Around midweek, late evening, the first message from L came in.

Light felt his heart start hammering in his chest even before he read it. Anticipation strangled him. He felt hope and the crushing weight of resolve at the same time. If only there wasn’t this school thing…. he could just do what he wanted, consequences be damned. It wouldn’t matter so much what the outcome of this was. He could just take his time and explore whatever L was offering.

Light rubbed his hands over his face. If only it were that simple. But no, he had a painfully sexy Dominant who was determined to keep him shackled here, and he had an equally painful drive to get as far away from here and his parents as he could.

The two were at odds. 

_Dammit! What the hell else am I supposed to do?_

He braced himself to look at the message, unsure of what to expect.

_‘Your little girlfriend told me you’d be off your leash again on Saturday. Same time, same place.’_

It sounded like a threat and made Light’s breath catch in his throat. A repeat of last weekend??! _Damnit, Marin, you and your big mouth!_ So that was what they were talking about!

 _‘Don’t interfere.’_ he typed back, feeling quite threatened. Not only could L force him to heel again, he could also make things implode with Marin quite easily. _Worse is the thought of feeling you again, and knowing I shouldn’t, can’t…._ He wouldn’t stand up to the pressure if L pursued him - he would cave.

_‘I don’t think she’s your type. Doesn’t look to know her way around a whip.’_

Light flushed and grit his teeth. The laissez faire tone of the words, and everything they implied... L was mocking him and soliciting him at the same time.

 _‘You think that’s what I want?’_ Again, he was feeling threatened. L was too perceptive, too good at working him over. He might see through his indecisiveness and use that against him. With L, it was like walking a tightrope. One false move would mark his end.

_‘I think I know what you want better than you do.’_

There was loads of implied meaning in that one statement. Wanton and debased images flashed before his eyes and through his body, making him flush red. If this kept on, he would be losing. He had to find a way to terminate this line of talk. But, what about the study session this coming weekend? L could do anything with that information, thanks to Marin. He could sabotage or blackmail as he liked. Wasn’t that why he’d brought up that tidbit of information?

 _‘How about what YOU want?’_ Light typed back, feeling like being snotty.

 _‘That’s simple.’_ L responded.

 _‘Oh really, do tell.’_ The sarcasm was surely palpable.

_‘I want YOU.’_

Light dropped his phone in surprise, heart racing and hands suddenly shaking. _Me?_

_Just me?_

_No, there has to be some game he’s playing at. Or I have to be taking it wrong. Surely he means he wants me as in **wants** me…. like, it’s just physical, right? _

_Right??_

He stared at his phone, trying in vain to figure out something to type next. His mind was a racing blank. There was a feeling of doubt over his decision to shut L out as well as a strong desire to see him, and suffusing all of that was fear and confusion. He didn’t know what to DO.

After some time, L sent another message. _‘I’ll warn you, Akanbo, I do not like to share.’_

Light bit his lip, heart racing even faster, feeling deadly. His mouth felt dry. _‘Are you threatening me?’_

_‘Do you feel threatened?’_

Light swallowed, feeling like L could see through everything. _‘Why would I feel threatened?’_ he typed back anyway.

_‘For the same reason you are running away, and for the same reason you feel guilty.’_

_Fuck!_

_Did he know?? Or was he just guessing?_

_Damnit, why am I even talking to him?? That’s the real problem!_ 21 days was 21 days. Not just not fucking him, but not talking to him either.

 _‘Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about but I have to go,’_ Light typed. He desperately wanted to gain some assurance that L wouldn’t morph into his reality on Saturday, set to spin his world on its axis, but he didn’t know how. L wouldn’t listen to him even if he told him to stay away, that much was obvious.

 _‘See you,’_ L typed out the same words he’d said after their encounter at the coffeeshop. There was no quantifier of time or expectations. It could be taken as a threat, a promise, a desire…. anything, really.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews = love
> 
> If you have it in you, please drop a review and let me know how you like the story so far, if anything stuck you funny, or basically anything at all. I wrote this in a total black hole of silence for over a year and a half, so comments would be amazing and so appreciated. I'd hug, whip, or kiss you (based on your preference), or just shake your hand. Lol
> 
> xoxo  
> Zero


	12. Outting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> first date. new acquaintance.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 12: Outting _

Light didn’t block L’s number.

In fact, he spent the rest of the week obsessively trying not to think of checking his phone in case L said anything further. (He failed.) But, there was nothing. Much like their encounter at the coffee shop, ‘See you’ was all that was said before an ensuing silence.

Light didn’t block L’s number, but he was hoping that at least _something_ might be said that would give him an idea of what to expect in the upcoming days - some clue as to what would potentially be waiting for him on Saturday.

_What is he up to?_

L was up to _something_ , wasn’t he? It certainly felt like there was some sort of plan in motion, and he feared that he was about to become an unwitting pawn.

“Light?”

“Hmn?” _Crap_ , he’d forgotten himself again, getting mired in thought. He had to stop doing that!

His sort-of girlfriend was looking at him in concern. Or maybe it was irritation. Hell, who could be sure?

“You haven’t changed your mind, have you? It was your idea afterall…”

Er…. what was it he’d mentioned? God, now he couldn’t even remember simple things, it seemed. He wasn’t exactly sleeping that well. Not for a while. It was really impacting his cognitive function. How long had it been now…? Oh, right. It was since L and his parents had met, by some unlikely force of nature, and L had so casually tried to seal his horrible fate by suggesting the local school, N University.

“No, of course not,” he said with a smile. He had to trust that if something had been his idea, that it couldn’t be all that bad. Well, unless like last time, he’d agreed to something while tuning out. THAT would be the reason he had a study group to lead again this weekend. “Come ‘ere,” he beckoned with an outstretched arm. They were sitting outside during lunch and neither of them was really eating. Marin looked like she had abandoned her sandwich sometime in the last few minutes while worrying about him changing his mind about whatever.

She scooted over to where he was leaning against the trunk of a tree and tucked under his arm. The half embrace seemed to do what was intended, which was to reassure her and calm her down. “Oh good,” she said, with less tension in her voice. “I was really looking forward to it, you know? Seeing you on Friday night, and getting to go shopping with you like a couple…” She looked up at him with a shy smile.

“It’s the least I can do. I told you I would make it up to you for cutting last Saturday short. I’ll buy you something you like - since I’m now independently wealthy.”

She giggled. “Come on, they aren’t paying you THAT much.”

Damn right they weren’t.

But he had an ulterior motive, aside from getting back into her good graces.  “Don’t forget what you agreed to as well.”

“Huh?” She looked confused for a moment before her face registered total shock and surprise. “You were SERIOUS??”

He brought a hand to his head theatrically, as if aggrieved. “Don’t mock me, it’s far too cruel.”

“B-But!” She sat up and looked him straight in the eye from a very short distance away. “I thought you were joking about not owning a pair of jeans and wanting my help buying them.”

“Oh, sadly, the forlorn fashion-challenged are doomed to forever meet such critical words.” He was obviously still joking with her. But he had, in actuality, been serious when he'd pitched the request to her that she show him a likely place to look for the clothing. He honestly wouldn’t have the first idea about where to start and it irked him. He didn’t have time to waste mucking about. This would be faster. Besides, he could play it off as really just wanting her opinion on something she thought he’d look good in. He could tell she would totally go for that.

“Liiii~iight!” she groused. “Come on, seriously.”

He met her eyes and let warmth filter into them. “Why wouldn’t I want my girlfriend to tell me what clothes she likes on me?” His tone was mildly suggestive as well.

She blushed and looked a little shocked but pleased. “R-Really?”

“Is it so hard to imagine?” He kept his gaze forward, pushing hers down through modesty. “Besides, it gives me an excuse to buy you something nice.” He leaned in close, as if to kiss her. “For ‘helping me out’…” he said warmly, lightly brushing his lips against hers.

It was a little tiring, keeping track of everything. The proper moments to do all of the proper things, and all for very specific reasons and outcomes.

He kissed her slowly, and tried in vain to dim the machinations of his mind - the plotting, the planning, the worrying.

And then there was the constant control he had to keep over himself. The constant checks and balances - trying to settle into this interaction as a relationship, and trying to curb his thoughts so that he didn’t unwittingly access that dark shadow self that still roared to be free. He didn’t like the two mixing. She should be separate from that. One, she would never understand. Two, even a peek into that dark side had fired her up to start asking for much more than he felt like giving right now. It was inconvenient. Besides, that side of him was unerringly entwined with L - thoughts, memories, feelings, desire. It needed locked down for so many reasons. Even if it felt like blasphemous self-curbing, it must be done.

“It’ll be kinda like our first date,” she said dreamily.

“Kinda like?” he teased.

Marin flushed. “Well… is it _really_ our first date?” She looked kind of excited. “Can I call it that??”

He flashed her a convincing smile. “You can call it whatever you like.” At least with this, they would have some time to bond or whatever, without him worrying that L was going to turn up at any moment to drop some kind of bomb. He couldn’t predict what Saturday would be like at all. And if a date made Marin less insecure, that would be fantastic. He needed her to believe in him over whatever L might conjure up to get her suspicious nature flaring to life.

He was still surprised his parents bought his lame ass excuse about private tutoring and let him go. Is that going to be the trend? As long as it was “for school” they didn’t give a rat’s ass what it was? That would be excellent knowledge for future reference.

* * *

Friday night came faster than anticipated. He realized he was sort of dreading it a little.

One, he felt bad.

He was obviously not emotionally available. But he refused to give up on himself - or wreck a shot at a relationship he was previously interested in - just because of bad timing. _I can fake it for 21 days, surely. After that, things should start to feel normal._

He met her in the downtown area around 8pm.

The shopping was uneventful, though she seemed to really like it. Once in a store that had likely styles of jeans, he pretty much found what he was looking for and got her approval on it as a formality. As anticipated, the jeans were obnoxiously overpriced. $70. You’d think they were threaded with gold. But the cut was such that it followed the lines of his body in an obnoxiously flattering way, and he couldn’t quite dismiss them on account of the price. Judging from Marin’s reaction as well, they accented and clung to the right areas. She seemed particularly fixated on his ass. He raised an eyebrow at her and she flushed, turning around to busily fuss with some clothes on hangers that she obviously wasn’t interested in.

He spied a thin, black T-shirt printed with a faded design in a deep grey, and also a crisp, white, collared dress shirt that looked interesting over top of it.

He hated to blow so much of his new money on clothes, but for God’s sake, he was sick of the slacks and preppy crap his parents kept him in. Besides, he still had enough left over to get Marin something she liked and he would be making more money off of tutoring tomorrow.

“Hey, Light? What do you think of this?” Marin called out to him a little while later. She turned around, holding up a dress that was a deep cobalt blue and was a series of short, gauzy layers. It looked somewhat retro, and very short.

He shrugged. “You want to try it on?” he suggested encouragingly.

She smiled and nodded, then hauled her prize over to the dressing room. When she came out again, he had a better idea of the look of the dress than he had on the hanger. Strapless, with soft gathers at the bust, a hight waist with a sash and a small bow, and the gauzy layers of skirt. Definitely a retro feel but also classy and befitting a cocktail hour.

“Do you like it?” she beamed.

Hell, even if he hadn’t, she liked it so much he would have lied and bought it for her anyway. “If you want it, it’s yours,” he said with a nod. “Though I feel like I’m the one making out here, as I’ll get to see you in it.”

“Aw,” she said with an even brighter smile. “You say the sweetest things sometimes… you’re making me blush.”

He thought the comment might be a bit much, but apparently not. She took the calculated flattery like a fish took to water. She was actually glowing. A true smile tugged at the corner of his lips. It really was nice to see her so happy. Knowing he made it happen made him feel good, though a little guilty as it hadn’t been all that authentic to start.

“What are you doing Saturday night?” he asked. “After the study group, I mean.”

“Oh, I don’t know,” she said in surprise. “I didn’t have any plans….?”

“Why don’t you wear that dress and I’ll take you out?”

Her eyes shone. “Really? Like, a second date??”

“Let me make sure that the timing works out, but yes.” He favored her with a fond smile. “Why do you sound so surprised?”

“Well… um… it just seemed like maybe you wouldn’t want to…” she said reluctantly, then waved her hand as if to dispel silly words. “It doesn’t matter though,” she adopted a more light-hearted, perky tone. “So, anyway, if you get to see me in this dress… can I see you in what you bought? On Saturday?”

He gave a cavalier shrug. “Sure, why not?” He wondered if he’d be able to wash the clothes at home… on second thought, if the shirt needed ironing, that was not a skill he’d ever acquired. Maybe he could take it to the cleaners and have them take care of that. Though it would be pretty short notice… Ah well, he’d figure something out.

“Yaaay!” she cheered with an energetic little hop.

For some reason, just then he felt possessed to check his phone. He discreetly pulled it out of his pocket. No messages. Was he still expecting one? “Hey,” he said, “Marin, we should get going, it’s getting late.”

She checked the time on her watch. “Oh. So it is.”

“Slip that off and I’ll go check out.”

Marin blushed. “Geez, you made it sound like…” she flushed harder, mumbled a “nevermind” and ducked into a changing room before finishing her thought.

It was ironic how focused she was on sex for someone who was so adverse to it before. Was it really that powerful a magic to just not try for it? That’s all he’d done differently, and she’d gone from running away to practically obsessing on the topic.

He shrugged. _Girls._

She dropped the dress over the top of the door for him and he took it and his things to the register. As he’d thought, the clothes took most of his money. What he hadn’t expected was for it to pretty much clear him out. He only had about $5 left. He might be learning how to iron a shirt after all.

_I guess it’s a good thing I’m tutoring tomorrow. After only one week, I got used to not being broke._

Marin joined him at the front of the store. “You hungry?” she asked.

Light shrugged with a rueful smile, “I was going to offer, but I seem to be broke. Sorry.”

The brunette gasped. “Oh my god, was the dress that expensive? I’m so sorry, I wouldn’t have picked that one if I knew--”

He looped an arm over her shoulders and gave her a little squeeze. “It’s ok. _Everything_ was that expensive. Besides, you liked that one. I told you to pick something nice.”

“If you’re sure…” she said reluctantly. “Maybe I can treat you to something in return. Would you like some coffee?”

He blanched at the thought. _Noooo, I’m good on coffee._ The thought of even setting foot in a coffee shop, after last time, was wildly unsettling - in a stimulating, but self-deprecating sort of way. Damnit, he’d been doing good with not thinking of L (checking his phone, notwithstanding) and here Marin had just thrust the Pandora’s box right under his nose.

“Ah, no, I’m fine, thank you.”

He suddenly got a wild urge to loiter near the club and see if anyone he recognized was going in or out, or hanging around outside. _I shouldn’t though…._

At the same time, what could it hurt if he just passed by? It’s not like he _had_ to linger. He could just walk by and look.

Geez, it almost felt like having withdrawal. He missed the atmosphere and general depravity of the club. It felt so full of possibility and liveliness.

“Light?”

“Hm?”

“You got this weird look on your face. You ok?”

 _Crap._ It had happened again. “Weird?” he played ignorant. “Weird how?”

“I don’t know…. sort of intense and nostalgic?”

“No idea.” He shrugged and sent her a disarming smile.

“O-Okay,” she ceded. “If you say so.”

They resumed walking through the busy downtown area, just another couple amidst a cacophony of people.

He wondered for a moment what her reaction would be to the scene he so desperately wanted to get back to. Would she, like him, be pulled in without even understanding the draw? Or would she shy away from such things? It was hard to say. He guessed she might be timid in that area, but from what he’d seen at the club, sometimes the timid ones were the most into it. He did get the feeling though that somehow, she would not be one of those. _I have to put all of that behind me, anyway. I already decided._

“Are you coming to the study session like last time,” Light asked, “or do you want to just meet up after?”

“Hmm…” She considered, leaning into him as they walked. “Well, I’d like to see you more, of course, but…” Her brows knit, causing a tiny wrinkle between them as she deliberated.

“But?”

“But,” she looked up at him. “If we’re going on a date... I’d kind of want the extra time to get ready and look nice?” Her habit of absently winding a lock of hair around her finger had started up.

He did a quick self check. A ‘date’ to some meant just that, a date. However, that particular habit on her pointed to quite a deal more…. That would be really inconvenient. He couldn’t afford for things to progress in that arena, not yet.

“Oh? Well if you’re going to all of that trouble,” he said smoothly, “why don’t I cancel the study group next week so we won’t be so rushed?”

“Aw, you mean postpone our date?” She looked disappointed.

“Postpone _that_ date,” he corrected with a wink, making her turn beet red.

“Ohmigod what are you implying?” she squeaked in protest, while also looking quite pleased.

He caught her chin and tilted her face up into an impromptu kiss. It seemed the appropriate time for it - something far less chaste than how he’d been playing it. He’d been avoiding getting too personal, not wanting to speed up the inevitable testing of his ability to refocus his passions.

He hoped another week would see him through. It was a gamble though, but one he had to take. Things were going on too long… she was going to start getting suspicious if he didn’t let things advance.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and played with the hair at the nape of his neck. “I wish we could take that date right now,” she murmured between kisses. Her mouth was starting to look bruised, which appealed to him. Her body was very slight, he noted as she pressed against him. Such a tiny waist, and tiny frame. She felt breakable. Nothing like what he had gotten so used to before this… L’s body was thin, lean, but felt resilient under his hands, like he could take whatever punishment or pleasure Light could dream up. There was no need to be careful, tender, or reserved.

He hadn’t had a chance to test that out yet, but not for lack of inspiration.

A dallying, introspective moment passed before he noticed one crucial thing.

_Wait…. ‘yet’?_

_What am I saying? There is no ‘yet’. It’s never going to happen._

With something so simple as that, the morose mood tried to blanket him again.

There would be no eventual turning of the tables or role reversal with L. There would be no chance to make him be the one to grovel and beg, or to take _his_ lashings. There would be no making the dark-haired man eat from his hand, bound by jealousy and intense desire.

The darkness in him surged and frustration welled up to the surface like blood seeping from a wound.

_There are so many things I want to do to you!_

He wanted to make **_L_** be the one cuffed and bound and at his mercy. He wanted to hear that self-assured voice change for him as he bore the sharp stings of a whip or a paddle.

He wasn’t sure if he could ever make that a reality, but he wanted to try. He wanted to test his skill against L’s and come out on top. How exhilarating that would be, if he could actually manage to get L to submit to him? It seemed an impossibility when he imagined that clever, impassive face and those endless eyes which were deeper than the darkest night. It felt like blasphemy to even _consider_ the possibility of such a thing. Nevertheless… trying to imagine it - and how L might look then - was giving him such a dirty thrill.

“I don’t live far from here,” Marin trailed, speaking the entreaty against his ear and making him realize he had quite lost track of everything around him. Thinking on L seemed to do that to him. And that wasn’t the only thing it did… She traced a hand over his hip, mistaking his body’s reaction to be from their kissing. “You could come over,” she solicited him.

Should he?

With the sexual tension he was feeling right now, he had no doubt he could make it happen…

But she wasn’t who he wanted.

It seemed wrong if he went along with her wishes right now. He had a hope that he could be authentically into her. But that would probably never happen if he kept thinking of L, OR if he made the misstep of sleeping with her while in his head he was fucking _him_. What if he could never keep the two separate after that? What if every time he tried to be with Marin, his brain was feeding him L?

He had to try and preserve the line, or boundary there. Otherwise there might be no containing it.

“I’d love to,” he lied, disliking the deepened tone of his voice. “But I can’t right now.”

“Liii~iight,” she lamented, looking like she wanted to rip their clothes off right there on the street. “Seriously?” her face said she was looking for his declining of her offer to be some kind of mistake. “Even if I’m totally throwing myself at you?”

 _Crap._ What should he do? Should he consider going along with it?

He briefly visualized it, of spending his desire in her willing service, spearing her soft, delicate form into a mattress. But no, he didn’t feel in control of anything. He wouldn’t be thinking of her - he’d be thinking of someone else, wanting someone else. And he could see the potential for dissatisfaction. Not to mention, it wouldn’t be fair to her.

“Even then,” he said, laying a silencing kiss against her lips.

“You’re killing me,” she groaned in disappointment.

“Come on, let’s go,” he said, a hint of apology in his voice, rousing her to movement.

“I wish one of us had a car right now…” she groused softly, lacing her hand in his.

“That’s your aspiration?” he said, raising a brow. “Not setting the bar very high…”

“Ugh!” she said, smacking him and rolling her eyes. “Not for _everything_. But it would be good enough for… you know.”

True, there was a lot more they could do aside from the full act. But… still, it seemed like a bad idea. Though it would be much less loaded than having full on sex.

“Do I?” he asked in a mock tone of bewilderment. He added to that a sly smile. She was just shy enough that teasing her should overcome her rampant sex drive.

She flushed and smacked him again. “Don’t play innocent. Of course you know what I mean, you’re just trying to embarrass me, making me say it.” Her voice was losing strength and she was starting to have trouble maintaining eye contact.

“But you’re so cute when you’re stammering and flustered.”

“S-Shut up!”

It went on like that as they made their way down the busy strip, to where they would part ways.

She was following his lead, not particularly time constrained like he was. A soft snicker caught his attention.

“What?” he asked, looking up.

Their linked hands swung between them merrily. Marin seemed amused by something.

“Over there,” she said and pointed subtly.

He did a double take as he found himself looking at the outside of S&M, the club. **_Seriously?_** _He couldn’t trust his mind or his feet either??_ “Over where? I just see a club.”

“The _people_ , Light, look at them. How could they seriously stand outside waiting in line to go into a place like that?”

“Well, what else are they supposed to do?” Light was feeling a little on edge. What was she getting at? He couldn’t tell if she was actually being disapproving or if she was just courting a taboo with nervous laughter.

“But it’s a fetish club, isn’t it?” she stressed, again, laughing.

He raised an eyebrow at her. “I suppose?”

“I couldn’t wear stuff like that in public. Look at what they have on,” she almost raised her hand to point. “All that leather and shiny stuff and straps and everything.”

Light surveyed the line and saw quite the interesting attire. Some people covered up with things like jackets or coats, and some people boldly didn’t. The people themselves were all shapes and sizes. There was also natural hair, dyed hair, some worn down, some up, some set into elaborate styles. One particularly striking person had his hair set into a riot of black spikes and had quite a lot of facial piercings flashing silver in the streetlights. He had body piercings as well, judging by the winking of silver beneath the black fishnet top he wore.

“Do you think they go in there and beat each other with paddles and things?” Marin was asking him with a slightly mocking tone.

Now it was really starting to get to him.

“You wanna go in and find out?” he said with a sharp smile, putting her on the spot. He pulled her a few steps towards the door and felt her panic.

“H-Huh? W-Why would I?” she dug her feet into the ground and the shock reflected on her face.

“Well, you seemed so interested…” he shrugged.

“I-I’m not!” she protested and he believed her. “I’m not like that at all.”

He felt something dangerous shifting in him. “Like what?” he asked in a pleasant tone, feeling anything but.

“Like…” she waved her hand, looking for a word. “Deviant,” she said, issuing the word like an insult.

“Hmn?” he drawled, “I wonder what they would think to hear you call them something like that when you don’t even know what you’re talking about?” An edge crept into his teasing tone.

“W-What would I care?” she persisted. “They’re probably just a bunch of people incapable of having _real_ relationships. Why should I care what they think?”

Agitation and annoyance sizzled up Light’s spine as she continued to act like they were third class citizens (himself included). What the hell is a _real_ relationship anyway? Something ‘normal’? Something mind numbingly tame? Or did she really mean to say that anyone into that scene was incapable of emotional attachment?

She sounded astoundingly, blindly ignorant and it kind of pissed him off.

Light shrugged in a cavalier manner. “Seems to me you are trying to be an expert on something you don’t know anything about, that’s all.” Again, a sharpness lurked in his easy going tone.

Marin looked at him, studying his face with an increasingly worried frown. “Are you… upset at me for something?”

“Just surprised is all,” he said archly. “I didn’t think you would be so stridently close minded.”

She looked taken aback. “Because I think fetish clubs are a joke?”

Oh, that irked him.

He gave her a baleful look. “It has nothing to do with your preferences.” His tone was totally slipping. “It’s your _attitude_.”

“MY--” she looked offended and their linked hands fell apart. “What’s _that_ supposed to mean??”

“It means you look like an ignorant _fool_ , if you say you know nothing about a topic then act like you can pass judgement upon it in the next breath.”

 _Oh, shit._ He hadn’t meant to start a fight, but that came out really harsh. He’d never, ever spoken to Marin, or any other girl like that before. He didn’t particularly regret it either, he was so aggravated. But he was really slipping, saying something like that out loud and barely pulling his punches.

“I--” she huffed. “You--” She looked pretty upset and tears were shimmering in her eyes. “You can be so... MEAN,” she said spitefully. “A _fool_? Is that how you see me?”

He looked back at her with a neutral expression, acting like he hadn’t been horribly out of line to say something like that to his… girlfriend.

 _You want to talk about_ real _relationships?_ This didn’t particularly feel like one.

Light shrugged. “I said _like_ a fool.” He paused. “But yes, that’s how it looks from here.”

She stalked up to him and whacked her tiny purse across his chest. “Y-You’re unbelievable! I don’t know why I--” she turned and started to stride angrily from him and then stopped, her arms dropping to her sides. She glanced over her shoulder then, getting a weird look in her eye, like she was dissecting him. She stalked back over. “Or maybe this is _personal_?” she guessed, an acidic shot in the dark which was intended only to set him off, not to be accurate. “Maybe you’re being defensive because you are into that sort of thing? Maybe you’ve even been going in _there_.” She indicated the club with a haughty tilt of her head.

He’d decided to end this rebellion by upping the stakes and facing it head on.

“Ohhh?” he said softly, a predatory amusement sliding into his eyes. “Maybe so.” She stepped back, looking uncertain. He advanced on her and caught her chin with a firm and graceful hand. “Where do you think I learned to kiss like this?” he asked, sliding his other hand around the back of her neck and laying a deliberately debased, sex-charged kiss upon her unsuspecting mouth.

He heard her make a small moan of reaction and felt her hand grip his arm to steady herself. It was like the kiss outside the library, but much more so.

He felt nothing but his agitation and the determination to prove a point. He pulled back just as her knees seemed about to buckle. Her eyes were dazed and her pupils were blown. “You…” she said, faint of breath. “Really?” He could see the gears working as she tried to process a reality where what he’d said was true. He could almost see the dawning of understanding and the widening of her horizons (and the horrified embarrassment at what she’d said earlier). Almost.

“I was joking,” he said, before her brain imploded, tilting his head at her. He took pains to keep his eyes warm and his tone non-combative. “You didn’t really believe me, did you?” he said it in a teasing way, as if they weren’t just fighting for real a few short moments ago.

“I…” she looked really confused, unsettled, and uncertain. “I sort of did… you were really convincing.”

“Oh?” he mused, “Then you were busily painting me as a deviant and writing me off then?”

“Er…” she said awkwardly and put her hand up to her mouth. “T-That wasn’t e-exactly…” She blushed really hard.

His plan was working. She was completely off track from their earlier tiff.

He brought a hand up to caress her cheek. “Hmn? This is more like the face you make when talking about _that_ date.” He leaned in closer. “Looks like you weren’t too quick to judge a deviant, after all, given the right circumstances,” he teased her in a low voice, making her blush even more. “Wouldn’t you agree that looks silly or foolish?”

She grudgingly nodded, averting her eyes.

“I um… thought you were calling me stupid earlier,” she admitted.

“Why would I date you if I thought you were stupid?”

“Huh?” She looked up quickly. “Well, most guys don’t worry about more than the package our brain comes in, and how we’d look naked. Besides… you’re so smart, it’s kind of intimidating….”

“Perhaps I’m a rare breed,” he mused, “I seem to care about both.” He wracked his brain on how to finalize his point without ruining the peace. “But you aren’t stupid, Marin, by any means. So it got to me when you were generalizing earlier. I’m sorry I overreacted. I thought maybe things wouldn’t work with us after all and…..” He trailed the last of it, watching her reactions closely. Flattered by him confirming her intelligence, worried when he said her actions bothered him, mollified by his apology, and…. yes, a level of panic that he might have considered breaking things off. She would be scrambling to repair this any way she could.

“I-I didn’t mean to come across that way,” she fretted. “I’m really sorry, Light…. can you forgive me?”

“So, you understand why it would be hard for me to date someone that was willfully ignorant?”

She blanched. “Yes… b-because it comes off as close minded... and can make a p-person look stupid, even if they aren’t?” It must have been like chewing sandpaper to get the words out. But she looked determined now to get past this and patch things up.

“Exactly!” he said, pretending to beam with innocent acceptance. He pressed an enthusiastic kiss to her lips, part of the show. “I knew you would understand,” he praised her with an affectionate tone. “Of course you’re forgiven. There was never any doubt.”

It was all smoke and mirrors, but he felt less guilty about it than before. He would have a hard time forgetting the things she’d said. This was someone who would not or could not accept all of him for what he was. Sure, it was easy to appreciate a pants-dropping kiss, but that was far and away different from what she _hadn’t_ accepted, which was everything else. A kiss with a _taste_ of the taboo wasn’t the _embodiment_ of that which **was** taboo.

“Ah, hold on a sec,” Light said to her. His phone was buzzing. Probably his mother checking in on him. He fished it out of his pocket and turned away as he answered. “Hello?”

“I see you’re up to interesting things,” L’s voice drawled in his ear with an unmistakably sharp edge, “ _right on my doorstep._ ”

Light felt a riot of emotion and a cold chill sweep over him at hearing L’s voice.  Had L seen all of that?? It became abundantly clear suddenly that his altercation had occurred practically _right outside the club_. **_Stupid!_** he berated himself. He’d gotten too worked up in the moment to remember such an important detail. He was literally staring at the building (and some of the same people were even still in the line to get in).

“Not really,” Light responded, as his stomach sank. He felt cowed and was at a loss of how else he could answer while Marin was within earshot.

“I believe you’ll recall that I don’t like to share?” L’s voice was like ice, or steel, and had the authority of a whip crack.

“...yes,” he said, anxiety crawling up his throat.

“ _Good_.” L said the word with deadly finality.

“Light?” Marin called out tentatively. “Everything all right?”

He heard a low growl of derision on the other end of the line in response to her voice. L was well and truly pissed. Light felt a lump in his throat that he wasn’t sure he could speak around.  L’s rancor affected him so viscerally that it was startling. He held up a finger, asking her for a moment.

There was a brief pause and then L continued. “If I allow this _tryst_ to continue,” he said darkly, “you had better be prepared to do _exactly_ as I say.”

It sounded like a compromise, but there wasn’t any way he could have been more open about the threat. Light had a choice right now - do what L said, or watch him do something to dismantle his relationship. It didn’t seem like an empty threat.

But agreeing to ** _anything_** L asked, that was….

Which was the greater danger?

 _I’m hanging by a thread as it is. When he says jump, I jump. When he’s near me I can’t say **no** …. _He started to panic a little. Maybe he should sacrifice this thing with Marin if it meant he could avoid drinking from the poisoned well….?

Could he really do as L said without losing himself?

“I’ve been lenient with you,” L said, and it sounded like a judgement or sentencing.

The line went dead and Light just about had heart failure.

_Wait!_

He hadn’t had a chance to answer!

He shoved the phone into his pocket, feeling like eyes were boring into his back and it was making him paranoid. They needed to leave. Right now.

He swallowed and tried to beat back the jittery agitation that was threatening to engulf him.

“Hey, sorry about that,” he said to Marin, smiling ruefully. It wasn’t smooth, he could feel the expression crumpling at the edges. “Let’s get going.”

“O-Okay,” she said, eyeing him. She was about to turn and fall in step with him when something caught her attention over his shoulder. “Um… Light? One of the devian-- I mean _different_ people is waving and coming over here. Do you kno--?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing,” he said quickly and herded her onwards, desperate to be away.

“Oi,” a male voice called out jovially, “Light-kun!”

 _Shit._ He glanced over his shoulder. He didn’t know the guy. It was the one he’d seen with all the piercings. _What the hell…?_

He felt like a snare was being sprung around him.

“Light?” Marin asked under her breath, looking as confused as he felt. That confusion, and her insistence on looking over his shoulder as he pressed her forward, was slowing them down. “You sure you don’t know him? He’s jogging to catch up with us.”

He glanced back, and sure enough…

_Oh god._

“Heeeeey, man,” the tall, spikey-haired guy greeted him with a winning smile once he caught up to them. It accented his array of artfully placed piercings. He was really attractive up close. “So cold. Couldn’t you hear me?”

“I don’t know you,” Light said shortly. Why was this happening? “You must have me confused with someone else.”

“You don’t exactly have a common name,” Marin said unhelpfully.

_Jesus H. C., Marin!_

Piercing guy laughed and slung an arm over Light’s shoulder, overly familiar. “Can you believe the memory on this guy?”

Light was painfully aware of his girlfriend’s mind working furiously at the equation in front of her. Here was someone from the line of ‘deviants’ that claimed to know Light personally. After the fight they had _just_ had, it really looked like his cover was about to be blown in a spectacular, fireball-worthy display.

Light felt his hair get ruffled, another overly familiar gesture. The guy used it to get close enough to say, “Choose,” where only Light would hear it.

He froze. _Seriously?_

He tried to catch the guy’s eye but the ‘deviant’ was striking up a new line of conversation with Marin. They were doing introductions for godssakes.

“So, you are?” she was asking.

“I’m Jayden, Light’s lo--”

“Ok,” Light said shortly, seeing where this was going. He had to put a stop to this. Whatever horribly incorrect thing this guy decided to tell her, he risked it getting out to others. From the look of it, he was about to announce they were lovers or something. “What do you want?” _More accurately, what does L want?_ This had to be a friend of his.

“Aw, so rude, Light-kun.” _‘Jayden’_ had a sparkle of amusement in his eye. “Let me introduce myself to the pretty girl.” He flashed a wink at Light where she couldn’t see it. “I’m a friend of a friend,” he continued simply, obviously changing tracks.

Marin looked suspicious. “That wasn’t what you were starting to say before…”

“Oh, that,” he said with a shrug, as if it were totally inconsequential. He was a good actor. “I was going to say Light’s _longtime friend **L**_ ’s friend, but then I thought that was too overly detailed.”

“Oh,” she said simply, all suspicion falling off of her face.

“Aaanyway,” Jayden drawled, the bounce back in his voice. “L said if I saw you to tell you his phone’s messed up and he wanted to talk to you.”

“But why doesn’t Light remember you…?” Marin asked. “You seem pretty distinctive to me.”

_Yeah, **Jayden** , why wouldn’t I remember you? I have a near perfect memory. If you go for the ‘forgetful’ explanation, she’s not going to buy it._

“Oh, he remembers me all right. He just pretends that he doesn’t.”

“But why--?” Marin said, shaking her head.

“Becaaause….” Jayden said conspiratorially, leaning forward and putting a hand up to his mouth as if to hide a secret, “he’s MEAN.”

She gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, trying to hold back shocked laughter as he said nearly the exact same thing she’d accused Light of only minutes before, in their fight.

Jayden grinned, looking as pleased as a cream-fed cat. Light pulled in the glare he wished to send his way, knowing Marin would be able to see it.

“Alright, well, I guess you can make it home ok?” the piercing-studded guy said to her. “I have to borrow this one.” He jerked his thumb at Light.

“O-Oh, of course,” she said. “Um… see you tomorrow?” she asked Light.

He nodded and tried his best to smile at her. “Goodnight.”

Once out of earshot, Jayden whistled, amusement painting his face. “Youuu are playing with _fire_ ,” he said gleefully.

“Who the hell are you anyway? And where are we going?”

“I’m something of a half-hated, distant cousin of L’s, who we are about to go see.”

Once again Light experienced the feeling of his stomach dropping out. “Where is he?”

“In the bowels of the dungeon,” Jayden said ominously, not keeping much of a straight face. He was one happy fucking guy. “Probably flogging the shit out of some unsuspecting Subs,  and gaining new admirers in the process.”

“You’re not serious?” Light said, shocked. Not that he couldn’t picture it but…

“Ah ha ha,” he laughed gleefully. “By your expression, I can tell you’ve already had a taste,” he baited him. “Jealous?”

 _I’m not fucking jealous,_ he seethed.

Light schooled his voice and didn’t bother answering him on that matter. “If he’s in there,” he inclined his head toward the building, “then he wasn’t out _here_ to see whatever it was he saw. So what am I missing?”

“That would be me,” the spiky haired deviant said with pride. “I get bored a lot, and I saw something pre~tty interesting unfolding while I waited in line. I’m an amatuer filmaker. So I took footage and decided to send it to my _dear_ cousin for a lark.” He did a little twirl on his steel-toed boots, as if he was about to bust into a rendition of _‘The Hills are Alive with the Sound of Music’_. It was goddamned annoying and Jayden’s sharp eyes showed that he knew _exactly_ how to fuck with people through his antics. (Light suspected he also had a case of ADHD. What a hellish combination.) “He was _ever_ so thrilled when he discovered he knew the stars,” he continued coquettishly.

“I’m starting to understand the ‘half-hated’ part of your introduction.”

Jayden threw an arm around his shoulders once more. “You really are adorable. It’s almost a shame I don’t swing your way.”

“My way?” Light spluttered. “Excuse me?”

“Oh-ho?” Jayden grabbed his chin in an iron grip and tilted his head up. “I figured if L was banging your brains out, surely….” a delighted smile settled up his face as Light grit his teeth. “Ah, but see what happens when we assume? My cousin’s little toy is jealous, stubborn, **and** straight. What an absolute treat!”

Light broke the hold with an angry sweep of his arm. “Fuck you. I’m leaving.” _Toy?_ Could that be true, that L thought of him that way? He stalked off back the way they came.

“You sure?” Jayden called after him. “Come on, I’m going to get in trouble…”

“Fuck off,” Light said shortly.

“Well, you heard him,” Jayden said conversationally in a quieter voice. Light glanced back and saw the spiky-haired guy shrug, speaking into a cell phone. “Guess the deal is off.”

For a moment, Light froze, thinking that it was L on the other line. He had sounded pretty pissed _before_ … He couldn’t imagine how much worse it would be if he left now.

_Oh, whatever, that guy likes to fuck with people. It probably isn’t even a real call._

Light hadn’t gotten more than a dozen feet further, however, before his phone buzzed in his pocket, stopping him short.

Jayden’s mocking laughter piped up as he fished his phone out of his pocket. He was like a damn hyena.

 _‘Don’t assume I have unlimited patience.’_ L’s text said.

The threat was unmistakable.

Light stared at the screen, torn between complying -and trying to keep everything from blowing apart- or venting this restless and upset feeling that surged up in response to being seen as a toy.

In the end, his pride was the louder force.

 _‘I’m not your toy.’_ he messaged back. The very thought of that pissed him off and worse, made him feel threatened. This is another reason he had for avoiding L. He’d gotten too involved and his emotions were in the mix, causing unwanted chaos.

 _‘Damnit!’_ was the short text response back.

 _Well, what did that mean? Was it true?_ L wasn’t denying he’d thought about things that way...

A beleaguered sigh caught Light’s attention. Jayden was on the phone again, a slight scowl on his face. “Alright, alright.” He looked up at Light and recited, “ _‘I’m sorry for making you mad.’_ ”

Light was bewildered. What the fuck was that, an apology? If it was, it was a really shitty one.

Jayden winced and held the phone out from his ear. “Fine then, I’ll say it verbatim!” he shouted back into the mouthpiece, glaring at the phone. “ _‘Jayden, you fucking asshole, stop making shit up for your own amusement,’”_ he parroted, putting the phone back up to his ear. “Huh? How do you like that?!” he baited with a hyped up edge to his voice. “Maybe I should add the _other_ part--” he broke off mid sentence and looked sullen. “Fine. FINE! I got it. Geez.” He sighed then yelled, “ALRIGHT already!”

He ended the call with a flourish and turned to Light. “We have a complicated relationship,” he said amiably, plastering his typical infuriating smile upon his face as if he wasn’t just yelling into the phone.

“I don’t even want to know.”

“By the way, you **are** coming with me.”

“Like hell I am,” Light snapped.

_You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me._

“Like hell you _aren’t_ ,” Jayden snapped back. “I’m being held responsible.”

“Not my problem.”

“It is if you don’t want sweet little Marin to know all about your _deviant_ tendencies,” he sneered.

“How the hell could you even have heard that? You were too far away!” Between that and the thing Jayden had said earlier, parroting Marin’s words back… something wasn’t right. It’s like he’d heard the whole thing.

“I read lips,” the hyperactive deviant was saying with a shrug. “So yeah, I essentially heard the whole thing. And I miiiight have relayed some of that to my _dear_ cousin…” He made a slight face then, and said, “He was under-appreciative, to put it lightly.”

Light’s stomach churned at the thought. So it **was** almost as bad as if L had been there, after all.

Jayden took that moment of distraction and grabbed a fistful of his shirt, then unceremoniously dragged him like a sack of potatoes towards the club’s back door. “If you like him, I don’t get why you’re fucking around with someone else,” he said over his shoulder. “You’re bound to get burned.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jayden, omfg. Haha <3


	13. Choose

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> many of life's decisions are hard to make.  
> Light's feelings - the struggle is real.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 13: Choose  _

“Man,” Jayden complained, eyeing Light’s clothes as he dragged him through an unknown, back area of the club, “you dress like a prep school all star. Bleh!”

Light gave up fighting, or even responding back to him.

“What, are you ignoring me now? I assure you, I can make you regret trying.” He ducked in close to Light’s ear and said, “I can be reeeeeally _annoyingly_ persistent.”

Light shrugged him off, and said, “It’s complicated.”

“Hmmmmn?” Jayden seemed set to pursue that but got distracted by the bag Light was still dragging around in one hand. “Ooo! What’s in the bag??” He snatched it up with a manic grin. “Heeey, these are pretty nice. I like it!” He eyed Light. “Hmn… yeah I can see it. That would definitely be an improvement.”

Jayden darted around like a hummingbird on crack. Lord knows how he’d managed to sit still for all of those piercings. “Hey, let’s go see Donny,” he said, eyes lighting up with the idea. “Come on, despite appearances, I think you have the body for it.”

“Let’s not.”

Jayden surged forward and locked a forearm under his chin, pinning him against the wall of the corridor. “Let’s,” he said with a grin.

Light grabbed at his arm, trying to move it enough to breathe. _This guy…_

“Oooooh, you make some nice faces. Let’s call that one ‘desperation’.”

Jayden suddenly hiked Light’s shirt up, tracing a line up his stomach at the same time, bringing a startled flush to his face. “And we’ll call this one….” he trailed fingers over Light’s chest and tweaked a nipple, making him bite the inside of his lip, “...surprisingly fuckable.”

“Thought you said you were straight,” Light ground out as Jayden’s face swam closer, getting a look like he was going to try something. His eerie, light colored eyes were fixating on his lips.

Damnit, he couldn’t break the hold, and as soon as he let go of trying to pry the arm from his throat, it came down with crushing force.

“Hmn, that’s true. But maybe you’ll be my ‘exception’.” Jayden really looked like he was warming up to the idea.

“Pretty sure that would be a bad idea.”

Jayden’s attractive, piercing-studded face drew close. Way too close. “Aw, come on, you don’t know until you try.” Lips hovered over his.

“Pretty sure,” Light said again, seeing something Jayden didn’t, but he was still unable to break the hold. He winced as a pale, angular hand descended upon Jayden and hauled him backwards bodily. L’s wrath then collided with his cousin’s midsection, knocking the breath out of him.

“Ow, geez, L, what the fuck?” Jayden gasped.

L hauled him to his feet and punched him again. “You’re lucky I’m still minding your face.”

“You mad?” Jayden wheezed, having the gall to look like he wasn’t sure.

“Do I seem mad?” L aimed a swing and clipped him in the corner of the jaw, an area that was unadorned by any piercings. He must’ve cared about his cousin a good deal to show that courtesy while exuding cold fury.

Light had half a mind to creep back out the door. He started to, when L’s black gaze marked his escape. “Don’t you even move,” he warned.

Jayden seemed to have recovered enough to swing back at L, grazing his face. “So what are you mad for?” He almost seemed exhilarated to be fighting. “I was just warming him up for you.”

“What the fuck does that even _mean_?” L growled, kicking his feet out from under him. He kneeled astride his mouthy cousin and grabbed him by the throat, pinning him to the floor.

“Ow,” Jayden said. He still didn’t seem to be overly concerned about the situation.

“You’ve got serious problems, you _know_ that?” L said, starting to sound more exasperated than vengeful.

“See you next time, Light,” Jayden said, meeting his eyes over L’s shoulder and tossing him a wink and an air kiss.

Light had been creeping towards the door, and that foiled his clean escape.

_Damn him!_

“Light, wait.” L scrambled to his feet as Light bolted. He spared a moment to kick his cousin in the ribs, “I’ll fucking deal with you later. Get the hell out of here.”

Light had decided that the family feud was just a bit beyond his desire to comprehend. Maybe Jayden was just plain mentally unstable. That was about the only thing that made him mildly comprehensible.

 _Shit._ He must’ve gotten turned around. This was the back of the club, but he didn’t recognize anything at all. He stopped, looking left and right, trying to determine a likely direction. It was almost like it was completely different from where he had been for the show….

“Light!”

He jumped in response, startled. Damnit, L was gaining on him. He ducked around a corner, and into a darkened room. He kept an eye out, waiting for him to pass by so he could go the other way.

A soft, throaty moan caught his attention and he realized that the room was NOT empty. As his eyes adjusted, he saw what seemed on first appearance to be an orgy with Masquerade masks. He felt his face and body flush instantaneously as his mind captured bits and pieces of the scene. He couldn’t even process the entirety of it, before he quickly looked away.

“Hey,” a woman said, sidling up to him. “You can’t just look and not touch…” She was completely nude, and seemed quite ok with that. He couldn’t even react right away as she smiled sexily at him and threw her arms around his neck.

“I-I’m sorry,” he said, still horribly distracted by what was going on in the room behind her. “Wrong room.” He unwound her clinging arms from his neck with some difficulty as she giggled and kissed his face.

“Join us.”

“I have to go,” he said, bowing out, while also feeling a pull to discover all of what was going on in here. He thought he saw or heard whipping and sharp intakes of breath. Then there was the low murmur of voices, and passion. And really, the whole room had a hedonistic, compelling vibe. He kept backing up, still quite shocked at the lack of undress. Just what all were people getting up to in here? Was this like the back rooms of a sex club?

He had just backed his way out into the hallway when he bumped into someone.

“There you are,” L said in exasperation, grabbing him by the arm. “You shouldn’t be back here.”

“There were… I just saw…”

L rubbed a hand over his face. “Freaking Jayden. I _told_ him not to bring you back here.”

“Why are _you_ back here?”

“I work here sometimes.”

“Doing _what_?”

“Nevermind that,” L waved him off. An ill mood seemed to wash over him suddenly as he gathered his thoughts. “We need to talk,” he said, his tone severe.

“No, we don’t,” Light said, edging away. L felt electric and dangerous, like a gathering storm. Apparently the fight with his cousin didn’t diminish his ire for long. “I need to get home.”

“YES, we do,” L insisted, a glare darkening his features, “and we _will_.” The force of his presence was almost overwhelming.

Light stepped back as L stepped forward.

“You can’t be serious about that girl,” L said with quiet intensity, “I see how you react to me.” His eyes raked Light’s face, looking for his weakness.

“Is that why you’re so mad today?” Light shot back, feeling caged and a little desperate. L was totally right, all he could do was react, react, react. Marin didn’t hold a candle to how he felt about this difficult person in front of him.

“ _Yes_ ,” L answered, gazing steadily into Light’s eyes, surprising him. L drifted closer, amplifying the tension between them. “I’m angry that she gets to touch you…” L’s hand cupped his face, tilting it up. “When that is all that **I** want to do….” Light felt his body tighten and color come into his face. Damn it all, he couldn’t _not_ react!

“Why do you keep running from this?” L said, brushing lips against his. “When it’s so obvious that you want it?”

That lost quality was evident in his tone again.

“I can’t,” Light said with dismay, feeling a sharp twinge in his chest.

L took his face in both hands, a debilitatingly intimate touch. Light wanted to run away. Warmth was flooding his body and his willpower was flagging. L’s black eyes were like drowning pools. Light couldn’t find his way out of them. “But you’re already doing it,” L said softly, sealing his indecision with a gentle kiss and the taste of desire.

Arousal bloomed and he couldn’t fight the wave of it. It took over his body and slayed him at L’s feet.

L pressed forward, deepening the kiss and sharpening the pleasure seeping through him. His back hit the wall and L’s hand slid up under his shirt, caressing the skin over his stomach, ribs, anywhere he could reach. It felt as possessive a touch as the kiss that was currently dismantling his self-control.

A moan escaped his lips as L traced a finger just beneath the waistband of his pants. He tried to push L away but his hands just gripped his shoulders instead. L was undoing the front of his pants, killing him with suspense. He ached, and his flesh demanded that touch.

“Look at me and tell me you don’t want this,” L said huskily, drinking in the reactions flitting across his face as he teased him with the barest of caresses.

“I… can’t…”

“Can’t do this?” L prompted in a murmur, “Or can’t lie and say you don’t want it?”

Light shook his head, overwhelmed as L’s hand wrapped around his aching arousal. It got even worse as L leaned in and suckled the vulnerable curve of his neck. His breath caught audibly in his throat and his flesh throbbed in L’s hand.

L let out a broken sigh. “I want you like this,” he breathed, “every time I see you.” He trailed his tongue up the column of Light’s neck, making him shiver inside.

L pulled Light’s shirt over his head and dropped it to the floor. “What are you doing?” he asked hazily as L’s mouth started exploring his exposed skin, drifting downward. He tried to remember that they were technically in a public place, a hallway.

His eyes fluttered shut as soft lips and a clever tongue moved below his belly button. _Oh god..._

The tension was making his stomach leap beneath L’s mouth as it wandered teasingly, tantalizingly lower.

He was about 30 seconds from breaking down and begging.

Before he sacrificed his dignity… and before the waistband of his boxers slid any lower… “L,” he said with great difficulty, the strain of arousal riding his voice. “Someone might see.” They really shouldn’t be doing something like this here… If L really intended to--

His boxers slid down to almost mid-thigh, and L flicked the tip of his arousal with an impetuous tongue, making him shudder.

“I don’t care,” he said with intensity, desire making his voice more rich and affecting. He ran a hand up Light’s inner thigh, making him toss his head back, breathing hard. “Beg for me,” he commanded softly, taking Light’s arousal in hand and running his tongue along it from base to tip.

“God…” Light shuddered, his knees going weak. He felt his face flush hard and it took way too much effort to stay standing. He bit his lip to keep the litany of ‘ _please’s_ from flowing from his lips as L plied him with new and inventive techniques. Oh god, it was hard.

One might think being on one’s knees was the submissive role, but L was positively dominating him.

It was the sensation of a firm hand smoothing over the curve of his ass and squeezing that did him in - it was at the same moment a hot, slick tongue swirled around the tip of his head. “Oh god, please,” he gasped. Desire had sharpened to the point of a razor and it would soon start cutting. He was panting now, trying to get enough air.

“Hmn?” L said in a deep voice that he could feel down to his toes. “I don’t think I heard that.” He deviated to lay kisses across his hip, intentionally fueling his frustration. “Maybe you wanted me to stop?”

“N-No, please…. “

“Is that the best you can do?” L mocked him engagingly. “I thought you were trying to convince me?”

“L... _please_ , don’t stop…”

L started teasing him again with errant touches, making the feeling of unbearable sexual tension grow even stronger. “Is there something you want me to do to you?” he asked silkily.

 _Damnit,_ Light cursed. He couldn’t hold out any longer. He was fast approaching that place where he’d say anything at all, just to get relief. “God, you’re an asshole,” he breathed, one last rebellion against his tormentor.

“Well?” L prompted, sounding even more turned on. “I’m waiting.”

Light tossed his head as a spidery, white hand wrapped around his need and stroked firmly upward. He groaned through clenched teeth as heightened arousal proceeded to start shredding him. He gasped as L repeated the motion, eyes locked on his face. It was almost worse than the lack of sensation from before. His entire body was trembling. “God, I want you to fuck me,” he moaned, as his mind started to break and supply him images of just that.

“Better,” L approved in a darkly sexy tone, and swallowed his desperation in the hot embrace of his mouth.

Light’s knees buckled and his eyes rolled back in his head as he was engulfed, mind, body and soul.

Sensation was overwhelming - as was the knowledge that it was **_L_** doing this to him, taking him in, working him over.

He really hoped that no one walked by because there was no way in hell he’d be able to stop. Not for pride, modesty, or anything else. He just sank into the stroking of that hot tongue, the sucking pull that was flashing stars behind his eyes, and the feel of L’s hands upon him.

 _God_ , why is it always like this?

_I could die here and be perfectly content. I don’t want this to end._

But it was too good. He couldn’t last against the onslaught.

He threw a hand over his own mouth as he came, barely stifling the gut wrenching moan that L was able to drag from him.

He sank down to the floor, into L’s waiting embrace. He tasted himself on L’s lips and it stirred the same debased lust that he’d been running from for the last few weeks.

“I’d love to oblige you and fuck you senseless,” L said, his voice still throbbing with desire, ”But I don’t think we have the luxury of the time I’d want to spend upon that.”

Light’s head spun, his blood quickening with the picture that painted.

“While we’re down here,” L said, moving to sit against the wall next to him, “Why don’t we test your oral dexterity?”

L wanted him to…? Here? It was already a small miracle that no one had happened by...

“I’ve never--”

“Oh, I don’t even care if you’re awful,” L said dismissively, his face strained with lust. Black eyes turned up to meet his, brimming with intensity and pulling him in. “I just want to see your mouth wrapped around my c--”

“Okay, okay,” Light interrupted him, face flushing with embarrassment. _Jezus, the things he says…_ The sentiment was pretty hot though - that L would get off on it even if it was bad, just because it was _him_.

He undid L’s pants and held L’s desire in his hand, pulsing hot. His eyes flicked to L’s face and he noted the tension that lined it even with this minimal amount of touching. His dark eyes had slipped shut and his chest was rising and falling in shallow, rapid breaths.

If Light didn’t know any better, he’d say that the indomitable L was _painfully_ aroused. He watched his expression very intently as he brought his lips up to graze the shaft of his need. The reaction was there - a stilted breath and a tremor in his body.

Light took the tip into his mouth and swirled his tongue around the edge then sucked hard. L’s head fell back, his breathing coming faster now. He was biting his lip hard.

This was the first time he’d had control of things between them. Ever.

It made him want to be a little cruel. He wanted to see L dance as _his_ puppet. He withdrew, moving to kneel in front of L instead of doing this from the side.  “Spread them,” he said, kicking L’s legs wide. He saw a dusting of color on L’s pale face, despite the ornery look he gave Light upon opening his lust-hazed eyes. Light locked gazes with him and crawled forward, deviating from his assigned task to claim L’s mouth.

The kiss was hot, debased, and sucked him in as surely as a rip current. The only difference was, he had a little control now. He was obviously the more clearheaded of the two. L was a step or two behind him, which surely galled him.

“If you try and tease me too much, I’ll make you pay for it later,” L warned.

The threat fell a little flat while he was looking so undone. Light smiled at him mischievously, feeling the rush of his little power trip suffusing him with life. He reached down to stroke L’s need with his hand, his eyes going warm as L reacted against his will. “I don’t think you’re in a position to be issuing threats.”

“Well,” L said casually, the effort costing him, “threats seem to be the only thing you respond to.”

Light squeezed his arousal firmly, making him wince and flush at the same time. It seemed a little pain went a long way. “Gnngh. Fucking tease,” he gasped out as Light repeated the motion, with a little more force than before. _God that’s hot,_ Light thought as pleasure flared in his belly. He hadn’t thought that this little exercise would be quite _this_ stimulating. “What, aren’t you going to beg me?” he said imperiously, staring down at his plaything.

“Only if you _earn_ it,” L said slyly, still managing to keep some sense of composure. Barely. He looked like he was teetering on the brink.

Light decided to go for the throat. He slid down L’s body and took his arousal into his mouth, feeling it hot on his tongue and fevered in his hand.  L was gritting his teeth now, his brows drawing together as Light stroked him with the smallest, most maddeningly slow movements of his tongue. L was stubbornly trying to hold out, not to beg for more. His trembling thighs told a truer story.

Light sucked lightly, exerting pressure as he moved his mouth up and off of his arousal, letting the head break free with a soft ‘ _pop’_ of released suction. He took a detour to explore the quivering skin of L’s stomach. It jumped each time he nuzzled, bit, or licked it.

“Nnngh,” L moaned through clenched teeth. “I’m going to kill you… SO hard…. later…”

“If that was you begging, I give it a negative 2.” In truth, it was totally turning him on.

“Oh, for the love of god,” L said, sexual frustration peaking at last. He grabbed the back of Light’s head and pulled him up into a soul crushing kiss. It was desperate and hot and shot through Light like a blast, rendering him nearly senseless. “I _will_ fuck you right here in the hall,” L said against his mouth as he pulled back. “I was trying to be classier than that.”

“Not by much,” Light returned, wishing he could say that cooly, and not look like he wouldn’t mind seeing the end to that threat. After that kiss, he was now completely hard again. Damn it all.

He took L in hand and gave him what he wanted, going down on him, but made it hard, fast and dirty. If L wanted to be so impatient about it, he’d make him climax so fast he’d look like a fool.

“Oh… goddamn…” L breathed hard, obviously liking it _just_ like that, winding a hand in his hair. Instead of looking foolish, he looked and sounded even sexier than before.

Light moaned deep in his throat as arousal speared him through and rippled throughout his body.

“Mmnn…” L moaned in reaction. “You’re hard again, aren’t you?” The hand in his hair tightened, “God, that’s fucking sexy,” he growled as his body started to shudder.

 _Jezus_ , _you’re the one who’s fucking sexy,_ Light thought, as everything about that was making him throb.

No sooner than L had spent himself, he was hauling Light up to meet him mouth to mouth, and his hand was wrapping around Light’s aching flesh. He didn’t seem to suffer from a lack of energy, that’s for damn sure. His kiss was every bit as scandalous and affecting as before and trapped Light in sensation. Coupled with the steady pace of his deft hand, Light was rapidly falling apart all over again.

He had to break the kiss as he was having trouble catching his breath. Passion was socking him in the gut, over and over. He buried his face in L’s shoulder. His body was starting to tremor already.

“Let me see your face as you come,” L said, flipping Light over on his back and nuzzling his cheek. “Let me hear you.”

“Uhnnngod….” Light groaned as pleasure ramped up suddenly and snapped over him. His body was shaking even harder than last time. Heat flushed his face and flooded his body.

“Perfect,” he heard L’s voice say, as if from a great distance, as his eyes clenched shut and everything inside him became white static.

He drifted there for a while, things as quiet as a blast zone, serene in nothingness.

There was peace here.

Utter peace.

And warmth. He felt surrounded by it, enveloped and suffused with it.

He felt whole. Complete.

He wanted to stay here forever, floating untethered, all of the jagged edges of him smoothed out and all of the empty spaces filled in.

Slowly, however, part of his consciousness started filtering back to the present. Gentle lips pressed to his in a soft kiss, amplifying the warmth while also calling him back.

A tender caress upon his cheek further grounded him in his body. He gradually opened one eye, than the other, still feeling hazy and warm. L was gazing upon him, unhurried, peaceful. “You have the prettiest eyes...”

His voice seemed to reflect that same warmth of feeling which Light still felt within.

For some reason it made him feel both happy and slightly terrified. He was poised at the edge of a freefall; and he was the one who was about to take that willing step over the edge. That was how this seeming synchronicity between them felt.

“Hey, don’t look away,” L said, in an unarmed sort of tone, turning his face back to him. Light hadn’t realized he’d looked away. Even still, he couldn’t meet those deep, dark eyes for more than a moment. He felt like something in him was beginning to unravel or tear loose. L continued softly, “Why is it that you always seem to be running from me?”

“Because, you…” Light’s thoughts started to slip out into spoken form before he could stop them. He slammed his filters back in place, mortified that he had allowed such a thing to transpire. His eyes darted to L’s face, trying to assess the damage he’d caused himself.

L seemed to be assessing him in turn, although his expression now seemed more shuttered than a moment ago. “Because I...?”

_Because you made me have feelings for you…_

_Because I’m terrified I might actually be in love with you…_

_Because I don’t know if you are serious about me or if you just.... If I’m just…._

He broke off the thought, unable to explore the possibility of being expendable any further. He couldn’t say any of this. Even if he mustered the courage to toss any of it out there, he could tell his throat would lock up against the words. He didn’t feel safe to admit to anything just yet. If ever. “It’s nothing,” he whispered hoarsely.

“It’s never ‘nothing’ with you.”

“Just drop it, okay?” Light detected panic in the snap of his own voice.

L shrugged. “Don’t get mad.” His voice was inflectionless. What was he thinking?

“I’m not…” He actually wasn’t. He just didn’t feel in control of himself when L started pressing at things he was desperately guarding. “Sorry,” he made himself say. It was a weak apology, barely audible.

“Mmm.” L’s response was noncommittal. What was odd is that he had started pulling off the loose, thin black sweater he’d been wearing.

“W-What are you doing?” Light said with confusion.

“Isn’t it obvious?” L shot him a look like he was quite pitifully slow.

“Er…” he said, not putting anything together, even with that aggravating look leveled his way.

L shook his head and ran the material up his stomach, cleaning him up.

_Oh._

Geez, he had to have really been out of it to not even feel the sticky evidence of his spent release drying upon his skin.

“You’re hopeless,” L said lightly, balling his sweater in his hands and setting it aside. He picked something else up off of the floor. “You should be getting home. Here, your shirt.” He pulled it over Light’s head and let him do the rest. “Good thing you weren’t wearing it.”

Yes, getting his shirt dirty would definitely have complicated things.

“So, you actually care if I get into trouble with them, for coming home late?” He tossed it out there, testing. All he wanted to hear was something to the affirmative. He wanted to feel that L respected the situation he was in, at least a little.

L gave him an odd look. “Of course I do. What the hell kind of a question is that?” He shook his head. “Nevermind, don’t bother answering that. Can you stand?” He reached a hand out to Light.

“Of course I can stand,” he scoffed, clasping L’s wrist. L gripped his wrist in turn and hauled him to his feet. Light’s knees promptly gave out, supporting him with all the tenacity of jello.

“Yeah, see?” L said, catching him as his legs buckled. “Just because you _will_ it so, doesn’t make it true.”

_Damnit._

“I feel fine,” he protested.

L tilted his face up by the chin with an unrelenting grip and looked him over. “Yeah, I bet. Your pupils are still blown, and you have a hazy look in your eyes.”

Light flushed angrily. He couldn’t help it if having sex with L affected him this strongly! God, it was embarrassing to have L so calmly assess him like that, as if he hadn’t played a huge part in it.

L let go of his chin, finally, only to scoop him up bridal style.

“What the hell are you doing?” Light hissed, trying to push out of the demeaning hold.

“Taking you home.”

“Like hell you are, put me down!”

“Shut up. My car is just outside.” He gave Light a baleful glare. “Unless you would rather _crawl_ home? I’d imagine you’d rather not make yourself even later.”

“Or you could just _give me a minute_ , you pushy bastard,” Light muttered. He’d rather wait until his legs weren’t rebelling, and just take the hit on being even later to get home. His pride deeply protested this.

“I’ll pretend I didn’t _hear that_ , you pain in the ass.” L adjusted his hold and set off down the hallway. Light turned his face into L’s bare shoulder, trying to bury his mortification. Maybe if he was lucky, no one would see him like this. Or, at the least, he could hope no one would recognize him.

His plan to hide his face backfired somewhat. He could feel L’s warm skin against his forehead, cheek and lips. He could smell and almost taste the slightly salty, enticing scent of his flesh. It was beckoning him to touch it with the tip of his tongue, to test it, a compulsion almost as strong as the urge to sink his teeth into the skin beneath his lips.

_He smells so good…._

That warm feeling was filtering back. He tried to chase it away, not wanting it. But it was persistent and joined with the urge to….

His lips parted just enough for the tip of his tongue to flick against the smooth skin before him. Yes, there was the faint salty taste but also the slightly musky scent that kept pulling him in. His lips brushed the skin as he breathed in.

_Why does he smell so good?_

He wanted to surround himself with that scent, breathe it in deeply, but it was elusive. Maybe… Light lifted his head and leaned into L’s neck. Yes… it was stronger here, and more alluring. He nuzzled the soft skin of his throat, feeling his lips part almost automatically to take the flesh between his teeth. His mouth moved upon the skin, gently tasting, then sucking upon it. He wasn’t even thinking, it was like second nature.

Light felt a slight tremor in L’s arms.

He ignored it in favor of continuing his exploration. _Hm… how would L look with an angry mark of red upon his throat?_ he wondered as he worried the flesh. It felt so resilient and fragile under his mouth. He found that he wanted to know. He had yet to leave any sort of mark of his own upon the dark-haired man, though he’d borne plenty of HIS marks. His mouth drew harder upon his flesh, wanting to make a near-permanent, strawberry colored hickey against his pale skin.

Light heard a sharp intake of breath and reaction pooled in his gut.

“Stop it, Light,” L said, pitching his voice low so that the odd passerby would not hear.

“Stop what?” Light said, ignoring him. He moved to a new spot, lips brushing a tender area just beneath the curve of his jaw. It smelled delicious. He took a gentle bite and felt a jolt ripple through his bossy companion.

Partially on his mind was the visual of time alone together, privacy, and having a chance to spend their passion any way they saw fit, instead of settling for hands or mouths alone. It seemed like so long since he had felt L pushing him into a mattress, feeling the stroke of him inside… driving him to madness with sensation and trailing emotions.

He was sated at the moment, but still his mind drifted and supplied quite the vivid imagery. Plus, L’s reactions were quite amusing. Light reached up to run his fingers through L’s hair at the nape of his neck. He watched as L’s face took on a look of intense focus, and stared straight ahead as if trying very hard to ignore what he was doing.

L hit the bar on the back door with his hip to open it, and let them out into the night air.

A moment later he dropped Light’s feet to the ground and pressed him up against the brick wall outside with a rough kiss.

Light’s eyes slid shut as the warm feeling flooded him in a rush. One of L’s hands twisted in his hair, tilting his head up demandingly as his mouth was devoured.

_Just like this…._

Passion that was hot enough to burn his hands…

 _This_ was what he wanted.

This feeling that blew everything else away.

“Damnit,” L murmured against his lips. “You make it fucking hard to be a gentleman. I don’t really want to take you home.”

“What _do_ you want?” Light asked, already knowing they wanted the same thing. A bed, a distinct lack of clothes, and nowhere to be for the next several hours.

L growled under his breath. “For one, I want you to stop being such a _tease_ when I’m trying my damndest to be good... responsible, and all that.”

“You’re responsible?” Light arched a brow to instigate him.

“I try,” L said, treating him to another one of his baleful glares. “ _You’ve_ made a mess of my track record, though.” His dark eyes were sharp as daggers, giving him a lazy, penetrating look that said he could see right through Light’s attempt to wind him up.

“You trying to accuse me of something?” Light said with tilted smile, not dimmed in the least. He felt in control of this little exchange and that was making him feel a shot of exhilaration. He was fine with taking a gamble and testing the limits.

L shrugged. “It wouldn’t do any good.”

Hmn… L seemed to know him better than he thought…

“How do you know until you try?” he responded coyly, playing at innocence.

The corner of L’s mouth quirked up in the beginnings of a dangerous smile. “Oh, I _know_ you. Better than you think, _Akanbo_.”

For some reason, _that_ gave Light pause.

L leaned in to speak in his ear. “Tread lightly,” he warned. There was a weight to those two dark, little words. They carried both a threat and a promise wrapped in the velvety, deep tone.

The game had changed.

One moment to the next, Light had lost the steering and now foreboding inched up the back of his neck and tension circled his chest.

Damnit, why was he suddenly feeling like he did when they were on the topic of his sort-of girlfriend? He did not like this kind of tension. It would only amplify to the point where he felt put on the spot again before L’s genuine displeasure - a place he still didn’t know how to navigate.

 _Damn feelings._ He blamed it on the emotions, without them, he would have a _much_ easier time spinning things his way. As it was, L could thwart him, apparently, at any time. It was a distinct disadvantage and he didn’t want L to realize the truth of it - how quickly he’d been able to turn the tables.

He needed a diversion.

 _I’ll just have to create one._ He could fake it - pretending to be unaffected by the change of power. Yes, and maybe if he was lucky he could even fake it _well_.

“Weren’t you going to give me a ride home?” Light prompted unconcernedly, drawing a finger up L’s lightly muscled midsection. He allowed his eyes to drift upward as if it was hard to pull them away from the path of his fingertip. As he met L’s gaze, he went for a look of sly innocence - wide eyes and a touch of the dark.

L shook his head and pressed a hard kiss to his closed mouth, as if sealing away his own desires. “I said I would. Come on.” He pushed Light’s clothing bag against his chest, offloading the burden Light hadn’t even noticed he had been tending. Light took it and watched L as he walked away towards wherever the car was. He pushed off of the wall and followed, his legs cooperating at last. L’s build was pleasing to the eye, as was the quality of his pale skin, bare to the waist. He carried his balled up sweater in his left hand.

 _That really was considerate of him... He really could have been an asshole and used my shirt - which would have given me a major problem in trying to return home. I’d either have had an obviously soiled shirt or would have had to do without._ As if _that_ wouldn’t raise questions!

He followed L to the car, which was an old black muscle car. It was roomy, wide, and looked like a 1970s Charger, though he wasn't versed enough on cars to say for certain.

Light slid into the front seat. He congratulated himself on his well-executed distraction. It worked like a charm and L seemed none the wiser. _He really must be trying to be a gentleman, if me pressing the issue made him walk off like that. He must really be trying to cool things down then..._

His thoughts trailed off as L leaned across the center console to pull him into a devastating kiss; he felt it all the way to his toes.

_So much for the cooling off idea…_

L’s hand cupped his face possessively as he ravaged Light’s mouth.

“Damnit,” L murmured, pulling back a little. It did nothing to cut the sexual tension. “When can I see you again?”

“I… don’t know,” Light trailed, unable to think with L’s mouth hovering near his and the feel of sex riding the air, unfulfilled.

“Tomorrow night?” L asked between maddeningly chaste kisses pressed softly to his lips. “After that school thing?”

After the study session, he was supposed to see Marin. And he really should, if he wanted to salvage anything after tonight…. Having her go home alone was a pretty bad move, but he hadn’t exactly had a choice. “I don’t know… I promised Marin--” he started to say.

“Spend some time with me,” L enticed him, eyes softly tracing his face. “Don’t waste it all on her, now that you have a longer leash...”

The appeal was beginning to wear him down and make him forget the importance of dealing with Marin at all. But it wasn’t really about her, was it.... It was about this addiction and the things it kept making him do - decisions he wouldn’t otherwise make.

Instead of saying yes, Light looked away, complicated feelings rising to the surface.

“What, are you _still_ going to deny me?” L seemed genuinely taken aback. There was shock and anger, swiftly hidden away again under a veneer of vague disapproval.

It must have seemed like Light had just chosen Marin over him.

He didn’t really intend it that way… but how else could anyone interpret that? Realization of that fact made something like self-hate well up in his chest like a sea of glass shards. Between the two, **_L_** was the one he… “You said you wouldn’t stand in the way,” Light found himself saying. The words almost surprised him - he hadn’t meant to say them, or so callously.

“Jezus,” L said, shaking his head and putting the car into gear with a hardened expression on his face. “You are something else.”

_This has all gone wrong…_

Light wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what he _could_ say.

The crushing, sharp sensation in his chest amplified. Even if he apologized, what would he say? The fact was, L **had** said that he would leave this alone. And he _needed_ L to leave it alone. It was a life preserver and without it, he would drown in this storm-tossed sea that L had thrown him into.

The rest of the drive was uncomfortably silent.

Sidelong glances confirmed only that L’s expression was somewhat blank. It betrayed nothing else. And yet he may as well have looked pissed because that was the feel emanating off of him in waves.

Not too much later, the car pulled to a stop several houses down from Light’s to let him out. It would keep them from prying eyes and make it look like he had walked home.

“I hope you remember the other part of that agreement,” L said with cold eyes, looking at him at last.

Light swallowed. _That_ part... the _“be prepared to do whatever I say”_ part…. it could be almost as dangerous as no agreement at all. L could use that to jerk him around by the nose and make his life utter hell - putting him in all kinds of difficult situations. He could single handedly collapse the relationship with Marin, making Light scramble to do damage control.

Light nodded reluctantly, feeling quite cowed.

“Good,” L said shortly.

Light got out of the car and had barely closed the door before L pulled away.

_What am I going to do about this?_

He had such mixed feelings as he watched L’s tail lights move off into the distance. Guilt again, and dread.

Light shoved his hands into his pockets and walked the short distance to his house. Things had been going so well earlier….

 _Except for **before** that_, he reminded himself. _Before_ things had been going well, he’d been trying to make himself scarce while L and his cousin beat up on each other. Before _that_ , he’d been dealing with the general insanity and infuriating nature of Jayden. And before _that_ , L was threatening him over the phone while he was with Marin.

_That feels like 10 years ago._

It was a little after midnight. He hadn’t intended to stay out long, just a couple hours. A brief outing which had totally turned chaotic. He had a hard time believing his parents wouldn’t have an issue over it. Saturday was the day he’d been cleared for more time out, not tonight.

_Damnit!_

If Jayden hadn’t stuck his nose in, NONE of this would have happened. L wouldn’t have gotten pissed at him, he would have walked Marin to the bus or wherever she’d come from, like planned, and he wouldn’t have had Jayden sexually harass him, or L sexually harass him, and he would have gotten home _on time_.

...not that he didn’t enjoy L sexually harassing him, he grudgingly admitted. _Fuck. But that wasn’t the POINT!_ Earlier that day he had **vowed** to stop doing this. Even if he enjoyed it. Even if he _loved_ it.

He ran a hand over his face tiredly.

It would be so much easier to give in, and just pretend that everything would work out. It would be so much easier if he didn’t care about things like his own self-control, or being able to see his decisions through.

It would be so much easier if his parents weren’t total dicks, trying to control every aspect of his life, thereby making him choose between L and getting away from them!!

“Fuck it all,” he whispered, balling a fist and pressing it into his eye socket where a pressure was starting to build. _I want to choose L._

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg, Light! you are sort of coming to terms with what you actually WANT! =D kudos! congrats!   
> ...too bad you are fuggin everything up! T___T
> 
> (poor L. smh.)


	14. Seeing Double

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> standing up to the parental units. study session gets a new attendee.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  A/N: I mention A.D.D. (technically now called A.D.H.D. though most people still just call it A.D.D.) several times in this fic, and I wanted to clarify that I don’t see it in a negative light at all. It’s just a thing. Different way the brain works. It manifests a bit differently depending on the person. Some people act bonkers, some people just multitask so well it’s amazing. Just sayin’. Not hatin’. : )
> 
> If you are curious, I found there are actually documented “types” of A.D.D. which are now recognized. This link gives an overview of some types. --> additudemag.com/slideshow/61/slide-2.html

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 14: Seeing double  _

Light wasn’t entirely surprised when the click of his key unlocking the door lit up his house like a Christmas tree.

He breathed a deep sigh, feeling too downtrodden to deal with this.

His mother yanked open the door, checked frantically to make sure nothing was broken -like arms, legs, the usual - then he was then yanked inside and the tongue-lashing started.

Light’s attention drifted outside of himself. He surveyed the scene and his father standing patronizingly in the wings to have his turn to lecture him. All he could think about was L, though, and their last exchange. He kept seeing the look on L’s face. The shock, the anger, then the blankness as if he had decided to stop giving a fuck.

Light detachedly watched his parents double-team him to go in for the kill. He had no idea what they were saying; in his head he just heard blank white noise. He nodded and said something or other back to them at appropriate times; if he hadn’t been, it would have wrecked their flow. All he could do is watch them and wonder if he could endure this in order to keep L. If he moved, it was all over. If he stayed… _this_ is what he would be dealing with for the next four years.

_You’re right, I’m a horrible son, you should just have me put down._

Sachiko gasped.

“Light, why would you even **_say_** something like that?” Soichiro growled, aghast.

“Hmn? Did I say something out loud?” He shrugged. He must be tired to be doing this again. Saying things he hadn’t meant to. Oh well.

“How dare you imply we’d have you murdered!” his mother sobbed.

Light barely kept from rolling his eyes. Once again she’d latched on to the unimportant part of what he’d said.

The more distressing part was that he was feeling impervious to consequences and it was giving him the urge to say things he knew he shouldn’t. It would lose him any ground he’d gained. But he was also feeling destructive.

“You’re grounding me, again,” Light said in response. Apparently he had taken in a thing or two from the lecturing he was tuning out at the moment. “Barring me from a study session where a LOT of people are counting on me to bring up their grades. Barring me from leaving the house. Barring me from trying to have a LIFE. What can I say? I’m depressed.”

“You’re not depressed,” his mother said quickly, as if trying to convince him.

“I am.”

“No, you aren’t,” his father chimed in. “No son of mine--”

He didn’t even let his father finish whatever nonsense he was about to spew about mental health. “I’m depressed,” he trailed sullenly, making a bit of a show out of it, “and soon I’ll lose interest in everything, my motivation and energy will decline and my studies will suffer. I’ll never even _want_ to leave the house, or my own bed…”

As if to further bring the point home, he sank down onto the floor in the entryway and leaned his back against the wall, slumping as if the last of his energy had just given out.

“Light!” His mother was appalled. “Get up off of the floor this instant!” There was a thread of fear in her voice as well.

“Yagami Light, get up off of the floor this instant!” his father echoed. “Your antics are disrespectful to yourself as well as to us and I will not stand for it.”

“Neither will I,” Light trailed palely, slumping a little further.

Soichiro turned red, sensing he was being mocked, although he still looked to be steeped in that freaked-out sort of anger; like he wasn’t 100 percent sure that Light was faking ALL of this. He grabbed Light by the arm and tried to hoist him to his feet. “Stop this nonsense!” he said, doing his best to bring Light upright, but it was like fighting a sack of potatoes. Light was dead weight and not cooperating in the least. “On your feet,” he ordered.

Light let his head loll. “Is being depressed worse than having a girlfriend?” he mused aloud, surreptitiously watching their reactions.

“W-What are you talking about?” his mother said, wringing her hands. “Neither is good for you right now! What kind of a question is that??”

“Father?” he asked, letting his head roll the other way, to look up at him.

“Stop this nonsense, I say! You are NOT depressed and you do not have a girlfriend.” He took a deep breath, likely to tell Light what he _did_ have, which was nothing pleasant by the look of it. More lectures about spouting nonsense and being grounded and so forth.

“Yes, I do, her name is Marin,” he said with the most innocent, earnest of voices. “I’m depressed because I’m being grounded and won’t be able to see her.”

“Oh. My. God,” Light’s mother sobbed and turned her back, with great sniffles making her shoulders heave.

His father had a different approach. “I allow you to have less restriction of your time for TWO WEEKS and you’ve already got a GIRLFRIEND?!” He was outraged. “My GOD, next are you going to be telling us we have grandkids?!”

_Er… wow._

“Would you rather I have a boyfriend?” he asked honestly, pretty shocked over his father’s reaction. “That would make the children a moot point...”

“LIGHT!” his father roared. “Depression, girlfriends or boyfriends? Could you not act like a _normal_ child, for **once**??”

“Pretty sure at least two of those are normal,” he said under his breath.

“LIGHT, you are grounded until I say otherwise!” his father raged. “GO to your room!”

Light held his ground, partially just to be difficult. As such, he kept on the ‘choirboy’ look and voice, as L would call it, knowing that infuriated his father much worse because it made him look like a villian. “What about tutoring? It’s tomorrow--”

“Cancel it!”

“--and I don’t have a way to contact everyone to cancel it.”

Soichiro was perfecting shades of red. “Sachiko! Talk to your son!” He started pacing and angrily muttering to himself.

“Mom,” Light appealed, using her preferred address instead of calling her mother. He hoped to gain her sympathy. “I can’t cancel. What am I supposed to do?” He turned helpless eyes up to her, trying to look as respectably pitiful as possible and give her a problem to ‘solve’ for him.

“You could have a chaperone.”

“A _what_?” She couldn’t be serious….

“Your father or I could--”

“NO.”

She glared at him. “Light, you asked me for a solution, and that is it!”

“Light, give me your phone,” Soichiro said suddenly, whipping his unrelentingly authoritarian gaze upon him.

“What for?”

“If you don’t want your mother or I to accompany you to keep you out of trouble, than I will call someone respectable to do it for us.”

“Like WHO?”

“Your friend Elliot will suffice. He’s older and has a good head on his shoulders. We can trust him.”

_Are you fucking serious??_

“I don’t think that is a good idea,” Light stalled. What if they did call him and L answered, thinking it WAS him? He’d either yell at them, thinking he was yelling at Light, or he’d give their relationship away (probably not on purpose). The best he could hope for was that he didn’t pick up.

His father ignored him and held out his hand.

Light sighed, and covertly added L’s number to his contacts from his recent calls list and titled it Elliot. “Here,” he said, handing it to him. “I pulled up the number for you.”

“Thank you.”

Light was on pins and needles as his father stood at attention and waited for the call to ring through. He frowned after a moment and cleared his throat.

Had L answered, then? Had he called himself L??

“Ah, yes,” Soichiro said. “Elliot, this is Light’s father. I’m borrowing his phone. The reason I am calling is because he has gotten into a bit of trouble lately and we’d like someone to see him to and from his study session tomorrow evening. Also, we’d like to keep him from consorting with someone called Marin. You can call back on this number, we’ll have his phone. Thank you.”

 _Jezus…_ Light put his hand over his face, mortified at the entire message.

“Alright, you can go to bed, Light.”

“Now?”

“Yes, now.”

“What if he calls back?”

“That’s the idea.”

 _Damnit_. He wanted his phone back. But it looked like his father was set on confiscating it.

“I need to eat something first.”

His father glared at him. “Do you not know the meaning of ‘ **now** ’?

“Do _you_ not know the meaning of hypoglycemic shock?” He glared back, being difficult.

His mother scoffed, while also sounding a little worried, “You’re not diabetic--”

“Low blood sugar aggravates depression,” he announced combatively. With that he lurched to his feet, still playing the theatrics and making them wonder, then slogged to the kitchen. “I’m making a sandwich.” In truth, he hoped that he would be around to hear the callback in response to his father’s message. He didn’t like being in the dark.

He made a sandwich, slower almost than humanly possible, while warding off his mother’s fluttering attempts to ‘help’ him. “No, mother, I must do this on my own. If this is my life now… I better get used to this limited energy.”

Luck was with him. He heard his phone ring and his father pick up. “Elliot?”

There was a pause.

Light mentally gnawed his fingernails down to the quick. What could L possibly be saying? Unless… was he outing everything??

Light sloooowly cut his sandwich in half.

“So…” Light’s father was saying. “You’re Elliot’s cousin?” (It had to be Jayden)  There was a pause. “I see.” There was a longer pause. “Elliot is not available because he is grieving the loss of his pet cat?”

Light, who had just taken a bite of his sandwich due to his mother watching him, almost choked. He wasn’t -- Was Jayden referring to _him_?? L didn’t even own a cat!

“...Just this evening? Well, I’m terribly sorry to hear that.”

_Oh my god, he is. He totally is._

Knowing Jayden, he probably suspected Light was within earshot. And if he wasn’t, then his father might relay his little message later on.

“Um, Jayden…” Soichiro trailed awkwardly, “is that… yelling I hear in the background?” There was a pause. “Anger sometimes masks sadness?…. I see.”

What the hell could be going on over there? A few things ran through his head, such as Jayden holing up in a room with L’s stolen phone, L yelling at him and trying to get it back. Or, was that really just a tirade in the background and Jayden was being honest about it? (He found that harder to believe...)

_‘Anger sometimes masks sadness?’_

Was there any truth to that comment at least? _Could Jayden actually be saying that L was angry with me because he was upset? And... feeling he’d lost me?_ Hope surged in his chest, followed by guilt and then that downtrodden feeling. Then again, maybe it wasn’t a good idea to put too much stock in anything that loony said...

“Alright, then, Jayden,” Soichiro was saying, “we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“What?” Light said quickly. “No, wait! Fathe--!”

Soichiro hung up and turned around to look at him smugly. “Is there a problem, Light?”

“Er…”

“I look forward to meeting this cousin of Elliot’s. I’m sure he is every bit as respectable as your friend. And it was very noble of him to cancel his plans to help us out in lieu of his family member.”

_Oh **Gawd**. Jayden…. what the hell are you up to??_

Knowing the devious, piercing-riddled deviant, he might even have answered the voicemail message without L’s knowledge and took it upon himself to make all of this stuff up. He probably thought he’d get a kick out of meeting ‘The Restrictive Parents’ and possibly also making Light’s life more of a living hell than it already was. His parents were going to flip **out** when they met him.

Forget grounded; he’d never be allowed to leave the house again.

Foreboding rolled over Light like a fog.

How much worse could this possibly get?

Light left his half-eaten sandwich on the counter and trudged up to his room. His mother called after him in concern. “Loss of interest in eating,” he quoted back at her. Hell, the depression thing wasn’t even that far off, really. And he had suddenly lost his ability to eat after that phone call. Now his stomach was churning with stress over what tomorrow would bring.

He doubted he would get much sleep.

He wished he could drink something to take the edge off.

Having his phone in his father’s hands didn’t exactly put him in a peaceable mood either. At least there was nothing incriminating on there. He’d deleted it all before. All that was left was L’s call while he was with Marin, but that would show as a brief call from an unknown number. Except… fuck. He wasn’t sure if his phone was smart enough to relabel it as Elliot now that he’d created the contact.

He sighed. Oh well, if his stupidphone _was_ that smart, he’d talk his way around it.

* * *

Saturday felt like the dawn of hell. He didn’t want to get up and face it.

He literally laid in bed until his mother’s fretting at the door of his room made him drag himself up for a shower at least. He never thought her worrying over her son’s mounting depression would be so annoying... or guilt-inspiring.

Well, he supposed staying in bed until noon was an alarming, unprecedented event for a super-student like him.

Secretly, he would have tried it at least once, if not for expecting the fallout from it. He was pretty much an early riser anyway.

“Do you want something to eat?” she asked worriedly, as she moved aside to let him pass.

“Not hungry.” It was mildly amusing and ironic that he was playing at being depressed, when he probably actually _was_ depressed.

“Light, are you sure?”

He looked at her. “Yes?” Was she really asking such a ridiculous question? He felt annoyed.

“Don’t be mad, honey, I’m just worried about you is all.”

He shrugged, not really wanting to say he was fine, when he actually wasn’t. Maybe a little worry would change things over time. “I’m going to take a shower, if you’ll excuse me.” He kept any sass out of his tone, simply wanting to pass by and not stir things up.

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything.”

“Alright.”

He took his time in the shower, using up every bit of hot water. In hindsight, he should have ended it just before the last dregs were used up; now he was shivering.

There were still a few hours to kill, and he didn’t particularly feel like doing anything; his interest in the usual things really had flagged. So he ended up just running laundry, something to occupy himself with mindlessly. He tossed in the new shirt and jeans to wear later.

That took all of 15 minutes. He went back to his room to wait, flopping onto his bed and staring listlessly at the ceiling.

Cat metaphors aside, he really did find himself wondering if there was any truth to what Jayden had relayed. He did seem rather attached to his cousin and had been a bit bitchy about telling Light he was going to get burned if he was messing around with someone else when he liked L. Was that a display of defensiveness to ‘protect’ his cousin’s interests, as opposed to simply being advice he was dishing out?

L was so fucking stoic though. How was he supposed to tell if L liked him enough to actually get upset over him? He couldn’t even tell if L was halfway serious about him most of the time! Although this last time…. he kind of felt that he _could_ tell. (Mostly in hindsight though.) Which was part of why he felt like an asshole for how their last exchange went. 

* * *

The doorbell rang around 4pm, much earlier than Light would have anticipated. The study session wasn’t until 5pm and it wasn’t that far away.

He ran down the stairs in socked feet, trying not to slip, determined to get there ahead of either parent so that he could assess the situation.

Aaaand his father was answering the door already. _Balls!_

He skidded to a stop, cringing as the door opened and his father was about to get his first peek of Jayden’s unorthodox appearance and likely shit a metaphorical brick. He could only imagine the steely, enraged look that would follow, leveled at his own head as the door was unceremoniously slammed in the deviant’s face.

Only… Somehow that wasn’t happening.

“Come in, come in,” Soichiro was saying, ushering L’s cousin inside.

 _Has hell frozen over?_ he thought, but then he got a glimpse of Jayden himself.

He had on a million dollar smile, and not a piece of body jewelry was to be seen. All of his piercings had been taken out. It almost made him look like a different person. He wore jeans and a collared shirt which was rolled up at the sleeves and had the first several buttons at the neck undone. He almost looked somewhat proper. His hair was still done up in familiar spikes, though it was a little more subdued than the last time Light had seen it.

“Thank you, sir,” the person that was supposed to be Jayden said.

Light’s mouth was still agape when the _doppelganger_ looked his way.

“Ah, so this is Light,” Jayden said, pretending they’d never met. He strode forward and shook his hand. His pale eyes glinted mischievously - showing his true self under the shockingly cleaned up exterior. “Pleased to meet you.” He _did_ look pleased, probably due to the surprise Light couldn’t yet wipe off of his face. A sharp grin spread on his face, where no one but Light would even see it.

“Son, don’t be rude,” Soichiro gruffed.

“Er… My apologies,” Light said, shaking Jayden’s hand more firmly. “It’s just… they look so much alike.” That wasn’t entirely true, but the resemblance was definitely more pronounced. It was a good enough cover, though.

“Ah, I thought the same thing,” Soichiro nodded with raised eyebrows. “And you are only cousins?” he asked Jayden.

“As far as anyone knows,” the jokester said with an innocent smile, implying the family tree could be a little more twisted than it should be.

 _Geh._ Light wanted to smack his hand to his face. Even ‘behaving’, the deviant couldn’t help testing what he could get away with. He looked over at his father to get his reaction, expecting to see a frown or some form of disapproval to shake his faith in the newcomer. But the joke went over his father’s head, probably due to the smile that was used as camouflage.

“Oh, is Jayden here already?” Light’s mother came down the stairs.

“Nice to meet’cha, ma’am,” he said charmingly.

“Oh goodness, you can see the resemblance right away.” She beamed. “How nice of you to pop by a bit early to visit, as well.”

“I thought it to be appropriate, having not met any of you yet. You obviously care a lot about your son, and wouldn’t want to send him off with an _Unknown_.” He said the word conspiratorially, somehow catering to Light’s father’s somewhat paranoid nature.

 _Wow_ , Light thought, _you are laying it on **thick**._ It struck him, though, how much this performance was like L’s previous performance. You’d almost think they _were_ brothers, raised by the same proper parents, and in the same proper schools. It made him wonder if they _had_ been raised together for a time or if it was just coincidence.

“I like how this boy thinks,” Soichiro said approvingly.

“We were pretty sure it would be ok, dear,” his mother commented, “seeing as you are Elliot’s cousin.”

“Indeed,” Jayden said with a tame smile (it must have been killing him not to grin like a maniac, as was his usual). “However, we are very _different_ people.”

“Your consideration of us is much appreciated,” Soichiro said, clapping him on the back. “Here, have a seat, son.”

“Thank you, sir,” Jayden said amiably and a little less formally than L would have. He paused before taking a seat, likely holding himself back from flopping down upon it; his face even bore a trace of strain for a flicker of a moment.

The scene had now been lain for a really uncomfortable group conversation.

“So, Light,” Jayden began, beating his father to the kickoff. His face looked extra innocent, which was cause for concern. “What is this trouble you seem to have gotten into to require a chaperone at your age?”

* * *

30 excruciating minutes later, and they were on their way to the study group. “Ugh, I feel naked without all my piercings in. I hope you appreciate what I’m doing for you.”

“And what is that exactly?”

“Keeping your leash extended, _obviously_.” Jayden rolled his eyes and made a face, while strolling along with a relaxed, laid-back gait. “And let’s just say you _owe_ me for this. Acting like a prep school grad makes my skin crawl.” He made another awful face, sticking his tongue out; a piercing flashed in the late afternoon sun. A moment later, he was beaming again as he said conspiratorially, “Your parents sure ate it up though!”

“It was eerily similar to L’s impression.”

“Whaaa? Cuz met the ‘rents already??” He grabbed his head in his hands. “AAAUUGHhh why didn’t he tell me? All I got was secondhand stuff that _you_ had told him!”

Light rolled his eyes though Jayden was too preoccupied to notice. “I’m sure there was a reason.” Jayden himself was likely the reason.

Why L bothered to tell Jayden anything, least of all about his parents, was beyond him. Figuring out their familial relationship would probably only serve to give him a headache, so he didn’t bother. Maybe they got along in more ways than was initially apparent. Who knew.

“Shouldn’t you have gathered that from my parent’s reactions?” Light said drolly, “Talking about resemblances and all of that?”

“Errr…. well L never _said_ he met them,” Jayden trailed, “so I assumed he hadn’t. Especially as you’ve never officially gone out with him with your parents’ knowledge.”

“So, what, you assumed I showed them a picture or something? And they chatted on the phone?”

“Eh, fuck off,” he groused. “I don’t rub your face in it when you make dumb mistakes.”

“You would if you ever saw me make one,” Light argued. “Which will probably never happen.”

“True,” Jayden said agreeably. “Though I protest the second half of that.”

Light gave him a baleful glare. “Based on what? I have an excellent track record on my side.”

“I have a pissed off cousin, and the wide open future on mine.” He winked solemnly and stuck the tip of his tongue out at Light, mocking him. “I may just bear witness to another rare mistake, O infallible one,” he intoned theatrically.

“Bite me,” Light said shortly and stalked off ahead. For some reason that last part really got to him. It spiked the unease that he felt over the whole thing with L and the fear that maybe Jayden could even be right.

They passed the rest of the walk in silence.

It did Light good. He took the time to wipe everything out of his mind for the time being. It was stupid to let anything Jayden said get to him. He knew that. It wasn’t like he’d needed long to figure that out. But still, he wasn’t exactly used to dealing with the deviant, let alone watching his parents play host to him. It had set him on edge. He would be better served finding a way to calm down the stress and find some balance.

In order to do so, he ran over likely topics and problems he’d be going over with the group in a few minutes.

He was switching gears and enjoying these last moments of freedom outside while he could. The sun still felt nice and there was a slight breeze. Sounds of nature could be heard over the periodic passing of cars. By contrast, the Library felt like a tomb. Silent, stuffy, and devoid of stimulus.

Outside was much more preferable. Maybe they could find a way to move the sessions outdoors at some point if they continued.

When they had nearly arrived at the Library, Jayden jogged a few steps to slink up to him and said slyly, “Sooooo are there any hot chicks I can talk up?”

He seemed only mildly serious, and was probably only trying to annoy him.

“No,” Light said simply and headed towards the building. “Besides, you aren’t coming in.”

“Whaaa?” he complained, though his pale eyes were mischievous. “But I _always_ come i--”

Light held up a hand and cut him off quickly, before he could finish the innuendo, “You aren’t attending the study session.”

“Why not?” Jayden switched from lewd to looking annoyed.

“Library rules,” he replied, straight-faced. “No A.D.D. allowed.”

“I don’t have A.D.D.” He was somewhat indignant in his denial.

“You’re right,” Light said drolly, “it’s probably something far more insidious that’s afflicting you.”

Jayden grabbed his wrist, holding him back. He had an intense look on his handsome face. “You know, Light,” he said in a dark tone, all joking cast aside, “you can be rather catty.”

Light gave him a haughty glare. “Looks like you just bring out the best in me.”

Jayden shot him a predatory look; one he’d seen before, and didn’t care to be on the receiving end of. “You know, you really turn me on when you talk to me that way,” the deviant said with bedroom eyes and a sharp leer. He was joking…. well, at least part of it might have been joking. “If my dear cousin ever decides to wash his hands of you, I can promise you I’ll be _much_ more persistent, even through all the bullshit.”

“Do you even _have_ alliances?” Light exclaimed, giving him a WTF look. How _did_ he justify making moves on him behind L’s back? “Or a stable sexual orientation for that matter?” Jayden _had_ professed to be straight.

Jayden shrugged. “Meh, it’s all on a spectrum anyway. People just like to keep making it black and white.”

“You can keep your ‘ _spectrum’_ to yourself,” Light said dismissively.

“Mmmn I love it when you talk dirty to me,” Jayden said theatrically, really loudly. Quite a few nearby people turned to stare.

“Sorry,” Light said, raising his hand in apology. “He has a disorder.”

Surprisingly, that worked. They all seemed to accept it and turned back to their own business.

“Awww, you’re no fun,” Jayden complained, dropping Light’s hand and lacing his hands behind his head. “You have a quick response for _everything_.”

“I thought my quick wit really **_did it_** for you?” Light said sarcastically.

Jayden gave him a withering look. “Not when you spoil the **fun** , _Buzzkill_ Light _year_.”

_Oh Jezus._

They walked up the steps to the Library. “No, seriously,” Light said. “No pets allowed. Sit! Stay!” He pointed to the base of the steps.

Jayden’s mouth quirked up at the corner and he looked mischievous. “If you’re the fucking dog whisperer now, where’s my fucking incentive?”

“I’m pretty sure Cesar only rewards good behaviour.”

Jayden sauntered up the steps and towered over Light. “How would you know?” His face drifted down near Light’s. “Somehow I doubt the ‘rents allowed you to watch such ‘mindless’ television.” He seemed insanely close to trying to land a kiss on his mouth.

“Last time you tried that, L was going to castrate you.”

“Mn, but he isn’t here right now, is he?”

“Your loyalty is astounding,” Light said blandly. “But I’ll castrate you _myself_.”

“Sounds divine.” Jayden was definitely fucking with him and trying to cross the line if he could manage it. His smile turned infinitely more brazen and he started to close the gap between them.

Light quick jabbed him in the stomach (instead of the castration - he had a time constraint afterall). It buckled the deviant over his fist in an instant. “See, this is why I can’t take you anywhere.”

Jayden grabbed his wrist. “Too bad for you, I liked it.”

Light quickly analyzed him and determined that statement to be at least 65 percent bullshit; he was obviously in pain. The other 35 percent however… well, that was anyone’s guess.

“Let go, I’m going to be late.” He gave Jayden an imperious, dismissive look.

“Aw, damnit, you’re too fun to harass.” The deviant had a slightly dreamy, pleased look.

Light sighed. “Does anyone even know what the hell is wrong with you?”

“Nope. I like to keep ‘em guessing.”

“Seriously, Jayden, I have to go.”

“Just to be clear...You expect me to stay out here for four hours?”

“Yes.”

“No,” Jayden said staunchly.

“Then go wander around or something, if you’re afraid of being bored. Just be back _here_ in four hours.” Light was starting to feel exasperated. L’s cousin was like a petulant child, or a willful, untrained puppy. Rules meant nothing. Neither did authority.

“No.” The infuriating smile was back.

Light heaved a sigh, and finally asked the thing he’d been trying to avoid. “Why?”

“Because I agreed to keep you from _‘consorting with someone named Marin’_ , and to do that, I need to actually be with you. Which means, I have to attend your little study club.”

“You don’t give a fuck about what’s expected of you! Why the hell would you start now??”

“For your reaction, of course.” His grin was blinding. “And already, it is SO worth it.”

Light cursed under his breath. “Fine, whatever. Just don’t bitch to me about being bored.”

“ _Moi_?”

Light shook his head and stalked into the library, now running a good 5 minutes late at least.

He didn’t look forward to working out what to do when Jayden and Marin got in the same vicinity. How the hell was he going to explain that one? He shook his head. Maybe, with luck, she won’t have showed up. She didn’t really need the tutoring anyway. She was only here for him and it wasn’t like they were able to even talk here; he was far too busy.

He turned the corner and found most of the people from the group last time, assembled at the tables. “I’m sorry I’m late. Unforeseen circumstances,” he said. “I can stay a little later to make up for it, if anyone wants.”

“Hey, Light.”

“Hiya.”

“Hey, teach.”

Most of the group greeted him with a wave, smile, or audible hello.

Except Marin.

Who was in fact there, and had a narrowing of the eyes and a deep frown when her gaze marked him. She waved him over. He excused himself from the group for a moment and wracked his brain for something to say, but it was Jayden who spoke first, jauntily tailing him. “Hi, I’m Jayden.”

“I know who you are,” she said coldly. “Light, what is _he_ doing here?”

“I’m sorry,” Jayden said, nailing polite confusion. “Have we met?” He waited expectantly with wide, innocent eyes. It was entirely believable.

She leaned forward with a scowl and said, “I met you last night, you freak, right before you took my boyfriend.”

Jayden looked taken aback and looked to Light in appeal. “But I only met Light today,” he said in confusion.

Oh god, what was he even trying to do…? Light gave him the rope he needed to hang himself and watched things play out.

Even seated, Marin put her hands on her hips and managed to radiate fury. “So I suppose I met some ‘other’ Jayden outside of a club last night?”

“Ahh!” Jayden smiled in understanding. “You mean _Jayden_. My brother.”

Marin’s mouth actually dropped open. Her expression was somewhere between surprise and disgust. “You can’t be serious!”

“Tall, looks a lot like me, only he dresses a bit to the _risqué_ if you ask me.” He let out a slightly embarrassed, conspiratorial laugh at that, looking the part of a conservative sibling. “Not to mention all the-” he made a sweeping gesture to indicate his face, while he made a slightly goofy, condescending expression, “-adornments, shall we say?”

“And your parents named you BOTH Jayden?” Marin’s tone was like a sharpened blade.

He shrugged good-naturedly, and said, “Well, we _are_ twins,” as if that explained everything.

“That’s stupid,” she announced.

“Well, it is what it is. Personally, I think they were expecting one, and when they got two, they got a bit lazy with the naming scheme.”

“Or, they thought it was a great joke,” Light said drolly.

Jayden did the subdued version of his grin and nodded. “Dad always did like a good joke. I wouldn’t put it past him.”

Marin was still frowning. “I don’t totally believe you. It’s too bizarre. But… you do act pretty different from the person we met the other night.”

Jayden nodded sagely. “ _Jayden_ is pretty hard to get used to. Always crazy, and running around like an A.D.D. nut. He doesn’t come across as very trustworthy, either.”

Marin sighed. “Fine, whatever. I guess I’ll believe you’re twins, as I can’t imagine something _crazier_ than someone impersonating a twin sibling then criticizing their real self like it isn’t even them.”

Jayden guffawed. “That would be pre~tty zany.”

“Hey, guys, not to interrupt,” Light said, “but I really have to get this thing started.” Also, he was about at his limit for keeping a straight face. _Jayden, you fucking lunatic!_ He was torn between laughing and doing a facepalm. _Twins. OMFG._ And that he was making it even the remotest bit believable… it was stupid and impressive at the same time. It was impressively stupid. And possibly also brilliant.

“Do your thing, man,” Jayden said, doing fingerguns in a believably geeky way. Jayden’s brilliance was also painful to watch. In this fictitious world, _other_ Jayden had definitely inherited the lion’s share of the suave gene.

Light found himself apologizing again for the delay as he got started. To make up for it, he gave everyone his absolute full attention instead of reserving a bit for himself. He did worry a bit about what someone as hyperactive as L’s cousin would do to keep entertained and not be exploding out at the seams. Four hours was going to go by _verrry_ slowly.

Apparently Jayden planned to keep himself occupied by doing an _encore_ of the performance he’d given Light’s mother and father. He had everyone there fooled. That probably accounted for the near permanent (though subdued compared to his normal) smile that rested easily upon his lips. Between that and the fact that he was rather handsome, especially without the hardware he typically wore, he was already growing a bit of a fan club.

It only got worse as the session went on, and everyone (including Light), discovered that he was also exceptionally bright.

Soon, the groups that Light wasn’t actively instructing had taken to plying Jayden with shining, hopeful eyes until he meandered over to see what was tripping them up. He seemed to be pretty good at explaining things, from what Light could tell from surreptitious glances. Though Light also got the impression that teaching bored him. _Not that I blame him for that… It bores me as well._

“Be right back,” Jayden said about halfway through, to the disappointment of the group. He nodded and bowed out graciously; at the last moment, he crooked his finger at Light.

“Ah, one second,” Light said, excusing himself.

Out of earshot, and eyesight, Jayden grabbed Light by the shirt. “I’m going out of my MIND. I can’t decide if I need a smoke, a 4 mile run, or a coffee to chill me out.”

“Was that last one tossed in there just for me?” It was a common thing that caffeine worked as a sedative for some people, especially some with A.D.D.

“Sorta,” Jayden said, looking fully himself, as if he couldn’t school his expression any longer. “Though it actually does work like that for me a lot of the time.”

“Ok,” Light said, removing Jayden’s clutching hands from his shirt. “Why don’t you at least go for a walk. Run if you want to. Then have a coffee and a smoke if you feel like it.”

“You’re advising me to do _everything_ I have an impulse to do?”

“Just not at the same time.”

“Isn’t that excessive??” Jayden seemed extra twitchy and his hands had a tremor. “L always tells me my impulses are excessive.”

“You aren’t like… in withdrawal or anything, are you? Do you need to call someone?”

Jayden gave him an indignant look. “NO. This is normal. Why’s it always gotta be drugs?”

Light shook his head. “Sorry. My parents have been on about that lately.” He took Jayden’s shoulders in his hands and spun him around. “Ok, just out that door there? Outside, along the left are a bunch of food and vendor carts. The good coffee is the second coffee stand, got it?”

“Right.”

“Left.”

“Yes,” Jayden said, looking now like a man on a mission.

“And, Jayden?”

“Ya?”

“Don’t eat the hotdogs. Whatever you do. It isn’t worth it.” He’d heard stories.

“Roger.”

Light returned to ‘class’ and left him to terrorize the town. The question, _‘How much trouble could he really get into?’_ crossed his mind but he refused to jinx himself.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks all who reviewed, I love you. T___T <3
> 
> All - Send me any little blips of anything (lolz, commentary, etc) that crosses your mind. PLZTHX! I appreciate it all SO much. So soooooo much. :D You're awesome, thank you for reading! <3


	15. The Upstanding Chaperone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rest of the study session, and an impromptu outting

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 15: The Upstanding Chaperone   _

Jayden was gone a good 40 minutes before returning, bright eyed, bushy tailed, and somewhat self-contained. He was also sucking on a blowpop, which was probably prohibited in the Library. Oh well, Light thought, he’d let the staff say something if they felt like it.

“Hey, Jay-D is back!” one of the students quipped.

“Had to go for a little Fiesta Fiesta,” Jayden tossed back with a wink and a grin, not missing a beat.

Several snickers marked more than a few R&B fans.

“Or maybe we should call him J-Kelly, in that case?” someone asked, laughing.

“Alright, alright, let’s focus,” Light said calling attention back to the subjects at hand. A few people groaned. “Just a little bit longer now. Unless you all want to leave early?” He couldn’t help sounding somewhat hopeful at that.

A collective sigh was issued and the consensus was that their grades couldn’t afford having the time cut short.

He kept their noses to the grindstone till the end. Part of him saw it as a punishment for wanting these sessions in the first place. But mostly he was just being thorough and putting in a good effort after all the delays there had been at the start. He wouldn’t have anyone complaining about not getting their money’s worth.

“All right, that concludes today’s session,” Light said, flopping down in a chair. He waved them off. “See you all next week.”

“Light?” Marin piped up. “Aren’t you forgetting something?”

Forgetting? What was he forgetting?

“About next week?” she prompted emphatically, in a stage whisper.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jayden’s interest perk up and the deviant’s attention honed in on their little exchange.

He wracked his brain and suddenly remembered the ‘date’ plan; it was like a bucket of cold water had been dumped on his head.

 _SHIT_.

Marin had been the furthest thing from his mind lately. Was there a way to get out of it? No, not without breaking things off with her.

_Should I...?_

He still hadn’t figured out everything with his situation, but he was getting more and more sure that he wanted to take a chance with L, if he’d even still be interested in that. After their recent fight, things seemed far less amenable than usual.

_But my parents…. GOD. What am I going to do about them though if I don’t move away?_

_Is it possible that if I did some riskily_ aggressive _bargaining, I could actually push through their resistance? Could I back them into a corner and force them to relent? Or would I lose any bit of negotiating power I have left?_

Light rose to his feet and cleared his throat. “Um, sorry about this, but actually next week we’ll be taking a break. We’ll resume the week after, if everyone still wants to continue the tutoring.” He paused, then smiled. “Think of it as a mini vacation, for all of your hard work.”

“Can Jayden tutor us instead?” one of the girls asked dreamily.

Jayden smiled and sent a little wink her way.

“No,” Light said with finality, not dropping the smile.

“But why not?” Jayden implored, making himself a nuisance.

“Because _reasons_.” Very good reasons. Most of them being that Jayden was Jayden.

“Awwww,” a few people groaned.

“Maybe I’ll be around when ya’ll come back,” Jayden said amiably, simply oozing congeniality. “How about that?”

Again, the group had a general consensus, this time mostly accepting the proposal.

They all started dispersing and going their separate ways. Marin stayed behind to catch a moment with Light. She sidled up to him and gazed up at him coyly. “Don’t tell me you forgot about our… arrangement?” she pouted, winding a lock of hair around her finger. “I’d hate it if I was the only one looking forward to _that_.”

Light glanced over his shoulder, noting that Jayden was in audible range and looked poised to run the interference his parents had requested; it was just for his own entertainment, though.

“I’m sorry,” Light said. “I was tired and spoke without thinking.” He smiled disarmingly. “Good thing you were there to keep me straight.”

She kept twisting that hair around her finger and had a look upon her face like she really wanted him to kiss her.

He mentally shrugged and leaned in, about to do so. Her hand reached up to brush the back of his neck as she tipped her lips to meet his.

“Oh, heeeey, sorry to interrupt,” Jayden jumped in, not sounding sorry in the least. “But time is not on your side. We’ve got to go.”

“Time?” Marin looked at Jayden, then back at Light. “What’s he talking about?” she asked brusquely.

“Light, remember that thing?” Jayden was raising his eyebrows and nodding a little, as if encouraging him to recall.

It was a farce, as far as he knew. But not going along with whatever Jayden had brewing would probably end pretty unpleasantly for him.

“Oh… right… the thing.”

Jayden nodded emphatically.

“Liiiiii~ght,” Marin whined disappointedly, her petite face carrying a harrowed frown. “ _Right_ now?” she implored.

“Right now,” Jayden confirmed staunchly. Light could detect amusement lurking in his eyes. Though, to Marin, he probably just appeared obtuse.

“Butt out, you!” she fumed. “You could do the _decent_ thing and give us a moment.”

“What’s decent about being late?” Jayden asked infuriatingly, still pulling off his innocent act rather well.

She made a noise of intense frustration and threw up her hands. Her attention whipped back onto Light. “That guard dog better not be within 20 yards of you next week,” she warned, then stood on her toes to press a kiss to his mouth, to spite Jayden. She flicked Jayden off as she flounced away in a self-righteous huff and out of sight.

Jayden whistled. “She gets really riled over you, that’s for damn sure. And she seemed so sweet before.” He sounded amused.

Light pushed in a few of the chairs that had been left out. “Like I told you, you have that effect on people.”

Jayden did a full body stretch, scrunching his eyes shut as he elongated his spine. It made him seem very catlike. “Ahhhhh…. done at last. Let’s get the hell out of here.”

“No complaints from me.”

They had only walked a few paces down the hall, when Jayden said, “So Marin got to steal a kiss, can I?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“I’m dating her, and I’m not dating you.”

“Well, you could _pretend_ to date me, for like 5 minutes.... or 30.”

“Still, no,” Light said automatically, fighting a yawn. He was too tired to get razzed by Jayden’s antics. He frowned though at the extension from 5 minutes to half an hour. Jayden was probably thinking of a great deal more than kissing, there.

“Okay, okay,” the spiky-haired deviant said animatedly, jumping in front of Light and walking backwards. “What if you just _pretend_ I’m **her** for a few minutes?”

Light gave him a _‘what the hell?’_ look and shook his head in amazement. It should come as no surprise that the unexpected would always fall from this crazy’s lips. He wasn’t even going to dignify this latest suggestion with a response.

“Come on, think about it,” Jayden wheedled. “I can even imitate her if you like.” He took a deep breath and whined, “ _‘Liiii~ght!’_ ” just like Marin.

Light came to a stop, pushing the deviant back a step. “First of all, it is downright **_creepy_** how close your impression is to her voice. Second, it is _seriously_ annoying when **_either_** of you do that. Third, **no**. No, No, and finally, NO.”

“So you’ll think about it then?” Jayden said, a grin breaking out on his face as he delighted in being horribly vexing.

Light just shook his head and counted backwards from ten. Showing a reaction would only encourage him. “What’s this massively important thing we’re late for?”

“Dinner.”

“Huh??”

“Well, that’s just what I told your parents. We’re going out. Maybe have a few drinks.”

“Yeah _right_ , they agreed to me staying out later,” he scoffed, figuring Jayden was just making shit up again; He was pathologically unconcerned with things like consequences. “I’m effectively grounded, except for this.”

“Seriously,” he insisted.

Light eyed him. “You know the meaning of that word?”

“On occasion,” Jayden assented. “Granted, not often.”

“I need proof.”

“No prob.” He handed over his phone to Light. There were a string of text messages back and forth from Light’s own phone number - from his confiscated phone.

“My parents… are texting..” Light shook his head in disbelief. “More importantly, they are texting YOU.”

Jayden ignored him. “So, as you can see, I am such a good influence that they are letting me take you out to try and improve your dismal mood.” He looked up. “You told them you were _depressed_?” The beginnings of mocking smile was tugging at his lips.

“I was aggravated.”

“Oh, so you _weren’t_ feeling sad and mopey for being an asshole to my cousin the other night?” he jeered. “I was hoping for more of a star-crossed lovers deal, personally.”

Finally, Light lost his internal battle over not reacting to Jayden and made an exasperated noise. “Fucking drop it,” he said shortly. He couldn’t take that smug tone and mockery over such a sore spot.

“Nope. I still wanna know why you’re dealing with this Marin chick when you obviously get your kicks out of fucking my _dear_ cousin. I’ve seen you with both of them, so your fast talking doesn’t mean shit to me.”

“I’m not telling you a damn thing,” Light said. “I have no reason to trust you with anything.”

“But, I’m the Almighty Leash-Extender!” Jayden argued petulantly, still playing.

“I’ll give you that.”

“Hurray!” the deviant cheered, the corner of his mouth quirking up. “Now, seriously, come on. I bet you could use a few drinks. You look stressed out.”

“Yeah, ok.”

Jayden blinked, looking taken aback. “What, no snappy comebacks? I must confess to my disappointment, Yagami-kun.”

“There is no pleasing you.”

“Not so, I have many testimonials to the fact that I can be pleased _quite_ satisfactorily.”

“I’m afraid to know how many,” Light said under his breath. “Don’t tell me,” he added pointedly.

Jayden smiled widely. “Just enough to rank me as a connoisseur of the carnal. You are really missing out.”

“I’ll live.”

“But can you call that truly _living_?” he lamented with melodramatic flair.

“ _Jayden_ ,” Light said sharply, “I assume you need to be **_alive_** to buy the drinks, so please do not push me past my self-restraint.”

“You aren’t quite there yet, but nice try,” Jayden countered impishly. “I’m really good at sensing people’s breaking points, so please **do** expect that I will push you to your very limits at _every_ opportunity. And yes, the dead usually do not get quick service at the bar. So limit your loss of control upon my person to the non-fatal, preferably fellatial kind.”

“Why hasn’t L disowned you yet?” Light groused with biting sarcasm. “I’ve been wondering.”

“Can’t. My family’s the one that took him in. Best he could do is disown himself.”

Light’s interest was piqued and his annoyance dropped to the background for the moment. “So you _did_ grow up together. The thought crossed my mind.”

“Yeah, I’m not surprised. Once you said that our prep school act was the same, I figured you’d put that together.”

“So, what was the deal?”

“If you wanna know, I hope you’re ready to trade some info in return.”

“Fine.” He wasn’t sure why he had a burning urge to know about L’s family, but if Jayden was offering, he’d listen. Even if he had to give away a few of his own secrets.

They stepped out into the street outside and Light followed Jayden’s lead for whatever place he had in mind for the drinks.

“Ok, so my parents split early,” Jayden was saying, “and my mam and gramps took me on. I love them to death but GOD they are the most restrictive, god-fearing folk you’d ever find. And proper too. They had some money, and nothing was too good for their grandson, so they stuck me in this preppy mill for most of my school years--”

“And where does L come into this?”

“Hold onto your pants, I’m getting to that.” He heaved a deep annoyed sigh, demonstrating what an affront it was to be interrupted. “ _So,_ I’d been living like that for a few years, and then when I was around 9 or so, L got dropped on our doorstep. He was like 13 or something. I still don’t know the whole deal with his parents. He doesn’t talk about it and mammy and gramps won’t speak a word either. For all I know they died, or maybe they just thought taking care of a kid was a drag.” He shrugged. “Or they joined the circus.”

Jayden absently kicked at some loose pebbles on the pavement. “In any case, he got pulled into the same bullshit schools as me. But he kept me a bit saner than I would have been, dealing with all that shit alone. He was different, you know? He didn’t think much like the lot of kids at school. I looked up to him; probably got into more trouble after he was around because he tried so hard to keep me out of it.” He shrugged again. “I liked the attention. I pretty much idolized him. My smart ‘older brother’.”  

“That certainly explains some things.”

“Doesn’t it though?”

“Is any of what you said true?”

Jayden scoffed. “I’m wounded. Do you take me for a liar?”

“Yes,” Light said quite honestly.

“Ahh, fair enough. But I was telling the truth.”

“What do your grandparents think of all the piercings?”

Jayden frowned for a fraction of an instant before covering it with a smile. “They disowned me and moved to Florida.”

“Seriously?”

“Eh… they called me a devil child or some such, and told me never to contact them again.”

Light frowned. That was a bit harsh…

“To be fair,” Jayden said, “I used to get into quite a lot of trouble.”

“And L? Do they talk to him?”

“Well, that’s more complicated. Originally they cut him off too, for defending a reject like me. Not just that though, I think they could tell he was ‘different’ too - he just wasn’t as obvious about it. They talk to him now though, at least on holidays. And I know they ask about me too. They still care, they just can’t deal with me.”

“You’re awfully talkative. I’ve never seen you like this.”

“Arrrghhh I **_know_**. It’s the damn coffee. It mellows me out too much sometimes. I need some Spirits, pronto.” He ruffled a hand furiously through his hair, making a spikier mess of it. “Good thing we’re almost there,” he said with another quick grin.

* * *

“Nooo,” Light said, slightly slurring his protest. They were sitting at a hightop table in the bar, a bunch of empty glasses around them. “I’m _done_. I have to get home.”

“Pffft. You’re such a lightweight. Half an hour and you’re already tapping out. We have plenty of time.”

“You drink like a madman,” Light complained, “Is not my fault.”

“Come on, you haven’t even spilled all of your deepest, darkest secrets yet.”

“I told you plenty.”

“Ok, ok, how about this?” Jayden negotiated. He seemed to hold his liquor ridiculously well, but subtle differences gave away that he was a bit lit; he seemed less sharp and caustic and was more genuinely playful. “One more round and we can leave. There is something neat I want to show you.”

Light found that, despite himself, he wasn’t minding Jayden’s company so much now. They actually seemed to be getting along.

Jayden’s estimate of time was a bit off, however, they’d been drinking for the better part of an hour.

No one questioned Light or asked for an ID. He suspected it was because Jayden seemed to know the girl tending the bar. She was an impish, no-strings-attached looking thing, pretty, and very efficient in pouring out the drinks. A wall of customers was keeping her quite busy.

“Neat, how?” Light asked suspiciously.

“Damn, you’re a paranoid fuck,” Jayden said amiably and tossed back a shot. “Neat, as in NEAT. Why don’t you try being a little more adventurous or trusting or some shit?”

“I think just trusting _you_ would be something of an adventure,” Light said drolly, tossing back his shot as well. Wow, he was reeeeally feeling the alcohol. He was in something of a pleasant haze. He must have been, for Jayden not to be getting on his last nerve.

Jayden slammed his empty shot glass down on the table, then grabbed Light’s empty shot glass from him and clunked it down emphatically as well. “Alright, let’s go.”

“You gonna pay them? Or…?” Was Jayden skipping out on the bill?

“No worries, cupcake,” Jayden ribbed him, sidling up to Light with a sensual smile. He brushed his fingertips just under Light’s chin, tilting his face up briefly, and said theatrically, “I’ll just pay them with my body.”

Usually, Jayden invading his personal space pissed him off. But this time, he found himself laughing. “You’re fucking insane.”

Jayden grinned. “Thank you.” He hooked his arm in Light’s to steer him out of the establishment. He did a jaunty parting wave at the bartender who stuck her tongue out at him and kept pouring drinks.

Maybe he had some sort of tab?

“Hey, quit pushing,” Light said, laughing with Jayden as they spilled out into the street.

“I’m not - I’m keeping you from falling on your drunkass face,” Jayden protested amidst fits of laughter. “You fucking _drunk_. Just look at you.”

“You fuckin’ alcoholic,” he scoffed back. “Drunk as hell and barely showing it.”

“Good thing, too,” the dark-haired deviant joked, “or I might be getting us really lost right now.”

“Where are we going, again?”

“I never said.”

“Why the hell not?” Light said with an imperious tilt of his head. He frowned slightly.

“It’s a surprise.” Jayden grinned pleasantly, the alcohol knocking off some of his sharp edges. It didn’t dull the mischievousness, however.

* * *

After a long walk, and a little sobering up, they entered a familiar stretch of city street.

“Waaaait a second…” Light said, suspicion truly rising. He could see the club in the not too distant future of their journey. “You aren’t taking us to the club, are you?” he groaned. “How is that ‘neat’ or a surprise?”

“ ** _That_ ** will be the surprise,” Jayden said enigmatically. “Be patient.”

Light started to mumble under his breath.

“Hey!” Jayden yelled sharply, startling the hell out of him, then continued at normal volume as he tugged him along. “Don’t start bitching about curfews and shit, we still have plenty of time.” He was wearing a stern look.

“Come on, Jayden,” Light said reluctantly, “I shouldn’t go in.” He was thinking of _last_ time, of L, and the way they lost track of time. Not to mention the _other_ times. Apparently he couldn’t trust himself to keep to a schedule in any way, shape or form if he set foot in there. It was like a timewarp and, next thing he knew, he’d be facing a broken curfew and pissed off parents.

He should probably at least _try_ to be home on time, if he wanted to strengthen his argument that he was responsible, and that letting him go out when he wanted wasn’t going to destroy his future.

“Don’t be such a bitch,” Jayden said brightly, “Come on. There is something you need to see.”

Light heaved a sigh and let himself be dragged towards the club. It wasn’t like he didn’t _want_ to go; it was actually more of a battle to **not** go in. He gave into temptation and hoped that if he got distracted and caught up, that somehow Jayden might be mindful enough to pull him back out on time.

Once again, they went in through the back, so there was no interference from the bouncers. Light vaguely wondered why and how either Jayden or L had such exclusive access to the club and how such access was earned or given.

Once inside, the muffled thumping and beats of the music filtered through the air, enticing and energizing.

“Hey, lemme check out the scene first,” Jayden said, ducking around a corner with Light in tow. He led them out into the belly of the club and a satisfied, easy grin spread across his face as the ambiance of the club enveloped them.

It seemed like Jayden’s A.D.D. was kicking up, because in the next minute he was turning to him and saying, “Come on, let’s dance.”

“I thought you said there was something you wanted to show me?”

“After. Come on.”

“Fine,” Light said with a shrug, not feeling like arguing or disrupting the good buzz he had going. Besides, he felt like moving, and Jayden’s enthusiasm was a bit infectious. He was a lot easier to be around when he wasn’t set on being a _complete_ asshole.

They started dancing on the fringes, just within the mass of humanity, but not getting lost in it. Jayden had an interesting style. It was almost as if he barely moved at all; but it was the smoothness of the motions that created the effect and the way his eyes drifted shut sometimes, in a nearly serene face. It was the face of total abandon - absorption in only the music and moving to it.

It still amazed him how differently everyone danced. It was a very unique and personal thing.

Light made a conscious effort to let go of things like thoughts about curfews, surprises, and things that were ‘neat’. He let the music thud through him and start driving the way he moved. After a little while, his whole body was loosening up and chasing the driving music.

A little bit after that, his and Jayden’s solo acts were starting to blend and he noticed Jayden eye him approvingly. “Nice,” he said, engaging with Light further, syncing to his movements and timing. His fluid style started to shift more towards Light’s but it was just as natural on him.

Light couldn’t lie, it was a bit sexy.

The club had that vibe though, and the music too. He mentally shrugged and just enjoyed it and the feeling of letting go - the feeling of freedom. It seemed like so long since that night he’d first experienced something like this. Only, at that time, he’d been dressed to be seen, to be scandalous. That being the night that inspiring L’s jealousy had culminated in his introduction to being whipped, a painful experience. After that though, the sex had been…. unbelievable; he felt a thrill chase up his spine in remembrance. Somehow the experience had even made him feel _closer_ to his dark-eyed, unrelenting tormentor.

Jayden started unbuttoning his collared shirt as he danced.

“What are you doing?” Light finally asked as he was on the fourth or fifth button. It came across almost like a striptease, though Jayden wasn’t making eye contact with him.

Jayden looked up, not stopping what he was doing. “I feel naked without my piercings,” he said simply.

“So you’re getting more naked…” he trailed, making it obvious how little sense he thought that made.

“I didn’t have to take out ALL of my piercings for your folks,” Jayden responded with a conspiratorial wink.

He finished with the buttons, flipping the edges of the shirt open to flap at his sides and stretched luxuriantly. “Mmm much better!”

His nipple piercings flashed, even in the dim light; each one was a silver ball on either side of the nipple, horizontally. It looked kind of interesting, actually. Light started to look away, back up to Jayden’s face, when he noticed some other kind of piercing that was just a single, small silver ball just under the line of each collarbone. How the hell did that piercing even work? There wasn’t any other mark in the skin. Was it subdermal?

“Hey, quit staring, you’ll make me blush,” Jayden said coyly. He smirked as Light flushed; he hadn’t meant to stare in the first place.

“Shut up, you probably got those for the purpose of being stared at.”

Jayden coasted into his personal space, dancing almost against his body. “Yeah, but if you’re the one staring, I might start getting ideas,” he teased.

Light pulled back a little ways, giving him a bland look. “Like you don’t get ideas without any help.”

A grin tilted Jayden’s lips at a rakish angle. “It’s been such a short time, and already you seem to know me so well. Tell me we aren’t meant for each other.”

“We aren’t.”

“Aw, come on, you didn’t even think about it.”

“I did,” Light replied, “that was all the time I needed.”

“So not cute,” Jayden groused.

Just then the song changed into something especially energizing, and the deviant shifted his focus all back to moving with the thumping beat, that look of abandon slipping back onto his face. The whole club seemed to be moving in unison to this one. The lights began to flash overhead in time with it, and Light could feel the bass rippling through his body even more than before. He fell prey to beat as well, his body almost moving on its own.

They even started dancing together again. Jayden was too distracted by moving his body to the music to harass him so much, so it was safe. He seemed to have a slightly different style for almost every song. The only consistent thing was the unhurried, sinuous movements, whether he danced fast or slow.

Song after song came and went, and the energy in the club didn’t seem to be doing anything but gaining momentum.

Light decided to tap out after a while and go get some water.

He considered letting Jayden know where he was going but that seemed like unnecessary courtesy and also an interruption. Jayden was really into this last tune, dancing with his eyes drifting closed once again. Light shrugged. Besides, he’d be right back anyway.

The crowd had thickened even in the time they’d been here. He tried not to get too distracted by the sights, outfits and other scandalizing things the club had to offer as he made his way to the bar in the back.

After waiting in line a few minutes, he was able to buy a bottle of water. He cracked it and drained about half of it. When he lowered it from his lips, it was plucked out of his hand from behind. “What the-”

It was Jayden. He was holding up a finger to silence him, while draining the last of the bottle. “Ahhhh!” he said after he finished, wiping his hand across his lips to catch a stray drop. “Good idea. But you know what else is a good idea?”

Light raised an eyebrow and shook his head. Who could even guess what _he_ would classify as a good idea?

Jayden snaked his way up to the bar, blatantly cutting in line. He leaned forward onto the bar with a slutty smile and said something to the bartender. The girl rolled her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips and soon Jayden sauntered back with a drink in hand.

Well, two, if you counted the shot he tossed back on the way over.

“Aren’t you done drinking?” Light asked with surprise. He could still feel a good deal of the liquor he’d had earlier coursing through his body.

“Lightweight,” Jayden scoffed, handing Light the empty shot glass. “But that’s why I drank yours.”

“So what did I have?”

“Tequila. Good stuff.”

“And what are you having?” He pointed to the glass.

“Long Island. Wanna taste?”

“Sure…” How bad could it be? It had to be pretty mellow with how big of a drink it was. It looked kind of like tea or soda.

Jayden tipped the glass for him as he leaned in, actually giving him a more liberal sample than he was looking for (on purpose). He had to struggle to swallow it before it went all over him, even as he was pushing the glass back up towards its owner to try and stave off the flow. At first it tasted mild but then the mix of alcohols flooded his mouth, nose, throat, and his head.

“Jezus, what the hell is in that thing?” he coughed as he resurfaced. “It’s fucking strong!”

“Oh, a little bit of this, a little bit of that.” Jayden took a drink.

“You’re going to be hammered if you drink all of that.”

“Wanna help me finish it off then?”

“Err… Not really.” He had the feeling that particular blend of alcohol could murder him.

“Come on, one more sip,” Jayden heckled him. “And no, they aren’t always this strong. That was a _special_ service, due to my impeccable charm.”

“God, you are a pain in the ass,” Light sighed.

“Is that a yes?”

Light sighed again and motioned for Jayden to hand him the drink. He might as well, right? Who knew when the next time he could get a drink would be?

It was so strong, it was kind of awful. But it had promise.

“Alright, gimmie,” Jayden said, reclaiming his drink and taking a long pull. “Dayum. She made it _strong_ ,” he said shaking his head. “You think she’s trying to punish me?” he added with a wink.

“If she knows you at all, then she isn’t trying hard enough.”

“Oh, I almost forgot. Here.” Jayden reached into his back pocket where he had jammed a small water bottle. He tossed it to Light. “Drink up. Wouldn’t want you to get a hangover later.”

“Thanks.”

He handed the empty shot glass back to Jayden to free up his hands and cracked the bottle open. Yeah, a hangover would be bad news. He tipped the bottle up like last time, drinking almost half of it down. He was really thirsty.

“Mmm,” Jayden said sipping his drink lazily, “I like the way you look wrapping your lips around the head of that bottle.” He timed it perfectly to make Light choke and broke into a fit of laughter as soon as it happened.

“Dam- it… Jayden…!” he coughed, his face flushing as tried to get some air into his lungs around the coughing fits.

“It’s so cute that that even worked,” Jayden said with a pleased expression on his face. He nonchalantly tipped his glass to Light as if toasting to him and took another drink.

Light thought he looked way too fucking relaxed for having almost killed him.

“You… asshole…” he said in a hoarse voice, still coughing, though it was starting to settle down.

“Come now, you keep acting surprised.” He tsked and shook his head. 

“You show flashes of decency…” Light said, aggravated.

 “I would say that is the lesser part of my character,” Jayden said, polishing off his drink. “I wouldn’t put much stock in it.”

“Noted,” Light said. He glared at the deviant while finishing off the water, as if daring him to try some shit like that again.

Jayden wore his best ‘innocent’ expression. Yeah, a real boyscout, that one. It kind of pissed him off that it looked even remotely believable.

“Ok, let’s go,” Jayden said.

“Home?” Light asked challengingly. He was starting to feel quite done with his company.

“Nope.”

“Whatever, I’m done humoring you,” Light said in annoyance and ducked around him. He’d go home on his own and make something up if his parents asked about his aggravating fraud of a chaperone.

Jayden slung an arm over his shoulders. “Come on, Cinderella, it ain’t midnight.” The gesture looked casual, but his grip was firm and wouldn’t be easy to get out of - he was already trying. “Don’t fight me,” Jayden warned in his ear. “I told you there is something I wanna show you.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i can't help it, i think jayden is kinda hot. in a diff way from L but still.....  
> (talk about someone up to no good tho. lol) his crackassery makes me laugh.


	16. Revelations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> at the club.... new sights

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **fun fact:** Jayden was created in an exercise i made up - to create a personality and character based off of a summary of the feel of an album. i had three i did, and this was a million years ago, but after i had started writing this i realized suddenly that Jayden was one of those, just his name was slightly different. originally that character was going to be in a comic. but here, ALL of the things i'd noted for him (which i wasn't even sure how they could all exist together and come out as a cohesive whole) really shone and came out naturally, like breathing.
> 
> he was based on MSI (mindless self indulgence), specifically the Frankenstein Girls Will Seem Strangely Sexy. that album was an experience, to be sure!
> 
> if you aren't familiar with the album or the band, you can listen here. and i would say do track 2.  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1tJMxhiAyNQ
> 
> the piercings were totally random and unrelated to the album/character exercise. also, until Jayden came over to Marin and Light when he made his first real appearance, i had no idea he was going to be a regular character. even when he brought Light into the back of the club, i didn't really know he'd be sticking around. sometime after that i saw a pic of Noiz from Dramatical Murder and got really fixated on him - i'd NEVER seen an anime character depicted with a bunch of piercings like he had been. so i tracked down what he was from and then got obsessed with the anime and the game. lol. so good. and ghey. soooo ghey.
> 
>  **musical selection! (club tunes! lol)**  
>  "I Fink U Freeky" by Die Antwoord  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iFQhRt_k9e0

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light) 

* * *

_ Part 16: Revelations  _

Jayden dragged Light through the back of the club to an area that was unfamiliar, but looked like it might have been back around the area Jayden had taken him the last time - the area L hadn’t seemed too keen on him being in. In other words, the area that had him wondering if part of this place functioned as a sex club.

“Are you still upset with me?” Jayden asked casually, while keeping the chokehold firmly threatening to close around Light’s neck if he made a false move or tried to escape.

“Would it matter if I was?” Light grumbled, expecting Jayden to dismiss anything he had to say about it.

“Sure it does.”

“Huh? Are you serious?” Light turned his head to survey the spiky-haired deviant’s face.

“If you were,” Jayden said in all seriousness, “it would be a  _ travesty _ how you can’t take a joke.”

“Damnit, Jayden!” he growled and made a furious effort to shake his hold.

As threatened, Jayden’s arm closed around his neck, cutting off his air somewhat. He grabbed at the lean but solid forearm and was unable to budge it. 

“There, there,” the miscreant soothed. Light could hear a grin in his tone when he said, “You know I can’t help myself.”

Light muttered curses at him under his breath.

“Aw, come on, I really don’t want you to be totally pissed at me, though. Honest.”

“It’s hard to tell,” Light said with ill temper. Usually you wouldn’t keep baiting someone, and pissing them off, if you didn’t want them pissed off at you.

“I’m about to make it up to you.” Jayden pointed ahead down the hall. “Something neat,” he said.

“What?” He didn’t see anything.

“Just through there. That’s where we’re going.”

Jayden released his hold incrementally, giving him a chance to prove he wasn’t going to try and escape. Light figured he might as well see this “thing”. Curiosity had a way of getting the better of him.

“Here we are,” Jayden said to him quietly, as they turned a corner partway down the hall and came to another, shorter hallway. It was darker than the other one and had windows lining the left side. There were a few people at the windows and some clustered around a double door, one of which was a really burly guy whose stance was a lot like a bouncer’s.

“What am I looking at?” Light asked, a little confused. 

“Not out here, in  _ there _ ,” Jayden said, and turned Light’s head to the windows. 

The room was a bit dim, but seemed brighter due to the darkness of the hallway. It looked almost like a castle dungeon. There was rough stone facing on the walls, and a doorway in the center had an arched top and a wrought iron gate with spiked tips on each metal rod. There were chains and rings hanging from the walls, some with people attached to them. There were three odd looking benches on the left side. Two of these were occupied. Both people seemed to be kneeling on them. One was completely prone on their stomach, parallel to the floor. The other person was kneeling but the bench was tilted up so that they weren’t lying down, just leaning forward.

There were two other people in the room, who were not chained up, restrained, or prone. They were both dressed in black leather and had whips in hand.

_ What am I looking at? _

His stomach turned a little funny and his brain seemed to hyperfocus on every detail without seeing the big picture.

The whip-bearing man on the bench side - the side in front of them - had a dangerous, confident stride. His lean form was covered in skintight black leather pants and a form fitting black vest that left his arms bare. A spiked leather cuff hugged the wrist of his whipping hand and a leather band circled his other arm just over his left bicep. 

It looked like something was just about to start.

The man turned to say something to a person near the door. Light couldn’t hear him but as he turned, his face was suddenly visible. Shock hit Light viscerally. The man was wearing a black masquerade mask, which hid the upper half of his face, but Light recognized that mask. He’d seen it before - on L.

Suddenly, more pieces were falling together and he noted the riot of ink black hair, and that the familiar way the man held his body was just like L as well. “Is that L?” he asked uneasily, knowing in his gut that it was. 

“Shhh,” Jayden said.

He didn’t know how he felt seeing something about to happen to other people which he’d experienced himself. It had seemed so personal when L had whipped him. 

“Jayden, I don’t think I want to see this.”

“Shhh,” Jayden said again. 

A loud crack split the air, making him jump. It didn’t appear to hit anyone though. But what he did notice is that L now had two whips in hand. In his left was a short, thick one, with a bunch of strips at the end. The other was a long, thin whip and seemed to be the one that had made the loud sound. 

L leaned in to speak to the person on the first table, the short whip sliding up their bare back. And not just their back was bare. Shockingly enough they appeared to be naked. He glanced at the person on the other table. They were naked as well.

The unease in his stomach amplified. “Jayden-”

“Forget about the other people. Just watch him work. He’s a master.” 

Light reluctantly looked back to the scene before him. L was still using the short whip, though instead of just trailing it across skin, he was punctuating the slow movements with flicks of his wrist. The slaps were audible and the the prone person’s back was growing red.

After a time, L started to use the long one as well. It was louder, and when it hit he could hear the person gasp and could see the angry red stripes appear.

The whipping continued, growing more and more brutal. There were periodic respites, where L leaned down and spoke into the person’s ear, hand trailing unbroken skin. Or, he would sometimes switch to the short whip for a time, using it in a way that was barely audible.

Eventually, something signalled the end of the session and L disappeared into a barely noticeable doorway in the far left corner. Two burly bouncer-types came in and pulled the prone person to his feet and took him from the room; he had a surprisingly peaceful expression on his face, for someone who’d gone through something that looked so painful. His back and buttocks looked like a mess - angry, red, and bleeding a fair amount.

Light felt more than a little freaked out and tried to bolt, but Jayden’s hold was absolute. “Let me go.”

“Not yet.”

“I don’t want to see any more.”  _ Why am I feeling so panicked? This has nothing to do with me. _ Even so, his emotions were in a riot. He felt a little sick, a bit angry, and a little jealous over L.

He struggled, but couldn’t get free. _ Damnit, Jayden! Why would you even want me to see this? _ He would never  **_unsee_ ** this.

Or was that the point? And was this why L had been so pissed the other night? Jayden had brought him deep into the back of the club, and he hadn’t wanted Light to see him doing this?

L re-emerged and picked up a new whip. Light hadn’t seen what he did with the other ones. He turned his head away, not wanting to see any more. His eyes felt too wide in his face. 

Jayden gripped his face under the chin and forcibly turned his head back to the front, holding it there.

“Just watch.”

Every muscle in Light’s body was tensed in protest and he grit his teeth. 

L began working on the second kneeling person. The word Supplicant came to mind. It looked like this one might be female. L used only a single whip on her the entire time and with less lead in. She was really vocal, both crying out in pain, and with something that sounded suspiciously like pleasure, which made him feel a bit funny in the pit of his stomach. Very quickly, her back looked torn up. Like with the person before her, L would pause to speak in her ear, and sometimes his hand would trail over unbroken skin like a caress.

It continued like this for more than a few people, although each flogging was a bit different. Men and women were treated the same. L’s arm rose and fell, never seeming to tire. Not everyone’s skin bore the same degree of brutal treatment however. Some of them finished with a lighter sentence.

“Why is he doing this?” Despite himself, he found he wanted to know. “And why is it so bloody sometimes?”

“He’s letting off steam,” Jayden said, as if it was completely normal. He had released the hold on Light’s chin. “The hardcore ones are trying to take advantage of that and get their time in. There will be some others. Let’s get closer.”

Light tried to protest but was overruled. Jayden walked them over to the door, an arm looped solidly across the front of his chest.

From here, everything actually seemed much clearer and more visceral. He could hear a lot more as well - the whips moving through the air, the soft slaps of whips that left no marks, and even the errant sighs that fell from people’s lips.

True to Jayden’s word, several of the next few people took a much lighter flogging and Light found himself watching L more closely. He had an amazingly larger-than-life presence… a cruel, unyielding taskmaster whose dark aura practically seemed to radiate sex. He moved around each person with an almost sensual ease and his arm swung down upon them with nearly fluid grace. Suddenly, the whole thing was seeming a lot less gruesome than it had before, and the writhing of the people on the tables looked more due to pleasure than pain. 

L continued his work, efficient as a well-oiled machine and mysterious behind that mask. On occasion, fleeting expressions could be seen on his face as he dropped to a crouch in front of the person he was working on. Sometimes a sly smile as he spoke, sometimes an almost sensual expression, with lowered lids.

Light was frozen - caught now between searing jealousy and admiration. Watching this was boiling his blood but it was also causing his belly to tighten with anticipation.

“I got him to do me a few times,” Jayden said, murmuring in Light’s ear. “He’s better than anyone else I’ve had do it. It even turned me on.” He laughed a little. “Made me feel high as a kite. I bet he’d  _ love _ doing it to you though... All this virgin skin and innocent, untested responses.”  Jayden’s mouth traced the curve of his ear. “He could break you in….”

The whip cracked and the Sub who received the lashing moaned loudly in pleasure.

A startled flush lit Light’s cheeks as the sound stabbed him with arousal.

L stalked around the supplicant like a panther. Lean, sleek, dark. The rich black leather hugged his form like a second skin. His arm rose and fell, almost rhythmically, although the sounds changed dramatically and it looked like the force with which they hit also varied.

“Come on, let him do you.”

“I couldn’t. With all these people watching?” He was shaking his head. Something about this terrified him as much as it drew him in. “Besides, last time we spoke, we were fighting.”

“Yeah right. L doesn’t fight. He just walls off.”

“Well, he yelled first,” Light said distractedly.

“Really? That’s new.” Jayden caught Light’s chin, then leaned in and gave Light a drunk kiss on the lips. “See, he cares, or he wouldn’t get mad enough to yell. Now, have fun.”

“Have fu-?” A sack was pulled over his head and tightened loosely around his neck, then his hands were locked into a set of cuffs or something. “Wait- Jayden!”

“Hey, Muscle,” Jayden called out to the two dungeon masters, the burly men holding axes and acting as jailors of sorts. “Fresh meat for the machine. Get him ready.”

“No, really!” Light was pushed along, and he could see through the weave of the bag that Jayden was sending him off with wave and then blew him a kiss. “Hey, seriously, I don’t want to.” The Muscle ignored his protests and dragged him into the room and over to the wall, where he was forced to kneel on the padded step of the inclined bench. “Gag?” one of them asked. The other nodded and disappeared.

“Seriously,” he said, a little frantic. “I’ve never done this before. Just stop ok? I’m sure there are loads more people who are lined up for his. Give them a shot.” 

The remaining Muscle guy pulled his shirt up to expose his back and scoffed. “You’re a good actor, I’ll give you that.”  _ Damnit _ , he’d forgotten about the marks still fading from his back which L had laid upon his skin not that long ago. His shirt was pulled completely over his head and down his arms but it had nowhere to go once it hit the cuffs. “At least leave the shirt in one piece,” he pleaded. “It’s new--” The hood was lifted up just enough to slip a gag between his teeth and fasten it behind his head. “Mnnn--!”

He’d been sort of kneeling at this bench thing but they pulled him forward, looping his arms around the upper end and clipping the cuffs to something underneath. He was now draped over this thing, bare stomach touching the padded leather board.

His heart was in his throat, his breathing coming a bit faster as he tugged against the bonds. He was stuck here, for better or for worse.  _ Calm down. It can’t be that bad if all these people are doing it, right?  _ But this seemed a great deal more serious than what he’d been exposed to thus far. Some of the Sub’s backs had looked torn _ up _ , raw, and he didn’t know how it worked - who got chosen for what. 

He tried to hold down the dread and anxiety. 

_ Jayden, what the fuck have you gotten me into? _

He turned his head to watch the lashing on his left. It was worse to not see what was going to be happening to him shortly. Being right next to it was an  _ entirely _ different experience from watching at the door. This person didn’t have any restraints or gags, and none of the others had either, as far as he recalled. _ Guess I’m a special case,  _ he thought drolly. Their back looked a little abused but way toned down from the others he’d seen. This was a relief… unless they were just early on in their session. 

He watched the expressions on their face as L worked. There was a bizarre blend of pain, ecstasy and peace. Periodically, L would lean down, speaking in their ear. Periodically, he would touch their skin, petting or soothing with his pale, angular hands.

It burned him. Light clenched his hands, fighting against the cuffs. Maybe it was uncalled for, but he felt like he was being forced to watch L cheat on him; like the dark-haired man might just up and fuck any one of these willing participants. Hadn’t Jayden said something about his cousin having a fanclub, or admirers?

He grit his teeth for every gasped breath L elicited, and for every sensual touch or expression. His belly burned, wanting L now more than ever. But he also wanted to smack him more than ever. His hands clenched into fists. L had been quick to accuse him of cheating, and this was… well, this seemed pretty damned close!

Eventually, it seemed like things had been wrapped up with the person on his left. He noticed this time that the used implements were tossed into a huge bucket that had the letters “To Clean” on it. L disappeared from view for a few minutes, then he was walking towards Light, making his heart nearly stop with anxious tension. His face and form were striking, but his dark eyes behind the mask looked soulless. His dark hair was a riot of softly spiked chaos. He looked like some kind of avenging angel or hellion. A short kind of whip with a bunch of short swinging straps was held loosely in his right hand, as if it were part of him.

L crouched down, right in front of his face, peering as if he could see through the cloth and into his very soul. “You’re new, aren’t you,” he said simply, stating the question like fact.

Light nodded, wondering how he knew for sure.

“The restraints give it away,” L answered softly as if talking to himself and rose to his feet. He walked around to Light’s side and brushed a hand very lightly over his back, making him shiver. “Also, these aren’t very old, and likely your first.” He traced over them with his fingertips, as if he could divine meaning from the lines. “Are you ready?”

Light shook his head indicating he was not.

“Nervous?” L’s deep voice was soothing.

He nodded slowly, lamenting the fact that there was no nod for _ ‘Do not want’ _ .

L tucked the whip thing under his arm to free up his hands and smoothed them over Light’s shoulders, doing something along the lines of a swedish massage. 

His firm hands felt like magic. Already, some of the tension was melting away like butter, despite his anxiety.

A small sigh escaped his lips as L’s hands worked lower, sliding firmly along either side of his spine.  _ God, that feels amazing. _

“There’s nothing here that can hurt you,” L murmured, as he continued to pull the tension from Light’s back. “Everything is under your control. Nothing can happen without your say...”  His voice was pulling Light down into an almost drowsy, relaxed state. “Nod once, if you understand that.”

Light nodded, though it seemed an effort to move.

“You can stop at any time if you shake your head….” the deep tones of his voice were hypnotic. “Shake your head to show you understand.”

Light roused himself to shake his head minutely.

“Good,” L drawled softly near his ear, drawing the word out and making a shiver of pleasure run through him.

Along with L’s hands skimming over his shoulders, down his spine and over his ribs, he’d started to notice something else. Something like cloth that was also being run over his back. It felt a little funny, but pleasant.

“Let the sound of my voice guide you,” L murmured from farther away. Now it was just the cloth he felt on his skin. Or was it leather? It was hard to tell. Light focused on the sensation, and it seemed there were multiple threadings of cloth that moved independently. They swirled in circles, then down his back, ever restless. On occasion they rose up and back down, in a light  _ thump _ .

He was drifting… almost unaware of his surroundings. The misgiving from before didn’t even seem real anymore. There was just this peaceful void; the gentle, warm arousal in his belly; and the sensations upon his back which he unwittingly traced with his eyes behind closed lids.

The cloth dropped upon his back with a little more force, just enough to distinguish itself from the sleep-inducing swirls being drawn there as well. The force increased a little bit at a time, and now it was almost like a percussive massage amidst the swirls.

A heavy, quicker blow came then, stinging his skin and rippling through him like a shockwave. A faint moan slipped from his throat before he’d even registered its presence. The trailing touch of fingertips upon his back anchored him, even as they raised that delicious rippling sensation to the surface of his skin. It was a sensual touch, enlivening each nerve it passed over, and making the skin almost feel ticklish. The drawing of the swirls continued. Then, another sharp blow, stronger than the last. It stung even more, making his eyes almost water. Yet it, too, melted into the wave of pleasure that followed, rocking him on the ocean of peace he felt himself drifting upon. 

L’s touch left him and, soon, another sting was hitting his skin; again, it melted into the ocean. 

Again and again, the slightly stinging blows were impacting his back all over, though not near his spine. 

Just when it seemed that nothing would displace this rhythmic rocking upon this ocean, a line of fire cracked in the sky overhead and seared his skin. His back arched against it and it stole his breath. 

L’s hand returned to soothe and ground him and the pain soon faded back into the background of his ocean. The only evidence left was his slightly racing heart. 

The rocking of the ocean resumed - the steady pace of the light, percussive blows which felt like nothing more than a massage. He was sure they were more forceful now, though, then when they’d started. 

A loud crack almost made him jump and then a brutal sting ripped his back, pulling tears from his eyes at last. His hands clenched into fists as the burning continued and he tried to catch his breath. 

“How do you feel right now?” L’s rich voice drifted over him. He was about to shake his head, when something traced up the back of his thigh. The whip? Like, a long one? It seemed there was at least more than one in play now. Not that it mattered. The touch was jerking a feeling of intense arousal from the core of his being. His breath hitched as it drew a line just under the curve of his ass then trailed down over his hip. He’d forgotten all about the pain. “Should we continue?” L asked with an indulgent tone.

Five seconds ago, the answer to that would have been an emphatic no.

But now….

L’s hands were tracing paths down his spine, along his ribs, and around the curve of his side, to the oversensitive skin of his belly. His body was starting to throb.

He clearly wasn’t thinking straight, or he would have been up in arms that L got this physical with anyone while doing this. Though he didn’t recall any sessions he’d watched getting this intense. Then again, maybe this was some kind of beginner treatment. Like a gateway drug.

“For a beginner, you are doing just beautifully,” L praised him, making the hazy desire in his belly quicken. The swirling circles were back, lulling him into the mental image of his ocean once more. “That’s it…. Just let yourself go….”

The percussive strikes were starting up again, gentle and increasing in strength. He almost didn’t notice their transition as they grew more punishing.

“Sink down deep into that bottomless place…”

He was sinking. Deep. Deeper. He was merging with the ocean, becoming one with it.

“Trust in me, and I will set you free.”

Fire lanced across his shoulder, making him cry out again around the gag. He shuddered as his body struggled with the sensation. Even so, he felt another lick of arousal touch him. His body was confused. Had to be.

Another sharp crack lanced his side, just under his shoulderblade. “Gnnnghh,” he moaned in pain, while another wave of pleasure struck him unsuspectingly, leaving him breathless and panting.

“Stay with me,” L murmured. “Breathe through it.”

A hot stripe landed its firey kiss just over the side of his hip. He writhed as the pain flowered and made him grit his teeth. He couldn’t do more than take brief little intakes of air. His head was spinning.

“Breathe.”

He was trying to! But… !

He sucked in a breath, then another.

“Good boy,” L praised, rewarding him with the coveted caress of his hand. “Just like that... in and out,” he soothed. “Focus on the breath... Feel it pull you back to that restful, quiet place. Let my voice guide you back down. Down... Deeper into it.” 

Somehow the fire was easing and his breathing stabilized, becoming effortless once more.

A smart little lash zipped over his back, not anywhere near the strength of the last one, stirring his quasi-aroused state. Then another, and another. Soon he was writhing, not from pain but from the waves of pleasure that were rolling through his lower belly and the tension that was gathering there. The next one, sharper than the others, pulled a moan from deep in his throat.  _ God, he just wanted to… _ Another brisk crack of pain flared and and the tension amplified, pulling another husky moan from his lips.

“Goddamnit, I can’t wait any longer. Light...” L pulled off the hood and gag and pressed a sex-charged kiss to Light’s lips. It was intense and tasted so sweet, making desire flare fully to life. He drowned himself in it. He longed to wrap his arms around the dark haired-man, but his movement was sorely hindered by the restraints. They rattled as he pulled against them.

L broke the kiss to unhook his restraint from the table. 

“How did you..?” Light asked, dazed. “How did you know it was me? When..?”

“Of course I knew it was you,” L murmured, brushing the hair back from his face. His eyes swam with desire. “Right away. You think I wouldn’t recognize my own handiwork?”

“I thought you did this with everyone…” Light said uncertainly.

“Hell no,” L said, capturing his lips again and pulling him into the circle of his arms; careful of his back. The passion was blinding. Things were all mixed up - the image of the ocean; the plethora of solicitous, teasing touches; and now the overwhelming feel of real contact. He felt almost bodiless; He and L were like two merging energies, creating something hotter and brighter between them. “I’m going to take you into the back,” L said between impassioned kisses. “Unless you don’t mind giving a show. It’s not unusual here.”

Light shook his head, hardly wanting to bother with words when kissing felt  _ this _ amazing. Maybe he wouldn’t even care about having an audience… except…. “Jayden’s here,” he managed. He did not want to give that jackal a show. He’d probably enjoy it too much.

“Of course,” L said, with slight exasperation. “Alright then.” He scooped Light up and took him into the back area he’d disappeared into earlier. It was something like a storage closet and dressing room, in one. There was a pedestal sink and a mirror in the one corner, partially concealed by a hanging curtain. The most important feature, however, was the striped, Victorian lounge couch. L set him down upon it then turned to the shelves, rifling through some boxes and containers. “I know we have some here….” he was muttering to himself as he pulled the masquerade mask from his face. “Ah! Here we go.”

“What were you--?” L cut him off with a deep kiss as he joined him on the couch. His tongue slid into Light’s mouth like he was fucking it. It was unbelievably hot, and shot through him, all the way to his toes. He moaned as pleasure started building even from this.  _ God, I could cum just from a kiss like this. _

L pulled back and nibbled at his ear. “You’re close,” he murmured huskily. “I can see it in your eyes. But I don’t want you to cum until I’m buried inside you.”

“Mmmn then you better quit talking like that….”

God, his body was on fucking overdrive. He was going to go crazy if he didn’t get release soon. 

L unbuttoned his jeans and slid them down his legs. He cursed as he fought with Light’s shoes, but he was victorious; he got the pants off and threw them across the room in annoyance. L knelt on the couch and unbuttoned his own pants, which seemed like they would be an utter bitch to completely take off, then slid them down enough to be serviceable.

Light watched him roll the condom onto his raging arousal, nearly at eye level, biting his lip in anticipation. He was so fucking turned on right now. His eyes drifted up to meet L’s which were the most expressive he’d seen them. They were full. Emotion, desire, and things he couldn’t even place.

There seemed to be a silent communication between them then. 

L’s eyes shifted, taking on that look he tended to get when he was in control, though they also had a look that compelled action. Their eyes locked and Light felt drawn forward. 

Light watched L’s face as he leaned forward, drawing close to his aching member which was right before him. He watched as, just before he took it into his mouth, L’s eyes were already fluttering closed in reaction. A wave of arousal flooded his belly; it was so fucking sexy to see him that affected. 

_ I’m not the only one who’s already too close. _

Light did the minimal required to lubricate the condom, so as not to press things too close to the wire.

“Come ‘ere,” L said, sitting down and leaning back on the couch. “This won’t be as easy for you but you don’t want to grind your back into the couch.”

“I’m not sure I care about that,” Light said, moving forward on his knees until he was just over L’s hips.

“Mmmn… you would later. Guide me in...”

He took L’s arousal in hand and placed the tip at his entrance. He could feel the resistance in his own body against it, as he was using his muscles to stay in this position. “Damn right this is harder,” he said under his breath.

“Here,” L said sitting up. It placed their bodies very close together. L placed several kisses across his chest and his hands stroked up Light’s sides. “Put your hands on my shoulders.”

He did so, and was about to ask how that would make much of a difference, when L was suddenly pressing into him, impossibly tight. Light braced himself harder upon L’s shoulders as L gripped his hips, pulling him down and filling him almost beyond capacity. 

“Jezus,” Light said, trying to catch his breath and adjust.

The position had them facing each other now in a sort of embrace.

“Ahhh,” L breathed, and pulled Light into a heated kiss that quite distracted him from his discomfort. L began stroking his flagging desire back to life and soon the feel of L’s arousal pulsing inside of him like a brand was feeding the ache of lust.

“Move,” Light said against his lips, starting to move for him.

“You’re the one that’s supposed to move,” L said huskily, lifting him up by the hips and pulling him back down. 

Light sucked in a breath as L hit a blinding spot upon re-entry. His arms wrapped tightly around L’s neck as his back arched. “Fuck,” he breathed as L did it again.

“God, you are so sexy,” L growled against his mouth as he fucked him. His body was already tightening and trembling slightly within the circle of Light’s arms.

Their mouths melded together once more, drunk on passion.

L’s hands smoothed up the insides of Light’s thighs, making him tense up as a wave of pleasure rode him. 

His dark-haired lover groaned as he was squeezed inside the heat of Light’s body. 

L then gripped his hips hard, thrusting into him relentlessly, hitting the spot that had Light losing his bearings so completely and crying out from between bitten lips.

L pulled Light down hard and tight against him as he climaxed, ravaging his mouth with carnal fervor. His moan was throaty and unrestrained, the sound wrapping sensually around the embrace of their entwining tongues. 

Light’s body shuddered with that moan echoing in his ears.  _ Goddamn… that voice of his. _ It seemed to get sexier every time he heard it. He groaned as he felt L release, twitching hard inside of him, and his own orgasm slammed over him. Eyes shut and back arching, he came, feeling the heated press of L’s stomach rubbing his arousal. His body was tremoring. He lost track of his surroundings, everything getting swallowed by the white noise; yet he could feel L’s hand twining in his hair and pulling his head back to expose his neck to heated lips. His body shuddered in waves of release, shaking helplessly as the wake of pleasure wrung him dry.

He sagged limply in L’s arms, resting his head on his shoulder when it was over. “That’s it, I’m never moving again,” he mumbled as lethargy took over.

“Fine by me,” L murmured, sounding affected by that same lethargy. His fingertips began tracing lazy patterns upon Light’s skin, extending the hazy afterglow. 

Even so… they couldn’t stay like this forever. The pulsing music of the club was a reminder, muffled as it was. 

“Not that I’m complaining,” L said languidly, laying a trail of soft kisses over the line of his shoulder, moving towards the sensitive curve of his neck. “But why are you here?”

“Long story short…” He felt so sleepy. “Jayden was appointed as my chaperone...” he trailed.  In response to L’s baffled look, he added, “I was super grounded.” 

“That still makes no sense. Especially the part about Jayden being a chaperone of  _ anything _ .”

“Right?” Light agreed. “I’ll let him fill you in…” he mumbled into L’s neck, wanting nothing more than to fall asleep for a few minutes. L was probably going to want to yell at Jayden or kick his ass anyway; he’d rather not get in the middle of another familial spat. “He’s crazy, you know that?”

L let out a slightly aggrieved sigh. “Better than most.” He lazily stroked the hair at the nape of Light’s neck and up into the rest of his hair in wandering circular patterns, lulling him into a light doze. It felt so nice, and L smelled so good…

His scent was mixed with the smell of leather, which was different than usual but not bad. “Mmm,” Light sighed softly. 

A subtle rattling of the doorknob disrupted the mood and signalled them to get in motion. “Quite a few people are looking for an encore,” a familiar voice said through the door, not masking its amusement. “Though they’re all hoping to play **_the_** **_lead_** for part 2.”

“Jayden…” L growled in aggravation. His voice was low and reluctant, like he might have been drifting off a little as well. “He did something I’m going to want to beat him for, hasn’t he?” L sighed. “He sounds too fucking smug.”

Light lifted his head and stretched. “That’s the main reason I said  **he** can fill you in on things.”

“Who knows what he’ll end up spouting off then?” L said in a resigned but distracted tone. “He’s not exactly a reliable source of information.”

“True.”

“What if I drive you back to your house and you fill me in on the way?” L proposed, laying kisses along the line of his collarbone. “Let him tell it if you want, just call bullshit when he starts getting creative with the storytelling.”

“I don’t know…” Light said reluctantly. It seemed to him that he could still get caught in the crossfire.

“I promise not to kill him, or even yell at him until you’re out of the car.” 

“Ok… fine. But you realize you’ll have to drop him off with me as well? My parents will probably be expecting to see him.” Thus, any beating or repercussions would have to be further postponed.

“Damnit.” L ran a hand through his spiky hair, making its chaos more distinct. He thought for a few moments with a frown. “After that he’ll probably just make himself scarce for a few days and I won’t be able to find him, even if I  _ wanted _ to.” He growled in aggravation, then abandoned that line of thought altogether. “Well, look, let’s handle one thing at a time and start by making ourselves look presentable.”

They washed up at the sink and dressed in the clothing they had come in here with. This still left Light bare-chested. His shirt was probably on the floor by the bench, where L had undone his hand restraints.

“Let me see your back. Turn around.”

Light’s face flushed a little. He was reminded just then that he’d have to face an audience when he went out to retrieve his shirt. Some of those people had gotten quite a show. Not to mention, however much the sack on his head had hidden his identity, there was evidence of their unorthodoxly sexual flogging session striping his back.

“Hmn.”

“What does ‘hmn’ mean?” Light asked, a bit worried.

“Nothing… just thinking ahead…”

“Which means?”

“Shh.” L clapped a hand on his shoulder, pressing him into place. “Stay right there.”

Light watched over his shoulder as L scanned the shelves and pulled two small bottles down.

“What’s that?”

“Disinfectant and spray-on bandages,” L said distractedly as something tried to fall and he tapped it back up onto the shelf. He made his way back over to Light. “Only one of them hurts. Can you guess which one?”

“OW!” Light hissed. L had started misting his back before he’d even finished speaking. Light gripped the sink with his hands as the stinging sunk deep, making his eyes tear.

“Sorry, I know it has a bite to it.”

“You’re kind of a bastard when it comes to wound care.”

“Aw, it’s not that bad.”

“You’re right, the shower was infinitely worse. Then, you were a  _ total _ bastard.”

L shrugged, not accepting or denying the accusation. “I’d use what I did last time, but we don’t have any solid bandages like that here. Most people like displaying the flogging marks, so spray bandages are kind of the norm.” He uncapped the other bottle and sprayed Light’s back with even, measured sweeps. “It’s supposed to be waterproof,” he said conversationally, “but it doesn’t really hold up.”

“Great, so what do I do after I take a shower?”

“Can you take these with you?”

“No, my parents will find them and start asking questions.”

“Okay, I thought that might be the case…” L considered. “Then, we’ll have to get you bandaged up properly.”

“But I’m still super grounded, and probably already past due tonight as well.”

“So, we can’t stop by my place,” his dark-haired companion mused aloud, “we can’t send you home with these, and you might be under house arrest for the foreseeable future…” L ran a hand over his face. “If your parents are still keen on Jayden after this, I’ll have him smuggle them over.”

“Why not you?”

“Because you need to have a few minutes alone. Jayden’s a little closer to your age and they’d think less of you both hanging out in your room. You’re peers.”

Light made a sound of derision. “You’re probably right. To my parents, you are more like a mentor then a ‘friend’.”

“And, Jayden’s a better actor. He can keep shit up forever.”

“Maybe he just had more practice.” Light tested the waters by dropping some of the information Jayden had fed him. It was a chance to see if it was even true. “More exposure... you know, at the prep schools?”

L looked surprised and a little haunted; darkness lingering in the edges of his expression. “He told you about that?” he sounded a little terse.

“Just today.” Light eyed him. “Are you mad?” It was one hell of a weird, impenetrable face L was making.

“My cousin has been one hell of a busy guy today.” That didn’t sound like a happy statement. It sounded like they were going to be having another knock down, drag out fight. 

L strode to the door and flung it open; Jayden stumbled inside, having had his ear pressed to the door. “Figures,” L said, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, which mysteriously had been buttoned back up again. “Wow, you are really playing the part huh?” he said, eyeing Jayden’s attire and lack of piercings. He kicked the door shut again. “Wanna tell me what’s got you looking so respectable and meeting  _ his _ parents?” 

He jerked his head to indicate Light.

“It’s not what you think!” Jayden protested too quickly. 

“I didn’t even  _ accuse _ you of anything yet, you guilty son of a bitch.” His incredulous tone and darkening expression seemed to have an instant effect on his cousin.

“Okay, okay, you got me….” Jayden held his hands up in mock surrender. “I sorta snagged your phone the other day because I saw a reeeeally interesting message come through from your boy.” Like L, he also jerked his head to indicate Light. “Only it wasn’t him at all, it was this  _ hilarious _ message from his dad…”

_ Wait, _ Light thought with shock,  _ Jayden wasn’t going to spill the  _ **_exact_ ** _ contents of the message was he? _ If he mentioned the Marin part, L was  _ sure _ to flip his lid. He decided to speak up to try and head this thing off. 

“My father was calling to ask you to be a chaperone to the study session,” he interrupted, explaining to L. “Because I was grounded, it was the only way they’d let me go. I refused to go with one of them.” There, that sounded perfectly reasonable.

Jayden was snickering to himself. It set Light’s nerves on edge.

“What?” L demanded of his cousin with a little shake.

“That wasn’t even the  **_best_ ** part,” Jayden was giggling like a hyena. “They also wanted a chaperone to keep him from consorting with that Marin chick, because  _ this _ idiot savant told them he was _ dating _ her.”

“You  _ what _ ?” L turned to him, anger and confusion warring upon his face.

_ Damnit, Jayden, you asshole! _

“Ok, that is definitely not as it sounds,” Light protested, trying to calm the situation with placating gestures. “That was the synthesis of a  _ much _ longer conversation…”

“She sooo wants to get in his pants,” Jayden added helpfully. 

Light looked at him, appalled.

“Good thing I was there to use a hose on her,” the deviant continued solemnly, really getting a kick out of this, “or she might have freaked him up right there in the Library.”

“That did  _ not _ happen!” Light said indignantly, feeling betrayed. Why the hell was Jayden stirring things up like this? He should have known better than to almost trust the delinquent, for even a moment!

“Oh, right, all she got in was a little kiss,” Jayden sneered. “I’d hate to see what would happen if she got you alone….” He paused theatrically, as if just remembering something and said perkily, “Oh wait, isn’t that the plan for _ next  _ weekend? A little date?”

Shock was hitting Light in multiple impacts, so hard he couldn’t even react. He couldn’t think or speak. The tension in the room became oppressive. What had Jayden done?

This time, when Light did not immediately deny anything, L’s dark eyes were quick to fall upon him like sharp little blades, dissecting him mercilessly. “He isn’t lying, is he?” L stated it like fact. There was a very unpleasant quality to his voice.

Light felt like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Answer me,” L demanded, voice deadly quiet. He looked furious again.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jayden was pantomiming a tear rolling down his face and then pointed emphatically at L’s back.

_ ‘Anger masked sadness’?  _  He wasn’t really sure. This looked like pretty authentic anger to him. He couldn’t even rightly call it jealousy. It looked more like possessiveness.

“No,” Light said hoarsely. “He isn’t lying… but--”

“What  **_is_ ** it with you?” L said caustically. “Every time I think we’re getting somewhere you--!” He cursed and turned away, putting a hand over his face as if to contain his anger. His other hand was still fisted unrelentingly upon Jayden’s shirt.

“If it helps,” Jayden piped up, “the girl is just a rebound.”

L suckerpunched him, faster than thought, and released him. Jayden dropped to his knees, spitting out a little blood. “You’ve done enough,” he said coldly. “Quit talking.”

Light’s eyes were wide. L had a propensity for violence when it came to his cousin. He wondered how far that went into other areas of his life. 

Jayden let him walk a few steps towards Light before adding earnestly, “It’s not you, it’s the parents and school thing causin’ the strife.” His teeth looked a little pink from the blood.

That gave L pause. He looked between Jayden and Light, a calculating look on his face. “Are you fucking serious?”

In that moment, Light reassessed Jayden. In his own fucked up way, he might have actually been trying to help. Then again, he could have been lighting the fuse on a bomb just to see what would happen.

Were things looking up? L didn’t look quite as pissed as before.

L stalked over to Light, backing him up against the wall. Light’s heart hammered in his throat. “This is about  _ school _ ?” There was still a sharpness in his gaze that made it hard for Light to swallow, let alone talk. 

He nodded. 

“So,” L said softly, “despite  _ everything _ , you still don’t trust me at all.” The loaded, dangerous tone set Light further on edge. “I said we would figure that out and you’ve done nothing but run and hide.”

Light tried to say something in his defense, but his throat felt like a desert. He couldn’t even look up to meet L’s gaze.

“You were going to use her to forget all about me, huh?  **_That_ ** was your plan?” His voice was mocking, cruel. He reached out to trace the curve of Light’s cheek, making a cold weight settle in Light’s gut. “That’s beyond insulting,  _ Akanbo _ ,” he said deprecatingly. 

Light felt like his chest was being crushed under a heavy weight and his eyes were stinging. Things were falling apart and he couldn’t stop it. He couldn’t speak - he couldn’t catch his breath. He’d never in his life felt as awful as he did in this moment. 

“And even if you  **did** fuck her,” L said, leaning in close enough to kiss him, driving the knife in his chest deeper, “it  _ still _ wouldn’t change what we had between us.” 

L drifted back again and walked towards the door with sharp strides. He paused to dig something out of a black dufflebag. “Drive him home,” he said shortly to Jayden, tossing him a key. Then he was gone.

Light was still frozen, shell shocked. A tear slipped from his eye, unnoticed, and rolled slowly down his cheek.

_ What just happened? _

* * *

TBC


	17. Blast Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the aftermath

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 17: Blast Zone  _

_ We’re over… _

Light sank down onto the floor, hugging his knees to his chest. His brain was sputtering, trying to process the events that had just taken place. His skin felt cold and he started to shiver.

Jayden, the last person he wanted to see right now, slithered up to him and held out his shirt. “Here, put this on.”

Light just buried his head in his arms to hide his misery. His hands were shaking…. much like the rest of him. “Go away.” His mind was stuttering and his emotions were wreaking havoc on his body. He wanted to be alone to try and get a handle on this but  _ most _ of all, he wanted the bringer of this disaster to get the  _ hell _ away from him.

“I can’t,” Jayden replied almost apologetically, “I have to take you home.”

Light raised a tearstained face to his. Anger surged through him, finding a target. “Why can’t you ever just  _ quit _ ?!”

“It’s not in my nature, I guess….” He looked a little uncomfortable. “Look, I’m sorry. I know it seemed pretty bad, but he’ll come around.” He scritched his head and sat indian-style in front of Light, perfectly at ease on the floor. “Hnn… L doesn’t get angry unless he really cares about something…” he mused aloud with a frown, apparently deep in thought. “Though, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him get as pissed as he was today...” 

_ Not helping, _ Light thought, feeling his spirit getting dragged down further. 

He flashed an encouraging smile upon Light. “So that must mean he really likes you a lot,” he concluded. It was hard to tell if Jayden wasn’t still just fucking with him. His moods seemed to be shifting too fast to be real.

“Or he’s washed his hands of me,” Light said morosely, wiping at his his wet eyes and face to obliterate the evidence of his emotion. Even his own words cut deep. Today was like yesterday all over again. An intense connection and then the void of emptiness after they had a falling out. L had looked almost as furious today as he did then. No, even more so.

“Err… do you want a hug?” Jayden offered.

“ _ No _ .”

“How about a tangible distraction?”

“A what-?” he said in annoyance. But one look at the deviant’s face answered that question. He was being lewd, as usual.

“Come on, a little rebound action?” he suggested playfully. “Take your mind off of things? Jayden leaned forward as if he was going to kiss him.

Light put a hand against his chest and held him back. (Jayden wasn’t trying too hard for some reason, and it was easy to accomplish.) “Stop,” he said in a hoarse voice. “You’ll only make things worse.”

“I’ll talk to him.”

“I think you’ve done enough talking,” Light said sharply, yanking his shirt out of the deviant’s hands. He got to his feet and dragged it over his head.

Jayden rose to his feet as well. “Don’t you think you’re being a bit harsh?” he said with a raised brow. “Seeing as this whole setup is basically your own fault?”

“Fuck off.”

“I told you that you were going to get burned,” he hummed.

“Fuck  _ off _ , Jayden!”

“What, you wanna be pissed at me, too, for ‘talking too much’?” he taunted, his tone shifting mercurially. “You wanna take a swing?”

“Or maybe you  **want** me to hit you,” Light shot back with a nasty tone, “so you can stop feeling guilty about being such an _ asshole _ .”

A sharp look touched Jayden’s eyes. It was possible the words had hit home. Light punched him anyway, catching him right across the corner of his mouth; he’d been itching to hit him for a while now, and there seemed no point in holding back. 

Jayden fell back hard, landing on his ass. “Jezus, fuck,” he muttered, bringing a hand to his face. “Did you have to hit the  _ same damn spot _ he did?” A bit of blood dribbled down his chin from his mouth. He wiped at it, smearing it.

“You like pushing people’s lines,” Light said angrily, towering over him. “It’s all a big fucking game to you. But what happens when you push too far, huh? Are you going to be so _ fucking _ amused when you mess up and cross a line, and people drop you on your ass or disown you?”

Hurt and then anger swept Jayden’s face, faster than lightning, before being covered by a condescending leer. “Playing the grandparents card, eh? Look at you, all grown up and spitting vitriol. Don’t get cocky, just because I told you a few things.”

“You’re one to talk,” Light said with cold fury. “Repeating almost  _ every damn thing _ I told you. Don’t expect me to make that mistake again.”

Jayden glared at him in earnest. “I was actually trying to  _ help _ ,” he argued. “Obviously not my strong point,” he muttered, “as you’ve made abundantly clear.”

“Maybe you’d be more  _ successful _ ,” Light snapped, “if you separated ‘helping’ from your  _ obsessive need to  _ **_entertain_ ** _ yourself _ !”

“So sue me for having a personality quirk!” he yelled back, looking aggravated once more. Then, he went back to muttering. “Goddamn, this has become ‘ _ Shit on Jayden Day’ _ . No fucking good deed goes unpunished, that’s for damn sure.” He got to his feet and brushed himself off, a scowl painting his handsome face.

“Most good deeds don’t begin with hijacking someone’s phone and concealing information,” Light said derisively.

“Don’t be so fucking picky.” 

Jayden fished his phone out of his pocket, then, and dialed a number. “Heyyyy Mrs. Y.,” he said, his face and voice totally changing as he did his little act. He winced a little as it pulled at his injured lips and jaw, which obviously hurt a lot more than he was showing. “I am  **so** sorry, we got to talking and things just ran late. I’m borrowing my cousin’s car to get Light back home as soon as possible; he lives on this end of town. The study session went well, also, no mishaps.” 

He paused, a polite, expectant look on his face. “You are  _ absolutely _ right,” he said, “a watch would be a really good idea. Mmhm. Well, I  _ did _ have one - what happened to it is kind of a funny story; I’ll have to share it another time.” There was a period of listening and he was nodding his head. “Elliot is still pretty stricken. Yeah…” Another pause. “Certainly, I’ll send him your condolences. Thank you.” Pause. “Ok, well, let me get off the phone so we can get on the road. Thank you for understanding and being so gracious about the time. I am truly sorry, and will endeavour to make up for it in the future.” He nodded. “Alright, goodnight, Mrs. Y.”

He turned to brandish his phone at Light with an air of victory about him. “Your right to call me an asshole is hereby revoked,” he announced, “for  _ at least _ the remainder of the evening.”

“So… for the car ride home,” Light surmised balefully. “15 minutes? That’s setting the bar pretty low. Hardly seems worth the effort--”

“It would mean _ ever  _ so much to me,” Jayden fluttered in an eerily authentic Southern Belle accent, clasping his hands in front of his heart and batting his eyelashes. There was a sharpness underneath his antics, as if telling Light he wasn’t taking no for an answer.

Light heaved a sigh. “Fine,” he relented.

“ _ Wunderbar!”  _ he approved, the sharp look not leaving his face. “Now drag your happy ass out to the car, and let’s be on our way.”

Walking out that door and through the club itself could more aptly be called The Walk of Shame. It didn’t escape him that people would have seen how L had stormed out ahead of them, after he and L had previously gone in together while barely keeping their hands off of each other. And how odd it would have seemed to have Jayden eavesdropping at the door, pulled inside just prior to L’s exodus. What the hell sort of twisted love triangle might  _ that _ have looked like?

Oh, yes, as they left the room there were some looks alright. He wished he could have pulled that bag of Jayden’s back over his head. He felt fucking miserable. The best he could do is try and fake looking normal, nonchalant. It took him a minute to get the hang of it. Even the dominatrix who had taken L’s place was staring, and she hadn’t even been there to see any of it.

They pushed through the crowd of people clogging the doorway of the whipping room. It was really an effort to ignore the questioning glances and the few half-uttered questions. He kept from making eye contact with the burly axe-men especially. They seemed particularly interested in what the hell had just gone on.

Jayden surprised him by slinging an arm over his shoulders. “Don’t fucking punch me,” he said under his breath. “Just giving them a distraction so we can get the hell out of here.”

Indeed, the looks lost some of their strength, and people gave way to let them through a little easier.

“I don’t even care anymore,” Light murmured morosely. Yeah, it probably looked to everyone like a lover’s triangle gone wrong. No one would believe the crazy shit that was the _ truth _ , so what did it matter if they got the wrong idea?

“Come on, don’t go back to being fucking sad again,” Jayden said with an antsy tone. “What happened to being mad?”

“You didn’t want me to punch you again. Make up your mind.” 

“I’m no fucking good with sad,” Jayden muttered to himself. He looked over at Light. “Mad seems like a step up, right?”

Light shivered, still feeling cold and hazy. The mood shifts he’d been forced to flip through in such a short amount of time were making him feel ill. “If you try to tell me you pissed me off on purpose to ‘cheer me up’, I’m going to punch you for real.” 

“You punched me for real less than 10 minutes ago,” he said petulantly. 

“I’ll make that look like a love tap.”

Jayden, wisely, did not take the opportunity to make a lewd joke. He seemed to sense the line there. To him it must have been trimmed with flashing lights and huge neon signs, one of which said,  _ ‘Thou shall not pass!’ _

“Geez, you’re really shivering,” Jayden said a few minutes later, looking at him with what actually might be concern.

“I’m f-fine,” he chattered. It was worrisome. He shouldn’t feel so cold.

“Here,” Jayden said, unbuttoning his shirt. “You can take this, at least until we get to the car and I see if L’s got a sweater or something lying around in there.” He put Light’s arms through the sleeves and buttoned it up over his t-shirt, then rubbed Light’s shoulders vigorously. “Better?”

“I told you I’m fine.” He was no longer chattering though. But this coldness started just after that fight Jayden had started. It was  _ his _ fault,  _ Jayden’s _ , and Light was definitely holding a grudge. Besides, wasn’t Jayden the one who’d said not to read too much into it when he acted like a decent human being?

“Right then. You’re welcome.”  

They walked the rest of the way to the car in silence. Jayden opened the door and rummaged around in the back seat, looking for a jacket, shirt, or something warm.

“I’m fine,” Light insisted, eager to be away. This day needed to be over. “Let’s just GO.”

“Not until I finish looking,” Jayden snapped with annoyance, backing out of the back seat on hands and knees. He went around to the back of the car and popped open the trunk. He rummaged in there a few moments before saying, “Aha!” He held his prize aloft as he slammed the trunk shut. “Trade you,” he said, holding the sweater out to Light.

Light sighed and unbuttoned the collared shirt. He handed it to Jayden, and took the proffered sweater. It was a thin, dark grey pullover. Light yanked it on. The material was soft and warm. It had that clean laundry smell but, heartbreakingly, it also faintly smelled like L. He must have worn it, if even only briefly.

Misery started to well up again as he remembered the last few minutes of their exchange and the cold finality of the words.  He balled the ends of the long sleeves around his chilled hands.

Jayden caught the look on his face before he’d schooled his expression. He was just finishing the last buttons on his shirt. He seemed like he was going to say something but changed his mind. “Shall we?” He gestured to the car.

Light just nodded silently and pulled open the passenger side door. He slid into the seat, and tried not to feel like he was trespassing somehow. Wearing L’s clothes, sitting in his car, he had the vivid image of L’s turned back to keep him company. It was etched in his mind, tormenting him.

Jayden pulled down the visor to check his face in the mirror. He gingerly touched his jaw and the corner of his mouth, and winced. It was starting to swell and the beginnings of a bruise was already forming. His lip was even split a little, and red. It totally looked like he’d gotten into a brawl.

He cursed under his breath and flipped the visor back up. “Looks like you’ll be on your own at the house. I should stay in the car.”

Light nodded and leaned his head against the window as he put the car into gear and pulled out of the lot.

It  _ would  _ be hard to explain why “The Chaperone” looked like he’d been in a fight. Lots of unnecessary questions. None of the reasons they could craft would be particularly helpful in letting him leave his house again. Either Jayden would be deemed unsafe or reckless, or being around him would be seen that way. If, for instance, he said he got mugged, Light’s parents would flip and never let him outside at night again. There wasn’t really any way to win.

Jayden was unusually quiet on the way over to his house, leaving him to his thoughts. Silence was an unnatural state for him, but he must’ve felt his options were pretty limited; he said he wasn’t good with people being sad or upset, and Light had already threatened him about pissing him off on purpose. Light gave him a little credit for trying to behave by keeping his mouth shut at least.

They pulled up to the house, and Jayden put the car in park, the engine still running. “Look,” Jayden said awkwardly, which on him sounded a little testy. “I’m sorry things went sideways.”

Light wasn’t in the mood for apologies. “Me, too.” He opened the door and got out.

“Light,” Jayden called, looking at a loss for what to follow that up with. There was frustration and a trace of dismay in his tone. His pale eyes held sincere regret. “I really am sor--”

“Goodnight, Jayden,” he said with quiet finality and swung the door shut.

“Wait--” a new voice called, startling Light. 

“Mother?” he asked in shock. She was wearing her robe, had slippers on her feet, and was shuffling down the walk rather briskly. There was something in her hand that she waved in their general direction.

“Tap on the window,” she huffed. “Don’t let him drive off yet.” 

Light was agape, having never seen his mother all unfettered quite like this, but reached over distractedly to rap on the window. He didn’t even have to move to do it, he was still right next to the car. He heard a soft curse from inside the vehicle and the sound of a window rolling down on the other side.

His mother bustled around to Jayden’s side.

“Hi, Mrs. Y.,” he said, adopting his good-boy act and getting the jump on the exchange. “I’m sorry I can’t stay…” It would be a disaster if he were to be asked in. The darkness of the car was masking the state of his face.

“Oh, that’s ok, dear, it’s late,” she said, waving off his excuse. “I imagine you need to get some sleep.”

“Among other things,” he agreed.

“You’ll be seeing Elliot again this evening to return his car, correct?” Jayden made an affirming noise. “I was wondering if you could you give him this?”

“Err.. okay,” Jayden said in confusion, taking something from her.

“Thank you, dear. It will be a small favor that will help me overlook how incredibly late you are in bringing Light home.”

Oh. She really wasn’t letting that go.

“...” Jayden was silent a little too long, possibly in reaction to her unexpected statement, almost dropping the ball. “Anything I can do to help,” he said earnestly, probably flashing a smile, judging by his mother’s expression. She seemed to get a flattered sort of smile on her face when either of Light’s dark-haired acquaintances flashed a charming smile her way.

Light’s mother waved as Jayden put the car back in gear and pulled smoothly away and on down the street. “That boy may not have a watch,” she stated matter-of-factly, through her smile, “but my  **son** certainly does.”

That statement alone was enough to send a chill down his spine.  _ Am I wearing it right now though?  _ He couldn’t  _ remember. _ “I usually use my  _ phone _ for the time,” he said.

“Show me your wrist,” she said sternly, not about to let him off easy.

He slid the sweater up his right arm. It was bare.

“Good, now show me the one you actually wear your watch on.”

Shit, he was hoping she wouldn’t notice.

He braced himself and slid the other sleeve up, not wanting to look. He prayed that he’d left it at home.

“Hmn,” she said shortly. “In any case, you’ve been late even when you **did** have your phone, so I will not be accepting that excuse.”

He glanced down at his other bare wrist. Oh, thank god, he’d forgotten to put it on earlier.

“Now, get inside.” She motioned to the house and waited for him to walk past her before following.

Light glanced at a clock as soon as he could and blanched. It was just after 1am. He knew it would be a bit late, just by all that had gone on since he and Jayden had left the Library around 9pm, but he hadn’t realized they’d managed to burn four hours. “Where is father?” he asked, feeling even more uneasy.

“In the study,” she replied, “writing up your _ Last Will and Testament _ .”

“Seriously?” he asked palely. He wasn’t referring to her macabre joke, but to the level of his father’s anger which it implied.

She sighed. “Actually, he’s asleep. But honestly, Light, what possesses you to be so irresponsible? You had to have known how late it was.” She frowned at him, looking perplexed. “I’ll let it slide this time, but you know Jayden was upset about his cousin. You could have helped him keep an eye on the time. I’m not surprised he lost himself in talking. Did you even look at his face? He’s obviously upset about something under all the smiles.”

Light felt like he was in an episode of The Twilight Zone. Here his mother was not only letting a transgression slide, but was defending Jayden  _ and _ lecturing  **him** on how to read people. It was ridiculous and downright bizarre.

Light just nodded, as if agreeing with her. He was at a loss for what he could even say to all of that.

“Can I go to bed?” he asked. “I’m really tired.” He was also starving, but Jayden had told her they’d gone out to eat, so he’d have to forget about food.

“Yes, yes,” she said, waving him off. “Goodnight, dear.”

Light went into his room and fell face first onto his bed. He was utterly exhausted and wrung out. After a few minutes, he curled up on his side and pulled his arms up, burying his face in the soft sleeves of L’s sweater. The warm cotton smell was mixed with the smell of clean, and of L. It was a soothing combination that also ripped at his heart. He pressed the material harder against his face, feeling his eyes prickling again, and tried to pretend things weren’t so fucked up.

* * *

Jayden had driven the car back over to L’s place and had just walked in the door. He strolled in unannounced, as was his habit, and tried to get a feel for the mood. It felt surprisingly normal and his cousin didn’t bother casting him any murderous glances. He was sitting on the couch, feet on the coffee table, a hard expression on his face as if he was deep in thought. In fact, the only reason he knew L had registered his presence was that he gestured vaguely to the kitchen and said something about some bandages he needed him to take over to Light.

Jayden grabbed a coke from the fridge and cracked it open, watching L surreptitiously the whole time. It looked like they weren’t going to be talking about this right away, which suited him just fine.

L was pretty self-contained at the moment, looking like he was working through something. What that was, was anyone’s guess. 

He took a few unhurried sips of the soda and pocketed the bandages L had pointed to on the counter, then remembered the card Light’s mom had insisted he deliver to his cousin. He dug it out of his back pocket.

“Here,” Jayden strolled over and tossed him the envelope. “From the ‘rents.” 

He put the cold soda can against his face to try and numb a bit of the throbbing.

“What the hell is this?” L asked after opening it, flipping a sympathy card over in his hands and looking confused. “ _ ‘Sympathies for your recent loss’ _ ? And there is a kitten on it...” He looked at Jayden, bewildered and a little suspicious. “What am I missing?”

L watched as his cousin rocked back on his heels, trying to look innocent. He even tried whistling a few notes, though it came out more like little rushes of air with no tone; he never really had worked out how to whistle.

“Jaydennnn,” L said threateningly.

He wasn’t buying it, and it was starting to look to Jayden like he might be roused to violence again. “Alright, alright!” he griped petulantly, feeling cornered. “They sort of heard you yelling when I had your phone and I had to tell them  _ something _ . It wasn’t good for your image.”

L sensed the evasion. “So you told them… _ what, _ exactly?”

“That you sort of lost your cat the other night and were distraught,” Jayden said grudgingly. He gave off all the appearances of a sulky, difficult teenager. “I didn’t say it was  _ dead _ ,” he insisted strongly, like that was the part that had importance. His voice dropped back to an almost mutter, “They kind of inferred that.”

“Jayden,” L snapped, “I was only yelling because you stole my phone and holed up in the bedroom with it!” His voice was getting louder as he lost his patience. 

“But  _ before _ that,” Jayden said, raising his voice as well, “you were ranting because you were pissed off about the thing with Light!”

L narrowed his eyes, catching on. “So a cat was supposed to symbolize Light?” he said darkly. 

Jayden noted that he’d gone from angry to quiet again. Not a good sign.

“Errr…” He was hesitant to claim his handiwork in light of the murderous aura L was starting to throw off. “Maybe…” he trailed reluctantly. It had been kind of funny at the time...

“ _ ‘Sympathies for your recent loss,’ _ ” L repeated with a scowl, “Now this card  **_really_ ** pisses me off.” He chucked it violently into the trash.

“Ah… at least they meant well?”

“Unlike my good-for-nothing, trouble-making cousin.” He went into the kitchen and poured himself a liberal dose of alcohol into a tumbler and downed it. It was a paltry effort towards keeping himself from strangling his maddening ‘sibling’.

“Hey, now, it’s not all bad,” Jayden protested, looking a little hurt. “Hell, because of me, you  _ did _ get laid--.”

“Say another word on that,” L warned sharply, cutting him off and pointing a damning finger towards him, “and we are going to have a  _ significant _ problem.”

Jayden looked cowed. “Come on, man, I was only trying to help.” His appeal was said almost under his breath.

“Help?” L laughed humorlessly as he splashed some more alcohol into the glass. He tipped it back with a deliberate motion. “You made things _ worse _ .” He shook his head and muttered something under his breath. “Congrats, cuz” he said darkly, “Just when I thought things couldn’t possibly get worse,  **_you_ ** found a way.”

The words hit home like sharpened arrows. 

“That’s my enterprising spirit for you,” Jayden quipped with a frown, lacking his usual energy. The effort fell flat. When he spoke again, it was tentative. “You’re really pissed at me, aren’t you…”

“Yes. Yes, I am.”

“I see,” he said quietly, not like himself at all.

“Jayden,” L said, not looking at him. His voice was like burning coals of anger. “Go away for a while,” he said tightly. His mouth was set in a harsh line, holding back his temper, and he looked like he might crush the glass in his hand. 

“Okay,” Jayden said in a subdued voice and slunk out of the apartment.

* * *

Sunday was a blur. Light slept for most of the day, and for some reason, his parents left him alone. He got up around 3pm to take a shower.

This presented a problem. 

L had said the spray adhesive didn’t hold up under contact with water. 

“Ok, bath it is then,” he said to himself. If he didn’t fill the tub too full, it wouldn’t touch his back. He’d have to get more creative to wash his hair. What a pain in the ass. _Better get used to it._ _You have no idea if or when the other bandages might get brought over._ He didn’t know what to expect anymore. L had talked about sending Jayden over, but that was before all the shit went down. He’d be best served trying to preserve the spray-on bandage as long as he could. Just in case….

_ (In case L no longer gave a fuck?)  _ he asked himself.

_ I guess… _

_ (Is that what you think he’d do?) _

It did seem like a shitty conclusion to draw, but in his defense, he didn’t know L well enough to know for sure what he would do in a situation like this.

He sighed, disheartened. 

He didn’t like things being like this. Was there a way to fix it? He wished his parents hadn’t taken his phone indefinitely. He could at least try calling L and see if there was anything to be done. 

Jayden was right, it wasn’t all his fault. Even though he did have a big mouth and could say things in the worst possible way…

He’d frozen up so badly yesterday, he couldn’t even explain about the conversation with his parents, that he’d been trying to wrangle a way out of the grounding. That was the reason he broached the subject of Marin being a girlfriend, and it had backfired not once, but twice. And in the end he never got a chance to tell L it was also a testing of the waters. Granted, he only got so far as asking his parents if a boyfriend would be preferred, in the context of girlfriends and pregnancy, but he was leading up to saying more. In order to do so, they would have needed to react and show that they had even heard him… which they did not do.

But he  _ didn’t  _ have access to his phone, so he _ couldn’t _ call. And there were no guarantees L wouldn’t just hang up on him, or ignore the call altogether.

* * *

After his bath, he pulled on L’s sweater over his clothes. It was a bittersweet comfort, but one he wasn’t willing to give up.

He went downstairs to find something to eat and encountered his mother in the kitchen. “Hello, mother,” he said in a low-key voice, as he walked to the fridge.

She was doing some paperwork at the counter and took off her reading glasses. “Are you sick?” she asked. “You haven’t looked well since last night.”

“Dunno,” he said.

“Light, speak properly.”

“I don’t know,” he repeated, sighing with the additional effort. Now that she mentioned it, he felt marginally ok physically but certainly not up to his usual standard. His head was still a mess, and it wasn’t due to drinking. Also, he was hungry, but kind of not. In fact, everything felt like it was in some kind of limbo.

“That sweater is the one you were wearing last night. It isn’t yours, is it?”

“I borrowed it.”

“Well, speak up,” she said imperiously. “To whom does it belong?”

Geez, she was getting all proper with her speech. He had no idea what she was on about or why it even mattered.

“It’s Elliot’s,” he said, almost flubbing it and calling him L. “I got it from Jayden.”

“I did not see him with this sweater when he came by yesterday afternoon.”

He looked at her in confusion. Was she accusing him of lying…? Or what was she getting at? (An insane part of him wanted to say, 'Of course it’s L’s, it smells just like him.' But that would sound pretty bizarre and would be beyond difficult to explain.) “No, I suppose he didn’t. This was in Elliot’s car. I was cold.”

“It wasn’t very cold last night.”

Light grit his teeth. “And yet, I was cold.” He could feel his temper rising. 

“Well, you’ll need to give it back to him.”

Light wanted to facepalm. Of course he was going to give it back to him. Why was she sitting here stating the obvious?

“I can go take it to him  **_right now_ ** , if that makes you feel better.”

She tsked. “Obviously my son does not understand the meaning of the word ‘grounded’.”

“Then give me my phone, I’ll call him.”

Again, she tsked. “I’m sure you’ll just be bothering him. He’s probably very busy, honey.”

_ Bothering… _

That one little word triggered something in him. Something unpleasant.  _ Would L take it that way?  _ he wondered, sinking back into the flow of his earlier ruminations. If he attempted to contact L and explain things, would that be seen as nothing more than a bother?

“..ight?”

He drifted back from the fridge, suddenly not interested in food any more.

“Light??”

His mother was calling to him, as if from a great distance. He made himself look up at her. “Changed my mind,” he said. “I’m going to go study.”

“Well, okay then,” she said worriedly.

He knew she’d let him go if he said he was going to go do schoolwork. It was a no-brainer.

Maybe he even would, just as a distraction. He was sick of these thoughts circling his head and his inability to do anything about any of them.

This was the worst. Being confined to a cell after discovering the world beyond the walls. It was almost better when he knew nothing.

* * *

Monday came and went.

Tuesday was still, unfortunately, happening.

Light had been keeping his head down, sticking to the routine, and pretending to act the part of Himself. He would have rather just skipped school entirely but there wasn’t really an option there.

The chairs were particular torture. At home, if he wasn’t laying down, he could sit without leaning back in his desk chair; but at school that would have looked exceptionally odd. He winced as his back touched the unrelentingly hard back of the school desk’s chair. This morning, the soreness had really ramped up and his back felt hot to the touch. He had a feeling the spray on bandage was losing its tenacity. It hadn’t been like this last time his back was healing. Although he was certain the wounds were deeper, he didn’t think that was the issue. He needed real bandages to dress the skin. 

He hadn’t heard from either L or Jayden. 

That was worrisome enough as it was. But he really needed to figure something out before the healing process got hijacked and something got infected. 

He thought of risking being late arriving home, to grab something from the convenience store with the money he had from tutoring, but there was a snag.  _ How the hell am I even going to be able to reach back there to do it myself?  _ He’d need someone else to do it. Marin?  _ Oh, hell no. _ He couldn’t let her see something like that. That would be almost as bad as having his parents find out.

_ I’m screwed. _

_ Goddamnit. _

The only thing he could do is buy the stuff himself and hope his arms were more limber than anticipated.

Problem is, he didn’t have any money on him right now or he could get the stuff tonight.

Tomorrow morning would be best, anyway, he decided, walking through it. He would shower in the morning, leave early, and go there on the way to school. The convenience stores usually had a single stall bathroom with a mirror. He’d do it there. At school, there was no privacy. Unless he used the handicap stall…. in which case he’d have to lean down to see anything…. Doable, though. So, there were options at least.

_ Aw, crap, here comes Marin.  _

He’d begged off lunch yesterday, saying he wasn’t feeling well, but that wouldn’t keep her at bay two days in a row. Not with that look on her face. She wore a pretty smile, but underneath was a sharp-tongued hellion. She would surely stab him with her pitchfork if he put her off even one more time, that was the vibe he was getting.

“How are you feeling?” she said as she flounced up to him, her eyes sharp and scrutinizing.

“Better.” He tried to dredge up a rueful smile. “Sorry about lunch yesterday.”

“It’s already forgotten,” she said. 

Clearly, it  _ wasn’t _ . She had been about to bring it up if he hadn’t said anything.

“Are you wearing that sweater again?” She wrinkled her nose at him. “It isn’t even that cold out.”

“I’m cold.”

Actually, he wasn’t, he just wanted to wear it. Why did everyone have to keep asking about it?

“It isn’t yours, is it?” she asked, beginning to give him deja vu. “Where did you even get it?”

Oh yeah, this was the conversation with his mother, all over again.

“It’s Jayden’s,” he lied, for the sake of simplicity. “I’m just borrowing it.”

“Would this be smart Jayden, or freak Jayden?”

“Yes,” he said without thinking, forgetting about the whole “twins” thing. He caught himself before her expression went nuclear. “I meant smart -” he shook his head, not wanting to get pulled into her horrible labeling. “ _ Jayden _ , the one you met at the study group.”

“I see.” She paused. “You sure seem to like that sweater an awful lot,” she said astutely. “Is there something I should know?”

_ Damn… was it that obvious? _

He knew how to handle this though. He raised an eyebrow. “Yes,” he said drolly, “I enjoy wearing clothes my parents didn’t pick out.” His expression showed his displeasure at having to state something like that, though it was an act for her just now.

A look of pity crossed her face as he dropped that bomb and she backed down. “Oh…”

Speaking of the devil, what the hell was Jayden up to? He’d seemed so apologetic Saturday night… wasn’t it odd that he hadn’t come by? Even if L had told him not to for some reason, even to bring him the bandages, he’d probably do whatever the hell he wanted to anyway. He frowned. Was it possible something had happened?

Despite being really pissed at him before… after spending so much time with him, it was kind of like they’d bonded a little. Not just that - something in the way the miscreant acted towards him at times made him think that he’d sort of gotten accepted into their little circle.

Light hoped he hadn’t somehow gotten himself into trouble.

An excruciating hug jerked his attention back to his immediate surroundings and he had to struggle to keep his feet as his back burned like fire, making his head spin.

Marin was prattling on about their upcoming date, he realized belatedly, and she had hugged him out of affection or excitement.

“Light, are you ok?” she said worriedly when she noticed.

“Just a little dizzy. I need to sit down for a moment.” Jezus. It was getting worse. His skin felt flushed and clammy. 

They found a bench in the courtyard. She sat next to him and, god help him, started rubbing his back in what was probably intended to be a soothing gesture.

The pain flared up, suddenly making him nauseous. He put his hand to his mouth, closing his eyes to concentrate on keeping his stomach in check. Thankfully, she yanked her hand back, giving him a respite.

“Light, you’re sweating.” She touched his neck with the back of her hand. “And your skin is overheated.” She sounded dismayed. “Let me take the sweater off, I don’t think it’s helping.”

He had to agree there, he felt like he was burning up. He nodded and she helped him pull it off. “Better?” she asked comfortingly.

“Yeah,” he said weakly.

She folded up the sweater and placed it in his hands.

“Thanks.”

“Mmhmm,” she replied serenely, looking happy to be taking care of him. She brushed the hair back from his face with a gentle hand.

The attention was sort of making him feel uncomfortable.

Her eye caught on something and her brows drew together slightly. “What’s…?” she trailed, leaning back and touching a spot on his back that instantly drew a wince of pain. “Your shirt is red…”

_ Shit! _ He must have bled through his shirt. Was it wet? Dry? His excuses would be limited depending on the answer. She was drawing her hand back, looking at it. “It feels wet, but,” she showed him her fingers. There wasn’t a mark on them.

“It must be sweat then,” he said. He put a frown on his face and made a show of trying to look at the back of his shirt. “But seriously, there is a stain? How the hell did that happen?”

She shrugged, looking perplexed.

He made a mental note to put the sweater back on as soon as she was out of sight. He needed to hide the bloodstain not just from the people here at school, but also from his parents when he got back home.

To distract Marin, he started up some idle chatter. She took to it pretty well and soon a conversation was flowing easily. He didn’t need to allocate his full attention to it, and he found his thoughts drifting. 

This Saturday, she had big plans for them, he thought idly. If they had sex...  _ maybe _ she wouldn’t see the marks on his back. Then again, what if she did? Wouldn’t  _ that _ be a surprise for her?

If only she knew…  would she be calling him a freak, just like she did with Jayden?

And was he?

Why did he keep letting L do these sorts of things to him? Why should they ever seem like a good idea? 

_ Not that I really had a choice either time… _ he defended himself weakly. ( _ Maybe not, but you sure didn’t mind fucking him after.) _

_ Oh, shut the hell up. _

Arguing with himself was almost as vexing as arguing with Jayden.

* * *

TBC


	18. Nothing Like a Hot Shower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wounds can be difficult to handle. especially wounds to the heart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW, as of last chapter, I felt bad for everyone. L, Light, Jayden, they are all having a tough time of things. : (
> 
> (don't worry, ya'll, Marin isn't around forever.)  
> 

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 18: Nothing Like a Hot Shower   _

Light shuffled home after school, a little out of it. He didn’t feel bad like before, with Marin aggravating the lash marks, but he didn’t feel great. When he got in the door, he had two objectives. One, to take a shower and clean his back as best as he could, maybe even find some rubbing alcohol to pour on it and hope he didn’t pass out. Second, he had to try and get the bloodstain out of his shirt. If that didn’t work, he’d have to jam it in the bottom of his backpack and try and dispose of it somewhere outside of the house.

He trudged up the steps to his house. “I’m home,” he called, taking off his shoes and heading upstairs.

“Honey,” his mother called, “you haven’t seen Jayden, have you?”

He paused mid step. That was a rather odd question. “No… why do you ask?”

“Oh, well Elliot called your phone earlier, looking for him.”

His hand clenched down on the railing. “Did he say anything else?”

“Oh, we chatted a bit.”

Damn her, she was keeping secrets. “Alright,” he said, “I’m going upstairs.”

He headed to the bathroom to begin the horrible task before him. He already knew how badly shower spray could hurt. The rubbing alcohol was probably worse. He crouched down and rummaged under the sink for a bottle. It was there, way in the back.

_ L must be worried if he called MY phone to ask about Jayden. That in itself was worrying. _

He straightened and pulled off the sweater, turning to look at the back of his shirt. Yeah, that totally looked like blood, no doubt. The stain was a line, high up, over his left shoulder. 

“Shit. I forgot to grab clothes.”

He pulled the sweater back on, not wanting to chance his bloody shirt being seen. Because the next thing that would happen is having it lifted up to see where the bleeding came from. Disastrous. He hadn’t looked at his back himself, not once. First, because the thought of doing so was wrapped up in his misery over L, and now, because he was almost afraid to look and see what a mess had become of it. But he didn’t need to look at it to do the initial first aid. Maybe it would even improve a bit before tomorrow when he  _ had _ to look at it. 

Light grabbed a black shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants. If it bled again, at least it wouldn’t show.

He trudged back into the bathroom, feeling a little sick at the prospect of pouring alcohol on the wounds. That part was really going to suck.

Off came the sweater again. Then his shirt. The dried spot had caught on the broken skin and he had to tug it free. He shuddered, the nausea coming back a little bit. He sat on the floor and waited for the wave to pass.

“Light?” His mother’s voice was calling up the stairs. “Can you come down a minute?”

“Right now?” he called back. “Can it wait a few minutes?”

“Right now, thank you,” she called pleasantly.

_ Seriously, what the hell…. _

He sighed and put the shirt back on, and the sweater (for what felt like the millionth time today), and went back downstairs. “I don’t see what all the fuss is about,” he said, ruffling the back of his hair tiredly. Odd, the kitchen was empty.

“In here, honey,” his mother said, her voice coming from the living room.   


Stranger still.

He crossed over the foyer to the living room. “What’s so important that--”

Light froze mid sentence and mid motion. L was sitting on their couch having a cup of tea with his mother. Dark eyes swung up to meet his. He couldn’t read them behind the social facade L was doing for his mother’s benefit. Nevertheless, the gaze was penetrating. Light’s throat constricted.  _ What was he doing here? _

“Awww, Light,” Mrs. Yagami groaned in disappointment. “Are you  _ still  _ wearing that?” she was referring to the sweater. “I told you _ days _ ago to get that washed so you can give it back.”

Somehow he felt incredibly compromised being caught wearing it in front of L,  _ especially _ after his mother had called attention to it in such a way. Maybe it was belying a level of sentimentality he wasn’t comfortable exposing after everything had gone so wrong... What if L was pissed off to see him wearing it? What if it was a favorite and he was ‘ruining’ it?

He felt L’s eyes on him but he couldn’t look him in the face.

“Elliot was going to take it back with him today.”

A level of panic interred itself in him. What if either of them demanded it right now? He’d be fucked. Unless he could somehow keep his back to the room…

“It’s not a big deal, no rush,” L said placatingly. Light found his eyes drifting over to him surreptitiously. L took a sip from the tea. “That’s not really why I’m here.” Abyssal black eyes flicked up, catching his.

Light’s breath caught in his throat and he looked quickly away, unable to hold that gaze. His stomach was a mess of anxiety and butterflies and he was starting to feel a little sick again.

“Well, then, if you’ll excuse us,” L said to his mother while rising to his feet.

“Us?” Light asked, starting to feel even more anxious.

He was ignored. Neither of them broke their exchange to answer him.

“Do you mind terribly if we talk upstairs?” L asked her.

“No, I suppose that is alright,” she said. “Take as long as you need, but keep in mind, he’s on restriction.”

What the hell was going on?

This was starting to look more like some crazy nightmare, and any minute zombies were going to come crashing through the door. He felt the urge to run  _ very _ strongly.

“Lead the way,” L was saying to him in the cordial voice, looking up at him. His eyes weren’t matching it, they were too intense.

Light cleared his throat and said, “This way.”

L stood, and followed after him.

This was too surreal. In what universe was something like this even possible? What had L and his mother been talking about? Why did it seem he was missing whole conversations?

Light walked into his room and found L closing the door behind them.

Immediately, L transformed into his normal self, dropping the act. His manner was tense. “Your mother said Jayden hasn’t come by. Has he?”

Light shook his head.

“Damnit,” he cursed, running a hand over his face.

This seemed to be upsetting to him. “Um… was he supposed to come by?” Light ventured. He still didn’t know how to act. Last time he’d seen L, he’d been on the business end of a nasty stare and some choice words. He didn’t believe that was water under the bridge, and yet L wasn’t exactly acting pissed at him...

“Yes.” He strode over to Light and grabbed him by the chin, eyeing his face. “You don’t look well.”

“I-m fine,” he said, flustered.

“I doubt that,” L said skeptically. He took Light by the hand and pulled him towards the door. “You have a bathroom on this floor, yes?”

“W-well, sure,” he stuttered, still quite overwhelmed by L being in his room, or anywhere in his vicinity. He pointed to the left.

“Great.” He dragged Light into the bathroom, despite Light’s sudden panic that his mother would surely see and ask them what the hell they were doing.

Once inside, behind the closed door, L didn’t waste any time. He was quickly pulling off the borrowed sweater and Light’s shirt, ignoring his protests. He turned Light around and then surveyed the damage. 

Light was overly aware of every place L’s hands touched, and felt extremely naked though he was still wearing his pants.

“Fucking Jayden,” L said under his breath, gingerly prodding Light’s back. From his tone, it seemed that the healing was not going well at all. “He was supposed to dress this properly.” 

This greatly surprised Light. “He was? Then where is he?”

“Hell if I know, he’s been missing for days. Can’t get ahold of him either.” L shoved something into Light’s hand and wrapped his fingers around it. It was a flask. “Drink up. Cleaning this is going to hurt.”

_ Oh, Jesus. _ Light unscrewed the top and took a swig. It was whiskey, he thought. Probably.

“You listened to what I said, and tried not to get it wet, didn’t you?” L’s assessing tone sounded a little surprised.

“Yeah…”

“Hmn… That was a good idea up until the bandage started falling apart,” he mused aloud. “That only lasts a day or two at most. Then it starts flaking into the open wound and aggravating it along with the clothing rubbing on it.” He added, “I’m going to need a washcloth.”

_ Oh god, _ Light winced just thinking about the knobby texture of the cloth dragging over and into the open cuts. This was going to be fucking  _ brutal _ . He took another couple of swigs in a row, trying to get at least partially drunk before that mind-numbing pain began. The shower would almost have been a mercy in comparison, but that distinctive sound could be heard throughout the house. 

“Up there,” he said, indicating the wash cloth hanging up in the shower.

L reached past him and started a small, steady stream from the tub spout. It wasn’t very loud, and hopefully no one would notice. “Did you drink a good bit of that?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Light said hoarsely. 

“Good. Now sit on the edge of the tub, near the wall. The extra water can run back into the tub that way.” He grabbed the washcloth while Light did as he said and held it under the faucet, slowly soaking it through.

L started by squeezing the water over his back, letting it stream down and back into the tub. It stung quite a bit. He repeated this a few times, then draped the sopping wash cloth across his upper back, leaving it there for a few minutes. “Ready?”

Light shook his head. He’d never be ready. He knew L would still take that as an assent anyway. His question was more of a courtesy warning than anything else.

L gently rubbed the wounds, cleaning them out and setting his back ablaze. The alcohol helped, but the pain still made his fists clench and tears stream from his eyes. “It will heal better after this, I promise,” L said soothingly. He kept speaking as he worked, offering a welcome distraction. “I’m sorry I didn’t know sooner that Jayden hadn’t come. Last time I saw him was Saturday night, and he had taken the bandages with him.”

Light panted and grit his teeth as he endured. He was starting to feel light headed and really queasy. “Where do you think he is?” he managed to get out. “You seemed kinda worried.”

“I couldn’t find him. I tried.” L sighed and his voice took on a battle-hardened tone. “I might have said some unnecessary things to him Saturday…. but, it’s been awhile since he’s done something like this, going completely MIA. I’m afraid he might have fallen back on bad habits.”

“Bad… habits?” Blackness was creeping in on the edges of his vision. His hand grasped at something to brace himself. Light leaned his shoulder and then his head against the wall, trying to focus on the cool feel of the tile. His head was swimming, swarming, heavy. Nausea was growing more persistent and he tried his damndest to fight it down.

Next thing he knew, L was tapping his face gently and calling his name. He seemed to be half lying on the floor, propped up against L with an arm supporting him. 

“Can you hear me? Light?” his voice was low and quiet. Somehow it sounded soothing, despite the urgent tone. It was putting him to sleep. His eyes fluttered shut and he blacked out again.

Next thing he knew, the smell of alcohol was stinging his nostrils. He tried to turn his head but couldn’t get away from it. There was a pressure holding him in place. “Ugggh,” he groaned at the burning in his nose, “get it… out.”

The smell wasn’t going away.

“Light. Do you know what that is?”

“...the alcohol?” he ventured, coherence slowly coming back to him. “It’s burning in my nose… get it out...”

Seemingly by magic, the smell disappeared.

“Do you know where you are?”

“Bathroom,” he said, his eyes creaking open. “Did I pass out or something...? You’re asking me questions... that people ask people who’ve passed out.”

“Twice.”

“Damn,” he said, bringing a hand up to his face. He still felt a little woozy.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news?”

Oh hell, that sounded dismal. “The bad news,” he responded, bracing himself. 

“We didn’t quite finish the cleaning.”

“Oh god….” he mumbled. He didn’t think his stomach could handle any more. Or his head for that matter...

“But the good news is, it’s good enough,” L was saying. “I can disinfect it now and bandage it up.” He ran a hand over Light’s hair, stroking his head. “If you want, I can do it right here. You just have to roll over.”

“Yeah, okay.” Standing seemed like an awful idea anyhow. He rolled onto his stomach, resting his head on L’s thigh. 

“I brought the spray disinfectant. It’ll hurt a helluva lot less than the rubbing alcohol you looked ready to use.” He uncapped it and there were no surprise attacks. “Ok, here it comes,” he warned benevolently.

It was an itchy, burning, stinging sort of hell.

“I think this will all look a lot better in a day or two. It will hurt less, too.”

“Can’t wait,” Light said faintly, closing his eyes.

“You were getting ready to try and take care of this on your own, weren’t you?”

He nodded.

“A shower and then an alcohol bath?”

He nodded again.

L rested a hand on his head. “That takes guts,” he said softly, sounding a little impressed. “You know how much that would have hurt.”

“I was getting ready to right before you got here,” he said. Now that the awful sensations were subsiding to a dull throb, he could feel grateful that he hadn’t had to handle this on his own afterall. He could have passed out in the shower and cracked his head, for one thing. “Thanks,” he murmured. L’s hand on his head felt warm and soothing as it began stroking his hair. For just this moment, he wanted to lose himself in the comfort. Even if it was just out of pity.

L’s hand left his head after a few moments so he could start applying the bandages, but the bubble of comfort still remained. He was growing drowsy again. 

“So, you like wearing that sweater, huh?” L asked casually while he worked. 

His hands were gentle and only a spot here and there made Light wince as the bandages were smoothed down to ensure good contact.

“Mn,” he said, half asleep. “It smells like you.”

“I see,” L said in a lulling voice, “it must be a good substitute then.”

“Not really,” Light murmured candidly, sounding a little melancholy. There was a long pause while he drifted in and out. Vaguely, the thought came in about how things were still so messed up between them. Nothing had been worked out. Even though they were here like this, the ending of their last meeting hung silently in the background. “‘m sorry...” he mumbled. 

L leaned down close to Light’s head cradled on his lap. Soft hair brushed against his cheek. “Maybe you should apologize when you’re actually awake,” L murmured, resting his head briefly against Light’s. 

After a few moments, he was pulling back and gently shaking Light awake. “Come on,” he said briskly, using his voice to further rouse him. “We’ve been in here too long.”

“Mmmn.”

“Light, come on,” he said in an authoritarian tone. “Don’t make me do something unpleasant.”

“Like what?” Light asked suspiciously, trying to rouse himself.

“It’s actually better not to find out.”

“Oh,” Light said, a sudden yawn splitting his face. “Damn, why am I so tired?”

L scraped him to his feet and helped him into the shirt he’d picked out earlier. “My guess is you’re running a bit of a fever. You should take it easy - get some rest.”

“Mn.” Light fell quiet, his earlier anxiety was filtering back in as things became more businesslike between them. He glanced at L and saw that his face looked more reserved than usual. It was a little closed off.

He felt like he should say something, do something to clear the air. The tension he’d felt the other night during their fight was starting to build itself up, slowly and insidiously.

“Look….” Light said a little awkwardly as he finished pulling his shirt into place. He slipped on his pants from earlier. “About Marin… I--”

L cut him off with a sharp look. “We have nothing to say about that.”

But there was. He had all but made up his mind to just end it with her. “But--”

“There’s no reason for me to interfere any more,” L said. His face wasn’t showing anything and his voice was the same. Even so, agitation seemed to be just beyond the surface. “I only came here to take care of the bandages, like I said I would.”

“There’s no reason?” he said around the lump in his throat. That sounded like L was washing his hands of him. But maybe he’d understood wrong? The sharp feelings in his chest were amplifying. “What do you mean…?”

“I think I was pretty clear the other night.”

The blunt words were delivered with a cold gaze and no room for misinterpretation.

It  _ was _ over?

The fear had crossed his mind but without confirmation, it seemed he’d been holding out hope.

He almost didn’t notice a quick tear slip down his face, just before he dropped his eyes. A gnawing emptiness was opening up in his chest. It was a great black chasm that threatened to swallow him whole. He felt cold, down to his core.

L was turning and leaving.

Light’s hands clenched tightly in the sweater that he was holding. He hadn’t gotten a chance to put it on. “L,” he said hoarsely, wanting to stop him and wishing he had the words to undo whatever had happened to split them so irreparably. There had to be something he could say.

L stopped just short of opening the door. “What?” he said, looking over his shoulder with a face that quelled words. There was no room for negotiation there.

“Y-Your sweater,” Light found himself saying uselessly. He held it out with a shaking hand.

“Keep it,” L said shortly and walked out.

Light’s arm fell to his side and he stared blankly ahead as his chest constricted so tightly it felt like it was going crush his lungs. He couldn’t breathe and his heart was knocking against his ribs. 

Outside the door, he heard L going down the stairs. Then, voices.

He moved to the doorway, needing to hear the exchange. Still, it wasn’t loud enough. He crept out onto the landing, as close as he could get while remaining out of sight. He carefully looked around the corner, sticking close to the wall and saw L and his mother talking in the foyer. Now, he could also hear them.

‘Elliot’ was back to his usual self, being polite and charming for his mother, and it was painful for him to watch. He also looked a bit worried as he said, “If you or Light hear from him, just let me know, ok? I’d really appreciate that.”

“Of course, dear,” his mother fretted. “You don’t think something happened to him do you? He seems like such a nice young man to be causing problems or running off somewhere.”

“I’m not quite sure, this hasn’t really happened before,” L lied. 

_ So, what was he telling me about Jayden earlier, and his disappearances? And why would he even bother to tell me if things are over between us? That doesn’t make any sense. _

“You don’t think he got mugged, do you?” Sachiko asked then, looking shocked. “And he’s lying in a ditch somewhere, all banged up?”

L genuinely looked appalled that she would say such a thing. He hid it under the facade fairly quickly before speaking. “Let’s hope not.”

What a horrible thing for his mother to suggest. Earlier, L hadn’t seemed to think that would be the case, but his mother’s suggestion must have really surprised him. It was pretty tactless.

L had said Jayden might have fallen back on bad habits, and that he’d searched everywhere for him. But what if that wasn’t the case? What if he looked everywhere he  _ knew _ to look, but not everywhere he  _ could _ have looked?     

For some reason, the bar Jayden had taken him to stuck out in his head. Had L tried there? Jayden seemed to know the bartender pretty well. Either he spent a lot of time there, or he knew her personally. Could he be crashing at a friend’s place? Someone who L didn’t know?

As he was thinking, Light pulled the sweater over his head, hiding the fact that he’d changed shirts. He snuck over to his room, and acted like he was just coming out from there as he called down the stairs, “Let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” Somehow, he kept his voice even, betraying nothing of the emotional tempest that was a riot just under his skin.

L’s true face registered surprise as he and Light’s mother looked up the stairs.

Light gained a little strength, focusing on playing a part for his mother and for ‘Elliot’. 

“I’m worried about him, too,” he explained, coming down the stairs. And he was. “He’s a friend. We’ve only known each other a short time, but I feel we really connected.” Well, the friend thing  _ was _ a bit of a stretch….

L looked caught between surprise and dark jealousy.

The expression evaporated as Sachiko turned to him.

“Goodness, that boy really can make an impression upon people,” she said distractedly, fanning herself worriedly, “making friends so fast...” She frowned. “I hope he’s okay…. please let us know if there is anything we can do, Elliot.”

“Of course,” ‘Elliot’ said graciously, disengaging from the exchange. Pretty soon he would be walking right out the front door, possibly forever.

“I should help you look for him,” Light said suddenly, a little shocked at himself. Being around L was nerve-wracking and promised more devastating exchanges, but he just couldn’t let things alone as they were.

L was looking at him like he was crazy.

“But you’re grounded, Light…” his mother was saying.

“Mother, I’m aware of that. But if something really did happen to Jayden, isn’t it better if we find him sooner rather than later?”

L was staring back at him, his expression unreadable. It could have been anything behind the wall of his poker face. 

“Well, I suppose you have a point there…” she conceded.

“It’s not necessary, I assure you,” L said.

“Nonsense, dear,” Sachiko brushed him off. “It’s ok to accept a little help now and then. Maybe Light can pick out the place they went out to dinner, and see if anyone knows anything.”

Light winced to himself. That almost sounded like they’d been out on a date or something. His mother meant well, but her delivery wasn’t always the best. “So I can go?”

She heaved a sigh. “I suppose. It’s for the best.” She gave him a weary look and sighed again, shaking her head. “Let me get your cell phone. I’d rather we be able to reach you if needed.”

“Ok.”

She left the room and the feeling of displeasure radiating from L amplified. Light tried to ignore it and keep focused on the role he was playing. His mother would be back any moment.

“You boys be safe,” she said, handing Light his phone which had been confiscated since late Friday night.

They nodded and headed out the door. 

L dropped the social act as soon as they’d started down the walk. “Is this how far you’ll go to get a little time off of your leash?” he said meanly.

Light’s brow furrowed.  _ What the hell?! Was that what L thought of him?  _ “Don’t be an asshole,” he said in a clipped voice, annoyance surging to the fore. “I really am worried about him.”

“And when did you get so ‘close’?” L asked in a snide, accusatory tone. “Was it over this dinner you had?”

“What are you implying?” Light asked shortly. 

“I _ thought _ Jayden was taking this too seriously. Looks like you two had something going on.”

They had reached the car. “What the hell does it matter to you if we had dinner anyway?” Light argued, getting truly angry. “If you’re not careful,” he sniped, “someone might assume you were  _ jealous _ .”

L ignored the jab and walked around to the driver’s side door. “I’m pissed off that I thought I could trust him at all, the little fuck.”

“Nothing was going on.”

“Right.” L’s gaze raked over him as he leaned on the roof of the car. “You want me to believe he didn’t hit on you either? Tell me he didn’t.”

“Well, it isn’t that he didn’t try…” Light frowned. Why were they even fighting about this? Weren’t they supposed to be out _ looking _ for Jayden, not arguing over his personality flaws? 

L made a disgusted noise and opened the car door. “First the girl, and now my cousin. I should have seen _ that _ coming.”

Insult added to injury and Light snapped, “Nothing fucking happened with him, I told you.”

L’s expression was cold. “I trust your word even less than Jayden’s.”

Light ground his teeth in aggravation. “Fucking FINE,” he spat. “You’re the one who broke things off anyway, and now you want to bitch about it? You can do that on your own goddamn time.” He’d walk to the damn bar before riding in L’s car, even for appearances.  _ Fuck him _ . He stalked down the sidewalk, quickly moving beyond view of his house. 

The car door slammed and the engine of the car fired up.

_ Good riddance _ , he thought, beyond pissed off.

Where did L get off acting like this after he was being so nice earlier? Now he was acting like an over-possessive boyfriend - acting like he was going around fucking the world behind L’s back!

He was fucking over it. Getting jerked back and forth and having his heart ripped out of his chest... He was right to be leery about getting involved with someone when his feelings got mixed into it. It was a deathtrap. 

Marin was the sane choice afterall. She was no substitute, but she was a helluva lot safer. 

Light had been walking for a few minutes before realizing the sound of a car he’d been hearing hadn’t passed on by. He looked over his shoulder. L’s black car was cruising behind him, keeping pace. L’s window was down and he looked compelling with his dark shades; handsome, pale face; and his chaotic black hair which always seemed to make a statement.

Light whipped his head back to looking straight ahead, ignoring him. He’d barely caught himself to keep from staring. L just had one of those arresting sorts of faces. He cursed himself for even having the urge to stare.

He ground his teeth and walked faster, pissed at himself now, every bit as much as he was at L.

“Light,” L’s stern voice carried on the air and jolted through him. He turned automatically. He cursed himself again as he did. It was like a conditioned response. “Get in the car.” He sounded exasperated… or pissed off…. it was hard to tell.

“Fuck you,” Light shot back and kept walking.

“Get in the goddamn car.” Yeah, now he was definitely sounding pissed.

“Go to hell,” he spat, not even breaking stride.

He heard a string of curses, the tires rolling to a stop, and the slamming of a car door. 

He turned as he heard several running footfalls and then L was grabbing him by the arm. “Get in the fucking car,” he growled, “or I’m going to toss you in the goddamn trunk.”

Light tried to yank his arm back but to no avail. Fury was telegraphed to him through the iron grip. “Fine.” He scowled. “Just let go.”

L did just that, giving him a shove towards the car and muttered something about ungrateful, fucking mouthy brats.

Light got in the car, slamming the door harder than needed. He wrenched the seat belt over his shoulder and shoved it into the clip next to his hip.

L slid into the car with an especially caustic look on his face. “Where the hell do you think you’re going anyway? You should be in bed.” He leaned in before Light could stop him and touched the side of his neck with the back of his hand. “You’re definitely running a fever. Don’t you have any sense of self-preservation?”

Light swatted his hand away. “Obviously  _ not _ , since I kept getting involved with  _ you _ ,” he muttered. Everything would have been FINE if he could have just refocused on Marin instead of being idiotically smitten with L.

“That hurts,” L said. 

Light couldn’t tell if it hurt or not. If it  **_did_ ** , it wasn’t evident in his face or voice. Both were sort of blank. Usually that seemed to indicate he was schooling his reaction. Both of them did that, ironically, both L  _ and _ Jayden. Only Jayden laughed more and acted more like an asshole than usual when things seemed to get to him.

“We should go downtown to look for him,” Light said, turning to stare out the window and not be involved in further exchanges.

L said nothing, but started driving.

He seemed agitated but his driving was smooth and didn’t reflect that.

After a few minutes, what seemed like forever, they drove into the downtown area. Light estimated they were nearby the bar he had wanted to check out. He waited until they hit a stoplight with no immediate turns, and there was a car to the front and back of them, then hopped out just as the light turned green. The door closed upon L’s surprised curse, and he took off down the street on foot.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Side note: So I began this story as I said, over a year and a half ago. Jan2017 I lost my white cat to old age issues. Right before the end of the month I adopted. Planned to get one cat, but ended up with a pair. The place wanted to keep them together as they were brothers and bonded to each other. I call them cat shaped dogs because they do NOT act like normal cats at all. Highly interactive, for one thing. They eat cardboard boxes and weird stuff like that too. In a word, these cats are bizarre. (They are flame point siamese, but I think they might be mixed with Burmese. They are HEAVY for what they look like.) I love them though. Even if they are a pain in the ass.
> 
> My point - these guys actually remind me of L and Jayden. 
> 
> It's really funny. Moose is cracktastic, high energy, light eyes, makes funny faces and does super bizarre entertaining stuff. Sully is calm, poised, watchful, with a hidden crack-ness that only comes out through his filters sometimes but oh, it is there. They are very affectionate with each other, like hanging out, grooming, sleeping on each other. And then other times they chase each other through the house and also spar and catfight. It's a complicated relationship.
> 
> To think these beautiful, weirdo creatures were strays. Weird workings of the universe brought us all together. Too much to go into, but the way it worked out was super uncanny. The day I adopted was also one month exactly from the day they were brought in.
> 
> LOVE = can be amazing and wonderful, and also a super big pain in the ass. : )  
> (for people or for critters)


	19. Barhopping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing: one tall, piercing studded, spiky haired deviant. Dark hair, light eyes, wears sarcasm like a cloak. If found, call......

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you all enjoy the holiday weekend! Happy 4th!! :D
> 
> Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your comments, reactions, etc! It gives me such joy to get feedback from everyone, and sometimes it has me nodding in sympathy or laughing out loud. It is even more appreciated than you know.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 19: Barhopping   _

Light sprinted down the street and ducked into a shop. He’d backtrack once he was sure he wouldn’t be seen. He’d search for Jayden his own way. He didn’t need L tailing him, insistent on being an asshole.

Just for the sake of trying it, he looked up Jayden’s number from a text convo the deviant had had with his parents, and rang the number.

It went straight to voicemail, and an obnoxious one at that. It sounded like he’d used a clip from a porno in lieu of recording an actual message. 

_ Classy. _

He shook his head. “Jayden, it’s Light. Where are you? I heard you’ve been MIA. Call me.”

He left a text that said much the same thing, in case Jayden was ignoring phone calls for some reason. He considered for a minute and also added a snippet,  _ ‘I thought about some stuff you said. You’re right. It wasn’t all your fault.’ _

He heaved a sigh. If they ever did find Jayden, that was a conversation that needed to happen. He had to apologize for blaming him for _ everything _ . Even if that conversation promised to be  **_vexing_ ** to no end. He reserved the right to blame Jayden for being an  _ asshole _ and for having the worst delivery ever... but the situation with Marin had been of his own doing, like Jayden said. 

L getting pissed and breaking things off with him was a good deal his own fault. Or at least, it wasn’t  _ just _ Jayden’s fault. Looking back, he wasn’t sure if L was more mad over the thing with Marin (the Library, the proposed ‘sex date’, the using her to forget him…), or over feeling that Light wasn’t trusting him.

Light chewed his lip and thought about it. 

_ What had he said specifically….? _

It was hard to make himself relive that scene. But he remembered distinctly the look on L’s face when L asked about Marin being a rebound to make him forget about what they had between them. Then it devolved into some spiteful comments he’d rather not recall. Maybe remembering it all would help him figure things out, but he could feel the despair welling up at the thought of trying further.

“Aaauuurgh! I don’t know!” He ran his hands through his hair, back and forth, as if to shake the thoughts out of his brain. If he kept analyzing things, he was going to make himself crazy; and that horrible, cold feeling lurking in his chest was going to take root. It was far easier to stay angry.

“Forget it. I have to go find that bar and see if I can dig anything up…”

It should have been long enough now. He could start trying to work out where exactly the place had been. L should be busy trying to park the car for at least another few minutes and he could blend in with the crowd.

“Sir, are you going to buy something?”

Light looked up at the sales girl, who was about his age. For the first time, also, he noticed the shop around him. It was trinkets, souvenirs, clothes.

Ahhh… A hat would be really helpful. It would help disguise him from a distance. He even had money but… He patted his pockets and sighed regretfully. He had just come back from school and his wallet was in his bag. Damnit. He had no money. He’d just rushed out of the house like a fool. And for what? To keep L from leaving? All they’d done is fight after that anyway.

He shook his head and the girl took that as her answer. But he was shaking his head at himself too. It hadn’t been just about L. He wanted to do what he could to locate the missing problem child too. L’s talk about bad habits had made him wonder if Jayden used to have a drinking or drug problem. He hadn’t gotten a chance to ask him about it though.

His phone buzzed.

Light checked the text message, wondering if Jayden might actually be responding to him. Maybe he was just avoiding L, and not everyone.

_ ‘Where the hell are you?’ _

Ah…. not Jayden, but L. He winced, wrinkling his nose a bit. What the hell could he even say? He was torn between staying pissed off and feeling the tiniest bit guilty, ditching the car like that… But the reality was, he needed to do this on his own. If L couldn’t find Jayden on his own, having L around certainly wasn’t going to put the odds in his own favor.

He didn’t feel like talking to L at all right now. But he typed back, dismissively, _ ‘I’ll let you know if I find anything.’ _

Then he sent another message to Jayden.  _ ‘I only have my phone for an hour or two at best. After that it gets taken away again.’  _

Maybe the time restraint wouldn’t matter, but maybe it would prod Jayden into responding if he’d had any inclination.

Light ducked out into the street again, after scanning for L and not seeing him. The coast seemed to be clear.

His phone buzzed in his pocket. He paused to take it out.

_ ‘quit fuckin txting me,’ _ it said. This time it WAS Jayden. Supposedly. It was his phone number, anyway.

_ ‘Don’t be such an asshole.’ _ Light felt relieved to hear from him at all. He didn’t take much offense at the brutish text, as that was just typical of the way Jayden talked.

_ ‘my head hurts.’ _

_ ‘My mother thinks you’re dead in a ditch somewhere.’ _

_ ‘so?’ _

_ ‘So, where the fuck are you?’ _

_ ‘around.’ _

This was going nowhere. _ ‘I’m looking for you.’ _

_ ‘why?’ _

_ ‘Because,’  _ he texted, getting annoyed with Jayden’s one word responses.

_ ‘don’t,’  _ Jayden replied.

_ ‘Why?’ _

_ ‘GO AWAY’ _

Jayden was being more caustic than usual. Maybe it was because he thought Light was mad at him already, but it was starting to piss him off.  _ ‘Tell me where you are and I will.’ _

_ ‘that doesn’t make any fucking sense.’ _

FINALLY, a whole goddamn sentence.

_ ‘Tell me where you are and I won’t tell L we talked,’  _ Light bargained.

_ ‘where is he?’ _

_ ‘Somewhere. I kind of gave him the slip after he drove us downtown.’ _

_ ‘do you have a deathwish?’ _

_ ‘Do you?’ _

After that, there was nothing for several minutes. Light decided not to wait, and to resume his search for the bar. It took him almost 40 minutes to find the right one. He had to go inside a few and ask around to be sure. He started to get good at describing Jayden in as few words as possible. He talked just to the bartenders as Jayden always seemed to know them for some reason. But it wasn’t wasted effort. There were no guarantees that anyone at the bar he was looking for would have any information either. It was best to ask around.

Most of the bars looked pretty much the same to him; he hadn’t exactly had a liberal drinking career at this point. He hadn’t been paying a ton of attention to the decor or setup of the one they went to back on Saturday, and he hadn’t caught the name either.

Eventually, he found it. It looked vaguely familiar, like some half-forgotten dream, and he was fairly certain the girl tending the bar was the same one he’d seen then. She had bleached hair with dark roots, pulled into 2 low ponytails, and a pretty face. Like then, she was pouring out drinks with a vengeance, keeping them coming.

Light had to wait a little while for the traffic to slow down so he could ask her about Jayden. He found a break in the wall at the bar and squeezed in. 

She looked up after a few moments, and marked him with an inquisitive expression. “Hey,” she said with a quick smile, not pausing in what she was doing, “aren’t you that cutie Jay had with him the other night?” She glanced up at him from the tops of her eyes as she put the finishing touch on a fancy cocktail.

He decided not to answer that directly. “Have you seen him?”

“Mnnn,” she waffled, looking a little avoidant. She pursed her lips in a tiny frown. “Maybe.”

He couldn’t determine the source of her reticence. He did catch her eyes flick hard to the left, while she spoke, an unconscious movement.

Light decided to try charm. “It’s ok,” he said leaning forward with a disarming smile. “I just wanted to give him something. He’s in the back, isn’t he?” It was a wild guess.

She looked a little surprised. “He said not to tell anyone where he was.”

Light shifted his expression to look more flirtatious. “You really think he was including me?”

She looked wary, a little jealous, but also a bit intrigued.

“Maybe not,” she said after seeming to debate it. She poured a bunch more drinks, the ones that were piling up during their little exchange.

“You have such an innocent face for such a devious mouth,” she commented as she worked, looking up now and then. It came off sounding like backhanded approval.

He rested his chin on his hand and put on a lazy smile. He sensed he was wearing her down. 

The number of times her eyes flicked over to him was increasing.

“Are you going to stay there all night?” she asked, seeming ever so slightly flustered. 

He maintained his lazy smile, letting a little amusement shine in his eyes, and gave her a minute shrug. 

He detected a faint blush on her face even as she frowned at him. “You’re taking up room for paying customers,” she said bluntly.

“Forget Jayden,” he said smoothly, catching her gaze. “What’s your name?”

She made an exasperated noise, and the flush had gained more color. “Miranda,” she said shortly. She gave him a sharp, assessing look. “You’re going to keep this up until I tell you, aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” he responded, his lips turning up at the corner in a faint smirk. He gave her bedroom eyes, just to be icing on the cake. “Or I could stay here  _ all _ night,” he said softly, drawing out the  _ all _ .

“Damn persistent kid,” she muttered, looking heavenward. 

She wasn’t much older than him, probably she was around Jayden’s age. Early to mid 20s. Light guessed she was only calling him a kid to create a sense of distance. He must have gotten to her quite a bit; it was a testament to his growing acting skills.

He looked at her expectantly, being cheeky. 

“Jezus,” she said, “ _ fine _ .” She heaved a sigh. “Like I need this brat toying with me all night,” she muttered. “Through there,” she said jerking her thumb towards a little hallway. “Second door.”

Light pushed away from the bar with an irreverent little salute, just 2 fingers touching his brow briefly. He laughed to himself as she shook her head and waved him away.

He had to fight through the crowd a bit to get to the back. The press of people, the heat, and the stress of acting out a role had taken a toll on him. Once he gained the hallway, he leaned up against the wall, pausing a moment to let a wave of dizziness pass. Putting his hand up to his face and then his neck, he could feel that he definitely had a fever, just as L had said.

_ I really should be in bed. _

He took a few long, deep breaths to try and clear his head. He was so close. If the bartender wasn’t lying, that is. He could find out what the hell had been going on with Jayden’s disappearing act.

Once his head stopped swimming quite as much, he made his way down the hall to the second door and went inside.

Jayden was lounging on the floor by a row of lockers, long legs stretched out in front of him, leaning against the wall and looking like he was taking it easy. He wore black, head to toe, and his pants were form-fitting and riddled with buckles, metal, zippers and the like. His hair was highly spiked, like the first time Light had seen him in front of the club, and all of his piercings were back in. He looked completely like himself again. His pale eyes opened when he heard the door close, and he registered Light’s intrusion with surprise.

“How the hell-?” he started angrily.

Light waved him off. “Are you ok?”

“Fuckin’ peachy,” Jayden said with annoyance, tilting his head back against the wall and closing his eyes again.

“Sounds like.” Light walked over and crouched down next to him. “I came to apologize,” he said grudgingly, then added, “you rotten asshole.” There was no real bite to his voice. It was just to get a reaction anyway.

Jayden cracked an eye open. “What the fuck kind of apology is that?”

Light gave him an imperious look. “Probably the one you deserve.”

“ _ Tch _ .” Jayden looked away and looked a little less hostile.

Light considered what he was going to say next, now that he’d broken through the wall. He needed to apologize for blaming Jayden for  _ everything _ , though he was still pissed about the way things shook down the other night. Maybe ‘insufferable’ was just one of Jayden’s personality flaws, but he still didn’t deserve to be blamed for things unjustly.

“So, like I was saying before…” he started, referring to the text he’d sent. “I thought about what you said, and I’m sorry I blamed you for the whole thing.”

Jayden’s eyes slid back over to him. He was listening.

“Though what you said and did at that time still pisses me off,” he concluded.

Jayden made a horrible face at him. “Again, what the fuck kind of apology is that? It sucked!”

“Oh, like you’re the king of sincerity and humility,” Light groused back. “I’ve heard your apologies, they’re fucking pathetic.”

“Do it over,” Jayden demanded.

“Fuck you, you’re lucky I apologized at all.” Jayden must be feeling at least a little better if he was testing the line again.

“Yeah, lucky me,” the miscreant said sarcastically and closed his eyes again. “Now go away, I’m busy.”

“Asshole,” Light muttered under his breath, goading him. He hated getting brushed off.

“Stop calling me that,” he warned.

“Then stop  _ being _ one--”

The door opened then and Light rose to his feet reflexively. He did a double-take as he saw who it was.

“What the fuck is  _ he _ doing here?!” Jayden exclaimed, looking spooked and hostile as L strode into the room. “You said you weren’t going to tell him,” he accused Light angrily.

Light shook his head mutely, just as surprised, not sure how L had managed to follow him here.

As usual, L’s presence was a force of its own. His clothing -though toned down to a pair of artfully frayed jeans and a black shirt that draped over his lean frame nicely- looked like it would be every bit as much at home in a club as Jayden’s. Different styles, but the two of them had that same dark vibe.

Just now though, L was fire and brimstone. His dark eyes flashed with aggressive anger, honing in on Jayden. “I recognized your buddy at the bar from the old days,” he sneered. “Didn’t realize she was in town.” He stalked over to his cousin, each word cutting. “So what were you doing,  _ huh _ ? Hanging out at her place, popping pills, getting _ fucked up _ ?” His voice had been raising in volume.

“What does it matter to you?” Jayden snarled back. “You told me to get the fuck out, and I did.”

“I had every right to be pissed off at you!” L yelled, incredulously. “Don’t use that as an excuse to do another self-destructive spiral which  **_I’ll_ ** inevitably have to clean up after!”

“No one asked you to,” Jayden bit out.

“No one needs to,” L snapped back.

Jayden fell silent after that, as if considering the words and the caring that underlied them. He was glaring at the floor but he looked almost a little guilty.

“I put up with your shit,” L said, his voice lowering, but still angry, “but could you at least think about how you affect others? Do you have any idea what you put him through?” He jerked his thumb at Light. “All because you couldn’t pick up a damn phone? 3 days, Jayden, with only a shitty spray bandage and it was a mess.”

“Sorry,” he mumbled, looking more cowed by the minute.

“It makes me sick to look at you.” L jerked him up by the arm. “I’m bringing you home with me until you straighten out.”

Jayden wobbled on his feet and looked like he was about to be sick.

“Jezus,” L muttered, ducking under Jayden’s arm to support him. “Did you drink too much, too?”

“Maybe…” Jayden said in a strained voice. “Forgot to count, and wasn’t feeling it.”

“Have you thrown up?”

“...not yet. Though….” he heaved, and looked even more green.

“Wait outside,” L said to Light over his shoulder, turning to drag Jayden to a door in the back that looked like a bathroom.

“....sure,” Light said belatedly. He didn’t go immediately, feeling kind of worried. He soon heard violent heaving which sounded like a really unpleasant throwing up session. He decided that leaving would spare Jayden some dignity, even if he might not be aware of it.

The only problem was…. he was feeling a little green himself. The noise and crowd of the bar would likely only make it worse. Besides, he should probably sit down. He looked around the room for a likely place, not wanting to sit on the floor like Jayden had. There was a rickety looking table and a few chairs in the corner. That would have to do.

He commandeered one of the chairs and put his head on the table, pillowed on his arms. His head was spinning and he felt a bit ill again but it was a little better having his head down and being off of his feet. 

He’d almost forgotten it was L’s sweater he was wearing until the gentle scent drifted into his awareness. He focused on that instead of how sick he was beginning to feel.

There was something odd with how L was acting anyway. His temper seemed to be flaring up all the time now, especially at him and Jayden… but at the same time, there were still moments that felt like before. Moments where L still seemed to care, or be jealous. Was it really so simple as breaking up? These mixed signals just made it all the more confusing.

While he was waiting, he drifted into an uneasy sleep. 

Some time had passed when a gentle hand on his left shoulder was shaking him awake. “Uugh,” he groaned just under his breath. He still felt woozy when trying to lift his head.

“How are you doing? You look a little rough.”

L had dropped to a crouch next to him, and there was nothing harsh in his eyes or demeanor.

It kind of hurt to see him like that, knowing it could morph at any moment into the angry, cutting side of him.

Light pushed himself up to a sitting position, wincing as his head spun. L’s hand remained on his arm, another mixed signal. “I should probably be in bed.” He took a few moments to get his bearings. Thankfully, the spinning died down. “How is he?”

“He’s a wreck. But we can probably manage to walk him out of here pretty soon.”

“Ah.”

“Thank you.”

“Huh? For what?”

“Helping me find him.” L looked down and to the side, like he was having trouble saying the words. “I wasn’t happy about it at the time, but you going alone worked out for the best. That girl never would have told me he was here, and she wouldn’t have told _ you _ either if she saw my face.”

“Y-You’re welcome.”

L gave him a slightly sterner look and sighed. “Though you really pushed yourself too hard… I’m glad you cared enough to.”

Light flushed a little and looked away. Having L act any manner of grateful towards him was making him nervous and his heart was starting to beat a little faster. He didn’t want to get the wrong idea but it was hard not to feel a pull towards him when they were like this.

L tousled Light’s hair and rose to his feet. “Think you can stand?”

“Sure.” He wasn’t incapacitated, just a little feverish and…

L took his hand, making his heart race, as he helped him to his feet. L placed a hand on his upper arm on the other side, to steady him. It put them in close orbit, facing each other. “How’s that?” L asked him.

“Fine,” he said faintly. The proximity was mixing him up all over the place. Several moments had passed and L still hadn’t let go. He just wanted to lean in and rest his head against L’s chest, and have L’s arms wrap around him. He wanted everything to be ok.

L let go of his hand but slipped an arm around his shoulders, making his heart do double time. It felt almost like an embrace. L's lithe body felt comforting and warm where they touched. “What…?” he started to ask, feeling more confused than ever.

L took his closer hand in his, and wasn’t making eye contact as he said, “I just want to make sure you’re ok walking on your own.” He was so close, Light was having trouble breathing. This felt incredibly intimate for some reason.

“I’m fine,” he protested, barely getting the words out past a whisper.

“Humor me,” L said. His voice was soft and low and was not helping Light think about this in a very PG fashion.

He nodded, not daring to try speaking. He was feeling lightheaded for an entirely different reason now.  

L spoke as they walked forward. “I’d take you both out separately but I can’t leave Jayden alone.”

Light cursed the return of the warm bubble of their interaction that seemed to be encapsulating him. It was a cruelty to have to feel it, if all it was was a lie. He nodded to show he heard.

“Sorry you had to see all of this.”

Light looked up at him, catching a sincere expression of regret upon his face, though L wasn’t looking directly at him. “Why are you so harsh with him?”

L looked at him, meeting his gaze. “He really doesn’t listen otherwise.” He added, “You know how he is.”

Light nodded, and still, neither one of them was looking away. Their eyes seemed to have locked, drawing them together. Light held his breath, butterflies in his stomach. Call him crazy but it almost seemed like L was about to kiss him. He had that look in his endless, dark eyes.

A soft thud, what sounded like a fist weakly hitting the wall, made both of them jump.

“You should check on him,” Light said, looking away. The mixed signals were getting harder to deal with by the minute.

“I should.” L paused, like he was going to say something else. Instead, his hands dropped from around Light and he headed back to his cousin.

* * *

The bartender, Miranda, saw them coming out of the back. L had Jayden’s arm looped around his neck once again and was half dragging, half carrying him. Jayden’s eyes were screwed shut in a look of concentration, likely focusing on holding onto his heaving stomach. She wiped her hands on a small white towel and dashed over. “What did you--?!” Her face showed her assumption that they had gotten into a brawl. She looked concerned and defensive, and reached out to touch Jayden as if trying to check on him. “Are you ok--”

“ _ Don’t _ , Mira.” L looked like he detested her. “Erase his number if you’re just going to get him into trouble. You know he has a problem.”

She looked surprised and upset as if realization was just hitting her and it wasn’t pretty. “I didn’t think--” she started to protest.

L glared at her. “No, I guess you didn’t,” he said scathingly.

He didn’t wait for her to say anything else, and continued carrying his burden toward the door.

Light was following just behind them and hoped she wouldn’t notice him. The one bright point at the moment was that he was feeling a little better and he wasn’t wobbling on his feet like a drunk. Seeing Jayden’s sorry state did make him feel like something of a pillar of health… which was pretty sad. 

“Hey,” the girl said, grabbing his arm. “What the hell? You know the other one, too?”

Light shrugged.

“I never would have let you back there if I had known--”

Light gave her a baleful stare. “It’s a good thing you did. He was puking his guts up shortly after I got there.” 

“Was it…” she persisted, looking worried again. “Was it really bad?”

“I think you know the answer to that.”

“You sure they didn’t get into a fight though?” She was grasping at straws, trying to divest herself of fault. “They don’t really hold back when they start going at it...”

“Jezus, is that all you’re worried about? NO, they argued for like 5 minutes. After that he got sick.” He shrugged off her hand. “I have to go,” he said shortly and left her behind.

He no longer saw L or Jayden; they were already outside. It took him a little while to catch up, but L was moving slower than normal with his burden, so he didn’t have to run or anything to do it. Light ducked under Jayden’s other arm and took some of the weight off of L.

“There you are,” L said. “I thought that harpie might be harassing you but I have to get him home. I figured you’d catch up. You sure you’re ok? This bastard is heavy.”

“Well enough…” he responded. Jayden  **_was_ ** fucking heavy, though you wouldn’t know it to look at him. It was definitely a strain on his weakened system, but they were making better progress this way. “How is he?”

“He’s in and out. Could be worse.”

“Ah.” He wasn’t sure what to think of that sort of optimism. It all sounded pretty dismal to him. Worse?? This seemed pretty fucking awful as it was.

“And, he hasn’t puked on himself yet,” L added with a bit of dark humor.

Apparently that was for Jayden’s benefit because a thready voice said, “Fuck you…. I’m not gonna puke myself.”

“Well, you sure as hell better not puke in my car,” L said conversationally, “I’ll fucking kill you.”

“...fucking kill  _ you _ , rotten bastard. Piece of shit car....” Jayden muttered. 

“Isn’t he charming?” L said, baiting him.

“Is this helping?” Light worried aloud.

“Keeps him awake.”

“I’ve... been awake… asshole…” he mumbled, “just resting my eyes….”

Light looked over at L. “I’ve kind of thought this before… but you guys seem to have a complicated relationship.”

L looked like he was evaluating that statement then just ended up nodding. “It’s kind of like having a brother, best friend, and a fucking child, all rolled into one. Not to mention, he can be his own worst enemy, but mine as well.”

Jayden laughed weakly. “Haha... you said best friend...”

“Yeah?” L replied with sharp sarcasm. “Did you hear the  _ ‘worst enemy’ _ bit? Or are you just filtering that out?”

“...dunno what you’re talkin’ ‘bout,” Jayden sassed back. He seemed to be doing better, but he still hadn’t opened his eyes and the strained look hadn’t left his face. In fact, just now it seemed to be increasing. “Wait… guys…” Jayden said, “pull over…”

They managed to get him to a little corner of shrubbery on the city street before he lost control over his stomach. 

People were staring.

Light had his back turned as L handled it. He tried at least to stand in front of Jayden, and block some of it from the onlookers. “Sorry,” he said to a particularly offended couple. “Food poisoning.”

“He didn’t eat around here, did he?” the woman engaged him further, although her boyfriend was tugging at her arm.

Light mentally shrugged and pointed down the street to a likely place. “Don’t have the shellfish.”

She immediately turned back to her boyfriend. “Did you  _ hear _ that?” she shrilled in a stage whisper, “And Marie Ann  _ just _ told me that I should try the shellfish there, that  **_bitch_ ** !”

Her response to Light’s half-assed answer shocked him every bit as much as the vitriol with which it was delivered.  _ Oops. Sorry, Marie Ann,  _ he thought with a wince as the couple moved off. He’d unknowingly started one helluva misunderstanding there. He’d hate to see the blowout from that upcoming fight.

He heard L snickering, trying to hold back laughter. Actually, he could hear Jayden laughing weakly as well. The vomiting seemed to have stopped.

“You’re welcome,” he said with annoyance, kicking Jayden in the leg. Not too hard though.

“...what a riot,” the deviant choked out, laughing between coughs. Light suspected a good deal of that laughter was at his expense.

“If you work too hard to preserve his honor, he won’t suffer enough to learn his lesson,” L drawled. He hadn’t managed to wipe the amusement off of his face, though. “He’ll only remember the fun bits.”

“I’m good,” Jayden said, tapping L’s arm, indicating they could resume. The grin hadn’t left his face.

Light hoped they didn’t have too many of these stops, it was nerve-wracking. 

His unintentional joke seemed to have put both of his dark-haired companions in good spirits, as if they weren’t still dealing with this awful situation.

“...that Marie Ann... what a  **_bitch_ ** ,” Jayden snickered, setting both him and L off again. 

* * *

They got Jayden settled across the back seat, turning him on his side just in case. L insisted on stripping off Jayden’s shirt and laying it over the seat in case he got sick. “Incentive,” he said.

Light looked at his phone as he slid into the passenger seat. No messages or calls from mother, yet. It was only a matter of time. Maybe he should preemptively contact her first.

He looked over at L as he slid into the car. “What should I tell my mother?”

L thought for a moment, then took Light’s phone. He typed something in, pausing only a time or two like he was trying to word something the right way, then handed it back. He started up the car and said, “Remember, Jayden, you lose your stomach and it’s your shirt that will take the damage.”

“....asshole,” Jayden said weakly from the back.

He seemed to come and go with feeling better and worse.

Light looked over the message L had sent.

_ ‘Hi Mrs. Yagami, this is Elliot. I’m dropping Light off at home. We found a lead so I’m headed there to check it out. Thank you. This was a great help.’ _

Light thought about it and there didn’t seem to be any loopholes. His mother couldn’t question him about Jayden if they hadn’t “found” him yet; L was praising her for allowing him to break curfew; and he’d given himself a reason to drive off quickly, before she could possibly see Jayden’s miserable self lying in the backseat.

“You really thought of everything, didn’t you?” Light sounded impressed.

“I told you I can handle things like that,” he said distractedly as he put the car into gear. He sounded a little vexed as he pointed that out. 

Light bit his lip and looked out the window. He remembered L saying he would help figure out the situation with his parents, but honestly, he hadn’t thought it possible. Oddly enough though, his parents seemed to love both of them - L and Jayden - and had relaxed rules on their account. He also recalled L being pissed that he hadn’t trusted him enough to help him with the parental situation, that he’d just ‘run away’ time and time again.

“...sorry,” he mumbled, feeling like an idiot.

“For what?”

“I guess I thought you were just saying that, and didn’t really have anything to back it up.”

“Tch,” L scoffed. “Of course.” He had a dark, annoyed look on his face.

“Well, give me a break,” Light said with aggravation. “I’ve been struggling with them for years. I didn’t know there was a way to handle them until recently.” He scrunched back down into his seat, then looked out the window angrily, crossing his arms over his chest. “It helps to know you grew up in a similar environment, though  _ Jayden _ was the one to tell me.”

“....don’t drag me into this…” came a weak voice from the back seat.

“Shut up, Jayden,” L and Light said in unison.

“You talk about trust,” Light retorted, speaking to L again, “But it doesn’t seem like you trusted me a whole helluva lot either.”

“Don’t base things on  _ his _ loose tongue.”

“I’m  _ not _ ! I know jack all about you.”

“...he’s shy,” Jayden volunteered from the back, involving himself just after complaining about being involved. There was a bit of amusement evident in his voice, so he might have just been winding things up.

“Shut the hell up, Jayden, or I  _ will _ involve you in this,” L threatened. “Fucking insane sonnuva bitch,” he muttered.

“...stubborn ass.”

“I  **will** kick your drunk ass  _ out of this car _ .” He sounded serious.

“Pfft…. after carrying me across town…” Jayden mocked, “doubt it.”

L swerved, pulling the car over abruptly, scaring the shit out of his cousin and startling Light as well. “Alright! Alright!” Jayden said quickly. “I’ll shut up!”

“You really  _ don’t  _ know when to quit, do you?” Light said as they got back on the road, relaxing his white-knuckled hold on the armrest and rolling his eyes.

Jayden didn’t say a peep the rest of the ride. A few times, Light wondered if he’d passed out again. The bantering really did seem to help keep him conscious.

* * *

L dropped him off at the house without incident. His mother didn’t come racing out like last time, and Jayden didn’t appear to be dead.

The only problem was the awkward silence as they pulled up, and that Light was racking his brain for something to say but was coming up blank. Despite the mixed signals earlier, he couldn’t be sure that L wasn’t just going to continue in the vein of cutting him off. He frowned and turned to L, trying to ask him about it directly.

“Get some rest,” L said, not giving him the chance. The look in his eyes said he knew exactly what Light had been about to ask.

“L,” he tried again, feeling dismayed. Were they really back to this?

“I have to get him home,” L said, without anger at least. “Goodnight, Light.”

Light sighed, feeling defeated. “G’night,” he mumbled, letting himself out of the car.

He watched L drive off into the distance, taking Jayden and his heart with him.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Liiiiight T__T


	20. A New Perspective

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trying to find normal is hard, especially after a breakup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you people are insatiable.
> 
> ok, i am feeling benevolent since i just wrote some new shit on this fic that was both unexpected and muaahahahahot. (yeah, this always happens when trying to wrap up a story.... -.- ) lol
> 
> enjoy

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 20: A New Perspective   _

_ Wednesday morning, 6:00 a.m... _

“Light,” Sachiko called, knocking on the half opened door to his room. “Aren’t you getting up for school?”

There was no response from the occupied bed.

Light’s mother came into the room, a frown on her face. She reached down to whisk the covers from atop her son’s head. “Light?” She studied his sleeping face. It didn’t look like peaceful rest, and his skin was damp. “You don’t look so good, are you feeling ok?” She swept his bangs aside and felt his forehead.

The touch jolted him awake and he sat up quickly, looking disoriented before his eyes found her. “What is it?” he asked.

She frowned at him. “Good morning to you too, my son.”

“Why are you…?” He cast about as if looking for something. “What time is it?”

“Late enough, if you were planning to go to school.”

“Of course,” he said, starting to get up. He swung his legs over the bed but swayed on his feet when he stood up.

Sachiko steadied him and shook her head. “That answers that. You’re not well and should stay in bed.”

He looked at her as she sat him back down. She  _ never _ suggested he stay home from school. He always had to ask. “You aren’t going to tell me to tough it out?”

She fussed at him. “I don’t always.”

_ Yes, you do. _

“Anyway,” she said, “I noticed you didn’t seem to be feeling well yesterday. You probably pushed yourself too hard last night.” She tsked at him. “Now you have a fever.”

He felt his neck and it was overly warm.

The fever was persistent. It would probably die off if he took it easy, though.

In truth, it was a bit of good fortune. The longer he stayed awake, the more he was remembering the confusion, shock and hurt from last night. The blinding confirmation that he and L were officially through; the arguments; and also the feeling that things weren’t so simple. Yes, the more he thought about things, the more he didn’t want to face the daily tedium of school or life while his emotional state was in shambles. He needed a fucking reprieve. If having a fever would grant him that, then he was grateful.

“I’ll make you some tea and soup before I go.”

“Thank you. I’m not really hungry though.” 

“Nonsense. You have to eat or you won’t get better.”

He sighed and looked at her, feeling incredibly tired. “Mother, did you hear what I just said?” he inquired, sometimes wondering if she actually wasn’t aware when he protested something. “My stomach isn’t up for it.” Now he was just asking from curiosity. Both of his parents spent a good deal of time not really hearing him.

“I heard you,” she said. “But you need to eat.”

He sighed again. “I understand that…” he said, trying a different tactic. “Can you put it in the refrigerator? I’ll eat it a little later on.”

“Well, okay,” she agreed, not looking all that happy about it. “You’re sure?”

“Yes,” he reiterated, getting back into bed. Either the fever was keeping him from having an exasperated tone through this exchange, or looking at this as his parents having a listening impediment made it a little easier to keep repeating himself; he just kept doing it with the assumption that it would take several times before the message got through.

He pulled the covers back over his head and soon fell back asleep.

* * *

_ Thursday… _

School the next day passed in something of a hated blur.

Light was feeling better, physically at least. But his mood was darker than ever before. He sat through his classes, but he wasn’t present. His mind was milling, restless, and distractible. 

After ruminating over everything regarding L most of the day yesterday as he drifted in and out of restless sleep, he was done. Thinking on it further would accomplish nothing. He would be no closer to figuring anything out. L could be set on being a stubborn bastard, despite still liking him, and was washing his hands of him…. or he might really be over it, and just had a lingering attraction. Either way, there was nothing he could do about it. Without actually _ seeing _ him, or having his phone to contact him, he was stuck.

_ Geez, and he fucking calls _ **_me_ ** _ stubborn,  _ Light thought moodily, drawing an expanding squiggly mess in the corner of his notebook.

From what he could see, L was infinitely more stubborn than him.

_ But what am I supposed to do?  _ He frowned, drawing something that looked like a lightning bolt. He didn’t really want to let this go, and yet he was pissed off in hindsight about how L had kept shutting him down; it made him feel foolish, like he was chasing after him, unwanted. He started shading in around the lightning bolt thing, getting angry. 

Yeah, first he’d just felt upset over it, then he started getting pissed off. It was a lot easier to feel angry. But eventually he would need to let go of even that. 

He thought, at the least, L would have relayed a message to him through his parents regarding Jayden. But so far there had been nothing. Maybe he was getting shut out, and even that courtesy was being taken away.

Again the sadness swelled up and he beat it down viciously.

_ Fine _ , he thought angrily.  _ You want to fucking be like that,  _ **_fine_ ** .

He’d been all but ready to toss off the relationship with Marin, but L hadn’t even given him a chance to speak. That’s what had set off this difficulty with them in the first place. Her, and his reluctance to pick L over going away to school. L wanted rid of both.

_ And here I was about to fucking do just that, you asshole. _ He’d been about ready to throw everything away, taking a chance on this thing they had going. But L couldn’t even be bothered to hear him out in the end. 

_ Guess I dodged a bullet there _ , he thought bitterly. It didn’t make him feel better.

Light’s pen was catching on the paper. He realized he’d been pushing down hard enough that it was ripping through where he’d been scribbling.

He stopped and took a deep breath, and another. Then he made himself put down the pen which was still clenched in his fist.  _ Breathe _ , he told himself, trying to get a handle on the emotions that still surged up too easily.  _ Breathe… _ He needed to clear his mind, or this shit was going to drive him crazy.

He knew what he needed to do. He needed to get this out of his system and refocus, like he’d told himself to do  _ before _ . Only this time, he needed to actually  **do** it.  

Marin truly wasn’t a bad choice for a girlfriend. But he knew he hadn’t given her a proper chance because he’d been unknowingly holding out for L the  _ entire _ time.

* * *

Light met up with Marin at lunch.

“Hey,” she said as she laid eyes on him, studying his face. “You feeling any better?” She looped an arm in his as they walked out to the courtyard. “I was worried when you were out yesterday.”

“Tons,” he said. He paused, tipping her face up to his and leaning down to kiss her. She seemed startled by the sudden attention and almost dropped her handbag as she melted into it. Kissing felt much more natural when he wasn’t constantly comparing it to a certain other person. He kicked all such thoughts to the side and tried to remember what it had been like before. Before L, before his recent, eye-opening experiences, back to when he was just a normal, sexually frustrated high school student.

She was blushing pretty hard when he eventually drifted back. “Wow, I uh… I’m glad you’re feeling better…” she said, looking embarrassed that the kiss had affected her so strongly. “I thought maybe you were getting sick.”

“Nope,” he said. He shrugged. “Just a fever for some reason, but that seems to have passed.”

They continued on to the usual spot in front of the tree and settled on the grass.

“Are we still on for this Saturday?” she asked tentatively. She didn’t seem entirely convinced that his health had returned. “Maybe we should cancel if you aren’t feeling completely better…”

Ah, this was the part that he’d not been looking forward to. “Actually… there might be a snag with Saturday.” He was still officially grounded, and that meant no going out without a chaperone, even to the study group. Even though he’d canceled this week, it was still his excuse for going out on Saturday. And without either L or Jayden to chaperone, that left his parents, which he refused. Even so, he couldn’t exactly have a date with Marin of any sort, not with a chaperone… not unless it was just sort of hanging out. Which wasn’t really a date then.

She frowned, looking disappointed. “What kind of snag?”

“To be honest, I’m sort of grounded.”

“Wha?” She looked shocked and sympathetic. “What did you do?”

“I talked back, or something. I don’t even know. It doesn’t take much, with them. I don’t even have my phone, they confiscated that.”

She made a face and shook her head. “They are so strict! What have you ever done to really deserve something like that?”

_ Well…. _

He couldn’t say he’d done nothing _ recently _ that wouldn’t make just about any parent flip out. Only, his parents didn’t actually know about what he’d been up to.

“Speaking of phones,” she was saying, taking out a pen and writing a number down on a piece of paper, “why don’t you take my number and let me know if the situation changes?” She handed it to him, chewing on her lip a little, still looking sympathetic.

Come to think of it, it was odd they hadn’t exchanged numbers when they’d been dating for almost 2 weeks. It was downright bizarre. He was shocked at himself for how fully L had derailed him from even simple things like this.

“Here’s mine,” he said, reaching over to take her pen and write it in the notebook. “For later. Don’t use it unless I tell you I have my phone back. My parents even go through my texts and voicemail.”

“Ugh, that’s rough,” she said, wincing. “All right, I’ll leave it up to you to contact me then. That’ll be easier, I suppose.”

He smiled, pleased that she had caught on without him having to say anything, and pressed a kiss to her lips. He noticed this time how soft they were and that it felt nice. “At worst,” he said, pulling back only a little, “we’ll just plan a date for when I’m no longer grounded.”

“Ok,” she said, smiling at him. 

She seemed a lot more laid back now that he was focusing on her more.

He leaned back against the tree trunk, putting his hands behind his head, enjoying the moment and the nice breeze. Marin laid back on the grass, using his leg for a pillow and pulling out some kind of romance novel and started to read, a pleasant expression on her face. It was a rare moment of peace.  _ Finally _ , things felt simple for once. 

* * *

Light returned home from school that afternoon in a much better mood than he’d had in a while. It’s amazing what simplicity can do for oneself. “I’m home,” he called, even though he didn’t think anyone was in the house.

He grabbed an apple off of the counter and took a bite or two, noticing a note sitting there. He leaned over to read it. It said the usual, parents being late, nothing earth shattering. Except for the last part. His mother wrote,  _ ‘Forgot to tell you - Jayden is fine.’ _

He frowned and took another bite of the apple.

How do you forget something like  _ that _ after swearing the missing person must have been mugged?? He shrugged, determined not to dwell on pointless shit when he was in such a good mood otherwise.

As far as he was concerned, he’d probably never be talking to either Jayden or his cousin again. It wasn’t his choice but it seemed to be the reality. No use getting stuck on that when there was nothing to be done for it.

He took his apple upstairs, vaguely annoyed that despite his cavalier attitude, this was digging at him like a little thorn.

Light sat at his desk and put his feet on top of it, crossed at the ankle, absently eating the apple. Before his newfound peace, he would have been busily plotting ways to take advantage of this sudden free time, maybe trying to go out or meet with L…. but right now he was pretty content just with this empty house and doing nothing at all for a little while.

_ Wow, I must have been pretty stressed out before, _ he mused.

Things with Marin were in a pretty much ideal setup. She had calmed down and his being grounded had conveniently postponed  _ that _ date until sometime in the future, giving him more time to refocus on Marin versus his fixation with L. Today he’d even made inroads on refocusing and it felt pretty damn good.

* * *

Friday was pretty uneventful. Classes dragged on, but weren’t as excruciating as they had been for a while. He even paid a little bit of attention and wasn’t all that bothered to be there.

Good moods were almost scary in what they could accomplish.

He made an extra effort to be social with people and with the acquaintances he had in various classes throughout the day. He’d probably been neglecting this aspect of school for too long, judging by his classmates’ surprise. He played it off pretty well, blaming most of it on his parents, and got sympathetic nods. He felt a little bad about doing that, but it was the easy way to smooth things over - in a way most people would understand. He could hardly go into details about “relationship troubles”. Not only were none of his acquaintances close enough to trust with confidences, but the nature of his relationship with L was plenty unconventional, enough to give most people pause. Then there was the fact that people were starting to notice his relationship with Marin. Yeah... even if he had opportunity to explain the real situation to someone, he totally wouldn’t.

“So, I hear you got a little leeway from the parents not long ago,” one of his buddies, Kai was saying. He was a laid back fellow with a nearly shaved head (his hair was close cropped), which was his own little statement of rebellion. He wasn’t in sports or anything, so his parents grieved the loss of his shiny, dark blond hair.

“Yeah, but I got grounded almost immediately.”

“Bummer.” Kai let out a huge yawn, splitting his face. “You’ll have to come out with us to karaoke or something. Fucking hilarious. These assholes can’t hold a tune to save their life.” He pointed to a few of the other guys in the group who protested loudly.

One of them, Germain, glared at him. “Don’t start feeling all special just because your cousin can buy you beer and let you get trashed beforehand.” Germain was on the shrimpy side but made up for it with energy and a fiery temper. It often made him look a bit foolish, however. He spiked his dark hair up in the front to give the illusion that he was a few inches taller.

Kai gave him a baleful look. “And who has gotten  **your** sorry ass drunk because of it?”

“That’s not the point!” he groused loudly, not to be put down.

“Geez, so noisy,” Kai complained softly, rolling his eyes and languidly plugging one ear. He turned to Light, making a show of ignoring his other friend. “So, present company excluded, it really is fun,” he said lazily.

“Hey!” Germain piped up with energized agitation. “I’m not done talking to you!”

“Yeah,” Light continued his conversation with Kai. “I’ll try to make it the next time.”

“Kai!!” Germain growled, determined not to be brushed off.

“What??” Kai finally raised his voice, breaking the quiet flow he usually had going. “You suck at singing and you’re an ungrateful, freeloading drunk. Now you want to annoy me like a fly in my ear?”

“Oh,” Light said, something catching his eye. “There’s Marin. I’ll see you later.”

“Sure thing,” Kai said.

Light left the fuss behind him but heard Kai in the background saying, “You want me to flatten that hair of yours?” in a threatening tone as the two continued their bickering.

“Hey,” Marin greeted him with a kiss. She noticed the commotion. “They’re pretty lively today.”

“That’s actually relatively normal.”

“Hmn.” She accepted it with a shrug. “You certainly do pick interesting friends,” she observed playfully.

“They aren’t boring,” he said agreeably.

She poked him in the cheek, a teasing smile on her face. “Oh, is _ that _ all the criteria you use?”

“What, like that isn’t the most important one?” he asked jokingly.

She moved in front of him and threw her arms around his neck, hanging off of him. They both laughed as he tried walking forward with such an awkward burden. “And what criteria do you use for lovers?” she said coyly, brushing her lips against his.

He faltered for a moment as L’s dark eyes and commanding presence flashed into his mind, sobering him.

“Something wrong?” Marin asked, her playfulness dropping off.

“Nah,” he said, regaining his composure and slapping a smile on his face. “But I plead the 5th.”

“Ugh,” she announced with a petulant pout, smacking him. “You can’t just not answer,” she wheedled. “Come on…. give me  _ something _ .” 

“Hmn….” he pretended to think, drawing it out while she started to fidget impatiently. She seemed to really want him to say something that would single her out as an obvious choice for a lover. She appeared so obliviously invested in it that he couldn’t help being a little mean, making her wait. “Hmmmmn….”

“Liii~ght,” she whined, pulling on his arm, “stop teasing.”

He grinned at her. “Alright, alright… how about… smart.”

She put her hands on her hips. “I can personally vouch for the fact that every girl you’ve ever even looked at is also pretty.”

“Oh,” he said in fake surprise. “I see, you were actually just wanting me to compliment you.”

She flushed to the tips of her ears. “That’s not it!” she protested, mortified.

He knew it wasn’t, not completely, but it was fun to harass her. Besides, he really didn’t want to dwell further on what his “type” was. Attractive and smart were ideal, but after recently, the descriptors following that would probably pretty much describe L.

* * *

Light got home from school and noticed his mother’s car in the driveway.

“I’m home,” he said as he came in the door. 

“Hi, honey,” she called from the kitchen.

He wandered in, for no real reason, to see what she was doing. His good mood from yesterday continued and he felt really laid back. She sat at the counter doing some kind of paperwork or bills or something. It looked tedious.

“What’s that?” he asked over his shoulder, opening the fridge.

“Taxes,” she said, taking off her reading glasses with an aggrieved sigh. “A rite of adulthood,” she remarked drolly.

“Hmn,” he said, still looking for something in the fridge to catch his eye.

“Dear, close the door if you aren’t going to take anything out, you’re wasting electricity.”

“But how can I know what I want if I don’t look?” he asked cheekily.

She folded her arms and sighed at him, shaking her head. “You’re so indecisive,” she said, as if she’d washed her hands of that long ago. “You know what’s in there, you just have to know what you  _ want _ .”

Unexpectedly, her words hit him with a sharp stab of  _ deja vu _ , making him freeze.

‘ _ You just have to know what you  _ **_want_ ** .’ 

L had said almost the same thing to him, many times. ‘ _ Then you’ll know if it’s worth standing up for _ .’

He shut the fridge.

All of a sudden his good mood turned inward and introspective.  _ Why am I thinking of that now? _ he wondered with agitation. What was wrong with his brain, dredging up this stuff when he was finally feeling good again? 

Was there anything to it?

It was almost like… 

_ Is my subconscious trying to tell me I’m not fighting for what I really want? _

_ That’s stupid.  _ He flat rejected the thought, feeling annoyed. _ I already tried to do that and got shot down. _

He explained it away, but the nagging feeling stuck with him.

“What if what I really want isn’t in there?” he asked, wondering if somehow it would be his mother who would bestow great wisdom upon him, even though she wouldn’t know what he was really asking.

She looked up at him with all the profundity of a great sage. “Well, then I suppose we could always go out to eat.”

Light suddenly felt deflated. Her words were completely useless... Unless he could he interpret it as an analogy? One that equated to seeking out something that was certainly not in his grasp at the moment. If a relationship with L wasn’t on the table, he should try harder to seek it out and make it happen?  _ Yeah, right. And plunge myself back into the hell of before? _

He resisted the very idea, and how very foolish and desperate it had made him feel.

_ Besides _ , he told himself, _ I’m making things work with Marin now. L blew his chance when he kept brushing me off. _

“So,” his mother asked him, “where would you like to go?”

“You were serious?” he asked incredulously. Usually they never ate out because it was ‘a waste of money’.

“Your father is working late,” she said. “Why not? It’s been awhile since we did something like this.” She gave him a smile. “Besides, you seem to have been in a pleasant mood lately. It would be nice.”

“Ah… sure,” he replied, still surprised. 

* * *

Dinner was enlightening. The food was good, but what was strange was his mother’s more pleasant mood. Could that really be chalked up to her responding to  _ his _ improved mood?

He didn’t think it was supposed to work like that, but maybe it did?

She chatted with him about all manner of things, showing interest in him and also sharing what was going on with her.

It was bizarre. He couldn’t remember the last time they’d actually  _ talked _ .

“I’m so proud of you,” she said. He wondered if it was the glass of red wine talking. She rarely drank. “My beautiful son. So smart, and with a heart of gold.”

He paused in twirling some linguini onto his fork. This sort of praise was surprising indeed. Not to mention, odd.

“I thought it over,” she said, “and it really struck me how self-sacrificing it was of you to volunteer to help find Jayden when you were coming down with being sick.”

_ What, really? _

“It was very noble of you,” she insisted, cutting a piece of chicken on her plate. “And thanks to you, Elliot found his cousin. He was so worried. You made an important contribution, there. You should be proud of yourself.”

“Did Elliot say anything else about Jayden?” he couldn’t help asking. He was really curious if L had bothered with a cover story.

“Apparently they had a little falling out, and Jayden went to stay with friends,” she said with a soft, pitying tone. “I had no idea that sweet boy was so sensitive,” she said with a sad, almost doting tone.

_ Wow, would she be disappointed to know the whole truth,  _ he thought. He didn’t know if Jayden was a sensitive soul or not, but he was sure the drug and alcohol binging would change her perspective quite a bit.

“I’m glad it turned out ok,” he said, taking a bite of pasta. “I didn’t have a way to ask.”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full,” she reminded him with a sigh. She shook her head, as if sick of having to even say that, and took another sip of her wine.

In truth, it had become a bit of a habitual way to annoy his parents. He hadn’t really noticed he’d done it until she’d said something. “Sorry, mom.”

“My goodness, you even apologized,” she said, sounding surprised.

“You don’t have to sound  _ so _ shocked.”

“But I  _ am  _ shocked. I’ve been on you for years about that and I do believe this is the first time you’ve said you were sorry.”

He gave her a bland look at her overreaction. “I could take it back if the shock is proving too much for you.”

She swatted her cloth napkin at him. “Don’t get saucy. Your mother is happy.”

“So that’s what happiness looks like,” he mused aloud to harass her, taking another bite of his meal.

She huffed at him, but didn’t look authentically irritated. “So, as I was saying, I was thinking some things over. In light of certain events, I’ve decided to let you off of your grounding.”

He almost choked on the pasta.  _ Say what? _

“You probably weren’t expecting that, were you?” she asked, a rueful smile on her face. 

He chewed and swallowed as fast as possible. “What for?”

She gave him a surprised look. “Did you  _ want _ to be grounded?”

“Well,  _ no _ ,” he stressed, while thinking,  _...Maybe.  _ Just for this weekend at least. “I meant, why now? What changed?”

“As I said, that was a really good thing you did, helping Elliot out like that. I’m really fond of those boys. I’m glad that you could help them work things out.”

_ Woah, _ it was so weird to hear her say she was fond of them, even though he’d guessed that was the case by the way she acted. She was going to be  _ so _ disappointed when they stopped coming around... He felt something almost like pity for his mother. She thought they were all friends; she wouldn’t understand when suddenly everything seemed to change. He wondered if she would like Marin even half as much; ironically, she was much more straight-laced than the false image both L and Jayden portrayed.

“Also,” his mother said brightly, “you’ve taken your punishment with such a good attitude lately, I wanted to reward you.”

Again, he felt bad for her. Likely she’d feel different if she knew his mood had improved because of a girl. (Talk of dating seemed to throw both of his parents into a blind panic of disapproval.)

He smiled at her and tried to make it authentic, even though she was unwittingly complicating his life. “Thanks, mom. Does father know?”

“Of course, we talked it over. He agreed that you can have your phone back as well.”

“So I don’t need a chaperone to go to tutoring tomorrow?”

“As much as I would feel better if Jayden could go with you again, I do think his hands are full with working things out at home.”

“Because I said I have a girlfriend?” he asked, testing the waters there.

She frowned at him. “I still think it is too soon and unnecessary, yes.”

“Do I sense a ‘but’ to that statement?”

She sighed. “But if you are tutoring, and she is there, I guess it can’t be helped. I’ll have to trust you to conduct yourself in a decent manner.”

He smiled at her, genuinely. “Thank you for trusting me.”

* * *

Saturday came, and it was a little stressful because he now had to wonder if  _ that _ date was now on. Despite his new perspective, it was probably still too soon. Maybe he could convince Marin to just go out with him for a normal date this time… if need be he could act a little sick. It was only this past Wednesday that he’d stayed home with a fever after all. He could always beg off, saying he hadn’t recovered.

“Light,” his mother said, coming into his room. “I found this shirt but I don’t recognize it.”

Oh…. shit, that was the white, collared shirt he’d bought when he was with Marin.

“I assumed it was yours, it’s too small for your father.” She hung it up in his closet. “I washed and ironed it, but where did you get it? And the jeans and shirt you were wearing the other day?”

He braced himself and decided to try a little truth. “The jeans and shirt I bought with some money my classmates gave me for tutoring them. They were really grateful.”

“Hmn.” 

He couldn’t tell if she thought that was ok, or if the thought displeased her.

“That was gracious of them, I suppose.”

He felt the wheels turning. Apparently she liked the idea of him tutoring for free, but getting paid changed her perception of the whole thing.

“I tried to refuse,” he lied, “but they wouldn’t hear of it.”

“Well, I guess it’s ok. But why spend the money on clothes?”

Could he be honest again, on this point? “I don’t really like the other clothes I have.”

She looked shocked. “What do you mean? You have very nice clothes.”

“Mom, no one really dresses like that unless they are in private schools.”

“That can’t be right,” she dismissed, looking a little put out. “Your clothes are very respectable. In my day, only the slackers wore things like jeans and all of that.”

“If you visit my school, you would see what I mean. I’m not making it up.”

She crossed her arms and looked a little angry. “Why would I think you’re making it up?”

He shrugged. “If you don’t believe me, wouldn’t that mean I’m making it up?”

“No,” she said, not losing the peeved look. “I just have a hard time believing it is all. And where is the other shirt from? Did you buy that with tutor money as well?”

“Nope,” he said in what he hoped came out in a casual manner. This was a trap. If he said yes, then she would know he’d made quite a lot off of tutoring. He could practically see the dollar signs racking up behind her eyes. She’d totally flip if she knew there was that shirt and a dress he’d bought, along with the jeans and t-shirt, all on a single tutoring session’s wages. “It was a hand-me-down from my buddy Kai.”

“It smelled new,” she said, suspicious.

Light made a face. “He’s such a waste with clothes.” He made his tone slightly disapproving and conspiratorial at the same time. “You know, he bought it, forgot about it, and now it doesn’t even fit him.” 

“That  **is** a waste,” his mother agreed. “What is going on with his parents that they let him carry on like that?”

“He’s a good kid though,” Light added, not wanting to get Kai blacklisted. “And I’ll use it, so it works out well in the end.”

“I suppose,” she said.

“Thanks for washing and ironing it for me,” he said with a smile, hoping to divert her from whatever rabbithole her thoughts were taking her down. She hadn’t lost the stern look and that could be a problem. He wasn’t sure how long this benevolent version of his mother was going to last, but he didn’t want to ruin it. “Maybe sometime you could show me how to use the iron?”

She looked shocked. “ _ My _ son?”

“I’ll have to learn sometime, right?” he threw her a charming smile. “Why not learn from my mother?”

“Goodness,” she exclaimed. “Are you actually trying to flatter me?”

He kept the smile in place. “Compliment you, yes,” he corrected.

Navigating these new sort of interactions with her was exhausting. He had to be quick on his feet and didn’t know what to expect at all. It struck him though that flattery and charming smiles was actually his impression of how both Jayden and L were around his parents and it seemed to work quite well for them. Apparently, it worked for him as well. He hadn’t intended to emulate them or anything, he’d just picked what he felt would work in the moment. That he’d come to the same conclusion as they had - that was food for thought.

“I’m going to study for a few hours since I have tutoring later,” he said, looking for an excuse to end their interaction. Despite feeling on better terms with her since yesterday, he still didn’t really like her being in his room. It was the only space that was his. Even if he didn’t get to officially claim it.

“Ok, honey, I’ll leave you to it,” she said. “I’ll be making lunch later though, so try and take a break for that.”

“Thanks, I will.”

She left the room and he marveled at the success he’d been having lately. This was a new skill he’d discovered. Before, he’d learned to manipulate his folks through being difficult - by taking a stand. Now he was seeing an additional way, a trickier, fine-tuned method which left his mother relatively happy (though he didn’t know how it would work with regards to his father). He couldn’t entirely divest himself of the lies, unfortunately, but he’d gotten away with speaking some of the truth. That felt like a first.

It wasn’t lost on him that much of this success was due to the entrance of both L and Jayden into his life. L’s pushing him to figure things out in the span of one week had started it off, gaining him the manipulation skill. Then, probably watching the cousins with his parents had settled into his subconscious, gaining him the other skill. 

He had the brief thought that he’d like to thank them, but sadly that wasn’t an avenue that was even open to him.

Even though he now had his phone back, he had the distinct impression that communication had been firmly shut down. L didn’t seem to want to talk to him or hear from him, and Jayden seemed to be following suit. If that was the case, thanking them for anything would be pretty pointless and unwanted.

It was kind of depressing. Not to mention the giant hole they seemed to have left behind in their absence... 

Light sighed and cracked open a book. He’d study to distract himself for a few hours. Then he’d have to figure out how to handle this date.

* * *

TBC


	21. Date Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> an unexpected rendezvous starts to turn the tables.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 21: Date Night _

It was about time to get ready to leave. Light finished dressing, wearing the tailored jeans, the screenprinted black shirt and the crisp white button down shirt over it, as promised for their date. It had a pleasing effect - looking stylishly laid back and formal at the same time - and was infinitely more natural to him than the attire he was usually stuck wearing. 

He felt vaguely nervous. Before dressing, he’d taken his first look at his back. It had been this many days already and still... it looked worse than the _ first _ lashes he’d taken, and on the day he’d first gotten them. There was no way he could skimp on the time he left the bandages on. They’d have to stay the full 7 days, till next Tuesday. That was another reason he needed nothing to happen between him and Marin. Seeing marks was one thing, and those could even be hidden, but the feel of bandages or open skin was quite another thing altogether.

Hopefully she’d accept it when he postponed on her. She’d seemed pretty understanding the other day. With luck, that mood would last.

_Damn it…._ he contemplated his back once more. Just looking had reminded him viscerally of the way every mark had felt, from start to finish. The stinging, the pain, and the oddly stimulating nature of some of them. Even down to the end, where L had pulled him into an impatient, heated kiss. Then afterwards….

He shook his head, trying to clear the debased and rousing images from his mind.

_ Stop it. It’s over. _

_ OVER. _

_ Nothing like that will ever happen again. You’re  _ **_done_ ** _. _

He spoke harshly to himself, aggravated that any part of him was still clinging to what was now in the past. 

Why did it plague him so, when he was moving on? He was even  _ happy _ now, and yet…

_ ‘Is  _ that  _ what happiness looks like?’ _ He remembered sarcastically saying that to his mother, but wondered if it didn’t apply to him as well.

“I’m headed out,” he called, toeing on his shoes.

“Wait, wait,” his mother called, bustling out of the kitchen. “Let me look at you.”

He turned and held out his arms, so she could fuss at the clothes. She patted and plucked here and there. Finally she tugged his collar up as if it were slouching, though he knew it was not. “Do you like it?” he asked. Honestly, it was hard to tell. She had a frown on her face, yet she kept looking him over as if she grudgingly did like his choice in clothes.

“It’s different,” she said slowly, making him turn around once more. “But I suppose I could get used to it.”

He decided to use the charm tactic. “So you  _ do _ like it,” he concluded with a smile.

She crossed her hands over her chest. “You look nice,” she said reluctantly, giving him a warning eye. He sensed that she was giving in. “Likely because of my fine ironing job. You still look fairly respectable.”

“Thanks, mom,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. She wore a look of disbelief as she raised a slow hand to her face. “I’m off.”

He was meeting Marin over by the Library and they were going to discuss where to go from there. Meeting her downtown would have required him to go the other way, and he didn’t want to raise anyone’s suspicion as he left the house. 

As promised, she was wearing the high-waisted cobalt blue dress he’d bought for her, and was looking rather dolled up. She wore strappy shoes with tall, narrow, cork wedge heels which looked dainty on her feet. They gave the appearance that her legs went on forever, as the gauzy, layered dress was quite short. She’d fixed her brown hair in a style that swept most of it up to pile on top of her head with only one wavy section of hair left down on the side to frame her face.

“Wow,” he said, brushing his bangs out of his face. “You look fantastic.”

“You think so?” she beamed. “And you…” she blushed and tugged at one of his sleeves with its crisply ironed cuff. “You clean up nice,” she said shyly, smiling at him with demure eyes.

This is what a proper date looked like, wasn’t it? As opposed to the hello-fuck-me encounters he’d had with L? Yeah, he certainly hadn’t had something like one of  **these** dates with L. It was kind of sweet, the idiotic small talk over clothes. If he’d been a little more innocent than he was now, he’d likely have had butterflies as well. 

He couldn’t imagine L doing ‘sweet’. It didn’t really seem to be part of his nature.

Light caught himself after a moment, realizing he was thinking about the stubborn, dark-haired man  _ again _ . It was something of a nasty habit. Even now, he had to school himself to keep his mind from wandering back to him.

He hadn’t quite perfected the art of blocking him out.

Light gave her a kiss, both as a greeting and as a way to blot out the incessant thoughts. “Shall we?” he asked, holding out his arm.

“Of course,” she said with a giggle.

“It’s a long walk to get downtown. Are you sure you’re ok in those?” He nodded towards her very tall shoes.

“Oh, I’ll be fine,” she said with a smile, “I wear things like these all the time.”

He didn’t know how girls did it - walking around in heels. Though… he guessed he wasn’t completely clueless… he’d been made to wear heeled boots at the club, and he’d seemed to manage alright… Still, theirs looked like a special sort of hell to be walking long distances in.

“And if my feet start to wear out, you’ll carry me, right?” she teased.

“Wha? I can carry you now,” he said, joking back. He swept her up off her feet, making her squeal in surprise. 

“P-Put me down, you!” she protested and blushed furiously as he carried her, bridal style. “P-People are staring.”

“I bet you didn’t think I could even lift you up,” he teased with a mischievous smile, ignoring her pleas for the moment.

“Ok, so maybe I didn’t….” she said reluctantly, fidgeting and blushing still. “Liii~ght, put me down!”

He got a kick out of tormenting her. “Give me a kiss, and I’ll think about it.”

“How embarrassing!” she stage whispered in protest, shaking her head cutely, her eyes wide. “People are really watching us!”

“You want me to carry you all the way to the restaurant?” he threatened playfully.

“Ugh….” she winced and then gave him a peck on the cheek. “There.”

“There, what?” He raised an eyebrow at her. “You don’t honestly think that counts?”

She pouted at him, glancing around anxiously and pressed a brief kiss to his lips. “Now?”

“Nope.” He was unrelenting. “Do it over, with  _ feeling _ .”

She looked dismayed but she was still blushing and it looked like she was responding to this particular blend of teasing.

“Arms around the neck,” he said with an amused smirk, really rubbing it in, “the whole deal.”

“Ugh…” she said again. She hesitated then wrapped her arms around his neck from her perch in his arms. “You’re awful, you know that?” she groused. She hesitated, then leaned in, pressing soft lips to his, but this time made it sure it lingered. He took the opportunity to open the kiss and make it more personal, a slow, sensual exploration to overpower her reluctance. 

He wasn’t quite sure why a public display like this didn’t make him feel embarrassed in the least, or why it was so amusing to him to watch Marin feel flustered over it. Though maybe having experienced what he had at the club, this was nowhere near enough to make him feel put on the spot. Certainly going on stage, or wearing any of the things Donnovan had put him in was a lot more challenging to one’s sense of decency.

Marin thumped him on the chest with a balled up hand, indicating her sense of propriety had been stretched thin enough. He broke the kiss, since she seemed to be having issues accomplishing that herself, despite her protests. “You’re so MEAN,” she said breathlessly. “Put me down, you promised.”

He let her feet touch back down on the ground, unable to hold back a grin, and she let go of his neck as soon as they did.

“Honestly,” she fussed with embarrassment, smoothing down the skirt of her dress, although nothing was out of place. Her face was thoroughly flushed even though she was pretending to act a little mad at him.

“Come on,” he said, interrupting by taking her hand and flashing a disarming smile at her. “Let’s head downtown and find our restaurant.”

She made a show of reluctantly forgiving him before a smile swept back over her face. 

* * *

They were coming out of the restaurant, Light’s arm draped over her shoulders, cozy as any other couple there when Marin tilted her head quizzically.

“What’s up?” he asked as they walked. Dinner had been nice and went better than he’d thought it would. The lack of snags was making him feel pretty relaxed. 

“Isn’t that Jayden’s evil twin?” 

He felt a twinge at the familiar name and the unexpected utterance of it. “Dunno,” he said, ignoring the natural impulse to look. That had nothing to do with him anymore. He had to drill that into his head.  _ Let’s just focus on us, _ he urgently wanted to say to Marin, but knew it would sound a bit odd… To be honest, he felt a little frantic and on edge.

“And your friend L is with him, I think.”

He looked up then, cursing himself that he hadn’t been able to stop the reflex this time. 

Almost immediately he picked them out. Not only did they stand out to him, they weren’t all that far away. Maybe 40 feet or so and their paths would intersect. Jayden looked dark, edgy, and interesting. His hair was spiked out to the max, his piercings winked as the light caught them; he was wearing another outfit that was black, hugged his lean body and had a plethora of straps, buckles, and other things. L, a little shorter than his tall cousin, was also wearing black. Light’s eyes trailed up his body, from his intriguing black boots to the enticingly form-fitting black pants which had a sheen to them, and higher. He wore a black, button down shirt that was partway undone in a sexily laid back sort of way. His fedora tilted over his eyes at a compelling angle. They made a striking and noticeable pair strolling through the crowded downtown street, bantering and laughing about something. They seemed to have worked out their issues.

“Light?”

Light jumped, realizing he’d quite forgotten himself. A sinking feeling was in the pit of his stomach after seeing the duo. He felt like an outcast, a pariah.

He flashed Marin a subdued smile, the best he could manage. “It’s nothing,” he said. She was looking at him with an inquisitive frown.

They had such presence - like they were part of another world, one that was dark, offbeat, elegant and had exclusive membership only. A world where what other people thought didn’t fucking matter, they were just having fun. The authenticity of them almost made them seem to shine.

_ Just this past Tuesday, I had been part of that… _ though Jayden had looked a lot less stylish, wild and free being supported between himself and L and throwing his guts up on the way to the car.

_ Damnit, _ he cursed as the thoughts started winding up and getting set to toss him back into the land of the morose. The sinking feeling was growing worse and there was a tension in his chest.

He guessed it was too soon to see them and not have his thoughts go haywire.  _ Maybe if we can avoid them, I can get back on track. _ Crossing paths was an untenable thought. He couldn’t bear seeing them even closer than they were now. And who knew how they would act if they  _ did _ encounter him... Would it be the cold shoulder? Or, if they spoke superficial greetings, would that feel even worse? He wasn’t sure, and he’d rather not find out.

Light called Marin’s attention to a shop window and pretended to be really interested in the things displayed there. Just before he turned, however, his eyes met L’s through the crowd. They were much closer now. His heart felt like it was being speared through as he watched the humor fall from his handsome face. L said something to Jayden and jerked his head to indicate they should go a different way.

_ So you  _ **_are_ ** _ avoiding me _ , he thought morosely.

It was hard not to feel the impact of that, even though avoiding each other was probably for the best.

Light turned back around quickly, trying desperately to refocus on his date. It was hard, and it wasn’t really working. He had to do something fast, before this sad, tragic feeling gained any more ground. _ What about anger? You were pissed at him before, remember? For not giving you a chance or hearing you out? _

Ok, that was a little better. Being pissed off drowned out the sinking feeling that was suspiciously like heartache.

He kept up a stream of meaningless talk with Marin, and concentrated on keeping the arm around her shoulders from tensing up and giving away his tumultuous state.

After a few minutes it seemed like the worst was over and he started to breathe easier again.

“Oi, Light-kun!” Jayden’s unmistakable voice called out  _ really _ loudly, making him jump nearly out of his skin. He could hear a big ol’ smile in it as well. That did nothing to soothe his nerves. A smile from Jayden could mean impending calamity just as easily as something authentic or benign.

Trepidation made him start wondering - now that he and L were through and L was so pissed at him, would Jayden see him as the enemy? Was he a threat or was he being friendly despite L?

_ I don’t know what to expect, _ he thought with slight panic.

“Light?” Marin prodded, completely in the dark about any of this. “Aren’t you going to say hi?”

“Wasn’t planning on it,” he said under his breath.

“Not even to your friend, though?” she looked confused.

_ Oh, hell. _ She was going to start picking up on something if he didn’t at least _ try _ and put on an act. The last thing he needed was for her to ask questions and realize the nature of his and L’s relationship.

He turned around, his arm slipping from Marin’s shoulders as he tried to mentally prepare himself for this difficult task. After a moment she took his hand, lacing her fingers with his, but he hardly noticed. “Hi,” he said to them. He had trouble looking at L. The disconnect between them was like a giant chasm.

“So, we meet again,” Jayden said with a manic grin, eyeing Marin as if he was going to gobble her up. She edged back a little and Light could see the amusement amplify in the deviant’s pale eyes. It looked like he was purposely just messing with her.

While Jayden was preoccupying his girlfriend, that left him and L facing off. L had an expression on his face like he was thinking,  _ ‘not this again,’ _ and was looking pointedly elsewhere.

It stung. And it pissed him off. 

_ School your expression, school your expression, _ Light chanted to himself like a mantra. It would only be a few minutes. He could get through this. He  _ had _ to get through this.

“Heeeeey, I know!” Jayden said enthusiastically, crashing through his composure. He darted around behind Light and L, slinging an arm around each of their necks in a headlock and squeezed, bringing them uncomfortably close. “Let’s go out drinking.”

Light felt a little panicked having his face less than two feet away from L’s. His heart was racing with a sick dose of adrenaline. Their eyes met briefly and he saw something flicker in L’s dark gaze aside from the surprise and annoyance which was reserved for his cousin. 

“Let go, Jayden,” Light said as evenly as he could. Tension was starting to ripple through his body, making him jittery. 

_ School your expression, _ he reminded himself, clinging to that.

“Agree first,” Jayden said amiably, squeezing his neck tighter.

“Let go, or I’m going to break your hand,” L threatened - getting the same treatment - just as Light was tapping out and agreeing.

“Where is the  _ other _ Jayden?” Marin asked tentatively as she watched this odd spectacle and tried to make sense of it. “Is he going out drinking too?”

“ **That** little bitch?” Jayden said scathingly, releasing them at last. “ _ Please _ ,” he scoffed. Light caught a brief look of confusion from L. Apparently he hadn’t heard about the twins thing. “Don’t _ insult _ me, Light’s girlfriend.”

Light winced as Jayden’s choice of words caused an energy spike from L. It didn’t much show on his face, but it _ felt  _ like something unpleasant.

“About that…” she said, fidgeting a little with her purse. “Actually, we’re on a  _ date _ …”

“So what?” Jayden dismissed her with a scornful edge to his tone, crushing the protest like a steamroller. He had an entitled and annoyed look on his face, as if she was being utterly ridiculous. “You can be on your date  _ with _ other people.  _ Come on _ .” 

“Lay off, Jayden,” L said, rolling his head with a hand on his neck. He seemed tired and a little annoyed himself. “We were leaving anyway.”

“Go on if you want,” Jayden said to L with a shrug.  His good humor seemed to bounce back and he threw an arm over Light’s shoulders and hovered like a vulture. “I want to hang with _ this one _ . Jayden told me soooo much about him.” He winked.

“Why are  **you** in such a rush?” Marin asked L suddenly. Her curiosity seemed to be overruling her interest in continuing their date at the moment. “Did you guys have a fight or something?” She’d unknowingly nailed it on the head. “Last time, you were so… different,” she said tentatively. “Now you are hardly even looking at each other.”

It was really awkward that she’d called attention to that. Both for himself and for L, he could see.

“I was just happier to see him last time, that’s all,” L said archly, making a point to look at him. 

Light felt like sinking through the ground.

Jayden jostled Light suddenly in a one-armed hug. “Alright, so it’s decided then!” he announced, still set on commandeering his date. 

L held his ground, seeming impatient to be away. “They’re on a  _ date, _ ” he said, adopting a tone one might use to lecture a slow, willful child. His expression said he wanted to be done with this, _ post-haste _ . It seemed he also wasn’t keen on just leaving Jayden behind with them either. “Most people aren’t into a 3-way,” he tossed out rudely, staring Jayden down as if force of will could make his cousin cease and desist. 

Jayden gave him a sour look and said scathingly, “Does it  _ look _ like they’re having sex to you?”

Obviously they weren’t, at this moment... Light was pretty sure there was a double meaning being exchanged. Jayden looked particularly emphatic, and L grudgingly looked he and Marin over. It was fast, and he almost didn’t catch it, or the short sigh that L let out.

Was it just him, or did it seem like Jayden was trying to convince L to come, on account that he and Marin hadn’t slept together yet? It certainly seemed like the knowledge had made L relent, if ever so slightly.

“It’s just drinks,” Jayden said, maintaining his own stance. “Come on.”

“Fine,” L said, looking like he was tired of arguing.

Jayden kept a heavy arm upon Light’s shoulders, as if keeping him from running off. If it served a different purpose he wasn’t aware of it, though it did garner similar looks from both Marin and L.

Light had to wonder why Jayden was set on torturing them all - himself, his girlfriend, and his ex-boyfriend. 

An odd mental image struck him as they made their way down the street. Jayden made a habit of being overly solicitous towards him... Maybe the ‘new girlfriend’ and the ‘ex boyfriend’ were trailing them, ensured to follow, as they were both worried about leaving the two of them alone together? In that sense, having Light in tow would be the perfect way to drag them  **_all_ ** somewhere. And if the ‘new’ and the ‘old’ didn’t follow, Jayden would have fun enough just harassing him on his own.

Actually, that sounded exactly like the kind of insane shit Jayden would pull for his own amusement.

“You know I’m underage,” Light muttered to Jayden, still not thrilled that he’d been hijacked.

“And  _ you _ know, that I have my ways around that,” Jayden replied cheekily, not to be put off.

It was a different bar this time than the last one Jayden had previously taken him to. This place was a lot more closed off and felt like a lounge. A large, wooden bar ran the length of the whole room on one end and wrapped around to the back. The music seemed to be a mix of electronic jazz, downtempo, and some alternative styled songs thrown in for flavor. It was slightly disjointed but kind of worked. Neon lights ran in strips overhead and illuminated lounge tables filled the area in between the ends of the wrap-around bar. As usual, Jayden seemed to be on more than casual terms with the bartender. He grabbed them four stools up at the heavy wooden bar that lined the back.

Light was about to sit next to Marin, who had been walking at his side the entire time, but at the last minute Jayden transferred Light to his other arm and slung him onto a barstool next to L. Light tensed up immediately. “Move and I’ll kill you,” Jayden leaned in to whisper in Light’s ear, patting him on the shoulder. It was a definite threat, but the deviant’s tone was solicitous as well, like he looked forward to carrying it out.

“Light?” Marin was trying to look around Jayden to meet his eyes. She sounded unhappy with the seating arrangement. He didn’t blame her. 

Jayden released Light and turned to her, leaning on the bar with his hand on his chin. It effectively blocked their view of each other. “I think we got off on the wrong foot,” he said charmingly. “Why don’t we get to know each other a little better, and encourage these two to stop being such morose motherfuckers?”

She looked taken aback at both the charm and then the crass language, as if she couldn’t quite figure him out.

Light leaned forward and hit Jayden in the arm to get his attention. “She’s underage too,” he said, nodding to his girlfriend.

Marin leaned forward as well, finally able to see his face. She looked a little guilty. “Actually….” she trailed, reaching into her purse and pulling out an ID. Light knew it had to be fake. 

“Well, whaddaya know?” Jayden said approvingly, a grin splitting his face. “I like you more already.” He half stood, boots braced on the rungs of the stool, peering around for the bartender. “HEY! MARCO!” he yelled out, catching the guy’s attention. Light put a hand over his face as people turned to stare. That was Jayden for you. “Two Tequila shots,” he mouthed and pantomimed over the noise of the bar with unapologetic exuberance. 

It didn’t take long for Marco to make his way back over to their end of the bar and slide the shots down to him. 

Jayden reached out over the bar counter to fistbump with him and partake in an overly complicated handshake sequence. 

“Right on, man, enjoy,” the shaved-headed man said with an easy grin. He looked amused as he viewed the setup of the four of them at the bar, as if he detected some sort of drama unfolding. He and Jayden seemed to be friends.

“Alright,” Jayden said, turning to Marin. “One’s for you. Hold it up like this.” He brought the shot glass halfway to his mouth. She gave him a dubious look but held up her glass. “Then take a drink,” he said, looping his arm with hers which brought them really close. She looked even more uncertain. “Do it,” he pressed emphatically, getting that slightly impatient tone that signalled he could be on the brink of acting up even more. “It’s a friendship shot,” he said in a way that made Light and Marin doubt that very much.

Light would have said something to stop this, but he knew that if he did, Jayden would take that as a personal challenge to take things even further. It irked him though, that the two of them were close enough to kiss as they did the shots.

Jayden signalled for two more, looking quite pleased with himself. He leaned back on the stool, reaching past Light to prod L in the back. “You see that, cuz? You’re up next.”

L was shaking his head and muttered something under his breath. He gave Jayden a narrow-eyed look. “No, I wasn’t paying attention.” They seemed to exchange some silent communication back and forth.

“Well, you can’t  _ do _ it if you haven’t  _ seen _ it,” Jayden relented, looking disappointed. In the next moment however, he was turning to Light and saying with a mischievous smile, “So allow me to demonstrate.” 

Light gave him a look that showed every bit of how uncooperative he wished to be with this. 

Jayden’s pale eyes sharpened, and he seemed like he was thinking up really unpleasant things to do in retaliation if Light didn’t go along with him. Light shook his head slightly, warning him off with a cutting gaze, feeling obstinate. He could feel L’s irritation at his back as well. 

“Take it,” Jayden said, pressing the shot glass into his hand. He got that familiar leering look on his face and hopped off his stool, pressing forward between Light’s knees as he linked arms with him. Light leaned back, his back pressing against the bar, as Jayden got way closer than he needed to be for this.  _ Damn him. _ He’d also spun Light’s stool so that all of this was right in both L  _ and _ Marin’s faces.

Jayden slowly tipped his shot back, making bedroom eyes at him the entire time just to make it all the more uncomfortable. Jayden had done that before, trying to make him choke mid-sip. Light managed not to this time but the effort left him with a burning sensation in his throat. His face flushed from it a little and Jayden patted his cheek condescendingly with an approving smile. “Thatta boy.”

L was giving off that slightly murderous air and Marin looked upset.

Jayden smiled to himself and ordered 2 more shots, asking Marco to leave the bottle. “Next up,” he announced.

“I think Light and I should go next,” Marin spoke up with a frown. She looked at Jayden like he was a bug, or some kind of sexual predator. It was hard to tell which, exactly.

Jayden raised his eyebrows at her and said in the sincerest tone (and the sincerity was bullshit), “But they’re  _ friendship _ shots. There’s no point if you’re already dating.” He swiveled on his chair. “Come on, cuz, you’re up.” With his back to Marin, the manic smile was forming on his face.

“I don’t drink Tequila,” L said stoically, taking a sip from a tumbler. Light had not even seen him order whatever he was drinking. 

“Shut the fuck up, yes you do,” Jayden retorted. 

They had another silent exchange where Jayden seemed to be threatening to do something that L wouldn’t like. 

L sighed and put his glass down. “Jesus Christ, fine.”

Light suddenly felt like running, NOW. He didn’t think he could handle being that up close and personal with this person who still had the power to make his heart triphammer in his chest. 

He couldn’t make himself pick up a glass. His hands felt like they were shaking. 

L picked up a shot glass and nodded at Light to do the same. His dark eyes were every bit as debilitating as he remembered. Light looked at the other shot glass but just couldn’t. Emotion was gathering in his throat, squeezing off his air. Picking up that glass would put them in even closer quarters. He didn’t think he could handle it.

Jayden had Marin distracted with conversation, pulling her attention away.

“Let’s get this over with,” L said, likely mistaking his reluctance for dismissiveness, if his tone was anything to go by. 

L pressed the shot glass into his hand with mechanical precision, then picked up the other one. Light tried to keep the tremor out of his hand as they linked arms, but it was noticeable. His emotions were in a riot. L’s curt, detached manner was tearing him up, and being this close he was even able to smell his scent. It was making his heart race and put debased thoughts into his head. Insane thoughts, like wanting L to lean in to kiss him instead. 

L looked at the trembling shot glass and back at him. “You nervous?” There was something else in his gaze now, but it was too subtle to place.

Light looked away quickly and shook his head.

“Look at me, then.”

The words sent a tumble of anxiety through him. Light made himself look up, steeling himself for it.

He met L’s abyssal gaze and felt himself start to drown as L tipped the shot to his lips, not looking away. There was something in his eyes… something that pulled him in deep and made it hard to think. They were more than close enough to kiss. He tipped his glass quickly, hoping he didn’t pour it on himself, and used it as an excuse to break eye contact by closing his eyes.

The dizzying closeness receded and Light put the glass down on the bar, his hand shaking more than ever. He was taking a few breaths, trying to steady himself, when liquor splashed into the cup, filling it up again. He looked up quickly and Jayden was nonchalantly pouring shots for them all. “What, you all thought one drink was a night out?” 

“Alright, Light’s gf,” Jayden turned to Marin. “One more time.” It seemed he was changing his tactic with her to be more exclusively charming, as otherwise she’d looked like she was on the verge of rebelling. “To building friendships,” he toasted.

“What a pain in the ass,” L murmured, taking up his shot glass. 

“He’s  _ your _ cousin,” Light muttered under his breath. His nerves were fucked. Well and truly fucked.

They were linking arms again, and it wasn’t much easier this time.

“You’re a pain in the ass, too,” L said conversationally, though there was a sharpness to it, “and we aren’t even related.” 

It burned a little, hearing him say that. Light could feel the anger start to well up a little. “Good thing I’m not your problem anymore,” he said scathingly. He went to take the shot, but L’s other hand grabbed hold of his wrist, startling him.

“Watch that tone of yours,” he warned.

“Or what?” Light said, feeling a little unhinged. Being this close to L was messing with his head. He was nervous, pissed, and hopelessly attracted to this infuriating person. He noticed for some reason that the dark shadows under L’s eyes seemed to be more than smudges of kohl; he looked like he hadn’t been sleeping well. “It’s not like you can whip me for it, now,  _ can you _ ?” he said harshly. 

**_You’re_ ** _ the one who ended things. _

“Who says I  _ can’t _ ?” L challenged. His dark eyes looked dangerous and implied he might not give a fuck if Light was dating someone else. Somehow it seemed like there was a growing sexual tension between them. They were crossing lines here.

Things were escalating and he couldn’t stop himself from sneering, “Who says you have the  _ right _ ?” 

L’s eyes flashed. He leaned in, with a steely glare. Almost against Light’s lips he said, “Who said I needed  _ permission _ ?”

The sharp, possessive words and L’s breath ghosting across his lips made him freeze up. Reaction was shooting through his veins - breath-stealing trepidation and a fluttering in his stomach.

L drifted back, eyes locked with Light’s and took the shot. 

Light downed his as well, a little shaky. This truly felt like playing with fire.

They should leave… he and Marin never should have come here. He was really on edge now. Staying here any longer would be courting disaster. “Hey,” he said grabbing Jayden by the arm. “Marin and I should go.”

“What are you talking about?” Jayden was shaking his head in amusement. “We’re having a great time, aren’t we?”

Light looked at Marin and she was raising another shot with the miscreant, laughing her head off.  “Er… how many of those has she had?”

Jayden tossed a shot back with her and pretended to think reeeeally hard. “Hmmmm…. 6?”

“Jayden!” Light was appalled. He punched him in the arm. “Are you crazy? Normal people can’t drink like you!” How had they even managed to do so many in such a short amount of time? They must have been slamming them back.

Jayden adopted an innocent look. “She’s having fun.” He shrugged, a glint in his eye. “Isn’t that the point?”

“Yeah, but--” Was he trying to make her sick?

Jayden gave him a condescending stare. “Meanwhile, the two of you are lagging woefully behind.” He shook his head and sneered at the both of them. “Pathetic.” Again, it seemed he might have been alluding to something else as a double meaning.

“Marin,” Light appealed, “let’s go, ok?” Every moment he stayed here, the feeling of things spiraling beyond his control was increasing. He couldn’t tell what Jayden was playing at, and L seemed in a dangerously unpredictable sort of mood.

She already looked a little blitzed. “But I’m having fun.” She was not looking inclined to go anywhere. Marin tilted an empty shot glass to him and said, “And you’re finally talking to your friend.” 

Talking wasn’t really the word.

“We’re leaving,” Light tried again. He couldn’t be made to do any more things he didn’t want to do if he left, but he needed to take Marin with him. He couldn’t very well leave without her. Forcing her though… that could potentially cause a scene. He needed to convince her to leave with him.

“Oh? Is that right?” Jayden said as he poured another pair of shots. “Well, we don’t need him, do we, Marin?” he said conspiratorially, with a doting smile. “We’ll just stay here and finish off the bottle, won’t we?”

It was a threat. 

Jayden was going to put her in a world of hurt if they really drank that much.

Light chewed his lip, feeling strings closing in around him, limiting his options. 

“Unless,” Jayden drawled as if he was suddenly getting an idea. “What do you say we make them catch up?” he suggested to Marin.

She started laughing, her face flushed with alcohol. A wide, drunken smile spread across her face. She pushed past Jayden to poke the tip of Light’s nose. “Bottoms up!” she giggled.

Damnit, he didn’t see a way around this.

Light’s jaw locked and he held out his shot glass to be filled. Jayden obliged. “Ah, Ah,” he tsked as Light brought it up to his lips. “Catching up is a team effort.” He poured a second shot for L.

_ Fuck. _

“If he isn’t up to it, he isn’t up to it,” L said with a shrug, polishing off what was in his tumbler. Somehow it sounded mocking. 

Light glared at him and held onto that anger as he picked up the other shot and slammed it down in front of L, sloshing the alcohol over the sides. “Ready?” he said shortly. 

L lazily picked up the shot glass which dripped upon his hand. “Tch, what a mess,” he murmured, glancing at Light briefly and transferring it to the other hand. He took a moment to nonchalantly lick the alcohol from his thumb, much like a cat, with an upwards sweep of his tongue; only it looked downright indecent. To Light, it almost seemed to be in slow motion as he repeated this for his fingers. His pink tongue darted out, and his eyes closed as he ran it along each digit.

Light was transfixed. He was pissed off, but he couldn’t look away, and this little display was getting to him more than he wanted to admit.

L raised his gaze, catching Light staring. “Ready?” he said smokily, gaining the upper hand again. There was an edginess to him. It looked like their brief argument from a moment ago was simply on pause, waiting to continue.  

Light glared, linking arms with him. 

The tension between them was even greater now, and his body was reacting to the close proximity as they knocked back the shots.

“Again!” Jayden declared, as they put down their cups in unison without breaking the stalemate of locked gazes, and he filled them back up. “After this,” Jayden leaned in to say in Light’s ear before he moved back, “maybe we should move on to body shots.”

Light flushed as the suggestion made him picture doing it, drawing his eyes to L’s fine collarbones and smooth chest. “ _ No _ ,” he said shortly as if saying ‘bad dog!’. He scowled at Jayden threateningly.

The last thing he needed to be doing was licking salt off of any part of L, or biting into a lime wedge while L held it in his teeth.

Jayden darted around to his other side, clapping hands down upon his shoulders. “You know you waaaant to,” he sang in his other ear. Light swung at him, chasing him away.

Light picked up the next shot, mostly to shut him out. He shook his head.  _ Fucking crazy fool _ .

He and L linked arms and prepared to drink the next dose. “He suggested body shots, didn’t he?” L guessed with a raised eyebrow.

Light felt himself flush again, though not as badly as when Jayden first startled him with the suggestion. “How did you know?”

L got something of a smug look in his eyes. “By your reaction, mostly.” 

They tipped the shots back.

Before Light pulled away, L leaned forward to speak in his ear. “I have limes at home,” he said in a sultry voice.

Reaction jolted through him. For a moment, everything faded away but L’s voice in his ear, the overwhelming closeness, and the rapid pounding of his heart. He could see that scene in his head, both of them practically naked, licking the salt off bare chests, navels, and lower. He jerked backwards. “Quit fucking around,” he said angrily, in a voice that wouldn’t carry.

The alcohol was catching up with him. Warmth was pooling in his belly, misbegotten desire trying to stake its claim. It didn’t help that he was also picturing what it would be like to eat a wedge of lime as L held it in his mouth… leaning in with eyes closing, the first bite, and the highly sexual feel of something that wasn’t quite a kiss but almost seemed like it.

“What if I’m not fucking around?” L said dangerously. His sharp eyes hadn’t left Light’s face and it seemed like something of his thoughts may have been running rampant there for L to see.

Anxiety and desire pooled in Light’s belly.  _ He couldn’t be serious.  _ And even if he was… there was something off about this. L hadn’t lost that sharp, nearly angry edginess. 

Two more shots and they would be caught up. Two more shots and he and Marin could go.

Light was starting to feel really compromised. His body was reacting strongly, despite him, and the alcohol was making his brain feel a little fuzzy. If L was set on messing with him, dangling what he had really wanted in front of him… he might not have the willpower to resist, even if this was some sort of revenge being taken upon him.

Just two more shots.

He had to steel himself. He could withstand L’s orbit. He  **_had_ ** to. 

_ It’s over between us,  _ he told himself.  _ You  _ **_know_ ** _ that. He made it quite clear. _

L leaned in, suddenly, catching his lips in a soft kiss that made his stomach clench and a thrill shoot up his spine.

It was just a chaste meeting of the lips, but it threatened to unravel him. Emotion and desire swarmed him and he could hardly get his wits about him.

Light pulled back, his breathing a little shallow. His body was throbbing. “What are you doing?” he hissed. In a public place, this sort of thing…. It wasn’t like they were at the club, where open-mindedness seemed to be the norm. Not to mention, Marin was like 5 feet away. That was the last thing he needed her seeing. If he and L were done, then all this could be was sabotage and he wouldn’t stand for that. Not when he’d finally felt like he was getting his act together and was moving on. He wouldn’t let L ruin it.

L acted like nothing had happened and was nonchalantly pouring the next pair of shots.

He placed the clear glasses side by side, set up for the next challenge.

“I’m done,” Light said, barely audible, though he injected steel into his voice. He couldn’t… No, he  _ wouldn’t _ keep doing this to himself. L was getting him so mixed up and turned around…

He had to end this.

“Oh?” L’s tone was mocking. “What happened to that sense of chivalry?”

_ Damnit. _

_ It isn’t about the chivalry, _ he thought with agitation. _ It’s you that…. _

“Isn’t your sweetheart worth it?” L asked with a demeaning smile. “Or are you that half-hearted?” 

L’s assessment of his being half-hearted really rankled him. It implied he’d been that way in their relationship as well and it hadn’t felt that way  _ at all _ . 

L slid off his stool, picking up one of the glasses and offering it like Lucifer offering the forbidden apple. He was so much closer now. Almost as close as Jayden had been earlier. It was hard not to be overwhelmed. L’s dark eyes swam closer and Light’s head almost naturally wanted to tip up to offer his face to L’s. 

Lust kept trying to crawl up from the depths of his being to take control of his mind.

Taking the glass was a double-edged sword. It meant he’d be one step closer to getting the hell out of here, potentially. But… it also meant risking insanity and staying this close to his ex-lover when his feelings and his body were going haywire. He didn’t feel he could entirely trust himself.

The longer he deliberated, though, the worse it was getting.

Light took the shot glass from L, feeling it in his gut when their fingers touched. “Ready?” he said in a snotty tone, trying to gain some sort of footing in their interaction.

L picked up the other shot glass and entwined his arm with Light’s, stepping close. 

Light bit the inside of his lip as L’s hips brushed his inner thighs. He felt his body flush and a little heat go to his face.

_ It’s the alcohol, _ he told himself fiercely.

“I have half a mind to take you back to my place,” L said.

“Wh-What?” Light nearly choked on the Tequila.

“Don’t act so surprised,” L said, sliding a hand up Light’s thigh, making his eyes close as reaction rippled through him. “Not when you’re making faces like that.”

Light struggled to get a hold on himself. “No one said I wasn’t attracted to you,” he said scathingly. “But I’m not doing this. I’m dating Marin now.”

“Shall we see how she reacts, knowing we were together? She doesn’t strike me as the open-minded sort.”

“You said you had no reason to interfere!” Light hissed under his breath. His mind was reeling. So L was really putting that on the table??

“I changed my mind.”

“How can you just--!”

“Take the shot. You know Jayden is keeping count, even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

Light did so and stewed as L poured the last two shots they needed to take to “catch up” for the moment. (Jayden and Marin were continuing to up the count.) He felt a growl build in his throat as L handed him one.

“I was too serious before,” L said, giving him a look that almost seemed condescending. His tone was conversational. “My mistake, you were only in it for the fucking.”

Light was aghast. “I wasn’t--!”

“Shh…” L said, laying a finger upon his lips and giving him bedroom eyes. Light damned himself as that look burned through him with unquenchable fire. L’s fingertips stroked under Light’s chin, tilting his head up, and he looked like a benevolent ruler looking down upon a subject. “Keep her if you want. But your first claim is held by me.”

Light felt like he was in dangerous territory.

“What do you mean, first claim?” he sounded anxious. He couldn’t help it. The noose was closing in, he just didn’t know what it looked like yet.

“Don’t you remember,  _ Akanbo _ ?” L’s tone had a dangerously sensual tone to it. Light was falling prey to it and losing his footing. L’s dark eyes were endless. “You pledged yourself to me, and I intend to collect on that claim.” 

* * *

TBC


	22. Dangerous Territory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden, Marin, Light and L at the bar.... mass amounts of alcohol... and boatloads of tension!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> depression sux. : (
> 
> but hey, poor impulse control gets you more chapters.... yay?

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 22: Dangerous Territory  _

“Take your shot,” L said, engagingly, not losing that dangerous edge. He tipped the shot against Light’s mouth as Light struggled to process exactly what was going on.

The tequila was starting to feel punishing, he’d had so much. He shook his head as if to clear it, but it wasn’t helping. Everything was fuzzy, and he couldn’t place this feeling like he’d just been driven off of a cliff.

“Good boy,” L praised him, taking him back to other times he’d said the same - such as when he’d been panting between the harsh sting of whip lashes….

It stirred his blood and made him feel anxious at the same time.

_ Damn this tequila was…. _

He couldn’t think…

“One more.”

“I can’t…” Light said. It was already too much. He probably wouldn’t be able to walk straight as it was. His head was swimming.

“And then you’re coming with me.”

Light closed his eyes as reaction rippled through him, trying to get ahold of himself. His inhibitions felt low - almost nonexistent. The urge to just do whatever that deep, compelling voice asked of him was growing harder to deny.

_ He’s just messing with you. You have to stay strong. Don’t give in to it. _

“No,” Light said, lacking absolute conviction. “I’m leaving, and taking Marin home.”

L’s dark eyes were calculating. “I’m prepared to let her know  _ exactly _ what sort of ‘friendship’ we had,” he said. “Are you?”

Tension twisted in Light’s gut. He wasn’t ready to lose all that he’d worked for. He had finally achieved some sense of stability, ease, and simplicity. And now… L had the power to tip that balance and send all of the pieces right off of the board.

If only they could talk about this… If only L hadn’t said this was all about sex now. It  _ wasn’t _ , not for him. His emotions were just as ensnared as always. He wasn’t sure how he would fare if things with L got physical again, not when everything was such a fucking mess like it was now. “L,” he appealed, “why are you being like this--”

“Shall I tell her? Or _ show  _ her?”

_ Damnit! _

His heart felt like it was compressing. Marin aside, if only L would just talk to him!

L held out the last shot glass, locking gazes with him. “There is no decision,” he said as Light still hesitated. His voice was hypnotic, convincing him of this ‘truth’.

In a way, he was right. If Light wanted to preserve anything, he had to go along with this. 

He took the shot glass and twined his arm with L’s; the proximity and the tension were making it hard to catch his breath. L’s arm was warm and comforting, even though his words were borderline cruel. He felt so mixed up. His face was flushing again, with more than just alcohol.

L leaned in to speak in his ear. “Swallow it down,” he said in a suggestive murmur. His voice was husky, dark, and scandalous. Light shuddered as half a dozen indecent things came to mind. 

It didn’t help that L was also tracing a finger over his hip.

_ Jesus…  _ The flare of lust was almost more than he could handle.

“There, that’s the face I love to see,” L murmured approvingly, watching his reactions with an engaged look on his face. “Just on the verge of breakdown.” 

L tipped his shot back and leaned in, melding his mouth to Light’s and feeding him the alcohol that Light’s shaky hand would have had trouble with. Light’s hand hovered uselessly, holding the last, forgotten shot. The kiss slowly became a lusty, open-mouthed kiss that threatened to liquify Light’s insides. 

It was  _ so _ hot.

Consequences and rational thought be damned, he was being consumed. L’s hand slid under his shirt, alighting upon his skin, stroking up his side. He couldn’t fight it anymore.

_ God, I want you. _

Nothing seemed to matter more than feeling more of those hands and that mouth. To touch, to lose himself to this passion.

L pulled back, just enough to break the kiss. His breath was quickened and his eyes were intense; they were drawn back to Light’s lips, like he wanted to sink back into them. “Follow me,” he said, taking the last shot from Light’s hand and tipping it back like an afterthought. He put the empty glass on the counter, all the while, his gaze not leaving Light’s. 

L’s eyes were like a leash, pulling him forward. 

Light slid off of the stool, onto shaky legs. L looped an arm through his, which steadied him somewhat. It also kept him from running away, though this level of desire kept him quite effectively collared all on its own. 

“Are you going somewhere?” Marin said with a slur as they made to leave.

“We still have much to talk about,” L said ambiguously. He somehow managed to make his voice and demeanor sound almost completely natural. “Jay, make sure the lady makes it home.” This time, he didn’t hand over his keys. Likely because they’d all been drinking, even though Jayden rarely showed evidence of being overly affected by alcohol.

Light tried to think of something to say to excuse himself but he had to settle for a nod, as L was pulling him along. It made him feel like a total failure. 

They made their way along the busy downtown street. “Give me your phone,” L said. Light still wasn’t sure where L was taking him.

“What for?” He could hear the strain of arousal in his own voice, even though he felt like being difficult. It irked him.

“Give me your phone,” L repeated, “while I’m still asking.” His demeanor was that of someone used to being obeyed. He put out his hand expectantly.

Light willfully ignored him. It was his own phone, he should be able to have sovereignty over that at least, since he couldn’t claim that about his own body. The phone could be trusted to act in an anticipated fashion, even if his desires couldn’t be. Besides, L was being difficult himself with not stating why he wanted it. He should hardly be expected to cooperate in that case.

He was snapped out of the meandering trail of thoughts as L pulled him just inside the opening of a small alley between buildings. “Hey--!”

L pushed him up against the wall, pinning his hands and caging his body with his own.

Light felt his face inexplicably flush.

“You’re so fucking difficult,” L said, sounding torn between annoyance and exhilaration, before catching his lips in a hungry kiss.

Pleasure was gathering in him like mini shockwaves as L devoured him, pressing him bodily against the rough brick wall. A moan was building in the back of his throat.

“Give me your phone,” L said against his lips, his voice now rough with passion. “Now,” he commanded softly.

Light turned his head, trying to catch his breath. “Back pocket,” he said, the words slipping out as soon as he thought them. His trapped hands flexed within the shackles of L’s hands.

“Thank you,” L said with some effort. He transferred Light’s wrists into the grip of one hand, freeing the other to slide into his back pockets, looking for the phone.

Light bit his lip as his sensitized body reacted to the touches. 

L seemed to dally a little, then, drifting in to play at his neck with soft, talented lips. His fingers slowed in their ‘search’ for the phone, as if he was getting distracted from his goal in favor of toying with Light this way.

The sexual tension was eating him alive.

“Please…” Light said weakly. He was going out of his mind. Every time he thought he was at the pinnacle of what he could bear, L was raising the bar. Any moment now, his legs were going to fail to hold him upright, or he was going to bite right through his lip.

“You look utterly indecent when you beg,” L told him, fishing the phone out of his pocket quite easily. His eyes said he liked it.

Light felt heat rise to his face. _ Bastard… _

L released him and placed the fedora on his head. “Try to compose yourself,” he said distractedly, typing something in on the phone. “We’ll be leaving shortly.”

Light tried desperately to think of anything that would kill this debilitating arousal. He tried conversation to distract himself. “What are you typing?”

“Sending a text.”

Now that Light looked closer, he could see the palest flush on L’s face, and a hazy look in his eyes. He was hiding it well but he was in a state of disarray as well.

“Why?” he asked. That might get a better response than if he asked who it was going to be sent to. It made him antsy when other people had his phone. He resisted the urge to demand it back, but it was a struggle.

“I’m explaining why you’ll be missing your curfew.”

“You’re texting my parents??”  _ Shit!  _ He grabbed for the phone.

L held it out of reach. “Afraid of what I’ll say?” he asked meanly. “That I’ll blow your cover?”

“Partly,” he retorted honestly, noticing how volatile things got between them when they danced around the topic of Marin. Besides, he was supposed to be at a tutoring session, as far as his parents knew.

“Or,” L said, catching his chin with a punishing grip, gazing into his eyes with threats and promises, “are you afraid of what will happen if you’re left alone with me all night?”

Light’s face flushed red and that feeling of trepidation returned. “All night?” Once again, he feared that this was all some sort of revenge that he was unwittingly being dragged into. That would make for one hell of an awful experience.

“Oh, yes,” L said softly, making him feel even more uneasy.

But no, there was  _ no way _ his parents would agree to him staying out all night. Even if his mother did like L, there was no WAY she’d…

L smiled at his reaction, looking down at the phone as it buzzed in his hand suddenly. As he read, a triumphant leer was pulling up the corner of his mouth.

_ No… It wasn’t possible…. _

_ There was  _ **_no way_ ** _ they could have agreed. _

“What does it say?” he asked anxiously.

“They said it’s ok to take you home to torture and violate you,” L said charmingly. “As long as it’s me…”

A flash of anxiety hit him, even though he knew L was fucking with him. He was shaking his head and, without realizing it, had even backed up a step. L grabbed hold of his arm to keep him in place and showed him the screen of the phone.

Light didn’t get a chance to read much, but he did see an affirmative that one of his parents had OK’d him staying over at L’s.

_ What the fuck? _

His world felt like it was getting quite crooked on its axis. “Are you done?,” Light demanded. “Give it back.” This was unreal. He couldn’t believe it, even though he’d seen proof. His fingers itched to have his phone back in his possession. That would be one small area he could have control over.

“No.” L slid Light’s phone into his own back pocket. “And relax, I figured you’d lied about where you were tonight. You could hardly tell them you were out on a date.” L eyed him. “So you probably cancelled that school thing and didn’t bother to mention it to them.”

L was affecting nonchalance, but when he spoke of the date, irritation seemed to be leaking through.

“Why  _ my _ phone?” Light persisted.

L gave him a sour look. “Must you question everything?” He grabbed Light by the hand and dragged him back out into the bustle of nightlife.

“Yes,” Light responded, holding onto the hat on his head as he was tugged forward.

“So she can check up on you and verify the story by messaging  **_my_ ** phone,” L explained over his shoulder. He sounded impatient. “Trust me.”

Trust?

Was he meaning that literally, or as just a turn of phrase? For they were long past things like building trust, were they not?

“Since when are you an expert on my parents?” Light asked in a snide tone. He was feeling threatened again as he experienced a flicker of false hope. Even drunk and horny, the reality of the situation between them was a bit like a splash of cold water. 

“Since when are  _ you _ ?” L shot back just as quickly. “Seems to me they’ve been surprising you a lot lately.”

“That’s right,” he said shortly, “ever since you and Jayden waltzed in, I can hardly figure out what’s coming next.” It sounded like a criticism. Which wasn’t really how he felt about it… earlier he’d been feeling grateful.

L didn’t say anything to that, but it might have been because they had reached the car. L unlocked it and held the door open, not letting go of his hand until he’d been herded into the seat. L leaned in after him and said darkly, “if you even _ think  _ about pulling a stunt like you did last time, you will not get off lightly.” He was referring to Light jumping out of the car and ditching him at the stoplight.

Light felt the urge to be obstinate and argue. He settled for saying, “Wasn’t it you who thanked me previously for doing just that?”

“I thanked you for helping me find my addle-brained cousin,” L said, his gaze darkening. “You’re forgetting the part where I said you also pissed me off.”

He withdrew and slammed the door shut. 

“Oh yeah, well I seem to be good at that!” Light returned snarkily while L walked around to the other side. He snatched the fedora off of his head and flung it into the back seat.

L opened the driver’s side door and slid into the seat. “I could hear that, brat.”

That startled him. He shouldn’t have raised his voice.  _ Stupid _ . Of course L would hear him if he did that. “And now you’re driving drunk,” he muttered at L, to cover his embarrassment.

“You’re the only drunk one here,” L said, putting the car into gear, “carrying on like that.”

Light crossed his arms and glared.

They didn’t speak for many long minutes. It wasn’t until they hit a light and L dug his own phone out of his pocket that the silence was broken. He looked at the screen and nodded, then tossed the phone to Light.

As predicted, his mother had sent a text to confirm whatever it was L had told her earlier. 

It irked him.

“I’m driving, so type back what I tell you.”

“What am I, your damn secretary?” Light grumbled.

“No, you’re an accomplice,” L corrected. “Now fucking type what I tell you.”

Light muttered under his breath but wrote L’s message back to his mother  _ verbatim _ .

He harbored a brief thought to send a message to Jayden and see where he was at, to make sure he was getting Marin home, since he’d had his own phone taken from him.

Before he could, however, L’s pale, angular hand was extended in front of him, demanding the return of his phone.

“What was all of that about trust?” Light groused.

“You were thinking of texting Jayden, weren’t you?” L sounded peeved. Again, his bad attitude surfaced while the topic of girlfriends was dangerously close to coming up. “I don’t recall you asking permission.”

Light went ahead and dropped a bomb, feeling extra irritated. “Jayden is no paradigm of trustworthiness and yet you think it’s ok to send my  _ girlfriend _ home with him.”

As expected, the words ‘my’ and ‘girlfriend’ triggered a palpable explosion. 

Instead of bickering back and forth like they had been, L got quiet, and seemed to stew in cold anger.

It was a swift enough change that it speared through the uninhibited haze the alcohol had put Light in. 

“Give me the damn phone,” L said evenly, not looking at him. His hand was still held out practically under Light’s nose.

He put it in L’s hand, feeling a bit unsettled.

L jabbed a few buttons, in between watching the road, and put the phone up to his ear. He still seemed pissed, even though it didn’t surface in his expression. “Where are you?” he asked. Presumably, he was talking to Jayden. Light could hear, vaguely, as someone on the other end responded. There was a lot of background noise.

Were they still out drinking??

The thought was worrying.

Light jumped as L said, “Tell him yourself,” and the phone was shoved against his ear.

“Are you fucking serious?” Jayden was saying and heaved a monumental sigh. “Light?”

“Yeah.”

“This is fucking  **bullshit** ,” Jayden announced, nearly shouting in his ear. “You couldn’t trust me to get the girl home?”

“Well…”

“Oh, shut it,” he said with a caustic tone, taking no pains to hide his annoyance. “I called a fucking cab for your barbie. She was two shots away from face-planting, anyway, wearing those heels.” He then groused in a quieter voice, one that wouldn’t carry so well over the phone, “At least fucking talk to each other.” Then he hung up.

Light blinked. 

Jayden was trying to help? _ That’s _ what all of this was about?

“What?” L said, slanting a glance at him.

“Uh… he seems kind of pissed,” he said, omitting knowledge of the other part.

“Of course he is, he was made to act responsibly and clean up his own mess.”

But it looked like Jayden had been trying to do that even _ before _ he’d gotten Marin drunk. Did he still feel that their breakup was his fault? Or was this about something else? Had Jayden heard much of what he and L were saying in the car that time, when Light thought he had been passed out on the back seat?

Regardless, none of that affected where L stood. But where  _ did _ he stand? 

He’d said that this was only going to be physical now. Before that, however, he’d seemed set on ignoring Light’s existence. What was really going on in his head?

Light was afraid to think of talking things out and getting cut off again like before. Besides, thinking like that - about somehow fixing things - it was just going to get him hurt more. He’d end up going through another rollercoaster of falsely getting his hopes up without realizing it and then having them brutally ripped to shreds. He was only in this car right now because L had threatened to upend his relationship with Marin.

Not that he hadn’t threatened that before… but this time, Light sensed that he wasn’t being very forgiving and would do just that. He almost seemed to be itching for an excuse.

There wasn’t any way around it. This time, he truly would have to do anything L asked. He just hoped he could put his feelings aside and manage to do just that.

* * *

L wasted no time when they got in the door at his apartment. “Just so you know,” he said, “I saw her number is in your phone and I can make a call at any time.”

Light frowned, his chest feeling weighed down, full of lead. This situation was….

L put a tall glass of water in his hand. “Drink.”

He did, knowing it would counteract the dehydration of way too much tequila. 

L hadn’t lost the sharp edge to his words or actions. It was difficult for Light to be around, as it looked like this was going to be about revenge after all. That feeling of heartache was surfacing again; it was confusing him as to what was really bothering him about this situation - that he and Marin’s relationship was hanging in the balance? Or that he could still feel this strongly about L and have no chance at all to make amends or be with him again in a real way...

_ Wait, am I still worried about shit like that?? _

How many times had he  **_told_ ** himself things were over, only to be reverting back to this?!

Honestly, it was everything that had happened between them tonight which was throwing him into a world of confusion. The mixed signals were there once again. When L had been kissing him and messing with him…. it hadn’t felt fake. It had felt every bit as authentic as any other time they’d given into this spark between them. And, despite L’s attitude through much of the evening, there had been moments where he’d felt that sharpness drop a bit and things had almost seemed normal.

“Go to the bedroom,” L said, turning his back and getting something out of the cabinet. “And take that with you,” he added, gesturing to the glass of water.

It looked like he was pouring himself a stiff drink. His tolerance seemed to be on par with Jayden’s. 

That was a slightly alarming thought, considering.

He wondered how much alcohol Jayden had to have put down to make himself so sick the other night. From what he could see, the two of them could kick back an alarming amount without even blinking.

Light watched L take a long sip from the tumbler, his back still turned. He seemed to be unaware that he wasn’t alone. Something about him seemed pensive or agitated. Light wasn’t sure exactly what it was that struck him that way. Maybe it was how he was standing at the counter, taking the alcohol in almost mechanically. 

L put the glass back down again, his posture becoming rigid suddenly. “I won’t say it again,” he warned tersely, not bothering to look back to confirm Light’s presence, and reached into his back pocket for Light’s phone.

Light jumped when he spoke, not quite sure why his feet were leaden now as well. He’d gotten thoroughly distracted watching L and had been lost in thought. “Alright,” he said petulantly, turning to go. That staticy, anxious feeling was jagging through him.  _ Geez. _ He hadn’t meant anything by it.  _ And yet, he goes straight for the threats... _

“Light the candelabra and wait,” L ordered.

He let out a sigh. “Alrig--”

L cut him off. “Say,  _ ‘Yes, I understand,’  _ from now on.”

_ And what if I want to disagree with you? _ he thought with a vexed frown. He didn’t like the way things were shifting. Going along with what L wanted was one thing, but he was upping the ante with this. It hit at his pride to be reduced to a script. L wasn’t going to make this easy on him, he could see. Still, he could hardly be expected to say yes to  _ everything _ . “But--”

“You won’t like what ‘No’ is from now on,” L said sharply, anticipating him, “so stick to ‘Yes’.”

“But--” he started to argue, then changed his mind. He felt aggravated and resigned. “Ok, fine… I mean,  _ yes _ ,” he muttered. He slinked from the room before he could get corrected again.

L’s mood had definitely worsened.

He trudged back to the bedroom, tempted to kick something, should he find a likely target.

There was no use trying to talk to him when he was like this. If he was even going to try, he would have to make a concerted effort to not keep inadvertently pissing L off.

He supposed that meant going along with whatever he asked, at least for the time being. 

He swallowed as a conflicted feeling of anticipation flickered through him.

It was hard for him to say whether shelving his pride and temper and ‘behaving’ was going to be for Marin’s benefit... or for L’s. 

Things had become complicated again.

“Where’s a lighter?” he said under his breath, looking around the nightstand the candelabra was on. He patted around the cloth it was sitting on, and checked the floor in case it had fallen, but it was nowhere to be found. Then he opened the nightstand drawer to search in there.  _ Lighter? Matches? _ Had L just set him an impossible task? 

Despite L’s disparaging comments about him looking like a boyscout, he’d never been in any group like that. If he  _ had _ , maybe he would know how to rub two sticks together and start a flame the old-fashioned way.

After rummaging in the drawer for a moment, he produced an oldschool matchbook.  _ Ah, what a pain in the ass…  _ His parents had some of these things lying around the house from a bygone era where restaurants and the like would hand them out as advertising. He wondered why L had one and if he had perhaps retained it from his grandparents as well. He tore off a match and flipped the cover back on itself to strike the match across the strip without burning his fingers. As far as he was concerned, these things were about useless as anything but a last resort. Which this was…

“Tch,” he muttered as he got two false strikes before the match flared to life. He managed to light two of the candles before the match died. He ripped out another one and lit it on one of the flames and lit the other ones from that. It sputtered out before the last candle, irking him greatly. He pulled one more match out and lit the last one.

_...pain in the ass _ , he thought again as he straightened. He was tempted to toss the mess of spent matches into the drawer for L to find and deal with later, to offset his annoyance.

He reminded himself though, that he was supposed to be ‘good’ and  _ not _ purposely do things to set L off.

It was amazingly difficult, somehow. It seemed he had a natural inclination to want to argue and bicker with him and be uncooperative. The only time that seemed to die down is when they were  _ really _ fighting, or when they were fucking.

He absently admired the warm glow the candles threw off and thrust his hands in his pockets as his eyes drifted over the room while he waited.

“That took an amazingly long time for a boyscout,” L remarked, startling the crap out of him. He was on the opposite side of the room, lounging in an antique looking wingback chair with wooden arms. 

The dark chair almost appeared like a throne, from the way he sat in it. His drink was held in one languid hand and his long legs were stretched out in front of him. 

L was all black and white contrasts against the deep wine color of the chair. His pale skin was framed by his black clothes and hair. Face, neck, chest, hands… Light’s eyes were drawn to each place, lingering over the smooth, ivory flesh. His feet were also now bare.

_ Well, if you’d had something better than fucking matches,  _ he almost retorted, but kept the words back. Instead, he settled for an imperious look and haughtily tilted his head. “You never set a time limit.”

L regarded him lazily, taking a sip from his tumbler. “You’re rather defiant for someone who was foiled by a pack of matches.”

“I wasn’t foiled,” he said in aggravation.  _ The candles were lit, weren’t they?  _ “That would imply I didn’t--”

“The lighter was on the dresser,” L commented infuriatingly. “You’d have seen it if you’d bothered to look around.”

“How nice for you, that everyone else can read your mind,” Light said scathingly. L had to be baiting him on purpose. It was getting monumentally difficult to keep from reacting. He glared, annoyed as well that L still managed to look sexy even when he was pissing him off. He lounged in the chair with catlike grace and sharp eyes. His chaotic hair was a mess of artful spikes, as usual, and Light knew it was much softer than it appeared. It suited him, especially the long jags of bangs.

Unexpectedly, an indulgent smile spread across L’s face.

It put Light on the defensive when L acted unpredictably. Not to mention, that deviant smile seemed to be at his expense. “What?” It galled him that he reacted to it, feeling something like butterflies in his stomach. It seemed like such a long time since he’d been on the receiving end of anything like a smile and that made it all the more powerful.

“Can you read what’s on it right now?”

“No,” Light replied shortly as the baiting continued. “That’s why I said ‘everyone  _ else _ ’--” 

Amusement touched L’s dark eyes. “Good,” he said silkily. “It wouldn’t be as much fun otherwise.”

Light sensed another shift coming along. He did not like the way L said ‘fun’. It sounded like it would be anything but. 

L was watching him, like a snake waiting to strike. 

He didn’t want to, but felt compelled to ask, “When you say ‘fun’...”

“Oh, that could be any number of things,” L said casually, his voice settling into richer tones. Still, he hadn’t lost that sharpness in his demeanor. He took a sip from his tumbler and beckoned Light to come closer.

Light felt leery, but edged forward a few feet. He was starting to feel his heartbeat pulsing in his throat. Again, L crooked his finger, calling him closer. He moved a few feet closer. Somehow he didn’t feel this was going to end well for him. Again, he was motioned closer.

He was standing, now, almost at L’s left hand.

Shuttered eyes slid up his body in a way that made him fidget. “What now?” he asked, feeling a little on edge as the lust from earlier seemed to be resurfacing between them. L had a way of making him feel at a disadvantage when desire reared its ugly head.

“Strip,” L said, “to the waist.”

To the waist? Ok, no big deal there… even though L’s gaze was making him feel a little naked, even fully clothed.

He started to take off his collared shirt.

“From the other end,” L interrupted.

Light flushed a little, feeling foolish, but he pretended it didn’t phase him. He switched immediately to kicking off his shoes and socks. He started to unbutton his pants in a businesslike fashion. If L was trying to embarrass him, he’d just get this over with and act unaffected.

“Slower,” L drawled, making Light’s hands falter. He glanced up and L was watching him unabashedly, like he was putting on a show.

He closed his eyes, biting his lip and counting to 5. He resumed unfastening his pants, slower this time. He threaded the button of his jeans through the buttonhole, his quick fingers moving as if through molasses. He pulled the zipper down, infinitely slow, catching it on nearly every metal tooth.

It was kind of turning him on, actually, this little strip tease. He wondered vaguely if there was a way to turn the tables back to his advantage. _Hmn… not without taking the initiative… Still, it was worth a shot._ As it was, he was at an uncomfortable disadvantage, one that could become dangerous if left unchecked. The loser here, would be whomever was the most affected, and L looked entirely too pleased getting his way.

Light made a show of reluctance, and looked up at L through the tops of his eyes with innocence and desire. He made sure to amplify it and also allowed his lips to part enticingly as the zipper slid even lower.

L’s eyes flashed, and the enamored look was sliding over his face.

Light looked down and to the side as he started to slide off the jeans, as if he were feeling shy. He actually was feeling that way a little bit, but he was distracting himself with this contest of wills between himself and L. He couldn’t be completely sure, but he thought L might be well aware that he was being less than authentic.

It didn’t seem to matter though. He looked quite engaged as Light pulled one leg upwards to slide the pant leg off with perfect balance. He knew it looked graceful, unlike how it usually looked when someone fumbled out of their jeans the normal way, which is why he was doing it. He placed his left leg back down and lifted the other, sliding the jeans off at last. He cast them to the floor as if they no longer served any use and met L’s eyes to evaluate where they were at.

“To the skin,  _ Akanbo _ ,” L said with bedroom eyes, making Light flush again despite himself.

Light stepped forward, looking down at him with an imperious tilt of his head. “And what if I say no?” He tried to make up for lost ground and also got a little thrill out of challenging him.

“I told you, you won’t like how you’ll be required to say ‘No’,” L said fondly, meeting his gaze. He almost seemed like he wanted Light to push the issue. A sly look was creeping into his eyes.

“I don’t particularly like how I’m required to say ‘Yes’.”

L smiled at him, a touch of cruelty in his eyes. “Because you obviously need practice.” He tipped back the last of his drink and placed the glass on the floor. “Strip,” he commanded softly, hooking Light’s gaze, “and answer properly.”

Light wasn’t sure which part made him feel more unsettled at the moment - stripping off his boxers to be completely nude from the waist down (which felt more compromising than being  _ completely _ naked, for some reason) or making himself give in to L’s script. He definitely had less to work with if L could plainly watch his body react. It cornered him, for sure, his state of arousal being something of a lie detector in itself.

“Should I give you a time limit?” L asked indulgently, mocking him for earlier.

Light shook his head.

“Then you understand what you should be doing?”

Light swallowed, dropping his eyes as he made himself say, “Yes, I understand.” For some reason it really got to him, saying the formal words. He felt demeaned and maybe, reluctantly, a little turned on.

He blanked his mind, quelling the sudden inhibitions he felt at baring it all, and slowly slid his boxers down. He’d already said earlier that he was still attracted to L, so it would be no surprise if he was showing any visible signs of being aroused. (Though that was not exactly comforting… it still made him feel like he was losing somehow.) Was it because L was watching his every move that made this so uncomfortable? Or was it that his feelings kept rising up to get in the way? If this really was going to be about sex and nothing else…. well, that felt different to him than when they’d been together before. It was almost like disrobing in front of a stranger.

“On your knees.”

“Sorry?” Light said, surprised.

“On your knees,” L repeated, his authoritative tone brooking no argument. His dark eyes were expectant, as if Light was wasting his time making him ask twice.

It was inordinately difficult for him to simply follow commands. He struggled with every single one. Light slowly sank to his knees, noting how it dropped his eye level far below L’s.

“Etiquette,” L reminded him, infuriatingly. 

“Yes, I understand,” he said through gritted teeth.

“Hmn,” L said, regarding him with a royally unimpressed aire. “No, I don’t think you do.” He  reached out unceremoniously with a slender foot, planting it against Light’s thigh and pushing him off-balance as he said, “ _ Sit _ .” 

Light fell back onto his heels, which dropped his gaze even lower. The indignity of it all boiled up, bringing choice words to his lips.

“You’ll find it more rewarding if you try to please me,” L advised, before he could utter them. His gaze was steely, issuing a warning. The foot remained upon his thigh, as if reminding him all the more of this ‘lower’ position.

Light closed his eyes and struggled with himself. Could he not follow through with this, if only to win L’s good graces and be granted an audience? This really might be his only avenue, his only chance to do so. He knew L was still really angry with him and that this was likely just a way of relieving that agitation. Besides, until Jayden had meddled, L wasn’t even going to bother speaking to him at all.

Still, this was difficult for him. And there was no guarantee that any of this would make a difference anyway. 

“Yes, I understand,” he made himself say, opening his eyes and averting them. The words seemed to burn on his tongue and in his throat. 

“Are you willing to show me some sincerity?”

Light glanced up, feeling on edge but also surprised that he was being asked. L’s face was impassive, gazing at him without artifice. It seemed suddenly quite intimate. Dark eyes held his, withholding action until he responded.

He had to give consent?

That almost made this _ more _ difficult. Like he would be stamping his seal of approval on whatever transpired. Already, he was struggling, but this added a new layer. 

L absently stroked his thigh with his foot as he waited.

Light tried to block out the eddies of pleasure it inspired, especially upon his inner thigh, so he could think. He didn’t like any of this, he hated being in a place where he controlled nothing. His pride suffered terribly. 

On the other hand… it was a little similar to the situation with the flogging… he’d been given something of a choice then too.

_ I could just say no. _

_ But… _

He sensed that this might be a moment there was no going back from. 

He already knew what he wanted... Now he just had to determine what he was willing to sacrifice for it.

* * *

TBC


	23. Sacrifice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ‘You just have to know what you want. Then you’ll know if it’s worth standing up for.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> warnings for.... XXX related stuff. that's all i will say. enjoy!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_Part 23: Sacrifice_

Light had a feeling this was the last stand as L’s dark, leveled gaze met his. He was being given this one opportunity to be reconsidered, depending on his resolve.

If he balked here… he might be shutting down this thing between them for good.

He slowly nodded for L, feeling trepidation and resolve flaring up in him as he consented.

More so than the stings to his pride, he didn’t want to return to the silent disregard he’d been treated to as of late. And maybe this trial before him would prove to be too much, and maybe L wasn’t truly giving him a chance, but at least he wouldn’t regret not trying.

“You seem rather determined all of a sudden,” L mused, dissecting him. He lounged in the chair, still with the grace of a lazy feline. “Though having resolve, and glaring are two very different things, indeed.” He brought his foot up to pat against Light’s cheek in a condescending fashion. “You realize that, don’t you?”

Light bit the inside of his lip as the edge of a smooth, dexterous foot slid under his chin and tilted his face upward to meet L’s hard eyes.

He nodded, trying to not let the demeaning gestures get to him. Holding in the glare he felt trying to form was monumentally difficult. L was watching his face for any flicker of reaction.

“Kiss it,” L said, tapping his foot lightly under Light’s chin.

Obstinance slipped out into his expression before he could stop it.

L smiled meanly in response, his eyes sharp. He looked vaguely amused. “Show me your resolve.”

Light reminded himself that the person who reacted most was the loser. L would only win at this if he showed that any of it bothered him. It was the same as before, when he’d been told to undress. It was all head games, that was what gave any of this meaning.

He had to focus on keeping his reactions hidden... and one-upping L if at all possible.

Light took L’s well-formed foot into his hands, sliding one hand up the back of his ankle from heel to calf in a sort of caress as he prepared himself. The other hand cradled L’s insole, and he bent his head to lay a kiss upon the top of it, as if he were a gentleman kissing a lady’s hand. The skin was smooth and slightly cool beneath his lips. He felt L’s eyes on him, boring holes into him, as hot as acid.

He pretended none of this bothered him in the least, and one-upped L’s request by massaging his foot lightly as he laid a lingering trail of kisses towards his ankle bone. He did it as if with extreme reverence, worshipful even, giving L _nothing_ to pick apart or use against him.

Inwardly though, it rankled. Each press of lips to skin was a subversion unto himself. Even as he noted the act wasn’t as unpleasant as one might have guessed - every second tested his acting skills. His pride called for him to bite, not kiss, and to act out, not act submissive. It was a monumental task to keep his hands soft, and not clench down upon flesh and bone. He reached the ankle bone and flicked out his tongue, catching the edge of it. Only then, in taking it so far, did he meet L’s eyes. They looked complicated as his tongue delicately traced up the hollow of his slender, pale ankle.

Stern…? Affected…?

He wasn’t entirely sure. They were awash with a multitude of things.

“Enough,” L said abruptly, his voice giving nothing away except for a small flicker of annoyance which didn’t seem entirely authentic.

Inwardly, Light felt triumphant. He was sure he’d gotten to L. L seemed uncertain of his next move or how to react to this little display. It wasn’t without cost, but he’d won this little challenge.

L tilted his head, regarding him. “Since that was so rousing for you, why don’t you continue on your own?” He retrieved his foot and was crossing his legs at the ankles.

Confusion slipped over Light’s face. What was he talking about?

“Oh-ho?’ L said softly, a sly smile stealing over his lips. “Hadn’t you noticed?” He nodded towards Light’s lower body. “Or were you that caught up in your little performance?” he asked in a lightly mocking tone.

Any feeling of triumph died as Light assessed his physical state and realized that he had indeed reacted, while he’d been busy pushing everything else but his task from his mind. L lorded it over him, making shame burn at the back of his throat. _An oversight,_ he told himself. _One that I won’t make again._ What rankled further was the idea that L might have truly seen through him, knowing that he was playing the game back at him. With that insight, it wouldn’t matter how flawless he was, L would know better than to believe in only what his eyes could show him.

“One might say it’s dangerous to be so stubborn,” L said with a benevolent smile, which looked like a lie. His gaze caressed Light’s face and the bare parts of his body, with the intent to unsettle him. “But I like to regard such things as a... _pleasant_ diversion.”

Light blanched at the word ‘pleasant’.

“Do you know why that is?” he continued lazily, reaching down to pick up his empty liquor glass.

Light shook his head, waiting for the other shoe to drop. Something was shifting, and it was definitely moving far from his ability to influence it, he could feel.

“Because,” L said engagingly, “that opens the door to choosing a suitable punishment.”

Light bit the inside of his cheek as his stomach twisted. He had absolutely no faith in the sorts of punishments L was apt to pick. He had the feeling it would be either painful or humiliating.

L rose languidly to his feet. “Are you ready for yours?”

He shook his head. He couldn’t bring himself to nod.

“Of course not,” L murmured, reaching out to brush a thumb across Light's lower lip, and plying him with a sensual look that made his body throb quite against his will. “And yet, you earned it well, did you not?”

Again, he couldn’t bring himself to nod.

L’s smile was just this side of sadistic, and it really put him on edge.

He was pretty sure that L put on airs and played parts, just as he had done, only he couldn’t tell where L ended and the role began. It was seamless. All the more reason he couldn’t feel at ease.

L seemed like he was about to turn and leave the room, when he paused. “I believe I gave you a task?” he prompted with an imperious look in his eyes as he looked down at Light. “Must I repeat myself?” His tone was unforgiving.

 _Task… task… what the hell had he said…?_ Light wracked his brain, trying to come up with something. But there wasn’t anything… Not unless…

_‘Since that was so rousing for you, why don’t you continue on your own?’_

“Wait, you weren’t **_serious_ **?” Light asked incredulously.

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

Light flushed uncomfortably, a tension settling in his gut. “...no,” he conceded. He most definitely did not look like he was joking. He had on a flat, impenetrable look, and wasn’t anywhere near to cracking that expression with any sort of humor.

“You have all the tools at your disposal, what are you waiting for?” L was crossing his arms over his chest and raising an eyebrow as if to hurry him along.

Uncertainty burned in his stomach, and something like embarrassment was trying to take hold of him. His pulse was fluttering in his throat.

“Even if you say that…” Light trailed.

“You do realize this isn’t the punishment?” L inquired politely. “That is still open for interpretation, as we speak.”

He grit his teeth. It’s not like he hadn’t gotten himself off before, but he’d never done it with an audience and certainly not on command. He didn’t entirely know how to proceed. When he tried to bend his mind around attempting it, he came up short, his hands twitching uselessly upon his thighs. He couldn’t focus on things like feeling arousal when his mind was racing and his stomach was tied in knots.

This might have been a situation where L would typically tease him, or seduce him, but he did neither. He just stood there with an expectant look. Light almost expected him to start tapping his foot with impatience at any moment, as he ineffectually tried to handle this little crisis.

“Should I take your silence as a refusal?”

He shook his head, starting to feel dismayed.

L drifted back over to stand in front of him, uncomfortably close. Light had to turn his head so that he wasn’t facing the area between L’s hips. His embarrassment spiked a little and a wave of warmth flooded his lower body. Scary what a little close proximity could do.

“Hold up your hand,” L said.

Light complied, that being a much easier thing to do than spontaneous self-gratification.

L placed his empty cup into his hand. “Don’t look away,” he said. “Look up.” He was slowly undoing the buttons of his black, collared shirt. His deft fingers seemed to dance over the buttons in slow motion and little by little the shirt fell away, gaping to reveal more and more pale flesh.

Transfixed, Light couldn’t look away, and his body suddenly had no issues pumping blood to his lower half. Especially when the last button came undone, baring the tempting expanse of L’s stomach and the dip of his navel. He had the wild urge to rise to his knees and run his lips over the skin there.

“Go on,” L said indulgently, catching on to his thoughts and making him flush, “take a taste.”

He tipped Light’s face up with a caress, pulling him forward to his knees as if on strings. L’s dark eyes had an enamored, amused look swimming in them that stirred up his lust. His belly tightened as he rested a tentative hand upon L’s hip and his lips touched smooth, slightly salty skin. He opened his mouth upon it, nipping and sucking upon the flesh as he’d wanted to do.

“Mmm,” L sighed, making pleasure ripple through him at the sound.

Light wasn’t sure if he’d done that for his benefit, or if the rousing noise was authentic, but it was effective all the same. It amplified the urge to touch and taste everything, all at once.

“No hands,” L said in a murmur. “I think you know what you are supposed to be doing with those.”

_Still?_

He sighed in frustration, not wanting to be so limited. He wanted to touch, and be touched, and to feel those caustic lips silenced against his.

“Oh?” L said softly. “Were you so eager to move onto your punishment then? And here I was, spoiling you so nicely.”

“I want to kiss you,” Light said impetuously, ignoring the baiting and risking an attempt to derail things by willfully changing the subject.

“Is that so?” L dropped to his knees, putting them eye to eye. His handsome face and his wicked gaze were overwhelming at such close quarters. His voice was rich and resonant as he leaned closer and said, “How much do you want it?” Light felt his heart flutter as his body reacted and his feelings tumbled up from the cell he’d buried them in. They were like sharp shards in his chest, countered by the intense surge of desire.

“Enough to take your punishment without complaining?” L asked, brushing his lips against Light’s. Light’s head was starting to spin. He was getting pulled in. So fast. He nodded. “Even if you don’t want to?” L murmured, flicking at his lower lip with the tip of his tongue, making Light’s breath hitch.

Against his better judgement, he nodded again.  

“Hmn? Should I believe you when you can’t even do the one simple thing I asked you for?” L laid his wrist upon the crook of Light’s neck, as if in an absent gesture, then turned it up to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. The cloying intimacy of the moment expanded and Light shivered.

L ran a hand slowly down his right arm, from his shoulder to the vulnerable crook of his elbow. He leaned in to whisper in Light’s ear. “Why don’t you show me, then?” he said silkily, as his hand traced down his forearm, over his sensitive wrist, to rest upon his hand. “Make me believe you…hm?” Light felt the heat rushing to his face as L guided his hand downward with an unrelenting grip.

Light wasn’t even sure why he was being so hesitant even now, except that L’s deep voice was bending him inside and out and he didn’t really want it to stop.

Light shuddered as L’s hand wrapped his own hand around his hardening flesh. A tight breath escaped him as L moved their hands as one, jerking firmly upwards. “You should remember how things go from here, no?” L mocked him softly. L’s fingers laced with his and he could feel heat everywhere his fingertips touched, like little brands. His eyes fluttered shut as their entwined hands rode up his shaft again.

“Now, let me see you do it on your own,” L said huskily, still toying with his hair and watching his face.

Light flushed, turned on by the tone of his voice, even while he wasn’t keen on being studied like this. “It’s not that I _can’t_ ,” he said under his breath as he picked up where they left off. His roughened voice sounded indecent even to his own ears. He raised doe eyes to L’s and held them a moment before letting them slide to the side. “It’s just that it feels better when _you_ do it,” he murmured petulantly, solely for L’s benefit. Not that it wasn’t also true, but he was trying to get a rise out of him.

“Brat,” L growled unexpectedly, dragging Light’s mouth to his.

The liplock was hot and dirty and coaxed a moan from the back of his throat.

It wasn’t just the kiss itself that was taking him apart from the inside, but knowing that his little comment had actually caused L a loss of control. After all, kissing was the very thing L had planned on withholding until he got his way.

Light tried to retain some sense of mastery over this situation, to at least enjoy feeling smug, if even for a moment…

 _Ahh…_ But there was just something in the way L kissed him that pushed all of his buttons and made him forget himself _._ It was irreverent, beautiful, and debased.

It was like dying and being reborn at the same time, and dug so deeply into him he could feel it suffusing his entire being.

Light tried to keep his hands to himself, but he eventually lost the battle. As soon as L had begun kissing him, all he’d wanted to do is touch and explore, and dig his fingers in like little hooks.

Just as he’d thought - the extra stimulus of his hands upon L’s body broke through the haze. After a few short minutes, L was pulling back -with great difficulty, but he managed it nonetheless. Faint color touched his face and his dark eyes were ablaze with lust. “What did I tell you about those hands of yours?” he said, failing to hide the fact that the terse words were a paltry attempt at regaining control over the situation.

Light honed in on the moment of weakness and renewed his act. He let a sly look drift onto his face. “You said to prove I knew how to service myself,” he said with an unabashed tone, knowing the blunt words would get to L. He purposely held L’s dark gaze as he added, “You never said I couldn’t touch you if you started kissing me.”

“Ah, you…” L said, seemingly torn between lust and exasperation. He shook his head and rose to his feet, creating distance between them. He looked down upon Light. “Willful to the end.” His expression turned colder then, as if the lust was a falsehood which was just now slipping from his face. “And painfully arrogant, I see.”

Light frowned, feeling unsettled once more at the abrupt change. Every time he thought he had a handle on this, the ground was shifting. “Arrogant?”

L smiled then, and it felt icy enough to freeze him in place. “Did you think that was all it would take? A simple kiss, and I would come undone?” His eyes showed amusement at his expense. “Or perhaps _naive_ would be more accurate.”

A suckerpunch would have been less affecting than the feeling that twisted in Light’s gut at those words. Was it real? Or was it an act? He couldn’t tell and it bothered him immensely.

“Close your eyes and wait,” L ordered sharply.

With misgiving, Light did so and he could hear L’s soft footfalls as he left the room. Dismay was rising up again, just as strongly as it had earlier. Had he perceived things incorrectly? He’d been certain that he’d assessed L correctly…. He’d been affected. He _had_. So why now was he being like this…? Just as quickly as the passion had surfaced, this sharp, razor-like demeanor had risen to take its place.

He chewed on the inside of his lip, wondering if this was the same caustic mood from earlier - pertaining to the girlfriend issue. Could L maybe be suffering from mixed feelings, just as he was? Maybe the mixed signals of desire and that sharp attitude were both authentic? It was really hard to tell. Then again, maybe he was just being toyed with...

L returned after what seemed like an interminable wait. “Wear this.”

Light opened his eyes warily. The first thing he noticed, aside from L kneeling in front of him, was L’s nonchalant gaze as he took a leisurely drink from his refilled cup of alcohol. The second thing he noticed as he dropped his gaze a little lower; held in L’s other hand, was a challenge.

Light’s face flushed red. “ **No**.” He couldn’t possibly…!

Extended out for him to take was a tapered, silicon looking object he didn’t need much imagination to figure out the use of; even the thought of being made to use it was utterly humiliating.

L shrugged. “It’s all the same to me.” His sharp gaze seemed to disagree with his easy manner. “Were we done here?” he asked with finality, raising an impassive brow.

Not even threatening with the girlfriend thing this time… L seemed to be directly telling him that his refusal would not only end this here, but remove any chance of anything later on as well. Meaning… his decisions here truly would be the deciding factor on whether L had anything to do with him at all.

“N-no…” Light answered, feeling torn.

“‘No, Master’,” L corrected unyieldingly, amplifying the wash of shame that was already flooding him at this very moment.  

Light bit the inside of his lip. This was just as he had feared… L was unrelenting in his expectations. He either had to endure this test of his resolve, or abandon the idea of talking anything out with L or even being given the time of day. He unconsciously bit down harder upon his lip, tasting blood. Indecision was riding him hard. He almost got the impression that L was trying to **_purposely_** push him past what his pride would be able to tolerate, waiting for him to give up.

“N… no,” he mumbled, his throat feeling thick as he forced the words out. “...master.” He couldn’t look L in the face. It was a gross understatement to say that he wouldn’t like what ‘No’ was. He was nothing short of mortified being forced to repeat that. He clung to the thought that this was for a higher purpose. He just had to bear with this for now.

“Oh?” L queried, softly mocking. “Now, that _is_ a surprise.” He placed a finger under Light’s chin and tilted his face up. Light kept his eyes averted, his face burning up as he was studied with surgical precision. He was finding it a little hard to breathe around the pressure he suddenly felt in his chest.

“You’re just going to accept everything?” L’s voice sounded low and rich in Light’s ears. It seemed to wrap around him and thread through his being. Light’s body felt a little weird, disjointed, and he shivered. “Even your punishment?” L trailed. There was a trace of amusement at his expense again, as well as a solicitous tone to his words. Light took a stilted breath and shivered again. He made himself nod.

Light felt totally at war with himself.

It got worse as as his face was tipped up to receive the ghosting of a kiss. L’s soft lips were barely brushing his, whetting his appetite and making his belly clench in reaction.

“I was going to make you put it in, and watch,” L was saying in between teasing touches of his mouth, twisting him up with anxiety. “But I could be swayed to lend a hand...”

Light’s mouth went dry. He wasn’t even sure which option was more humiliating.

“...If you’re good, I’ll even make sure you enjoy it.”

As Light started to react to that, L’s mouth slowly melded against his, forcibly melting his brain in moments. It was hot, sexy, and mixed up his feelings of ‘No’ with confused feelings of ‘Yes’. A small noise escaped his throat, sounding like a faint whimper.

Smooth fingers played at his hip, teasing with featherlight caresses.

All the sexual tension from earlier that evening was culminating in him, alarmingly fast. He wanted to put the brakes on but there was nothing he could do.

“I love the way you tremble when you’re really turned on,” L laughed softly against his mouth in a sexy voice.

“S-shut up.”

“Shhh,” L soothed almost condescendingly. “It’s charming,” he said, stroking Light’s need with errant touches, making him bite his abused lip. L leaned in to whisper in Light’s ear, “It makes me want to fuck your brains out.”

Lust throttled him, hearing those words.

L recaptured his lips, the kiss becoming more scandalous and demanding than before. He was losing his mind to his body’s craving.

When Light eventually felt the slickened surface of the plug prod him, he was too desperate for sensation to protest it. L sucked at his mouth, distracting him in the most stimulating of ways, and the tapered plug slowly slid in, bit by bit. He gripped L’s shoulders. His breathing grew heavy at the discomfort as it stretched him wider, and at his reticence over the whole thing. But somehow it was also feeding this debased desire that was ruling him as L worked him over.

“I even like that slightly strained look on your face,” L murmured, teasing him. “It’s the same face you make when I slide deep inside you.”

Light’s face flushed for what had to be the millionth time and a wave of pleasure rushed through his throbbing body. He wanted to fuck so badly. He wanted to feel the heat of L spearing him, not this artificial thing which teased him beyond reason.

L pulled back, his dark eyes looking as deep as the starry night sky. The corner of his mouth tilted up in a debased smile. “Make yourself come,” he ordered in a slightly husky voice.

Light caught his lip between his teeth; embarrassment was warring with his extreme state of arousal.

It didn’t help that L was now sipping his drink again as he watched him, as if waiting for him to put on a show.

Shame blazed across his cheeks as he tentatively took his arousal in hand. His breath hitched as he stroked the over-sensitive flesh. It felt so much better than normal. Amazing really. He wasn’t sure if it was because of L’s foreplay, the plug that felt odd yet erotic as it sat within him, or the way L was watching him even now. And maybe it didn’t matter. He was only a few strokes in and already his body was tightening up and making his back bow. A moaned sigh escaped his lips.

“Let it all out,” L said with a lust-ridden voice. “I’m still going to fuck you later.”

Light shuddered, clenching his teeth as pleasure washed over him. _Just a little more…_

He cried out through clenched teeth as orgasm sliced through him suddenly and with a vengeance. His head fell back and it took effort to stay upon his knees and not just collapse on the ground as his body shook and shook. His heart was pounding frantically in his chest, like he had just run ten miles and he couldn’t catch his breath.

L moved forward and leaned in to claim his mouth. “Good,” he said approvingly, pulling back just enough to speak before their mouths slid against each other once more. Light could taste his desire on his tongue. He was drunk with it, and the smell of the thick, charged air between them. “Now,” L said, “I’m going to give you a choice.”

Light’s hazy brain struggled a bit with that. What was he talking about?

L pulled Light to his feet. He was a bit wobbly as L ravaged his mouth and walked him backwards. L’s hands stroked and caressed wherever they could touch, and even though he’d already climaxed, it was starting to stir his blood. Also, the thought of having actual sex with L was enough to kick his libido back into action. L was removing his remaining clothing like he was unwrapping a fragile present, slow and deliberate. He broke the connection of their lips only at the last necessary moment, pulling his shirt over his head, and resumed the second it was out of the way; his shirt was slid over his arms like an afterthought.

It was like a reverse striptease - someone else doing the undressing - and it was making him so hot.

“Put your hands on the wall,” L said, turning him and leaning him forward into a compromising position. His palms pressed against the wall, supporting him, and L traced a hand down his back. Slowly. Possessively.

The portion of wall he was standing in front of happened to be mirrored. He was stuck looking at the mess desire had made of him. He started to turn his head aside. He didn’t want that image burned into his mind.

“Don’t look away.”

Light was startled into complying.

“Watch everything,” L whispered warmly against his ear, flicking the inner rim with his hot tongue. Feeling it and seeing it... It felt overwhelming. L’s face looked unbearably sexy as he leaned in close, eyelids lowering as he teased Light’s ear. His neck was becoming hyper sensitive as he kept reacting, causing him to shiver a little.

When L started to pull the plug from his body, he saw himself wince. It was so tight, like it would rip him up before coming out easily.

“Relax.”

“....” He was trying, but it wasn’t really working. He still felt shaky on his feet and even the slight movement of the plug inside him was making his face overheat from the pressure. So soon after coming, his body was tightly gripping the silicone toy inside him and moving it was almost too much sensation.

L had begun kissing along his shoulder, and Light could feel the heat of his lean body against his back, close but not touching. It was a meandering exploration of lips upon skin, though it was also deliberate. L’s mouth was warm, soft, and distracting.

“Mmn.” Light shuddered as a hand smoothed over his stomach. Eddies of pleasure flitted through him as L continued to stroke his lower belly and hips. His muscles started to relax and loosen their hold. He flushed as the feeling of pressure from the plug increased almost uncomfortably so, as it slid out a little at a time, reminding him once more of this godawful embarrassing situation. His breathing was just a little shallow and thready by the time it pulled free. In the wake of it, his body was tingling in an odd fashion. He couldn’t tell if it felt good or bad, but the desire to be touched had increased.  

“I’m giving you a choice,” L repeated then, kicking his legs wide and meeting his eyes in the mirror. “Stay here, where I’ll likely humiliate, degrade, _and_ fuck you. Or choose the girl and go; you can take your phone with you.”

An uneasy feeling settled in Light’s stomach. L sounded like he was referring to the emotion-free fucking again, something he had a real problem with. Not to mention… was L offering to leave the relationship with Marin alone? Wasn’t that what he’d wanted when he came here?

“I’ll give you a little longer to decide,” L said, pushing his head down by the back of his neck and thrusting slowly into him.

There was little to no warning, so taking L in was difficult. He felt his body resist and then there was the sensation of being stretched, seemingly beyond capacity. The feelings of pleasure were elusive, fainter now, and discomfort was the stronger force. He panted, trying to catch his breath. Sweat was beading on his skin.

Was this a display of the no-strings-attached fucking that L was referring to before? Is that why it was so different from their other times together? Emotions dug at his chest, a gnawing dissonance. Was this all that L was offering if he stayed? Nothing more?

Everything felt so fucked up and it was bending his head inside out.

Was this for real?

Tears pricked his eyes from the discomfort and the disappointment.

He hung his head, unable to face himself as his body reacted, even in this situation.

 _Was_ this really real? He wondered… because something made him feel like L was just pushing him away. He hadn’t even bothered to make the option of staying here feel safe or fulfilling.

_Why am I even debating this? Didn’t I decide that I shouldn’t be involved with him anymore?_

“I told you not to look away,” L said, holding his head up to make him look in the mirror.

Light saw his own spooked expression, wide eyes, and the furrow between his brows as he took the still difficult motion of L moving within him. He saw also, the embarrassing state of his own body. But what he found he couldn’t stop staring at was L’s smokey dark eyes which were watching him like they could pierce his soul. Their intensity jagged through him, sparking pleasure within him, despite his emotional turmoil. The connection was only interrupted when L closed his eyes briefly in reaction, or when he dipped his head to kiss along Light’s shoulder or up his neck.

 _I don’t want to get hurt anymore._ A slight panic spurred the thought.

“I’ll make it easy for you,” L said, nuzzling the sensitive spot just under his jaw, making his stomach flip-flop. “Even though you came home with me... we can consider it a farewell fuck.” He changed the angle of his thrusts, hitting something which was sending shockwaves through Light. He slid down the wall a little, unable to keep himself rigid when he was being melted down from the inside. “...god,” he breathed, even as tears pricked his eyes more sharply and distorted his vision. His heart was hammering in his chest.

It was unfair that L was talking to him about these things when he barely had his wits about him.

“....asshole…” he muttered, his eyes fluttering closed as another wave of pleasure hit him.

Agitation crawled up his spine as the words continued to echo in his head. It was a restless, panicked sort of agitation. This whole ‘choice’ thing… was it a trick? It felt like a trick. Like there was no right answer, or that the right answer was not the obvious answer. “And what if…” he struggled to get out as release loomed ever nearer, “I end it with her?”

Light swore he felt L get bigger within him, just before L gripped his hips and began thrusting into him in a dizzying pace. Rational thought abandoned him.

Noises began falling from Light’s lips - gasps, groans, and hitched breaths. He caught a striking visual of L’s uncomposed face, as he was pulled into an over-the-shoulder kiss. He sank into the wet, slippery embrace of their fevered mouths, moaning as it sharpened the pleasure coiling tightly in his belly, ready to explode. L’s tongue slid against his, thrusting into his mouth, just like how he was penetrating Light’s shaking body.

L reached down then, touching his aching flesh for the first time, enclosing it in an iron grip and rolling the head between his thumb and forefinger.

“Jezus...god…” Light groaned in L’s mouth as his body tightened like a bowstring ready to snap. L’s stilted breaths rang in his ears as his body clamped down upon the intrusion of L’s rod-like flesh, sucking him off. L came with a hoarse, sexy groan, his body growing stiff at Light’s back and his cock pulsing inside of him.

Light’s legs started to give out but L held him up, keeping him on his feet until they both were spent.

Not long after, Light was being swept off of his feet and carried over to the bed. He might have protested but honestly he didn’t have the strength. “You’re always so unaffected,” he mumbled at L, trying to get his bearings. His head still felt dizzy and chaotic.

“Not true. I just have better stamina.”

He said it so matter-of-factly, it was annoying. _Dick_ , he thought.

L laid him down on the bed, and then snuffed out the candles that had been merrily melting themselves down.

“Did you hear what I said earlier?” Light asked, starting to make sense of the tumble of thoughts in his brain. His tone was a little tight. That pesky tension in his chest had started to flood in a bit, now that his thinking was beginning to clear a little.

L turned slowly, the smoking candles at his back. His face looked especially compelling in the half light. “About the girl?”

“Yes. Did you think about it?”

“There’s no point,” L said dismissively, shrugging his shoulders.

Light sat up, uneasiness growing. “What do you mean?” he challenged.

L’s expression sharpened. “I said, there is _no point_. Just forget about it. It wouldn’t change anything.”

Light was taken aback. “You’re fucking kidding me.” _What the hell?!_ “HOW would that **_not_ ** change anything? Seems to me it would change a whole hell of a lot!”

L gave him a mean, pitying look. “As if she was the only issue.” He shook his head and got dressed.

“Going somewhere?” Light asked sharply. He couldn’t possibly…. At a time like this?

“Out,” L said, heading for the door.

Light cursed under his breath. He scrambled to his feet and fought his way into his jeans. “You’re a real asshole, you know that?”

L turned an unfavorable glare upon him, shook his head again, then kept walking.

Light wasn’t about to let this go. Finally he’d gotten his pants on and fastened. He rushed after L and caught his arm, spinning him back around. “You think I’m ok with things like this?!”

Fucking each other without feelings… he couldn’t. The feelings were there whether he liked it or not. And he’d be damned if he’d gone through all of this and didn’t get his chance to talk about this.

L looked furious, shrugging his hand off with a sharp motion. “You think **I** am?”

“Well, you certainly seemed to be fucking A-ok about all of it!”

L made an intensely aggravated noise and wiped his hand over his face. “It was a mistake. Just fucking sleep it off.” He looked a bit twitchy.

Light did his best to corner him. “Which part was the mistake?” he said acidly. “The part where you fucked me, or the part where you won’t fucking **listen**?”

“ ** _Look_ ** ,” L said. “That girl _irritates_ me. I can’t help that. But breaking up with her won’t do any good. It changes nothing.”

“There you go again!” Light practically yelled. “That doesn’t make any sense!” Light was exasperated but also feeling a little panicked. If he couldn’t get to the bottom of this, everything would be lost.

“You’ll still be leaving once you graduate!” L nearly shouted back in response to his raised voice. “What the fuck does it matter then, if you’re with her or not?”

“AAArrrrgh!” Light yelled. “If you would stop being so fucking stubborn and listen--”

L sent him a scathing look and turned his back, grabbing his jacket off the back of a chair in the kitchen.

“L!”

To his horror, things were playing out this way again… L was turning his back and walking out. It was a horrible trend. One he was starting to hate with a passion.

“I won’t keep doing this,” Light called after him angrily. “I refuse.”

“So go home.”

“And then what? Forget I have feelings for you? Forget that I’m miserable without you?”

L’s steps slowed, just before he reached the front door. “What are you trying to say?”

“I…” Light’s throat went dry as he tried to pull out the big guns. Who knew that 3 little words could be so hard to say? “I think I’m in love with you,” he forced out.

L turned around slowly and looked at him with an utterly shocked expression, which was clouded with disbelief. “You can’t be serious…”

Light swallowed fear and kept going. “I still don’t know what to do about school, or my parents exactly,” he admitted in a rush, “but I can’t stand how things have become between us. I think about you all the time. I want to be with you.”

L looked a little shell-shocked. “...I don’t know what to say.”

“Say you’ll give us another chance.” Light focused on being as persistent as possible and not thinking about all of the unpleasant ways this could turn. Nothing was really going as expected. And with regards to his little confession…. he honestly couldn’t gauge L’s reaction, though it wasn’t looking too good. _Just remember how stubborn he is…_ He couldn’t fall prey to his own fears of rejection, even if things looked bad. It would lose him ground.

“I… have to go,” L said. He looked dazed and antsy. “You can stay here... I’ll be back later.”

He slipped through the door and then he was gone.

Light stared at the closed door for several long moments, his mind pulling him in multiple directions at once. “Fuck,” he said under his breath.

* * *

TBC


	24. Wrongful Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> aftermath of admitting to having feels. (some L pov!)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_Part 24: Wrongful Confessions_

Light milled about the front room with an agitated stride, periodically glancing at the front door as he restlessly paced. 

Even before his potentially botched confession, the exchange between them had felt larger than normal. Bigger, more intense, and…. truthful? Granted, they’d been sort of yelling at each other, but he suspected that might have been because they seemed to be close to the core issue of what was wrong.

Also, intentionally or not, L  _ had _ slipped from his vague and dismissive answers to spilling something quite real. 

_ If he’s pissed over the thought of me leaving when I graduate, that means he  _ **_does_ ** _ feel something for me. And, despite how angry and dismissive as he acts, it’s not entirely accurate. _

Light chewed on his thumbnail, stress and agitation burbling up in him. 

Since he hadn’t been completely sure that L still had feelings for him, he’d sort of taken that slip up as a sign to try even harder to break through the wall L was putting up. Why that had prompted a fucking  _ confession _ , he was still asking himself.

It was a kneejerk reaction, a desperate need to say  _ something _ to keep L from walking out… but by GOD could he not have picked something else?? Anything else??

_ UGH. _

Light sank down onto the couch, feeling like his blood was slowly turning to ice. He rubbed his hands over his face. 

He couldn’t forget the surprised look on L’s face. And the tone of his voice…..  _ ‘You can’t be serious?’ _ It was incredulous. Indignant. 

Had he just seriously fucked up?

What was going on in L’s head? 

* * *

Hours later, Light woke up from where he’d apparently fallen asleep on the couch and L still hadn’t returned. He rubbed his eyes groggily as he sat up, surprised as hell that he’d been able to sleep at all in a situation like this. Not that there was much else to do.

“Shit… maybe I should just go home…”

He didn’t like this waiting. It was excruciating. But what was he supposed to do? L had his phone, and he couldn’t very well explain to his parents why he didn’t have it, even if he did go home. Not to mention, it would be an odd hour to return. It must be at least 3am. 

Light looked around but didn’t see a clock anywhere, and he wasn’t wearing his watch.

He heaved a sigh.

The apartment felt so empty and barren. And, he was bored. Bored and agitated. Plus, he wasn’t really a fan of things like waiting.

Light tapped his fingers upon his knee listlessly, looking around the living room area absently. His eyes lingered unconsciously upon the kitchen for a few minutes, before he realized the stove might well have a clock on it.

He went over to it and saw it was 3:58 am, if the clock was accurate. 

More importantly, he noticed that his cell phone was actually sitting inconspicuously on the counter. L must have left it there earlier, when he’d left the bedroom to refill his glass of alcohol. Light didn’t remember him mentioning the phone or seeing it after that point, except for L’s vague reference to Marin and telling him to take it and leave the apartment.

Light debated calling L.

He’d obviously left for a reason. That reason being, himself….

Light resumed his agitated pacing, phone in hand.  _ He might have left because of me… but he also said he’d be back and to stay here…  _ If L didn’t want to see him, there would be no reason to tell him to wait around...

“Unless he only said to stay here so I didn’t try to follow him….” he mumbled to himself, starting to chew on his thumbnail once more. 

**_Damnit._ ** He was no closer to an answer now than before. Whatever was going on in L’s head was anyone’s guess.

He supposed he could skip a nerve-wracking attempt to call L and try Jayden instead. At worst, he was only risking waking him up and royally pissing him off. At best, maybe he’d have an idea of where his cousin might have gone, or maybe even have some sort of advice for handling this situation.

“I’ll try him first, then L after,” he muttered to himself. On the off chance the deviant had some useful info, it would be best to get that first. He steeled himself to get an earful, in case he caught Jayden at a bad time.

The call rang through almost 5 times, convincing Light that Jayden must be asleep or something by now. 

Just before the call went to voicemail, he picked up. “H’lo?” His voice was gruff and vaguely irritated.

“Uh…. hi… It’s me,” he fumbled out, while noting some background noise. He found that he wasn’t even sure how to begin, which made him feel kind of annoyed at himself. “I was wondering if you knew where L--”

He heard a muffled noise as if something had covered the receiver, and Jayden’s muted voice which sounded aggravated. Light thought he said something like, “Hold on, gotta take this.” The muffled, rustling noise sounded again, as the phone was uncovered and Jayden exclaimed quite loudly, “You crashed your fucking car?  _ What the hell happened?? _ ” The last bit sounded rather pointed. (He could swear Jayden was asking him how he’d fucked up the golden opportunity he’d been given to work things out with L, and “talk”, but was he just reading into it?)

“Uh… you know this is Light, right?”

“Of course, you idiot.” Jayden’s tone was just this side of scathing.

“Right.” There was only one reason for him to be doing a double-speak conversation… “L’s there with you, isn’t he?” Light felt his heart sink. What could Jayden possibly tell him now? And just knowing that L was so closeby…

Ugh, it really turned the knife in his chest and amplified his feeling of helplessness in this situation. He was sick of this fucking around and wanted to face things head on… but damn, it was hard. It felt like just about any move could be a false step and he didn’t want to forge ahead just to make things  _ worse _ .

“Yeah,” Jayden confirmed impatiently. “And then what happened?” The pointed tone was back, telling him he’d better get to explaining.

Light bit his lower lip rather sharply, running through the events of the evening and wondering just how much was absolutely relevant to recount. He didn’t relish the thought of getting detailed on exactly ALL of what had transpired between himself and L as a large part of that was of an especially personal nature. “So we sort of talked…” he trailed, feeling antsy, “but it wasn’t really going anywhere….” 

Damnit, he was trying to be quick about this but it was so fucking hard to edit things and be brief while he was under the gun. The pressure was intense. 

“He was in some sort of bad fucking mood,” Light ad-libbed in a rush, “and some shit happened that I don’t really care to describe. But I dealt with it in the hopes I could bypass this fucking mood of his and TALK. But then we just ended up fighting and…” 

Jesus. This was making him relive the whole fucking thing. The aggravation he’d felt, the way he’d had to bite his tongue, and the shame he’d suffered through as L pushed his buttons and his limits. He struggled to keep his voice from betraying any emotion, but he wasn’t entirely successful. It sounded thick and a bit strained as he continued, “So we were yelling back and forth because I said I would end things with Marin and he said it wouldn’t change anything, and he was fucking walling me out again… and I sort of… confessed…”

“In what way?” Jayden’s voice was like a scalpel.

“He was walking out… I had to say something…” Light was babbling, while mentally stabbing himself with a fork. Even recounting this, he had extraordinary trouble saying the words he’d said to L. He put a hand over his eyes and tried to block out all emotion. “I told him I think I’m in love with him,” he said under his breath.

“ _ Oh _ ,” Jayden said in a way that sounded like ‘oh, damn.’ There was a note of pity present as well. “That certainly fills in some gaps.”

“Somehow that sounds bad.”

“It looks to be a fucked up situation,” he announced, gaining the edgy tone again. 

_ Great.  _ “Did he say anything?”

“Not much.” He paused a moment and the phone was muffled. “Hang on a fucking second! Jesus.” The line became clear again. “Look, I gotta go.” 

Light wondered if L was getting suspicious of who his cousin was really talking to. L knew Jayden well enough to know he could be faking him out, even if he was executing it flawlessly. 

“But listen,” Jayden continued in a clipped, irritated voice, “regardless of who was at fault, it’ll take time to sort the shit out, so don’t be fucking impatient about it.”

“I don’t know what to do. He told me to wait here but should I leave?”

“Yes.”

“...are you sure? That won’t make things worse?”

“Pfft I don’t think so,” Jayden scoffed as if denying something. “Look, I told you, I’m busy. You’ll have to find your own ride home.” His voice grew distant, likely bringing the phone down from his ear as he said, “Can you believe this asshole had the nerve to ask for a ride home, at this hour? Like I’m some fucking chauffeur--” The line cut out. 

Light sighed and shoved his phone into his pocket. Leaving seemed like the wrong thing to do, but his impression from Jayden was that L wasn’t going to be coming home anytime soon anyway.

* * *

L watched his cousin with a skeptical gaze. “Who was that?” Something just felt a little off.

“A friend,” Jayden said, shrugging off the question as he jammed his phone into his back pocket.

“And you couldn’t give them a ride?”

Jayden gave him an imperious glare, as if annoyed at being questioned. “Not  _ that _ good of a friend,” he scoffed. “Seriously. Who the fuck calls for a ride home at this hour? I should be asleep by now anyway.” He paused and leveled a pale gaze at his cousin. “Which reminds me…” he intoned.

“What?” L started to feel irritated, himself.

“Why are you even here?”

“Where else would I be?” he snarked back, knowing full well where he would be. Which was at home, with company.

Agitation coiled in his gut and a pressure started to gather in his head, around his temples.

“You know damn well where I would expect you to be. Which isn’t  _ here _ , drinking with me, looking like something is bothering the bugfuck out of you.”

L ignored him and kicked back his drink. He really didn’t have anything he could say to that. And he didn’t feel like answering to his fuckup cousin anyway; that was the last person he needed giving him opinions on what he was or wasn’t doing right.

“You fucking asshole,” Jayden said suddenly, getting in his face and peering at him accusingly. “That look on your face… you’re totally writing me off, aren’t you?”

“You said it, not me.”

“You better tell me  _ something _ , or I’m fucking leaving,” he said, shoving L’s shoulder and reclaiming his own barstool. He drained his glass. “Fucking rude bastard,” he muttered, “dragging me out here this late and getting a fucking attitude. Shit.”

L knew he was being an asshole. He’d had way too much to drink and it wasn’t really helping matters at all. 

_ Fuck. _

**_Fuck._ **

What the hell was he supposed to do in this situation? Light had thrown him for a total fucking loop.

_ ‘I think I’m in love with you.’ _

That had to be the last goddamn thing he would have expected to hear coming out of his mouth.

The whole situation was fucked. 

He’d decided to give up on the brunet after the repeated displays of incomprehensible decision-making he’d done. Light had shown again and again that his priorities and way of thinking stemmed from inexperience and immaturity. It wasn’t his fault, he was still young, but L had been hoping that the brunet would be able to step it up and overcome that obstacle if put to the test. If anything, L blamed himself for getting pulled in and disregarding the obvious - and with such vague hopes. But Light carried himself in such a way that it hadn’t seemed an unreasonable hope; it was just that at crucial moments, he totally fucking botched it. The biggest examples were his evasive nature when it came to his feelings and his persistence with that Marin girl.

Despite his resolve to cut things off with Light and let them die, it wasn’t so simple or easy. 

He kept getting pulled in every time he was around the brunet. Not only because of those expressive eyes, or the heart-wrenching looks Light had been sending his way, but because Light had continued to keep surprising him.

The thing at the bar earlier…. that had just been the icing on the cake. After seeing Light trying to avoid him, it chaffed and he really believed for a moment that the brunet had decided to just make a go of the stand-in, Marin. But whenever he and Light were in close proximity, the false front crumbled and he could see reaction touching those beautiful eyes. He saw the frustration, fear, and desire. 

God help him, he just couldn’t let it be. He had to push the line and watch the response. Stubborn as Light was, he hadn’t been able to keep up the act. The brunet’s anger hadn’t been enough to keep him from reacting as L toyed with him. Desire was a hidden glow in his eyes which L stoked and cultivated until it was bright enough to burn himself with. By the time he’d captured those soft, sensual lips, he was beyond caring about behaving himself. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about girlfriends or propriety. He had only one thing on his mind, and that was having Light all to himself and watching him come undone.

Lust was a force to be reckoned with. It was almost as vicious and tragic as jealousy.

He’d been under the influence of both.

And that is why the situation had gotten so fucked up.

L caught movement in the corner of his eye. Jayden was getting up to leave, probably frustrated as all hell. Not that L blamed him. “Sit back down,” L said, reaching over mechanically to yank Jayden back by the shirt. “Give me a goddamn minute, I’m working through something.” He signalled the bartender to refill his glass.

Jayden sighed as he sank back down upon his seat. He folded his arms upon the bar and rested his head upon them. “It’s rare for you to drink me under the table. But I’m done, man. Unless you want to be cleaning up after me.”

“Just chill.”

“Whatever,” his cousin mumbled into his arms and let out an epic yawn.

L took a swig of his drink. He’d had way too much already. It seemed like he’d been drinking all damn day. First, he’d been out drinking with Jayden. Then, they’d encountered Light and the girl and Jayden had dragged them off to do the shots. After that, he’d plied himself with copious amounts of alcohol at his place as he’d steeled himself to do what he felt needed done with Light. Which was intentionally taking things too far and putting Light off. (The arguments they’d had prior to arriving at his apartment had refreshed him on why he needed to not get pulled back in.) 

It was a double edged sword.

He’d acted like an asshole. He’d pushed Light, well past what he thought the brunet would take. His pride shouldn’t have allowed him to go as far with things as they had gone. But Light hadn’t backed down. And neither had he. He kept dishing it out, and Light kept taking it. The defiant look in his eyes seemed to say he was biting his tongue and forcing himself to submit to everything, quite against his will.

L took a shaky breath. He’d been angry and that had kept things going for a time, but then… he’d started living off of those reactions from the brunet. He was so striking. A beautiful contrast between the carnal and the naive. When shame burned his cheeks, he was intoxicating. And the tearful gasps of pleasure made him want to do anything but stop.

_ Jesus.  _ He felt the rush thrill through him again as he thought of it, even though he actually felt fucking guilty over the whole thing. 

He knew that Light had been making a show of trust and he’d fucking abused the hell out of it.

And even so, even after being dead certain that there was no way the brunet could be ok with what had happened... he fucking turned those endless, honey colored eyes on him and stubbornly said that he thought he was in love with him.

L took another drink.

What the fuck was he supposed to do with that?

_ I’d been a complete asshole and  _ **_then_ ** _ Light says something like that?? _ It was fucked up. It was… inconceivable. Light should rightly be pissed off at him. Not spouting off about having feelings for him. 

It made everything so much harder. 

Light was dismantling many of the things that had previously been obstacles. It seemed he’d finally come to a place where he was willing to give up the girl, not to mention the way he’d suddenly become persistent about pursuing what he wanted. He was steadily losing the immaturity, making him a bigger force to be reckoned with.

_ But none of that matters if he goes away for school. _

If that was how things were going to work out, he didn’t want any part of it. Light might as well keep on with the girl and leave him out of it. Even if it  _ was _ fucking difficult to keep from getting further involved.

“I’m going to kill you if you don’t let me sleep soon,” Jayden mumbled.

“Were you talking to Light earlier?” L decided to test him while his guard was down.

“ _ No _ ,” he said, seeming believable. “What the fuck is wrong with you? Let me SLEEP.”

“I actually feel guilty over something.”

Jayden rolled his head to look at L and raised an eyebrow. “You?” A second later, a giant yawn split his face. “No wonder you’re fucking brooding.”

“Piss off,” L said without much conviction. 

“So you did something you regret. Fucking apologize and be done with it.”

“But I  _ don’t _ regret it. That’s why I feel guilty.”

Maybe it was the perverse in him, but he’d likely do it all over again. Light just got deep in his blood. There was just something about the brunet, and every look, twitch, or shudder was utterly fascinating to him. He wanted to break him apart and build him up, to tear him down with soft touches and redden his face with debased whispers. 

Jayden groaned. “Then why don’t you take a look at  _ why _ you feel guilty?”

L spared him an annoyed look. “I  _ just _ said--”

“Arrrgh!” Jayden exclaimed, sitting upright. “That isn’t a fucking reason. Goddamnit I’m too tired for this.” He slid off the stool and wobbled a little. He was definitely about to give some sort of speech before beating it the hell out of here, by the look of it. “Guilt implies you feel bad about something,” his cousin said shortly. “So if you don’t regret what you  _ did _ , you feel bad about something **_else_ ** .” 

Impatience made his tone even more caustic as he said, _ “Figure it out _ . I’m not a fucking guidance counselor.” With that, he took his leave.

L decided to be a little catty. “For what it’s worth, I think you’d make a great role model,” he called after his cousin as he walked off.

Jayden flicked him off as he slouched out the door. 

* * *

L made his way home on foot not too much later, rolling down the street at a composed but drunken amble.

He was straight up tired of thinking.

Mulling over all of this was going to give him a headache to rival the one he’d likely have whenever he woke up.

“Fucking brat,” he muttered to himself, shaking his head. Who knew this attractive young man would be able to make things so fucking complicated? 

He still hadn’t come any closer to figuring out what the hell he was going to do with this situation. Light’s lack of experience had definitely shot their relationship in the foot on more than one occasion. Then he had the gall to get that fucking girl involved, which for some asinine reason made L feel like he was competing with her, which pissed him off. On top of that, the brunet was stubbornly set on using distance as the solution with his parents, which probably wasn’t going to work the way he was anticipating anyway. All of that added up to the pretty logical move to keep his distance and break things off before lust, or Light himself, made him like the brunet more than he already did.

It stuck him as bizarre how Light could seem so young and almost in need of a mentor at times; Yet, at other times, they were going at things toe-to-toe and he almost wasn’t aware of the age difference at all. 

Maybe it was a little like the mess of roles Jayden seemed to embody; his cousin was unbelievably and aggravatingly childish at times, yet he was also the brother L had never had and a pretty solid friend most days. By contrast, Light happened to be sharp, resourceful, headstrong, as well as a capable and passionate lover; yet he was like a child when it came to navigating the issues with his parents or his own feelings.

L sighed with a pained expression and scruffed a lazy hand through his spiky hair, making it stick up more than usual.

_ Maybe I’m doomed to deal only with fucking complicated people in my personal life. _

The sky was just starting to change with the cold, subtle light of predawn. It was still largely black outside and the stars were all quite visible. It would be a while yet before sunrise. Which was good, he thought. He could at least hope to be asleep before the light started glaring. Not much would make it around the blackout curtain in his bedroom, but the daylight created a stuffy air to things, a ripe environment for insomnia.

He let out a huge yawn, interrupting himself mid-motion as he was trying to unlock his front door. 

_ Goddamn I’m tired all of a sudden. _

His apartment was still nice and cool, and peacefully dark.

He took a detour to the kitchen on his way to his bed, and gulped down a large glass of water. It would hardly work miracles, but it could lessen the hell he’d be feeling later on. His empty stomach argued that all the water could well make him feel like utter shit promptly; it was churning with displeasure.

Absently, he noticed that Light’s phone was no longer on the counter where he’d left it.

L put down the empty glass.

_ He must have left after all. _ He vaguely remembered saying something to Light about staying put and waiting for him, but it was probably better that he didn’t. He was too fucking tired to do anything but sleep, and he didn’t know what he could have said to the brunet anyway. He needed more time to think on things. He hadn’t even processed his reaction to that kamikaze confession yet.

L yawned again, almost splitting his jaw with how wide it was, and shook his head. _ I’ll deal with it later, _ he promised himself. 

He trudged back to the bedroom, taking time only to kick off his shoes before sinking down onto his wonderfully comfortable bed. Seconds later, he realized he wasn’t alone. There was the subtle indication of another’s presence. He rolled his gaze to the place next to him and caught sight of Light’s sleeping face.

_ Ah, so you  _ were _ still here. _

He experienced an odd mix of feeling pleased and yet also feeling put on the spot.

The brunet seemed to have fallen asleep unintentionally. He was wearing his jeans and shirt, and the collared shirt was on the bed next to him as if he had only put it down for a moment. His cell phone was clutched loosely in one hand, which rested upon his stomach. His head wasn’t even on a pillow.

_ Idiot. _ L propped his head on his hand and reached out to poke the side of Light’s face. There was no reaction. He poked his finger more insistently into Light’s cheek and moved it around in a little circle. Light’s brows furrowed ever so slightly, as if with annoyance, and his eyelashes fluttered against his cheeks. It was kind of endearing. 

_ What am I supposed to do with you? _ he wondered as he traced his finger down the curve of the brunet’s jaw.  _ Love? _ he thought absently.  _ What would you know about that… you’re probably just infatuated…. _

He found himself staring at Light’s slightly parted lips, watching as they moved almost imperceptibly with each breath the brunet took. They were pretty, much like the rest of him. A few shades darker than his skin and with a warmer hue. They had a well-formed, sensual shape that looked made for kissing. He traced Light’s lower lip with his thumb. Soft… firm… Even just half-heartedly courting the idea of kissing him stirred his body.

It was laughable. If Light was infatuated with him, then he was as well. Incredibly so.

He leaned in and pressed his lips softly to the brunet’s. The warm feeling in his belly spread as he allowed himself this little transgression. But it only made him want more. He wanted to taste that mouth and feel Light kissing him back.

He seriously toyed with the idea of waking him up.

For almost 5 minutes.

But, in the end, that foreign feeling of guilt made him cut his losses and opt for sleep. He didn’t want to face any accusations about what had transpired between them earlier. Not on this little sleep. And, quite frankly, he didn’t know what he would do if Light looked him in the eyes again and started talking about love. He was too fucking adorable when he was earnest like that… and if L was honest, hearing him say that stuff earlier… it had made his heart race. But it also happened to make his stomach drop out rather unpleasantly. Between the two, he really couldn’t say which was the stronger response.

He should be happy if Light was professing feelings of any kind. It gave him a chance to pull strings and get rid of that Marin girl. But instead… he felt out of sorts and almost anxious about it. It wasn’t like him at all.

Goddamnit, here he was thinking about all of this shit again when he needed to be fucking sleeping. Enough was enough!  

He jammed his head into his pillow and pulled Light onto it with him, wrapping an arm and a leg around him like a body pillow.

Light stirred only faintly.

It was a little bit torturous to be this close to him, smelling the faint scent of his shampoo and his skin. But he was also really comfortable. He nuzzled Light’s ear as he settled in to sleep, eliciting a soft, unconscious, “hmm,” from the brunet.

Within minutes, he slipped into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

TBC


	25. (Sunday) Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...in which L is not a morning person, especially not when hungover. (first real interaction between L and Light after the confession)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 25: (Sunday) Morning   _

Light blearily blinked his eyes as he felt a buzzing on his stomach. It took him a minute to gather that it was his phone.

He did a double take as he realized the reason he was having difficulty moving was that L was draped over him. His face was buried in Light’s shoulder and he seemed utterly dead to the world.

Anxiety and irritation spiked through him in equal measure.

What right did L have to look so comfortable after what happened yesterday? And making him wait till god knows when for him to come home... He felt annoyed with himself that he’d apparently fallen asleep sometime after talking to Jayden. He’d come in here while he debated staying or going and somehow he was now waking up like this.

Light fought his way out of the insidiously pleasant feel of L’s body wrapped around him and gave him an ornery shove onto his back. “And when did you get back, huh?”

* * *

L’s voice was hoarse as he put a hand over his face and groaned. “What time is it?”

“7:30am.”

“No,” L responded emphatically and rolled over, burying his face in his pillow. “No no no,” he mumbled with a muffled voice. “Need more sleep.”

The hangover hadn’t hit yet but L could feel that he was sleep-drunk. There was no way he was of sound mind to deal with anything other than being unconscious at the moment.

“My mother is already asking what time I’ll be home.”

L cursed into his pillow. **_Why me?_ ** For the love of god, all he wanted to do is sleep! Just for another hour or two, at least. Even his intermittent insomnia allowed him to grab 3 to 4 hours. He estimated he’d had about one and a half so far. “So go _home_ ,” he growled.

Light made an aggravated noise and yanked the pillow out from under him, then proceeded to beat him in the head with it.

It was bad enough that little maneuver slammed his nose into the mattress, which _hurt_ , but the beating was showing no signs of slowing down. The pillow stung as it kept smacking him with surprising force.

“Jesus Christ, Light!” he yelled, sitting up abruptly as he warded off the blows. That was a bad move. Apparently his hangover HAD started to take effect. His head swam and his stomach churned threateningly. He felt a little green.

“You look like shit,” Light observed helpfully, from around the pillow. Pausing to rest his arms?

“No thanks to you,” he muttered, laying back down.

“How is drinking too much MY fault? I wasn’t even there.”

L threw an arm over his eyes. “It just is.” He didn’t want to bother explaining that, but Light would probably just assume he was being nonsensical. That suited him just fine. He didn’t have the reserves to be eloquent or nice at the moment. “And I got back about 2 hours ago,” he muttered, in case Light decided to start beating him again for not answering. His head had started throbbing from the first round with the pillow, he didn’t need to make it worse.

Light scoffed at him. “I bet you are just desperate for sleep.”

“I am,” he agreed. “So get the fuck out and leave me to it.”

The pillow slammed across his face. “Ow goddamnit!” L shouted. Apparently his nose had taken a little too much abuse and was starting to feel quite sore.

“You are a total fucking ass!” Light exclaimed, smacking him with the pillow yet again. “Un-fucking-believable!”

“Ow! Damnit, I’m sorry!” L said, throwing his hands up to defend himself. “I’m just so **_tired_ ** , I can’t--”

“Can’t _what_?? Be a civil human being?!”

“Yes, that!”

Light let out a string of curses under his breath. “I should _smother_ you to death with this pillow,” he threatened.

L scraped together the scraps of his civility in an effort to keep things from getting any worse. “Just give me an hour. Or two. Please. I’m begging you.”

“Doesn’t sound like begging to me,” Light groused, but at least he didn’t sound as pissed off or offended now.

L made a mental note to work on his filters, so that he didn’t make life harder for himself just because he was used to saying the first thing on his mind. It was partly a side effect of his odd interaction with his cousin. They stirred shit up with each other nearly out of habit. Being that way with Light might just get him killed.

“Still, you don’t have to be such an asshole for no reason,” the brunet muttered.

L jumped slightly as he felt fingertips slide across his temples and into his hair at the side of his head. “What are you doing?” He almost pulled away, not generally one to like having his hair messed with, but… he grudgingly admitted it felt kind of nice. It also seemed to ease the pounding of his head a little.

“Shhh.” Light’s hands were delicate, massaging circles over his temples and other parts of his head, smoothing over his hair as they moved from spot to spot. “Just go back to sleep. I’ll bring you some water when you wake up.”

That shouldn’t be too difficult. He felt like he was already starting to drift. “You’re being rather nice all of a sudden,” he murmured.

“Maybe it’s because I want something from you,” Light said in a saccharine voice.

L doubted it. He was just playing around, he was pretty sure. “Mmm,” he said.

Damn but Light seemed to have magic fingers. He was getting totally lost in the feel of them.

He almost didn’t notice his pounding head any longer, and his thoughts were lingering happily on things like indulging himself in the feel of Light’s mouth against his, or even a bit more than that. An impossibility at the moment, of course, but he could almost pretend he felt fine. It was a continuation of the mood that had struck him right before falling asleep earlier.

It was incredibly peaceful like this and he gave himself up to it.

* * *

L woke up some time later, unaware of having fallen asleep. He started to sit up, still a little out of it, and noticed something weird and a little heavy falling down into his eyes. Cold, a little wet… He reached up and found that it was a damp washcloth that had been folded and placed upon his forehead. He stared at it a moment before putting it aside.

Hmn…

Sitting next to his bed on the table was a glass of water.

He frowned as that guilt feeling started creeping in out of nowhere.

Next to that was 2 pills that were likely headache medicine.

_He really did think of everything…_

L would expect most people would feel touched to have someone take care of them like this. And he kind of did, though he wasn’t used to it… but this faint, gnawing and _useless_ feeling of guilt was putting him on edge.

Why the hell did he feel bad? Seriously! It was making him antsy and annoyed. Yesterday was yesterday. He was over it! He reached over to grab the glass of water and downed the pills just in case.

The gnawing continued.

“Damnit,” he said under his breath.

He couldn’t use lack of sleep as an excuse. He was mostly coherent now. Still felt like shit, but that was just the hangover.

L put the glass back on the table and laid back on the bed, putting his hands over his face. He groaned into them.

 _Ok, fine!_ He’d deal with this. He heaved a sigh and thought back to the night before. It hadn’t done any good combing over it earlier, and looking for regret. So… when did the pesky feeling of guilt first surface? When had he noticed it?

It was a little vague… but he seemed to recall it encroaching on him when he’d been on the receiving end of a good many of Light’s glares - the ones where the brunet seemed to be biting his tongue. That would be last night, when they were here, after the bar. It hadn’t been noticeable to him at the time. He’d been pretty angry through part of it, and entirely focused on breaking Light’s insistence though pressure. He knew the brunet wanted to talk and he was not in the mood for it.

_Ah…_

Light’s persistence is what made him feel guilty.

He sighed and pressed his fingers against his eyes. _Ugh._ The pressure in his head seemed to have amplified. Whether that was due to his little revelation or not, he didn’t know.

“What the hell time is it anyway?” he muttered to himself.

_Not just the persistence… I’d been trying to crush his pride and yet he snapped right back afterwards, completely focused, arguing with me, and then…._

“ _Trying_ to crush his pride,” he said under his breath. “Not even. I went easy….”

He’d still treated Light with kid gloves. If his true intent had been to crush him, he would have. He didn’t.

But even so, what happened should have been enough to put Light off. He’d surely said enough to upset him, and it had most definitely worked. But that almost seemed to strengthen the brunet’s resolve to have it out with him afterwards.

Meanwhile, that actually made him feel **_more_ ** put-on-the-spot and _less_ inclined to do just that.

Their argument was one of those odd moments where he didn’t feel the age difference between them at all. It had set him on edge, and things had started feeling _really_ complicated.

 _Honestly,_ he scoffed at himself. They were yelling at each other and yet, in that moment, he felt the most in danger of getting pulled back in. That was probably the only reason he threw out that comment about Light moving away. He’d lost his composure and had given himself away. But he’d hoped it would serve not only as a reminder for himself, but as a roadblock for Light. Because it was totally true and it was something Light hadn’t been dealing with.

That pesky guilt feeling? It had amplified like an explosion when the words “in love” popped out of the brunet’s mouth. Which was right after he’d brought up the major contentions they’d had in their brief relationship and shown a willingness to address them.

_Shit._

It wasn’t only Light’s persistence then, that made him feel guilty, but the _reason_ behind it.

Light was serious about working things out... **_That_ ** was what he’d wanted to talk about, and L had been blocking him the entire time.

_And, I was an asshole..._

In light of that new information… some of the stuff he had said was pretty awful. For instance, that shit about keeping on with that Marin girl, or about fucking without feelings…

“Ugh…”

Guilt and something suspiciously akin to embarrassment were stabbing him in the chest.

To say he was out of his element was an understatement.

“Oh, you’re awake?”

L looked up as Light came into the room. A bunch of reactions swarmed him in that first startled moment. “Yeah,” he said around the tightness in his throat. Damn this was awkward.

Light bent a critical eye upon him. “You look like a wreck,” he observed.

L felt annoyed hearing the obvious pointed out. Before he could say anything snarky back, Light was pushing a plate of food into his hands. Eggs and toast. “What the hell is this?”

Scary, he’d been so focused on Light, that he hadn’t even taken notice that he’d been carrying something.

He looked back up. Judging from Light’s glare, he’d just said something to piss him off. He seemed to be good at that lately. It wasn’t improving his mood. “What?” he demanded.

Light sighed and looked like he was counting to ten. “Nothing,” he said shortly, shaking his head and leaving the room.

“Hey,” L called after him. “Where did you get this stuff from?” He knew for a fact he didn’t have either eggs or bread in the fridge. Or much of anything, for that matter. He’d been putting off going to the store. He hadn’t been eating much lately anyway.

“The convenience store,” Light called back from the other room, still sounding peeved.

L wasn’t entirely convinced he wanted to eat, but he took a cautious bite of toast. He should probably thank the brunet for his efforts. He doubted he’d come off as entirely appreciative.

The toast seemed to be ok, so he took a small bite of the eggs. His stomach rumbled a little, but this too seemed ok.

As he ate, his brain poked about at some things. This early on a Sunday… the convenience store would have been the only thing open anyway. Light didn’t have a car, so he would have had to walk. He easily could have just gone home. The parents probably had a whole fridge full of food that he could have chosen from.

He’d recalled seeing Light’s eyes flick over to the glass of water and missing pills before giving him the food.

Oh….

Realization was dawning on him.

Yeah, he needed to apologize for being an asshole, yet again.

It seemed Light had made him food specifically so he wouldn’t have a bunch of water or the headache medicine riding on an empty stomach. It was beyond considerate and it would certainly help with the nausea. Last night proved well enough how great chugging water on an empty stomach could go, and today would definitely be worse.

He sort of dreaded the whole apology thing.

He wasn’t a very apologetic person. It gave him mental hives.

Probably a result of his upbringing, but he felt well and over apologizing for himself. Still…. an apology was warranted. All of this guilt shit was admittedly giving him an attitude problem. Which wasn’t Light’s fault. Still…. the thought of talking to the brunet was also stressing him out. He didn’t know how he wanted to handle this situation yet. He actually felt… indecisive. He hardly ever felt indecisive!

 _It’s the lack of sleep,_ he told himself.

He didn’t fucking believe that for a second, but it was a good excuse.

After eating as much as he was able, L went to the bathroom to brush his teeth and splash water on his face. He did look rough. But in a totally more dignified way than Light had implied.

Maybe a shower would liven him up…. make him look a little more respectable.

Though his hair would be laughable...

 _Holy shit I’m antsy,_ he realized though the meandering babble of his thoughts.

He was quite literally distracting himself from dealing with this thing - apologizing. Or, more importantly, talking to Light and potentially dealing with the whole of this situation. He could really go for a cigarette. Or a drink; though his current state would attest to the sanity of _that_ decision.

 _Jesus._ He was **not** used to shit like this.

_Alright, fuck it._

He dried his face on a towel and headed straight for the kitchen, or wherever it was Light was currently at.

Which, as it turned out, was nowhere.

L looked around the front room and the kitchen multiple times, not really believing his eyes.

_What the fuck… he left?_

“Damnit!” he cursed, intensely aggravated now.

It hadn’t even been that long.

He located his phone, conveniently still in the pocket of his pants from yesterday which he was still wearing.

He dialed Light and waited for the call to ring through.

Annnnd it went to voicemail.

The thought that Light was ignoring his call pissed him off even more. He called again. And again. Each time, he only let it ring twice before hanging up. He did that maybe a dozen times, knowing how intensely aggravating it was likely to be. Finally, he chucked the phone onto the couch, narrowly missing it ricocheting onto the floor.

“Fucking brat,” he muttered angrily, and set about making a fucking strong coffee. He still rather had the impulse for alcohol, though common sense said that wasn’t the brightest idea.

He heard his phone ring and ignored it.

The coffee was nice and strong but… it didn’t quite hit the spot.

“Aw, _fuck it_ . Who cares.” He reached into the cabinet and pulled out some whiskey, dumping some into the coffee. _They call it hair of the dog for a reason,_ he thought dismissively and took a swig of the coffee.

 _‘Hair of the dog that bit you’…_ If that was treating a hangover with a little more alcohol, what would _‘hair of the dog’_ be for something like Light?

Whiskey and coffee made a pleasant mix. He’d probably regret it later. Though, he wasn’t feeling all that awful physically at the moment. The agitation was a different matter. Although, the alcohol was beating it back a little.

His phone rang again, annoying him. The sound was like nails on a chalkboard.

 _Jesus Christ_! he thought picking it up. “What??” he demanded sharply.

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” Light yelled in his ear, in response to his tone, most likely.

_Shit._

“You’re the one who called ME, are you not? Like at least 10 times?!”

It had been childish, he’d admit… though not out loud. “Well, if you had picked up the damn phone,” he argued back, not sounding sorry in the least. “But nevermind that,” he said, changing the subject. “Where the hell are you?”

“I went the fuck _home_ , like you told me to do earlier,” he snapped. “Which I stupidly didn’t listen to at the time.”

“Well, you can’t be home yet," L reasoned, "or you wouldn’t be yelling so freely.”

Light made a sound of intense aggravation, proving him right.

“Did you tell them you were coming back?”

“Would it matter if I did?”

Light’s evasive answer was an obvious, ‘No’.

“Come back,” L said. His tone came out a little less imploring and a little more like a militant order. Unintentionally.

“What the fuck for?” Light’s tone was scathing. “You’ve been--”

“Did I tell you that you could go?” L said imperiously, cutting him off. His temper was getting the better of him. He’d only said ‘So go home’ since Light had seemed set on complaining. He hadn’t really meant it, he just wanted a little space. Getting out of his room was one thing. Leaving altogether when he’d been gearing up to this apology thing was quite another. “This morning?” he added pointedly.

“-- such an asshole,” Light stubbornly finished.

Damnit, but Light’s stubborn streak aggravated him; yet it also made him want to bend the brunet to his will and make him _submit_. It was one of the many things about him which was so very captivating.

L changed tactics. “You’re right,” he agreed.

“Huh??”

Light now sounded pissed off **and** bewildered.

“And I didn’t get a chance to thank you for breakfast.”

“....” Light was silent for a long moment. He seemed to be debating something rather heavy.

L was able to finish the second half of his coffee in the time it took.

When Light spoke again, he sounded a little off. “Look, I… need some time to rethink some things…”

Hearing that made L feel uneasy and, right on its heels, aggravated. _Is he seriously backing down? Now??_ That’s what it sounded like.

“You mean like the time you gave me to think over the stuff you dropped on me last night?” L pressed, taking the initiative and claiming control over the direction of the exchange. He was actually peeved over that. He thought he’d done pretty fucking well in the time he’d been given. “ _No_. Let’s do this now.”

“I don’t really want to,” Light muttered reluctantly, under his breath.

“Why?” he said mockingly. “Are you afraid of what I’ll say?” L knew his tone was a bit harsh but he couldn’t help it. His nerves were still on the fritz. Not to mention, he was actually speaking his own fear at the moment. Light gave the impression that he was about to go from being persistent to returning to that wishy washy hell which had been so difficult to deal with in the first place.

“I don’t need you to say it,” Light said stiffly. “You’ve already made yourself plenty clear. I just wasn’t listening.”

“What are you on about--?” L started off with an agitated tone. He did **_not_ ** like this resigned tone Light was giving him.

“Well, I’m listening now,” he concluded quietly and hung up.

L stared at his phone in shock. “Are you fucking kidding me??” He put down his coffee cup a little harder than necessary. “In what fucking universe is hanging up on a person LISTENING to them?!”

Before he knee-jerk reacted, he called his cousin. It was early, and Jayden would likely be pissed off, but he’d get over it.

“Grrnngksdg,” Jayden said when he finally answered.

“ ** _Wake up_ **. I need to ask you something.”

“G’morning to you, too, asshole,” Jayden grumbled. He continued to mutter under his breath, “What the fucking hell… you’re killing me.”

“Do you think Light is the type to get the wrong impression in his head and run with it?”

Jayden was silent for a minute. Either he was thinking... or he was experiencing an epic yawn. “I’m assuming you fucked something up then?” he concluded lazily.

“ _What?_ ” Now that was just insulting.

“But it’s so _eaaarly_ ,” his cousin griped. “How did anything manage to happen at this godforsaken hour?”

“Jayden, it’s eleven o’clock,” he said with aggravation.

“I _know_ ,” his cousin lamented, somehow marking 11am as too early an hour to even be conscious.

L let out a frustrated noise. “Could you just answer the damn question?”

“Could you answer _mine_?” Jayden tossed back, sounding annoyed as well.

“What, how something could happen before 11am?” It seemed like such a stupid question, it bugged him to even answer it. He was losing time. “Light stayed over.”

“What?!” Jayden exclaimed, sounding pissed now. “I fucking told him to just leave!” He continued ranting some more, but L wasn’t really catching most of it. He was too focused on what he _had_ heard.

“And when the hell did you have time to play ‘guidance counselor’, you fucking liar?” He _knew_ it! It had to be that call Jayden took at the bar.

“I can explain,” Jayden said quickly, their dynamic shifting in an instant. He always acted so fucking guilty when he thought L would be well and truly pissed at him.

“Did you not learn your lesson the _last_ time you meddled in shit?” L said incredulously.

“Could you _not_ bring that up again?” his cousin muttered sullenly. “It’s actually a sore spot.”

“You’d better start talking fast,” L threatened. “What do you know?”

“I don’t really want to start spilling, either,” Jayden said reluctantly. “That got me in trouble last time, too,” he pointed out.

“Oh, _now_ you’re worried about morals after lying to me **_again_ **? You know I fucking hate that!”

“Jesus! You are so un-fucking-reasonable!” Jayden snarled back. Guiltily. “Look, I can tell you there is a good chance YOU fucked it up and gave the wrong impression.”

“How is that supposed to be helpful??”

“Did you figure out why you felt guilty?”

“YES.”

“Did you apologize?”

“Sort of,” he said with a frown, feeling a little restless. “I didn’t exactly get a lot of time to spend on that.” Man, that sounded like making excuses. Maybe if he’d somehow played things differently this morning, Light wouldn’t have walked out so quickly. But honestly, how much time did he really have? They had barely even talked and it had already fallen to shit.

“Did you say anything in response to what he told you last night?”

_‘I think I’m in love with you.’_

“He _told_ you that??” L said in surprise. Un-fucking-believable. Light certainly felt awfully prone to sharing with his cousin. It made him angry. Jealous, to be precise.

“I’m going to take that as a ‘No’, and rest my case,” Jayden announced. “If he got the wrong impression, it’s your own damn fault. Now, I’m going back to sleep. Don’t fucking call me. _Handle your shit_.” He hung up.

Damn, but he was bitchy when he woke up.

L rubbed the bridge of his nose. What had he said to Light last night…? After that confession, he wasn’t really thinking too clearly. He remembered being pretty shocked. And then….

And then…

 _...fuck._ He couldn’t remember.

Going by impressions, though… probably not anything affirmative.

L sighed. So, Jayden was probably right... Light had the impression that his feelings had been rejected; He was giving up.

 _Damnit._ That wasn’t really…

L started to pace, thinking through some things. He’d had at least 2 people constantly calling him an asshole for at least the last 12 hours… Circumstances aside, he could probably assume that he’d misrepresented himself.

Speaking of the last 12 hours or so… He and Light weren’t exactly in a stable place to begin with. The evening had started out with an unplanned encounter of the brunet and that girl on a date. He’d been planning to ignore it entirely, but Jayden had stuck his nose in and forced a really uncomfortable sequence of events. Somehow during that time, he started forgetting to forget about Light. Somehow, he then started soliciting him and couldn’t really stop once he saw the reactions he was getting.

He’d been angry, jealous, and pulled in, in turns. At the same time, Light was obviously suffering some emotional whiplash of his own. It was one of the things that had kept catching L’s eye. Light had started off acting angry and avoidant, but there were things that belied a great deal of nervousness. His eyes, for one. He wasn’t nearly as skilled at keeping them blank as he was at schooling his expression. Then, the tremor in his hand just before they took that first shot together.

Light wasn’t nearly as composed as he was trying to be.

L had wanted to find the cracks in that facade and send it crashing to the ground. He couldn’t help himself. Somehow that led into some insane sexual tension and a morbid urge to see if he couldn’t ply Light away from that Marin girl.

In the end, Light had utterly crumbled. He gave up, gave in, and didn’t spare Marin a second glance.

_Was he that sure he had feelings for me, even then?_

_Or, before that?_

How long could he have possibly had feelings for? This kid that was notoriously awful with handling his own feelings...

He mulled that over a good long while.

Suddenly, Light’s seemingly nonsensical behaviour was making a little more sense.

No, not just a little. A _lot_ more sense.

Realization began to hit him with considerable force. L cursed under his breath, shaking his head in disbelief. That damn kid had been running away from _himself_ , since damn near the beginning! Jerking him around, for the most part, had just been a secondary side effect.

He grabbed his keys and some really dark sunglasses and rushed out of his apartment to go find him.

A few minutes later he trudged back in, thinking better of it.

If he wasn’t mistaken…He went to the bedroom and, like he remembered, a white button-down shirt lay abandoned on the bed. _Aha._ He picked it up, his excuse, and headed back out the door.

* * *

TBC


	26. Reparations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L chases after Light, determined to set things right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for funsies, listen to Die Antwoord "I Fink U Freeky"  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=glBnivDCIe8
> 
> (totally not a themesong for this chapter tho LOL)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 26: Reparations _

Light wasn’t sure who to expect at the door when he answered it, but it certainly wasn’t  **L** he was expecting to find. 

“What are you doing here?” he hissed in a panic. He had now officially lumped L in with his parents, into a group called:  _ ‘people I don’t know how to deal with’ _ . He also maintained an insane fear that if his parents merely _ saw _ them together, they would somehow instantly know they’d slept together.

L held up Light’s white, collared shirt and waggled it at him, looking quite composed and raising an eyebrow at him.

_ So, is that the only reason he’s here then? _ For the barest fraction of a second, he’d had a hope that maybe L had sought him out to talk things over. Stupid, he knew.

He reached out for the shirt, only to find L holding it out of range. “Uh-uh.” His expression was just this side of pitying. Or maybe it was a condescending look. “Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

“My parents are here,” Light said stonily.

He felt kind of peeved that L didn’t look like utter hell anymore. More or less, he was back to normal. Although his dark shades might be hiding a different story. 

“So? I’ll say hi if I have to.”

Light stood there, door half open, and they just looked at each other.

As much as he wanted to be able to pick apart some flaw in L’s appearance, at least, he couldn’t. L looked just as compelling to him as usual, but a little rakish as well with this sudden careless behavior.

_ Shit!  _ he yelled at himself.  _ How are you going to forget about him and move on if you keep focusing on useless things like that? _

He got a tight feeling in his chest.  _ He didn’t take your confession well, he refused to say anything in response to trying things out again, then he was a total asshole. How much more rejection do you need before you’ll just QUIT?! _

L sighed. “Ok, we can do this here I guess.”

“Do what?” Ok, now he was confused.

“I was an asshole, on more than one occasion, and for that I am sorry.”

_ Come again? _ Light was utterly shocked. L was  _ apologizing _ to him??

Apparently he wasn’t finished. “I also didn’t answer you properly the other night. Again, sorry. You took me off guard.”

Light blinked. Several times. 

What bizarre Twilight Zone reality was this?

“Look, can I come in? The bright light is killing me.”

Light debated the folly in that. “Come under the stoop,” he said, relenting a little. It would be shadier there. “And let me see past the sunglasses.” He was fully expecting the illusion of well-being to completely die the moment he got a peek.

L complied, stepping closer and taking the sunglasses down a few notches, though he winced.

To Light’s surprise, he looked almost totally fine!

“How in the hell do you look anywhere near ok??” he exclaimed in hushed tones. “I saw you less than an hour ago!” 

“Coffee,” L said simply. “And a little hair of the dog.”

_ What in the hell did that mean? _ “Wha--” he started to ask, but was interrupted.

“Light?” Sachiko called. “Is someone at the door?”

“Damnit,” Light cursed.

“Let me in,” L cajoled, somehow making the words carry a double meaning. It didn’t help that he was standing so close and those smoky eyes were reminding him of quite a few indecent situations. He found himself starting to flush.

“ _ No _ ,” he whispered back emphatically. He couldn’t see any way in which that could be considered a good idea.

L darted forward, capturing his lips in a daring kiss. Soft, hot, sexy… Reaction shot through him, all the way to his toes.  _ What the hell is he….? _

“Light?” Sachiko said, just on the other side of the door. L pulled back just before she came into view. Luckily, Light’s back was turned and she couldn’t see his face - the stunned look, or the reaction L had upon him. “Oh! Oh my!” she said in surprise. “What are you doing here, Elliot?”

“Light forgot this,” L said, brandishing the shirt. “So, I thought I’d take him up on his offer.”

_My offer…?_ Light blanched. Was he…?? His brain was stuttering. Had L just apologized AND said he was willing to give them another chance? That couldn’t be possible. 

Could it??

Intense dark eyes flicked his way and he caught the hint of an amused smile.

“What offer was that, dear?” Mrs. Yagami asked lightly.

Light, for one panic-filled moment, was afraid that L was going to say something that would prove disastrous. Like the truth.

“He said I could pop by whenever I liked,” L said with a fake smile - his fakey facade already in place.

“Well, of course you can, dear!” Sachiko exclaimed happily. “It’s been such a long time, too.” She took the shirt from L’s hand and ushered him inside, in full hostess mode. 

“We were just about to have lunch,” she was saying as L ducked inside and Light trailed in after him. “You’re welcome to join us.”

“Why, thank you,” Elliot, the doppelganger, said pleasantly.

Light kicked the back of his heel, making L look back.

_ Food? Really?  _ he thought at him.

He doubted the rebound ability of L’s stomach, even if his outward appearance had magical restorative abilities.

L shrugged almost imperceptibly, indicating he’d handle it. His eyes, just before he turned back around, slid into that warm, almost sultry quality and a small smile quirked his lips up at the edges. 

It gave Light butterflies. 

He cursed the effect. He also realized he felt a little… giddy. Dangerously close to feeling happy. Hopeful. Oooh that could be so dangerous. And what would he do if he started grinning like an idiot in front of his parents, he thought with a frown. Or worse, blushing because of L doing something?

_ Ok, so I won’t look at him. _

Plus, he’d better not get ahead of himself before he made sure that things were like he was being led to believe. How could he explain this 180 degree turnabout L seemed to have done? 

“Oh,” L said, to his mother. “Do you mind if I talk to Light briefly first? It shouldn’t take long.” He tilted his head to indicate upstairs.

“Oh, sure,” Sachiko said. “We’ll be right here when you are done.”

Light was stunned and a little indignant. Apparently this was now **_no big deal_** , having L up to his room, since it had happened all of _… Oh, let me think… ONCE._ How was it that L’s mere presence was bending all sorts of well-established rules that had never before wavered more than a fraction?

L took his wrist in hand and dragged him up the stairs. Light kept looking behind them to see if either of his parents were watching. They didn’t seem to be. Not at all.

God, he was nervous. His heart was pounding in his throat, and he could barely focus on anything but L’s fingers wrapped around his wrist. His skin tingled and was warm where they touched.

It looked like the talk might be happening earlier than he thought.

And, in his own house… this was less than anticipated, to say the least. 

They had barely shut the room of his door behind them, when L’s mouth crashed against his. Light flushed as the passion in it nearly melted his insides.  _ Good god….  _

It was infinitely more scandalous that they were doing this where they most definitely could be caught.

A small moan tried to escape the back of his throat, and he tried in vain to regain some kind of composure.

Talking… weren’t they supposed to be doing some of that?

With monumental will, he pushed L back and tried to catch his breath.

“Sorry,” L said unrepentantly, as he leaned in to nuzzle Light’s ear. “I’ve been wanting to do that since last night.” His breath was warm, and the small brushes of his lips were incredibly distracting. Desire was pooling in his belly already.

“Last night?” Light asked with an effort. Would this be after his confession…? After L had gotten home?

“Mmm,” L confirmed. “And this morning.”

“But…” He was confused. He hadn’t even been awake when L got home, and this morning, L had seemed to be anything  _ but _ amorous.

“Don’t stress the details,” L murmured distractingly, tilting his head back up to receive a kiss that made him see stars.

How embarrassing. He was actually considering if there was a way they could conceivably take this somewhere further, without his parents knowing any better. A reckless thought. But with L’s lean body sliding up against his, his common sense was starting to take a back seat.

One thought stood out though. He had to know if this was what he thought it was. He couldn’t do this if it was that emotion-free bullshit L had talked about earlier.

Before he could ask, L was saying something. “... agreed?”

“Sorry?” he said, utterly dazed and behind the eight ball. He’d actually missed a good deal of what was just said.

Instead of looking annoyed, L looked wildly amused at his expense.

“What?” Light said with a frown.

“That’s adorable,” L said with a slight laugh and a wider smile. He leaned in and flicked his tongue against Light’s lower lip, sparking off more of those pleasant, debilitating sensations in his belly.

_ Damnit…. _ His head felt like it was about to float off of his shoulders. “What were you saying?” he asked with difficulty.

“Hmn?” L said coyly, “You could just agree…” He started playing at Light’s lips, kissing them softly and toying with them in turn.

_ Jesus…  _

Light’s eyelids fluttered and he struggled not to just give in.

How was he able to have such a strong effect, and so quickly?

“What agreement?” he got out.

“I know you wanted to ask… about us.” L changed tacts, a little more serious now. His eyes looked luminous. “I’m saying that we can give this another chance. But there is a condition.”

Light’s eyes widened. This was for real? He wasn’t dreaming? He’d better not be fucking dreaming.

He nodded slowly at L.

“You need to do it,” L said. “Like you said earlier, about breaking things off with the girl.”

Yes, he had said that, hadn’t he?

Light hesitated, thinking what a difficult endeavor that was going to be. He’d thought about it before, but how was he going to start, have, and end  _ that _ conversation?

He realized that L’s gaze upon him was sharpening. “That pause wasn’t a no,” he backpedaled quickly, hoping that L wasn’t really taking it that way. “I already said I would do it, and I meant it.”

“When?” L pressed.

“Er…” He got the impression L wouldn’t mind if he did it right this moment. “Probably not before lunch? I don’t think there is time.”

“You sure?” L asked slyly. “There is almost time for a quickie. You  _ could _ just multitask and text her at the same time.”

“ _ No _ ,” Light whispered, appalled. “Are you crazy?”

“Maybe,” L said with a mischievous grin taking over his handsome face. “You sure you aren’t up to at least give it a try?”

“ **_No_ ** \--” he insisted.

“The quickie, I meant,” he amended smoothly.

Light flushed.

“Ha! I knew it had crossed your mind,” L teased triumphantly.

“Shut up,” he grumbled. “It’s an awful idea, obviously.”

L stroked a lingering hand up his hip, making him bite his lip. “Are you sure?” he asked silkily.

Light’s heart was pounding as fast as a rabbit’s. Only it was desire that was making his pulse race. It was made all the worse by going through this roller coaster only to have L end the stalemate by giving them another chance. It was so unexpected. His heart was so full of emotion, it felt like it was going to burst. "We shouldn’t,” he said weakly. They were supposed to be sitting around the kitchen table with his parents after this.

“Come on,” L wheedled, speaking against his lips. “Indulge me.”

Good lord, the way he said ‘indulge’... It was so rich and full, like he was sucking on something sumptuous and meltingly sweet as he said it. 

“Damnit,” Light cursed with a shaky breath, closing his eyes for a moment and losing the battle completely. His body was thrumming deliciously with nearly every look, action and word from L. Fighting it seemed like a fool’s errand. “There are socks in the drawer over there,” he said, relenting. (It was the best thing he had for keeping things neat, and undetectable later from snooping.) Even now, he was leaning shakily against the wall for support. “You suck,” he muttered. 

“Is that a request?” L said charmingly, as he returned, raising an eyebrow. His dark eyes looked deep enough to fall into.

Light flushed again.  _ Damnit. _

“It’s ok,” L consoled, with a trace of mockery in his sweet tone, “We’ll do a raincheck.” He started to unbutton Light’s pants. “For that and much,  _ much _ more,” he said, his voice dropping into a sexily husky tone.

Even the sock sliding over his arousal was near torture. He desperately wanted to feel skin on skin, and the heat of L’s palm, but more than that he needed to spend this desire.

“Will you do it tomorrow?” L asked, referring to the breakup with Marin. His voice was breathy in Light’s ear. “Or maybe just after I leave?” L’s hand was starting to slide up his hardened flesh.  _ God…  _ it felt so good.

Light felt his cheeks positively burning. “Whenever you want,” he said.  _ Just don’t stop. _

“However I want?” L teased him.

“Are we still talking about… her?” Somehow it didn’t seem so. It seemed more like L was talking about sex. His mind was running rampant with examples of ‘whenever’ and ‘however’.

“I don’t know,” L said huskily, “are we?”

Light’s breath hitched as desire sharpened to an ache. “Yes? No?” He wasn’t even sure if he cared at this point. “Just kiss me, will you?” he demanded impatiently, wanting to submerge himself in sensation before he short-circuited.

L obliged. Slowly. It was an infuriatingly reserved kiss that made him focus with every ounce of will to make it MORE. Harder, dirtier. Anything. It was killing him.

God, he was so close… If L would just kiss him  _ properly _ .

Light made a noise of frustration and pulled back.

“You forgot to say ‘please, please, oh god,  _ please _ ’.” L barely managed to keep a straight face. The laughter was in his eyes though, loud and clear.

“You assh--”

“Shh,” L said, laying a finger upon his lips to silence him. “I’ll just add it to that raincheck,” he said endearingly. His eyes were mischievous. “You have to let me tease you at least a little…you’re so damn cute when you get flustered.”

“I’m not flus--!”

L pressed a hot, demanding mouth against his and all of his protests died. His body throbbed. Ached. Stuttered.

L was still stroking his arousal, and he was so turned on he couldn’t see straight. 

_ Yes…. god… he was so close…. _

L gave his shaft a firm squeeze, making him bite back a moan. Then he flicked the head with the pad of his thumb, making Light gasp and dig his fingers into L’s arms. L’s thumb rolled over the sensitive head, drawing a knee-shaking circle with strategic pressure.

“I bet you wish this sock wasn’t in the way,” L whispered in his ear.

Jesus, he could only imagine how this would feel without that extra barrier. Even now, he was seconds away from begging.

But there wasn’t time… there was no time… L wouldn’t drag it out much longer, would he? They didn’t have the _ luxury _ of time. L could make him grovel and beg later, but not right  _ now _ .

“If you suck me off right now, I promise to fuck you long and hard later,” L said, giving his ear a little lick. “I saw how much that turned you on before.”

He wanted to argue that. He really did. 

But he had to admit, the thought of doing it made him kind of hot.

Besides, if he left this in L’s hands, they could be at this for hours.

“Ok,” he said.

“What?” L seemed surprised. “Seriously?”

_ Pfft. Figures, he wasn’t even serious about that. Still playing around. _

Light slid down the wall and undid L’s pants with clumsy hands. At the very least, he could get some payback for all of L’s torture. Besides, L was as obviously turned on as he was. He could hardly be expected to hide that once they went downstairs, even if he was a superb actor.

He let L’s cock slide into his mouth, keeping things soft and his lips light upon that heated flesh. He already knew that L liked it hard and fast. 

“Guh…” L said, wincing. “You’re killing me…”

Light sucked softly, too softly, he knew, to satisfy L’s lust. 

But he also knew he shouldn’t spend too long torturing him. He might just die on the spot if either of his parents came looking for them and they couldn’t finish. Either that, or they would be too far gone to stop and would just get caught in the act. 

_ Auughh _ … they were both awful choices!

He slid a tight hand upon L’s flesh and sucked hard at the tip of it, eliciting a sharp gasp from his partner. “Jezus,” L exhaled. He was bracing himself against the wall above Light’s head.

The reaction flared in his own gut. Giving L head seemed to amount to something of a power trip for him. How could he not like  _ that _ ?

Just before he sensed L was about at his limit, he slowed things down and also reached for his own arousal. His flesh was hypersensitive at this point and aching for release. He moaned a little as he touched it, while resuming his work of torturing L.

“Damn… you…” L gasped quietly. “I’m so…. paying you back… later….”

Just before Light felt he was about to come, he switched back to hard and fast. L muffled his voice in the crook of his arm as his body tensed and orgasm shot through him like a bolt of lightning. 

Light hardly registered it as he reflexively swallowed. His body was in its own riot of mind-ripping pleasure. 

_ Fuck the sock being in the way... why did this still feel so good….? _

It was probably mental.

He could hear L’s harsh breaths and feel the strain in his lean body.

It was so hot.

Sooo unbelievably hot.

Damn it, he was going to have a hard time composing himself after this. No pun intended.

L sank down onto the floor next to him when they were finished and pulled him into a leisurely, satisfied kiss.

“You’re shit at composure,” he said softly. The lust still hadn’t left his deep, dark eyes. “Go into the bathroom. I’ll go down first.”

* * *

By the time Light made his way downstairs, L was playing nice with his parents and keeping them both engaged.

They didn’t appear to be suspicious.

But Light remained cautious anyhow.

He slowly took his seat.

“So you do meals together every Sunday?” L was asking.

“That’s right,” Soichiro said heartily. “Sometimes lunch, or dinner, depending on my work.”

“Ah,” L said with a wistful smile. “That must be nice. My family was kind of….” He artfully trailed off. “Nevermind,” he said, brushing it aside. “Thank you for inviting me to your table.”

Light wanted to facepalm. He was pretty sure he could see where this was going.

As L probably suspected she would, his mother was zooming in on that open-ended tidbit of information.

“Elliot… do tell me if I’m prying,” she said delicately, looking apologetic, “but are you by chance from a broken home?”

_ Oh geez, _ Light thought. And ‘broken home’? Who even talks like that anymore?

‘Elliot’ put up a good show of being embarrassed. “Sorry, I don’t really like to speak of it… but yes. My grandparents took me in when I was fairly young.”

Oooh that was the perfect bait. But it was probably likely to backfire. Light knew L didn’t really like talking about his past, or his family, but his mother was gearing up to full reconnaissance mode. Light spared a look at him. Had L accounted for that? And if he had… what was he making the sacrifice for, specifically?

“Did your grandparents raise Jayden as well?”

Light could practically feel L tense up. He felt bad and a little worried. Hardly anything rattled his dark-haired lover, so it was a little hard to watch.

“Yes, that’s right,” L replied, keeping perfectly in character. 

Actually, from what Jayden had said, it was the deviant’s grandparents who had taken L in. He’d specifically said ‘my family took him in’, meaning, it wasn’t the grandparents they shared. L wouldn’t have been related to them at all. 

Then again, perhaps Jayden just meant that he’d been raised by their shared grandparents a good many years, establishing a new family unit, before L had been dropped off there as well. 

Light wondered, was it more likely that siblings that came from the same set of parents had both abandoned their sons? Or had it coincidentally been adult children from  _ different _ sets of parents doing the same thing?

Sachiko nodded. “I can’t say I’m surprised. You’re both so lovely and polite. I had a feeling you were raised in the same way.” She seemed tactful, except for the fact that she was still discussing this difficult topic, especially after ‘Elliot’ had expressed a reluctance for it. 

“So Jayden is from a broken home as well?” she said sadly.

Can one grit their teeth without overtly showing it? Light was getting the sense that that was  _ exactly _ what L was doing but he couldn’t quite prove it.

L nodded.

“Well,” Soichiro butted in. “You are both more than welcome to come here for Sunday meals, any time you like.”

_ Oh gaaawd.  _ The picture that painted was rather awkward.

Sachiko was nodding emphatically as well. “Is there anything you boys like to eat? I can make it for you if you let me know ahead.”

“That’s very kind of you.” L had recovered enough to give them a small, tragic smile. “I’ll let Jayden know, though he usually works Sundays.”

_ Wait a sec…. _

Was L purposely setting up this torture to spend more time with him?

Light poked at L’s leg under the table, needing to verify it. L masked casting a glance at him with taking a bite of the vegetable soup.

It was a complicated expression…. Part exasperation, part resignation, part determination, and part shut-the-fuck-up-and-don’t-say- _ anything _ .

Wow. It was a noble sacrifice. Light took a bite of the lightly toasted bread that accompanied the soup. And no wonder L didn’t want his cousin tagging along. He’d thought that line about Jayden working Sundays was a total load of crap. Seems like he was right.

“Light, honey, you aren’t eating much,” Sachiko fussed, looking at him worriedly.

“I guess I’m just hungry for something else,” he said with a lingering tone.

L, next to him, started to choke on a spoonful of soup.

Light hid his self-satisfied grin behind another bite of his bread. He felt accomplished, finally getting a dig in on L. It was about damn time.

“Son,” Soichiro said, addressing ‘Elliot’, “You should eat a little slower. There is plenty more if you want it. You don’t have to rush.”

L nodded, coughing weakly into his napkin with his eyes tearing a little. Under the table, however, he kicked Light rather sharply in the leg.

Light supposed he should feel at least a little concerned about payback, but just now he was experiencing a weird sort of well-being. Like all was somehow right with the world, disjointed, lopsided mess that it was.

* * *

TBC

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enuff sap for you?


	27. (phase 2) Setting Things to Rights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Insomnia. Light wrangles with the task of breaking things off with Marin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> marking the story as phases in the chapter titles to help break it up into 'books'.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

 

* * *

_ Part 27: Setting Things to Rights _

Light tossed and turned all that night. Not that he wasn’t happy about how things had turned out with himself and L, but he was now faced with a difficult task. He had to figure out a halfway decent way to break things off with Marin. Hopefully, letting her down easy.

Somehow, he didn’t think that would be possible, considering the circumstances.

He sighed and rolled over in bed yet again, the darkness of his room feeling claustrophobically stuffy. He rather wished this part was over and done with and wasn’t looming before him, killing what otherwise would have been a fantastic mood.

The thought had occurred to put it off, just a  _ little _ . Just long enough where he could let it sink in that L was not only speaking to him again, but was letting that wall down which had been damn near impassable for what had felt like an eternity. He felt such a profound sense of relief and gratefulness that it almost didn’t seem real. 

In his room, after the meal, they had gotten a chance to speak a little further and he could see where a lot of things had gone wrong. It was nothing short of amazing that things had recovered and they could work at this again. For future reference, lack of sleep was bound to make L insufferable. (Although that wasn’t L’s word for it). He’d apologized again for being ‘touchy’, and for giving the wrong impression. The part that was difficult for Light was being faced with the fact that his own indecisiveness, and his fear of developing deeper emotions he couldn’t walk away from, were a huge part of the entire trainwreck. 

He rubbed a hand over his face and groaned.

L didn’t say it in so many words, but a lot of the mixed signals had started with Light’s erratic behavior and his belief that things between them couldn’t possibly be serious.

Not that L was any kind of saint, absolved of any wrong. He’d certainly had a hand in things as well. But it made more sense to Light now, some of the ways he’d been acting. L had given up on everything after he felt Light was just jerking him back and forth. He’d been unwilling to continue that pattern, especially after he’d started to care more than anticipated.

The dark-haired man was a little bit of a contradiction when it came to his feelings. Largely, he was very laid back and things didn’t seem to bother him much at all. But when it came to Light, he had almost uncharacteristic bouts of jealousy.

He’d looked like he was swallowing a handful of nails as he admitted that, and looked mildly aggravated. He didn’t seem keen on discussing his innermost thoughts (funny, since L always liked to remind him of how  _ he _ wasn’t good with facing his emotions). 

The reason it had come up at all was because Light had tried to broach the topic of timing his breakup. L’s initial reaction looked like it would be rather caustic. But instead of speaking right away, he took a breath and forced himself to explain what would otherwise have been a rather unpleasant exchange. He just had no tolerance for the girl being around in that capacity, he said. She’d been the unwitting thorn in his side and he just needed this to be done and over.

_ ‘Besides _ ,’ L had said as they talked in Light’s room,  _ ‘You do realize that for however long you aren’t breaking up with her, you’ll have to play the part, don’t you?’ _

_ True, _ Light had thought and nodded. 

_ ‘Even if you are capable of that, don’t you think it is crueler to string her along for some perceived “better timing”?’ _

Light had sighed. _ ‘I know. I know.’ _

L just regarded him, lounging against the wall and waiting for him to continue. As he often did, he reminded Light of a lazy yet watchful cat.

Light had started pacing a little. It helped him collect his thoughts.  _ ‘It isn’t right to do that to her, and for something that amounts to my own convenience….’ _ he’d sighed, feeling a little aggravated.  _ ‘I  _ **_know_ ** _ that. I thought about it already.’ _

_ ‘So what is it?’  _ L had said in that flat but probing way of his. His eyes were sharp.  _ ‘Cold feet?’ _

Light dismissed that with a scoffing noise and an irritated wave of his hand.  _ ‘No, nothing like that.’   _ He kept pacing, feeling some pressure mounting in his head.  _ ‘It’s more like… what do I say, what don’t I say? I have to give her some kind of explanation…. do I tell her about us or just say I have feelings for someone else? And if I were to tell her about us, could that backfire, getting back to my parents and potentially shooting us in the foot?’ _

L heaved a sigh.  _ ‘You think too much.’ _

Light gave him an annoyed glare.  _ ‘It’s all valid.’ _

_ ‘Yeah, but are you any closer to figuring it out just by thinking on it?’ _

Light had fumed a bit on the inside. L was  _ right _ , but that didn’t mean he shouldn’t give things any thought or that he shouldn’t try to prepare a little.

L had pushed off of the wall and approached him.  _ ‘Look, the important thing is the reason you’re doing it. Overthinking it will just stress you out. _ ’ 

He caught Light’s chin, tilting it up, and laid an unexpected kiss upon his lips. His mouth was firm and soft, and Light felt some of the tension leaving him. L was right - the reason he would be doing this outweighed everything else. Breaking up with Marin, no matter how unpleasant that was likely to be, it would solidify his relationship with L. It would help clear the way for them to truly start over. Still, that didn’t make things any easier and he still dreaded the ripple effect it could have. 

L pulled back a little. His dark eyes were deep pools of midnight, touched by a softer look - something like compassion or reassurance.  _ ‘You’ll know what to say in the moment. And you’ll have more information at your disposal, like reading her reaction. Just do what you need to do.’ _

And so it had gone. 

Light rolled onto his back and stared at the darkened ceiling. After that was a very pleasant diversion from talking… but soon enough they had to part. They hadn’t worked out what was safe or risky with regard to their time together, new as it was, and the last thing they needed to do was to invite parental interference. Light was still surprised his parents were leaving them alone at all and weren’t monopolizing his ‘friend’. Or that they weren’t asking more questions - the prying kind, like age, profession, etc.

Light stifled a snort of laughter. Not that  **_he_ ** knew those things either, now that he thought about it. He doubted L’s entire income came from his services at the club. He’d made it sound like it was a side thing. Still, his schedule seemed unconventional, so it was anyone’s guess what he actually did for a living.

He supposed people would think it folly, to have strong emotions for someone like this and not know a whole lot about them personally.

Light brought his thumb to his mouth and chewed at the side of it, staring vaguely at the ceiling, lost in thought. L knew more about him, he’d wager. L knew that he was a student, knew about his troubles and interactions with his parents… had even met them…

What did he know about L? 

He knew his cousin (which counted as family) and possibly better than L knew his parents… he knew about at least L’s part time job… He knew L’s personality, his teasing sense of humor… his sometimes touchy temper… He knew a little about L’s background with his adopted family, though Jayden was the one to spill on that information.

“Seems to be a bit of a draw, then,” he murmured to himself.

Just how much were people supposed to know about each other at this point? He had no idea. In some ways, it was surprising they knew each other at all what with how often their relationship had seemed purely physical when they got together. But from early on, he’d suspected that his feelings for L were about much more than simply physical infatuation. How that worked, he had no clue. It was just something he felt when they were together. Something that went beyond words or action.

Light rolled his head to the side to see what time would be displayed in glowing numbers on the face of his alarm clock. 3:15am.

“Ugh,” he sighed.

What a useless hour to be awake. Just between the hours that promised the potential for more sleep and the hours during which one could consider themselves to be ‘waking up early’.

_ I wonder if L is awake? _

Light thought lingeringly upon the idea of contacting him. He had no particular thing in mind, it was just a passing fancy to consider. Just a text or something, to see if he was up. Something to break up this insular feeling of insomnia. And who knew, maybe he would be.

_ And if not, and he answers anyway, I can be treated to that very special “inhuman” mode of his… _

Though interacting with L when he was running low on sleep was likely to be about as unpleasant as ever, just now the thought of it still inspired a feeling of comfort. Just because it was something familiar, probably, like a tether in this abysmal, seemingly endless wasteland of predawn.

He lazily pondered doing it, mentally composing messages and idly supposing what responses L might make in turn, but he didn’t bother reaching for his phone. He also pictured L over at his place, and what he might be doing when his phone received a message; he imagined whether he was sleeping or awake. It went like that for many long, increasingly drowsy minutes. In the end he was just seeing, in his mind’s eye, an image of what L would look like asleep and dead to the world. He’d witnessed that in the flesh but hadn’t been able to really watch him for so long. In sleep, L’s sharp, edgy demeanor smoothed out and lay dormant. His face betrayed little to no expression and he looked like he would sleep for years, mind lost in some state of oblivion. 

Light remembered the feel of waking up with L’s arm wrapped around him the other morning. It had been strangely pleasant and fulfilling. That is, until he’d remembered their argument from the night before. But now that had been smoothed out, and he could go back to that brief moment on the edge of the sleep where he could feel L next to him, where he'd felt nothing but content.

Light wrapped his arms around his pillow and let himself linger in that memory. It was starting to take the edge off of his restless insomnia, and sleep flickered at the periphery of his consciousness.

He sort of missed L already, even though it had been less than 12 hours since they had seen each other, which was a lot shorter than most times they’d been apart. His lips turned down in a small frown, but it was transient upon his face. That warm feeling in his chest he got when he thought of L was every bit as present as the feeling of missing him. A touch of color dusted his cheeks as he started nodding off, thinking that all in all he felt really damn lucky.

* * *

A loud rapping sound startled Light out of a dead sleep. By reflex, he jolted upward, looking around sightlessly as his brain tried to place the noise with its source.

“Wake up, boy,” said a gruff voice. “Do you plan to sleep your way through classes?”

Light blinked and found his father’s stern face swimming into focus. He was so ungodly tired that even this hardly registered to his languishing brain.

Pale sunlight was coming in through the window.

It was morning.

“I guess I overslept,” he offered blankly, not feeling any urgency kicking in yet. 

Actually, he still felt a bit dazed, like he could lapse into unconsciousness quite easily. In fact, that didn’t sound like a bad idea. He could so easily just lie back down, and in a few slow breaths he would be out…

“No kidding,” Soichiro said dryly, sarcasm riding his words. “Your mother had to go in to work early,” he continued gruffly. “Can’t believe she still comes in to wake you, at your age.”

“Ah.” Light looked at him blankly, slightly perturbed that he still wasn’t processing sensory input any better than a retarded kitten. At most, all he could do was blink and tilt his head quizzically. 

His father left the room.

Light tried to remember why he needed to be awake in the first place. This missing sleep thing had left him practically crippled.

A few minutes later Soichiro returned with a mug. He picked up Light’s hand, wrapping his fingers around it. “Drink,” he said. “If it’s something coffee can’t fix, then I’ll know something is really wrong with you.”

“Thanks.” Light took a sip and winced. It was strong and hot, though a cold stream flowed through the brew, the remnants of a fast melting ice cube. A little milk cut the bitterness. It tasted a bit awful but also a bit like the nectar of life. He downed it as quick as he could, hoping it would restore cognitive function.

Unfortunately, it did. He remembered with gut-lurching clarity that not only did he need to haul ass to get to his classes, but he would have to see Marin and do the deed. A cold pang of dread settled in his chest, as well as a feeling of not wanting to have to deal with stress over something he didn’t want to be involved with in the first place. Aside from this breakup thing, he’d hardly spared Marin a thought since he’d left her at the bar. A feeling of guilt mixed in with the dread. Trying to move on from L with someone else… that had created an unfortunate and hurtful situation which he was loath to reap the product of. Marin wasn’t a bad person, she wasn’t bad as a girlfriend, and he knew she genuinely liked him… hurting her would be unavoidable at this point but he still didn’t feel good about having to do it.

“A lot on your mind?”

“Huh?” Light looked up and his father was regarding him with a pointed look which might also have contained a dash of concern. 

_ Shit, I probably just looked like I was staring off into space. Zoning out. If I’m not careful I'll get him thinking I’m on drugs again. _

Soichiro shook his head, looking beyond unimpressed.

“I didn’t sleep well last night…” he trailed uselessly.

“I’ll see you downstairs in,” his father paused to look at his watch, ”five minutes. If I don’t drive you to school you are going to be late.”

_ Five minutes?!  _ That missing sense of urgency came to him in a flash.  _ Shit! _

Light scrambled out of bed, knowing he’d barely have time to manage the better part of his morning routine. He wrenched his closet open and grabbed clothes at random, hoping they matched. With those under his arm he sprinted to the bathroom to brush his teeth while dragging on the pants. He pulled his shirt on haphazardly and splashed water upon his face. Focusing on priorities meant leaving his hair till last.

“One minute,” his father called.

_ Goddamnit, _ he cursed. Rushing at top speed was proving less than sufficient, and it was stressful as well. 

He grabbed some socks, whipped them on, then shoved his feet into his shoes while trying to drag a brush through his hair.

“Time!” Soichiro announced. “You are already late.”

Light snatched his phone up in one hand, his backpack in the other, and slid-ran down the stairs, narrowly missing killing himself in the process. His father looked nonplussed as he skidded into the foyer; he just wordlessly held the door open.

In the car, his father methodically, if not slowly, stretched his seatbelt across his chest and clicked it into place then checked all of his mirrors. The precision begged an assessment of OCD tendencies, which seemed at this moment to be a  _ strong _ possibility. It greatly agitated Light and made him antsy, being that his mad dash to get here was making the slowness feel even  _ slower _ and he wondered why he’d had to rush so much if his father was going to move at the pace of a dying turtle. 

The gruff voice and slightly sour disposition of before had not faded but were solidly in place. The car was slowly and stolidly guided backwards down the driveway and onto their quiet street. 

The next several minutes passed in silence. Light stared out the window, feeling an immense, unspoken tension in the small vehicle.  _ Geez, if giving me a ride was such a big deal, why did he even offer--? _

Soichiro made a harumphing noise, like clearing his throat, or like an expression of being disgruntled. It made Light look over at him. He was staring straight ahead, driving with the power, precision and caution of a seasoned military commander (one who was not in a rush). “If having a visitor on a school night is what precipitated this ungraceful state of affairs, then perhaps we should reevaluate things.”

He said it in a disapproving manner but one not unlike passing conversation. It was a bizarre blend. 

“I told you, I just didn’t sleep well,”  Light muttered, while trying to not sound combative. Still, hearing his father propose that this Sunday thing was a mistake… It put him on edge. He’d already started counting on that as a time he’d get to see L. “It wasn’t like I got to bed late,” he pointed out. L had left well before dinner.

It was the damn insomnia over what he had to do today that had messed him up.

“Are you saying it won’t happen again?” the elder Yagami inquired.

Oddly enough, to Light it sounded like he didn’t necessarily want to rescind the open invitation to ‘Elliot’ and Jayden for Sunday meals, and that he might be looking for a reasonable assurance that letting it continue wasn’t in total folly.

“No, sir. I don’t think it will happen again. It was just a little insomnia.”

“Insomnia is no small matter.”

_ Ugh…. _ Light mentally facepalmed. His father was being difficult. 

“No, it is no small matter,” he agreed, wishing his father would stop picking everything apart. “Yet, it does happen to people from time to time. It’s not uncommon.” He was chafing at the effort of keeping his tone courteous and open, betraying nothing of his inner state. He felt stressed and agitated. He was also noticing that the clothes he’d picked in a rush had an unfortunate clashing effect to him which was further chafing his nerves, and his socks were two different colors.

It was a relief when they finally arrived at their destination.

Light slid out of the car. “I’ll walk home like usual. Thank you for the ride.”

Thankfully, his father did not insist on picking him up and merely gave him a nod before driving off again.

Light took a deep breath and let it out. Agitation was still dancing through his limbs, making them ache and tweak uncomfortably. Looking at the time, he saw he would have to practically jog to class to get there on time. This irked him as well. He didn’t want to expend such effort and arrive all out of breath and out of sorts. Lugging a backpack at a jog tended to make running a much more difficult and strenuous affair. He debated not doing it at all, but the school would call if a student was late. THAT would piss his father off, seeing as he’d gone out of his way to drive Light there himself.

Light sighed in aggravation and set off towards the building at a lope.

* * *

Later, after the aggravation and being overheated wore off… the coffee wore off as well. Light was nodding off in class, finding it harder than usual to pay attention to things that bored him. He didn’t think anyone was noticing… but that didn’t change the fact that his failing cognitive ability was a problem. He needed his wits about him so he could plan what he was going to say to Marin when he saw her.

A loud clattering made Light jump and he realized he’d phased out of consciousness and lost his grip on his pen, which fell noisily to the floor.

His teacher sent him a scathingly suspicious look. “Am I boring you, Yagami?”

“No, ma’am,” he said as sincerely as he could manage. It wasn’t terribly convincing. Especially when he felt like his head was going to either fall backward off of his shoulders, or fall forward to land upon his desk. He was SO tired. 

He reached down and retrieved his pen.

People were staring and a few snickered. It was rare that Light got called out in class for doing something disruptive. It must have made their class experience feel a little more exciting, he thought drolly.

When all eyes were off of him again, he sent L a text. More to keep himself awake, than anything. _ ‘Now I know how you felt the other day on so little sleep…’  _ Indeed, he was so tired he felt like he had no tolerance at all for anything. It might be prudent to get more caffeine as soon as possible.

He started drifting off again several minutes later but didn’t realize until his phone buzzed in his hand, startling him. He heard at least one person snicker, so his jumping a little hadn’t gone unnoticed.

_ Damnit!  _ he thought. This was excruciating. His pride was taking major hits while he was being disallowed his normal composure in front of his classmates.

It wasn’t a text, but a spam email that had set his phone off.

He sighed. Talking to L might have kept him awake, but he was on his own.

When the bell finally rang, he was one of the first out of his seat. He had one more class but the early lunch would be starting now, and the cafeteria would be open. He rushed out of the door, set on obtaining more coffee, no matter how shitty the quality.

He dimly registered the people around him in the halls and nearly knocked into a few of them unintentionally.

In hindsight, he really should have noticed that one of them was Marin, coming to meet him as usual so they could walk to the next class together. It would have made things so much simpler.

* * *

Light didn’t see Marin again, even during lunch. He tried texting her for the umpteenth time but she had yet to respond.

“Still nothing?” his friend Kai asked, peering over his shoulder.

Light had decided to sit with his group of sortof friends. He waved Kai off half-heartedly, not moving from his seat on the low stone wall that surrounded this part of the courtyard. His chin was propped on his hand, and he looked much like a listless version of the sculpture “The Thinker” by Rodin.

“She’s never not answered,” he said, frowning at his phone. He was still really tired, though not quite as impaired as before.

“Hmn…” Kai said thoughtfully, still leaning over his shoulder. “Perhaps using the phrase  _ ‘we need to talk’ _ -” he intoned the words with Poe-like grimness, “-is the issue. That never sounds good.”

“You aren’t supposed to read what I sent her,” Light said with annoyance, rolling his eyes and moving away this time since shrugging Kai off was like swatting at a fly. He sort of hoped that his redirection would end this line of conversation.

“You have  **_no_ ** response to what I just said?” Kai persisted with an incredulous lilt to his voice. He settled down in the now vacated spot on the wall. His bright face was expectant and inquisitive. 

_ ‘We need to talk’…  _ Kai was right, it wasn’t the most reassuring of phrases and quite often preceded a breakup. Hell, he’d thought the same thing when L had said that to him. 

Light debated sharing anything… real. 

Sure, he  _ could _ talk to Kai about this, but… He shook his head and started pacing a little. Sharing information was like a deep well you could never get out of. If he shared even the smallest detail, questions would soon follow and where would it stop?

“Oh man…” Kai said with a low whistle, out of earshot of the others. “You’re breaking things off with her?” he guessed.

Light shot him a sharp look and went for a deflection. “What gave you that idea?”  _ Crap _ . As soon as he confirmed this, IF he confirmed this, Kai was likely to ask  _ why _ .

Kai shrugged easily as if it wasn’t much of a concern. “It’s none of my business. You don’t have to say anything. It was just really obvious that something was up and I opened my mouth before thinking.”

Light sighed. 

He felt like a paranoid, over-thinking fool in light of Kai’s reaction. “Look, it’s complicated…”  _ But… _ “But…” Wow, he could _ physically _ feel his resistance to trusting another person with personal information. Somehow though, he felt that he should - that holding onto secrets such as he did, would, in the end, cripple him. “But… yes. You’re correct.”

Kai gave him a weird, squinty look. “That’s it?” He then lifted up his arms and tilted his head twitchily. “‘You. are. correct.,’” he repeated in a mechanical voice. Then he scoffed, “Do you hear yourself? You sound like a damn robot.”

Light scowled at him. Somehow this was not what he’d expected for his efforts.

Kai hopped to his feet and clapped him roughly on the shoulder. “Even so, it was a good effort,” he said good-naturedly. “It’s nice to see you open up a little. You’re like Fort Knox.”

“I’m reconsidering the usefulness of it all as we speak,” he said drolly.

Kai flashed him a smile, amused by his petulance. “You gotta open up to someone. Keep it all in and you’ll likely explode one day.” 

Light reached out, putting his hand upon Kai’s skull, gripping and rolling it with a little force. “Oh, so with this shaved head of yours, I suppose you consider yourself a Monk or something?” he mocked, feeling a grin twitching at the corner of his mouth. “Ready to dispense enlightened wisdom to us all?”

“Nope, just to  **_you_ ** , grasshopper,” Kai scoffed imperiously, escaping his hand with a ducking maneuver. “You need all the help you can get!” He stuck his tongue out lewdly then grinned and darted away as Light started after him.

* * *

Light trudged home later; the buoyant feeling he’d had from lunch (and taking a step towards having some faith in his friend Kai) was fleeing from him by the time he’d made it through the end of the day and  _ still  _ Marin had not gotten back to him.

L had finally returned his text and they were talking right now.

He sensed L’s exasperation.

The situation sounded pretty stupid, he’d admit.

_ ‘So let me get this straight…’  _ L texted him.  _ ‘You aren’t getting cold feet, she’s just not talking to you?’  _

It was hard to gauge if he was mad or trying to be patient with him.

_ ‘Yeah…’  _

Light felt downtrodden. He, at the least, had wanted to get this over with and now he had to deal with it another whole day. Or longer. 

_ ‘You realize how that sounds?’ _

_ ‘Yeah…’  _

He also felt defeated.

There was a pause in the texting before L wrote,  _ ‘Are you going to say anything other than Yeah?’ _

_ ‘...yeah.’  _

And he felt tired.

Light sighed, but wasn’t surprised when L called him just then. “Hello?” he said, his voice reflecting the flatness he felt. He tried to brace himself for whatever scolding or irritation L threw his way.

“Are you ok?” L asked instead.

“I told you, I’ll do it--” he started on automatic pilot. “Wait, what?”

“Are you ok?” L asked again. 

It didn’t sound like a trick question or anything. Sure, there was that edginess lingering in L’s tone, but that was only to be expected. Of course he wouldn’t be happy that this had dragged on longer, any more than Light was happy about it.

“I’m… okay,” he said, after a lengthy pause. In truth, he felt anything but. He was tired, frustrated, and… well, TIRED. His stress levels, he suspected, had also increased.

“You’re seriously going to sit there and lie to me?”

Light sighed. “Technically I’m walking,” he muttered, almost to himself.

“Quit acting like a brat,” L said in a darker tone, losing patience. “Talk to me.”

“I tried, ok?” Light rambled defensively. “I really did. But she’s like…” he struggled for words, even though they were tumbling out of him at increasing speed. “...avoiding me or something. She won’t answer my texts and I’m not seeing her around school like usual but she  **is** there because I  _ saw _ her for like one second--”

“Wait, slow down…”

“--but maybe that’s the problem?” The rambling wasn’t slowing down in the least, it just kept coming, like the words were bursting to be free. His lack of sleep was making his mouth work faster than the thoughts that fueled it. “I rushed past her because I needed coffee and didn’t really realize it was her till later. So maybe she’s mad at me? But Kai said--”

“Light,” L said sharply, trying to get through.

“--that it’s because I texted _ ‘we need to talk’ _ so she must think that I’m going to break up with her, so that could be why she could be avoiding me.  _ What? _ ” He tacked on the ‘what’ in response to L.

“Jezus,” L said as he finally broke the flow of words. “ _ Are you ok??”  _ He stressed the words he’d asked before, sounded legit concerned. “What the hell is wrong with you?”

“Oh…” Light mumbled, somewhat apologetic. “I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. To be honest I feel a little sick - light-headed... and a bit queasy from all the caffeine I drank through the day. Insomnia or something.”

There was a long pause. “You know I’m not mad at you, right?”

Light kicked a lose pebble as he stared down at his feet. “We always fight about her so… Yeah.. I thought maybe you would be.” At least the babbling seemed to have tapered off a bit.

“What caused the insomnia? What were you thinking about?”

Light sighed. “You already know what.”

“You lost sleep over the girl? _Seriously?_ ” The way L stressed that word incredulously was as if he was saying _‘Still? This is still a problem, even now??’_ It was like the beginning of several fights they’d had about Marin and how she always managed to come between them.

Light scowled. “Don’t say it like that.” Irritation crept into his voice. “It’s more than that.”

“Do tell.”

Light didn’t like the tone of that. He remembered that tone. It was the one where L was on the verge of getting pissed off. It was that poised and waiting tone, one that spoke of arms being crossed over his chest and a darkening expression.

_ Quit with the tone already, geez.  _ He had to quell the urge to mutter under his breath, and suddenly understood why Jayden might be in the habit of doing that himself. “I’m just not looking forward to it, ok? There are a lot of unknowns, and…. hell, it isn’t even about that. I just wanted to feel the ground stop shifting under my feet for two seconds, to let it sink in that we’re actually together and… Damnit, what’s so funny??”

Light heard what sounded suspiciously like stifled laughter partway through his explanation.

“Sorry.” There was more snickering, and then an artificially sobered voice. “Sorry. Go on.”

“And I’m worried about how to keep this going.”

“Keep what going?” the laughter had subsided and L’s tone was merely quizzical.

“US,” Light said miserably. “I feel like something is going to upend everything before we even start.” He paused, then said accusingly, “And why were you laughing a moment ago?”

“I was touched that worrying about us was what keeps you up at night. It’s adorable, really.”

“Ass,” Light muttered as L teased him. Still, he was glad that the tension had dissolved like a puff of smoke. Maybe they were getting better about this, becoming less touchy with each other and more trusting.

“Were you hugging your pillow and thinking of me?” L mocked in a silken voice.

Light’s lips started to quirk up at the corner in response to L’s playfulness. He decided to play right back. “Oh,” he said in an equally solicitous voice, “I did a lot more than just  _ think _ of you.”

They were interrupted before he could hear a response.

“Light?” a very different voice queried, from just in front of him.

The smile died on his face, replacing it with a look of shock. “M-Marin?” What the hell was she doing here?

* * *

TBC


	28. (phase 2) Into the Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marin confrontation. Then, later on at L's...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want to thank you all again, each and everyone of you. For reading, for reviewing, for making music playlists, for making fanart! And, for the wonderful discussions to be had in the comments. Thank you so much for giving back. Much love. Z

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 28: Into the Fire   _

_ Marin?? _

“H-hey, what brings you so close to  **_my_ ** house?” Light said awkwardly, trying for levity. The look on her face promised a very difficult exchange.

“Who were you talking to?” she asked bluntly, giving him an interrogating gaze.

“No one,” he said automatically, shoving the phone into his pocket. He silently apologized to L for terminating their call. This was going to be difficult enough to navigate and he was not in top form.

She walked up to him, into his personal space. “I’ve never seen you make an expression like that before. This ‘no one’ must be an exceptional person.”

“What are you talking about?” he scoffed. “I was laughing at a joke.”

“You were  _ flirting _ !” she shot back. “With who? As your girlfriend I have a right to know.”

Being put on the spot, especially while he was so tired, was obviously making Light handle this poorly. The easy answer seemed to be to break up outright but it felt like there was some hidden danger there. Something about Marin seemed… volatile. And while he tried to think this through, in his less than optimal state, his mouth was once more running faster than his mind. It seemed to be going for an automatic cover up, as opposed to what he really  _ needed _ to be doing.

“As your boyfriend," he tossed out in kind, barely keeping sarcasm from his peeved tone, "you shouldn’t get to ignore me with no cause!” He was truly irked over that. She’d been sulking or pouting like a child. It was ridiculous and aggravating.

“I can’t believe it!” she fumed. “You didn’t even  _ try _ to deny you were flirting!” Her fists were balled at her sides. “So that’s what your  _ ‘we need to talk’  _ was about? You were cheating on me!”

“I’m in love with someone else,” Light blurted out. He cursed himself as soon as his brain registered the words. Oh, now he’d really stepped in it.

Instead of the inflamed response he was expecting, she looked stricken. “For how long?”

“Since….” he faltered, feeling awful about this. “Since the beginning.”

She was shaking her head. “You said there was no one else,” she whispered tragically. “I  _ asked _ you, Light.” Her voice was gaining strength even though tears shone in her eyes. “I  _ asked _ you if there was anyone else! You  **_lied_ ** to me!”

“Marin,” he implored, “I’m  _ sorry _ .” He really, truly was. “I didn’t realize it at the time--”

“How do you not realize you are in love with someone?!” she demanded. “That’s absurd!”

He found himself bristling. “It was complicated, ok?”

She walked up closer, and he was convinced she was going to smack him across the face. He braced himself for it, feeling he wasn’t wholly undeserving of that retribution. 

“And was everything else a lie to you as well? The relationship? Everything?”

“No,” he sounded aggravated and felt distinctly uncomfortable. “I liked you. It’s just, I thought I was moving on.”

“Because you didn’t have a chance?”

“Something like that,” he muttered. He did NOT like airing his business in the middle of the street like this. He also did not like dwelling on this sort of talk, nor reliving the hellish days of trying to convince himself he should just stay away from L, when it had been killing him to attempt it.

She touched his face, turning it back towards her. He hadn’t realized he looked away. “I recognize that look.” Her eyes were keen upon him. “You were pining for that person quite a lot, weren’t you..? But I had stopped seeing it for a while...”

He took hold of her hand and lowered it from his face. “I told you, I was trying to make things work with us.” The agitated feeling of discomfort was increasing. He couldn’t put his finger on it but he needed to get away from this conversation. It felt cloying, or sticky, like tar. “Just let it go.”

“What could have changed so suddenly?” she wondered aloud. “I could feel the way you were with me on our date. I wasn’t imagining it.” Her eyes were scanning his face like they were divining some great meaning from his features.

“I said drop it!” he spouted angrily. She was trying to pen him in somehow, and he didn’t like it.

“No,” she snapped back, equally stubborn. “And if you won’t tell me who it is, I _ will _ figure it out.”

“To what end?” he said with exasperation.

“Because I’m not ready to give up on you.”

“Wha??” That was nonsense! How could she persist with this when he’d just said point-blank that he was in love with someone else? “Are you mental?”

“You were developing feelings for me, admit it.” She was like a damned dog with a bone. “The way you kissed me was…” a slightly rapturous look flitted over her face. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”

“Marin, it’s over,” he said, not caring now if it came out harshly. “End of story!” She wasn’t seeing reason, and he was starting to feel more and more caged.

“Bullshit,” she launched back. “We were fine just last week. You’ll get over this infatuation, this little rebellion. You know we are good together.”

He was shaking his head. Nothing he was saying was getting through, and that feeling of unease was spiking in proportion to her seeming more and more delusional. 

He backed up a step unconsciously and she moved with him, placing her hands on either side of his face in a firm grasp. “Did you sleep together?” she asked with a near pout and eyes that scoured his reaction; they devoured the startled flush that dusted his cheeks and the reflexive shaking of his head. Her eyes got a peculiar look in them and she slid her hands up around his neck. “Boys,” she drawled in a dreamy yet denigrating voice. “So smitten with the act, that you think it’s love.” Her body pressed against his. “Sleep with me.”

“No-!” he said, trying to pry her off. “What part of  **no** don’t you understand?”

“The part where I don’t believe you,” she said icily. “If you cheated once, you’ll cheat again. I’m asking you to do it now, with me, your actual girlfriend. What don’t  **_you_ ** get about  _ that _ ?”

“I have to get home,” he said, managing to loosen her hold. He extricated himself from her grasp and put some space between them.

“I’m coming with you,” she decided, speaking in a normal voice.

“ **No** , you’re not.”

“As your girlfriend, I have yet to meet your lovely parents,” she said sweetly, in a way that was vaguely threatening

He considered going a different way and putting her off the scent. Or, maybe not going home at all. He’d get an earful for being really late but…

“Light Yagami, don’t you even think about it,” she said primly, eyes like a shark’s. “If you try and ditch me, I’ll just go to your house  _ without _ you. I know where you live.”

_ Shit. _

“Marin, what do you want?” he implored. “There’s nothing I can do for you.”

She’d started to respond when Light’s phone buzzed in his pocket with an incoming call. “Hang on,” he said tersely and answered the call.

“Light, honey,” his mother’s voice piped in through the phone. “Are you on your way home?”

“Sort of,” he said ambiguously.

“Well, there’s no need to rush. Your father is going to be home late, and I have some things to take care of at the office.”

“Ok,” he said. Secretly, he was cheering his good luck. He didn’t want to sound too enthusiastic, however, not in front of Marin. “Thanks for letting me know, mom.” 

Belatedly, his brain snagged on a little something Marin had said. He pocketed his phone once more. “How do you know where I live?” he asked her. “We’ve never walked home together or anything like that.”

“I followed you,” she said with a tilt of her head. 

Light peered at her, sensing some sort of deception. “You’re lying aren’t you?” he concluded, proving his suspicion when her face reddened. 

“I’m not lying!” she protested. “I can go there whenever I want, and tell them  _ whatever _ I want…” she looked like she was now fighting back tears.

Light felt a little bad, but not much. He was eager to be away from Marin and her crazytrain blackmailing attempt. He pretended he was resuming his walk home, but he took a slightly different route, just to doublecheck that she really had no idea where he lived.

She stood where he left her, cloaked in a cloud of desolation.

* * *

When Light was out of earshot and out of sight of her, he called L back.

“Hullo?” L’s drawling voice came over the speaker, hitting him with a wave of longing. It felt like 10 years since they’d had their conversation interrupted, and that encounter with Marin had left him feeling weirded out.

“Hey,” he said, “are you home?”

“...no,” L said after a moment of consideration. “But I could be. What’s going on?”

“I’ll tell you when I get there if that’s ok.”

“Sure.” He paused. “Your parents won’t freak if you’re not home?”

“My mom already called. They won’t be there for a while.”

“Ok, give me 20 to 30 minutes. I was out with some people.”

“Not Jayden?”

“Nope.” L didn’t seem like he was going to elaborate. “See you soon.”

L hung up and Light pocketed his phone, feeling strangely a little jealous. Friends? L never talked about any. So far as he could recall, Jayden was the only person in his life he’d actually mentioned. Though if he thought back, he had seen L with people at the club, and outside of the club….

_ Is he just really private? Or are they not worth mentioning? _

He had to wonder.

_ Of course, I’ve never mentioned friends before either. Except for today when I mentioned Kai. _

He was struck again by the contrast of L seeming so antisocial, yet apparently having a social life. It seemed odd to him.

Light made his way to L’s apartment and sat down on the stoop to wait for him. He rested his head against the door, feeling weary to his soul. It was all catching up with him. He closed his eyes, blocking out the incessant brightness. He could almost sleep even like this, he was so tired.

* * *

“Hey,” a rich voice filtered into his awareness as he was gently shaken awake.

“Mn?” he squinted up at L. The sight of his dark eyes and messily spiked black hair was more than welcome. 

“Sorry I’m a little later than I thought…” he reached out and gently brushed Light’s bangs out of his eyes. “Man, you look tired.”

“It’s been one hulluva day.”

L unlocked the door then scooped Light up, ignoring his groggy protest, and took him inside.

“You smell like smoke,” Light mumbled against his chest. He could also smell the warmth of L’s skin through his shirt. It was comforting.

“Mm,” L assented. “Wasn’t me though.” He pushed the door closed with his foot and looked down at the brunet in his arms. “How is it you feel both boneless and yet full of tension?”

“Stressful day,” he mumbled.

“Ah.”

“Where are you taking me?” Light said as he was carried further into the apartment.

“The shower. You need to de-stress and I smell like smoke. It’s the only sensible thing. Besides I’ll need you conscious if you’re going to tell me anything.”

“True,” Light said, nodding his lolling head.

In the bathroom, L stood Light on his feet and leaned him against the counter. He divested Light of his socks and shoes, then his shirt. It gave him a little more trouble due to Light’s arms, which had all the tensile strength of overcooked spaghetti noodles. 

L started the shower running then came back to regard Light with a critical eye. “You gonna be able to stand up?”

“Maybe.”

“Hmn.” L went back to the shower and fiddled with the showerhead. “No biggie, you can sit down. But first we have to get you out of those pants.”

Light roused himself with a little more effort and stripped off his slacks and underwear, leaving them in a heap on the floor. He accepted L’s offered arm for balance as he got into the shower. He considered the ridiculous nature of taking a shower sitting down but found he didn’t care enough to be worried about appearances when he was this tired.

He sat down in the tub and the spray of shower water felt warm and nice as it hit him. He shivered as his muscles started to relax a little, bit by bit. He’d missed his standard shower this morning, so the water felt exceptionally good to him.

He didn’t notice L joining him until gentle, firm hands were massaging shampoo into his hair. “Mmmm…” he sighed, giving himself up to the feeling.  _ You’re too good to me _ , he thought, melting into the bliss of being taken care of and not having to  _ think _ or  _ do _ .

A soft chuckle near his ear told him he’d said that aloud. 

L leaned him forward, deep into the spray and the suds slowly gave up their hold upon his hair. Firm hands smoothed up his back and over his shoulders, massaging the stubborn tension out of his muscles. It felt so good, his body was starting to react in other ways as well. He entertained a little fantasy of L being extremely thorough with this pampering.

When L leaned him back, out of the spray, smoothing his dripping hair away from his face, he felt a little jolt run through him. Almost more naturally than breathing, L was tilting his head up and to the side, even as he was turning himself to meet warm lips amidst the droplets and rivulets of water. It was poignant, and a sweet ache was filling him. He sighed as their mouths meshed softly into something deeper and more lustful. L’s hand brushed his cheek, cupping it gently. Light moaned softly as desire filtered into his exhausted body, slowly awakening it with a thrum of new life.

“Mmn… keep making sounds like that and I won’t be able to stop,” L murmured against his lips.

The words rolled through him deliciously. “Who asked you to stop?” His voice sounded languid and breathy even to his own ears.

L’s free hand trailed down the side of his neck and meandered across his chest, teasing him with its slow descent to where he really wished to feel it.

“Please,” he breathed out in a sigh. Desire was tugging at him more insistently, starting to ache.

Laughter was a pleasant rumble in L’s throat as he began to nuzzle Light’s neck. “I dunno…” he drawled. “Maybe if you ask me  _ nicely _ ...” the timbre of his voice had become warm with desire.

“Beg, you mean?” Light supposed aloud, gasping slightly as L pinched one of his nipples and sucked at his neck. Oh, the sensations were undoing him.

“Begging does have a nice ring to it, does it not?” L said innocently.

Light made a face. “Only if you’re the one listeni….ng…” he trailed off as greedy fingertips splayed across his abdomen and trailed downward quite steadily. His belly jumped beneath the provocative advance of fingers. They stopped just short of their goal. “L,” he groaned, “quit teasing me…”

“Say please,” that sultry voice whispered wickedly in his ear, thrilling through him.

“Please--” he started to say, then the world flickered black and faded around him, as his arousal was suddenly being stroked by capable hands. “Oh god…. please…”

L nibbled on his ear. “Told you I’d get you to say  _ ‘please, please, oh god please’ _ ….” he mocked softly, causing Light to shudder in reaction.

Words escaped Light as L brought him to heel with a skillfully rapid climax. He bit his lip as his body arched, bowing powerfully as shockwaves of pleasure shot through him. 

“You’re beautiful,” L whispered hotly in his ear, stirring and and embarrassing as he lost all control.

For a few moments there was nothing but the oblivion after release - the soul fulfilling darkness and the afterglow of intense pleasure.

Slowly, the world filtered back in. It was little things, like the persistent spray of the shower raining upon his face and torso, and the lean body that was supporting him.

“Oh no,” L drawled softly, in mock concern. “You look even more drowsy than when I first found you.” 

Light looked up at him and found that his dark eyes were mischievous. They had that full moon quality to them as well, the one they got when their owner was incredibly aroused. It was one of the few areas over which he did not have absolute control. 

Light carefully rolled onto his stomach, feeling L’s arms wrap around him as he stretched up to meet hot lips and a hotter mouth. L groaned as his arousal was caught between them, and his eyelids fluttered. The tub was cramped but Light didn’t feel like moving elsewhere any time soon. L was wearing the sexiest expression on his face right now as he grasped for a little control over what he was feeling. Light had just enough room to shift down an inch or two and then back up again, in a modified thrust. He was particularly fascinated any time he saw that faint touch of color spread over L’s cheeks like it was doing now.

Watching him come undone was making Light feel hot all over again.

“Aren’t you going to beg  _ me _ ?” he purred against L’s lips, knowing L would do nothing of the sort, not if he could help it. He clung to his stoicism.

“Uhhhgh,” L groaned, his back arching a little.

“Is that all it takes?” Light said silkily, nipping at L’s throat. “I haven’t even  _ touched _ you yet.” He took that moment to slide against L in that thrust-like motion, pulling a moan from his throat.

“Jesus,” L moaned again as the motion was repeated and his head fell back, resting now upon the edge of the tub. 

“I like the way you moan my name,” Light murmured in approval, rather cheekily.

L laughed breathlessly. “Brat,” he said, seemingly quite amused by the joke. 

“Which would undo you faster, I wonder...” Light mused sinuously, his lips flirting against L’s. “The feel of a mouth?” He flicked his tongue against the sensual curve of L’s upper lip, feeling him shudder in response. Light knew he couldn’t help but picture the scenario as he spoke it. That was the point. “Or the feel of my fingers wrapping around your throbbing flesh?” He nuzzled L’s cheek as he said this and drew a hand down the length of his body, resting it upon his hip. 

“Yes,” L breathed, shuddering again. His breath was coming in shallow pants, and he looked lost in the grip of a powerful lust. 

“Or,” Light continued, more lasciviously than before, petting his hip and sliding against him. “Do you like feeling the heat of our skin pressed to one another’s?”

L’s hands tightened upon him, digging in and scraping nails down his back as Light continued to thrust against him. It stung but was incredibly erotic at the same time. “All… of the… above,” L struggled to get out.

Light shuddered as L’s passion-choked voice thrilled through him. “Ah…” he breathed, his own desire now getting the best of him. L was so unbelievably sexy to him… especially right now. He just wanted to eat him alive. Or maybe he'd settle for fucking his brains out. He was gripped with the urge to have L, hard and rough, to bite him and make him cry out in that hoarse, lovely voice of his.

L’s hands were sliding down his back and lower as their mouths found each other, slipping down around the curve of his buttocks and gripping hard; and then he was thrusting upward, moving Light’s body in time with his. It was rough and raw and wonderful. 

L was kissing him like they were fucking each other’s mouths. Hot, wet, visceral.

Light groaned as nails dug into the sensitive flesh of his backside, amplifying his pleasure. He was fast becoming mindless. He broke the kiss so he could gasp for breath, a litany of pleas falling from his lips. The tension was incredible. He felt consumed with lust, with need, and it was so close… he was so close to the sharp edge of release. 

Between one breath and the next, his body seized and orgasm slashed through him like a scythe. He cried out, aware of L’s fevered body beneath him shuddering violently against his.

“Good god,” L said faintly a few minutes later, when he started to get his wits about him once more. He struggled to sit up, having to accommodate the weight of Light’s body as well as his own, but he managed it eventually. “That was….”

“It certainly was,” Light agreed wholeheartedly, starting to stretch. “I think you’re going to have one helluva crick in your neck later, though.”

“Worth it,” L said, languidly dismissing it as unimportant. “But I don’t know if I have it in me to finish this shower now.” He stifled a yawn.

“I’ll help you out,” Light offered.

“I think you’ve 'helped out' more than enough,” L said shamelessly, arching a brow and trying to get a rise out of him. His expression was indecent, sated, and amused.

He knew L was trying to embarrass him or get him flustered. “With your _ hair _ , perv.”

L simply smirked at him, and Light knew what further joke he was thinking to make just now but wasn’t bothering to say because it was so obvious. That L flicked his eyes downward for a split second - towards hair that Light was most certainly  **not** referring to - was over the top. He flushed and said, “Fine, forget it!” and started to stand up, beginning by getting to his knees.

“Aw, don’t be like that,” L teased, a sparkle in his eye. He seemed to take special joy in being a torment. He wrapped his arms around Light and nuzzled the fine blond hair that dusted his stomach. “You’re just too cute when you pout,” he murmured brazenly, “I can’t help myself.”

“Jerk,” Light groused, forgiving him already, even as he rolled his eyes. He found that mischievous streak and almost impish behaviour of L’s to be somewhat irresistible. Also annoying, at times, he amended. But he was becoming a sucker for that boyish playfulness L was prone to at times. 

He was also starting to suspect that it was a tiny dimple he was seeing which peeked out over the corner of L’s mouth when he was playing around and then asked for forgiveness in such a way, holding back a grin. It was transient and hard to catch a glimpse of, much like a rainbow where the light had to be just right. But, it was simply captivating and adorable. It was a shame it was so elusive.

“Are you going to let me go, or wait till I turn into an ice cube?” Light asked with a raised eyebrow, as if completely immune to L’s charm. Indeed, the warm water was starting to lose the battle and was steadily turning colder.

“Shall I show you what I like to do with ice cubes?” L asked with mock innocence. His eyes promised a lengthy and educational diversion.

Light shook his head with a laugh at the ridiculousness of it; L took flirting to new levels. Neither of them had recovered from the mind-blowing sex they’d just had, and L still acted like he could handle much, much more. “I’d like to see you try. I bet you can’t even stand up yet.”

“Nonsense,” L scoffed back. “It’s truly sad how you underestimate me.” He made a show of getting to his feet, and acted like he didn’t notice himself sway like a reed in the wind.

“Uh huh,” Light said drolly, rolling his eyes a little and holding back a bit of laughter. He got to his feet as well and pressed a kiss to L’s mouth. “Anyway, even if you have endless reserves, I’m out. Let’s finish up in here.”

It was a none too subtle request for L to behave himself. He did, putting himself on his best behavior, although the image was slightly less credible for the self-satisfied smile he wore upon his sexy lips.

* * *

About 15 to 20 minutes later, they were lounging on L’s bed, in dry, clean clothes and with damp hair. Light was leaning against L like a headrest, L’s arms wrapped around him comfortably. They could easily be tucked up for a movie or to watch tv, but L did not have a television in his room. Instead, he had some music on that was deep and velvety and created a lovely atmosphere.

“So, tell me everything?” L prompted languidly, resting his chin atop Light’s head. 

Light groaned his displeasure. He hardly felt like going into that unpleasantness now. He was enjoying the moment and didn’t want to ruin it.

“Can hardly tell you about  _ everything _ …” Light murmured, deliberately being obtuse.

“True enough,” L conceded, still speaking in that lazy, contented tone. “Give me the highlights. Why’d you fall off our call earlier?”

Light heaved a deep sigh.

“That bad?” L inquired, playing with Light’s hand in his.

“Can I give you the cliffnotes version?”

“Short and sweet? Sure.”

“I ran into Marin, she seems to be a touch crazy, and she was trying to blackmail me into sleeping with her.”

L sat up abruptly. “Say  _ what _ ?” he exclaimed, turning Light to face him.

Light sighed sadly. “Knew that would ruin the moment,” he said under his breath.

“Damn right it would do something. Now give me the expanded version.”

“It’s taken care of,” Light persisted. He really didn’t feel like talking about it. It was just one more distraction from their time together. He felt too lazy to rehash something that wasn’t an immediate problem. “The crisis was averted.” For the moment, anyway.

“Yes, that’s fine,” L waved off his assessment, “but  _ how _ and why?”

Light gave up and gave him the entire rundown to the best of his memory. Seeing the expressions flitting across L’s face in reaction to his story was digging back down into his own emotions regarding the exchange with Marin. Exhaustion and sex had quite wonderfully suppressed those emotions but now they were being called back up again. Agitation and tension were starting to ride his muscles again, undoing all of L’s hard work.

“I like her even less than before,” L announced at the end, his lip quirking up in a sneer. “And you’re damn right you can’t give into her blackmail, no matter what she threatens to do.” He wrapped his arms around Light and growled, “I’ll beat the  **_hell_ ** out of you if you forget that even for a moment. You’re  _ mine _ .”

It was oddly sweet, the sentiment, even though it was mildly dysfunctional. “I know,” he said, relaxing into L’s possessive embrace. He felt the tension in L’s long limbs ease as his response mollified him. 

“I hate feeling jealous, you know,” L said in his ear with a nearly conversational tone. “Not used to it,” he added petulantly.

Light reached back to ruffle his hair and mess it up. L growled again and bit him lightly on the shoulder to show his displeasure. He was like a cat having his fur rubbed the wrong way. 

Somehow the bite tickled and Light started to laugh. 

L decided to be ornery and bit him harder. This set Light off even worse and soon he was laughing in earnest. 

This, however, set off a vicious cycle. He was now laughing so hard that tears were streaming out of his eyes, even as the bites had gained enormous strength.

Finally, he tapped out with an “Ow, ow ow!!” even though it was through trickling laughter. It honestly hurt a lot, but he could still barely keep from laughing. There was no rhyme or reason to his mirth, unless it was his mind choosing to deal with the stress at last by making him laugh like a loon.

“You’re crazy,” L declared at last. He looked torn between concern and amusement.

“Pot calls kettle,” Light announced back.  _ Takes one to know one. And who was the one sitting here biting me this whole time?  _

He stuck his tongue out at his companion, which then launched them into a somewhat epic and strenuous wrestling match. 

It all made for a rather fun evening.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.s.s.s.s.sssss Part of this chapter felt wonky to me but only the last time I read it. If it feels that way to you also, my apologies. Hopefully it's all in my head. ;P
> 
> P.S.s..... (part of me doesn't care, because overall YAY they are starting to seem like a couple and like things aren't going to fall off the hinges at any moment. Progress????? lol)


	29. (phase 2) An Odd Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marin stays unexpectedly attached to Light, prompting another encounter. Kai and Light have a heart to heart. The kids at the study session cook up an idea. Jayden walks Light home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a little reminder, my other DN fics are on fanfiction.net. Eventually I will pull them over here along with my other works. Also, if you haven't seen it, check out the other stories on my author's page here such as Misa's Nightmare. lolz
> 
>  **Link to ff.net** , stories at the bottom of the page under the profile stuff:  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/u/1169984/uberneko-zero

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 29: An Odd Day   _

One would think that with how things had gone with Marin the day before, that the following morning would have progressed quite differently.

At lunch, Kai staring him in the face with a perplexed look only further exacerbated his flagging patience with the situation.

He could have understood if Marin hadn’t shown up to school for a day, maybe even for a few days. Whether due to bruised feelings or to sulking, it wouldn’t really matter. He could even have understood being the recipient of vitriol or the cold shoulder. But this?

The brunette renewed her hold on his arm and snuggled into it, returning Kai’s look with one of tenacity, though his friend wasn’t looking at her in the least. She seemed to sense that the other boy knew something, and she chose to see it as a challenge to her right to be there.

“Light? Uh…” Kai said, flicking his eyes to her only briefly. “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure,” he answered easily. He wished nothing more than to be divested of his burden.

The hold upon his arm tightened like a vice, about as tight as the smile on Marin’s face. Her voice was falsely pleasant and innocent as she said, “Anything you have to say, you can say to the both of us.”

Kai’s normally bright face darkened a bit. It was subtle. His easy smile didn’t falter but his eyes harbored a look of displeasure while regarding her. “It’s personal.”

“I find that hard to believe,” she returned.

Kai took a deep breath, like he was channeling some inner Zen. “I don’t mean any offense, but it isn’t my concern whether or not you believe me. I have something of a personal nature to discuss with my friend and I don’t generally do so with an audience.”

“Couples share everything anyway,” she said sweetly, not dropping a beat, and looking entirely believable. It was unreal. “He’ll just tell me later.”

Light felt a deep sigh building in his being that wished to be expelled. He looked at Kai and tried to communicate to him with a shielded, emphatic expression and a flick of his eyes to the side. It was quick and subtle, and Marin shouldn’t have noticed.

Kai let out a sigh. “Fine, whatever. He can tell you whatever he wants to later. Couple’s privilege.”

She seemed somewhat mollified by that. Light felt her grip loosen. He leaned down and spoke in her ear, while gently prying her hands further apart, “I’ll be right back. You understand, right?” She seemed like she was going to protest a little, until he kissed her cheek which made her blush.

Light could practically see Kai’s eye twitch.

“Ok, sweetheart,” she said dreamily, making eyes at him as he pulled back.

Light felt a spike of agitation jagging through him.

“Alright,” he said to Kai, “let’s go.”

They went out of earshot, and even out of eyesight before Kai stopped walking and spun around to regard him almost angrily. “What the  **fuck** is that all about?!”

Indeed. 

“I thought you were breaking up with her?” Kai ranted at him. “And here you are, cozier than ever and I have to wonder then, why you were lying to me?”

That long-suppressed sigh finally got the chance to express itself. “I didn’t lie to you.”

Kai’s eyes narrowed. “Then what the hell--” he gestured back the way they came, waving his arm a bit with agitation. “--was all of that?” he concluded.

“She’s crazy.” Light shrugged and allowed some of his feelings to show on his face. “I broke things off with her yesterday.”

Surprise wiped Kai’s face clean. He blinked. “Even so… why?”

Why was he letting this thing with her persist? That’s what he was saying. It was a good question.

“She’s up to something…” Light said, starting to pace. He wasn’t sure what, but he felt the undercurrents of plotting when she was near. Not to mention the unpleasant professions earlier this morning of how “right” they were together. He supposed his biggest fear was that she was working through a list of people who might, in fact, know where he lived.

“So…. you’re humoring her?”

“I,” he paused, considering it, “I suppose so.”

“Why?”

Well, that was a stupid question, wasn’t it? He was doing it because he felt he had to. He had to determine what she was up to and that would be harder to do if she resumed the cold shoulder treatment or stayed out of range.

“Well,” Kai said, “this is just my opinion, but I think humoring her is only going to make it worse.” He rubbed a hand over his close cropped hair, regarding Light with an honest and open expression. “But I guess that’s better than you suddenly changing your mind about being with her when you’d already decided to end it.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “Why’s that?”

His friend shrugged. “I dunno. Seems sort of wishy-washy, dont’cha think?”

Ah. Precisely the sort of thing L would’ve said to him. Not in so many words, and perhaps only through one of those penetrating dark looks of his, but the feeling behind it would be the same. “Yes, I agree.” 

Speaking of L, he fully planned to discuss this entire affair with him. He knew L favored the direct approach, almost to the exclusion of caution, but there were times he seemed to see wisdom in a more delicate handling of matters. The thing with his parents was a great example. L certainly wasn’t rushing to clear the air there - he was playing this role that suited his purposes, for the time being.

* * *

Later that night, Light finally got ahold of L, though it had taken hours.

“Is it an emergency?” L asked rather bluntly when he called Light back.

“Er…” Was it technically an emergency? No one was  _ dying _ … And his parents weren’t threatening their relationship in any way… Though this situation with Marin felt pretty important….

“I’ll take that as a ‘No’. Sorry, Light, I have to go.”

Light looked down at the phone in his hand with a slight frown.

_ Well, he certainly seems busy. _

Light lay back upon his bed, mulling things over. Playing devil’s advocate, and knowing how L generally felt on the topic of Marin…. he’d probably say to cease and desist.

_ Oh, fuck it. _

Light sat up and dialed Marin’s number, deciding to start dealing with this directly, right now. He didn’t really have a plan but he’d just have to figure something out in the moment.

The call rang through and was picked up almost immediately. “Light?” Marin said, almost cloyingly breathless, “to what do I owe the pleasure of your call?”

He frowned and cut to the chase. “I want to know why, after yesterday, and after repeated reminders today that we are  _ over _ , you are persisting in this delusion that we are a couple?”

She laughed dismissively. “But you were so sweet to me today. Why should I believe you when you are speaking such nonsense?”

“A mistake,” he said, flatly. In truth, he’d been worn down by her logic-defying persistence, and fallen into a staying pattern of humoring her until he could decide what to do next. That he’d inadvertently encouraged her was unacceptable to him.

“Don’t be mean,” she pouted coyly, not seeming to take the intended offense at all. “Not unless you’re planning to make it up to me later…”

“Marin, I’m done. I can’t play this little game with you.” He ground his teeth together, debating the folly of what he was about to say next. “I am in love with someone else--”

“I know you  _ think _ that, silly boy...” That smug, teasing tone really set him off. Aggravating. 

“-- **and** we are together.”

There was dead silence on the other end of the line.

He felt a touch nervous, on edge, not knowing what to expect.  _ Maybe I finally got through? _

“Define ‘together’,” she said, as if treading carefully.

“Why are you asking something that’s only going to hurt you?” he asked.

“Because I need to know,” she said in a quiet, steely voice.

He didn’t want to pound her feelings into the ground but this whole thing grated at his nerves. He just wanted to be left alone and not have to deal with this anymore, nor have it impede his relationship.

“Together,” he said emphatically, layering the word with deeper meaning. “Fucking,” he added somewhat cruelly, since she seemed so singularly focused on that these days, whatever he needed to say to put an end to this already.

“And yet you pretended all day today. She must not be very jealous…”

He could hear the wheels turning.

He said nothing, as it was very well she could sniff out a lie. And, it would be a lie to say that L wasn’t at all a jealous person.

“Or... “ she continued, “Maybe this person doesn’t go to our school at all.”

Light felt two warning bells going off. One, that she’d come to the conclusion his person didn’t go to their school. Two, that she changed from saying ‘she’ to saying something more gender neutral.

“Think what you like,” Light said dismissively, before hanging up. “it doesn’t change anything.”

* * *

The rest of the week passed in a blur.

Marin seemed to be giving him a wide berth, yet at the same time seemed overly aware of him.

He decided to shrug it off. Eventually she’d have to get over this infatuation.

_ So I say, but I still feel uneasy. _

* * *

Saturday eventually came.... Another day of tutoring. He hoped Marin didn’t decide to show up.

He walked up the steps to the Library, running almost late. He just couldn’t get all that excited about this job, though he appreciated the money; It tended towards tedious and a little vexing.

To his surprise, when he turned the corner he realized there was another person already instructing the students. He looked at his watch reflexively. 

“Ah,” clean-cut Jayden said with a smile curving the corner of his mouth. “And here you said you might be late. You’re right on time.” He was totally making that up.

The resemblance Jayden bore to his cousin gave Light a pang. He hadn’t seen or really gotten to talk to L all week. He wasn’t sure what was going on with that, or if he was just busy with work or something, but he missed him.

Light wondered what the hell Jayden was doing here in the first place but it would have to wait until after the study session, or at least until a break.

Just like before, the other students seemed to quite enjoy the older boy’s presence. Despite his flawless facade of straight-laced good behavior and a slightly dorky air, some of his natural charisma and humor bled through. It could have been that which the others responded to. Or, it could have just been his intelligence and good looks. It still rather baffled Light.

The girls, especially, were enamored. They seemed to be in a race to garner attention from him, when they weren’t actively receiving Light’s.

“Jay…” one of the girls pouted, as she toyed with her hair. “I just don’t get this one…” they were currently doing math. “Can you help me?” She looked up at him with soulful eyes.

Jayden gave her a perfect, oblivious smile. He had to have noticed her interest and was amusing himself by pretending he was too obtuse to see it. He even leaned down close, as if avidly focused on the excitement of this particularly interesting problem which he could surely get her to understand.

Light shook his head to himself.

Jayden was a one-man circus. If he hadn’t considered acting as a career before, he certainly should. Light had never seen anything like it. It was about as disturbing as it was fascinating. Jayden could completely abandon any traces of his true self when throwing himself into a part, with no reticence or embarrassment. 

It was almost comical to see how he was dressed, playing the part even more fully than last time. He wore slacks, a sweater vest, tie, and a collared shirt that had the sleeves rolled up past his elbows which showed off the bit of muscle he had in his upper arms. It was funny because he made it somehow look good. He moved with perfect posture that was a bit stiff, as one would if they were a little repressed. He’d perfected a quick grin that had an edge of nervousness to it, and a slightly hesitant way of starting his sentences.

The girls were absolutely falling over themselves for him. He must have seemed like an absolute catch. Handsome, but not socially confident enough or suave enough to be super experienced with women or have the attitude of a player.

Ha.

It was a ripe bag of lies. Jayden was all that and more.

Oh well, it wasn’t his problem. And if Jayden was having fun with this for some reason, who was he to say anything against it? It wasn’t hurting anyone, and it was keeping Jayden out of his usual blend of trouble. Still, he was really curious why Jayden was doing it at all. Was it truly something so simple as fun? He’d been seriously chaffing last time he’d been here. 

Light shrugged to himself. Maybe Jayden just liked the attention. Or he was looking for a hookup. Who knew.

During the brief break, Jayden disappeared like a stray cat.

Light didn’t bother looking for him. He just stepped outside like the others, needing some respite from the stuffy confines of the library. It was a nice, cool night, and the spray of the fountain outside the building carried pleasantly on the air. He watched a couple toss a few coins into it, possibly to make a wish.

“So, we were thinking, Light,” one of the girls said from her perch on the retaining wall of the fountain. “How about a party?”

“A party?” he asked, returning his attention back to the group. They were gathered in an informal cluster. Some of them had gotten food or drink before meeting back up in front of the playful and calming splashing of the fountain. There were nods from around the group, both girls and guys.

“Yeah,” one of the guys said. “The usual - booze, music, and all the rest. We thought it could be a good way to loosen up and meet some new people, too.”

“And since the rumor is that you aren’t seeing anyone,” one of the other guys added glibly, “it wouldn’t be a bad turn out where the girls are concerned.”

Ah, so the rumors that he and Marin had broken up were already circulating…

“That isn’t the only reason we’d invite you or anything,” the first guy was quick to add, making Light raise his eyebrow.

“Pfft!” one of the girls scoffed. “Isn’t  _ that _ the truth. If anything, your competition would be even more fierce.”

“Right!” The second guy nodded. “It’s true. Whatever girls do show up will probably all be making eyes at you, but at least they’ll  _ be _ there. Can’t complain too much about that.”

“And, it will be nice to get to know you,” one of the girls added. “You’re sort of a social mystery.”

“As fun as that sounds….” Light began, sort of flattered and sort of put off by the suggestion.

“Indeed, that sounds like a crackin’ good time,” Jayden agreed geekishly, clapping him on the shoulder awkwardly, making him jump.

_ Where the fuck had he phased in from?? _

“We accept,” Jayden added, taking a long pull off of a seriously huge coffee.

_ Ah… maybe he’d had some coffee before getting here, too? _ Light wondered. It would explain his lack of manic antsiness. “Wait,” he said shaking the thoughts away. “What do you mean ‘we’ accept?” He sensed some of the real Jayden coming through to set up amusements for himself. His shy counterpart shouldn’t have had the balls to invite himself along to something he hadn’t been asked to attend.

One of the girls, the one that had especially shiny eyes for Jayden and had been playing with her hair at him, clapped her hands together excitedly. “We’d  _ love _ if you could come!”

Jayden pretended to be taken aback and shy as he ventured, “Did I just invite myself along? I-I thought it was a party for the group?”

Everyone assured him that they would love it if he could come along. A few of the girls even started cooking up an idea that it would be a kick to dress him up, in “fun” (aka, sexy or stylish) clothes, when he protested that what he was wearing was pretty much the bulk of his wardrobe. The girls giggled at him and used it as an excuse to touch him while “examining” his clothes.

Jayden, god knows how, managed to make himself blush a little at the attention.

**_Damn_ ** _ , he’s good _ , Light thought again.

“Do you like dressing like this?” one of the girls asked him, honestly curious.

“Is there something wrong with it?” Jayden asked worriedly, as if the thought had never occurred to him. It was beyond ridiculous, and Light couldn’t help picturing this imposter in his usual attire which was dark, form-fitting, and quite the opposite of shy and wholesome. Jayden added, “Well, my parents do pick out a lot of my clothes…”

Light sent him a narrow eyed glare, sensing the joke at his expense. “You don’t say," Light said drolly. "That must be so hard for you.”

The corner of the deviant’s mouth quirked up almost imperceptibly. Light knew what to look for, however. He had the urge to kick him.

“I knew you’d understand,” Jayden turned towards Light to announce, his eyes shining. He was practically overflowing with mirth underneath the act, and barely keeping a lid on it. He seemed to take special amusement in the deadpan look Light was giving him. “Since we are such good friends and all,” he added meaningfully.

“It really shows, too,” one of the girls added, watching their exchange. A few of the others were nodding.

“So you’ll come to the party?” one of the guys asked, trying to wrangle an affirmative answer out of them.

“We’ll see,” Light said, trying to sound amiable. He felt irritated in proportion to Jayden’s glee. “For now, we have some work to get back to.”

* * *

After the study session was over, Jayden decided to tag along on his walk home. As soon as they left the other students behind, a lazy grin spread across his face and he put his hands behind his head, looking quite pleased with himself.

This, Light could ignore, but hearing the deviant snickering to himself got on his nerves.

“Can you tell me NOW why you were at the tutoring session?” Light said, thoroughly vexed. Jayden had dodged his whispered inquiries earlier, and even the normal toned ones, being as obtuse as his alter ego liked to pretend to be.

“Well, maybe not if you’re going to be so  _ hostile _ about it,” he admonished, winding Light up.

“Jackass,” Light muttered and continued walking with clipped strides, leaving him behind. There was no dealing with him when he was determined to be difficult.

Jayden jogged up to his side. “Hey, I resent that aspersion upon my character.” He was grinning as he said this. “It offends his delicate sensibilities.”

Light wiped a hand over his face, coming to a stop. “Jayden, seriously, why are you doing this to me?”

“Because it’s fun?” he said point blank, not seeming to be kidding at all.

Light gave him a long-suffering look.

Jayden tried to retain his soulfully candid look, but he couldn’t quite keep it in place. A mischievous smile was threatening the serenity of his face. 

“It’s fun! So sue me.” And there, the manic smile and brightened eyes came out. “You are soooooo easy to wind up. I can’t help doing it, any more than I can help wanting to knock down a row of dominoes someone painstakingly set up but hadn’t finished, or startling someone who’s trying to build a house of cards.”

“Asshole,” Light stated, raising an unimpressed eyebrow. He knew calling Jayden that was one of the few things that irked him.

“Hey, no need to get like that,” Jayden groused. “It was all in good fun.”

“Answer my question. What was your intent?”

“To bug the shit out of you and have a laugh.” He had that sharp edge of cruelty to him, but he also seemed a little bit cagey. Light didn’t believe him at all.

“Aside from that.”

“UGH! God!” Jayden complained, pulling at the tie like it was suddenly bugging him. He had a sour expression on his face. “It was kind of interesting to play a different part.” The words were forced, coming about as easily as pulling teeth, as he muttered, “Like, if I had been the grandson my family wanted. People act differently towards me.” He gave Light a cutting glance, his strange, pale eyes looking especially alien. “I don’t regret my choices," he said aggressively, as if being challenged on that matter. " _ I am who I am _ .”

Light sensed the minefield here and shrugged noncommittally, backing off of the topic through body language. “You most certainly  _ are _ ,” he said with a rolling of his eyes, knowing that Jayden would react better to the antagonism.

“You got somethin’ to say?” Jayden said dangerously.

“Do  **you** ?” Light tossed back, raising his eyebrow at the taller boy.

Jayden backed off, looking like he felt he’d shot himself in the foot. “No,” he said waspishly, muttering under his breath.

_ Ah, there we go. Bomb defused. _

“Are you following me home or what?” Light kicked out, giving Jayden a little bit of a break by offering him an opportunity to annoy him.

“Why, would that  _ bother _ you?” the spiky haired deviant taunted, looking somewhat mollified.

“Not as much as the sound of that party,” he grumbled truthfully.

Jayden’s glee broke through the clouds of his sullenness. “Come on, it’ll be a riot. Think about it. The very idea of the girls trying to de-geek my character. You have to admit how amusing that would be.”

“Not nearly enough for me to want to go.” He could admit that he sort of did want to see it though. But just now he was getting his revenge on Jayden by turning the tables and annoying  _ him  _ by being unenthused about the party.

Jayden growled. “Come ON, why do you have to spoil my fun? All you have to do is show up!”

“No.”

“Why?” Jayden expelled in an aggravated sigh.

“Just go without me if you’re so keen on it.”

“It would be weird.”

Light gave him an incredulous look. “Seriously?” That was unexpected. He wouldn’t think that Jayden would have trouble making himself at home in  _ any  _ social situation...

“Ha!” the deviant exclaimed derisively. “Only because my alter ego wouldn’t have the  _ balls  _ to show up without his good  _ buddy _ .” He clapped Light on the shoulder as he said ‘buddy’, seeming to delight in his confusion. “Why so surprised?” Jayden leered at him. “Did you expect me to say I wouldn’t have any fun without you?” He batted his eyelashes at Light and flicked his tongue against his upper lip in a solicitous manner.

Light felt an unexpected flush hit his cheeks at the lascivious gesture. He rolled his eyes and promptly ignored Jayden, which was sure to annoy him. He wasn’t sure if his reaction was due to being taken by surprise, or due to sexual tension. He’d been thinking about L a lot, and it didn’t help that Jayden passingly resembled him. 

“Have you talked to L lately?” he asked after a few minutes, glancing back to see that Jayden was strolling behind him, nonplussed.

“Hmn…” Jayden considered, his head tilting to the side. “No.”

Light stopped walking and frowned at him. “That was a shit answer.”

Jayden lowered his arms from behind his head. “Damn you’re fucking catty today. You didn’t say you wanted epic detail, now  _ did _ you?”

_ Catty indeed.  _ “You’ve been trying to piss me off for hours, what do you expect?”

Jayden considered that. “True.”

“Well? Can’t you  _ elaborate _ ?”

“Alright, alright, keep your shirt on,” he groused. “Or, better yet,” he added slyly, changing tracks, “take it off and make it worth my while. I bet I could come up with all the detail you could ever need, in that case.” 

Light just folded his arms across his chest and managed to look unimpressed.

“Really?” Jayden complained. “Nothing? Not even a tiny reaction to that?”

Light continued his unimpressed look and slowly raised an eyebrow.

“Goddamnit, these kids grow up fast,” he grumbled. “Fine. No, I haven’t heard from him much this week. He’s probably busy with work or something. Happy?”

“I guess,” Light said, feeling disappointed. He resumed his walk home. 

“Feelin’ lonely?” his companion asked, throwing an arm around his shoulders to rile him up.

Light sighed. “I miss him,” he admitted. Jayden would have figured that out already anyway.

The arm around his shoulders somehow seemed to become a little more genuine. “Want me to keep you company?” his tone seemed a little reserved, testing.

“Thanks, but you know it isn’t the same.”

“I can do a fair impression,” the deviant offered, a grin surfacing in his voice.

“Please don’t.”

The moment of empathy seemed to be hard for Jayden to stay within. He went back to teasing almost immediately, seeming more at home with that. 

Jayden leaned in and spoke into his ear. “How do you know you won’t like it if you don’t try it?”

The feeling of missing L spiked sharply. Even contemplating such an impersonation just made him all the more aware of those qualities that Jayden couldn’t hope to capture, even with a near-flawless performance. There was a resonance in L’s voice, the quality of those dark eyes, and the feel of just being around L that sang through his blood with a sort of electric calm.

“Aw geez,” Jayden complained softly, almost to himself. “The more smitten you get with him, the harder it is to tease you.”

After a few moments being lost in thought, Light ducked out from under Jayden’s arm. “Quit fooling around.” He said it distractedly, without any malice or agitation. He wondered if he would see L this Sunday at least.

“Sure, ok,” Jayden responded in turn, choosing to let it go in another rare moment of humanity. He put his hands into his pockets and settled into a rolling stroll, passing the rest of the walk with him in amiable silence.  

* * *

Neither of them had noticed the person that was following them, or the keen gaze that watched their interaction.

When Jayden’s arm had gone around Light’s shoulders, she thought for an instant that there was a lot more between them than the claim of friendship, and it was shocking. 

**_He’s_ ** _ the one? _

She strode forward to get a closer look at what seemed like quite the intimate interaction, but was surprised once more; Light eventually rejected the arm around his shoulders (and Jayden himself?) and nothing more had come of it.

* * *

TBC


	30. (phase 2) An Odder Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden drops Light off at the house. Someone receives an unusual phone call.

S&M

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 30: An Odder Night  _

Jayden did indeed follow him all the way home. Light wasn’t sure if he had an ulterior motive or if he’d simply felt like it. He wouldn’t go so far as to say it was ‘concern’, but it did seem vaguely suggestive of that feeling.

Light was thinking about this as he started to unlock the door. He could feel Jayden’s expectant gaze upon him. “Goodnight…” he said at last.

“What, you aren’t going to invite me in?”

Jayden’s voice had gone back to the slightly condescending tone, the one that playfully (and sometimes, not so playfully) mocked him.

“I’m fine,” Light said, on the off chance there  _ had _ been a sliver of concern on Jayden’s part, not that the pain-in-the-ass would ever admit to it. “Go home.”

Jayden blinked at him lazily and his expression seemed to say,  _ ‘You poor deluded bastard.’  _

“What?” Light said testily.

“You were trying to assign some sense of decency to me again, weren’t you?” 

“Like what?” Light got defensive. Even if he was right about Jayden being concerned, Jayden seemed to take particular offense when he was found out. After which, he would go out of his way to be an asshole, as Light had found out on numerous occasions.

Jayden surged forward like the ocean tide, bringing a hand up to his face and pulling way too close. “I told you about those false instincts of yours,” he murmured, dangerously close. He locked eyes with Light as if threatening to take things further if Light insisted that he’d been acting on some sort of noble aspect of his character.

“What’s trying to kiss me supposed to prove?” Light said bluntly, staring him down. It was not a comfortable place to be in. “You think that proves you are exempt from having ever had a thought of concern for another person? Of having the urge to be nice?” Jayden got a stubborn look in his eye and looked a little unpredictable. “All it tells me,” Light concluded, “is that you’re trying to cover it up.”

“You want to test that theory?” Jayden threatened.

“Not particularly,” Light said. He started to duck around the taller boy, but Jayden threw an arm up to block his way.

“Maybe I just wanted to kiss you.” His voice was nearly a sneer as he hunted Light’s mouth with a sharp gaze. “Did you ever think about that?” Odd, pale eyes flicked up to meet his.

Light searched his face. “You’re full of shit.” He seemed to be posturing. “Acting like you have something to prove.” He made a derisive noise. “Just leave me out of it and handle it yourself.”

Jayden’s arm dropped out of his way and he gave Light a look that was a blend of petulance and grudging respect. “And you call  **me** the asshole.”

Light gave him a bland look. “Am I wrong?”

Jayden considered, seeming to agree with him. “I still resent you calling me that.”

The door opened just then, making them both jump nearly out of their skins; they scrambled to not be hit by it. “Jezus,” Jayden said faintly, heart likely racing as fast as Light’s own. Most of the lights were off in the house so it had seemed like no one was awake.

Light’s mother’s curious face poked around the door. “Light? Is that you?” She gasped in delight when she spotted Jayden. “My goodness, I thought I heard voices at the door but what a pleasant surprise! How are you, dear?”

“Hi, Mrs. Y,” Jayden said easily, shifting back into his good-boy persona. “I’m fine. Sorry for any trouble I caused you…” he paused to look aggrieved. “My cousin and I don’t fight much... I took it kind of hard.” He looked down at his toes multiple times and practically oozed shame and the need for a hug.

Light had to keep himself from laughing outright at Jayden’s shocked face when his mother did just that. He didn’t seem like he was used to getting things like hugs from parental figures or other people’s mothers.

“You poor, sweet thing.” She tsked at him with concern, then held him at arm’s length to regard him.

It looked like Jayden was struggling a little with knowing what expression to make. He seemed truly taken aback, like this was the last thing in the world that he might have anticipated.

“It must be hard to fight with your only close family,” Sachiko said empathetically, looking both sad and understanding. “Please feel free to consider this your home, if you ever need a place to go. We were so worried about you, dear.”

If Jayden looked lost before, he looked especially conflicted now.

Light was having trouble reading him. He wasn’t sure if it was shock that his mother apparently knew more about his background than he’d expected, or that her words were sparking off a tricky emotional reaction. He’d never seen Jayden like this before.

His facade didn’t seem quite so effortless now as he tried to compose himself and said, “Thank you, that is a kind offer.” 

Sachiko pulled him into another hug and again he looked startled. “Won’t you come in for a moment? Visit with us a little while. Elliot mentioned you usually have to work most Sundays and wouldn’t be available to drop by for our family meal. He did tell you about that, didn’t he?”

Light winced internally. L probably hadn’t told Jayden anything of the sort.

“Family meal?” Jayden repeated dumbly as his mind buzzed over all the facets of this information. He looked at Light. It was quite apparent his shields were down. He was just too surprised by everything and it looked like his mind was running with it, leaving less energy free for his act. The most he could do is try to hide his reactions, as normal Jayden.

* * *

Jayden blinked. He wasn’t sure what was going on but he felt like he’d been smashed in the forehead with a tiny,  _ excruciating _ little hammer about 10 times in just as many milliseconds.

He was vaguely aware of Light’s tension and focus, and extrapolated that he must be acting a bit odd.

He groped around in the dark for the sense of that act he’d been playing for the Yagamis and the study group, but it was eluding him like wisps of smoke.

The mother was staring at him expectantly.

“Family meal?” he said dumbly, still trying to gain his footing. He never would have thought having someone offer their home to him or trying to include him in their family would have such a profound effect on him, especially when everything they knew about him was pretty much a sham anyway.

_ Fuck, it’s probably because I was thinking about Mam and Gramps earlier… _

He was loathe to admit it, but it was a bit of a sore spot with him, being disowned and all. Having someone who reminded him of his grandparents offering to take him in was just a little too much. Especially with all the hugging. The last time his grandparents had hugged him or expressed concern for him was probably when he was around 15 or 16. After that they were mostly just tolerating him until he came of age and they could kick him out.

“If you aren’t working this weekend, dear, why don’t you think about joining us?” Mrs. Yagami offered.

“Yeah… I’ll uh…” he struggled for words and felt a restless agitation coming on due to being without the masks he so easily wore. “I’ll think about it... Thank you.”

He turned to Light, who had those carefully watchful eyes trained upon him. The brunet knew something was up, but he wasn’t calling attention to it. Those warm colored eyes were looking at him as if he were a puzzle to be figured out. It made him uneasy. Defensiveness rose up and his usual armor of humor and anger were both woefully inappropriate in this situation, leaving him practically naked and defenseless.

“Light, see you later,” he said. He had to get out of here. He couldn’t stand being here a moment longer. “Bye, Mrs. Y.” He waved a farewell to Light’s mom but couldn’t look at her. 

* * *

They watched him leave.

“You don’t think I upset him, somehow?” Sachiko worried aloud.

Light shrugged. “I have no idea.” He looked at his mother and ushered her inside. “I’m sure it’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. Maybe he just got to thinking about the fight he had with L...lliot.”  _ Damn _ , he thought, he’d slipped again. It was too hard to remember sometimes to call L by the other name with his parents. He wished for the day when that wasn’t necessary.

“Maybe you’re right,” she said, not sounding convinced. She closed and locked the door behind them. “How was tutoring? I didn’t know Jayden was going along to that.”

“It was ok. Normal stuff.” Light pulled some orange juice out of the fridge and poured himself a glass. He took a long drink, cringing a little bit as the coolness made his teeth ache with the threat of a brainfreeze. It passed, thankfully. “I didn’t know he was going to be there either. He just showed up.”

“Did he seem normal to you?”

She still seemed stuck on his odd behavior.

“He’s fine, mom,” Light assured her. He had no such certainty, but Jayden was certainly acting his usual self up until this scene on the doorstep. “Stop worrying.”

* * *

Light was drifting off to sleep that night when he heard his phone buzzing. 

He got out of bed with something of a drunken stagger, disorientation fogging his brain as he tried to remember where the hell he’d left his phone in the first place. He didn’t see it any of the normal places, so he checked under a few pieces of clothing that were dropped on the floor, and under some books and papers on his desk.

Just as it stopped ringing, he realized that it was on the charger, the only place he didn’t look. Not only that, he wouldn’t have even had to get out of bed to reach it.

“Damnit,” he sighed and a huge yawn split his face.

He crawled back into bed and looked blearily at the missed call.  _ L? _ His heart skipped a beat as he pushed the callback button and L’s picture swam into focus. It seemed like a lifetime since they’d last spoken. He put the phone to his ear. He hoped this wouldn’t be another one of those curt  _ ‘I can’t talk right now’ _ calls. The lack of communication was starting to worry him. Was something going wrong and he just didn’t realize it?

There was a soft click as the call was picked up. “Hey. I thought you might be asleep.”

Despite L’s soft, easy tone, Light worried that L had called at this time  _ because _ he thought he had been asleep. 

“Almost.”

“Ah… sorry, didn’t mean to wake you. I got your text from earlier, about Sunday.”

“Right.” The anxiety was starting to chew Light’s brain more insistently, waking him up bit by bit. He had a fear that not only was L going to be unavailable Sunday too, but long after that. What if this relationship thing wasn’t a priority any longer? It was a horrifying thought, but one that he couldn’t stifle. In all the time he’d known L, it seemed like they had maintained a certain level of communication… having it change suddenly… it put him on edge. 

There was a long pause where L said nothing. Finally, he asked, “You ok? Or are you just really tired?”

“I don’t know,” he answered a little sullenly. He paused then said, “Can you actually talk or will you have to go in two seconds like last time?” His tone sounded more confrontational than intended.

“I’m here.”

“So… Sunday?” he asked somewhat stonily, with a frown, not liking the odds for the response he was likely to get.

“It should be fine,” L said flatly before pausing again. Somehow the awkwardness of this call just wouldn’t  **_die_ ** . “You seem upset.”

“Based on?” Oh great, he was perpetuating the curt responses… he couldn’t seem to say anything more lengthy, as if he expected to get hung up on like last time. He’d tried to be understanding about having limited contact with L; but without knowing why, it was apparently really getting to him. 

“Based on  _ everything?” _ L said with a measure of biting sarcasm, as if any idiot could plainly see that.

Light sighed at the blunt reply, not sure how to respond. He found himself asking L, then, if he was working on a sleep deficit. To his surprise, L laughed ruefully and said that he had. He didn’t sound that amused though.

“Is it that obvious?” L asked.

L had the tendency to sound short, rude, or mean when he hadn’t gotten enough sleep. Understanding that didn’t excuse it, but at least he could understand where it was coming from.

“Er… not the word I would have chosen…” But it probably wouldn’t help to get more descriptive here at the moment.

“It’s been a rough week,” L said, sounding like he was stifling a yawn. Now that he listened closer, weariness seemed to be shading his voice rather heavily. It shifted slightly upwards, teasing. “Did you miss me?”

Light frowned. “Did  _ you _ miss  _ me _ ?” he countered stubbornly, not ready to cede so easily after L’s touchy attitude a minute ago. Besides, it seemed he was always the one put on the spot to admit things like this. He wanted to hear L fess up once or twice. Not that he was likely to...

“ _ Terribly _ ,” L affirmed. There was a subtle tone of longing in his voice that put a warm tension in Light’s belly, a tentative desire.

“Yeah, I missed you…” he admitted, a little reluctantly. The truth of that was like a pressure in his chest. It ached.

L laughed softly, sounding sleepier by the minute, “You don’t have to sound so loathe to admit it. You’ll make me think you don’t love me anymore…”

His drowsy teasing hit too close to home. Light felt his entire face flush. They didn’t really talk about things like love, and Light was the only one to have ever said anything of that nature, though it had been an accident in the first place. He felt entirely too put on the spot, exposed.

“If you were in my bed right now,” L continued in softly probing, rich tones that were painting the picture all too clearly in Light’s head, “would you let me kiss you?” Light’s body flushed as he imagined the feel of L’s warm, sexy body pulling close to his and their lips brushing together. Need shivered through him. “Or, would you push me away?” L murmured intimately in his ear, as if there wasn’t a phone between them at all.

“I’d push you away,” Light said, even though that was total bullshit and a telltale breathless quality was more than a little audible in his voice. L was just pushing his buttons with a question like that. Expertly, but still, he fought the urge to just give in. 

“We both know the amount of truth within  _ that _ statement.” 

L sounded amused and a little more awake. Oh, and smug. Very smug.

“Care to test that out?” Light said, managing control over his voice once more. “Or do you only make such claims when you expect them to remain unchallenged?

“It sounds like someone’s developed a defiant streak they need taken care of,” L said, an enamored tone shifting into his voice. “I’d _ love _ to assist you with that,” he practically purred, and Light felt it like fingers stroking possessively down his bare back. 

The moment felt like that electrifying pause of held breath before the stimulating kiss of a whip. 

He shivered as he recalled that terrifying and thrilling experience he’d had with L at the club. It had been unbelievably erotic, and he couldn’t even say why. Maybe it was the stinging smacks, lingering caresses and L’s sultry voice in his ear as he was bent inside out.

The same sultry voice that harbored a knowing smile as it asked him what he was thinking about right now.

“Ah,” Light sighed unconsciously, as he looked for words, desire rolling through his belly.

“I can picture the  _ exact _ expression you have on your face right now,” L said silkily. “The one where your eyelids start to flutter if I so much as trace a finger up your thigh.”

“You’re killing me,” he groaned, feeling his body respond quite hard to that.

“I wish I could touch you right now.” L’s husky voice seemed to wrap around him and through him.

_ I wish you could, too _ , he thought.

“... guess you’ll have to do it for me,” L concluded, a note of mischievousness in his tone. 

Woah, hey now, he was not going to do something like that… “But-”

“Be my hands,” he urged hotly.

_ Oh damnit…  _ Light thought. This was totally doing it for him, despite the bit of embarrassment that was making him try to deny it. 

“Let me feel the the curve of those sexy lips against my fingertips…” He bit his lip as L’s rich voice guided his hands and he lifted them to comply. “You’ll have to quit biting them,” L murmured indulgently, knowing Light all too well. Light shivered and the knot of desire tightened in his gut as he traced his lower lip, feeling a little silly and a lot turned on. 

“And, of course, your throat… I love the feel of it under my mouth and teeth, and the way you jump when I nip your skin…”

Light squirmed. He both loved and hated it when L got ahold of his neck. It was sensitive but L seemed able to make it about a thousand times more, so that almost every little thing felt like a live wire and made him jump.

L chuckled in his ear, just like he did when making him jump. “You make the cutest face as you try not to react to that, like you want to bite off my fingers.”

Light flushed with embarrassment. It was even worse, knowing he made some kind of expression for L to gloat over. “I could bite off something else?” he offered.

“How turned on are you right now?” L countered smoothly. “Let me  _ feel _ it.”

“No,” he said stubbornly, appalled that L had managed to put him back in the hot seat so easily. 

“No isn’t in your vocabulary.”

“I assure you it  **_is_ ** \--”

“So shall we stop here?” L said with a smile. “You could choose to believe you won... But when you put the phone down, in the end, you’ll still do as I asked.” His voice sounded infuriatingly reasonable, like he was negotiating with someone who was being irrational. “And really, what kind of victory would that be for you?” He couldn’t keep the smugness out of his voice in the end.

_ Damn him _ . He was right. There was no way he could stand this level of arousal without giving in to release. It would be impossible to sleep through this throbbing need.

Light expelled a breath of pure frustration.

“Just do as I ask,” L wheedled charmingly. “ _ Give in _ .”

The throbbing was fast becoming a near painful ache.

“Damn it,” Light cursed, his pride losing to this more pressing matter. His breath hitched as he wrapped his fingers around his desire. 

“Yesss,” L breathed in his ear as he started to stroke himself off, “just like that.”

It was almost like L could see exactly what he was doing, so perfectly timed were his impassioned words. Light’s body was burning hot, like it was on fire. He bit his lips, trying to keep silent, but he wasn’t entirely successful. L’s voice in his ear was becoming increasingly overcome with desire and it was making everything affect him all the stronger.

“Please,” Light moaned in a soft breath. The teasing was driving him crazy. It was hard to keep things quiet, like they needed to be so they wouldn’t be overheard.

It all felt so good and he was losing his bearings.

“I expect you to beg me  _ properly _ later,” L breathed out lustfully.  _ ‘Nice and loud,’  _ he seemed to imply.

_ Oh… yes… _

“Put your forearm across your lips,” L continued, in that same rapturous voice, “and open your mouth wide... wide enough to make your jaw hurt…”

It felt oddly exposing to do so, but that vulnerability fueled the buildup inside of him. His tongue inadvertently touched against the warm flesh of his arm and he had the urge to suck upon it, as if it were something else entirely.

“Wide enough to take me in…”

He shuddered as the words rippled through him with intensity. Once more, the flesh under his lips called to him and this time he indulged. In the absence of his partner, even this, the feel of flesh against his tongue and between his lips and teeth was erotic. He craved the taste of L - any part of him - anything to occupy his mouth like he wished it to be.

“...and feel the heat of me upon your tongue.”

He shuddered again as the image filled his mind and a muffled moan escaped him.

“God I want to fuck you….” L groaned, sounding like he was about to come undone. “I want to hear you come.”

The words thrilled though Light’s body like whiplash. He bit down upon his arm as he cried out, muffling it to near silence as release snapped through him.

He heard L’s throaty moan of release, unabashedly loud and unrestrained enough for the both of them. It rolled pleasure through him, even in the aftershocks of his own orgasm.

It was amazing that neither of them seemed to drop their phones during all of this.

Light made a comment to that effect once sense started to come back to him.

“Oh, I had you on speakerphone,” L said slyly, making Light go pale with shock before he realized L was fucking with him.

“Asshole,” he muttered, trying to calm his near panic attack.

L chuckled. “What are you so worried about? You basically had to stay quiet anyway, because you’re at your parents’ house.”

“Still...” he protested, feeling mortified at the thought of anyone hearing ANY of that. It seemed worse somehow that it was over the phone instead of being in person. 

“Shhh…  _ Akanbo _ …” L teased. “Your secret is safe with me.”

“You’re assuming that was my first time--” he said haughtily, his pride demanded he at least  **_try_ ** to argue against such a statement.

L laughed, cutting him off. “Of course it was.”

“Based on?”

His lover sounded beyond amused as he mocked him lightly, “You have a very special and endearing way of protesting when it’s something  _ new _ ...”

Light felt his hackles rise. He doubted that. L was just winding him up, surely. 

“...versus just protesting in general.”

Light growled at him. 

He could hear muffled laughter in the background. The muffled sound amplified then ceased abruptly. L must have been covering the speaker. A moment later, he returned, sounding slightly more composed. “Alright, alright, I’ll stop,” he relented, the amusement still dancing in his tone. “No doubt you’re plotting ways to kill me or make me suffer.”

“It’s too late for that,” Light intoned darkly, “and you’ll never even see it coming.”

“Mmmm…” L said, not sounding cowed in the least. “Maybe it’s my dark, twisted nature, but somehow I can’t help but look forward to that….”

“Pfft,” Light scoffed, unable to keep up the menacing attitude any longer. “You’re crazy.”

“In the best way,” L said jauntily, blowing him a kiss over the phone. “Goodnight,  _ sweetheart _ ,” he said with a touch of a mocking tone on the endearment, riling Light up one last time, though affection was more than apparent in his voice otherwise.

Light hung up, shaking his head. 

L was a crazy bastard, to be sure. But one he was head over heels for.

He shoved the phone under his pillow and fell into the realm of unconsciousness almost immediately.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Light. Still not seeing when you fugg things up too. That phonecall wasn't all awkward all on L. Make the connection, boy! lol
> 
> Ah, he's learning. Albeit slowly. Like a baby chick haha.
> 
> Have a good night you all!


	31. (phase 2) The Unexpected Guest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light finally get to see each other. (some fluff!) Jayden orchestrates amusements for himself.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_Part 31: The Unexpected Guest_

Light was especially looking forward to dinner Sunday, where _finally_ , FINALLY he would get to set eyes on L and maybe even get a moment or two with him alone. Seeing him around everyone else wasn’t quite the same. Their communication was extremely limited and ‘Elliot’ had a certain image to adhere to.

Unfortunately, L seemed to be running later than anticipated, which was shaving time off of their already limited time before dinner would be served. It was possible they would have some time afterwards but his parents tended to get more gabby after meals. Beforehand they were more concerned with making the food and getting everything ready.

The doorbell finally rang.

Light counted to five, anticipating being ordered to get it. He didn’t want to look too eager. As the doorbell rang the second time, his mother called out, “Light? Honey?? Can’t you get the door?”

“Ah, sure,” he called back, as if he hadn’t been counting down to that very moment.

He swung the door open and was surprised to see not one, but two people at the door. A very sour-faced L, and a very fresh-scrubbed and innocent looking Jayden.

Light’s face morphed into an expression much like the one L was wearing. So much so that Jayden just felt _compelled_ to comment on it.

“Well aren’t the two of you just too cute for words?” he said with a grin at their expense. “You could be bookends, or a matched set of salt and pepper shakers with that face.”

“You _had_ to bring him?” Light implored, ignoring the deviant and giving L piteous eyes.

“ ** _Not_ ** _my idea_ ,” the elder cousin growled, looking at his younger cousin who was the picture of innocence.

“I insisted,” Jayden beamed. He seemed to have recovered from whatever was plaguing him just last night. _Too_ well, Light thought with aggravation. On the tail end of that, he wondered suspiciously what Jayden might be up to. He seemed way too fucking chipper to be planning to behave himself.

“Hi, dear,” Sachiko called from the kitchen as they came inside. She couldn't see them.

“Hullo,” L called back, slapping a hand over Jayden’s mouth and stilling any protests with a deadly glare. He jerked his head towards the stairs, seemingly threatening Jayden into compliance.

Jayden was thwarted and got the muttering look about him as they headed upstairs. Another glare from L and he kept it under wraps at least until they made it quietly up the stairs and into Light’s room. Then, the muttering and griping began.

L didn’t pay it much mind. As soon as the door was shut, he held up a hand as if saying just-a-minute to Jayden’s rant and caught Light in an unexpected, passionate kiss which he’d apparently had no intention of holding back on any longer, cousins or voyeurs be damned.

It was hard for Light to be moved to argue. He was almost as squarely in the ‘not giving a damn’ arena as L was, though he usually like to avoid PDAs in front of the bouncing ball of mayhem who was in the room with them.

Just to be obnoxious, Jayden let out an appreciative whistle. Or maybe he did enjoy the show, who the fuck knew.

L ended the kiss when he felt damn ready to, and not a moment before. “You,” he said scathingly, turning back to his cousin. “Not another word.”

He must have been psychic, anticipating what Jayden would potentially say, though he hadn’t looked like he was going to say anything.

“Not even--? Jayden started, suddenly looking like he was going to hop from foot to foot holding in whatever he wanted to say. Knowing him, it was something lewd and inappropriate.

“No.”

There was no arguing with that steely gaze.

“But--” Not that it stopped Jayden from doing it anyway. He looked like he was thinking of and discarding various things to say, and L’s expressions shifted almost as fast, anticipating them.

“ _No,_ ” L threatened.

Jayden preemptively ducked out of striking range as he said saucily, “I still say it would be more fun if you let me do more than just _watch_.”

* * *

A crash from upstairs made Sachiko look up from what she was doing. What on earth was going on up there? “Light?” she called.

* * *

“Fucking quit it,” Light hissed at the cousins as they paused in their struggle to murder each other. He kicked Jayden a second time for good measure.

“Ow…”

Jayden pouted at Light. Then he had the gall to look at his cousin with wide, soulful eyes and say, “Your boy-toy is abusing me."

Light washed his hands of the whole affair and went to the door, not particularly concerned at the relatively quiet sounds of Jayden being strangled. L was endeavoring to be quieter this time, that was the important thing.

“Sorry, mom,” he called. “I just knocked something over. Nothing’s broken.” He glanced over his shoulder. Nothing yet, at least. Though Jayden’s neck looked to be losing the battle.

“Okay, honey,” she called back.

Light closed his door and sat down on the floor to watch the spectacle. “Who’s gonna explain the handprints around his throat once we go downstairs?” he asked, nonplussed.

“Sonuvabitch,” L cursed and released him, seeing the folly in persisting. He looked exceptionally disgruntled, as Jayden beamed with success, as if he realized that punching that smug look off of his face would be out of bounds as well.

“Why are you here?” Light asked L’s cousin in a flat, no-nonsense voice. He really was bummed that his time with L was getting hijacked. But there was no fighting a force of nature like Jayden. The best that could be done is understand what he was thinking and try to work around that.

Jayden straightened out his clothes almost primly, as it was likely to get on their nerves. Then he ran a hand through the disarray of his black, spiky hair, as if intent to smooth it out while instead messing it up further with a grin. “I’m here to punish you for keeping things from me, like the lovely invitation from Light’s mother for Sunday meals.”

“Which you easily could have figured out WHY you weren’t told--” L growled.

“Hmph…” Jayden played at being the victim. It was a shoddy act, which seemed to be exceptionally effective at pissing L off. “Like I’m supposed to know what’s in your head..."

“--But, I took the time to tell you _anyway_ , ” L continued, talking over him with an aggravated tone, “so you wouldn’t be tempted to pull some shit like this.”

“You wound me, cuz,” Jayden said, choosing to look affronted. “How can you be so cruel? Your words hurt more than that one’s vicious kicks.” He nodded towards Light.

“Uwagghhhhh,” Light said, and flopped down onto his back on the floor. That last bit, while vexing, had still managed to put him dangerously close to laughing. He saw Jayden’s eyes glint with that knowledge; he pushed the edge of ridiculousness till, at some point, you were bound to either lose your temper or lose your sanity and begin to laugh.

“Fine,” L said, crawling over to flop on the floor next to Light. “I’m not playing either.”

“Guys,” Jayden whined, looking legit upset at that prospect. “Come oooon.”

“Nope,” L said, driving the stake further into Jayden’s black, attention-starved little heart. He looped an arm around Light and had the nerve to suddenly look like all was right with the world. Light found this to be hilarious. But he kept his amusement hidden behind a peaceful expression. It wasn’t exorbitantly hard. He did feel a measure of peace at just being close to L like this at last. L might have had the same thought.

“Ignoring me is cruel and unusual punishment,” Jayden announced with a frown.

“You know,” Light began, as if the thought were just drifting into his head. It hadn’t, but this would be brilliant payback. He made his voice sound concerned to the point of cartoonishness as he said to L, “Jayden seemed kind of upset about something yesterday when he talked to my mom. You should see if he’s ok…”

“Hey-” Jayden interjected unhappily.

“Mmm… yeah, I guess I could,” L said with faux concern, picking up on what Light was doing and joining in.

“Don’t talk about me like I’m not here.”

“...Apparently he’s a sensitive soul,” Light continued to adlib, knowing it would irk Jayden beyond measure. “According to my mother anyway.”

“Did she SAY that?” Jayden sounded aghast; he couldn’t seem to help taking the bait. “She _did_ _not_ say that!” He had to know they wouldn’t break the charade by responding. And yet, he did it anyway.

“That disappearing act sure shook her,” Light said. “To think a family feud could make him run off like that…”

“Oh Jezus,” Jayden started muttering. “THAT was the cover story you came up with? Are you fucking kidding me??”

L lifted his head and looked at his cousin. “Would you rather I tell her you’re a recovering addict?” he asked blandly.

“Shut up, I wasn’t an addict.”

“Uh huh.”

Light sensed this was an age-old argument.

“Take that back or else,” Jayden demanded.

“Or else what?” L seemed completely unconcerned over any threat Jayden could think up at this moment.

“Or I’ll….. I’ll molest him,” he announced, pointing a damning finger at Light.

 _Ugh,_ Light thought, _leave me out of this._

“Eh,” L said with a shrug and laid back down.

“No,” Jayden said, looking beside himself at the thought of L not acting to preserve Light’s honor. He protested this outrage. “You **_can’t_ ** not react to that. You’re not _allowed_!”

“Why not?” L asked blandly.

“Because… YOU--” he broke off and angrily ran his hands through his hair, making it even more disastrous. “You **_always_ ** …” he stressed. “You--” He devolved into finger pointing and sputtering about irrationality.

Light looked over at L. “I think you broke him,” he observed impassively. He was kind of impressed.

A sly smile blossomed L’s handsome face. “I know. Isn’t it beautiful?”

* * *

By the time dinner was ready, Jayden had composed himself and was ready for revenge.

Personally, Light thought it was ridiculous for him to seek revenge _for_ revenge. Jayden had started all of this - he couldn’t possibly expect them to be happy about him choosing to be a pain-in-the-ass. Likely he’d thought it would be great fun to watch them squirm and be frustrated. Jayden already knew from yesterday that he had been missing L terribly. Taking advantage of that to further his amusement was a bastard move.

Still, it wasn’t all bad.

Light was sitting next to L, who had surreptitiously taken his hand beneath the table. It was almost saccharinely sweet, for L, but… between that and the covert smiles L had been showering him with while Jayden unwittingly distracted his parents… it was hard to say which he enjoyed more. L’s hand was smooth and warm against his. Their fingers were laced together and it occurred to Light that there were a lot of little things like this that they’d sort of skipped over in their high-stakes courting.

It made him feel kind of warm on the inside. It was like seeing a whole other side to his dark haired, dark eyed lover - one that had previously seemed absent from his intense personality. It felt like exploring some uncharted area which was new to the both of them.

But the lull couldn’t last forever.

Eventually the conversation drifted to include more members of the table. L released his hand as Jayden and Sachiko looked Light’s way. Now that attention was back on them, they’d better make a show of eating.

“So, honey, tell us about the tutoring group,” his mother prompted, as if trying to lead him into a trap. He suspiciously believed Jayden had somehow set one while he wasn’t paying attention.

_Ugh._

“What’s there to tell?” He took a bite of his sandwich, needing both hands to do so, just like L had. He was actually pretty hungry. He took another few bites like a starving person, hoping the trap would be sprung without him in it.

He sensed Jayden glinting at him. That was never good.

“I think the group is just _swell_ ,” Jayden said heartily, drawing out the word ‘swell’ emphatically.

Light almost choked when said ‘swell’ so earnestly and with a straight face, sounding like something from out of a 1950s sitcom. He shot a glare at Jayden from across the table, accusing him of doing that on purpose. From the deviant’s smiling eyes, he’d say his assessment was spot on. He glowered at him.

He felt L pat his leg, almost apologetically.

“Yeah, they’re ok,” Light grudgingly agreed, pulling composure back around him like a cape.

Jayden turned to his mother, and that’s when the bomb dropped. “They’re having a party,” he said with conspiratorial exuberance. He had the gall to beam at her. Light felt everything steadily digging his grave.

“Oh?” she responded glancing at her son.

“Not going,” Light said simply, pretending to focus singularly on his meal.

“I’m surprised he didn’t tell you,” Jayden said, still playing at youthful, geeky excitement. “They’re throwing it in his honor, after all, for being such a brilliant tutor.”

 _Oh, fuck all._ That was bound to catch his mother’s interest if nothing else. She looooved prestige.

She seemed to warm up to the idea, although there was still a touch of concern in her tone as she asked, “What kind of party?”

“Drinking soda pop and playing board games, I’d imagine,” Jayden said earnestly, still exuding excitement and wearing a boyish smile. “Maybe karaoke?”

Light wanted to facepalm or maybe just beat his head into the table repeatedly. This was above and beyond, even for Jayden. L, beside him, was barely holding in his laughter.

“Are there going to be girls there?” Sachiko asked hesitantly, glancing over at her husband as if to confer with him. “That’s a good question,” Soichiro assented gruffly.

“Well, I’d imagine _so_ ,” Jayden said in all innocence, “After all, about half of the study group is of the female persuasion.” He let a delicate look of concern crease his brow. “You think they shouldn’t be allowed to come? That seems rather sad. Do you think we can throw a party with only half the members?”

“No, of course not,” Mr. Yagami said uncomfortably.

Light found himself wondering why his parents didn’t find Jayden’s newly skewed behavior odd in the least. He was trumping up this innocent act to preposterous proportions, like he was some kind of rosy cheeked kid you’d find on a Campbell’s Soup can. Why were they even buying it?

“I’m still not going,” Light said amiably, hoping his tone carried his statement of dissention stealthily past his parent’s radars.

“Liii~iight,” Jayden implored, dangerously close to that whine of Marin’s. Even L recognized it, if his suddenly radiating annoyance was any indication. “I can’t go if _you_ don’t, it isn’t even my school.”

 _What are you, five??_ he thought peevishly.

 _Goddamnit_ , his mother was giving him The Look. The one that said she _expected_ things of him.

“And since Elliot has a car,” Jayden said, making L stiffen as he was dragged unwittingly into the fray, “he can drive us there.” He beamed happily. “It’ll be like one big family roadtrip.”

“I’m gonna kill him,” L muttered under his breath. He quietly cleared his throat. “When was this party supposed to take place?” ‘Elliot’ asked cordially, looking like he didn’t mind the idea of driving one bit.

 _Yeah,_ **_seriously_ ** _._ When _was_ this supposed to happen? As far as he knew, the damn thing hadn’t even been planned yet.

“Next Saturday, remember?” Jayden said helpfully. “After an abbreviated study session.”

That little snake. He had to have been busy mustering the ranks and helping to make the party idea a reality. Light had no doubt he’d snagged the number of most of the girls at the group and had used that intel to text-arrange this unholy shindig.

“They’re really dedicated to their studies,” Jayden was saying to Light’s parents, buttering them up. “No one wanted to cancel for the party, so the vote was to cut the party short if need be.”

“That **is** dedication,” Mr. Yagami harrumphed, looking impressed. “Maybe it’s a good thing if you socialize with these students, Light. They sound like a good influence.”

Light rested his chin on his hand. “Uh huh.”

“Saturday night….” ‘Elliot’ thought aloud, gravely. “I might be indisposed.” He spared a glance at the wild card that was his cousin. “We may need to work out the details in private.” If that was intended as a threat, it certainly didn’t slow Jayden’s roll.

“Excellent!” he said, grinning at the lot of them. “This is going to be _loads_ of fun, I just _know_ it.”

* * *

_The next Saturday..._

“You rat bastard,” Light seethed, punching Jayden in the shoulder yet again as they waited for a ride from one of the kids from the tutoring session. “I can’t believe you roped me into this!” This was the last thing he wanted to be doing today.

“I tried to get L as well, but he escaped,” Jayden mourned. “I told him I was doing him a favor, this is going to be hilarious.”

Light grumbled under his breath. He had a feeling this party was going to go unexpectedly. He was not looking forward to it.

Jayden let at a long whistle and spared him a disparaging look. “Wow, your mom’s right, you need to get out there and learn to _socialize_.”

“Don’t you fucking even start,” Light growled. Jayden was more aware than most about how much of a battle he’d had with his parents over even the smallest amount of freedom **to** socialize. There were certain things he could NOT and **_would not_ ** let Jayden get away with saying. Even for the sake of denying Jayden the satisfaction of a reaction.

“You could have saved yourself a helluva lot of trouble if you’d just agreed in the first place,” the deviant hummed bemusedly.

“Yeah whatever,” Light muttered. “Without **_your_ ** coaching, they never would have allowed me to go, let alone _required_ me to.”

“Do you have something against parties?” Jayden politely inquired, which prompted Light to punch him again. “Ow,” he said pleasantly, after a long delay, just to be vexing.

“Why do you even want to go?” Light asked, truly bewildered, unless it was merely to torment him.

“Lots of reasons.”

Light gave him a droll stare. “More than half of those reasons are probably going to be _underage_.”

“What, I can’t window shop?” Jayden said with aggravation, pointedly spitting out the toothpick he’d been mangling for the last 15 minutes. He made a sour face. “Geez, you both even _nag_ me in stereo.” (His cousin had only said one thing to him about this party thing, aside from, _‘Fuck you, I’m not driving.’_ L had leveled him a sharp look of warning, the one that said he better stay the fuck out of trouble, and said one word:  ‘UNDERAGE’.)

Jayden muttered under his breath about people taking him for a moron, and took out a flask.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“I should think that’s obvious,” he said, as he lifted it to his lips, his tone implying Light was an idiot.

He was feeling ornery, and barely kept himself from upping the bickering by _directly_ calling Light an idiot. But only just barely. Everyone was just making such a big deal out of this little diversion. They were obviously missing the great potential for entertainment this would offer. It was starting get on his nerves.

The brunet let out an exasperated noise. “They’re going to be here any minute!”

Jayden turned his back to where the kids were most likely to appear from and took another leisurely sip. “Ain’t no way I’ll catch a buzz on the shitty beer they’ll likely have. Especially not on the amount they’ll give to a ‘novice drinker’, like myself.”

He winked, but it looked a little tired to Light.

“Want some?” Jayden offered. “Could improve your mood.”

Light started to say no, annoyed at the implication that _his_ mood was the issue here. But Jayden gave him a meaningful look, like maybe he needed to stop and really think this one through. Then he began shaking the flask encouragingly in front of Light, back and forth, like an insistent and pesky metronome.

“God, fine.” Light snatched it from him and took a quick swig. He grimaced at what felt like lighter fluid coating his throat. “What the shit is that?” he croaked, as his eyes watering a little from the strength of it.

“Moonshine.” Jayden smiled. “Made it myself.” His mood seemed to be bouncing back, at Light’s expense.

“Bullshit. That stuff could strip paint off a car! That can’t be moonshine.”

“Ok, so I didn’t make it, but it **is** moonshine.” Jayden tsked at him. “Your education is so lacking.”

“Don’t bother to enlighten me,” he pleaded under his breath, though loud enough to be heard. He really didn’t need this kind of information and wasn’t in the mood to hear it.

Jayden did so anyway, as if he couldn’t stand not to. “What do you think moonshine is anyway?” he said condescendingly. “Something weak and watered down, like beer?”

“Yes, obviously it’s made of beer and rainbows,” Light said sarcastically, waving him off. “Now put that away!”

“You won’t see any beer at 90 proof,” Jayden commented, taking a last swig and capping the flask.

“What are you going to do about the smell of that stuff?” Light sounded harried. “They’re going to know you were drinking. How are you supposed to explain _that_ , Lightweight?”

“I’ll just tell them my dad’s an alcoholic,” Jayden said with a shrug.

“You can’t do that.” Light was appalled.

“You’d rather me tell them **_your_ ** dad is?” He raised a dark eyebrow as if being utterly reasonable. “My dad seems a safer bet. For all I know, the asshole’s dead. What does _he_ care if he gets slandered?”

Light smacked a hand to his forehead. “I _meant_ they’re gonna ask you awkward questions at best, and withhold alcohol at worst.” His expression was mixed.

“Oooh,” Jayden said as if the truth in that had just dawned on him.

That one condescendingly naive sound showed Light the folly in his thinking the deviant hadn’t already thought everything through. It also made it apparent that he’d been successfully wound up.

Jayden gave him a rare smile, one that was without any sharp edges. “You’re cute when you’re being all worried about me and exasperated with me at the same time,” he mocked, though he had a fond look in his eyes. Or maybe that was the moonshine kicking in. “Not to worry,” he grinned, and the smile started to show its usual manic edge, “to most people this smells like rubbing alcohol.”

“How convenient,” Light muttered.

Jayden threw an arm around his shoulders to harass him. “No,” he drawled incorrigibly, even as his outward demeanor started to conform to his role as clean-cut Jayden, “ _convenient_ is that I can tell you want to punch me again, but definitely can’t, now that there are witnesses.”

Light cursed under his breath as he, too, spotted a couple of his classmates making their way over.

“I estimate,” Jayden said with great relish, “that I have about 60 seconds to say _anything_ I want...” he gave Light a little squeeze - an infuriating facsimile of a hug as his transformation into his alter ego became complete, “... _and you can’t retaliate_.” He wore the muted smile of his toned-down counterpart but his eyes were alive with mirth, something he didn’t have to hide yet, at this distance.

* * *

TBC


	32. (phase 2) Close Quarters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Getting ready for the party.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> muahahahaaaa!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 32: Close Quarters   _

Light felt that waiting for his classmates to cross the distance between them was quite possibly the longest 60 seconds of his life.

He only made it through by trying to block out every single syllable his infuriatingly devious companion uttered. He did a fair job of it, too, while also focusing on trying to get into character and projecting the image he usually maintained around school. Even so (calm though he appeared) Jayden’s words must have filtered through to his subconscious, because he felt a lingering and vicious urge to kick him.

“Hi, Jay!” the girl who had especially shiny eyes for Jayden called out. “Hi, Light!” She waved enthusiastically as she and two others met up with them. They were the more forward and social of the girls.

_ I should probably try to learn all of their names, _ Light thought passingly. It seemed like entirely too much trouble.

“Hi Katie, Amara, Shani,” Jayden said with perfected reserve and a shy smile as he nodded to each one in turn.

_ Halter top, Midriff, and Miniskirt _ , Light referred to them in his head. It was probably too much to expect himself to remember their actual names. Halter top was the shiny-eyed blonde that was hanging on Jayden’s every word, look, or twitch. Infatuation was a word for it, but one that looked to be falling short. Her short blonde hair was even shorter today, being styled into bouncy zig-zagging curls that came only down to her chin. It gave her a cute, cherubic, clubber sort of look. 

He glanced at Jayden, wondering if that sort of thing appealed to him, but he was a rock. Even he couldn’t discern which of the three might be of more interest to his “friend”. Jayden played the three of them expertly, showing interest and spreading his attention evenly.

Judging by their provocative attire, and attention to their hair and makeup, the girls were planning to use this party for all it was worth.

Midriff was talking….  _ Amara _ , he corrected himself. “My brother is giving us all a ride. He’s parked over there.” She pointed vaguely back the way they came.

“So, your brother drives a van?” Light wondered aloud. He certainly hoped so. Six people in one car…. that would not be pleasant at all.

“You’ll see,” Miniskirt winked. She had a fuller figure than the other two and certainly made good use of it with her outfit. It was more of a minidress than a miniskirt, he supposed, but decided not to bother correcting himself or the nickname. The deep blue worked well with her deeper skintone and her soft brown tresses. She looked pretty striking. “We’re going to finish getting ready at Amara’s house.”

Light interjected, “But you all look completely made up?” He complimented them with a once over.

Three pairs of eyes and delighted smiles were suddenly aimed his way. “You think so?” they giggled and chattered, and batted their eyelashes at him. They even crowded closer, seemingly interested in assessing if he could be swayed by their charms. From what he’d gathered, he was viewed by many of the female students as having a status of  _ Unattainable _ . (He wasn’t for certain whether that was based on looks, approachability, intellect... or some combination.). 

He’d expected them to be flattered, but he hadn’t quite anticipated this level of response. Nor did he expect the errant and evasive touches they were trying to get away with.

“You know just how to flatter the ladies,” Jayden said, putting on a show of being ‘impressed’ and ‘ruefully wishing he had game’, while they fawned over him.

Light supposed he should feel flattered for the attention, but he just felt annoyed. Something like this, it just didn’t engage his interest any longer. The girls didn’t hold any true appeal for him, not when he had L to compare them too. And besides, having them fawn in this manner reminded him an awful lot of Marin. That was something he wished to put behind him. Far behind him.

“Oh, Jay-Jay,” the blonde said with over-the-top earnestness, clasping his hands in hers encouragingly, “I’m  _ sure _ you could learn~.” She batted her eyelashes at him.

True to character, clean-cut Jayden gave her an innocent, edging-out-of-his-shell smile.

Light barely kept from rolling his eyes.

Maybe if he was drunk, Light thought, this would be tolerably entertaining to watch. For now, Jayden’s impressive acting skills just made him want to hit him upside the head. He was just so _ good _ at it, it was vexing!

They walked a ways, and finally came to greet their driver at his previously unspecified vehicle.

Jayden had a pleasant expression on his face, the default of his alter ego. “Hmmm…. it does appear that space may be at a premium,” he observed good-naturedly. Meanwhile, Light viewed the brother’s car with horror.

It had to be the tiniest hatchback he’d  _ ever _ seen. To make matters worse, it was a 2-door.

“Are you kidding me?” Light said under his breath, where only Jayden would be able to hear him.

“I dunno, looks like fun to me.” He shot Light a glinty smile. “Looks like we’ll all be getting better acquainted in a hurry.”

Light shook his head. If he’d have known about this, he would have begged L to drive them, or at least loan Jayden the car.

Jayden leaned closer to speak in his ear. “If you don’t fancy sitting in the back with them, you can always ride up front and sit on MY lap.”

“Pfft,” Light scoffed. “Even worse.” It was, perhaps, concerning that he hardly gave Jayden’s lewdness more than a passing thought these days. Most of the comments he shrugged off almost as soon as they were uttered, and didn’t view them as anything more than Jayden trying to get a rise out of him.

The brother was getting out of the car so he could put the seat down. “Sorry guys, it’s going to be a tight fit,” he said.

“Can I call shotgun?” Light asked hopefully.

“Shouldn’t the person with the longest legs call shotgun?” Jayden supplied helpfully, seeing a delightful opportunity to make Light suffer. “I believe that would be me.” He gestured at himself and he did indeed tower over everyone there.

The brother looked apologetic. “Sorry, my friend Randy already has shotgun. He didn’t get out of the car because that seat is sort of broken and doesn’t fold down.”

_Unfuckingbelievable._ Light shook his head and struggled to sound politely inquiring, “You expect to fit five people in the back of this--” _fucking small, broke-ass piece of crap,_ “--car?”

“Come on, guys, It’s not a long trip,” Miniskirt said with a placating tone and an inviting smile. “We’ll just need to be a little… ‘inventive’ with the seating.” She tossed her hair over her shoulder in a flirtatious way. “Why don’t you boys get into the car first?” she suggested.

“Certainly,” Jayden said good-naturedly and climbed into the back. He had to contort a bit to do it, seeing as he was so tall and had such long legs. 

The girls were taking special note of the view of his backside.

Light endeavored to climb into the car in a way that didn’t put his ass up for discussion, and did not take his time like Jayden purposely had. Outside, the girls were bickering about who got to sit on whom. 

Miniskirt took advantage of the confusion started into the car first. “Light, why don’t you scoot over next to Jayden to make it easier for everyone to get in?”

“Okay,” he said, assuming she was going to take the seat to his left. Instead, with an impish look, she crawled over them, displaying her assets to good advantage, before perching atop Jayden’s lap.

“I hope you don’t mind,” she fretted with false modesty, touching a hand to Jayden’s chest.

“Not at all,” he said with a flourish of the false awkwardness and a smile. (Light could practically sense the wolfish grin he held back). “Here, that door must be digging into your back…” he gallantly slipped an arm around her. “Better?”

She smiled like a cat toying with her prey. “Better,” she said intimately. She recrossed her legs which were taking up space across Light’s lap. Her dress had ridden up enough to be on the verge of indecent, likely on purpose.

The other girls got into the car and he could tell they were pissed at missing out on the prime seats. And, because of the way Miniskirt had arranged things, the remaining girls had to sit on each other instead of on the boys. Although, one did rest her legs on Light as well, for lack of room. Halter top fumed, having pulled the shortest straw. Midriff was a smaller girl, so it only made sense for her to take the lap seat. 

“Wish I could sit in the back,” came a wistful voice from the front passenger seat.

“There’s less legroom back here,” Light promised him, knowing it would sound more like he was protecting his spot in the back rather than the complaint it really was.

“Though I suppose that depends,” Miniskirt trailed, making eyes at Jayden, “upon whose legs are the subject of discussion.” She made a show of adjusting her skirt, to draw his eye.

Jayden played along, likely 5 to 20 steps ahead of her, pretending to be unwittingly taken in by her flirtatious games. If Light didn’t know him, he would have seen only what they all saw, and believed it. Shy, pale eyes following the line of her shapely legs then snapping up to her face like it never happened. He managed that faint blush again. 

Light would have to ask him about that later. How  **did** he do that?

In all actuality, the feel he got off of the  _ real _ Jayden was amusement and a sense of being quite happy with the current arrangement.

_ Geez, _ he thought. If the deviant got involved with any one of these girls... it was going to cause a civil war. Light did not want to be around to see that. 

He chewed his lip speculatively. And if that did happen and clothing became optional... then surely his cover would be blown if the girl saw all the body piercings. How was Jayden planning to handle  _ that _ ? Light sort of doubted that the deviant had bothered to remove those for his little ruse. He hadn’t previously, when pretending to be a chaperone, and had even taken great pleasure in showing them off that night at the club. Likewise, he’d probably dig having that little hidden secret while he played the role of Mr. Please-Show-Me-How-To-Have-A-Good-Time.

* * *

Miniskirt was right, it wasn’t a terribly long ride to Midriff’s house. It only felt like it. The brother cranked up some music that was getting most of the occupants in the car in the mood to party, and cigarette smoke created a clublike haze. The girls on his left, who were Miniskirt-blocked from accessing Jayden, shifted all of their attention to the next likely target - him. Shotgun guy looked on enviously.

Not only were the girl’s flirtatious looks getting more prolific, but so was the near-groping. Miniskirt, though she had Jayden to herself, wasn’t above trying to hook him in as well. They chattered excitedly about this and that, and there was some crosstalk regarding clothes and makeup.

“Speaking of,” Miniskirt said coyly, drawing a finger down Jayden’s chest. “I can’t wait to dress you.”

Light could practically hear a typically Jayden response to something like that in his head. Something lewd, of course.

A huff of irritation came forth from the blonde on his left. Haltertop gave her friend a warning look. “Who says  _ you _ get to dress him up? I had plans.”

Miniskirt raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t the only Fashionista here, sweetie.”

“But I designed mine!” she protested.

“So I bought mine. Who cares? The point is how it looks.” She turned an angelic smile to her chair. “Right, Jay?”

“Er…” he expertly fumbled as if nervous about the girls having it out with each other. “Well, you can’t  _ both _ dress me…” he stuttered diplomatically, averting his eyes.

Almost in unison he could feel the girls’ collective _ ‘Awwww! How cute!’ _ as all three paused to stare at him like he was as adorable as a puppy.

_ Oh geez. He really knows how to play them. _

After Jayden had basked lingeringly in the attention he’d garnered, he looked at Light and said, “What if…?” then he looked away, shaking his head and mumbled, “Nevermind.”

_ Oh, here we go… _

“What is it?” Haltertop inquired, leaning forward attentively.

“Yes, what is it?” Miniskirt echoed, tilting Jayden’s face up by the chin.

“Well…” he said haltingly. “I was thinking, what if you dress both of us? Then neither of your efforts would go to waste…. But maybe that’s a horrible idea...”

_ It most certainly was,  _ Light thought. But they’d never go for it. Not when they both saw Jayden as the prize--

There was an ear-shattering collective squeal that made him nearly jump out of his skin. They all started talking at once.

“Oh, Light, would you?” Haltertop clapped her hands together excitedly.

Miniskirt exclaimed, “We never thought you would go along with that-”

“-so we didn’t ask,” Midriff finished.

He heard Jayden cough delicately, and knew it was to cover laughter.

“Well, I don’t know…” Light began, wondering how best to phrase his polite rendition of ‘Hell No’. He had to mind his image in all of this, and not come off as rude or--

“Pleaaaaase, Light?” Jayden chimed in unexpectedly. He was giving him puppydog eyes, which was quite frankly offensive. “Buddy? I’d feel ever so much more comfortable if you did it, too.” He turned to Miniskirt and said as a sidebar, “I’m kind of nervous about it, you know?” with a slightly embarrassed laugh and somehow that gained her indulgent sympathy. 

She gave him a smiling pout and walked two fingers up his chest. “Aren’t. You. Just. The.  **_Cutest_ ** ?” she gushed, though she was also wearing that predatory smile which made for an interesting combo. “I could just eat you up,” she murmured.

“You wouldn’t want to ruin your dinner,” he said, purposely fumbling the delivery just a little, making it look like an ametuer attempt at flirting. Light could envision the way Jayden  **really** would have said a line like that, with a sharp smile and deceptively lazy eyes. Hell, he’d been on the receiving end of enough of these lines of his to know. It must be somewhat vexing for him to not be able to say exactly what he wanted, or  _ how _ he wanted.

“Oh, don’t you worry,” she said, leaning in a little closer. She was close enough to kiss him. “I have  _ quite _ an appetite.”

Just when Light thought she was thoroughly distracted with all of that, she turned to him. “You’ll do it, right?” She looked like she wouldn’t take no for an answer.

“Ah…” 

_ Crap. _

“You wouldn’t want to leave poor little Jayden all alone, would you?” she continued in a pouting voice. She turned to Jayden and traced a finger under his chin, tilting his face up to hers like she was going to kiss him. “Maybe he’s afraid of being molested, if he's by himself.” 

_ HA!  _ Light thought.  _ As if!  _ Not only was that  _ absolutely _ not on Jayden’s list of fears, it was ridiculous that she was making him out to be like some sort of defenseless underclassman when he was clearly older than Light was.

He felt the urge to kick Jayden again and hoped he choked on some of the sexual tension he must be feeling right about now.

Midriff hugged Light's arm suddenly, gaining his attention, and pouted up at him. “Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeease?” she begged cutely. Her eyes were round and pretty.

_ UGH. Fine. _

There was no way he was winning this.

“No makeup,” he said, conceding against his better judgement.

“YAY!” the girls cheered.

“No? Where’s your sense of adventure?” Jayden added glibly, taking advantage of the chaos to get a little jab in.

* * *

After they arrived at the house and piled out of the car, the two boys were led to a bedroom where they could change.

The girls put in an effort to get them to strip down with an audience, but they both declined. In fact, Light insisted that he could use a different room altogether than Jayden, but that gained speedy dismissal. 

“What does it matter? You’re both boys.”

Sigh.

He could just feel Jayden’s amusement at that.

They brought the pile of clothes into the room and locked the door just in case the girls tried to ‘accidentally’ walk in on them in a state of undress.

Jayden rummaged through the clothing in short order. “There’s a lot of extra stuff in here,” he commented. “Options…” he said under his breath, giving things consideration as he looked them over.

“I don’t suppose you’ll let me have a look?”

Jayden shot him a edgy grin. “Hell, no,” he said, looking like he was having fun. “I’m gonna steal their thunder. They wanted to dress you, but now  **I** get dibs.” He pantomimed laughing like a mad scientist, fingers waggling in the air, before returning to his task.

Light peeked over Jayden’s shoulder. “Geez, how many outfits do they have in there?”

“Plenty.”

“What are the odds any of it will even fit?”

“Pretty good.” After some deliberation, Jayden threw a shirt at him to put on. Surprisingly, a pair of pants followed after that.

“Pants, really?” Having a shirt fit was a pretty easy thing, but pants would be a lot less forgiving.  He felt like he was missing something here. Not to mention, he in no way felt inclined to play dress up.

Jayden looked up at him innocently. “I may or may not have suggested my exact sizes to them, along with an approximation of yours.”

Light glowered at him. 

Jayden laughed outright, though he kept it on the quiet side so the girls wouldn’t hear. “I told them there was a chance I could convince you.” He smiled impishly. “Isn’t it sweet of them to be so optimistic about it, though?”

“Not really,” Light muttered, already thinking ahead to other things like having to change in here  with his lewd ‘friend’ or what the hell he’d look like when he finished. He held up the shirt Jayden had tossed over to him. It didn’t look like much. It was thin, longsleeved and seemed to have a wide neck. He had no idea what it would look like on. Jayden could have picked it either for fashion or for humor and he wouldn’t have known the difference at this stage.

“And this.” 

Another piece of clothing smacked him in the head as Jayden tossed it at him.

“Dammit, Jayden!”

“Haha.”

Light shook his head, grumbling under his breath and resisting the urge to smack him. He looked the new item over. It was a tailored blazer or jacket kind of thing that was an interesting medium grey material with a silvery tone to it.

“You gonna stare at that all night?” Jayden asked, taunting him.

Light hadn’t gotten so far as to think about changing  _ right this second _ . Not to mention, doing it in front of this whackjob. He looked up in annoyance and found a shirtless and smug deviant staring at him expectantly, as if demanding he strip on the spot. 

It was unnervingly like the look L had given him the first night they went to his apartment, unabashedly waiting for him to hop to it. There was not the barest flicker of modesty in it, by any stretch of the imagination.

Admittedly it was also kind of hot, and that bothered him a lot.

Maybe it was only because that look was reminding him of L, but then again, his cousin was also stupid attractive.

“Aww, is he shy?” Jayden teased with mischievous eyes and a sharp smile. He walked over with a threatening swagger. “Come on, we’re both boys here,” he said, quoting the ironic statement the girls had made and giving Light an exaggerated once over.

Jayden had nicely defined abs which made him feel a little inadequate for some reason. It irked him.

“Hurry up,” Jayden said, rushing him, “or I’m going to start helping you.”

Oh, that was the last thing he needed.

“Is there some kind of Strip-Off event you’ve been training for?” Light said with irritation, as Jayden used the uncanny speed with which he could divest himself of clothing as an excuse to rush and harass him. He just needed a minute, and could do without his ‘help’, which would probably be nothing but pure harassment.

He was not keen on this whole thing in the first place, let alone changing in the same room with someone who had demonstrated a propensity for questionable moral fiber. The number of times Jayden had hit on him was high enough that he’d already seen the folly in keeping track, and it was so very hard to tell if he actually meant it sometimes.

Jayden smiled with a wicked tilt to his lips. “That would be telling.” 

Light shook his head and decided to just get this over with. Maybe if he ignored the deviant he could just get through this quickly. He turned his back and pretended Jayden was paying him no mind as he pulled off his shirt, pausing with a resigned sigh, then pulling off the pants he was wearing as well. 

“Boxers? Haha! I knew it. No slim fit pants for you!”

_ Auuuurrgh!  _ He shot Jayden a nasty look that promised something unpleasant would be in his immediate future.

It turned out that the comment had been timed just right to give Light an eyeful. 

Jayden was quite casually wearing leopard print trunks  _ and nothing else _ , he couldn’t help noticing. They hugged his ass like a second skin. He winked at Light over his shoulder. “You like?” he asked inappropriately, his smile shading towards something even farther from appropriate.

“Would you  _ stop _ already?” Light said, turning away as he started to get flustered. Geez. Somehow being half naked was making Jayden’s usual flirting a little tougher to handle. He pulled on the pants which had been tossed over to him, more than ready to add something to the insubstantial outfit that his boxers alone provided. 

“Stop what?” Jayden asked innocently, making a show of sloooowly sliding into a pair of black pants. “You’re the one prone to staring.”

The pants were stylish, form-fitting and more importantly, were soon ON and fastened. This helped lower the tension as it dimmed the outrageous heights to which Jayden could take his teasing. But, he was still shirtless. The nipple piercings were present, as Light had anticipated earlier, as well as the little piercings just below his collarbones. They were all as eye catching as he remembered. 

“See?” Jayden trailed, locking eyes with him as he sauntered over.

“Shut it,” Light said with annoyance. He couldn’t help it that he found the piercings to be interesting. He probably would have paid the same amount of attention if he’d seen them on someone else, but Jayden seemed to like to take it as an open invitation to tease the bugfuck out of him. He picked up the white shirt he was supposed to wear.

He probably shouldn’t have turned his back to Jayden again. The deviant ghosted up, so close he could feel the heat of a body at his back, and spoke against his ear with a smile. “You wanna touch them?” he said suggestively.

Light jumped, turning several shades of red, and clapped a hand over his tingling ear. He spun around accusingly. “Would you  _ stop _ ?!”

“Ahhhhhhhh,” Jayden sighed with satisfaction. “Finally, a reaction worthy of my efforts.” He had a special gleam in his eye and looked inclined to continue the harassment.

“Quit it,” Light warned darkly, making a stand. “Or, i’ll expose you, Fraud.”

A small staring contest commenced. 

Jayden tried to wring one more reaction out of him by poking the tip of his tongue out to slowly trace his upper lip. It was lascivious and if Light was willing to admit it -which he  **_wasn’t_ ** \- it was also really sexy.

Light forced himself, though ironlike will, to betray no change in expression and to continue his deadpan stare. He wasn’t sure if he was entirely successful, but trusted that it was enough to show the headcase that he meant business. Or, at the very least, convince him he wasn’t going to get any more reactions out of him.

“Alright, alright…” Jayden grumbled, putting on a pouting expression and sitting on the floor to pull on his shoes. The pout was the spitting image of the ones the girls had been wearing, an expert imitation. Even so, he seemed quite pleased with himself.

Light resumed dressing, pulling on the soft, thin white shirt and the silvery grey blazer. He went to look in the mirror to see the effect. Surprisingly, it was good. The extra long sleeves of the shirt peeked out from the edge of the clinging jacket sleeves, creating a layered look. There was no collar on the jacket and it had very sophisticated, form-fitting lines and gaped invitingly. The ribbed white shirt conformed to his body which looked just right underneath the jacket and with the scoop neck exposing his collarbones.

Jayden looked up appreciatively from his spot on the floor. He was still shirtless. “Here, you forgot this,” he said, tossing something small and vaguely aerodynamic to Light.

“I’m not wearing jewelry.”

“Sure you are, you big fucking baby,” Jayden said amicably enough, rising to his feet. “You know the girls won’t let you go ‘incomplete’.”

Light wasn’t sure if Jayden was right about that or if he was just bullying him. He held up the item in question. It was a necklace with a really long chain and a stylized skeleton key hanging off of it.

“Baby,” Jayden repeated, goading him.

“Fine, whatever,” he said, putting the damn thing on.

The chain reached several inches below the scoop neck of the shirt. The key dangled right about at the start of his abs and was framed by the open flaps of the jacket.

“See? It works.” The deviant approved. 

“Are you planning on wearing a shirt?” Light said cattily, “Or were you planning to put your nipples on parade?”

“Mmmm,” Jayden said, “I bet they’d like that.”

Light shook his head at him. “The girls?” he asked almost out of reflex.

“No,” Jayden replied with an insinuating smile that implied he was talking about the nipples themselves.

Light had to fight to keep from reacting with laughter. Personified nipples?  _ Geez.  _ He was incorrigible! “Put on your damn shirt already.”

The deviant grinned. “Would you believe it if I said they’re afraid of the dark?”

“ _ Jayden! _ ”

“Heehee.” Jayden’s pleased look amplified to glee at his frustrated outburst. “You’re so easy today.” He complied though, sliding into his longsleeve black shirt like a stretching cat. It had a deep v-neck, edged by a silver zipper, and it exposed a good deal of his chest. His piercings were all covered, but just barely. 

It fit him just so, making Light wonder if this was the shirt the blonde had made. A black belt with some steel bits and rings hanging off of it circled his hips and peeked out from underneath it. All black looked good on his lean frame.

“It looks like you dressed out of your own closet,” Light observed blandly.

“Doesn’t it though?” Jayden agreed. “The irony just tickles my fancy.”

“What,” Light clarified, “that you are dressing like you always do - yet you’ll be pretending to be a guy who wears collared shirts and the like, who is out of his element wearing something that could pass in a goth club?”

“Goth club? Pfft!” he scoffed sharply. “But other than that, yeah.” Jayden gave him a baleful eye. “We obviously have to get you back to S&M for a little QT before you’ve forgotten  _ everything _ .” He shook his head indignantly. “Goth club….” he said again. “Seriously.”

“Is it any dif--?” Light started skeptically.

“Shhh!” Jayden held up a hand and wore a slightly pained look. “It is  _ totally _ different. Don’t you **dare** make me listen to you ask me that,” he said cuttingly. “I’ll take you down there and  _ whip you myself _ .”

A rapping at the door stopped that line of conversation. “Are you guys done?”

Jayden rolled his eyes heavenward and counted silently, looking like it was almost beyond his ability to hold in any number of lewd jokes he normally could have made. “Damn my newfound moral fiber,” he muttered under his breath with an aggrieved tone.

“You’re the one who wanted to play this out,” Light said, unsympathetic to Jayden’s plight as an actor.

“Yeah, shut up, you,” he dismissed with a rude gesture and went to the door to unlock it, pausing just a brief moment to get into character. He seemed to consider something, then zipped the shirt he was wearing up almost to his throat. He swung the door open and had the perfect expression on his face to convey uncertainty and hope. “Hi, ladies,” he greeted the three of them shyly.

_ Pffft. _ It  _ was _ sort of getting funny. Partly because he knew this was backfiring on Jayden as much as it was also amusing him.

“Wooooooooow you guys look great!” Katie the blonde said, holding her hands up to her mouth, eyes shining. 

“Although...” Shani, aka Miniskirt, mused aloud. 

Without warning she reached out and pulled the zipper on Jayden’s shirt down to about mid torso, where he’d had it before. To his credit, and acting skills, he somehow managed to pull off a near-instantaneous flush. “H-Hey!” he protested self-consciously.

She smiled at him. “There. That is how it is supposed to be worn.” Shani slipped her hand into the gap, running her hand up his torso. She nearly swiped over a nipple piercing, and would have, if Jayden didn’t have catlike reflexes to go along with that completely fake embarrassed smile.

“I...think maybe this is too much for me,” he said.

“Nonsense!” the other two girls protested and shot a glare at Miniskirt for trying to ruin everything.

Midriff took him by the hand, saying, “One more thing.”

Very soon, it became clear that the one more thing was makeup. What looked like a large trunk was pulled out onto the bed and cracked open heavily.

Light snickered at Jayden’s surprised and slightly worried look, sensing it was authentic.

“What are you laughing about, Light Yagami?” Miniskirt said. “You’re next.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah haha! I had fun writing this one. >:D
> 
>  
> 
> J/Light? JayLight? JayLi? what would you jayden/light shippers even call it, if it was a thing?
> 
> LawLighters... don't worry there is some awesomeness coming up in the next few chaps. Actually, there is a little something for everyone!
> 
>  
> 
> \--> plus 2 chaps in one day! you're welcome! ;D yeeeeaaaaaaay imma magician! XD


	33. (phase 2) One, Two, Three, Shots!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The study group girls are in a partying mood. The boys get caught in the crossfire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, hope you enjoy. There is some steamy Lawlight headed your way very soon. Stay tuned! : )

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 33: One, Two, Three, Shots! _

They came out of the makeup scare relatively unscathed.

Jayden they did up with heavy black eyeliner, which didn’t seem much at odds with what Light had seen him in before. Though they did do a helluva lot more than that. Jayden now had what looked like the world’s most perfect skin - whatever the guy’s equivalent would be for ‘dewy’.

Under protest, they got to him next. Jayden glibly offered to sit on him to hold him down. And he had, pinning his wrists to his sides as the girls descended upon him.

At that point, it was either submit and hold still, or risk his eyes getting poked out. The girls converged on him like they had upon Jayden - only Jayden’s smirking face was visible to him the entire time they did their damage.

He consoled himself with the thought that it couldn’t be worse than what they’d put on his face at the club. Then, there had been  _ glitter _ . He hoped to  **god** the girls weren’t going to use glitter on him now.

Once a mirror was thrust in front of him, he noted with relief that for all of the stuff they’d used, he retained a largely makeup-free look. Eyeshadow, glitter and the like might fly at a club, but at a party with his classmates? He’d rather not. Mostly, the makeup seemed to bring out and accentuate his features, and draw a lot of attention to his eyes.

“I like it,” Jayden announced slyly, from behind the girls, still holding him down and not able to completely stay in character for the moment. He gave Light a mocking leer when no one was looking. He seemed quite aware of Light’s dislike of makeup and thought it was hilarious.

“Get off,” Light said, sick of having someone as heavy as Jayden perched on him like a damned vulture.

The deviant’s eyes got that complicated look of desperately wanting to say something lewd and inappropriate, yet holding back and trying to look like it wasn’t a massive strain.

_ This _ was massively funny to Light, of course - more evidence of Jayden’s fun backfiring on him. He masked the trickle of laughter that escaped him with a cough.

“It’s a shame you didn’t have anything in Leopard print,” Jayden dropped casually, his sharp eyes speaking volumes as he rounded on him in retaliation. Light blinked in shock.  _ He was  _ **_not_ ** _ going there, was he??   _ “He wouldn’t admit it,” Jayden continued, his suggestive tone being just on the edge of what he could get away with, “but Light’s pretty into it.” 

Light cursed him silently and tried not to show embarrassment at the implication. He also tried in vain not to picture Jayden in his underwear which was actually pretty difficult NOT to do, as that was the last thing he’d seen in that pattern. This was  _ exactly  _ the reason Jayden said it, no doubt.

“Oh?” Midriff said, looking intrigued.

Her focus on this tidbit, along with the three girls staring at him, was not helping him keep the rising flush from his face. It was bad enough that he’d been reminded of Jayden’s harassment, which had finally gotten the better of him. He didn’t want to  _ revisit  _ it.

“Yeah but it’s out of season,” Haltertop noted, thinking of shirts and the like.

_ Oh my god, stop talking about it, _ he pleaded. He was going to kill Jayden later.

“Hmm,” Miniskirt said consideringly, “though if it’s  _ underwear _ , it’s in.”

“You don’t say?” Jayden said with polite interest, grabbing the girls’ attention just as Light lost the battle and his face flooded with heat. The deviant wore a smirky little smile and his eyes flicked over their heads to gloat at him. “Is there some kind of manual for all of this…?” he fretted aloud with awe, playing dumb and making them giggle at him.

Light used the extra diversion to make an escape. He found a bathroom to duck into and spent a minute or two composing himself.

_ Man, I really walked into that one.  _ How he’d forgotten that Jayden was big into revenge AND loved a good ol’ challenge, was beyond him. But it’s not like he could have controlled his laughter much better than he had.

Once he came back out, he saw that there was a bit more activity going on again, centered this time around Jayden’s hair.

“Spiked would be best,” Amara was saying, brandishing a flat iron. She leaned over, exposing a good deal more of her midriff than usual as she reached out to work on Jayden’s dark locks.

“You don’t think that’ll be too much?” Halter top mused. “I hardly recognize him as it is,” she giggled.

“What do you, think, hun?” Miniskirt was asking the the dark-haired boy, placing a hand on his shoulder placatingly.

“Er…. whatever you think,” clean-cut Jayden said bravely.

Light watched as the deviant’s hair was transformed into the sort of wildly spiked style he favored in the first place. It was such a juxtaposition, the truth and the act. All he was missing now were the facial piercings. Light absently wondered if looking more like himself was going to make it harder for Jayden to keep in the headspace for his little act.

After 30 minutes of concentrated activity, Jayden’s hair was complete. 

The girls gathered in front of Light then, and leveled intense speculating looks at him.

“What?” he said, raising his hands in appeal. He didn’t think he could handle much more of the fussing and primping. It was exhausting.

“He’s perfect,” the blonde said, raising her brows at her friends in question as they continued to look him over. She reached over to touch his hair. “It’s like cornsilk. How do you improve on that?”

“Almost perfect,” Midriff said, tapping the edge of a wide brush lightly against her lips with a critical look.

Miniskirt nodded in agreement. 

The two of them went to town on his hair, then, and he just waited for it to be over. 

“OOoo, you’re right,” the blonde agreed in the end. “Now it’s  _ really _ perfect.” 

She stuck him in front of a mirror, possibly his least favorite part of these sorts of things. From what he could tell, all their fussing had given him what looked like a really good hair day and also also added some definition to it like when it dried after he’d been swimming in the ocean.

“Are we ready to go?” he asked, masking his impatience. He was thoroughly done with all of this preparation for an event he didn’t even want to go to.

“Er... “ the girls said almost in unison as they looked at each other. “We’ll just go freshen up,” Miniskirt said and they grabbed the trunk of makeup and headed for a mirror.

Light let out a long sigh when they were out of earshot. “I’m bored,” he complained, sitting down on the bed next to Jayden to wait.

Jayden actually gave him a companionably sympathetic look. “I know the feeling.” He looked a little restless from being self-contained for so long. “I could really go for a drink.”

“Too bad we aren’t going to the club,” Light mused almost to himself. That would be something to get anticipatory over, as opposed to this party. He never quite knew what to expect there, aside from most definitely  _ not _ being bored. He wondered absently if L was working there tonight.

Jayden half reclined on the bed, his shirt riding up a bit and showing a flash of skin. “Yeah,” he agreed. “But there is something to be said for learning how to be creative and have fun wherever you are at.”

“Something which you might practice  _ too _ often,” Light said archly.

Jayden smiled at him. “I bet I’m bored less than you are.”

“That’s debatable. You seem about to self destruct whenever you aren’t actively amusing yourself.”

“Hmn.” Jayden frowned as if really considering that point, looking incredibly young for an instant.

“And, you tend to piss people off while doing it,” Light couldn’t help adding. It sort of slipped out. It was totally the truth though.

An unsavory glare was leveled at him. “You’ll catch more flies with sugar than vinegar,” his dark-haired companion said drolly. All looks of introspection had left him.

“I don’t want to catch any flies,” he said dismissively. Besides, the saying was  _ ‘catch more flies with honey’, _ not sugar. He was certain Jayden knew that, though.

“Bzz bzz.” Jayden loosely imitated a buzzing fly, and got a sharpened look of amusement on his face. “Come on, gimmie some sugar,” he wheedled.

Oh lord. Light rolled his eyes dramatically, now seeing that the misquote was just a setup for a bad joke and an excuse to hit on him. 

In response to his sarcastic expression, Jayden started poking at him while making buzzing noises, starting a bit of a scuffle. “Pleazzzzzze,” he buzzed with mock desperation and bedroom eyes. He he found a ticklish spot which Light had to expend a lot of effort to defend. “Gimmie some sugarrr.”

It was so retarded it was kind of hard not to laugh, the tickling notwithstanding.

Jayden clapped a hand over Light’s mouth and dug into a ticklish spot with a wild grin just moments before the bathroom door cracked open in warning.

“Idiot,” Light said, trying to catch his breath after being released, and smacked Jayden hard across the shoulder. They’d make it back any second. He realized he was starting to have fun though. Apparently anything was better than boredom.

Jayden beamed at him.

* * *

After the interminably long time getting ready for the party, they arrived fashionably late. It was around 8pm. Pretty early as parties go, but they’d had to work with the timeframe of the study session.

Jayden seemed to be itching for his flask but knew it would spoil his facade if he pulled it out now. He’d just have to wait until alcohol was offered to him.

Surprisingly the house was fairly crowded. A lot more of the school had turned up aside from the members of the study group, and a good mood was going with the dim lighting, the pulsing of dance music, and the strobe of a makeshift lightshow. Jayden seemed torn. He looked pleased but had to hide it under a look of timidity and it didn’t seem like it was sitting well with him just now. Light supposed that it grated against his sensibilities to act socially repressed when all he really wanted to do is cut loose and and entertain himself with any number of new people he happened across. Having to act reserved meant his access to this party would be little better than watching it from the outside.

Light took pity on him. He turned to Miniskirt. “How about a drink?” he asked and nodded towards his ‘friend’. “He really needs to loosen up.”

“Oh my, he does seem tense,” she said. “Hmm.” She looked around and seemed to fix on a spot towards the back of the house. “Back here, in the kitchen.” She waved them to follow her through the milling and dancing students, many of which had cups in their hands.

He and Jayden were getting a TON of looks from the girls in the room as well as some from the guys (and not all of those were just jealous or territorial). Again, Light felt a little bad for him, watching his dark-haired companion put on a show of slinking awkwardly through the room as if unsure of himself and uncomfortable with all of the attention. Basically, acting the polar opposite of who he was.

Light fell into step with him and engaged him in meaningless talk. It gave the illusion that clean-cut Jayden was relaxing due to talking with a friend, when really Light was just giving him a reprieve from the act.

The kitchen was a busy place.

The five of them gathered there and Miniskirt said, “What would you like, beer?”

Jayden shifted from foot to foot. “Do you have anything stronger?”

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I’m nervous,” he supplied.

Light started to wonder if maybe he’d forgotten to keep his flask on him after he’d changed. So much for his ‘get drunk quick’ plan.

Miniskirt got a look on her face like she was scheming something. “There is something stronger,” she trailed, “but you have to do something in order to get it.”

“Huh? Like what?”

She brushed her hair over her shoulder in a practiced motion. “Body shots,” she said with a falsely prim smile. Her mischievous eyes waited for a reaction.

Jayden didn’t react for a moment. Almost like he forgot he was supposed to. Obviously body shots were nowhere near shocking to him. After a false start he made himself stutter and look flustered. “A w-what?”

“If you’re nervous,” Haltertop suggested like a damn humanitarian, as if she wasn’t being self serving, “Light can do one, too.”

He heaved a mental sigh. Why was he always getting dragged into these things?

“Light?” clean-cut Jayden said uncertainly, glancing at him. His eyes were imploring.  _ Pleaaaaaaaaase. _ It was hard to tell if he wanted the experience with one of the girls or just wanted a better chance of getting drunk. Although if the moonshine couldn’t do the trick, he failed to see how something weaker would. Plus, he drank like a fish. How much would he need to even feel it?

Light shrugged in a way that could be taken for assent.

“You aren’t dating anyone, right, Light?” Haltertop checked again, obviously trying to take point on being his partner.

“Marin and I broke up,” he said with a nod, neatly avoiding lying about being available. As far as his classmates needed to know, he was single.

Once the items they needed were assembled, Haltertop asked almost shyly, “Salt or Sugar?”

“Salt,” Light said. 

He sensed her weakness of resolve and decided to use that to his advantage. He really didn’t want to do this intimately. 

She started to pick up a lime wedge. Before she could put it between her teeth, where he would be expected to retrieve it, he took it gently from her hand while shooting her a knee-melting smile. In her confusion she let him have it and watched mutely as he turned that hand up to expose her pale wrist, a pink flush starting to form on her cheeks. He squeezed the lime a little, making a few pale chartreuse drops fall upon her skin. 

Since his hands were occupied holding her wrist and the lime, Jayden helped out by shaking some salt onto the lime juice where it stuck easily. He could feel Jayden’s interest on just what he was doing here, with this non-standard body shot and the dose of charm. The intrigued look on his face wasn’t even out of character, though people would misread it and think he was just taking notes on how to do this. He waited helpfully on the sidelines, holding the tequila shot Miniskirt had poured for them.

Light heard the blonde catch her breath as he lowered his mouth to her vulnerable wrist, gingerly licking up a bead of juice that was starting to fall. He was sensually sealing his mouth upon her sensitive skin as he continued the slow swipe of his tongue, ending with a gentle sucking pressure and a soft ‘pop’ noise as he lifted his mouth away again. 

He took the shot and sank his teeth deep into the tangy flesh of the lime, liking the way it evened out the other flavors. He flicked his eyes over to Haltertop and it seemed like she might be about to pass out. Her face was completely flushed and her eyes were a little dazed. She looked quite affected, flustered, and also embarrassed.

Light had anticipated that and purposely made it more sensual than he had inclination to, counting on it to put an end to her requesting another one. Embarrassment implied self-consciousness, and most people wouldn’t do something which they knew would make them feel that way especially in front of an audience.

“I wonder what  _ that  _ must have felt like?” Jayden mused quietly, sounding like he would have liked to raise an eyebrow, trying to rib Light even in this limited fashion.

“You ready?” Miniskirt asked Jayden.

He did a good show of jumping a little, as if with nerves. “Yes?”

“Ours will be a little more….conventional,” she said with flirtatious smile.

She instructed Jayden, who could very well be the Master of body shots, given his track record and his intimate knowledge and indulgence of all things alcohol. She offered the soft skin of her forearm, having him move forward to tentatively lick it. He chose to use sugar upon the spot instead of salt. She must have decided to go easy on him, as she did not put the lime wedge in her mouth, figuring that she could build him up to more courageous acts a bit at a time.

Again, his act was flawless. He looked like a total n00b. Nervous, kind of aroused, and sporting that faint blush that was total bullshit.

“How was it?” he asked, in typical n00b fashion, giving away his ‘inexperience’.

“Not bad,” she said with a smile. For a moment he looked hopeful. “But it looks like you need a little practice,” she added, that scheming look about her face again. “So, why don’t you practice - with  _ him _ ?” She pointed a teasing finger toward Light.

“What?” the boys both said in deadpanned unison.

“Think of it as a way to practice where you won’t be so nervous.”

_ Huh?  _ Light shot Jayden a WTF look. The deviant looked equally puzzled at what her logic might be.

“Light’s just a friend, so you don’t have to worry so much about messing up,” she explained. “Besides, he’s obviously got way more experience than you, so he can tell you if you’re doing it wrong.”

“That’s all well and good,” Light cordially protested, “but this isn’t something I’m in the habit of doing with my friends.” Not to mention, her assumption was false - he actually didn’t have any experience with this. He knew about the practice, but that was the first bodyshot he’d ever participated in. Granted, being with L had made him exceedingly skilled at improvisation, which helped. That, and he had a really active imagination.

“And he’s wearing long sleeves,” Jayden pointed out, as if arms were the only approved location.

“You think that’s the only place you can do these?” Miniskirt asked, tracing a finger absently over the curve of her skin just above the low neckline of her dress. “If you do it, I’ll let you do one here.” With her assets, that was probably an offer most men could not refuse.

_ Damnit. _

Jayden turned that ‘ _ Pleeeeeeeeease’ _ look on him again.

There had to be a way to get out of this being a condition for Jayden getting more up close and personal with Miniskirt, who looked like she wanted nothing more than to  _ have _ him all up in her space.

Light coughed and gave her a skeptical look. “Right, so I suppose you practice with your friends and wouldn’t mind giving us a little demo?” He raised his eyebrow imperiously.

“Oh, you want a show?” she teased, with a knowing smile. “Any preference as to who you want me to  **_do it_ ** with?”

Well now, this was getting kind of interesting.

“Yes, please,” Jayden murmured, looking quite intrigued, if a little distracted. No doubt he was running all sorts of scenarios in his head.

“What was that?” she asked, not quite catching his words.

“I said, ‘I was thinking’...” Jayden lied, seeming like he was up to something. “If it is really no big deal to do this with friends, maybe you should do it with both of yours.” He paused. “You know, since Light seems to have a point.”

Amara, aka Midriff, looked a little bit surprised by the suggestion.

Haltertop, the blonde girl Katie, didn’t look particularly surprised. Maybe she and Miniskirt were closer friends than their bickering over boys let on.

“You’re on,” Miniskirt said.

“On the neck,” Jayden added with a rather direct stare, his inner perv guiding his request. 

It almost…  _ almost _ blew his cover. He saved it at the last moment by blinking innocently and saying something along the lines of learning by example.

The three of them conferred on how they’d be doing this, which ended up being practically all at once. Haltertop leaned in to do her shot from off of the slightly darker skin of Miniskirt’s neck, who took her time to trump it up and look like she she was really enjoying it. And maybe she was. Then, like a set of Dominos, Miniskirt was brushing back her mane of luxurious hair and leaning down to lick the salt from the curve of Midriff’s slender neck. The slighter girl seemed a bit more modest and flushed a little. But, she bent in turn to place her mouth against her blonde friend’s pale throat to tentatively suck the salt from it. Then, as one, they kicked back the shots and bit into their limes.

Light had to admit, it was a rousing display. He shot Jayden a sidelong glance and saw the deviant wearing one of his wide, sharp, and debased smiles. He had to surreptitiously kick his ankle to get him to wipe the expression off of his face before they noticed.

“Did you enjoy that?” Miniskirt asked, catching a tiny grain of salt upon her tongue from her upper lip.

“Very much,” Jayden agreed, managing to keep the glint out of his eyes. “I doubt we could do you justice.”

_ Pffft, _ now that last part sounded like a lie. Jayden did a lot of things, but he never underestimated his own skills.

“The effort is what counts,” Haltertop said, looking like she wanted to see them do the bodyshot as well.

Midriff nodded her agreement.

The three of them stared at the two of them rather expectantly.

“Sorry,” Light said with a small laugh and upheld hands, “I am not nearly drunk enough for this.”

“Agreed,” Jayden said staunchly.

Miniskirt put her hands on her hips. “You men are all such big babies,” she announced, “never secure in your sexuality at all.”

Actually…. in this case, the problem was more the opposite.

“Fine!” she said extravagantly, throwing her hands up in a  _ woot _ motion. “Drink! Drink, you big babies, then give us some action.”

Well, that solved one problem, but not the other. They could get passingly drunk, but they’d still have to go through with this ridiculous venture.

“Friendship shots?” Jayden asked him slyly, teasing him as they stood at the counter pouring some tequila. Their backs were turned to their companions.

Light made a sound of disgust and rolled his eyes. Right, like they needed more time in close quarters. Jayden had been bad enough with the one ‘Friendship Shot’ he’d demonstrated to his cousin at that bar, courtesy of Light. “Ass,” he muttered.

Midriff had overheard him. “Friendship shots?” she inquired from behind them.

_ Don’t you dare, _ Light glared at him.

Jayden turned around with a wide smile. “Yeah,” he said with enthusiasm, “you toast your shots... like clinking  _ really _ tiny beer mugs together.”

Light failed to fully suppress his laughter at that. He raised his shot with great amusement. Jayden picked up on his willingness to further the joke. He brought his own shot glass up to Light’s with great gusto, as if slinging a large beer stein, slowing it geekily at the last moment to tap them together with a delicate  _ tink _ sound. He held his pinkie out the entire time. “Mozzletov,” he said, and they tipped their glasses back at the same time.

“Hooooo-my-gawd,” Miniskirt laughed uproariously at the absurdity, bending over at the waist as she gripped her sides.

Haltertop was snickering behind a delicate hand and Midriff was staring at them wide-eyed, too surprised to know how to react.

Jayden looked around at them innocently. “Why are you laughing? You’ve never heard of a Friendship Shot?” he sounded believably confused, even as he smiled widely, as if  _ they _ were the weird ones.

Light had to turn around to keep from losing it. It was too freaking hilarious.

“Hey, focus,” he said, waving Jayden’s attention back over to the counter. They did two more shots, and finally the feeling of being inebriated started to swirl through him. “You forgot your moonshine, didn’t you?” he asked, pretty sure of the answer.

“Yeah, some shitty luck with that,” Jayden complained just under his breath, not wanting to risk being overheard. “It’s in my other pants but that is with the girls’ stuff. Can’t get to it.” He slanted a look at Light.  “I’m going to have to do an aaaawful lot of body shots to make up for it,” he said gravely, eyes mischievous.

“Pfft. Not with me, you’re not.”

“Are you guys ready yet?” the girls crowded in to ask. 

“You aren’t still  _ nervous _ , are you, Jay?” Haltertop asked, brushing her hand over his forearm.

“Sure I am,” he said as if without artifice. “My friend here is very pretty for a boy,” he stated solemnly.

“Shut up,” Light scoffed.  _ No really, shut up, Jayden. _ He could see now that the deviant was going to use alcohol as an excuse to start acting more like himself.

Jayden gave him a tearful look. “You didn’t say anything back. Don’t you think I’m attractive for a boy?” He made a point to wobble on his feet just a touch, as if he was getting a bit tipsy.

This sent the girls into gales of laughter.

Light rubbed a hand over his face.

“Don’t worry, sweetheart,” Miniskirt said through her breathless laughter. “You’re attractive. Sexy, even.” She looked like she could have added plenty more adjectives to describe his hotness.

“ _ He _ doesn’t think so,” Jayden pouted, pointing a finger in Light’s face.

“Damn drunk,” Light said, more to cover his own ass for Jayden’s bad behaviour. He was letting waaay too much out too quick. It was going to sink them both.

“I’m sure he does, Jay-Jay,” the blonde soothed, petting his arm, which she had looped through hers. Her eyes were shining with mirth. “Anyone with eyes could see that.”

“My own  _ friend  _ doesn’t,” he grumbled as if really hurt (which he wasn’t) soaking up her attention like an abused puppy.

“There, there,” Midriff joined in the comforting. She reached a petite hand up to pet the hair at the base of his neck, where it had been left soft and free of spikes.

“Light,” Miniskirt said at last, with an authoritative voice, “You’re making Jayden sad. Tell him how hot he is so he can stop moping.”

They all turned to look at Light. Jayden was leering at him, eyes alive with laughter.

“I’m not telling him he’s hot,” he said in flat refusal. Jayden’s ego would become a raging monster, even if he didn’t mean what he’d be saying. “Besides, he’s got the three of you to tell him that.”

“But you’re his  _ friend _ , he obviously wants to hear it from you,” she said with a tilt of her chin.

He narrowed his eyes at her, feeling like he was detecting a bit of deception. She was fucking with him, wasn’t she… “No.”

“Friends don’t tell friends they’re hot?” Jayden asked them dejectedly.

“Of course they do,” Miniskirt said, brushing the statement away like it was rubbish. “Katie, Amara, you are both totally hot.”

“So are you, Shani,” they chimed in cooperatively.

“I suppose next you’re going to say that friends don’t kiss each other either,” Jayden continued dejectedly, completely in heaven with all the attention he was getting.

_ Jesus H. Christ,  _ Light thought in exasperation. Whether Jayden was aiming to embarrass him, orchestrate a way to pressure him into a kiss, or simply wanted another demo from the girls, he didn’t know but he was  **not** playing along. 

“Are we doing this body shot or not?” Light said impatiently, going for a redirect.

“You really want to?” Jayden asked hopefully. Light reminded himself to kick him really hard later. Repeatedly.

“Yeah whatever, come on.”

The girls got the shots, lime wedges and salt ready.

“I’d rather have sugar,” the deviant told them, winking meaningfully at Light when they weren’t looking.

Light’s upper lip peeled back in a silent growl as Jayden referenced their earlier scuffle. “I just bet you would.”

“Ok,” Miniskirt instructed, “Lick the skin here, add the sugar…”

“Like this?” Jayden asked as if uncertain. He leaned in as Light braced himself with a frown.

He nuzzled the skin, masking it with the appearance of ineptitude, then gave his skin a little lick.

“You can’t be afraid to go for it,” she said with a frown. “We need the sugar to stick.  _ Lick him _ , Jayden!  **Lick** !”

Light could feel soft puffs of breath from Jayden’s silent laughter. Then Jayden ran a particularly lascivious tongue up his throat.

He jumped a little as it made him react. 

“Now the sugar!” Miniskirt cheered gleefully, looking a little flushed. He stood, enduring. The sugar crystals felt weird and a little sticky upon his skin. “Now make it look good,” she further instructed, “like you’re really into it.”

“I don’t think that’s necessary--” Light began.

“Alright,” Jayden said, grabbing him by the upper arms and surging forward to plant a forceful, hot mouth against throat, sucking upon his skin hard enough to leave a mark. He gave the skin a little nip before releasing him, a perfectly innocent look on his face.

Light unconsciously clapped a hand to his violated neck and glared at him as the molester took his shot and bit into his lime wedge.

The girls were clasping hands and practically squealing in delight. “That was sooo hot, omigod,” one said. “I think he liked it after all!” another one horrifyingly said about him. The other girl, three guesses who, said, “Oooo, I didn’t know you could be so  _ forceful _ , Jayden.” 

“I did well?” he said, back to the puppy-like act, and they fell over themselves to praise him.

Light rolled his eyes and went to pour himself a shot. He downed it and planned to vacate the kitchen, leaving it to the 4 Musketeers.

“Wait, where are you going?” Haltertop bounced into his path with wide eyes and a pout. 

“To mingle.”

He felt intensely annoyed.

“Can I come with you?” the blonde girl asked hopefully.

“Sure, I guess.” His ability to be polite was flagging.

Tentatively she slid an arm in his as they walked towards the living room area. “Sorry if that was a bit much,” she said. “Shani can go a little overboard at times.”

“No kidding.” She wasn’t that unlike Jayden in that respect. Maybe they could overboard each other to death, leaving him out of their little schemes and flights of fancy.

He flopped down on a small section of unoccupied couch and tilted his head back. He wondered once more what L was doing tonight. Jayden’s latest act had made him feel out of sorts and had sparked off an intense longing for L. Seeing all the flirting hadn’t helped either. He rubbed at his neck with a slight scowl on his face. There had better not be a mark. 

* * *

TBC


	34. (phase 2) Voyeurs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The party is still going strong, drunk dancing has some fans. Light is missing L.   
> A demonstration is given to some avid onlookers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look guys, I just want to reiterate that all characters serve a purpose, whether they are liked or disliked. And, everything happens for a reason. (Many situations reflect a lot about the characters which is not expressly stated. How people act in various situations says a lot about their personality, their headspace, and their priorities.)
> 
> Most of all, this fic is absolutely LAWLIGHT. If it wasn't, I would have tagged it.
> 
> Relationships are messy business. Things aren't always cut and dry, they aren't always easy, and we don't always get to spend as much or as little time with people as we would like. And, quite often, they go through phases, much like going through life comes with phases.
> 
> This concludes your public service announcement.  
> Z

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 34: Voyeurs  _

She spent a good deal of time scoping out the party and the students that were attending it. Light wasn’t staying in one place for long. He was mingling, talking to other members of the study group, and even people she didn’t know. So far, no one seemed to have special importance to him. She noticed Katie from the study group hovering around but he didn’t seem to be anything but friendly with her.

She also noticed him toggle between glaring at and being amiable with a tall, lean boy with spiky black hair. She didn’t recall anyone at the school who looked like that.

_ Could he be the one? _

_ The one Light was involved with? _

Eventually she got close enough to recognize that face. One of the Jaydens. She frowned. Of everyone here, they seemed to have the most rapport. 

She’d mostly ruled out the more clean-cut Jayden, despite his way of acting overly familiar with Light. But what about the other one? 

Her eyes narrowed, recalling a sort of reckless familiarity and teasing manner she’d witnessed from him even that night at the bar. Not to mention the way he kept casually throwing an arm around her boyfriend’s shoulders. They both did that. And she didn’t like it, not one bit.

* * *

A while later, Jayden was coming back from the bathroom when he ran into a familiar face. “Oh, hey, Marin.”

“Hello, Jayden,” she said suspiciously. “And which one are you? You seem to be a blend at the moment.”

_ Oops.  _ For a second, he was greeting her based on their rapport from drinking together at the bar the other night. Tonight, he was the  _ other _ one.

He gave her a crooked, self-conscious smile. “It’s the clothes, right?” He picked at the hem of the shirt. “The girls from the study group thought it would be fun to dress me up. Guess it makes me look kinda like my brother, huh?”

“And the hair,” she said pointedly, as if not quite ready to believe him.

“You know, they made me do body shots?” he said conspiratorially with wide eyes, totally changing the subject. He held a hand up, then, as if to whisper in her ear. “I am sooooo drunk right now.”

She gave him a slightly disdainful, borderline pitying look. “Lightweight,” she said.

“I know, right?” he giggled.

She made a noise of disgust and rolled her eyes. “Fine, fine, you’re  _ smart _ Jayden. Though  _ that’s _ less than apparent at the moment.”

“Smart Jayden?” he inquired, blinking.

She waved her hand, fanning away his question like cigarette smoke. “As opposed to freak Jayden, your twin.”

“Well, that’s not very nice,” he supposed. “Though admittedly, he fits that description, you’re implying that he isn’t as intelligent as I am.”

Marin shrugged. “He’s okay, I guess.” She looked around a bit. “Have you seen Light? I thought he’d be around here.”

Jayden shrugged back. “Somewhere I suppose.” He gave an approximation of a drunken smile and said, “Hey, do you wanna dance?” He was feeling benevolent and decided he’d do Light a favor by keeping her occupied. He’d heard a little about her stalkeriness from L.

She blinked at him. “Dance?”

“Sure,” he said and extended a hand. “I may not cut a rug with the best of them,” he proclaimed, “but alcohol has inflamed my sense of confidence enough for me not to care.” He gave her an encouraging smile.

Dubiously, she put her hand in his. “Okay… I guess…”

She wasn’t a bad looking girl, he thought, even if she was a touch crazy. 

He wouldn’t ever accuse Light of having poor taste, or a faulty eye for beauty.

* * *

Light had managed to sneak Jayden’s flask back into his possession a little while earlier. He even shared a bit in the punishing brew, when Jayden had offered.

It did a helluva lot to improve his mood.

Jayden became more likable, as he often did the more Light drank, and he could even forget for minutes at a time that he had vowed to murder him later.

The deviant switched between hanging around Light and socializing, and doing a pretty hilarious rendition of drunk dancing that had more than a few fans.

Currently, Light was glancing around for him. He hadn’t actually seen Jayden in a bit. Hopefully he wasn’t getting himself into trouble.

Haltertop tugged at his sleeve. “Hey, you wanna dance?” she asked, looking hopeful.

“I don’t really…” he trailed, not sure he wanted to do that here.

“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeease,” she begged, giving him her biggest shiniest eyes.

He sighed. Yet again, she was pretty persuasive. Ah well, he guessed he could dance half-heartedly and that should be good enough. The current music wasn’t completely inspiring at the moment. “Alright.”

The room started to look a little different, he thought, as they moved closer to the dancing. Like… mist? The air even seemed to take on an odd, slightly sweet smell. Also, someone was apparently blowing some bubbles in here. The delicate, rainbow-shimmer orbs drifted into the main area, each one shifting color before popping. They didn’t last long but it made for a trippy sight.

He started dancing with the girl, in what felt a little robotic to him compared to the abandon with which everyone seemed to dance at the club. But then, that was there, and this was here. He guessed that somewhat robotic was passingly normal for this kind of party.

A little while later, Jayden popped up at his elbow. “Hey.” He nodded at the blonde to acknowledge her as well but he was really only looking at Light.

“Hey,” Light returned.

“Can I borrow you for a minute?”

He looked at Haltertop, who nodded.

Jayden slung an arm around his shoulders as they moved away to the other side of the room. “How do you like it?”

“Like what?”

“The fog machine.” He grinned. “I had a buddy of mine drop it by.”

“Ah, so that’s where you disappeared to.” They were almost at the staircase now, which edged the livingroom. He had to agree, the thick white smokiness lent a neat effect to the room and caught the lights like they were solid 3D beams.

“Also,” Jayden said, covertly handing him what looked a plastic cup with a little water in it. He nodded encouragingly.

Light brought it up to his lips and smelled the familiar, strong smell of distilled spirits. It was the moonshine. Probably the last of it. He took a swig, eyes watering like they did every time and passed it back. “Still tastes awful,” he commented.

“Bless this bitter brew,” Jayden said solemnly, like a prayer, “for supplementing the poor quality tequila that was had in such limited quantities. Amen.” There was enough in the cup that it took several swallows for him to drink it down. Probably several ounces worth. “Ahhhhh,” he said, a pleased smile chasing across his face. It seemed like that had put him into his Goldilocks Zone. “Let’s dance.”

“To this music?”

“Mmm good point. Be right back.” 

Jayden disappeared like a phantom. Light left him to his own devices and made his way back to the blonde, Haltertop, who looked pleased to see him. The other girls had gathered back around, along with a few others. Miniskirt was saying to the them, “Have you noticed how Jayden dances better, the more he drinks?” she giggled, seeming a bit lit, herself. “Mmm but I’d do more than just dance with that one, _ if you know what I mean _ .” 

Most of the girls were nodding emphatically with that assessment. “Ooo, or this one!” Miniskirt said, clapping eyes on him. “Hi, sweetie, where’ve  _ you _ been hiding?”

He shrugged and gave an enigmatic smile.

“Daaaance with us,” she wheedled. “I wanna see if you drunk-dance sexy too.”

“You’re assuming I’m drunk?” he asked with a raised eyebrow, teasing her.

“You SO ARE,” she insisted in a fit of giggles.

“YOU so are, Shani,” her blonde friend laughed.

A lot of people were up and dancing, or at least swaying to the music. Their little group began to do the same.

Haltertop slid her arms up around Light’s neck and started dancing with him. It was more of the controlled, robot-like dancing. He made the same motions, blending in easily with the others and his mind drifted elsewhere, somewhat idle.

Something sort of snagged at his attention, after a while. He almost didn’t notice it at first and couldn’t quite place it either. Something…

He did that pale dance with some of the other girls, making them all pretty happy.

It wasn’t until a few minutes later that he realized he was starting to actually  _ want _ to dance. For real. He tuned back in, calling the rest of his attention back to where he was and what he was doing. It was the music - it was different. Suddenly it was a thudding and pulsing groove that demanded movement. Silky and velvety tones slid between bass and synth, and it was very much the style of music that could be found at the club.

He looked around and other people seemed to be dancing a little more intently now as well. The mood carried a bit of a frantic, energetic edge.

Jayden rematerialized, a self-satisfied smile on his face. Somehow, he’d managed to take over the sound system. No one seemed to mind. In fact, it looked like a vast improvement as opposed to sabotage. Jayden started dancing with some of the girls, bothering to add the touch of awkwardness to most of it, but sometimes slipping in something more sensual just to be shocking. He was using the alcohol as an excuse for the infrequent, scandalous smile; heated gaze; or full body slither against one of the girls’ bodies. But mostly it was the innocent, slightly uncoordinated groove of a ‘new’ dancer. It had them on their toes and was actually pretty entertaining to watch.

Light felt the music seeping into his bones and muscles, drifting through his consciousness and making him sway and move to it more and more. It was thumping through his chest like a breath of life. His eyes drifted closed for a moment as he let the feel of it wrap around him. 

It was almost like being at the club. He missed it. The last time he’d been there was weeks ago, and only briefly, where he’d danced with Jayden who had been acting as his parentally appointed chaperone. That was a crazy night, after the tutoring, and was the first chunk of time he’d really spent around the manic fool. That same fool who had wrangled him some extra time out of the house to drink, dance, and later be whipped erotically by his lover. Crazy, crazy night. 

He chose not to relive what came afterwards though - the fight, the broken ties, and the hellish span of time that followed. Thankfully, all that was behind them.

His eyes drifted open as the song shifted and he caught Jayden with that look of abandon edging across his features. His eyes were closed and he’d shifted into that slow, sinuous style of his, the one where he needed no partner and he moved simply for his own gratification.

Light sort of gravitated towards it. The girls were just moving in the same repetitive and unimaginative ways, which wasn’t doing much to inspire him, though he was still engaging in dancing with them.

Jayden’s eyes opened lazily, a pale gaze with dark lashes so heavy they seemed to be weighing the lids down. He met Light’s eyes and there was a recognition there. He drifted closer through the course of the next many minutes. For a little while they seemed to both be dancing with the girls. Almost like a team, their styles starting to sync and blend and diverge once again, the way they had before in that brief night of dancing at the club.

Eventually they ended up dancing solo and also sort of playing off of each other. It felt much more liberating. Dancing with the girls was so much more stilted.

Jayden tossed him wink and a quick grin, and challenged him to bring it up a notch by drawing close and dancing directly with him, just not touching. Their styles naturally merged and got a little less civilized, and a lot more slinky and suggestive. It would probably turn some heads if people were to really notice, but between the sweet smoky fog and the way Jayden drifted away and slid closer again in turns, it was probably ok. 

He chose to stop worrying about it and just let go. Enjoy.

Over time, he became dimly aware of people’s eyes on them and that they were almost in a circle of sorts, as people gave them a little more room and watched with interest. Jayden started tossing enticing looks to the girls again, especially when he drew closer to Light to dance with him, and this seemed to cause a wave of excitement.

“What’s the deal?” Light asked him one of these times, pitching his voice only just loud enough for Jayden to hear him. He indicated the girls and their reactions.

“Oh, come on, really?” Jayden mocked him. His expression said he couldn’t believe Light could be so dense as to not get it. “They’re getting worked up for the same reason they got all hot and bothered over me doing a body shot with you.”

“Which you have yet to pay for, but you will,” he warned, still chafing over that.

“Let’s not get into that right now,” Jayden dismissed with a cavalier shrug of his shoulders. “Let’s keep talking about how incredibly  _ naive _ you must be.” He leaned in with one of those lascivious smiles and Light felt it ripple through the crowd of girls. A quick glance showed a few fanning themselves, some talking animatedly to each other and pointing, and others just plain staring (it seemed unkind to call it drooling.). “And that’s just with a look,” he continued. “Imagine if I actually touched you.”

“But you won’t,” Light told him, plainly warning him against that kind of kamikaze behavior.

“But I won’t,” Jayden agreed with an overdramatic sigh. “Instead I’ll  _ waste _ such an easy source of fun and entertainment.” He paused and added, “ _ Needlessly _ .”

“Needlessly, if you aren’t fond of breathing. I’m at my limit with your antics.”

“Come on, admit it,” he wheedled with a curling smile, “you had fun. And you’re having fun now.” His eyes added that Light had found  _ other _ things to be fun, like the body shot, but he accurately sensed the line between himself and World War III.

“I believe you were calling me naive just a moment ago?” Light prompted.

Jayden laughed with a wolfish grin. “Can you seriously  _ not _ see that we are the hottest guys here? _ Of course _ it’s titillating for them to imagine us together.”

“You idiot,” Light said, giving him a baleful glare. “I have EYES. Of course I noticed all of that, I’m asking why you’re _ encouraging _ it.”

“You’re asking **_me_ ** that?” Jayden scoffed. “Why do  **I** do  _ anything  _ that I do?”

“Because it’s amusing or fun in some way.”

“ _ You’re _ the idiot,” he said imperiously, “asking things you already know the answer to.”

They moved apart again, and Light shifted over to dance with an attractive girl whose name he didn’t know. He felt peeved, though Jayden sort of had a point, and decided to spitefully remove himself as a source of entertainment for the time being. The spiky-haired miscreant truly had a knack for getting on his nerves. 

Jayden followed suit and started dancing slow and scandalous with a really hot redhead. He leaned in like he was speaking in her ear as they danced, wearing a subdued but engaged grin. Just now, his hand settled upon the curve of her hip, guiding her in a deep figure eight motion that matched his own swaying movement. Judging by her enamored laughter and batting eyelashes, he was flirting pretty heavily, and she was totally amenable to it.

Ah well, so much for making him bored.

Light danced for a few more songs, then excused himself as his dancing partner was getting a little too interested in him. He went to get some water, taking a break from the driving beats and the urge to keep moving to them.

On his way there, he kept running into people from the study group. He made conversation with them, putting on a social face. The guys mostly wanted to talk about how hot some of the girls were who had shown up. A few expressed surprise at how ‘hooooooot’ (to quote one of the guys) some of the study group girls had ended up being. Miniskirt and Haltertop were the going favorites. 

Light still couldn’t believe how incredibly packed the house had gotten. It was like half the school had shown up to this damn thing.

He briefly considered going outside to get a little cool, fresh air. The problem with that though, was the higher odds of being caught ‘alone’ and getting monopolized by some enterprising female. 

A quick look out the back door confirmed that it had become a popular make out spot, to put it lightly. Probably more than that, but he didn’t stick around to solidify that suspicion with visual fact. An errant moan or two carried on the air, and it sounded like way more than kissing was in the works. 

He guessed a non-supervised party was just the sort of opportunity some of the students had been looking for. He didn’t blame them. It’s something he might have taken advantage of himself, in the past, if he’d been able to get away from his parents to attend.

These days, he took advantage of all manner of stolen moments to indulge himself with L. It was more than he could have previously hoped for, sometimes being not just once but even twice a week that they could see each other, but still… he wished they didn’t have to hide quite so much. 

He wished they could be more out in the open about seeing each other. Not that everyone had to know they were a couple. But couldn’t he hang out with L and just spend time with him like Jayden did? Like kicking around downtown or whatever else they felt like doing? 

People could assume they were friends if they wanted. He didn’t really care. Just, living in the cracks like this was hard. His parents had let up quite a bit, but even they would wonder why he wanted to see a ‘friend’ so frequently. They’d think it odd if he did more than the rare overnight at L’s. So they had just been counting on Sundays and whatever other times they could fit in. Before or after study sessions was one of those possibilities but this stupid party thing had totally wrecked that this week. That was the main reason he hadn’t wanted to come, aside from not being all that interested in the party itself.

Light finished the water he’d been drinking and pitched the plastic cup into the trash.

It was a shame that Jayden was as infuriating as he was entertaining. He kept Light’s boredom at bay with ease, but the price was being rather continually harassed. In rare moods, the deviant let up on that and seemed almost human but it could also shift the other way and he could be worse than usual. Like tonight.

If not for that, he suspected they’d get along pretty well. The way they bickered wasn’t unlike what he’d observed when the cousins interacted. How the hell did L deal with him on the regular, though? He didn’t exactly have an inflammable temper.

Perhaps he just needed to find a method of keeping Jayden in line. Whatever the hell that might be, he wasn’t sure.

_ Maybe a big stick…? _ Then he could just beat the crap out of him when the need arose.

Light made his way back through the fog, flashing lights and the press of bodies. He wondered how long they were going to be here. The party showed no signs of slowing down but he couldn’t stay here forever. That wouldn’t fit the image of the party Jayden had sold to his parents, at all.

Where was he, anyway?

He paused, standing near the front of the house and looked around, seeing familiar faces, girls from the study group, some of the guys…. No Jayden…

“Hey,” a familiar voice said towards his left.

He turned and felt a genuine smile spread over his face before he could stop it. “Hey. What are you doing here?” he asked L, feeling like he was a sight for sore eyes though L didn’t exactly look thrilled to be here.

The corner of L’s mouth quirked up in response to him looking so happy to see him. His eyes warmed as well, but he hid the expression by looking around a little. They obviously couldn’t stand there staring at each other and looking so goddamn happy about it. 

“Well,” L said, “As much as I tried to stay out of this…” He looked at Light again, having managed to school his expression a little better. “Your mom texted. Apparently Jayden said you both needed a ride home, unless she didn’t mind the idea of the impromptu sleepover your classmates were going to have.”

“Ah.”

L gave him an appraising look and touched his face. “Are you wearing makeup?” he asked with an amused glint in his eye. His mouth was twitching up in a smirk.

“You have NO idea what I’ve been through this evening,” he said tragically.

“It looks good,” L said, his gaze getting a touch of that enamored look as it trailed over him. He reached out and surreptitiously tugged the edge of Light’s silvery grey blazer. He slid his eyes over the white shirt, which was clinging to his torso, like he wanted to peel it off with his teeth.

Light couldn’t help flushing a little. “You’d better stop that or I won’t be able to help myself.”

L’s lips quirked up in a pleased, lascivious smirk. “Just admiring the view,” he said innocently, though his tone was anything but. He dipped his head then, quelling the look to something more appropriate. “Not bad for a party, though,” he commented, looking around again.

“Jayden added a few touches.”

“Fog machine?” L asked and Light nodded. “He always did like those.”

Jayden morphed out of the mist right about then. “Admiring my handiwork?” he asked with a wink.

“Where’ve  _ you _ been?” Light asked. He’d looked all over and seen no trace of him.

“Don’t ask,” Jayden dismissed with his usual smile. “Hey cuz, glad you could make it.”

L gave him an annoyed look. “That was low, involving the mother.”

Jayden beamed. “I knew you wouldn’t be able to say no. And so, here you are.” He leaned in closer to the two of them. “Besides, someone will need to get Light out of those clothes before he gets back home, if you know what I mean.” He gave them an exaggerated wink.

L narrowed his eyes. “You’re planning on staying here, aren’t you?” he said with a little surprise.

“Moi?”

L made a scoffing noise and shook his head. As he looked back at Light, something about the brunet seemed to catch his eye. “What’s this?” he asked with frown, bringing a hand up to touch his neck.

_ Oh, Goddamnit,  _ Light thought with with a shock of annoyance. There must have been a mark left there after all. A little tension fizzled in his stomach. He’d forgotten to check. He rolled his eyes in response and sent a baleful stare Jayden’s way, essentially pointing the finger at him.

L followed his gaze, as he was supposed to. “Seriously??” he said incredulously, pinning his cousin with a sharp stare that seemed to demand an explanation. There wasn’t much expression on his face but he still managed to look  _ very _ displeased. If he was feeling as angry as he normally got with this sort of thing, he wasn’t showing it, but that could have been due to their location. 

Jayden didn’t look particularly concerned. “It was peer pressure,” he said avidly. He was totally full of shit. And he was most certainly older than his “peers”. He must’ve been unable to resist making the joke. “They  **_made_ ** me do it.” He put on a tiny little frowny face that said,  _ ‘don’t be mad… *sniffle*  I’M the victim here’ _ .

L was shaking his head slowly and his pointed stare was looking more aggravated. 

His Jayden-bullshit-detector must have been pinging all over the place. He let out a sigh, seeming to count to 10 while also entertaining the idea of grabbing his cousin by the throat and choking him. He settled instead on asking a question. “Who’s  _ ‘they’ _ ?” he said in a tone that made it apparent that he was holding his cousin responsible and wasn’t taken in by his little performance.

Jayden jerked a thumb towards Miniskirt & Co.

She just happened to glance up as they looked towards her. With a bedroom smile, she decided to saunter over. So did a handful of other girls. They were eyeing the three of the guys like they were made of candy, or maybe something that tasted much richer.

“Weeeell,” Miniskirt said, curious eyes locking onto the newcomer in their midst. “Hellooo.” Her eyes panned up and down L with more than passing interest. “And who’s this, your brother?” she asked Jayden though her eyes never left L.

Jayden shrugged with an impassive smile. He seemed to be sidelining himself, letting L take lead on this, to say as much or as little as he chose.

Light watched a shift come over L. It was fluid and subtle but something definitely was different. “Right now I’m merely his ride home,” he said, nodding slightly at Light. His tone sounded vaguely mysterious and he had a look in his eyes like he’d rather talk of more engaging topics.

Miniskirt looked more intrigued by the evasive answer than put out by it. She drifted closer and brushed her long brown hair back over her shoulder, her  _ tell _ for being interested in someone. Her full lips turned up in considering smirk. It might have been a little smoother, though, if she wasn’t as drunk as she was at present. She didn’t bother to hide her greedy stare.

“It looks like you all were up to some fun things,” L said in his rich voice. He raised his eyebrow just a little and gave her a covert smile. 

He’s grilling her, Light realized, looking for answers.

“Oh, we’re  _ always _ up to fun things,” she promised slyly.

L’s lazy, predatory gaze locked on hers as he drifted closer. On his way, he slid an angular hand casually around the back of Light’s neck, fingers brushing the mark Jayden had made. Light felt his eyelids flutter and just barely kept his reaction in check. “And this?” L inquired, not dropping eye-contact with her. His expression was laid-back and indulgent.

She wet her lips, torn between his dark eyes, and the languid motion of his hand upon Light.

Jayden had been right. The girls looked ready to go into a feeding frenzy over seeing the touch.

“Oh, t-that,” Miniskirt stammered, a little flustered at all the focused attention L was spending upon her. (Light could sympathize.)

“Mmhmm,” L said expectantly, with the sensual air that he was so good at projecting starting to gather about him.

Light was finding it hard to not react to that himself. The last times he’d seen L like this was in the whipping area in the club, and when he had been lounging on the high backed chair in his room like a slightly sadistic king. He shivered as L’s fingers stroked his throat once more, possessively. Damnit, it was affecting him way too much. It was risky to have L touching him in public at all, and he should probably duck out from under that hand...but he couldn’t seem to move.

Miniskirt was starting to look enthralled. She’d lost her coy, predatory looks and was seeming to hang on L’s every look and word. “We were doing some body shots…” she said, to explain the mark on Light’s throat. 

“Who was the lucky girl?”

Miniskirt and the other girls giggled, thinking his wording was a clever joke.

“Actually,” Haltertop piped up, vying for a little time in the spotlight. “It was him,” she giggled as she glanced at Jayden. She held her hand up over her mouth, obviously amused, and her face turned a little pink with a flush.

L unexpectedly rolled Light’s face nearly into his neck, tilting his head back to nonchalantly view the mark. Again, the splay of L’s hand felt possessive and was really getting to him. Light took in a shaky breath as he breathed in L’s scent and felt the quickening of desire. “He doesn’t seem to be very good at it,” L commented before releasing him.

“That’s why we were having him practice with an expert before doing it with us,” Miniskirt giggled.

“Naughty,” L said with a curving smile. “So you just wanted to watch?” he guessed.

That set off a tiny riot of denial, laughter and flushed faces.

L turned to Light, an amused look passing over his face as he raised his eyebrow. Light knew it was all still an act. There was a bit of sharpness to him. “So,” he said lazily, “what’s this about being an expert?”

Midriff piped up from out of nowhere, “He almost gave Katie heart failure--”

“Omigawd nooo,” Haltertop protested, face turning red. “Don’t talk about that!”

“She totally almost passed out,” Miniskirt assured everyone emphatically, adding to the teasing. “And it was only on her wrist.”

“I’d love to see a demonstration,” L said engagingly.

_ Oh noooo _ , Light thought, this was not going to go anywhere good.

“Noooooo,” Katie said, covering her beet red face.

“Volunteers?” L said with a tiny smirk. “Providing there’s tequila and somewhere a little less… crowded?”

Miniskirt jumped on that like a shot. “Of course,” she rushed to assure him.

Light was starting to wonder if this was shaping into some kind of punishment for himself or Jayden, or if L merely had something he was trying to prove or gain an answer to. Light slanted a look at Jayden to catch an idea of his assessment. The spiky-haired deviant looked an odd mix of intrigued, cowed, and wary.

They followed her to the kitchen where she and some of the others grabbed the tequila, limes, and salt once more. “There is an office off of the kitchen,” Miniskirt explained, leading them through another doorway. They crowded into the small room, making it a pretty cozy fit, and Miniskirt locked the door behind them.

The one lamp in the room wasn’t bright enough to give more than a feeble half light to the room. It kept the atmosphere more intimate.

L zeroed in on the blonde and picked up a lime wedge with a graceful hand. She watched him with bashful eyes as he held it up to her lips. “Like this?” he asked her, referring to the shot Light had done with her. 

She flushed bright red and shook her head. “N-No, we didn’t do them like that,” she protested, looking like the thought of doing it with Light would have totally fried her system on the spot.

“No?” L asked, affecting slight confusion, letting his gaze slide over the room.

“Of him, I’d expect that,” he said, nodding to Jayden, playing along to the ruse. “But the  _ expert _ ?” he injected surprise and disappointment into his tone as he regarded Light. “Really… what kind of example is that to set?” 

Light swallowed. This wasn’t looking good.

The girls were hanging off of L’s every word. 

“I can’t believe you didn’t show them how to do this  _ properly _ ,” L admonished him, pushing the lime wedge between Light’s lips. His dark eyes had that commanding look that dared him to disobey. It was a look for him alone, the others couldn’t see.

Light took it delicately between his teeth, heart thudding in his chest. L’s eyes caressed him as if to say, _ ‘good boy’ _ .

He was seriously anxious as to where this was going.

“Allow me to demonstrate,” L said expansively, to the collective delight and shocked squeals of the girls.

Light’s eyes got wide and he was shaking his head minutely.

A true enamored look slid over L’s face. He drank in Light’s panic and his eyes were chaotic darkness and mischievous intrigue.

_ He isn’t  _ **_really_ ** _ going to…?? _ Light’s eyes darted around the room and everyone was staring intently.

L drifted in close, drawing out the moment before he leaned in, touching lips to Light’s throat and teasing a sensitive spot which always made him squirm. His body pressed close and Light felt his breath catch in his throat as L ran a silken tongue over that same spot with expert pressure.

Light was too busy trying to contain his reaction to register much about L moving back to pour the salt upon his skin. His body was starting to pulse and he felt a little light-headed.

There were gasps and a few cheers as L moved back in to run a slutty tongue over the trail of salt, making his face heat. L accepted the shot from one of the girls and tossed it back, while meeting Light’s eyes with a slanted gaze.

Light’s heart thudded wildly in his chest as L leaned in, practically against his body and boldly bit into the lime he held in his mouth. His body reacted immediately to the press of L’s sensuous mouth so near his. He could feel the brush of soft lips. It was almost an open mouthed kiss, blocked only by the rind of the fruit caught between them. Lime juice trickled down his chin as his body flushed hot.

The squeals from the girls reached new levels. L drifted back, affecting an expression of nonchalance. 

Light turned to spit out the lime and also to hide his reddened face.

“OMIGAWD he’s  _ blushing _ !” Miniskirt announced, pointing a hysterical finger at Light. Her eyes were wide and she was totally flushed herself. “He’s totally blushing!!” 

“You’re not doing it right if they don’t blush,” L commented stoically, stepping aside as they descended upon Light in an excited frenzy. He watched as they pawed at him and tried to get a look at his face which was fast becoming hotter from embarrassment.

“That’s cruel,” Jayden said, keeping eyes on the spectacle as he sidled up to L.

“Casting judgement?”

“Not at all.” Jayden’s pale eyes regarded him for a moment. “You know he really tried to be good, right?”

L smiled. “Oh, this wasn’t a punishment.”

Jayden grinned. “You dirty bastard,” he said appreciatively. “And you say I do sick things for amusement.”

“You do. And, by the way, you are not off the hook.”

“Awww, come on, it was innocent!” Jayden griped.

“Don’t lie to me, you’re totally transparent.” L gave him an annoyed look. “As fun as he might be to harass, you’d better draw the line before you really piss me off.”

Jayden stuck out his lip in a fake pout. “But he makes the best faces.”

“I know,” L said with an indulgent smile as he viewed his handiwork, and Light adorably trying to fend off prying eyes and hands. He socked Jayden hard in the stomach.

“Owwww,” Jayden grumbled, doubling over a bit.

“You know what that’s for.”

“Yeeeah,” the deviant agreed with a wince. “It was kind of worth it though.”

“You want another?”

“Nooo, sir.”

* * *

TBC


	35. (phase 2) Car Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leaving the party, Lawlight QT.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting delay was due to me being in Seattle. Mt Ranier National Park was so freaking UNBELIEVABLE and awesome. The city was pretty cool too. (I'll try to get several updates out fairly quickly in the coming days to make up for that looooong gap)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_Part 35: Car Talk_

Light slouched over to L’s car, glaring daggers at his lover’s back. He felt like he’d barely escaped the party with his dignity intact. Somehow, after that mortifying ‘demonstration’ of a body shot, their cover wasn’t blown. When the titillated and frenzied mob started to recede, allowing him to breathe, they were expertly redirected. L had calmly orchestrated further practice between willing participants but kept the two of them largely out of it, claiming the others would learn more with people of a similar level of expertise.

There was much protesting of this, as everyone seemed raring to go for their own personal demo, courtesy of L. They cast a few envious glances towards Light and some even suggested he didn’t fully ‘appreciate’ it.

L turned on the charm and held court, making himself the unattainable instructor. No one had the guts to push too much and so they willingly took his tips and advice instead.

Jayden bore the brunt of the practice, and while Light was sure he didn’t really mind that part, he had his hands full trying to play up his shyness and reticence. Even he must have gotten tired from the overwhelming minuta involved in the persona he was acting out, and finding it difficult to keep dredging up that believable flushing of his cheeks.

He’d caught some signs of great amusement on L’s part, and realized this was the first L had really seen a performance from _‘Clean-cut Jayden’ (not including the ones in front of his parents)_. It looked like he was enjoying torturing his cousin more than a little bit, offering him more action than he knew what to do with. It was like force-feeding Jayden his favorite food while he wasn’t in a state where he could chew, taste, or enjoy it; his hands were tied with this role he’d chosen.

Light opened the passenger door and slid in with another choice glare.

L’s dark eyes were shining at him and an infuriatingly indulgent smile was spread across his lips.

“Asshole,” Light griped, muttering under his breath while thinking of the body shots. “What the hell was **I** getting tortured for?” He narrowed his eyes at L as he put on his seatbelt.

“Torture?” L was doing a piss-poor job of sounding innocent. He put the car into reverse. “I was just showing how much I _missed_ you...” he protested solemnly, though his mouth was still quirking up in that amused smile.

Light was indignant. “You can’t even say that with a straight face!” he exclaimed. L wasn’t even _trying_ to sound believable!

“It was done with the best of intentions.”

“Such as?” Light demanded.

“Well,” L said consideringly, “It was a nice and direct way to see how badly Jayden had misbehaved.”

“Arrrgh!” Light exclaimed, throwing his hands up. A chill crept over the back of his neck and he shuddered as he relived his mortification. “You could have just **asked** me!”

“But that wouldn’t have been nearly as fun,” L pointed out. “Besides,” he added with another infuriating smile, “you were adorable.”

“UGH, I hate you,” Light growled.

L was nonplussed. “Now, _Jayden,_ I was torturing.”

“So I noticed,” Light grumbled. That, at least, was _just desserts_.

“Did you have fun tonight?” L asked conversationally, as if he hadn’t just indicated he was pissed.

“A little,” he said grudgingly, looking out the window. Overall, he guessed he did sort of have fun, if he thought about it.

L reached over and ruffled his hair. “How badly did Jayden act up, really?” he inquired lightly.

“Way more than usual,” he grumbled, somewhat mollified by the gesture of affection and also that L bothered to ask him.

“On a scale of one to ten?”

“I saw him in his underwear,” Light said bluntly.

L was silent a moment, before saying darkly, “I haven’t tortured him nearly enough.”

“Maybe you should always assume that’s a given,” Light suggested archly.

“He behaves on occasion...” L trailed, even though he seemed to be dreaming up ways to dismantle his cousin.

“What occasion?” Light exclaimed, a laugh forcing itself to his lips. That was genuinely, honestly funny. In what _universe_ did Jayden understand behaving himself?

“I don’t know…” L shrugged, squinting like he was trying to come up with a time and just couldn’t quite recall. “Usually under threat of bodily harm?”

“Pfft,” Light said, leaning back in his seat and putting his hands behind his head. He was starting to relax a little at last. “Should that even count?”

“Well, I already tried an electric shock collar…” L deadpanned.

Light snickered. “Now there’s an idea.” He turned to L, studying the lines of his face in the half light. “Why did you leave him there? Won’t he just get into trouble?”

L shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not.” He glanced at Light. “You know why he had me pick you up though, right?”

Light frowned. “What do you mean?”

“Well sure, in part maybe to pursue his interests… and partly to annoy me... But he looks out for you, too.”

“Huh?!”

“Think about it. Even if someone else gave you a ride, how were you going to change back into your normal clothes before you got dropped off at your house?”

“Er…” That was a good point. And Jayden had vaguely said something about it. “Ok, so that’s like, ONE thing.”

“There’s other stuff, but he’d probably never tell you.”

“Typical,” Light scoffed. “Like how he starts acting like an asshole if I notice him acting nice for like two seconds.”

L laughed out loud at that. “Yeah, that sounds like him.”

“Is there a point to this? I’m still pissed at him.”

L shrugged. “Just saying, cut him a little slack. He’s totally maladjusted but I think he genuinely likes you. I’ll work on retraining him so he doesn’t harass you so much.”

“I know he does,” Light admitted with a sigh, wondering why Jayden felt compelled to be such a pain in the ass. They’d probably get along just fine if he could just control that urge. “It’s why I can tolerate him half the time.”

L reached out and ruffled his hair again, shooting him a grin. “You’re so forgiving,” he said in a teasing voice.

Light ducked out from under his hand this time. “So, I was thinking of getting a taser,” he countered drolly. “You think strict shock therapy would be effective?”

“Heh. That might depend on how masochistic he’s feeling.”

“Of _course_ ,” he said, rolling his eyes. They rode in silence for a minute or two. “But enough about him…” Light glanced over at L surreptitiously. “I really _was_ happy to see you earlier.” He couldn’t have been more surprised or happy to see L turn up at the party, like he did. Though the happiness may have dimmed a bit as he was subsequently tormented.

“Just earlier?” L teased in a silky voice.

Light flushed as his mind supplied the feel of L eating the lime out of his mouth. Which had been…

“Here’s a good spot,” L said, pulling the car over on a dimmer stretch of road. He still had to change afterall. L put the car into park and then looked at Light expectantly. “You were saying?” His eyes caught onto the color in Light’s face with amusement.

“I didn’t say a damn thing.”

“Admit it,” L said slyly, “You liked it.” He didn’t even have to mention the body shot in particular. They both knew what he was talking about.

“Not with an audience.”

“ _Au contraire_ ,” L said, leaning over the console to gaze at him with dark, endless eyes. “I think having an audience is exactly what made you react so strongly.”

Light flushed. “Oh?” he mocked, going on the offensive. “So you don’t think it had anything to do with your _grand ‘expertise’_?”

“Mmm...” L was getting a heated look in his eyes. “I like it when you get all sassy,” he countered brazenly, trying to undermine Light’s lead. He hunted the brunet’s lips.

“And here I thought your estimation of your skills had no bounds” Light managed to toss out. The errant brushes of L’s mouth against his were driving him to distraction.

L’s amorous gaze intensified and he bit his lower lip with an engaged smile. “Flattery will get you everywhere,” he said, running a hand over Light’s chest. The white undershirt was thin and felt like hardly any barrier at all as L brushed his thumb over a nipple and rolled it.

Light bit his lip as desire slipped through him at the touch. It was amplified by the way L was looking at him... like he wanted to devour him, leisurely, over the next several hours.

It had been almost 2 weeks since they’d been close like this, no thanks to Jayden who’d wrecked last Sunday completely.

“I liked the clothes you’re wearing tonight.” L leaned in to murmur hotly against his ear. “I wanted to peel them right off of you, layer by layer.” His hands started to slide the jacket down off of his shoulders. When it was about halfway, he pressed Light firmly against the door of the car. He caught a nipple in his mouth and tweaked it with his teeth.

“Ah!” Light jumped as the slight pain made him shudder. He couldn’t move his arms because of the jacket. L sucked on it harder, making him writhe between pain and pleasure.

When he finally released it, he captured Light’s panting mouth with his, running a hand up his thigh, making a moan slip out from the back of his throat.

“So sexy,” L murmured against his lips, tracing a finger along the front of Light’s pants, dragging a groan from between clenched teeth. “Your flushed face… and the way you fight it…” he dipped his head to nuzzle Light’s neck. “The same look you had in front of all those people when I tasted your skin.”

“You… jerk,” Light forced out past the desire that was rising up to choke him. “Sadist.”

“Maybe a little,” L said indulgently as he found a sensitive spot to tease and sink his teeth into.

“You were...ahh…” wow it was hard to string words together, “supposed to…….. keep from making... a scene…” He really didn’t want everyone to pick up on the fact that they were together. The fewer that knew, the better.

“It was behind closed doors,” L said placatingly, deviating to his mouth once more as he started unfastening Light’s pants.

Light’s back bowed as L began stroking his arousal with a firm hand. His eyes were tightly closed as sensation rolled through him.

“They were rather interested in watching you fold beneath another man. One wonders what else they would have liked seeing….”

Light shook his head as the words, messed up as they were, fed the desire that was pulsing in him. Maybe it was the way L sounded, talking to him like this. His voice was velveteen and debased.

“Perhaps something like this?” L suggested, closing his hand around Light’s arousal in a punishing grip and making him cry out again in that pain pleasure. He was breathing through his mouth now, as he tried to catch his breath. “Or the perfect little ‘O’ your mouth makes as you cry out like that,” L leaned in to whisper in his ear, stroking him long and hard. “Or how about the burning flush in your cheeks as you’re about to come?”

“Ggnh,” Light groaned as pleasure sharpened in his gut and caught at his breath. It was a horrible thought that L was proposing. And yet, he kept reacting. He couldn’t help it.

“Did you know,” L continued, breath warm upon his ear, his voice deep with lust, “As I bit into that lime, I was picturing your naked thighs trembling around me while I slid deeeep inside you.”

 _Jesus_ , Light thought as orgasm surged up and speared through him. A stifled cry fell from his lips as he came hard.

“You’re... horrible….” he panted, shivers of pleasure still rippling through him at even the thought of L’s words or the image they painted.

L smiled indulgently. “Exhibitionist,” he accused fondly.

“Am… not.”

“Could have fooled me,” L said sweetly, catching his lips in an achingly thorough kiss.

He leaned Light forward and dragged the jacket free from his arms. Then he pulled the white shirt over his head as well. “Ah,” he sighed. “I want you so badly right now.” His hands slid over Light’s bare skin. “It feels like so long since I’ve had you naked and shuddering beneath me.”

Desire flared in Light’s gut almost immediately.

“What I wouldn’t give for a bed and few free hours,” he sighed against Light’s mouth, sinking into it with a slight moan.

He poured an enormous amount of sexual frustration into that kiss, thrusting his tongue into Light’s mouth like he was fucking it.

It was so hot, and dirty. Light’s entire body was flushing.

“Your car does have a bench backseat,” Light observed helpfully, his body aching at the thought of feeling L’s naked skin pressing against the length of his body, and the heat of L’s arousal sinking intimately within him.

“You’re brilliant,” L praised him, reaching behind Light to hit the lever that would lay the seat back. It fell with a thump, startling them both. “Oops,” L said with a laugh, taking advantage of his more horizontal position and sliding on top of him.

They were both so hard it hurt.

“Mmmm,” Light breathed as L rolled his hips against him. “If you aren’t careful, we won’t make it to the back.”

L thought for half a second. “Maybe not until round 3,” he agreed and leaned in to ravish Light’s mouth. “Or 4,” he amended, thrusting his hips against Light’s and pulling a moan from deep in his throat.

Oh, as lovely as this felt right now… As much as he just wanted to give into it… “Get your ass back there and fuck me already,” Light growled against his mouth, wanting more than this, much more.

L’s dark eyes blazed with lust. “Somebody’s ass needs to be back there in order for me to _fuck_ it,” he said, nipping at Light’s bare skin. Neck, collarbones, chest.

“Ow, ow,” Light laughed as it tickled and stung at the same time. He shimmied out from under L’s attack and clamored into the back.

L followed in short order, losing his shirt. “Who said you needed to bring these with you?” he asked, tugging at Light’s pants.

“You’re the one who said you wanted to ‘peel all the layers of clothing off of me’,” Light mocked him with a saucy smile.

“Brat.”

L yanked Light’s pants down his hips, boxers and all. His patience seemed to have all but evaporated. He had the eyes of a starving man.

His skin was hot where their bodies touched. Light felt chills chase his body. He had no words for how good it felt to have L’s passionate mouth against his, and feeling his lean body bearing down against his.

The backseat was a little cramped, but serviceable.

L pulled back, digging something out of his pocket.

“Really?” Light asked drolly, out of breath. “You came prepared?”

“Hey, you never know when the mood will strike,” L joked as he ripped the small plastic package open, and rolled the pre-lubed condom on. L sank back down and kissed his mouth fervently. “Why don’t you tell me how _good_ I am for planning ahead?” he drawled.

Light tilted his head cockily. “I’ll tell you how _good_ you are when you put that to use.”

L chuckled. “Oh, do you have a mouth on you,” he said, tilting Light’s hips upward to accept his hard, hot arousal and thrusting slowly forward.

Light grabbed the door handle above his head, a groan forced from his lips as L pushed all the way inside. He panted, trying to catch his breath. Tiny tremors rippled through his body and his mind was swimming, he was so turned on.

L paused, looking down on him like a ruler surveying his land. His eyes missed nothing as he reached down to tease, stroke and caress every bare inch of his skin, until Light was writhing beneath him. He touched everywhere, except a prominent part that was begging for attention.

“Jesus Christ,” Light moaned, “Touch me already. _Move_ already.”

“I dunno,” L said, sweeping an appreciative gaze over his trembling body. “I rather like seeing you like this.” His voice was strained, evidence of the effort it took him to pretend he wasn’t half out of his mind with arousal.

Light sat up, dragging him down with a hot mouth and insistent hands. He thrust upward against L and felt him shudder in reaction.

“ _Fuck_ me already,” he whispered fiercely in L’s waiting ear.

“Damn that’s hot,” L groaned, pushing him down and fucking him hard.

Oh, if only there were more time… But neither one of them wanted to take this slow.

Their hips moved against each other, beating out a punishing rhythm. Light’s breath hitched and he gasped, pleasure washing unabashedly over his face. “God… yes…”

* * *

L lost himself in sensation. Touch, Sight, Sound. He couldn’t get enough. He wanted to swallow the moans coming out of his lover’s mouth. He wanted to lick that bowing back and suck his throbbing arousal, and bite his full lips as he speared his body over and over. He murmured all that and more into his lover’s ear, treasuring the way he could feel his words ripple through Light’s taut body.

God, he was so close. Desire was coiled so tightly within his belly, he felt like he was going to explode. Light’s body was so hot it was burning him alive. It was so good. Soooo good.

He wrapped long, cool fingers around Light’s heated flesh, making him issue a long, amazing moan with even the first teasing stroke.

L drifted down to his lips and teased them too, feeling Light starting to shudder helplessly on the edge of orgasm. It was so hot.

“Come,” he ordered sharply, his voice thick with desire.

The brunet let out a groan from deep in his chest, inarticulate and beautiful as his body bowed sinuously, caught in the throes of release.

L thrust into the perfection of him only twice more before his body fell prey to the flood of pleasure he’d been holding back on as long as he could. He cried out through clenched teeth, overwhelmed by the feel of Light shuddering around him, and came so hard that at first it almost felt like intense pain before it shifted into knee-buckling sensation.

 _Oh my_ **_damn_** _._

The world went white and it was a while before the dazed feeling faded off.

“I think I may have just died,” Light murmured from somewhere nearby. L still didn’t have his bearings. “Mn,” he agreed.

The backseat was actually kind of cramped, now that the drive of intense desire was no longer swarming him. Still, it seemed pretty cozy, in the kind of way that mind-numbing sex made one adverse to moving. One could assume the human body didn’t have the ability to suddenly go boneless, but just now….

“Are we gonna stay here all night?” Light murmured, starting to toy with his hair a little.

Usually that kind of thing bugged him, but… it felt kinda nice.

“Mmmm… thinking about it.” The thought of moving was not inspiring in the least. Staying in the backseat and drifting in this haze was infinitely more appealing.

Besides, moving meant he had to take Light home, and it seemed like they’d only barely just run into each other. Time seemed to move too fast. L lifted his head and sought Light’s lips in a soft, lingering kiss.

“I don’t wanna go home,” Light murmured, stroking fingers up the back of his neck, into his hair. He moved his mouth against L’s with languid, sensual heat.

L felt a tiny seed of desire flicker to life, like a phoenix from the ashes. It actually surprised him, after an orgasm like that. Right now he felt overwhelmingly sated, though flickers of interest and sensation reminded him he was still resting deep within the warm body beneath him. Given a little time....

Well, hell. Who wouldn’t want to do that all over again?

“I should get you home,” L said, without much conviction. It was the responsible thing to do. Damn, but being responsible was a fucking drag. “It’s getting late.”

“Thank you for coming.”

“No, thank you.”

“Heh,” Light laughed. “You’re horrible. You know what I meant.” He obviously meant the party.

L gave him a sly grin. “Even so, I stand by what I said.” He pressed a kiss to Light’s mouth and withdrew, making at least a little effort towards that whole being responsible thing.

Light stretched luxuriously and let out a little yawn. “Never thought I’d say this, but I’m glad Jayden meddled.” He looked over at L with half-lidded, curious eyes. “You weren’t in the middle of anything were you?”

“Nothing to be worried about,” he dismissed vaguely.

Light silently watched him as he leaned over the front seat to grab their clothes.

He handed Light the clothes he’d worn before the girls had had their way with him. The brunet was looking at him more directly than usual. “What?” L said bluntly.

“Why can’t you just answer the question?” Light inquired, a little crease appearing between his brows. There was nothing rough or demanding in his tone. “Does it matter?”

L shrugged. “Not used to explaining myself I guess.”

He almost left it at that but recalled what brief answers to Light had caused to happen the last time, getting himself whacked in the face repeatedly with a surprisingly forceful pillow. A quick glance at the brunet confirmed that he _may_ have sounded abrupt.

He really wasn’t trying to piss him off.

 _Fine. More detail it is._ “I was supposed to work tonight.” He pulled his shirt back over his head. “It isn’t set in stone or anything, but…”

“Oh,” Light said, his demeanor easing almost immediately. He chewed his lip a little, looking pensive. His golden brown eyes flicked up to regard him. They were tentative, assessing. “Sounds like kind of a problem…”

“A little.” He shrugged. Tonight was totally worth the flack he’d get, though. “I’ll handle it.”

“Sorry.”

“Huh? What for?”

Light shrugged. “The change in plans. You probably even told Jayden you didn’t want to be involved.”

“Pfft,” L scoffed. “Like he ever listens.” He reached over to lightly clap Light on the cheek a couple of times, then admired the curve of his face as he tilted it up. He sensed something a little broody about the brunet. “I was pissed at first… but then I got to see you.”

Light blinked at him in surprise, his face coloring a little. “I…”

“Seems like we never have enough time together.”

Light turned more distinctly red and busied himself with getting dressed.

L smiled to himself. Light was such a mix of extremes, one moment saying things to the tune of ‘fuck me hard’ and the next, acting adorably bashful and coaxing out his sadistic side.

“Did you miiiiss me?” L wheedled, leaning in close. He loved that Light shrank back a little, chewing on his lower lip now as he looked flushed and cornered. L nuzzled the vulnerable curve of his neck and felt him shiver. “I missed _you_ ,” he said solicitously, giving his neck a little lick and feeling him shudder. “Come on,” he prodded in a silky tone, “tell me.” He pulled back just enough to see Light’s conflicted face. _This brat and his feelings…_ he thought fondly.

“Of course I did…” he grumbled, knowing L was having fun teasing him.

“I _know_ , I saw how happy you were to see me,” he said with a grin, being merciless.

Light slanted a look at him. “About as happy as _you_ looked, I’d wager.” His eyes flashed as he started to get catty even through the embarrassment - evidence of that stubborn streak that L found so intriguing.

L laughed. “ _Touchè_.”

“Oh? Not going to argue that one?”

“What for?” L said, plying Light with an intimate gaze, seeing if he could swing him back into being flustered. “When I first saw you tonight, my heart simply overflowed.” Which was actually kinda true.

“Ugh!” Light exclaimed, pushing him away in disgust but turning bright red at the same time. “Quit it already.”

“Don’t you believe me?” he asked with faux solemnity, as he skillfully evaded both Light’s attempts to deter him from the topic and to push him back bodily. He even managed to capture the brunet’s hands; he held them between his own and lifted them to his lips in a romantic kiss. Light fought it the whole way, trying to yank them back unsuccessfully as his face flushed more and more. It was hilarious. He was sputtering now and and was unable to make eye contact **_at all_**.

“Who the hell would believe that?” he managed to grate out.

L released his hands then, in a gesture of goodwill. “You,” he stated simply, all teasing aside. He tipped Light’s face up by the chin and gazed into his pretty eyes. “I _was_ really happy to see you.” That warm feeling he’d started getting when he was around the brunet amplified and he felt it touching his face.

Light blinked again, looking a little surprised. “You’re serious?”

L shrugged, but still smiled. “So sue me,” he said glibly.

Light shoved him back, uttering another _Ugh._ “You asshole,” he groused. “Why do you have to _tease_ me so damn much?” Still, he looked pleased.

He was too cute.

L stole a kiss, and said, “We should go.”

* * *

TBC


	36. (phase 2) Tantrums and Indiscretions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marin is getting closer to the truth. L and Light get more face time. Jayden realizes why Light's family gets under his skin so badly.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 36: Tantrums and Indiscretions  _

Marin strode into her room at home with barely concealed agitation. She paused her clipped strides to yank off one of her strappy high heels and chucked it across the room.

“Raaarrgh!” she fumed.

It wasn’t satisfying enough to quell this irritation. She snatched the other one off and threw it even harder, against her closet door.

 _WHY?!!_ she wondered for the thousandth time.

She kicked the door of her bedroom closed behind her and fought her way out of the dress she’d worn to the party, paying its mistreatment hardly any mind, though it had been quite expensive. It was all worthless, in the end. The money spent on her clothes, the time and effort spent on her makeup and hair…

When she’d heard about the party, it had seemed a great opportunity. It was exactly the sort of thing Light wouldn’t be keen on attending, yet she’d heard through the grapevine that he apparently _was_ going to show up. It was really, _really_ secondhand information. She ended up hearing it from some girls that weren’t even in the study group, just a few of many who were planning to go to the big party. She wasn’t sure, but it seemed they’d heard it from the boys in the study group. Likely they were counting on Light’s handsome face to be incentive for more of the girls to show up. He was notoriously unavailable, so it was something of a freak event that he would make an appearance somewhere outside of school. It was a source of intrigue to many who didn’t know him.

She made a derisive noise.

Yeah, those that hadn’t dated him could surely hold onto that little mystery with curious hands. Personally, she’d found it beyond frustrating and even a little bizarre. It wasn’t until dating him this second time that she’d come to see how his family factored in. She suspected she was one of few people who had any idea about that situation.

That didn’t make it any better. So what if he’d opened up more this time? Fat lot of good _that_ did! Things had been going pretty great, with only a few minor hiccups, and then…

And then….

“Arrrgh!!!!”

She yelled again and rubbed her hands rapidly over her head, destroying her hairstyle in a fit of ire. She could still recall the feel of him bending down to kiss her, the touch of his soft, firm mouth, and the incredible intensity of the desire it sparked off. Something had been different between them this time. Things had been hotter, more exciting...

_How can you say you’re in love with someone else??!_

She flung her dress as hard as she could in the general vicinity of her closet.

Tonight, she’d dressed to be noticed. And so she had, but not by the brunet she had eyes for. She’d been stopped by nearly every guy in the place, but getting to where Light was had proven difficult at best. She’d hoped to gain his ear. Talk to him. Maybe even bring him around. But when she actually did manage to clap eyes on him, he was almost always surrounded by people.

_Is it stupid that I pictured him sitting around on a couch or something, bored, and that I could just happen by and keep him company?_

He hated being bored, she knew that. And if she were to be the cure for that boredom... then maybe he’d come around from this heavy resistance he’d been showing her.

But he wasn’t bored.

He was…

Well, he was occupied. With people, with the girls, and with his dark-haired shadow… who seemed to both vex and entertain him.

And, oddly, Light was dressed in clothes she’d never seen before nor would she have guessed that he owned. He looked _damn_ hot. Even more than usual, and she wasn’t the only one to notice.

It made him less approachable. And so, she watched. She lost sight of him many times, between the crowd, the guys trying to talk her up, and the smokiness that the house took on after a time. She saw him talk, laugh, and even -to her utter shock- _dance_.

If you could call it just dancing. It was something far more… engrossing.

She shook her head as she flushed.

It was not what the general crowd was calling dancing, that was for sure. Those slinky movements, and the way each motion seemed to be fresh, new, innovative. It was hard not to just sit and stare. And that was what many people were doing. Staring at Light and….. Jayden.

She frowned mightily and stripped off her pantyhose. _Jayden_ danced like that too.

Of everyone there, the way they danced was cut from the same cloth. There was something **_to_** that, she just didn’t know precisely _what_.

And why was it that the nerdier twin could dance like that? It didn’t make any sense!

Maybe she could expect it from freak Jayden… but smart Jayden? The reserved, clean-cut twin? Wherever would he have even learned?

And Light, for that matter! She hardly expected either of them would have been out clubbing or something. And they even danced well _together_. What the hell? What was going on there?

She sat down at her computer in her underwear and pulled up some Redit threads to try and distract herself with something entertaining, because the thing that bothered her most… MOST of all….

...was when she caught sight of Light’s older friend, L.

Something about it just set off a riot of unease and agitation. Not only did she catch a particularly breathtaking smile from Light when he’d noticed him, but the way they talked seemed too close… too personal.

She stared sightlessly at the computer screen.

L…

She recalled meeting him at the coffeeshop and how odd things had seemed with Light. There was some kind of vibe there. She’d asked him about it later but somehow Light had just teased her about being jealous, while also implying that maybe she had a thing for the other man since she’d mentioned him being attractive. She’d quickly dropped it.

And then she’d met him once more, the night they were out on their date. That, too, had been odd but in a totally different way. It seemed they weren’t on good terms. Light was borderline rude, and seemed set to ignore both L and freak Jayden.

Well, ignoring freak Jayden was probably only the sensible thing to do, she amended.

She couldn’t remember everything that happened later at the bar, as she’d gotten a bit hammered, but she had the impression that Light and L must’ve talked. They did leave together afterall.

_Could…?_

Her hands froze, hovering over the keyboard.

Could…. could it be HIM?

Was **L** the one?

At the very thought, a cold fury swept over her, faster than she could even process it.

A montage of images flashed before her eyes: Odd moments where Light’s mind seemed to be far away; L draping an arm around Light’s shoulders in front of her and Light tensing up; Small, rapid looks exchanged between them; The weird, almost panicked look Light had on before the bar, when Jayden had slung an arm around them both…

_They left together… that night at the bar…_

And after that… soon after that… Light had called off their relationship. Coincidence??  

 _‘I’m in love with someone else,’_ Light had said. _‘And we’re together.’_

Her hands balled into fists. She’d sort of considered the possibility that it could be a guy, but only in the loosest sense. To really actually consider that though… In truth, it was…

 _‘Together,’_ Light had clarified for her. _‘Fucking.’_

Jayden… L… whoever it was… thinking of them in that context, seeing in her mind that overly familiar way they _both_ had with Light. It made her upset and furious.

Light liked girls! That much had been _obvious_.

So how in the world could it make sense that… that…

“UGH!” she balled her fists over her eye sockets.

Had they brainwashed him or something? Was he being taken advantage of? No, but he said he was _in love_ …

Her mind started supplying images, of either of the dark haired guys slinging an arm around his shoulders, as they usually did... of him being pulled neatly into a kiss…. of him liking it…

“GAH!”

She shot to her feet, not sure if she was more upset over the thought of _anyone_ else having sex with Light, or that she had sort of reacted to the mental imagery of him with the other guys... which freaked her out.

Damn it all! But the three of them were all _super_ hot. It wasn’t her fault!

“Ugh but it pisses me off!!”

L? Jayden? Someone else? Who was it that Light was involved with??

Her gut feeling seemed to be pointing directly to L. She glared darkly.

She had to find out for sure.

* * *

Jayden grinned at Light’s aggrieved expression when he opened the door Sunday evening to find both L _and_ himself waiting on the stoop.

“For the love of--” the brunet bit out under his breath, before slipping outside and shutting the door partially behind him. “What are you even doing here?”

“Again, he asks the obvious,” Jayden hummed. _For entertainment, of course._

Light glared at him. It was priceless. “I thought you had done enough yesterday, to harass me for your own entertainment, to warrant _**at least** _ a 24 hour reprieve.”

“Apparently not,” L commented drolly.

“Hey, come on now guys.” Jayden spread his hands in appeal, working quite hard to look the part. He was struggling not to laugh. The two of them were such mopey goddamn bastards. Especially considering his thoughtful gift of the other night. There was no way they didn’t make good on that, that was for damn sure. “I think I earned a little bit of gratitude,” he said innocently, “for the other night.” He lifted his eyebrows meaningfully.

Light openly scoffed at him, tilting his head imperiously. It was great. “Gratitude or not, what the hell are you doing here?”

“The two of you are just so delightful together, I can’t help but want to bask in the glow.”

“Asshole,” L muttered, giving him a dark look, correctly guessing that the ‘glow’ he was referring to was not luuuuurve. Jayden fought back a grin. No, it was, in fact, the wildly entertaining conglomeration of vexed and stymied expressions that the two of them had started throwing off in excess. All the while, sending covert, self-suffering looks at each other.

Who knew he’d ever see his cousin be this way? It was a first. And, it was priceless.

“Jaydennnn,” Light growled. _Oops, he’s onto me too. Haha._

He couldn’t help it. The two of them were pathetic and… something along the lines of adorable.

Jayden drew himself up to his full height and looked down his nose at the brunet. “Are you telling me,” he intoned, “that you can’t keep your hands off each other, not one day after having wild rabbit sex in the back of his car?”

Light looked scandalized. “What in the _hell_ did you tell him?” he demanded, turning that look onto his cousin.

Oh it was worth the payback he’d be getting from L later, just to see that.

L cuffed his cousin in the back of the head, fairly solidly. “I didn’t say shit.”

“Ow….” Jayden said under his breath, undeterred. “He said it was the beeeest he ever had,” he continued, drawing out the word _‘best’_ with an indecent tone and doing an O face. ‘ _OOooooh Yeeeaaahhhh…’_ he mouthed silently, whipping his head back and forth in slow motion, as if in the throes of passion (or perhaps just a sketchy reenactment of a porno). ‘ _Yessss Yeesss!! OOOhh God….’_

Light looked caught between being pissed off and utterly horrified.

 _Haha._ L was going to murder him later for this.

 _Smack!_ L cuffed him in the back of the head again, harder this time.

“Ow.” That one hurt. He winced as his vision went a little sideways. “Come on, it isn’t a big leap,” he reasoned. “And, by the look on your face,” he gave Light a condescending leer, “I’d guess I was _spot on_.”

“Knock it off,” L said, giving him a warning look.

“Geez, so touchy,” he muttered, rubbing the back of his head. He cast a sidelong glance at his cousin and said impishly, “You’d think I hit a _nerve_.” Yeah, he couldn’t seem to quit.

He figured he was relatively safe since they were outside Light’s parents house. L couldn’t risk the violence he looked prone to at this moment. Jayden felt a self-satisfied smile spread across his face.

“You may be safe now,” L said in a low, threatening voice, “but there is always later.”

 _Aw, shit._ Truth.

“Alright, alright,” he muttered. _Spoil the fun why don’t you?_

He was trying to get his kicks in before he left them to their little family charade. Was that too much to ask?

Light jumped a little as the door swung outward. His father looked out from around the door, his face set and stern.

 _Oh….crap,_ Jayden thought. _He didn’t hear any of that, did he?_ That would be bad. _Can’t imagine the ‘rents would be cool with their relationship…._

The older man’s face registered surprise. “What are you all doing out here?”

“Er…” Light said.

“Come in, come in,” Soichiro insisted, waving the three of them in brusquely.

“Er…” Jayden echoed Light. He wasn’t actually intending to do this again. In fact, the thought made him uneasy.

“Sachiko,” Light’s father called back into the house, “Set a place for one more.”

_Crap._

This wasn’t the plan. Not at all. He shifted from foot to foot restlessly and tried not to be obvious about it. For some reason, right now all he could think about was that awkward conversation with the mom, when he and Light had been out here talking last week after the study group. Offering her home, treating him like family…. he grit his teeth a little as tension crawled through him like ants.

Last time he was here, this hadn’t seemed to be a problem. He hadn’t felt this restless tension. Although… he’d had an agenda - to set up that party and make sure Light got his arm twisted into going. And, to harass the two of them a bit.

Without that, it seemed he was right back to where he was the other night, not quite knowing what he was to do with himself and feeling on edge. He should go.

“I uh…. “

 ** _Damn it._** He was getting tongue tied again.

_This blows!_

He hated feeling awkward. “I can’t stay,” he mumbled out.

Soichiro looked him over. “You don’t seem to be in a hurry. Please, come in. Share a meal at least. It’s good to see you.”

The ants swarmed. What was this **_agitation_**??

Jayden glanced at L imploringly. He wasn’t sure what his cousin could do about this but he sort of defaulted to expecting L to fix things he couldn’t.

L gave him an odd look, like there was something potentially seriously wrong with him.

Was there?

Shit… maybe there was.

Soichiro waved his son inside and followed. He held the door open, waiting for the cousins to follow as well.

L didn’t save him. He was too busy giving him that weird, assessing look.

 _Shit shit shit._ He frowned.

 _‘Please feel free to consider this your home...’_ the mom had said.

It didn’t sit well...

In the foyer, L leaned in to speak to him in a low voice when the father wouldn’t notice. “What the hell is wrong with you?” There was some concern present in the lines of his face, battling with the WTF look he was being given.

“Nothing,” he said darkly, under his breath, staring straight ahead.

_What the hell IS wrong with me? What **is** it about this?_

“Well,” his cousin said somewhat harshly, “You have about 30 seconds to handle it.”

Jayden muttered under his breath.

L moved past him, leading the way to the kitchen.

Jayden used the extra moment to try and collect himself. What gives? He thought he’d handled this weird reaction to Light’s family earlier. He’d struggled last Saturday night and high-tailed it out of there, but by Sunday he was able to act like normal.

_Think… think..._

This was bugging the hell out of him.

Ok, so they reminded him of his grandparents. That, he knew. But why? _Let’s see..._ They were strict, practically puritanical, controlling, gag-worthily moralistic…. _Is this even helping?_ It felt like a pointless exercise. _What else…?_ He tried to kick around some more adjectives in the hope it would foster any ideas. If he knew what the issue was, he could handle it. He was running out of time.

He was at the doorway of the kitchen now, and could see everyone getting assembled at the table. L was putting on a good face, Light too. The parents looked pleased, puttering about, placing dishes and talking to the ‘children’, chatting.

It looked like a family.

And _that_ made him uneasy.

It seemed to him like just the sort of thing that could backfire at any second.

 _‘Get out of this house! Now! I can’t stand the sight of you!’_ His grandmother’s tearful yet angry voice drifted back to him.

 _‘We didn’t raise such a… heathen.’_ His grandfather. _‘What are you trying to do, give Ma’mam a heart attack?’_

Various lines he’d heard, now flitted through his head.

_‘What did you do to your face?! You look like a demon!’_

Various things he’d heard over the years.

_‘What is **wrong** with you?!’_

Various things that all led to the same end.

_‘Get out.’_

_‘Get out!’_

The words rang in his head, an unpleasant chorus.

_‘You are no longer welcome in this house.’_

_‘Get out.’_

_‘Get out!’_

“Jayden? Dear?” Mrs. Yagami was looking at him, where he was lingering in the doorway. He’d somewhat lost himself. Slight confusion and concern touched her face. “Come in, dear, we set you a place.” She waved him in, welcomed him.

It was such a disparate view to the one inside his head.

It was also one he didn’t feel like he could trust.

“Right, sorry,” he said, to break the silence. He threw his focus into making his body fluid, like water, to offset the tension it might otherwise show. He also tossed out a sheepish smile, which seemed to relieve her and Mr. Yagami who had turned to look at him as well. “I was just enjoying the ambiance,” he said.

This put smiles on the parents’ faces.

He kept putting one foot in front of the other. L’s back was turned, but Light was watching him. He had the ghosting of that concerned look, and questions in his eyes.

He’d seen that look before, a few times. It sparked a complicated reaction in him. Part annoyance, part aggression….. and part….. well, he couldn’t put a name to it, but underneath those things was something like appreciation? But then that positive feeling sparked the aggression and made him want to be mean, or push the line, whatever happened to make that look die down so he didn’t have to think about it. And when Light got peeved or angry with him, that felt _real_ , an emotion he could trust. It calmed him.

_Maybe I’m just not good with people being nice. I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop._

As he made his way around the table, he could feel his cousin watching him.

He got the feeling that L was more likely to kick him in the leg than anything else. No cloying, worried eyes there. Just his usual, almost harsh manner. Just no-artifice directness. That, he could trust. If L got mad, he’d say so. If he needed a beating, L would dish it out. It was that simple. There would be no simpering words such as, ‘Are you feeling ok?’ it would be more like, ‘What’s _your_ fucking problem?’ in an aggravated tone.

He liked direct.

And he liked anger, aggravation. It was easier to deal with anger than this… _niceness_ that was so artificial and could disappear like a puff of smoke. People showed themselves when they were pushed to it, cornered or challenged. Niceness didn’t mean shit.

His grandparents were a killer example of that. Some of the nicest people he’d known, and boy did they turn on a dime. When he hadn’t conformed to their expectations, they didn’t argue with him, they walled him out and that was that.

When he didn’t conform to L’s expectations (granted, there weren’t actually many), they’d argue back and forth, maybe fight a little. He didn’t disappear.

_Goddamnit I need a fucking drink._

He was at his limit for this introspective shit.

L was saying something, to the father. “Excuse me for asking, Mr. Yagami, but do you have any wine or…?” he trailed, leaving options open.

“Hmn?” Soichiro said, thinking about it. “Why, yes, I believe I do.” He stood up from the table and went to fetch something.

Jayden glanced at L.

L looked back.

 _Oh. It’s for me._ How thoughtful.

“Would anyone else like any?” Soichiro asked. “Except for you,” he added, nodding at Light.

Light grumbled a little as he lowered his hand. Jayden thought that was kind of funny. _Like his straight-laced father would let him drink before he hit 21. Ha!_

“I would, sir,” Jayden said, feeling a little more like himself.

Light’s father had the gall to look at L as if to check if that was ok.

_OMG haha seriously??_

“He’s over 21, sir,” L assented.

_What, is he gonna card me? Wooooooow._

Soichiro set a wine glass down in front of Jayden and was about to pour.

“Age before beauty,” Jayden said innocently.

He felt L give him an annoyed look, but it tickled him. He was betting no one at this table knew L’s age other than himself.

“Oh, certainly,” Soichiro said and poured L a glass first. “Here you are, Elliot. Nothing fancy, but I hope you like it.”

“Thank you, sir,” L said with an easy smile, while kicking Jayden under the table.

Jayden smiled pleasantly.

As people started eating, he drank his wine down nearly to the bottom, then he swapped glasses with L. His cousin let out a sigh. But it was ok, he was starting to feel more normal. The wine barely made a dent on his sobriety, not being very strong, but every little bit helped.

L let out another quiet but long-suffering sigh, before speaking up and offering compliments for the wine. Jayden helpfully pitched in his agreement.

Light’s father looked pleased, and if he thought anything of the fact that both of their glasses were empty so soon, he said nothing and merely refilled them.

 _Ahhhhhhhhhhhh._ Most of the way through the third glass, Jayden felt himself starting to relax. His mind slowed down and he no longer had old shit replaying back to him on loop. _This isn’t so bad_ , he thought as he looked around the table, and the dinner, with new eyes. It was just a meal, with light conversation. Just a meal with his two favorite people, and the parents that were hosting them here. This had nothing to do with his anally-repressed grandparents, god love ‘em.

He let himself get pulled into more of the conversation, not minding so much now.

L seemed to relax more too.

Light seemed focused on his meal, but probably he was still mentally cursing him out for even being here. Jayden smiled at him. It was adorable, really.

“So, Jayden,” Mrs. Yagami was saying, “Elliot mentioned you work on Sundays, usually…”

It was a leading question.

“Er… yes.”

Well, that was uninspiring. But he supposed he should sort of go along with whatever bullshit his cousin had made up.

“Did you have to work today? Soichiro said you couldn’t stay long?”

Aw, dammnit. Why did they have to assume it was this fake work thing? Maybe he just had plans with friends. Next thing he knew, they were gonna start asking about what his fake job _was_.

“Yes,” he said politely, “that’s right.” Well, at the least, they wouldn’t argue him leaving early if it was for work. Of that, he was sure. He truly did not intend to infringe upon all of L and Light’s time together. He’d only meant to infringe just enough to tease them mercilessly, then be on his way.

“And what kind of work do you do?” she asked, looking interested.

_Damnit._

“Ah… well, it is on the side,” he said, drawing out his response while he picked something, “but it’s just some computer work. Nothing fancy.”

“Well, isn’t that lovely?” she approved, clapping her hands together and beaming at him.

He was a little taken aback.

“We aren’t so savvy with technology, are we, Dear?” she said to her husband.

“I’ll say,” Light commented before taking a bite of food.

“But, we’re learning,” she said with a stern glance at her son.

“Yes, we _are_ learning,” Soichiro echoed with a nod.

“Some people have trouble with just texting,” L offered, to score some points. “I’d say you are ahead of the curve.” His unassuming smile was believable and totally buttered up the flattery, even though it was total bullshit.

“How sweet of you to say.” Mrs. Yagami beamed at him. “Isn’t he sweet?” she fluttered.

Light looked droll as she poked him and said, “It wouldn’t hurt for my son to take some notes, there!”

Jayden was amused by seeing L have to act out this ‘Elliot’ persona. He could tell it annoyed him, and that he was a little rusty. Still, it was good enough for the ‘rents. He was also amused at how the more they approved of L, the more flack Light got. Being told he should be more like L was a riot. They totally would _not_ approve of the real deal - the man behind the Elliot.

He felt a slight twinge at that but ignored it.

The rest of the meal passed uneventfully and was surprisingly kind of pleasant. It was sort of weird to have such biased approval from the parents. It seemed that no matter what he did or said, they were almost unerringly agreeable and positive. They were that way with L as well. Jayden wondered if his cousin found it to be just as weird as he did.

He couldn’t recall what parental-type approval really felt like, so this was an odd sort of refresher.

Light got a bum deal out of the whole thing, getting handed some passive aggressive little snipes from his parents, or hints at how he could better himself. But that wasn’t _his_ problem. The brunet would just have to handle it. And he was. Though he seemed to get a little testy with the ‘rents at times - something he’d better be careful with as that would shoot him in the goddamn foot.

“Well, I hate to cut things short,” Jayden said, rising to his feet, “but I should be going.” It wouldn’t really kill him to stay, but L might.

Dinner had been over for a decent amount of time now, and Mr. and Mrs. Yagami seemed about ready to make coffee. He knew, from last time, that could go on a bit. Besides, he should give his cousin and his boyfriend at least a snowball’s chance in hell of some alone time here. However the hell they managed _that_.

“Do you need the car?” L asked.

“No, I’m good. I’ll catch the bus. It isn’t far.”

“That’s probably for the best, dear,” Mrs. Yagami interjected. “He has been drinking.”

L gave her a politely thoughtful look. “Yes, quite true.”

Jayden could detect that he wanted to roll his eyes. She obviously would have no clue as to his level of tolerance.

“See you later, Jayden,” Light said, somewhat blandly. The _good riddance_ was quite obvious; to him, at least.

Jayden gave him a little wink. _Oh, I’ll torment you later, don’t you worry._

Light, however, did roll his eyes. His parents weren’t looking his way at that moment.

His rebellious streak was cute. It was fun to watch him take it for a walk any moment he thought he could get away with it. Which, as it turns out, was fairly often as his parents were mostly focused on their guests.

“Till next time,” Jayden said jauntily, leaving the two of them with that happily made threat, wondering just how soon that might be.

* * *

TBC


	37. (phase 2) It’s a Wonderful Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things appear to have settled down around the Yagami household. The fam goes out for the evening.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 37: It’s a Wonderful Life _

Light was coming home from school the next day, which had passed uneventfully, when his phone buzzed in his pocket.

_ ‘Hi honey, this is mom. I’m going to be a little late, but your father and I were thinking to go out to dinner and maybe a movie tonight.’ _

He read the message and shrugged.  _ ‘Fine by me.’ _ he texted back.  _ ‘Have fun.’ _ He put the phone back in his pocket, not minding this interruption in his walk. He’d say he was in a fairly decent mood. 

Things seemed to be going pretty great. Marin left him alone all day, no more talk about how they were meant to be together. Saturday night, upon reflection, had been pretty fun and entertaining. Although, it was after the party that really had him in good spirits. It felt like he and L were growing closer. He wasn’t sure exactly why he thought that, but he felt pretty certain, and it made him happy. Maybe it had something to do with the end of their major issues, like with Marin. It seemed they finally had settled into something quasi stable, that didn’t seem like it would blow up any second with an argument, threats, or a drop out in communication. It was sooo stressful before. 

He was really glad that drama was over. L even seemed more laid back, like he had been when they’d initially met, and humor was quick to be found upon his face. For a while there, it had seemed almost completely absent.

_ I guess all of this had been stressing him out too? _

If that was the case… maybe L did have some strong feelings about everything, and about him, even earlier on. His temper now seemed to have taken a bit of a vacation. Though Jayden was still good at engaging it. But that seemed normal.

They weren’t completely in the clear on future plans… but they’d set aside that sort of talk for a little while. It was a nice reprieve. Right now, they were just making the most of their time together and that seemed ok with both of them. 

_ Besides… I’ll probably just have to swallow my pride and deal with living at home while I go to the close school. _ He still had misgivings about that, but between that, or moving away and losing L… it was becoming a non decision. He’d been more miserable without L than he ever had, even under the giant thumb his parents kept him under. And what with how his parents had lightened up since he’d met L… it was doable now. Maybe not enjoyable or fun, but he could manage.

Light’s phone started ringing as he turned the corner to his street. “Hello?”

“Hi, honey, it’s mom.”

“Hi.”

“I actually meant for _ all _ of us to go out tonight.”

“Oh.” Yeah, that hadn’t been clear. “Any reason?”

“Well,” she said, in a rather lighthearted voice, “things seem to have been going so nicely lately, I thought maybe we could celebrate.”

“And father wants to celebrate as well?”

She laughed. “He’s amenable,” she said, with a smile in her voice. “Good moods all around.”

He shrugged again, not thinking of going out as being either something to look forward to or something to dread. “Sure. What time?”

“I’ll be home around 6:30.”

“Well, I’ll be here.”

Weird, she’d seemed extra happy since the family meal on Sunday. He supposed that Jayden coming over and staying a while had assuaged her fears that she had upset him last week. From what he saw, Jayden had been acting pretty abnormal in the beginning though, even for him. But sometime after the wine, he’d seemed fine.

He hadn’t asked L about it. He figured the two of them would talk it out if it was an issue. If he took it upon himself to ask, it seemed like prying. He sure as hell wasn’t going to ask  _ Jayden _ , either. He’d likely get mauled for his efforts. The deviant was surprisingly touchy about certain things and he didn’t feel like being on the receiving end of his bad mood on account of being a little worried about him.

With the extra time he had, unsupervised, Light considered if there was anything he wanted to do to take advantage of it.

Normally, he’d want to talk to L, but he wasn’t going to be available today, he’d said.

Whether he was working the club tonight, grabbing a catnap to make up for an insomnia night, or whether he had plans with friends, Light didn’t know. He supposed it didn’t matter though. Tied up was tied up.

He passingly wondered what Jayden was up to tonight. 

Again, not that it mattered, but he supposed he was curious. He’d seen glimpses and hints of Jayden’s social life, but largely the deviant remained a mystery. What was he up to when he wasn’t bugging him or hanging around with L?

Light brought a hand to his face to hide a wide yawn. Maybe he’d just catch a little sleep. He and L had ended up texting till pretty late last night after he’d gone home.

* * *

Dinner ended up being pretty laid back. His father seemed less…. grumpy than usual. It made it seem kind of pleasant. His mother kept up a stream of conversation, mostly with his father, and he let himself zone out. When was the last time something like _ this  _ had happened? It seemed like a really long time.

His mother ordered a little red wine, like the last time she’d spontaneously insisted they go out. She also seemed to be flirting a little with his father.

_ Gag. _

Still, it was nice if they were having a good time.

He was feeling pretty benevolent, himself, thinking on how it felt to have someone you cared about in that way. Did they feel the way about each other that he did about L?

It was a shame that he couldn’t ask something like that. They’d never approve of him being in a relationship with the dark-haired man, no matter how much they seemed to absolutely love him.

That was sort of a sobering thought.

Hiding their relationship for the next many years he was at University… Wouldn’t that become rather difficult? And how would it make sense for them to do these Sunday dinners indefinitely? That wasn’t something friends did, even if the whole impetus behind them was his parent’s desire to compensate for the family ‘Elliot’ didn’t have and also to have him around since they delighted so much in his company.

Well, he supposed that if the shit ever hit the fan, he could transfer schools or see if room and board was covered for any of the closer ones he had applied to. Maybe he should check into that ahead of time. And, if nothing else, he could always find a means to move out and live somewhere else.

Ugh. The thought of working full time while trying to go to school did not appeal to him.

_ Let’s hope it doesn’t ever come to that. _

It was a bit after 10 p.m. when they got out of the movie. Light wasn’t sure what possessed his mother to pick that particular one, other than the fact that it was mind numbing. He stifled a yawn. Good thing he had slept a little earlier, or it would have knocked him right out.

It was supposed to be an inspirational film about music or puppies or something. Even by the end it was hard to tell what the point of the vague narrative was intended to be. It masqueraded as a love story. There was also singing and a funeral, and quite possibly the kitchen sink thrown in for good measure; though he might have missed it the time or two he nodded off. Personally, he wouldn’t have minded if one or three of the characters  _ had  _ drowned on that ship in the storm. It might have made for a more interesting movie. But, alas.

He stretched as he left the theater, grateful to be able to move around again. He was feeling a little restless.

“Wasn’t that just SO moving?” his mother was saying from behind him, sounding overwhelmed.

“Indeed,” his father responded.

Light left them to their little analysis, hoping to not get dragged into it.

“What did  _ you _ think, honey?” his mother asked then.

_ Damnit. _

“Oh, uh… it was interesting.”

His mother came forward to look him in the eye and pout at him. “Just interesting? I thought it was  _ inspirational _ .” Her eyes shone with…. what he could only take to be some of that misbegotten inspiration. “Come on, Light, part of the fun of watching a movie together is talking about it afterwards. Can’t you elaborate a bit?”

_ Double damnit. _

“Uh… well, I thought the director had quite a vision. Can you believe they had time to save those baby seals from the harpoons?”

“I know, right?” she gushed. “That was just so incredible.”

_ Incredibly stupid, you mean. _ What did that have to do with the story in the first place? And why did the characters suddenly decide to go for an arctic cruise anyway?  _ Arrrgh.  _ The more he tried to make sense of it, the more it made his head hurt.

“Baby seals are so cute,” she said.

“Indeed they are,” his father said amiably.

“But were they cuter than the puppies?” Light asked facetiously.

“Hmn,” his mother thought aloud, taking him seriously. “Now that is a good question.”

They moved outside.

“Should we get some ice cream?” Soichiro asked, coming to a stop.

Light looked up the street that way and did a double take. Was that Jayden? 

There was a motley crew, about 6 people, a mix of girls and guys. The one that had Jayden’s build and very spiked out black hair had his arm casually thrown around a shorter girl with atomic red hair drawn into two fluffy pigtails. They were all carrying on a bit, seeming to have fun. The guy that might be Jayden took a swig from a beer bottle then gestured animatedly, as if telling a joke. 

Light looked away before he called attention to them, just in case.

“Shouldn’t we head home?” he asked. “It’s kind of late for a school night, isn’t it?” Besides, going to the ice cream shop would take them past the group.

“I don’t know,” Soichiro said, “I’m really in the mood for some Rocky Road.” He smiled at his wife. “What do you think, hun?”

She had her arm looped through his and leaned her head on his shoulder.

_ Gag. _

“I don’t think it will keep us out too much later,” she said with a smile.

“Very well!” Soichiro said brusquely, “Let us be off!”

_ Oh, great. _

Light kept an eye on the group and just crossed his fingers that it wasn’t Jayden. Or, if it was, that he would keep his back turned while they passed by.

_ Huh, _ he noted, as the spiky haired guy leaned down to kiss the girl.  _ The redhead is actually pretty hot.  _ He could see her face fairly well, but not the guy’s.

_ But those boots he’s wearing do look familiar…. _

“Light?”

“Hmn?” His mother was asking him something.

“And what are you planning to get?”

“Mn… I was thinking,” he said, to explain his pause. “It’s hard to decide.”

“My, that group is rowdy,” she commented, looking over at the very spot she needed to ignore.

Light tensed immediately. “They seem like they are having fun,” he offered.

“Hmn,” his father said gruffly. “A bit more than that, I should think. That girl should be ashamed to be kissing someone like that in public. What would her parents think?”

Light glanced back over and saw that the two were engaged in what looked like a pretty hot kiss. He prayed they kept at it at least until they passed by.

“They aren’t dressed very respectably,” Sachiko said with a worried frown. 

The group was a mix of styles but there was a predominance of black, jeans, and skintight clothing. The girl was wearing a skirt that barely came down enough to cover her assets.

“So, I was thinking oreo ice cream,” Light said, in an attempt to drag their attention away. “What will you be having, mother?”

“Hm? Oh, I was thinking maybe a nice vanilla bean ice cream.”

_ Phew. _ They seemed to be taking the bait. Just another minute and they would be past. He kept up the conversation on trivial things and willed them to move along faster.

Almost there.

Almost….

He started to breath a sigh of relief when suddenly the spiky haired guy turned around, polishing off the last of his beer before chucking it into a public trashcan. Which, happened to be right in front of them.

_ Shit. _

It totally  **was** Jayden.

Pale eyes marked him just as his hand finished the tossing motion and he froze. The bottle clinked noisily to the bottom.

Light’s eyes noted all of the piercings, the loose black shirt that hung on his frame and showed a peek of the ones just under his collarbones, the kneehigh laceup boots, and his black combat pants with all of their pockets and buckles.

His ears noted a deathly silence from behind him.

Jayden suddenly looked a little pale, just like how he imagined he himself did at this moment.

“J-Jayden?” He was dimly aware of his mother speaking.

His stomach was dropping out and suddenly it was a little hard to breathe.

Jayden was still looking at him, as if afraid to look elsewhere. For instance, at his parents. He seemed like he was debating a dozen different courses of action but finding none of them particularly acceptable.

The group behind him was on the move.

“C’mon, Jayden, let’s go,” redhead was taking his hand and pulling at it. She spared a glance at the three of them with a raised eyebrow and looked back towards Jayden.

“Go on ahead,” Jayden said briefly, ducking his head a little.

“Er…” she looked between them again, then shrugged. “Okay.”

She rejoined the group and seemed to say something to them. One of the other guys called out, “C’mon, asshole, we’re not gonna make it for the flick if we don’t go now.” It was just friendly razzing, but Light could feel the impact the language had on his parents. The tension ratcheted up about 10 degrees.

An aggravated look flickered over the deviant’s face as he turned slightly to say something back. There was a slight pause like he had to hold back on his first choice of words. “Go ahead without me. I’ll meet you there.”

The group shuffled onward, and Light caught a few snatches of conversation. ‘What’s he doing?’ and ‘Beats the hell outta me.’ 

The sick feeling in Light’s stomach amplified as the noise receded and it was just the four of them. The tension in their little group was astounding. The silence was becoming deafening.

“What is this?” Soichiro finally said, stonily addressing Jayden. Light glanced at his father, and had never seen quite this expression on his face before. It amplified his unease dozens of times over.

Jayden faced him but glanced at Light surreptitiously and it seemed he was wondering if he should try the whole ‘twins’ fake out. Light shook his head almost imperceptibly. He felt that would be a  _ really _ bad move.

A dismayed noise from his mother turned all of their eyes to her. She looked upset and horrified and her eyes kept looking Jayden over from top to bottom, which didn’t seem to be helping. Especially, she was looking at the piercings and shaking her head as if completely confounded and in shock. “What….?” she said, almost to herself. “I… I don’t understand what I’m seeing.”

Jayden looked significantly dimmed. “I’m sorry,” he said simply.

“You’re sorry?” Soichiro repeated slowly, scandalized. “Sorry??”

Light felt his father working himself up. He tensed, not sure how the explosion was going to manifest.

“Sorry for--” he spluttered. “For lying? For--” he shook his head. “For this  _ deception _ ?!”

Jayden ducked his head in assent, meeting his father’s eyes, but looking even more faded.

“We trusted you,” Sachiko said in a whisper.

Jayden swallowed, and if possible looked even more miserable. It was subtle. His face was largely impassive but Light could still read the other things that were there behind that mask.

“Have you nothing else to say for yourself?” Soichiro demanded. 

“I’m sorry. It wasn’t my intent to deceive you,” Jayden said quietly. 

“No?! Then what do you consider this gross misrepresentation of yourself to be?” Soichiro’s face was flushing with shocked anger. “And Elliot, he had to have known about this!”

Blind panic flashed upon Jayden’s face. “I begged him not to say anything,” he blurted out. “Please, it isn’t his fault.” He was making the words up, but the emotion seemed real. “Look,” he said in appeal. “I’m still me. I just didn’t want to upset anyone….”

“So you pretended to be something you’re not?”

“It’s all me,” he insisted, looking like a kicked puppy.

“You had to have known we wouldn’t let our son consort with the likes of you, looking like that. So you _ intentionally _ deceived us.” Soichiro turned to Light. “Did  _ you _ know about this?” he demanded.

“Er…”

Light felt dismayed. What was the right thing to say? He didn’t want to save himself at Jayden’s expense. And yet, there might not be any way to save this situation anyhow. He didn’t want to lie, but at the same time, it might be necessary.

“I’m not sure what to say, Father,” he began. “I came to know the same Jayden you did.”

“So you’re saying you knew nothing of  _ this _ ?” He gestured to the deviant’s appearance.

Light looked into his father’s eyes and lied. “No.”

His mother was crying. “Why?” she asked, to no one in particular. “Why would you want to look like a  _ monster _ ?”

Light felt the words hit Jayden with devastating impact. His eyes suddenly looked very far away. Something about it twisted in Light’s chest sharply. Something was really seriously wrong.

“It looks unconventional,” Light tried, “But Jayden is still Jayden, isn’t he?”

Silence met his words.

“A monster…” Jayden said as if to himself, staring sightlessly. “Yeah… I must be…. if everyone thinks so…”

_ Everyone? _ What was he talking about?

Jayden mumbled out another, “Sorry.” Then he turned and started walking up the street, away from the movie theatre. 

Light started after him, but his father’s restraining hand on his arm stopped him.

“Just where are you going?”

“Can’t you see there’s something wrong?” he said with agitation.

“I see plenty that’s wrong,” Soichiro growled. “Leave him be. We’re going home.”

“But, Father--” he protested.

“Not another word!” Soichiro bellowed. “You’re grounded until further notice.”

_ But….  _ He looked back, towards Jayden’s retreating form. 

Something had happened here. More than just being found out by his parents. But _ what _ ??

He couldn’t shake the intense, bad feeling he got.

“Light,” his mother said quietly, taking his arm. She was extremely subdued. “Come along, dear.”

Light went along with them. There was nothing else he  _ could _ do.

Just as they got to the car, his mother let go of his arm and his father was unlocking the doors. It gave him one brief moment where they were occupied. He turned slightly as he waited and typed out a text to L as fast as he could, hoping to finish before he was discovered. _ ‘Find Jayden. SOS.’ _ He hit send. Looking up, he gauged he had another second or two. _ ‘Don’t reply.’  _ After hitting send, he deleted his message history, anticipating his phone would be taken.

They were in the car less than a minute when his father held his hand out. “Your phone.”

“Yes, sir,” he said. 

It was a short car ride back to the house but it felt like an eternity.

It was a long, silent eternity.

His parents didn’t say anything to him aside from his father suggesting that he go get ready for bed, and that it was late.

He sensed that his parents were about to have a heavy conversation.

“Ok,” he said quietly. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, sweetheart,” his mother said, still subdued. She looked crushed.

He went upstairs and waited until he determined they had settled into their conversation. He crept back down the stairs and heard their voices faintly coming from the kitchen. Luckily, he could just barely make out what they were saying. He stood as close to the doorway as he dared.

“I’m just totally shocked,” Sachiko was saying. “Jayden seemed like such a sweet boy… to find out something like this is….”

“It’s unacceptable.”

She shook her head. “I was going to say ‘hurtful’.”

“Worse yet,” his father was saying, “Elliot was aware of this and allowed this situation. What are we going to do about that?”

“Soichiro,” she said sadly.

“You know I’m right. What else could they be hiding?”

“But things had been so nice recently….”

“Sachiko, you know I’m right,” he insisted. “Things cannot be left like this, and grounding Light isn’t really the best solution.”

Light felt his blood run cold. Were they considering what he thought they were considering?

“There’s nothing for it,” his father was saying. “We’ll have to tell Elliot that he can no longer be in contact with Light either.”

_ No. NO. _ This couldn’t be happening.

“Are you sure?” Sachiko asked. “They seem to be such good friends.”

“That’s exactly why this is necessary,” his father said sternly.

Light leaned his back up against the wall and tried to get his bearings. He felt ill and his heart was thudding sickly against his ribcage.  _ No… They couldn’t…. _

_ L _ , he thought desperately.  _ Where are you? _

He felt that if only he were here, he could somehow avert this disaster, though he wasn’t quite sure how.

“I’m going to call him now,” Soichiro said.

Light clenched his fists and fought back the stinging in his eyes. He felt like his world was crashing down around him.

“Elliot, this is Light’s father.” He paused. “We found out something very disturbing this evening. I’m sure if you speak with your cousin, you will understand.” There was another pause. It seemed he was leaving a message. He cleared his throat. “This is by no means easy, but I’m sure you will understand why we have decided it’s best if you and Light no longer maintain any contact.”

Light felt like he was going to throw up. 

Somehow he made it back up to his room. He told himself over and over not to react. He told himself that the situation could always change. He told himself that somehow L would find a way around this mess.

He changed out of his clothes and into something he could sleep in. The motions were stiff, automatic. It hurt to breathe and his churning stomach was threatening to overwhelm his control.

Light lay down on his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest.

He did not get much rest that night.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh yeah, another one of my purposely misleading chapter titles. ; )  
> I'm sure a few of you are familiar with that tricksyness from other fics. : )
> 
> ugh poor boys tho. rough chap for everyone.


	38. (phase 2) A Transient State

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light is messed up over the ban of L, and is having a hard time dealing with his parents because of it. But, he might have found an unexpected bargaining chip.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 38: A Transient State _

Light didn’t feel any better the next morning. His entire existence felt like an empty shell.

His eyes opened in the dark, well before his alarm, and he went through the motions of getting ready for school. He showered, brushed his teeth, got dressed. By the time he was finished, it was still dark. As he left the house, the automatic coffee brewing cycle had just begun percolating in the kitchen.

It was just as well that he’d woken so early and that he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t think he could stand to look his parents in the face after that conversation he’d overheard last night.

On the outside it seemed like he was in some kind of coma. But on the inside, he could feel it - a tumultuous riot of emotion. Anger, fear, loss, rage, sorrow, denial. If he faced his parents right now, he was certain it would all break free. Not only would they not understand, as in their context they had said nothing to him yet about L, but exploding on them would only be a detriment. It couldn’t accomplish anything good. He couldn’t afford to earn himself permanent grounding, nor could he let himself snap and possibly show them everything he felt with regards to ‘Elliot’. He’d give them away, that they were in a relationship, and that would be the final nail in the coffin.

_I have to keep calm. Somehow._

He waited in the dim courtyard at school, hardly aware of passing the time before class.

Over and over, events were replaying in his mind, conversations were being rehashed. Everything from last night, as well as Jayden’s weird behavior from the week before. He was still no closer to understanding what had gone on there. Last Sunday he had jokingly told L to have a talk with Jayden. It was to rile the deviant up, since he was sitting right there in the room, but… some part of that had been serious. Both this week and last week, Jayden had been his normal, obnoxious self at the start and then….

Light distractedly pulled his feet up to sit indianstyle on the low, concrete wall, feeling a little colder just then. The morning dew and the chill it carried would dissipate soon.

He resubmerged into thought, seeing the scenes clearly in his mind’s eye. Jayden was like himself one moment, and then in the next… suddenly, he was not. He got quiet, nearly solemn, except that he also looked like he wanted to beat it the hell out of there. Not to mention, he suddenly seemed struck with an inability to think quickly on his feet. At least, that was the impression Light got from his suddenly impaired speech.

_But both times at the house, he was **fine** later. It was as if nothing ever happened…_

The more he focused on Jayden, the more he was aware that he was desperately trying not to think about L. The thing with Jayden presented a puzzle, something to work out. Whereas the thing with L…

His stomach clenched sharply and he started to feel ill again.

_I can’t do this again… being without you was…_

He didn’t want to relive that.

He didn’t want to return to that hell.

Fear worked its way through his heart again. He was certain L was starting to feel the same way about him as he did about L, and maybe he already did, but…

_Would it last?_

If all contact was banned, how could it last?

The nausea rose.

 _You don’t know how long this is for,_ he reminded himself. _It could be temporary._

Still, the fear was a choking lump in his throat.

* * *

He moved through the day like a ghost. Somehow, he made it to the end and was able to leave. That momentary freedom was dimmed by the fact that he had to go home and that the wheels were likely already set in motion.

L would have gotten that voicemail message by now.

And things must have been said by now.

His stomach churned, reminding him of the fact that he hadn’t eaten all day and that if he did, stress would likely make him throw it back up again.

_The future must have been laid by now…._

Light drifted home, not really seeing his surroundings.

He tried to think, to plan, but his head felt too fuzzy. He felt trapped in this bubble, this reality of his parents taking this away from him. He couldn’t think, he could only feel trapped. He knew there had to be options, even extreme ones, but he couldn’t _think_.

 _I haven’t quite finished high school,_ he thought hazily.

Where was he supposed to go until then?

Even if he listened to this impulse to run away from this reality, where would he go until then?

 _Go home,_ he told himself.

_Just go home for now._

* * *

His mother’s car was in the driveway.

Light let himself into the house and did not announce that he was home. He still didn’t want to look at either of them. He couldn’t trust how he would react.

He made his way up the stairs on silent feet. Once in his room, he closed the door and locked it. There was an unspoken ban on doing such, but he didn’t care. If they came looking for him, he wanted to keep them OUT.

Not terribly long after that, his mother was knocking softly at the door. “Light?” she called uncertainly. “Are you home?”

He said nothing.

In truth, he didn’t know what to say. Answering might open the gateway for more talking and he didn’t want that. Then again, not answering might prolong this interaction.

“Light?”

He sighed, head jammed in a pillow and L’s sweater balled in his hands. The laundry smell, and the smell of L were both growing faint. But if he closed his eyes and just breathed deep and slow, it was there. It was there, and he could almost let his mind drift, detaching from current events. He liked that quiet, detached place, much more than here. He could almost grasp a sense of calm, something he desperately needed.

But she was still knocking at the door, breaking that meditation and denying him peace.

“What?” he finally said.

Her pause indicated she was startled. “C-Can I come in?” she asked, starting to turn the knob of the door.

Of course, it was locked, which she soon found out.

“Light?” her voice went from slightly uncertain, to crisp. Insubordination was more familiar territory he supposed. “Why is your door locked?”

There was a pause, then she added, “Is there something wrong?”

_Something wrong?_

_Something **wrong**??_

He almost laughed aloud at the absurdity of it.

Even without hearing their conversation at the house last night, he could tell from what they said during their run-in with Jayden that L’s trustworthiness was being called into question. Not just that, but he knew how their minds worked and they would be wondering if L was a bad influence afterall, and if he was ‘playing games’ like Jayden supposedly was. They would be knee-jerk reacting and moving to lock him up in a little cage in an effort to ‘protect’ him.

And rightly enough, he _should_ be upset over them suddenly blocking out a close friend of his, as Jayden was supposed to be.

Who knows though, maybe they would just assume he was shocked and upset to be ‘deceived’ too, and didn’t care about the loss of his ‘friend’ at all.

“I’m sleeping,” he mumbled loudly. _Go away._

“Light Yagami, you are most certainly _not_ sleeping, and you will unlock this door this instant!”

He got up from the bed. Anger and tension sizzled down his arms and clenched his hands into fists as he strode across the room.

He unlocked the door and swung it open. His face was a mask as he looked at her. The anger and frustration and the feeling of being caged were swarming in him, boiling up. Her indignation and stern look were fueling it.

 _Calm down_ , he reminded himself desperately, feeling a little out of control.

He made himself think of the quiet place he’d attained, just before her intrusion. He tried to keep his mind there, instead of here. It helped a little.

“What?” he asked again.

She peered at his face shrewdly. “I’m right, aren’t I? There is something wrong. What is it?”

A soft, self-deprecating laugh escaped him as he turned from her and walked a few paces back into his room. “I don’t know, Mother, what do you think?” He gestured widely. “I’ve just had a good friend taken away on account of the way he _looks_. Not to mention--”

“Light,” she said snappily, “You know it is more than that.”

“Is it?” he asked. “How so? From what I’ve seen, you and Father absolutely loved Jayden from the moment you met him. Until last night where he was, admittedly, looking rather unorthodox.”

“For one, he was drinking--”

Light threw up his hands. “You and Father drink! Hell, you served wine just the other night.”

“Watch your tone,” she said sharply.

He waited for her to address what he had just said. She did not.

“What else, then?” he prompted.

“He was acting totally indecent with that girl. What kind of example does that set?”

“So, he has a girlfriend,” Light countered. He had no idea if she was a girlfriend or not. “That’s normal, and kissing in public is not an uncommon occurrence. If you looked around, you would see it’s rather frequent.”

She was glaring at him. Possibly scandalized by his rationalizing of immoral behaviour.

He shook his head and started pacing. “It all comes down to the appearance, then, can’t you see?”

“He _lied_ to us, Light.”

“And where did the truth get him? Just where he thought it might. You welcomed him into the family, offered him a home away from home, and then you slammed the door in his face.”

He saw a flicker of reaction to that, but it was too fast to be read. It was swallowed up almost immediately by intense denial.

“How dare you speak to me that way.”

Inwardly, he sighed. She was redirecting.

 _That’s nothing compared to what you said to **him** ,_ he thought scathingly, _calling him a monster._

Downstairs, the door was opening and closing. His father was home.

“Your father will hear of this,” she said sharply.

 ** _Good_** , he thought acidly.

Luckily his filters were in place so that he wasn’t saying all of what he was thinking. But he was still saying a helluva lot more than he should.

Instead of calling his father upstairs, she turned on her heel and went downstairs to him.

Surprising. He was expecting to be instantly raked over the coals, not be left alone while they had another family conference.

He started to swing his door shut.

“You leave that door open, mister,” she snapped, still visible in the foyer.

* * *

He didn’t come down for dinner. The stalemate lasted into the next day.

Like the previous morning, his eyes opened well before his alarm. He got up, got ready, and left before his parents were even up. He skipped breakfast again, though he felt a little hungry. It gave him the illusion of having something within his control. Besides, he felt too pissed off to be bothered with it.

Jayden was certainly no model for well-adjusted society, but from what his parents were exposed to up until the other night, he totally had been. That they could dismiss him outright, for what amounted to a change of clothes…

They hadn’t even seen his usual, solicitous, unsavory self. There had been none of the mocking tone, sharp smiles, leers, or scathing sense of humor. He’d been upright, polite, respectful, and… quiet. He hadn’t argued, or been rude, or done any of the things he could have.

And _still_ , they--

He clenched his fists, upset on Jayden’s account.

That night… It was like they _broke_ him.

There was none of his liveliness, no brightness to his eyes...

He could only hope it was temporary, that the deviant had bounced back already and was giving it no more thought than anything else, but he had no way to _know_.

He sort of wondered if maybe this had something to do with his getting disowned by his grandparents. He’d made light of it, joked about it, and for all intents and purposes it didn’t seem to bother him… but… Light frowned. Knowing Jayden, as he did now, humor was often a shield. Maybe it **did** bother him. Maybe it had never stopped.

After school, he let himself into the house and again he did not announce his presence like he was supposed to. He went straight up to his room.

Maybe an hour or so later, his father came home. Soon after, he appeared at Light’s doorway and cleared his throat.

Light looked up from where he lay sprawled on his bed. He waited.

“Your mother wants to know, when was the last time you’ve eaten?”

“Don’t remember,” Light said, letting his head return to the bed with a small _plop_.

“Are you being disrespectful?” his father growled, anticipating trouble.

“No, sir.” His tone was flat, emotionless. He really wasn’t looking for a battle. He just wanted to be left alone. “I really don’t remember.”

Soichiro walked further into the room. Something about him gave the impression that he was uncomfortable. “Did you eat breakfast?”

“No.”

They knew he hadn’t eaten dinner the night before.

“And yesterday?”

“No.”

His father paced a little. Light watched him. He drew himself up and said brusquely, “You’re eating at school then.”

“No,” Light repeated, completely disengaged from this conversation.

An odd look flickered over his father’s face. It was hidden amidst the stern and annoyed expression that held residence there. “Are you telling me you haven’t eaten since we went out to dinner the other night?” His tone practically dared Light to say no.

Light thought about it. “I suppose not.”

His father’s face turned red. “You will be joining us for dinner,” he said evenly. Surprisingly, he didn’t have the angry tone Light would have anticipated.

“I’m not hungry,” Light maintained. This was interesting… he’d never seen this sort of reaction before. Was his father… worried about him?

Could passive resistance really be effective after all?

He actually was a bit hungry. Nothing he couldn’t ignore, but if he was gaining headway, then perhaps ignoring it was the one thing he _could_ do in this mess.

“You will join us downstairs,” his father reiterated. He then turned and left the room.

“Huh,” Light said softly to himself. This was interesting indeed.

* * *

Dinner was a simple affair, spaghetti and garlic toast... and the fancy meatballs they made at the shop down the street. They were half lamb, half beef, and had a sophisticated seasoning that made them seem far too fine for the otherwise plain nature of the meal.

It was his mother’s doing.

She knew how he liked this particular meal. The garlic toast was a particular weakness.

His stomach rumbled as he sat there, expressionless, letting his mind drift off into space. He made sure to give off all the appropriate appearances, furthering the unease his parents both seemed to have as they sent him surreptitious glances.

“Light?” his mother prodded gently. “Aren’t you going to eat?”

He gave a lifeless shrug, just a bare minimum of movement. “I’m not really hungry.”

His parents exchanged a look.

“You could at least take a bite,” his father said gruffly. He still seemed to have that vaguely worried air about him, even with the command.

“Okay,” Light said amenably. He moved slowly to drag a piece of the bread up to his mouth. He took a small bite. It was really good. He chewed it with all the appearance of someone who couldn’t taste more than blandness.

He set the food back down on the plate.

Likely they thought if he would just try a little, especially this being a meal he’d repeatedly had seconds of, that he would realize how hungry he was.

They looked at him expectantly.

“Can I be excused?” he asked politely.

They exchanged another look. His mother seemed to be a little emphatic, his father a little reluctant. That reluctance shifted and started to appear more resigned.

“Light,” his mother said, injecting a little levity in her voice, which was obvious that she didn’t feel. “Your father and I have decided…” she glanced at her husband, as if to make sure he wasn’t going to object, “that we are going to have a talk with Elliot, after all, and listen to what he has to say.”

Light felt his face register surprise. “What do you mean?” he found himself asking.

“Well…” she paused, seeming to debate the level of detail she wished to reveal. “Your father and I had previously thought it best to…. limit contact.”

“You mean end contact,” he corrected. “With both of them.”

She looked a little startled. “I suppose that is another way to put it.”

He continued to look at her with expressionless eyes. Inwardly, however, he felt a restless sort of hope. He sensed that her statement held an unspoken ‘but’.

After a moment, she cleared her throat a little. “Your father left him a message the other night, after… well, after everything happened.”

“And?” Light prompted quietly. Her hesitant dialogue was killing him. What was she trying to **_say_**?

“We thought that would be the end of it,” she said, an almost prim tone creeping into her voice. She smoothed her napkin upon the table with restless hands. “But he said he wanted to talk. Multiple times, in fact.” She lifted the napkin and then started smoothing it down all over again. She seemed nervous. “And we thought it best to ignore it... to say nothing, and have a clean break...”

Light’s heart was in his throat.

How must that have been from the other end? What must L have been thinking as his parents dropped a bomb upon Jayden, and then swept _him_ away and denied all contact? What must L have been thinking as he came up against a brick wall, time and again, while trying to appeal to their sensibilities? L was locked out, and he was locked IN, out of reach.

He couldn’t imagine his dark-haired lover was feeling all that calm about this. Yet, he seemed to be taking the cautious route and remaining polite and courteous, like he wanted to counter a misunderstanding. That much, Light could infer from his mother’s delivery of the information.

“Did something happen to change your mind?” he inquired.

There was a definite reaction there. In both of them.

“We just decided that maybe we should hear him out.”

But why…? They didn’t care about that before. What changed?

She could see the questions written all over his face.

“Honey, we can talk about this a little more...why don’t you try to eat a little?” She leaned over the table and cut one of the meatballs on his plate into bite sized pieces. She speared a piece, along with some spaghetti, and raised the fork.

He drew the line at having his mother try to hand feed him.

Light took the fork from her and ate the bite of food. It was really, really good.

“There,” she said, looking a little relieved as he slowly chewed. “It’s good, right?”

He grudgingly nodded.

It was slightly torturous that this was the meal he had to not want to eat. He started to put his fork down. “Why did you change your mind?”

Her expression turned anxious as he put down the cutlery. “Why don’t you try a little more, while we talk, hm?”

Ah. She was bargaining with him.

He silently picked up the fork and she visibly relaxed.

Once he twined some spaghetti around his fork and speared another piece of meatball, putting it in his mouth, she resumed.

“So your father and I were talking it over… and we thought maybe we could listen to what he had to say. As upsetting as all of this is, maybe we owe him that much.”

_Oh, really?_

They hadn’t seemed so concerned about things like that before.

He started to lay his fork down again, a test.

“After all,” she continued, eyeing it, as if ready to stop if he did. He adjusted his grip on the utensil and speared some more food. She continued. “He’s been nothing but courteous and helpful and seems to care about family a great deal…” Yes, she definitely seemed keen to keep talking if that kept him eating. Interesting. So it seemed that his hunger strike had been part of the consideration at least.

She kept up some rambling talk in this manner, getting him to eat as much as she could keep words going. A few things slipped out, of which she might not have been aware. One, he was now convinced without a doubt that his not eating had sparked off a family crisis. Discussion must have brought up recent events, and maybe even worry over what would happen when they broke the news that ‘Elliot’ was also going to be off limits. Two, it seemed that some of what he’d said to her the other night about Jayden had sunk in. His mother had alluded vaguely to ‘not knowing the whole story’ and ‘family history’.

He let her go on as long as he could. “I don’t think I can eat any more,” he said truthfully. If he tried to eat anymore right now, he might be sick. His stomach felt like it had shrunk and was ready to rebel against the sudden intrusion of a meal.

She seemed to accept this, after a brief hesitation.

“You can go to your room,” his father said.

“O-Okay.” That was odd, he hadn’t expected that.

He did so, wondering if they wanted him out of the way so that they could talk again or something.

Back in his room, the door open as commanded, he reestablished his link to the peaceful void. It was even easier this time, for while his stress level had remained at maximum output, at least L was going to be given a chance to speak. And that meant there was a chance he could turn this around, maybe even perform some kind of miracle.

* * *

Light was drifting on the edge of sleep when something roused him. He blinked sleepy eyes, not sure what it was. Looking at the clock, it was around 9pm.

The front door closed.

Huh... were his parents going somewhere?

He slid off of his bed and bit back a huge yawn as he shuffled to the doorway of his room. He could hear them talking, so they obviously hadn’t gone anywhere yet. And look, there they were in the foyer, with--

His eyes widened and instantly he was awake.

L was here.

They were doing this talk _here_.

Right _now_.

 _It must have been **L** knocking at the door which woke me up_ , he thought absently. Damn, if they would just move into the kitchen or the living room, he could get closer and hear what they are saying.

* * *

“Shall we take this in the kitchen?” Sachiko asked, gesturing them that way.

Her husband considered that a moment and seemed to agree.

“Very well,” ‘Elliot’ said with great poise. He kept his demeanor respectful, candid, and solemn so it would be obvious he took this to be a weighty matter - one he was in no way taking lightly.

Being granted an audience with them was no small thing, either. He could appreciate their position, their shock, and their distrust, although their method of responding to the situation...

He grit his teeth. That little message they’d left him had made him feel something akin to panic. At that time, he could practically hear the clang of Light’s cell door swinging shut and shutting him out.

Then, after days of trying to implore them to listen and being ignored, suddenly something had shifted and an opening appeared. It did not put him at ease, but it did give him an opportunity at least. In a way, this would be like a trial. Every word, every look, every thought would be analyzed and dissected and judged for having worth. Guilty until proven innocent.

“I’ll put on some coffee,” Sachiko said.

“Yes, I think that would be good,” Soichiro said.

L simply nodded in agreement. He wouldn’t mind the small jolt of caffeine. In this situation, he was going to need it.

Things were a goddamn mess.

If he didn’t handle this right, it was about to get a helluva lot messier.

* * *

TBC


	39. (phase 2) And When the Bough Breaks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a heavy talk with Light's folks at the house.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 39: And When the Bough Breaks _

L focused on maintaining an air of grave regret and sincerity. He’d also decided that he was going to approach this from the angle of being Jayden’s guardian. Not that the gap in their ages was as large as all of that, but it was no lie that in certain respects he’d taken on that role for his cousin. 

No one was speaking. They all seemed to be waiting for the coffee to hit the table.

“One cream, one sugar?” Light’s mother asked him. She looked a bit melancholy as she recalled his preference.

“Just black is fine,” he said politely. He didn’t want to enjoy it. He needed to stay sharp.

“Oh.” She sounded surprised. “Alright then…”

It was almost too hot to drink. The coffee was bitter.

He rarely drank it this way. Suddenly he was reminded of the last time he had - taking a pull off of a coffee Light had ordered - the day he’d met the interfering force that was Marin. He remembered making a slight face at the bitterness, which had been a match for his irritation that Light seemed set on evading him. After randomly running into the two of them there at the coffee shop, he could by no means just leave things be. He’d had to get involved and assess the situation from the inside. He was somewhat mollified by the fact that Light was reacting to him so strongly and, in his irritation, he toyed with the brunet mercilessly. It was borderline too much - the girlfriend was definitely noticing. But he was able to play it off.

He shook his mind from such thoughts before they progressed further along that timeline, when he’d pressed Light into the bathroom stall and dragged the passion from his sensual mouth. No, he couldn’t dwell on such things… Even thinking about the brunet was compromising his objective stance. He could feel the tension starting to gather in him as his mind tried to worry about the outcome of this little talk.

He banished all anticipation of potential outcomes and focused instead on the moment.

“Thank you for agreeing to talk,” L said with gravity. “I appreciate your concern, and want you to know that I take full responsibility for my cousin’s actions and the misdirection that occurred.”

Sachiko looked grave as well, sinking down to sit in her seat. She set her coffee aside and let it cool. “Full responsibility?” she asked tentatively, a line of confusion creasing her brow. “You almost sound like a parent…”

L dipped his head slightly. “In a way,” he assented. He allowed a little honesty - showing some evidence of the conflicting emotions he dealt with in trying to manage Jayden - in his eyes and upon his face. He saw her notice. “The situation with our grandparents… let’s just say it was complicated. It ended unfavorably.”

Walking the line between this act and sliding out bits of the actual truth was difficult. He didn’t want to talk about these things with them, didn’t want to discuss his family, or Jayden, or past history… But necessity seemed to require it. He had to build a platform for their sympathy and their trust.

“Are you saying you looked after him?” Sachiko said, something like understanding dawning upon her. She didn’t lose the grave look.

“It wasn’t easy. I was hardly an adult myself.” 

“But you are fairly close in age, are you not?”

“As much as two brothers might be.” He looked down into his coffee mug. “I think he took it harder, his parents leaving him.”

Again, playing this out really chafed him. He hated that he had to give out the truth here in any fashion. It felt like a betrayal of confidence.

But Jayden seemed legitimately fucked up by this whole thing, and he felt that if he could only  _ fix _ some of it, his cousin would…

“So he  _ is _ sensitive,” she mused, looking perturbed as she compared what she knew of Jayden from before against her new perception of him and then back again. “I had thought that before…”

“But what I don’t understand,” the father interjected, “is why…” he gestured around his face, indicating Jayden’s piercings. “...and why you would cover it up that he was lying to us.”

“I can only express my deepest regrets over that,” L said. He moved to wrap his hands around the heat of his coffee mug. “I thought at the time, I was doing the right thing.”

“The  _ right _ \--!” Soichiro blustered, jumping up from his seat. “You--!”

L made sure not to react, and simply regarded him with the same, solemn expression.

His wife put a hand on his arm and murmured something to him which made him sit down. He crossed his arms angrily over his chest.

“Continue,” she said to L, seeming open to hearing an explanation.

“I allowed it since Jayden and Light seemed to be a mutual good influence on each other.” Well, part of that was a damn lie. But he actually did think the brunet was something of a good influence on his cousin. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it but Jayden seemed more open with him than he did with his other friends. “As you have seen, he’s been going to the study groups and spending more time doing respectable things. He’s very bright but hasn’t been applying himself until recently.”

He paused and sighed. “It was selfish of me, I know. But when I saw this change in him, I couldn’t help but want to encourage it.”

It was true that his cousin had been spending a surprising amount of time playing at this clean-cut persona and hanging around Light, but he suspected it was mostly for entertainment value. That wasn’t something he could tell the parents, of course... But, it was true that it kept Jayden out of trouble. If there was some other reason for it, aside from amusing himself, his cousin hadn’t shared.

“That’s…” Sachiko looked almost a little teary. “Honey,” she implored, turning to her husband.

“I still don’t like it,” he gruffed stolidly.

“Again, I am so terribly sorry for you to find out this way.”

“Dear,” she addressed L hesitantly. “I still don’t understand… why would he do that to his face? He’s such a handsome young man and it… well, it makes him look disturbed.”

L shrugged his shoulders elegantly. “All I can say for sure is that he started it after things with our grandparents fell apart. He was, admittedly, a bit of a handful. But…” he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t discuss the details. It still bothers me too much.” 

He really _ didn’t _ want to discuss his grandparents. They may be on speaking terms right now but the way they’d handled everything left much to be desired. And it wasn’t just on Jayden’s behalf that he felt upset. He’d been on the receiving end of almost every bit of it as well. The only thing he’d missed out on were some of the more cutting words which were reserved for his cousin alone.

“I don’t understand the urge personally,” L continued, “but I saw it as a way he felt he needed to express himself. Who was I to say it was wrong or not?”

“I…” Light’s mother worried her lip, looking torn. “I suppose I understand where you are coming from on that…”

“Sachiko!” Light’s father looked appalled.

She put her hands on her hips and glared back at him. “Well, it makes sense, doesn’t it? He was worried about him. And he’d already been through so much--”

“Are you condoning the practice of shoving pieces of metal into one’s body? Of having such an appearance?”

“Of course not!” she snipped back. “And didn’t you just hear Elliot say he doesn’t abide by that either?”

This whole conversation right now was… sort of surreal. To be quite honest.

He took a risk and stood up, saying, “I’m sorry, I should go.” It was a big risk… but if he had read things right…

“You just sit right back down,” Light’s mother tossed back at him as she argued with her husband.

“O-Okay,” he let his voice sound tentative, though this was going according to plan. His willingness to leave without any resolution, that would hold weight. It would look like he came here merely to have this parental conference and apologize for his charge’s behaviour.

The mother was the weak link. In a manner of speaking. Though, she also seemed to hold the reigns of the household… If he could just get her on his side, she would convince the father. She was wavering already. She just needed an extra push. He wasn’t quite sure what that would be, yet.

Their bickering started to die down. He sensed an opening.

He stared deep into his half empty mug of coffee and said, “I really respect you both for your deep thought upon this matter, and your protectiveness towards your son…” He paused and added more quietly, “I wish either of our parents would have felt even a fraction of that.”

Something snapped.

He looked up just as Mrs. Yagami was pulling him into a tearful hug. She sniffed loudly near his ear. He couldn’t contain the shock on his face. He wasn’t accustomed to being randomly hugged, especially not by parental types. He didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

He blinked and his eyes happened to fall upon Mr. Yagami, who was wiping the inside corners of his eyes -underneath his glasses- as if wiping away a wetness there.

“You p-poor thing,” Mrs. Yagami was saying, pulling his attention back to her. She held him suddenly at arms’ length. He still couldn’t quite erase the surprise on his face. “You’ve been through so much, too. And trying to guide Jayden at the same time…” She sniffed again, quite loudly.

Hearing her talk about that made his chest feel sort of weird. Like there was some kind of pressure or tightness there. He didn’t like it.

He suddenly wanted very much to hightail it out of here. He felt uneasy.

“I hope,” he said, struggling a little with the words, “that one day you may find it in your hearts to forgive him.” As difficult as this was, he couldn’t leave. Not yet. He had to keep going, to secure some kind of ground here. He needed them to lift the ban on his seeing Light. If he didn’t succeed, things were going to become a lot more complicated. “He’s not a bad kid, he’s just a little misguided at times.”

He hated the weird tension in his voice, which he seemed to have no control over. It grated upon his nerves and amplified that scratching pressure beneath his ribcage.

Sachiko was patting his arm and looking at him with concern.

_ Because of my act? Or…?  _

It made him uneasy to think she was seeing something _ beyond _ the act, which she was reacting to.

He pushed forward, allowing his words to fall more quickly, like he was trying desperately to convince them. “He did not deceive you out of ill intent, and neither did I.” His voice stuttered slightly as he contemplated what he was about to say next. He told himself it only happened as part of the act, but that felt like a lie. “Our acquaintance with Light means a lot, to both of us.” He couldn’t bring himself to call it friendship. He cared a hell of a lot more than that.

God, even hinting around at having feelings… it made him feel indecent, dirty. He wasn’t in the habit of it, at all.

And, he was starting to suspect he might like Light a lot more than he’d anticipated. Maybe even lo--

“Elliot,” Sachiko was saying, taking his hand in hers. “It was very brave of you to come here on behalf of your cousin.”

He held his breath somewhat, afraid to be hopeful but being unable to help it. He prayed that this would somehow be the breakthrough - that he could see Light. Also, that he could tell Jayden that he hadn’t fucked things up beyond all repair, like he was blaming himself for.

To be honest, it had freaked him out a bit to hear his cousin talk about it. Jayden had been white-faced and adamantly babbling that he hadn’t meant for this to happen, that he hadn’t meant to fuck things up. That he was so, **_so_** sorry. He was self-deprecating and nearly seemed to think L was going to go into some kind of rage upon him. It was bizarre. And then, eventually, he’d just lapsed into silence. He hadn’t been talking much these days.

“Sachiko,” Mr. Yagami was saying in a tone that had a touch of warning in it.

“Honey,” Mrs. Yagami was saying to L, putting her hands on either side of his face to get his attention. “I believe you really thought you were doing what was right, and--”

“Sachiko,” Light’s father said again, gruffly.

“--and I think that we can give you another chance.”

Relief started to flood him so quickly he felt sick. _ Thank god. _ “I understand if you feel you must maintain a distance with my cousin, considering the circumstances.”

“We’ll think upon what you said,” she conceded. “It is a lot to take in.” She paused. “I hate to think of him no longer attending the study groups because of this… but… let’s come to that a little later, shall we?”

The tightness in his chest was easing. “Thank you, Mrs. Yagami.” He turned to Light’s father. “Thank you, too, sir.”

“You know,” Sachiko was saying somewhat wistfully, a little frown on her face. “I kind of miss the way he calls me Mrs. Y.”

“As my wife said a moment ago,” Soichiro said gruffly, “with regard to Jayden, we’ll think about what was said here today.”

They all rose to their feet. He bowed slightly to them, feeling a formal display of respect was in order.

He had a powerful urge to see Light, to talk to him, to let him know where things stood. (The last they’d communicated was that SOS text the brunet had sent him.) He doubted they’d allow it, at this late hour.

“Whenever it’s convenient,” he found himself saying, “I’d really like to apologize to Light as well. It must have been a shock to him, too.”

The parents looked at each other.

“It is rather late…”

_ Damn. _

“Perhaps you can call him tomorrow,” Soichiro said. “He was on grounding, so I have his phone, but I was going to take him off of it again anyway.”

“That’s very kind, sir.”

He couldn’t help feeling wildly disappointed.

“Oh, honey,” Sachiko said to her husband. “What would it hurt?” She lowered her voice a bit, but he still was able to hear it. “Maybe it’ll put his mind at ease and he’ll get his appetite back. You saw how he was at dinner.”

Light wasn’t eating?

The knowledge made him antsy to see him, now, more than ever. Waiting upon approval for it was seriously chafing his nerves. It reminded him of being a child, when he’d had no say in anything.

He looked at them expectantly, hiding everything but polite hopefulness from his face. “I can keep it brief,” he offered. “I realize it is a school night, after all.”

Soichiro finally seemed to cave, likely responding to his acknowledgement of the inconvenience.

“Very well,” he said. “Brief,” he added.

L nodded and gratefully left the kitchen. That had to be one of the more uncomfortable conversations he’d ever been trapped in. He heard the couple start talking again as he left the room.

Just past the doorway, a hand reached out and snagged his arm.

Light.

He couldn’t help himself. He pulled the brunet into a tight embrace, worry and relief flooding him in waves. Worry about what must have been going on with him that he hadn’t been eating, worry about the way he looked a bit tragic, like he’d been through hell. Relief that he’d been successful and the parents weren’t going to insist they stop seeing each other. 

Light gripped him back just as tightly.

“So I guess you already heard?” L whispered.

“Yeah.”

L pulled back slightly, brushing some tears from the brunet’s cheeks which he’d noticed a moment before. They seemed to be dripping from his solemn eyes unbidden and unnoticed. He couldn’t tell if they were an effect of stress or relief. 

As soon as he called attention to it, Light moved back and wiped at his face. He seemed surprised and a little perturbed to find the wet trails there. “Sorry, I--” he muttered excuses, seeming a bit embarrassed.

“Shh,” L said, softly dismissing the need for explanations. He glanced behind him, then herded Light forward. “Let’s get up to your room. I doubt you’re supposed to be down here.”

Light nodded and they crept upstairs, hoping the parents wouldn’t see. It seemed they were in the clear. He certainly hoped so, it would be a bitch of a thing to explain after all of that bowing and scraping he’d had to do.

The light had been left on in his room. It seemed warm and inviting after the darkness of the stairs.

“We’ll have to keep it open,” Light said, gesturing to the door. “It’s mandated.”

They stepped to the side, where they wouldn’t be visible from downstairs. 

“What’s this I hear about not eating?” he asked, giving Light a pointed look.

The brunet sighed. “Look, it’s not a big deal…”

“Were you that upset over Jayden?”

It came out a little harsher than intended, maybe with a twinge of jealousy implied. But he took it as a good sign that Light quickly glared back.

“Seriously?” He made a disgusted face and muttered ‘asshole’. “Of course I was upset over that. The whole thing seemed really fucked up.” He ran a hand through his hair and seemed to be reliving something. He shuddered and shook his head. “But aside from that, I knew my parents were gunning for us next.” He seemed anxious to move on from that line of thought and quickly added, “How is he?”

“Not great. Probably better when I talk to him again.”

But what he most wanted to know, was…

“Hey,” L said, grabbing Light by the hand. He noticed Light jump a little. He seemed sketchy, like he did when his feelings were involved pretty strongly. “So that’s why you weren’t eating? You were worried about us?”

Light looked away. He tried to pull his hand away too, but L didn’t let him. “I know, it’s stupid,” Light said. “I wasn’t really thinking about it. By the time dinner rolled around I was actually hungry again, but I had to play games if I wanted any answers.”

“Shhh,” L said again, gently brushing the explanations aside. “It’s fine.” He wasn’t thinking it was stupid. In fact, he was kind of touched.

He pulled Light into another hug, holding him until the tension started to leave the brunet’s body and he relaxed into it. “We seem to keep finding ourselves in these tricky situations, don’t we?” he murmured, running a hand over his soft brown hair. 

“It sucks,” Light mumbled into his neck, wrapping his arms more tightly around L’s waist.

It most certainly did. It seemed like just as soon as they’d figured _ themselves _ out, escaping from that cycle of drama, it had ushered in other sources of similar drama.

He wished he didn’t have to leave again so soon. He felt like he could stay like this for a small eternity, just holding the brunet close like this.

This whole thing had really stressed him out too, to be honest.

Eventually, he pulled back. “I have to go. I said I’d keep it brief.”

“Can I see you again soon? Any day after school?”

“Will you have your phone again?”

“I think I’m getting off grounding again, as soon as my father bothers to tell me. So, yeah, I should.”

“Okay. I’ll see what I can do.” He leaned in to press a soft, lingering kiss to Light’s mouth, closing his eyes as a sublime emotion filled his chest and filtered through his body. It was bittersweet, and yet he felt as if he wanted to grab onto it and not let go.

It was more than simple attraction that he felt...

As he’d sort of entertained a little while ago, downstairs, it might be a deeper feeling... something along the lines of lo--

“I’ll miss you,” the brunet said.

“Me too.”

“Hey,” Light said then. “Bring me a new sweater or something.” He pointed to the bed. “That one’s practically worn out.” 

He figured Light meant it no longer smelled like him. He’d mentioned that before.

“Perv,” he teased, making Light’s face turn red.

“Ugh!” the brunet exclaimed in a whisper. “You know it’s not like that.”

“How would I know what you do with it?” he protested innocently. “For all I know, you could be using it to mastru--”

Light shut him up by pressing a sudden, hot and demanding kiss against his lips. His eyes slid shut as he relished the feel of it and the taste of him. It shimmered through his senses, even as he pulled Light hard against him and kissed him right back.

_ Damn _ this boy was hot.

Leaving was now going to be about 10 times more difficult than before. He really wished there was more time. But he knew there wasn’t. He bit back a frustrated sigh as he pulled away. “I really have to go,” he said. “Though I really don’t want to.”

Light leaned in to speak in his ear. “Just say you’ll think of me later tonight.” His voice was low, sensual, and lingering. “When you’re all alone, in bed.” He gave L’s ear a scandalous little lick. “I can assure you, I’ll be doing the same.”

Goddamnit, this was getting him going. “With my sweater as well?” he mocked softly, giving Light a mischievous grin. He knew the brunet was toying with him, trying to get the upper hand.

Light smiled back at him with bedroom eyes. “If that’s what gets you hot,” he said boldly.

L bit his lip, engaged and totally turned on by their exchange. If only he didn’t have to leave…. Oh goddamnit this was torture. He wanted nothing more than to pursue this, right here, right now.

Light’s eyes were laughing at him.

“Why, aren’t you a little tease,” he murmured against Light’s lips as he drifted in to kiss him. Just when Light’s mouth was otherwise occupied, he ran a hand up the front of his pants and squeezed, dragging a muffled noise of pleasure from his throat. He chuckled as Light’s hands dug into his shoulders because of the sensation. 

He gloated as the brunet stared at him accusingly, his face flushing with arousal.

It was adorable.

“Hey,” he said reasonably, a grin twitching up the corner of his mouth, “You have the sweater to keep you company tonight, I’ll have this.” He winked at him.

Light flushed a little more. “Ugh, go. Get out of here.” He pushed L towards the doorway. 

L was laughing silently. “I love you, too,” he teased, leaning back to steal one more kiss before Light booted his ass out the door.

* * *

_ The next morning… _

Light’s parents were pleased that their son’s demeanor seemed to change overnight. He wasn’t disappearing from the house before they got up and he was sitting with them in the kitchen, eating breakfast.

When Sachiko saw him come down the stairs, hair a little mussed from sleep, she decided she’d try and entice him with a warm breakfast. She shelved the ideas of quick things like cereal and instant oatmeal.

“I was going to make some eggs,” she said. Would you like some?”

“Sure,” he said, sitting down at the table and suppressing a yawn. He picked up part of the newspaper his father wasn’t currently looking at.

Sachiko felt her heart lift to see the two of them sitting there like that, so unwittingly alike to one another. It was endearing - they both sat at the table blearily reading current events and not being aware of much else, let alone each other. But still, having the family all at the table once more gave her a peace that she’d sorely needed and suddenly, the last two horrible days seemed like nothing but a bad dream.

She made breakfast - eggs with a little cheese thrown in, and toast with butter and some of the orange marmalade Light seemed to like a fair amount. She’d gotten it again just the other day.

“Thanks, mom,” he said absently as she set the plate down in front of him. He was engrossed in something he was reading.

_ Even so, he still called me ‘mom’ _ . She smiled to herself.

Letting him continue to be friends with Elliot was the  _ right _ decision. Her husband still seemed to hold some reservation about that but here, the proof was in the pudding.

Light looked up then. “Is there any coffee?” he asked hopefully.

He definitely would have heard it brewing, so he was asking if it was ready and if he could have some. “Of course,” she said, delighted by his exceptionally polite attitude.

“He just woke up,” her husband said gruffly, also engrossed in something he was reading. The papers crinkled as he turned a page. “What’s he need coffee for, if he’s well rested?”

“Ok, half a cup,” she said cheerfully. Honestly, by that logic, none of them would get to enjoy any.

Light smiled at her as she made a shooing motion at his father and handed him a cup that was quite full after all.

She smiled back, feeling like order had finally been restored to her world. Despite what Soichiro thought, she still saw a correlation between Light’s friendship with the boys, and his steadily improving temperament. Maybe they weren’t such a bad influence if they were making her son more happy.

Though Jayden…. she frowned a little. That was a difficult one. It was true, he had been nothing but a paradigm of virtue and politeness whenever he’d been by, and she’d grown exceptionally fond of him… But seeing him as he was the other night, that was just too shocking. 

He’d hardly seemed like the same person. It was like a stranger had borrowed his face and was doing things the boy she knew would never have done. Hanging out with that lewd crowd, making open advances upon that girl, not to mention his clothes and the… well, the things in his face. How could a person  **_do_ ** that to themselves?

“Mom?” Light was looking at her. “Something wrong?”

She gave him a sheepish smile. “No, honey, nothing at all.” She sat down with her own plate, after serving her husband, and began to eat. 

Would being friends with Elliot be enough to keep her son happy? Or, would the loss of the other one wear on him until he became withdrawn and sullen again?

Something Elliot had said last night was bugging her. It kept surfacing in her thoughts, unwanted, and she didn’t quite know what to do with it. 

He’d said that the friendship with her son had been helping Jayden, that it was a good influence. As a mother, she knew all too well the worry over bad influences and the hope that cropped up when good influences could be found. Was Elliot experiencing those very same feelings? As the older child, it seemed he’d taken young Jayden under his wing, trying to protect him in a bad situation, trying to be a surrogate parent to him. In turn, that would have also given him an anchor in that sort of bad situation. It was incredibly heartbreaking.

When she thought of it like that, it suddenly became harder to dismiss Jayden outright. And, if she admitted it, he had looked upset the other night. He hadn’t even gone to rejoin his friends later. He’d gone the other way, and that had stuck out in her mind, once she’d been feeling less emotional.

Maybe he truly was just misguided…? Wasn’t it her duty as a parent to help a child in need, even if they were nearly grown into an adult themselves? If Light’s influence was helping to turn him around… maybe she shouldn’t be so hasty to end their acquaintance? Perhaps she could allow them to meet at the study group… Maybe in time. She still didn’t feel any measure of surety about that. Her first duty, of course, was to keep a protective watch over her son. If it was a choice between the two boys, she of course had to choose Light.

_ Ugh _ , she thought again, as she pictured those metal piercing things in Jayden’s skin. He was such a beautiful, bright boy, why would he do that to himself? What would compel a person?

She watched her son eat with efficiency, draining his mug of coffee, before finishing off his toast.

She was so glad she’d never had to worry about any strange tendencies from her beautiful, smart son. Aside from that thing over the girlfriend (dreadful scene that that was, what with him talking about girlfriends, boyfriends and depression), and the occasional talking back, he generally did as he was asked, made top marks in school, and made the two of them very proud. He had seemed to be headed towards a rebellious phase, but after meeting and befriending the boys, that all seemed to have calmed down again.

_ I’ll think about it, Elliot. _

Forgiving Jayden for lying to them seemed like a big thing to ask, but maybe, just maybe she could consider it. Having been made aware of the circumstances of the boys’ upbringing, it was harder to just make a snap judgement like the other night. She found herself to be more… sympathetic.

* * *

TBC


	40. (phase 2) The Other Side of the Tracks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L assesses where Jayden is at in the aftermath of the fallout with Light's parents. L and Light get to spend some time together. Marin is keeping tabs on Light at school.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

 

* * *

_ Part 40: The Other Side of the Tracks  _

L sipped a cup of strong coffee and stifled a yawn. Jayden had crashed at his place the last few days. At first, he’d seemed kind of broken. L tried to get him to talk, but he hadn’t seemed inclined.

He ate when L put food in front of him. He drank beer, soda, water, whatever L handed him. He didn’t seem to care whatever it was. He did it with a sort of automatic, robotic air. He either slept or watched TV. And, he pretty much ignored his phone, though it rang and got texts pretty frequently.

Jayden’s social life was as busy as usual, but he didn’t seem in the mood.

The phone thing was seriously starting to get on L’s nerves after even the first few hours. It was worse when it went off while he was trying to sleep.

 _‘Jesus Christ,’_ he’d muttered, crawling from his bed that first night. _‘Jayden!’_ he’d called out sharply. _‘What the fuck? Answer your goddamn phone.’_

His cousin was up watching TV, the blue tones of reflected light flickering about the tiny living room. Jayden reached forward and plucked his phone off of the coffee table. “Here,” was all he said, then chucked it over his shoulder in L’s general vicinity.

L barely kept it from crashing to the floor.

_That little…!_

It was still ringing. Out of aggravation, he’d answered the call. _‘He’s fucking busy, stop calling,’_ he nearly growled and hung up. Then, he put Jayden’s phone on airplane mode. It was fine if he didn’t want to talk to anyone, but goddamnit his cousin didn’t have to torture _him_ with the noise.

Just now, Jayden was passed out on his couch, sleeping soundly. He’d likely stay that way for hours. L continued sipping his coffee and thought about things.

Usually Jayden didn’t hang around unless he felt sociable. This time he’d been almost rudely _anti_ social, and yet, here he was. L just handled it with a sigh. He’d gotten like this sometimes as a kid too. Usually, after some particularly cutting exchange with their grandparents. Often, he was in trouble for something that was his own damn fault, but still. It seemed to get him upset. Maybe he was here for the familiarity, or maybe for the free meals. Fuck if he knew.

He had an urge just then to kick Jayden awake.

He shrugged then and figured, _Why the hell not?_

L walked over to his cousin and stood over him a moment. He finished the rest of his coffee at a leisurely pace, then set the mug down on the table. He leaned over Jayden, splaying his hands wide.

“WAKE UP!!” he yelled suddenly - shaking him vigorously at the same time - scaring the ever living shit out of him.

Jayden jumped like a fucking jackrabbit. “Jesus Christ!” he swore as he flailed. His wide eyes were unfocused for only the briefest moment before he got his bearings and started beating L with outraged but poorly placed swings. “What the hell?!” he hollered.

L started laughing and couldn’t stop. “Hooo... my god...” he choked out, dodging more punches, “you looked so scared! Hahahaaa!”

Jayden growled at him and leapt, tackling him and nearly knocking over the table.

Still, he couldn’t stop laughing. He didn’t know why it was so very funny to him at that moment. Maybe it was a stress reaction. There’d been too much fucking tension the last several days.

His cousin grabbed him by the front of the shirt and waved a fist in front of him menacingly. “You better have a damn good reason--”

This set L to laughing even harder. Jayden was still sleep-groggy and was about as menacing as a glaring ball of fluff. He couldn’t even keep his fist from weaving back and forth.

“I wanted... to know,” L struggled to get out amidst the laughter, “when... you’re leaving.”

“Are you fuckin’ serious?” Jayden exclaimed, beyond indignant. He was looking more and more awake by the moment. “You _asshole_!” he made an effort to choke L. It was a little harder to fend off than before. L had to put a little more effort into defending himself.

“You’re eating me out of house and home,” he said, the laughter abating while he kept his cousin’s hands just inches from terminal effect.

“So quit feeding me,” Jayden snapped back. His face bore a look of concentration as he tried to find a way around L’s defences and iron grip so he could strangle him.

“What, so the sound of your stomach growling can keep me up in addition to your phone?” he tossed back.

Jayden put one more surge of renewed effort into killing him, then gave up. “Arrgh!” He flopped onto the floor next to him.

“I should be stronger than you by now, what the hell,” he muttered, complaining under his breath. He let out an aggravated sigh then looked over at his cousin. “Hey,” he said in an almost chipper voice then, as if he hadn’t just been stewing in aggravation only a moment before, “Do you have any coffee?”

“Drank it all,” L said with a drawl. He stretched and yawned. “Man, it was good though.”

Jayden looked torn between believing him and not. His light eyes grew suspicious. “You’re full of shit!” he announced. “Feed me coffee,” he demanded. “And breakfast,” he added haughtily, like he hadn’t just snarled out at L that he didn’t have to bother feeding him.

Ha. It was just like him.

“I just told you, we’re out of coffee,” L lied, to wind him up. “And you can get some cereal your own damn self.”

Jayden looked crestfallen over the coffee.

Until L started laughing again, at which point Jayden punched him and called him an asshole again. Jayden muttered darkly and dragged himself to his feet. “I don’t fuckin’ want cereal,” he griped, scratching his stomach as he made his way over to the kitchen.

He resigned himself to making his own coffee, but brightened when he saw there was still a good amount in the pot. He dumped some sugar in it and sloshed in a bunch of milk as well, which made it cool enough to chug.

“Ugh,” L said, watching him. “I have other cups...” Jayden was drinking from the damn carafe. “Heathen!” he called out. He was going to have to wash that now before making any more. Jayden flicked him off, still mid-chug.

Ah well, at least he seemed to be feeling better, caffeine abuse aside.

He’d still been a bit touchy last night, even with the good news. Granted, he was probably a bit chafed that he practically had a restraining order placed on him by Light’s parents.

L dragged himself to his feet.

“Make me breakfast,” Jayden paused in this gross display to say.

“Fuck you.” He let out a yawn. “Get one of your girl toys to do it.”

“How rude,” Jayden said primly.

L was reminded just then of the eggs and toast Light had made him that one morning, and that they hadn’t even been dating at the time. He smiled to himself. Light was a good kid. He was lucky.

“Oh ho, now he’s grinning like an idiot, and so soon after barely escaping total disaster.”

“Hey, I worked hard to avert that disaster.” L still wasn’t used to his cousin catching him in these random introspective moments. He seemed to take a certain measure of amusement in doing so and harassing him about it.

“Yeah, but I bet you worked harder when you were boning your boy the other night,” he said lewdly and finished off the coffee.

“Hmn.” L was nonplussed. “Here I was, thinking of driving us over to Georgio’s diner for some breakfast… but suddenly I find myself reconsidering.”

Jayden jumped to denial immediately. “No wait, I take it back! Come on, we can still go. I want more coffee. And pancakes.”

“You just drank plenty,” he said drolly. “And you really think you _deserve_ pancakes?” He raised an eyebrow.

“Come on, man,” Jayden practically whined, looking heavenward. Squinting his eyes shut and spreading his arms, he intoned, “I thank the creator of all that is, for this blessing in human form, that which is my lovely cousin…” he said it like some half-assed crackhead prayer, “...who is going to drive us to breakfast AND pay, out of the goodness of his heart.” He cracked an eye open to gauge L’s reaction. He closed it again and added, “Because he loves me soooooooooooo much.”

“Pfft. Who the hell said anything about paying?” L scoffed sharply. “You have money, use it.”

Jayden sensed he was getting his way - that they were still going. He grinned ear to ear. “Yeah but it tastes **_so_** much better when I’m not paying for it.”

* * *

Light yawned and trudged to the kitchen early that same day. “Morning,” he mumbled.

His father looked up and harumphed gruffly, then snapped his newspaper into better posture. “Speak up, son, no one wants to hear such lackadaisical speech.”

Light shrugged his shoulders. He was barely even awake yet. “Sorry, sir. Good morning.” He reminded himself that from what he’d overheard, he should soon be getting a reprieve on being grounded. As such, it wouldn’t hurt to play to his father’s wishes… even if they were vexing at such an early hour.

“Good morning to you, my son,” his mother hummed.

He nodded as another yawn split his mouth open wide.

“Coffee?” he asked.

His father regarded him with a gimlet stare.

“Er… half a cup?” he amended.

That seemed to appease his father enough to let him return to his reading.

“Certainly, dear,” his mother said. She poured him a full cup.

“Thank you.”

They sat down to breakfast, and he found himself getting impatient to hear the news of his un-grounding. What was taking his father so long, anyway? He wasn’t reconsidering, was he? _He’d pretty much said this whole thing wasn’t my fault._

He crunched through his toast, trying to hide his annoyance.

“Dear?” Mrs. Yagami prompted.

“Mn?” Mr. Yagami responded, still reading the paper. He took a bite of his eggs.

Mrs. Yagami cleared her throat. “Light will be leaving for school soon,” she said.

The light glinted off of Soichiro’s glasses as he reluctantly looked up. “Right,” he said gruffly. He folded the paper with military precision and set it aside. “Light, there was something we should discuss.”

“Yes?”

“As you know, I placed you on restriction upon learning about things the other night.” He leveled Light with a heavy gaze. “Are you aware of why?”

“Er…” That was sort of an odd question, wasn’t it? “Because you were upset over the way Jayden looked?” he ventured. He sensed there was something else his father was getting at but he wasn’t quite sure what.

“On the contrary,” Soichiro said. “At that time, you not only spoke to usurp my authority, but you actually started to head after… him.”

“You mean _Jayden_.” Why was his father suddenly not wanting to say his name? Was he still that put out over the whole thing?

“Yes.” There was a long pause. During this, Mrs. Yagami was staring at her husband in slight surprise as if this entire conversation was quite unexpected. He continued, “I’ve thought about this a lot... It was intensely disturbing to me that you would think to head off alone after someone like that, and against my wishes.”

Light leaned back in his chair, his face carefully blank. “And?”

“And,” his father said harshly, “I am frankly quite concerned about the lack of surprise you have shown over this entire affair. It makes me question your judgement.”

Light frowned.

Was this going to be a conversation where he was informed that his grounding would _continue_?

“Dear,” Sachiko stage whispered to his father.

Soichiro stood, looking down at him. “It is against my better judgement, but I will for now be rescinding your restriction. You’ll find it in your best interest not to set even a toe out of line.”

Light accepted his phone as it was handed to him. “Okay,” he said as demurely as he could manage. It was a challenge.

“You are to have no contact with Jayden, is that clear?”

His tone rankled. “Yes, sir.”

The deviant was infuriating even at the best of times, and he might have taken it as a reprieve to not have to see him for a little while… but to be banned? That was something altogether different.

Light still had the image of his shattered, lifeless expression emblazoned upon his memory. He still didn’t know how Jayden was. He was still worried and didn’t know the current state of things. It bothered him, not knowing. Especially as he’d wanted so much to go after him that night and assess things for himself. It had been beyond frustrating to be yanked back by the neck by his parents, to be unable to pursue it.

“That means no visiting, no calling, and no texting.”

“I assumed as much when you said 'no contact',” Light said a little too churlishly. He saw his father’s eye start to twitch. He bit the inside of his lip, and forced out some words to offset the effect. His tone was placating. “Yes, father, I understand. Truly. No contact.”

Mrs. Yagami spoke up then. “Honey, there is still a possibility that we will allow contact if it is during the study sessions… We just haven’t firmed up our decision on that yet.”

“I understand,” he said robotically. “I have to finish getting ready for school. May I be excused?”

* * *

L’s phone buzzed in his pocket and he paused in the breakfast he was having with his cousin, who was currently stuffing his face like it was some kind of buffet. (He’d insisted on ordering like five different meals and was determinedly working his way through them.)

It was a text.

 _‘Got my phone back.’_ Light said. _‘Barely.’_

He texted back. _‘How are things?’_

_‘A little dismal. Father is being… difficult.’_

They texted back and forth for a few more minutes.

“You know,” Jayden said, around a mouthful of pancakes and sausages. “That’s still fuckin’ rude, even if you ARE paying for everything.”

“Shut up,” L said absently while he texted. “And I’ll pay for one meal, not all of that stuff you ordered, you greedy bastard.” He flicked his eyes over to his cousin. “What the hell happened to your lack of appetite?”

Jayden gulped down half a cup of coffee, shoved potatoes into his mouth and said, “Dunno, guess I’m in a better mood.” He gave an overstuffed grin, meant to be slightly horrific.

L shook his head and recrossed his feet, which were propped up on the other side of the booth, on the bench his cousin was occupying. He drank some orange juice while considering some things.

“Light said the mom might let up on the no contact, for the study group,” he said, dropping the statement and watching for a reaction.

His cousin made a horrible face and stopped eating for the moment. “So the fuck what?” he said scathingly. “Like I have nothing better to do…” he added in a mutter. He grabbed a few pieces of bacon and ripped them in half with his teeth like he was beheading them. “She can go fuck herself.”

“So, you’re done then?”

Jayden grumbled darkly under his breath and didn’t answer right away, continuing to eat in what seemed to be a viciously annoyed manner.

L kicked him in the side of his hip, since it was so conveniently close to his foot, prompting him for an answer.

“Well, it pisses me off!” his cousin spat. “You didn’t see the way she looked at me. And now she wants to play nice and try ‘saving’ me through letting me go to this stupid study group or some shit? Like I need her permission to fucking do anything.” His pale eyes flashed as he glared at his plate. He stabbed a sausage link and a piece of french toast, then paused before also spearing some home fries. The motions were agitated. “Fucking martyr complex,” he grumbled.

“Are you done then?” L repeated.

Jayden gave him an intensely unfriendly stare. He seemed like he had a lot that he wanted to say but for the moment he said nothing.

“Well?”

The stare intensified and for a minute L thought Jayden was going to blow up on him. Instead he scowled and said, “I don’t know.” Then he shoved the food he’d speared onto his fork into his mouth to forestall having to say anything further and chewed with an acidic look on his face.

L watched him and said nothing for many minutes.

“If you went, it might help win her back over.”

Jayden growled.

“For what it’s worth...” L said diplomatically, “I don’t think it’s all as cut and dry as you think it is. She seems to be wavering.”

His cousin was scowling again. “It still pisses me off,” he said again under his breath. “Every time I think of it. And pandering to someone like that is...” he shook his head sharply and seemed to be losing interest in his food.

L shrugged. “It’s up to you. Do what you want.”

Jayden peered at him sharply. “What would you do?”

It didn’t surprise him that taking a hands off approach prompted Jayden to try and get him to offer advice. For some reason, that was just the way he worked. Telling him what to do always had the opposite effect.

It probably had something to do with how fucking unreasonably stubborn he was. But, he could appreciate that Jayden liked to make all of his decisions on his own, to exert control over his own life. They were very alike in that way.

L shrugged again and regarded him with a nonplussed expression. “Guess I’d figure out what I wanted first, then see what actions supported that.”

“Arrrgh!” Jayden rubbed his hands over his face with some force. He seemed to be wrestling with his thoughts on the matter.

After a long moment, L kicked him again. It was unlikely he was going to come to a conclusion anytime soon. “Come on, finish up. I can’t be here all day.”

“I’m done,” his cousin announced darkly, standing and tossing some money on the table. He shoved his hands in his pockets and slunk out of the diner.

“Ass,” L muttered as he picked up the measly ten dollars Jayden had put out.

* * *

All this week, Marin had been keeping tabs on Light. He seemed to be going through some severe ups and downs from the look of it. Monday, he appeared to be in good spirits. After that, a total crash. She couldn’t say it was totally obvious to the casual observer, but _she_ could tell. He seemed vague, listless, tired… and if she didn’t know better, she’d say depressed. He also didn’t eat lunch on these days.

For a time, she harbored a small hope that he was having relationship troubles (the kind that were terminal) and that he would become free again. She had no doubt that he would be dating her if not for this other person who was, as of yet, unnamed.

But alas.

Come Thursday, Light seemed to be bouncing back. He looked rested and more focused. Something must have changed.

Damn it all.

Then Friday was even worse. Light looked positively buoyant, especially later in the day. She noticed as well that he was texting more than usual. Not only that, but he got a sort of warm look to his eyes and a smile would often drift over his face. A few times she even witnessed that look she’d seen the day she caught him on the phone, flirting with the interloper.

It was such a sexy smile, it made her grind her teeth in aggravation.

Whoever this person was that had screwed things up for them… she wanted them to **_pay_**. She wanted them to pay dearly.

* * *

Light couldn’t wait for school to let out. Providing his parents didn’t suddenly demand him home right after school, he was finally going to get to see L for a little while. It should be fine though, most days they no longer expected him home directly. Many days he did go straight home, but now it wasn’t the end of the world if he deviated. Getting his mother on board for extending his leeway and freetime had proven invaluable. Now he even had them _almost_ used to this small level of autonomy.

L said he could free up some time and was going to pick him up straight from school. He couldn’t wait. Their brief meeting the night L had come to talk to his parents had left both of them antsy for a little more face time. The tenuous state of things, at least for him, had made him crave any time he could get, no matter how short. It aggravated him that his father had delayed taking him off restriction and giving him back his phone, or they could have met yesterday.

He was a little nervous though. Somehow, after the averted disaster of his parents banning L completely, something had shifted in their interaction. It somehow felt more unstable in a way, and a lot more intense. He flashed back to the deep looks he’d seen on L’s face, and the way his heart had fluttered when L held his face in his hands and stared into his eyes…

He swallowed as feeling thrummed through him.

Was it possible that L felt the same way that he did? He was starting to strongly suspect that might be the case.

The prospect filled him with an odd mix of joy and terror.

He shook his head to try and clear the thoughts. If he let himself dwell on such things, he’d psych himself out, overthinking things and giving himself a case of the nerves. Best to put such things aside for now.

For now he would just let himself drift on the euphoria he was feeling now that things were finally coming together and going his way. Soon, he’d be out of this place and would feast his eyes upon the very compelling image of his dark eyed lover. Not long after that, he hoped to give him a proper greeting.

* * *

When the final bell rang, Marin sought Light out and shadowed him. Her hand fisted in the edge of her skirt as she skulked after him, noting the energetic step with which he traversed the school grounds. He was definitely feeling happy about something. It was also plainly written within the unconscious smile lurking about his lips. It peeved her.

 _She_ wanted to be the one to put a smile on his face - not this nameless person who was competition for his affections!

She was peeved at herself, too.

What was she doing, tailing him like some kind of stalker? It was pathetic.

She ground her teeth in aggravation that she couldn’t just _let. this. **go**_. It wasn’t like he was the only attractive boy she could date. She’d already had a few offers since word had spread that they were no longer an item but… UGH. She didn’t want someone else, she wanted **_him_**. She wanted _Light_ , with his warm gold eyes, his easy smile, his effortlessly graceful stride, and the positively sinful way he’d taken to kissing her before things had ended.

Marin pushed all thoughts of self-deprecation at what she was doing out of her head. It was for a good cause. He might let something slip. And, if so, she had to be there to see it.

* * *

L rolled up in his dated (but still kinda cool) muscle car a little ways from the main gate of the school. It was unfair of Jayden to call it a piece of crap, Light thought. It was a little worn around the edges but still in pretty good shape, considering. It was obvious that it was well taken care of. He suspected the deviant only criticized it to rib his cousin for a reaction.

Being a short distance from the gate was only slightly less conspicuous than stopping directly in front of the entrance to the school. But hell, he didn’t care. His heart lifted as he laid eyes upon the car and he was glad to avoid an even longer walk just so that no one at all might see him catch a ride.

Really, that would be the height of paranoia. People got driven to and from school all the time. This shouldn’t look any different. Not at all.

“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” Light said as he slid into the passenger seat. “I could just kiss you.” As expected, he was quite taken with the urge to kiss his dark-haired lover as soon as he set sights on him, his pale skin and his sexy smile.

“Might wanna wait,” L suggested with amusement, “seeing as half the school is filing by. But hey, if the mood takes you…”

Light scoffed at him and his thinly veiled implication of him being an exhibitionist. “Just drive.”

L laughed softly, reaching out to gently cuff him in the jaw with bemused affection. “Hmm, listen to the way he just lets orders slip out, with not a lick of shame,” L said archly as he began to pull away from the curb. “What impertinence for a boy scout who isn’t even old enough to drive.”

Yeah, feelings or not, L was probably not going to lose the urge to harass him.

“I’ll show you what you can lick,” Light tossed back testily, though he leaned in to say it in L’s ear and then sharply nipped his earlobe. They were past the school now, so it was fine.

L made a small noise that was almost too faint to hear, but it set off a pulse of desire in his belly, as did the brief flickering of L’s eyelids over his dark eyes.

Light played at his ear, drawing more of those delightful reactions. He purposely ignored the baiting over his age and didn’t bother to dignify the ribbing with a response. He was old enough to drive. L was just being a smug bastard and teasing him every chance he got. Besides, whoever got a reaction was the winner. And right now, he was winning. Ha.

“Mmm… you know…” L said, “you might not want me to stop this car right now, seeing as it is practically high noon out here.”

“Oh? Finding it hard to control yourself?” He nuzzled the smooth column of L’s throat. He smelled as enticing as ever.

“Tease.”

“What,” Light said unrepentantly as if he wasn’t doing just that, “I put out.” He flicked his tongue over a sensitive pulse point and felt L shudder.

Damn it was hot when he reacted so viscerally like that…

“You are vastly limiting our venue options for this afternoon.” L’s voice thrummed with the effect that his ministrations were having upon him. He played it off though.

This perked Light’s interest. “Hm? What do you mean?”

Dark eyes slanted his way. “I thought I’d take you out.”

Light blinked at him, utterly shocked. “Like… a date?” Pretty much, they’d only ever met at the club and gotten up to being indecent, or met at L’s and gotten indecent. Well, or met at his parent’s house, though that could go either way.

He’d wondered many times before what something like a date would possibly be like with L... as opposed to the ones he’d had with Marin, for instance. He’d also wondered what it would be like to just hang out with him, kind of like how he hung out with his cousin. Was he actually going to get a chance to find out?

L shrugged. “Yeah why not? Though you are making a solid argument for keeping with tradition.”

“Oh, decisions…” Light said in a put-upon voice.

There certainly _was_ something to be said for tradition... and he certainly did feel inclined to keep to it at the moment… yet, he was intrigued by this deviation in their standard encounters.

He felt his face heat a little bit and hoped that it wasn’t noticeable. It seemed to him like kind of a big deal that L was thinking about stuff like this. He wondered again what such a date would even be like, or where L would decide to take them. The thought of doing stuff with him that normal couples do made him nervous and also go a little warm inside.

On the other hand, the pleasant thrum of desire whispered to him of forgoing new experiences such as that, in favor of getting hot and nekkid, like they were so good at.

“I doubt there’s time for both,” L said helpfully.

Light flushed.

 _Damn him._ L was getting way too good at guessing his thoughts. He needed to check in a mirror later to see how badly his face gave him away.

“All right,” Light said. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

L was so good at everything else, he challenged him to be good at something as mundane as taking someone out on a date. He’d hardly be in a position to use his most _compelling_ skills…

* * *

TBC


	41. (phase 2) A Standard Date - part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marin's mind is a flurry of distraction as she contemplates Light and his mystery lover. Light and L begin their night out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Fri Sept 8) Hurricane IRMA is on its way to smack the everliving shit out of florida, my homestate, after banging the islands. Went to a friend's place up in alabama and will be out of the worst of it.
> 
> but we could still lose power when IRMA heads north, not sure yet. if there aren't updates for a while - power issues.
> 
> anyone reading this, please keep us all in your hearts, thoughts, or prayers. thank you. -Z

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

 

_ Part 41: A Standard Date - part I  _

What with the more public environments they’d be frequenting on something like a date, L would hardly be in a position to use his most _compelling_ skills…

Light doubted that he’d be completely crippled without getting to use those, but he’d certainly have to make some severe adjustments. Maybe it would be as big of a difference as it had been watching Jayden at that party - stifling his true nature and impulses - which had been pretty entertaining in the end. How would L do with something like that? Would he handle it gracefully, or would he have a noticeable edge of frustration? And how amusing might that promise to be…?

“I wouldn’t encourage that line of thought,” L said, catching on to some quality of the silence.

“Whatever do you mean?” Light played up the innocence in his voice until it was just short of mocking.

“Mmm hmm.” L’s eyes marked his with an appraising stare. “And what happened to that delightful blush that was blazing across your face just moments ago?”

Light cursed as that dredged up a bit of a flush, despite him.

“Getting ahead of yourself hm?” L reached out and caressed his face with his angular hand, not needing to take his eyes off of the road overmuch. It was a subversive touch, and made his face heat further. “Assumptions will get you into trouble, _Akanbo_ ,” L warned sweetly, with a layer of something that felt vaguely menacing lurking beneath.

Light pulled that hand from his skin, shuddering a little as it managed to brush down the soft hollow of his throat with a possessive touch before leaving him. His head felt a little cloudy as it stirred up a complex mix of reactions. Annoyance, desire, trepidation... fixation. It wasn’t unlike the way L had him all mixed up the night before they got back together, plying him with dark lust and uncertainty as his boundaries were pushed to breaking.

Actually, how _did_ he feel about all of that? It seemed with all of the commotion, and the riot of his emotions, that he all too quickly shoved that from his mind. And once they had actually gotten back together, it had been pushed back even further.

_Well, he did apologize for all of it…_

_I guess._

Light chewed lightly on the inside of his lip, eyes sightlessly watching the scenery go by the window. Maybe it was more his _own_ reaction to it that he hadn’t processed. That gave him pause and he stopped to think on it further. It had been humiliating… and at times infuriating… but it had also gotten to him in other ways. He couldn’t deny that it had done nothing to dim his desire to meet L’s mouth with his own and feel their hands and bodies connect.

It was a little disturbing to know that L could stir him up like that, into such a state of agitated confusion and yet he still couldn’t stop the _wanting_. L hadn’t said it in so many words, but Light got the impression that he didn’t totally regret the entire thing. Sure, L felt bad about not taking his wanting to talk seriously, and that he was trying at the time to push him away and end things. But, it wasn’t so simple and Light felt certain that there were moments when L had been thoroughly engaged and into it. That he had liked it…

Maybe that was the most confusing of all, because the thought made him sort of mad (though he knew L had more than a little bit of a dark streak) and yet it sort of appealed to him in a debased kind of way which he wasn’t really sure what to do with. He couldn’t deny that a challenge of wills between them was thrilling.

Light brought his hand up to his mouth and chewed distractedly upon his thumbnail.

It had been intense.

Things between them usually were.

If there hadn’t been the component of their relationship on the verge of expiring in a death shroud of flames… and if he hadn’t been chewing on the silence and been bowing and scraping to be heard… how much more accepting of the situation would he have been? The things that he’d been against with every shred of his being had more to do with L’s curt manner, his dismissiveness, and the ‘fucking without feelings’.

The other things he was against more on ‘principle’... and because it compromised his dignity; and that was where the true clash of wills lay - which could end up being so inspiring.

“Hey,” L said, breaking into the vulturous circles of his thoughts.

Light realized they had stopped. The car was even parked.

“Didn’t think choosing what you wanna eat would be so taxing.”

Light was about to protest, as L hadn’t said a damn thing about food, but then he realized that it wasn’t really about that at all. L had a carefully inquisitive look in his eyes that said he knew Light had been thinking about something else entirely. He was scanning his face with a watchful gaze.

Just then, even though they weren’t exactly in the most secluded area, L leaned in and brushed a tentative kiss against his lips. It seemed regretful or maybe apologetic... and was poignant in a way that tugged at things in Light’s chest like sharpened strings.

“Chinese?” L said softly, pulling back. “Italian?” His eyes hadn’t lost that assessing quality that almost looked like it could be concern. He wasn’t really asking about the food. He was asking if he was ok.

“You’re assuming I’m hungry?” Light said, raising a brow. He tried to collect himself.

A small smile quirked up the corner of L’s mouth. “Kids are always hungry. Unless they’re moping about something they shouldn’t.” Light got the feeling he was now referring to earlier in that week when he hadn’t been eating, and that he’d better not be working up to something like that. Not in an irritated way, though. Light guessed he was just trying to feel it out.

“Besides,” L continued, sounding a little teasing now, “how can we have a cliched date without going out to eat?”

Light flushed suddenly with surprise. _How had he--?_ That was entirely too close to the _exact_ thoughts he’d been having not long before, wondering how L would manage something as tame and as straightforward as a date, when he always seemed to exude edginess and base desires as easy as breathing.

L smiled, and it was no longer tentative. “Oh, you thought I wouldn’t guess at that? You probably thought I was incapable of doing something mind numbingly ‘normal’...” his eyes looked mischievous and his tone was both mocking and indulgent as he put Light on the spot “... that I couldn’t pull off a simple thing like a date and that I’d have to _prove_ it to you.” He pressed a condescending kiss to Light’s mouth then, silencing his useless protests. Reaction, and embarrassment at being caught outright, flicked through him and he could feel the tingling shoot down to his toes. L stayed in close, the proximity making his head spin, and said against his lips, “Challenge accepted.”

* * *

 

Marin chewed on the end of her pen, a nasty habit that she was almost rid of, except when she was incredibly irritated or distracted as she was now.

She sat at her desk at home and stared sightlessly over her homework.

After school, she’d successfully kept eyes on Light. She was certain now that whomever was driving the black car that was waiting for him was the one that he was now involved with. Seeing him going somewhere to spend time with someone, when previously the very notion of that was laughable in its likelihood…. it chaffed.

It wasn’t only because of the timing that made her think that. It was the way Light’s expression echoed the ones she’d seen him wear when texting - when she suspected he was communicating with this person.

This person who she could see through the windshield of the dated black musclecar….

No _girl_ would be caught out driving that car. That was a given, even if she _hadn’t_ been able to see that the driver was a guy and that he had dark hair.

“And yet…” she muttered to herself, showing the plastic pen no mercy. She still didn’t have her answer as to specifically who it was. _They **all** have dark hair - Jayden, Jayden, and L._ Which one was it?? She didn’t trust any of them.

“ _Argh!_ ” she exclaimed as something Light had said drifted back to her.

 _‘Together,’_ he’d said. _‘Fucking.’_

Light had never shown any inclination towards boys! Why the hell would that change now?

It galled her that she could see something happening with _any_ of the three suspects.

A soft rapping at the door indicated someone was standing outside her room.

“Marin?” her mother called, “Are you okay?”

“Math,” Marin said in an aggravated tone, choosing a likely falsehood to explain her outburst.

“Ah,” her mother responded in a tone that said she quite agreed. After a moment she seemed to drift off down the hall.

Marin shook her head, mind settling back to the matter at hand.

 ** _I_** _should be the one seeing him like that,_ she seethed. Her competition was getting to see a side of Light that she hadn’t. One that she desired more than anything.

Her memories and imagination started supplying imagery of Light and herself in some wonderfully compromising scenarios. She could practically see his face, hear his voice in her ear….. feel his body pressing up against hers….

She flushed.

_It should be ME! Not some random **guy**. UGH!!_

What was he _thinking_?!

Had the situation with his parents made him lose his mind?

Maybe he was just going for someone who had a car??

No, it was probably something more than that.

But no matter. What she had to do now was quite simple. She had the license plate number of the car. Now, she just had to catch sight of the driver and identify him without a doubt. Then, she could get even.

\---

Light rested his chin on his hand and gazed at L with a slightly raised eyebrow. “I can’t believe you’ve managed to behave yourself this whole time.”

They’d just had an amazingly uneventful meal, which was actually kinda nice. It was the first meal they’d ever shared, and something so normal as that seemed almost _abnormal_ , for them, and also incredibly precious.

L gave him a laid-back smile. There was a touch of mischievousness to it.

The waitress came by and poured them two cups of coffee. L thanked her and set about tossing things into the bitter brew. Sugar, creamer, and also a chocolate stirring stick. He swirled it with a languid hand. “Unlike my cousin, I can be classy like that.” He gave Light a surreptitious glance as he lifted the stir stick into the air and not-so-innocently licked the melting chocolate with an upward flick of his tongue and bedroom eyes. “If I want.”

Light flushed and felt L watching with lazy amusement as he hid it behind taking a long sip of his black coffee.

“Dessert?” L asked with a teasing smile.

Light gave him a skeptical look. _What is he up to?_

L’s leg brushed up against his, solicitously, the smile not changing one bit. “Come on, now. Didn’t you want the _full_ experience?” His voice was slightly mocking.

Light put a hand over his face. Now that he’d said something, L was really turning it up a few notches. Not only that, but being reminded of the cliche date experience he’d kind of wanted to try having with L made him feel somewhat foolish. Embarrassment and harassment aside, he did sort of want the whole deal. This entire experience was a complete novelty for him. Not only was it their first time out together, it seemed like the first time that they had been together really talking and not just being on the verge of losing self-control with each other. L was going to tease him mercilessly, he was sure.

Light peered through his fingers. “What happened to ‘classy’?” he asked drolly.

A wide smile spread across L’s face. Beautific. He was way too amused. “Small doses,” he said.

“Dessert?” their waitress asked as she passed by their table.

“What do you have?” L asked, turning to her and turning on the charm with a smooth voice and sexy smile. (Light was pretty sure he was doing it for the purpose of putting on a show and getting a reaction out of him.)

She grew slightly flustered at the undivided attention, and rushed through the desserts by memory even though there were still menus on the table.

(The poor girl had no idea L didn’t swing that way. Hell, if he was simply an onlooker, he wouldn’t have guessed it either.)

“What’s good?” his dark-haired companion asked enigmatically.

“It’s all good…” she started, likely having been coached to say that.

L erased the words with a graceful sweeping of his hand and gave her mesmerizing eyes to go along with that smile. “What would you estimate is _‘better than sex’_ good?”

Light practically choked on his coffee.

The waitress didn’t notice, being too flustered herself. “I-I don’t think we have anything like that here…” She also seemed vaguely apologetic and quite attentive, like she didn’t want to disappoint him.

“A pity.” L leaned back in the booth, pretending to be disappointed. “What is your runner up?”

“T-Tiramisu…?”

“I’ll take one of those for my friend here.”

“And for you?”

“Ice cream?” He pretended to think. “I’m feeling vanilla today,” he said, then slid those mischievous eyes over to Light. “Vanilla suits me, don’t you think?”

_Oh jeezus._

“Hardly,” Light returned. The very idea was laughable. As he could personally attest to, L was about as un-vanilla as they come. He hoped the waitress wasn’t catching on to what they were really talking about with this double speak.

“What about chocolate syrup?” L asked innocently, implying things with his eyes, “Drizzled _all_ over?” His voice dropped a little and he drew out the word ‘all’ with soft emphasis.

Light could picture it. He’d never been in a situation to mix food and sex but this was certainly fueling his imagination. His body throbbed as he envisioned doing the drizzling himself and licking the delicate lines of chocolate off of L’s smooth, pale skin.

“Like a sundae?” the waitress supplied, trying to be helpful.

L dragged his gaze from Light just as his eyes were starting to get that ravenous look in them. “Yes, like a sundae,” he said perkily as if she had guessed the very thing he was trying to name. “With a cherry or two on top. Stems on.”

She returned his smile and promised to be back soon with their order.

Light braced himself as L’s dark eyes swung back to him. He radiated smugness and wore an indulgent smile. “Have I ever told you,” L said lazily, “how much I love that I can practically read your dirty thoughts from the expressions on your face?”

“That’s only because you’re the one who put them there.”

“From the look of it, I think we both agree it’s a worthy idea to test out,” L said with a self-satisfied smile.

Light made a face at him, knowing he’d already been quite transparent and that verbal confirmation of that assessment was not needed. He was finding it monumentally difficult to keep his mind out of the gutter once L had started up this flirtatious manner with the waitress.

L’s leg brushed along his enticingly and his eyes flashed with the enamored look. “Oh, you should know by now that catty responses like that only get me going,” he said with smirking lips.

Light bit his lip a wave of desire rolled through him. Yeah, he did sort of know that, if he thought about it…. it had just been an instinctual response though….

L leaned across the table, dark eyes swimming with lust. “You make it hard for me to want to behave,” he murmured engagingly. His expression promised a multitude of diversions with which they could distract themselves.

Light found that his brain was supplying quite a few on its own.

“Ah, I can’t take you anywhere,” L sighed, resting his chin on his hand and gazing into Light’s pretty eyes. “Those indecent faces of yours make me want to do _veeery_ bad things to you.”

The waitress arrived with their desserts. L didn’t bother to lift his head from his hand but he did look up and toss her a wink. He slid the ice cream dish in front of him with one hand and lifted a spoonful to his lips. Looking at Light with sly eyes he tilted the spoon at an upward angle and lazily swept his tongue up the creamy whiteness in an overtly sexual manner.

Light was transfixed and couldn’t quite stop staring.

He realized that their ‘normal’ date was getting hijacked but he couldn’t quite find it in himself to stop. When L was being solicitous, it was damn near impossible to resist. He wanted to grab hold of him and crush those dangerous lips against his. He wanted way more than that as well…

“I’d rather be tasting _you_ ,” L murmured, only just loud enough for him to hear, “hot and hard on my tongue.”

Light flushed red.

Goddamnit he was so turned on right now.

L’s eyes shone at him with veiled secrets. “It’s so hard to be good….” he trailed, picking up a cherry and dragging it through the icecream before holding it up for inspection. “When all I can think about is feeling your trembling thighs beneath my hands… and your gasps against my mouth.”

Light found himself wishing that he was that cherry as a talented tongue swirled around the bright red curved surface, licking off the soft vanilla ice cream that clung to it. The cherry slid between his lips then, and was lightly plucked back out again with a faint, sensual ‘pop’. Desire was flooding him even more sharply than before as he imagined other things L could be doing with that mouth. L watched him watching this little display, looking about as engaged as he felt.

“You’re never gonna make it through this date,” L said with amusement.

“Oh, like you are,” Light shot back, still rather obsessing on the idea of dragging him across the table into a heated liplock. It was getting harder to remember they were sitting in a booth at a restaurant and should not be doing, saying, or thinking any of what they currently were.

“You haven’t even touched your dessert.”

“Too busy watching you molest yours,” Light said under his breath.

“Want a taste?” L asked innocently, offering a spoonful of the sundae. His eyes urged him to do it, no questions asked.

Light shrugged slightly and started to take a bite.

“Don’t forget to swallow,” L leaned forward to say in a silky whisper.

Light barely managed to avoid inhaling the ice cream. “Asshole,” he choked out, glaring at his dark-haired companion.

L shook his head, bemused. “You are just so goddamn _adorable_. I can’t help myself.”

He seemed to be serious.

“Your lack of self-control is losing you this challenge.”

L did a rendition of a pout. “Aw, that’s no fun…”

As much as Light wanted to fuck L’s brains out, or vice versa, he also didn’t want to waste this chance to see this through. As much as he loved these exchanges and the churning of desire that was called forth so easily with L’s expert teasing, he still wanted to finish this date. Though he wasn’t quite sure how to manage it at the moment, what with this rampant desire flashing through him.

“What do I get if you lose?” he asked innocently.

“What do I get if I win?” L asked just as innocently.

“Truthfully, it might be along the same lines.”

L’s eyes flashed with amusement and he let out a rolling chuckle. “I like the way you think.” He paused, considering. “But there must still be a wager.”

“Winner gets to do whatever they want with the loser, no complaints.”

“Oh?” L arched a brow at him. “Do you have ideas swimming around in that head of yours, _Akanbo_?”

He most certainly did. Several of their encounters had left him wondering what it might be like if L was at _his_ mercy, to play with as he liked. He’d caught tantalizing glimpses of what it would be like to be in control.

“I guess you’ll find out,” he said sweetly.

“Oooh dangerous,” L drawled playfully, his eyes saying he was onto Light’s plan. “But two can play at that game. If I win, no complaints?” His smile was unsettling.

Trepidation filtered in.

It was almost enough to make him back down. _Almost._

 _There’s no way he’ll be able to tone himself down for the remainder of the night. I have this in the bag._ “Winning means you actually have to behave yourself.”

“I’ll be a perfect gentleman,” L purred, making him flush one last time. “Scout’s honor.” Infuriatingly, he held his hand up in a salute as if they were both fellow scouts.

Light raised an eyebrow. “You **_do_** know that I was never--”

L smiled widely.

The waitress came back by. “Was the desert not to your liking?” she asked Light, seeing that it was untouched.

“He was eyeing mine,” L said innocently, alluding to the indecent food porn. “But I’m sure he’ll enjoy what I ordered him.”

 _‘He’ll enjoy what I order him to do’_ \- **that** was what he was really saying.

Light kicked him under the table. L’s mouth twitched as he held back a grin. As soon as the waitress left, Light said, “You’re _that_ sure of yourself - that you’ll win?”

“Indubitably.”

L took a normal bite of his ice cream. “I _would_ add,” he said slyly, gesturing with his spoon, “that **_I_** will most certainly enjoy whatever I order you to do when I win... but alas, the game is afoot!”

“No more freebies,” Light said, sinking his spoon into the spongy soft layers of tiramisu.

“Aw, what a taskmaster,” L complained to his ice cream. He was busily reformatting himself into something more socially acceptable, and didn’t even go for the wink that his tone of voice practically begged him to do. He was set on winning this thing.

After all of that high stakes flirting, it was hard to imagine what ‘normal’ things they could possibly talk about.

L wasn’t quiet for long. He seemed to have an idea on that. “So tell me,” he began in all seriousness, only losing it towards the end, “and this is a valid question. But, do you put out on the first date?”

* * *

By the time they got to the movie theater, L had earned 2 of an allotted 3 ‘red flags’, which were apparently a necessary addition to the rules as L kept toeing the line of what was acceptable. One more and he lost the challenge.

“Okay, let’s see…” L said, regarding their movie options. “Now, I would ask this of any date,” he prefaced his question. “But would you go for 1. A movie on its way out, even if you don’t care to see it or 2. Something that actually looks good?”

“Why would I want to see a movie I don’t want to see?”

A pitying look was sent his way. “One movie is meant to be watched, the other isn’t.”

The lightbulb hadn’t quite turned on.

L subtly leaned in to prompt him, “Dark, empty theater…”

 _OH._ Light mentally smacked himself in the forehead. He was talking about fooling around, OR watching a movie. “In my defense, I’ve only been on like one other date and it was not at the movies.”

L smiled at him. “I’m sure the mood would have taken you, had you been in that situation… filling your head with all manner of thoughts.” He ruffled Light’s hair. “You poor, sheltered thing,” he switched to teasing.

Light ducked out of reach and regarded the board once more.

L joined him. “So, what’ll it be? Make the challenge infinitely harder for me?”

Light thought about it. It was a tough call. He really did want to win…. and being in a secluded darkened room with L was sure to make keeping their hands off of each other impossible….  which would secure his win if L initiated anything. But at the same time, he didn’t really want to pay to not watch some movie he’d probably hate.

“Isn’t there something halfway decent that is almost at the end of its run? I’d kind of like to actually watch something with you…”

L pulled him into a one-armed hug and squeezed. “Oh my god, you’re so cute,” he said under his breath so no one but Light could hear. “So earnest.” He continued to peruse the board. “It totally makes me want to violate you.”

“You really want that red flag, don’t you?” Light whispered back.

“...in a totally... gentlemanly way,” he amended.

“You paused before you said gentlemanly.”

“Self edit. I figured the ‘un-’ would earn me a flag.”

“Ha. You’d probably be right. But I’ll let you slide.”

“Biting…. my… tongue….”

“By all means, speak your mind,” Light teased in a solicitous voice. “I’m sure I’d _love_ to hear it.”

“Nope. No easy wins for you.” He pointed to the board. “How about that one? Action, some comedy, probably lots of explosions. Should be out of the box office by the end of the weekend.”

“Is that the kind of movie you like?” He was genuinely curious.

“Unless _Secret Letter_ is getting another shot in the box office,” L said facetiously.

“Ugh, I got forced to watch that at home.”

“Haha!”

“Shut up. My family likes horrible movies.”

“Oh, not one for the romance, eh?” L mocked him mercilessly. “I _never_ would have guessed.”

“If you aren’t careful, I might vindictively choose a newly released chick flick just to watch you suffer.”

“In the short term perhaps. Until I collect my surprisingly easy win.”

“Damnit.” L was right, with a crowded theater, there would be a compelling reason **not** to fool around. L would be more likely to behave himself, which would shoot Light in the foot and enable L to maybe win this thing after all.

L smiled. “Decisions, decisions.” His eyes looked warm and luminous as they regarded him. He looked like he wanted to brush a kiss across his lips. “Just how badly did you want to win?” he asked softly, in a borderline indecent voice.

Oh, he _did_ want to win. He did…

He also wanted to indulge himself in the welcoming, decadent heat of L’s mouth. Which he could probably do if he went for a movie that would have an empty theater. But he also liked the idea of watching L suffer the other movie, as payback. And because L didn't think he'd go through with it.

It made for quite the difficult decision.

Torture L now with having to watch the chick flick, or torture L later when he collected on his win…?

He was rather a fan of both.

Winning this bet would be the most intriguing outcome. To do that he should probably pick the empty theater and challenge L’s ability to abstain from fooling around. But that would be the obvious choice and he was pretty sure that L could keep himself in check for the sake of winning.

The chick flick though… That was the less obvious choice; however, it might garner the highest return for success. L wouldn’t be guarding against him as hard, it being in a more crowded theater, and he could probably provoke him into initiating something and losing. Plus, it came with the added bonus of torturing L; he was 98 percent sure it was not anywhere near what L would chose to watch, given a preference. Boredom alone might make L lose the wager.

L was watching him run his calculations. “It might be dangerous to assume what sort of movies I may or may not like,” he suggested. “Any surprises there would be to your detriment.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “Is that psych-out your fancy way of trying to beg me not to pick the chick flick?”

“I would _never_.” His lighthearted tone carried a mockery of being offended. “This is a **bet** afterall.” He looked away and coughed theatrically. “Although if you _really_ have a burning desire to see the sorts of movies your family likes…” he said, sounding like a martyr.

“Haha you are so transparent,” Light said with a devious glint to his expression. “You want to avoid it even if it means making things harder on yourself.”

“Nonsense. But I hear the action flick is a real nut twister. A must see. Also, I have faith in my self-control.” He paused, as if with thought. “Mostly.”

“Alright, action it is.”

“Phew!” L let out a long breath. “I really thought you were going to go for the other one, out of spite.”

“Spite?” Light said in a soft, solicitous voice. “Maybe I just like to see you squirm.”

“Oooh,” L said under his breath, with a secretive smile. “Do talk dirty to me.”

“Flag number three totally has your name on it,” Light said, dropping his voice into something less suitable for public consumption. “Please continue. I’m looking forward to it.” He paused delicately, allowing his eyes to reflect the many scenarios on his mind, then said, “To my win, I mean.”

L bit his lip, looking like reaction had slipped through him with some intensity. “I admit it,” he uttered under his breath lightheartedly. “I’m torn.”

“Then lose,” Light said engagingly.

“However,” he continued, “spoiler alert, I seem to be rather fond of winning.”

“You know, they say that to truly appreciate something, you have to experience the opposite.”

“Is that so?” L feigned ignorance. “Can’t say that I’ve heard that one. Maybe that’s just a bedtime story people tell themselves when they lose.” He tilted Light’s chin up with the stroke of his finger. “Speaking of beds… I’ll read it to you later, in mine.”

Warmth filtered through Light’s body, even despite the teasing. He put his hand around L’s to pull it down from his face but gave him an openly lascivious look. “Do go on, I’m at about three quarters of a flag.” He went more heavily for the innuendo. “Don’t leave me at half mast.”

“That math doesn’t add up,” L said distractedly, staring into his eyes.

“It will if you let it,” he solicited him. It was just on a whim but he wanted to see if he could get L to lose before they even set foot in the theater.

After two aborted attempts, L successfully ripped his eyes away. “You are _naughty_ ,” he drawled softly. “Saboteur.” He was still looking away. “We should have red flags for _you_.”

“Are you saying your overstated your _confidence_ _?_ ” Light mocked L's self control with a self-satisfied smile, “or your _ability_?” It wasn’t too often he could see the visible evidence of getting to L. Now that he had, it was fueling thoughts of taking it further, getting more of those reactions and trailing eyes.

“ _Au contraire_ ,” L returned beautifully in French. “You’re just making me work harder _,”_ he said ‘harder’ in an indecent tone, with eyes to match, “and I like it hard.”

“I could flag you for that,” Light said, resisting the urge to fan himself as heat flashed through him.

“But you won’t. Do you know why?”

“Can’t say that I do.”

“One, you earned me a pass with your rousing attempt to sabotage me. Two, if you give me a flag I _will_ buy us tickets to the chick flick just to make **you** suffer.”

“Or, we could just skip the movie,” Light proposed suggestively.

“Don’t tempt me, boy.”

“Even if it doesn’t mean your loss?” he added impishly.

L cursed under his breath, looking like he was undergoing an intense moral crisis, and muttered something about empty wins. “I swear I will see this through, despite you,” he vowed. “Be right back.” He went to get the tickets.

Light smiled to himself, thoroughly amused.

Like with the meal, L paid for both of them. He waved off the thanks, then joked about having ulterior motives. It seemed like a cover.

It was kind of sweet, Light thought, that L was going full tilt on this, even down to paying for both of them.

“You want anything from Concession?” his dark-haired companion asked as they walked inside. “My treat.”

See? It was totally sweet of him, and quite at odds with his usual manner. Light was reminded just then of having a similar thought the Sunday after the party (and the unusually intense sex they’d had in the car afterwards). At that time, he’d noticed a deeper connection seemed to have formed between them. Maybe even that feelings were getting stronger. When he’d seen L that next day at his parents, there was a new quality to their interactions. Small looks, gestures, and interludes that struck him as being soft, almost sweet. They were things he hadn’t suspected L was even capable of, and they tugged his heartstrings unerringly.

L’s manner just now was like that. The near constant veneer of humor and wit had dropped just a little, showing an easy smile that was without artifice. It wasn’t poised to tease or mock, it simply _was_.

“How about…” Light trailed, pretending to look at the options for food, drink, and candy, “An extra large popcorn and soda, skittles, gobstoppers, whoppers, nachos, shoestring twizzlers, and a fried snickers bar.”

“Good god,” L said, appalled, “you’re worse than Jayden.”

“Ughhh,” Light said, looking appalled in turn, “he would really order all of that?”

“Have you met him? He can be a total glutton.”

Light shuddered.

“So, seriously,” L said, “you want anything? I personally would vote for the shoestring twizzlers, though I wouldn’t be able to put them to the _proper_ use in a theater.”

“You could always get them for later,” he suggested slyly, intrigued. “Providing you win.”

“That is a most excellent point, and all the more reason **_to_** win.”

L bought some, and also some german raspberries. He said he liked the texture as he rolled them on his tongue. And, the sugar rush, he added.

They made their way to the theater that was showing their movie. Light noticed an incredibly buoyant feeling in his chest. He snuck a look at L as they walked side by side. From all appearances they could just be two friends out to see a flick. Not for the first time, he admired the laid back stroll with which L usually seemed to move, and the poise with which he carried his lean body. He always looked so at home in his surroundings and also exuded that slight edginess which was so compelling on him. Just now, L surreptitiously flashed him a quick smile and warm eyes as he was caught staring at him.

Light felt his face heat a little and he looked away as that expression intensified the emotions he was feeling.

It was nothing short of amazing to be here like this, right now. After all of the hangups, false starts, drama, and restrictions…. he was really here like this, with this person he’d come to love just as much as he desired him, spending time doing something that was just the two of them. It sort of gave him butterflies. Something simple like this… it made their relationship seem more real somehow. More grounded.

A fissure of trepidation accompanied the happiness he was feeling, as it usually did.

Could something like this really last? Could he have faith in it? That it wouldn’t disintegrate, or slip through his fingers?

He wanted to believe.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reviews are love. Send some love! Tell me what you think! xoxo  
> Thanks guys, much appreciated! <3


	42. (phase 2) A Standard Date - part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> During their date, Light and L made a wager. The winner becomes clear.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 42: A Standard Date - part II  _

“Why so serious?” L asked lightly as they settled into their seats. The darkened theater was practically dead. No one really was around.

“It’s nothing.” His musings didn’t really need to make it to the outside. It was just hopes and fears. Nothing that really needed shared.

“Mmmm,” L said, somehow conveying the thought _‘it’s never nothing with you’_ , which he’d voiced before. “Worried about what I’ll do with those twizzlers, hm?” he teased with faux concern.

“Hardly,” he quipped back. “It’s you who should be worried - about the creative uses **I** put them to after I win.”

“Oh no you don’t, these are mine. If you’ll recall, it’s the chocolate syrup you’d practically laid claim to.”

Heat pooled in Light’s belly as he recalled the striking visuals of earlier which only partially involved icecream. “Not for _this_ ,” he argued back. “If I win, I’m going to make you _suffer_ and you looked way too interested in the syrup for that to even make it on the menu.”

L nodded sagely and unconcernedly popped a german raspberry into his mouth. “You know, sometimes sweetness has its place in torture as well.” L leaned in to demonstrate, brushing a gentle mouth against his. The softness of the touch shot through him and his face flushed. Slow, meandering touches of unhurried lips made a poignant desire pool in his belly.

When L’s mouth started to mesh with his, the taste of sugar caressed his tastebuds in a wave. One of the raspberry candies was suddenly brushing against his tongue with its knobby, intriguing texture. He made a small noise as L rolled it over his tongue, creating a stimulating sensation.

His dark-haired lover pulled back a little. “Thought you’d like to try one,” he whispered intimately.

Light chewed the fruity gummy candy with its slightly crunchy, sugary non-pareils. “I like it,” he said languidly, wanting nothing more than for L to kiss him like that again. “Can I have another?”

“Hm?” L leaned in to say against his lips, brushing them tantalizingly with his own. “And what will I get for such selfless sharing?”

He knew that if he actively succumbed to L’s teasing advances, especially without flagging him, he would forfeit. The point was to keep his composure while L lost his. However…

“Well,” he supposed, “I might just happen to lose track of that last red flag, for a little while.”

L leered at him. “Oh, don’t do _that_ ,” he said softly. “Or it’ll be a lot more than candy that you’ll be getting.”

Oh damn, but that didn’t sound like a bad deal at all.

“What do you say?” L solicited him. “Give up the win?” He traced the seam of Light’s slightly parted lips. “I promise _not_ to be gentle…” he trailed wantonly.

The words speared through him and he had to bite his lip.

Loud music piped through the speakers suddenly, making him jump, announcing that the movie was beginning.

L nuzzled his neck, cheek, and then whispered hotly in his ear, “The music is loud enough, I bet no one would hear you cry out as I violated you.” There were indeed a few people in the theater now, stragglers. His tongue traced the curve of Light’s ear, making him shiver. “Concede,” he practically purred, sex riding his voice, “and let me punish you later, at my leisure.” L’s voice dropped a bit lower and was like dark silk, “I promise to treasure every gasp, shudder, and broken cry.” His hand caressed Light’s inner thigh, making him bite his lip against the noise threatened to escape him.

“Submit?” L queried, eyes gleaming in the half light.

“Red… flag…?” Light struggled to get out.

God, he was at his limit.

“This is going to be one looooooooooooong movie for you,” L said sweetly. “Are you sure you’re going to make it?”

Damnit. He had a point.

His body was aching so bad…

“I’d suggest we take this to the bathroom,” L chuckled, “but somehow I doubt you’d be able to walk.”

“Damnit,” he whispered with aggravation, “you should have lost about 5 flags ago.”

“It’s your own fault,” L responded, trailing fingers from Light’s kneecap to his aching need. “You kept pushing the issue AND giving me free passes….” he sounded amused and turned on. “It’s almost like you _wanted_ me to win.”

“Maybe we should call it a draw,” he forced out.

“Oh no,” L said softly. “I have plans for you. And, no complaints, remember?”

“That’s…. what I’m afraid of…”

“It’s adorable how thoroughly you shot yourself in the foot.”

“Ugh….”

“When it’s over, I’ll give you something nice,” he promised.

That did little to comfort him.

“But for now,” L said, “nothing can be gained by waiting this out. Give in.” He began tracing lazy circles on Light’s thighs.

“Fuck you,” he gasped out weakly. “I only lose if I _let_ you--”

“One, you _are_ already letting me,” L said infuriatingly, “Two, I thought you wanted to _watch_ this movie with me. You mean to tell me you can concentrate like this?”

Light tilted his head back against the seat, closing his eyes and letting out a shaky breath. _Stop being right!_ he thought with irritation. “I can’t do anything _here_ …” he protested.

“Hm?” L prompted. “Then where would you do it?” He was smug. Way too fucking smug. “Seems like your options are pretty limited. Unless you can will _that_ away.”

“Maybe I will,” he ground out, lacking conviction.

“I’d loooove to see you try,” L said engagingly.

Light busily started picturing anything and anyone that would make his desire weaken.

“More than that,” L added in a heated whisper, making his face flush, “I looove watching you fight _yourself_.”

Desire rippled through him even more persistently.

 _What am I supposed to do? I can’t do anything **here**. _ Even just considering it was making his face burn up with shame. But L was right, getting himself through the lobby to where the bathroom was would be difficult as well. Not to mention being seen like this... He wouldn’t be able to hide the evidence of his arousal. _It would be totally obvious!_

“Your face is so red, I can practically see it in the dark.”

“I hate you.”

“Mmmm I hate you, too,” L said engagingly, with a soft laugh. Then he pulled Light into a rough, heated, violating kiss.

Pleasure stabbed through Light so hard he couldn’t see straight. His head grew hazy almost immediately and a moan threatened to crawl up from the back of his throat. His body was throbbing now to the beat of his racing pulse.

L threaded a hand into his hair, holding Light in place as he’d started to pull away from this fire that was igniting his lust.

_Oh… Jesus….._

Rational thought was now over. Fucked, annihilated, OVER.

There was nothing to fight. Everything in his being had turned traitor: his body, his mind… his higher functions… his sense of right and wrong…. his sense of propriety…………….

“Hand or mouth?” L asked him in what had to be the sexiest voice **ever**.

_God, either would be….. beyond amazing right now…._

Whatever scrap of shame he had left compelled him to choose ‘hand’. It would leave him with a mess under his clothes, but the thought of L unzipping his pants and giving him head in a public place was just….

His body throbbed.

“Mouth it is,” L announced softly, with amusement.

“What? No--” he tried to protest.

“Shhh,” L said, teasing him with maddening kisses. “Didn’t I tell you I could read your dirty thoughts, written all over your face?”

Light’s face burned hot.

He couldn’t…..

L unbuttoned his pants with one hand. Light’s uncertain noise of desire was muffled in the wet embrace of their mouths.

L slowly slid the zipper down.

His heart was beating faster now, like it would break out of his skin…. Desire was throttling him.

_I shouldn’t…._

L lifted Light’s forearm to his own mouth. “Bite down,” he said caressingly, “If you don’t want anyone to hear you.”

The next thing he knew, he was doing just that, biting down hard as L’s hot mouth swallowed him whole. His body shook like it was caught in a gale. This wasn’t just getting head, L was _deep throating_ him and it was spinning stars behind his eyes. Molten heat was surrounding every inch of his desire, cradling it tightly and gently squeezing.... There were no words for how utterly _**amazing**_ this felt.

He couldn’t think. He could only _feel_ , and dig his teeth deep into his arm as the spiral of impending orgasm spun him around in dizzying, expanding circles. He tasted blood, biting down hard and muffling a guttural cry as his body tensed, seized, and obliterated itself.

It took several long minutes for him to parse together thought.

“You’ve really outdone yourself,” he murmured, still trying to catch his breath.

“I only regret that I couldn’t see your face,” L said. Desire was crawling through his voice almost viscerally. “And that I now seem to be in the same position you were in about five minutes ago.”

There was a certain comedic irony in that.

“Ah, so you’re saying you don’t think you’ll be able to concentrate on the movie?” he mocked softly.

“Not even remotely.”

Light rubbed a hand over L’s upper thigh and squeezed, thrilling to L’s hissed intake of breath. “Perhaps you should have thought _harder_ about that and been a little nicer earlier?”

“Earlier than a few minutes ago?” he joked with a desire-strained voice. “ _That_ was pretty nice of me, I thought. It’s not as easy as it looks.”

“No? Maybe you’ll have to teach me the finer points later…”

Light smiled as L bit back a groan, likely picturing such ‘practice’ being in session.

“And you know,” L continued his argument with considerable effort, “I _did_ share my candy with you. That was nice.”

Light scoffed at him, tracing the smooth curve of L’s cheek with a fingertip and following it with his eyes. “Yeah, like one piece.”

“Well, what’ll that get me?” he joked.

“Hmm…” Light pretended to think, then said in a velvety voice, “I’d say about one... looong… lick.”

“Jezus H C,” L groaned almost inaudibly as he shuddered with lust. “You can have the rest of the bag…” he offered gallantly, still making the effort to sound joking.

Light captured his lips, softly, drinking in the desire that lay there before sinking inside to the sound of L’s hitched moan. He was coming undone.

It was beautiful to watch. He was desperate, and so sexy.

“How about you beg me instead?” Light pulled back just enough to say.

L opened his mouth to say something, which most likely would equate to resistance. Light cut him off by palming his need and giving it a firm squeeze.

L’s head fell back and he was breathing rapidly. “O...kay….” he relented breathily, barely able to get the word out as Light held him in check.

“Begging,” Light asserted in a caressing tone. “No smartass comments.”

“Have you met me?” he quipped, struggling beyond belief to save face.

Light squeezed again, harder, knowing that L had a thing for rougher pleasure.

He barely bit back a moan and his eyes fluttered closed. “Please….” he struggled to get out.

“Please, what?” Light pressed. He suspected L was struggling to speak not because of desire alone, but because of a reluctance for begging. _Heh. Asshole._ After making HIM beg countless times, against his will. He better damn well make a better show of it. “You know how this goes,” Light said with an unrelenting tone, “even if it isn’t usually from your end.”

He lightened his hand on L, making his touch more fleeting, teasing, and the opposite of what L was craving.

  
“Light…. come on, you’re killing me…..”

“Or maybe you suck so bad at begging that you need me to give you a script?

L shook his head. He seemed determined to somehow keep his dignity here. The tiny crease between his eyebrows spoke of busy thoughts, trying to work a way around this situation.

Light decided to up the ante. He slowly unfastened L’s pants, teasingly, then traced his hard, hot length with the lightest of caresses. He could see the strain on L’s handsome face.

He leaned in to L’s ear and whispered, “I wouldn’t mind spending the rest of the movie stroking this like a pet…” again, a featherlight caress. “Just… like… this…”

“Ugh… please….” L ground out as Light drew a languid circle around the tip of his desire. His head started to toss a little bit as Light found a particularly sensitive spot to torment.

“Tell me how you want it,” Light said in a debased whisper.

“.....” L was really struggling with himself.

Light nuzzled his neck, breathing him in and nipping at the skin. Hitched breaths accompanied some of his actions. “Tell me how you want it,” he breathed in L’s ear, feeling him shudder. Then he gripped L’s desire with a firm hand and stroked upward, dragging a ‘yesss’ from his lips.

“How do you want it?” he prompted again, making a game of it.

“.....just…. like that…”

He stroked a few more times, then went back to the infuriatingly softer touches. “How do you want it?” he murmured, feeling L wearing down.

“...please…”

It could have been a plea for him to continue, or for him to stop the torment.

He decided to employ one of L’s favorite tricks, which was to kiss him into compliance. He pulled that hot mouth to his and made it pornographic. Pale, angular hands were twisting in his hair and L returned every bit of that dirty, debased kiss, making desire wash through him like a backlash. Light kept control by resuming the tight, maddening strokes of hardened flesh, causing L to gasp against his mouth.

“You like it like that?” he mocked softly.

“Yesssss,” L breathed, eyes sliding closed in reaction.

“ _Describe it to me._ How do you want it?”

“...hard and fast,” L answered at last, shuddering as he said the words.

It was too affecting, finally getting L in this position, wearing him down to the point where he abandoned his pride, and watching how the subversion worked its way through him. It felt profound somehow, and went deeper than just desire.

He met L’s lips with a gentle press of his own, feeling a wash of affection, and gave it to him just how he’d asked for it - hard and fast.

His lover’s face was flushed and his dark bangs were slightly damp. He looked exquisite as he utterly came undone, turning his head to bite the fleshy part of his hand and muffle the sounds that fought to free themselves from his mouth.

“You’re gorgeous,” he whispered in L’s ear with feeling.

He realized, as L lost himself to release, that it wasn’t just affection he was feeling…

...it was love. He had it _bad_. But in this moment, sharing this with his lover, it didn’t feel terrifying at all. It just made him want to hold on and never let go.

* * *

In hindsight, Light might have worried about how a dynamic shift - such as the one he’d forced - might affect things between them. L was notoriously used to being in control, at all times. Stripping him of that and assuming the power role in the exchange they’d just had... that could have really upset the balance and made things very disjointed and uncomfortable.

“Raspberry?” L offered with a touch of humor, after he’d collected himself. He was barely audible over the din of explosions and action which were currently taking over the screen. The movie which had, up until now, been thoroughly ignored.

If he felt odd about what had taken place, he was giving no direct indication. Then again, his playfulness and wit could often be used as misdirection.

Light let out a short laugh. “Seriously,” he said under his breath, shaking his head. “That’s what started this whole mess.” Truthfully, once outside of the moment, he was starting to feel just a touch mortified.

“ _Shhhhh_ ,” L leaned over to say in his ear, as if he was one of those people who talked through films. “I’m trying to watch the movie.” Light started to react with indignance over the very nature of _that_ line of crap, when L continued. “God, you’re distracting,” he groused, barely keeping it together as he fake complained. “How am I supposed to know who to root for during all this death and mayhem? Now I don’t even know who the bad guy is.”

“It’s YOU,” Light said, pushing him back. “ _You’re_ the bad guy.”

“I dunno,” he drawled, capturing Light’s hands in his and smiling at him as he resisted. “After all of _that_ , we may be at a tie.” He transferred Light’s hands into one of his and tilted his face up by the chin so he could look into his eyes.

L knew he wasn’t good with long, penetrating looks, that he’d feel too exposed. _Especially_ after what they’d just done.

Light wondered if he was doing it to make him flustered and re-establish the feeling of being in control.

L’s amused look was growing, in proportion to his discomfort.

“You’re _horrible_ ,” Light accused. “This is all your fault.”

“I dunno, I’d say you had a hand in it,” he said, making Light flush harder. “A hand… a naughty little mouth… and some choice words.”

Embarrassment was going to burn him alive. “Ugh… stop it…” he pleaded under his breath, managing to look away.

“Alright, I will,” L said amiably.

He took Light’s nearer hand in his, lacing their fingers together and settled down into his seat to watch the movie. He had a pleasant smile on his face.

“Huh?”

Their linked hands were giving him a massive warm fuzzy, despite his confusion.

“I’m feeling benevolent,” L said, tilting his head back to regard him. “Due to my win, aaaand the fact that payback is a _bitch_.”

Light blanched.

L pressed a kiss to his cheek, playfully adding to the veiled threat. “Enjoy the movie, _sweetheart_.”

* * *

The movie actually was pretty good, though they ended up rooting for the bad guy by accident as he seemed more interesting and charismatic than the main characters.

Light stretched and yawned, feeling a little sleepy and fuzzy. Despite the tension of L’s earlier threat, eventually he’d relaxed and ended up watching much of the movie with his head resting on L’s willing shoulder. A warm, contented feeling had settled over him some time ago, and made itself at home. He felt it even now. It was like being at peace, everything right with the world, and of not wanting to be anywhere else or doing anything other than what he was doing at this very moment. A real “the stars are aligned” kind of feeling.

“He wasn’t that bad of a guy,” L was saying. “Besides, I liked his hat.”

“Well, until he set the helicopter on fire during the chase and killed like 5 people.”

“Pffft,” L scoffed. “Was that _really_ his fault though?”

“Uh… considering he did it on purpose? I’d say so, yes.”

“They were chasing him down and shooting at him,” L argued amiably. He tossed Light a sly grin. “What choice did he have? I say they forced his hand. It wasn’t like he killed anyone before that.”

“He was just misunderstood, then?” Light raised an eyebrow.

“Exactly,” L said with a smile. “And the ‘good guys’ were kind of douches,” he added.

“Yeah, they kind of were,” he agreed, a smile tugging at his lips.

“I bet we didn’t miss _anything_ in the beginning third of the movie,” L drawled facetiously, deciding to tease him a bit. His dark eyes glinted with amusement.

“Right,” Light said drolly, managing to suppress the flush that tried to rise upon his face. Barely. “I’m sure we didn’t miss any character development OR Bad Guy’s killing activities.”

“Nope,” L assented infuriatingly, defying logic. “ ** _And_** , we came to an agreeable conclusion of our little wager.” He settled a smug gaze upon Light like a lead weight.

UGH. L was totally going to torture him whenever he got his hands on him. He prayed that the opportunity didn’t arise until some time passed and L had forgotten some of the more creative ideas he’d likely come up with tonight.

L stretched his lean body like a cat and let out a deflated sigh.

“What?” Light asked, shooting him a questioning look.

L ran his hands through his dark, spiky hair. “Nah, it’s nothing. Just, I guess I should give you a ride home now…”

Light’s brows drew together. “I could walk home?” He wasn’t sure if that was what L was saying or not. It really wouldn’t be a big deal, though. It wasn’t too terribly far from his house.

They opened the loud double doors to exit the theater.

“Idiot. I’m saying I’m gonna miss you.”

“OH,” Light said with a startled flush. Embarrassment and something suspiciously like a warm fuzzy flashed through him.

L gave him a pitying look. “Why would I make you walk home?”

“I… have no idea,” he said, feeling like an idiot.

 _He’s going to miss me…_ some part of his brain was lingering on that, pointing to it and waving like a _happy_ idiot. Warm fuzzy syndrome was starting to get systemic. It was concerning.

“I’ll at least drop you near your house.” He paused. “Unless you think you can stay out longer?”

Light chewed on his lip. It was still relatively early, not quite 7pm….

“If you’re thinking that hard on it, then I’m guessing I need to get you home.”

“Yeah…” Light sighed defeatedly. “That would probably be the smart thing to do. My father was pretty adamant about me not setting a toe out of line. I shouldn’t ‘poke the bear’.”

“Can I see you tomorrow?”

Light raised a suspicious eyebrow. “To exact your revenge?”

L smiled sweetly. “No, just to see you.”

Ha. Like that was believable.Those kind of smiles on him were usually a sign of mischief.

“Maybe.”

“If you can’t swing a lot of time, maybe we can just grab a coffee or something.”

 _Aww…_ maybe L really **did** want to see him, and not just to start the payback from earlier. _Uuuuugh warm fuzzy again….._

“I’ll let you know,” Light said.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> romance, porn and feels! that's worth a review, don'tcha say? ;D  
> (ps, yes i am beggin'. thanks guys!!!!!!! xoxoxo)  
> Z


	43. (phase 2) Feels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light's mom is ready to grill him the moment he gets home. Things look a bit dodgey and Light is distracted. Light gets to see L before another study session and they discuss the merits of 'coffee'.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you SOOOO much people who reviewed last time! i wanted to reply to everyone but i have had NO time. : ( i figured everyone would be happier with an update vs review replies so here you go! 
> 
> again, THANK YOU, and bless you, people who review. you give me my reason for living. my lifeblood. my motivation. you entertain me with the things you say, and other times make me LOL or warm my heart.
> 
> truly, thank you for making an effort. i appreciate it more than i can say.
> 
> xoxo

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 43: Feels  _

“I’m home,” Light called out when he walked in the door, after L dropped him off. He kicked off his shoes in the entryway.

“Where were you?” his mother said almost instantly, appearing from around the corner.

He felt his hackles raise and his stomach drop a little with a sudden shot of anxiety. Was he in trouble? He hadn’t done anything out of the norm… at least not _pre-grounding_ norm.

“Why, is everything ok?” He tried for a misdirection. Maybe this wasn’t about him exactly. It could just _look_ that way….

Her militant attitude dropped a little. Deflated, to be specific. “Truth be told, your father is a bit on edge. Tell me honestly, Light, you weren’t talking to Jayden or anything were you?”

“Uh… no. I’m not supposed to, remember?”

She distractedly wiped her hands on the dishtowel she was carrying. “Yes, I know. I just had to check.”

“Does father think that the first thing I’m going to do, when told not to put a toe out of line, is to go seek out Jayden?”

That would be a pretty stupid thing for him to do. Especially if he got caught.

“Well,” she hesitated. “I don’t know. He seemed to think it was possible at least.”

“Rest assured,” Light said, “all of my toes are in line. Promise.”

She gave him an assessing look. “And back to my original question. Where were you?”

“I was under the assumption I was no longer grounded?” he began, waiting for her to nod. She did. “So I hung out with L..lliot.” _Fuck_ , he did it again. “He had some free time today.”

“And what did you do?” She was getting conversational and nosy, but she seemed to be relaxing.

“Nothing incredibly novel,” he said, blanking his mind and not picturing all of the ways in which that was a blatant exaggeration. “Talked. Grabbed some food. Saw a movie.”

“Which one?”

He tried to remember the title. “Uh… ‘Doom Factor 3’… I think.”

“Oh, _Light_ ,” she lamented, “That movie is rated R.”

“I looked away during all the scenes with potential bloodshed,” he said expansively, “promise.” Then he added, with a little salute, “Scout’s honor.”

She rolled her eyes at him. “I highly doubt that,” she said drolly. “And we both know you were never in any group like that.”

“Because they would have let me play with fire?” he joked.

She started to crack a smile.

Hey, bonus, it looked like humor worked almost as well as flattery and pandering. Things were in a _much_ better place now.

“But don’t worry, mom, I won’t make a habit of it.”

“So… does Elliot like movies like that? With all of the violence and… nudity…?” She was swinging back to being concerned. Though it seemed like she wasn’t freaking out, just fussing over it.

“He seemed impressed by the explosions, pyrotechnics and the special effects.” He made a plausible guess at what things L was a fan of - but things that he could actually _tell_ her.

“I wonder if they both are,” she said to herself.

“Sorry?”

“Oh, nothing,” she said, seeming like she had been startled out of her thoughts. “It’s silly.”

Weird… If he didn’t know better… “You said ‘both’. Were you thinking about Jayden?”

She frowned at him.

He gave her a blank, expectant look. “I’m not supposed to talk **to** him, but there wasn’t a rule about not talking _about_ him.”

His mother sighed. “You’re right…. I guess I’ve just been thinking about things, is all.”

Light adopted a slightly confused, inquisitive tone. “About what kind of movies he likes?” He knew that wasn’t it, but she’d probably spill some information as she moved to correct him.

“Yes… and no.” She drifted into the kitchen and he followed. “I find myself wondering which person he is more like, deep down. The boy we got to know, or the one we saw the other night.”

She fussed with some stuff in the sink, and he sat down on one of the stools at the counter.

“What if they are both really him?” he asked delicately, watching her closely for a reaction. Jayden had said much the same thing that night while being stared down by his horrified parents. There might even have been a grain of truth in it. Straight-laced Jayden was largely an act, sure, but it also seemed like there was a little authenticity in it. Perhaps if Jayden hadn’t been set to rebel against everything and anyone, that persona might have been closer to being truth.

He found himself wondering if life events had set Jayden up to be the way he was, or if it was strictly his personality. Or, perhaps it was a blend? Who could even be sure?

“I don’t know, Light. I suppose that is possible.”

“And more importantly,” he began, going out on a limb. “Do you really think that being around someone will influence my actions so much? Don’t you trust that I am who I am, and that that won’t change just because I talk to someone?”

She turned to lean against the counter. “I really don’t like you asking me questions like that,” she said with a frown, a hardness returning to her demeanor. She suddenly seemed closed off and disapproving and it was like having his fingers slammed in a door, figuratively speaking. It was exceedingly difficult not to shut off and abandon this talk altogether.

“Why not?” he asked bluntly, steeling himself. He regretted that so often it was hard for them to have a true back and forth - a true exchange. Most often it was emotionally disconnected, facsimiles of communication. Was it too much to hope for that one day he could speak with his parents like they were real people and they could talk with him like he was a real person as well?

“Why are you questioning me?” she asked, getting an authoritative glint in her eyes. Her face was full of disapproval.

He grit his teeth and chose his words carefully, so as not to fall deeper into the viper’s nest. An easy tone was almost impossible for him to pull off, but he did a fair job. “I’m just trying to understand where you are coming from, that’s all. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

She frowned again and sighed, relenting just a touch. “You’ll understand one day when you are a parent and have children of your own.”

That…. was not looking too likely, at this stage.

The feel of his and L’s linked hands while they sat in the theater came to mind, the sense of rightness and that warm feeling in his chest. If things between them kept going as well as they had been, he might actually never get to the part of life that involved marriage or wrangling children. And he was surprisingly fine with that.

 _(UGH would you stop with the warm fuzzies!)_ he yelled at himself. Now was not the time or place.

He realized he was getting ambushed by thoughts of this relationship really going somewhere. Lasting.

Maybe it would, maybe it wouldn’t, he reasoned. There was no way to know for certain. But, he was pretty sure he could do without the traditional family model if he was happy in a relationship. Besides, after going through his own childhood, he wasn’t really in a rush to mess up kids of his own. Not to mention L and Jayden hadn’t seemed to have a good time of their childhoods either. _I really need to get L to fill me in on that more. I know we haven’t been dating long but… It feels like such a huge thing to know next-to-nothing about._

He’d sort of heard a bit when he’d eavesdropped L’s attempt to get his parents to let them see each other, but much of it was hard to make out from so far away. L’s voice hadn’t carried nearly as well as his parents’.

“Well,” he said, standing up, “I’m going to go study.”

His mother looked up from her resumed session with the dishes. “Ok dear, have fun.”

_Right._

“About the study group tomorrow--” she began sternly.

“Yes?” Geez, she wasn’t going to stop that cold, was she? Not that it was buckets of fun, but at least he could get out of the house. (And make money.) Besides, eventually he might even get to see L before or after it, not that that had worked out thus far.

“--I still haven’t decided whether it’s ok for Jayden to go.”

“Oh.” _Phew_. “That’s ok. I assumed you would tell me if something changed.”

She relaxed a little, maybe due to his response.

“Are you worried about him showing up?” he asked lightly, raising an eyebrow as he made a slight joke. “You want Elliot to chaperone me?”

His mother got a thoughtful frown on her face, making him reel. She actually seemed to be considering it!

“I’m joking.”

“I know, but maybe that isn’t a bad idea…” she trailed.

“ _Mom_ , he’s busy. He doesn’t have time to sit through a four hour study session.”

“Well, maybe he wouldn’t be busy after that. You could spend a little time together. Otherwise it would be like having a chauffeur, and in that case your father or I could easily pick you up.”

Oh, hey now, this might work in his favor after all. “I’ll ask him.”

“And tell him to pop in and say hi.”

“Ah… sure.” _Really? Even though the last time L was here, you were both grilling him and barely agreed to let him be acquainted with me?_

Sachiko sighed, looking somewhat pensive. “I know it’s probably awkward for him that we are banning communication with his cousin….. I don’t want him to feel like things have changed aside from that.”

Light chewed on the inside of his lip, in thought. If she was saying that, it was possible things _had_ changed. What about Sundays for instance? Ugh… he really hoped that wasn’t off the table. It was the most time he usually got to spend with L.

“So, obviously, Jayden is uninvited to Sunday meals...” Light started, needing to verify things.

“Obviously,” she agreed.

“....” He’d been hoping she would answer the implied question about L. “What about Elliot?” he ventured.

She frowned at him.

 _Shit_ , that told him nothing.

“What must you think of me if you have to ask that question?” she said, putting her hands on her hips. “That I would hold him accountable for someone else’s actions?”

_Uh……… because you **did**?_

“You did ban us from talking, initially,” he pointed out.

“Light Yagami, that was because he _lied_ to us and hid something very important from us.”

Right… like that was the full reason. He’d hate to see what their reaction would be if they found out the _very important_ thing **L** was hiding from them at this moment - their relationship, and how involved they were. Not to mention the full extent of his twisted personality. They would metaphorically shit a brick. Or ten.

He also knew they’d been afraid that the two cousins might be as alike as two peas in a pod; If Jayden turned out to be a freak, then might not Elliot be one as well?

Apparently they were now viewing Elliot’s misconduct as just being about letting Jayden act like someone he wasn’t, and not putting a stop to that. And after that talk the three of them had, the reason he’d given for doing it sounded so noble that it had kept them from assuming he was lying about SO much more. ‘Elliot’ was now seen as a white knight with a heart of gold, and with a dysfunctional cousin he was determined to save.

It almost sounded like a bad movie.

 _L, you are in deep._ It was a cavernous hole of lying which had been dug thus far. But really, what was the alternative? It all began because his parents had been up that first night L had brought him home. That wasn’t supposed to happen. In fact, a LOT of things weren’t supposed to happen. They had all pretty much dealt with things the best way that they could.

He suspected that even if his parents weren’t totally repressed, and Jayden and L were able to dress and act like they normally did, they would still probably default to that more proper mode they had. It seemed to be a bit like ingrained training. Likely it was a proven way to act when dealing with certain types of people.

Of course, Jayden did like to throw logic out the window...

“Son? You seem distracted.”

Aw fuck. Seriously, he was. His thoughts were meandering out of control.

“Sorry mom,” he threw her a sheepish smile. “I just got to thinking about what I need to go over with people tomorrow at the study session.” Lies. Wow, once they started, it was really hard to avoid them. Still, maybe one day he wouldn’t be required to use them so often with his parents.

“Well, okay,” she said. “And you tell Elliot that he _is_ still welcome on Sundays.” She shook her head. “If my own son got the wrong idea…”

“I’ll tell him.”

“Honestly, Light. Those meals we have might be his only real sense of what a stable family is like. I wouldn’t take that away just like that.”

_Unless you get upset about something._

“Okay,” he said sounding extra earnest. “I won’t relay **_that_** part to him, though.” _Slight saviour complex, mother?_

“Of course not!” she seemed scandalized. “Now shoo, get on with your studies.”

* * *

That Saturday, Light whiled away the morning hours trying to focus on studying but was restlessly looking forward to getting out of the house. He was damn near looking forward to the study session. Not for the thing itself, really, but for before and after.

 _‘I’m here.’_ L texted him. L was picking him up to drive him over there now.

“Bye, mom,” he called out as he left the house.

Unfortunately, L had something he had to do, so while he was able to give Light a ride, that would be about all there was time for. That dashed their hopes for having a little extra time together before he went into study HELL for four hours, but at least there would still be _after_.

Light smiled at the sight of the vintage black muscle car. Something about it was just **so** L.

L ducked down to be visible from the passenger side window and waved him on to hurry.

Light picked up the pace and hopped into the car. “What’s this super big hurry?” he asked.

L put the car immediately into gear and drove off down the road. “Nothing too pressing. That was mostly for your folks.” He sent Light a devious look and the corner of his mouth twitched up in a smirk. “Though i _did_ enjoy getting to see you hustle.”

“Jerk.” He reached a hand out to wrap around L’s smooth, pale throat and squeezed a little, like he was going to choke him. He liked the feel of it underneath his hand. “Ah,” Light said archly, “so you _don’t_ have to be somewhere?” He implied the intent to strangle him.

“No, I really do,” L said seriously.

“Mmhm.”

“Just not in quite the rush I implied,” he amended innocently. The effect was ruined as much by the grin fighting to form on his face as it was by the amusement lurking in his tone. He paused then, as if deep in thought. “I’m not sure which is more distracting: you playing at choking me, or you just playing with me in general.” Light had switched the pressure of his grip upon L’s neck for stroking fingertips.

“Knowing you, probably the choking,” Light said glibly. “You want me to continue?”

“The short answer is no.”

“Oh?” Light smiled, amused. “And what is the long answer?”

L tossed him an engaged look and had distractedly caught his lower lip enticingly between his teeth. “I’ll leave that up to your rampant imagination.”

That look _really_ got to him. A shame he couldn’t act on it. “What I wouldn’t give for a stoplight…” he trailed. Sometimes driving around in a car was damn inconvenient.

“Oh, like this one?” L said helpfully, nodding ahead of them as the car started slowing down.

“Perfect,” Light said, pulling L’s lips to his the second they stopped. He couldn’t help himself when L made such fucking sexy faces like that… Kissing him, hard - that was only the tip of the iceberg of the things he wanted to do to him. The bruising crush of their mouths as things got heated, the nicking of teeth, and the inspired battle of their sliding tongues… he wanted all of that and more. So much more.

L brought out this unquenchable thirst in him, this debased sort of lust. It seemed he could trigger it with no more than one well-placed look or comment, sparking off a tumultuous riot of reactions in him. Before, he was buckling under it - the wash of desire and wanting to let L play with him as he liked. Now, when L made his stomach clench with that deliciously familiar sensation, he was noticing the increasing urge to play with L in a similar way, _however **he** liked_.

A car honked loudly behind them, making them jump. The light had just turned green.

L muttered something unkind in response. Then to Light he said with some levity, “So on the scale of things that are _distracting_ , **and** an impediment to driving…” his appreciative tone implied that he’d be placing that kiss above the previous items he’d termed distracting, such as Light ‘choking’ him or playing with him and perhaps just things in general.

“Uh huh…” Light rolled his eyes.

“What? You should be proud that’s jumping to nearly the top of the list.” L’s tone was playful - a standby - and was the one that sounded serious yet had amusement swimming through it. “It’s an accomplishment. I can usually do anything with singular focus.”

“You just said ‘ _nearly_ the top’,” Light pointed out, raising an eyebrow. He had a feeling he knew what sort of lewd things might be at the _actual_ top of that list.  

L smiled at him. It was more of a leer.

“So if I wanted to make the top of that list, it would have to be something car-crash worthy, then.”

“I’d rather not test that theory,” L said pleasantly. “I like my car.” His eyes shone with dark amusement though, as if courting the idea anyway.

Light smiled at him engagingly, offsetting his coming words and totally serious tone, “Has anyone ever told you you’re **_maladjusted_**?”

“No,” L feigned surprised delight. “You know, that is the _nicest_ thing anyone has ever said to me.”

Light fought to keep in a laugh. _Crazy bastard_. Though, he supposed it made sense that L would have an offbeat sense of humor. He and Jayden seemed to get along, laughing and joking a lot. They really did have a lot of similarities. Jayden was just far less palatable. He seemed too likely to turn on a dime and make cutting and snide comments.

“It’s customary to compliment a person back,” Light said with faux seriousness, wondering what sort of nonsense L might come up with.

“Hmmm…. True…. Where are my Southernly manners?” He was pretending to think long and hard and seriously. “Nope. Sorry.” His voice was almost chipper. “The list is too long to sit here and recite.”

“Pfft! Oh _come on_ ,” he laughed.

“Did I mention, most of it couldn’t be spoken of in polite company?” L said with a tilted smile.

“Ass,” Light scoffed at him.

“Yes, that is most _definitely_ on the list,” L avidly agreed. He laughed as Light smacked him. “Along with your pretty eyes, and a bunch of things which would be dangerously close to sounding sappy.”

“Do tell.”

“Ha. Not likely.”

“Stingy. Why not?”

“Although, that could make for an interesting drinking game version of Chicken.”

Light laughed. “Freak. Trading compliments would be like playing a game of Chicken to you?”

“Well, we can hardly play Gay Chicken. There **is** supposed to be an element of terror and a sense of being able to go too far. It has to be high stakes.” He shook his head slightly and continued conversationally, “Jayden, by the way, is the reigning champion of GC. This was long before his friends realized he doesn’t give a shit about taking things too far. He’d always one up them. If nothing else, just to get a big reaction.”

“Ha. That doesn’t surprise me at all.” Light paused a moment. “Also… and this is just from observation, he doesn’t seem to be 100 percent on the straight and narrow. Even though he claimed to be, when I first met him.”

“Who even knows.” L shrugged. “Half of what he says is bullshit anyway. But aside from his apparent interest in tormenting you specifically, I’ve only noticed him with the girls.”

“Ugh, please do not tell me I’m a special case.”

L smiled at him, looking amused. “Why would that bother you? You _are_ special.”

Light flushed red and quickly turned to look out the window to hide his face. “Don’t say stuff like that.”

“Even if it’s true?” L teased, laying a possessive hand lightly upon his back, stirring him up. “See? You would **so** lose in a game of Complement Chicken.” His hand trailed patterns upon Light’s back. “But seriously, I told Jayden to tone it down. Even if you _are_ fun to harass.”

“Bastard,” Light said under his breath, his face still glowing red.

“Aw, where is my doe-eyed gratitude?”

“Ugh! If you weren’t driving right now--”

L grinned. “You might not want to leave it up to **me** to finish that sentence.”

“--I’d choke you for real,” he added threateningly, throwing a glare at him.

“Think you’re _up_ to it?” L bantered silkily.

Light growled.

“Goddamn you’re adorable,” L said, making a self-suffering face and looking heavenward as if for strength.

“I hate you.”

L smiled widely. “I know.” He reached over to ruffle Light’s soft brown hair. “I hate you, too,” he said warmly.

* * *

L parked the car near the library and walked him partway there. “Listen,” he said. “I should be in the area, mostly. I’ll let you know if things run late but I should be free before you get done in there.”

“Okay.”

“Do you want to meet up somewhere? Or just text me?”

Hmn… it probably would be better if L wasn’t just waiting around for him, in case someone saw. But that sounded paranoid, right?

Marin suddenly came to mind, however. She _had_ threatened to ‘uncover the truth’, so to speak. Maybe it would be better to play it safe.

“We could meet up in that coffee shop,” Light suggested, “since we both know where it is.”

“Oh brilliant,” L approved with a smug smile, “I can relive some of my favorite memories of us while I wait.”

Light kicked him in the leg. “Ass. Do you have any idea how stressful that was?”

His dark-haired lover attempted a pout. The effect was ruined by his inability to keep a straight face. “Light, come on, I can’t help it…. You just **do** something to me.”

“I think you’ll recall, you were the one doing the _doing_.”

“Ha. Only until about 5 seconds into that kiss.” L’s intense dark eyes met his. “After practically melting in my hands, you came back with a vengeance, pulling me in and nearly massacring me. You have **_no_** idea how hot you are.”

Light threw his hands over his face, making a show of rubbing it. His body was flushing hot, hearing L recounting that vivid scene. He was sure it would show on his face as well. And to think that, at the time, L had been thinking something like that - how hot _he_ was? L was the one that exuded sex appeal like breathing.

“Damn you’re turning me on right now,” L said under his breath in an utterly compelling voice, pulling one of Light’s hands down from his face. “You better collect yourself,” he said a little louder, “and get yourself to that study thing, before I go against my better judgement and insist we have coffee now.”

“I’m definitely in the mood for ‘coffee’ _now_ , thanks to you,” Light griped. Eddies of desire and remembered pleasure were rippling through him. “Though I only have 10 minutes before I have to start the session.”

“We could get a lot done in 10 minutes.”

 _I just bet we could…_ Light shook his head. _Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad…._ Oh who was he kidding? The repetition wasn’t helping ingrain that into his head at all.

“Sometimes I can’t even think clearly, till I’ve had you,” L murmured in a low voice that wouldn’t carry. “And right now I just want to violate _every_ part of you... starting with your mouth.”

Oh jeezus… this was turning him on, bad.

But there was nowhere, even for something like a kiss, where they could hide and indulge in this really BAD IDEA.

 _Shit…_ Even thinking the words in all caps wasn’t helping.

“Would your little harem of underachievers freak out if you were a teensy bit late?” L’s black eyes were looking starry, deep, and lascivious.

“There’s no guarantee the coffee shop would work out like last time.” It was by total chance that no one else had been back in the bathroom or had come in during their encounter.

“True. How about the library? Never done it there.”

“What, do you have some kind of sexual bucket list?”

“ _Oh yes_ ,” L drew out the words enticingly. “Since the day I met you.”

“Liar,” Light scoffed, cursing the fact that that had gotten to him even more. L was definitely playing him to get reactions, and it was working. _Every_ time.

“Haha,” L chuckled softly, “I saw that get to you. Maybe if you’re a good boy, I’ll show it to you later.”

“I know full well you’re winding me up. There is no list.”

L tapped the side of his own head and gave him one of those slow, self-satisfied grins. “It’s all up here. Besides, I never said it was the list _itself_ I’d be showing you.”

“You’re horrible,” he said, pushing him away at arm’s length. L tried to be a terrible influence on him at times. Not that it was anything he didn’t want to do in the first place…

“You _love_ it,” L leaned in to say.

The words licked through him.

Goddamnit, he was getting worn down to the point of insanity. He needed to leave before he did something stupid.

“I’m going to go,” Light said with a will, inclining his head to indicate the library. “Do not follow me in there.”

“Aw… come on. You could try it for like… 5 minutes.”

“NO.” _Give me a break. I’d cave in less than 5 seconds, let alone 5 minutes - the moment I got my hands on you and felt your mouth against mine…_ “Besides, as you love to tell me, I’m ‘shit at composure’ afterward. So, no.”

“Damnit,” L lamented overdramatically, “my teasing has backfired on me. Curses.”

“I’ll see you soon,” Light said, using L’s trademark parting words.

L flashed a smile at him. “Can’t wait.”

* * *

TBC


	44. (phase 2) What Came Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shani and the others at the study group are itching to talk about the happenings at the big party. L meets Light for coffee after the study session, and things have taken a serious tone. Light asks L a difficult question.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> double chapter! WOOT!
> 
> praise me! lol >:D hahaaa

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 44: What Came Before  _

Light did his best to clear his head as he made his way up to the floor on which the study session was being held.

He arrived essentially on time.

There seemed to be an even bigger crowd than usual.

“Aw….” Miniskirt, who was no longer dressed as she had been for the party, was pouting at him in disappointment. “Where’s Jayden? He wasn’t here early, so we were hoping he was with you.”

He shook his head.

Haltertop, (again, not dressed as she had been for the party) wore wide luminous eyes which were likewise full of disappointment. Her blonde hair was back to being straight.

Shit. He really did need to try harder to bother with their names.

 _Let’s see…. Katie is the blonde… Shani was the one who’d worn the minidress… and the other one_ … he looked around and spotted the slight girl with shorter brown hair. _Amari?_ He thought that was it. _Or was it Amara?_

Ugh. It was much easier to refer to them via what they wore.

“So, is everyone ready to get started?” Light asked, moving to the designated head of the table.

“I think not,” Shani said, tossing her long brown tresses over her shoulder. “There are far more pressing things to be discussed.”

Oh, why did that make him feel uneasy?

“Such as?”

Shani surveyed the room with a knowing smile. “The party.”

Uh oh. Hopefully it would be _anything_ but the bodyshots, or L, or L demonstrating a body shot off of him in front of a crowd of embarrassingly interested onlookers.

“I think I speak for all the girls here,” she continued. “But just who was that gorgeous friend of yours?”

_Aw dammit._

Light raised an eyebrow at her. “What happened to your fascination with Jayden?”

She fluttered her hand at him dismissively. “Of course we _love_ Jayden, he’s an absolute doll. But your other friend was seriously HOT.” She fanned herself and exchanged nods with the girls. “Plus,” she added conspiratorially, winking at Light, “he _knows_ stuff.”

Poor Jayden. He’d probably be pissed to hear that L had one-upped him. Though it would be interesting to know who the girls would think was hotter if both of them were being completely themselves. For Jayden, pretending to be straightlaced did sort of ruin any sexual cred.

Shani was still looking at him expectantly. Her eyes were turning mischievous. “Then again, Light here knows stuff too.” She tossed a flippant smile over her shoulder at her blonde friend. “Doesn’t he, Katie?”

“Omigawd shutup!” The girl’s face turned pink instantly.

The boys were now exchanging glances amongst themselves. Curious, envious, and irritated covered most of it.

“So…” an ambassador for the boys said suspiciously. “What exactly happened, then? What did we miss?”

“Oh, it was totally _indecent_ ,” Shani assured them with a self-indulgent smile.

“You know, is this really the way you want to spend your tutoring hours?” Light asked the group in a skeptical tone, hoping to reign this in and get things back on track. He’d rather deal with the tedium of tutoring than keep this line of conversation going.

“YES,” almost everyone said in unison, without even blinking. A mad flurry of whispers started up, back and forth between a bunch of the students. Suddenly everything was talk about the party.

Light sighed and sprawled into a chair to wait this out. He pulled out his phone and tried to keep himself entertained and out of the fray.

“Body shots?” someone hissed indignantly. “When did _that_ happen??”

_Not listening….. Not listening….._

Not helping.

After a few minutes, Light noticed some students standing in front of him. He looked up to see three of the boys.

“You lucky dog,” one of them said enviously. “You did a body shot with Katie?” He looked a little pissed off, but said conspiratorially, “What was it like? Did you kiss?”

“No, we didn’t.” He went back to his phone.  

“Do you like her?”

Light sighed. This game of candycrush was about as exciting as this conversation. Blast it. “It wasn’t about that. The girls wanted to do them and roped myself and Jayden into it.”

“Sweet,” one of the other guys said. “Maybe she isn’t seeing anyone, then.”

“Get a life,” the third one retorted. “You saw her face flush, she’s totally into _him_.”

“I can’t believe this jerk is acting under-appreciative. Katie is hot.”

Light got annoyed. “Why don’t you _tell_ her then, instead of lurking around here and harassing me about it?”

“Oh Liiiiiiight,” Shani sang as she skipped over to him and threw her arms around his neck from behind. “Why don’t you tell them the penance you had to pay for getting to lick salt off of Katie’s pretty skin?”

“Penance?” Light questioned. What was she talking about? It wasn’t like he’d wanted to do it in the first place, so why would there be a price attached? Besides, nothing like that had been said at the time anyway.

She poked a finger into his cheek with a wicked smile, then announced, “Of course, then you had to do one with your _super hawt_ friend while everyone watched.”

_Goddamnit._

He rushed to blank his mind as flashes of the shock and embarrassment from that experience tried to surface. He fought to keep any reaction off of his face, or any telltale, damning flush.

“Lime held in the teeth and _everything_ ,” she added with relish.

The boys looked taken aback.

“Was this…. a guy friend?” one ventured, slightly horrified.

“That’s cruel,” another protested.

“Oh get over yourselves,” she huffed, “It’s the new hotness.”

“Man, sorry, Light,” the boy that liked Katie said, wincing. “Rough deal.”

Shani drew herself up to her full height and flipped her luxurious mane of brown hair over her shoulder. “That was only after the three of us girls did it with each other first, while they watched.” She brushed a hand over her chest just below her collarbone. “And then we let them do it with us.”

“Ugh…” one of the guys lamented. “Maybe that would be worth it….”

“Come on, man, _no way_.”

“You liked it, didn’t you, Light?” the buxom brunette girl teased. From her tone, it sounded like she was implying not the body shots with the girls, but the one with L. She’d been in the front lines harassing him when he’d flushed after L did it to him.

“Who _doesn’t_ like tequila?” he responded facetiously. He prayed that she gave up on this line of thought. The last thing he needed was her teasing him over having a reaction to that body shot he’d done with L. _Against his will_ , he might add.

“Anyway, speaking of your friend...” she said, moving around to regard him with hands on her hips. He got the distinct impression she wanted to ask about dating him. “Is he--?”

“He’s not available.”

She pouted at him and tried again. “This _weekend_ , or…?”

“He’s seeing someone. Sorry.”

“Well, he seemed pretty interested to me. Why don’t you just give me his number and I’ll ask him myself?” she said with utter confidence.

“Oh wow, Shani, you really get serious when you’re into someone,” Katie said, drifting up. She looked at Light. “He’s really seeing someone?”

“Who cares?” Shani sniffed. “Maybe he won’t be seeing them for long if I make a pass.”

“Wow,” Light said under his breath. One could say that was confidence speaking, but it sounded to him like some pretty rabid conceit.

“Ugh,” one of the boys said at the brunette girl. The group around Light had grown again as more people joined in. “Why don’t you just date someone at our school? Or at least someone who’s available.”

“Pffft,” she scoffed. “Why would I date someone at our school when I can date someone infinitely hotter and older? Like one of Light’s friends.” She cast an assessing eye upon Light. “Unless you have suddenly freed yourself up? I know you aren’t dating Marin anymore, but you’re dating someone on the side, aren’t you?”

“What makes you say that?”

She shrugged saucily. “I don’t know…” she said slyly. “You’re putting off some kind of vibe that radiates sex appeal and yet screams unavailable at the same time.” She leered at him then. “Or perhaps, your new dish is the reason you and Marin broke up?”

_Shit._

“Shani, don’t be mean.” Katie came to his defense. She put her hands on her hips and glared at her friend. From such a sweet girl like her, it didn’t look any more threatening than a cute puppy making a pitiful display of trying to growl fiercely. “Light wouldn’t do something like that.”

“Ha!” Shani scoffed. “Boys cheat all the time.” She looked over at Light blandly. “ _Especially_ the cute ones.”

Instead of feeling insulted, or guilty, he found that a black fissure of worry over L was opening up in his chest, making it burn. Not that he didn’t trust L, but… he’d never really thought about it that way. His original fear about this relationship had been based on L not being serious about him. This was more along the lines of knowing what a person did or didn’t find to be acceptable behavior in a relationship. Were he and L exclusive?

He found he had no idea.

_I assumed we might be on the same page, but it never actually came up._

Paranoia suddenly took root. It was worse now that he knew and accepted that he had feelings for L. _Much worse_ now that he knew he was in love with him.

He grit his teeth and tried to shove the thoughts aside. There wasn’t much he could do about any of that right now. The most he could do is muster up the courage to ask L about it, and pray for the answer he wanted to hear.

_L and Jayden are pretty tight, and fairly similar when it came down to it…._

Jayden seemed to be pretty loose about his hookups. Was L?

_Goddamnit, I don’t need to be thinking about this right now!_

He could feel some inner part of him scoffing at himself.

( _Did you imagine that someone could be **born** with the sort of experience L has? That magically, he could gain the sort of skills he has without partners to have practiced it on?)_

Honestly, this was the first time he’d _really_ wondered about L’s past dating history. Previously, he’d been too caught up in the head-spinning interactions and unstable ground they’d had between them for most of their acquaintance.

 _Put this aside!_ he practically yelled at himself. He could not afford this introspective bullshit right now. _I’ll just ask him later. There’s nothing else to be done, really._

“See?” Katie was saying to her friend. “Look what your loose tongue has done. You can’t just imply that people cheat! It’s upsetting.”

Light stood up, waving her off of the fight. “Look,” he said flatly. “Either I’m here to tutor you all or I’m going home.”

Shani looked a little cowed. “Sorry, Light…. I didn’t mean…”

“I’d rather not discuss my personal business with anyone, nor have it speculated upon. What went on between myself and Marin is our business and no one else’s.” His tone was coming out more sharply than intended. “If you’ll excuse me.” He paused in his exit and added, “When I come back, we can either start this study session or disband it for the evening. Your choice.”

He decided to get the hell out of there for a few minutes and clear his head. Maybe he’d get some coffee or something from one of the stands outside, just to get out of the building.

It still bothered him to be labeled a cheater. It hadn’t seemed that way at the time, as he’d been focused so wholly on L. But if anyone looked at it from Marin’s perspective, and if they viewed that relationship as being the _primary_ one... then yes, that is **_exactly_** what he did.

_Great, so I never cheated on L, since I could never bring myself to do that. But I inadvertently cheated on her, even though I wasn’t thinking about it that way at the time.... I was too busy trying to outrun my obsession with him._

It made him feel like a total tool.

He waited in line for a coffee at the good stand, hoping the caffeine would let him recover his usual social demeanor, and pulled out his phone.

He texted L.

_‘I want to talk to you about something when we meet back up.’_

Surprisingly, he got a text back fairly quickly. _‘Sure. Aren’t you supposed to be teaching something right about now?’_

_‘Yeah, I needed a break.’_

_‘That must have been one helluva taxing half hour.’_ L said with dry humor.

_‘You have no idea.’_

_‘Where are you now?’_

_‘Grabbing coffee.’_

L didn’t make any jokes about coffee or coffeshops like he could have. He seemed to sense that something was up.

Light had a thought occur. He texted, _‘Was Jayden even considering coming back to these things? People were asking about him. Wasn’t sure what to say.’_

 _‘Dunno.’_ L replied. _‘He still seems pretty pissed off. You’re mom hasn’t ok’d it yet anyway, has she?’_

_‘No.’_

It was his turn to place his order. He got his usual - black coffee - and had it in hand within moments. He took it over to the fountain area and sat down to think. Luckily a nice breeze was offsetting the slightly humid air.

His phone buzzed in his pocket.

He pulled it out and read, _‘Even if she does, I’m not sure what he’ll do. I don’t think HE knows what he is going to do. This whole thing really got under his skin.’_

 _‘Grandparents?’_ he typed back.

_‘Seems to be related.’_

Light chewed on his lip. For some reason he felt compelled to allude to some of the conversation he’d had with his classmates. _‘That girl Shani you met at the party wants your number.’_

 _‘...’_ L said.

_‘What, you don’t want it?’_

_‘Pffft. And what the hell would I do with it?’_

_‘I dunno. She’s pretty, why not?’_

_‘Which one was she?’_ L asked, not cooperating with his attempt to fish out information regarding his interest. Light was also sort of wondering if L ever dated girls or just exclusively dated guys. It was simple curiosity. Jayden had made it sound like that would be a solid **_no_** on the girls.

 _‘The ringleader.’_ Light typed back.

_‘Oh yeah, I remember that one.’_

Light chewed his lip. _Cooperate, damn it,_ he thought distractedly. He waited a bit but L wasn’t saying anything more. Light wasn’t exactly sure what to say next, or where he really wanted to take this conversation anyway. Probably it was best to leave this be till they talked face to face anyway. He drank more of his coffee while regarding the screen of his phone and tried to settle his restlessness.

After a time, L said in what seemed like a sharp tone, _‘Are you still slacking off? Get your ass back to work!’_

Light jumped and looked around.

 _‘Where are you?’_ he texted back.

_‘Ha. Made you look.’_

_‘Asshole. Lucky guess.’_ He realized then that L probably couldn’t even see him either. He was just that good at anticipating his reactions.

_‘Hardly. You seem like you’re brooding over something. Cut it out. And quit sending me shit about your school friends being interested in me.’_

Light bit his lip, now a little uneasy. _‘Are you mad?’_ He hadn’t meant to piss him off.

_‘No. But I am getting a rising urge to beat you.’_

_‘In not a fun way?’_ he went for a joke, feeling uncertain about L really being aggravated or not.

_‘In not a fun way.’_

_‘...okay.’_

He waited a moment or two, drinking down more of the coffee, but there was no further response.

Light heaved a sigh at the thought of going back into the library and dealing with all of his classmates again. He rubbed the bridge of his nose. _Nothing for it. I just have to go back in and see if they are ready to stop slacking._

He finished off the coffee before going back inside and chucked the cup in the bin by the door.

It was a rather nice evening out. He’d much prefer staying outdoors.

Oh well.

The entire group, when he came back in, was exuding an air of repentance and everyone was working doggedly at their studies. Shani glanced up then quickly back down again, looking cowed. Katie watched him come in with slight concern on her face as if worried he was still mad.

“Does anyone have any immediate questions?” Light asked casually, putting on his game face and sliding into the role of tutor.

Almost all of their hands shot up right away.

“About your schoolwork?” he added.

A few people put their hands down guiltily.

“About _schoolwork_ ,” he stressed again, suspiciously.

A few more people put their hands down, grumbling a little.

“I have a question about math,” Katie piped up.

“Great. We’ll start there.” He walked over to her and started going over the problem with her.

“And,” she whispered, “Don’t be mad, but are you really seeing someone?”

He gave her a deadpan stare.

She flushed and looked down. “Sorry. I like you. I just wanted to know, you know?”

“Sorry,” he said. “I am seeing someone.”

Katie looked back up, slightly mortified. “I’m soooo sorry. Light...” she scrambled to erase her transgression, gesturing with her hands a little. “Forget I said anything.”

Aw geez. Acting upset with her would be like kicking a puppy. He guessed he could forgive her prying, which was under the guise of needing help with math. She really did suck at it after all and definitely needed the assistance.

“It’s ok. But let’s just focus on math for now, okay?”

“You got it, boss,” she said weakly.

* * *

The rest of the session went pretty well. People worked harder than usual, probably out of guilt. Afterwards he even ended up with more money than usual for the number of people who had attended.

“We’re meeting next week, right?” a few people asked tentatively.

Ah, it seemed they thought they might have offended him or pissed him off to the point where he would cancel the whole thing.

“Yes, that should be fine.”

Though, a thought occurred. “Uh… how long were you all intending for me to continue this tutoring?”

Everyone looked around at everyone else.

“Till we graduate?” several said at once.

“Ah….”

“Can you?” they asked.

“Maybe? I’m not really sure,” he answered truthfully. “We’ll just have to play that by ear.”

With that, he was finally able to break free of his duties and get out of the Library.

Night had fallen. It was now slightly chilly outside and the wetness blowing off of the fountain was a bit unpleasant and cutting. He checked his phone but there were no new messages. He supposed that meant he was still meeting L at the coffee shop.

He made his way over to the storefront and noticed L waiting for him at one of the outside wrought iron tables. Light barely made him out at first, as his dark clothing and hair tended to blend well into the surrounding darkness. He had his feet propped up on one of the chairs and was texting. What caught Light’s eye initially was the bright white of two coffee cups with lids, which stood out in the gloom.

“Hey,” Light said.

L looked up. “Hey,” he said, and returned to rapid typing with his thumbs. “Just be a minute.” He nodded to one of the cups as he typed. “One’s for you if you want it.”

Light picked each one up and tried to determine what was in them aside from coffee. Sugar? Cream? He liked his coffee plain.

“They’re both black,” L said, still typing.

Did L like his coffee black? He hadn’t thought so. He shrugged and took a sip of one, setting the other down, then drifted over to take a seat.

He rested his feet on the little shelf in the center of the table and let himself zone out a bit as he settled deeper into his chair and watched the bustle of nightlife. The coffee shop was only mildly busy. Most of the pedestrian traffic was up past the fountain and down into the shopping district. It made for a pleasant scene, with all the little lights and illuminated windows.

L reached for the other coffee as he shoved his phone back into his pocket. “How was your school thing?”

“Ended up ok.”

He watched L sip his coffee and swore he made the slightest grimace.

“You done with your text-a-thon?” Light asked him.

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

There was a slightly awkward silence then. If L was feeling it, though, he didn’t show it. He sipped his coffee - feet up like he was at home - and people-watched with a carefree attitude.

After a moment L flicked his eyes over to Light. “What was all that about earlier?”

Light chewed the inside of his lip, feeling a little discombobulated. What was he supposed to say? Any of the stuff he’d been worrying about… it seemed like it would sound stupid if he said it aloud.

“You want me to date someone on the side?” L asked as if it didn’t make a difference to him either way. The words hit him sharply, regardless.

“Not really,” Light said under his breath. Tension swam in his chest and he tried to drown it out with more caffeine.

“Or, were you trying to divine something else out of that exchange?” Something about him seemed militant. Maybe pissed off.

“I don’t know,” he said, feeling stupid.

L gave him a baleful stare. “Really? You expect me to believe a pathetic response like that?”

Light bit down on his lip really hard as his face drew into a frown. It was probably fucking rude to fish for information like he had, trying to determine for sure what L’s preferences were. Of course, it could be equally offensive to just come out and ask something directly, right? _Ugh._ And that wasn’t all of it…. Circling around his head was the initial quandary of whether or not L was being exclusive with him, as well as the jealousy-tainted curiosity about L’s previous relationships and hookups.

“I think you know as well as I do that we don’t have all night,” L said, nonchalantly drinking more of his coffee.

Light was getting a little mixed up between L’s seeming agitation and the carefree attitude he was putting on.

 _You know he doesn’t always fully show it when he’s pissed off_ , he reminded himself.

UGH. He was really struggling with himself, trying in vain to find something to say or find somewhere to start. It was much easier to tell yourself you would talk to somebody about something than to actually DO it.

“Give me your hand,” L said.

“Huh?”

L ignored his question and just gestured with an impatient crooking of his fingertips for Light to follow his instruction. He took another long pull off of his coffee and set it down as Light held out his left hand.

“No, the other one.”

Light frowned and held out his right hand, which was more awkward, as it was on the opposite side from where L was.

L took his wrist and then wrapped something around it several times. Light couldn’t quite make it out in the dark.

He seemed to finish by hooking something into something else.

Once his hand was released, Light brought it closer for inspection. “What is…?” he trailed. The patio light gave him just enough illumination to see that it was bands of smoothly finished leather circling his wrist. They were a deep rich brown, almost black, but broke into a slightly lighter shade down the middle. His throat started to feel a bit tight as he realized L had just given him a gift.

L leaned in, using the armrest of Light’s chair, and reached across him. He ran a finger along one of the leather bands. “Unobtrusively, a bracelet. But between you and me?” His finger traced over the hammered metal fishhook clasp, where Light could see a capital L was engraved in a simple font. “It’s the collar you’d never get away with wearing at home or school. It pulls double duty and can be worn either way.”

Light felt his face flush. This felt like kind of a big deal. But was he reading into it?

“What does the L stand for?” he asked, mouth suddenly a little dry. It could be either his own name or L’s.

“Oh, I think you know the answer to that.” L’s voice was slightly scoffing, but his eyes seemed especially deep, pulling him in. “Conveniently, everyone else will assume it stands for _your_ name.”

Light felt heat rise in his face.

“I wanted to give it to you as an actual collar, so you’d remember it that way,” his tone seemed to imply that there would be a _lot_ more involved with that than simply handing it to him - probably significantly X-rated things, “but I decided to give it you early.”

“Why?” Light sensed a slight hesitancy in his dark-haired companion. A slight evasiveness.

“Damnit,” L said under his breath, looking away for a moment. He let out a breath and stared off into the distance briefly, before looking back at Light and trying to explain. “It isn’t just a kink thing. I got it for you because I wanted to show you I was serious.” He pulled down the collar of his shirt and Light could see what looked like a loose leather choker made of two rounded strands of black leather. It suited him and looked appealing upon his pale neck. “Obviously they need to not match, on account of your folks. And for you, I figured the brown would blend in more... and be less noticeable and all of that.”

Light felt an incredible tightness in his chest. Hope, struggling to break free, and fear of that very same hope. “Does this mean… when you say you’re serious…” he struggled for words, “does this mean we’re only seeing each other? No one else?”

“Damn, you are so untrusting for such a young brat. I haven’t been seeing anyone aside from you.”

Emotion welled up and threatened to tear loose. Light turned away and tried to smash down the elation and relief that was so strong it was almost making him ill. Above all, he felt like a supreme idiot. “Is that how you usually do things?” he made himself ask.

“What, being exclusive?”

He nodded.

“I guess. If I’m really interested in someone. I told you, I don’t like to share.” There was a long pause then. “Ohhh, I see,” L drawled. “ _That’s_ what those texts were about.”

“What?” Light said defensively.

“You were fishing for information.”

“Was not,” he lied, feeling trapped.

“Such a kid,” L scoffed. There was something sharp in his demeanor, however. “I’ll tell you right now, do not pull that sort of bullshit with me. Ask me flat out if you want to know something.”

“How do I know you’ll give me the real answer?”

“That’s a little something called **_Trust_** , which you obviously need to work on.”

Yeah, he seemed peeved. That laissez-faire attitude was a thin veil over the pointed words.

“Fine,” Light tossed back, still feeling a bit defensive, “I’ll make a show of trust then.”

L raised an eyebrow at him. “Oh really? This ought to be something, then.”

“The texts…” he said, sounding a little standoffish, “those came about because of what some of the kids at the study session got to talking about as they brought up the party. It just got me thinking about some things.”  Internally, he noted how it was still much easier to talk about certain things when he was feeling mad or annoyed. Sensitive things… things that pertained to feelings… He could just spew it out in a rush and not think overly much about it when he was being confrontational.

“Things such as?”

“Cheating,” he said briefly. “Being exclusive. And… well…” he trailed off, still feeling like he shouldn’t ask, then decided to push forward anyway. “Well, your past relationships.” _There. I said it._

“Hmm.” L nodded sagely. “I dated a fair amount of people. But I don’t think it would do any good to tell you about any of that.”

_What? I got up the nerve to ask, and you’re just going to brush it off?_

L leveled a stony gaze at him. “Don’t you get in a huff. I’m not going to talk about it because it’s obvious you’re jealous without even knowing any of the details.”

Light gave him an unfriendly look. “It’s my right to know.”

“No, it’s _my_ right to tell you or not,” he corrected in a dark tone. “What’s _your_ right to know is if someone gets tested to make sure they are clean, which I do, and I am.” He got up. “Come on, let’s walk.”

Light grumbled and got to his feet.

“It wouldn’t make you feel better to know anything, and you know it.”

“Shut up,” Light said. Yeah, he was probably right.

“You’re such a brat.”

“Takes one to know one,” he tossed back childishly. L didn’t seem mad at the moment, not really. They seemed to be returning to their standard bantering.

“Pffft.” L started to laugh. “That’s so asinine.”

The tension seemed to lift a little.

“Can you tell me one thing?” Light asked.

“What’s that?”

“Do you only get involved with guys?”

“Does it matter?”

Light thought about that. No, in the scope of their relationship and such, he supposed it didn’t matter at all. “I guess not,” he said truthfully.

“Good answer,” L approved. “And yeah, just guys.”

“I thought so, I was just curious.” He paused. “And now, also a bit surprised that you answered so easily instead of dragging it out.”

L shrugged. “I can torment you in a plethora of ways. Besides, I felt like being nice.”

Light raised an eyebrow at him. “Nice doesn’t seem quite fitting on you.”

L smiled ruefully. “No, I guess not.”

* * *

TBC


	45. (phase 2) The Good Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L and Light finish the evening out together after the study session. Shameless flirting. Unexpected news.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 45: The Good Life _

They hung around downtown for a bit longer, talking about nothing in particular, settling back into their own kind of normal.

Light decided not to worry about whatever relationships or flings had come before they got together. Maybe later L would feel like telling him. And maybe later he wouldn’t feel so possessive and jealous over hearing it.

“Hey,” Light said, “you hungry?”

“I could eat.”

“Wanna try this place out?” He paused, hands in his pockets, as he inclined his head to a place called Full Moon Cafe.

L considered it with a slight frown on his face. He looked particularly appealing in the pale light cast off by the moon and the shops. His all-black eyes swung back to Light. “Did you get cleared for that much time?”

Light scowled a little. “Not sure.” His mother hadn’t set a specific time frame or anything. He tilted his head and put on an imperious look. “Got someplace to be?”

L’s eyes lit up with amusement, accompanying a slow smile. “So jealous… Are you going to try tying me up to keep me in place?” he mocked.

“I’m not jealous,” he scoffed. Well, maybe possessive was a more fitting word… And tying L up did have a certain appeal, now that he’d mentioned it--

“ _Perv_ ,” L leaned in to whisper hotly in his ear, making him flush.

Light clapped a hand over his ear. “Stop doing things like that in public,” he hissed, his heart beating a little faster. He didn’t fail to notice it had kind of turned him on, despite his worry over the thought of someone seeing.

L shrugged artfully, a self-satisfied smirk playing at his enticing lips. Light tried to keep from staring. It wasn’t easy though. L was just… sometimes he was just sooo… **_hot_**.

“But you like doing it in public,” L softly mocked him, stirring him up. Those dark eyes were dragging him in and promising all manner of illicit things. “ _Exhibitionist_.”

“Am not.”

“Shall we put that to a greater test?” L said sweetly, looking like trouble.

“Let’s pretend for a moment that we are in public, in my hometown, and that I have crazily overprotective parents.”

“Aw,” L said, looking disappointed and rubbing a hand through his unruly dark hair. “Point taken.”

Light breathed a sigh of relief. L was really hard to say no to when he started teasing and pulling his strings.

“Though I could see you wanted to,” his dark-haired companion added in an almost singsong tone, while regarding the menu posted outside the cafe.

“Shut it,” Light said, fighting a flush. Damnit. _Was_ he an exhibitionist?? He didn’t think so. He was pretty sure it was more a matter of being interested in whatever **L** would do to him, rather than the location. Then again, who knew? He’d never anticipated falling for a guy either.

“It’s a little cool out here,” L was saying. “The soup sounds good.”

Light read the description and it promised to be light and flavorful. It also came with toasted artisan bread. “That does sound good. You want to be inside or out?” There were some small cafe tables outside, and it was pretty nice out.

“With you? I’d rather be _inside_.”

A thrill licked up Light’s spine. Wow he had a way of making things sound scandalously dirty. “Are we going to have to give you red flags _every_ time we go out?”

L gave him an incredibly smug look. “Why, so I can watch you utterly cave and do away with them in the end? _Every_ time?”

He flushed. “Don’t get cocky just because that happened once.”

“Oh, like it won’t happen again?” L’s gaze was indulgent. He brought his hand up to his mouth and rested the tip of his thumb against his lips. His eyes made it look suggestive and indecent, like he was thinking of what he’d done to Light in the movie theater.

Light’s body throbbed. “Maybe not,” he protested unconvincingly.

L brushed his thumb across his lower lip in a languid motion, his eyes looking engaged. “Reading the thoughts on your face is like reading a dirty book. Only infinitely more….” he trailed, “rousing.”

Light chewed his lip as the pleasant, sharp ache of desire settled in his belly. _Damn_ , but L was sexy. All of the tension from their flirting before his study session was flooding back. God, he just wanted to…  

“What if we skip dinner,” L suggested, eyes on his face, “and go straight for dessert?”

Oh, that sounded good.  

“What, did you have a vanilla sundae hidden in your car somewhere?”

L bit his lip with a smile. “You never know.”

Light grabbed hold of his arm and pulled him away from the shop, setting them in motion for the car. He leaned in unobtrusively to say, “I fully intend to have one later, though you’ll be the dish.”

Dark eyes flashed. “Naughty,” he hummed. “Who knew you had such a sweet tooth?”

“When I’m in the mood,” Light said charmingly.

“Shall I feed you the cherries? I hear they are almost as good as raspberries,” L solicited, referring to the candy he’d shared with Light through that scandalous kiss in the theater. The cherries promised more of the same sexual intrigue….

Light flushed, picturing both things.

Lust was becoming a steady throb. He was dying to feel L’s hands upon him - to go along with that slutty voice and sluttier eyes.

“Careful, _Akanbo_ , or we won’t make it to the car.” L was staring at his face and reading his thoughts and desires as plain as day. His tone implied that he might be swayed to molest Light right there in the street.

“I’m not doing anything.” His voice sounded huskier than normal.

“Oh yesss you are,” L said silkily. “You’re reacting to every. little. thing…. so deliciously.”

Thankfully they weren’t far from the car and not many people were around, because the second they closed the doors, L’s mouth was crashing against his, pulling a moaned sigh from his throat. They didn’t even play at being good or controlled and didn’t bother with sitting in the front.

L pushed him down onto the backseat, the weight of his lean body pressing between his legs. It spiked him through with craving. He met L’s mouth with deep seated lust. God, he wanted to fuck him. They couldn’t go that far here though. Not in public. They could get arrested for something like that.

He gasped as L rolled his hips, making his eyes flutter closed in reaction.

“God, I want to violate you,” L whispered hotly in his ear, then traced it with his tongue.

Light shuddered, breath coming faster. “Touch me,” he said wantonly, as L’s teasing fingers were trailing over his hip. “Before I lose my mind.”

L unfastened his pants, just slow enough to tease him and make him swear impatiently. “You’re adorable,” L said fervently in response, hunting his lips as his fingers touched the heat of his desire.

Light moaned as sensation struck him dumb. Everything felt so much stronger than before. The touch of L’s mouth moving against his, the way his angular hand wrapped around his aching flesh….

Was it the gift L had given him? Along with his reluctant and earnest words about being ‘serious’ about him?

Light’s hands finally slipped past the barriers of clothing that had been in the way and he palmed L’s hot arousal, relishing his sharp intake of breath. L shuddered against him as he stroked him roughly.

“Brat,” he breathed, eyes fluttering shut as a look of intense pleasure washed over his striking features.

“Give it to me the way you like it,” Light said in his ear, voice corrupted by lust. “Hard and fast.”

Again, L shuddered in reaction, making Light feel high with the accomplishment of pulling L’s strings. Even in the dark, he could see the elusive flush that sometimes graced his lover’s face at times like this.

L’s mouth violated his in the most dirty and stimulating ways and his hand suddenly delivered to Light that request of ‘hard and fast’, making his back arch sharply. He couldn’t quite stifle the broken moan that crawled up from the depth of his being.

Reaction rippled through L. “God, you... make me want to fuck you senseless... even when I **_am_** fucking you senseless.” His voice was tight with lust, and soooo hot.

“Please,” Light breathed, his eyes rolling back in his head as release poised to crash over him and obliterate him. “Harder….” shockwaves were starting to roll through him. He gasped, and moaned, “ _Harder_ …”

As he spoke, he was doing just that to L, gripping the swell of his lust in a punishing grip and loving the harsh and hitching breaths that graced his ear.

L pulled the collar of Light’s shirt aside and sank unrepentant teeth into the curve of his shoulder. The sharp pain pooled with pleasure and slammed him over the edge. He bit back a cry as he came, vaguely recalling that they wouldn’t want to call attention to themselves, and lost himself in the wash of euphoric release.

He was also vaguely aware of L’s sexy voice swearing breathlessly, as well as the way his lithe body tightened, and the searing heat of him in the palm of his hand as he spent his desire.

The feeling of the entirety of this moment… it went beyond words.

 _I love you,_ he thought hazily.

“Sorry,” L said a few moments later, and for a brief panic-filled second, Light was afraid he’d spoken aloud.

“For what?” he asked.

L dragged a hand through his hair and smiled ruefully. “Try as I might, I can’t seem to keep my hands off of you.”

_Oh, thank god. I didn’t say it aloud after all._

“Where’s the problem with that?” Light asked.

L pinched his cheek meanly and gave him a droll stare. “I’m lamenting the loss of my self-control. I used to be so good at that.”

“Oh?” Light said, somewhat mockingly, “Like how you sexed me up the first time we met, with nothing in return, and totally kept your cool?”

L gave him an aggrieved look. “That was _not_ as easy as it must have appeared.” He leaned in to brush soft lips against Light’s. “I wanted to have you right then and there.”

The touch flickered pleasantly through Light. “Why didn’t you?”

“Please,” L scoffed. “A straight boy like you?”

“Well, apparently _not_ ,” he said pointedly. Time had proven that his sexuality was a lot more flexible than he’d anticipated. Not just with L, but in stray thoughts he’d had here and there as well. Like in considering Stag as a substitute when he was pining over things with L potentially being over.

L laughed softly. “Apparently not,” he amended. “But, at the time… you were still glaring at me with those warm colored eyes of yours and trading insults, just as much as you were reacting to my touch.” There was a definite tone of teasing present, to go along with the indulgent look that was lurking in L’s gaze.

“Suddenly I feel like punching you.”

“Shhhhh,” his lover mock soothed him while holding back a grin. “Anyway,” he continued, sounding more or less serious, “I was saying I was sorry that I haven’t been able to take you out respectably. I keep intending to make that happen, to show it isn’t just about sex, but…. “ he trailed off, his eyes getting that warm look that Light had sometimes noticed, which seemed to come out when L didn’t have his guard up so much. “...you just do something to me.”

“Ha, that sounds like a total cop out,” Light declared, seeing a chance to tease him, making sure to sound unimpressed. Secretly he delighted in the chance to harass him a bit. “Apologizing by pinning your lack of self-control on _me_ , instead of owning it.”

“Uuuugh.” L buried his head in Light’s shoulder, already lamenting his lack of control without the additional harassment. “Like salt in the wound.” He was playing around, too. Being a touch melodramatic, though there was a bit of truth in it.

“Aw, I think it’s sweet,” Light said mockingly, “that you’re worrying over something like that.” He relished getting to say something to L that was much like the things L liked to tease him with.

“Brat,” L growled, biting his neck repeatedly in revenge, nipping him sharply right near the place his teeth had already sunk deep. “So uppity for a kid who spends time worrying over shit _just. like. that._ ”

“Ow, ow!” Light was laughing. “Ow, sorry, I’ll stop!”

L stopped and cupped Light’s face in his hands, regarding him with a laid-back but intense gaze. “How do you really feel about it?”

Light felt himself get kind of shifty, being suddenly put on the spot about his feelings. Especially with L’s eyes staring deep into his own. It made his heart flutter anxiously. “About what exactly?”

“Does our track record give you the impression this is just about sex?”

Light felt his face flush and he wanted to pull away, but L’s hands held him fast. “Well, not exactly. I mean…” He averted his eyes. _Ugh._ He hated talking about stuff like this. “I don’t know… it seemed like there was something more to it, even early on.” He hated even hinting at the fact that he’d had feelings since near the beginning. It was bad enough that L knew he had feelings _now_ , at all.

He risked a glance at his lover.

L had on a look that was part pitying and part leer.

“Ugh!” Light said, swatting his hands away from his face. “Don’t make me say stuff and then make fun of me for it.”

“But it’s so adorable… you still have issues with admitting your feelings, even after that great confession you’d blurted out at me.”

Light turned red, mortified. “Never talk about that again! **_Promise!_** ”

“Hell no. That wouldn’t benefit me at all.”

“ _Asshole_ ,” Light lamented, hiding his face in his hands. “You’re such an asshole.”

L pried one of his hands up to lay a chaste kiss upon his burning cheek. Light could feel it held a smile. “Shhhh. But seriously, you’re not bothered by it?”

Light peeked between his fingers. “By your astoundingly non-existent self-control?”

L leaned back, looking a little cowed. Basically he scowled and ran a hand through his hair again. “Hit a guy below the belt,” he complained under his breath.

“I’m ok with it.”

L gave him a skeptical look. “Seriously?”

“I’m saying that I don’t think everything with us is about fucking...” He raised an eyebrow. “My _other_ thoughts about your lack of self-control - I didn’t think were up for debate.”

“Oh,” L drawled in return, “You mean the way it triggers a distinct lack of self-control on _your_ part? And how you get soooo embarrassed after?”

“Seriously going to punch you,” Light threatened as L actively tried to embarrass him.

L picked up his right hand, lacing their fingers together, and pressed a romantic kiss to the leather bracelet that was riding upon his wrist - the sign of their commitment.

Light felt his cheeks grow hot. It was like he was witnessing an outward expression of real feelings, of something perilously close to love. Even as he second-guessed that impression, he grew that much more certain that’s what it might be. He felt dizzy with it, dazed by it.

 _Damnit._ What a way to end an argument.

“Come on, we should get you home.”

* * *

After arriving at Light’s house, L asked if his parents would still be expecting him to come in, since it was a bit late.

“It’s only around 10:30… They’re probably still up.”

L shrugged minutely and parked the car.

“Do you still feel weird about them, because of that long sit-down you had?” Light asked.

“No, not exactly.”

“Then?”

“I don’t know,” L said. “I guess I get to thinking about Jayden and how they reacted. It doesn’t really sit well with me.” His expression darkened and he let out a sigh. “But it’s not like I can show how I feel about any of that. I have to hide it and play the part if I want to be able to keep hanging around.”

“Yeah…” Light frowned. “Sorry about that. It must get old.”

L shrugged again. “Not that I have any choice. I have to play nice. At least until you graduate.”

“I have no idea how any of that is going to go yet.” Light made an aggrieved noise. “I don’t even want to think about it.”

“Personally, I’m leaning towards you moving out into a dorm or something. Four years might be a long time to keep things going as they are.”

“And if I’m stuck at home?”

L made a face. “Let’s cross that road when we come to it.” He cracked open his car door. “Ok, come on, let’s go.”

They made their way up to the front door. Light unlocked it and called out, “I’m home,” swinging the door open and letting L step in behind him. The house was bright, lots of lights turned on. It seemed that no one was asleep.

Mrs. Yagami came out from the living room area, looking perturbed. She nodded a distracted hello towards L.

Light frowned. “Everything okay, mom?”

“Well,” she said, not losing the worried look, “I’m not sure.” She glanced back into the living room and then back at him. “One of your school friends is here, saying they have something really important to tell us?”

“School friend?” Light repeated in confusion. Who the hell would be visiting him from school? And as far as he was aware, no one even knew where he lived.

A moment later, his father came out from the living room as well. He, too, looked perplexed. “Your friend came by some time ago and asked to wait until you got back from the study session.”

Light exchanged a glance with L and shrugged. He had no idea what was going on.

“Actually,” a female voice stated, before the person came around the corner, “what I meant to say wasn’t that I was Light’s friend, but his _girlfriend_.”

L tensed with dislike as Marin came into view. She wore a prim smile and sly eyes.

“Marin??” Light said, in shock. “What are you doing here?” This was **_bad_**. Oh, this was definitely not going to be good...

“Girlfriend?” his father echoed her, also in shock.

Marin twirled a lock of hair around her finger as she regarded Light. Her expression looked like a mix between infatuation and something utterly evil.

 _Revenge…?_ Light thought, feeling something like panic start to well up. Had she figured out that L was the one he’d been seeing? She’d been dead set on finding out and he didn’t think it was just to satisfy her curiosity.

But maybe she didn’t know anything, and she was simply here to stir up trouble in another way?

“Now that we are all here together,” she paused for dramatic effect, “I think there is a little something we all should know.”

The words hit heavily, like boulders falling into a pond instead of mere stones. It wasn’t tiny ripples in the water, which followed them, but chaos.

“How did you know where I live?” Light cut her off. Had she followed him home one of the days after the study session or after school?

“Now, now,” she said with a coy little wave of her hand and a fake shy smile, playing the girlfriend. “Of course someone you’re dating would know that.”

Light wasn’t 100 percent sure, but he thought he saw her eyes flick over to L as she said that. He sensed imminent danger. He had to get her out of here. Something in him was becoming more and more sure that somehow she knew about him and L and was about to do something _disastrous_.

“Miss?” Light’s father said, before he got a chance to say or do anything. “I think we’ve waited long enough, in good faith. Just what is it that we need to know concerning our son?”

Marin’s eyes did not leave Light’s. They held his, like a spider’s web that had entrapped a butterfly in its sticky strands. Her eyes glinted with maliciousness.

 _No…. whatever you are going to say…._ his eyes begged her. _Don’t--_

She sniffed then, putting on an act and turning sorrowful eyes upon his parents. “Your son has been _cheating_ on me,” she said melodramatically, which was enough to put shock onto both of their faces. “And having **sex** \- with _him!_ ” she declared, pointing a damning finger at L.

Light went pale.

If things were bad before, they had just gone so far past well-and-truly-FUCKED that he didn’t even recognize it anymore.

There was dead silence.

Shocked, horrified, silence.

L was a pillar. He managed to look unapologetic, stoic, and inoffensive. Light could feel him watching this unfold with some amount of tension, eyes flicking to meet his.

Marin, for her part, seemed to feel the instant explosive change in the air and suddenly looked uncertain. Perhaps she hadn’t conceived of the magnitude of the bomb she had just dropped.

 _No,_ Light thought scathingly, _she just pushed the **damn fucking button**_.

It was a long silence, with the shocked stares of his parents resting upon him with the weight of a thousand ancestors rolling in their graves.

His father, uncharacteristically, quit the room, unable to speak.

Light’s stomach was twisted in so many knots he honestly thought it might kill him. The pressure in the room was intense.

His mother gathered some words with great effort. “First Jayden... and now _this_?” her voice became thin and a little shrill at the end. Oh, this was so much worse than the reaction to Jayden’s true form. It was on an entirely different _scale_.

He couldn’t have looked either of his parents in the face, so he continued to look at his ex. He felt his expression chill to the point of ice, even as anger was surging through him with force. Marin’s expression started to crumble in response. “Get. Out.” he barely controlled his tone.

His mind was already racing ahead to the scope of damage she’d managed to inflict and the dust hadn’t even settled. _Over... Everything would be over…_ In that moment he felt a desperate and black hatred towards her.

She looked even more uncertain, as if she wasn’t sure just where her plan went awry or how he’d ended up so mad at her. God help him, he wanted to hit her. Or strangle her.

His father came back out. “Light,” he said evenly, his voice tightly controlled. “I think your girlfriend should leave.”

“She’s **not** my girlfriend. We broke up.” He refused, _refused_ to let her claim that title. He couldn’t keep the rancor from his voice.

Soichiro cut him off sharply. “I think we all know what the bigger issue is here!”

Marin skulked guiltily out of the fray, looking like she wanted to be just about anywhere else. As she moved past L she looked particularly cagey, as if feeling something radiating from him that might just **end** her.

There was another long silence as she made her exit.

It seemed his family did not want outsiders to be witnessing this, as they refrained from speaking until she’d taken her leave.

A few moments after the door closed quietly behind her, Soichiro turned to look at his son. “So, what, are you _gay_ now?” he demanded.

Light was torn between his anger at what was unfolding, and the cowed and pinned down feeling which was sparked off by his father’s reaction. He was beyond any emotion Light had ever seen on him. It was some kind of blend between Shock/Anger/Indignation and maybe even a measure of protectiveness, but the intensity was staggering.

Gay? No, he was pretty sure that wasn’t it. “I don’t think so…” he began hesitantly. He still had some interest in girls, after all…

“And _you_?” Soichiro whipped the evil eye upon L. He looked like he wanted to blame this whole mess on him. And potentially also gut him.

L’s dark eyes met that gaze head on. At a glance, he appeared to be at ease. He shrugged noncommittally, not confirming or denying it.

“Look,” Light said, moving to intercept before his father’s anger fully settled on L as a target. “What does that even matter?” He doubted he could reason with him, but that wouldn’t stop him from trying.

“I think it matters a whole hell of a lot!” his father exclaimed with indignant anger.

“Well, I think it doesn’t make a damn bit of difference,” he argued, trying to make an appeal. This was the final battleground. This would be the only chance he had to try and make his parents understand. “We’re going out because we like each other--”

His father interrupted. “Two people who happen to be **male**!” he raged, turning red in the face. “Going against what the good Lord intended--!”

“What, so you’re religious now?!” Light lost it. Anger swelled like a noxious virus, uncontrollable. “Suddenly you’re telling me what’s on **God’s** mind? A God you don’t even _believe_ in?!”

“Light...” his mother said, defeatedly, as if she wanted to stop this trainwreck but knew she was incapable. “He doesn’t _not_ believe...” she tried.

“This is bullshit!” Light exclaimed, pointing at his father.

“Swear in my house one more time!” his father growled, face near to purple.

“And then what?” Light sneered, “You’ll put me in my place? And just where is that, father? Where is the place for a son you can only be ashamed of, with your limited views?”

Soichiro grabbed his son by the front of his shirt. “You will go up to your room, and not speak another word,” he said with barely contained anger. He was positively **livid**. “ _Do I make myself clear?!_ ” He didn’t wait for a response. His death glare swiveled to L. “Get out.”

L shrugged, dipped his head as if bidding everyone farewell, and strolled towards the door.

Light wasn’t sure if he was glad that L was staying out of this or not. But his own temper was probably too volatile to predict. And between himself and his father, it was a crossfire L had probably best avoid.

Still, he couldn’t help but feel this might be the last time he saw him, and he didn’t want him to go.

His fears surged to the fore as he watched him leave. Would this blowup prove too much? Despite everything, would L give up after this?

Before he reached the door, L turned back and made eye contact with Light. His gaze said he was aware of what must be on his mind. “I’ll see you later.”

It was actually reassuring.

However, it had a much different effect on his father, who seemed to be taking it as an usurping of his authority. Light felt his father’s fist, which was clenched in his shirt, shaking with rage. “That’s the _last_ thing you will be doing with **_my_** son!” he roared.

L looked over at Soichiro unflinchingly, and there was an impression of his having been interrupted. He said nothing, but his stare spoke volumes. Tension crackled in the air and time seemed to crawl to a stop. The look wasn’t disrespectful _per se,_ but it was steely.

Several long moments passed.

“We’ll see,” he said simply. From the look of it, there was a lot more he would have liked to have said. Probably nothing less volatile than that, however.

“You--!” his father spluttered. “You **_dare_** to challenge me, in **my** house??”

L looked like he was biting his tongue. “I’m not here to fight.”

“You shouldn’t be here at all!” Soichiro exclaimed. “How dare you take advantage of our kindness and _defile_ our son in such a way! It’s beyond heinous!”

L’s eyes flashed dangerously.

For all of his self-proclaimed lack of self-control, he must’ve had an iron fist upon his reactions, because all he said was, “Goodnight, sir,” as if he hadn’t just heard such scathing words. And then he was gone.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (oh my heart ;__; )


	46. (phase 3) Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fallout after L leaves. Life changes drastically for Light.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

 

* * *

_ Part 46: Ashes, Ashes, We All Fall Down  _

Another long silence followed L’s departure.

“There are no words…” Soichiro said tightly, his face strained with anger and shock. “Absolutely NO words that can even cover this.”

Sachiko looked torn between fainting and wanting to strike her son across the face. “This….” she said in a winded voice, “this is _beyond_ … BEYOND appalling.”

Light did his very best to keep his expression as neutral as possible.

This would definitely be a double whammy for them, he knew that. Not only had he bypassed their forbidding him to date, he’d also been outed as sexually active... and been just plain outed in general.

Light also did his very best to keep his mouth shut. Sarcastic and spiteful comments burned upon his tongue. Their reactions were cutting deep; he wasn’t handling it well. About the only way he _could_ handle it was probably to say those very self-destructive things which he was desperately trying to hold back on. He knew it would only make it worse. And so, he floundered in the wash of their horrified disgust and shocked disappointment.

Also making him hold his tongue, was his father’s earlier commandment of _‘Not another word!’_

He felt that asking to go to his room (so as to escape this stilted hell) would be treated with as much brimstone as talking back, at this point. So he didn’t.

His father’s hand was still lodged in his shirt, holding a fast grip, as if he might slip through his fingers.

Truth be told, he’d had half a mind to leave with L and just never look back. For how long? He didn’t know. Maybe long enough for this to blow over. If it ever did. If it ever _could_.

“The girlfriend,” his father started in, “as if that wasn’t bad enough…”

_Oh god, here it comes…_

His father was shaking his head, as if loathe to even form the words to describe what he would say next. “And the ** _lying_** ,” he said scathingly, “as if _that_ wasn’t bad enough - carrying out this farce under our noses--!” Somehow he found a way to marry incredulity and disgust in his tone. “How could you… what would even _put it into your head,_ to engage in such…” he groped for a word, “ ** _unspeakable_** things?!”

Wow. That actually hurt.

Quite a lot.

And here, he’d thought he was immune to their opinions of him, or their disapproval.

_Well, what a sham that’s turning out to be._

He fought to keep his reactions off of his face, as the blade in his chest was driven deeper.

“It makes me _sick_ to even look at you,” his father concluded spitefully.

**_Jesus._ ** _Ouch._

“Are you done?” Light inquired in a black tone, the words slipping out despite himself.

“Oh, I am far from done,” his father said furiously. “And the gall of you - the _impertinence_  of you to talk back to me NOW of all times! Do you really have no concept, no appreciation of the situation you are in??”

Well, was this to have no end?

Would they stand here all night like this? Expecting him to weather their searing disapproval?

“Light,” Sachiko said, gaining his attention.

He’d kept his eyes averted this entire time, but looked up for some reason when his mother spoke.

He looked into her eyes, and she into his. “Have you no concept of how beyond appalling this truly is?” Her expression was so very hard to look into. “How beyond appalling _your behavior_ is?”

It was obvious she wanted to shame him into agreeing. To take a step in the ‘right’ direction. To shape up. Maybe even to say he was sorry.

He did none of these things. He said nothing.

She was shaking her head, her voice stony. “I did not raise a son to be like this.” She dropped the next words like small bombs. “Deceitful, disobedient and…. and _deviant_.”

At another time, he might have found humor in the alliteration she’d unwittingly used, but he was far from such things at this moment.

So much for his eighteen years of compliance. Those seemed to have been washed away in one fell swoop.

“You’re supposed to get married one day,” she said, slipping into an almost pleading voice as she swung from anger and disappointment to despair. “What girl would want you after you’ve allowed such a transgression upon your person?”

What, was he damaged goods in her eyes?

Ironically, he knew her views on this weren’t the only truth out there. Marin for one, wanted to freak him up despite knowing he’d been involved with a guy. She wouldn’t be the only one.

Still, listening to this was upsetting.

And again, spiteful words begged to be spoken. Such as asking her which particular transgressions she was referring to, and listing some off.

Without realizing it, he’d begun prying his father’s hand from his shirt.

“What are you--?” Soichiro said incredulously.

“Let go.”

Oh god, what was he doing? He was going to make this **_worse_**.

Something like this shouldn’t be _allowed_ to have a ‘worse’.

Soichiro’s eyes bugged. “You are _hardly_ in a position to--”

“I’m not going to sit here and listen to this all night,” he said evenly, his tone about as yielding as a slab of concrete.

“Go to your room!” his father yelled.

Light suspected his father was reacting to gain the upper hand before he lost it. Also? His father was just plain pissed. (For a moment, yet again, he considered just walking out the front door.)

He turned and started up the stairs.

_Well, that all went stunningly well._

He heard his parents continuing the awful conversation without him. Tones of horror, regret, and being ‘beyond appalled’ carried entirely too well.

Perhaps they were too upset to think about their standard routine, but he still had possession of his phone. The oversight probably wouldn’t last long. He went straight to his desk and grabbed a sharpie, jotting L’s number down on his skin, where it wouldn’t be noticeable. It was just under the waistband of his boxers, over the side of his hip. They’d never see it, and therefore couldn’t make him scrub it off. Which is exactly what they’d do if he picked a more characteristic place, like the inside of his arm.

He’d be damned if they’d cut him off completely.

A loud knocking upon his door made him jump. “Open this door immediately,” his father said sharply.

Damnit. So much for maybe trying to get a call or a text out.

He sighed and dragged the door open. He’d closed and locked it without a thought. Probably a subconscious desire to have some distance from all of this.

“PHONE,” his father demanded, holding his hand out unwaveringly. Everything in his demeanor, down to the way he held his hand out, screamed _pissed off_.

Light handed it over without comment.

He’d already deleted the history on it, so his latest conversation wouldn’t be lying around to be read. Not that it mattered… they knew everything now anyway. But at least he’d maintain that one level of privacy - they couldn’t read things that hadn’t been meant for their eyes.

Still…

Watching his one line of communication with L disappearing… and, knowing that he was going to be put on a lockdown that would make all previous lockdowns seem like a stroll through the fucking park…

It rolled through him like a black wave of despair.

“Goodnight,” Light said, turning back to his room.

“Arms,” his father said stonily. “And hands. Show me.”

Ah, so he was being checked already.

Mutely, he held out his hands, flipped them over. Then he did the same with his arms, rolling his sleeves up over his shoulders in turn.

“Shirt,” the elder Yagami said finally, the epitome of mistrust.

 _Shit._ Light suddenly remembered L biting his neck when they were fooling around in the car earlier. If he removed his shirt to prove he didn’t have a phone number written on him, that mark or marks would be staring his father in the face.

Keeping an apathetic expression, Light lifted his shirt up to display the lack of writing on his torso and chest. Hopefully that would be good enough and he wouldn’t have to remove it. Surely his father wouldn’t think he’d be able to write upon his own back.

Oh _GOD_ , speaking of backs… his father _absolutely_ could NOT see his. The marks from the flogging were still present. Faded, but very obviously present. If he saw that, he would **lose his shit** , and Light wanted no parts of facing his reaction to THAT. His father, quite literally, might kill him.

“Satisfied?” Light asked, mostly keeping the challenging tone out of his voice. Mostly, but not entirely.

His father’s eye twitched. “Keep this door open,” he snapped.

“Yes, sir.” He let his shirt fall back into place.

Thank god. That was at least one or two disasters averted.

“As smart as you are,” Soichiro said, leveling a look at his son which could whither an entire rainforest, “you seem to have no grasp on the concept of keeping ‘ _not a toe out of line’_.”

* * *

Super lockdown was indeed as shitty as it had sounded upon first contemplation.

It had been a week so far.

Even the study session had been shut down. His parents were not trusting him as far as they could throw him.

He was chauffeured to school in the morning by his father. In the afternoon, his mother left work early to drive him back. She would then return to work, and his parents took turns calling to check up on him.

It was pretty bad.

And though he technically had access to the house phone, he knew that they would be checking to make sure he wasn’t making any calls. They had his phone, and thus, L’s number. They’d know if he even so much as dialed it.

No, actually, this wasn’t just bad. It was awful.

And there didn’t seem to be an end in sight.

During the meals with his family, he picked at his food and withstood their twin glares if he did not make it through at least half of what was on his plate.

There were no stands to be made there. If he even tried it, they’d likely hold him down and force food down his throat.

Surely they couldn’t keep this up forever?

He tried to keep telling himself that as claustrophobia and despair would spike through him in turns.

By week two, the caged feeling was so much worse.

At school, he kept to himself and didn’t talk much. He needed every scrap of concentration just to keep from losing his mind. He couldn’t waste it on being sociable, past the bare minimum.

Marin wisely kept a wide berth.

He knew that she was keeping tabs on him and had even felt her concern. But if she so much as stood before him after causing this shit storm, he really didn’t know what he would do.

“Everything ok?” his buddy Kai ventured to ask him at lunch one day.

“Yeah,” he lied.

Worsening his mood, was the fact that the last two digits of L’s number had gotten smeared into being unrecognizable. He’d been rewriting it, and somehow along the way it had gone to shit just as much as this whole situation.

“Was that supposed to be convincing?” Kai asked, edging around the fact that it totally hadn’t been.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

If the number hadn’t gotten messed up, he probably could have borrowed Kai’s phone to reach L. He might have had to explain to the other boy more than he cared to about things…. but at this point, what much worse thing could someone say to him that his own parents hadn’t?

“Okay,” Kai said. “Up to you.” He moved off to talk to others in the usual group, giving him space.

The one thing in this situation that was grounding him was the leather collar that L had looped around his wrist that last night.

He could still recall L lifting it to his lips and pressing a kiss to it, making his heart skip a beat. He could still recall the quality of his expression and weight of his dark eyes.

A feeling much like homesickness welled up in his chest.

_God this sucks._

* * *

Well into week three, he couldn’t take anymore.

He cut class, that being the only way he could get away from his parent’s iron fist of control, and left school grounds. This, he’d never done before. And he had a hell of a time evading the faculty in order to accomplish it. The school would call his parents later, he knew, to tell them he’d missed class. But fuck it.

It was a long walk to L’s but he didn’t care.

He might not even be home, but he didn’t care.

It wasn’t like he could call him and make arrangements. He’d just have to show up and hope for the best. If all went well, L wouldn’t be out till all hours of the night, and he wouldn’t be waiting on his stoop for hours on end with the vague hope of seeing him.

* * *

Unfortunately, much time passed and there was no sign of L.

Boredom drove Light to pull some books out and do some studying. He lamented the loss of his phone. The internet alone could have entertained him for some time.

Around 8pm, L rolled up. Light didn’t see him at first. He’d become immune to the sound of cars pulling up as they’d been giving him nothing but false hope.

“Hey, what the hell are you doing here?” L’s deep voice registered surprise.

Light looked up and did a double take.

L was dressed like he’d been working out. He wore black athletic shorts, a black sleeveless t-shirt, black running shoes, and had a small white towel draped around his neck. He looked slightly disheveled, and really good.

“Hi to you, too,” he returned, feeling the slightest bit on edge. Sometimes L’s bluntness, which could border on rudeness, was hard to decipher. He couldn’t tell if L was happy to see him, or if maybe in this time, something had changed.

He found his eyes went searching for the collar L had worn, the one he’d said was the partner to the one he’d been given.

His stomach dropped out when he found it to be absent.

“Geez, how long were you out here?” L was asking him.

“A while,” he said, his mouth suddenly having gone dry.

L’s dark eyes skimmed over the spread of his studies as he unlocked the door. “Quite a while, it seems.” He headed inside. “Come on in,” he said over his shoulder.

Light gathered his things, dread settling deeper and heavier in his stomach by the minute.

He went inside, closing the door behind him. L was in the kitchen pouring himself a glass of water. He gestured vaguely down the hall as he started to suck it down. Even that everyday movement was enticing on him. “If you need to use the bathroom go now, before I hop in the shower.”

Light nodded silently, letting his backpack slide off of his shoulder to rest next to the coffee table. He felt a little dead inside. What was it he had been looking forward to all this time? And here he was being met with such… indifference?

When he came back out, L was toeing off his sneakers, still sipping the water, and watching him over the rim of the glass.

He was also now shirtless.

Light averted his eyes with a pang. As if L wasn’t compelling enough before. Seeing him like this made his hands itch to touch, and it made his heart ache. Was everything different now?

“You seem tense,” L observed.

That truly did make him tense up. “You think so?” Light said, as if that couldn’t be further from the truth. Disdain colored the words. Just a touch. Being on edge definitely made him speak more cuttingly. “What gave you that idea?” He said it as if were the stupidest comment L might have made.

L gave him one of those slow smiles that hid what he was thinking.

It made Light’s heart flutter and made him feel ill with anxiety at the same time.

L put down the glass and strolled over to him. The close proximity was almost more than Light could bear. He was torn between wanting to embrace him, and wanting to get the hell out of there.

L caught his chin in a firm hand and turned his head this way and that. “Hmmn. You seem to be in one piece.” His dark gaze was penetrating.

Light bit his lip hard, and tried to gather his thoughts, his words…

He needed to _say_ something--

L released him. “Be right back. Don’t go anywhere.”

He sank down onto the couch as L disappeared down the hall. He heard the shower kick on. His traitorous brain supplied images of L’s smooth, pale skin under the spray and the endlessly enticing contours of his toned body. He buried his face in his hands as if he could block out the images, or the memories of being in that very same shower _with_ him.

When L re-emerged, he was wearing black trackpants and a ribbed grey tanktop which was almost as bad as seeing him shirtless. It looked ridiculously good on him. His wet hair was a riot of tiny spikes and seemed twice as long as usual, being all weighted down. That, too, was nothing but compelling.

Light was keeping up a pretty constant string of mentally cursing at himself, as he couldn’t stop seeing L that way. He was noticing every little detail and each one stung a little harder than the one before it.

“Beer?” L asked him, as he opened the fridge.

“...sure.”

“Or something stronger?” he looked back, raising a brow.

“...sure.”

L regarded him for a long moment. “You remind me of Jayden when you do that.” He abandoned the fridge and pulled some things out of the cabinet. “So, what did you do that you weren’t supposed to?”

Light curbed the urge to say something cutting. “Well, coming _here_ was one thing.”

L poured amber liquid into two glasses. “I’m sure there’s more,” he said.

Light ground his teeth, suddenly not liking to admit to what he’d done and the risks he’d taken just to see him...

Watchful dark eyes rested upon him like a heavy weight, inciting him to speak.

A tumbler was soon pressed into his hand and the brushing of their fingers was electric. Dismay speared through him. _Is it only me who still feels this way?_ L sat on the couch nearby and took a leisurely sip of his drink. His attention didn’t waver. Light forced himself to form words, if only to distract himself. Their knees were almost close enough to brush together. “I skipped classes and I also wasn’t there when my mother would have come to pick me up.”

L nodded to himself.

Light drank down half the alcohol in his glass as quickly as possible. It was whiskey or some such thing. He prayed for it to numb him to the tension.

Enigmatic eyes were watching him.

Light lowered his glass, unable to not fall into them.

“I missed you,” L said.

That stopped him dead in his tracks. It seemed so out of sync with everything he’d seen thus far. “You don’t really show it,” he said, some tension finding its way into his voice.

“Neither do you.”

That, too, made him pause. He replayed their interaction and he was pretty certain that he’d been too busy watching L for a reaction, and hiding his own. “Should I?” He was being defensive. He couldn’t help it.

L swirled the liquor around in his glass with a slow, fluid motion. “That depends,” he said in that laid back tone of his. “Do you feel it?” His abyssal gaze caught at Light’s and didn’t let go.

Light felt nervousness jittering through him but it positively _swarmed_ in his stomach. He felt it all right. He couldn’t _stop_ feeling it.

L reached out to brush fingertips along the curve of his cheek. Light’s eyelids fluttered closed as the touch crashed through him.

Then L’s other hand was stroking the side of his neck, making his heart hammer in his throat. Confusion tumbled through him. Were they ok? Weren’t they? He wasn’t sure, but he could barely think past the sensations that were stirring up inside of him.

Desire twisted in his gut as soft, hot lips brushed his in a tantalizing kiss.

He wanted this so badly. More than anything.

He made himself ask, “Where’s that black collar you were wearing?” He dreaded the answer. He did. But he had to know.

“I take it off when I work out,” L murmured, almost against his lips. He pulled back slightly, cupping Light’s face in his hands and looking deep into his eyes.

Relief fought with panic as L had him in this intimate hold. He felt like his feelings were naked, exposed and ugly - needing to be hidden.

“Hmmm. Looks like some things never change.”

Embarrassment flared. “What are you-?” he began in stock denial.

“Shhhh,” L hushed him sharply. “Come here.” Before Light could protest, L wrapped his arms around him in a tight embrace and rested his chin on his shoulder. “Damn brat,” he muttered.

Light was so surprised, he didn’t quite know what to do with himself.

His chest felt overly full and his throat felt a little tight. Hesitantly, his arms circled around L, returning the embrace.

“Aside from Jayden,” L complained, chin still resting lazily on Light’s shoulder, “I think you are the biggest pain in the ass I’ve ever met.”

“Gee, thanks,” he said blandly. “I missed you, too.”

“You complicate _everything_.”

“I could say the same for you,” Light snapped back.

“Mouthy brat.” L sounded faintly annoyed, but was currently exploring the side of his neck with a devious mouth. “Probably didn’t even realize you were glaring at me from almost the second you laid eyes on me.”

“Me?” That was bullshit. “You’re the one who…. who….” Oh, damn, he’d missed the feel of that mouth. It made his body quicken with steady waves of desire. Especially when L pulled back, and tilted his face up to feel the decadent heat of that mouth upon his lips. Especially when they melted into each other, hot, wet, and passionate.

A noise escaped his throat as they sank down onto the couch and L’s body pressed against his. Desire was shifting into hard, unabated lust.

He wanted to feel naked skin against his.

It had been so long.

He wanted L’s desire stroking him and destroying him from the inside. He wanted his harsh breaths in his ear.

L pulled back a little and said with some effort, “Why couldn’t you just act cute and say that you missed me?” His tone was definitely on the sarcastic side.

Light met his eyes and let his indecent thoughts have full reign over his face. “I missed you.” He knew the effect was different from what L was complaining about, but it had a huge impact nonetheless.

“Damnit, you know I can’t help myself when you look at me like that…”

He amplified the look, intent to torture him. “I really, reeeeeally missed you.”

“God I want to be inside you right now,” L said, capturing his mouth in a heated kiss.

Light’s head felt like it was spinning off of his shoulders. He was so turned on, he was losing track of his surroundings. He really wanted to take this to the bed and let L do just that, but he also found it hard to want to move. L’s hand brushed the underside of his thigh, bringing his leg up and shifting the way they fit together. The roll of their hips was now ever so….. so….

“I love it when you moan like that,” L said against his lips, making his face flush.

Ohhhh god he loved it when L talked to him in that lust-tainted voice.

Light’s eyes closed, his breath beginning to hitch in his throat.

“Would you mind terribly if we didn’t make it to the bed?” A tongue was tracing the curve of his ear, making him shudder and shiver.

_God, that voice…_

He shook his head. The bed had already become irrelevant in his mind. Especially as L’s hand was stroking over his skin, laying caresses across his chest and stomach. He jumped as one of his nipples was tweaked, hard. Pain flashed across his face for an instant, but it quickly melted into pleasure which was radiating through him as L sucked at and teased a sensitive spot on his neck.

“God…” Light groaned. “Do it already. This is torture.”

L chuckled, somewhat breathlessly. “Look at that, begging so nicely, and I didn’t even have to drag it out of you.” His eyes were positively amorous.

“You’re such an asshole,” he said in a strained voice. His body was aching. Throbbing.

L teased him with featherlight kisses. “Hmm maybe I’d rather have you on top,” he said lecherously, tucking Light to him and rolling them over on the narrow couch.

Light could barely keep himself propped up on his elbows. It was like the strength had been sapped from his bones. His entire body stiffened, however, as L cupped a cheek of his ass in each hand and ground upward against his hips. “Jezus,” he moaned.

L repeated the motion and it was more devastating each time he did.

Tension was coiling in his gut, and he couldn’t seem to get enough of those rough sensations. He dragged L’s mouth to his and met each motion of his hips, harder, harder.

Pleasure rocked through him.

Almost….

This was almost as good as actual fucking….

Oh, just thinking about that sent a rush of lust shooting up his spine, making his back arch. Between that and the rough moan that tore itself from L’s mouth, he was toppling down. He shuddered as orgasm lashed through him, following L’s. His eyes clenched shut as the experience leveled him so beautifully.

Light sank down bonelessly upon L, who was breathing just as hard as he was. They lay there like that, sprawled on the couch and completely at peace, content to while away the moments until they came back to themselves and their breathing slowed.

“That was… nice,” L understated.

“The bed would have been nicer,” he tossed back, affecting a bland tone.

L gave him a squeeze with the arm that was looped around him. “About as nice as the looks on your face promised it to be?” he asked slyly.

Light flushed a bit from his teasing. “Oh, if only you had a little self-control,” he trailed, harassing him right back, “we could have found out.”

“What do you mean _‘if only’_?” L scoffed. “I plan to find that out momentarily.”

“And you call _me_ a perv.”

L grinned. “Oh, you most definitely are.”

“I couldn’t possibly hold a candle to _you_.”

“I dunno,” L drawled, “give it a few years, and I think you’ll surpass me.”

Light grabbed a pillow from the end of the couch and mashed it over his lover’s face. “You _wish_ , ultra-perv.” He wondered with some amusement if that was actually even possible.

“Oh, a new title,” L’s muffled voice was barely audible. “I like it!”

Light lifted the pillow to scowl at him and L managed to get him into a headlock. “Hey, no fair!”

“Annnnd I’m sure that won’t be the last time I hear ** _that_** ,” L said with a leer.

“You sneaky bastard!”

“Agreed,” he dragged them to their feet, still keeping Light in the hold, “you unsuspecting, gullible brat.”

He was fairly easily navigating the way back to the bedroom.

“Don’t make me punch you in the kidneys,” Light threatened. “I have a great angle here.”

“Ha! Not better than the angle I’m going to have on you in about fiiiive minutes,” he responded, drawing the word out lecherously.

“Ugh! Bastard!”

“You know,” L said conversationally, “I find it infinitely amusing that your chosen insult for me practically rhymes with Master. Freudian slip?”

Light flushed red. “Oh yeah,” he returned cattily, “and ironically it also sounds like both ‘hard’ and ‘faster’, _just the way you like it_.” He was going for a little bit of a sting or some embarrassment, referencing how he’d all but dragged the words from L’s reluctant mouth in the theater, but L just laughed heartily. His dark eyes flashed, amused at his expense. “Doubly ironic, then, is how **you** seem to like it that way yourself.”

_Goddamnit._

His face was flushing anew as his plan backfired.

“Ugh, shut up,” he said, knowing he’d lost this round. L was still too good at spinning things back around on him. That wouldn’t last forever, he’d find a way to turn the tables.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i spoiled you all with a double chapter instead of a MASSIVE CLIFFHANGER. so please spread the love and review! : D
> 
> thanks guys! xoxoxo  
> Z


	47. (phase 3) Prodigal Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The reality of the situation starts to hit Light. L is being supportive though he is hiding something. Light is faced with a parent/son standoff (and the impact of his own words).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok all, here's your update. gonna go die now x__x  
> Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 47:  _ Prodigal Son 

Later that night, after wasting the better part of two hours getting ‘reaquainted’, Light was dragging a towel over his wet hair and contemplating how well the clothes he’d borrowed from L fit him. The pair of ripped up jeans were loose and hung low on his hips, but he could get away without needing a belt. The simple black t-shirt was also looser than it probably was on L, but all in all, they weren’t too terribly far off in size.

It felt somewhat strange wearing things like what he’d seen on his lover, things he actually had a preference for. Certainly, it was nothing he’d have been allowed to wear at home. It almost made him feel like a different person, more laid back and comfortable in his own skin.

He made his way back out to the common area, hanging the towel back up in the bathroom. In the mirror, he noticed that the neck of the t-shirt dipped low enough to show peeks of the bite mark on his neck that L had given him the other day, along with a few new ones. Not bites, this time, but an array of pinkish to reddish marks which were evidence of where L’s talented mouth had been. Most of them were light enough to fade in a day or two. The more memorable ones were hidden from view and weren’t limited to his upper body.

L was leaning with his elbows on the kitchen counter, frowning at his phone distractedly. When he came in, L looked up and flashed him a smile. “Hey, not bad,” he said, panning over his borrowed attire and tapping the corner of his phone against his lower lip. “I especially like the peeks of my handiwork at the top.”

“Of course you would,” Light scoffed, but he was pleased with the reaction.

“Hey, you hungry?” L asked, switching gears. “When’s the last time you ate?”

“Lunch. Probably around noon?”

“Well, I have fuck-all to eat around here. Do you want to get something out or order in?”    

“What were you thinking?”

“Hmn… the delivery around here is pretty shitty. There’s a good Italian place up the road. Dine in or take out. They make some pretty awesome spaghetti.”

Light felt a bit of a pang at that, since spaghetti was one of his favorite meals he’d often had at home.

Home… what the fuck was he going to do about _that_ situation? He currently had no plans of going back. The last three weeks had been hell. He couldn’t even imagine going right back into that mess - not right now and maybe not even in a few days.

“Carbs are a good comfort food,” L added.

“I don’t need comfort food,” he muttered.

“Well...” L trailed reluctantly, “you might after this.” He held his phone aloft and gave it a wiggle, then he pocketed it. “Come on, let’s go.”

“Wait, what in the hell kind of thing is that to say?” Was that why L had been frowning at it earlier? The last thing he needed was a leading statement hinting at something awful, then having that information withheld. “Tell me.”

L shrugged him off. “Food first, stress later.” He picked up his keys. “Oh, and don’t even think of fighting me on this, it won’t end well for you.”

“Tyrant,” Light muttered at him. Stress later? What a load of bull. Just the mention of it was starting to chew at the edges of his composure. He’d rather just _know_ , and get it over with.

“Also,” L said as they stepped down the stairs, “I need you to fill me in on the last couple of weeks, and what you’re planning to do now that you’ve done a hasty jailbreak.”

“Was this part of your ‘stress later’ concept?” Light challenged. “It sucks.”

“Quit your griping. A recap shouldn’t kill you.”

Light’s tone was testy as his companion dug for more info. “And what you’re not currently telling me _will_?”

“No, but maybe **I** will,” L threatened, looking a little peeved. “Quit arguing with me.”

Light couldn’t help but feel a bit obstinate when being told what to do. “Why?” he said shortly, just to see if L would give him a real answer, or if he would brush him off like his parents were wont to do.

“It’s not productive.”

Oh.

Well, that was probably true.

“Besides,” L continued, still sounding a bit aggravated. “If you aren’t going to take care of yourself, somebody has to. The least I can do is make sure you eat.”

Oh…..

Light felt humbled and more than a bit foolish as the expression of caring was made face-smackingly apparent.

L was shaking his head as he ducked into the car. “Kids these days.”

Light got into the passenger seat, a frown on his face. He glanced surreptitiously at L. He looked mildly annoyed but not mad. As for himself? He felt inadequate. L had just been trying to look out for him, in his own way. “Sorry...”

L waved off the apology like he didn’t want to hear it. “Just trust me a little, would you?”

“I’m trying,” he said truthfully. Years of ingrained responses to his parents were tripping him up with alarming frequency.

“That’s all anyone could ask for.” L looked over at him for a long moment, as if studying his face. The expression of annoyance was no longer present. Dark eyes regarded him intimately. “You’re an awful lot of trouble, you know that?”

There seemed to be a bit of fondness in the slightly exasperated tone.

Light crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re the one that said you like a challenge,” he said archly.

L let out a sigh, resting his head on the steering wheel with a pained expression. “Again, my words come back to haunt me.”

“Hey, how late is this place open?” Light asked. “You’ll feel stupid if your melodrama disrupts your plan to feed me.”

L reached over and grabbed him by the chin in a gentle but firm grip. “It astounds me how mouthy you are, brat.”

He paused then, and made a slight face as he released him. “Not that you don’t have a point.” He put the car into gear and backed out onto the street. “It comes to mind that a pet might be easier to take care of.”

“With not nearly half the fun.”

L raised an appreciative eyebrow. “Bold of you to say so.”

“Realistic,” he countered. “The last few hours make a good case to that effect.”

“Can’t argue that.” A slightly lascivious smile ghosted over L’s face. Mainly though, he looked content.

It was a short drive over to the Italian place. A good thing, too. They weren’t open for a whole lot longer.

“So, what’ll it be?” L asked him. “Dine in or take out? There’s probably just enough time for either.”

Hmn… take out sounded like less hassle… but it might be harder to concentrate on actually eating while sharing that small dinette table with his dark-haired lover. Overall he was just really engaging to be around, whether they were flirting, bantering, or not saying much of anything at all. “Here is fine.”

“I’ll go place an order up front. It’s quicker that way.”

“Okay.”

“Do you know what you want?”

Light shrugged. “Surprise me.”

L had to pull back the smirk that tried to form upon his face. “Well, _those_ are words I’d never say ‘no’ to.”

That coaxed a responding smile from Light’s lips. “Bring me something good, and maybe you’ll hear it again.”

“Tease.” Dark eyes were deeply amused.

“Better hurry, if you want a chance at making that a reality,” he said sweetly, tilting his wrist up as if checking a watch.

L’s gaze flickered into the warm look. “There is something quite special about you,” he said with a slightly deprecating tone, but the sarcasm didn’t cover the fact that he meant it. His eyes said he treasured it.

It made Light’s heart flutter a bit to hear that. The sentiments weren’t far off from how he felt about L. People talk about there being no ‘unique snowflakes’ in the world, but L was certainly a unique sort of _something_. And the more he saw, the more he liked.

“Be right back,” L said.

Light noted that the the subtle black leather collar was back in place around his neck, like it had never left. A warm feeling suffused his chest.

 _This_ is what mattered, he suddenly knew with absolute certainty. This right here, what they had between them.

He’d figure out the rest around that.

* * *

Probably more for comedic effect, rather than a true belief that choosing food Light approved of would give him a free pass to be exceedingly kinky, L ordered a virtual buffet.

“How in the hell are we supposed to eat all of this?”

L shrugged eloquently, a smile playing about his lips. “I’m sure you’ll find something you like.”

“You did hear the _‘maybe’_ in my earlier statement?”

“Not at all,” he said infuriatingly, obviously having fun messing with him. “I heard: _‘find me something I like and you can do whatever you want with me~.’_ ” He embellished his inaccurate quoting of Light by adding an undignified twitter of a laugh at the end.

“What the fuck was that ‘tee-hee’ you added on at the end?” Light demanded indignantly. “I would _die_ before I ever laughed like that!”

L was shaking with silent laughter and tapping his fist upon the table as he tried to keep it contained. The mirth increased with the strength of Light’s glare. “Oh god, you’re killing me,” he barely got out. He put a hand over his face and the snickering became audible.

“Asshole,” he muttered, dragging a plate of spaghetti in front of him.

Geez there was a lot of food here. Chicken Parmesan, Pasta Primavera with lots of fresh vegetables, Side salads, Bruschetta… There were even stuffed mushrooms. “Again, **who** would be able to eat all of this?”

L shrugged, calmer now, a pleasant smile on his face. “Don’t worry about it.”

Light took a first bite of the pasta and almost dropped his fork as the the flavors hit him and his eyes fluttered shut in bliss. It was amazing. Pasta and sauce could taste like _this_?!

“It’s good, right?”

He looked up. “Good?” he said rapturously. “This is almost better than sex.”

“Now, now,” L chided, “let’s not get carried away.” But he looked pleased that Light was so impressed.

After wolfing down half of what was on his plate, and trying a few other things, Light grew suspicious. Everything was _too_ good. It was hard to stop eating, and the food was taking serious damage from their efforts. “Wait a second, this isn’t some high end place that you just blew a ton of money on, is it?” He’d feel bad if that were the case.

“What I _will_ tell you,” L said, blatantly evading his question, “is that the place is owned by a little old Italian couple, and this food is legit.”

“And what I can tell _you_ ,” Light countered, “is there is no way you could eat stuff like this very often and look like you do. If it wasn’t expensive, it would be too hard to resist coming here all the time.”

“Eh, shut up and let yourself enjoy it,” L said, taking a bite of bruschetta. The best bruschetta Light had ever had.

“How did you hear about this place?”

L made a scoffing noise. “My asshole cousin. Damn fool was going on about how good everyone said it was and after I finally agree to go, he conveniently forgets his wallet and foots me with the bill. Keep in mind, he has a bad habit of ordering a million and ten things, yet even _his_ stomach isn’t endless.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask how much--”

He let out a derisive laugh. “I was completely broke for two weeks.”

“Didn’t he pay you back?”

“Surely you jest.”

“Are you serious?” Light was indignant. “He didn’t pay you back at all??”

“He conveniently forgot all about it after a few days. But I noticed he also stayed out of striking range.” L shrugged. “He does shit like that. Probably considered it a good pranking. But I got him back _good_ later.” An evil smile surfaced on his face as recalled the payback.

“Something tells me I don’t want to know.”

“It isn’t something I’m proud of, but it was worth it.”

“There are times I’m amazed the both of you are still breathing, and on speaking terms.”

L nodded sagely in agreement.

* * *

Surprisingly, there was less food left to take home than he’d anticipated upon seeing the mass quantities L had originally ordered. They took it to go and headed back to the apartment, while Light did his best to fill L in on everything from the past several weeks.

L didn’t say much. Mostly he listened. He seemed uncharacteristically solemn and didn’t break expression even to make faces at what he was hearing, like he usually would.

“I really want to strangle that girl,” was about all he said initially. There was an intense and ugly dislike in his tone.

“You and me both.”

“So, she’s been keeping her distance?”

“Yeah. I haven’t really so much as clapped eyes on her.”

“So she does have something of a brain after all,” L said meanly, his voice scathing. If he had an issue with her before, which he did, he certainly had a much bigger issue with her now. “But what the fuck did she think this was going to accomplish??” He was seriously pissed off. “Did she think you’d simply get banned from seeing me and suddenly she could move in? That her competition would be out of the way? Has she _no concept_ of what your parents are like? There’s no way a half-cocked plan like that ever would have worked out.”

“To be fair, you and Jayden know them better than anyone.” He wouldn’t have dated her if she was a complete idiot. “Especially since they’re like your grandparents, from what I gather.”

L made a noise of disgust. It seemed related to the topic of grandparents.

“But she knew things,” Light said. “Enough that this plan shouldn’t have seemed viable.”

“I don’t hit girls, but I would _slap a bitch_ ,” L muttered darkly.

Wow, if that was the closest he could come to his usual humor…

Marin had better hope she didn’t cross paths with him anytime soon.

“You saw she had the gall to look surprised?” L continued, supremely agitated. “She stirred all this shit up and actually seemed confused about everyone’s reaction. What the hell is _wrong_ with that girl?!”

“Aside from liking me?” he joked dryly.

L whipped an unpleasant expression upon him as if wondering what the fuck was wrong with _him_. It quickly lost its strength and L shook his head. “Idiot.” He reached over and roughed up Light’s hair. “So even you can make jokes about stuff like this.”

Just like he’d hoped, it broke some of the tension.

L let out a sigh and seemed to be composing himself. Or maybe he was slaying the urge to rant. “So, what are you going to do about all of this?”

“No idea.”

“Great plan.”

“By the way,” Light said, “what is the surprise bad news you are withholding from me?”

A difficult expression flashed over L’s face. “I’ll show you in a minute. We’re almost back.” He paused a long moment. “And what are you planning to do about school? Are you going tomorrow?”

School. Right.

To be honest, that had been about the last thing on his mind.

It was Thursday night. Maybe skipping one day wouldn’t be so bad. However, the thing with his parents not knowing where the fuck he was or what had happened to him…. that would still be brewing, regardless.

“It’s ok if I stay over?”

“Sure.”

“If I did go tomorrow…” Not that he wanted to, but it was best to plan for all contingencies. “Is there something I can borrow to wear that won’t be a dress code violation?”

“Hmmmn………….” L pretended to think long and hard on that.

“Oh come on,” Light scoffed. “Even you must have something serviceable.”

They pulled up at the apartment.

“Well, now,” L drawled thoughtfully, “that is an awfully big assumption to make.” He was playing around.

“Shut up” he scoffed. “I’ve seen you wear things that would work fine. Like, every Sunday.”

“Shit, you’re right.” L rubbed a hand over his face. He lamented the gaping hole in his argument, which prevented him from keeping the ruse alive. “Ah, I’m slipping.”

“Maybe you’re stressed out?” Light suggested.

L thought about that. “Yeah, probably.”

“Anything I can do?”

“That’s sweet,” L said in only a mildly mocking tone. “But you’re bound to be way more stressed than me.”

“Only if I think of all that stuff.”

If he put things like parents, blowups, restrictions, and his own impending doom out of his mind, he was feeling rather carefree. It was so rare to get to spend time with L like this, that he couldn’t help just appreciating the moment.

L nodded. “Sorry to spoil that for you… but we do need to talk about what I mentioned earlier.”

“Great,” he sighed. “Can’t wait.”

“We should probably go inside first.”

Light picked up the leftovers and got out of the car.

A thought had occurred to him. Had his parents, in an attempt to locate him, started texting L? They had taken his phone, of course, so they easily could have. If so, then either L hadn’t checked his phone before coming home around 8, or the messages had come in later.

“Ok, so I’m going to take a wild guess,” Light said, closing the fridge, now that he was divested of the carryout containers. “My parents are texting you.” He thought about that a moment. “Or, calling you?” God, that would be even _more_ awkward.

“Your father has quite the caustic tone when he’s angry.” It was obviously a gross understatement.

Light winced. “He called you?”

“Threatened might be a better word for it.” He reached past Light and grabbed a beer bottle from the fridge and cracked it open.

Anxiety twisted in Light’s gut. “What did you say?”

“Nothing yet.”

He nonchalantly raised his drink up to his lips and took a long pull.

“When you say ‘threatened’...”

“Well, let’s see. First, probably after a long conference with each other on the merits of contacting the very person that is the ‘root evil’ for all of all of this--”

“In a way, you kinda are.”

“Well, that’s true.” He cracked a bit of a smile. “No regrets, though?”

“None.”

L laughed a little then drank some more of the beer as he played some things through his head. “Right, so after blaming me for everything - even the bits that are rightfully yours - and deciding that I was hereby banished from their existence… Then **you** disappear. They PANIC. Naturally, they suspect it not only has something to do with me, but is probably all my fault. And so, it begins...”

He fished his phone out of his pocket and tapped the screen a few times as he drank. “Ok, here we go. I’m sure there was an intense debate over whether or not to be cordial or rude.” He looked up. “Wanna guess which they went for?”

“Depends on who texted first.”

“Not sure. Technically they are all from you.”

Light scrunched up his face. “Ok, if cordial…. something like _‘Have you seen Light?’_ Rude, would probably be more along the lines of _‘Where is he?’_ ”

“So which is it then? Rude, or Cordial?”

Hmm… His parents were beyond upset. So he’d guess rude. However, if L _had_ ‘whisked him away’, then playing at being nice would make more sense if they really expected to receive an answer. “Cordial?” he guessed.

“Wrong. They actually did both. Less than a minute apart. Pretty much verbatim to your guess, though.”

“Ah. They must’ve both been texting then.” His mom would have gone for cordial in an attempt to pry information from him. His father would have been more on board with beating it out of him.

So, it wasn’t sounding too bad yet.

L looked over at him, catching his eye. “Just wait, it gets better.”

He went back to the messages. “From about…. 9pm to 10pm, they texted everything from _‘How can you live with yourself?’_ in reference to me violating your person, and for having no common decency, to _‘Please do the right thing and return him to us.’_ ”

Light made a face. “What, do they think you _kidnapped_ me??”

“I’ll get to that.” L scrolled through the messages. “They also demanded to know where I live, accused me of hiding you away, and let’s see what else…. Oh, they threw in a dig about Jayden’s delinquency being my fault… which is totally unfair.”

“Wait, you take offense to that, and not to the other stuff?”

“Well, I **do** violate your person, and probably don’t have common decency by most people’s standards.” He shrugged it off. Light was pretty sure he detected unhappiness beneath the surface. He was being too laissez-faire about this. It had to be a front.

“Though,” L continued, “it is also inaccurate to say that I have _‘thoroughly corrupted you and stripped you of your morals’_ , as if I can _really_ take all the credit for that.” He almost made it sound like he would have **liked** to be able to take credit, as a source of pride. “Between your adventurous spirit and dirty mind,” he joked, “I’d say I can only be accountable for two thirds, maybe half of all of that.”

It was getting increasingly harder to tell which things L was actually bothered by, between his nonchalance and now a return of his sarcastic sense of humour. He was exceptionally good at deflecting.

“And the phone call?” Light asked.

L heaved a sigh, displeasure sliding over his face. He looked resigned. “So, your father left a message, spitting vitriol, and told me that if I refused to cooperate, he was going to report me to the police and have me arrested.”

Light could not keep the shock from his face at hearing that one. It was… almost unbelievable.

“Don’t worry, it would never stick. One, you’re not underage, and two, you aren’t being kept here against your will.”

“Yeah, but they couldn’t take you in while investigating the situation, could they?”

“Not sure, actually.”

“Jesus,” Light muttered, rubbing his hands over his face.

“I get that they’re worried, though,” L said, displaying more empathy than Light would have thought he could muster for this situation. “So maybe you should call or text them and just let them know that you’re ok.”

“Is that why you didn’t respond to them?”

“Oh, they won’t give a rat’s ass about anything I have to say. Besides, it’s best if I stay out of this. It’s not my fight. This is between you and them. The less I say, the better.”

Light held his hand out for the phone. He had no idea what he was going to say. But he’d rather deal with this now, rather than letting it sit even longer. He loathed the idea of a phone call, as he’d probably just get yelled at and ordered home, and he was not in the mood. So, he just texted.

 _‘Mom, father, it’s me.’_ He sent that through while he thought of something else to say. He was sure at least his mother would pick up on the way that he specifically addressed them. _‘I’m fine. I left school early at the last minute… I needed time to myself. I’m sorry if I’ve made you worry.’_

He actually wasn’t that sorry for making them worry, not with the way they’d been lately. The way they’d been acting and the things they’d said to him… there was no excuse. And harassing L like this? It was horrible.

Suddenly, the phone was ringing in his hands and a sense of panic gripped him. “They’re calling me,” he said, spooked. He looked at L in appeal. _Don’t make me answer it._

L leveled a steely gaze at him. “Answer it.”

“But--”

He didn’t repeat himself but that steely look intensified.

“Hello?” Light said grudgingly, dragging the phone up to his ear. He tried to brace for his father’s caustic voice which would blast him into next week.

“Light?”

Oh, it was his mother.

“Yes, it’s me.”

Strangely, she sounded tentative and worried. “Are you ok?”

“Yes.”

“Are you eating?” she asked.

“Yes.”

She paused for a long time.

“Are you… coming home?” she ventured.

“No.”

There was a really long silence then.

“Where are you?”

“At a friend’s.”

“No you aren’t,” she said with certainty, her voice wavering a bit. She sounded like she might be about to cry. “You’re staying with _him_ , aren’t you?”

“If you know that, then why are you asking?”

“Light!” she exclaimed, sounding really upset. “Why are you doing this? Can’t you see how worried about you we are?”

“Doing this?” he exclaimed right back at her. “Doing _what_? Escaping your prison?”

“Prison?” she snapped, offended. “You can’t honestly expect to have no consequences for your actions, can you?”

“I get grounded practically every other week,” he argued. “And I go along with it. I listen to you and do what you ask--” she tried to interrupt him but he cut her off. “NO. Let me finish. The last three weeks… I cannot _live_ like that. I can’t, and I won’t.”

“Come home,” she implored. “We can talk about this.”

“No,” he disagreed, “apparently we can’t. Even now you aren’t listening.”

“I _am_ listening!”

“Good, because I am only going to say this once. I will date who I want and I refuse to let you bully me out of it. If you cannot get that through your head, then we have nothing to talk about.”

“But…” she struggled for words. “Before, you were dating that girl. What if you just did that again?” She sounded desperate. She must have been, to cede even the idea of dating. His point must have been getting across, if even just a little.

“No,” he said simply.

“But you can’t date another man,” she implored in a panic. “Son, the world doesn’t work that way!”

“I’m in love with him.”

He dropped the statement like a stone into a well. It didn’t matter if it ever hit bottom, or whether there was water or not. The point was only in the toss. Her opinion ultimately had no bearing on the matter. He was merely informing her.

There was dead silence on the other end of the line. Shock. Processing.

In fact, there was quite a bit of shock in the very same room he was in. He glanced over at L who was wearing an almost comical wide-eyed look and had paused mid-motion as he’d been about to take a drink from the bottle in his hand. He blinked.

Light realized he’d just come out and said the very thing he’d feared admitting aloud for some time now. Not just that he _thought_ he might be in love with him, but that he WAS in love with him.

For some reason, that did not set him into a panic. It made him feel resolute.

 _‘Seriously?’_ L had recovered somewhat and that’s what his expression seemed to be saying to him now.

Light shrugged, owning it, and turned his attention back to the phone. “So you tell me, mother. Do we have anything to talk about?”

“I…. I don’t know what to say.”

“One other thing. If father truly tries to get the police involved, in any way, I won’t be speaking to either of you again.” He let the words sink in. “I mean that,” he added stonily.

He heard a sharp intake of breath, a sob.

“Goodnight, mother.”

He hung up.

L was watching him with a mixture of respect and slight horror. “You did _not_ just threaten to quit speaking to your own parents.”

“You heard me.” Why did that seem so odd to L?

“I didn’t finish. AFTER telling them you’re _in love_ with me.”

Slight misgiving churned in Light’s stomach. Ah, here was where the fear came in. He didn’t know how L would react to the knowledge of how he felt about him. Or if it would be wanted. Being serious about someone didn’t mean you were in love. Also, L’s reaction to his first confession had been pretty crushing at the time. He didn’t really want to be put in that position again. “Why do _you_ look so horrified about it?” he said somewhat testily. It killed him to ask. But he’d been learning it was better to just get things out in the open and know things up front.

“Because I just realized…” L was saying, looking a little upset, “there is a good chance that I will no longer be able to tease you mercilessly about having feelings. How can I harass you if you come out and admit to them like a _grownup_?”

“Ugh! You asshole!” Light walked over and punched him. L barely dodged enough to prevent real damage to his midsection. “I was actually starting to worry when you got all weird again! And stop responding with the equivalent of _‘Seriously?’_ every damn time. That’s fucking rude.”

“Aww… you’re blushing.” L barely kept a straight face as glee suffused his voice. “Maybe all isn’t lost afterall.”

Relief and aggravation and a huge dose of embarrassment flooded him as he was caught out after that quite serious rant.

“Goddamn you…”

He gave up.

“Aw, now don’t make that face,” L said, “you’ll make me feel bad.”

“Piss off,” he groused. It wasn’t like he expected L to say something in reciprocation or anything like that. But teasing him about this right now just seemed like hitting below the belt. _Would serve him right if he felt bad,_ he grumbled to himself.

L draped his arms around Light, embracing him from behind and speaking near his ear. “Come now,” he said in a slightly mocking tone, “it would be _terribly_ cliche of me to say something like ‘I love you, too’.” He’d begun nibbling Light’s ear, which was infinitely distracting.

It took him a minute to string words together. “Wait… do you?” Light asked in surprise.

He didn’t expect that L _did_. The way he said that though… It was almost like admitting it without admitting it. _Could he really…?_

“That would be telling,” he said smugly, taunting him. L blew a puff of air into his ear, making him flush.

“Ugh. You really are an asshole,” Light declared petulantly, trying unsuccessfully to free himself. “I hate you.”

L smiled.

“I hate you, too,” he said warmly, kissing the top of Light’s head affectionately.

* * *

TBC


	48. (phase 3) Honeymoon Period

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A novel experience. Some levity. Playful L. Light getting teased and harassed. And the unspeakable state of being that is one Light Yagami with a sleep deficit and an epic need for coffee. xxx <\- those x's are way understated for this chap. lol

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank god it's fridaaaaaaay!!!!! sharing my relief over that with an update for ya'll.  
> Z

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 48: Honeymoon Period  _

“Hey,” L said as he turned down the covers and sat on the bed. “Isn’t there some rule about not putting boyscouts to bed before midnight? Or was that not feeding them after midnight?”

“Jerk,” Light retorted, flopping onto the bed ungraciously. “That’s _Gremlins_ and for the last time, I was never a boyscout.”

“Still look like one to me,” L said with amusement shining in his eyes.

Light let out a huge sigh. “Whyyyyyyyyyy?” he lamented. “Why are you doing this to me?”

“Pffft,” L scoffed at him. “You know why. Your reactions are just _adorable_.”

“What can I do to make you stop?”

“I hear distraction techniques work rather well,” he offered innocently, obviously being lewd. “Otherwise, seriously? Find a way to get back at me.”

“You’re encouraging me to take revenge on you?” Light said skeptically.

L shrugged and smiled like the Mona Lisa. “Though with your success rate so far, I’d say you’d better try a _loooot_ harder.” He drew the word out teasingly.

Light tilted his head with a considering look. Then, he smacked L squarely in the face with a pillow. With force.

“Ow,” L said with a wince as it fell from his face. He rubbed at his nose. “You know, you really hit har--”

THWAP!

The pillow did an encore, somehow catching him by surprise.

“ _Ow_.” L was holding up a hand as if that would stop him. “Okay,” he said drolly, “I think I see where this is going--”

Light barely let him get the words out before launching a full on attack. He got quite a few choice hits in before L could react to retaliate. Then, the other pillow was suddenly smacking Light across the head and shoulder with considerable force.

“Too bad for you,” L said menacingly, his eyes alight with challenge, “this time I am neither hungover nor sleep-deprived!”

Light narrowly evaded the next swing and kicked L’s leg out from under him, knocking him onto the mattress. “You’re assuming that’s why I won’t win?” He’d already straddled his dark-haired companion and his arm was cocked back with the pillow to deal a finishing blow.

“Damn you’re spry,” L got out, barely able to duck his head between his arms for protection as Light pummeled him.

The second he stopped though, L swung a leg out, sweeping him onto his back and knocking the breath from him. He quickly moved to straddle him and sat on Light’s stomach, pinning his arms to either side of his head. “Ok, so maybe you’re better at pillowfights,” L conceded. “You must’ve been to a ** _lot_** more slumber parties than me.”

Light growled at him and spent the better part of his energy trying to free up his hands.

“You know,” L said, “It’s kinda hot watching you struggle like that.” He wasn’t having any trouble keeping Light pinned down. “Now, did you say you were going to class tomorrow, or not? I’m suddenly having the urge to keep you up for another few hours.”

His struggles were getting him nowhere. Light paused to catch his breath. “Only way that is happening,” he countered, “is if our positions are reversed, you have a gag in that mouth of yours, and I get to _beat_ you with something.”

“Oooh kinky.” His dark-haired lover was not cowed in the least. He smirked at Light. “Unfortunately, you lost the bet that would let you do whatever you want with me. That’s _my_ prize.”

Ah shit, he’d forgotten about that.

“Should I claim it now?” L threatened sweetly. “Anything I want, no complaints.”

“On a school night?” he taunted, trying once more to get loose. “Then you’ll be responsible for interfering with my education, as well.” He wasn’t making much progress, he could barely move.

L leaned in to brush tantalizing lips against his. “That depends on what kind of education you’re referring to,” he murmured suggestively. It was a really nice, slow kiss, one that whetted the appetite.  

Ah, hell. He went with it.

It wasn’t all too often they moved at such a leisurely pace. Somehow it felt more poignant, warm, and was giving him butterflies.

As soon as the fight went out of his hands, L released his wrists and slid his hands up to lace their fingers together. Their palms pressed together warmly and somehow it felt really intimate.

It struck him for a moment that this almost felt like the difference between sex, and making love.

But that was stupid, right? L hadn’t admitted any feelings of that sort. He teased, hinted around, but what did he really know for sure about how this jackass felt? He was really cloak and dagger about it all.

Still…

Something about this seemed so very sweet and kept him guessing.

Certainly, it was different from their usual frenzy of soul crushing desire.

“I really could roll around with you in bed all day,” L said softly, nuzzling his neck. He sounded quite content.

“No one would get anything done.”

“True.”

L found a sensitive place on his neck and began leisurely sucking upon his skin, making him writhe. The butterflies intensified and his head felt pleasantly fuzzy.

“If you keep me up,” Light said hazily, “I’m going to use that as an excuse to skip tomorrow.”

“I’ll make you coffee.”

“Experience has taught me…” Ohhh, L was working his way down his throat to his collarbones. It was _really_ distracting. “...that isn’t always enough.”

“Mmhmmm.”

L slid down so that he was no longer straddling Light’s stomach, but his hips. It brought a faint flush of heat to his face. A gentle desire was kindling in his belly. L was going to wear him down with these soft touches.

Each time Light thought he was going to call it quits and go ahead to bed, something slightly different was happening, and he found himself too engaged in finding out what would come next. He’d originally only intended to allow the kiss. Besides, it wasn’t like they hadn’t had sex earlier. And he was hardly able to take a round two. His stamina was improving but receiving twice in one day was a bit much.

L didn’t seem in any sort of hurry at all. He might not have even had any particular goal in mind.

And so, Light just drifted, and let him continue.

L pressed a soft, open-mouthed kiss to his lips. “Ha,” he whispered. “You look sleepy and turned on at the same time. It’s a really sexy face.” He rolled their hips together in slow rocking motion. “Mmm but maybe I like that face even better,” he amended as the touch rippled through Light.

“Are you taking this somewhere?” Light asked drowsily. He felt so good right now. He could just drift in this quasi aroused state forever. Everything just felt so nice.

“Haven’t decided,” L admitted, slowly brushing a hand over his chest and down his stomach in a long caress. “I kind of want to keep watching you, but I probably should let you sleep.”

“What if I just stay here tomorrow, with you?”

L’s hand was tracing lazy patterns on his stomach. “I won’t be here all day though. What would you do if I wasn’t here to play with you?” He kissed along Light’s jawline. “Will the curtains be okay?” he joked, as if Light were a cat.

“If I had retractable claws, I could tell you right where they would be.” His hands had been free for some time. He brushed them lightly down L’s back, making him shiver. Then he dug them in and dragged them downward a little ways.

Reaction flickered sexily over L’s striking features. “I’ll have you know, that is one of my turn-ons,” he said conversationally.

“Oh, is it, now?” Like he didn’t know. He resumed ghosting his hands over L’s back, feeling the muscles rippling slightly under his fingers.

“Ye...ssss.” Light had waited until L started to speak before raking his nails down his back again. The reaction was even more scintillating than anticipated.

L twisted fingers into his hair then, and slid a hot mouth against his. It was a penetrating kiss. Slow. Consuming. Desire quickened Light’s blood and his body began to react more strongly. And when hips rolled against his once more, a soft moan fell from his lips.

“God, you’re hot,” L murmured, saying ‘hot’ like he wanted to slow-fuck his brains out. “What am I to do with you…? I know I should let you sleep. But I reeeeally don’t want to.”

“Well, you have two choices,” Light said, voice slightly husky with desire.

“Oh? And what’s that?” he asked, softly playing at Light’s neck with lips and teeth.

“Hands or Mouth.”

L laughed, “God, I love you.” He pressed a kiss of approval to his mouth. “Such a dirty mind. I thought you were going to give me the ‘responsible’ options.”

Light felt a smile tugging at his lips. Completely intentional or not, it was nice to hear him say those three little words. “Not as dirty as yours.”

“Not _yet_. We’ll work on that.”

Light’s hands found their way under L’s shirt. He ran them up the warm skin of his lover’s back, keeping eyes on his face as he leaned into the touch. “Are you that keen to have me surpass you?”

“Could be fun?” L said wickedly.

Oh, that expression on his face was certainly going to get his imagination running. “So, did you decide?”

“Was _‘Hands or Mouth’_ for you, me, or both?”

Light raised an eyebrow.

“Red flag me if you want,” L said against his lips in the most scandalous voice, “but I’m thinking ‘Mouth’ for both.”

Light flushed. “At the same time?”

“See, I love this brain of yours,” L said, petting his head and rolling it a little. “Always on the same page.” He sucked on Light’s lower lip teasingly before nipping it.

Light had some reservations. Mainly, he was afraid of not knowing _what the hell he was doing_ and looking stupid.

“Ha. You’re so cute when you’re nervous.”

“Shut up. I’ve never-”

“Shhhh,” L silenced him. “If I’d listened to you any time you said that, we’d have only gotten as far as holding hands.” Light thought that was a gross exaggeration. “Besides, there are plenty of things you’d never done before, that you are _most_ excellent at now.” L’s dark eyes were gazing unabashedly into his own and a smirk played at his lips.

Light’s face burned.

“Adorable,” L breathed, claiming his mouth and sinking into it with a deep, deep kiss. It was almost as scandalous as the suggestion he’d made.

It wasn’t that he minded trying it, exactly. But how did the positioning even go?

God… he was kind of turned on by the concept of it, but was nervous as hell about fucking it up.

As L kept kissing him like this though… his brain was starting to take a definite backseat to sensation. Desire was filling him up like L was pouring it into him. His body was starting to throb and ache for more sensation and his hips canted up against L’s, seeking that _‘more’_.

“I’ll start,” L said, sliding down his body and lavishing him with attention, just where he was craving it. He bit his lip as he felt lips, tongue, and a hot mouth doing very, very naughty things to him.

God damn, he was good at this.

“Added bonus, that we’re about the same height,” L said, rotating and lying on the bed next to him, propped up on one arm. He reached a hand over Light’s hip to grab his ass and roll him forward onto his side. L’s tongue flicked out to tease his arousal, making Light’s breath catch in his throat. L sank down onto his side, then, stroking his flesh with teasing fingertips as he guided it into his hot mouth. Quite easily, he was then resuming some rather amazing work.

As often happened when he was exceedingly turned on, Light’s hands itched with the need to touch, grope, and dig in to supple flesh. Only difference being, he had another prime opportunity to drive L to distraction, which was conveniently right in front of him. He stroked a possessive hand up the side of L’s thigh and over his hip, feeling his body tense with anticipation as it slid across his lower belly.

Almost as naturally as breathing, he sought to taste the silken hardness of L’s desire on his tongue. He gripped the base of him in a firm, borderline too-hard grip, feeling L shudder as he traced the tip of his need with a flirtatious tongue. Hard flesh swelled in his hand, a strong reaction to the teasing. He let it slide into his mouth, taking in a good amount, getting used to this different angle. He couldn’t see L’s face or his reactions, but oh dear god did he feel it when L moaned with him in his mouth.

It was actually really hard to focus on doing this, as he was so very focused on what was being done **to** him.

He felt his cock throb, as much turned on by what he was doing and L’s reaction to it, as he was by the incredible sensations L was currently giving him.

This was…..

This was soooo…..

In that moment, he believed with all of his mind, body, and soul, that this was truly the best idea that L had ever had.

 _You dirty bastard_ , he thought, sucking on him hard and then taking as much of him in as he could.

He took a special pleasure in the fact that L actually stopped what he was doing for several moments, along with a sharp intake of breath. It seemed that even he couldn’t single-mindedly keep on top of everything either.

Light changed his angle a bit, to be more straight on, and tested to see if he couldn’t go a little deeper. He knew about the gag reflex but hadn’t exactly had the chance to experiment. In this position, the curve of L’s arousal actually worked for him, and followed the curve of his throat. As a distraction, he focused on the ways in which L was tormenting him, while relaxing his throat muscles and experimentally taking more of him in. It was somewhat tricky, but not as difficult as he’d thought it might be. He swallowed around L’s girth and felt him shudder hard.

_God, that’s hot…_

L started stroking him off then and driving him mad with the focused pressure of suction, right on the head of his cock. Light quickly had to forestall his practice at deep throating so that he didn’t choke. His face flushed as pleasure flashed through him in increasing waves. He cursed softly, eyes rolling back in his head. _Jezus._

He completely, for a few minutes, lost track of what the fuck he was doing and where the hell he even was. It was that good.

It was hard to get his wits about him. L was giving him no chance for a rest and was steadily building him up and dragging him towards a devastating climax. He gave himself a pass for ingenuity and decided to just do to L exactly what was being done to him.

Oh, and that seemed to go over quite well.

Light imagined that could be rather interesting, really, almost like you were giving yourself head.

L’s tongue got exceedingly creative then. Try as he might, Light couldn’t quite emulate it. But it felt sooooo amazing.

Next thing he knew, sensation exploded upon him and his body was shuddering and seizing, his arousal cradled in soft, wet heat. A low moan dragged from his mouth, muffled by L’s arousal, hot on his tongue. L’s body was shaking with fine tremors, an indication he was a hair’s breadth from losing control.

Light worked his hand upon the shaft, barely having the coordination for that as his own release pumped from him, swallowed by L’s waiting mouth.

God fucking DAMN that was hot.

Even more so when L came, straining and tight between his lips, his body shaking like a leaf.

* * *

What came after that, Light didn’t quite recall.

The next thing he was truly aware of was L spooning him, and his own voice saying, “I’ve heard of mind fucks, but that, truly….”

And L pressing a kiss to his cheek, radiating amusement. “See, you did good. Told you.”

“Red flag,” Light murmured drowsily.

“What for?” L let out a low laugh that resonated pleasantly in Light’s ear. “Teasing you?”

Light yawned sleepily and nodded. “Much coffee needed… tomorrow,” he said, then passed out.

* * *

The sound of an alarm was a hated noise in Light’s ear the next morning. It wasn’t one he recognized, and for several long minutes he couldn’t quite place the sound.

“Hey, sunshine,” a deep voice said in his ear. There was amusement in the tone. “Time to wake up.” That voice also sounded quite conscious and alert.

Light tried to focus the diffused force of his brain cells into recognizing anything at all, but the little bastards were intent on scattering to the wind. He couldn’t quite place where he was, why he needed to be awake, or hell, even _who_ he was. “Wha-?” he started sleepily, when warm, soft lips pressed to his in a familiar kiss. “Mmm...”

Sense trickled in. Not much. But enough to where he knew that he wanted to pull this person closer and keep feeling their sensual lips and the warmth they were causing to flicker through him. He slid his arms around an enticingly toned and firm body, and pulled it down onto his.

He sort of registered hearing a soft curse, after a few minutes of feeling really good. That clever mouth left his to speak in his ear. “ _Akanbo_ , wake up.” He could hear the resonance of desire within it, along with something that sounded like…. resignation?

That warm presence disentangled from him and left briefly, the bed shifting under their weight.

He was alone again, and suddenly the call of sleep was casting its net back over him. He gave into it, sinking back down into oblivion where he belonged.

Some time after that, Light found himself being roused once more. Hands pulled him into a more upright position, propping him up against something warm and solid…. oh, that was a person. And said person was lifting his hands and placing something into them. Something that was smooth, hard and hot...

The smell of coffee reached his nose, heavenly, rich, and strong.

He could almost, _almost_ muster the strength to drink it. But right now, he was preferring the shoulder his head was currently resting upon.

“Drink.”

“Mn….”

“Light,” that voice said softly, “drink.”

He felt arms reaching around him in a near embrace, propping him up as they guided the coffee smell closer. They were guiding the mug to his lips.

The liquid was hot. Very hot, but not enough to burn.

It was black coffee, nothing in it. Just the way he liked it.

The voice laughed softly in his ear. “I almost feel bad. Maybe I should just let you sleep after all.” There was a bit of a lascivious tone to it. “Or…”

The sensation of a hand sliding up his inner thigh made Light’s head fall back, and suddenly he was forgetting about the coffee.

“Look at you, so defenseless it’s almost pathetic,” a solicitous, condescending voice said. “Like a newborn kitten mewling for attention.”

A new feeling, annoyance, crept through the haze. Light felt it form upon his face.

It was short-lived, however. That hand was tricky, industrious, and… felt really really nice. It was beyond distracting and he almost dropped the coffee mug.

“Maybe I’ll just keep you home and play with you after all,” L said, pressing a kiss to his cheek. “That was quite a greeting you gave me this morning.” His voice almost sounded taunting. “Hmmn….. maybe I’ll just choose to be irresponsible....”

Irresponsible….?

The word started to trigger thought, as did a bit of the caffeine he’d had so far.

There was something he was supposed to be doing, wasn’t there…? Somewhere he was supposed to be?

Just then, the weight of the mug was lifted from his hands into thin air. Then, he was laying back on the bed and that warm mouth was meeting his once more. Very pleasant reactions were happening in his belly in response. Soft, lazy desire.

 _Oh, yes…_. this was nicer than the coffee….

* * *

“Dammit,” L lamented under his breath, many loooooong minutes later. “I need to be an adult. Responsible and all that.” He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“Light,” he said, pulling free of arms that were wrapped enticingly around him. “Hey- come on, wake up. You have to get to school.”

The brunet was pitifully slow to react to almost everything. Only he seemed to have an instinctual reaction to things like kisses and caresses; those were nearly instantaneous. Fascinating expressions chased over his face with no filters and his arms sought to drag L down against his welcoming body and mouth.

It was so _very_ hard to say no to.

Even now, he was regretting this whole ‘being responsible’ thing.

But he really didn’t want to get in the way of Light’s schooling. As it was, he’d already caused part of this problem with not letting him get enough sleep and apparently it was crippling. The coffee hadn’t done the trick, either. But then Light had told him that he would need a **_lot_**.

He’d better put in substantially more effort - before he backslid.

* * *

Light had been allowed to drift again, his human pillow having left him. He was on the edge of sleep now, peaceful, fuzzy, content, and mostly unconscious. It felt like he could spend forever like this….

SPLASH!

Suddenly, freezing wet trails were running down his face, making him start shivering immediately. Light’s eyes flew open and fell upon an empty cup that was yet aimed his way.

Was he awake NOW? Oh, yes.

Caffeine as a stimulant was nothing when compared to the blood quickening stimulant of murderous intent. Which is what he was feeling at this **very** moment as his eyes narrowed, glaring at one soon-to-be-dead lover of his.

“Sorry,” L said. “You wouldn’t wake up.”

The fact that he was definitely trying to keep from _laughing_ under that stoic expression… meant he was going to die.

“I made you coffee,” his dark-haired lover reminded him sweetly, as if that would save him.

“I’m going to kill you.”

“And see? An improvement already. You’re _much_ more awake now.” He was barely even hiding the smirk now, he was too damn amused. “But the coffee - you should have some more of it.”

“That was ICE water,” Light stated, locking in on his target. L was going down.

“Yes, yes it was.”

He had the gall to snicker as he said that.

Light scrambled off the bed, quick to give chase, and L just as quickly jumped in surprise and with a laugh was dodging out of the room.

* * *

TBC


	49. (phase 3) A Nice Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light completes his attack on L in payback for the icewater. You know who makes an appearance. Light contemplates school and his parents, wondering what will be coming next.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, meant to post earlier. Enjoy!  
> (And thank you a million times over for the reviews! ilu guys! xoxo)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

 _ Part 49:  _ A Nice Morning

Light caught up with him just inside the living room, managing to knock him down and wrestle him to the ground. He pinned L to the floor, straddling him and trying to choke him out. L was laughing as he fought him off. From the shine in his dark eyes, you’d almost think they were flirting.

“Are we going somewhere with this?” he teased, as Light’s hands wrapped around his throat but couldn’t quite get a solid grip.

“Nowhere like what you’re thinking, _perv_ ,” he growled.

 _Almost…_ He couldn’t quite put the hurt on L, he was too skillfully keeping his hands just short of having an effect.

“Oh, but having you be so forceful is making me sooo **_hot_**.”

 _Goddamnit,_ Light thought as that voice strummed through him. How was it he could make his voice sound so damn sexy? Even when he was just fucking with him.

In his brief hesitation, L had let go of his hands, leaving himself open to attack; but he was also running those naughty hands of his up Light’s back.

Light half heartedly choked him as his eyes moved to trace the enticing trail of hard nails upon his skin. Oh, he really did like it when L did that…

“Throwing me down on the ground…” L said with a softly perverse, amused voice, “plying me with a choking kink… staring at me with those sexy eyes as you roll your hips hard against mine...”

Confusion flickered over Light’s face, even past his reaction to the scandalous words. Hips? He’d done nothing there at all. “But I didn’t--”

L gripped his thighs and ground his hips upward, pulling a surprised “Ooooh,” from Light’s mouth at the intense sensation. That dirty talk was merely a segue to more bad behavior.

“Would a quickie make you late?” L asked, pulling him down so that their mouths hovered near to touching. Desire jumped the space between them like an electric current. Warm breath felt tantalizing upon parted lips.

Quickie? Pfft. "Do you even know the meaning of that word?” Light tossed back, quite taken with the urge to feel L’s mouth against his.

“Why don’t we find out?”

L was like an incubus, sucking him dry. He called up desire from seemingly nowhere and hazed him with it.

Maybe it was the honeymoon effect, that whenever they had more time together they just naturally couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. But it was near insane how many times they could be consumed by lust for each other, in quick succession. Perhaps something like that would die down in time. But in the time that took, he might just die in the process.

A slow, wonderful death….

“Kiss me, you asshole,” Light said forcefully, suddenly wanting the crush of a hot mouth and the clash of lips, teeth and tongue against his. He pulled L’s mouth roughly to his, feeling him shudder in reaction. It was really hot how L reacted so strongly sometimes when he got aggressive. It was almost like he secretly had a kink for it.

Light ground his hips against L’s, feeling his hard arousal between them. L moaned into his mouth with a slightly stilted intake of breath.

_God damn that’s sexy._

He wondered, not for the first time, what it would be like to truly have his way with his lover. Maybe in time, he could wear him down, just like this… until L was hot, naked, and mindless beneath him. Had L ever bottomed, or was he exclusively a top?

Oh, regardless of the answer, he now had a new thing to put on his bucket list. One that he fully intended to make a reality, and in the not-so-distant future.

“Don’t think I can’t see the wheels turning in that head of yours,” L said, barely breaking from the kiss to speak in a breathless voice.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Light said sweetly, nuzzling L’s slightly heated face. He was so turned on right now, it was hard as hell to play at this game.

“Your face has ‘powertrip’ written all over it.”

“What if I promise you’ll like it?” Light murmured with a smile, winding him up.

“Uh huh….”

“What if I promise you’ll _love_ it,” he whispered in L’s ear hotly, feeling him shudder once more.

“Damn you’re getting convincing when you put your mind to it…” his nonchalant attitude cost him. Light could feel that even a gentle rocking of their hips against one another was making L twitch and become hazy. He was exceedingly turned on.

“I want you so badly right now,” Light said. In truth, he almost couldn’t even choose where he wanted to take this as **_everything_** seemed appealing at the moment.

L’s abyssal eyes shone at him like deep pits of inky blackness. Amusement lurked in their depths and a smirk was turning up the corner of sly, sexy lips. “And just as quickly,” L softly mocked him, “you lose yourself.” He rolled them over, taking control away quite easily, and making Light flush as L dominated him not only with words, but with a wicked mouth playing at his sensitive throat, and industrious hands. “And that is why you’re not ready to try your hand at the big leagues yet.”

Light’s breath was coming in short pants as L brought him off. “You certainly… seemed to like it….”

“Mmn,” L said in his ear, wickedly, “I never said I didn’t.”

Light didn’t know if he was just going for a reaction, but the words speared him through with lust and sharpened the ache that had been amplifying steadily with every stroke of L’s skillful hand. He drew in a ragged breath, eyes closing as the wash of pleasure bathed his lower half. Moments later, that feeling heightened and he came with a hoarse cry, spilling over L’s hand.

L kissed him deeply, reinforcing the waves of pleasure that were fanning through him as his body shuddered and shook.

He barely had his wits about him, so he wasn’t entirely surprised when L guided his hand towards his prominent arousal. Light wrapped his hand around it, liking the feel of sensitive satiny skin over the unrelenting hardness of his flesh. He squeezed, making L choke on a gasp, as he pictured that same part joining with his own body. It always felt so hot, just as it did in his hand. “I love the way you feel in my hands,” he heard himself saying. “So hot, and hard… and the way you shake as I give you what you want.”

L throbbed in his hands and was fast getting to that stage where fine tremors worked their way through him.

“Powertrip,” L managed to scoff at him, voice thickened with arousal. It was a nice attempt at rebellion but it did nothing but prove the very dire straits he was currently in.

“I hesitated before,” Light murmured in his ear in a lust filled voice, “because I couldn’t decide which thing I wanted to do to you more - feel you in my hands, suck you off, or _fuck you senseless_.”

L moaned through clenched teeth as the dirty talk tipped him over the edge and orgasm ripped through him with force. His face was a fascinating combination of resistance, surprise, and a knee buckling expression of pure SEX as pleasure washed over him.

God damn, he could almost get hard again from just seeing it.

So, school… _that_ was seeming less and less likely to happen today.

* * *

A little later, L managed to get things back on track.

After that abysmal display of self-control, he at least managed to not engage in a round two, even though Light’s face showed he was practically begging for it. Saying no felt like an impossibility, but he managed. Barely.

Light’s impulsive words during sex were getting more and more dirty, and were fast becoming a huge turn on. He just had this scandalously hot way of speaking that was completely at odds with his wholesome looking exterior. The looks on his face often matched, and L found them to be even more wicked and enticing than the words themselves.

And to think, this kid was still in high school.

Speaking of which….

They had better get on with breakfast before they ran out of time. “So, you want cereal or leftover Italian?” he asked the brunet. It was mildly amusing that after they composed themselves and got dressed, Light was looking a little sleepy again and demanded mass quantities of coffee as if sex like they’d just had wouldn’t be enough of an adrenaline boost. It was adorable.

“Coffee,” Light said mussily, leaning his head onto his hand and yawning widely.

“You have that already, if you’d remember to drink it. What do you want for food?”

“Meh.” Light yawned again and began nursing his coffee in earnest.

L laughed to himself and got out cereal, figuring that was good enough. Maybe he should buy some food that was more substantial next time. It would probably be nice to return the favor and make Light a real breakfast. Also, admittedly, cereal was a bit lame.

He put a bowl before his younger lover and watched him eat it as if still in a sleep haze. Slow, almost sloppily due to coordination fail. It was hilarious and endearing. How the hell had he woken up enough to ply him with those unbelievably sexy looks and say shit that was almost enough to make him seriously flush, then fall right back to this?

He shook his head ruefully and started in on his own bowl.

Light was nothing if not full of surprises.

* * *

Coffee eventually did its work and revived Light’s failing brain. He was about two thirds of the way through his bowl of cereal and contemplating another when there was a sound at the door.

It swung open and Jayden walked in mid-epic-yawn. “Alright, cuz, I’m here to be _punished_ ,” he announced blearily, spreading his arms wide as if in offering. There was a decidedly sexual tone to the words. “You’d better be ready.”

Light looked at L questioningly. What the hell was _this_ about?

L said, “Oops.”

“Oops?” Jayden repeated incredulously, then noticed that his cousin wasn’t alone. His eyes pinned on Light. “What the hell are _you_ doing here?” he demanded acerbically.

Whether the hostility was because he was seen as being ‘in the way’, or if it was some other random fit of his - like a reaction to all the bullshit drama surrounding his family, he didn’t know. Either way, though…

Light flicked him off and kept eating his cereal.

“What the fuck? Don’t ignore me, you little punk!”

“Then don’t cop such an attitude, asshole,” Light tossed back with an imperious look. “Like somehow you’re gonna get in trouble being in the same room as me?”

“ _First off_ , **don’t** call me an asshole. Secondly…” sleep deprivation or some such thing seemed to be slowing him down and making it harder for him to say something witty or scathing “... ** _go home_** , we have things to do.”

“Punishing?” Light asked pointedly, casting another inquiring look at L. Coming from anyone but Jayden, he might have reacted more strongly, but he knew that most of what came out of his mouth was suspect. Still…. it did rankle a bit. Especially since Jayden’s flirtatious manner sometimes seemed to toe the line even with his cousin. Not to mention that flogging session he’d mentioned getting turned on by...

“He means _training_ ,” L said blandly, shaking his head at his cousin.

Jayden turned an evil eye upon L. “Besides the point,” he said dismissively, his tone scathing. “ _Oops??_ What the fuck do you mean OOPS when I had to get out of bed at the ass crack of dawn because that was the _only time you had_?”

Light took notice then of Jayden’s attire. He was dressed in what looked like workout clothes - deep red track pants with a white stripe down the legs, a white t-shirt, headphones draped over his neck, and athletic shoes.

“Stuff happened yesterday,” L said with a shrug. “I forgot.”

Jayden glared at Light with his eerily pale eyes. “This is all _your_ fault.”

Light was starting to suspect Jayden was being extra caustic with him because he felt guilty about something. _Or maybe he thinks I’m mad at him?_ “What’s your damn problem, huh? I’m not pissed at you, and I had nothing to do with my parents deciding to ban you.”

“Like I give a shit about that. Why the fuck are you here?”

“Jailbreak,” L said, continuing to eat his cereal.

Jayden eyed Light, still looking pissed. “Huh,” he said consideringly. “They know you’re here?”

“Boy, do they,” L muttered.

Interest suffused Jayden’s expression and he grabbed a chair, swinging it around backwards before he sat down. “Spill,” he said to Light with an edgy smile, snagging his coffee and drinking it down like it was his own.

“ _Would you just_ \--” Light started in annoyance, reaching a hand up belatedly as Jayden drained the mug and set it down. He then looked at his cousin and said, “More.”

L sighed and actually got up to get him some.

“And put some shit in it why don’t you? Who the hell drinks it black?” His eyes slid back to Light. “You heathen.” Pretty soon an engaged look slipped back over his face. “So…” he drawled in a girlish, chipper voice, lacing his hands together and resting his chin on them expectantly, “what’s the new _draaa_ ma?”

Light sighed and rolled his eyes. It was too early to be dealing with this kind of back and forth. “Marin spilled, so my parents know about L and I, and after 3 weeks on ultimate lockdown… I cracked.”

“HEY!” Jayden whipped around and yelled at L, “You think you could have mentioned some level of shit like that to your own flesh and blood??”

“Fuck you. I didn’t feel like talking about it.” L sent him a nasty look. “Don’t get all high and mighty with me, you ass. I put up with you not long ago and you said fuck all to me about what the hell was bothering you.”

“To hell with him,” Jayden said dismissively, turning back to Light. He grinned and said theatrically, “You always give me the good stuff. I don’t know why I didn’t just come to you in the first place.”

“Because you were banned,” Light and L said nearly in unison.

“UGH!” Jayden grabbed at his head. “Would you stop being in fucking _stereo_?” He punctuated his words with an agitated sweep of his hands. “It creeps me out! And it’s fucking annoying.”

“ _You’re_ fucking annoying,” Light scoffed back at him.

“Ditto,” L said, putting down a cup of coffee in front of his cousin. He put another down in front of Light and they exchanged a brief smile as their eyes met. Light was pleased to have the return of his much needed beverage and that L had gotten him more without him even asking. L was hot _and_ considerate. What were the odds?

“Gag,” Jayden complained caustically, “I’m going to OD on the saccharine-coated _lovey-dovey_ vibe in here.” He practically sneered the words ‘lovey-dovey’.

L cuffed him in the head.

“Ow.”

“Quit being a menace,” L said, pressing him with a threatening look as he resumed his seat. He seemed annoyed.

Jayden muttered under his breath.

“I mean it,” L warned. “And stop being a pain in the ass. Like he said, he’s not mad at you and the parents probably aren’t giving you a second thought right now.”

“Who the fuck cares about that?” he snapped back.

“ _You_ do. Now shut it.”

Light decided to interject. “What’s this training all about?”

Jayden opened his mouth to say something - lewd by the look of it - but L beat him to it.

“It’s a workout regimen. Starting with early morning runs.”

Light’s brown furrowed. “Why you?”

Jayden laughed aloud. “Do you not even know what he does for a living?” his tone was incredulous and amused. “This is a **riot**. Overthrowing your parents, claiming to have feelings, being part of all sorts of drama, and yet you don’t even know a simple thing like that.” His eyes slid to L, “And _you_ , you’re worse. I heard all that talk about trust. Can’t you even tell the kid the first thing about you?”

L gave him an unfriendly look. “You are really shitting on my goodwill today. And let me tell you, I started out the morning with a LOT of it.”

“So what **_do_** you do?” Light figured he would ask.

L sighed. “I’m a personal trainer.”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Nothing, I guess.”

“So that’s what you do, and the stuff at the club on the side?”

“Yeah.”

That actually made a lot of sense. It explained why L was so very fit, and also why he could keep his flogging arm going for what seemed like forever. Light wondered if he picked up clients from the club or clients followed him to the club. Between the two things, he’d be bound to meet a lot of people, and it was no wonder he had fans and also an extensive dating history.

“I only agree to do stuff at the club when I feel like it, though. If I’m really busy working with clients, I skip it. Though sometimes I’ll hang out there for drinks and socializing.”

Light looked at Jayden and raised an unimpressed eyebrow, knowing it would set him off, “And you?” he made sure his voice sounded skeptical and dismissive. That would ensure he got himself an answer.

Jayden threw a sour expression his way. “I’ll have you know I am quite skilled with A/V, am a fair hand at technological shit in general--”

“And he’s a web admin for a porn site,” L said blandly.

“I was getting to that!”

“Not before you talked yourself up for like 10 minutes.” L’s tone was very sarcastic. It matched the look he was giving his cousin.

“Well it’s all true, isn’t it?”

L nodded, and sipped his coffee.

Graciously, Light asked him to finish his list.

Jayden perked back up. “As I was _saying_ ,” he groused before continuing, “I do some coding and development, build websites and the like. My main revenue is the porn site. Easy work. All I have to do is fix shit if the site goes down. As long as everything is running, I collect my pay. So I’m sort of on-call 24/7, but I rarely have to deal with issues like that. And _bonus,_ I don’t have any sort of regular hours.”

“And you always did that?”

“The websites and computer shit, sure. Before the website, I used to bartend.”

“Till you became a drunkass pill-popping asshole,” L added.

Jayden glared at him. “Fuck you.”

“Go fuck _yourself_ ,” L’s tone was conversational. “You’re the one who brought that about. You and your low impulse control.”

The younger cousin seemed to seethe in response, but he wasn’t denying it.

“He got better,” L joked. “Now he’s mostly just a drunk _Ass_.”

“Now who’s oversharing?” Jayden said scathingly. His eyes glinted threateningly and he looked like he was going to start a scuffle.

Light stood and gathered his dishes. “I have to go, if I want to make it to class on time.”

Jayden looked up quickly, disappointment flashing over his face. “What the hell? I thought you were skipping, so you could continue your honeymoon period with this asshole?” He jerked his head towards his cousin.

“We made good use of the time so far,” Light said ambiguously.

L laughed, and his eyes shone with amusement. “I second that.”

“Oh ho!” Jayden exclaimed, too sharp to not catch on. “So if there was something that actually fucked _more_ than bunnies, that would **_still_** be a step behind the two of _you_ ….”

“Well, I don’t like to brag,” L said.

“Since when? Shut up,” his cousin retorted. Jayden turned to Light and his voice shifted to a chipper, conspiratorial tone, “So anyway, about the ‘rents… are they not _spastically_ shitting their pants right about now-?” he almost sounded gleeful, “-what with you being gone, and being involved with _this_ guy?” He jerked his thumb at L.

“Yeah, they are.” Light put his dishes in the sink and grabbed his bookbag off the floor. He couldn’t get behind Jayden’s seemingly excited and amused delivery of the situation.

“I’ll drive you,” L said, standing up. “It’s a long walk from here.”

“I’m coming, too.”

L looked at his cousin skeptically. “What for?”

“What am I gonna do, wait for you to come back?” he said snarkily. “You lost my trust at _‘OOPS’_. I’m gonna ride with, and make _damn_ sure we start my training today.”

“What do you need all this training for?” Light asked him.

“To eventually surpass HIM.” Jayden pointed a damning finger at his cousin, who nonchalantly shrugged it off.

“More strength, more stamina,” L added with a yawn and a lazy stretch. “So he can defeat me in hand-to-hand combat or some shit, probably.” He shook his head and went to get his keys. As he passed Light, he leaned in to press a soft, lingering kiss to his mouth. “I’ll miss you while you’re away,” he said, pitching his voice low enough to where his cousin wouldn’t easily be able to make it out.

Not to be outdone, Jayden swooped in and hooked an arm around Light’s shoulders, and caught his face with a firm hand. Staring into his eyes he said smokily, “I’ll miss you too, you little shit.”

It almost looked like he was going to be in for a kiss, taking his joking too far, but L grabbed him by the neck and pulled him back. “Remember that line we talked about? You are a few yards _past_ me only smacking you upside the head.” It sounded like Jayden might be a few yards into brawl territory.

“Aw, come on,” Jayden fake complained, “I just wanna feel the love, cuz.”

“Your training really is going to become a punishment, if you don’t watch yourself.”

“Ooooh kinky,” Jayden said saucily, though he did back off.

Light finished shrugging off Jayden’s arm and said, “Can’t we leave him here? Pleeeeease?”

Jayden made a sad puppy face and threw arms around both of them while wailing, “Nooooooo!” in a put-upon voice and squeezed them in something that approximated a group hug. He didn’t hold back his grin for long. “Come on, cuz. Don’t leave your adorable younger cousin here all alooone…. where he can get into… _trouble_.”

L rolled his eyes and looked resigned.

Jayden grabbed his head with one hand and pressed a loud kiss to his cheek obnoxiously. It seemed to be done with equal parts amusement and affection. “Thatta boy.” He did the same to Light. “And you, too. Come on, we’re gonna be late.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'll have you know it was killing me not to spill info! and there you have it! The answer to Where's Jayden?? as well as What does L do for a LIVING???? :D i know it was a really long wait on the second one. to be honest, it was driving me nuts too when writing it! it was a big reveal when it finally came together LOL. writing this is almost like reading it in a way - i don't know what's going to happen till it happens. i plan certain things but others are TOTAL surprises. : )
> 
> i really appreciate all your encouragement and feedback guys, truly. thank you from the bottom of my heart. <3 
> 
> ANNOUNCEMENT: also, i'm pretty sure i'm going to release an original work in an ebook format via amazon/kindle... the story is half written, i just need to work out details on how to do the publishing and how to format my files and all of that. if anyone knows about how to do this or could help me work out those deets i'd be ever so appreciative!!


	50. (phase 3) The Opening of Fort Knox

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The parental situation is discussed on the way over to the school and gets a little heated. Light confides in a friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **you missed the music, i know.... (lol) ;D**
> 
>  
> 
> so here is a selection. tbh i listen and don't look up lyrics for these korean bands, i just immerse myself in the sound. love them. EXO, BTS, and Big Bang are favs. (make an EXO pandora station and experience the awesome that is korean hiphop and kpop.)
> 
> anywho this is the pick for today, fairly relevant to this chap. **"Blue" by Big Bang**.  
>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xO9sr37IU9o

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 50: _ The Opening of Fort Knox

“So,” Jayden was saying as they piled into the car. “What’re you gonna do about your folks?”

“In what capacity?” Light asked.

“In the capacity of - how likely is it that they’ll stalk you to get an audience? You’re not really talking to them, right? You think they’ll show up at your school?” He paused as if a thought was crossing his mind. “Oooh!” he said suddenly, darting forward to lean into the space between the front seats. “You think they’ll see us drop you off??” That gleeful manner he had whenever he was stirring shit up was present, though Light thought he detected some underlying tension.

“You want them to?” Light asked. If he didn’t know better, he’d say Jayden had mixed feelings about that. Probably it was a battle between vindictiveness and a desire to stay out of dodge, though he’d be the last to admit it if it was.

“Could be fun,” he gave a sharp smile.

“In the off chance the situation changes later on,” L said, giving his cousin a baleful glance, “you’d best make yourself scarce.”

“You really think it matters at this point?” Light asked.

He nodded. “I know it may not seem like it, but I think it does. Everything does - my responses to everything they have said to me, Jayden’s being present or not while he is still technically banned…”

Jayden sneered at him, “You’re banned _yourself_ , sweetheart. So how does your little plan work then?”

L chose to ignore the baiting, though his expression sharpened with irritation at his cousin. “You know it’s different,” he started to say, “and technically I wasn’t banned-”

“So _I’m_ thinking,” Jayden said snidely, “YOU would be the much more hated one here. Sure, they liked you better, and I rocked their world with disillusionment, but you…. **you** are the spawn of Satan who has corrupted their dear, sweet little cubscout.”

“Jesus,” Light muttered, “not you, too.” Boyscouts, cubscouts…. it was a long and undying joke that he wanted to just murder to death and be done with it.

Jayden ignored his comment and continued pressing L. “Me, I got banned, but you… no, they are trying to deny your entire _existence_.” He was leveling his cousin with a pointed gaze. “You really think that anything you do or don’t do will amount to **shit** with them? You’re the _devil_. Anything you do is suspect.” He shook his head. “The only thing that matters to them is snagging their precious son from your insidious, deflowering clutches.”

L was radiating an air of being pretty intensely pissed off. Light wasn’t sure if it was due to the situation itself, Jayden’s assessment and delivery of said situation, or both. He flicked a cutting glance towards his cousin. Unfriendly wasn’t a strong enough word for it. “All this from the short-sighted idiot who insisted they’d _never_ come around after banning us both. And as history shows, how I acted DID make a fucking difference, so _shut your damn mouth_ before I shut it for you.”

“Oooh, testy,” Jayden said. He retreated into the back seat however.

The tension in the car was kind of uncomfortable.

L was stone faced and Jayden seemed to be sulking.

Light rubbed his hands over his face and tried not to feel so jittery. Also, now that Jayden had mentioned it, showing up at his school really could be a possibility with his parents. He sort of doubted they would take a hands-off approach to this. Then again, it had only been one day. Maybe things wouldn’t get hairy until after the weekend.

Nobody really talked the rest of the way.

As they pulled up near the school, L said, “Jayden, give me your key.”

His tone of voice had mostly returned to normal. It still held some tension, belying his irritation with the situation, but it was no longer aimed anywhere.

“What key?”

Jayden merely sounded inquisitive. It seemed he was ready to do whatever was asked of him without question, as if it was second nature. This seemed to supercede the remaining tension over their argument.

“To my place. I’ll make another copy later.”

“Oh.” He pulled out his keys and worked one off of the ring. “Here.”

L gave it to Light, pressing it into his palm and wrapping his fingers around it. “I’d pick you up if I could, but since I won’t be free, at least you can get in.”

“When do you think you’ll be home?”

“I forget… sometime in the evening though. I’d text you later but since you don’t have your phone...”

“Yeah, it’s damn inconvenient.” Light looked at the clock. It seemed he had a bit of time before class was starting. “You know, I was thinking…” he paused, trying to choose his words. “Is it really okay if I stay with you for a while until I figure something else out?”

L mulled that over. “Honestly… that’s difficult. I mean, I like having you there, but,” he trailed off, looking conflicted. “It might be too distracting. You need to focus on school.” He studied Light’s reaction. “Aside from the obvious, I also keep odd hours and have intermittent insomnia. It’s not a great environment for you to be in.”

“You wanna stay with me?” Jayden offered.

“Can I?” Light asked hopefully. Maybe that would effectively solve the problem.

“Pffft,” L scoffed. “Yeah right. Your place is even _worse_.” He said to Light, “He’s got 3 to 4 roommates at any given time and people are in and out of that place constantly. Parties, hookups, and random people crashing there…” he turned to send Jayden a baleful glance. “Plus, _I don’t trust you_.”

Jayden scowled at him. “What, you think I’ll molest him in his sleep?” he seemed indignant but his expression quickly shifted into a leer. “Why? It’s _much_ more fun to molest him when he’s _awake_.”

“You or any of the people that drift in and out of that place,” L added, not rising to the taunt. “I know from personal experience that couch is _not_ a safe place to sleep.” He sidebarred to Light, “Before I got my current place, I had to crash there for a couple weeks. I wouldn’t recommend anyone undertake that experience.”

“Oh, it’s not so bad,” Jayden said dismissively. “The rent is super cheap. And **_you’re welcome_** for selflessly giving you a place to crash, asshole.”

“Well, I’m sorry I took exception to waking up with someone’s hands down my pants every other day.”

“Every other day,” Jayden scoffed. “It was four times, tops.”

“And the drunken frisking… on several occasions.”

“Oh, right… there was that…”

“AND the two times I had drunk ass people trying to make out with me.”

“Right…”

“ **AND** the way people would stare if I had to change clothes and the bathroom didn’t happen to be free.”

“Pffft,” Jayden said, “can you blame them for noticing you work out?”

“In this situation, I choose to, yes.” He gave his cousin an exceedingly bland look. “Especially given the fact that some of them tried to ‘help’.”

Jayden waved his hands in the air as if dispelling all of that. “I think we are missing the most important thing here.”

“Which is?” L asked pointedly.

“He,” Jayden pointed at Light, “Is not you. Why do you assume he’ll have the same experience?”

L was incredulous. “What the hell about **my** experience makes you assume he _won’t_?”

Jayden rolled his eyes, as if that wasn’t a _very_ good point. “He can stay in my room with me. At least there’s a door then.”

“Where would he sleep, on your tiny ass bed?” L scoffed. “And I already told you, I don’t trust you to keep your hands to yourself.”

“Oh come on,” Jayden said scathingly, “You know I wouldn’t _really_ do anything.”

“That depends on your definition of ‘anything’. Besides, you get too caught up in playing around and I told you that it pisses me off.”

“I might be able to stay with a friend,” Light interjected amidst the bickering. L was probably right on both accounts - Jayden’s was a non-option and staying with L himself might be a slippery slope. He found himself inclined to fool around just as much as L, and that was a LOT. He’d have a hell of a time trying to make himself study, or get proper sleep. The responsible thing to do would be to find somewhere else to stay. He definitely understood L’s conflicted feelings on this topic, though. He didn’t entirely _want_ to be responsible.

“Ok, let me know,” L said, turning his attention back to Light. “In the meantime, we need to get you some clothes and things. I’ll take you later tonight.”

It was damn inconvenient that he’d essentially ‘run away from home’ with not a damn thing but the clothes on his back.

“I don’t have a ton of money on me…” he trailed, somewhat awkwardly.

“Don’t worry about it.” L sent him a reassuring smile. It matched his steady gaze. “Let me take care of that at least.”

Light felt touched. Sure, he could borrow a few clothes but he would need more, in addition to some things like underwear, socks, and personal grooming supplies… it would add up quick.

L leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “It’ll all work out.” His dark eyes had caught onto something in Light’s expression. “Just like last time, we’ll figure something out.”

“This just feels different,” Light said pensively.

L ruffled his hair. “Do good in school. I’ll see you later.”

Light let out a soft curse and tried to put his hair back to some semblance of order before getting out of the car. “Jerk,” he muttered under his breath, even as his heart warmed to the affectionate gesture.

“Brat,” L said airily, poking him solidly in the cheek and twisting it back and forth a bit, as if trying to create a dimple in the indent. He looked amused as Light suffered the harassment with a slightly put-upon expression. “Get the hell out of here, you’re gonna be late.”

“Bye, Jayden,” Light turned to say.

Jayden lifted a hand in acknowledgement, seeing him off.

* * *

Light sat in class, thinking over some things. Contrary to Jayden’s supposition, his parents weren’t waiting to ambush him.

_Maybe I let him get me too paranoid..._

Could it be that they were actually going to give him space? Did they at least trust that he would maintain his studies and his attendance at school? There was no reason for them to believe that he _wouldn’t_ … not that logic always prevailed where they were concerned.

He wondered if (and this was a big “if”) things ever calmed down, that they would appreciate the fact that L gave thought to things like his education and his best interests. Sure, sometimes those good intentions flopped a bit, like how they’d stayed up too late last night, but overall. Overall, L was looking out for him. Besides, he’d started noticing a particular expression subtly creeping upon L’s face when he was trying to be good, responsible, or fighting to hold back. He’d seen it this morning, for instance.

Speaking of mornings…. aside from the water bit, this morning had been pretty nice.

Not just the sex, but getting to spend unrestricted time with L, to wake up with him, share breakfast with him… He was even acclimating to the near constant teasing and finding his footing in getting L back. It had seemed odd at first for L to tell him to get revenge but he’d found it to be pretty fun and entertaining, and it evened the playing field. It was also a bit like being indoctrinated into the cousins’ small family and their way of doing things. They both harassed each other mercilessly and fought a bit, but the strong bond was equally apparent. He felt like he was being brought into the fold, becoming part of that, and he was pleased to see the especially carefree grins L had taken to shooting him as he’d started playing along and stretching his wings.

He could have done without Jayden’s impromptu arrival, though at least it hadn’t been when they were fooling around in the living room; but it was kind of nice to see him too, after so many weeks. Even though he was an ass.

It seemed Jayden had worked himself out of his more acerbic attitude eventually. Perhaps that was his awkward way of gauging a situation? It _had_ been about a month since they’d seen each other.

_Jackass._

Light hoped L made his run excruciating. He’d certainly earned it.

He stifled a yawn.

The coffee was definitely starting to wear off.

Luckily, he had lunch next and could get some more, if he could just make it through this next class.

* * *

A while later at lunch, coffee in hand, Light was considering how best to approach the topic of staying with his friend. It was a super awkward prospect. An imposition, firstly; a hit to the pride, secondly, as it was evidence of needing to rely on someone.

“Kai,” Light said, interrupting his friend’s scuffle with one of the other guys in his friend group.

“Hm? What’s up?” He currently had Germain, a shorter, feisty boy with spiked hair, in a headlock he was flailing to get out of. The shaved headed boy had no problem keeping him in it, while languidly pausing to talk to Light.

Now that Light thought of it, they often were like this. He used to think maybe they didn’t quite get along, but now he wondered if they didn’t get along better than the others. This constant harassment now looked quite familiar.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?”

“Sure.” He looked down at his captive. “But maybe I should flatten this hair of yours first,” he said evilly.

“Kai! Don’t you even try it!” Germain struggled to get out of the hold with renewed vigor as a splayed hand threatened the hair which made him look a little bit taller.

“I’ll be doing you a favor.”

“Urrgh!”

Kai’s hand descended, causing chaos as it ruffled through brown hair. “Even the girls don’t like it. It’s better down.” He wasn’t keeping the grin off of his face as he devastated the hairstyle.

“I hate you! Jerk!!” Germain fought his way out of the hold, death in his eyes. “You’re gonna pay,” he announced darkly.

“Put that thought on hold,” Kai said glibly. “Light needs to talk to me about something.” It was so obvious he’d planned to use that as an excuse to get out of dodge after finally making good on the threat to flatten his friend’s hair after all this time. Germain radiated pent up energy and aggravation, fists clenched, as he was denied his revenge.

Kai turned to Light and said casually, “It looks better right?” before they started to walk away. He made sure to say it more than loud enough for his friend to overhear, baiting him further.

Light glanced at the shorter boy, assessing him. “Actually, it does.”

“UUUUUGH!!!!” Germain fumed. “You’re both on my shit list!”

Light raised an eyebrow. “And what did I do?”

Germain’s eyes flashed. “You’re encouraging this by going along with this baldy’s nefarious deeds.”

“Idiot,” Light scoffed. “It really does look better. Though I’d miss how utterly ridiculous the spiked hair makes you look.”

The shorter boy looked scandalized. “You’re horrible!”

“It’s the truth,” Kai leered at him. “Just because you can’t _handle_ it….”

“This is all your fault!” the shorter boy growled, looking a little upset. He pointed a damning finger at Kai. “YOU. WILL. PAY.”

“Okay, whatever, short stuff,” Kai baited him.

“RaauGH!!”

“So, Light,” Kai said, ignoring his friend as he imploded. “You were saying?” He barely kept a straight face as he pretended to have forgotten Germain’s existence.

They walked a ways from the group, to get a little privacy.

“You’re relentless,” Light said, raising an eyebrow. “Do you have some sort of vendetta against him?” He wasn’t quite sure if it was teasing or torment that his friend was going for.

“Naw,” Kai said with an easy grin. “He’s just so fun to harass.”

They found a free spot in the courtyard and sat down.

Light debated a dozen different ways to start this conversation, feeling a bit unsettled at the thought of asking for a favor. He didn’t like having to rely on people. Especially when he wasn’t sure what the answer would be if he asked. Also, asking for help felt like admitting a weakness. He didn’t really have a choice here, however. He just needed to do it and see what happened.

“Okay, so remember the stuff I didn’t want to talk about?” Light asked, by way of an opener.

“Sure,” Kai responded, all ears. His face took on a more serious look.

“Well, it’s stuff at home. And… I kind of need a place to stay. So I was wondering…”

Kai blinked at him. “You bailed?”

“Sort of…” he felt more than a little uncomfortable with this conversation in the first place. Seeing such incredulity wasn’t really helping. He also sensed the forthcoming questions which he wasn’t sure how to answer, let alone how those answers would be received.

“Annnnd you don’t want to talk about it,” Kai guessed astutely.

“Not particularly.”

Kai sighed dramatically. “You’re a pain in the ass,” he complained expansively. “Asking me for this huuuuuuuuuuge favor and not giving me the common courtesy of an explanation.”

“Is that a ‘no’?”

Kai stuck his tongue out at him. “No, it’s not a ‘ _no’_.” He paused, thinking hard about something. “I’ll make you a deal. _Tell_ me something about all this, and you can stay.”

Light was surprised. “Just like that? Don’t you have to check with your parents?” Surely he’d have to at least call them and get an okay first?

Kai shook his head. “I can just explain when you get there. They trust my judgement.”

Wow, what was _that_ like?

“So,” his friend said. “Spill, or the deal is off. I’m using this as an excuse to make you open up. Take it or leave it.”

“Damn you’re pushy,” Light muttered. He bit the inside of his lip sharply, as he contemplated the likelihood of his friend doing a 180 if he mentioned the whole ‘dating a guy’ thing. Friendships have ended over less.

But maybe he could avoid mentioning that specifically?

“I was put on perma-grounding for the last three weeks, due to a disagreement I had with my parents.”

Kai raised his eyebrows. “A _disagreement_? What the hell kind of disagreement could that even **be**? That is a helluva long time to be grounded. And jesus, you’re 18.”

“In a nutshell, I’m not supposed to date, and they found out that I was doing it anyway. They didn’t approve.”

He felt his friend’s gaze scouring his face. Kai must’ve sensed he was holding back on something. “It isn’t Marin. It’s someone else,” he guessed, probably due to the timing of events. “So they have an exceptional problem with the person?”

“You could say that.”

“Is that all I’m going to get out of you?”

“...” he really _didn’t_ want to have to say any more. And if he did, what could he honestly expect as a reaction? Hell, before meeting L, in the same situation he probably would have looked at a friend like they were insane. Or contagious.

“Well,” Kai said glibly, “It’s either drugs or a guy, judging by your parent’s reaction and your stubborn refusal to talk. My folks might take more issue with the drugs, though.”

Surprise jagged through Light and he looked up quickly. He blinked and tried to formulate a response.

His mind was racing, but wasn’t forthcoming with anything useful.

“Oh my god, it really **is** one of those?!” Kai exclaimed in a hushed tone. “Talk about lucky guesses! Now which is it??”

“Nevermind,” Light said cagily, supremely on edge. Maybe he should just let him think it was drugs and get the hell out of this conversation before things really backfired. He was now antsy as fuck, having his secret so close to seeing the light of day. He rose to his feet. _I’ll figure out somewhere else I can stay..._

“Oh no you don’t,” Kai said, sounding a little angry as he pulled Light back down onto the bench, halting his retreat. “If I’m a good enough friend to put you up while you avoid going home, I should be good enough to be on the level with.”

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it…”

“Why the hell not?” Kai demanded stonily. “Give me a damn good reason and I’ll let it go.” His eyes narrowed. “A _damn_ good reason.”

Light ran through several excuses, evaluating and discarding them in turn. He ended up just stating the truth. “Because I don’t know how you’ll react.”

Kai’s arm dropped, releasing him. “Oh.” That seemed to quell his anger, hearing that Light thought it might affect their friendship. He got a difficult expression on his face. “Uh… well, I guess you don’t have to tell me…” he gave Light a sort of assessing look, edged with unease. “Would it help if I told you that I won’t totally freak out and disown you on either of those?” He didn’t seem to be promising that he wouldn’t freak out at all, just that it wouldn’t necessarily end their friendship.

“Oh that’s completely reassuring,” Light said facetiously.

“Hey, piss off, it’s the best I’ve got at the moment.” He glared at Light. “And you should know me well enough by now that if you don’t come out and tell me, I’ll probably just keep guessing till I get it right.”

“God, fine,” Light said with aggravation. “My parents already made me take a drug test, clean by the way, and that isn’t it.”

Kai’s mouth made a little ‘O’. “It’s the other thing then? Seriously??”

Light gave him a black look.

“But… you have girls falling over themselves to be with you. I don’t get it.”

Light ran a hand through his hair, jittery and on edge. “I _know_. It’s just…. I can’t really explain it.”

“So, do you uh… swing that way in general?”

“You are starting to piss me off.” He hated when people jumped to conclusions, almost as much as he hated being grilled and put on the defensive. Also, he kind of resented the assumption that he was gay. Likely due to his own mixed up feelings on the matter.

“What?” Kai shot back. “It’s a valid question.”

“Before this, I didn’t give guys a second thought,” he said shortly. “And most of the time I still don’t.”

The admission packed quite a whallop as he spoke it aloud. L had twisted him around and turned him inside out. He was head over heels for him and it had come out of _nowhere_. It was like L was the perfect human being for him, and just happened to be an unexpected gender. And since being with him, it had opened his eyes towards other guys, where before, he wouldn’t have spared much of a second glance.

He supposed he was still processing that change in his sexuality, and he didn’t feel quite at home there yet. Trying to explain it to someone else, that was even more difficult.

“Huh,” Kai said consideringly, piecing things together. “And what about Marin? How did that factor in?”

Light tried to reign in his reactions and also be more forthcoming. God this was awkward though.

“Unfortunately… she was something of a rebound,” he said. “I was trying to avoid getting further involved with…” Oh, he did **_not_** want to say names, or anything else. Even just saying something vague like ‘him’ was giving him difficulty.

“With that person?” Kai supplied helpfully. He seemed to be on the side of being empathetic as he wheedled for more information.

“Yeah.”

“No wonder she was so tenacious,” Kai mused. “She must’ve suspected something was up.”

“Yeah, she did.” Anger jumped to the fore and Light said scathingly, “And once she figured out who it was, she arranged a nice little intervention at my house to the tune of a nuclear bomb dropping.”

“Oh shit!” his friend breathed out, covering his mouth in shock. “Marin outed you?”

“With all involved parties present.”

“Holy _shit_. How did they react?”

“About as well as could be expected. Shock, outrage, threats, lots of yelling…. it was pretty bad.”

Kai sat back and looked vaguely at the sky as he mulled things over. “Well,” he said consideringly. “They didn’t kick you out at least. That’s something.”

Light made a derisive noise. “If they kicked me out, they’d have even less control over me than they did before. No way they’d let that happen.” He got what Kai was saying, other kids had been kicked out of their homes for less. That his parents weren’t taking that route was something to be grateful for, he supposed. One could assume it meant they cared more than those other parents. But still, in the face of their vitriol and iron fist of control, that wasn’t making him feel much better.

“When do you need to start staying with me?”

“Sunday night, maybe?”

“So, are you staying at his place till then?”

“Probably.”

“So…” Kai said, still leisurely staring upwards, hands behind his head. “What’s it like?”

Light did a double take. “I’m sorry?” He wasn’t asking what he _thought_ he was asking… was he??

Kai tossed a droll look his way. “You know, _stuff_.” He shrugged and looked away again. “Obviously it has to be good, or you wouldn’t have broken things off with Marin. You really seemed to dig her the last time you dated. And she **is** hot, even if she turned out to be a little unhinged.”

Light was at a loss. “I’m… not really sure how to answer that question.”

“Well, was it weird at first? How different is it from the girls?”

“Why are _you_ so interested?”

Kai shrugged. “Apparently I’m open-minded.”

Light rubbed his hands over his face. He was really, really not used to sharing or having conversations like this. He felt sorely challenged. “Yes, it was weird at first… more like totally unexpected. But then… I don’t know, after a point, it didn’t seem to matter and it was just about sex - like with anyone.”

Before his friend could ask anymore questions, he held up a hand. “Please, _do not_ ask me for any more detail. I’m on overload as it is.” He could seriously not handle it if Kai started asking about specifics on any of the associated activities. He could use his damn imagination, or experiment if he was so curious about it.

“Alright, alright,” Kai relented. He clapped Light on the shoulder. “You did good. I think that’s the most I’ve ever managed to get out of you, and look! you’re still standing, lightning hasn’t felled you, and burning birds are not falling from the sky.”

Light shrugged him off, and the razzing as well. “Are you going to leave me alone now?” he asked in a skeptical tone. He mentally crossed his fingers that this new and excruciating exercise in friendship would now be over.

Kai sighed with resignation. “Yeah….. I guess. If I have to.” He stood up and stretched as if he’d been sitting still for hours. “Let’s get back then. I have an angry midget to mitigate, afterall.”

Light got up as well, feeling irrationally exhausted after their exchange.

At the same time, it felt kind of rewarding to have gotten that off of his chest, and to have gained a comrade in arms.

Still, he was glad it was over and that he could get off the topic altogether.

As they started heading back, Kai turned to him with a sly look. “Soooo, what’s his naaame?” he said in a singsong voice, intent to be a pest.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Random note: Real excited - got some GOOD WRITING TIME IN this weekend. !!! good stuff, much content. (3 1/2 chaps i think.) Resolutions, surprises, character development, the works. Ah, a breath of fresh air. It's been too long.
> 
> P.S. omg is it fri yet......? -__-
> 
> P.S.S. try reading this conversation regarding parents and roommates a bunch of chapters from now. when i initially wrote it i was like 'wtf jayden??' and he seemed to be a total crackpot. now, later, knowing what i know now.... in a way he actually does make total sense. i noticed this with several conversations he was involved in where he seemed totally off the wall. haha characters... i do not control them.


	51. (phase 3) Interception

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ch51, in which Light goes over some details with Kai about staying over, meets his family, catches a ride home, and also deals with an unexpected parental twist from his own family.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 51: Interception _

The school day almost felt interminable and Light couldn’t wait to be done with it. Mostly, he was just looking forward to seeing L again, though that still wouldn’t happen for hours after school let out.

Even though it had seemed like they’d just spent a ton of time together, what with it being so condensed… it had been less than 5 hours last night, and the hour or so this morning.

Having an entire weekend, or longer, that sounded nice. Though it sounded like L would be working through at least part of it, he’d still see him a helluva lot more than he would have if he’d been staying at home.

He tapped his mechanical pencil against his lower lip distractedly as he gazed outside. Physics wasn’t holding his interest as much as the view beyond the classroom window. It was a nice day out. The world was awash with bright blue and green. The sky was exceptionally vivid and made a striking backdrop for the trees.

His thoughts drifted upon various things.

Today, he surprised quite a few former members of his study group by approaching them about reinstating the tutoring. The surprise was largely due to his abrupt termination of the whole thing with no explanation, and his refusal to talk about it. Most of the students had correctly assessed his antisocial mood these past several weeks and given him a wide berth. That didn’t stop the looks and speculation however, and Light had found it most convenient to act as if they didn’t exist.

It was kind of a pain in the ass. He couldn’t really explain the situation he’d been going through and how that was single handedly responsible for his mood. Likewise, he couldn’t tell them that his parents had made him cancel the whole affair, leaving them hanging and worried over their grades.

He could have just let the whole thing go, but…

L’s offer to pay for his expenses was both sweet and inspired guilt. He couldn’t possibly have much spare money on a personal trainer salary. He wondered if L was making the same amount of money as when Jayden’s excessive order at the Italian place had rendered him penniless for 2 weeks.

The least he could do was continue to make money from this side thing, if possible, and help pay his own way. Food wasn’t cheap either. And, the situation aside, he didn’t want to be a burden.

So, he bore the shocked or assessing looks, and the downright hostility of a few of the students for letting them down - _rudely_ , as some of them seemed to think. There were a few token looks of concern thrown in there as well, mostly from the girls.

All he’d done was talk to a few of the ex-members that were in his morning classes, broaching the idea. Once word got around, he ended up running into most of them, even if it was just in the halls.

When asked, he opted to state to them that things were of a personal nature and that he could not discuss them, but that he was sorry for any worry or offense he had saddled them with. They were a largely forgiving group. One of the boys commented snarkily that perhaps Jayden would have liked to make the extra money if Light hadn’t been up to it. Light didn’t begrudge him the comment - it was a good point. Thus far, Jayden had hung around and helped, for free. It was no wonder one of the students would consider such a thing in his absence. Plus, finals were looming closer.

* * *

Eventually, FINALLY, his last class was ending. Five minutes until the bell and he was just watching the white-faced clock, willing it to move faster.

He wondered what time L would actually be getting home. Would it be as late as last time? He was kind of hoping not. If he wasn’t home for about 5 hours, that would be a lot of time to kill. He could always study, even though he was feeling quite well and done with that for the week. But also, he’d probably be pretty damn hungry. They had those leftovers, providing L or Jayden hadn’t already eaten them… but he didn’t know if maybe L would have something else in mind.

The bell began to ding, at long last.

Light scraped up his things, jamming his Physics stuff into his bag.

He was glad his school had lockers. If it hadn’t, it would have been really hard to maintain his studies if he’d had to keep his books and notebooks at home. He made a stop by his locker and swapped out some things.

“Hey, Light,” someone said at his shoulder.

Light looked up to see Kai passing by.

His friend paused at his locker and held out a folded piece of paper. “Here.”

Light took it and flipped it open. It was an address and phone number.

“Before I forget,” he explained. “You know my memory is shit sometimes.” He shrugged good naturedly. “Anyway, if you need to drop anything off before you come to stay, feel free.”

“Ok, thanks.”

Wow, even if he didn’t do that until Sunday night… suddenly the weekend was feeling really short. L might not be home till later tonight, most likely had to work part of Saturday and maybe even Sunday, and he himself now had the 4 hour study session on Saturday…. It was almost like the whole thing was over before it even started.

“If not Sunday night, then Monday after school?” Kai asked. “For you staying over?” He seemed to have picked up on something of Light’s thoughts. “It doesn’t much matter to me.”

“Thanks again,” Light said, sticking the piece of paper into his wallet. “I really appreciate it.”

“No worries.” Kai shrugged off the thanks as if it was unnecessary. He grinned then. “I apologize in advance for my kid sister.”

“Uh oh.” Light swung his locker shut and locked it. “What’s the situation there?”

“The usual. A girl that clapped eyes on you and now has a rabid crush.”

Light wiped a hand over his face. “I’ve never even met your sister?”

Kai laughed. “She saw you a few times when my folks came to pick me up. And, she found my yearbook. I caught her drawing a heart around your picture.”

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

“How and why do these things keep happening?” he mused aloud as they turned to walk down the hall. He seemed to have just that kind of luck. It was a pain.

“Maybe it’s the hair,” Kai teased with a grin. “Why do you think I cut mine?”

“To annoy your parents, obviously.” He wasn’t falling for that.

“Damn. Ok, but in addition to that…” His tone of voice didn’t sound authentically serious as he added, putting the back of his hand against his forehead dramatically, “I just want to know that the girls like me for what’s on the _inside_.”

“Yeah?” Light said drolly, “and how is that working out for you?” He couldn’t remember the last time Kai was even dating someone.

Not that it should have been a problem. His friend was good looking, even with his close cropped dark gold hair. Certainly though, if he’d let it grow out longer again, the girls would be flocking to him more insistently.

“Meh,” Kai said with a cavalier shrug and a smile. “Maybe I’m waiting for ‘The One’.”

“Pffft. Yeah right.”

His friend laughed heartily, eyes flashing with amusement. “Ok, so maybe not. But seriously, I’m good. From what I gather, dating seems unanimously like a pain in the ass.”

Light considered that for a moment. That was certainly true to a good extent. “But there are also the perks.”

Kai leered at him jokingly, “Oh, and _now_ you feel up to sharing with your good friend…?”

Light’s face flushed ever so slightly, mostly he kept it contained. So apparently even his friend could catch wind of some of his thoughts. He really needed to learn to keep that in check. “I told you I’m not sharing details.”

“Aw, come ooooooooooooon,” Kai prodded him, just to be a pest.

Light arched an eyebrow at him. “Maybe when you get a girlfriend or whatever, _then_ I’ll consider it. You’d have to cough up some details yourself.” He paused, and said evilly, “I’ll warn you though, they _hate_ when you do that.”

Kai threw his arms behind his head and wore a sour expression. “What a pain.”

“What, no one’s catching your eye?” he harassed him back.

“Honestly? I have more fun with my friends.” He slanted a glance at Light, his brows drawing together. “And the ones who are dating? They’re miserable a lot of the time, and those flings burn out in a few weeks or months anyway.”

Light was nodding. He had noticed that as well.

Kai shrugged and looked thoughtful. “Yours seems a bit different. It’s part of why I’m curious.”

“Well, thanks, I’m glad your expert opinion is that my relationship might last longer than a few months.”

“Shut up, I’m serious.”

Light shrugged. “Maybe the length of time has to do with compatibility. You know, personality, interests, things like that. How discerning would you say the average teenage boy or girl really is?”

“Ah. True.”

Kai’s hands dropped as they approached the front of the school. “Looks like my ride is here. You better take off if you don’t want my kid sister drooling on you in about 5 minutes.”

“What’s the difference? If I’m going to be living under the same roof…”

“Right. Good point.” He put his hands on his hips and looked like he was debating something. “Alright, well you want to meet them then? Might as well, right?”

Light shrugged. “Sure.” It probably wouldn’t hurt to put his face in.

They walked over to the family’s slightly ratty blue-grey minivan. It didn’t seem poorly taken care of, it was just older and the paint was having a tough time of things.

Kai walked up to the passenger side window and stuck his head in. “Mom, a friend of mine needs a place to stay for a while. Thought you’d like to meet him.”

Light noted a girl of around 11 years old with long wavy hair, the same dark gold color of Kai’s, peering out of the back with her hands and face practically pressed against the glass. Her eyes seemed to be the same color of brown as well. That was cute, they actually looked a lot alike.

Kai’s mother swatted him in the head. “You little punk,” she said drolly. “What kind of warning is that to give someone?” She pushed him back and leaned towards the window to catch sight of Light. Her hair was much like her daughter’s, wavy and dark gold, though it was cut shorter and didn’t quite reach her shoulders. She had a youthful face and demeanor.

“My son has no manners,” she said by way of an opening, flashing him a smile that looked a lot like her son’s. He detected the same sense of humor as well, by the way she held her face. She stuck her hand forward to shake his hand. “It’s ok, though, I’ll just make _him_ clean all weekend.” She inclined her head to indicate her son then winked at Light.”Problem solved.”

His friend let out an aggrieved groan. “Moooooooooom,” he complained under his breath, obviously feeling the situation had somehow backfired on him.

She ignored her son, a bright expression on her face. “So, you can just call me Meena,” she said amiably. “I don’t really care for the Mrs. Whatever stuff.”

“Light,” he said, shaking her hand with a smile. He kind of liked her already.

“Oh, that’s an interesting name. Can’t say I’ve heard that one before.”

Kai griped nearby, “Oh yeah except for like the thousand times Heather wouldn’t shut up about him.” He added, to Light, “Heather is my sister, by the way.”

“Kai!” his mother admonished him, glancing back at the young girl as she let out a small wail of embarrassment and was now hidden from view.

Kai let out a grin. “Sorry.”

“Allowance docked, ten dollars,” Meena said matter-of-factly. “Smartass,” she added under her breath.

“Aw man………” his friend sighed. “Well, it was worth it for like 2 seconds at least.”

“Get in, _Mister S_ ,” his mother called out, the S obviously a standin for ‘Smartass’.

“Yes MA’AM.”

“And don’t you dare _‘ma’am’_ me.” She stuck her hand out and waved at Light with a smile, changing her tune as she switched her attention off of her son. “Lovely to meet you.” A thought seemed to strike her then. “Oh, you don’t have any food allergies or anything do you?”

“None that I’m aware of.”

“Great!” she said, beaming. “Then I only have to worry about _these_ two.”  She really seemed like a genuine and fun person. Her periodic teasing of her own children displayed that, as much as her easy smile. He was really surprised to see this rendition of a mother. She almost seemed like an older sister or the ‘fun aunt’, rather than a mother. But then, he supposed he was mostly comparing her to his own mother. “Ta ta~!” she called by way of goodbye as they left.

Light waved, seeing them off.

Huh. That was interesting.

And this was the family he’d be staying with? That didn’t seem a bad prospect at all. It might even be fun. So far the three of them seemed to be made of sunshine with their dark gold hair, more or less sunny dispositions and their quick smiles. Though obviously the mother and son both had depth and a quick wit, which kept them from being too bland or wholesome... He rather liked it.

Light made his way across the front of the school, in the direction of L’s place and his own house. He wondered what Kai’s father was like. Would he fit the golden child mold? Or would he look utterly different, perhaps with dark hair? Was he outgoing as well? Or quiet like the little girl? It would be interesting to find out.

He was lost in meandering thoughts, feeling a lot better about his imposition at his friend’s house. Not just because his friend’s mother seemed totally cool with it, in addition to being welcoming, but because his friendship with Kai was actually getting stronger and that felt like a good thing. He’d noticed the change occur once he’d started opening up. It seemed that Kai had been poised to be a real friend, just as soon as he’d given him an actual chance.

That was food for thought.

Things like mistrust, paranoia… worry over spilling personal information… and not wanting to have to explain his tricky situation at home… it had prevented him from trying to have real bonds with anyone. He hadn’t taken any chances. Maybe a lot of people couldn’t be trusted, but at least some would have the potential to be. So far, having a true comrade in arms… was a little nerve wracking at times, but… it was also rewarding.

It kind of made him reassess his current social standing. He was fairly popular, talked to a lot of the other students, but for the most part all of that was on the surface. It lacked depth. He didn’t let them in, and they didn’t have the tools to get in themselves.

L had gotten around that though. Jayden, too. And now, Kai.

And, surprisingly, he felt ok with that.

Instead of seeming like he was being compromised, that surely these free floating pieces would spell his doom or betray confidences… it was more like having a support network.

If something blew up, he felt certain that any of the three of them would be there to help if they could. And already, they had.

_I wonder why my own family doesn’t quite feel like that to me…?_

Ideally, one’s own family would provide that sort of support and foster a feeling of belonging, would they not? But so often, he was at odds with his own. He didn’t want it to be that way, but he didn’t know what to do about it.  Rarely, did he feel like they connected or really communicated. Usually it felt like living on the surface and acting out roles. His relationship with them seemed to be about trying to please them, make them proud, and withstand their unrelenting control issues.

He loved his family, he really did. But sometimes... he just didn’t _like_ them very much.

Case in point, the recent situation. He couldn’t have felt much more alienated than he did now.

The words they’d tossed out at him stuck, burned, and lodged in him like tiny cancers. Their attitude towards him was the same. It made him heartsick, angry, and conflicted. All he’d ever really wanted was their acceptance. And now it seemed that he’d reached a point where he just couldn’t give any more up to them for that. L was non-negotiable. He hadn’t planned this, not by any means. But life couldn’t be expected to happen all according to some schedule or set of rules like his parents seemed to think. So... he fell in love with a guy. So what? Not a damn thing he could do about that.

The slamming of a car door made him glance up reflexively without really paying much attention. He wasn’t particularly interested in the comings and goings of students however, so he didn’t think much of it as he continued walking. He was on just the other side of the main gate now. Kai’s mom had parked on the far end of the other side and it had taken a little while to make it back so he could truly start the rather long walk to L’s.

“Light,” a stern voice said, making him do a double take.

 _SHIT._ His heart leapt to his throat.

His father. His **_father_** was here.

He felt his composure crash to the ground like a glass vase, shattering into a million pieces. “Father,” he said, mouth dry.

Soichiro was just getting out of the car, regarding him with an expression as stern as his voice. Light couldn’t gauge where things were at. Was he still pissed? Had things calmed down? He had a frail hope that it was the latter. Realistically though…. he doubted things had changed at all. He really would like to think it was possible; however, he probably shouldn’t hold his breath.

“So, you did come to school after all,” his father said critically, as he came around the car, not bothering to lower his voice. “At least _one_ sense of responsibility has remained in that head of yours.” Light noticed his mother, then, sitting in the front seat. She was looking straight ahead, stone-faced and upset and was even sniffing back some tears. The window was down, and anybody would easily have seen it.

“What are you doing here?” Light asked tersely, totally on edge now. His parents were set to cause a scene, and right in front of the school. This wasn’t the time OR the place!

It was obvious now that they weren’t just here to express concern and ask him to come home. They were here to _demand_. Nothing had changed. **Nothing.** They expected him to bend to their will, and he _would not_.

“Light,” his father said, sounding like a dictator. “Get in the car.”

“No.” Why in the _hell_ would he want to do that?

“This has gone on long enough!” his father’s voice got louder and more acerbic. “Get in the car. You’re coming home.”

The skin between Light’s shoulder blades twitched as he felt curious eyes upon him and upon this little scene. This needed to end, **_now_**. “I’m not going back to the house,” he said stiffly.

His father’s face bugged with rage. He grabbed at his son’s arm. “You are **not** going back to that boy’s house,” he said with harsh incredulity. “Up to god knows what-! Unsupervised-!” Light tried to shake off his hold but found that rage fueled his father with incredible strength. He was being dragged towards the car.

Eyes were definitely on him now, _en masse_.

The students might not have been close enough to make out the words that were being exchanged (god, he hoped not!), but they were privy to seeing a top student in a heated argument with his parental overlords. It would make for juicy gossip. It would be worse if they actually heard any of what was being said. They couldn’t at the moment but with the increasing decibels of his father’s voice as this went on, they soon would.

To save his dignity, he didn’t completely resist as his father yanked him by the arm and shoved him into the car. Adding insult to injury, his father engaged the child locks on the doors, which would prevent him from hopping back out again.

Suddenly, claustrophobia and a bit of panic were eating at his self possession. He wasn’t, in this moment, in control of anything. He wanted out of the car. He wanted to be on his own two feet, beating his way back to L’s. That oasis was suddenly feeling distant and out of reach.

He was half afraid that somehow they’d entrap him, lock him up, and that going along with this for even a second had already spelled out his demise.

He was also afraid that this terse and militant manner and his mother’s stone-faced weeping would be the only things he could look forward to from his parents, on into the future. It didn’t sit right with him. He wasn’t used to them being like this and he didn’t enjoy suffering it at all.

_Is being with L really that awful of a crime? Do I really have to choose between him and my own family??_

He was in love with L, no doubt, and wanted to choose him above all else. But it was with a heavy heart that he endured having to be treated like this by his parents. Could they ever get used to the idea? Could they ever come around? He wasn’t sure. And just now, he wasn’t feeling all that hopeful about it.

They seemed stuck in the idea that forcing their own way was the correct method here.

He couldn’t go along with it. This time, he just couldn’t.

It wasn’t only about L. It was about so much more. It was about the way they tried to control everything, and how any deviation met with such harsh measures. Where in any of this was he allowed to have a say? Or express an opinion, or have it matter? There was no room for him in here around these massive expectations they constantly had for him. He couldn’t breathe. He was suffocating.

* * *

Most of the car ride was passed in silence.

Unsurprisingly, it was a tense, bated silence.

When they pulled onto their house’s street, his mother cleared her throat. “Light, there is someone we’d like you to talk to.”

“Okay?” he said, confused. Who could they possibly want him to talk to?

Regardless, it was something he _could_ agree to do, to show he wasn’t just unilaterally being difficult.

“He is at the house right now,” she informed him.

“Okay….” That was a bit unexpected. “Is this like, a family counselor or something?” Surely a therapist could at least give him some benefit of the doubt in this situation? He knew his family’s tactics and expectations weren’t normal. Maybe a professional could help shed some light on that for them, or at least convince them they could ease up a little? Oh, and maybe even help them adjust to the idea that the person he wanted to be with was a guy, and that that was okay. No need to bring rantings about God into it. It was just a personal preference. They didn’t have to share it; Just not crucify him or L for it.

“Of a sort,” she replied.

He frowned. What did _that_ mean? “I’m not following….?” He kept his tone politely inquiring, though the vagueness of her answer was putting him on edge.

“He’s from the church,” she said. “A pastor, though he also offers counsel.”

Ohhhh…. _shit_.

Claustrophobia shot through him with enough force that it felt like it was twisting his veins until the oxygen had been wrung from them.

There was no **_way_** someone from the church would be ok about his relationship, not at ALL. Forget those thoughts about working things out and having his parents let up. This was going to be about defending himself and it was going to be _awful_. Three against one, as well.

His vision swam with the rush of nervous adrenaline and he felt lightheaded. He scrunched down in his seat and leaned his head back, forcing himself to take a few slow, deep breaths as he closed his eyes.

_Don’t overthink it. Don’t overthink it._

So he told himself, and it was even something L might have said to him.

_Maybe he’ll just get us all talking… It could be fine. You can’t know it **won’t** be fine..._

But he couldn’t shake this **bad** feeling.

The car was parked and his father got out. His mother did the same. He would have as well, but due to the child locks, he had to wait for one of them to let him out. It seemed they were having one last exchange over the roof of the car. Nothing that he could hear, however.

Eventually, his father opened his door and held it open like an executioner. His eyes were sharp and he seemed to be anticipating any sudden movements, as if he might try to escape.

Light slid out of the car, dragging his backpack with him, and kept his eyes down. He wasn’t actually planning to take off.

On the off chance that this guy they had waiting here could help their family… well, he had to give that a shot.

That wasn’t to say his expectations were all that high. But any bit of help they could get would be welcome. As things stood, he was one foot into a world where he had to get used to the idea of a life that didn’t include them at all. That wasn’t really what he wanted. He just wanted some space, and not to have to totally abandon them.

Insufferable as they could be, they were his parents. He knew they loved him, as he did them. But this crossroads they were at…. It couldn’t have loomed any blacker or more threatening on the horizon of their continued interaction.

Going into the house… that was the right thing to do. He was pretty sure.

Well… sort of sure.

...maybe.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, shit just got REAL.


	52. (phase 3) The Houseguest

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light finds out what awaits him, meeting the clergyman his mother arranged to be at the house. There is an unexpected twist that makes Light reevaluate everything. 
> 
> Light is missing and L gets worried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok guys, earlier update than usual. i'm taking pity on ya'll for that nasty cliffhanger. sorry about that! thank you for bearing with me! xoxo
> 
> amazing reviews. THANK YOU. ILU.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 52: The Houseguest _

Light took a deep breath. Oh, who was he kidding? He was anxious as hell, and setting foot in the house felt like a _trap_. He had no idea what in the hell he was doing and he dreaded going in there and talking to some man he _didn’t know,_ about the fact that he had a boyfriend, and who was likely going to tell him he was going to **_Hell_**.

He tossed out a half-hearted prayer, to anyone who was listening, that somehow this situation with his family could one day be resolved and mended. And without anyone killing, choking or strangling anyone else.

* * *

Light steeled himself as he walked in the front door, totally unsure of what to expect but trying to keep an open mind.

“Hello, Reverend Haverty,” Light’s mother said, walking into the living room. Light trailed reluctantly after her, his father not far behind. “This is our son, Light.”

He was a wiry man of around 50 years of age, with a close cropped drift of brown hair. He had a no-nonsense air and perfect posture. His half moon glasses made him look studious and observant.

The Rev stood and shook Light’s hand in greeting. “I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said pleasantly.

_I’ll bet._

“Your parents tell me you are an excellent student and make top grades.” He was smiling as he sat back down. “They also mentioned you are helping your fellow classmates with theirs.” He was nodding approvingly. “It’s a good thing when young people take interest in the welfare of others.”

Light was taken aback. He glanced at his parents. They _did_ tell this guy about the other stuff, did they not? “Ah… thank you,” he said awkwardly.

“So, have a seat, son,” the Rev said, motioning to one of the couch chairs. “Let’s chat a bit.”

“...sure.”

He sat down as requested, but for him the tension was every bit as present as before. He didn’t trust the flattery, but he wasn’t really sure what to make of it either. Maybe this guy wasn’t so bad? He didn’t give off a horrible impression...

His parents took a seat on the couch. Present, but apparently not a part of this little conversation.

“Now,” the Reverend said, crossing his ankle upon his knee and getting down to business. “Your parents were telling me that you had a bit of a fight and that you left home?”

Light couldn’t help noticing that though the man was wearing all black, his socks totally weren’t. _Odd…_ They were tan, with a sort of spotted pattern embroidered on them in brown.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Do you feel that leaving home is the way to solve a problem that is, in fact, at home?”

Light shrugged and spoke carefully. “Not necessarily. But staying here didn’t either. The fight was about 3 weeks ago. I only left last night.”

The Reverend leaned back in his chair, a considering look on his face. “I can see that you are a very bright young man. Perceptive, too.” Light tensed as more flattery came his way. He reeeeeeeeeeally didn’t trust it. Was it supposed to make him let his guard down? “You realize that your parents love you and are just concerned about you…?”

“I know.”

No, he didn’t doubt their love. It was more their methods... or maybe, some days, their _sanity_ that he questioned.

The man beamed congenially. “Well! This is a very fine place to start. Some children honestly believe that their parents don’t care for them, even when it is quite evident that they do. Perceptions can truly be the devil’s work.”

Light frowned. He wanted to ask if there was a point in all of this, or how long this excruciating lead-in might last. There had to be something beyond all of this and he was impatient to hear it. He was too tense to take this Mr. Rogers act. Whether it was an act or not.

“Now,” the clergyman continued at a good clip. “I think tensions have run a little high here. And maybe a break is _just_ what the doctor ordered.”

“A break?”

“That’s right,” Reverend Haverty affirmed pleasantly. “A getaway, a way to get out of dodge, a mini vacation if you will. That is part of why you left, isn’t it?”

Actually…. it was.

“Sure.” He was feeling confused again. Was this religious man _condoning_ his escape? And if so… why weren’t his parents objecting?

“So, I’d like to propose a solution, Light, one that could benefit everyone. Are you up to hearing it?”

“...okay.” He felt leery, but he would listen.

“Your parents are upset over where you are staying, which you know.” He let Light nod before continuing. “And you left to clear your head and get some time away, which they now understand.”

Again… he wasn’t seeing quite where this was leading. All of this seemed too reasonable. Was there a catch? It felt like the other shoe had yet to drop. _Or am I just being paranoid?_

“So what say we try a little trip, hm?” he said reasonably. “You can get the space you need, and they can rest a little easier at the same time.”

Well, yeah, but… that wouldn’t really solve the problem. He’d still be dating L, and they would still be losing their shit over that. He frowned, mulling it over.

“We can help people like you,” the Reverend was saying as he nodded his head benignly, full of affirmation.

_Wait, **what**? _

Had he heard that right? “People like me?” he repeated, confusion in his voice.

The Reverend was nodding compassionately. “It’s a good program. Many folks have found their way through it and have gone on to lead normal, healthy lives. We’ve had a high success rate.”

Light’s whole body had gone rigid with tension and anger. What the _fuck_? Were they talking about a conversion camp, here?

“No thanks,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest. His temper was flaring up at the implication that he wasn’t normal and needed ‘fixed’.

Who the hell did these people think they were to be ‘fixing’ others anyway? What the hell made them so qualified? It was asinine and offensive.

“It’s only for a couple of weeks,” his father weighed in to say.

Anger surged through him anew at those words; it was like a devastating flood, a tidal wave, drowning and crushing everything in its path. Oh THAT’S it, he realized, **_that’s_** why they were so silent through the Reverend’s spiel! They already _knew_ what he was going to propose! “Are you freaking kidding me?! And it’s the middle of the school year!”

“It’s only for a couple of days,” Sachiko said, downplaying the time to a ridiculous extent. “You study ahead, so you shouldn’t fall behind. Besides, this is more important.”

He couldn’t believe his own ears. “More important than **school**?” His temper was spiking violently, along with his distress. “You want to send me to _gay_ camp, when I’m not even gay, hoping for some kind of brainwashing cure? And that is more important than my _education_??” The walls almost felt like they were closing in around him.

They had never EVER put anything before his schooling, not once. To say that the ground felt like it was shifting beneath his feet would be an understatement.

His father made a disapproving noise. “Of course your education is important, son, but this is your _future_ we are talking about here. Your LIFE.”

That caged feeling was increasing in leaps and bounds.

“Don’t I have any say in this?” he asked, feeling cornered like an animal.

“No, not really,” his mother said. “It’s already been decided.”

 _What the--!!?_ Shock and anger were throttling him. His head was spinning, frantic. How could they just….??

“We packed a bag,” his father informed him. “You’ll be heading there shortly.”

“NO,” he said, outraged. “I’m not going along with this! Forget it!”

His father snapped back just as fast, just as angry, “YOU seem to think you have a _choice_. You do **not**.

“There is always a choice,” he said stonily. “And maybe you should really think about the one you are making. Because I can assure you it will affect the one **_I_** make.”

“Don’t you **_dare_** make to threaten us!” Soichiro growled out. “You insolent--!”

Sachiko put a restraining hand on her husband’s arm. He really looked like he wanted to haul off and smack his son. “I hear the van,” she added.

“Grab your bag, Light,” Soichiro commanded him. His eyes were hard, like chips of flint. “It’s in the hall next to the stairs.”

“Get it yourself,” he said caustically. ”And why don’t **you** go on this little retreat if you’re so damn keen on it?” He was digging his heels in. There was no _fucking_ way he was going along with this bullshit.

Before his father completely exploded, the Reverend placatingly interjected, “Don’t worry, folks, this is a perfectly common reaction. There is an initial wall of resistance. Sometimes we have to break that down first.” The man’s tone came off as exceedingly condescending towards him, talking over his head like he was a young child or an animal, and like he wasn’t worth addressing. “A person who can’t _see_ that they need help will have a hard time accepting help.”

“I’ll tell you what you can do with your ‘help’,” Light said rudely.

“Grab your bag, son,” the man said. “This is in your best interests.” The jolly Mr. Rogers had been put on hold and it was a stern, Draconian sheen gracing the eyes in his placid face.

Light almost fell off balance as his father suddenly grabbed him by the arm and yanked him forward towards the hall.

Like before, the grip was unrelenting and he was dragged forward against his will, closer to this horrible fate that had been chosen for him. Light tried not to have a panic attack as time seemed to be speeding up, limiting his options by the second.

His mother had brought the bag forward and now the front door was looming before him like the gates of Hell.

_Shit shit shit! What do I do?_

The door opened upon bright sunshine, amplifying the dissonance within him. He felt so very dark inside. Tension was crawling the walls of his chest like a living thing trapped in a deep stone well, trying desperately to escape.

He was being herded along towards the white van that stood at attention beyond the driveway. The driver had gotten out and waited patiently alongside the sliding panel door, which was open to receive him.

Time was running out.

Another dozen steps and he was done for. He could see inside the van now and it didn’t escape him that there was a metal screen that separated the interior of the van from the driver and front passenger seats. It was not unlike what you would find in a police car. Another glance verified that the windows, too, had some kind of protective metal screen over them. It was a vehicle meant to keep people IN and _contained_.

He couldn’t set foot in there; he’d never get **out**. And that, from what he gathered, was exactly the idea.

He hung his head and slowed to a stop.

Before his father could lash out at him for lollygagging, he said quietly, “Mother… here. I’ll take that.” He held his hand out for the bag she was carrying for him.

His father released his arm by increments, sensing his acquiescence.

Light shouldered the bag, looking resigned.

Irritation jagged through him as he felt the Reverend nod with approval.

“You have a good son, here,” he offered, despite the fact that Light’s earlier outburst had seemed to rub him the wrong way.

Light stopped just before the open door. The van seemed even more claustrophobia-inducing from up close than it had from a distance.

“Wait,” he said, turning. “Where is my backpack?”

“Here,” his father said, lifting it up with the hand that hadn’t had a steel chokehold on his arm. He passed it over to him.

“Thanks.”

He slowly slung the backpack over his other shoulder and eyed the van.

His father, the driver, and the Reverend Haverty were all sort of clustered to his right, watching him expectantly as he took a step forward towards his new destiny.

Light gingerly placed his left hand upon the door frame as he went to step up into the van. Tension clawed his throat till it felt raw and his stomach was dropping out with anxiety.

At the last moment, he turned to his father. “I just want to say one thing….”

“Yes?” His father gave the impression that anything would be fine, now that he was getting his way.

Light stepped back suddenly, swinging the overnight bag at him with all his strength and letting go, making the other two men scramble to keep his father from falling backwards as it hit him with a thud. (It was a calculated distraction.) In the same motion, Light was turning and taking off at a run.

Loud exclamations sounded from behind him.

He hugged the backpack under his arm, trying to handle the burden as best as he could while moving at top speed.

He heard some car doors slam and engines turn over.

This escape wasn’t going to be about speed, however, but innovation. He darted into a neighbor’s yard and hopped the fence in the back. He was going to have a hell of a time keeping out of sight. If he didn’t, though, he was going to be hauled off by that straight-jacket of a van.

With luck, he could cut across enough backyards to keep the cars from catching wind of where he was. It would probably take a long ass time, but eventually he could get out of the residential area and into some better hiding places in the shopping district to let them pass by.

Above all, he had to make sure that by the time he made it to L’s, he’d lost his tails.

He hopped another few fences, cursing the awkward backpack that he’d had to keep out of necessity. The things for school, he couldn’t leave behind. Finishing school was non-negotiable. The bag his parents had packed, while useful, would have made it impossible to move around easily. There was no choice but to abandon it.

Damn he wished he had a phone right now.

It would make things so much easier if he could get hidden and then just wait for a ride. Getting to his destination on foot was going to be quite the feat.

* * *

L looked at the clock yet again. It was late and he’d been home for hours. Light, however, hadn’t been.

When he’d gotten in the door, he’d expected to see the brunet at one of the tables, books and notebooks spread everywhere, looking studious as hell.

It was almost 8pm. Had something happened?

L paced back and forth, like he had been doing off and on for some time, feeling intensely agitated.

He ran a hand through his hair in clipped motions. It wasn’t _that_ long of a walk here from the school. Had he encountered some sort of trouble on the way?

_I could go out and look for him… Jayden could too, but…_

Shit. It wasn’t like looking for a lost pet - finding a _person_ in this city would be hard. There were any number of places to go inside, aside from just walking on the street, and there was no telling where he was.

Frustration surged.

 _This was ridiculous!!_ He had no way to reach Light and if something _had_ happened, Light had no way to contact him either. That boy needed a damn phone.

 _I’ll just fucking buy him one, at this rate._ It wasn’t worth the stress. Actually he was surprised Light’s parents had made a habit of taking it from him. You’d think they’d be more concerned that he would have it to use in case of emergencies.

Tension spiked as the thought occurred once again that something could have happened with the parents. Could Jayden have been right? Had they gone to wait for Light at the school? And then what?

Goddamn this was making him antsy.

He didn’t feel like he could do anything else to kill time but actively _wait_. He hated waiting.

Could Light have talked to his parents again and changed his mind about all of this? The thought made him uneasy. Sure, leaving home was going to be a pain in the ass, especially with how the situation forced him to have to rely on others. It was probably also difficult for him due to having to leave almost everything he owned behind... Could that have suddenly seemed like too much to cope with? That and his parents’ rabid disapproval of their relationship?

Uneasiness amplified.

If Light, for any reason, decided to go back to that house… it could be all over.

Tension coiled in him with iron claws.

L made himself sit on the couch, put something on the tv, and try to sever thought.

He raised the beer he was currently drinking to his lips and settled in to wait in earnest, only mildly paying attention to the distraction the flickering screen offered.

* * *

Around 9pm or so, the front door opened and a backpack was hurled through the doorway, hitting the floor heavily and skidding a few feet.

L jumped in surprise.

Light followed the backpack. Dirt streaked his clothes and skin and he was looking both disheveled and tired. He may have even had some leaves in his hair. And, he looked _pissed_.

“They’ve lost their _damn_ minds,” he announced darkly.

“What…. happened?” L said carefully, watching the tempest before him. He wasn’t even going to bother speculating on this one.

“They were trying to force ship me off to some kind of gay camp,” he growled. The tension in his voice and body was incredible. “For weeks! Fucking unbelievable.”

“How did-?”

“They ambushed me after school.” Light was stripping off his shirt and other things, probably intent on getting a shower. Each curt motion screamed agitation. His voice was scathing, “I only went with them because they were trying to cause a scene and the **_last_** thing I need is my parents shouting at me in front of the school about the problems they have with my _boyfriend_.”

“And then-?” L wasn’t getting to say much, but the brief prompts were apparently all the brunet needed to keep the flow of information coming. Light seemed to anticipate his questions without him needing to voice the whole thing. Which was fine by him. As long as he found out what the _hell_ was going on.

“I stupidly thought, for all of 5 minutes, that they had reconciliation in mind when they had me meet this Reverend guy. So I went along with it at first.” He wore a black look and muttered something under his breath about the fucking pointlessness of trying to be positive.

Light continued, “I made a break for it and had to spend hours hiding out from them and slowly making my way here. They were trolling the streets with that damn van.” He was shaking his head. “I barely kept out of dodge, what with that, the Rev, and my parents trying to hunt me down. It was like they were _everywhere_.”

He’d managed to peel off his clothes and retained only his boxers. He expelled a sigh and had on a self-suffering expression. It looked like he was counting to ten. Agitation was still pouring off of him in waves. “Can I borrow some clothes? I need a shower.”

“Sure.” L got to his feet, passing by Light on his way to the bedroom. “So... why exactly do you look like you were doing heavy yardwork or something?”

“Huh?”

L paused and reached out to pluck some leaves and grass from the brunet’s hair and held it out for his inspection. “This?” he said.

“Oh.” Light ran both hands through his hair to dislodge any similar things that might remain, looking distinctly annoyed. “A good deal of the time I was hiding out in backyards, behind bushes and crap and even up in a few trees. It sucked.”

Ah, that explained the dirt that had been on the front of his shirt; it looked like he’d had to hit the ground a time or two, maybe even belly crawl at some point.

“You gonna be ok?” L asked, resuming his journey to get Light some clothes. He was a bit worried. Something like this….

“A few leaves shouldn’t kill me.”

“You know what I mean.” He was asking how Light was feeling about his parents and what they’d attempted this evening, not to mention being chased down like some kind of fugitive.

“I know.” The brunet was silent a moment. “I guess I just don’t want to talk about it right now.”

“Ok.” L didn’t blame him. The event was pretty fresh and Light was probably too worn out to even try dealing with it.

Light veered into the bathroom and started the shower going while he went into the bedroom.

He went to his dresser and started looking through the drawers for some things that were more form-fitting, to better fit Light’s slighter frame, and set them aside. _So much for going out tonight and buying some things…_ But what he had should be serviceable. He’d donate some things to the cause.

Speaking of which… He dug into the back of his closet and found an older pair of boots he’d remembered not doing anything with recently. They were still in good shape - a simple 16 eyelet black leather boot that could be folded down at the top, buttoned and bound with the laces, exposing the plaid interior. They had taken on some water and had shrunk just a bit and become a little stiffer, taking them out of the running for being a favorite pair, though he could still wear them. He was betting that they wouldn’t be too sloppy of a fit on the brunet. His feet were likely just a bit smaller than his own - considering their similar height and build, as well as the difference in muscle mass.

While he was waiting, he figured he could break them back in. He grabbed some leather conditioner and set to work.

The leather was hungry and sucked up the ointment-like oil almost as fast as it was laid down. He methodically rubbed it in with the cloth he was using. Probably, they would take a few coats. He’d let them sit out overnight.

After the first coat he spent some time working the leather back and forth with his hands to loosen it up again and make it more supple. A bit later, he got up to go wash the stuff off of his hands and to throw Light’s bedraggled clothes in the wash. Light’s shoes, he’d noticed earlier, looked like they needed some help. Grass stains and dirt caked them. After a moment’s consideration, he just threw them in with the clothes along with a liberal amount of detergent.

L went to the door of the bathroom, opening it a crack. “You almost done?” he called. “I don’t want to freeze you out by starting the wash.”

“No,” Light said in a patently pleasant tone, “I think I’d rather run up your water bill for another half hour.” It came off just a touch sassy, as it was intended.

L laughed to himself, shaking his head. _Brat._ “Suit yourself.” The shower seemed to be doing his mood some good. If staying in there _all night_ would help him, L still wouldn’t begrudge him the higher cost. There wasn’t a whole helluva lot he could do for Light in this situation, after all - just make sure he had the necessities, a place to sleep, food.

Ah, food…

He and Jayden had pretty much killed those leftovers from the Italian place after their run. He’d sort of figured he and Light might go out to get something tonight while picking up clothes and things, so there wasn’t much else here.

 _Fuck…_ he thought distractedly. _I need to start keeping food around again._ He’d gotten really bad about that. Especially so since all this stressful stuff with the parents started, going overboard with keeping Light on perma-lockdown the last 3 weeks. It had killed his interest in food to a decent extent, but more than that, making food had seemed like way too big of a chore lately.

About all he had here was maybe a box or two of Easy Mac (instant macaroni and cheese) due to his cousin’s sometimes childish tastes - and his habit of leaving his shit here - and maybe some crackers. You’d think he could have been bothered to have a frozen pizza in the freezer at least, but no, he did not. He usually did eat pretty healthy most of the time (and often had apples, bananas and the like on the counter and vegetables and shit in the fridge). The state of his kitchen didn’t really reflect that at the moment, it more made a statement that the occupant of this residence didn’t give a _fuck_ about food. Which SO wasn’t true.

L sat back down on the couch and laid in another coat of the leather conditioner upon the boots, taking the time to really work it into the leather. Yeah, by morning these ought to be awesome.

The couch dipped, startling him a little as Light sank down next to him. He hadn’t heard him come over. The brunet was shirtless, damp, and currently tilting his face to receive a slow, but incredibly hot kiss. Soft lips and an enterprising mouth... His manner was deliberate, unapologetic and sensual, as he initiated and directed the encounter.

It stirred L’s blood in a different way than usual, likely due to the change in Light himself. Desire pulsed darkly within him.

Fingers were threading into his hair as Light’s mouth moved demandingly and enticingly against his. One of the brunet’s arms brushed across his stomach and then his hip before planting in the couch to brace himself as he leaned in. L’s preoccupied hands hovered uselessly over his project, good for nothing more than continuing their messy work. Oh, but he really wanted to put them to better use.

He could taste the brunet’s desire on his tongue and the rousing burn of passion that suffused the decadent heat of his mouth.

Light pressed forward, tilting them back onto the couch. L resisted the momentum at first, engaging his abs to hold him upright and holding his oil-covered hands up and out of the fray as the kiss licked at his self-control. If he could just _wash_ them first…

Oh, but Light was quite persuasive when he wanted to be.

He finally gave in and the brunet’s body sank down against his, pushing them into the couch cushions and making him throb. His hands twitched, wanting to dig in, to feel Light’s sexy back under his hands, flesh and bone and taut muscle. He wanted to pull the brunet hard against him, feeling the crush of hips and lips...

“I can’t really… L said, still holding his hands up on either side of the brunet as Light started mouthing and nipping at his throat, driving him to distraction, “do anything with these at the moment.” _Oh damn did that feel nice._ “I’d need to wash them before….” His eyelids fluttered as Light found a sensitive spot and sucked hard upon it, making pleasure stab him in the gut.

“Shhh,” Light said, his hot mouth returning to speak against his. “Just let me have my way with you.” His voice was slightly breathy, intense and terribly sexy.

Desire rolled through him like a wave.

Teasing lips played at his, intensifying the feeling and fueling his frustration at not being able to TOUCH. He wanted to crush that mouth to his, or grip Light’s hips and grind upward against them. He knew he couldn’t though, the leather conditioning oil was a nasty thing to have on the skin, and it would stain clothes… the very clothes that Light had in such short supply at the moment.

_Fuck it all and Damnit._

His hands clenched and opened and closed as they yet remained in mid air and out of the way.

Lips brushed tantalizingly against his, soft, firm, and punctuated by tiny nips of strong teeth. Then Light’s sexy mouth was sinking down, opening against and melding to his in a really engrossing kiss. It was forceful, deep, and was matched by the sudden hard caress of Light’s hand upon his desire. A faint moan escaped him on the exhale. He felt Light’s lips smile against his and a bold hand dragged an even louder vocalization from him.

Goddamn he was so turned on right now.

He could feel his face flushing as his body heated up. Pleasure was winding sinuously in his gut, controlled in its entirety by the brunet’s whim.

Before he could utter a word of complaint about Light being a cocktease, in an attempt to save face or at the least get some traction here, the brunet had moved down his body and was unfastening his pants and making his stomach clench in anticipation.

Light didn’t waste time with further foreplay but slid his mouth over his arousal, taking him in _deep_ and making his eyes flutter closed with intense reaction. Tight, wet heat surrounded him, stealing his higher functions. _Oh… **damn**..._

That pretty mouth and devilish tongue were doing amazing things just now.

“God…. yes,” he breathed out.

He was getting really… _really_ good at this…

His whole body was tingling, feeding into the devastating ache that was building in his gut. L’s pulse was rushing in his ears.

Light took him in hand then, stroking him hard, his mouth deviating to laying featherlight kisses upon his stomach. He punctuated those maddening caresses of lips with the wicked sting of nipping teeth.

It was driving him CRAZY.

“Ugh…. _please…_ ” he groaned as lust throttled him.

His breathing was coming in quickened pants. He couldn’t even open his eyes to watch; the ache was getting bad enough without getting more visual stimulus, when what he needed so desperately was stimulus of the _physical_ variety.

Light held him in place by the hips, stilling movement, and traced a lazy circle upon the head of his cock with a delicate tongue.

He _throbbed_.

L grit his teeth, breath coming faster. This was killing him. ** _Please…._**

“Any requests?” Light said impishly, his soft voice and damning lips whispering against his straining flesh.

L let out a groan, his head kicking back. Damn brat…. Where did he get off being this fucking sexy? It was worse than usual.

Light flicked his tongue against silken skin, teasing him unbearably, making him toss his head.

“Well?” Light’s voice was deep with desire and it thrummed through him like a plucked string.

There was only one thing he wanted.

“Swallow me,” he ground out, the request sounding more like a lust-ridden command. Saying it aloud made the mental images all the more strong and affecting. “All the way in…”

Light ran a hand over his stomach and up his chest. In the same moment, the brunet took him into the wet, debilitating embrace of his mouth.

L moaned as he slid in deep, deeper… it felt almost impossibly so. But every time he thought he was at the end, further he went.

_God… fucking… DAMN._

He hadn’t been deep throated like this since…. since….

Oh, he had no fucking idea. He couldn’t even think straight right now anyway. Or at **_all_** , for that matter.

Light was ripping all sorts of reactions from him, obliterating him with this wash of sensation that was too intense to be called merely pleasure.

His mind went blank, folding in on itself, condensing down to a tiny point before exploding. He came with a hoarse cry, his back arching sharply as orgasm slashed through him like razorblades and melting kisses.

He barely had the presence of mind a dozen moments later to register silken lips touching his with a pleased smile. Was that smugness he detected?

“Would it be bad of me,” Light said in his ear, voice tainted with lust, “if I told you I wanted to see how good you are with your mouth alone?”

The words thrilled through him.

Well now, he could honestly say he’d never had sex like this before, totally hands-free. Far be it from him to decline a challenge.

Besides, after all of that, he was itching for the opportunity to rip some moans and gasps from that impertinent mouth. He was itching for the chance to touch and FEEL his partner.

In his head, he entertained fantasies of having this leather conditioner shit off of his hands so that he could fuck the everliving daylights out of this sexy brat.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was actually an extra long chapter i had to split in two. next one picks up where this leaves off. >:)


	53. (phase 3) Hands-Free

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XXX part 2, weekend plans, a surprising bit of news.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey All !!!  
> Posting early as I'll be out of town this weekend, starting partway through Friday. Giving St Augustine FL ooooone more try, since a friend is all like "OMG dis is mah fav place EVR". Shaking my head. Anywho - toss some "no, it won't rain" thoughts over thataways. :)
> 
> I wish you all, individually, luck with the things you are dealing with.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 53: Hands-Free _

“You’ll have to hand-deliver it if you want to find out,” L said silkily, mocking him and pressing a condescending kiss to his cheek. The brunet would definitely be embarrassed having to arrange the position himself, as opposed to having L move forward to accommodate him.

L sat up a little and moved back on the couch, using the armrest to stay more upright. He reclined and watched the brunet lazily, making it even more obvious that Light would have to bring the task to him.

As he suspected, a telltale flush of embarrassment suffused Light’s cheeks, looking quite compelling. His honey colored eyes, however, retained that sense of unapologetic sensuality.

“Come,” L beckoned. He undermined that forceful edge of the brunet’s manner with the soft intensity of the command. He let amusement slide into his gaze, teasing at the brunet’s pride and pulling the faintest uncertainty from him. It was a beautiful contrast - this lustful, almost domineering side of Light that was at direct odds with his lack of surety, which stemmed from inexperience. He couldn’t help wanting to pull that war to the surface.

Bare, lean thighs soon straddled his body. He wanted to run his hands over them…. among other things.

He waited until Light was moving forward on his knees. Looking up and trapping the brunet’s gaze, L traced the tip of his tongue over his upper lip, letting an utterly indecent look slide over his face. That Light’s movement faltered in reaction was precious enough, but the look that touched his face was simply captivating.

Soon, Light was close enough that he could hook arms about him, touching without using his hands. He felt Light shudder as he did so, and caressed the soft, smooth skin of his belly with trailing lips.

“L…” Light breathed, desire riding his voice in rich tones. “ _Please_ ,” he said, a request.

Oh, did that make him want to comply.

Instead, he said, “I told you, you’d have to hand-deliver it.”

Light’s cheeks blazed red as he complied, offering up his desire for L to contemplate. L decided to toy with him a bit, making him continue holding it while he teased him unnecessarily. Light especially seemed to react to him flicking his tongue rapidly against the the edge of his cock’s head, or taking just the tip into his mouth in a hot, wet caress. Creating a suction there with his mouth, _that_ had Light shuddering deliciously.

When he took more of that desire into his waiting mouth, Light’s hand was instinctively falling away and he braced himself upon his shoulders.

Being without his hands certainly limited what he could do here.

Nevertheless, he already had some lovely noises falling from the brunet’s mouth as his beautiful eyes drifted shut.

L undulated his tongue against the bottom of his shaft as he slid his mouth over it and took him in, causing a shudder in the body before him.

Hmn, this without-hands business wasn’t so very hard. It did require some creativity however.

Oh, and that creativity was going over _really_ well with his little test subject. A few minutes in, and he had the sweet sounds of begging gracing his ears. Ah… but his sadistic side wanted a little more. He was going for sobbed, broken cries.

It took some effort, and constantly reminding himself to NOT use his hands, but eventually he had Light so hard on his tongue and so aroused that his whole body was trembling. Then he alternated between a punishing, sucking pressure upon the tip of quivering flesh and letting the whole thing slide between maddeningly soft lips.

He took him _all_ the way in a few times, deep, and swallowed around him, just to feel him shudder sharply and moan.

Those reactions stirred him. He loved hearing the brunet’s voice like this, and knowing he was the cause.

Light was breathing hard and his expression was torn between frustration and ecstasy. A fine sheen of sweat decorated his skin. He was looking quite undone.

It was quite inspiring.

 _Just a little more…_ Those hitched breaths riding the shudders told him Light was close to where he wanted him.

He changed tactics one more time and soon dragged the first broken cry from his lover’s mouth. Then another, and eventually another. Each one was delivered with effort, like they were being dredged up from the depths of Light’s very _being_.

His body pulsed in reaction.

 _You’re beautiful,_ he thought at him with awe and intensity.

Warmth suffused his chest as he watched Light coming undone.

Pleasure flooded his body as his lover cried out, shuddering violently and spending himself into his waiting mouth.

* * *

“That was underhanded of you,” L said a little while later, finally getting to wash the leather conditioner off of his hands, though he was really having to scrub at it and use a LOT of soap since it had been left sitting on so long.

It had been quite opportunistic of the brunet to find a way to take that naughty streak of his for a walk, acting on some of those ideas L had seen forming in his head for some time now. Short of tying him up, he couldn’t have imagined a way that Light could have invented for him to be so totally devoid of the use of his hands and so completely usurped.

“Shut up, you liked it,” Light tossed back unrepentantly. He looked infinitely more relaxed than earlier. He lounged in a chair at the kitchen table, dressed now in some of the clothes L had haphazardly pulled out and piled on the dresser earlier. He looked ready for bed, wearing a simple t-shirt, some cotton drawstring pants, and a slightly sleepy expression.

“Not as much as you seemed to like it _after_ ,” he leered, trying to wind Light up.

The brunet flushed slightly but played it off, raising an imperious eyebrow. “Uh huh, and yet I got to see a full-faced flush out of _you_ ,” he said mockingly.

L felt his face heat just the slightest bit.

 _Damnit._ He’d suspected that might have happened, but he’d been hoping it wouldn’t be that obvious if it had…

It was a pretty rare occurrence - he wasn’t much of a flusher. But it seemed to happen when he was insanely _insanely_ turned on. He couldn’t remember it happening quite to this extent though, not enough to touch his entire face. Damn, but that made him feel oddly compromised... maybe a little embarrassed. Even though he’d _more_ than paid the brunet back for that right after, dragging shuddering gasps, moans, and more than a few dozen flushes to rival the one that had been pulled from him. Was it a control thing perhaps?

L smiled at his lover, a bit evilly, letting his mind drift more thoroughly over all of those unscripted reactions. He let smugness roll over his face. “Maybe I just wanted to give you a peek of the show you always put on for me.” He covered his bit of embarrassment with trying to embarrass Light _much_ more.

“ _Ugh_ , shut up,” the brunet groaned and rubbed his hands over his face. Not before L saw him flush with embarrassment, though, losing the cool he’d been doing a fair job of keeping.

He dried his hands, free of the leather oil at last, and went to lean over his lover. He decided to be a real pest, and easily pried Light’s hands back from his face, exposing him. “But it’s so adorable,” he crooned, letting an indecent tone slip into his voice as he teased him. “Your face flushes, you can’t look me in the eye, and your breath hitches so endearingly.”

In fact, Light was averting his eyes even now, proving him right. Haha.

“Asshole,” he growled, trying to get away. He’d even risen to his feet for leverage, though it wasn’t helping break L’s grip upon his wrists. His face was getting more colored as his escape was foiled. “Cut it out.”

L nuzzled his heated face and crooned in his ear, “It makes you look _soooo_ innocent.”

Light fought back even more, still struggling unsuccessfully to free his shackled hands, making a grin spread upon L’s face as amusement surged up within him. “UGH stop it or I’m never doing shit with you again!” His face was really red now.

It was **so** cute.

Especially as Light chose to glare at him.

L pressed a kiss to his mouth. “Don’t make threats you can’t keep, _Akanbo_.”

“You better watch that I don’t murder you in your sleep,” he said darkly, looking marginally committed to seeing that through. His hands were flexing with more strength, and L was having a harder time keeping them in check.

“Is that your subtle way of saying I should stop teasing you?” L said charmingly. Oh, it was hard to stop. Light was so fucking _fun_ to tease. He truly was adorable. Though, it was probably good that the brunet wasn’t any stronger or he’d probably be on the wrong side of a beating right about now.

“Jayden’s right,” Light groused, getting a concentrating look on his face as he tried to swivel his forearms to break the hold by putting pressure at the break between L’s thumb and fingers, “you have an unfair advantage in hand-to-hand combat.” Actually, it was working.

“Oh, not you, too,” he lamented. He kind of enjoyed having the advantage there - it kept him from getting murdered, more often than not.

Shit. He lost one.

Light kept his newly liberated hand out of reach and got a triumphant and menacing look on his face. “Any last words?”

“Um…”

Honestly, his last words might be something like: _‘Death aside, Life has been pretty awesome lately... Especially that last felatio-’_

“Ow,” he said as Light cuffed him in the head, somehow catching onto his lewd thoughts and deeming it unforgivable. It didn’t actually hurt.

“ _Perv_!” Light said, indignant. “What the hell!”

“Sorry,” he deadpanned jokingly, “I was mixing up ‘last words’ with ‘epitaph’.” He _barely_ kept a straight face as he said that. Amusement was burbling up in his chest. He could just _see_ a line like that on a tombstone. HaHa.

Light smacked a hand over his face. He muttered something and shook his head, but L was also detecting his battle to keep from laughing.

L took advantage of his distraction and wrapped him into an embrace, making sure to also pin his arms. As always, he liked the feel of the brunet in his arms. Lean, supple, strong…  “Truce?” he suggested, nuzzling his ear. Light also smelled _really_ good.

“ _Ugh_.” Light tried to wiggle free but was quite effectively trapped. “Let go,” he said petulantly after a few moments, sensing his loss.

It seemed that the fight was slipping from him as well, much like how tension tended to leave his body if L held him close like this for a while. It was an interesting phenomenon. He’d noticed it before, and it almost seemed like a reluctant laying down of the brunet’s guard.

He decided to cut him a break and let go while asking, “Hungry?”

Light probably hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. Somehow he doubted that he’d gotten a meal in at his parent’s before or during the Evangelical Experience they’d tried selling him. He wondered how the brunet was really doing with all of this. It had to have been incredibly jarring and upsetting, especially with it having been completely unexpected.

There was also something Light had said earlier that his mind had snagged on… he’d said that for a short time he thought his parents had wanted to talk, to reconcile… It seemed that despite his earlier stance on wanting to go to school FAR away, to be free of them, he still cared about being on good terms with them. If he had to guess, what Light actually really wanted from them was some space and also acceptance. He didn’t actually want to be estranged.

The brunet was likely to be feeling really stressed over this and probably more inclined to forgo food…. Hungry or not, though, he really should eat something.

“Do you actually _have_ any food?” Light asked skeptically, raising an eyebrow at him.

“Well….” L trailed, wishing that it wouldn’t be an utter lie to say ‘yes’. Damn it all, _tomorrow_ , tomorrow he would remedy this situation.

“Ha. I’ll take that as a NO.”

“We’d have to go out.”

Light shrugged and shook his head. “Too much effort.” A ghosting of the look he’d had on earlier was present on his face, like the tension of the situation with his parents was coming back to plague him. His voice sounded a bit dimmed as he said, “I’d rather just sleep.”

L went to the cabinet. Oh, he hated to have to sink to this but… “Or, I have Easy Mac.”

* * *

Light took note that he said it dubiously as he turned the box of instant macaroni and cheese over in his hands. L was looking at the package like he didn’t know what it was exactly.

His dark-haired lover looked back at him inquiringly, catching his less than enthused expression.

Light raised an eyebrow at him. “Do I look like a 6 year old child to you?”

“Jayden seems to like it.” He shrugged.

“Well, there you go,” Light said sarcastically, implying that they now had the answer to the mystery of who had childish tastes.

“If I make it, will you eat it?” L’s voice was getting that no-nonsense tone, and his dark eyes were pressing him for compliance.

After this, what would follow from L was usually annoyance… Light didn’t want to be aggravating to him. L was just trying to look out for him. He supposed it wouldn’t kill him to go along with it, although he wasn’t exactly keen on the offered fare.

Light sighed. “I guess. Yeah.” Food was maybe the last thing on this mind. He was kind of hungry but stress make him disinclined to eat. “Did _you_ have anything to eat before I got here?” He turned it around on L.

“Nope. I was waiting for you.”

“So then make some of that for yourself too. We’ll suffer together.”

L turned the box over, once more looking it over with a considering eye. “It can’t be that bad… Jayden eats it all the time.”

“And that’s your culinary measure?” he scoffed as L got out two bowls and a measuring cup.

“He has good taste… sometimes.”

L shook the box and only two packets dropped out. There had actually only been the one box in the cabinet so two packets were all that was left.

Light sat down at the kitchen table once more. “He’s gonna be pissed you’re eating his food. He probably keeps that here since you’ve got fuck all to actually eat in this place.” He let out a yawn. “They must be emergency rations.”

A dismissive hand waved off his comments. “I’ll try and remember to get some more,” L said absently as he read the instructions. “Just so you know, I **do** keep food here… just haven’t made it to the store.”

“Uh huh.” Light rested his chin on his hand, watching him. “Yet, every time I’ve been here I’ve seen nothing but the unobstructed gleam of your fridge light.”

L scoffed, “Then _clearly_ you missed the beer bottles...”

“Shut up, I’m talking about food,” he said dismissively. “And for as much as you tell me **I** need to eat, it looks like you need someone to tell **you** the same damn thing.”

Light suspected L was more like him than he thought - and when stressed, he too skimped on food. Ironic, then, that L would then give _him_ shit over it. It seemed a classic case of the pot calling the kettle black. L was giving him grief over shit he did his own damn self.

It was almost the same dynamic as it was with L’s feelings or his stubbornness. Those were things he got harassed about near constantly, and yet he’d noted L was just as stubborn as he was, and also seemed less than forthcoming about his feelings at times. Sure, he’d been forward about saying things like _‘I like you’_ , even back in the beginning, but a simple ‘I like you’ could be about as emotionally invested as saying you liked toaster strudel.

Admittedly, L was more open than he was on the topic of emotions, for the most part... even though his own confession to L sort of tipped the scales on that, and L had yet to put voice to any of the feelings Light had seen in his eyes and expressions. L just continued to tease him about his feelings and his stupid confession.

L was ignoring his comment about needing someone to badger him to eat and quipped, “Done in under 2 minutes. That’s how you _know_ it’s good for you.”

“Jackass,” Light said. “Don’t deflect.” He did make a good point, though, the food that they were about to eat was probably only loosely classified as such. He hoped it tasted ok at least.

“I was just being lazy,” L said briefly in explanation, the humor having dropped from his tone. He didn’t bother looking up. “I’ll get stuff from the store tomorrow.”

Light wasn’t sure he believed that but he let it go. He was betting that aside from Jayden, and now himself... no one called L out on his shit. Maybe they didn’t know him well enough to. He probably wasn’t all that used to it, which would explain this slightly broody feeling he was picking up on just now.

“I’m guessing you work tomorrow as well?” Light asked, changing the subject a bit.

“I have a few clients, yeah.”

“So… food shopping, work… and I have the study group around 5pm…” damn the day seemed practically used up and wasted already. It was kind of depressing. “Will I even see you tomorrow?” a slightly melancholy tone slipped out unintentionally.

L brought over the bowls of Easy Mac, piping hot, and set them down on the table. The noodles were an almost alarmingly bright orange.

“It does seem like a kinda busy day, doesn’t it,” L mused with a small frown. He stirred the modest portion of noodles absently with his fork.

Light was especially not feeling like eating now. What was the point of all this if they didn’t even get to see each other? He might as well be under house arrest.

He rubbed a hand over his eyes, trying to dispel the thought, knowing it was just a reaction to the frustration. If he’d been under house arrest, he wouldn’t have seen L at all the last several days, or the last few hours. Really, they’d had more time together in the past two days than they ever had. He knew that, logically.

A hand ruffled his hair, startling him from the looping circle of thoughts. There was always a manner of affection communicated through the touch when L did that. It eased some of the agitation that was trying to build up in him.

“Hey,” L said, “no need to sulk.” He wasn’t being mean, just teasing a little, though his expression was still a little broody. “We can take a look at the timing and plan around it like adults.” He said it as if they were both still _aspiring_ adults.

“Oh, so I’m an adult now?” He raised an eyebrow. Then to add to the irony, he took a bite of the macaroni and cheese, a favorite meal of children everywhere.

Oh, shit. Double irony, it actually was kind of good. Or maybe he was just starving.

L threw him a bit of a grin. It didn’t completely wash the seriousness out of his eyes, but he did look more amused. “Oooh, yeah, you graduated today,” he said. “Congratulations.” He gave a little wink, hinting at the lewd nature of his little joke. It seemed he was referring to their time on the couch earlier.

“Are you implying that me initiating…”

“And following through,” L added emphatically, seeming amused. He hid that by taking a bite of the instant mac and cheese. “Huh… Not bad.”

“...and following through,” Light repeated as if that was what he was going to say anyway, “has somehow advanced me to the level of adulthood in your eyes?”

“Oh, I always saw you as an adult.” He wore a sly smile.

“ _Legal adult_ , maybe.” Light crossed his arms and gave L a droll look. “Versus an actual adult. Not the same thing.”

L snickered at that. “You’re so cute.” He shot Light an amused glance. “Now eat your mac and cheese like a good little newly-minted adult.”

Light kicked him in the leg. “Ass.” He also did start eating it in earnest though, as it was not getting better as it rapidly lost heat. L took a queue and did the same, making a slight face as he reached the cold end of the noodles.

“So,” Light said, putting his fork down emphatically, glad to be done. “I have a working theory.”

“Oh?” L seemed a touch cagey. He must have suspected this would be about him. “On what?”

“I think,” Light said, leaning in and watching his face, “that you tease the hell out of me to take the attention off of yourself.”

L raised eyebrows, giving him a nonplussed look. “A psychiatrist as well as an adult, now,” he mused aloud in a faux impressed voice. “You certainly are being ambitious today.”

“There,” Light said, pointing a finger nearly in his face. “Right there, case in point. Another deflection. Meaning, I’m totally right.”

“Didn’t your fancy doctor-degree school tell you that pointing is rude?” he quipped.

“Not as rude as you,” Light sassed back.

“Or as rude as this-” L added, licking the underside of Light’s still-pointing finger in a totally debased way, suggestive of something he’d done to a certain part of Light’s anatomy less than an hour ago.

Light’s face went instantly red as he reacted to that.

That really had been the most incredible fellatio he’d ever had. Especially some of those newer things L had taken to doing with his tongue, just like that….

He tried to regroup and shelve his embarrassment at reacting. “As I said, not as rude as _you_.” He crossed his arms and tried to look unimpressed. “You’re getting really good at proving my points for me.”

“And you are getting really good at _other_ things,” L said significantly, doing a much better job of looking utterly unruffled. “Which is why I say you graduated today.”

Light’s face flushed anew. He cursed it.  

He tried in vain to get some sort of handle on his composure, at least outwardly, but that last comment seemed to have broken the last bit of his facade.

L surprised him by pressing a kiss to his lips. It seemed somehow a little apologetic, but also warm. “You’re right,” he leaned in to murmur in his ear provocatively, “I did like it.” The darkly intimate quality of his deep voice made Light’s head spin, even as the words themselves shot through him with a thrill.

He never thought L would actually _admit_ to something like that - that he’d actually liked letting him take the lead. Everything previously had pointed to L liking to be the one calling the shots. Even though he obviously reacted to things even when he wasn’t the one in control.

Light could feel the heat radiating off of his face. It must be beet red now. And worse, his mind was quickly filling with all sorts of indecent thoughts…. Not just those few times he’d had L dancing to the tune of his lips and hands, but all of the future things he might actually get away with now… Oh, just picturing it… he was short circuiting…

“Oh no,” L drawled, cupping Light’s burning face in his hands. “I’ve broken him.”

Light looked anywhere but at L and tried to pull his hands away, hating it when L gloated over him. It was hard for his pride to endure.

L brushed lips against his. “You’re so damn cute when you get flustered.” There was a devious smile in his voice.

“S-shut up-!” Damnit sometimes L was merciless with his teasing.

“But even more so,” L continued, sounding quite enamored, “when I see these lewd thoughts of yours rampaging out of control at the same time.”

“I’m tired,” Light struggled to get out, still pulling at L’s hands about his face and going for a deflection himself this time. He was still caged and couldn’t break the hold or get away to spare his embarrassment. “Let me sleep.”

There was no response for a long moment, prompting Light to warily look to L’s face.

L was regarding him with a laid back smile and one of those warm-eyed looks that shot through him like an electric current and also gave him butterflies. “I love you, you know.”

Light triple blinked in shock.

“You… what?” he managed after a moment.

“Heh,” L scoffed at him. “It figures, with a kid like you I’d have to come out and actually say it.”

Light felt just a touch suspicious, and also his thoughts and feelings just now were wildly erratic. Hope, fear, doubt. “Are you… still messing with me?”

“Can’t you even tell when I’m serious?” L mocked him with a raised eyebrow.

“Shut up, you’re a great actor.”

“Why, thank you.”

“That wasn’t really a compliment, jerk,” he groused.

“So, do I have to get down on one knee to make you believe me?” he teased. “And here, I already gave you jewelry as a sign of my undying devotion.”

“UGH, stop it. I’d believe you even less than I do now!”

He really couldn’t tell if L was being serious or not. Maybe he was, but if so the constant playing around and teasing was making it hard to know if it wasn’t just a new way to harass him. And harassing him to this level about something like this would be unforgivable.

L got down on one knee anyway. He seemed set on tormenting him. Amusement was radiating off of him in waves, especially as Light recoiled and looked like he wanted to be anywhere else. “I do, though,” L said. “I think that’s part of why I like harassing you so much.”

Light was surprised that he didn’t take the teasing any farther than just kneeling down in the classic engagement pose. And, just now, he actually did look authentic. The amusement was still there, but so was that warm look in his dark gaze, just like before.

“Seriously?” he said, more just for something to say. Because he wasn’t sure _what_ to say. There had been hints, and he’d suspected…. but there had been just enough misdirection and joking during the times they’d spent together that he’d convinced himself that he alone was saddled with feeling things so strongly, and that L didn’t exactly feel the same way. Hope and expectations were more dangerous and hurtful to have than to bury.

“I’m _hurt_ that you couldn’t tell,” L said pleasantly.

“Who the hell could tell with how much you tease and hint around?” he groused.

L smiled at him.

Light frowned back. Inwardly though, his heart felt like it was doing flipflops. His chest felt a little tight with emotion as he tenuously assessed this new situation where L was actually… saying he loved him. That was the same as ‘in love’, wasn’t it? In this context at least?

“Oh,” L answered, “well an _adult_ might have noticed any number of clues, the biggest one being my dealing with your parents.” He paused. “And your curfews…”

“Asshole. Those are shit examples. You might have just been horny. ”

“Frankly, that offends me.” He didn’t look offended at all.

“Let’s not forget that you were utterly poleaxed when I told you how I felt about YOU. So quit with the whole ‘adult’ thing.”

L rose to his feet and pulled him up as well, pressing another kiss to his mouth. “Oh, so you couldn’t tell with the way I was looking at you?” he said intimately, still teasing him, a trace of mocking lingering in his voice.

Well, yeah, that was one of the things that had made him suspect it was possible. “What, like a sex offender?” he tossed back imperiously, reacting to the teasing. “Yeah that totally clued me in.”

“Mmmn I love it when you get all snarky with me.” L traced a finger along the curve of his neck. It was hard not to fall into the feel of voice and hands.

“So,” Light countered, “you couldn’t tell by the way I was looking at _you_?”

“Nope,” he said simply. “It was overshadowed by the idiocy of you having a girlfriend.” He didn’t sound entirely serious, but Light was pretty sure that it was a fairly accurate statement, since he knew how L had felt about Marin this whole time. “Besides, you might have just been horny,” he said, throwing Light’s earlier words back at him.

“Well, you know what I am right now?” Light asked, changing gears.

“Horny?” L joked.

“Tired.”

“So why are we still awake?” L asked as if he hadn’t been a huge part of the reason.

“Hell if I know, I’m exhausted.” The tiredness was really starting to hit him in earnest. “What time is it anyway?”

“Late,” L said. “Come on.” He took Light’s hand in his and headed back to the bedroom, flicking the kitchen light off as he passed it.

“Dishes?” Light asked.

“Tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is already a pretty busy day,” he said facetiously.

“Speaking of, I have an early thing in the morning,” L said. “I’ll try not to wake you up. You should sleep.”

He nodded, suppressing a yawn. He was really grateful he didn’t have to go to school in the morning. The promise of more sleep was also something to be grateful for.

They climbed into bed and L killed the light. The room was wonderfully black and the bed was unbelievably comfortable. Light fought for a corner of the pillow as he settled down next to L. He threw an arm and a leg over this pain in ass of a human being that had the ability to make him almost deliriously happy - nearly as much as he could also be a torment.

“Night,” L said, ruffling his hair, then leaving his arm draped over him.

“Nite,” he mumbled back, drifting pleasantly on the edge of sleep and contentment.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See? I told you guys it would happen - L finally owned up to his feels! ;D  
> Also, FLUFF.
> 
> You guys are the best. Thank you for everything. xoxox


	54. (phase 3) Donations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light gets mercilessly harassed and also receives some donations to assist his jailbreak. L gets caught out and surprised in a big way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-related to story note: Weather Wizardry! Successfully had no rain in St Aug. Woot!
> 
> Also, my internet was out for a few days. Sorry about the delay.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 54: Donations _

Light woke up the next morning and rolled over, hearing an odd crinkling noise near his head as he buried his face in the pillow.

 _What the….?_ he thought sleepily.

He repeated the motion, turning his head and heard it again, along with feeling something weird against his forehead. He lifted a hand clumsily to his head and groped around for the offending whatever-it-was.

“What the hell?” he groused sleepily, feeling annoyed and perplexed as he realized a piece of paper was stuck to his face. _With tape_.

It was a note. From L.

Light rubbed a hand over his face and muttered darkly about how he was going to kill him later. “Idiot,” he grumbled, turning on the bedside light and blearily trying to focus on the writing to see if it was anything important. Who the hell leaves notes for people ON the people they were for?

 _‘Haha’_ it said. _‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist.’_

 _Oh jezus._ The very **_least_** he was going to do him was smack him.

 _‘Anyway,’_ it continued, _‘before you plot my death, I made coffee. Drink that. Then reconsider. But if you still want to do it anyway, I’ll be back around 10am.’_

_‘P.S. My other client sessions don’t start till 3pm.’_

Light yawned and flopped back onto the pillow. 10am, huh? He crumpled up the note and tossed it across the room at random for L to discover later. It couldn’t be much past 8 or 9 right now, though it was impossible to tell through the blackout curtain. 10am to 3pm wasn’t so bad, it was a decent amount of time they’d have together. It would have sucked if the time was all broken up between appointments. Maybe he’d just sleep till L got back.

* * *

Some time later, Light became marginally aware of a voice, or voices.

“You aren’t kidding,” one laughed quietly. “Totally dead to the world.”

“I know, right?” the other said. “I’m telling you, it’s coffee or nothing. But get this, he didn’t even wake up when I left him that note this morning--” the voice broke off in a suppressed snicker.

Consciousness was filtering into Light’s head as the perpetrator of the crime made himself known. **L**. He was still going to kill him. “I can hear you, asshole,” he said threateningly, though he hadn’t quite managed to open his eyes.

Oddly enough, there was a cold sensation on his hair which he’d taken to be the A/C but now it seemed distinctly drippy.

There was more snickering.

He opened his eyes and saw that Jayden had a cup of water poised over his head and was dripping it upon him drop by icy drop, a wildly amused look crossing his face as he was found out.

“What the hell--?” Light began.

“Oops,” Jayden said, then upended the glass upon his head.

He spluttered indignantly, feeling a murderous rage. _Twice_ now with the cold water wake up!

L turned away in silent laughter, leaning against the wall by the closet and clutching his sides.

Jayden grinned at Light. “Good morning, sunshine.”

“Good morning, soon-to-be-dead person,” Light said menacingly as he gathered himself for a proper killing.

“Aw, I’m disappointed,” Jayden complained over his shoulder at L, while keeping his infuriatingly amused gaze upon Light. “I thought you said he sleeps in the nude.”

“Fuck you, I did not,” L tossed back.

“Remind my why _he’s_ even here to BE killed?” Light asked L, keeping his murderous intent leveled at Jayden. For the time being anyway. L was next.

Why the hell had L even let him in here? Like he needed to be woken up with people staring at him. It was creepy.

“I have a key,” Jayden said brightly.

For Light’s benefit, L looked past his cousin to meet his eyes and added earnestly, “I _am_ reconsidering that.”

“ _And_ ,” Jayden continued, “I only followed him in here just now. Don’t worry, princess, your chastity is safe and intact.”

“Well, now, I wouldn’t say _that_...” L sidebarred.

“No, you’re right, not chastity,” Jayden said consideringly, putting his hands on his hips with a contemplative frown. “Now, what was the word I’m looking for?”

“That would be _youaregoingtodie_ ,” Light growled.

“Pretty sure that’s 5 words--” Jayden commented infuriatingly in the split second before Light attacked.

“Ooookay,” L said, jumping in to run interference. He caught hold of Light just before he got within striking distance and restrained him from acting on deadly impulse. “I think it’s coffee time. Come on.” He steered Light, who was practically baring his teeth at his cousin, towards the door. “And Jayden, shut up.”

He couldn’t keep Light contained forever. And, you know, bloodstains are such a bitch to clean up after.

* * *

Coffee helped. So did the promise of breakfast.

Light nursed his coffee and waited for L to dish out the food that had been picked up from a local diner they liked. Food sounded good. He could put off revenge for a few more minutes for that.

Jayden lounged in a chair on the other side of the table. Notably, the furthest seat he could get away from _payback_. “I’m not _all_ bad,” he was saying, as if still trying to argue a case. “Breakfast was my idea.”

Light was pretty much ignoring him. It was one of the few ways to annoy Jayden as much as he annoyed others.

“Like no one would be able to tell, from all the freaking stuff you ordered,” L said dryly.

“What?” his cousin said. “I’m hungry. Plus, I don’t know what he likes to _eat_.” The comment was steeped in innuendo. He paused and said extra innocently, “In reference to food.” Somehow it came out even more lewd than him just being his usual lewd self.

Light managed to get enough reach to kick him sharply under the table by sliding down in his chair.

“OW,” Jayden said. “Jezus that little pet of yours bites hard.”

L was shaking his head as he brought food over. “Digging your own grave. I’m not saving you twice.”

“You shouldn’t have saved him the **_first_** time,” Light groused, accepting a plate.

“I’m sorry,” L said. “It was a moment of poor judgement.”

Light graced him with a smile. “So even you can admit to mistakes.”

“When warranted,” he said amiably, indicating that now was one of those times.

“God, you _both_ are assholes,” Jayden griped, starting to dig into the food on his plate. Like he had any room to be complaining about something like that.

They ate with some gusto. Light wasn’t sure about Jayden, but he and L were long due for a real meal. Nobody bothered talking, they were all in silent agreement to just EAT. Oh was it good, too. They seemed to know the best places.

“Oh, by the way,” Jayden said a while later, as their pace slowed down. He gestured with a sausage link adorned fork. “L said you’re doing the study session thing today.”

“Yeah, so?”

Was he wanting to go or something? Light wasn’t inclined to want him along at this point. He’d been such a pest so far this morning.

“Don’t be so bitchy,” Jayden complained shortly, waving off his response. “You weren’t having it at the usual spot, were you?”

“Yeah. Why?”

Jayden cursed under his breath. “What are you, an _idiot_?” he said caustically, giving him a pale glare.

Light bristled. He was about sick of his attitude.

“Jayden,” L weighed in, “quit it with the attitude or I’m kicking you out. Use your words.”

L’s cousin growled at him, then turned back to Light. “ _Idiot_ ,” he stressed unrepentantly. “At least change the location. Or did you want your parents to show up there, too?” He muttered under his breath, shaking his head.

Light blinked at him. He could be reading this wrong but… “You’re being an asshole right now because you’re worried about me?”

“Ha,” L said with amusement, not looking surprised. He seemed to find it funny that Light had come out and said something like that. Apparently he also felt it was true.

“Shut up,” Jayden glared at his cousin. He didn’t directly respond to Light’s revelation at all, choosing to willfully ignore it. Instead, when he turned back to him he said with annoyance, “You should have picked a new place when you **_set it up_** with them!”

“Too late now,” Light said, feeling a tension in the pit of his stomach. At the time he’d arranged it, he didn’t know his parents would show up anywhere to come find him, and he hadn’t gone through their ambush and entrapment attempt. Now, after that escape, having them show up somewhere would truly pose a problem. _Shit._ He was still having a hard time wrapping his head around the fact that he’d had to run from his parents like a stray dog evading the dog catcher. He couldn’t be assured that they wouldn’t still try and pack him off to that brainwashing camp. But how the fuck would he change the location for the study group **_now_** without his damn phone??

“Hey,” Jayden said, making him look up. He was watching him and there was a look that was suspiciously like concern on his face. ”Want me to take care of it? I have enough of the group member’s numbers in my phone to spread the word.”

He was being… nice.

“You’d do that?” he felt a little leery trusting kindness from Jayden. It often came with whiplash.

“Sure.”

“Why?”

“Why not?” a little bit of his attitude started peeking back out.

“Don’t get pissed at me if you’re offering to be nice,” Light said sullenly, spearing some french toast on his fork, though he didn’t feel like eating it. “I hate that.” He’d rather just decline in that case.

Jayden made an aggravated noise. “Just let me do something for you, okay? It’s not a big deal.”

L was shaking his head at his cousin.

“What?” Jayden demanded.

L gave him a pitying stare. “What you _don’t_ say, or own up to, is often the most _important_ shit you could possibly say.” He shook his head. “Your communication sucks.”

“Then why do **you** seem to have no trouble with my ‘shitty communication’?” He seemed intensely annoyed.

“Because, _idiot_ ,” L said blandly, “I’ve had years to read between the lines.” He ate some more of the food on his plate. “Watching this is just fuckin’ painful,” he added around a mouthful.

Light was confused. He looked at Jayden. “What’s he talking about?”

“Fuck if I know,” Jayden groused, though he obviously did know, and kept eating.

A weird pause followed.

“Just let him help,” L said to Light. “There’s not much anyone can do about this whole thing. I know the feeling.”

Light looked back and forth between the two of them. L looked nonplussed and Jayden was ignoring them both, still looking irritated as he ate.

“Okay,” he said somewhat grudgingly, still not sure to what to make of the exchange he’d just witnessed, other than Jayden might care about him or be worried about him in some capacity. “I’d appreciate the help.”

“Forget it,” Jayden said sulkily. He muttered, “...don’t even sound appreciative at all.”

Light was familiar with this particular mood of his. He knew he’d sounded appreciative; this was about something else. He let annoyance color his voice. “What, after making that offer, you want me to _beg_ or something?”

“Yeah,” Jayden said sharply, “that’d be nice.” He slanted a glance at Light, an imperious look fighting with the annoyance that remained on his face. “On your knees and everything. Real authentic-like.”

Light slowly got to his feet.

L’s face registered surprise as he did so. “Wait - you aren’t really--?”

Jayden looked surprised, too. It was actually somewhat comical, like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

Light walked over to him… and cuffed him in the head. “ _Moron_ ,” he said. “Who the fuck would beg you for shit?”

Jayden blinked at him. “Worth a try?” he said, the response seeming automatic and not that thought out.

“Make it happen,” Light said sharply. “And stop being an asshole. Got it?”

Taking an authoritarian stance with him actually seemed to work. Jayden seemed slightly cowed, a lot calmer, and the annoyance was now absent from his face. “Ok,” he said.

That made Light wonder if the deviant didn’t have some weird complex about liking or needing to be ordered around.

Now that he thought about it, the cousins had a dynamic something like that… L functioned almost like an alpha to his cousin. And without L to keep him in check, he was something of a loose canon. Yeah, and he remembered L telling him one time that he was harsh with Jayden because he really didn’t listen otherwise. Looks like there was more truth to that statement than he’d originally believed upon hearing it.

“Oh, before I forget,” Jayden piped up as they cleaned up after the meal. “I got some donations for our little hobo here.”

Light let out a sigh and rolled his eyes.

Jayden shot him an enamored smile.

“Donations?” L asked.

“Yeah, from the roommates.” Jayden went over to grab a bag he’d apparently brought in with him earlier.

“Oh, that’s what that was,” L commented.

“Truth and Justice selflessly donated clothing that just might actually fit you,” he told Light. “Decent stuff, too.”

“Nicknames,” L explained, in response to Light’s questioning look at the names. “Truman and Justin.”

“Why would your roommates give stuff to someone they don’t know?” Light asked.

“Well, they said they would just _looooove_ to meet you.”

Light detected a solicitous slant on that. He just wasn’t sure why.

L made a face. “Let’s avoid that if we can.”

“What,” Jayden jeered with a hyped up edge to his solicitous voice, “can’t you put on a show for them as a display of gratitude?” He managed to look condescending and amused at the same time.

L ignored him, but looked annoyed over the suggestion of bartering help for such favors. “What did the girl contribute?”

“Her blessing,” Jayden said with a wink.

“Ugh,” L said with a sour expression and a rolling of the eyes.

“Clare also extends a heartfelt offer of her cinematography skills,” he added perkily, “if you ever want to film something for posterity.”

“I hate your roommates.”

“Yeah but they loooove you. They are curious as hell to meet your other half.”

“I bet.”

“It _would_ be a nice gesture,” Jayden said innocently, “seeing as they are trying to help out.”

“Ulterior motives.” L still looked annoyed. “And it’s the least they could do to make up for all that shit they did when I stayed over.”

“They want to know why you haven’t been by to visit,” Jayden said with a pleasant smile, as he continued to harass his cousin.

Light interjected, “I’m guessing at least a few of them are the ones that molested you when you were staying there?”

“‘Molest’ is such a strong word,” Jayden was saying dismissively, even as L was nodding in response to Light’s question. “Besides,” he added with a leer, “I can guarantee that’s **not** why my dear cousin is protesting a little visit.”

“Shut up.” That annoyed look was getting stronger on L’s face.

“I think that would be reason enough,” Light said.

“Maybe so,” Jayden amended. “But what’s simply adoooorable is that he actually just doesn’t want them getting their little mitts or even their eyeballs on _you_.”

“Alright, get out,” L said, gesturing towards the door. “You’ve hit red on my tolerance meter.”

“But it’s true,” the deviant crooned. He was looking wildly amused as he detected what might be taken for embarrassment beneath his cousin’s curt manner.

Actually, Light was also quite interested in this exchange. It was extremely rare for L to look anywhere near ruffled. And when he did, he hid it exceedingly well. Jayden’s unrelenting harassment was letting him see another aspect of his lover that he wouldn’t normally be privy to. Granted, it was so subtle it was like viewing something between cracks.

A sharp expression on Jayden’s face indicated he was going in for a really good dig. He put on a fluttering, affected tone of voice. “It’s such a beautiful and moving display of looove...” he wiped away a nonexistent tear.

Light swallowed a shocked laugh as he saw L freeze, almost imperceptibly, and realized that Jayden had _no fucking clue_ that he did in fact feel that way. Nor would he have known that L had owned up to it for the first time just last night.

Light could practically see L’s mind racing in circles as he was caught out, unexpectedly.

He hadn’t seen L give a reaction like this since his blurting out that he thought he was in love with him. He hadn’t been aware that L had kept _this_ from his cousin. They really seemed to share almost everything.

“Get out,” L recovered enough to say, tossing out an aggravated tone which fell a little flat.

“My, don’t you look twitchy.” Jayden got up in his face, peering at him.

“ ** _Out_** , Jayden,” L repeated, doing a better job of seeming like he was getting mad.

Jayden turned to Light with a grin. “Awww… this bastard finally owned up to it, didn’t he?”

It was no surprise that he tried to get info from Light instead; L wasn’t going to give him anything worth a damn, especially on this.

Instead of harassing either of them further, Jayden uncharacteristically displayed a genuine smile as he looked back and forth between the two of them. “This is good news,” he said, elbowing his cousin good naturedly. “Don’t be all pissy about it. I figured it out _a while ago_ anyway.”

So Jayden _had_ known? Light covered his mouth with his hand to mask his reaction as L’s eyes actually widened and he stared at his cousin in an awkward expression of surprise, embarrassment and an urge to murder him.

For once, Light didn’t think Jayden had purposely stirred shit up.

_‘A **while** ago…’_

Jayden somehow did not realize what L’s reaction to those words just now was truly communicating.

It appeared that L had had feelings for Light for longer than he’d let on… Maybe even longer than L himself had realized. It seemed that Jayden had been keeping tabs and had figured things out _before_ his cousin had, which he’d now unwittingly outted in a super awkward way.

“Thanks for the clothes and stuff,” Light said, trying to casually push Jayden out of here bodily before L really did murder him. He looked prone.

Jayden didn’t initially cooperate that well, looking a bit confused at the suddenness of his dismissal. Before he reached the door he caught a look at Light’s emphatic expression, which was urging him to make fucking haste. Then, with another glance at his cousin, he seemed to put it together. “Oh,” he said under his breath with a little upward lilt, the equivalent of _‘Oh… shit.’_ His expression looked one part sheepish and maybe three parts OOPS.

Light wanted to facepalm.

“Ah,” Jayden said, now seeming a lot more invested in beating it the hell out of there. “I’ll uh, see you guys later.”

“Let me know where the study group gets moved to.”

“Rodger dodger,” Jayden said, his body language still a little stiff. Before disappearing he glanced at L one more time, suppressed a bit of a snicker, then darted out the door.

Idiot. He really had only the loosest grasp of the meaning of self-preservation.

Before his cousin came after him for revenge, Light ran interference one more time.

“So…” he said, turning to L with faux cheer. “Who’s up for some grocery shopping?”

* * *

L shook his head to himself. His cousin… he was gonna **kill** him.

He didn’t care if it was unintentional or not. Just now, Jayden had managed to make him feel about as shockingly exposed as he probably ever had in his _life_. And that included the time one of his grandparents walked in on him and a male friend of his getting busy when he was in highschool. That had been pretty fucking awkward. Hell of a way to come out to your guardians, he’d give it that.

But here _\- after Jayden had opened his big mouth -_ Light had seen his reaction and extrapolated upon it already, that his feelings ran deeper for longer than he’d admitted and perhaps longer than he’d even realized. L felt transparent, compromised, and pissed off, and Light seemed to have guessed at the gist of it. It was obvious by the way the brunet reacted in turn, and by the way he’d gotten Jayden the hell out of dodge before he murdered him.

 _Fucking Jayden…_ the way he said things made it sound like he’d been sitting on these feelings for some time. Which… wasn’t true. Not exactly.

He ran a hand through his hair. _Grocery store,_ he thought with derision. That was about the last thing on his list right now. He’d rather go for a run. He didn’t have the patience….

Worse was the implication that he had these giant feelings and while being oblivious to them, had somehow been totally transparent about it and _obvious_ , enough for Jayden to notice and to be saying shit like that.

It made him, in hindsight, feel totally self-conscious of himself from over the past many weeks.

Shit.

What might he have done or said to give himself away? Was it anything that someone other than his cousin could even have picked up on?

A light smack to both of his cheeks startled the crap out of him. “You’re brooding,” Light announced, staring at him with a deadpan expression. There was a sense of inquiry behind it.

“Am not,” he said, feeling annoyed and a little put on the spot. Damn it, he was being obvious again.

“Yeah you are,” Light changed tracks, going from tentative to blunt. “Forget him, he says shit all the time. Half of it’s bullshit anyway.”

Light was giving him an out.

The _kid_ was giving him an out.

It made him feel like a total tool. Especially with how he always told the brunet how bad he was at handling his feelings. _What a hypocrite,_ he scoffed at himself.

He pulled Light’s hands down from his face, expelling an agitated sigh. “He’s not really full of shit though.”

Light shrugged at him. “Ok.”

L looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean, ok?”

“You seem to think I’m going to judge you or something. I’m not.”

Oh… yeah, he guessed he had anticipated something like that.

Light scoffed at him. “Geez, with how you’re acting, it’s like he blew the lid off of the news that you cared at all. You already told me last night, so what’s the big deal now?”

Huh.

Somehow… that really disarmed a lot of the antsiness he was feeling. He had a point. At least he’d gotten to tell him last night. He’d be legitimately upset with Jayden right now if his _cousin_ was how Light had found out.

Geez, look at him, taking notes on maturity from a kid who was still in highschool. It was laughable.

Light was always so full of surprises.

Who would have thought he’d have things to teach him as well? He may have been younger, but he certainly had shown him more about himself through their acquaintance than anyone, and he’d given him a deeper view into a different perspective on things than he could have anticipated.

He felt a small smile break the surface of his face. “Brat,” he said.

“Takes one to know one,” Light tossed back, eyes looking amused. They were the prettiest honey gold color when that warm look touched them as it was doing right now.

* * *

TBC


	55. (phase 3) A Leisurely Saturday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light is starting to really see what life with L is like, and the contrast of how it was at home with his parents. Also, a shopping trip gone rogue. =)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 55: A Leisurely Saturday _

It was a long shot. On the off chance that the study sessions were resumed, even after several weeks of being cancelled...

“Public Library,” a chipper voice answered. “This is Shayna, how can I help you?”

She cleared her throat, feeling a bit anxious. “Hi. Yes. Um… there is a study group from the high school that meets here. I was wondering if…”

“Oh, yes,” the girl said with a smile in her voice. “I know the one. They should be meeting today.”

“Really?” She felt relieved. That meant that there was a chance she could see him.

“But let me double-check,” the clerk said, being thorough. “Usually they meet in the same spot, but that can change….” she trailed off as, presumably, she looked something up in the computer. “Oh.”

“Oh?”

“Um… I’m terribly sorry ma’am, but it seems that it was cancelled earlier today. It looks like they had to change to a different location, not at the library. I’m not sure where that might be, as there isn’t anything else indicated here.”

Her heart sank like a stone. It was a little difficult to find her voice. “N-no, that is quite alright.” _Now what?_ “Thank you for all of your help.”

“You’re welcome, Mrs.?”

“Yagami.”

“Well then, you’re welcome Mrs. Yagami. I hope you have a good day.”

“T-Thank you,” she managed, feeling on the verge of tears.

She hung up the phone. How was she supposed to reach Light _now_? That was the only thing she’d been able to think of.

One moment he’d been with them, moving in the right direction, and in the next… he was running from them with the speed of a natural born sprinter and was gone in the flash of a moment.

That was the last image she’d had of her son - his back, as he fled from them.

At the time, she’d calmed herself with the thought that surely they would find him soon. But they hadn’t. Maybe they’d had a glimpse or two of him, but Light was quick, resourceful, and disappeared like a wisp of smoke.

Part of her was upset to see him run like he was fleeing from the law, paying no mind to anything but escape. It was the height of impropriety and also violated more than a few people’s anti-trespassing rights as he cut through their yards or hopped their fences…

But the greater part of her feared that that was the last that she would see of him. Her only son.

Tears spilled over at the thought and she felt a sharp twinge in her chest.

How had things come to this?

* * *

Time was moving fast.

In the blink of an eye, hours had been sucked up and devoured by necessary errands. Light sighed, feeling the loss intently. Before he knew it, the weekend was going to be over. He dreaded that.

L had insisted on hitting the grocery store first and stocking up on food. He seemed to think that if it didn’t get priority, it might not happen. Personally, Light thought L was only insisting on it to prove him wrong. He hadn’t been entirely convinced it would happen when L mentioned it the other night, and L must’ve taken exception to that.

Still, pain in the ass though it was, it was nice to have food.

Grocery shopping with his lover was a novel experience. He’d maintained an almost paranoid expectation that people would be watching them, knowing that they were ‘together’. Maybe they weren’t watching, or maybe they were but had no thought to approach and say something to them about it. Another paranoid fear was that somehow he would run into either of his parents. But this wasn’t the store location they typically used. L had even asked him about that prior to coming in here. It seemed he wanted to be a bit careful as well.

But despite all of that, it was interesting to stroll the aisles with the slightly rattling cart, debating what to get and seeing what they each tended towards. L surprisingly ate super healthy. His own parents were no slouch when it came to reasonably healthy meals, but L’s diet was on a level above. Minimal breads and pasta, some poultry and beef, but mostly a TON of vegetables and some fruit.

It wasn’t how he was used to eating, and L asked him if there was stuff he would like to get for himself.

Light pondered that, and decided that it would be more interesting to just eat whatever the hell L usually made for himself. Certainly between his diet and exercise routine, he was thriving. It might be something worth looking into. He was curious about L’s workouts as well and what such a regimen might do for himself. _Just think, access to a_ real _gym,_ and not just the calisthenics he did at home since he had no other options.

Well, he’d mentioned that curiosity aloud, and that was what had later brought them _here_ to yet another store. After shoving the groceries into the cabinets and fridge, they’d gone back out at L’s insistence.

“These things are fucking expensive,” Light swore under his breath in surprise.

“Yeah, because they aren’t cheap crap.”

Light turned over one of the sneakers in his hands. He hadn’t expected them to be cheap, but he hadn’t anticipated them to be _this_ much. The price mattered more because he didn’t have money yet from the study group, and L was offering to pay.

“Look,” L said, shaking his head. “I’ve got nothing to loan you. You need something that fits right, not just passably.” He shrugged. “It’s up to you if you want to try training, but if you do, you need shoes. Plain and simple.”

“You sure it’s not a pain in the ass for you…?” He felt kind of guilty even asking L about workout regimens, as he probably didn’t want to do something like talk about training or spend time on doing trainer stuff when he actually had time off.

“I told you, it’s fine.” He gave Light a pitying look. “You think that you’d be more of a pain in the ass than my pain-in-the-ass cousin?”

Light frowned and put the shoes back. “It’s not that…. I just thought it would be like making you work extra hours, and for free.”

L sat down on one of the benches with a light sigh. He leaned back, propping himself up on his arms. Slanting a glance at Light, he said, “Executive decision. We aren’t leaving here until you pick some damn shoes.”

“But-” he really felt weird about accepting charity.

“If it’s such a bug up your ass, just pay me back when you can. Okay?”

“....” He wasn’t sure, but… “Are you mad?”

“No,” L said believably. Dark eyes regarded him solemnly, questions lurking faintly in their depths. “But we _are_ wasting time, which we are kind of short on.”

Light sighed and sank down next to him, resting his forearms on his knees. He stared at the whitish linoleum floor. “I keep thinking about things,” he said, feeling a frown forming on his face. He kept his voice low enough to not carry past L.

“What things?” L asked, keeping his voice low as well. It sounded cautious, too, as if he anticipated the subject matter.

“My parents. Things.” He knew he was being vague, but it wasn’t exactly easy to put the thoughts and his reactions to those thoughts into a coherent expression of words. “I keep comparing everything to that…. to _them_ and how they do things, and to how I grew up.”

“Elaborate?” It was merely a prompt for him to continue. L was quietly waiting, open to listening.

Light felt the bubble of their interaction envelop them, even in this unlikely place. Suddenly, they were having this deep, emotionally charged conversation… on a bench, in the middle of a sporting goods store. It was almost laughable.

“I’m not exactly sure where to start,” he said honestly.

“Try anywhere,” L suggested. “Otherwise I’m not going to have a clue as to what the hell you’re thinking.”

Light gave him a droll stare. “Did you get the part where I was having trouble with that?”

L looked mildly amused at his touchiness. His dark eyes shone with it. “Don’t get cute with me, brat.” He almost looked like he was going to add something lewd and teasing to that, but he refrained. “Try starting with the shoes. What were you thinking about? How are you connecting it to your parents?”

“Oh. Well…” That gave him a starting place he supposed. But it wasn’t really about shoes, what he was thinking about was more pervasive. “I was thinking about how they took care of everything, paid for everything… and yet I had a say in nothing.” He paused, trying to find words. “And then here you are, offering to take care of things, and even pay for things… and it is totally different. I have a say in everything.”

“Ah, so it’s not about the shoes,” L surmised. “You’re mulling over how we each act towards you.”

That was it exactly. “You tease me about being a kid, yet you treat me more like an adult than they ever have.”

L nodded, withholding comment.

“I just don’t get it!” Light said harshly under his breath. “Why do they have to be that way? It’s all the more apparent now that I’m seeing a different way of….” he trailed off as scenes from the other night flashed again through his mind. His parents’ closed off, angry faces… their plan to cage and brainwash him… the way they had almost looked relieved when he played along prior to his escape… not to mention they way they had been acting towards him these last several weeks…  

His voice sounded a little raw and strained as he said, “Why are they the last ones to accept me for who I am? Why am I only acceptable to them if I play a part or let them try to change me?”

“Parents shouldn’t be like that, right?” L asked.

Light looked over at him, detecting a tension in him.

L met his eyes briefly and then looked away. “I’m probably the last person that could really discuss parents. Especially in the vein of what good ones supposedly do or don’t do.”

Light felt a pang jolt his heart at that, comprised of guilt and sympathy. There was a melancholy that was barely detectable beneath the surface as L spoke. L never discussed his own parents… it looked like it was because it was a source of pain which he liked to keep buried. Empathy surged through him and he said quietly, “They’re really missing out.”

L was shaking his head.

“They _are_ ,” he insisted. “You turned out pretty great, considering.”

“Heh.” L laughed humorlessly. “My grandparents might like to offer a point of contention on that. Why would my parents see it any different?”

L shook his head again, this time seeming to dispel this line of talk. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to talk about me. I was trying to say that….” he paused, looking like he was groping for the right words. “Well, while you’re parents are admittedly being beyond difficult, they are still around. And while I am not the best judge of parent-related behaviors… it looks to me like you may still have something to work with.” _Unlike me,_ seemed to be the unspoken message. His eyes looked a little distant, likely thinking on his own situation with his absent parents. Had he even seen them since getting dropped off to live with Jayden and his grandparents?

“I’m sorry,” Light said, feeling even worse. L had been handed a more difficult set of circumstances than he had, hands down. “I shouldn’t be complaining about my situation. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

L expelled a sigh. It almost seemed frustrated. “Like I need you to clam up more than usual.” He rubbed a hand over his face. “Maybe I’m not saying things right…”

“Huh?”

“I _want_ you to talk about it,” he tried again, looking like he was feeling especially strained trying to pick his words now. “I was trying to say that I’m sorry I can’t give you much of an opinion on what is normal or not, because I wouldn’t know. Don’t go feeling like shit because of me.”

“Oh.” Wow, that wasn’t how things had sounded at all.

L ran a hand through his hair. It was a nervous gesture. He was wearing a frown. “Can you pick some damn shoes now?”

Ah, he was getting a little testy, probably because he felt awkward being caught out showing any sort of emotions on the matter of his family.

“Can you rephrase that to sound a little more pissed off?” Light asked. “It really gets me going.”

L gave him a WTF look before realizing he was being facetious. “Or,” he said, changing gears, “were we _skipping_ the whole thing since you have an issue with me paying?” There was a little bit of a challenge in his voice, like maybe he might be somewhat offended over Light not wanting to accept his offer to help.

“It’s not an _issue_ …” How could he explain this? “It’s more like…” he looked away, feeling a little embarrassed, “I really appreciate it.. a **lot**...” he trailed while gathering the right words. Indeed, L’s offer to ‘take care of things’ had struck him deeply. It had given him a feeling of stability and a sense of being wanted and cared about, especially in the face of all this upheaval with his parents and with leaving home. “But I feel like I would be taking advantage if I accepted. I want to be able to pay for things myself, if I have the means.”

Part of him was afraid that L made the offer because he felt obligated. And another part feared that relying on that offer would become a much more expensive proposition than L anticipated, and that made him feel really leery about accepting in the first place. He didn’t want to become a burden and have every step he took be tainted with guilt over it.

L gently bumped Light’s shoulder. “Brat,” he said, seeming touched at his consideration. “Why are you worried about stuff like that?” He shook his head bemusedly. “I offered because I wanted to. It won’t break the bank, and there’s no strings attached.” He was looking at Light assessingly, trying to gauge which of those might have been what he was worried about.

That embarrassed feeling amplified as L watched him without artifice.

L reached out to ruffle his hair, despite them being in public. “You’re a good kid. Really.” His voice was warm and held a smile.

Light glanced up, meeting his gaze and they shared a moment.

“Just like a boyscout,” L added slyly, mocking him lightly, “thinking of others before yourself. It’s sweet.”

“Just like an asshole,” he returned, in response, “ruining the moment.” His face was heating a little from the teasing.

L leaned in a little closer, mirth dancing in his eyes. “See? Sweet as spun sugar. Makes me want to take a taste…”

“Don’t you dare.”

“Just a _little_ taste? A little lick, perhaps?” He flicked his tongue against his upper lip enticingly.

Reaction rippled through Light. He fought it down. “Do and die.”

He really was developing a paranoid complex about L jumping him in public… mostly because he couldn’t be sure of how well he would be able to resist.

L dropped his voice low, “I love the look on your face when you’re trying to resist me.” He looked really smug.

 _Asshole_. He also looked really hot.

“If I pick some damn shoes, will you stop harassing me?”

“In public, you mean?” He smiled engagingly.

“Ugh.”

“I don’t know,” L drawled lazily.  “You’re so damn adorable when I’m teasing you. Why would I want to stop?”

He flushed a little. “Because I’m giving you what you want?”

“No, if you were giving me what I wanted _right now_ , you’d have to admit to being an exhibitionist,” he jeered softly, an indecent look in his dark eyes.

Light stood up, really flushing now, not trusting himself to be in such close proximity with his infuriating and sexy companion. Not for the first time, he felt torn between beating him and jumping him. “Ok, you can pay for them,” he said shortly.

“Oh my, what a relief,” L said in a frivolous voice that was a bit similar to the fluttering southern belle voice Jayden did at times; though it sounded more dignified. “Here I was, wondering ‘whatever shall I do?’…” He rose to his feet and came to stand beside Light, who was busily studying the descriptions on the various shoes.

“You’d better be coming over here only to offer your expert opinion.”

L smiled. “So testy,” he chided silkily. “You do realize that only makes me want to tease you more?”

Light growled under his breath.

L leaned in close, under the guise of pointing out things about various shoes. “Your stubborn streak really does it for me,” he said in Light’s ear, lips brushing against the curve of it. “If you don’t reign it in…” he threatened sweetly, “I _might_ just act on these impulses of mine.”

Again, Light fluttered between annoyance and being turned on as L messed with him. “Shoes,” he said stubbornly. Luckily L was on the side of him that ended in another aisle, as opposed to the other side which openly faced the rest of the store. Likely, no one would be able to tell how close L was to him or what he was really doing.

“Hmmm,” L said, turning his attention to the task at hand. His voice resonated in Light’s ear. God, how he loved that voice. “This one, this one, and that one over there would all be good and do about the same job.” Surprisingly, he was now actually offering his expert opinion, indicating each one in turn. “So you should try those on and choose based on fit, and then on looks as a tiebreaker.”

Light grabbed his size in all three, sitting down with the boxes and trying them on as quickly as possible. He really was losing his immunity to L’s voice and teasing looks. Aggravating as it was to admit, he had to be realistic and not assume he could keep from reacting to it more than he already was. The last thing he needed was to start losing hold of that little thing called propriety, which convinced him that letting anything happen in public, even just more intense flirting, was a bad idea.

All three shoes, as it turned out, were a good fit. He walked on them for several paces up and down the aisle to make sure. The least attractive pair were the cheapest ones, he noted, by a good amount. If L was paying, then perhaps he should just go by cost -

“Hey,” L said then, giving him the eye. “Don’t you dare choose the cheap ones only because I’m paying.”

“I wasn’t-”

“Oh, such a _liar_ ,” he scoffed incredulously. “You think I can’t see through you by now?”

Light favored him with an annoyed look. He hoped it looked authentic. “Why the hell would I do that? So if I pick the cheap ones I’m automatically only doing it because of the cost and not because I liked them best?”

“You don’t like how they look at all.”

“Uh-huh…”

“And next you’ll try to tell me they fit the best.”

“Are you assuming they don’t?”

“Are you forgetting that I’ve been here this whole time and watched you walking in them? I think they all are about the same, judging by your face with each one.” He paused and added, “The cheap ones are ugly. Do us both a favor and pick one of the other two.”

They were. He was right. They were white with a sort of double stripe swoosh of grey and navy blue, and had a doddery style. “I’m offended that you hate the ones I like best,” he said in a put-upon voice, not wasting a chance to harass L back.

“Don’t be difficult or I’m gonna pick one for you.”

“Oh, and after I just told you how much I appreciate you treating me like an adult and letting me make decisions myself,” he scoffed.

“Ugh… dammnit…”

Aw, he almost felt bad; it seemed L took that last comment to heart at least a little. Still, haha, he’d won. He supposed he could cut him a break now. “Which ones do you like better?”

“You’re supposed to pick the ones YOU like. If I tell you now, I’d be informing your decision and taking the precious gift of ‘choice’ away from you.”

Ah, now he was getting harassed right back. Fair enough.

“I’m going to guess the black ones,” Light said archly, “since that seems to be the only color you’re physically capable of wearing.”

L raised his eyebrows. “Now he casts judgement upon my impeccable wardrobe.”

“I challenge you to show me even one article of clothing that you own that isn’t black. Aside from jeans.” Actually, it was kind of amusing. “Like an actual, real color. Not grey either.”

“Does underwear count?” he asked slyly.

“Not even if it’s bright yellow.”

“Ah, wouldn’t that be a sight?” L chuckled, looking increasingly entertained. “I didn’t know _that’s_ what would do it for you.”

“I can tell from your answer that you have already lost this challenge,” Light said, not responding to the baiting. Though he did not escape picturing L in his underwear. Yellow or not, seeing him with hardly any clothing on was always a rousing image. “Tell you what, pick whichever shoes you like better, and I get to pick out your new favorite brightly-colored piece of clothing.”

“That sounds like a shit deal.”

“I promise not to pick something vindictively,” he said sweetly, purposely not sounding convincing.

“Uh huh. Like I would trust that.”

“And, you’re paying for it.”

“Oh, really?”

“Mmm hmm,” Light said, giving him bedroom eyes. “Then I’ll help _make_ it a favorite.” He was just teasing him now, seeing if he could get a reaction.

Oh, and he did. He saw L’s face get that slightly distracted look, where his eyes went a little hazy, the way it did when he was picturing things in his head. It must have been something good. Light found himself getting pulled into the resulting expression that crossed L’s face.

L said, “You strike a hard bargain.”

“How hard?” Light said slyly.

“I’ll show you later,” L promised, looking engaged and amused. “ _In full detail_ ,” he added, with a lascivious look upon his striking features.

“You know, I like the sound of that.”

“I can guarantee you’ll like more than just the _sound_.”

“Oh, like the _feel_ of your giant….” he paused for effect “...ego?”

L grinned at him and pinched his cheek condescendingly. “Aren’t you just the cutest thing on two legs,” he said mockingly.

“So, deal?”

“How could I say no?”

* * *

In the end, L went for the black Reeboks with the lime green soles made of a bunch of flexible nodes. It really was an interesting looking shoe. The grey crisscross mesh-top Nikes with the bright yellow soles and accents were nice too, but he actually leaned a bit towards the black ones himself. He would have been happy with either though.

“Ok,” Light said reasonably, holding out some shirts for L to consider, “since you gave me a choice, I’ll give you one, too.”

L looked horrified. “Not vindictive _my ass_! What the hell kind of a choice is this??”

Light smiled innocently. He’d found two particularly awful shirts that he knew L would not be caught **_dead_** in. His reaction was priceless.

“You want me to choose between-” L held up an anemic green t-shirt that was emblazoned with the logo ‘Salt Life’, “-this...” he said the word with utmost disdain, then turned his attention to the other choice. “And _this_??”

Light had to try very hard not to burst out laughing. Option number two was a dull pumpkin orange shirt that not only would make L look like he was a Halloween party favor, but sported a huge Guy Harvey print of a marlin jumping in the air, backed by a sunset. L’s lip was actually curling, and he held it up with a thumb and forefinger as if it was diseased. It was HILARIOUS.

“Or,” Light suggested, “You could forgo either of those if you got the two of these.” That was his real plan. He wanted to see if L would go for it. One shirt was an intense royal blue trainer shirt, plain except for a small logo where a pocket would have been. It would look good on him. It was a dark shade that would go well with all of the black he tended to wear, and his black hair. The second was just to see if he could get away with it. It was an eyeblinding limey yellow runner’s singlet with a small logo just under the neckline. He kind of wanted to see L in both.

L regarded his second option with a much more open mind, coming from the horror of the other choices. “The blue isn’t bad…” he said, not looking entirely thrilled, but seeming amenable. “But that?” He looked wary, like the unabashedly loud tank top just might bite his hand. “It’s so….. _bright_.”

“You’re right, that orange one would be much better,” Light said with a considering tone. It was a feat of will to keep any trace of mirth out of his voice.

“You,” L said, giving him a sharp eyed look, “are an unrepentant **sadist**.”

“What, you don’t like that one?” he asked pleasantly, dying of laughter on the inside.

“It’s **_horrible_** and you know it.” He was shaking his head. “No fuckin’ way,” he added, as if there was any doubt. He shuddered and shoved it onto a nearby rack to get rid of it. He slanted a dark look at Light. “How are you planning to deal with my PTSD over even having to _contemplate_ wearing that?”

“Oh, it’s not so bad,” Light said with a smile, his amusement seeping out at last.

“I assure you, it is.” He turned his attention to the sickly green one. “Salt life? What am I, a fucking pirate? Who thinks up shit like this?”

Light shrugged, still smiling. He had no issue with the brand or anything and knew it was really popular. He picked it merely because L was the sort to avoid logos of any kind, and he knew it would rub him the wrong way. “Or that you are a fan of the beach,” he pointed out. The irony of that statement could be expressed with one look at his companion’s exceedingly pale complexion. That skin was definitely not well-acquainted with the sun.

“Uh huh,” L said sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Like this skin boasts long hours in the sea air and sunshine.”

“Maybe you use a lot of sunscreen,” Light offered impishly.

“My skin practically burns at the _mention_ of sunlight.”

“Then it looks like your new tanktop is going to be about as close as you get to the sun’s brightness.”

L held a hand over his face. “Ugh….”

“Would it help if I told you it would look hot on you?”

“Maybe, if you were serious.” L didn’t look like he believed him one bit.

Actually, he did think it would look good. “I’m willing to show you how serious I am,” he said with a self-satisfied smile. He held L’s gaze, giving him a feed of lazy, slutty eyes. Again, he was trying to get a reaction.

“Hell… if I knew you’d give me a look like _that_ , I’d even wear the ugly one.” He paused, then amended, “Though not in public.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read and review!: For love! For France! For waffles!! ;D


	56. (phase 3) Roommates

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy thanksgiving, all.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 56: Roommates _

By the time they got back, there wasn’t very long before L was going to have to leave for his 3 o’clock session.

L showed him how to use the washer and they dumped in the shirts Light had gotten him to buy, along with some workout clothes and necessities L had picked up for him. He also showed him how to run the dryer. They weren’t too wildly different from the ones at his parent’s house, but the run-through was helpful. L would be gone by the time everything was done, so he’d need to catch it when the laundry went off.

Light sat down with his books, making himself study, while L made something in the kitchen. He really didn’t feel like studying at all, but he’d better make up for lost time if he didn’t want to backslide. It would be all too easy to get out of the habit of spending several hours a night with the tedium of schoolwork.

“I’m going to loan Jayden the car,” L said. “He can drop me off and then take you to your thing later.”

“Suddenly you aren’t pissed at him?” Light teased him a little, poking at his embarrassment over Jayden practically spilling the beans on his _feelings_.

“You got your mileage out of me with those shirts. Don’t push it.”

Light smiled to himself, still quite amused over that. He switched tacks and playfully poked at L’s jealousy instead. “And you trust him to be ‘alone’ with me?” The finger quotes were obvious in his tone of voice.

L grumbled under his breath as Light continued to harass him, then said, “I’m surprised he said he was actually going to the study session with you, not just dropping you off.”

“Probably got roped into it when he arranged the new location. Peer pressure and all.”

“Still,” L said, sounding a little pensive, “I’ll feel better knowing that if your parents suddenly popped up out of nowhere, at least with Jayden there it wouldn’t be a repeat of last time.”

Light frowned as he relived the scene of his parents making a fuss at the school before hauling him off. “Yeah, I could be like the rope in tug-of-war,” he joked darkly. “They could each grab an arm and pull, and see how much they could come away with.” Jayden yanking on one arm, his parents on the other. Stubborn as they all were, he’d probably be pulled apart, a bloody mess. Jayden could return to his cousin with half of him… or maybe just an arm.

“Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” L said grimly.

“Uuuugh,” Light said, rubbing a hand over his face and trying to dispel the morbid mood. “Sorry… I shouldn’t joke like that.”

“Nah, it’s fine, don’t worry about it.” L brought over what he’d been working on. The meal was baked chicken breast and a salad that had more vegetables than Light had ever seen in one before; the lettuce looked very nearly like an afterthought. “But I do trust him to get you there and back, seriously.”

Light shrugged and started to eat. “Well, they don’t even know I’m doing the study sessions again, so there shouldn’t be any issues anyway.”

“Besides,” L added, starting in on his meal as well. “At least if Jayden is with you, I have a way to get in touch with you since he actually _has_ a phone.”

Ah, yeah. Being without a phone was definitely inconvenient. Shit, he was going to need to get in several tutoring sessions to cover all of this stuff… “Let’s give it a little time. If I need to pick up a phone later, I will.”

“I know you’re all independent and such, but if I have to wait for you to save up, I might just shoot myself.”

“What a sweet way of offering to pay without saying it.”

“Hey, when you went missing the other night, it was stressful,” L complained in a harried tone. Light could see the tension reflected in L’s face; mostly it came across as agitation, though it was masking concern. “I had a feeling something had happened with your parents and I had no way to contact you.”

“Likewise, it was a pain in the ass on this end.” Light spent some time cutting up the chicken, thinking about things, and about money. “Everything’s adding up so fast. Let’s just see if I can just make do without it for a few weeks. In the meantime, I’ll be at Kai’s and I can borrow his phone or even the house line. I won’t be cut off.”

“Okay.”

 _Wow, no argument?_ He gave L an appraising look, raising an eyebrow at him. “That’s a pretty big change, going from ‘shoot me in the face’ to being amenable.”

“It’s called being an adult,” L deadpanned. “I’ll tell you all about it when you’re older.” He didn’t even look up as he said that.

“Asshole.”

“Sticks and stones.”

Light decided to get back at him for that unflappable exterior. “You know,” he said conversationally, “I’m **so** looking forward to seeing you wear that tanktop tomorrow for our run.”

An aggrieved look slid over L’s face.

It made him feel somewhat vindicated.

He hid an amused smile. The payback tomorrow promised to be gooood.

* * *

Jayden came by a bit early to pick him up for the study session.

“Why are you here?” Light asked, not looking up from his studies. Not that he wanted to be doing this for an extended time, but he was trying to get as much out of the way as possible. It was so much harder to focus on things like studying when L was here, as he felt like he was wasting time. It was better to feel like he was killing time and being productive.

Jayden commandeered a chair at the kitchen table, spinning it around backwards before he sat on it. He surveyed Light’s studies with a bored look. “Can’t get enough, can you?”

“Shut up.” Like he wanted to be studying on top of doing a 4 hour tutoring session later. It’s just how things were working out.

“You’re doing that one wrong,” Jayden pointed to one of his math problems.

Light looked up from his flawless work with an expression reserved only for the most _irritating_ of things… or persons…

Jayden broke expression, a smile sliding across his face as he held his hands up in a ‘you got me’ pose. “Couldn’t resist,” he said innocently.

“You need to work on your impulse control,” Light muttered, shaking his head and returning back to his work.

“And **you** need to work on getting that stick out of your ass and having some fun.”

“If I had a stick anywhere in my vicinity, I would be _beating you_ with it.”

“Promise?” Jayden grinned.

Light heaved a great sigh and sat back in his chair with a beleaguered expression on his face. “And here L thought _he_ would be the reason I couldn’t get my studying done.”

“Well, that would be a stupid thing to assume.”

“Why hasn’t he taken your key away yet?”

“Ha. He’s _giving_ me keys, not taking them away.” He rattled the car keys for effect and pocketed them again. “Seriously, how long are you gonna spend on this shit?”

“Why?”

“I have to stop by the house before we go to the thing.”

“Can’t you do that and come back?”

“Nope.”

“You’re a pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Not nearly the type of pain I _could_ be,” he said with a suggestive smile.

Once again, Light wondered about the deviant’s ambiguous sexuality. For being a self-professed hetero, he certainly made a lot of jokes that would make a person think otherwise. Then again, maybe it was something along the lines of Gay Chicken, the game L mentioned him being good at. Probably everything that came out of his mouth was aimed at getting a reaction. It could be that there was nothing more to it than that.

Then again, with Jayden, who knew?

“I’m assuming you won’t leave me alone until you get your way?” Light asked.

“That would be safe to say.” He looked pleased.  

Light noted that he was already dressed for and looking the part of his not-so-evil twin. He had on a collared polo shirt that was black with a few crayon-green stripes across the chest in varying widths. He also wore some respectable looking jeans and the piercings were hardly visible with the jewelry being out.

“Doesn’t it get tiring, leading a double life?” Light asked facetiously.

“Even Clark Kent couldn’t make it look _this_ good.”

Light propped his chin on his hand and gave him a deadpan look, by way of prompting for a real answer.

Jayden rolled his eyes and looked mildly irritated. He crossed his arms. “Ok, _yes_. It is. I considered showing up today in full club gear, saying the equivalent of ‘surprise’, and blowing the lid off that whole twins thing, too.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“First off, I think the only one that knew about the twins thing was actually just your ex-barbie.”

“Secondly?”

The annoyed look intensified. “Yeah, secondly, I don’t know.”

“Hm.”

Jayden gave him a suspicious, assessing look. “Hm what?”

“Nothing,” he hummed. Light closed his books and notebooks, tidying up the area so it could be serviceable once more.

“You’re full of shit,” Jayden declared.

Light gave him a droll look and tossed back, “Not as much as _you_.”

“Me?” he even sounded affronted. “What the hell did I do?”

“In general,” Light ammended placatingly, withholding amusement at riling him up.

“You little punk.”

Light stayed out of grappling distance. “Did you actually want to go to this thing? Why’d you agree to it?” He’d assumed because people asked if he would be there. Loosely, it would be a peer pressure deal.

“How could I deprive the girls of this much sexiness?” Jayden said dramatically. “It just wouldn’t be right.”

“I bet you’ll be rusty after so many weeks off,” Light scoffed at him. “Better not let them see through your little act.”

“Moi? I’m a consummate professional.”

“Professional porn site moderator, maybe.”

Pale eyes glared at him. “It’s a good gig.” The look then mutated into a smirk. “Don’t knock it till you’ve tried it.”

“Moderation? Or porn?” He was deliberately being obtuse to get a rise out of the deviant.

“Hmmn. Now those are two things not usually said in the same sentence.” He noted that Light’s school stuff was largely cleared away now, then stood up and stretched like he’d been sitting for hours. “Oh, the things I have seen,” he said. “Educating and sometimes horrifying.”

“What kind of porn site was this again?”

“Ah…” he stalled as if choosing words, or seeing things in his head, then gestured widely with his hands. “All kinds. ALL kinds.”

“You probably looked at stuff you shouldn’t.” _On purpose_ , he nearly added. Jayden seemed the type to not only push other people’s boundaries but his own as well.

“What has been seen cannot be unseen,” he lamented theatrically. “But seriously, even for that very dark side of porn, there is a light.”

“Such as?”

“I have also now seen some _very_ creative ideas. And not everything you learn from watching porn is useless in the bedroom, despite what people say.”

“I’m guessing you tried some things out?”

“And received a standing ovation.”

“...we are talking girls here, yes?”

“In hindsight, I can see where I could have chosen my words better there. Although, with all the shit I know, and my legendary skills,” he paused to flicker his tongue out almost like a snake, “I have no doubt I’d be getting rave reviews from the other gender as well.”

“Oh, so there IS something you haven’t done?” Light had wondered before if he’d dabbled with guys, but the way he’d said that just now made it sound like he hadn’t. He didn’t _quite_ believe that to be true, however.

“I’m gonna plead the 5th on that.”

Shocking. Either Jayden really did have some uncharted territory when it came to his sexcapades, or he just wasn’t owning up to it. “Tell me,” he pressed.

“Sorry, son. It’s classified.”

“You’re no fun.”

“I’m LOADS of fun,” the deviant disagreed in a rather proper tone. “Now, if you wanted a _personal_ demonstration by which to determine the answer,” he jeered, “I’m sure that could be arranged.”

“Along with your funeral.”

“That could be a potential downside.” He gave a sharp grin, like he would say _damn the consequences_. “You ready to go?” he asked, switching gears. “Time’s a wastin’.”

“Yeah, give me two minutes.”

“Sure.”

Light grabbed some things, like the boots L had given him, shoving them on his feet, and his wallet. Out of habit he looked for his cell phone before remembering it was in custody. That just left whatever he needed for the tutoring. He pulled some things out of his backpack and shoved other things in.

“Your two minutes are awfully long,” Jayden mused, “I’d swear all of _time and space_ had  slowed--”

“Shut up, it’s a figure of speech.”

“A lame one.”

“You’re lame.”

“See, you’re too distracted to even be witty. It’s a damn travesty. Hurry the fuck up so you can be entertaining again.”

“Would it be entertaining for you to witness me beating you in the head with this backpack until you’re unconscious?”

Jayden gave him a slow, curling smile. “Aren’t you cute?”

He sauntered over and grabbed Light’s face by the chin and tilted it up. “Forget the study session,” he said charmingly. “Let’s get back to the burning question of _‘Have I? Or Haven’t I?’_ ” It was heavily implied that they could go for that little demonstration he’d mentioned earlier.

Light damned his reactive skin which flushed a little bit. He couldn’t quite help it. But what he was definitely getting better at was not letting a reaction completely topple him - he could talk and act his way around it. “If you’re feeling suicidal,” he said with mock concern, letting a worried look take residence upon his face as he implied L would kill him, “you really should talk to someone.”

Jayden started to say something, to keep the harassment going, but he lost hold and snickered. His hand dropped from Light’s face as well and his sharp eyes looked quite amused. “Hey, let’s get going.”

They drove over to Jayden’s place which was a squat house, painted an odd blue color, with a circular driveway and a lot of cars parked on it. It was on a good size lot and the neighboring houses weren’t ridiculously close to it. The grass could have been in better shape. It was kind of patchy and dry and half weeds.

“So, we have a pool and a trampoline…” Jayden was saying, “which is totally not a dangerous combination when drinking. Consequently we also have a nice fence to keep the neighborhood kids out and keep us from getting sued.”

He parked the car and got out. “Come on.”

“...” Light was pretty sure this was the opposite of what L would be okay with, judging by L’s earlier statements. But maybe Jayden really did just need to grab something.

He got out and shut the car door, looking at the house’s color once more. It really was a bizarre color, like a dark periwinkle blue, and it made him wonder who had chosen it. “This isn’t a crack house is it?” he quipped, partly serious.

“You think L would have stayed here if it was?”

“Would he have let _you_ stay here if it was?”

Jayden shrugged but said, “Probably not.”

They went in and the first impression Light had was that the floor plan was kind of crazy. Also, there seemed to be doors (rooms?) everywhere. That weird blue had made it onto the inside, only it seemed darker and more of a smurf blue than the outside. The floor was an orangey spanish tile. Deeper inside, there was a kitchen with a passthru window.

Jayden veered toward the right, where it almost looked like there was a second living room area. It had whitish grey carpeting that surprisingly looked in good shape. There was also a beaten up looking black leather couch which faced several doorways. The couch had its back to the open room, which led back out to the orange tiled area.

“That’s the couch L borrowed when he was here,” Jayden said pleasantly with a vague wave. “Ungrateful bastard.”

Light could see that the amount of privacy would have been less than zero, unless you counted the back of the couch which might shield one from view while laying down. There was a tall lamp standing next to it, and the cord trailed across the floor haphazardly till it met the wall.

Jayden coughed loudly and then said he’d be right back. He unlocked his room and disappeared into it. Light sat on the couch to wait.

Not long after, two of the nearby doors opened and people came out. They looked at him.

He looked back.

Soon, a girl joined the boys from across the house and suddenly Light found himself wondering if these were the roommates Jayden had mentioned. Truth, Justice and Clare.

Clare, who was exceedingly normal-looking and had straight, soft brown hair that didn’t reach her shoulders, looked down at his feet and her pretty face registered surprise. “Those look familiar,” she said. She turned to the guys. “Aren’t those just like the ones L used to wear?” Before gaining confirmation, a smile broke out on her face as she turned back to him. “You must be the new dish.”

“Flattered, I’m sure.”

“Awwwwwwwwww!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands together and looking thrilled. Her large brown eyes looked shiny. “And he’s sarcastic, too!”

New dish… that actually kind of bugged him. Like it implied L had had a ton of partners, on rotation. That he was just one of many and wouldn’t be the last. It was a similar feeling to the one he’d gotten when Jayden had referred to him as being L’s toy, the first day they’d met.

“TJ,” she said over her shoulder. “This is Light.”

“Ugh, quit calling us that, you creepy girl,” one of the guys said with an annoyed expression as he absently scratched his flat stomach through his shirt. It seemed to be an age old argument. He looked like he might have also just woken up.

“Why waste effort?” she said with a little shrug. “And when you are standing right together…”

“Bitch,” the other one said, coming over to grab her head and kiss the side of it affectionately. He had faded blue hair that was in limp spikes, like he hadn’t bothered to either wash out all the hair product, or add more.

“Truth?” Light guessed. It would be especially ironic if the more disgruntled guy had the nickname of Justice.

Faded blue hair guy smiled. “Hey, good guess. It’s Trevor, actually. And this poor bastard here is Justice.”

“Justin,” the other guy grumbled. He looked pretty conventional, other than his scowl and what looked like some small sections of faded purple dye in his wavy brown tousled hair.

“Why do they call you Truth if your name is Trevor?” He did in fact look like a Trevor.

“On account of my last name, which is Truman.”

“It was a bit of a stretch,” Jayden conceded, coming back into the room. “But you don’t argue with a person who has had over half a bottle of Black Bottle in a ridiculously short amount of time.”

“Scotch,” Clare added at Light’s blank look, then glanced back at Jayden with a bemused expression. “Yeah, the day you moved in was quite memorable.”

“I’ve never seen a pool table used in quite the same way, before or since,” Justice added.

“I notice it’s no longer around?” Light said. They could have it stuffed in one of the small rooms, he supposed.

“Ah, not after it was lit on fire,” Truth said, as if that was a perfectly normal occurrence to happen in one’s house. “Accident, of course.”

Jayden slung an arm over Light’s shoulders and gestured to his roommates. “Didn’t I tell you they’re perfectly fine?” he scoffed, obviously thinking L was out of line for putting a ban on them.

So far, they did seem pretty normal, and not at all like what L described.

“Who thought we weren’t fine?” Justice asked, still holding to his perpetual scowl.

“My cousin,” Jayden said meaningfully, meeting his eyes with a significant look.

Justice turned a little pink. “I was drunk. I remember nothing.”

“You’re also a shit liar, and it happened twice,” Jayden said drolly. “That I _know_ of.”

Trevor was snickering.

Jayden pointed at him. “Like you didn’t do damn near the same thing.”

“Guilty,” Trevor said amiably, proving the nickname Truth to be pretty appropriate.

“See?” Jayden said, “At least he owns up to it.” He razzed Justice some more. “OWN your shit, man. Don’t hedge about and make excuses.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Justice grumbled.

“If you wanted to bang my cousin you should have been **upfront** about it instead of doing a drunken fumble. Might have gotten you farther.”

The tousle-haired brunet flushed. “Shut the fuck up. What do you know?” The scowl was battling a look of discomfort for the prime spot on his face.

Light, severely annoyed at what sounded like Jayden encouraging other people to sleep with his lover, elbowed him sharply in the ribs.

“Ow!” Jayden gasped out with a wince. His arm dropped from around Light’s shoulders. “What the f…..” he started angrily then trailed off, catching sight of Light’s face and seeming to belatedly realize his _faux pax_. “Oh. Sorry.”

“J,” Clare said sweetly, “You’re an idiot.”

“A riot,” Trevor agreed, “but an idiot.”

Jayden muttered under his breath but had that guilty look he got when he’d unintentionally pissed someone off that he hadn’t meant to.

“It’s so cute when he does that,” Clare said, looping her arm gently through Light’s with a pleasant smile. “So, J, I believe we are missing half of the equation here.”

“He’s not coming over. Ever.”

“But I want to see the chemistry,” she pouted. “I can’t do that if I’ve only seen them separately. Besides, I miss seeing your cousin.” She petted Light’s arm. “He’s super hot. Can you believe those abs?”

“Mine are better,” Jayden said staunchly.

“More defined, maybe,” she harassed him. “But anyway, it’s the whole package. He’s just really sexy.”

“Woman,” Jayden said, “you are being highly offensive here.”

She shrugged. “Deal with it. He’s sexier than you.”

Jayden ground his teeth in annoyance. “And you two?” he cast a look at the guys.

“You can go fuck yourself,” Justice said, looking set to be uncooperative because of earlier.

“Ok, I’ll take that as one vote in my corner,” Jayden said, not missing a beat. “Truth?” he prompted.

“Hmmm….” the blue haired guy scratched his chin as if deep in thought. “If I was gonna stray from the path… I’d have to go for your cousin. Sorry man, I can’t lie.”

“It’s the eyes, I think,” Clare added helpfully. “And, you’re lewd.”

“Have you MET my cousin? He might not say shit out loud but I guarantee you he’s thinking it.” He turned to Light. “Right?”

Light felt less than inclined to help him out by corroborating his story. Though he was totally right. He raised an imperious eyebrow at the deviant, content to watch him flounder.

“Oh, you little punk,” he said, affronted. “You’re just as bad, you know. I can tell.”

“How?”

Jayden suddenly gave one of his smiles that totally put Light on edge. One of those cat-that-got-the-cream type smiles, smug as hell. “Other than using my eyes and the powers of observation? The stories.”

He was safe. L didn’t tell his cousin shit about what they did together. Probably as self-protection from having Jayden find a way to use it against him.

“So,” Jayden said, addressing his roommates, “ **I** heard, from someone who was at the club, about my cousin getting really hot and heavy with someone who had just been up on stage--”

Light flushed in shock. He was also horrified. _The night we ended up crushing those stupid angel wings against the wall…_ Who the fuck had seen them? Shit, it wasn’t like they’d been in private, though. But still, he’d been too out of his mind with lust to even care about where they were at the time. And the area they were in had seemed at least reasonably unpopulated...

“See?” Jayden leered. “Don’t let this innocent face fool you. From what **I** heard about it--” he seemed ready to launch into detail.

Shit. He did _not_ want Jayden airing his business, and all three roommates were looking on with way too much interest.

“You’re going to make us late if you keep going on about stuff,” Light said, doing his best to look unruffled. “We need to go.”

“But I want details,” Clare pouted, tracing a finger along Light’s neck and making him jump. He flushed again, having been distracted by remembering that scene at the club - L’s body and mouth molding to his and the intense craving that filled him at his touch. He clapped a hand over his neck and ignored her giggle.

Jayden looked prone to misbehaving. He had that hyped up look to him.

“Asshole,” Light addressed him. “I know things that you definitely would not want relayed to L. _Especially_ not in detail.” One of which was the drunk kiss Jayden had landed on him prior to handing him over to be flogged. Other things would entail his near constant sexual harassment.

“Fuck,” Jayden muttered. He deflated in defeat.

“OH MY GOD what happened?” Clare exclaimed, wringing Light’s arm as she stared expectantly at Jayden.

“Nothing,” the deviant said testily. “We have to go.” He turned to walk out. Then he stopped and shot Clare an annoyed look. “Unhand him.”

She stuck her tongue out at him but did so.

Jayden grabbed him by the arm and pulled him out of the fray of his wildly curious roommates. “They’re never gonna let that go,” he said once in the safety of the car. “You’ve just experienced a backfire.”

“Shut up. You were going to tell them actual things directly!” Light was indignant. “Besides, _go ahead_ and tell them what I was going to say. It’s your funeral if it gets out.”

“UGH like I need L going on any **more** about how I can’t be trusted. He does that enough already.”

“From what I’ve seen, you _can’t_ be.”

“I just play around,” he groused. “I’m not serious.”

Light crossed his arms over his chest. “You can take things pretty far for just playing around.”

Jayden scowled but didn’t really argue. “Whatever.”

Reactions like that made him wonder if there wasn’t a little bit of truth behind Jayden’s constantly hitting on him. Which was weird, as he seemed so authentically enthused about he and L being together. He had nearly seemed to fall apart when their relationship fell to shit and seemed to be over. Whether that was due to guilt, fear that L would take that as a last straw and disown him, or if he was just upset about it in general by watching how it affected the two of them, Light didn’t know.

* * *

TBC


	57. (phase 3) A Spot of Empathy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Study session resumes after the multi-week disruption, due to Light being on lockdown from his parents. An unprecedented conversation occurs with a classmate. 
> 
> Jayden once more delivers a flawless acting performance as well as letting a hint slip about something having happened which Light doesn't know about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. Sorry for the delay. I'm getting ready to move and lost track of all time and space. :P
> 
> Don't worry about me not continuing the story, I have a bunch of chapters prewritten. It's just I do a final readthru when posting, which takes some time, and then prepping the chap to post properly. Yeah, it's a process. Can take at least 30m sometimes more. So's you know, I'm not slacking, just got tied up.
> 
> I'll try to be better about the regular weekly updates. Once in the new place, just before New Years, I'll have an easier time doing that. It's coming up fast!!
> 
> Ok, ramble ramble, I'm done. (Also, I blame part of my recent time lapse on someones getting me hooked on Stranger Things. Good show. Granted I binge watched only like 3 times and one of those days I was sick all day.)
> 
> Onward to the chapter........!!!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 57: A Spot of Empathy _

At the study session, Jayden played the role he usually did and quickly regained the girls’ nearly rabid interest. You’d almost think they had forgotten all about L, except…

While Light was working with someone on a physics problem, he could faintly hear Shani, aka miniskirt, asking Jayden in hushed tones about his acquaintance with “Light’s h--” she broke off and seemed to switch gears, “er, dark-haired friend from the party”. It sounded like she’d started to say ‘hot’ as the descriptor but then thought better of it, considering her audience. Since she seemed to have a vested interest in Jayden as well, it wouldn’t do for her to announce her interest in someone else right in front of him.

“Light? Is this right?” the girl he was helping asked dubiously, wrenching his attention back to the problem at hand. He looked it over and the minor corrections had in fact resolved the issue she was having.

“Yes, that’s it.”

She beamed.

He gave her an encouraging nod. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said courteously, intending to move on to the next person who needed help.

“Sure,” she said, bravely starting on the next problem. “Thank you!”

Light was _intending_ to move on to the next person, buuut… his eyes sought out a visual for that conversation he’d started to overhear. Shani was looking quite focused, whereas clean-cut Jayden looked quite uncomfortable.

“I don’t understand why you can’t just _tell_ me-” she was saying, apparently trying to get her way on something. She had her hair brushed back over both shoulders and was leaning forward intently. Jayden appeared to be in the hot seat, or a pressure cooker.

Of course, Jayden was also playing a part, so what Light was seeing wasn’t authentic. However, it _was_ giving him an accurate take on the situation if he pretended for a moment that the clean-cut version of Jayden was a real person with real reactions. Shani seemed to be trying very hard to dig something out of him, something he didn’t want to talk about or didn’t feel was appropriate to discuss. This fake version of him also probably didn’t want to disappoint her.

Shani’s eyes flicked up, catching sight of him reflexively. He hadn’t quite made it over to the next person. Jayden caught her look, not having been at a good angle to notice Light directly, and glanced the way she had. His face lit up with hope the moment he clapped eyes on him. “Light! Good timing.” He motioned him over.

Shani let out a huff and crossed her arms as she leaned back in her chair. She looked like she was pouting and annoyed, but there was also a distinct level of discomfort beneath that.

This wasn’t a _wild_ guess, but it was probably that she’d been grilling Jayden for info about L,  and was loathe to have him know. Because of last time, she was likely afraid to get near topics with him that might piss him off. And talk of L and usurping whomever he was dating had led to talk of cheating and her generalizing that most attractive guys cheated, and basically all of that had pissed him off. It wouldn’t do for her to have him threatening to walk out on a study session again, especially not the first one they’d had in three weeks. The other students there would string her up, maybe even burn her at the stake.

“What’s good timing?” he asked. That uncomfortable look Shani had on amplified as he said that.

“Shani was asking-”

“It’s nothing,” she cut in, forcing a smile and waving off the words dismissively.

Jayden gave her a disgruntled look. “If it was nothing, then why were you grilling me so hard?”

The brunette gave him a look of embarrassed outrage, one that told him to _shut up_. She looked about one second from scorching Jayden on the spot while issuing a pat denial of everything. Light was curious about the specifics, so he didn’t give her a chance. “What was she asking about?”

Shani deflated, losing her bluster. Jayden gave the impression, underneath the veneer of his role, of being amused or vindicated. “Well,” he said, “I was trying to tell her that it doesn’t seem right to answer questions that L himself didn’t answer when asked directly.”

_Hm… then perhaps her question was about how Jayden and L knew each other._

He remembered that at the party she’d asked if they were brothers, but L had evaded the question by just saying he was Light’s ride home. Either he didn’t feel like dispelling the image that they were brothers (he’d said that Jayden felt like one), or maybe he felt that answering questions about himself in any capacity would sidetrack the conversation from what he was set on finding out - about what they had all been up to, the shots, and how thoroughly he was going to need to throttle Jayden later.

“Were you asking how they know each other? Or if they are related?” Light asked aloud, directing the suppositions at the girl.

She fidgeted. “Well, is it a secret?”

“No, it isn’t.” He paused, thinking it over one more time. Knowing L, he just hadn’t wanted to have his line of questioning derailed. He probably didn’t care who knew they were related and in what capacity. “They’re family,” he said, wondering if she would pursue for more than that. It didn’t matter if she did, he was just curious. Otherwise, he would have just told her that they were cousins.

“So _are_ they brothers?” she looked like she was burning to know, although she was treading carefully.

“Brothers, cousins, does it matter?” he asked. “Somehow I believe that isn’t at the heart of what you really want to know.” He let some disapproval slide into his voice.

“Forget it,” she said, looking exceedingly uncomfortable being so close to his displeasure, and the topic of said displeasure. She sent a cutting glance towards Jayden and hissed, “See, this is why I was asking _you_.”

Clean-cut Jayden put his hands on his hips and looked put out. “Frankly, that’s offensive.” He actually looked like he was pouting and was a little upset. Man, Jayden was a great actor. “Asking me things that you _knew_ Light would be mad over? Why would you try and put me in the middle, as if you didn’t already know that?”

“Technically I didn’t ask him anything,” she scoffed back, practically rolling her eyes, “so why should I know he’d be mad over whatever it is?”

Wow. She was trying really hard to regain lost ground. He could tell though that underneath the posturing she was still uneasy.

“Are you interested in him or something? In L?” clean-cut Jayden asked, still looking upset. “And why ask **me** about that? You know I li…” he trailed off, as if he’d been caught accidentally admitting that he liked her.

Jayden stood up abruptly and excused himself.

“Jay…” Shani said with dismay, standing as well and reaching a hand after him.

Clean-cut Jayden was shaking his head as if refusing to hear her and kept to his exodus with lock-legged strides.

Huh.

Light wondered what the reason was behind Jayden choosing to play things in exactly this way. It was obvious to him that it was all just a part of the act. Maybe Jayden was thinking to try and get clean-cut Jayden a little action? He seemed to be more than a little interested in Shani - or at least, Shani’s assets. Then again, he could just be annoyed that she was trying to horn in on L at all, and cause any romantic strife. Perhaps he was just causing some drama to punish her for that; he seemed very protective over their relationship.

“You should probably go after him,” Light suggested.

Shani looked jumpy. “Are you angry?” She looked like she expected him to kick her out of the study group or turn around and cancel the whole thing, even though his voice didn’t indicate anger or upset at all. She was actually wincing.

He sighed. “What’s the deal?” He sat down and motioned her to do the same. “Can’t you pick one?” he asked, referring to how she seemed to bounce between her interest in L and interest in Jayden.

She sank down into her chair with a frown.

“And why would you go after someone you knew was already taken anyway?” He was asking, but he was pretty sure he had an idea of what her motivations were. At this moment, he just felt like bringing them to light; maybe it was a way of soothing his earlier agitation over the topic of cheating. “After all of that talk about cheating, it seems like you are set on pulling someone into doing the same. Why?”

Her frown increased and she wouldn’t meet his eyes. She seemed almost like she was really sad, but trying to hide it.

“Did someone cheat on you?” he guessed. He did kind of feel bad for her if that was the case. It could be she was doing crap like this because she’d never quite gotten over it, or ever figured out a way to process it.

She looked up quickly, looking startled. “How did you-??”

He shook his head, letting her see an empathetic look on his face. “Lucky guess.”

So, if he had to speculate… she went for people who were ‘taken’ as a way to boost her self-esteem and ego. If they rejected her, she could chalk that up to them just wanting to be true to the person they were with. But if she successfully gained their interest and attention, or even got them to leave the other person for her… it would be a real buzz. It would likely also counter those bad feelings and rejection she’d had because of being cheated upon. It would make her feel especially wanted.

The brunette girl looked rather tongue-tied and at a loss. Multiple emotions seemed to be at war within her. Sadness, anger, mortification.

“You know not everyone cheats, right?” he said probingly. “You just had a bad run.”

That look of self-deprecation seemed to amplify upon her pretty face. “But…”

Light shook his head to dispel whatever she was going to say next. “It happens, sure, but that doesn’t mean it’s _because_ of you.”

He was just speaking generally. People always had a variety of motives for doing any given thing, so this should be no exception. He’d heard some people cheat just because of their own personal issues or even commitment issues. It wasn’t all about thrills or being an asshole, though he guessed it could be. “You shouldn’t take it that way, like it happened because you were deficient in some way.”

And why should she assume the worst, when all that was doing was messing her up and driving this behavior?

Awkwardly, though, the situation with Marin also popped into his head in the background as he was speaking.

That suddenly put a **big** spin on the sound logic he was dispensing; he found, in hindsight, that his logic was also being validated now by _personal_ experience. Now he was in the position not of just reasoning with her, but speaking to her from the standpoint of his own motivations as he’d inadvertently been a cheater himself.

It made him feel like he was suddenly out at the end of a very precarious limb, just hanging and flapping in the breeze as his own words rang back at him. He didn’t like it and suddenly he was second-guessing his spot of empathy for his classmate.

He usually avoided having deeper engagements like this… staying on the surface was safer.

Once he’d gotten over his reactiveness from a few weeks ago, though, and saw behind Shani’s actions to the _reasons_ it might be happening… this pesky empathy made him want to address it and see if he could shed some light on this for her. He doubted she was consciously aware of why she was doing certain things.

Besides, it might keep her from spouting this bullshit idea at others about how everyone that was attractive cheats.

With Marin, cheating really did have nothing to do with her. It was his own stupid fixation on L and not seeing the relationship with Marin as being an _actual_ relationship in many ways. He felt bad enough about it… the thought of messing someone up through his actions, like he was seeing evidence of in the girl before him, that was _worse_.

Shani broke the long silence. “Um… I’m not really….. I don’t know what to say.”

“Are you ok?” he asked.

She flushed a bit, looking a little antsy and unsure of herself, and mumbled, “I… we’ve never really talked like this…”

“I’m sorry I got mad last time when you were talking about people cheating. I was in a similar situation and took it personally.”

Her eyes got wide and her face went a little pale. “I… wow… I’m sorry, I had no idea.”

“Well, it’s not really something I talk about.”

She nodded sympathetically.

He was pretty sure she was assuming **_he_** was the one that had been cheated on… just because it would be stranger for the cheater to come out and admit it. He regretted the misdirection that was occurring, but he felt it would probably be more helpful to her if she kept her assumption.

“So listen,” he said. “L is a good guy and he’s happy where he’s at. Just leave it alone, ok?” He paused and added, “Maybe it’s time you try an actual, real relationship again, instead of avoiding it like the plague?”

She flushed hard and stammered, “I-I’m not avoiding…”

“Come on, I can see it plain as day. You’re running away. You’re afraid of having the same thing happen all over again.”

Shani blinked rapidly, looking shaken. “Ok, Dr. Phil,” she said joked weakly, trying for sarcasm.

“Well,” he said, standing up, “do what you want. But apologize to Jayden.”

“...okay.”

“And by apologize, I am in no way suggesting you date him.”

Shani looked a little taken aback. “Are you saying there’s something wrong with him?”

“Were you interested?”

“I…. kinda thought about it,” she admitted. “Unless you thought he’d be totally lame in bed or something?”

“You’re asking _me_ that? How in the hell would I know?”

She shrugged and a ghost of her standard sly smile appeared on her face. “I was going to say ‘stories’, figuring you must talk about dating and stuff, but then I remembered watching you do the body shots. You have a bit of chemistry, I think.”

“Yeah, nothing is ever happening there.”

“Aw, that’s kind of a shame. I’d like to see it.” Life was coming back into her as she teased him. It was a relief, though also a bit of a pain. “Speaking of chemistry,” she said thoughtfully, looking like she was recalling something, “you had even more with your older friend at the party.”

He did his best rendition of blank face. “As you said, ‘friend’.”

She peered at him, scrutinizing his expression. He hoped to god she found nothing there to latch onto.

After a moment she shrugged, letting him off the hook. “If you say so.”

He breathed a sigh of relief. “So about Jayden--”

“Oh forget being nice,” she dismissed suddenly, eyes on him now with laser beam focus, “I’m calling BS on that.”

 _Shit._ “On what?”

She pulled him by the arm back into his seat and said in a hushed tone. “You’re hiding something. I’ve seen you make that face a few times now.”

He shrugged nonchalantly as if it was all in her head.

“L,” she intoned as a test, and _damnit_ but he felt tension race through him almost instantaneously. He did his best to hide it, but with her watching him so intently, it might not be effective enough.

Shani let out a soft gasp of surprise and looked like her mind was busily assembling a puzzle at mach speed.

He tried to save his fumble. “Whatever you’re thinking,” he said drolly, “from the look on your face, you have the wrong idea.”

She shook her head. “No, I don’t…. it all makes sense now.”

He raised an eyebrow. Inwardly, he was repeatedly hitting his head against a hard surface and cursing himself. “What does?”

“You got mad when I talked about cheating before, because I was talking about L. _You_ are the one who is involved with him. Am I right?”

He felt his face lose some of its color. “You couldn’t be further from right-”

“Don’t sit here and lie to me. You’re either dating him or are unaware of having a thing for him - which I doubt would be the case as you are far too analytical and self-aware not to have noticed.”

He was in a corner. There was no way he would be able to distract her from this; she’d already put it together. But what to SAY??

“It’s ok, you don’t have to say anything,” Shani said, still watching his face. “I can’t imagine how difficult that must be to hide something like that. And I’m sorry I said those things before about cheating and made you upset with me. I feel even more rotten about it now than before.”

He was more than a little panicked at the idea of her gossiping and spreading this news like wildfire.

“Listen,” she said, “I’ll do you a favor, and promise not to tell a soul, under one condition.”

“....” If he agreed, he was acknowledging everything she’d said. But having an agreement might be better than nothing. She was already convinced and didn’t really require his confirmation on the matter.

“Oh, come on,” she huffed. “I’m not asking for anything huge, just a little thing, between friends.”

Friends? Were they supposedly friends now?

Come to think of it, this was like how it was with Kai. It seemed that deep conversations and sharing sparked off talk of friendship.

But in any case, he wasn’t sure about this girl or how he would feel about being ‘friends’ with her. She wasn’t a bad sort, but her predilections towards Jayden-esque behavior gave him pause.

“What is it?” he asked at last.

“You’re right. I do kinda like Jay,” she admitted, seeming a little bashful. It was so different from how he’d seen her be with the deviant, when she’d been solicitous, brash, and exceedingly confident. “So I want to know what’s wrong with him. Why are you saying not to date him?”

Oh geez… He’d said that out of concern for her trying to make make a go of her first real relationship after the cheating one, and having it be with someone that might not be able to give her a different experience. He had NO idea how Jayden did relationships, if he even did them at all. He might be the type to only engage in hookups. That wouldn’t be helpful for her at all.

“I would say…. he has a lot of layers.” Light didn’t exactly want to blow his cover, but… “And… the Jayden you saw at the party is probably closer to his inner core than what you normally see.”

She lifted her eyebrows. “Oh.” She also looked intrigued.

“Look,” he tried again. “If you are just going to be fooling around, that’s one thing. But I really don’t know if dating would work. I wouldn’t want you to have a repeat of your last relationship, and I can’t assure you that isn’t a possibility.”

Shani smiled at him then, without artifice. “Awww, you’re sweet.” She reached over to pinch his cheek. It was annoyingly similar to what L or Jayden might do to him when being amused at his expense. “All concerned about me and such.”

“Ugh, whatever,” he groused. “Do what you want, I don’t care.”

Her smile got even wider. “Now that is just too cute. It makes me want to tease you.” He gave her an annoyed look and she amended, “Not that I will, I’m just saying.” She still looked way too amused and buoyant. “I do know how to behave myself, after all.”

“Could’ve fooled me.”

“I know, right? Consider it a special favor between friends.”

“There’s that word again,” he said facetiously. “I wonder if you know what it means.”

“And I wonder if you are aware that there is a difference between being sarcastic and being an asshole,” she said sweetly, giving him a verbal backhand. “You aren’t one of those gay guys with women issues are you?”

He glared at her in earnest. “I’m _not_ gay.”

“Oh right… you were dating Marin…” she said thoughtfully, then added, “and about half the school.”

“That is a gross exaggeration and you know it.”

“Maybe so,” she said unconcernedly. “Though half the school probably wants to date _you_.”

“Like I care.”

“What a shame, you are so cute and yet so acidically sarcastic.” She slanted an amused look at him. “Oh, the things you learn once you get to know someone. You have quite the social facade going on. It would break so many hearts if people found that out.” She wasn’t actually threatening him, it was more like playfully mocking him.

Not for the first time, he had the thought that she and Jayden were enough alike that he almost wanted to set them at each other and watch the ensuing chaos. “Didn’t you have somewhere to be?”

“Pffft,” she scoffed. “Chasing after a boy? Please. It’s not my style. I let them come to me.”

Oh yeah, the conceit was just like Jayden too. They’d either totally kill each other, or make a great couple. It was doubtful that there would be a middle ground.

Light got to his feet and stretched. “Guess I’ll let him know that you’re rabidly obsessed with L and that your interest in him was a total farce, not to mention a way of feeding self-infatuation.”

“Light!” she hissed, looking scandalized. “Don’t you dare!”

“Isn’t it?” he asked blandly, harassing her.

“... no. Meanie.”

“Then get your ass out there to apologize. Or chat him up. Whichever.”

“I thought you were implying I shouldn’t, what with all the talk of layers.”

“No, I was saying be careful. Don’t make assumptions. And know that he is a better actor than you are.”

“Oh,” she said again, and once more looking intrigued.

He shook his head. She was probably the type to walk head first into trouble, ignoring any and all signs that warned her away from it. Maybe that was part of her personality though. At the least he just hoped she would stop living her life through the filter of that whole cheating thing. Even if she still made stupid decisions.

“Thanks for trying to look out for me. Even though he is your friend, too.”

Again with the word friend. She couldn’t actually be serious, could she? “You’re welcome. I should probably get back to this whole super fun tutoring thing.”

“Why do you do it if you don’t like it?”

“Money,” he said, stating the obvious.

“Ah. That would do it. Ok, sweetie, have fun. I’ll be right back.” She flounced out the door in search of her next big mistake.

Well, but who knew? Sometimes things that looked like mistakes actually turned out surprisingly good.

Speaking of, that made him think of his parents. No doubt they thought he was making the biggest mistake of his LIFE right now. He didn’t think he was, and he was happy, but that wouldn’t change their perception or their need to try and control things.

* * *

The rest of the study session crawled by at not an excruciating pace, but he was still glad when it was over.

“Ok everyone,” he said in closing. “Again, sorry about the long break between sessions. It shouldn’t happen again.” People nodded and seemed generally accepting now. Apparently profusely apologizing from the heart tended to make people second-guess thinking you were merely being a thoughtless asshole.

“Same location next week?” someone asked.

“Yes. Will that be a problem for anyone?”

There was a little bit of discussion between the students but they pretty much said unanimously that it would be fine. Those that had walked to the previous location at the library could catch a ride to this new location with other students.

Shani had come back in some time ago, but Jayden was waiting for him outside. He was drinking from a large coffee.

“Oh, someone has been busy trying to blow my cover,” he hummed as he clapped eyes on Light.

Light raised an eyebrow. “What makes you think that?”

“Don’t be obtuse.”

“You sound rather laid-back for being pissed off,” Light said offhandedly with a bit of a question in his tone. Indeed, it was curious that Jayden wasn’t giving off the signs of being mad when it could be expected that he would be peeved over the imminent exposure of his charade.

Jayden favored him with a slow smile. “Nonsense. You’ve merely made the game more interesting.”

Oh lord. “In what way?”

Jayden drank more of his coffee as they walked. It was amazing how much it calmed him the fuck down. “Well,” he said consideringly. “Hot girl that thinks I’m a total nerd-” he interrupted himself to sidebar, “ _who is **also** hot, by the way._ ”

“Uh huh,” Light said drolly, rolling his eyes.

“Anyway, hot girl who also kinda digs me…” he continued. “ _She_ was previously getting her kicks by playing with my poor, innocent, repressed emotions and trying to make me hot for her with the constant flirting--”

“Which seemed to be working…”

“As I said, _hot girl_ ,” Jayden stressed. “Now quit interrupting.”

“Fine, fine.” Light waved him on to continue.

“Now she seems to suddenly have the impression that I am a multi-faceted being who is both full of shit and who has a heart of gold.” He rolled his eyes comically and said, “I can’t _imagine_ who would have given her that idea.”

“The ‘full of shit’ part does sound like something I would say, doesn’t it?” Light said amiably.

“Yet the ‘heart of gold’ shtick sounds like just the sort of nonsense you naively tell _yourself_ ,” he sneered.

“I could have just told her you’re an asshole. Would that make you happy, asshole?”

Jayden glared at him. “One, you are missing the point. Two, you are STILL interrupting. Three, _stop calling me an asshole_.”

Light shrugged at him.

“You little punk,” Jayden growled.

“Get to the point if you really had one,” he tossed back, knowing it would irritate the deviant. Oh, but it was so rare he had a chance to aggravate him back, he couldn’t very well waste it.

Jayden muttered something about mouthy kids, and some other things he couldn’t quite catch. “So ANYWAYS,” he said snarkily. “Now the game is her trying to find any truth in whatever you led her to believe, while I continue to give her a flawless performance to the contrary. Also, it is **so** obvious she’s into me. She’s barely even hiding it now.”

“Well, what if she does like you?”

“Meh.” He shrugged.

Light knew Jayden better than to take half of what he said at face value. “What the fuck does that even mean?” he scoffed. Geez, and after just going on about her being hot.

“Unlike my cousin, I’m not into Jailbait.”

“ _Asshole_.” He meant it that time. How fucking rude. Jayden knew perfectly well he was consenting age; he was just taking another pot-shot at him. “You looked pretty into the idea of doing body shots off of her, for dismissing her as Jailbait.”

“Well, did you see the rack on her? I mean, who wouldn’t be impressed?”

Light shook his head. Jayden seemed to be posturing a bit, but wow. “And if you were dating, you totally would have access to that.”

“What makes you think I’d need a gold ticket like that to get access?”

Light peered at him, sensing something behind the words. “Did something happen at the party?” he asked with surprise.

“Who can say?”

“YOU can, you vague asshole.”

Jayden sent him an infuriating smile. “And miss a chance to fuck with you? _Never_.”

Light punched him in the shoulder. “If anything did happen, it couldn’t have been that involved or your piercings would have blown your cover.”

“Naughty.” Jayden leered at him. “Are you assuming _everything_ is pierced?”

“Knowing you, it isn’t a bold assumption to make.”

“True.” The deviant nodded amicably. “Though kudos to my alter ego, making you think he got that much play.”

“You can’t honestly think I’d believe you behaved yourself?”

“Hmmm,” Jayden hummed, a pleasant expression on his face. “Now that would be a surprise, wouldn’t it? And yet, my cover still isn’t blown, which makes you wonder.” They got into the car. “Then again, hot girl was rather blisteringly drunk. Who’s to say she would even notice a piercing here or there? Or remember if she had?”

“Huh,” Light scoffed. “Unless she had it in her head to give you more ‘training’. In which case she might not have seen a damn thing on you, but you would have gotten quite an eyeful.”

“Or did you mean ‘mouthful’?” Jayden said innocently.

Light punched him again. “ _Tell me_ already, damnit.”

The deviant grinned widely. “I’m not telling you shit. This is way too much fun.”

“Ugh. Drive me back home already so I can stop being subjected to you.”

“Aww,” Jayden sneered, “Did you just call L’s place ‘home’?” He reached over to pinch Light’s cheek. “How fuckin’ _adorable_.”

“I seriously hate you.”

“No you don’t,” Jayden said glibly, looking way too pleased with himself. “I can tell.”

“Loathe, despise, am taken with the urge to throttle…”

“See? You say the _sweetest_ things.”

Light ignored him, sensing he was in no way going to win this one. He noticed just then that they didn’t seem to be going directly back to L’s. “Hey, where are you going?”

“It’s a surprise.”

“Jayden, seriously. Don’t pull this ‘surprise’ shit again. I still have PTSD from last time.” Last time had led directly to the club and indirectly to his and L’s dramatic breakup.

The deviant frowned a little. “Don’t drag that out again, please.”

“Then just tell me.”

“Ok, fine. Geez,” he complained. “We’re going out for some fun. All study and no play makes _you_ a dull boy. ”

“I don’t want to go out.” He assumed Jayden would tend to take him to the club. That seemed to be the go-to place, both for him and for L. Normally, he would be inclined… but he wasn’t really in a partying mood. All this stuff with his parents just… well, he felt far from celebrating his newfound freedom.

Jayden was studying his face surreptitiously. “Now is exactly when you need some fun. It’s obvious you’re stressed out. Besides, L won’t be home until late.”

“He won’t?”

The deviant shook his head. “You really want to sit in an empty apartment for hours?”

Light frowned. “Not really.”

“Ok then,” he said definitively.

That almost sounded too reasonable, even for Jayden. Light awaited some additional snarky comment to be made.

“This is why you should just leave the decisions to us adults,” he added mockingly after a few moments had passed.

Light let out a derisive laugh. “Oh, you just couldn’t hold it in, could you?”

“Surprisingly, it’s hard to do,” Jayden said with a grin. He really did get off on being an asshole. It was not as offensive as it could be - his statements were almost like clockwork. Besides, he’d shown a flicker of caring and he always seemed compelled to follow that up with acting like a jerk - like being nice would somehow compromise him or do some other disastrous thing.

“For being a complete asshole, you’re not _all_ bad,” Light said consideringly, winding him up.

“UGH,” the deviant complained loudly. “Why must you continue to call me that when i’ve _told_ you-”

“Because it’s fun,” Light drawled in a derisive tone, quoting Jayden back at himself.

“I would SO get back at you,” he threatened, “if it wouldn’t also get me murdered by my _loving_ cousin.”

“I’m surprised he hasn’t murdered you already,” Light scoffed. “You’ve certainly earned it.”

“You’re much more fun when you’re drunk,” Jayden groused.

“You’re much more tolerable when I’m drunk.”

“Then it sounds like we are in agreement,” he said cheerfully, slanting a smile at him. It seemed the bickering didn’t really dim his mood much. In fact, he almost seemed to thrive on it, complaints aside.

* * *

TBC


	58. (phase 3) Called Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> At the club, Light is starting to feel more than a little suspicious regarding Jayden's behavior.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L will be back next chapter, before anyone gets in a tizzy. And will be back in the limelight, worry not.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 58: Called Out _

In the parking lot outside of the club, just beyond the cones of illumination from the streetlights, Jayden handed him a flask.

Light raised a sardonic brow at him. “Are you always this prepared, or are you just an alcoholic?”

“Shut up and drink. I can’t be sure that one of the cool bartenders is on shift.”

“You seem to know like every single one you’ve ever laid eyes on, either here or at other places.” Light sounded suspicious.

Jayden shrugged. “Part of that was from being in the biz.”

“And the other part?”

“Trade secret,” he said flippantly, not even trying to sound like he was serious.

“Uh huh,” Light said drolly.

He grinned. “That’s code for: _‘I’m not telling you’,_ ” he added helpfully, if not redundantly, being intentionally annoying.

Light rolled his eyes. That was _beyond_ obvious. Having him state it was just over the top. “You **_do_** know that the alcohol needs a few more minutes to take effect, right?”

“Exactly. I’m annoying you while I still can.”

UGH. “I assure you that you’re effective enough, even through a drunken haze,” he said, taking a swig of the alcohol.

Jayden smiled, long and slow. “Have I ever told you how much that cattiness of yours has grown on me?” he said silkily.

“Only like a dozen times, while also hitting on me.”

“Aw, you make it sound as if you don’t like it.” His eyes were infinitely amused, even while he put on a fake pout.

Light shook his head at the foolishness and tipped back more of the strong alcohol. Hopefully it took effect before he lost the argument with himself on why strangling Jayden wasn’t a fantastic idea.

“I really would date you if L wasn’t,” Jayden said then, sounding uncharacteristically honest.

Light choked and sputtered on the mouthful of alcohol he was currently trying to drink. He couldn’t have been more startled or caught off guard.

“Gooootcha,” Jayden sang with a twinkle in his eye as Light coughed from some small amount of liquid that had made its way inconveniently towards his lungs.

“I’m walking home,” he declared with a dark look, announcing that he was done dealing with Jayden’s harassment. The shock of even _contemplating_ realities such as that were not good for his health. “And, I’m taking this with me.” Keeping the flask was mostly just out of spite.

“Noooo~!” Jayden lamented dramatically as Light turned on his heel and headed out with clipped strides. The deviant surged forward and threw his arms around Light, doing a fake tearful sniff near his ear. “I can’t handle the rejection,” he wailed sullenly, still playing around.

Light tried to break out of the hold but could not. He didn’t like being in such close quarters. His body tended to react to things, despite him - things like a toned body pressing against the length of his back or the strong arms that were pinning his own. It didn’t improve his mood. “You are impeding my drinking arm.”

“It’s so cute when I can get a reaction out of you like that,” Jayden murmured in a syrupy voice, having the gall to nuzzle his ear.

“And my throttling arm,” Light added darkly, really annoyed that he was even having to fight down a physical reaction to that as well.

Also, all of this was seriously making him question whether the deviant _really_ was just fucking around... or if he’d actually been for **real** with that dating comment, especially as he was getting so up close and personal mere moments later. With Jayden, it was hard to tell, but he couldn’t really rule it out.

“Aw, don’t be so serious,” Jayden said teasingly. “I’m just joking around.”

“And yet _I’m_ starting to believe there is some truth to it.” He came out and said it directly, the thing he’d been thinking recently. If there was no truth in it, maybe that would make Jayden back off from that line of teasing.

“How flattering,” Jayden said sweetly. “But I’m straight.” He released Light but might have only done so in order to snag the flask out of his hand to take a swig.

“No one would believe that if they were to watch you harassing me.”

Jayden shrugged. “Like I care.” He downed some more of the spirits and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “Ahhh…” A self-satisfied smile was resting on his face. “That’s a good start.” He leveled an imperious look at Light then. “But you, YOU need to lighten the fuck up. You take everything too seriously.”

“And you play around WAY too much,” he countered, aggravated. “Tell me L wouldn’t beat your ass right now.”

Jayden rolled his eyes but didn’t seem inclined to argue. “Whatever. Here, finish up.” He handed the flask back.

“I told you I was walking back.”

“Don’t be lame.”

“ _You’re_ lame.”

“We’re already here and everything!” He seemed peeved, and also intent on getting Light not to make good on his threat. It was a classic case of someone trying to recover from a shot-self-in-foot scenario.

“You’ve done nothing helpful with regard to my stress levels.”

“But I gave you a hug,” the deviant griped. “People LIKE hugs.”

“That is the most flawed and asinine argument you could have come up with!”

“Well,” Jayden supposed, “possibly not the _‘most’_ flawed... Was that a challenge?”

Light handed the flask back. “Bye,” he said, turning on his heel. Now he was just intent on punishing Jayden for being an idiot, and also making him scramble to make amends. He could tell Jayden really did want him to stay.

“Aw _come on_ ,” the deviant complained loudly as Light started walking off. Light kept going and didn’t turn around. “Seriously,” he called out. “Come on.”

Light held a hand up to his ear. “Pretty sure I didn’t hear an apology. Nope, sure didn’t.” He dropped his hand and kept walking.

He heard Jayden curse and issue forth a lot of muttering. “Okay. _Alright!_ I’m sorry.” He sounded acerbic.

“Oh yeah,” Light called back over his shoulder. “Real authentic. I can practically _feel_ the regret.”

More cursing. Then the sound of the deviant jogging to catch up with him. “Okay, which part pissed you off the most?”

“All of it?” He gave Jayden a WTF look.

“Can’t be all of it,” he scoffed. “I mess with you all the time.”

“Now is perhaps not the best time to remind me of that, as if I’d forgotten.”

“Ok,” Jayden rolled his eyes way overdramatically. “I apologize for your **_inability to take a joke_**.”

Light rolled his own eyes at that. _Asshat._ “And for taking things too far?” he prompted with annoyance, determined to at least walk him through the motions of an apology.

Another melodramatic eyeroll out of Jayden. But, he repeated, “And for taking things too far.”

“You _know_ what you did,” Light said pointedly. It was almost a question but not really.

“Yes.”

“So once again, you are testing my patience with this pathetic and lame excuse for an apology.”

“Arrrgh!” Jayden exclaimed, running his hands through his hair as if in a fit of ire. “I can’t help it! The compulsions are like an addiction!”

Light shoved him. “At least _that_ sounded truthful.”

“It **was** ,” he agreed emphatically. Petulantly. “And it hurt me... right here.” He pointed to where his heart would be. AND he was pouting.

“The compulsion to _hit you_ is fast becoming as strong as an addiction.”

Jayden gave him a slit-eyed smile. “Aw, that just shows that you care.”

“Or, that you’re a masochist.”

“Tomato, To ** _mah_** to,” he said. “Anyway, are you done sulking? We have some partying to get to.”

“Agree that you’ll stop making passes at me.”

“Agreed.”

“That was too easy.”

“I promise I won’t make serious passes at you.”

“And I promise that you won’t make _any type_ from here on out that will escape L knowing about it.” He stooped to making the big threat. He tried to keep it in reserve and handle mostly everything on his own; it held more weight that way. Besides, **_he_** _knew_ that **_Jayden_** _knew_ that he was acting out of bounds, and that he really wouldn’t be keen on L hearing about it.

“Geez you’re a pain in the ass,” Jayden griped loudly, looking put-upon. “Such a buzzkill,” he muttered, taking another pull from the flask. “Here,” he shoved it back at Light. “Drink until you’re fun again,” he demanded.

“Idiot,” he muttered, snatching it out of Jayden’s hand. He drank some more and luckily he was finally starting to feel it. About time.

They made their way back over to the club and went inside.

True to his word, at least for now, Jayden refrained from being lewd and hitting on him. However, he just found other ways to get his harassment in.

“Good thing **you** are no longer in control of your wardrobe,” he said to Light, approving of his boots, torn up jeans, and black t-shirt,  “at least with hand-me-downs you aren’t a total _embarrassment_ to be seen with. That preppy shit was the worst.”

Light couldn’t help but feel irritation sizzle through him at that, even though he KNEW Jayden was essentially just poking him with a pointy stick, looking for a reaction. It seemed the deviant might also be peeved at being barred from his usual teasing and was set to punish Light for his request and generally be an ass.

“Oh, you mean like what YOU are wearing _right now_?” he returned scathingly. He shouldn’t let it get to him. Jayden knew well enough that the preppy stuff was his parent’s taste, not his own. Still, it really fucking annoyed him.

“Correction,” Jayden said, pausing to grab the bottom of his collared shirt, pulling it up over his head. He had nothing on underneath it, and seemed to have no issue stripping in public. As usual, his piercings winked and caught the light, and the way he held himself nearly seemed to flaunt his carefully cultivated physique. Jayden shoved a corner of the shirt into the waistband of his pants to hang loosely off of his hip, out of the way, and slanted an imperious look at Light. “Also, in deference to our ‘agreement’,” he said primly, totally mocking him, “I won’t even comment on the way you _always_ seem to stare.”

“I was not,” Light denied with annoyance. Looking was entirely different from staring! “ _And how is that **not** commenting?”_ Jayden was doing his best to sexually harass him without overtly doing so. He was toeing the line and seeing what he could get away with.

Jayden leaned in, almost in violation, and said in a suggestive sotto voice, “It means that I didn’t voice aaaany of the other things that _begged_ to be said.” (Likely a dozen or so lewd comments or jokes he might have come up with at Light’s expense.). As he withdrew, he added, “But one wonders if you stare at **L** with such intensity…?” His ice pale eyes seemed to echo the suggestiveness in his voice, though there was a sharpness to their gaze. “Or,” he added meaningfully, “if it’s something _special_ I’m privy to?”

The statement actually seemed somewhat serious somehow, even though it was stated with Jayden’s usual style of mocking teasing. Light frowned at him. It seemed that the odd exchange from before was continuing. Only this time, instead of seeming like Jayden was hinting at having an interest in him, it was being implied that he had a thing for Jayden.

“I can guarantee that the way I look at the two of you is vastly different.”

Annoyance was creeping in again. Maybe in part due to the fact that yes, he could admit that Jayden was attractive, but what did that matter, really? Why would Jayden care if he thought so or not? Nothing would come of it, and not just because he was with L and totally smitten with him. He was pretty sure in a scenario where he and the deviant were attempting to be a couple, one or both of them would end up dead or incarcerated. Jayden didn’t know when to stop, and it both aggravated and incensed Light. Nevermind that he had moments where he was actually really entertaining.

Jayden frowned at him. “I don’t like that look on your face.”

“Annoyance?” Light asked facetiously.

“Dismissal,” Jayden said sharply. “Writing me off. I can see it in your expression.” He muttered then, “Same one L gives me sometimes.”

“Oh my god. Are you _moping_?” It was kind of sad, but at the same time it was also kind of wildly amusing. Payback denoted that he didn’t let this go, **and** that he call more attention to it.

Denial surged up in his companion instantly. “Fuck you, who’s moping about what?”

“Ha ha.”

Jayden got incensed as his misdirection seemed to have no effect. He got even more defensive. “Oh, so the **_Queen_** _of Moping_ _about_ is trying to cast aspersions on others?” he sneered, grabbing Light in a headlock faster than thought. “So high and mighty? When I have _personally_ witnessed all your emo shit? And on multiple occasions!”

Light’s face colored slightly, knowing Jayden was referencing those times he’d seen him be upset with regards to L, such as with the breakup. Embarrassment and anger flashed through him. “Don’t bring up shit you KNOW you don’t want me to comment on,” he warned sharply. His words heavily implied, _‘like the breakup that was **your** fault.’_

“I’ll say whatever the fuck I want,” Jayden said waspishly, set on being obstinate. No big surprise there, he hated being told what to do. “Now what was with that reaction, and acting like I’m a joke?” He squeezed his arm even tighter about Light’s neck. “What’s so different between me and him?” he demanded tersely. “First my roommates and now you. TALK.”

Wow… he seemed incredibly agitated. Light tapped upon the arm that was currently cutting off his airflow. “Are you being serious?” he asked cautiously, as soon as he was able. He couldn’t see Jayden’s face in order to gauge it, but it seemed like he was being exceedingly serious.

“Just answer the damn question,” Jayden snapped, releasing him with a little shove.

Light rubbed at his throat and tried to think of something to say. This was a completely unanticipated line of conversation to say the least.

Jayden made a sound of disgust and grabbed him by the arm, pulling him over to one of the vacant tables. Once seated, he took out the flask and took a hearty swig before shoving it before Light. “Yes, I’m serious,” he conceded.

Light took it and drank some more, hoping it would help him gather his thoughts and deal with this bizarre situation. How should he even proceed? _Shit. Well, here goes._ “Earlier, you were mad that your roommates were saying L was more attractive than you..?” he tested the waters, trying to navigate this unexpected turn. It was just a guess. At the time, he’d thought Jayden was just being dramatic for the sake of humor but it looked like maybe there had been a little more to it. “Do you envy him?” he winced a little as he said it. Probably he’d get some backlash for even daring to suggest such a thing, even if it was true.

Jayden sent him a narrow-eyed glare. It had quite a bit of intensity behind it.

“Well, do you?” he said sharply, in order to get him to answer. He did pretty well not reacting to that poisonous look, if he did say so himself.

“Maybe.”

Light tried to keep in mind that Jayden reacted better to antagonism than attempts to be nice. Sarcasm coated his coming words. “So, what, you want me to give you a rundown on looks versus personality traits or something?” He raised a condescending eyebrow and hoped that he was playing this right.

The deviant crossed his arms over his bare chest and leaned back with a distancing scowl. He looked pissed but appeared to be listening.

 _Okay…_ He’d seen this attitude before. Jayden was waiting for him to continue. Light made sure to roll his eyes and look put upon for having to go over something like this. Inwardly, though, he felt maybe it was even necessary. Ideally, he would like to diffuse this bomb and never have such things come up again. “So looks-wise, technically, you have a more attractive face.” He started with what could be perceived as a positive thing.

Jayden seemed slightly mollified, though he didn’t look thrilled with the ‘technically’ that Light threw in there.

“And, I have to agree with what you said before to your roommates. It does look like you’ve worked a lot harder on your abs and they are more defined than L’s.”

“Thought so,” Jayden muttered softly.

“But what Clare was saying, I think, is that other things matter in the grand scheme of what is sexy. And I think you lose in a direct contest with him because you are spastic, a bit erratic, and L just has a different way about him.”

“You know,” Jayden said in a considering tone, eyeing him, “you come off like you think you’re trying to be nice, but you sound like a total asshole.”

Agitation spiked. “Well, excuse me for being honest and trying to answer your damn question.”

“Well excuse me for having _feelings_!”

Light blinked at him, totally not expecting that one. _Seriously?_

Jayden let out an annoyed sigh and waved his hand as if to dispel the words, saying lightly, “Yeah, I didn’t think that sounded like me either.” He shrugged it off like a failed joke, almost looking non-plussed. It was hard to tell if it **had** been a sort of bad joke or if he’d actually meant it.

“Why are you so fixated on this? You’re both attractive, you both have appeal, you’re just _different_.”

“Yeah,” Jayden’s blasé demeanor continued. “I guess I should be grateful that at least we don’t dip into the same dating pools.” His voice practically dripped with sarcasm. “What an inconvenience **that** would be, if we were competing for the same people.”

Something about that gave Light pause. It was like the stronger statement was between the words, something he wasn’t actually saying…. as if he was saying they WERE competing for the same person. But was he reading too much it into it?

“Plus it wouldn’t be worth the strife between you, right?” Light was getting this horrible idea in his head… unfounded or not, he didn’t know…. but if for some reason Jayden did like him… could that be driving some of this stuff that was just now coming out in this conversation? And in general, the teasing, the antagonism and the oddly authentic-seeming displays of hitting on him... wouldn’t that make a lot more sense if it all stemmed from the incongruous reality that perhaps Jayden somehow did have a thing for him? Or, could this be just another way the deviant could try and compete with his cousin - by pursuing his significant other and seeing if the person had any interest in him as well?

Jayden took another swig from the flask. He frowned and said consideringly, “Shit. There isn’t going to be much left for you. Here.” He handed the flask to Light. “Be right back.” Presumably he was off to fetch a drink.

Light sank back into his chair, zoning out and trying to let go of some of the tension he’d been feeling. He hoped things weren’t as complicated as all of that with Jayden. (Perhaps it all really was just joking in poor taste.) But even if it **was** a thing, he might never know as Jayden played a lot of things close to his chest.

What was it that L had said earlier to his cousin? Something along the lines of what things Jayden didn’t say were usually among the most important things he actually could communicate to another person?

He closed his eyes and further slouched into the chair. Ah…. he didn’t want to think about complicated stuff like this anymore. He also didn’t want to think about tutoring, school, or his parents. He brought the flask up to his lips and took a slow sip or two. Funny, “not much left” to Jayden was about a third of the flask, and even then it was a fair amount of alcohol. But then, the deviant _did_ drink like a fish.

Some time later, Jayden ghosted back up to the table. “Aw, don’t fucking fall asleep on me.” He wasn’t actually asleep though. Light slanted a look up at him and Jayden was pressing a glass into his hand. “Here, I got you something even a baby cubscout could drink.”

“Ass,” Light scoffed, shaking his head. He sipped it and it was definitely something you could get drunk on. At least Jayden’s humor had returned and he seemed to be acting more like himself again.

“As for me, a proper _adult_ libation.” He swirled a straw around in a circle, clinking ice around in the tall glass. He paused. “Wanna taste?”

“Really, after the cubscout crack?”

Jayden grinned sharply at him and said suggestively, “I never said I didn’t prefer my cubscouts drunk.”

 _Oh lord._ Light put a hand over his face. “Would you listen to yourself?”

That made Jayden pause. “Ew, you’re right. Sounded rather pedo. Ok, so ignore that comment. Just try this.”

Light accepted the drink and said, “You seem to have bounced back.”

“Ran into an old squeeze, had a snog, and also one of these.” He indicated the drink.

Light shook his head, doubting most of that. Except maybe the drinking part. That usually seemed to put Jayden in a good mood. “Liar.”

“So?”

“Also, you were gone for a while.”

“Ok, you got me. I had two of these and was busting a move.”

“Now that, I believe.”

“ ** _Tart_** ,” he addressed Light sharply. “I am both hurt and offended that you think I couldn’t have run into an old flame here with which to get my freak on.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “Are any of your old flames actually on speaking terms with you?”

Jayden took his drink back. “Surprisingly, yes.” He took a long sip. “Apparently my effusive charm keeps them coming back.”

Light leaned back in his chair, crossing his feet at the ankles. “Oh?” he teased with sharp sarcasm. “Not the face, abs or the _skills_ then?” He put extra emphasis on skills, making it sound like he was only saying it to humor him. You could practically hear the finger quotes.

Jayden gave him a wide, slow smile, not missing the nuances in the least. “I thought you realized, that was what ‘ _charm_ ’ is a code word for.” He seemed smug or pleased. Likely because he now knew that at least some of those things had been stamped with Light’s seal of approval.

“And your _winning personality_?” he took a dig.

“Of course.” The smile brightened a few watts. “Though I hear that I am an _acquired taste_.” He made that sound absurdly suggestive. He rested his chin on his hand and gazed at Light enigmatically. “A taste that’s hard to quit.”

 _Ah, back to the flirting again, then?_ he wondered. He sighed mentally, guessing he could let it go. At least this made more sense to him then dealing with Jayden when he was being truly ornery or when he was trying to talk about deep things that Light wasn’t sure he knew what to do with. Plus, he was a little less antagonistic when he was flirty.

“You know,” Light said contemplatively, “I believe I’ve reached that point of drunk where you no longer annoy me that much.”

Jayden laughed, deciding to totally disregard the backhand of that comment. “Excellent, because that also means you’ve reached that point where you’ll actually be _fun_ again.” His sharp, pale eyes danced with mirth and mischievousness. “By the way, I am wholly of the opinion that if you weren’t dating L, you’d be suckered in by at least some of the lines I’ve handed you.”

“Ha. You wish.”

“No, really.” Jayden then gave him an intimate stare as he proceeded to make drinking from his straw look suggestive and utterly indecent. “See? Cuz you always react.”

Light shrugged and propped his feet on the edge of Jayden’s chair, pushing his leg to the side and leaving less room for him on it. “What does that prove?” he said imperiously, arching a brow as he took a sip of his drink using his straw. Likewise, he also made a bit of a show of it and pale eyes were taking it in. “Anybody would react. Doesn’t mean they’re into you or even swing your way.” He said the last as more of a pointed reminder to Jayden about his self-professed straightness.

Jayden looked at him consideringly. “Doesn’t mean it wouldn’t inspire people to experiment.”

“Hm?” he hummed inquisitively. “Is this the part where you’re going to elaborate on past exploits?” He poked him on that, seeing if he could actually get some answers from him now, unlike the failed attempts from earlier.

“Oh, I can elaborate on whatever you want,” Jayden said with a sly smile, making it sound more like he was talking about jumping him rather than disclosing the info Light was actually referring to.

“You know I’m talking about the _‘have I’_ or _‘haven’t I’_ , as you so plainly described it earlier.”

Jayden was not to be outdone. “Of course,” he countered winsomely. “And I will elaborate to the _depths_ of your ability to _take it_.” Wow that sounded lewd. “For a price.” A barely contained leer was playing upon his lips.

“Uh huh,” Light said skeptically, drinking his drink. He gave his best non-plussed face. “With a price like that, the question itself would become moot. More of a _‘would I’_ or _‘wouldn’t I’_ at that point.”

“Oh, what a _princess_!” the deviant scoffed sharply. His expression shifted to a leering grin and mirth suffused his voice. “Needing to know if you’d be the _first_.” He implied that Light would harbor some kind of jealousy if he wouldn’t be the first guy Jayden would have dabbled with (or slept with).

Light felt his face flush slightly. “That is **_not_** \--”

Jayden gave him an engaging smile and did his best to make him more uncomfortable. “You were the first I’ve done a body shot with,” he commented with faux charm, bringing images of that to the table, along with the embarrassment that Light had felt at having an audience, and with Jayden taking things too far. The deviant was really warming up to this horrific teasing. “And I must say, your reaction was _priceless_ ….”

“Shut up, Jayden.”

“The way you totally froze up…”

“ _Shut up_.” Oh, this was awkward. Truly, he’d pushed a lot of the events of that night out of his head and with good reason. He could hardly suffer himself to remember it.

“And, _call me crazy_ ,” Jayden said with relish, “but I swear that aside from looking like you were going to murder me, you also looked a bit turned on.”

“No, that was me feeling _violated_ ,” he said with aggravation, also feeling like he wanted to put a bag over his head. How could he explain those times when he reacted to certain things, despite being unhappy about it or not wanting it?

“Ah,” Jayden nodded sagely. “So feeling _violated_ is what turns you on.”

Light’s face turned bright red. Somehow that statement called to mind all the many times L had done things to him that could be termed as such. Times which had been unerringly stimulating.

“Oh? Now, isn’t that an interesting reaction?” The deviant grinned smugly, looking rather engaged. “Seems to me that you’ve been up to no good.”

Light tried to protest, seeking to save at least a shred of dignity, but Jayden wasn’t having it. “Don’t disgrace yourself by trying to deny the obvious. Besides, these reactions of yours are _adorable_ , and part of what would make you sooooo fun to play with.” He got a gleam in his eye. “Remember the day we met? You were making the _best_ faces as I threatened to violate you there in the hall.” He laughed. “You make a good case for dabbling on the other side.”

“Why you feel compelled to make me revisit all of your past transgressions is beyond me.” All it did was make him want to throttle his companion. Or never speak to him again. One would think citing them at all would be against his best interests.

“And there are so many,” Jayden agreed.

“There ARE,” he affirmed, “and you wonder why I question your orientation? Straight guys don’t spend time thinking of dabbling.”

“Sure they do,” Jayden scoffed. “They just don’t all admit it. Besides, you can’t assume that no one does it just because **you** didn’t.” He switched gears then. “Speaking of which, how _did_ you say you and L met again?”

“I didn’t.”

“Surely you did,” he said slyly. “Remind me.” His smile was much like the Cheshire Cat’s.

Light frowned mightily.

“Come on, buttercup. Spill.”

“Why should I tell you shit? It always comes back to bite me.”

“So how would my cousin snare **you** , when you were so unequivocally straight _in your own mind_?” he pondered aloud.

Light felt the heat rise to his face as he remembered that first sudden and shocking kiss. And, the subsequent lip locks that had him gasping for air as his body reacted with blazing intensity.

“Oh?” Jayden said, peering at his face. “My my. How daring of him. He just went for it, didn’t he?” He smiled sweetly, looking wildly amused.

“I’m not confirming or denying anything.”

“The question is… when, where, and how far did he take it?”

Light’s face turned red and hiding it behind his drink was a fool’s errand.

“Ha!” Jayden barked with laughter. “He took it significantly farther than expected, that dog.”

Burning. His face was burning.

“Awww,” Jayden said gleefully, “you’re too embarrassed to even tell me to shut up. It’s too cute for words. What a beautiful coming out story. A few heated kisses, perhaps a handjob, et cetera, and you awakened to your true inherent gayness.”

“I’m _not_ gay,” he groused, able to get that out at least.

“Might as well be,” Jayden hummed. “Doubtful that you even fucked your barbie when you had the chance. You were too busy eye-fucking my cousin at that bar the moment you two started drinking. Man, the tension was intense!”

Light wiped a hand over his face. Jayden was doing nothing for his stress levels. Unless you counted maxing them out. “About that,” he said, deciding at the least to get a little more info from him on that. “You orchestrated everything. It was obvious at the time, though your motives weren’t at first.” He waited for further explanation.

“Hmm,” Jayden considered, rocking his chair back onto its back legs. “I was actually surprised at how fucking stubborn you both were. To think I had to strongarm you into even being in the same room, when he was seething with jealousy over your date and with you looking like a kicked puppy when he was set on snubbing you. Not to mention your flustered panic the moment you were anywhere near him.” He gave an easy smile. “It might have been funny if it wasn’t so sad.”

Light scowled at him.

“It was so obvious you were both still hung up on each other.” He was still sort of razzing him, but the sharpness had diminished greatly, making him seem more contemplative than anything. Perhaps a little pensive. “Didn’t seem right how things were left. It never occurred to me that you wouldn’t even talk about working things out.”

“So you decided to play match maker?”

“Guess so.” He shot Light an imperious glance. “I saw you clap eyes on us and give the most _pitiful_ look, just before L saw you, and then you jumped like a spooked rabbit. _Pathetic_ ,” he sneered, taking the baiting a bit further now.

“Asshole,” he muttered. Jayden sure was being as obnoxious about rubbing everything in his face as he could. He didn’t appreciate it.

“Then later that night there was that frantic phone call,” he sang, stretching his arms out above his head and yawning, “while my cousin was drinking me under the table and fucking brooding.” He let out a huge sigh at the end of his stretch. “Goddamn I’m glad all that’s over with and worked out.”

“Somehow.”

“Now all we have is the parental drama to deal with.”

Light felt defeated as he thought on that.

“Cheer up, cupcake,” Jayden said in a voice devoid of the mocking and teasing. It even sounded as if it contained a note of caring, maybe protectiveness. “We’ll get you through it.”

“We?” Despite the namecalling, it seemed like he was authentically trying to be comforting. It was one of those odd displays of humanity that Jayden seemed to employ by accident.

Jayden didn’t answer for a minute, downing the rest of his drink instead. “Who’s up for some dancing?” he said, going for a deflection.

* * *

TBC


	59. (phase 4) Truth and Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Where L arrives at the club, Light is thrilled to see him, Jayden is sneaky. And a game is afoot!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> man this year went fast. warp speed or something.
> 
> happy holidays, all! (in case i don't get another update out before christmas tho imma try.)
> 
> thanks, all you sweethearts who have been reviewing. i really appreciate that. : )

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 59: Truth and Consequences _

Despite Light’s somewhat low mood due to the issues at home, he found himself sinking into the energizing vibe of the club and having a good time despite himself. The music was pulsing and lively, thudding out beats and bass in a near punishing pace for those on the dancefloor (himself and Jayden included). The lights were kicking up a good groove as well and accented the movement of bodies in fascinating ways.

Saturdays certainly seemed to be a popular night. It was busy as hell when they got there, and just got more packed as time went on.

Jayden seemed to have calmed the fuck down, and it was as if the bizarre talks from earlier had never happened. Now, he was even what could be considered to be good company.

It was hard to say if it wasn’t just the alcohol they’d both had that accomplished that. Regardless, it was a nice change. He liked it when they got along and when the deviant wasn’t set to be a thorn in someone’s side.

Between stints of dancing, they talked, joked around a bit, and basically hung out.

As time went on, especially with dancing, Light was surprised at how supple the boots L had given him were. They came up past his ankles but did not hinder movement at all. They were seriously comfortable and had made him a convert to that style of footwear. Not to mention, he liked how they looked. Apparently a few other people liked how they looked as well, or perhaps how he looked in general, as he was approached like clockwork the moment Jayden buggered off for one thing or another. It was kind of nice to have the interest, and some people were still recognizing him from shows. But despite the ego boost it was a little awkward. He had to work against his natural instincts of flirting back or otherwise encouraging the attention (habits he’d had for years in the making), in deference to his new relationship status.

It was still kind of amazing to think on. He and L were together, a couple. He was in a real, honest-to-god relationship for the first time in his life, in _love_ for cripes’ sakes, and the panic of uncertainty had even died back enough to make him feel good about it. In fact, there was no other place he would rather be. The attention these random people offered was flattering, but not a single one could grab his attention with such monopolistic intensity, or strike him dumb with lust the way his dark-haired lover could.

He was also grateful, to the depths of his **_soul_** , that they had somehow moved past the issues that had nearly torn them apart for good. It had been harrowing and not something he ever wanted to repeat, but it did seem like their bond was stronger now for it.

Jayden, the eternal menace, deserved some credit there. Even for all of his missteps and failures, he actually _had_ helped to root out the biggest issues and throw them on the table for everyone to deal with. It was horribly unpleasant and almost ended in disaster, but now all that had been sorted through, talked about, and resolved. It seemed there were no big issues lurking in the background to trip them up, no off-limits topics that sat like an elephant in the room, willfully ignored until the mention of it caused an explosion. What that left them with was a rather carefree existence. It was practically peaceful. And it was really fucking nice to see L’s humor and laid-back manner return. It had been on hold for some time during all the stress and their issues, being replaced by a stern seriousness and flash temper that were unlike him. As he’d found out, L’s natural state was being almost as much of a jokester as his cousin; however, he was more sly and dignified about it.

Thinking on L made him wonder once more how long work was going to keep him tied up. He’d asked Jayden but got an ambiguous answer. It was possible he just didn’t know.

Jayden phased into view from amidst a thick crowd, drink in hand, sucking on a straw which was sticking out of something that looked like a red slurpee. Light shook his head. The spiky-haired deviant had what seemed like endless tolerance for alcohol abuse. “What now?” he asked.

Jayden graced him with a laid back smile, then took another long pull of his drink as he looked at his phone and did some stuff with his thumb. “Ow,” he said after a moment, wincing. “Brain freeze.” He rubbed his forehead with the back of his hand and handed Light the offending beverage. “Here, hold this a sec.” Hands free, he started texting with both hands and added distractedly, “Rum Runner.”

“Planning your next hookup?” Light said drolly.

Jayden looked up, flashing him a grin. “Oh, interested?”

“Not particularly.”

“Liar.” He went back to texting. “Fine, you twisted my arm, I’ll see if they can’t be swayed towards a _menage a trois_.”

Light rolled his eyes.

Jayden snapped a picture of him.

“Hey! What was that for?”

“It’s rude to suggest a three-some without at least sending a picture.” He looked back down at his screen as he typed and added with amusement, “though I must say, that was a less than flattering shot of you. Send!” He pushed a button with a flourish.

“You know I don’t believe half of what you say, right?”

“Oh, even half? I’m doing better than I thought!”

“Ass. Here, take this back, it’s cold.”

Jayden considered that. Then he leaned in and took a long pull from the straw, making Light hold it. “Nope, I think I like you as a cupholder.”

As Jayden resumed fiddling with his phone, Light reached over and stuck a cold hand upon the back of his neck

“GYAHH!!! Jesus Chr--!”

“Hahaha”

“You little punk,” Jayden growled, miffed that Light got one in on him while he was distracted.

“You earned that.”

“And you just earned yourself some _payback_.” That manic light was starting to shine in Jayden’s eyes. He was probably in trouble.

In the next moment, however, something caught Jayden’s attention over Light’s shoulder and a grin lit up his face. Light followed his gaze and saw L making his way through the crowd towards them.

“Hey, cuz!” Jayden said brightly as he joined them.

Light suspected that the deviant had been up to something, judging by his sparkly demeanor and L’s annoyed look.  “ _Ass_. I had to walk here since you have the car.”

“Aw, it isn’t even that far.”

L turned to Light. “What did he tell you to get you out here?”

“Er… well, that you were working till late.”

L punched Jayden in the arm.

“Ow.” That sparkliness hadn’t died down in the least.

“I’ve been home for hours. This asshole wouldn’t answer his damn phone until now.”

“Jayden,” Light groaned with aggravation. UGH! He wouldn’t have come out if he hadn’t thought L was still tied up with work. It seemed like a waste of time they could have spent together. It was only the first weekend they’d ever had like this, and that was hours now that they wouldn’t get back. It would have been another matter altogether if they’d decided to come here together and spend the night out.

“Now that we’re all here, we can have some fun.” Jayden swiped his drink from Light and pressed it into L’s hand as if the cold slushy drink would act as a shield and put his temper on ice. “Rum runner,” he stated.

“I hope you aren’t assuming I need both hands to properly throttle you,” L said and took a drink from the rim of the glass.

“Maybe not, but it could slow you down a bit,” he suggested with a smile.

“You’re up to something,” L said. “What is it?”

“Moi?”

L fixed him with an unimpressed look. It said, _‘I hope you aren’t somehow forgetting how well I know you, ass.’_

Jayden waved him off, looking quite chipper. “Nonsense. Just spending some QT with my buddy here.” He slung an arm around Light’s shoulders.

L’s gaze panned over him. “Shirtless, no less.”

“It’s hot in here.”

“Uh huh.” L glanced over at Light. “Has he been behaving himself?”

Surprisingly, Light felt a slight tension in Jayden’s arm and body the moment that question was asked. He suddenly felt that maybe he shouldn’t answer that as honestly as he would have liked. He got the impression that Jayden was silently chanting a mantra to to that effect - hoping Light didn’t get him into a big pile of trouble. _Idiot. Fine, I will cut you some slack this one time._

Somehow he didn’t really want to air that real conversation they’d had. It seemed like it would be a slap in the face when Jayden had actually been trying to be honest with him and open up a little. He didn’t want to punish him for that. Though he’d be discussing the constant harassment with him once more. Final warning. Next time he’d hang Jayden out to dry.

Light put on a non-plussed face and regarded Jayden as he said, “Not more than usual.”

“Pre- _my having a talk with him_ ‘usual’?” L said, eyeing them. The pointed tone was aimed at Jayden.

“More or less ‘usual’ usual,” Light said, aiming to disarm any potential confrontation.  “It’s fine, really.”

“If you say so,” L replied, leaving it be on his word alone. He looked kind of relieved hearing that Light wasn’t feeling bothered. Jayden also seemed relieved, infinitely so. You couldn’t tell by looking at him, but Light felt all that building tension seep from him almost instantly.

“Next time, answer your damn phone,” L casually threatened his cousin, “or I’m going to rip out your nipple rings.” He flicked one ominously as if considering making good on the threat right there.

“Well,” Jayden joked, as an aside to Light, though it was plenty loud for L to hear, “could be worse. At least it wouldn’t be the one on my prize possession.”

“I’m always open to suggestions,” L returned evilly.

Jayden had the good grace to wince as he pictured it. “You would totally maim me?”

“You’re obviously a masochist. Don’t put that on me.”

“So you _did_ get that pierced,” Light added drolly. “Looks like my guess wasn’t all that far off.”

L looked surprised. “And in what conversation did _that_ come up?”

“Oh geez, don’t bring him into it,” Jayden griped at Light, obviously thinking on the relationship conversations he’d used to gleefully torment him by withholding information. “He’ll try and get at all of my secrets.”

“Like that’s supposed to convince me?” Light returned. “ _I want to know what happened._ If L can drag it out of you, you insufferable…”

L coughed pointedly.

“Oh, sorry,” Light amended and explained, “He’s been hinting around that something happened with him and Shani at the party.” Not to mention the _‘have I?’_ or _‘haven’t I?’_ conversation, but that was probably best left unsaid.

“You don’t say?” L said with amused interest, peering at his cousin like he was willing to peel back layers of flesh to expose some intel.

“And yet,” Light added, “somehow his I’m-so-nerdy-and-not-ME persona is still intact.”

“Ok,” Jayden offered somewhat energetically as he deflected. “You know what would be _more_ fun than grilling me on something I’m not telling you shit about?”

“Can’t think of a single thing,” L said with a smile, moving in for the kill.

A flicker of Jayden’s eyes foreshadowed what happened in the next moment.

“OH MY GOD, L!” Clare’s unmistakable voice piped up from not too far away.

The three of them glanced up and saw Jayden’s roommates approaching.

“Oh, goddamnit,” L grumbled.

Clare flung her arms around L in an enthusiastic greeting and raised up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “And he never bothers to write.” Much like she’d done with Light earlier, she looped her arm through his and held it captive, a pleasant smile on her face.

Truth and Justice weren’t far behind.

“Hi, sweetie,” Clare greeted Light as they joined the group. Truth sauntered up, hair actually in proper spikes and no longer a tired blue. It was now shockingly bright and looked rather nice. Justice skulked, looking a little uncomfortable and surly as ever.

Jayden looked insanely amused, which pointed the finger at this being a setup.

L was giving his cousin a covert _‘I will kill you later’_ stare.

“Hey, Light,” Truth said amicably in that laid-back manner of his.

“Hey,” he responded, knowing that Jayden was now also going to have to explain how his roommates knew who he was. It was obvious they’d met before. Jayden had that shining look about him as if consequences were a thing that could be forever outrun. He didn’t look worried about it in the least.

“Clare,” Truth commented, “quit hanging onto the eye candy if you wanted to see them together.”

Ah… now the reason behind this was becoming clearer. Jayden had orchestrated a way for the roommates to see the two of them as a pair.

“Sorry, man, no offense,” he amended in a friendly tone to L, who was just shaking his head.

“Oh! You know what would be fun?” Clare said, clapping her hands. She ignored Trevor’s suggestion to unhand L. “With the group we have right now, Spin the Bottle would be soooo delish!”

 _Oh jesus_ , Light thought. That would be a clusterfuck with all the love triangles and whatnot going on. Jayden potentially had a thing for him, Jayden’s roommates seemed to have a thing for L, and either he or L would be poised to be jealous over watching someone else kiss the other.

“Fuck no,” L groused. He also looked pointedly at his arm, as if he could peel Clare from it with the power of his gaze. For some reason, he was choosing not to forcibly remove her.

“Oh?” she pouted at him, evil in her gentle features, “Is married life making you timid?”

There was a chain reaction under the surface of L’s bland face.

“I remember a time when you were much more….” it seemed she was poised to use any number of evocative or instigatory words here, “fun,” she said at last.

This was a new side to Clare that Light was seeing for the first time. That sweet and gentle way she had about her apparently secretly housed something quite sharp and perhaps debased. It was a bit of a mind-fuck to be honest.

He wondered if L had known her longer than the other two, or if she had some kind of dirt on him.

“I’m up for it,” Truth chimed in helpfully, looking like he was getting a kick from amping up the pressure.

“And I’m always up for anything,” Jayden chimed in as well, equally helpful. He also made it sound like there was a sex-related double meaning.

“Shocker,” Justin said sarcastically, speaking at last.

“And Justice says he’s in for it, too,” Jayden said smoothly as if translating his response. He blew a kiss at the surly boy, gaining an eyeroll in response.

Light was starting to wonder if Justin was surly partly because Jayden messed with him or if he was surly to keep him at a distance. He almost got the impression the brunet was grudgingly attracted to the spiky-haired deviant.

“No,” L said, maintaining a stoic face that brooked no argument. The stolid expression looked a little frayed around the edges however.

Light was so preoccupied with the back and forth between everyone that he almost didn’t feel like this was a fate that might involve him as well.

“Oh but what better way to get to know your new squeeze!” she pouted. “Is that your _final_ answer?” She seemed to be teasingly threatening him with something.

L looked like he was struggling with a weighty decision. In the end he said, “Light, let’s go.”

“Looks like we’ll just follow you home,” Clare said sweetly. “Party at L’s new place!”

“NO,” L said, looking harried at last, pulling at his arm to free it.

“Those are the options,” the deceptively harmless looking girl said, a pleasant smile upon her pretty face. “Unless you would rather we arrange a viewing party?”

Ah… so it _was_ starting to look like maybe she had dirt on him. From the look of it, and from what Jayden said about Clare and videos she might have actual footage or perhaps pictures of something L didn’t seem keen on sharing.

L gave Light a slightly pitiable look and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Aw…” Clare said, “were you trying to defend his honor?”

Jayden snickered.

L chose to glare at his cousin instead of the ringleader. _You’re dead_ , his black gaze said.

“The deal’s off unless the whole group is involved.” She smiled at Light. “That means you too, cupcake.”

Realization suddenly hit him that he was actually getting roped into this as a participant. “Hey, wait a sec, I’m not--” Spin the Bottle? Making out with total strangers? With _these_ strangers?

Clare slipped an arm through his, now having both himself and L at her disposal. “It’s your hubby’s fault for making himself so unavailable for so long,” she commented in a voice that was sunshine-fresh. “J,” she called over her shoulder, “find us a bottle, would you, dear heart?”

“L,” Light said, as they were being carted off, “can I talk to you for a minute?”

L looked at Clare, who said, “Oooo a lover’s powwow. Gush!” She spoke the sound effect aloud while touching her heart. He shook his head and pulled away, grabbing Light by the hand.

“You have 3 minutes,” she sang out to them.

L muttered darkly under his breath.

“What can you explain to me about this in as few words as possible?” Light asked.

“Things like this are a great example of why I hate Jayden’s roommates.”

“Does this happen often?”

L rubbed a hand over his face. “Somehow it seems to be the trend, random weird shit like this.”

“Or the groping?”

“And that.” He seemed antsy. “Look, I really tried to keep you out of this… and I’m sorry to even ask you… but can you play along? Maybe no spins will even land on you.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “And if they do?”

A look quite like jealousy flared in L’s dark eyes. “There’s no rule saying it has to be more than a peck on the lips,” he said dubiously, trying to work a way around the situation.

“Uh huh. I don’t even know Clare that well, but I’m pretty sure she’s not going to go for a lame excuse like that.”

L made a noise of frustration and pulled Light to him by the front of his shirt, meeting his lips in a hot, indecent kiss. The possessiveness thrilled through him and made his eyes flutter closed. Closeness swamped his senses.

He’d missed this. Since L had arrived it seemed like things had been set to keep them at a distance. All he’d wanted to do after the tedium of the study session was to spend time with him, just the two of them, no Jayden, no onlookers, no distractions.

“I don’t want to see anyone else kissing you,” L said against his lips. “I’ll admit, the thought makes me jealous.”

“You’re actually admitting it?” Light murmured back, feeling a sadistic sort of warmth in him at the words. He played at L’s mouth, teasing, and drawing out the passion he felt growing steadily against his lips.

“Brat,” L said, sliding a hand into his hair and kissing him roughly.

It still amazed him how just a kiss could make him so hot.

“Time’s up, darlings,” Clare said, making them both jump.

 _Shit._ He’d forgotten all about her for a moment.

L cursed under his breath and looked really annoyed.

“If you want,” she proposed slyly, “we _could_ trade Spin the Bottle for the two of you starring in a home movie.” The devious girl had a look on her pretty face like she’d rather they went for _that_ option.

“Absolutely not,” they both said.

“Aw, you even speak in unison. How cute.” She regarded them with a lazy smile. “And your chemistry is simply off the charts. Better than I’d imagined. Much more than with--”

“Clare.” L had a warning look on his face. He didn’t seem to be fucking around.

She shrugged, not finishing the thought. It seemed there was perhaps a name she’d been about to toss out there. She didn’t allow that to dim her bright mood. “Stop lollygagging. There will be opportunity enough for this vanilla stuff later. Now, it’s time to see you boys get uncomfortable.”

Vanilla. That was certainly not the term he’d use for his and L’s sex life, not at all.

Once more, L had one of those chain reactions underneath the surface of his expression. It seemed colored with annoyance but with something else as well. He couldn’t place it, but it did seem in reaction to the vanilla comment.

About 15 minutes later found them all clustered around a table in a less-frequented corner of the club. With how crowded it was, it was amazing there was a spot anywhere to be found. Clare took the neck of the bottle, a 2oz mini bottle Jayden had procured, between her fingertips as if they were tweezers closing upon a miniscule splinter. “I know they say that size doesn’t matter….” she trailed, raising an eyebrow at the piercing-riddled deviant.

“Anna said no one wanted the Jagermeister,” he responded, “and shut up, it will stay on the table better since it’s small and has a flat side.”

“Someone sounds defensive,” she hummed. “Feeling _inadequate_?”

Jayden shot her a sharp smile. “I can show you _every inch_ of my giant ‘inadequacy’ if you like?”

“Hey now,” Truth said.

Clare shrugged but ceased the exchange.

That the blue-haired guy stepped in just then made Light think that he and Clare maybe had some kind of thing going on. Especially because she had actually listened, even though she seemed inclined to continue. He wasn’t sure if he’d call it dating, but it did seem like something loosely along those lines.

“Alright,” she said, then looked up prettily, “who’s the home team favorite?”

Jayden rolled his eyes. “Like anyone even needs to ask,” he scoffed. “I’d say that hands down it’s the same as _your_ preference, right, Justice?” He was obviously ribbing his roommate over his massive crush on L. Justin valiantly fought the flush that flared to life upon his face but it was a losing battle.

“I don’t know, J,” Clare said consideringly, “perhaps the cute little _bottom_ would win out.” She looked directly at Light. Being openly called a bottom and having his sex life aired in mixed company put him in exactly the situation Justin was in about two seconds prior, fighting an embarrassed flush. He didn’t fare much better.

“Are you going to spin that thing,” L asked, “or just fondle it all night?”

She smiled enigmatically, especially at the word ‘fondle’. Gazing at L, she held up a finger to silence the deviant. “Jayden,” she said sweetly, though she didn’t even look his way, “don’t ruin it.” He did indeed have his mouth open to make a lewd comment.

Jayden heaved a sigh of disappointment and muttered under his breath.

“Why don’t you just spin for both people?” Justin asked impatiently. He seemed keen to have this over with.

“I could. Unless you are volunteering?”

He shrugged.

“Alright, Justice aaaaaand--” she spun the bottle and it careened in a circle, narrowly missing a suicidal bent off of the table. It lurched to a stop, pointing at Truth. “Well, damn,” he said.

Justice didn’t look quite enthused himself.

“Before we get started,” Truth said to the group of them, “I feel the need to announce my general lack of leanings towards alternative preferences.”

“Present company excluded?” Jayden razzed him, inclining his head towards his cousin.

Truth looked over at L. He shrugged, not perturbed in the least. “Everyone has an exception, I suppose.” He really was bluntly true to his nickname.

“Seeeee?” Jayden said, raising his eyebrow at Light meaningfully. _Everyone has exceptions,_ he maintained.

“What’s with the disclaimer?” Justice asked, giving his blue-haired roommate a look like he thought it was stupid.

Clare giggled. “That’s because he’s not gonna half-ass it,” she said even as Truth pulled Justice forward by the front of his shirt and gave him what looked like a blazingly hot kiss.

Light’s eyes went wide, completely surprised at how Truth just totally went for it. (Not to mention how rousing the display happened to be.) From Jayden, he would have expected something like that, but not from the laid-back almost hippie-like Trevor. Justice looked like he was floundering a bit, that flush hitting his face again.

As Truth pulled back, Clare stroked her hands down his arm and gazed up at him enamoredly as her hands clasped one of his. “You know, I just looove that spontaneous side of you. It’s so…. inspiring.”

A secretive smile slid over his lips as he met her eyes. Oh yeah, they’d definitely been around the block before. In fact, they looked they could have a go right here and now.

“Next,” Jayden announced, reaching over to spin the mini bottle and take a turn. It rotated in a speedy blur and Jayden let out a laugh as it stopped. On Light.

_Oh… no._

Not to be outdone, Jayden repeated Truth’s shirt-grab maneuver, reaching over the table and pulling Light into a liplock before he could even react. He did pause for a millisecond to say “Immunity,” announcing it at his cousin like a shield.

Shock hit Light and continued hazing him as warm lips crushed his and his mouth was subsequently violated by an exceptionally talented tongue. Jayden took advantage of this opportunity and kissed him as deep and dirty as the mood struck him, while also putting his tongue ring to good use. It was pretty much impossible not to be affected by it. ‘Immunity’ probably wasn’t going to save him later, either.

Clare made a sound of delight as she watched it happen. She might also have been tickled over the dark and ominous aura L was putting off in response. It was worse, Light thought, because he and Jayden were on either side of L which put this practically in his lap

Jayden released him, just before L actually did anything, then made a show of nonchalance. “What?” he said to his cousin as he pulled back. “It’s just a game, lighten up.”

“Immunity,” Clare said sweetly, reminding L of why he was disallowed vengeance. To Jayden, she said, “That was super hot.”

“Why thank you,” he responded with a wink, ignoring the fact that he was probably going to die later by his cousin’s hand.

“You,” she pointed at Justice. “Spin.”

Justin dutifully spun the mini bottle even though it rightly wasn’t even his turn. It landed on Light.

_Seriously??_

“Ugh, pass!” Clare said loftily. “Seeing two bottoms together would be like watching two cottonballs bounce against each other.”

Light sent her an annoyed look. “I resent that remark.” Who in the hell said he could only be a bottom? Maybe for the moment that was the case, but he’d been steadily gaining ground on L and he could tell that eventually he was going to make his aspiration a solid reality.

“Oh? Feeling feisty?” she teased. “Determined to prove me wrong?”

Damnit, but her mocking him on this really got to him. The way she was doing it was really smacking at his pride.

Despite the possibility that this would probably piss L off, he stalked over to the surly, tousle-haired brunet, said, “Don’t read into it,” and tilted his startled face to meet a sinking slow, deliberate meshing of lips, tongue, and faux-desire. Justice once more was flailing. Unlike the rough and commandeering style that Jayden and Truth had employed, Light went for slow and slutty. He felt the shudder that met his lips as the effect rippled through his partner. Justin wasn’t a bad kisser either, but he was definitely more tentative and went with the flow.

As he pulled back, Clare said dreamily, “Mmmn, I’d like to get me some of that.”

Poor Justice. He seemed to be having a rough time of things and couldn’t kill his reactions. He wasn’t what caught Light’s eye however. He’d happened to look up and saw L’s gaze afterwards, which was one part pissed off and one part _ravenous_. That look held his and was very similar to the one L wore when he was about to fuck his brains out. Desire flared in his belly in reaction. Go figure, seeing him kiss someone else (someone that wasn’t Jayden, however) appeared to incense L while also acting like some kind of fucked up foreplay.

Light made his way back over to his spot next to his dark-eyed lover.

L calmly reached out, gave the bottle a half-hearted spin and killed it prematurely with an authoritative slap of his hand. Light noted absently that it was pointed at him as L’s other hand slid into his hair and pulled him against hungry lips. It was one of those rare moments where, other people be damned, he was going to do exactly what he wanted. It was like the time Jayden had intruded on their time together and, up in his room at the house, L had kissed the hell out of him anyway even though they’d had Jayden as an audience. Not surprisingly, his brain took a permanent vacation, forgetting everything but the taste of desire and the feel of L’s demanding mouth against his.

“Hot _damn_ ,” he vaguely heard Clare utter.

The kiss was shooting straight to his groin, making him throb. His breath hitched in his throat as L’s other hand came into play, fingertips brushing over the bare skin of his hip.

He barely had the presence of mind to grab that hand with one of his and still its insidiously enticing movements. L seemed set to fight him for a moment but relented and also broke the kiss. He brushed lips upon Light’s cheek. “I’m sorely tempted,” he said in Light’s ear with an engagingly husky quality to his voice.

“By all means, continue,” someone said.

L and Light turned to find ALL eyes on them.

“Oops,” L said, without sounding reticent at all. If anything, he seemed annoyed that all of them were still there.

Clare’s pretty face bore the pink of an intrigued flush. “Are you **_sure_** you couldn’t make a teensy little film?” she cajoled them. “I mean, my god, you guys are better than actual porn. _Good_ porn.” She turned to Truth and Justice. “Can you not _feel_ the lust? Even from over here?”

While Truth nodded and Justice looked dazed, Light found that his face was heating with the burn of embarrassment. He hated the idea of anyone seeing him lose himself in the moment and not being in control, and that is exactly what had just happened. There was no hiding it.

“Ok, one more,” Clare said, spinning the bottle. It stopped on Jayden. “Jayden annnnnnd…” For reasons unknown, she was skipping her turn. The bottle stopped spinning, pointing unerringly at L.

The cousins shared a micro-truce where they exchanged a glance and then pinned their twin stares upon the ringleader.

_Surely she wouldn’t expect them to…?_

“Hop to it.” She issued the words like a challenge.

“Okay, usually I’m up for anything,” Jayden said. “But I can tell you that if I try and go along with this right now, **_he_** _,”_ he indicated L with a tilt of his head, “is going to punch me.”

“He’s not wrong,” L added, looking like agreeing with Jayden was annoying him as he still wanted to kick his ass for earlier.

“Ugh,” she said. “LAME.” She flounced her ruler-straight, soft brown hair with a toss of her head. “Oh well, I suppose it’s my turn anyway. Come here, J.”

He did as he was bidden. “Clare, sweetheart,”  he said with dramatic flair and a sarcastically charming smile, “don’t you just know I _love_ being the second choice? Really does it for me.”

“Bitch and complain a little louder, it’s toooootally sexy,” she said facetiously, sliding arms around his neck and hopping up to wrap her legs around his waist.

Jayden leaned into the delicate sweep of her neck and left a trail of nip marks and hickies. “Mmmm,” she said as he worked, making the whole thing look even more scandalous than it would have been otherwise. “And they say that smartasses don’t know how to control their mouths.” This gained a snicker out of Jayden, slightly muffled against her skin.

For all that their little display seemed highly sexual, it didn’t seem like either of them was particularly roused by it. It was almost more like they were putting on a show than anything else.

Jayden pressed a kiss to her lips, the amused look still present on his face and she slid back down to the floor. She smacked him on the ass for good measure.

“Careful,” he warned with a grin, “or I’ll think you mean it.”

She wore a coy smile and flitted her hand at him to dismiss the warning, somewhat distractedly. “I’m curious about something,” Clare said then, changing tacts. She gave Jayden a glance, then reached over to the mini bottle and, instead of spinning it, brazenly pointed it at Justice. “Go.”

A vaguely amused look flitted over the deviant’s face at the issued command. It amplified as his gaze swung over to his roommate who was looking distinctly uncomfortable.

“It’s him or nothing, Justin. I don’t think L’s willing to play.”

He looked just short of mortified, being called out on that again, his little crush. But more interesting was that distinctly twitchy look he got the second Jayden pinned his sights on him.

Light suspected that Clare was testing out the same theory he’d had earlier - that Justice might actually like both cousins.

“Just so you know,” Jayden said smokily, setting Justin further on the flustered defensive, “I disclaimer nothing.”

* * *

TBC


	60. (phase 4) Tendencies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ...In which 1) The game continues 2) The boys go for a run with an unorthodox beginning 3) A sobering challenge is issued.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: The parental stuff is gonna kick in soon. (For those of you who think I forgot.) ;) Not a lot of time has actually passed in the fic, though a lot has happened and there were quite a few chapters.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 60: Tendencies _

“Just so you know,” Jayden said smokily, as he invaded his roommate’s personal space, “I disclaimer nothing.”

He was totally saying that just to get a rise out of Justin, and oh did it work. A startled flush hit the brunet’s face, in tune with his wide eyes. Instead of cutting straight to the action, however, Jayden plied him with teasing open-mouthed kisses. It probably didn’t help Justice’s already fraying self-control that Jayden had also pulled him up against his body at the same time.

“Like L,” Clare said pleasantly to Light as an aside, “Justice only fancies the boys.” She watched Jayden torment him. “Poor thing.” Her empathy seemed a little lacking, delivered with a laugh such as it was. “Go on, sweetheart,” she called over to Jayden, “snog him like you mean it.”

Jayden shrugged, always one to meet a challenge head on, but he was thwarted by Justice pushing him back. “Enough,” he said, looking like he couldn’t keep his composure through anything more than that. His typical surly look was completely transparent.

“Hm?” Clare hummed to herself. “Well, I guess that answers that.” To Justice she called out, “Honey, maybe if you were a little sweeter to J and phrased your request in the form of a challenge, he could find it in his heart to oblige.”

“Hey, says who?” Jayden argued, looking put out.

“Drunk, of course,” she amended to mollify him. When that didn’t work, she shrugged and said, “Oh shut up, you have a tendency or two.”  

“Says who?” he repeated stubbornly, set on being difficult, even though he had been the one going on earlier about people having ‘exceptions’.

“Oh, I don’t knoooow,” she said softly, that evil light in her eyes. “From what **I** saw earlier, I’m sure Light could vouch for it.”

 _Uh oh._ Light cringed at that, as Jayden probably did as well. Having her strike so close to what looked to be the truth was more than just a little bit uncomfortable, _especially_ since L was **right there** and was still pissed at Jayden for that little stunt he’d just pulled. He’d seemed to be suspecting Jayden for some time now anyway.

“Please,” Jayden scoffed, his tone quite convincing, “Just because I’m a consummate actor.”

“You want me to believe that was just acting?”

“Well, it wasn’t anything else,” he said with sharp humor and a raised brow, “but I guess you can believe whatever _gets you off_ at night.”

Light recognized the deflection, having heard a few like it earlier tonight. Shit….. then that meant Jayden _did_ sort of have a thing for him? (To be honest, he kept wavering between certainty on that and denial.)

He wasn’t left long to dwell on that, or the fallout that having such a thing dragged out into the open would surely cause.

“Clare,” L said, by way of parting, seeming to decide at that instant that he was suddenly **_done_** humoring anyone and would be extricating them from all of this. “Feel free to _torment the shit out of him_ for as long as you like.” His tone heavily implied that torment could and should encompass killing. “We’re going home, things to do.”

She smiled benevolently at the two of them, making lewd assumptions. “Things,” she scoffed, obviously thinking sex should be referred to as a singular item and not masked as something else.

“Things,” he asserted, not missing a beat. “I have several in mind.”

Light felt himself flush a little at that, having some rather vivid mental images to go along with the thought.

“Ooooh?” she said, taking in Light’s reaction with raised eyebrows and amusement at his expense. “ _Things._ I quite obviously stand corrected.”

Light punched L in the shoulder. His dark-haired lover smiled back and there was both a sexy and infuriating quality to it as L, too, was amused at his expense. His eyes also had that darkly luminous look to them that held more than just promises.

“Bye,” Light said to the group as they headed out of this den of insanity. Meanwhile, L took his leave without saying a word, apparently feeling past courtesy with them all.

Clare called after them. “ _Immunity_ , L. It was my idea after all.”

“We’ll see,” he tossed over his shoulder. “Immunity, my ass,” he muttered darkly. “He went _way_ too far on that one.”

Light glanced at his lover. “I don’t think he has a filter on his actions.”

“He _knows_ better. He knows exactly the kind of things that will piss people off, or will piss **me** off, and he _does them anyway_.” He muttered something about Clare being a bad influence on him.

“Hey,” Light said, going for a diversion. “Can we forget about him for a while and focus on the fact that he is now out of our hair and neither of us have anywhere to be right now?” Besides, they could be here all night discussing Jayden’s personality flaws.

L regarded him with new eyes, shaking off his agitation and searching his face. “You didn’t want to stay here though, right?” He was leaving the option open in case Light wanted it.

At the club? Maybe another time, perhaps. “No. I think we have some rather pressing _things_ to attend to at your place.”

L shot him a vivid smile. It was just this side of indecent. “Oh and you know how much I like _things_.”

Light was taken with the urge to kiss him, so he did. Soft lips met his enticingly, stirring desire. L teased him with the extra gentle caresses, making him growl in frustration and pull a more lusty connection from his mouth. He wanted the heat of that silky mouth and the hard press of kisses that could make him drunk on passion.

After a few moments, L broke the kiss to curse softly. “Shit. I forgot to get the car keys from Jayden.” His dark eyes had that beautiful sex-hazed look to them.

“We’re not going back.” If they did, they may never get to leave. That group might pull them back in like a tar pit. “We’ll walk, it isn’t that far.”

“Yeah I guess he can drop them off tomorrow.”

They headed out and managed to get through the walk by distracting themselves with talking about other things and not inciting desire further.

“So,” Light said at one point, “I see why you don’t like Jayden’s roommates.”

L ran a hand through his hair, messing it up a little. “They’re not that bad, individually. But get them together and the result is…. well, you saw.”

“I never suspected Clare to be like that. She is secret evil.”

“By the way,” L drawled, eyes sharp upon him, “I noticed you all seem to have known each other already. When, how, and where did that happen?”

 _Oops._ He felt a little put on the spot, having to admit to doing something that he’d known at the time L wouldn’t be keen on. “Uh… before the study session. Jayden said he had to get something from his place.”

“Ha. He’s full of shit.” L wore a sour expression. “He did that so that they could meet you.”

“You think?” It made sense, in hindsight, especially as they’d all appeared after that loud cough Jayden had let out before disappearing into his room.

“Not think, _know_ ,” L corrected. “And tonight as well. Orchestrated. His roommates don’t frequent the club. It’s not their scene.” His expression said he’d just remembered he had yet _another_ reason he’d vowed to murder his troublesome cousin.

Light supposed if they had been club regulars, then such a long time wouldn’t have passed between everyone seeing each other. But you couldn’t have looked at them and guessed the club wasn’t their regular thing; they had blended in quite well, right down to their later behaviour. “They seemed pretty chill with it.”

“Even so.”

“What’s the deal with you and Clare?”

“I can’t really go into it.”

“Okay.”

L raised an eyebrow as he looked over at him. “No arguments, suddenly?”

Light shrugged. “I trust you.”

“Since _when_?”

“Asshole,” he groused at L’s incredulous tone. He didn’t need to sound SO fucking surprised.

L reached over to ruffle his hair and had that disastrously warm look in his eyes as he gazed at him. Humor touched the curve of his lips.

“What?” Light complained. That look really got to him, giving him butterflies _every_ time.

“Nothing,” L said lightly, throwing an arm around his shoulders as they walked. “You’re just too cute for words sometimes.” His voice was incredibly warm as he said that, despite the slight mocking tone it held as well.

“Ass.” He let L’s arm stay where it was. Likely anyone that saw them would just think they were drunk anyway. It was a comforting weight upon him and mixed with that feeling of rightness and happiness he often felt around his dark-haired lover.

“So, about those _things_ ,” L leaned in to say, his sexy voice resonating pleasantly in his ear. “Did you want to start at the beginning, end or middle of that list?”

* * *

Apparently, time spent working through that list, plus several solid hours of sleep, was enough to assuage L’s urges to murder his flesh and blood.

Secretly, Light also suspected it was because he himself wasn’t making a big deal out of Jayden’s untoward actions. It seemed like it bugged L more when he could see he was feeling harassed.

Light yawned through a cup of coffee, needing more sleep than L to make himself completely functional. It was still dark out, and yet they were going to try this early morning run thing.

Jayden met them outside, firstly to drop off the car, secondly to join them on the run. He did an incredulous double-take as he looked at his cousin. “What in the fuck are you wearing?? That shirt is as blinding as the sun!”

L had on a long suffering expression. Light radiated amusement. He’d made good on his threat to make L wear the bright yellow shirt they’d gotten the other day.

“Did you lose a bet or something?” Jayden jeered at him.

“Actually…” L began.

Jayden looked over at Light, catching his smug look, and changed his whole tune. “Well, way to go!” he congratulated him with a grin, giving him a high-five as well, just to drive the stake deeper into his cousin’s heart. “About time someone one-upped this haughty bastard.”

He added to Light, as an aside, hiding his voice behind his hand, “Though, what the fuck, that shirt is _bright_.”

“Isn’t it just?” he said with a smile, finding additional amusement in the fact that Jayden and L had reacted to the shirt in the exact same way, saying basically the exact same thing.

“I can HEAR both of you fuckers,” L growled. He looked prone to violence.

That almost made it _more_ hilarious, though perhaps more dangerous since it was hard to quell their laughter. Jayden decided to get a head start. That didn’t look like a bad idea. They passed L at a run and Jayden yelled over his shoulder with a grin, “It really suits you! It matches your SUNNY disposition!”

Needless to say, the first half of the run was more of sprint, the idea being to keep out of range.

Overall, Light did better with the run than he thought he might, only starting to really tire about the time Jayden was clutching his side with an aggrieved expression and flopping down upon a park bench. “Jesus,” the deviant complained, sucking in some deep breaths and looking worn out. It was also hot as hell, though it would be worse later on in the day.

L, however, looked like he could go another 50 miles. He gave his cousin a disparaging look. “Looks like somebody didn’t stop smoking, like they said they would.”

“Shut up,” he groused.

“And I’m not making exceptions for your bad decisions. On your feet.”

“Ugh, seriously?” Jayden complained with a pained look. He tried another tactic. “What about him?” He nodded towards Light. “Are you set on punishing your boy as well? He’s tired too.”

L looked over at Light, who was drinking down some water while he had the chance, and gave him a once over. “I can assure you that is not what ‘ _worn out’_ looks like on him,” he said, hinting at decidedly non-family-friendly activities.

“Asshole.” Light swatted a stream of water at him from the water fountain for being lewd, spraying him with it.

L snickered as he raised an arm to shield himself. “Sorry, you were listening?” he said innocently, an amused smirk upon his lips.

“I’m only like five feet away!”

“See?” L kicked his cousin’s leg like kicking a car tire to check the air pressure. “You’re the only one with an energy problem here. Now, on your feet.”

Jayden muttered under his breath for a good minute while dragging himself upright.

“Any more out of you and next time we’re adding weights.”

L whipped them into motion. Their pace was slower this time but even so it was grueling. L was a taskmaster. He harbored no sympathy and pushed them hard.

“I think I’ll have to quit smoking,” Jayden told Light, using conversation as a distraction, though each word was voiced with difficulty as he was perpetually out of breath.

Light was rather out of breath himself. His legs were on fire and it seemed like all the water he’d had thus far was streaming from his skin. He and Jayden looked like a miserable pair, struggling through the last few miles. L, however, kept an easy pace throughout. At least he was sweating as well, bearing some testament to his getting a workout.

“Actually, if we’re all really training here,” L said, “the alcohol has to get cut back as well.”

Jayden gave him a look like he was insane. “Aren’t you supposed to be motivating people, asshole? I already feel like my soul is leaving its body, and here you are to finish it off?!”

“I should have killed you years ago,” L said, nonplussed. “But seriously. It isn’t just the smoking. You drink too damn much.”

“You kinda do,” Light weighed in.

“What is this?” Jayden wheezed, finding it hard to voice outrage without a greater lung capacity. “An intervention?”

“Like that would even work on you,” L scoffed. He shook his head. “Look, I’m serious, if you want better performance, cut back.”

Jayden muttered darkly, looking totally laughable as he tried to manage that in his current state.

“You know what?” L said ominously, an idea seeming to occur to him. “I think that will be a fitting payback for all that shit you pulled recently, which I did **_not_** kill you for.”

“Death would be a mercy,” he grumbled obstinately.

“Exactly. This will be better. You are going stone cold sober.”

“L!” Jayden exclaimed, “that’s madness!”

“For at least two weeks.”

 “L!” he exclaimed again, shaking his head in disbelief. “I won’t even _survive_ \--”

“And,” L stated matter-of-factly, making direct eye contact, “I’m framing this in the form of a challenge.”

“Oh GODDAMNIT!” Jayden wheezed at the top of his lungs, screwing his face up in a pained expression as their run shuddered to a stop. It looked like just making it a ‘challenge’ was going to force him to agree.

“I changed my mind. Make that a month.”

“You sadistic sonnuvabitch,” Jayden accused him.

L shrugged.

“And just how will you be punishing HIM?” he demanded, pointing at Light.

“Me? What did I do?”

“He wasn’t the one misbehaving.”

“Ha! That’s what you think--”

“Jayden,” L warned, “stir up shit in this arena, and I’m extending it.”

His cousin ignored him and turned to the brunet. “Help me out here, you can see he’s gone totally mental.”

“Fuck you,” Light said, still trying to catch his breath, “you were just trying to get me in trouble for no reason.”

No help was coming from that arena. The deviant turned back to his cousin who was raising an eyebrow at him. “I probably can’t do a month,” he said quite honestly.

L regarded him with an entirely serious expression on his face. “We’ll start at one week then.”

“I don’t have a drinking problem,” Jayden argued, seeming to get that as the takeaway from this exchange.

L’s expression didn’t change.

“I don’t!” he insisted, not looking like he even believed it himself.

“One week,” L restated. “No cheating; I’ll know.”

Jayden deflated, muttering rudely under his breath. He let forth quite a string of expletives, among other things, before saying, “I want you to know that I am morally against this.”

“Oh?" L regarded him with a sharp stare. His words were as mocking as his gaze. "Well that should work out fine then, seeing as you don’t have any of those.”

“L,” he complained, “I don’t wanna….”

Black eyes narrowed and there was a palpable edge to L's voice. “Are you forgetting the fact that this is partly penance for taking advantage of that game last night?”

Jayden looked like he was about to issue a typical comeback, something to the tune of _‘Not my fault he liked it’_.

Before he could, Light jumped in to say, quite seriously, “He actually wasn’t exaggerating his desire to kick your ass.”

Jayden regarded Light a moment, seeming to weigh that heavily. His pale eyes flicked to L as if assessing the truth in that statement. Uncertainty flashed upon his face almost too quick to catch. “Seriously pissed?” he asked his cousin, still gauging things.

“Monumentally.”

It was an interesting exchange to say the least. Their demeanors shifted and were fluid. Jayden was resistant as L tried to get him to do something that would be good for him, but as soon as the topic of his ire came up in earnest, Jayden was suddenly a lot more cautious. It was more pronounced as L regarded his younger cousin with that unrelentingly blank expression and let the anger he’d held back on seep into his eyes.

“Okay, I’ll do it,” Jayden said, looking away. “Geez.”

“I’m glad we’re in agreement.”

Jayden tried to bounce back a little. “Can I get time off for good behaviour?” he joked, looking harried and somewhat resigned. But he also seemed a little hopeful that he could finagle some way to lessen his sentence, making this feat seem remotely doable.

L rolled that option around in his mind. “We’ll see. Perhaps we can work in a cheat day,” his voice was stern, “but **I** will decide _if_ and _when_ that is a possibility.”

“Slave driver,” he muttered unforgivingly.

“I don’t know about you guys, but I’m starving,” Light said.

“Me too,” Jayden agreed.

“I want a shower first,” L said. He looked to Light. “Care to join?”

“Me too,” Jayden agreed again. He then ducked a swing from L. “I didn’t mean with the two of _you_ ,” he added, although it was obvious that was exactly how he’d intended his comment to be taken. His eyes looked amused. “ _Obviously_ we wouldn’t all fit.”

Light rubbed a hand over his face and shook his head.

Jayden grinned at his reaction. It seemed that with imminent danger averted, it wasn’t easy for him to hold back on his standard harassment and joking.

L rolled his eyes at his cousin. “You can shower here if you want, and grab a bite to eat, but then bugger off.”

“Scouts honor,” he promised with an upraised hand, getting in a dig at Light at the same time. His face brightened as Light muttered under his breath. “I call dibs. Who _knows_ how long the two of you will be in there if you go in together.”

“You’re an ass,” Light said.

“I’ll take that as a compliment.”

L was shaking his head and unlocking his apartment door. “Coming?” he asked them. A second later, he pinned Jayden with a sharp look and said, “Don’t.”

“Aw, you’re no fun,” he groused as he was forbidden to make any lewd jokes. He walked over the threshold, hands behind his head, and added, “you’d think with regular hits of _lurid sex_ , you’d be a little less uptight.”

L smacked him upside the head. “Perhaps you should take your own advice and find something regular yourself.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he admitted reluctantly. Thought about it.”

“Get your ass in the shower and hurry it up.”

Jayden gave him a tired salute and headed down the hall.

“Geez he’s been all over the place lately,” L complained, rubbing a hand over his face.

“Does that happen often?”

“Here and there,” L admitted. “Sometimes he can be a right terror.”

“You seem to manage him okay.”

“Ah, but you weren’t privy to the YEARS of trial and error that took.”

Light thought about the whole ‘finding something regular’ thing. “Hey, wasn’t he dating some girl with red hair recently?”

“Was he?”

“I don’t know, he was hanging on some girl the night my parents saw him.”

“Hm…” L rubbed his chin in thought. “Can’t say that he mentioned anyone in particular. Could have just been a friend with benefits.”

“Is he even capable of relationships?”

L shrugged. “Not a clue. Maybe he’s never even tried it. It isn’t something we talk about.”

Jayden stuck his head out of the bathroom door. “I can hear you talking shit about me!” he yelled out. Part of his shoulder and a bare leg were also visible. His normally spiky hair was partially weighed down with water.

“Like the world revolves around you,” L yelled back. “Hurry the fuck up in there.” He continued his conversation with Light the moment his cousin disappeared from sight. “You know, aside from me, I think you are the most consistent person he’s maintained any real sort of relationship with.”

“Me?” Light said obtusely, inwardly wincing as once more the subject of Jayden’s emotions and tendencies was near to surfacing. “What about the roommates and friends and such?”

“Yeah…” He shrugged. “Seems different though. I think he’s more authentic with you.”

“Joy.”

L got a slightly complicated look on his face and raked his hands through his hair distractedly. “I think he genuinely likes you...” The words seemed delivered with some amount of difficulty. “That’s why I get so pissed off when he toes the line.”

Ah, that complicated look was part jealousy.

“You’re saying he has a thing for me?” Light made sure he sounded skeptical.

“Yes. Maybe.” L looked frustrated. “Look, I don’t know. He is straight and all, but sometimes I wonder.”

“And if he did have a thing for me…  how would you react?”

“Firstly, there is the urge to beat the shit out of him.” He paused in thought. “But mostly only if he acted on it. Though I don’t have much faith in him behaving himself in general.”

“So you figure, at the least, he could distract himself by dating someone?”

“Or finding a fuckbuddy or whatever the hell it is that he usually does, but yes.” L let loose a beleaguered sigh.

“I don’t think you should worry too much about it. From what I’ve seen he harasses me only about as much as he would anyone. Take Justice for instance.”

“Oh, that was a shocker,” L agreed with a laugh and an appreciative look. “I didn’t realize he might be into Jayden until Clare called attention to it like that.”

“Poor guy.”

“Yeah, he was totally into it. Must’ve killed him to keep it from going further.”

“Jayden certainly made a good show of it, too,” Light said. “You never would have guessed he wasn’t into it as well.”

Jayden came around the corner then, running a towel over his hair, wearing nothing but a scowl and a towel knotted around his waist. “As I keep **_telling_** you fuckers, I’m straight.”

“Uh huh,” L said drolly, winding him up. “Now put some damn clothes on.”

“Too hot.”

“The A/C is running full blast--”

“I meant **me** ,” he said with an infuriating smile, delighting in their collective reaction - groans and eyerolls. Light grabbed a pillow off of the couch and chucked it at his head.

“Do a striptease out here for all I care,” L said, shrugging past him to hit the shower.

“You hear that, Light?” Jayden piped up with a leer, laughing.  


“By yourself,” L added from around the doorway.

“Aw, that’s less than inspiring.”

Light gave the deviant a look that said he was treading on thin ice and shook his head as he moved past him in the hall. Jayden smiled back at him meaningfully. “Idiot,” Light said under his breath.

* * *

TBC


	61. (Phase 4) Drinking Problem

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Squabbles, alcohol abuse, and a dry spell is in the near future. A heated confrontation has an unexpected turn.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 61: Drinking Problem _

When they came back out, Jayden had made himself at home, sitting on the couch while playing a videogame on the TV and drinking a beer.

L walked over and slapped him upside the head.

“Ow!” Jayden glared at him. “What??”

“Sit there and tell me you don’t have a problem, drinking a beer and the sun has barely just come up.”

“Oh shut up. Like you haven’t done it.” He rolled his eyes and went back to his game, taking a hearty swig of his libation to spite L.

L planted a foot in the middle of his lap, and with enough force to make him wince hard, threatening to crush his ‘most prized possession’. “Not the point.” He gestured to the table where there was a small collection of empty bottles. “You understand what stone cold SOBER is, yes?”

“Ow ow ow,” Jayden winced as more pressure came down upon him for emphasis. “You didn’t say we were starting like the _second_ you said it.” he sassed.

“From the look of it, that’s exactly what you assumed.”

“Gimmie a break! You can’t reasonably expect me to not have a farewell party before I start this crazy venture.”

L didn’t ‘verbally’ respond.

“OW! Ok I’m sorry, you’re right!” Jayden pleaded then, dropping the controller in favor of using at least one hand to grab L’s ankle and keep his foot from its increasingly downward descent. Ironically he also tipped back the rest of the beer from his current bottle. It was unclear whether he just wanted to finish it or whether the intent was to have both hands free to save himself.

“Food?” Light asked, nonplussed, as a scuffle started to ensue. “Ah nevermind,” he said to himself and went to see what he could make from the stuff they’d bought the other day.

“You know,” Jayden managed to get out, though he currently had one of L’s hands around his throat and a knee in his chest, “incentives work wonders for encouraging people to do what you want. Breakfast at the diner would be a good start.”

“Not strangling you should be incentive enough.”

“You should reward me for good behaviour.”

“WHAT good behaviour?”

Light looked over at them. The food from the diner had been really good. “Not that I’m trying to encourage him, but that actually does sound really good.”

L looked up. “Oh, did you want to go?”

“Sure.”

L looked down at his cousin whom he was currently strangling with both hands now. Jayden had a leg up, pushing him back. “We could always leave him here.” Jayden looked like he wanted to say something snarky in protest, though the chokehold wasn’t allowing him to do so at the moment.

Light strolled over to the coffee table and picked up a beer that had been next in line. He cracked the metal top off with the bottle opener and took a drink. He saw some amusement in Jayden’s eyes as he anticipated the forthcoming comment. “Or I could drink to lessen how annoying he is.”

“Seems like a bad habit to form.” L slowly released his cousin.

“You’re the only one who’s on about drinking problems,” Jayden said drolly, with a slightly raspy voice.

“I meant, tolerating you being around.”

Jayden glared at his cousin. “Just when I start to think cruelty isn’t part of your nature…” He seemed annoyed at the comment, though he was joking about it.

“What gave you _that_ idea?” Light said sarcastically.

Jayden shrugged and put his hands behind his head, leaning back on the couch with a peeved expression on his face. “I dunno, before **_you_** ,” he said pointedly, “L wasn’t such an asshole.”

His acidic comment and sudden snotty demeanor got on Light’s nerves.

It seemed to have a similar effect on L. “Before Light,” he shot back with a black look, “ **you** weren’t such a _pain in the ass_.”

They glared at each other, and it seemed to be in earnest.

“Kids,” Light interjected, “are you going to fight all day or can we get some damn food to eat?”

Jayden jumped up with a scowl and swiped the beer from Light’s hand. “This is mine,” he stated acerbically and chugged it down.

Light waited until just after he was done, to avoid a mess, then punched him squarely in the stomach. Hard.

“Owww,” Jayden said faintly, sinking down to the floor with a wince. He looked up at Light and added, “Get me another beer, wouldya?”

“I’ll get you one,” L offered darkly, “if you’re going to be using it on your face to stop the bruising you’re about to get.”

“Can I drink it afterwards?”

“NO.”

“Jesus! You’re no fun anymore,” Jayden griped loudly. “You were almost more fun when you two were fighting, compared to this.”

L smacked him. “Drinking problem,” he restated, looking really annoyed. “OBVIOUSLY.”

Jayden held a hand to his reddened cheek. “Light?” he intoned expectantly. “Hop to.”

“What, you were serious?”

“I’m always serious.”

“ _Pfft!_ In what universe??”

“I can see where this is going,” L said, getting to his feet. He kicked his cousin for good measure, then went to the kitchen. He came back with more beer. “You want a party,” he said, popping the tops off two bottles, “we’ll have a fucking party.” He gave his cousin a deadpan look, while handing one to Light to replace the one Jayden had snatched. “After this, your week kicks in.”

Jayden looked both delighted and deflated. “A thought occurs,” he said a moment later. “If we are **all** drinking, who is driving us to breakfast?”

“Maybe you should have thought of that earlier,” L said, saluting his cousin with the bottle and drinking part of it down.

“Noooo…” Jayden looked crestfallen. “Come on, I can’t drive, I already had too many.”

“Well I can’t let you party alone,” L replied, not stopping.

Light was suspecting he was trying to teach him a lesson through this charade at this point. That alcohol wasn’t always the best option and could get in the way of other things he might want, or something like that.

“Is the cubscout old enough to drive?” Jayden asked, busily trying to find a solution here.

Light lifted his beer, while shooting him an annoyed look, and started to drink it. He was taking himself out of the running as an option. Jayden looked aggrieved and his hands raised up as if to stop him from continuing. “Oh, _come on!_ Would you just--”

Light caught a tiny smirk on L’s face which he was mostly hiding behind the bottle he was drinking from.

“L!” Jayden said loudly. “Stop it, there is still time! We can get takeout first.”

L paused and said, “That’s a hassle. We’re either eating there or skipping it.”

“You’re cruel,” he complained. “You’re asking me to choose between amazing food and my relationship with him.” He jerked his chin towards Light.

“Relationship?” L raised his eyebrow.

Light felt a brief moment of panic flash through him.

“He can’t stand me unless we’re drinking,” Jayden said matter-of-factly. “Now you’re asking me to give up the last time we’ll get along, just in order to eat?”

Oh _phew_. Light knew that the deviant was only being half serious. However, for a second there it almost seemed like he was toeing the line on airing out his feelings. The way he’d said relationship had set off a small fit of anxiety in him before Jayden had elaborated. Plus, the deviant was being more of an asshole than usual, suddenly, which usually indicated that his feelings were involved somewhere. He got exceptionally bitchy towards him in those cases, it seemed.

“And nowhere in all of this does it occur to you to just stop being a menace?” Light commented drolly. “I’m sure that would go a long way towards not making you insufferable.”

“Shut up, busybody,” Jayden said waspishly.

“You shut up, _asshole_.” Light’s annoyance surged to the fore. Yeah, Jayden was definitely in one of those moods, proving his point.

Jayden opened his mouth to retort but was interrupted.

“Do you two need to get a room?” L asked facetiously.

They both froze and looked at him in surprise. Jayden especially seemed poleaxed. And, he looked a little twitchy. “Excuse me?” he said in a tone that almost seemed like he was verifying if he was actually being given clearance.

“You know I would do much more than kick your ass, right?” L stated calmly, giving him a no-nonsense stare.

There was a pause in which Jayden seemed to be debating how to answer. “You and I fight all the time, and you aren’t implying WE need to get a room. What the hell?”

L just kept that look trained on him.

“Seriously!” Jayden exploded with annoyance. “What the hell, man? Like I would go for a scrawny KID like this--” he gestured dismissively at Light with a sour expression. “Give me some credit.”

Jayden insulting him as a deflection was beyond aggravating and insulting. L seemed ticked off too. They all knew it was shit anyway. He was far from scrawny, for one. Two, Jayden had a _massive_ history of hitting on him, which just made the insults look **really** stupid.

“Moron,” Light said, sending him a dark glare.

“Bitch,” Jayden shot back imperiously.

L watched the squabbling and crossed his arms. “Something you wanna tell me, cousin?”

“Yeah,” Jayden shot back. “Keep his fucking attitude in check already.”

Light’s hands clenched several times, itching to be around Jayden’s throat. “Why you little--”

L seemed to debate something for a few moments before finally saying, “I’ll give you a few minutes to sort this out,” and left the room.

“What the fuck is your problem?” Light hissed, backhanding Jayden sharply in the chest. He actually wanted to punch him. He kept his voice just low enough to not carry. “This can’t just be about the alcohol.”

“What else would it be about?” he returned snidely. “You?”

Light counted to 10, slowly. Otherwise he was going to throttle him. “Yeah, that’s exactly what it seems to be about.”

Jayden seemed slightly surprised that he not only didn’t drop it, but that he was honing in on this even more sharply. A twitch of uncertainty showed upon his face for the briefest of moments.

“You are always such an asshole to me when it’s _about_ me,” Light added stonily.

“Woah,” Jayden scoffed, “Narcissistic much?”

Light punched him.

“Ow…”

They stared each other down and then Jayden punched him back. Not as hard as he probably could have, but it still had a solid impact. It was incensing. Jayden started shit and then felt he got to pay people back when they reacted?? “You’re an _asshole_ ,” Light said scathingly. “And you’re right. I can’t stand you.”

Jayden looked pissed off at that and gave him a shove. “Oh?” he sneered. “That’s not what it looked like when I kissed you last night.”

“Yeah?” Light said, shoving him back. “And I noticed you didn’t try sticking your tongue down anyone else’s throat the way you did with me.” He added mockingly, “Could it be that I’m just _special_?”

“Shut the fuck up, it was just for the reaction I was gonna get.”

“Oh, you mean where you would piss L off? AGAIN? And you would risk his temper all for the sake of a ‘scrawny KID’?”

He didn’t exactly know how Jayden was going to respond to that - to him dropping things on the table and out in the open like that. But he definitely hadn’t anticipated being grabbed by the front of the shirt and kissed.

It was much like last time, only rougher, with anger. And though L wasn’t directly in the room to witness this, it seemed much worse, more damning. Probably because this time there was no pretext of a game being involved.

Light broke off his hold with a sweep of his arms and shoved him back. “What in the HELL is wrong with you?”

“Nobody knows,” Jayden quipped with shallow humor. He pinned his pale gaze on Light and almost seemed to be switching tracks. “But seriously, get over yourself. It’s just a kiss. It doesn’t mean anything.”

Oh, NICE, trying to make it seem like he was the one making something out of nothing. Just like the one last night, he could feel the sincerity in that kiss. It wasn’t nothing. “You are so full of shit, I don’t even know where to start.”

“How about you start by _dropping it_?”

“I will if you will,” he said pointedly, “only you keep bringing it up!”

Jayden muttered under his breath, looking really torqued off. “Alright, then at least admit that you liked it,” he challenged, staring at him openly. “BOTH times.”

“Who has the ego now?”

Jayden brushed that aside, looking focused. “ _Admit it._ Or I’ll do it again.”

“What are you really after?” Light said shortly. He doubted Jayden was just wanting to be told he was an exceptional kisser. He likely already knew that.

“Admit that if you weren’t dating L that you would be into me.”

“With that attitude you have? Not likely, asshole.” He was starting to not be angry so much as incredibly exhausted. This was just like the other night at the club. This weird mood of Jayden’s…. “Besides, why would you want to hear something like that from a guy? You self-professed ‘straight’ _dumbass_.”

There was a tense moment. It was possible that Jayden was considering the ramifications of whatever answer he gave. If he said anything further along this track then he would be outing any feelings he might have had and would no longer be able to say he was just playing around. “Ok,” he said with a sigh, seeming to drop his guard. “You got me.”

Light blinked at him. He was owning up to it??

Jayden continued with another dramatic sigh. “I want to hear it because I’m horribly vain.”

The unexpected (and totally bullshit) response surprised him so much that it forced a startled laugh to the surface. That in turn brought a sly smile to Jayden’s lips, especially as Light was having trouble stopping laughing now that he started. _Jayden was such an **idiot**. _ It was literally at comical levels. “Oh, so you’re finally admitting it?” he said facetiously. It was interesting that he was deciding to play things _this_ way and keep his feelings hidden, but behind the excuse of another _glaring_ personality flaw.

“Yes,” he played around, “on the vague hopes of receiving constant validation.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “You want validation from a ‘scrawny KID’?”

“Oh ho ho,” Jayden laughed at him. “And guess who else is vain?”

“I am not. Just as I am not _scrawny_.”

Jayden smiled sweetly. “Would you rather I had used the word ‘petite’?”

“Fuck you,” Light growled, punching him in the arm. Petite? What an asshat he was.

Jayden did him one better and shoved him back, making him flail and fall onto the couch. He was subsequently pinned, suffering the hyena’s grin in closer proximity. “So offended,” he crooned as Light tried to break free to strangle him. He nuzzled the side of Light’s neck. “Maybe I like small and petite.”

“UGH quit it!” Light said in hushed tones. Geez, what was with this new blend of teasing?  Small and Petite? He wasn’t much different than Jayden and L except in height and maybe not being quite as muscled. It wasn’t even overtly obvious at a glance. Not to mention, what was up with Jayden harassing him again like this and invading his personal space?

“Aw, your face is turning red,” he jeered.

“It is not--!”

Jayden ran his tongue up the hollow of his throat, making him flush even more. “Haha,” he laughed softly, “how cute.”

“I’m going to kill you, if L doesn’t.”

Jayden looked slightly startled for a second as if just remembering something, like the fact that he had a cousin who would be seriously pissed seeing this right now. “Oh, yeah that reminds me.” He released Light and sat up to holler, “Hey, asshole, what happened to breakfast?”

L eventually came around the corner and gave them a cursory glance. “Did you work out your shit?”

Jayden put a hand over his heart and with the other gave the boyscout salute. He also made sure to look extra earnest and innocent.

“Oh please,” L scoffed, shaking his head. He looked at Light. “Are we good? If not, I can always tie him out in the yard till we get back?”

Jayden brought up his hands like the paws on a begging dog. “Jayden’s a good boy,” he said, giving his cousin puppydog eyes.

“Since when?” L scoffed again. “You are so full of shit.”

“Hm.” Jayden slowly rubbed a hand over his chin as if in deep contemplation. “You know, it’s the darndest thing, but lately people keep feeling compelled to say that to me…”

Light cuffed him in the back of his head. Hard. Mostly just because he deserved it, and several more like it, but also just because he wanted to. “I’m good,” he said, taking another beer with him. “But if he acts up, we are leaving him on the side of the road.”

L gave him an amused smile and beckoned him over. He slung an arm around Light’s shoulders and gave him a squeeze.

“If Light’s having another,” Jayden piped up, “can I?”

“Do you feel you deserve it?”

“There’s a lot of things I probably deserve,” he said quite honestly.

Light drank some of the beer he was holding. Pfft. Isn’t _that_ the truth. Most of that being payback for all the shit he pulled on a regular basis.

“Ok, grab one to go,” L said almost amiably, which seemed somewhat surprising, considering. He added, “And guess what? Jayden’s paying.”

“Whaaa??” Jayden griped. “Of all the asinine…”

“Do I hear _complaining_?” L lightly threatened. However, something in his expression or demeanor was putting off a strong warning for Jayden to watch himself. It was almost the same effect as if he had just read off the long list of shit he was pissed at Jayden for, waving it in front of him and threatening to kick his ass or wash his hands of him completely.

“No, sir,” Jayden said sullenly. At the same time he also decided to gingerly pick up a second beer from the table, as if needing it to get through the coming outing. He shot a look back at Light’s disparaging gaze. “What? It’s the last one anyway.” Indeed the rest of the bottles on the table were empty.

They made their way out to the car. As L locked up the apartment and he and Jayden went down the stairs, Jayden said to Light, “Actually, knowing I will be kept from drinking for however long this goes on IS fucking with my mood.” This seemed to be in reference to what they were talking about earlier, and when Light had said he didn’t think this mood was due to his upcoming abstinence from drinking.

“See, that’s just the sort of thing an alcoholic would say.”

“Shut up. Just because you like something and would miss it doesn’t make you an abuser of said thing.”

“True,” Light countered. “But we are talking about YOU and alcohol. Anyone with eyes can see that you have a problem.”

Jayden was nonchalantly alternating sips from the beers he held in each hand, obviously doing it on purpose to support Light’s point while also still arguing with him about it. “Besides,” Jayden continued, “everyone has their vices.” His eyes got that mischievous look and he added with a leer, “and L seems to be yours.”

Light flushed a little. “At least that’s not fucking up my health.”

“Maybe not your _health_ ,” he stressed slyly, “but it’s fucki- Ow.”

He looked up at L who had hit him in the back of the head. “I didn’t even need to hear what you were saying to tell that you needed smacked. Now shut up and get in the car.”

“Geez you’re being mean today,” Jayden groused.

“Justifiably. I’m letting you off way too lightly as it is.”

“You know,” Jayden supposed, “Maybe you should just have a knock-down drag out fight with me and be done with it.” He gave his cousin a bland look. “Isn’t that how they did it in the old days when defending a fair maiden’s honor?”

That ticked Light off. He expected it would have made L mad too but he didn’t show evidence. “Trying to piss me off isn’t going to work. I know going sober is the worst thing you can imagine.”

“Fucking hell,” Jayden muttered.

“And the fact that you’re already bitching about it, while you have beers yet in hand makes it all the more sad.”

“Oh yeah, high words from the asshole that drank me under the table during your relationship woes,” he sassed back. “Doesn’t that kind of tolerance make YOU an alcoholic then?” He gave L a challenging look. “Where’s _your_ ability to abstain then?”

“You want me to not drink _with_ you?” L asked him non-combatively, raising a brow.

“Yeah,” Jayden sneered, “if you even can--”

“Ok. If that makes it easier for you.”

“Whaa?” Jayden looked shocked. “Are you serious?”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“Err… not really.” He almost looked a little touched at the thought of not doing this alone.

Light pitched in. “I could abstain too,” he began, and when Jayden turned to him with something almost like dawning respect and gratitude, he concluded, “but I _won’t_ , because you are a giant ASS.” He took a long pull from his bottle of beer to punctuate his statement.

“Oh, well fuck you too,” Jayden griped, pissy for having one pulled over on him.

L on the other hand was shaking with silent laughter, his hand held up over his mouth. Light grinned. He always felt accomplished when he was able to make L really laugh.

“Assholes,” Jayden muttered. “Well, come on!” he said loudly, “I’m starving, let’s GO.”

L reached over to pinch his cousin’s cheek with a grin. “Aren’t you just so cute?”

Jayden growled at him and shrugged him off in a huff. The whole thing looked rather sulky. “That whole ‘me paying’ thing has a time limit. I’d estimate it’s only valid for another 15 minutes.”

“Idiot. It takes 15 minutes to get there.”

“Then I guess somebody needs to fucking step on it,” he said with sarcastic faux sweetness.

L grumbled under his breath and got in the car. Light was already in the front. He pulled out of the parking space quickly, before his cousin could get in, and set off at a cruise. He smirked as Jayden ran alongside the car and pounded on the door. “Hey!” he hollered while slapping a hand upon the car door, which was locked. “Let me in, goddamnit! Asshole!”

L made him jog next to the car for a full minute before unlocking the door. He slowed down only just enough for Jayden to manage to wrench the door open and tumble inside.

“I hate you,” Jayden announced.

“No you don’t.”

“I should.”

“No one else puts up with you like I do.”

“Well, that’s true,” he considered with a nod. “Still!” he exclaimed and sprawled across the backseat with a flop. “You do know how much even that little jog hurt after your HORRIBLE training this morning, right?”

“Of course. Why did you think I did it?”

More grumbling issued forth from the backseat.

“Actually that run was pretty brutal,” Light agreed.

“Aw, it’ll get easier.” L reached out to ruffle Light’s hair.

“You’re so much sweeter and comforting with him,” Jayden complained from the back.

“If I was nothing but nice to you, you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself.”

“Shut up.”

“No, seriously.” L turned to Light. “I tried to be nice with him for a time once, and he started fights with me just to make sure we were ok.”

“Pffft,” Light laughed and rolled his eyes. “Sounds like him.”

“Hey! I’m like RIGHT HERE. Quit talking shit behind my back _in front of me._ ” He reached up to wrap his hands around Light’s throat threateningly. “Especially shit that isn’t true.”

“Seriously?” Light said in disbelief, while also prying Jayden’s hands off. “You have like a _pathological aversion_ to NICE. Case in point, you act like an asshole every time I forget and I’m nice to you.”

“Do not.” He was sulking now.

“Hmmmn,” L said. “If this is how bad the withdrawal is before we even start, I’d hate to see it in a few days let alone a week.” He glanced at Light. “Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that you’ll be staying with that friend of yours. You won’t have to suffer his presence.”

* * *

It probably wasn’t coincidence that L covertly plied Jayden with lots of coffee at the diner. After about four cups he had mellowed out so much as to be considered fair company. He was joking with a laid-back manner and all that earlier agitation seemed to have dropped off. Also, L had relented and said that he’d pay for Jayden’s additional meals if he wanted any. On his own dime, Jayden seemed like he was going to make do with just a solitary breakfast and seemed a bit put out. After that, he perked up considerably and was in a much better mood.

The full scope of their dynamic still puzzled Light at times, but he wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. Besides, he actually did like Jayden when he wasn’t being insufferable.

They had a really nice breakfast, with easy conversation and light banter. It was so nice, in fact, that Light was starting to feel a little homesick at the thought of leaving later that day to go over to Kai’s.

“What is it?” Jayden asked him in a tone that passed for concern, peering over the top of his 6th or 7th cup of coffee.

“Nothing. I’m just supposed to leave later, is all.”

“Oh.” Jayden paused for a long moment. “Things all worked out with staying at that friend’s?”

“Yeah...” L chimed in with a somewhat deadpan voice. “Though it almost seems like more of a hassle, now.”

Jayden leaned back in the booth. “Why? Because it cuts in on the nooky?” While the statement was slightly obnoxious, Jayden actually wasn’t trying to be. He still had on that slightly empathetic face.

L rolled his eyes at him and kept eating.

“What? I thought that’s what you said before? That you have no self-control and you would drain him like some sort of sex-crazed incubus.”

“Right,” L said drolly, flicking eyes to Light as if to confirm, “that totally sounds like something I’d say, doesn’t it?”

“The self-control bit does,” Light tried to say with a straight face.

“Brat.”

L turned and kicked Jayden under the table, resuming with him. “I said that it would be too distracting at my place. He needs a regular schedule, time to study and sleep. It’s called being _responsible_.”

“Yeah, well obviously being responsible is a fucking drag,” Jayden pointed out, taking a bite of homefries and waving his fork loftily, “if I take the two of you as being an example.”

“He sort of does have a point,” Light said. He’d been half regretting the whole not staying at L’s place, even though he agreed that while fun, it could make it way too hard to focus on school and studying.

“He actually does,” L agreed with a long-suffering expression.

* * *

TBC


	62. (Phase 4) Home Away From Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An evening at Kai's family residence. Light tries to settle in, though he is plagued by thoughts of L and also harassment from an unusual quarter.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 62: Home Away From Home _

Light tried not to let it, but the depression feeling from earlier drifted back with a vengeance after getting dropped off at Kai’s house.

“You good?” Kai was asking him after dinner, fixing him with a patently worried look.

“Yeah,” he said, trying for a passable smile. “Just got to thinking about stuff. I’ll be fine.” He knew his friend would assume he was thinking about his parents which was just as well. It was harder to own up to moping about because he missed L and even his pain in the ass cousin already. Things just felt so lively around them, and trying to make the switch to being away from them… he felt a bit like an outcast, like his real life had been placed on hold in favor of some empty farce of a life, in which he would just be going through the motions. That, and he was left thinking about the entire situation of his life at this point which was its own source of melancholy.

“You want help bringing your stuff upstairs?”

He’d gotten there just before dinner, and they’d left his stuff in the foyer.

“...sure.”

As he’d supposed from meeting them earlier, Kai’s family was welcoming. The father wasn’t there, being tied up with a business trip or something. He didn’t really take much notice, being preoccupied as he was.

“So, I couldn’t help but notice the quick drop-off,” the shorn-haired boy was saying as they trudged up the stairs.

Light knew where he was going with this. Kai wanted to bug him about L, now that he knew they were together. “I didn’t need help carrying my stuff in. I don’t exactly have many possessions to my name at this point.”

“Aaaaand he deflects the anticipated question,” Kai hummed under his breath.

“Were you really expecting to meet him?”

“Or maybe just see the two of you together.”

Light shook his head with a sigh and gave him an annoyed look. “I told you, give it a try if you’re so damn interested.”

“So surly,” Kai muttered, foiled. “Is it such a big deal that I’m showing interest in who a good friend of mine is dating?”

“No, except what usually follows is you hounding me for details.”

“Who else was that in the car?”

“L’s cousin.”

“Uh huh…. and the reason he blew you a kiss?”

“He’s an asshat.”

“Ah.” The blond paused, quirking a brow. “And nowhere in all of this do you see the reason for my natural curiosity?”

They dropped the bags in Kai’s room. “Of course I do.” He felt annoyed again. “But it’s surprisingly complicated.”

“That isn’t code for threesome, is it?” his friend asked with an exceptionally skeptical look.

“NO.”

“Aaaand you are being super touchy about it. Hmmmm….”

“Ok, look,” Light relented abrubptly, before more misconceptions could surface, “they are really tight for family, and grew up together. You can’t really get one without the other. Jayden, the cousin, despite saying he’s unwaveringly straight still seems to be harboring some special sort of flame for me. It doesn’t make much sense, and he shows his caring by being insufferable most of the time. If there was to be a threesome of _any_ kind it would more likely be myself and L joining forces to strangle the life out of him.”

Kai raised a brow.

“Ok,” he heaved a monumental sigh before adding, “L sort of suspects his cousin has a thing for me and recently Jayden has all but admitted it to me. But if it got out for real, it could potentially be a huge fucking issue.”

The blond boy shook his head. “That sounds almost as complicated as your parental situation. Did you shit on someone important in a past life or what?”

“Oh, like this could _possibly_ be my fault?”

The brown-eyed boy shrugged. “Dunno. All you can do at this point is choose how you deal with it.”

Light sat down upon the bed and rubbed his hands over his face. “The stress…. is unreal.”

“The parents, I get. Tell me more about the other stuff.” Kai came over to join him on the bed. He kicked his shoes off and pulled his feet up to sit indianstyle.

“Opportunist.”

Kai shrugged with a boyish grin. “I choose to call it encouraging a friend to talk when they obviously need to vent.”

“Uh huh.”

“So, spill.”

“On what exactly?”

“Can you not just avoid the cousin until this blows over?”

“Not really. Like I said, they are really tight.”

“Yet L would help you strangle him. I’m obviously missing something.”

Light rubbed a hand over the back of his neck and tried to think of how to explain it other than just saying, accurately, that it was complicated. “Jayden is… an oddity. He’s capable of being really decent, really entertaining, and yet he can also be a giant pain in the ass, as well as being a caustic little shit. L is kind of used to it but he did tell me the other day that it’s been worse than usual.”

He paused, unaccustomed to actually talking to another person like this, and feeling a slight sense of trepidation. “I suspect it’s because of Jayden having a thing for me. He’s a person with almost zero filters, and yet he holds back because of his cousin. It’s a loaded situation. He’s shit at impulse control and yet here he has to give it an effort because otherwise he’ll risk L’s not insignificant temper, and deep down to his horrible little bones, he wants things to be okay between them.”

“But he’s slipping lately?”

“Yeah, and being an utter bitch at times.”

“Uh, don’t be pissed at me for asking, but... did something happen?”

Light looked up into his friend’s face, and saw brown eyes that were serious and tentative. He probably wasn’t digging just to satisfy his curiosity. He seemed empathetic, maybe a little concerned about him.

Light looked away. “Sort of. Yeah.”

A gasp met his response. Kai’s eyes were wide and he had a hand clapped over his mouth. “You dog.”

Light reached for a convenient pillow and smacked him in the face with it. “Ass. I actually thought you were being serious.”

“Ow! Damn you hit hard.” He rubbed at his face and winced while muttering, “Makes a bunch of fluffy feathers feel like a brick.” He fended off one more attack, protesting that he hadn’t meant to really fool around but he couldn’t help it, it was in his blood. He grabbed hold of the pillow, holding it down in front of him. “Ok, but for real, what happened? If you don’t tell me, I can say that I already have some pre~tty lurid assumptions at the ready.”

Light shook his head. Words were hard to come by, and he felt tense. “It was mostly just harassment…. and uh…” Odd, admitting it out loud was more difficult than he’d expected. Maybe because some part of him felt that doing so made things more real. He also had an unfounded fear that saying it aloud would somehow be like telling L directly, and starting off a giant conflict. “Yeah, verbal harassment for the most part.”

“And….?” Brown eyes were on him, intent to ferret out more intel. “Don’t even try to wiggle your way out of this now. It’s obvious it was more than what you just said.”

“Ok, so he kissed me alright?”

Once again Kai’s eyes went wide. “For serious?”

“Yes.” He felt annoyed.

“Like a peck on the lips? Or…?”

Light glared at him.

“Ooooh, so like, full on mouth-sex huh?” he guessed, eyes still wide with surprise and interest.

“ _Could you not call it that_?” Light rubbed his hands over his face, and kept them there.

It seemed to Kai like he was trying to get a handle on annoyance or perhaps something else. “Am I wrong?”

“...no.”

“So, elaborate. NOW.”

Light spoke through his hands. “The first time was arguably not his fault. His roommates got everyone involved in a game of spin the bottle. He’s the type of person who always goes for getting a reaction out of people. So I wasn’t entirely surprised about that one. Though he took it _way_ too far and L was going to wring his neck.”

“THE FIRST TIME??”

“Ugh.” He really didn’t want to be talking about this at ALL. Now his poor choice in phrasing was making this shit-show continue.

“The other day, he did it again, no pretext. We were arguing, and he was being extra super bitchy, and denying that it was _because_ of me. Then he freaking does it **_again_** , proving my point and yet STILL he denied that it even meant anything.”

Light heaved a monumental sigh. “He was even going so far as to try and get me to say that if I wasn’t into L I’d be into _him_. So how then, would kissing me mean nothing to him? It’s asinine.”

“Well, would you be?”

“Not with his massive attitude problem.”

“And would that exist if it wasn’t for the situation with his cousin, and that he can’t be upfront with the person he likes?” Kai was playing devil’s advocate.

“I don’t know!” Light said waspishly. “Who the hell would know with him? He acts insane half the time. Besides, he’s got plenty of action on the side, so it is beyond me why he is pursuing this at all. He should just shelve it and get his kicks off of someone else.”

“We can’t help who we like. You should know that better than anyone.”

“It’s a giant pain in the ass,” Light grumbled, intent on ignoring that little piece of insight Kai had saddled him with. “And I don’t want to be caught in the middle of a war if he can’t keep his hands and mouth to himself. I’m pretty sure L would kill him.”

“So, there isn’t a way for like… you all to share?”

“NO.” Light slanted him an annoyed look. “How did you go from utter shock that I was dating a guy, to this wide open-mindedness where you think threesomes could or _should_ be a thing?”

Kai shrugged. “Dunno. Just thought it was a strange but interesting dynamic and threw the idea out there. Plus, I feel a little bad for this Jayden character.”

“Trust me, that would subside if you met him.”

“And yet, you seem to like him somewhat, despite all of these character flaws?”

“It’s complicated.”

“So you’ve said.”

Light was shaking his head. “We get along when we’re drunk, or when he’s not set to be a _complete_ menace.”

“Are you attracted to him?”

“He’s attractive.” Light shrugged. “Not interested.”

“Hmn,” Kai said consideringly.

“ _Stop that._ Just because he’s good-looking doesn’t mean I have to be interested.”

“Was he a good kisser?”

“Yes,” Light said with exasperation. “So what? Are you interviewing him for a potential bicurious partner?”

Kai scoffed. “Course not.” He switched tactics and said conspiratorially, “Hey, is L like a _phenomenal_ kisser then?”

Light flushed a little as a few instances of being kissed senseless came to mind.

“Damn, now I _really_ want to meet this guy, with a reaction like that.”

“How about **_no_**.”

“Aw come on, you can’t really blame me,” his friend griped. “You are nearly unflappable!” He paused and added with flair, “Soooo, I suspect that what is _really_ going on here is that no one can hold a candle to L as far as you are concerned. In which case, Jayden might be right in saying you could be into him if not for his cousin.” He tsked and shook his head. “I feel bad for him. You should cut him a break.”

“I cut him a break every day he remains breathing,” Light said darkly.

Kai grinned at him. “Your animosity is almost endearing.”

* * *

Light settled onto the air mattress that Meena, Kai’s mom, had prepared for him and they turned out the lights for the night. Despite being aggravated over his friend’s questioning, he did feel better for airing out some of what was on his mind. It also had the effect of distracting him from his melancholy and thinking too much about parents and the future.

They scuffled a bit after Kai took to teasing him, and he burned through some of the nervous energy he’d acquired. Not long after that they were talking about some random shit and Kai had insisted they play one of his console games. It had been fun.

Right now though, a wave of exhaustion was rolling over him, and hidden within it was the subtle pang of that ever-present feeling of homesickness. In just these few days, he’d grown accustomed to having one of L’s arms or a leg flung over him as they settled down to sleep, or having the feeling of his own arm wrapped around L. He missed the soft press of drowsy kisses upon his lips, and the comforting, intoxicating smell of his dark-haired lover. He missed the sound of his voice in his ear - the velvety quality it got at times, as well as the serious and playful tones it could take on.

Damn it all.

If he had a phone, he probably could get L on the line even several hours from now. It would be considered early for him, even up to midnight. He could be talking to him right now, and maybe quelling some of this longing.

This whole plan was flawed. How was he supposed to focus better on school and studying when L’s absence was like a gaping hole in him that he was trying to ignore?

Friday seemed a long way off. He wasn’t sure he’d make it.

* * *

Light awoke partially, as was his habit, and was vaguely aware of being conscious while drifting on the edge of sleep.

Thoughts of L swarmed his mind and he didn’t bother to fully rouse himself, knowing that in some far-off part of him that L wouldn’t be there if he woke. He’d rather lose himself in the feel of his lover’s presence, which his mind was fabricating like a cocoon of blankets to wrap around him, insulated from reality.

Still though…. he felt as if _something_ had partially awakened him.

Cold air on his stomach.

What was that rustling noise? It was a faint sound, like cloth.

His eyes weren’t cooperating, so he tried to piece it together with his other powers of observation.

Actually, he was starting to get the feeling that he was being hovered over. But what reason would someone have to wake him? The alarm hadn’t gone off yet…

Something touched his face. A hand? He made a more concerted effort to drag his eyes open, and succeeded only moments after he felt another touch against his lips.

His eyes flew open.

Startled wide brown eyes met his and he jumped back in shock, knocking his head into the nightstand with a curse. His heart was hammering in his chest and he could barely believe what he was seeing. _What the hell??!_

His eyes felt just as wide as the ones he was looking at, which were set in a petite face and framed with long wavy dark gold hair.

“Whass goin on?” Kai murmured groggily from the bed just as the alarm went off.

Kai’s little sister, who had been momentarily frozen in shock at being caught out, flew into motion. Her face went red and she jumped to her feet in a flash.

“Light kissed me!” she called out in accusation as she beat it for the door, probably hoping to divert her transgression upon him. Who would be believed more? A pre-teen girl or a teenage boy?

“Wha-?!” he protested.  _That crafty little monster!_ “I did not!” He banged his head again as he tried to get up, movements still slow and sleep-lethargic. “Ow!” Goddamnit he could actually hear her saying it again, deeper in the house. Kai’s mom was going to freak out, maybe kick him out. But he was innocent!

“What were you doing to my sister?” Kai asked suspiciously, peering over the side of the bed at him and observing his massive coordination fail.

“Nothing!” his voice was still sleep-mussed and he felt so scattered. “I just woke up.”

His friend peered at him skeptically, looking about as amiable as a stone wall.

Admittedly, he felt a sense of panic swamp him. He didn’t know what to do. There was no WAY he would have done something like this, not with such a young minor, and not with his friend’s kid sister, and _most certainly_ not when he was gratefully relying on the family’s hospitality to have a roof over his head.

Would he be kicked out? Or worse? This is something a person could _press charges_ over. It was actually, at this moment, rather terrifying.

“Light, sorry man,” Kai said then, almost sounding apologetic. It was throwing him for a loop. “I should have thought to lock the door.”

“Huh??”

An amused smile broke out on his friend’s face. “You were in full meltdown mode.” He seemed only mildly repentant. “I couldn’t keep it up any longer, though. I felt guilty.”

Light just stared at him, understanding nothing of what was going on right now. A rude awakening had him flailing, and then his normal caffeine-less fog - it was leaving him operating at less than full capacity to say the least.

Kai let out a huge yawn, loosely covering it with his hand. “I told you my sister is obsessed with you, I just didn’t know she’d be so forward about it. In a lot of ways she’s a shy little wuss. I guess you are less intimidating to approach when you’re asleep.” He laughed.

Light was scandalized. “Are you telling me you _knew_ I hadn’t done shit and yet you -”

“Let you panic a little? Yeah sorry, just woke up - low impulse control. It was like pulling the best prank ever, but without any effort.”

“You’re a jackass,” Light glared at him but felt wildly relieved.

“And _you_ are in troooouble,” Kai sang back under his breath, rolling over and feigning sleep as his mom bustled into the room looking harried and upset. The ‘innocent’ 11 year old was hiding behind her as if for protection.

_Shit!_

“ ** _Light Yagami_** ,” she started, looking intensely troubled and floundering for words as she absently finished tying her hastily thrown on robe. “What is this I am hearing so early in the morning?” Her voice sounded a bit thin and high.

 _Oh my god, there is no WAY she’ll believe me, not over her own daughter!_ He felt the panic washing back over him and he sorely resented Kai abandoning him like this to flounder once more.

“I didn’t do anything. I swear, I just woke up!” he protested. And he knew he looked and sounded the part. Without coffee, the sleep affect usually lingered for a good amount of time. Although, the panic was shredding through that drowsiness and clumsiness.

“Are you calling my daughter a liar?” she said sharply.

Inconceivably, he heard snickering from the bed. He couldn’t help sending a betrayed look that way. _Kai, you traitor!_

He whipped his attention back to Kai’s mother and stuttered out, “N-No ma’am. I just -”

“That is some nerve you have, pulling this in **_my_** house, with **_my_** daughter,” she started off angrily and then somehow her face started twitching like she was trying to hold back from laughing. Was he imagining it? She seemed legit _pissed_! “What do you have to say for yourself, mister?”

She literally fell apart right then, laughing helplessly. Light blinked at her, wildly confused. She had a hand to her mouth, trying to stifle it. “Oh, god, your face. I just can’t -” She scraped herself together enough to say, “Heather, you’re grounded.”

Kai howled with laughter from the bed.

Heather fled the scene.

By this time Light had risen to his feet, utterly out of sorts and flailing. “What is going on here??”

“I’m sorry dear,” Kai’s mom got out, wiping a tear from her eye. “When Heather came in talking about being kissed I rushed over here but when I saw your face - half asleep and panic stricken - I knew my little girl must have been telling a fib. But I just couldn’t help myself, you practically radiated panic and innocence….”

“Ahhhahaha!” came Kai’s voice from the bed, “I told you, the urge to joke and prank is in the blood!”

“No offense, Ma’am,” Light groused, “but you are all horrible.”

“I told you to call me Meena,” the pretty young mom with Kai’s eyes scolded, coming over to  wrap her arms around him in a big hug. “We’re sorry, I’m sure.” She said to her son, “Kai, you’re all going to be late for school. And tonight, lock your door. I’ll have a talk with little miss grabby hands later.”

Kai’s head popped up, a look of amused surprise on his face. “You think she _groped_ him too?”

“Well, you saw his clothes all disheveled.” She held Light out at arm’s length then. “Unless you are that messy of a sleeper?”

He felt dismayed. “No, I don’t think so.” Groped by a child? It somehow felt more creepy and intrusive than times Jayden or others had made passes at him, groped or kissed him, and they had done a lot more than what had happened here.

“Aw,” Meena said, enfolding him in another hug and pressing a doting kiss to the side of his head. “You look so traumatized.” She giggled. She literally _giggled_. “Sorry, it’s adorable.”

Light did his best to regroup. “Please tell me you have coffee. If not, I might just kill myself on the spot.”

“Oh, what a flair for the dramatic,” she teased.

“Hey, mom,” Kai said, “don’t breathe a word of this if any of Light’s friends come by. He’s dating someone.”

“Aw but he’d be a lovely son-in-law.” She paused as if to think. “Of course, even betrothed, you’d have to wait quite a few years to get frisky…”

“Mom!” Kai protested, scandalized, though he also seemed like he was holding back more laughter.

“Oh, would you look at the time!” she announced. “You boys get ready and I’ll whip together something edible.” She gave him another squeeze. “Light, it really is a joy having you here.”

He grumbled under his breath.

She released him and tousled his hair. “You’re a good sport, I know, or you wouldn’t be friends with my boy.” She grinned at them. “Downstairs in 15. Taaa~!” She waggled her fingers in a little wave and disappeared.

Light stood like a statue, trying to take it all in.

“Hop to, Light. She says 15 but she really means 10. The extra 5 is in case it takes her a little longer to throw breakfast together.” Kai clapped him on the shoulder. “Don’t stress it. Now that you’ve been initiated, I’m sure you’ll adjust just fine.”

“She’s like a female version of _you_ ,” he groused as they made their way to the bathroom which luckily had double sinks. “Like a clone.”

Kai laughed. “Yeah, I can see that.”

“What’s your dad like?”

“Hmn. Maybe you should just see for yourself. He’ll be home in a day or two.”

“The three of you are like clones, actually - you all look alike.”

“Maybe so but personality-wise, sis takes after my dad.”

“How so?” Ah, that was what he’d suspected upon first meeting Kai’s family at school the other week.

“Well, as you saw, typically quiet and reserved… although after this morning I’m starting to wonder if I didn’t learn about a side of my father I did NOT need to know about.” He snickered.

“What, a molester-y side?”

“Yeah, a closet _freeeak_ ,” he laughed. “Maybe I should be grateful they somehow managed to cap things off at two kids.”

Light shifted topics a bit, “They say you pick your romantic partners according to your parental dynamics. Since you take after your mom, looks like you should be looking for someone like your dad.” He heavily implied ‘closet freak’ when he said dad, to razz him.

“Hey, I said I was a little curious,” the blond protested adamantly, “which is far and away **not** the same thing as shacking up with a dude!”

Light finished washing his face. “You do realize I was only talking personality?”

“Shit.”

“I’m starting to wonder about you.”

“Well, stop that.” Kai had ceased seeming so amused and now appeared to be a little twitchy and on edge.

Light laughed to himself.

“Quit it,” Kai accused. “You are not allowed to be amused at my expense.”

“It comes to mind that it would be perfect payback for earlier. Though, a pale version of what you deserve, you little punk.” He grabbed the brown-eyed boy in a headlock and started a scuffle. It was almost like second nature now, after spending so much time with the cousins. Also, it was not unlike how Kai was with their buddy Germain. Speaking of….

“Ugh quit it, you crazy person,” Kai panted, in the midst of a losing battle. While attempting once more to pry off Light’s arm around his throat he added, “Have you been working out?”

“Yes but only recently, so this is just you being woefully under-skilled since all you ever do is harass midgets.”

“Don’t count them out,” Kai puffed as he struggled, “they can be wiley.” He tried to break the hold again but wasn’t wholly successful. “Errrgh.”

“You sure you don’t have a hidden and deep seated flame for our resident midget?”

“Whaa?! The hell you smokin, son??”

Light reaffirmed his hold which was met with much protest. “Well, let’s see, aside from your near constant harassment of him, the scuffles, the teasing, the apparent fun you have doing all of the above, and your recent obsession with my relationship and ones like it….”

“You’re insane. Shut up. Your bf has obviously warped your brain - with what I can only assume is mind destroying sex - cuz there is _no way_ -”

“Uh huh, that’s exactly how it starts. Pat denial.” He grinned. “And knowing you, you’ll never get this out of your brain now.” He released him.

Kai sagged theatrically over the sink, seeming to agree with that last assessment. “You’re a monster.”

“Payback’s a bitch.”

“UGH.” He swung his eyes over to the clock and they widened dramatically. They’d lost track of time. “Shit! Run!” He pushed Light into the bedroom where they dressed in a whirlwind of motion. Then they raced downstairs where Meena was in the midst of packing up breakfast.

“Now now boys, I said 15 minutes and you are LATE. No breakfast for you.”

“Mooooooom!” Kai wheedled, “Please, just this once. You have no IDEA how long he spends on his hair.”

“Me?” Light scoffed.

“Actually,” Meena said, looking them over, “Light doesn’t seem to have gotten a brush _near_ his hair yet and Kai, your shirt is on backwards.” She shook her head. “Go fix yourselves. This breakfast you can take to go. Make sure tomorrow is a better effort.”

They ran back upstairs to remedy themselves and also take turns actually using the bathroom, then grabbed their backpacks and ran back down the stairs in record time.

“For the record, Light,” Meena instructed, “we leave here promptly on the half hour. I have to drop Heather at her school first. If you miss the family bus, you walk. If you are late getting to school, you will get an earful.”

“Is it possible to miss the ‘family bus’ and walk to school without being late?”

“Yes,” Kai said. “But a ride is much nicer.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> upcoming (starting next chap) lawlight xxx, for those of you feeling impatient and also cursing me or this chap. :3


	63. (phase 4) Withdrawal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More layers of Kai's family are revealed, including the introduction of the elusive father. Light takes an awkward phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Meant to post a few days ago. Got busy. 
> 
> SO GLAD it's Friday. Have a good weekend, ya'll!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 63: Withdrawal _

By Wednesday, Light was well settled at the Donn residence. He’d even met the father, who turned out to be an exceptionally tall, kind of hipster-looking man with his short trimmed reddish brown hair and a significant but perfectly manicured beard which had more red in it than the hair on his head. His name was Chadwick. _Chadwick._

Who the hell names their kid that? Or, more importantly, where do people come from that name their child that? He went by _Chaz_ , which was arguably worse, though kind of amusing. His full -and somewhat impressive- name was Chadwick Marcelius Bartholomew Donn. Over dinner one night Light learned that as a boy he used to go by Marc, but after meeting Meena, she insisted Chaz was much better.

“Marc and Meena,” the perky Mrs. Donn scoffed, pausing work on her salad. “Nope! Doesn’t even sound right does it?” She waved a piece of cherry tomato on her fork. “Sounds like a horrible comedy sitcom.” She shook her head, making her short, wavy dark gold hair bounce to and fro.

“She must’ve had designs on me early on,” Mr. Donn said drolly, a warmth in his eyes, “She started calling me that from almost the first time we met.”

She humphed. “I know good stuff when I see it.” She sent him a conspiratorial and flirtatious wink, making him smile. “Besides, she concluded, Chaz sounds like some kind of silver spoon type of name doesn’t it? Calls to mind huge mansions, expensive cars, and horribly high maintenance, large long-haired dogs.”

Light nodded. _That it does._ “I thought Chaz is what people sometimes named those very same long-haired dogs?” Hadn’t he seen that on TV a time or two?

Kai let out a bark of laughter. “I **_knew_** it! Hahahaaa!!! Joke’s on you, dad!”

Meena primly ate her salad as if she hadn’t heard a thing, but Light had started to get good at detecting her withheld laughter and amusement.

“Meena!” Mr. Donn exclaimed indignantly. “Say it isn’t so?”

“It isn’t so,” she parroted easily.

“Oooooh my god,” he said theatrically, holding his head in his hands. “All this time…. it was just a running gag for your amusement.”

“If it makes you feel better,” she said sweetly, “it was partly how you went along with it so gamely and obliviously that really endeared you to me.”

“My love,” he lamented, reaching across to take her hand in his. “You are truly horrible.”

“I know, my darling.” She lifted his hand to kiss it. Gazing soulfully into his eyes, she was still teasing him. “And I just love you _soooooo_ much.”

Light grinned watching the exchange. He hoped that when he got older and settled down with someone, that it could stay fun like this. He rarely saw his parents do anything of the sort. If nothing else, here was proof that marriage or long relationships didn’t have to be boring or get stagnant. He also thought it was interesting to watch ‘Chaz’s personality react to Meena’s. On his own he appeared a bit reserved, on the quiet side, and slightly imposing if not prone to wearing flannel, thick rimmed glasses and drinking lots of coffee. Deep down he seemed to have a quiet sort of humor that his wife was able to draw out.

Kai leaned back in his chair, a self-satisfied look on his face as he watched them. “Yeah,” he sidebarred to Light, catching wind of what was on his mind, “my parents are pretty great, aren’t they?”

Light nodded, amused that Mr. Donn was now saying something to the tune of _‘Joke’s on you, I don’t even have that much money,’_ to which his wife scoffed and said that with a name like his, who would ever have guessed.

“Alright folks, we’ll leave you to it.”

“To what, second love of my life?” Meena lilted, catching onto her son’s shirking of chores. “Flirting? Or cleaning up after all of you?”

“Ugh. Flirting, I guess. If you must.” He made a horrible gagging sound to be obnoxious and started clearing the table.

“Our son is such a sweetheart,” she said to her husband, tapping a delicate finger up his chest and making eyes at him. “We did a good job making him, you and I.” She nuzzled him, bumping noses.

“UGH!” Kai said louder, making her laugh heartily. She knew just how to wind him up.

Heather as usual was fairly quiet through meals, but watched Light when she thought nobody could see her. He kinda felt bad she had such a massive crush on him. She was a pretty kid and sure to break some hearts in a few years, but there was just nothing he could do for her to reciprocate. She had the same eyes as her brother, though hers managed to look huge, very solemn and almost tragic. That, paired with her nymph-like cloud of wavy gold hair, was sure to snare the affections of more than a few boys. He just wouldn’t be one of them.

She quietly excused herself from the table. Light noted she left her plate where it was.

“HEY, brat!” Kai called out. “If I can’t shirk, neither can you.”

“Give her a break, darling,” Meena said, “she’s heartbroken.”

“Whaaa??” Kai seemed to think that was a shit reason for her to get away with anything. Heather smiled and stuck her tongue out at him.

“I’ll do it,” Light offered, helping to clear the table. Heather momentarily lost all expression on her face except for wide eyes. She looked like she wanted to take it back, seeing her crush do something in her stead.

“What a sweet houseguest, don’t you think, Dear?” Meena asked her husband. “Pitching in and helping out the very person who accosted him earlier this week, without a word of complaint.”

Heather turned bright red and swiped her plate and cup from Light’s hands. “I’ll do it,” she said in a rush, seeming mortified.

“Kai, honey,” his mom said after he left the room, “why don’t you and Light go upstairs and work on your studies while she takes care of the dishes?”

He grinned at her. “Sure thing.”

They trudged up the stairs. “Wow,” Light said, “your mom is nothing short of amazing.”

“I know, it really surprises me sometimes too. She can be a real hardass at times but in general she’s just really cool. I know I won the parental lottery on them.” He slanted a sly look at Light then, “And if yours are so different, I can now see why you are so freaking uptight.”

“Eh, shut up.”

“You seem to have loosened up though. Can I take that to be liberation from their influence, which caused that, or was it having more ‘inappropriate activities’ than boys our age can usually shake a stick at?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Light replied archly, trying to one-up him.

“Aw, man,” Kai complained. “You’re learning too quick. Soon you’ll be as hard to harass as mom is. What happened to all that indignation over me prying into personal affairs?”

“Hmmmm,” Light drew out the word as if thinking hard. “At this point I think what you really want most is a demonstration as opposed to intel.”

Kai gasped dramatically. “Bite your tongue! I’m no voyuer.”

“Oh, I think you might be,” Light hummed, harassing him.

“Ugh, you’re the worst.”

“No, the worst would be telling Germain about your big dark hidden secret - that you want to do terrible, wonderful things to him.”

Kai actually turned a livid bright red.

He stared at his friend with some measure of surprise. “Uh oh. If you are reacting like that, you actually might be in trouble.”

“Stop it,” Kai grumbled. “It’s your fault anyhow, putting insane ideas in my head.”

“Name ONE girl you are interested in, or think is fun to be around.”

“Light, stop it! I don’t have a thing for the midget. That’s ridiculous!”

He crossed his arms and gave Kai a nonplussed look.

“Candice,” he said. “Candice is hot.”

“And you want to date her?”

“Well, not really. I told you I think dating is a load of crap. No fun.”

“Uh huh. And yet hanging out with and harassing Germain is fun - your words.”

“FRIEND fun, not I-want-to-jump-him fun.”

“If you say so.”

“Dude, if your subliminal messages and trickery hijack my brain in any significant way, I am going to kill you. You will not make it out of this house alive.”

Light smiled at him, wildly entertained at being able to wind him up in this way. He truly did suspect that if brought to light, Kai might have a slight thing for their mutual acquaintance, though he’d probably be the last to know. It could easily stay buried and unnoticed, but he felt vindicated pulling it out since Kai had pranked him and also because he seemed way too damn curious about guy on guy stuff. Sick fascination? Perhaps. Or, it pointed to hidden tendencies. He’d let his friend wrestle that one on his own.

The cellphone on the nightstand began to ring. “Hello?” Kai answered it, seeming to be a bit relieved to have a terminus to their banter. “Light?” He adopted a confused tone for the caller. “Are you sure you have the right number?” He grinned wildly as Light growled and lunged for the phone. “No, I don’t know anyone by that name…” he continued as he fended off the attack.

“Give it!” Light demanded.

“No, it’s mine, quit it!” he laughed.

Light knocked his knee out from under him and managed to grab the phone from his loosened hand. Yeah, grappling with L and Jayden had taught him a few tricks.

“Cheater,” Kai muttered. His eyes quickly turned avid as he watched Light expectantly, wanting to see him chatting with his lover.

Light brought the phone up to his ear. “Hello?”

“Man, you sure sound like you are living it up. And after being so fucking mopey earlier haha!”

“Jayden?”

“That’s right, bitch, the one and only,” he jeered.

“And why are YOU calling me?”

“L was busy.”

“Again?”

“Apparently he’s trying to fit most of his sessions in during the week so he can have more time with you on the weekend. It’s so sweet I could vomit.”

Jayden sounded different from normal. A little caustic and hyped up but… not his usual. For one, he was being more communicative.

“So…” Light began, “How are you doing with your bet?”

“Ugh,” Jayden complained. “It sucked. L was about to kick my ass with how I was with withdrawals.”

“Better now?”

“A little. Plus I’m hopped up on caffeine.”

“Not surprising.”

“Listen, you wanna hang out or something? It’s been hell not being able to do the usual. I’m bored out of my mind. All my friends drink.”

“Nope. Gotta study.”

“You little bitch, no you don’t,” he sneered mockingly. “You’re probably eons ahead of your class with how much time you spend jacking off to those textbooks.”

Light rubbed a hand over his face. “How was that intended to make me agree to be seen with you? Asshole.”

“Bitch.”

“L isn’t letting you go home, is he?”

“No,” Jayden lamented, shifting moods in a heartbeat. “He said I had to stay here a while, till it’s out of my system. Plus he’s making me train in the meantime **and** give up smoking so I can run. It’s HELL. Help me!”

“Aw, he’s being lenient with you. How sweet.”

Jayden sputtered indignantly.

Light grinned, getting an immense kick out of winding him up. “I bet he’s feeding you though, for free too. Isn’t he?”

“Yeah,” Jayden muttered.

“And it’s way better than the shit you usually eat, isn’t it?” he prodded.

“Yeah.”

“And you can see how lucky you are, can’t you?”

“Shut up,” he sulked. “How is your situation over there?”

“Surprisingly really great.”

“Oh, how nice for you,” Jayden snarked at him. “If it had sucked, you wouldn’t have such a stick up your ass right now and you would come over and entertain me.”

“Isn’t that what I’m doing right now?” He chose to ignore the attitude, knowing the deviant was probably just desperate for a reaction.

“Shut up.”

“Is L actually home, and you’re just being an asshole again?”

“No-” he began to say, but Light heard something in the background. Something suspiciously like another person, one who sounded _just like L_.

“Jaydennnn,” Light growled.

“Ok fine, fuck you both. Here!”

It sounded like he tossed the phone and muttering could be heard.

“Hello?” L said, picking up the phone.

“Hey,” Light said with enthusiasm. His chest was brimming with a multitude of emotions, but the foremost was a feeling of fulfillment at finally hearing his voice and getting to connect with him, It wasn’t like being in person but it was still something. “How are you?”

“Aside from my cousin, decent. But he has been an unholy terror. And I’ve been housebound more often than not, keeping tabs on him.”

“What about when you work?”

“I’ve actually taken him with me. Under the guise of being an apprentice. What bullshit. But he actually is learning things.”

“Er, what about his job?”

L let out a sigh and Light got the impression he was shaking his head. “He does work as it comes in, mutters a lot, brings his laptop with him when we go out. Oh, it’s been _real_ fun.”

“How is the detox coming?”

“He is super annoying and uses every chance he can to point out that I’m sort of detoxing as well.”

“You did used to drink a lot…” Light trailed. L sounded tired, and a bit harried.

“I know. Shitty habit. But having it waved in my face by the person with the _ultimate_ drinking problem…. Some days I just wanna punch him.”

Hmmm. “Is that why he now seems to be hopped up on caffeine?” He wouldn’t put it past anyone to purposely make Jayden down a ton of coffee, once they saw how it mellowed his shit out. Though, that much caffeine was its own vice.

“Yeah. Guilty as changed.” There was a trace of amusement in his voice.

“L!” Jayden hollered. “I’m fucking BORED!”

L gave a long suffering sigh. “Also, I didn’t call you because I didn’t want to subject you to _this_.”

“It’s not so bad if it lets me talk to you. It feels like weeks.” Light tried to say that lightheartedly but it fell a little flat. He missed him like hell.

“I heard Jayden ask, but how are things?”

“Pretty good.”

“We miss you.”

Aw, that kind of tugged at his heartstrings. The ‘we’ made it seem even more like he’d gained a second family. One that actually accepted him and wasn’t rapidly trying to mold him and change him at every turn. He had a _home_ to come back to. “Me, too.” He paused for a long moment, trying to tap down the emotion that had slipped out into his voice, then asked, “When do you think I can see you?”

“This week is kinda busy.”

He kinda missed them both, even with Jayden being a pain half the time. But L… L he missed _powerfully_.

“Could you carve out like an hour?” He just wanted to lay eyes on him, to feel his mouth against his, and firm hands sliding over his arms and back. Or even to just be in the same physical space.

“I probably shouldn’t leave him by himself just yet.” L sounded aggrieved. “As much as I want to be alone with you right now.” His tone had slipped into that deeper register that said he was thinking about exactly what Light was thinking about.

Light had a vague thought of the time they’d had phone sex drift into his mind, but had to nix the idea just as quickly. Even if they could get Jayden to bugger off, it wasn’t like he had a room to himself here.

“You can’t get alone there either, can you?” L said quietly, his voice sounding even more tinged with lust than before. “Damn it all…. even if I had Jayden piss off for a little while...”

“Yeah,” Light said thickly, body quickening even at the idea that they were thinking along the same lines. He turned even further from perked ears and intent eyes and said, “Are you sure you can’t make it by even for a few minutes? I’m dying here.” Lust was seeping out into his voice. “I need you.”

He threw the last thing out there just to see if he could get a reaction. Part of him wanted to put the pressure on and see if he could make L fold, or at least see how hard it was for him to keep resisting. The other part just really wanted to see him and didn’t care a whole lot about the reasons they ‘couldn’t’.

L cursed softly. “Here I am, trying to be responsible...” He sounded like he was wavering.

“Tie your dog up in the yard and come get me,” Light said silkily, wheedling to get his way. “I’ll make it worth your while.” He added sluttily, “ _However you want it_.”

L cursed again. “How am I supposed to say no to that?”

“Say yes. _Come_.”

“I’d love to.” He sounded so torn. “But what if I can’t leave him here?”

“I’m almost past caring about an audience.”

“Liar,” L said slyly. “Exhibitionist.”

Light scoffed at him. “You could make him drive and we’ll pretend he isn’t in the car, but it will limit what I’m willing to do.”

“It’s kind of hot that you’d go for it anyway.”

“But?”

“But I’d have to kill him for seeing us together.”

Jayden’s voice got a lot closer to the phone and he could imagine the deviant hanging over his cousin’s shoulder. “I get it, ya’ll wanna FUCK,” he said solicitously. “Well guess what, me too, only I’ve been stuck in this cage for _3 days_.”

“So what, you want a show?” L scoffed at him, as it that was the last thing in hell he’d let happen.

“LOOK, anything is better than nothing and I’m dying here. So fine, whatever, shag in the car, I’ll drive. Or let me at some damn porn at the least! I’m in a fucking desert.”

“The hell?” L said, and Light could almost see him shaking his head. “ _You moderate a **porn** site_. How then are you in a fucking desert?”

“GOOD porn,” he insisted. “Or let me drive and hear other people having the fun I can’t. Jesus. Have some fucking compassion.”

“L, I think he had a little too much caffeine.”

“Shut up, KID,” Jayden sneered, being able to hear him through the phone as he was likely hanging right over it. “And it was only 3 redbulls on top of the coffee, thank you very much.”

“What?” L exclaimed. “Where in the hell did you get those?!”

“Fuck you,” he dismissed. “Or rather, go fuck your boy, leave me the place, and I can get a booty call.”

“No chance in hell. You’ll have _more_ than just booty brought your way and, so help me, if liquor or anything stronger crosses the threshold I will MURDER YOU.” It seemed like he still worried about the drugs thing somewhat.

“Damnit,” Light said forlornly. It really wasn’t looking feasible at all for L to come out to see him. He seemed to totally have his hands full dealing with Jayden and his addictive tendencies. He probably really couldn’t leave him alone.

“Aw, come on cuz, even I heard that. He sounds fucking pitiful.” Jayden wrenched the phone away from L. “See why I was trying to get you to come over? It wasn’t completely selfish.”

It did indeed sound like both of them were near at the end of their ropes with each other, and with themselves.

Light debated for a moment. “What do you propose?”

“We pick you up, you can do whatever the fuck you want in the backseat on the way over, fuck each other senseless when you get here - but be quick about it - then we can all hang out.”

“Doesn’t L have a training session to go to?”

“Yeah but not for a bit.”

“Like I’d leave him alone with you for 5 seconds let alone over an hour,” L growled back, wresting the phone away from him. “You couldn’t be trusted before and you certainly can’t be trusted as you are right now.” He added in a mutter, “Probably try to fuck anything that moves.”

“Like I can’t take care of shit on my own!” Jayden yelled back. “You have a goddamn bathroom, what did you think modern man did before the booty call was invented?!”

“So handle it!” L shouted back. He muttered under his breath again and then said to Light, “Look, I am so sorry. As I said, unholy terror.”

“Sounds like abstaining is getting to you too.”

“It was the only way to get him to go along with it.” He paused. “And yes, the other abstinence is surprisingly oppressive, seeing as it’s only been a few days.”

“Same,” Light said morosely.

“Aw, don’t sound like that,” he sounded sorrowful, “you’re breaking my heart.”

“When would I see you?”

“I don’t know, Friday night? I’ll be done around 8pm. Then I’ll be free most of the weekend.”

Light’s heart sank. “I still have the study session on Saturday.”

“Shit. Forgot about that.”

“Come over,” he implored.

“Seriously?”

“Yes,” he said emphatically, letting the lust edge his voice quite obviously.

He could practically see L biting his lip, something of the enamored look in his eyes. “I want to…”

“I want _you_.” He made sure to make it sound as scandalous and solicitous as possible, and a shade of that domineering streak came out as well. “Come get me.”

The phone was muffled and he could faintly hear L say, “If I leave you money for pizza and porn…”

Jayden said something in response that seemed to aggravate L and then he heard the hyena laughing.

L came back on the line. “He says he wants to come along, and that it’s nothing he hasn’t heard before.”

“Oh jesus.”

L muffled the phone a little and addressed his houseguest, “Pizza and porn or nothing, asshole. Final offer. We’ll hang out later this weekend.”

“Ok fine, but you owe me,” Jayden said with a leer.

Muttered cursing could be heard, as well as an ‘Ow’, likely L kicking his mouthy cousin. “I’ll be there in 20.”

Light hung up and immediately remembered he’d had a witness to the WHOLE DAMN THING.

Kai was staring at him, equal parts shocked and impressed. His face also bore a bit of a flush and he looked like he was just _dying_ to say something.

“You heard nothing,” Light warned him, just this side of mortified, having forgotten himself during that conversation. “And if you did, you will say nothing.”

Kai drooped and said nothing, but then cheekily held up three fingers and mouthed the word ‘Threesome?’ with an upward cant to his eyebrows.

Light spent the next 10 minutes or so trying to suffocate him into the mattress. Unfortunately, they were pretty fairly matched in strength so that wasn’t as easy as he would have liked. Kai also silently mouthed things like ‘ _hot damn_ ’ and ‘poor Jayden’ just to wind him up.

True to his word, L arrived about 20 minutes after they hung up the phone.

Meena caught Light on his way out. “Going somewhere?”

He looked a little sheepish. “A friend is picking me up for a bit.” He hoped he didn’t look as guilty as he felt that he did. He couldn’t bring himself to say ‘boyfriend’ either.

“Weren’t you going to study?”

“Oh, come on, mom,” Kai said, kindly providing him cover as he waltzed into the room behind Light. “He’s like lightyears ahead of the rest of us _plebeians_.”

“Oh,” she said, looking impressed.

“I won’t be gone too long,” Light offered.

“Ok, then,” she relented. “Have fun.”

“Oh, he will,” Kai said barely containing a smirk.

Light quickly escaped before he heard Kai’s mom start grilling her son on just what that was supposed to mean.

L’s old black musclecar was a sight for sore eyes. So was L himself.

“God I missed you,” Light said, sliding into the front seat and greeting him with a heated kiss.

L’s hand came up to wind in his hair as he deepened the kiss and made him feel it through his entire body. L barely pulled back enough to say, “You kiss me like that and I’ll think you want to get started outside this boy’s house.”

“We shouldn’t, right?” Light teased, kissing him again.

L groaned as he fought his flagging self-control. “Goddamn you’re making this difficult.”

“Oh? And here I thought you were going to say _‘hard’_ ,” Light mocked him, playing at his lips and sliding a hand up his thigh.

His lover’s eyes slipped shut with a look of intense concentration. “At least let me drive us down the road.”

“Well now, that’s up to you.” He began nibbling at L’s neck, breathing him in, stroking the front of his jeans. He knew he was being a horrible tease, but he couldn’t help it. L’s reactions were priceless and his eyes were practically burning with lust.

L determinedly put the car in drive and did his best to block out what Light was doing. Light kept in mind he didn’t want them to crash or anything, so he toned it back while they were in motion.

A previous conversation of theirs came to mind however, one that started out much like this with teasing and driving and talk of things that were almost car-crash worthy, and an idea was starting to brew in his head.

* * *

TBC


	64. (phase 4) CARnal Instinct

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fun in Cars. Crowded bathroom. A tiny explosion of a throwdown.
> 
> XXX 
> 
> <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Double post!! Don't say I never did anything for ya! ;D
> 
> \--> Also in honor of fiiiiiinally grabbing some scissors and cutting off mah hair. I'm FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!! lol. So excites. **I feel so liberated!** :D 
> 
> It's been over 2 years! (and I kinda hate long hair on me, or dealing with it) But now it's in the mail to the donation center!: **Pantene Beautiful Lengths**. I did Locks of Love like 3 times. This place might be better; they use ALL the hair for wigs, no selling it off. Check em out if you ever thought to donate. https://pantene.com/en-us/brandexperience/make-the-cut

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 64: CARnal Instinct _

They cruised for a little while, and turned in at a public park. The cars that were there didn’t seem like they’d be going anywhere for a bit, and it wasn’t hugely busy like other parking lots might have been.

Light had kept up his teasing the entire time, and he could feel L’s skin shivering beneath his lips as he nuzzled his neck. He could also feel his rapid heartbeat as he smoothed a hand over his well defined chest. L had barely put his foot on the brake after pulling into a spot when Light slid his hand up under his shirt to feel heated skin and and pressed a hungry mouth to his. He sank into the hot embrace of lips and tongues and lust, overloading nearly as much as he could feel L doing. He drank him in like he hadn’t tasted human touch for years.

L twitched and shuddered as he explored his skin, scraping nails up his stomach, rolling a nipple between nimble fingers or pinching flesh.

His dark-haired lover broke the kiss to moan, “God I want to feel your mouth on me.”

Light knew he meant as opposed to his hands, but he had something else in mind. He obliged in part, trailing a hot mouth over his chest and down his stomach, feeling his skin twitch beneath his ministrations. While he was distracted, Light unfastened his pants and reached a hand in to cup him hard.

L’s back actually arched with the rough caress, a moaned sigh slipping from his lips.

“I hope you put the car in park,” Light said lasciviously before going down on him.

“Wait-!” L fumbled with the gear shifter to do just that, and at the same time let out an amazing moan before slamming it into park. “Jesus,” he breathed with a shudder. His hand raked possessively down Light’s back as sensation overwhelmed him. “...gotten sooo good at this,” he murmured, voice thick with desire.

It was a tight fit between L and the steering wheel but it was doable. And oh, was it worth it for the reactions he was getting.

All the while, this level of sexual frustration and arousal made him both more aggressive and put ideas in his head of topping L and doing whatever he wanted with him. Could he hear L be even more vocal than he was even now? He entertained the fantasy of driving into him, hearing him gasp as he claimed his mouth, his body, and his reason.

He finished L off, hard and fast, loving the way he broke down in shudders strong enough to shake them both.

Light drifted back up his body to whisper heatedly in his ear, “And how much time do you need to recover?”

“I’d love to say less than 30 seconds,” he said between breaths, looking dazed and sexy as hell. Luminous black eyes met his. “I’d also love to have you on my lap screaming out my name, barely keeping your wits about you.”

He watched Light slide the tip of his tongue along his lower lip, eyes drawn unerringly by the motion. “But it also comes to mind that you have a houseful of people to go back to and appearances to keep up.” He faltered a little, getting distracted by Light reaching past him to recline the seat back, and by the soft caress of a sultry mouth. “It wouldn’t do to send you back smelling of sex…”

“No,” Light said, sliding a leg over him to straddle his lap and speaking against his mouth, “that wouldn’t do at all.”

He toyed with L, kissing him as sluttily as possible, and rocking their hips together teasingly, until L was holding onto him with strong arms, exuding desire that was as hot as fire, and marking trails upon his neck with a wanton mouth.

“Remember that self-control we talked about me having?” L said against his skin, breathing him in. It licked through Light with desperate wanting. “Well, it is currently as fucked as you are going to be the second I get these pants off of you.”

Light let out a breathless laugh. Seeing his lover so worked up was such a fucking thrill. He felt high.

L pulled Light’s face to his and stared into his eyes with intensity. “You think I’m joking?” he said wickedly. “I’m serious.”

“And I’m counting on it,” Light said against his lips, stirring lust.

“Strip,” L ordered. “I want to see you bare as the day you were born.”

Light dragged his feet, taking his time, and being wildly turned on by the instant frustration he could see etching itself upon his lover’s face.

“ _Akanbo_ , you are going to be the one really crying if something or someone comes by to stop us.”

 _Shit._ He was probably right.

“You want it up front or in the back?” Light asked him cheekily.

Dark eyes blazed at him. “You know I like a bit of everything.” He ran a hand along the side of Light’s body, from the edge of his chest, down the front of his stomach, over his hip and inner thigh, making him shudder. “This position was harder for you,” he reminded him, though the look on his face said he wanted it just like this, and right now.

“So I’ll try it again,” Light said, “providing you have what we need.”

“Would you kill me if I said I left the house in such a rush that I- “

“-are so full of shit,” Light interjected. “Like I would believe that of _you_ for ONE second.”

L grinned at him. “Nice to see I can still wind you up.”

“It amazes me how far you can misplace your priorities.” Light flicked fingertips over the strain of L’s arousal, making him wince and shudder. He deviated then to caress his upper thighs.

“Playing with you is always a priority,” he managed to get out, in a lust-choked voice.

They got the condom on without mishap, though L had to count backwards from a hundred to afford enough of a distraction to manage it. Then he switched to naming countries of the world. Alphabetically. Apparently having Light sliding it on was even more hell on his control.

“Buenos Aires, Bulgaria… “

“I thought you were on H?”

“I got to Hungary and that wasn’t helpful,” L deadpanned, referring to sexual appetite.

“Also, Buenos Aires isn’t a country,” Light said smugly, “it’s the capital of Argentina.”

“Goddamnit.”

He smirked. “I didn’t correct you the first time, because I thought it was pretty damn funny.”

“Argh. I know it’s the capital of-”, L gripped at him before being cut off by his own distraction as Light’s body started to take him in, and he was sinking inside. “Oh, god… yes…”

Light was doing better this time, and managed to get things going on his own, sliding L within his fevered body with a little less trouble than before. Probably due to the fact that he was INSANELY turned on right now, and he was impatient as everything felt like it was getting in the way of his objective to indulge in that.

L pulled him down the rest of the way anyway, hips thrusting up as he gripped Light’s hips with fingers like vices.

It felt like L’s mouth and hands were everywhere and the hard spear of his arousal, still hard to take, was inflaming his lust. Pleasure fizzled through him, hand in hand with the discomfort and the knee-buckling sound of L’s voice as they started to move together.

L worked him over and soon his own moans were ringing in his ears.

This was perfection. This passion they had between them, the heated press of skin, and the slick hard frisson that was their joined flesh.

L caught a nipple in his mouth and sucked hard, making him cry out at the tiny gathering of pain and making his body clench as it accented the pleasure surging through him at this moment. It was gathering in gut-twisting force within him. L gasped against his flesh as he was squeezed within the embrace of Light’s body.

“I can’t wait any longer,” L murmured in an utterly wrecked voice. He claimed Light’s mouth, hot and dirty, and wrapped a punishing hand around his arousal, making Light moan loudly into the kiss as he shuddered.

If that wasn’t enough stimulus right there, L started to thrust his hips against Light’s, rocking both of their bodies to an insistent rhythm that was almost more than Light could bear. Sensation was washing over him, swamping him, drowning him. He couldn’t catch his breath - it kept hitching in his throat. “L.. GOD… I can’t… “ A tumble of words was pouring from his lips, punctuated by moans, and he couldn’t stop it any more than he could catch much of what he was even saying.

L’s deep voice was a steady companion in his ears, flowing into him, stirring him up, and making his body meet the harsh, punishing thrusts almost greedily. He couldn’t make out the words, but he could tell when he was being praised and he could tell the moment that L came undone.

His dark-haired lover started to seize, punctuating the deeper thrusts Light was feeling inside of him that were tipping him over the edge. “Come,” L commanded, sliding a lascivious tongue up his neck as he began to shudder. He bit down on soft flesh, dragging a low moan from Light’s mouth as orgasm swarmed and flowed over and through him like the crash of a brutal wave. He shook with its force and felt L’s body spasm hard against his as he gasped out in climax.

Moments later, they fell back against the seat, utterly spent.

“Maybe I should just stay at your place,” Light mumbled. “A few days apart and we’re practically killing each other.”

“You may have a point.”

A hand stroked down Light’s back in a possessive and languidly self-satisfied manner. It was kinda nice. He roused himself to say, “I sense a ‘but’…”

“Well,” L admitted, “this week would have been bad while weaning baby Jayden off the sauce.”

“True.” Light agreed that it was probably for the best for a while. It was just a pain in the ass. “And Kai’s family is actually kinda fun.”

“I’m glad.”

“You know, it wouldn’t be so bad If I could see you at least once during the week, and also on the weekend.”

“Like we’re doing right now?”

Light yawned and rested his head alongside L’s. “Yeah, but that wasn’t even going to happen originally.”

“True.” L let out a small yawn as well. “Damn, you’re contagious. What are we gonna do if we fall asleep out here like this?”

“That would be bad,” Light said, closing his eyes.

“Oookay, up you go. You have the ability to lull an insomniac to sleep and that is definitely not something either of us want to happen right now.”

Light let himself be propped up and noted he could still feel L inside of him. If there had been more time at their disposal, he wouldn’t be adverse to another round - amazing though the last one had been. “You were right earlier.”

“About what?”

“Uh… that I probably don’t want to return to a house full of nosey people, smelling like sex?”

“Right….” L thought for a minute. “Well, we could run back over to my place and get a shower.” They gave each other a look and both said, “but Jayden.”

L let out a long suffering sigh.

“Well,” Light supposed, “it’s not like he doesn’t already know.”

“Yeah, but… that’s kind of in-your-face.”

“He saw us at the club right after we tried this position the first time. It’s not wildly different. Plus I think he actually was listening that time.”

“Deviant,” L muttered, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, you’re probably right. I’ll just have to make sure the coast is clear and he isn’t mid-whack into whatever pay-per-view he ordered.”

“Eh, just throw a blanket or something over him if he is. We’ll only be passing through anyway.”

“You’re assuming he wouldn’t have the good graces to stop?”

Light raised an eyebrow. “Are you saying he _does_? Everything I know about him tells me ‘no’.”

L looked like he was rolling that over in his mind. “It hasn’t exactly come up.”

“ _Pffft._ Knowing him, he’d like an audience. Shock factor and all.”

L pressed a kiss to his lips. “You’re getting surprisingly accepting of all his weird ass quirks,” he hummed.

“Necessity.”

L smiled against his lips. “Jayden is usually my deep dark secret when I’m dating someone... and here you are in the fray right there next to me.” He sounded bemused.

“No offense but you guys are kind of integrated. I fail to see a relationship working out for you where Jayden is kept as a secret ticking timebomb.”

“Well, this is actually kind of a first.”

“Really?” He was surprised.

“Oh yeah. Jayden’s never shown much interest in the people I date, he certainly never wanted to hang out with them or anything.” He got a slightly sour look then. “Of course, there is also the worry that it’s because he’s taken a liking to you - which is strong enough to make me want to end him.”

“Well,” Light reasoned, “if he _did_ like me, it’s nothing any of us can help. Can’t help who you like, right?” He realized he was practically quoting Kai from their conversation earlier, but like it or not it did seem kind of valid.

“Like I said before… I’ll probably only kill him if he tries to act on it.”

Light scoffed and raised an eyebrow. “You mean _beyond_ the flirting and being inappropriate?”

“Right. Because that is actually somewhat normal for him.” He sighed and shook his head. “I do **_not_** like to share. But Jayden is probably the only person that I would bend that rule for in any way.”

“Woah, hey now, you better not be thinking of like TOTAL sharing. I’m not _that_ open-minded.” Kai’s incessant talk of threesomes was lodged in his mind, making him a little worried, though he tried to joke about it.

L laughed at him. “Oh hell no, not that. I mean sharing time, and not totally killing him when he toes the line. It’s also why I’m letting you work your own shit out with him instead of calling him on it straight up.”

Light stretched and let out another yawn. “Come on, let’s get going. I do have school tomorrow.” He paused, startled as he realized something. “Shit! Didn’t you have a training session tonight?”

L facepalmed. “Fuck.” He dug around in his back pocket for his phone. “Luckily it’s sort of a friend. I think he’ll understand.”

They extricated from each other and Light started getting back into his clothes as L made the call.

“Tommy?” L sounded apologetic. “I am so sorry, but something came up and I just realized how late it was. I’m going to have to cancel. Yeah.” He paused as the other person spoke. “Listen, next session is on me, whenever you want.” Light felt bad, he’d just cut into how L made his living. “Thanks for understanding.”

L hung up and cursed under his breath. “I hate giving freebies.”

“I’m sorry, this is my fault.”

“No, it’s mine.” He gave Light a disarming smile. “I let myself be swayed from being responsible.” When Light seemed like he wasn’t entirely convinced, he added, “And I don’t regret it one damn bit.” He looked Light over to see if he’d finished getting dressed. “Ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

* * *

When they got back to L’s place, it was surprisingly dark. There didn’t even seem to be the flicker of a TV on in the front room.

L let out an exasperated noise. “Did he actually leave?” he muttered under his breath, annoyed. True, it would be easier for them to shower and such but still. Jayden might be out busily undoing all of his hard work from the past several days.

He opened the door and the apartment seemed empty. “Come on,” he said to Light.

Not two seconds after shutting the door, a light switch was flipped, flooding the room with light. Jayden was posed next to it, finger still outstretched to the switch. He looked amused and wore a sly smile. “What’s up, **_sluts_**?” he greeted them with a leer.

“Oh jezus,” L muttered, wiping a hand over his face.

“Hahaha I _knew_ it,” he laughed at them. “I _knew_ you wouldn’t be able to resist going whole hog.” He sauntered into the room, a mocking expression upon his face. “And after all of that you could hardly send the little cubscout back to the troop, all obvious and guilty and smelling like sex.” He gave a little flourish. “Thus, I am here to _witness_ and to bask in your shame.”

“How- ?” Light started to ask.

Jayden waved off the question, a sharp grin alighting upon his face as he stared at his disgruntled cousin. “You just couldn’t resist, could you? And you totally missed your session, to boot. With me along you wouldn’t have been _nearly_ as late.”

“Oh shut up.” L looked aggravated and brushed past his cousin to jerk open the fridge door.

“Ah ah ah,” the deviant tsked. “I can see your hand on that bottle, Sir, and that is off limits.”

“ **You** should be off limits,” L grumbled back, extra annoyed that _habit_ had him reaching for a bottle of beer. Alcohol had often kept irritation towards Jayden at bay so that he didn’t strangle him.

Light, feeling aggravated himself, walked over to Jayden and kicked him. “Quit calling me a cubscout, you fucking addict.”

Jayden looked annoyed for a minute but decided to pursue being a pest instead of complaining about the name calling. “Kick me, punch me, _I’ll take it **all**_ -” he sank to his knees and spread his arms wide with a grin “- so long as I’m not bored.”

“Is he on something?” Light turned to ask L.

L walked over to his cousin, grabbing him by the chin and looking him in the eyes with an assessing gaze. Then he checked the pulse on an outstretched arm. He regarded him an extra moment then slapped him upside the head.

“Ow.”

“No, he’s clean.”

“Unlike you two,” he sniggered back.

Light frowned at him, less than amused. “Is harassing us really the most exciting thing to happen to you all day?” he asked pointedly.

“Yes,” Jayden answered back quite honestly.

L was still grumbling under his breath.

Light regarded him with a droll stare and couldn’t help saying, “ _You’re_ the one who took in a stray and expected it to act civilized. Good intentions and all, I know…”

“Liiiiiight~!” Jayden crowed happily, brimming with laughter at his harassing comment towards L and grabbing him up into a spine-cracking hug. His feet were off the floor. “I’ve missed you!” he professed. Then he added, “My my, you smell naughty.”

“Ugh!” Light complained loudly, fighting his way out of the crackhead’s embrace.

Seconds later, Jayden noted the look his cousin was giving him. “Aw, come on, L, don’t get all mad. I seriously haven’t had any fun for days. Let me harass him just a little. Learn to share, cuz.”

“Three... two... one….” L was counting menacingly with a dark look.

Jayden pouted but released Light, who promptly kicked him. “Ow,” he said as if getting it out of the way. “Come on now, why is everyone so pissy? Don’t I get any credit for sticking my ass here and _not_ getting myself into trouble, _not_ drinking, _not_ doing anything other-substance wise, OR even getting a piece of ass?”

“Frankly, I’m shocked,” L said, peering at him with utmost skepticism, “and I’m waiting to see what it is that you DID do.” He looked around then. “I see the pizza, but did you really forgo the porn?”

“You’re really going to ask me a sensitive question like that?” he played at being scandalized.

L rolled his eyes. “I didn’t ask you WHAT you were watching.”

“It did not involve horses,” he said emphatically, from out of nowhere. “Or animals of any kind,” he added, as if anyone had actually wondered. He smiled.

“Well, thank god for that,” Light commented, rolling his eyes.

“However,” Jayden continued, “it may have contained an army of drunken midgets.” He paused and smiled mischievously, “And a backhoe.”

“Uggggggh,” Light exclaimed heavenward, mostly in exasperation but partly so he wouldn’t laugh. “What is _wrong_ with you?”

“Shut your hole. I’m perfection incarnate.”

“Perfectly _annoying_ ,” L said, earning himself a glare at last.

“Must you jump straight to having a stick up your ass??” Jayden shot back with an aggravated, hyped-up tone then turned to Light. “Man, you are going to have yourself a helluva project extracting that before you try and tap that ass.”

Light tried to keep a straight face, really he did. But he lost it. Utterly and completely lost it. He started laughing silently and his knees buckled, making him sink weakly to the floor. “Oh ho ho,” Light managed to get out amidst the laughter, “he is **so** going to kill you.” Jayden’s comment was hilarious and shocking enough, but L’s expression was making it even more so.

“It occurs to me, _cousin_ ,” L said, “that it will be much easier keeping you sober if you are **dead**.” His menacing smile was the stuff of nightmares.

“Too far?” the deviant had the gall to ask the room. He looked mildly concerned, yet hadn’t quite been able to wipe the smirk off of his face. After a brief pause he stood ramrod straight and gave a courtly bow to the bringer of his impending doom. “Ladies and Gentleman,” he said in an affected, slightly nasally theatrical voice, “prepare yourselves, for another scintillating showing of L’s _self control_.”

He **had** to know he was going to get throttled for that. _Had_ to.

“Light, help!” he choked out as L got his hands on him.

“So… I’m going to go take that shower now,” Light said, content to let them brawl. “I just need one of you to stay alive to give me a ride back.”

“Rodger Dodger,” Jayden said thinly, barely able to speak but retaining his humor nonetheless. “Unless you want to just stay over?” he offered.

“School tomorrow,” he said over his shoulder, heading off to the shower.

“Damn.”

“Who said you’d even be alive to SEE tomorrow?” L ground out and put the hurt on him.

“Aaaaauuuufffggghhh! Uncle! UNCLE!”

Hearing them scuffle was a little nerve wracking.

“Pathetic,” L sneered.

“UNCLE!!!” Jayden called out even louder. “Uncle, no! Don’t touch me there! _Stranger Danger!_ ”

 _Oh Jesus_ , Light thought, unable to help laughing at L’s incredulous response of ‘What in the hell is _wrong_ with you??’

He shook his head and kept on towards his goal of grabbing a shower. It probably would be best to get back to Kai’s as soon as possible and avoid the increasing odds of uncomfortable questions.

Apparently Jayden’s horrific verbal antics got him released, probably out of disgust, because he banged into the bathroom moments after Light had stripped down to his boxers. He wasn’t entirely unfettered, however. L’s arm was locked around his neck and he was fighting the backward pull. His height was making it hard for L to drag him bodily backwards and Jayden inched forward like a mountain climber caught in a snowy gale. “So I was thinking,” he got out, in a voice crimped by the shackle of flesh and bone, “what’s a little indecency between friends?” He also had on a hyped up, super amused smile which actually got brighter as the resulting force upon his neck increased. “Ugh,” he said unconcernedly. “Can’t breathe.”

“Obviously you can if you’re still talking.”

“Your doting concern for me is **so** sweet,” Jayden sassed back, grinning as L growled at him. “Come on, boy, strip,” he ordered Light in a voice starved of proper airflow. “In this crew there are no secrets.”

“Aside from the secret of why the fuck I tolerate you?” L quipped.

“More of a mystery than a secret, I think,” Jayden laughed, thinly. “Seriously, cuz, air.”

“Then seriously quit flapping your lips.”

“I could flap something else?”

Light snickered.

“Flap whatever you like, alone, _by yourself_ ,” L said sternly with a glare. He switched gears, dark eyes marking Light, “and you, don’t encourage him.”

“I hardly think he needs any help in that arena,” Light said, still kind of amused.

“Come on, cuz, it’s not his fault,” Jayden bargained, “I’m like, his _spirit animal_.”

This line is what finally got L. Light saw his head drop to Jayden’s shoulder, deathgrip loosening, and he could tell L was laughing.

Jayden beamed, sensing his win and his imminent freedom. “All right,” he said reasonably, “I’ll bugger off, but seriously, this weekend. I’m bored as fuck.”

“Bored enough to sit through the study session Saturday?” Light raised an eyebrow.

“Maybe, if you play your cards right.” He winked.

“Yes, that bored,” L chimed in, pushing his cousin the rest of the way through the door and slightly aside. It was a little crowded in the bathroom.

“Hey now, I didn’t agree to anything other than taking him over there,” Jayden argued, put out.

“Whatever,” L scoffed, “I can tell you were planning to sit in on it. Besides, you like to use those kids as your own personal playground.”

“Phew, if only law enforcement could hear you now,” Jayden hummed. “Pedo-licious.”

L made an exasperated noise. “Kids, not _children_ \--” he broke off and grumbled under his breath in annoyance. “Forget it.”

“I’d be surprised if he passed up an opportunity to continue his game with Shani,” Light razzed him.

“Oh?” L said, a sly look crossing his face. He leered at his cousin.

Jayden looked sour. “Shut it, midget,” he snipped at Light.

“Wasn’t she the uh….” L made a slight gesture to indicate her well-endowed upper body, which Jayden couldn’t see, “the long-haired brunette?”

Jayden whipped around. “Seriously? THAT’S what you remember?” The sour expression remained. “I know you’re into your own kind and all but how could you miss her **_giant_** \--” he started to make a lewd gesture.

“Hey, quit it,” Light cut him off, kind of annoyed. Jayden obviously liked her and it was more than just her endowments. Talking like this really made him sound like an asshole. “That’s my friend you’re talking about.”

“Oh ho,” Jayden rounded on him. “Friends now, are we?” The sharpness in his demeanor amplified. It almost seemed like he was itching for a fight now. “Was that _friends with benefits_? Or was she just one of your prior _conquests_?”

Light scowled at him. “Neither. Asshole.”

L let out a beleaguered sigh. Light watched him debate several courses of action before it seemed he finally decided to just ignore the whole thing entirely. L shook his head and walked further into the crowded bathroom and started to strip down. “Out,” he ordered his cousin, “unless you want an eyeful.”

Jayden muttered under his breath and then said, “Nothing I haven’t seen before.”

Light raised an eyebrow.

L did as well.

“What?” Jayden scoffed, “You weren’t exactly the poster child of discretion in your early years.” He added a little snidely, “I’m surprised they didn’t walk in on you much sooner.”

“I am about to smack the shit out of you,” L said darkly.

The threat fell on deaf ears. Light was reeling from this new info from the cousins’ family life, and Jayden was looking uncooperative.

“Yeah, go ahead,” the deviant sassed back, seeming to wear the sudden attitude problem like a cloak, “maybe I’ll like it.”

“They?” Light wondered, not realizing he’d spoken aloud. Had L and Jayden’s grandparents walked in on him with someone? Was that maybe how they found out?

Jayden let out a bark of laughter. “Oooh yes, that was a shitstorm even greater than **my** usual. I thought the pair of them were going to have a coronary.” He sneered at L, “And _of course_ you didn’t tell him that either. _What the fuck are you even doing_?” Suddenly, with those sharpened words, the atmosphere got heavy. His eerily pale eyes were like iced lasers upon his cousin’s face, his expression full of disdain and a shading of amusement. “You act like you’re all serious about this but you still tell the kid fuck all about anything.”

The black look L leveled back at him was enough to make Light want to quit the room.

“I’m sorry,” L said darkly, sounding menacing, “were you suddenly the expert on when I _can_ and _should_ tell shit that is **_mine_** to tell?” The next statement was delivered like the stabbing of a knife. “Or did you think that **you** could do a better job at everything?” It was more than heavily insinuated that he meant ‘at dating Light’. His black gaze was harsh and unrelenting. He jabbed the knife in a little deeper. “Must be _killing_ you sitting on the sidelines then.”

 _Holy shit._ Light blinked, feeling frozen and on edge. Did L just call Jayden out on having feelings for him?

Jayden gave a sharp smile but it was devoid of amusement and the air was tight with tension as they stared each other down. Jayden’s pale gaze was dark, matching his tone. “Maybe I could. And wouldn’t that kill **_you_**? Outdone by your fuckup cousin.”

Instead of continuing the squabbling until L ordered him out, which seemed to be the trend, Jayden turned on his heel and left the bathroom.

“What the fuck?” L muttered after a moment, dragging a hand through his hair. His expression was tense and his mind seemed to be running a mile a minute, though his anger seemed to have deflated a bit. He looked pissed but also a fair amount unsettled, maybe worried. He glanced at Light. “Sorry, I’ll be right back.” He left the room and went after Jayden.

Light felt like such an odd piece out, at this moment, an intruder. If they had shit to sort out, he shouldn’t be here. He frowned a moment before coming to a decision.

Right, so he’d shower and if need be he’d walk back to Kai’s or catch a bus or something. When Jayden acted unhinged like this, it seemed that there was usually something wrong; he just didn’t handle his shit like a normal person. But he’d seemed fine earlier….. what had set this off?

* * *

TBC


	65. (phase 4) Talk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L has a shakedown with his cousin, after the words exchanged over Light in the bathroom.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 65: Talk _

L went out to the front rooms to look for his cousin. As much as Jayden didn’t like being at odds with him, he didn’t like being at odds with Jayden either. His cousin was standing in front of the kitchen window, looking out. He’d opened it and a breeze seeped in through the screen. He had an open beer in hand.

Jayden seemed to sense his approach and tossed a glance over his shoulder to confirm. He faced the window again and nonchalantly raised the half empty bottle to his lips and took a hearty swig. It was the equivalent of flicking him off, and it was also the pre-tremors to a spiral of his usual self-destructive behavior.

“Talk,” L said.

“Nuthin to say,” Jayden said calmly back and took another drink. He stared out the window with singular focus. His features bore the strain of agitation.

L rubbed a hand over his face. “Fuck it,” he said at last.

This garnered a cautious look from Jayden.

L opened the fridge and took out a beer. He slammed the door shut and popped the top.

“What are you doing?” Jayden looked a little unsettled.

“I give up,” L said. He felt his face was rather blank, hiding a multitude of thoughts and reactions he was currently experiencing.

“On what?” Jayden seemed cautious, and the unsettled look intensified a bit. He’d stopped drinking the beer. In fact, it almost seemed forgotten.

L shrugged and let him stew. Part of him felt like saying ‘on you’, part felt like saying ‘on this whole sobriety thing since you obviously don’t give a shit’... He actually felt a complicated mess of things right now and part of it was rooted in the words they’d exchanged over Light. He’d come out and been pretty blatant about it. They both had. And now that was sitting between them and things felt more than a little fucked up. Hell, he could drink to that.

They regarded each other in silence.

Quiet on the outside, it seemed like both of them had quite a lot going on on the inside. Jayden had that twitchy look like he was thinking of things he might say and discarding them. The worried look warred with his ‘I could give a fuck’ angry look.

For maybe the first time since EVER, Jayden spoke without being prompted by a calculated and sharp command from L.

“I don’t want to see you fuck this up,” he said, looking like he was chewing nails to say the words. He glared at L in challenge.

“You have a bad habit of starting fights when you care about something.”

“So fucking what. Get over it.” The words were harsh, and he almost seemed as if he wanted to take them back.

“You sure you want to treat me like an enemy?” L said sharply, “after all we’ve been through?” He met Jayden’s icy stare with one of his own and slowly took a pull off of the beer.

“Why the fuck are you drinking?” Jayden exploded, seeming frustrated and on edge.

“Why are _you_?”

Jayden growled. “Ugh I hate it how you do that!”

“What, turn shit around on you? It’s the obvious question you should be asking yourself anyway.”

“BECAUSE I FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT.”

L resisted the urge to slap the shit out of him. Barely. Holding his cousin’s hand at times like these, knowing how he worked and how to reach him… it took the patience of a saint. There were times where he really struggled. Just now, Jayden’s lashing out at him was trying to break the final cord of his self-control. He was really pissed over the stuff that was said in the bathroom. “AND WHY DO YOU THINK THAT IS?” He didn’t yell but his voice was like a steel backhand.

Jayden crumbled like his linchpin had been pulled. He sank to the floor, an ancient look touching his eyes before he hid it by looking away. To anyone else, it might have seemed like he just got sick of standing and made himself comfy just chillin on the floor. “It’s too hard,” he murmured under his breath. “I can’t measure up. Can’t not fuck up. I just can’t do this anymore.”

It seemed like he was referencing his own comment earlier about being L’s ‘fuckup cousin’.

It was actually a little heartbreaking.

“Don’t be so fucking melodramatic,” L said, sitting down on the floor next to him. “We’ll make it a cheat day.”

“L!” Jayden looked aggravated. They both knew that wasn’t all of what he meant. There was a good likelihood he was also talking about Light with those statements not being able to measure up, not being able to do this anymore.

“What do you want me to say, Jayden?” It came out sharper than he intended.

“I don’t know,” he muttered glumly.

“And stop calling yourself a fuckup. I was pissed off and drunk when I said that.”

“Well you obviously meant it,” he tossed back rather sharply.

L turned it back around on him. “Can you honestly tell me you have a history of good decision making??”

“Heh. ‘Course not.” He laughed humorlessly. “So if the shoe fits, wear it right? I earned the title through and through. A waste, a fuckup, and let’s see, the consensus from parental figures was that I’m a monster.” He shook his head, looking bemused and broken then raised his beer in a salute. “Why the fuck you waste your time on me, I’ll never know.”

“Oh, shut up,” L said, cuffing him sharply in the shoulder. “This is pathetic. Listen to yourself.” It sounded harsh, but he knew Jayden. Normal reassurances didn’t mean shit. Being nice meant even less.

“Why are you just the sweetest human being in the world?” he sassed, with an echo of the southern belle lilt to his voice, halfway serious. He seemed to have relaxed just a little bit.

“Masochistic perhaps?”

“Oh please,” he seemed amused, “that is only _half_ of your charm, and the larger part is your Sadistic side, asshole.”

L smiled. “See? You know me so well.”

Jayden grinned back, seeming a little more like himself. “So this cheat day…. can we like REALLY cheat?”

“No.”

“Ugh! Are you fuckin’ kidding me?” Jayden griped. “Sonnuva bitch.”

“But I’ll add a beer for each question you answer.”

“Oh ho? Is this a challenge?”

“Yes.”

“DEAL. You’d better ask a lot of fucking questions.”

“And you better give me real answers,” L returned sweetly, eyes sharp.

His cousin muttered under his breath and looked annoyed. “Fine. But don’t think for a minute I don’t see what you’re doing here.”

“Catering to my _pain in the ass_ cousin?” he whipped back. “Oh-” he sidebarred with a baited smile “-but I use that description with love.”

“Ass.”

L got up and brought back a few beers and the bottle opener. “I’ll just ask the main ones all at once. One, are you being pissy over Light or this Shani chick, or both? Two, what’s this shit about me fucking things up, and that giving you clearance to run your mouth? Three, have you seriously been comparing yourself to me?”

“Pfft,” Jayden scoffed, polishing off his beer. “Only three bottles on the table? Stingy.”

“Oh and there is a time limit. Bitch and gripe to waste time, and they become mine.”

“Jezus fucking….” Jayden muttered some choice things under his breath. “One, I don’t know, I just felt pissed off. Two, Yes. You will fuck things up if you don’t get used to some Carebear _‘sharing and caring’_ shit, because that is how things imploded the first time, and it aggravates me to watch it while you feel like you are on some kinda high horse. Plus, I have helped you keep this thing going and given you both great advice. _Selflessly,_ I might add. Three,” he paused for breath and looked on edge, “Yeah maybe a little. Maybe a lot.” He slanted a sharp look at L. “Shut up. It’s not my fault you were the closest thing I had to a role model or whatever. So I looked up to you, so what?”

L handed him two beers.

Jayden looked put out. “What the hell? I answered all three!”

“We’re different people. Don’t try to compare us. You’ll end up in the bottom of a dark hole if you do that. Stop it.” He handed Jayden the third one.

“Pfft, easy for you to say.”

“Just put more thought into your actions - you don’t have to go for broke in everything you do. You are well aware of when you are going off the rails.”

“But then what will my masochist cousin do with himself if he isn’t cleaning up after me?” Jayden said with faux sweetness.

“I dunno, _hanging out_ with my cousin instead of beating my head against a wall?”

“Heh.” Jayden seemed genuinely amused at that. “By the way, it’s super sweet of you to abandon your cubscout for me,” he jeered. “And drink with me too, throwing caution to the wind and all. I bet he’ll love _walking_ home.”

“Shit.”

Jayden laughed at him.

“Shut up, you pain in the ass.” Shit, he was totally right. Annoyingly so. The implication that he was playing favorites was a little annoying though. Family was family, but Light was right up there. He didn’t want to tend one at the expense of the other. “And I had half a beer. Here, take it. I do need to drive him home.”

“Aw,” Jayden razzed him. “Too bad you missed _sexy shower time_.” He paused. “And poor me,” he lamented, “I missed it too.”

“You’ll _never_ be getting that invitation.”

“I dunno, I think I’m wearing him down.”

L threw his hands up in exasperation, to the tune of his cousin’s amused laughter. He gave up. Jayden seemed fine now and was making a pest of himself again.

It was still a little hard to pin down exactly what his cousin’s feelings and intentions were towards Light. For as many times as it seemed he had a thing for him, and maybe genuine investment and jealousy, it often enough seemed like Light was merely a means for more amusement and that maybe he felt nothing more than camaraderie. Especially confusing would be why he would ‘help out’ in their relationship if he secretly wanted to be with Light himself. Hell, maybe Jayden himself was confused over the whole thing and everything he did was merely the impulse of the moment.

Jayden’s flirtatiousness and harassment were pretty much his standard way of being and it might not mean anything special in regards to Light himself. Jayden could be overstepping bounds simply because Light was so fun to wind up.

* * *

Light was just finishing pulling on his shoes, all showered and dressed when L found him.

“Damn.”

“What?” Light asked.

“I really did miss everything.”

The brunet gave him an adorably sly smile. “Aw, as if we didn’t already do that before we got here.”

“I’m a big fan of second and third helpings,” he said with a smile quirking the corner of his mouth. He leaned in to catch warm, soft lips against his, sighing against the edies of pleasure even such a small thing could stir and the compulsion to take a lot more. Light let himself be backed up against the bathroom counter, skin hot and flushed beneath his hands.

“Mmm,” the brunet hummed, “you were also a fan of me not staying here, and I’m pretty sure the two are at odds...”

“Fuck me, you’re right,” L murmured against his mouth, really fighting the urge to touch and taste. When Light melted beneath his hands like this, hot, sexy, and baiting him with looks like that, he could hardly help himself. He wanted to see if he could derail things and get the brunet right back out of these clothes of his, wanted to feel his hard desire pulsing in his hand, and feel panted breaths against his lips, wanted to hear the unwitting sounds of pleasure falling upon his ears like the sweetest music.

“Maybe after this whole sobriety torture with Jayden, you should reassess that stance.”

“Mmm.” Yeah, maybe he should. This was its own sort of torture. He saw Light more than ever now and yet it never seemed enough. He’d sort of been kicking himself through most of the week, feeling like Light was so close yet out of reach, and knowing it was his own decision that had crafted this setup.

“How is he, by the way?”

L pulled back and looked into solemn golden eyes. A slight feeling of jealousy made him want to hold back and not be forthcoming. Yet Jayden’s words about just that - and ruining things - rang in his head annoyingly at the same time. He sighed.

“You don’t have to give me details,” Light said, showing more maturity than he was at this moment. “It just looked kinda bad, like spiral territory. I just wanted to know if you handled it.”

Light certainly had gotten to know his cousin rather well even in this short time. His assessment was perfectly on point. “It seems to be handled,” he said after another long moment. Even if he had decided to go into detail, the whole thing felt so convoluted, he wasn’t even sure how to start.

Unexpectedly, Light gave him an understanding smile. “Was that so hard?” He was baiting him a little.

“It was, now that you mention it,” he played back, though that was the truth.

“And why do I taste beer on your lips?” He had a teasing tone but his eyes still looked serious and assessing. “Did he finally snap your last nerve?”

“Nope,” he said flippantly, “impromptu cheat day.”

Light laughed. “Oh you spoil him,” he mocked. “No wonder he’s so rotten. You enabler.”

“Shhhh,” L said, placing a finger against lips that were sensual, smirking, and called to him so strongly. They were firm and soft against his finger and the tip of a tongue flicked out to tease him. “Spiral averted by a few beers and a talk. Not a bad day I’d say.”

“Better watch out - those cheat days have a way of ganging up together.”

“Aren’t you wise all of a sudden?” he jeered back. “Oh how you’ve grown from the poor sheltered soul I met and violated at the club that first night.”

On cue, Light flushed and glared at him. He loved that look. It gave him such dirty, delicious thoughts. “You sure your shower was thorough enough?” he solicited.

“Ugh, don’t tempt me.” He looked aggrieved.

“Was that the sound of your self control fraying?” L asked innocently, laying a meaningful kiss upon his enticing lips.

“Yes, but we both know we need to be adults here.”

L groaned and dropped his head to the brunet’s shoulder. “Ugh….”

“If you are going to shower before we go,” Light said, “I need to leave the room.” He paused. “Wait, how much did you have to drink? Should I be walking home?”

“Come on, I wasn’t gone _that_ long. Half a beer. I’ll drive you.”

“Ok. Hurry up and I’ll go wait somewhere that isn’t in _here_.”

L gave him an engaging look. “You realize that makes me want to jump you even more, right?”

“Pffft, you probably just get off on seeing anyone but yourself have low self-control.”

“Ouch,” he drawled with a bit of a leer, “not the kind of _low blow_ I’m a die _hard_ fan of.”

“God, your perversion is like nothing else!” Light seemed mildly shocked at all the innuendo in that statement, but mostly was trying to hide his amusement beneath a veil of fake outrage. It was adorable. He really reacted in the most fun ways.

L, already shirtless, started slipping his pants off like a striptease. Beautiful golden eyes were riveted to his performance. “Better hurry,” he mocked in a teasing tone. “Before that last thread of self-control gives out on you.”

“You’re no help. Looking at you, all I can do right now is wonder how you’d look working a pole.”

“Oh?” he smiled but it was more of a leer. “Was that a suspicion of hidden talents or a personal request?”

“Mmmm maybe both.”

L lifted a commanding arm to point to the door. “Out.” Light was getting that look in his eye and if he edged any closer, they were going to be putting self-control on holiday. _BE RESPONSIBLE_ he berated himself.

“Can I help it if I miss you already?” Light said with something suspiciously like a pout, likely done on purpose. He had a special weakness to seeing that sassy mouth wear ‘cute’ like a mockery.

“Uh-uh, quit it. Out.” He kept his arm raised, pointing the minx to the door but much like his cousin, he didn’t fucking listen.

Light slipped under his arm and their lips were meeting and suddenly everything else was of little consequence. The decadent heat of his sensual mouth stirred his desire like no other. He pulled Light’s shirt over his head and gloried in the feel of heated skin pressing against his as their mouths found each other’s once more, becoming rougher and more dominating.

Speaking of turn ons… Light’s increasingly dominant streak was intriguing and burned through him with a special kind of fire. He’d have to fully earn it though, taking a shot at the lead. But even more intriguingly, Light seemed set on achieving that goal. His determination was really hot. So were the looks he got on his face when his brain started planning and plotting such things. Seriously, it was probably only a matter of time. He was pretty much a top himself, but he couldn’t deny the curiosity that arose when he considered what things might be like reversing the roles with _him_. Oh, was he going to make him work for it though.

“Damn it,” Light muttered, “I really can’t get enough of you. Even the thought of leaving is throwing me into withdrawal.”

“However did you make it through the last several days?” he teased.

“Same as you, I suppose,” the brunet said in a trailing voice, cupping him through the opening in his pants and gripping him hard. Damn did he like it rough, and Light had most certainly had caught onto that. “Gritting my teeth,” he continued, leaning in to speak sexily in L’s ear, “and wildly fantasizing.”

Lust shot through him with force.

He pushed Light up against the wall and ravaged his mouth, pulling a heady moan from it in moments. “Unfasten your pants,” L ordered him huskily, knowing Light struggled with taking direction but especially so when he was turned on and ended up complying. He could also see it made him react strongly.

L slipped his hand between both of Light’s, pushing them out of the way as he wrapped his hand around hot, silken flesh. Even with such minimal touching, Light was growing hard and one of those sexy sighs was falling from his mouth as his eyes slipped closed and his head tilted back. “I love the feel of you in my hand,” L murmured in his ear, “almost as much as I love watching you come undone from the touch of my mouth.”

A flush hit the brunet’s cheeks and he let out a groan as the words put images in his head. “Yes please,” he breathed.

L had a small moment of clarity and kicked the bathroom door shut before moving to do just that. Light was hard, so hard as he kneeled and took him in his mouth. The brunet was a creature of mental and physical stimulus just as he was, and he loved the possibilities that opened up. It was such a thrill to have him near begging with little more than brief touches and spoken words.

Oh, he wished they had more time. He loved bringing Light to this point of desperate lust and need and holding him there, just short of completion, until he was an utter wreck. And then when he came, it was like watching a complete meltdown. Oh, and the things he would say, and the sounds he would make…. he couldn’t get enough.

Damnit he was so turned on right now.

He deviated to tease Light a bit more, trailing lips over the perfect contour of his hips, his taut belly, and grinned at the sounds of frustrated desire.

“Please, L,” he panted, grimacing as his body started to shake. “Please, you’re killing me.”

He licked Light long and slow, savoring his shudder. He knew they should be quick about this, to be a little less irresponsible than they already were being, but he couldn’t help himself. He loved tormenting the brunet like this. “Shake for me,” he said heatedly, letting his breath fan the tip of Light’s desire. He traced his tongue over the head. “Burn for me.”

Light’s body was going into preorgasmic shudders. He was trying to fight it off but was losing the battle.

“ _Come for me_ ,” L ordered huskily, then slipped his mouth over Light’s need at the last moment to receive and to swallow evidence of his release, though he’d been about to cum even without that stimulus. The way Light would bite his own hand as he tried to stifle a gut wrenching moan of orgasm was precious and really, really hot.

L winced a little as his own arousal twinged sharply, demanding something, anything, NOW.

Oh, but his preference right now was something slick and hot. He wanted Light’s lips sliding over his shaft and taking him in. He wanted the caress of that silver tongue.

He sank to the floor with his lover and felt amused over the hazy look in his eyes.

“Asshole,” the brunet murmured. “For that, I’m making you wait until you actually take your damn shower.”

“You do realize that can be classified as torture?”

“Better hurry up then, hm?” Light said drowsily.

L cursed under his breath. He caught the tail end of a smirk curling the corner of one very sassy mouth. “Brat.”

“The deal expires in 5 minutes. You now have four and a half minutes left.”

That put L into high gear, amidst more cursing and Light’s self-satisfied chuckle. It was most likely the fastest shower he’d ever taken.

When he was done, Light had him lay a towel down on the floor and recline upon that. Then he joined L there, sinking down on top of him, nude now too, and stirred L’s lust to new heights. The feel of all that skin, and the whole length of his body, and the wonderfully lustful and aggressive way he was being kissed…. Ah, he wanted to fuck so badly. He was even open to Light trying his hand at it, if he was going to keep up the current pace. Not that they had time for any of that.

Eventually Light was sliding down his body, stirring him up beyond belief with the attentions of his hot little mouth and wicked teeth.

He found his back arching, teeth clenching, body shuddering as he tried to fight the intense desire to a manageable level. Otherwise he was going to spend a lot less time where he wanted to be and would cum way too soon. He was stubborn and determined. And yet, so was Light.

By the time Light took him in hand, he was starting up that scandalous dirty talk that L still found to be slightly surprising but incredibly hot.

“You want to fuck soooo bad, don’t you,” Light drawled mockingly, eyes not leaving his face. “Bad enough, I’d wager-” he paused to flicker his tongue upon the underside of his shaft, right beneath the head, causing a deep moan to rip itself from his mouth, “- you’d let me have my way with you, just to get release.” He said ‘release’ in a sultry, drawn out voice, skimming his lips maddeningly up his arousal from base to tip. “Isn’t that right?” he prompted in a sly voice.

L shook his head back and forth, less in denial and more from the lack of sensation. He wanted MORE. Now. Anything. Oh, this was killing him. Light was dragging him past his limits and it wasn’t a place he was used to others taking him. It was horrifying and beautiful, and accompanied by the brunet’s amazingly mocking and sexy voice, and he had to grit his teeth to survive it.

Light chuckled darkly. “Your entire face is flushing.” He drew lazy, silky circles upon L’s thigh with trailing fingers and gave him an enigmatic smile. The way he teased said he understood it wasn’t a common occurrence and that even a slight flush meant he was insanely turned on. So, he was actually gloating.

“One small step for mankind,” L quipped back, mocking Light’s estimation of his own abilities, though he wrecked it with how fucking strained his voice came out. He barely recognized it himself.

“Aw, he’s back to misquoting things, just like when he was mistaking capitals for countries,” Light said engagingly, laughing once more. He started to employ his tongue here and there, making L’s body seize, as he lazily corrected L’s intentionally shortened reference to the NASA astronaut quote:   _‘One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind.’_

“Please do not make any space shuttle or rocket jokes.” L tried to head that horror off at the pass. Though he realized as he said it, he was probably shooting himself in the foot and giving Light ammunition.

“Oh, come on, and here you are primed for liftoff…”

Light snickered as L growled at him.

“Bad jokes are working against you,” L noted as he was becoming a little more clear headed. Ha.

“Uh huh,” Light said, smothering his triumph a moment later with the sliding wet embrace of his amazing mouth.

“Ohgod,” he ground out as sensation swarmed him. God, his mouth…. so fucking good….

He lasted as long as he could, but it wasn’t long - Light was employing every trick in the book to topple him quickly.

Light pinned his hips down and slid his mouth off of straining flesh, holding only the very tip of him in his mouth as he came, killing him with the lack of sensation when he was already too far gone, and also with the feel of cold air caressing his shaft. It was excruciating and amazing and he came hard, body jerking and bucking against Light’s hold. That too was so hot, the brunet holding him down.

Damn, his brain was already looking for another round and his body hadn’t even finished spilling its end to this session.

He was breathing hard and boneless when Light eventually came back up to share the puffed up smirk that he was still wearing. “You look like a wreck,” he hummed in a syrupy tone just to torment him.

“I’m going to enjoy re-adjusting this new attitude of yours,” L returned, just as sweetly, threats lingering in his tone. “This rebellious streak has gotten quite entrenched.” He pulled Light’s mouth to his, twining a hand into his hair and holding him in place, kissing him roughly. He smirked as he felt Light react. There was no time for more, but later - oh yes, _later_ , he was going to firmly take back the reins and have the brunet submitting to him, embarrassment lighting up his pretty face and trepidation dogging his every move.

* * *

Jayden had rolled his eyes as the bathroom door shut, and again when the occupants emerged. “Your track record is now officially shit,” he commented as he lounged on the couch and nonchalantly leafed through a magazine.

“Shut up,” his cousin responded reflexively.

“Take care not to get him kicked out of his foster family,” he hummed back mockingly, still making a show of looking at the pages, “with _your_ late ass hours.” It came out a bit snide, he’d admit.

“Shut it.” L sounded annoyed now. “They’re about as late as yours.”

“ _Yes_ ,” Jayden pointed out snarkily, “but _I’m_ not the one driving him home.”

“God, quit your squabbling,” Light muttered. “This one was my fault.”

Jayden jumped on that. “Oh ho? He admits to being of the _mortal realm_?” His demeanor was amped and mocking. “How far the mighty have fallen!”

“Shut up, _CheatDay_ ,” Light snapped back waspishly.

Jayden glared at him. “It was L-approved.”

“Probably only because you’d already started,” he tossed back sarcastically.

“Why you little--!”

L calmly stepped into the fray, holding out an arm to either side and keeping them from going at it. “Light, quit it,” he said sharply. “Jayden, act like a fucking adult.”

“I was,” Jayden sniffed, settling back down on the couch with his magazine as if he was already over it. “But you know what they say - ‘fight fire with fire’. And since **he** was set on being a fucking **_child…_** ”

“Oooookay,” L said, catching Light and restraining him from violence. “Enough.”

“And here I thought drinking made you tolerable,” Light shot back at Jayden with a dark look, “when apparently it’s you being a damn _alcoholic_ that’s needed.”

Jayden didn’t react immediately. He went back to his magazine.

L started to usher Light outside, now a bit annoyed at the both of them.

Jayden called out over his shoulder. “Apparently your pet doesn’t approve of sobriety, L. What should I do? I wouldn’t want to disappoint it.” He smiled to himself as that caused a scuffle between the two lovers - his cousin trying to hold Light back while also saying something to the tune of _‘can’t you just ignore his shit for two minutes?!’_ To which Light cursed rather stridently under his breath and likely sent him a death glare from across the room; It was kind of adorable.

“I will kill you in your sleep!” Light swore darkly, calling out at him over L’s shoulder.

“Hopefully after we already did the _fun_ stuff,” he baited nonchalantly and turned a page.

L let out another long suffering sigh.

Jayden felt a little bad about that. But only a little. He realized he was being a pain. He just wasn’t entirely sure what was driving him to it. And he didn’t actually want Light totally pissed at him. He could hold a bit of a grudge and that could surely ruin the weekend if they were all together again.

“Wait in the car,” L said, “I’ll be right down.”

Jayden’s ears perked up hearing that. What was going on with that? He looked up as the front door closed and his cousin approached.

“Jay, I get you are working through something but you’ve gotta stop. You’re driving me nuts.”

“Yeah, well being the only one not getting any ass is driving ME nuts.” He turned a page with force, a spike of agitation jagging through him.

“It’s _my_ fucking apartment!” L swore, taking offense at the implied criticism. “If you have a problem, you can just--”

“What, leave?” He sent a choice glare L’s way. “I’m stuck here doing this self-help bullshit you’re insisting on. **And** since you don’t trust me by myself. So where the hell am I supposed to go while you get your jollies off?”

L rubbed a hand over his face. “I didn’t intend for anything to happen while you were here. I’m sorry.”

Jayden raised an eyebrow. “An actual apology? Color me shocked.”

“It wouldn’t hurt to hand one out yourself.”

Jayden started to protest that, thinking he owed L _nothing_ on that regard.

“Not to me, asshole.”

“I’m not apologizing to him either.”

“Even though you _know_ you’ve been picking fights? With anyone around you apparently.”

“I’m a complicated special snowflake,” he jested sourly and went back to reading. “Now fuck off.”

“I’m going to break your goddamn hands.” L gave the magazine a pointed look. “Now put that shit down and level with me. What the fucking hell is your problem?”

Jayden defiantly kept leafing through the magazine. His voice almost sounded a little sing-song as he said blandly, “No one knows, as you well know, and if anyone figures it out, I’ll tell ya.”

“Do you need Light to not come over this weekend?”

Jayden looked up. “Huh? Why?”

“Because your attitude problem seems related to his proximity.”

“ _Oh for crissakes_ ,” he heaved the words with a monumental sigh. “ **No** , I’ll be fucking bored,” he muttered, then seemed to gather himself up. “But thank you for the kind gesture, I apologize for being the asshole that I am, and _no_ I have no idea why I have a bug up my ass but apparently alcohol didn’t help much and I am admittedly a bit pissed over that.”

L regarded him for a long moment. “You have issues.”

“Congrats, you have eyes.”

L swiped the magazine from him and smacked him with it. Twice.

Jayden didn’t even bother saying ‘ow’. He just flopped back on the couch looking listless.

“You let me know if you need anything.”

“Okay.”

“You’re doing good with this. Forget that shit Light said after you were winding him up.”

“Mmhmm.”

“I kind of needed the cheat day myself,” L said as he headed for the door.

“L.”

L turned to look at his cousin.

“Thanks.” It looked like it was hard for him to say that, and he wasn’t making eye contact. “I messed up and you found a way to make it look like you were just cutting me a break. I was ready to fall off the wagon.”

“You’re welcome, I think.”

Jayden put his hands behind his head. “A damn torture wagon, though.”

“I’ll be back later.” He paused, seeming to debate the folly in what he said next. “I’ve got a few things to do. If you need a booty call, handle that while I’m out.”

“Oh, now that you feel guilty about your sexcapades I get approval?” he seemed kind of amused and annoyed at the same time.

“Don’t look a gift horse in the mouth.”

“You know,” Jayden mused, “that saying would be a lot more interesting if it were ‘Don’t look a gift _whore_ in the mouth’.”

“Interesting horrifying?” L wondered aloud. “You think it would be a commentary on tooth count, or oral hygiene?”

Jayden snickered. “Something like that.”

“I’ll be back in a few hours. Do not set my apartment on fire.”

“Hmmm what must you think of my sexual quirks?”

“I wouldn’t put it past you.”

* * *

TBC


	66. (phase 4) Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Outside the apartment, tensions are high. Later, an unlikely meeting at a coffeeshop. Also, a peek into what's been going on with Light's parents.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 66: Meeting _

L left Jayden alone in the apartment then, probably past his better judgement. Light watched him come down the stairs as he leaned against the car, arms crossed. He still felt peeved.

His dark-eyed lover cleared the last few steps and it was clearly on his face that he felt aggravated as well.

“Is this our first couples fight?” Light said facetiously.

“Not amused,” L said.

“Aside from those epic things that I think should go by another name entirely-” he amended with a slightly flippant tone that was partially meant to be joking “-those which I never want to discuss again.”

“Still no,” L said shortly. “Because I would count the time at your house when Jayden had gone missing.” The sentiment _At the Least_ was heavily implied.

Light frowned at him. “The part in the bathroom that day has an ‘epic’ tag and a not-to-be-brought-up-again stigma.” That had been a horrible fight, namely one in which L had walled off and given him the fuck-you salute of his turned back and sharp words. Memories of that brought back the crushing weight of hurt, frustration, and hopelessness.

Actually, a lot of the things he’d tag as epic were along the same lines and were things he never wanted to relive. He never wanted to see L’s face go blank again with intense anger, eyes turning flat black, closed off, and words becoming caustic. And more than that, he couldn’t bear to relive in detail the crushing despair he’d felt when L had cut things off and things had been over between them.

“After that part.”

“Oh.” Light supposed the arguing about him helping look for Jayden might qualify (a legitimate fight and not just a relationship ender moment), along with those nasty you’ve-lost-your-damn-mind looks L had been shooting him. Ugh, then there was the whole big argument about whether he and Jayden had something going on between them. That had had him reaching new levels of pissed off. “I’m inclined to tag that one as well.”

L scoffed at him. “So tag everything but the time I’m more pissed at my cousin, and that isn’t part of your little assessment, as ‘epic’, fine by me.”

“What’s got you so wadded up at me?”

L heaved an irritated sigh and gave him a leveling glare over the hood of the car. “I know he was winding you up, but did you have to go for his weak spot?”

“Aren’t you the one always telling me to fight back and get even?” Irritation was leaking into his voice palpably. “And since when does Jayden pull his punches?” he asked tersely. “You coddle him, and it’s just going to make his behavior that much worse.”

L rubbed a hand over his face and looked like he was counting to ten. He looked pretty pissed. “ **Yes** , I’ve said to fight back,” he said shortly, temper flaring just below the spoken words, “And don’t tell me how to handle him unless you truly are trying to piss me off.”

“You’re plenty pissed already,” Light snapped back. He felt agitated and out of sorts with this unexpected fight on the heels of all this shit with Jayden. His bad habit of losing his filters was kicking up and he was saying more than he probably should.

A black glare was sent his way.

_Why am I doing this? I’m instigating, making this worse._

“Wait,” Light said, holding up a hand. He needed to backtrack and try to fix this. “Look, I’m sorry. Can we start over?”

L looked mildly surprised and the tension in him seemed to lessen. He still looked mad, but more accessible now. He nodded.

Light struggled to choose the right words. “I’ll try not to say things like that in the future. In hindsight I see where it is counterproductive to what you are trying to do… and I think what you are doing is a _good_ thing…. I want to support it, not make things harder.”

L nodded slightly, acknowledging the sentiments.

“Please don’t be pissed at me,” Light said. “I really am sorry.” He let out a huge sigh and concern etched his face. “And all this other stuff… I don’t know what to do about it.”

A similarly concerned look took residence upon L’s face. “I don’t either,” he admitted, “not yet.”

“It’s awkward, right?” Light said under his breath. For now, it seemed that things with Jayden’s potential feelings had breached the surface. That exchange in the bathroom appeared to have changed things, or at the least, made it so that this was sitting around as the big fucking giant elephant in the room.

“Monumentally.” L rubbed his hands over his face as if he could wipe the events from his brain. “I’m sorry,” he muttered, “It’s getting to me…”

Light came around to the driver’s side of the car where L was still leaning with his forearms on the hood. He bit his lip indecisively but risked a hug. “I don’t want to fight with you,” he said, his cheek pressed to L’s back as his arms wrapped around him. “Really. It makes everything feel fucked up.”

“Sometimes you’re the most mature of the bunch of us,” L murmured, allowing the hug and putting a hand upon his arm. He seemed distant, lost in thought.

“We can take turns. It doesn’t always have to be you.”

L hung his head. “It’s so hard sometimes.”

“With Jayden?”

“I’m my cousin’s keeper. It almost always has to be me.” He shook his head and turned to lean back against the car, breaking the embrace but enabling more open communication now that they were facing each other. With his back turned, he’d seemed closed off, like he was trying to handle things himself and was reluctant to do more than voice those internal thoughts aloud. Now it seemed they were actually talking about it, person to person. “Tonight was hard…. I almost lost it.”

Light could see the truth of that reflected in his face. “Is that why you were so…?”

“I let it bleed over. I’m sorry.” He sighed and pulled Light against him in a one armed hug. “The last thing I want to do is take it out on you,” he murmured against the top of his head. A long moment passed like that before he spoke again. “ _Shit…_ what am I supposed to do about this?”

“You talked it out some more?”

“Yeah…”

“Well, how do things seem with him?”

“Vaguely normal I guess.”

“Then maybe we should act like nothing happened, too.”

L’s temper flared up. “But he as good as _admitted-_ !“

“And when you talked,” Light interrupted resolutely, “did you talk about me?”

“...no, not exactly,” he relented with a frown. “More about other stuff actually.”

“L,” Light put a hand on either side of his face to gain his full attention. His eyes scanned L’s face and he spoke in careful, quiet tone, “If he’s trying to ignore it himself, so should we.”

L looked really torn. He put his hands upon Light’s and his eyes broke their hold. “I know you’re probably right… I just feel like this is sitting out there, demanding to be dealt with. And not doing _anything_ about it-”

“Is exactly what you told me you would do. That you would only beat his ass if he tried anything.”

Their hands lowered, breaking the intimacy of the moment. L was still looking away, but he retained one, clasping it in his and toying with it. He was frowning. “You have to admit, he does toe the line.”

“By his very nature.”

L’s head dipped and he muttered a little under his breath.

“As infuriating as he can be,” Light offered, “for the most part I think he is trying to not get in the way.”

“ _For the most part_ ,” L repeated, “See, I can’t just let that part go.“ He cursed. “I **_hate_** how this shit makes me look insecure or something,” he said with intense aggravation, which seemed to be aimed at himself. “I _know_ all of this, and -no offense- don’t need someone to be pointing it out to me.”

“So then?” Light tried to not react to the statement, even though it stung. He was pretty sure L was just beating on himself here.

“I used to be able to let so much slide. And with you, I find that to be a task that maybe I’m not up to.”

Light contemplated him for a long moment. “Wouldn’t the more accurate word here be jealousy? We both know you aren’t insecure.”

“Yeah well jealousy isn’t something I’d wanna claim either,” he muttered. “Never used to be like this…”

Light smacked him lightly on the face, bringing startled black eyes to meet his. “Yeah and when’s the last time you were in love with someone?”

L blinked at him. “It comes to mind that if I didn’t answer the way you’d expect, this could become one of those ‘epic’ tag moments.”

Light narrowed his eyes at him. Nothing L had ever told him had indicated he’d been as serious as that about anyone. Not even that one relationship that Claire had hinted at. “If you are trying to wind me up on this, I will literally kill you.”

A half-hearted smile eased a little of the tension on L’s face. “Come on, only just a little.”

Light growled at him.

L let out a small laugh and pulled him into a hug. His usual humor was starting to poke through the seriousness. “Ah, seeing you be rabidly jealous does make me feel better,” he said, melancholy still ghosting the words.

“Asshole,” Light muttered, fighting his way out of the embrace. By the time he succeeded, L was looking at him with a fond, amused gaze and most of that tension seemed to be absent.

“Maybe we’ll call it jealousy on you, and possessiveness when it comes to me,” he suggested with a tilted smile, eyes lighting up as Light protested indignantly.

“Seriously?!” Light shout whispered at him. “Asshole!”

L pulled him close once more, a wicked look on his face as Light struggled. He slipped a hand under Light’s chin and tipped the brunet’s face up to his. “When you blush as you fight me off it makes me want to do….. ‘possessive’ things to you.”

Light’s face flushed more which pissed him off. He renewed his struggles to the sound of L’s low laughter. He didn’t like to admit it but that sound skipped through him, undermining his aggravation at being teased and dragging his thoughts towards indecent things.

Especially bad was the kiss L sank him into despite his protests and the core of peace it stoked even through the agitation, embarrassment, and thoughts of revenge. It felt like having his oxygen stolen from him in a steady rush, even as it filled him up with life.

He still marveled at how strongly kisses made him _feel_ , even when he was utterly sated physically. It was more than passion they stirred up, they seemed to pull at his emotions just as well.

L pulled back and he still felt dazed, trying to come back to himself. He felt his face being cupped in two gentle hands. L’s gaze was overwhelming and felt monumental at such close range and with that look in his dark eyes. “Faces like these,” L murmured, “are enough to burn away all doubt.” His thumb caressed the side of Light’s cheek. “You’re mine through and through…” he said softly, possessively, “what good is jealousy then?”

L knew how hard it was for him to face feelings so directly like this, like he was being peeled open. Even so, he’d been caught in place and the words echoed inside of him with such gravity and awe. He couldn’t find words, even when L did take pity on him and released him.

He didn’t know what he was going to do if L tried to tease him after that. He seriously would not be able to handle it - to the point he might just have to walk back to Kai’s. He was still so far inside himself, still processing and reacting to that last exchange, and the teasing would certainly cheapen it. He realized he’d turned his back to L while trying to get a handle on himself. This was almost as bad as when L had finally admitted that he loved him, or maybe more so. He felt struck senseless.

“ _Akanbo_ ,” L said, reaching out to rouse him with the nickname he only infrequently used these days. It was a gentle prod. “Come on, let’s get going.”

Light nodded, not trusting himself to words just yet. L seriously got him all bent out of shape, tied in knots, and not knowing what to do with himself. It was incredibly humbling and almost scary.

They passed most of the ride in silence.

Eventually, L spoke up. “I’m sorry for how I was earlier.” His tone was easy, and a little pensive. “There isn’t really an excuse. Usually no one is there when Jayden and I have any sort of fight and I guess it just carried over. I’ll work on that.”

“It’s okay. I get it.”

L looked over at him then reached out to ruffle his hair. “So mature,” he teased a little. “I felt like an asshole when you went ahead and apologized first.”

“Eh, shut up,” Light groused. “One of these days I am going to make you utterly _age blind_.”

“Aw, take the compliment.”

“Take the threat.”

“Oh, I did,” L said easily, “But with my perverted mind, as you keep telling me, I’m not sure I took that threat in the way you intended.”

Light felt a sly smile form on his face. “Oh? So that’s all it would take? If I gain the upper hand and make you mine, suddenly age is of no consequence?”

“I admit nothing.” He had a wildly amused expression on his face as he went back to watching the road.

“That’s a cruel way to end the night,” Light sulked in jest. “How will I get any sleep now?”

“Well, they say that dreams are the mind’s playground. I suppose you could use it to train up.”

“Asshole,” Light laughed and smacked him. “I have a vivid memory of earlier tonight that says I don’t need more training to topple you.”

“Do you now? Refresh my memory.” He grinned. “In graphic detail - I’m a visual person.”

“Perv.”

“Is that a no?” he asked charmingly.

“It isn’t a yes.”

“Ahhh,” he sighed forlornly, “I’m going to miss you.” They were almost at Kai’s house.

“Seriously,” Light implored, “think about what we’ll be doing after you’re done with Jayden.”

“I will.” He paused for a long moment and glanced at Light. “But you know I was trying to prioritize your school.”

“I know, I know. And I appreciate it.” He did, even though the outcome really sucked.

“We’re getting back way later than we should have,” L said with a pensive frown. “Jayden was right on that. We need to work something out so that this doesn’t keep happening.”

“If I stayed with you it would be a moot point.”

“The parental units, yes. But your impending sleep deprivation on the other hand…”

“Point taken.”

L parked the car. He sighed again. “I never thought it would be this hard, to be honest.”

“Unpack that one for me?” He didn’t want to guess and assume at what L meant by that, and his first guess was that L never thought he’d care that much. He’d rather it not be that, as it sounded kind of dismissive and it didn’t jive with everything as he understood it to be.

“Well, we’d gone on for a while barely seeing each other at all, and made that work. One would figure that even this arrangement is more than we had, so it should feel tolerable.”

“Ah.”

“Of course we then also had the 24/7 porn fest for days,” he joked lightly. “Hard to want to pass that up.”

“Agreed,” Light said emphatically, surprising him, and pressed a kiss to his mouth. “I gotta go. I’ll be dead in the morning.”

“Don’t they understand your chemical dependence on coffee?”

“Perhaps not to the extent you do.”

“Ah, that was a memorable night,” L opined with a slight leer at his expense, probably referring to the time he'd gotten him to do a 69, despite his nervousness over it.

Light turned red. “I’m leaving.”

L leaned over and murmured sexily in his ear, “I look forward to doing it again.”

His face burned.

L pressed a goodnight kiss to his lips. “Until next time, brat,” he said charmingly.

* * *

Light gingerly unlocked the door, bracing himself for lights to suddenly flip on all over the house illuminating his guilt and the lateness of the hour.

Surprisingly, and quite unlike his own house, this did not happen.

There was a nightlight on in the hall and that was enough to see by as he made his way back to Kai’s room. He grabbed some clothes to change into for sleeping and Kai stirred.

“...Light?” he mumbled, half asleep.

“No, it’s a burglar. Give me all your money.”

“Mmn whatever,” he said mussily and rolled over, tucking the blankets to his chest in a lump.

As Light was leaving the room to prepare for bed, he heard Kai add on, “...details…. tomorrow.”

“Pffft,” he scoffed. Yeah right he was giving details. Kai was just going to grill him on how much ‘fun’ he’d had, hoping for info on the how/when/where of all of that fun, more than Light would be inclined to give him. “Sweet dreams to you and your midget,” he called back softly and made a ridiculous kissing noise.

“Ugh…” Kai groaned, sounding marginally awake now. “Jerk. Now how am I supposed to get that out of my head?”

“Don’t fight it,” he razzed him in a melodramatic voice. “It only makes the urges that much _stronger_.”

“I’m going to kill you.”

“Haha.”

He left for the bathroom and got ready for bed. When he got back Kai had the light on and was regarding him with a sour face.

“I literally cannot sleep now and it’s all your fault.”

“Mine? You’re the one hung up on this, not me,” he said sweetly, making Kai groan and clench his head in his hands.

“I’m a visual person! You stick images in my head and THEY WILL STAY THERE.”

He smiled. “But they only have such staying power because of your unconscious desire to freak him up.”

“UGH!” Kai flipped a pillow at him with force. It clipped him, and it definitely had a sting to it.

“This is too easy,” Light commented drolly, calmly returning the pillow back to him. He couldn’t help being wildly amused and could bait his friend like this all night. But maybe he shouldn’t. “All this pent up emotion…” he trailed.

“Stop it. I _do not_ have a thing for him, _do not_ want to freak him up, and _do not_ want to- ” he paused to mimic the horrible kissing sound that Light had made earlier “- with him either. QUIT IT.”

“Haha you seriously make this too easy.”

“I could kill you in your sleep.”

That gave Light pause. “I said something along those lines to Jayden earlier.” Uh oh, was he getting Jayden-level bad? That would be concerning.

“If he is anywhere NEAR as annoying as you said he is, I hope you are suddenly feeling a strong urge to avoid following in his footsteps.”

“Well, what I _can_ say is that I’m sort of understanding more where he is coming from now.” His tone was slightly apologetic, though amusement still leaked through. “You really are fun to wind up on this topic, and I don’t even have to try very hard.”

“Details. Tomorrow,” Kai repeated. “Penance.” He ran a hand sleepily over his shorn blond hair. “I’m gonna be so tired tomorrow.”

“I will likely be the walking _dead_ tomorrow,” Light admitted. “Please make sure I get coffee.”

Kai leered at him. “For details? DEAL.”

* * *

L looked at his phone distractedly as a message buzzed in. It was mid-morning Friday and he was in the middle of a training session. _Them again?_

He shook his head and re-pocketed the phone after deleting the message.

Seriously.

What the hell could he even say to them anyway? It annoyed him to not directly answer the texts but he already knew it was pointless.

“Here,” he said to his client, correcting his posture, “hold the bar up a little more like this.” He nodded. “Right, just like that. It will let you lift more weight, too - just keep track of your wrist position.”

* * *

Sachiko paced restlessly. Nothing they’d tried had done any good. Elliot was still refusing to answer any calls or messages, and neither of them knew where he lived so they had no option to force a confrontation.

And Soichiro, even if it hadn’t been toeing the line of legality, could have looked Elliot up but they actually didn’t know his last name. So, that was less than helpful.

She wrung her hands in distress. What had become of her boy? That he could leave like this…. that he could seemingly do it without even looking back. Did this mean he didn’t care about his family at all? Was this really her son?

What had happened to her boy, who would sometimes grace her with those dashing smiles of his, who was top in his class, who rarely talked back or acted out? How now did she have memories of his handsome face looking withdrawn, sullen, even angry? How now was there the echoing of past words regarding girlfriends, or sticking up for that disturbed cousin of Elliot’s?

Not even that! How now could she have such a memory as the girl claiming to be Light’s girlfriend pointing a finger at Elliot and claiming her boy had not only cheated on her but allowed… relations… between himself and another boy?

The very thought of that burned in her chest and brought tears to her eyes.

Those boys….. she’d trusted them both and been so utterly betrayed. And now, now they were the only potential link to her son that she had left.

* * *

Jayden chewed on a twizzler, trying to stay marginally alert as he worked on unclusterfucking an issue for the porn site. On the one hand, it was more interesting than most, as jobs went. But on the other hand, certain issues got very monotonous with the troubleshooting and he got bored. It was necessary stuff to sort out so he just tried to multitask enough to distract himself from falling into a dead-brained stupor. Twizzlers and mini pretzel sticks were his go-to.

Caffeine was great and all but it didn’t give him something to DO for very long.

Not to mention, L had bitched about the energy drinks and had limited him to coffee. He’d said that trading one vice for another wasn’t really the point.

UGH.

He’d been in the habit of _drinking_ a little while he did this kind of shit and it made the whole process go a helluva lot faster and smoother by his estimation.

Actually, he was kind of hungry.

_Maybe I should order a pizza._

Or maybe Red could sneak in to liven things up a bit. He hadn’t seen her in a while. Then again, that could go longer than he had the time or patience for at the moment; she liked to cuddle.

_Aw hell, maybe I just need a change in tunes…._

He cast a baleful eye to his phone while he tried to think of what would be better than what he was listening to at the moment.

“Eh. Whatever,” he muttered, going back to his computer screen. He ripped the twizzler in half with his teeth, feeling mildly annoyed. He’d better get focused or he’d be at this for hours.

It was sad that some days the random flashing images of provocative poses and leave-nothing-to-the-imagination displays of body parts did absolutely nothing for him. _I wonder if this is what doctors and gynecologists feel like?_

His phone buzzed and it was a message from a buddy of his. He picked it up and texted back quickly, then tossed it back on the table.

_Jesus. I can’t fucking focus._

**_Damnit_** _, L._ Would one shot of whiskey _really_ be that bad?

He growled in annoyance as he pictured the response he was likely to get from his cousin and started typing. He was lucky L had let him relocate to his own place at this point. The cave-like quality of his room usually was easier to work in than random places this past week - like his cousin’s kitchen table, or at the gym which he’d been dragged along to during training sessions. Plus, he liked to have some time to himself. Another reason he decided against contacting Red. He still needed to unwind after a week of 24/7 socializing and no substances. He loved his cousin but this alcohol fasting had put them both at each other’s throats a bit. Plus that fuckup with Light...

He shook his head. _I don’t even know what the fuck happened with that._

One minute he was having fun harassing the brunet, the next moment the tables had turned, he felt put on the spot, and then somehow he and L were on other sides of a nasty looking fight. He appreciated his cousin trying to patch things up afterwards but he could tell that he was still really pissed over it.

His phone rang and he picked it up automatically. “Hullo?”

Fights, aside, they were mostly ok now. And Jezus, who had gone in and mucked up these settings? No wonder things were….

“Jayden?” a tentative voice said, stopping him in his tracks. He literally froze and couldn’t even flip a look at the phone held to his ear, though he had a feeling he already knew who it was. _Why the fuck is **she** calling me?_ Anger and discomfort warred within him.

“Please,” Sachiko said in a rush, “Is Light there? Is he ok?” She seemed to think he’d hang up, and rightly he should.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss that,” he said stonily. “More importantly, why would you be asking ‘ _The Monster’_?” His voice was relatively calm as he tossed that out, but tension was jagging through his limbs.

There was a silence. “That was... uncalled for,” she said reluctantly, “when I said that. I’m sorry.”

Jayden was in shock. He’d never, NEVER anticipated an apology; though his cynical nature pointed to it being because she _wanted_ something. Being taken by surprise put him on edge. “Are you sorry because you **want** something?”

This was the first time he’d spoken to her with anything other than utmost respect. It seemed to surprise her.

“You’re upset with me.”

“No shi-” he changed his mind mid-word “-kidding.” He grit his teeth, feeling pulled between the act he was used to playing with her and his hostility. “Sorry?” he queried sharply, “What does that even mean? You already judged me an unfit human being, a danger to your son, _banned_ me-”

“And maybe I was wrong.”

SHOCK. “....huh?”

“It seems I was so worried about _you_ that I failed to see the real threat.” There was no rancor in her voice, just sadness.

 _The real threat?_ His temper flared. “I really hope that ‘threat’ you are referring to is along the lines of your _control issues_ , because if you say it’s my cousin, I’m hanging up.”

“Wait-!”

“He’s a good person,” he said stonily, barely holding his temper. ”You really liked him. Maybe you’ve forgotten that.”

“Jayden, It’s not about him personally, it’s about my **son** …”

“Who is _happy_! Well, aside from the way his parents are treating him.”

She tried again. “We may have our differences, but please, I just want to get his phone to him. I worry, thinking of him not having it…”

“So you want me to get it to him?” he guessed. _Aw, dammit._ He didn’t know if he _should_. But he knew that Light being phoneless was damn inconvenient.

“You would do that?” Hope suffused her voice.

“Maybe,” he said, feeling reluctant and abrasive. This almost felt like giving into this hypocrite’s agenda and he didn’t like that, he didn’t like it at all.

“What do I have to do?”

He was exceedingly blunt. “It’s more like we need an understanding.”

“...okay?”

“One, I will **_not_** give him this phone just to give you a vehicle with which to harass him. Use it that way and you will find if back on your doorstep.” His tone was unrelenting, the threat thinly veiled. “Two, I will meet you somewhere but not at the house and not where Light is. Three, if you _ever_ call me a monster or crap like that again, you will _not_ be fond of the consequences.” He paused and added, “Plus, it’s **rude**.”

“I… yes, okay,” she said tentatively.

They agreed to meet downtown.

Jayden finished his work, quite efficient now that he was super distracted by this new turn of events. He scowled. This was probably the last damn thing he would have expected….

* * *

Jayden crammed his skully further down on his head, scruffing it with an agitated hand, then threw his hands into the pockets of his pullover and skulked through the plaza. He’d toned down his attire, leaving it to black jeans and a nondescript hoodie that actually wasn’t black. Beneath that, a plain grey t-shirt. He’d left the piercings in. All of them. If nothing else he could watch her cringe and squirm and judge him on that one thing, and it would be more than obvious that she’d dismiss him on that alone. That the clothing choice might be something of a concession was something he ignored.

She was waiting on the end of the strip near the coffee shop, looking a little out of place or perhaps just a little anxious.

He greeted her with a deadpan, “Hi Ms. Y,” and raised his hand as he approached.

Sachiko looked up, seeing a handsome young man, one that was a mix between the Jayden she’d come to know and a toned down glimpse of the one she’d called a monster. The piercings were still off-putting, glinting merrily with reflected daylight, but didn’t seem quite so outrageous without the entire getup or the spiked out hair. His hair was currently hidden beneath a knit cap, which brought out his eyes and framed his high cheekbones. He also wore a sulky look and a frown which showed how much he didn’t want to be here.

“Let me buy you a coffee?” she offered.

He looked like he was about to refuse.

“Please?” she said in a rush, feeling a bit frantic.

After a brief hesitation, he relented and nodded.

She let him walk past her to the coffee shop, slightly surprised when he held the door open for her.

Sachiko ordered two tall coffees, pondering this entirely different attitude the boy was showing. His manner seemed distant and standoffish and yet courtesy had poked through several times now. Even on the phone that had happened. The Jayden she knew was also very laid back, quick to smile, polite to a fault, and rather congenial. Even when she had seen him **that** night, with what she could only assume were friends of his, he was animated, joking around, and seemed rather carefree. It was rather the opposite of what she was seeing now before her. This Jayden was withdrawn, watchful, and dimmed - much like he had been after he had suddenly been exposed in his lies and she had called him a monster. It was such a drastic change.

She offered him one of the coffees, and he took the one sitting on the counter instead.

She frowned and watched him methodically dump some half and half into his cup along with some sugar and stir with brisk motions. “Shall we?” he said over his shoulder, heading off to the barstools and the floating counter along one of the windows.

“Certainly,” she said and followed.

Jayden sat down and tried to get his mind off of being pissed off, and also divert it from memories of this woman staring him down in horrified betrayal while calling him a monster. It wasn’t just her that got under his skin, it was the way things reminded him of his grandparents. But seriously, he needed to get the fuck over it already.

Besides, he was here on a mission. He was here for the phone, and that phone had not yet been forthcoming. He needed to attempt civility, and be a damn sight better at it.

“Why coffee?” he asked tersely, as she sat down, failing civility in the first few moments.

Coffee… He was slightly worried about his tendency to get verbose, so he’d not wanted to have any in the first place. And here he’d already downed a good part of it, in addition to what he’d had at home.

She looked taken aback, possibly offended? But all she said was, “I thought we could talk.”

“Uh huh,” he said almost to himself.  He drank down more of the coffee, wanting something for his nerves.

“Your piercings,” she said tentatively, making him raise a brow, then paused as if unsure of what to say. _An attempt at conversation?_ “Do they hurt?”

“Only the wounds they bring to my black little heart,” he deadpanned flippantly, referring to the judgement he sometimes met over having them.

Once more she looked taken aback. Then she peered at him. “You’re joking.”

“How astute.” Really, how would somebody be expected to answer a dumbass question like that? “Truly-” he said, as if to wipe away the previous joke and answer her honestly, though his tone was a touch melodramatic “-though they pain me daily, it soothes the dysfunctional masochist that I am, and lulls me to sleep at night.”

“Well now you’re just being sarcastic.”

He smiled a little and gave a flourish. “The real me. Insufferably sarcastic.”

“I’m glad to see you are feeling more comfortable,” she said drolly, taking a sip of her coffee. The response kind of reminded him of Light. It was maybe the first time he’d seen something like a resemblance in behavior. How had she gotten wound so tight? he wondered.

“Now, I wouldn’t say that.”

That caught her off guard again. It was surprisingly easy to garner that reaction. That he wasn’t trying for such a response just put him on edge, as if he might twitch the wrong way and have her overreact on him. He downed more of the coffee. It was almost gone. The cup sounded more empty than he would have liked as he set it on the counter. “Look, you said you wanted to talk.”

She nodded and folded her hands around her coffee cup as if for warmth. “Light… how is he?”

“He’s fine.”

“Jayden, please.” She could tell he was being standoffish. “I’m his mother. Can’t you tell me even a little-?

“He’s eating regular meals, staying at a friend’s so that he can focus on his studies -L’s suggestion by the way- and he intends to finish high school and then go on to college.”

“L?” she queried suspiciously, choosing to address nothing else and focus on that detail. It drove him nuts. It must have driven Light crazy too.

“It’s a nickname.”

“Oh.” Her look became pensive.

“Look,” he said, impatience making him grab hold of the flow of this stilted conversation, “if you had a daughter instead of a son, would you object to my cousin at all?” This was all about gender wasn’t it? Well, aside from the whole ‘fucking’ thing, which likely didn’t sit well on account of their overprotectiveness. “And I’m not talking about the issue of intimacy, so don’t hand me any lines about that. Personality only - would you object?”

She thought about that really hard. “Well, no… I don’t suppose so. We really liked him. He was delightful to have around.”

He gave her a look, encouraging her to take the next step.

She almost seemed to be taking it, then looked away. “Ugh, I’m sorry… I’m still having trouble with… um,” she gestured at her own face instead of pointing at his and the piercings. She sounded apologetic so he let it slide.

“It’s not for everyone.”

“But why-?”

He interrupted. “If someone asked you to describe the hows and whys of your favorite color or something like that, wouldn’t you just shrug and say, _‘I don’t know, I just like it’_?”

“Perhaps,” she said uncertainly.

“Look, I know it takes some getting used to.” He made an attempt to be understanding, while also making a point. “It’s my preference and I don’t give a rat’s ass if anyone likes it. But whether I have the stuff in or not, it doesn’t change me as a person any more than a different hair color would change who _you_ are.”

His coffee cup was now empty and he deeply regretted that fact. “Mrs. Y, I’m going to level with you. For Light’s sake. You and your husband remind me of my grandparents. Being estranged from family sucks, and I don’t think Light wants that. I certainly don’t want to see him go through that. But I’ll tell you one thing - there has to be acceptance on both sides. If you insist on having everything your way, or being right about everything just because that’s the way you see it… I don’t think you will like the outcome.”

Sachiko was pursing her lips and he couldn’t tell if she was mad or maybe if that was the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

“What’s most important to you?” he pressed, unrelenting. “You want to keep trying to keep him in a vice grip and push him away? Or do you maybe want to have an actual relationship with your son?” He was kind of channeling L here, he knew. He was mostly parroting his words, but it seemed like pretty sound advice now. “You have to ask yourself, what outcome is the most important to you and what actions on your part would support that.”

He stood, getting more and more restless without any coffee left to drink, and also because the damn stuff made him run off at the mouth. He sort of hated that about coffee. _Fucking empty ass cup_ , he muttered mentally.

“You can be cruel, saying things like this.”

“It’s called being _realistic_ ,” he tossed back, being blunt.

She looked up and there were definitely tears in her eyes. “It’s like I’ve lost him already.”

“Get over yourself. He loves you both, and this is ripping him up. If you’re too blind to see that-”

“But this relationship-”

“Right, you don’t approve. But ask any parent, there are plenty of times they get brothers or sisters-in-law they don’t approve of. Dating, marriage, whatever. Point is, it **_isn’t_** your choice. It’s the kid’s choice.” He heaved a sigh, sick of this conversation and holding her freaking hand on something that should be so simple. If Light’s parent’s would stop being compulsive assholes, this whole situation would pretty much resolve itself.

“I just want what’s best for him.”

Frustration etched his voice, “Then maybe you should consider what makes him happy instead of trying to map out the lines of his life you want him to color inside of. He was fucking miserable, Mrs. Y.”

Her visage seemed to crumple, sapped of life and energy.

“Look,” he said, “if I stay here any longer to continue this, I’m going to need a stiff drink. And since I am currently abstaining, I bid you _adieu_.”

“You’ve given up drinking?”

Suddenly things seemed to shift and Jayden found himself in the spotlight, the older woman regarding him now with surprise and something a bit like… pride?

“Whatever, it’s only been like a week,” he said uncomfortably, dismissing it like no big deal.

She bestowed upon him a small but sincere smile of approval. “That’s great,” she persisted. “What made you decide to do it?”

“It wasn’t even my idea.”

He protested the parental pride vibe she was throwing off. That sort of stuff was dangerous. He didn’t trust it. It would be just like her offer of being welcome in their home and even to consider it his own - up until he did something they didn’t like and they did that wicked turnabout on him. “Let’s just say it was an intervention. My cousin and Light ganged up on me and bet me I couldn’t do it.”

“But you **are** doing it. And that comes from noone but you.”

“Expectations are dangerous,” he warned. Did she think he would clean up his entire act, become a church goer like her, and maybe morph fully into his clean-cut act? “And you sound like you are _full_ of them.”

She stood and shook her head a little, ignoring his prickliness. “I know it doesn’t mean much, especially coming from me, but I’m proud of you. You are doing a good thing for yourself.” A little more to herself she murmured something about how Elliot was still looking out for him.

That was interesting. When had _that_ ever come up?

He knew his cousin looked out for him but when had details ever gotten relayed to the mom? He lightly chewed the inside of his lip with impatient little movements of his teeth. Could it have been when L went over there to plead his case to be allowed to see Light after that first ban? That would pan out, if he’d painted himself as a protector and that taking care of his dysfunctional cousin had just gotten a bit out of hand. He’d have to ask L later to confirm it. Still, he was kinda touched that L had mentioned anything that this woman remembered as looking out for him. He’d probably gotten forced into divulging some past family history, which must have been excruciating for him. Plus, it looked like L had managed to make her have a bit of sympathy for him instead of just blazing at him in outrage for being abnormal and such.

“Jayden,” Mrs. Yagami said, pulling his attention back to the present. “Here.” She took his hand and closed it around the phone. Then she handed him the charger. “Thank you for doing this.”

He nodded, feeling a little out of sorts with her acting almost nice again.

There was a REASON people being nice made him antsy and he didn’t trust it. It was stupid to believe in it or rely on it. He’d seen that proven time and time again.  “Light expressed more than a passing interest in the piercing parlor I go to,” he said in a cavalier tone, stirring things up. He shoved the phone and stuff into his pockets. “What would it be worth to you to have me sway that interest elsewhere?”

Mrs. Yagami looked appalled, and like she was on the verge of calling him a deviant among other things. Her mouth had actually opened, yet nothing came out for a moment. It closed again. Sharp eyes regarded him. “You’re joking again,” she stated as if just figuring it out.

He grinned. “Guilty as charged.”

She smiled a little bit in return, and even swatted at his arm. “You’re horrible, I nearly felt my heart stop.”

“Aw, settle down, Mrs. Y,” he said, putting his hands behind his head and relaxing a bit. “Neither Light or my cousin have any interest in getting stuff like that done. By the way, you are getting pretty good at this.”

She looked a little surprised as well as pleased. “You think so?”

“Usually it takes people longer to catch on when I’m winding them up.” He decided to throw some flattery in just to see what happened. Oddly enough she was almost treating him a bit how she used to, although with less restrictions on his demeanor. “I guess Light takes after you. You aren’t going to hit me, though, are you? He abuses me all the time.”

“Are you saying you didn’t earn it?” she ventured a joke.

“Thoroughly, I’m sure,” he said with a grin. “But with all the bruises I’m sure my shins will never look the same.”

“Are you really saying he kicked you? He is usually so reserved.”

“Actually, he’s a lot like me and L, to be honest. Smart, witty, fun, prone to a slight bent of violence.” He added the last in a joking tone.

She looked to be rolling that information over in her head. It must be weird to restrict someone you knew into a tiny little box, only to discover that once they got out, they were not the person you tried to make them be. She really shouldn’t be surprised, but he supposed it was good if she was at least thinking about it.

“Look, I gotta go,” he said, jerking his thumb at the door. “I have some work stuff I have to get back to.” He paused. “Uh… the coffee… thanks, I guess.”

“You’re welcome, Jayden. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me and for staying to talk.”

“Uh…” Damn he hated when things made him get all awkward. “Yeah, no problem.”

* * *

TBC

 


	67. (phase 4) Study Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light gets an unexpected delivery from L's cousin. Later on, the study group is in for a bit of a shock. Shani bears her fangs as Jayden seems set to harass her.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 67: Study Group  _

Light was studying at L’s kitchen table the next Saturday afternoon, killing time before the study session while L was gone for work, and nearly jumped out of his skin as the front door flung open.

Jayden, notoriously absent the whole time he’d been here so far this weekend, skulked in through the door. It was hard to tell by his face if he was pissed off, annoyed, or something else. “Yo,” he said.

“Where’ve _you_ been?” Light asked him, turning to put an arm on the back of his chair as he regarded the tall intruder. “For how excited you were to be a pain in the ass this weekend…”

“Eh, shaddap,” Jayden replied. He thrust something out at Light to take. “Here.”

“Uh…” It was a brown paper bag. Whatever was in it was anyone’s guess. It was a hand-sized parcel.

“Just take it.” Jayden practically dropped it in his lap, then went and threw himself into a chair.

Light had half a thought that it was a gift of some kind, or maybe a severed hand (not really), or some other prank and he felt reluctant to find out what it was. He opened it anyway, sensing a pressure from the other end of the table to do so, though from most outward appearances Jayden was just slumming it and largely ignoring him.

“What?” he murmured to himself in confusion as he saw a familiar glint of plastic. He pulled out his personal cell phone, wondering how in the hell he was sitting here looking at it. Honestly, it would have made more sense to have someone give him a _brand new_ one… “How in the hell?” He looked up at Jayden.

Jayden gave him a sour face and a cavalier roll of the eyes. “Just so you know, an appropriate reaction might be a thank you.”

Light ignored him, waving off the comment. He could feel his face forming a quizzical look. “How did you get this? Did you break in or something?”

“NO, brat,” he muttered with an imperious look, “I went through official channels.” He tossed out a lazy hand to point at it, “Also, I went in and made sure GPS tracking was turned off.”

But HOW had he gotten the phone? Jayden had talked to one of his parents? More importantly, one of his parents had actually spoken to _‘The Monster’_?? And given him the phone? It was too bizarre and made no sense. Not to mention….. He looked up at Jayden surreptitiously. Jayden had been pretty fucked up over that exchange with his parents that night downtown. Also, he’d been livid. He couldn’t even really imagine the deviant being able to hold back the wash of vitriol, were he to be in speaking range with them, or ride the wash of agitation and upset he’d shown peeks of which brewed beneath the surface. Had he dealt with all of that... for him? Despite how his parents reminded the deviant especially of his grandparents, and the clusterfuck that had eventually happened with them?

Jayden caught wind of his thoughts and his pale eyes sharpened. “Fucking stop that. It was no big deal.”

Oh yeah, it most certainly **_had_** been or he wouldn’t be getting prickly now. “Thank you.”

“Yeah well it was a pain in the ass, you not having a phone. Now L can quit riding my ass and expecting me to be your damn secretary.”

“Oh shut up,” he scoffed. “He only expected you to _pay attention_ to your damn phone, if I was with you.”

Jayden sent him a sly smile. “Maybe if he trusted you more, he wouldn’t have to be a jealous, paranoid fuck.”

“Pffft.” Light rolled his eyes and went back to his books. “It’s you he doesn’t trust, asshole.”

“ _Moi_? Polite society thinks _nothing_ of such things as gratitude lapdances, I assure you.”

“Was that a request?”

“Was that a ‘yes’?”

“Only if it involves kicking you in the nuts.” Light didn’t bother looking up and let his voice sound distracted.

“Man to man, that is just not cool. You know that hurts more than a sunnovabitch.”

“Does it? Can’t say I’ve been doing things to make people want to demonstrate that theory upon me.”

“Well, if you need initiated, smartass, I’d be happy to-”

“Shut up, I’m trying to study,” Light said as if talking to himself, knowing that would light him up.

“WHAT THE SHIT? NOW YOU’RE IGNORING ME?”

Light smiled, a chuckle building in his throat. “Why are _you_ bent out of shape? It’s what I always do.”

“Yeah but-”

“But you just went through a lot to get that phone for me?” he prompted casually, writing in his notebook and still pretending to be preoccupied with schoolwork. “Then lied about it?” He flicked his eyes upward.

Jayden glared at him.

“Who did you get it from?” Light prompted, fully looking up from writing.

“Your mom.”

Light blinked, his gaze going inward. It was the likely choice, but just hearing Jayden say it made it more real.

A pensive mood rolled over him. He kind of wanted to know more, hoping to hear something positive, but at the same time he was afraid to hear more in case it was the same shit as before... He was so tired of being jerked around. He couldn’t take it… and the last time he’d tried to have any sort of trust in his parents, they were going to forcibly haul him off to that camp.

“Hey, look,” Jayden said, dropping the attitude for a minute and almost appearing empathetic, “it wasn’t that bad. Maybe it’ll still turn around.”

Light rubbed his hands over his face. He didn’t know how to respond. He was half afraid he’d start talking and not stop and Jayden’s empathy was a fickle thing indeed. “Yeah,” he said in a slightly roughened voice. In that moment he thought of Kai’s family and how accepting they were and just wished so hard that he’d been able to know that sort of thing in his own family. He knew his family loved him... but through their actions, it was often hard to see.

“Hey, are you gonna plug that in-” Jayden indicated the phone somewhat snidely “-or do you need a _hug_ first?”

“ _You_ plug it in,” he said in slight annoyance, tossing the bag to him.

“You know, you might want to work on your phrasing,” the deviant said with a tilted smile and a somewhat indecent expression.

“Plug it in, _hard_?” Light queried dismissively, going back to his books.

“Ah come ON, now you’re just being a tease.” Jayden actually sounded like he was pouting, along with muttering under his breath.

Light smiled to himself.

“Might I add, you are also ungrateful.”

“Really, why’s that?” He didn’t look up from his books, and scribbled a note into his notebook.

“One, I am your acting chauffeur. Two, I know you will be desperately bored without me attending your little class. Three, a brief lapdance is hardly a lot to ask for when I just saved you a bunch of money which you now don’t have to spend on a new phone.”

“Yes, No, and aww do you want a hug?”

“Bitch,” Jayden grumbled. “Hurry that shit up.”

Light looked at the time distractedly. “I still have 30 minutes or so left.”

“Light, _come on_ , I’m BORED. You aren’t even playing with me properly.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “I could ignore you completely?”

Jayden threw up his hands in a half-assed manner, like he wasn’t even trying. “Missing all the good innuendo and everything. Might as well ignore me for all the entertainment you’re good for at the moment.” He looked a little sulky. He probably was being serious about being bored.

“Uh huh.”

“Ok fine, be like that. But one thing first. Eyes up here.”

Light looked up.

“If either of them harass you on that,” he indicated the phone with a jerk of his thumb, “you tell me.” He looked really serious about it.

“Ah… ok.”

“Promise me. No running to L and telling him shit. You tell ME, and I will handle it.”

“Uh… like **not** tell him?” Hiding things didn’t seem to be helpful any time any of them did it.

“Temporarily. He’s got enough shit on his plate. By the way, agree to this or I’m taking it back.”

“The phone? But you just gave it to me?”

“And I can also take it out back and crush it beneath my stomping boot.”

Light eyed him. He was being serious and also borderline asshole about this. From past experience he could guess that there was something about this that Jayden felt really strongly about it. “Ok, so you want to handle it, you handle it. And after that?”

“Oh, after that, tell my cousin whatever the fuck you want.”

“Alright, I promise.”

“Now,” Jayden intoned, “we are going to grab some food before this thing, OR you owe me that lapdance.”

Light let out a huge sigh and pushed back from the table. “I swear to god I get less done with you around than when L is here.”

“Probably because he respects boundaries,” Jayden remarked flippantly.

“And you-”

“See them as a challenge.” He smiled.

“Right. Of course.”

“Plus my boredom is dangerous and volatile. I actually have the citizen’s greater good in mind here.”

Light switched gears. “So are you actually attending the study session?”

“Dunno.”

“You aren’t in full fake mode with your getup.” Light nodded to his attire. It was rather casual for the stuff Jayden usually wore - a pair of faded blue jeans, and a dark green t-shirt that poked through at the neck of his black pullover. Plus, his piercings were in. “You might give them all a shock.”

“Maybe I’m sick of faking it.”

Light chewed on his lip a little as he picked his words. “Uh… so last time a ‘certain person’ came up you got all bent out of shape, so I won’t name names but she is likely to be there.”

“So what.”

“Are you done with your little ruse?”

“Eh fuckit. If people wanna be put off, I could give a fuck.”

“Or if you change your mind, you could just take them out.”

Jayden rubbed a hand over his chin. “Easy enough.”

“Anyway, where are we eating?”

“I fancy a burger, and I know a place.”

* * *

Later, at the study session, Jayden did decide to attend. Shocked exclamations over his appearance took up a good 15 minutes in the beginning, and he had even taken over half of the piercings out.

It seemed to Light like some kind of compromise. He also got a feeling off of Jayden that he was taking note of how everyone reacted individually.

Was this some sort of test to see if Shani flipped out? Or was he really just seeing if he could eventually stop hiding his appearance so fully at these things? The change in him made Light wonder what had gone down when Jayden met his mom. Maybe something had happened there.

Among some of the questions, which Jayden responded to in his typical clean-cut Jayden calm and patient manner, were things like, “Are these new?!” and “When did this happen??” He smiled pleasantly, though Light could tell he was a little annoyed, and said that if they were new they would be swollen and angry.

“Oh I bet he’s had them for years,” Shani said, flipping her hair over her shoulder and looking annoyed or… well, it was hard to tell. She did roll her eyes a little. She went back to reading the book spread before her.

“How astute of you,” not-so-cleancut Jayden said pleasantly.

“Any other surprise body modifications you’d like to share with the class?” she asked with prim sarcasm.

Light felt Jayden’s agitation of still being in this role and having to limit what he was inclined to say. He said sweetly, “Nothing that wouldn’t get me detention.”

The girls twittered, Shani rolled her eyes hard, and the guys grumbled at the loss of all female attention. “Layers, my ass,” she said.

Light and Jayden exchanged a look. _Did you do something to piss her off?_ Light wondered at him.

 _Not that I know of,_ Jayden’s expression and shrug seemed to say.

_Did she see you out doing something? Or **someone**?_

Jayden took a moment as if he was thinking really hard, then just shrugged again the exact same way.

_Idiot._

“So, uh, is everyone ready to get started?” Light tried to be chipper and also divert things in a more agreeable direction.

Mostly people were ready to get down to business. Amidst math and science and other subjects, Jayden’s appearance largely lost its shock value as brains were set to material they struggled with. Also, with the deviant helping them as usual, it seemed to totally desensitize people.

Partway through, Jayden pulled Light aside out of immediate listening range of the group. “I’m gonna take a walk. You want anything?”

“No, thanks, I’m good.”

“I could really go for a smoke.” So he said but it didn’t seem like something he felt he could do.

“Did you quit?”

“Kinda sorta?” He ruffled a hand through his hair. “It makes running a helluva lot easier.”

“Well, good for you.”

Surprisingly, Jayden grumbled under his breath, “Not this shit again.”

Light gave him a peering look. “What was that?”

Jayden’s eyes got fractionally wider for a split second, before it was expertly covered. “Nothing, nothing.” He waved it off and clapped Light on the shoulder, ending the discussion. “I’ll see you in a bit.”

“I’ll have a coffee,” one of the girls said, approaching them.

“What the hell for-” Jayden started reflexively, though on him that wasn’t a ‘no’. He’d started looking up as he spoke and cut off as he saw it was Shani standing there with crossed arms, and a non-plussed expression. “...oops.”

“Just who even **are** you?” she asked sharply, not even changing expression.

There was a tense silence, like a fight was brewing. Raised voices and being overheard were about the last things they needed, especially if Shani was about to blow the lid off of Jayden’s little act.

“Uh, maybe we should take this outside?” Light suggested.

“Fine,” she said and flounced towards the door with irritation marking her steps.

“What did you **do**??” Light hissed under his breath, punching Jayden in the shoulder.

“Ow. _Nothing_. I don’t know.”

They headed outside and she looked daggers at Jayden. “Layers my ass!” she said again. “Layers imply actual real things that exist!” She coasted an unfavorable look at Light, dumping some blame on him. “You,” she said, turning once more to Jayden, “are so full of shit it isn’t even funny.”

Jayden was perfecting his innocent look.

“There! That!” she flailed her pointing finger at him, even more annoyed than before. “FAKE. So fake, I can see right the hell through it!”

“Your words wound me,” he said in perfect clean-cut Jayden style, looking put out.

“It’s all an act! All of **you** is nothing but a sloppily put together ACT.”

“Well, I wouldn’t say sloppy,” he protested the assessment, keeping to his prep school voice and mannerisms, incensing her further.

“Uh, Shani-” Light interjected before she was prone to violence. He really did understand the urge. “What exactly….?”

“Why am I pissed off over this fakeass poser?! I’ll tell you. I overheard some girls in the bathroom at school, one of which was your ex, Marin. She was talking about some twins she knew, and that party we had. Oh, and their names were both JAYDEN.”

“It _was_ pretty dumb she fell for that,” Jayden hummed, as if being completely unconcerned with this situation. Or perhaps it was more along the lines of laughing in the face of danger. He seemed a little tense but was playing it off pretty well.

Shani continued, “So she even described the two and you know what started making sense?”

“Uh… no?” Light said.

“That this asshole is actually, in reality, the total freak she mentioned as the other twin.”

Jayden frowned. “Hey now…” He seemed to take exception, as usual, at being referred to dismissively as ‘freak Jayden’.

“It all makes sense now.” Her hands were balled into fists and she looked incensed. “And you were SO playing me, you asshole. Yeah I was pretty drunk that night, and really distracted, but it all came back to me with your little _comment_ in there.”

Light’s eyes went wide. _Ooooh shit._ So stuff totally did happen between them? And not only that-

“I thought at first I imagined it,” she shook her head with mock laughter, “though you did your best to keep my hands away from the tip where I _really_ would have noticed. Because what reason could you have given for sweet, awkward Jayden to have something like **_that_** pierced?”

“Er…” Jayden said, looking slightly awkward now himself.

“And then today you come in here with all of those?” She pointed at the piercings. “So what else? You aren’t even _anything_ you’ve made yourself out to be, this ENTIRE TIME. The other Jayden you played didn’t talk anything like how you do and I saw it just a moment ago when you _slipped up_.”

“Better than _slipping **in**_?” he joked under his breath.

“Again!” she announced in a slightly shrill voice, pointing her finger at him righteously.

“I told you he was a better actor than you,” Light added reluctantly. Wow this was all super awkward.

Jayden gave her a slanted look with his pale eyes, suddenly switching to offense after Light’s comment. “Are you just pissed I one upped you?” His tone was somewhat mocking and held a trace of amusement at her expense.

Her face flushed red. It could have been with anger or embarrassment.

Jayden’s face took on a pitying, smirking sort of look. “Oh come now, I know how much you got off on training your socially awkward little pet. Don’t act all innocent. You were playing games from the start.”

Shani looked somewhat blindsided. Jayden was being completely himself and sometimes that wasn’t very pretty. It had to be a shock, hearing and seeing the Jayden she knew speak to her like that and pull the rug out from under her. He was no longer hiding.

Light was guessing that underneath that puffed up anger she was also probably somewhat mortified at being called out, and that she’d been seen through so thoroughly the whole time.

Jayden sauntered up to her, making her take a startled step back. He threw on the charm and said solicitously, “Come on, forget that Jayden kid, he’s a total loser.” He brushed the side of her cheek with his hand and gave her a sexy smile. “Why not give me a try instead?”

She stammered a bit, looking torn between incredulity and distraction.

In the next moment, he suavely tipped her face up to his, and gave her what looked like one helluva kiss.

Shani’s hand was clenched around Jayden’s wrist as if to stop him, but she seemed frozen in place and her face was flushing.

Light looked away and coughed into his hand pointedly, not wanting this to get too much more intense right in public view. Plus, it was a little hard **_not_** to watch.

“Voyeur,” Jayden accused him in a sly tone, when they’d parted, sounding really amused and pleased with himself.

Shani, still flushing, looked uncertain, embarrassed, and finally decided to hightail it out of there.

“Hey, you still want that coffee?” Jayden called after her, still infinitely amused.

Light could just make out her flicking him off as she disappeared into the building. “So, playing with **_fire_** is fun, right?” he said facetiously.

“Ah, she’s totally still into me.” The deviant grinned.

“From where I stood, she looked pretty consistently pissed.”

“She’ll get over it.”

“Uh… most girls have issues with the whole ‘lying’ thing.”

“Awww are you concerned over the state of my non-relationship?” He pulled Light into a headlock. “That’s soooooo sweet.” Ruffling his hair, he teased, “you sure you aren’t jealous? I saw you watching, you naughty thing.”

“Ugh! You wish. Let go.”

“Or perhaps you were reliving that magical kiss we shared that one fateful night?”

“You’re insufferable and have an ego the size of-”

“Oh let’s not get into size comparisons,” he said lewdly, a wild grin on his face.

“Let go before someone sees this,” Light ground out, not quite able to get free.

“What’s it worth to you?” Jayden smiled like the cheshire cat. He even winked.

Uuuuuuuuugh. “NOW, Jayden.”

As he hoped, using the whipcrack voice made Jayden actually listen. “Aw, you’re no fun,” he muttered and relinquished his hold.

Ordering the deviant around with that borderline pissed off tone seemed to do wonders and shifted the seat of power. “And get me a damn coffee.”

“But I have to actually drive for-”

“Tall, black, and I expect it here in less than 15 minutes.”

“Jesus, fine,” Jayden sulked.

Light gave him an imperious look, putting on airs. “Well? Get your ass in gear, I don’t have all damn day.”

“L is a bad influence on you,” Jayden complained, having heard similar before.

Light left him to it, barely holding in his amusement and triumph that his posturing had actually worked. He returned to the waiting students, hoping that things didn’t feel too weird after whatever they had seen. Hopefully _nothing_ was seen and it would only be noted that the three of them went outside for a few minutes. He wasn’t sure if Shani had stuffed her anger down when she returned, so as to avoid questions, or if she was still outwardly seething.

He reached the area the group was situated at and things looked more or less normal. He breathed a sigh of relief. The students seemed to have enjoyed the impromptu break and there were a few groans at getting started. Shani displayed no outward evidence of agitation and was once more being quite studious. _Thank god._ He could use some low drama in his life. Granted, study sessions were pretty boring but he’d rather just get in the flow and get it over with as quickly a possible.

When Jayden got back almost thirty minutes later he had a very chill, laid back air to him, as if he’d had waaaaay too much coffee. He set a coffee cup in front of Light and then he set one down in front of Shani before lounging in the seat next to her.

“What is this?” she asked pointedly, under her breath. “And don’t sit next to me.”

He shot her the most charming smile in clean-cut Jayden’s repertoire. “It’s coffee, my sweet,” he kept to the embarrassingly geeky way of acting that his persona sometimes had. “Did you forget you had me fetch it for you? Or were you distracted later and the request flew from your pretty little head?”

He was _totally_ insinuating that the kiss had gotten her worked up, and was teasing her for it. Or mocking her for it. He wasn’t entirely sure. He was also definitely flirting with her. And this was not escaping the notice of the other students.

“Stop it, _Fraud_ ,” she hissed under her breath. She was also looking embarrassed.

“What?” he asked obtusely, playing the part to the nines. “But you ARE pretty, the prettiest girl here. Are you embarrassed for everyone to know we’re-”

“S-Stop it!” she actually threw her hand up to cover his mouth and keep him from speaking.

Katie was watching this exchange. Her pretty eyes were wide and her blonde hair bobbed a little as her head moved back and forth. “Shani…. are you guys dating?”

“NO,” she said staunchly, as Jayden said, “Yes.”

Internally, Light was shaking his head. Jayden sure was intent to torture her. He had no idea if the deviant had any true interest in actually dating her but that wouldn’t matter for this little game he was playing.

Shani jumped to her feet. “I am not dating you, geek!” Well, at least she wasn’t blowing his cover in front of everyone else.

Shocked gasps and mutterings of how mean that was filled the room. Shani ignored them and was standing with fists clenched and her stance like an Amazon, glaring down at him with indignation.

Jayden did his best impression of a kicked puppy and raised the saddest (fake) eyes up to hers and said, “Then were you just using me for my body?”

Light had to turn away to hide his laughter in his hand. Hopefully people would assume he just was hiding a shocked reaction. Her spluttering made it even funnier. He felt a little guilty since she was a friend, but Jayden’s antics were just so over the top sometimes.

Jayden jumped to his feet and captured her hands in his. “Please, didn’t you say we could give this a chance? Are you embarrassed of me?”

“Yes - you **_are_** embarrassing-” she took his words and ran with it, trying to create distance even as she tried to pull her hands out of his “-and _bizarre_ , and why would I ever…!”

She trailed off and Light looked back to see what had caused her to stop speaking. He almost choked. Jayden had managed to get tears to roll down his bullshit sincere face. It was mastery in action. How in the FUCK did he manage to pull this shit off so well??

“Oh my god, how are you even crying?” she said, at a loss, and totally aware of the bullshit of this entire scene.

“Shani!” one of the girls flared up. “How can you make Jayden cry and then be so callous about it?!”

Shani looked put on the spot. “I’m not- I-” she actually looked distressed as she took stock of the room and everyone looking at them. “But he-”

“I got the coffee,” he sniffed pitiably, “just like you like it.” He wiped a hand across his eyes. “Sweet as you are.”

Light wanted to smack himself in the forehead. Why Jayden couldn’t pour these skills into an actual profession was beyond him.

Shani, seeming to calculate this as her only move, said, “Shhh, it’s ok,” and reluctantly embraced him as if to comfort him.

“Drink your damn coffee, witch, I’d feel sooo much better,” Jayden crooned in her ear.

“I hate you,” she said back. “You make my skin crawl, and you are an utter asshole who-”

Jayden cut her off by tipping her face into a kiss. It shocked absolutely everyone in the room, aside from Jayden himself. Just like outside, Shani froze and couldn’t quite push him away. From the looks of it, the kiss actually got quite dirty. And, everyone was staring.

Light did what he felt was the only thing he could do and grabbed up Shani’s coffee, while saying, “Ok, nothing to see here,” then pushed them bodily out of the room.

Once they were out of earshot, both Light and Shani said, “What the hell, Jayden?!”  in near stereo.

“What?” he snapped back, looking annoyed.

“Seriously?” Light exclaimed. “What do you mean ‘ _what_ ’? You were **there**.”

“I was proving a point,” he snapped back. He then favored Shani with a dead stare, pale eyes looking eerie. “And you - what kinda shit is that, where you’d only be into this spineless geekboy version of me, are you fucking serious?” He still definitely believed she was deluding herself.

She scowled at him. “At least he was nice.”

“Yeah? And were all your other boyfriends ‘nice’? I note that you aren’t actually seeing any of them anymore. Maybe their lack of substance let them get dragged into some other harpy’s clutches?”

“What would you know!!” she shouted, looking really upset.

“More than you, obviously. Take a hint - NICE doesn’t mean shit. You will just get burned until you fucking know better.”

“You are such an asshole!” She had angry tears streaming down her face.

“You know I’m right.”

“YES, and that is why you are an asshole!”

He tilted his head as if in contemplation. “Light thinks you’re also just pissed about the lying thing. He said all women are the same and overreact to shit like that.”

Shani shook her head in disbelief and looked at Light.

Light sighed. “I didn’t say that.” He walked over to Jayden and cuffed him in the head. “I said, girls hate liars, asshole.”

“Oh, right, that was it,” Jayden said lightly as if he’d only just gotten the words mixed up. Then he added calmly to the brunette, “It’s pretty rude of you to dismiss me for my alter ego.”

Shani blinked at him.

“Especially when you obviously like me anyway.”

“Uh…” she said, being utterly flummoxed by his turnabout.

“Man,” Jayden said as an aside to Light, “she’s really gonna flip over the other piercings and the rest.” It was totally a setup just to see how she was going to react.

“What, there’s MORE?” she almost looked sickly fascinated.

“A regular onion, this one,” Light said drolly.

“Woman,” Jayden snipped at her. “Drink your damn coffee. I paid good money for that.”

She cautiously took a sip while eyeing him with an unfriendly gaze. “I really meant it when I said you were bizarre.”

“I know,” he replied with a casual shrug, looking completely unconcerned. “I assure you, though, you don’t know what bizarre even **is**.”

“I’m afraid to ask.”

Light shook his head. “You don’t even have to. He’ll show you. Repeatedly.”

Shani was still eyeing him. “Are you serious - you were asking me out? Or was that just more of your bullshit charades?”

Jayden smiled. “Ninety eight or so percent of everything I say is utter bullshit.”

Light sighed. “Translation: I’m not gonna tell you, it’s too fun to keep you guessing.”

Shani rubbed a hand over her face. “Light, for my sanity, tell me L is nothing like his relative here.”

“In this particular way, not at all.”

“Oh come on guys,” the deviant said. “Why so dour? It’s all in good fun.”

“Jayden, shut up,” Shani said primly, looking like she was getting a headache. “What am I supposed to SAY to people after that stunt?” She whipped sharp eyes upon him. “I can’t believe you freaking CRIED. How did you even do that??”

“Trade secret,” Jayden said with wink and mischievous grin.

“I’m going to go face the music,” she said, turning to go. “And, for the record,” she informed Jayden, pointing a finger out at him, “we are NOT dating.”

“Yeah, but _they_ don’t know that,” he taunted her. “Are you gonna be a mean little witch and make poor Jayden cry again?”

“Ugh!” she exclaimed, starting to stalk off towards the group.

“Hey, Shani,” Jayden said in a completely different tone that lacked artifice, making her pause.

“What?”

He caught one of her hands in his and lifted it to his lips, to kiss it romantic style. His gaze upon her was intense and seemed as if it was quite compelling. He was smirking a little. “I may have one upped you but I never said I didn’t enjoy your efforts.”

She flushed as he turned her hand over and began kissing up her wrist. “S-Stop it.”

“Seriously, no bullshit, let’s hang out sometime.”

“O-Okay.”

He grinned and dipped her into a deep kiss like a romance novel. It seemed like something like that should be ridiculous but instead it looked suave and Shani did appear to be swooning at least a little.

Light felt his own face flush a bit. It was kinda awkward to watch people make out like they were two seconds from throwing their clothes off and going at it. Kinda also **hot** , but _still_. It was nothing he should be looking at.

 ** _Seriously_** , was it some fucking family gene or what? It seemed that if either of the cousins set their sights on someone, and put in a little effort, that against all odds it worked in their favor and the pursued fell at their feet.

He hoped that Shani didn’t get hurt in this whole mess. If she wasn’t ok with Jayden not being exclusive this could blow up in a big way later. He kept thinking of the redhead and wondering if she was like a girlfriend or just a booty call type of ‘friend’. Hell, he had no idea how the deviant treated relationships, thought of relationships, or acted within them if he’d had one. All he could hope for was that if this _did_ become a dating thing that it went ok. Still, ‘hang out sometime’ was less than clear. He supposed this could also just be about ‘proving a point’ as Jayden had put it. Proving that she was still into him or whatever.

Shani and Light rejoined the group but Jayden deigned to forgo that. He said he’d meet up with Light later.

* * *

After the session, Light was waiting for Jayden to come back by to pick him up and he was texting L.

_‘You will not believe what happened today.’_

_‘Light? You got your phone back?’_

_‘Yeah, so that was one thing. Thanks, Jayden. Part two was-’_

_‘JAYDEN got your phone back? HOW? Did he break in?’_

_‘That’s what I said. Apparently though he met with my mother?’_

_‘.....’_

_‘Right?’_ Light had had nearly the same reaction himself.

_‘To say that’s unexpected…’_

_‘Yes, so in addition to that,’_ he typed, intending to mention the whole Shani thing.

_‘Crap, I gotta go finish up with this client. Tell me later?’_

_‘When are you back?’_

_‘Around 10:30. See you then.’_

Drat. He was hoping that L could have talked for a little longer. But work was work. After 10pm though… So he’d have to kill some time till he got back. It was only about 9:15 now. He was pretty hungry, too. Maybe they could eat when he got home. Till then… he supposed he could study, and get through the work he’d been trying to do when Jayden had interrupted him.

“Hey! Brat!” Jayden hollered from the car as it rolled up. “Get in.”

Light heaved a sigh. What an ass. “Yeah yeah.”

* * *

TBC


	68. (phase 4) Means of Communication

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mrs. Yagami has some deep introspection over the situation with Light. More than just blaming others, she is starting to wonder it she and her husband had had a hand in bringing this situation about. She contacts Light and causes some tension when L hears about it.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 68: Means of Communication _

Sachiko felt better knowing that her son now had his phone and that there was a potential means of communication between them now.

She hadn’t told Soichiro yet. Partly, because she knew he would have disapproved of her meeting with Elliot’s cousin.

They both had grievances with each of the boys, and yet it had been difficult at times to say who carried the graver sin. Up until recently, Jayden would have been the clear winner with his deceptions, amoral behavior, not to mention his way of dressing and adorning himself. However, the fact that Elliot had become involved with their son in such an unseemly way seemed to make him take that position on account of just that one very glaring thing.

They had both been so lovely, earlier. She really regretted how things had come to this. Why had everything come down to lies?

Why had Elliot _done_ this??

After that talk they’d all had, discussing Jayden, she really had felt her heart become softened in time. She really had felt that perhaps she could find it in herself to be a little more lenient and understanding. And she _had_. She had even admitted aloud to her son that she missed having Jayden around. Of course, she mainly missed the Jayden she had come to know, not the one that had been revealed.

Still, nothing had had time to change before the biggest bomb of all had dropped upon them. That girl’s accusation and the resulting, ashen color to her boy’s face which confirmed it loud enough for all of them.

Why couldn’t Elliot have found a nice girl to be interested in like that? He was so handsome, charming, and surely wasn’t lacking for suitors. Why had he gone and acted upon Light’s friendship in such a way?

Her boy was so intelligent... something like this shouldn’t have happened, catching him unawares, but…. _But,_ she thought, realization dawning, _He’s inexperienced._

Fresh horror began to curdle her thoughts. _How many times had he asked us if he could date? How many times did he say that the tension of being uninvolved with anyone was infinitely distracting and difficult to live with?_

She put a hand over her mouth. _Did **we** do this? Did we create this situation ourselves??_ For if they had allowed Light to date, would he not be more experienced and perhaps have been already serious about a girlfriend by the time he’d met the boys? And if he had been serious about a girl, might he then have never gotten involved with Elliot in such a way? Might he then have never even _considered_ the viability of such a relation?

At which point… Elliot might have just been a good friend, coming over to hang out sometimes like he used to, and their deepest concern might have been his unorthodox cousin.

Feelings of shock and guilt warred with the easier path of just blaming Elliot.

She had liked him so much, and Light had been so much more pleasant after they met… Why had he gone and done this?

 _‘He’s_ happy _,’_ Jayden’s words from earlier echoed back at her.

Happy….. happy….. what did that even mean for a relationship such as this? Physical relations were one thing, but what about when they were not behind closed doors? Society didn’t approve of such things, and they could hardly act like a couple where people were there to see it. How could they do any of the things couples normally did? Smiling at each other, holding hands, flirting, any of these things wouldn’t be options and would be met with stares. How then could that be called ‘happy’? How could living in such a limited capacity be called happiness?

Another snippet of their conversation floated back to her.

 _‘I just want what’s best for him,’_ she had said in protest, feeling in her heart that this was true and that she just wanted her boy to succeed and be the best that he could be.

Jayden had responded somewhat tersely, _‘Then maybe you should consider what makes him happy instead of trying to map out the lines of his life you want him to color inside of. He was fucking miserable...’_

Miserable?

How would Light have been miserable? He had everything he needed provided for, he made top grades, was successful...

And yet she remembered more than a few times how he’d begged for some time out of the house, pleaded his case for being able to date…

She was feeling uneasy as her thoughts progressed. Having everything you needed… that wasn’t the same as having happiness, was it? A roof over your head, food, clothing, all of these needs were critical and yet, people always needed more, wanted more. There was something more that made life worth living. She had often thought that to be success, a good job, finding a good person to marry.

But she’d worried that her son would have been distracted from securing a successful career if he was overly distracted by girls.

Oh, how he had argued that. And they hadn’t listened.

So, were things better now? Her boy was estranged, and now involved with another boy. Jayden claimed he was happy now. Even though his family was now torn up and tormented over this.

Was a relationship, now that he was in one, taking away his focus and resolve towards success? Could she claim that to be true if Light was really intent on finishing High School and then college, continuing that path even without his parents pushing him?

Tears prickled at her eyes.

_He’s going to live his life without us._

_‘What’s most important to you?’_ Jayden’s words rang back at her. _‘Do you want an actual relationship with your son?’_

Despite her reservations about this version of Jayden, during their conversation, she kept seeing glimmers of the boy she knew and at times she even forgot to notice the piercings. Beneath the sullen facade and his sometimes bristling with anger, she saw him striving for calm, choosing words carefully, and engaging in a deeper conversation with her about things than he had seemed prone to at the beginning.

All of this, after having heard such harsh words from her that day. All this, after having been banned from seeing his friend, and here he was trying to help their family in his own way.

She felt somewhat cowed when she thought of it that way. How could she claim this boy was nothing but a deviant? Even when not putting on a show for them like he used to, he was still thoughtful and obviously cared about her son. Despite his appearance, rougher language, and the things they disapproved of as parents… he was still acting in the manner of a true friend.

And Elliot?

Despite the twisting in her chest whenever she thought of him, especially him in a relationship with her son…. he too had not ever acted in a disrespectful manner towards them, even when he had been banned from seeing Light, and even when her husband was yelling at him to get out of their house.

The two of them overall had acted in a way that most people might commend, considering the circumstances.

She could not say the same for herself and her husband although she felt they acted in a manner any concerned parent might.

But this standstill….. Jayden had a point. If they all kept on as they were, time would slip by and Light…. her precious son… he might slip away from them as well.

* * *

Light was doing homework Monday night at Kai’s house, at the kitchen table, daydreaming a little about finishing the academic year and being free from studying for a while. It seemed to eat up so much of his time and life and, while he wanted to do well, he was sick of being chained to a desk and also losing such a large chunk of time to the Saturday tutoring sessions.

He had yet to hear back from the colleges and universities, although that would be coming in the mail in not too much longer. The bugger of it was that he had filled everything out with his home address. He’d since contacted what he thought was all of the schools to give them L’s address as an alternate, but that didn’t mean such an update wouldn’t get lost in the shuffle. He could only hope they made the changes so that he could get any acceptance letters that were sent out.

Almost coincidentally, his phone buzzed and he saw a message from his mother.

 _‘Are you happy?’_ it said.

He frowned, not quite sure how to take that. From anyone else he might take it as an inquiry about his feelings on life in general. From his mother though…. he wasn’t sure if she might not mean it as more of a ‘are you happy with this broken family you have created?’...

He chewed his lip, wondering what to say. How _did_ she mean it?

_‘At the moment? More bored than anything. Studying.’_

_‘Are you at Elliot’s?’_

_‘No. I’m staying with a friend.’_

There was a long pause. _‘I guess Jayden was right then. And you are finishing out the year, and then starting college?’_

 _‘Yes,’_ he typed back, feeling somewhat perplexed. What in the hell had they talked about?

_‘And it was your idea to stay there?’_

_‘No, it was L’s.’_ He realized, after hitting send, his mistake with the name. _‘Elliot,’_ he corrected, mentally cursing himself. _‘Typo.’_

_‘It’s a nickname. I’m aware.’_

He stared at that last text. What HAD they talked about? Anything she knew had to have come from that meeting with Jayden when he got the phone from her, but he had a hard time understanding how a conversation would have even happened between them.

 _‘I hope you don’t see this as an intrusion,’_ she continued. There was another long pause as if she was trying to figure out what to say. _‘A phone call might have seemed more so, which is why I texted instead. But I hope that perhaps we might talk on the phone in the future.’_

Hmmm… intrusion or in other words, ‘harassment’. Now he wondered if the deviant had said something to her on that. The words seemed too close to be coincidence, and Jayden had expressly told him to fess up if he felt he was being harassed.

 _‘I never saw speaking like this as harassment or an intrusion,’_ Light typed back. _‘You should understand the difference.’_

_‘I’m not sure I do.’_

He felt it was rather obtuse of her to say so, but he held that in. _‘Ordering me around would be harassment.’_

_‘We’re just worried about you.’_

_‘Does father know that you talked to The Monster?’_

_‘Light, please.’_ He could almost sense the sigh that followed in that pause. ‘I can’t take back what I said that night, but I did apologize to Jayden.’

 _You what??_ he did a double take. That she had _apologized_ was a monumental shocker.

 _‘And no,’_ she continued, _‘I haven’t spoken to your father about it yet. But I will.’_

_‘So, he doesn’t know I have this phone then, either?’_

_‘No.’_

_‘Why?’_

_‘Well, you know how your father is. He can be rather stubborn.’_

_‘He isn’t the only one,’_ Light typed back drolly. Seriously, his mother could be just as unrelenting.

_‘The acorn doesn’t fall far from the tree, dear.’_

He glared at his phone in annoyance. _‘Are you alone immune?’_

_‘Don’t get angry with me. I didn’t say that. Our whole family appears to share this trait, if we’d be quite honest about it.’_

_‘L and Jayden share it as well.’_ He dropped the commentary in, just to see if being more open was allowed. He needed to know if she would flare up at the mention of them, or if this seemingly non-confrontational communication might continue. He didn’t want to trust it just yet. As Jayden had often seemed to hold true, ‘nice’ couldn’t often be trusted. He was getting that now. It was how people handled themselves during conflict that really held weight, and so far he’d only ever witnessed his parents trying to get their way.

 _‘Sigh.’_ She actually typed it out. _‘Jayden did say you boys were all pretty similar.’_

_‘He what?’_

_‘We talked the other day. I’m sure you know that.’_

_‘Yes, but…..’_ How long were they even talking? This sounded more and more bizarre as things went along. Had they talked for hours? With all the territory they covered it almost sounded like they might have.

_‘It wasn’t that long of a conversation. Though it was memorable.’_

_‘He wasn’t angry?’_

_‘Well, I believe that he was, but he held it in. Did he not talk to you about it?’_

_‘Er…. well, that’s the thing about Jayden. He isn’t always forthcoming. Especially if he is doing something for someone.’_

_‘Huh.’_ She seemed to be mulling that over. _‘So you didn’t even know about it?’_

_‘Not until he dropped the phone in my lap.’_

There was another long pause. _‘He is mysterious, that boy.’_

 _‘We like to refer to that as ‘being a pain in the ass’,’_ he said, meaning himself and L, ‘ _but sure we can call it mysterious between you and me.’_

She sent an LOL back at him. He was shocked she even knew what that was. _‘He did say you all liked to make jokes,’ she continued, ‘and I do see that is true. You are having fun, aren’t you?’_

_‘Is that a trick question?’_

_‘No. It’s along the lines of when I asked if you were happy.’_

_‘.....’_ He sat for a long moment, unsure of how to respond. It still did feel like a trap to snare him.

_‘It really isn’t a trick question Light, I am genuinely asking, mother to son.’_

_‘Then yes. I am happy, and I am having fun.’_ He paused, chewing his lip as he tried to find words for what he wanted to say next. _‘And I wish that my parents could see that and be happy for me as well.’_

_‘Are you ever coming home?’_

_‘I don’t know.’_ He tensed up as things started to curve back to a familiar pattern. He prayed it didn’t manifest.

_‘I see.’_

_‘Are you ever going to accept this?’_ His heart was sinking. He wasn’t even sure why he asked, when he was pretty sure the answer was NO. Probably it was some misguided hope of his that things could still one day change.

_‘I don’t know.’_

He stared at the words for a long time, not really seeing them. It wasn’t a NO but at the same time, nothing might ever change. He realized that he still wanted them to, badly. Crazy or not, they were still his parents, and though his liberation had felt nothing short of wonderful, this still pecked away at him. It didn’t sit right. He didn’t want to be at odds with them. He wanted them to come around. But if they didn’t…. he was prepared to let go. There was no way he could conform to all of their wishes and demands of him.

Light rubbed a hand over his eyes, feeling a pressure in his head and a prickling in his eyes. _‘Mother, I must go and get on with my studies.’_

_‘Okay, sweetheart. I love you. Try to remember that.’_

_‘I know. I love you, too.’_

* * *

The following friday night saw L, Light, and even Jayden sitting around the living room at L’s. A single beer bottle sat on the coffee table.

“Now this is just torture,” Jayden said eyeing it and looking unimpressed.

3 glasses also sat on the coffee table.

“Not much of a cheat day,” Light admitted.

L crossed his arms, sitting back on the couch, his expression immovable. “To pain in the ass number one-” he nodded to his cousin “-your last cheat day was four beers **and** you weren’t withholding information.”

Jayden muttered something along the lines of having been accused of much _worse_ on the last cheat day, so **this** one shouldn’t be so stingy.

L cuffed him in the head. “Don’t remind me.” He turned and addressed Light, “To pain in the ass number two, why am I only hearing of this now?”

Light sighed and dutifully divvied up the beer into the three separate glasses, feeling like the act was committing some kind of sacrilege.

Jayden leaned over from the couch and stage whispered to Light, who was sitting on the floor on the other side of the coffee table. “I win,” he taunted him. “Number one means I’m the beeest.” He was obviously trying to get a rise out of L, and either blow things up or lighten the mood. The deviant swiped up the first glass that was poured and downed it in a heartbeat. With a vague, slightly wistful smile he tilted the empty glass like he was doing a toast. “Ah, disappointment,” he sighed with a sarcastic tone of satisfaction.

“Number one means you’re the _original_ ,” L commented dryly, “but also the BIGGER pain in the ass.” He took the other glass that was now poured.

L was aggravated that until now he hadn’t known that Jayden’d had some kind of longer meeting with Light’s mom when he’d gotten the phone back. Also, that Light hadn’t mentioned he’d been texting with her this week.

“Are you sure **I’m** the bigger pain in the ass?” Jayden drawled. “I **_took care_** of the phone issue. Plus, I’m not the one suggesting some sort of excruciating dinner meeting with the ‘rents.”

“Look,” Light said tensely, feeling put on the spot, “I only didn’t say anything because I wanted to handle it on my own. I didn’t know how it was even going to go.” He sipped his glass of beer, feeling, much like Jayden put it, disappointed. Grateful though he was that this one was a stronger, belgian ale - which would pack more of a punch at such pitiable small quantities and that tasted _much_ better - it still felt like a damn shame. Higher quality ale was actually really good and made him feel like never bothering with the cheaper stuff again. He frowned.

“ _Damnit_ , L,” Jayden complained sharply, “You’re making your cubscout sad.” He sent him a piercingly annoyed look with his pale eyes.

L opened his mouth to say something back but Jayden interrupted.

“How can you make this his first taste of good quality shit, then leave him hanging? It’s inhuman!”

L put a hand over his face and muttered something. They all knew Jayden’s initial comment wasn’t about the beer at all.

“Lighten up, would ya?” Jayden said, adjusting his feet where they sat crossed upon the coffee table.

L kicked at his leg. “I _told_ you to keep your boots off my table.”

Jayden flared back. “ _Make me._ ”

“Jesus fucking….” L started muttering again.

“Is this your way of breaking the tension?” Light asked Jayden, “Or were you trying to drive him to drink and hoped to get some yourself?”

The deviant tilted his head in consideration. “Yeah, since a _threeway_ is out…” he said in a hyped up tone that still managed to convey boredom, “probably one of those other two.”

L smacked him again.

“Ow.”

Jayden slid a bored, pale gaze to regard his cousin. “I’m sick of all the fucking tension. The usual remedies are to drink, fuck, or make fun of shit. I’m not even picky about which one at this point.”

“You haven’t made it even a month yet,” L scoffed at the first remedy, referencing the bet, and at Jayden’s complaining in general.

“UUUUUgghhh!! _Damnit!_ ” Jayden wailed at the ceiling. “Can’t I get time off for good behavior?”

“I don’t know,” L quipped back. “Good behavior? I’ve yet to see that happen.”

Jayden lunged at him and got him into a submission hold before anyone could even react. “Quick!” he said to Light, “Grab more beer while I hold him back.”

Light blinked at him and made no move to do so. He even picked up his glass with a slow hand and took a sip.

“Light, come on, what are you doing?”

“Maybe I have a better working memory than you, but consequences come after he gets loose.”

Jayden scoffed at him, “Consequences, schmonsequences, just grab some fucking bee- _uh oh._ ”

L turned the tables and was soon choking his cousin and smothering him into the couch.

“L,” Light called over in a bland tone, “if you aren’t interested in your beer, can I have yours?” It was partly a way to remind him not to totally kill Jayden, but also because he wouldn’t have minded a yes.

“No,” L said, his voice tight with concentration, “I’ll be done here shortly.”

Jayden’s arms were flailing and he couldn’t quite get enough air to make any smartass comments.

Suddenly Jayden, through herculean effort, contorted and knocked them off from the couch which landed them onto the coffee table.

The glasses toppled, spilling beer all over. “Damnit!” Light exclaimed, jumping up. Then the table itself broke under their weight, with a loud snap, folding into a V right down the middle. There was a crash of glass as the bottle and cups sped downward and collided at the center.

“Damnit, Jayden!” L exclaimed, picking himself up and surveying a chunk of glass sticking out of his arm, as well as the state of his table.

Jayden seemed largely unscathed except he looked a little punchy as if he’d knocked his head. “Shut up, at least the boots being on it is now a moot point.” He sat up woozily, a hand to his head. “Oh damnit, the beer.”

“You owe me a new table and a rug.”

“Bite me. You owe me a real cheat day, and I can _fix_ this piece of shit table.”

“I owe you nothing,” L said flatly, calmly pulling the glass out of his arm. It promptly started bleeding and threatened to drip onto the floor.

“Idiot,” Jayden scoffed as he watched this, “were you going to Jackson Pollock the floor with your blood or are you really just wanting a new rug?”

L just looked at him.

“Come on,” Jayden complained, “The paint drip guy? You know, **Art**?”

Light watched the exchange. “I think that look he’s giving you is _‘Shut the fuck up and you ARE replacing both’_.”

“Maybe I should throw in some childproof tumblers?” Jayden quipped. “Haha _‘tumblers’_.”

L glared at him. “Add those to the list, _Child_.” He picked himself up and then held out a hand to Jayden to help him up as well. His cousin winced as he gained his feet, indicating something on him had gotten injured. L said, “I’m trying to determine if you are more or less of a menace when not drunk.” He cupped a hand under his bleeding arm to catch the drops.

“Drunk me is a pleasure. So basically all of this is your fault.”

“Great. So clean up my error in judgement while Light and I split a beer.”

“Hey, no fair!”

“You spilled ours.”

“Not my fault you don’t drink fast enough.”

“Shut up.” He turned to Light. “Can you grab me a paper towel or something?”

“Sure.”

“Menace,” L said to his cousin.

“You’re just pissed because you don’t want to do this dinner thing, not that I blame you.”

“I’m also pissed that everyone knew stuff they weren’t telling me! What if they started harassing Light again after you gave him the phone back? Ever think of that?”

“I did, actually,” Jayden said, looking annoyed. “And I properly threatened the mom into using it responsibly _or else_. Light was to tell me if she tried to pull anything.”

“Oh, so you were going to handle it all yourself, were you?” L’s tone had gotten snide and he was leveling an unfriendly glare at his cousin.

“ _Yes-_ ” Jayden started to snap back, and this had the makings of that last fight over Light.

“ ** _Yes_** ,” Light interjected emphatically, interrupting them and pressing the paper towel to L’s arm. He felt annoyed at Jayden’s seeming inability to communicate at times. “He’s just going to spew some kind of bullshit since he can’t own up to doing things for people, so I’ll just shorten this up. He didn’t want you to worry, said you had enough going on, and that he could take care of this at least.”

L looked at Jayden and his cousin glared back.

L shook his head, looking put upon. “Why can’t you just own up to shit? Seriously…” he complained, giving Jayden a baleful stare. Jayden’s glare was apparently all L needed to corroborate what Light had said.

“Shut up.”

L slung an arm around his cousin’s shoulders and said, “You’re a good kid. An asshole, but still mostly a good kid.”

“Jackass,” Jayden snarked back, looking roughed up and not really on edge anymore.

Light split another beer into two glasses, ignoring Jayden complaining about that, and brought them over. He and L sat on the couch and drank them while Jayden grumbled and cleaned up the mess.

“So what is this dinner thing?” L asked at last.

At the time he’d originally mentioned it, Light hadn’t gotten much further than, _‘I was talking to my mother and I think they want a truce, a dinner or something.’_

“Well… apparently she’s been doing a lot of thinking… in part because of some things Jayden said-”

“You’re welcome,” Jayden tossed out, continuing his task.

“-and she says that she’s talked to father and feels that there should be some kind of get together to break the ice.”

“Haha,” Jayden laughed under his breath. “Enjoy **_that-_** ”

“And she wants ALL of us to attend,” Light finished pointedly.

Jayden looked scandalized, “No, you did _not_ just say what I think you said.”

“Yeah, laugh it up, idiot,” L added a little spitefully, seeming to be glad he wasn’t the only one to be suffering this horrible fate, especially after Jayden was just mocking him over it.

“This sounds horrible, doesn’t it?” Light worried aloud as tension and misgiving flooded through him.

“You ok?” Jayden asked suddenly, looking up. He seemed to honestly be asking.

“ **No.** Just the idea of this is stressing me the hell out,” Light admitted. “And even if she talked to my father, that doesn’t mean he’s accepted anything. It doesn’t mean that he’s changed his mind, and he’s even more unrelenting than she is.”

“What do you want to do?” L asked him.

“I…..don’t know.” He leaned his head back on the couch and stared at the ceiling, not really seeing it. “I’d like to believe this is progress, but I also don’t want to subject me or you guys to something really uncomfortable.”

“I probably already had the worst of it when your mom ranted at me that night downtown about being a monster,” Jayden said glibly. “You?” he asked his cousin.

“Hmm… yeah probably his dad glaring murder at me for ‘touching his son’, and ordering me out of his house,” L said in a similarly offhanded tone. “That would be about the top of the charts on my end.”

 _“Oh my god…”_ Light breathed out as he covered his face, feeling guilty and so fucking awful that his family had done those things. “I am **_so_** sorry about all of that,” he muttered into his hands.

“Buck up, kiddo,” Jayden said, “After the worst, there’s no place to go but up, right?”

Light looked up, not sure if he should believe what he was saying, but he kind of wanted to.

L gave his cousin an appreciative look. “Not bad for a pep talk.”

“Right?” Jayden preened, overdramatically congratulating himself. “Besides, we need to give him an excuse to do what he wants and not worry about our poor fragile little egos.”

“Oh, shut up,” Light grumbled, making Jayden grin.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told you guys that the family situation would come up again. ; )


	69. (phase 4) All Bets Are Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The debate is on over how to handle the newest development with Light's parents - the dinner. Also, some rough housing goes sideways and turns into making an unforeseen bet.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 69: All Bets are Off   _

There was quite a lot of debate over _how, when, where,_ and even _why_ this dinner thing was going to happen. Currently they were sitting in a sort of circle on L’s livingroom floor.

“I’m not wild about the idea of doing it during our weekend time,” L said reluctantly, trying to be a good sport and help sort the details.

Light was inclined to agree. If things went poorly, it could wreck their precious little time together, not to mention _using up_ their precious little time together.

“I’m not wild about doing it at ALL,” Jayden groused.

“That goes without saying,” L agreed under his breath.

Light heaved a sigh.

Jayden took it to be one of exasperation. “ _Tell me you want to do this_ ,” he demanded of the brunet.

“I _don’t_ want to do this. I sighed because I actually agree with you.”

“So why are we still talking about doing this?!” Jayden exclaimed, sounding exasperated himself now.

“You **_know_** why,” L said, rubbing a hand over his face wearily.

Jayden was edgy and his voice was sharp. “I know why we think we’re _supposed_ to. What I don’t know is why we think we **_have to_ ** when we don’t fucking WANT to.”

“It’s called being a grownup,” Light said.

“Oh, nice one, cubscout. That’s real rich.” Jayden smacked him upside the head. “Fucking smartass.” He gave the younger boy an imperious look. “What I’m **_saying_** , is that being in contact and making nice over the phone is one thing, but meeting up? Who the hell says you need to do something like that so soon? That any of us do?”

Light was frowning and looked incredibly pensive. “I don’t like this stalemate and how things are,” he said quietly.

“Right, but **you** didn’t create the fucking situation,” Jayden reasoned in a sharp tone, looking aggravated over the entire affair. “So... what? They get to say and do whatever the fuck they want and we still have to hop-to and dance to their timeline?” He cast a look over his shoulder at his cousin. “I was _right_ by the way,” he said as a snarky aside. “Despite my flaws and Heresy, **you** are still seen as the greater evil.”

Light got to his feet and started pacing. “Look,” he said shortly, starting to feel caged, “if you two don’t want to go with me, I’ll handle it on my own.” The cousins gave him nearly identical bland looks. Light dropped his eyes and let out a heavy breath. “...is what I’d like to say,” he muttered, “but-”

“ ** _But_** -” the deviant jumped in to finish, agitation brimming and making his tone just short of scathing “-you don’t fucking trust them, _nor should you_. Or were we forgetting how they treated your _last_ gesture of goodwill?”

Tension zinged through him at the words.

“Shut up, Jayden,” L said tiredly and without rancor. “Nobody forgot about the gay camp, least of all Light. Second least of all, **me** , who was here to witness the rant that followed once he got here.”

“Which is obviously why he can’t go without us,” Jayden barrelled on, unfazed by the interruption. “ _Which_ ,” he emphasized loudly, “brings me back to the point of why are any of us feeling obligated to go??”

“Is it just me,” Light asked, feeling like they were covering the same ground all over again, like some kind of deja vu, “or did I just see a black cat cross my path twice?” Jayden was really stuck on the whole ‘not going’ thing.

“Kudos on the movie reference,” Jayden said. “Love the Matrix. But _fuck you_ , this conversation isn’t looping, you all just aren’t **hearing** me.”

“If not now, then WHEN, Jayden?” L was giving him that look he hated, like he was a slow and willful child.

The younger cousin scowled. “I don’t know, **_later_**. Sometime that is not like _right now_. He’s had the phone for what - a week? He’s been out of the house for 2 weeks? No WAY they’ve learned their lesson.”

“Nobody said I was going back to living with them,” Light muttered.

“And where is this dinner supposed to happen anyway, huh?” Jayden snarked. “At their HOUSE? Are you fucking kidding me?? Like you didn’t almost get entrapped the last time you set foot in there?”

“I wouldn’t be alone this time-”

“Or how about a restaurant?” the deviant continued sharply. “So we can have a nice, big old audience if they have a freakout fit again.”

“I’d almost rather the house,” L added his two cents, “since the last rant aimed at me was unpleasant and quite loud. However...” his dark eyes slid over to Light. “I don’t know if your mom actually cleared all of this with your father, but you heard the man. I was ordered out under pain of death.” Light nodded and he continued. “That being the case… it doesn’t feel right to even agree to doing something there unless I heard it straight from your father - that he rescinded that commandment.”

“Goddamnit,” Light muttered, feeling distressed. He was right. They both were in a way. But… this was the first solid-feeling gesture he’d received and he didn’t want to waste it on account of being picky. “Where else could we do it?”

“Not here,” L said. “Last thing any of us need is them knowing where **I** live.”

“Obviously not _my_ place,” Jayden added. “The 24/7 orgies might put them off.” He was being a smartass, but his delivery was good enough to make anyone question whether that wasn’t actually a true statement. Light wasn’t in a frame of mind to be entertained, however.

“Quit joking about this, Jayden,” Light said, his mood deflating further, “this is really bothering me.” The sliver of hope he’d felt about the situation with his parents, despite the anxiety, was rapidly dwindling. For a moment he’d really thought that maybe this dinner suggestion could be a way to break the ice, and now it was looking like some looming monstrosity on the horizon.

“It’s really bothering ALL of us, which is _why_ I’m joking about shit.”

“Well, stop it,” he said nearly under his breath, feeling just so defeated about all of this. Both Jayden and L were making valid points, things he couldn’t dismiss or ignore, and he didn’t know what to DO. While a dinner in any case would be nerve-wracking and difficult… he didn’t want to go through with it if it was just a hopeless exercise in trying to make peace. He didn’t want it to be a total shitshow. But there was no way to be certain whether it was intended for reconciliation, or if it was just an avenue to get at him and rip L and Jayden a new one.

The last thing he wanted was to be the way in which his parents inflicted more vitriol upon them. Despite how the cousins had made light over things earlier, he knew that some damage had been dealt, and he didn’t want to be responsible for more of that.

“You look like you need a hug,” the deviant stated, not sounding sarcastic for once. It made Light look up in surprise. “Although,” he continued glibly, “I’m pretty sure my loving cousin will inflict something horrific upon my person if I heed my humanitarian urges.”

L rolled his eyes at that line. “If these arguably non-existent humanitarian urges come with a solution to this problem, you can hug him all you want,” he said drolly.

“Was that a challenge?” Jayden asked the room then nodded to himself. “That sounded like a challenge.” He slanted a sly look at his cousin. “Can I hug while I think? It helps my process.”

“Ass,” L muttered, shaking his head at him.

The deviant popped to his feet and grabbed Light into a one-armed hug that he couldn’t quite wiggle out of. Jayden was stronger than he looked. “I’m taking that as **not** a ‘no’, in case anyone was wondering.”

“I don’t think you understand what ‘no’ even _means_ ,” Light groused.

Jayden nuzzled Light’s cheek with a grin, making L glare at him and Light squirm. “Be nice, I could have put you in a headlock instead.”

“Quit it.” Light still couldn’t quite get away and his face was starting to flush. “And hurry up with this solution of yours, **_poser_**.”

“Aw, you’re so cute when you’re flustered,” he grinned wider, “no wonder my cousin can’t keep his hands off of you.”

“I hear the thin ice beneath your feet cracking, cousin,” L commented.

“Guess I can’t hear it over the sound of both of you bitching,” he said lightly. “Now shush, I’m thinking.”

He tilted his head as if in deep contemplation and at the same time proceeded to start poking Light in the side, making him fight hard to evade the tickling jabs. “So even if Daddy-dearest gave permission for us all to set foot in the house, I think the greater issue is how he was an utter dick about that earlier, and the house should be avoided regardless.”

L nodded, ignoring his antics for the moment.

Light was starting to splutter as he was losing the battle against Jayden’s reflexes and was getting tormented brutally.

A pleasant smile began to form on the deviant’s face as he multitasked tickling the brunet, making him struggle and gasp for air, and his thinking on the issue. “So, restaurant… might be the only option due to the lack of houses or other undisclosed buildings that could give us a place to have this thing. I’d say have the meet up outside, like downtown at the fountain or some shit but a meal would give us all something to DO at least.”

“Make sure you let him breathe.”

A wild grin flashed upon Jayden’s face. He’d had to transfer Light into a one-armed chokehold in order to keep him at bay and unable to escape. “Until the flailing slows a bit, I’ll know he’s got enough air.”

L just shook his head at him. “Don’t come crying to me when he gets loose and is seeking payback.”

“Meh, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.” He was totally unconcerned and really should have been. “So for the noise part at the restaurant - in case anyone goes nuclear - some places have separate rooms or nooks where things can be more private. If we plan ahead we could secure something like that.”

“What about an outside patio area or something like that instead?” L asked. “So we’re not all penned in?”

“Well…..” Jayden considered. “The added benefit could be if the open nature of it forced people to act civilized and keep their damn voices down… On the other hand, there’d be more witnesses to a potential scene as well as just a lot of people watching our awkward dinner in general.”

“So rule that out.”

“Yeah, probably inside would be better.”

“Light? What do you think?” L asked him.

Jayden purposely renewed his attack so that he couldn’t even gasp out an answer. ‘Help,’ he mouthed, lacking the air to even make the word audible.

L smiled at him indulgently and gave a nod to Jayden. “You’re right, he really is adorable like that.”

Light’s eyes flashed and seemed to accuse him of being a traitor.

“Looks like _that_ , too,” Jayden added fondly. “Like he just wants to gnaw your arm off at the elbow. So undeniably cute.”

Light could tell they were both winding him up, tag teaming, and that was fueling his renewed efforts to get loose and have his revenge upon them.

* * *

By the time Light did get loose, a three-way tussle ensued, starting with him trying to strangle Jayden.

It had begun with Light smacking Jayden upside the head, really hard. Then it continued with Jayden’s retaliation, which was a combo between wrestling him into an armlock and threatening to molest him. Finally, there was L getting dragged in as Light’s free arm snagged him around the neck, when L had gotten just close enough to try and prevent Jayden from his one-man game of gay chicken.

L valiantly tried to extricate himself from the tangle, but Jayden hooked him in and switched his focus to keeping his cousin in the fray. As soon as Light wiggled loose he was hellbent on trying to choke the deviant out. Payback.

“Hey, grab me a beer while you’re up,” Jayden croaked. He was sitting on L and had an arm locked around his cousin’s neck from behind, pulling it back hard, which kept L’s head bent and pinned back nearly into Jayden’s shoulder. All the while, he was being slowly strangled by Light who was towards the top of the pile.

“If I kill you now,” Light got out with effort, trying to keep his hands in the range of deadly force, while Jayden made that difficult, “the dinner thing will be a moot point.”

L got a hand loose and used it to pinch and twist one of Jayden’s nipples, HARD, earning him instant freedom as Jayden hollered, “Jezus fuck, OW!”

“Hahaha!” Light laughed at him. He also ducked out of the fray as L turned the tables.

“Shit,” Jayden said, fiercely fending off an attack from this new quarter. He soon found himself pinned, cheek to the floor in what looked like quite an uncomfortable position. “This is starting to look a little one-sided,” he complained into the floor, as the free-for-all turned into a battle between only the two of them. “ _Wench_ , get me a libation,” he tossed out at Light.

Light pretended to cooperate, earning himself a scathing look from L, but when he came back it was only to toss a full glass of water in Jayden’s face. The deviant’s look went from hopeful to instant wet rat and it was _hilarious_.

Jayden spluttered and cursed, getting released as L laughed his ass off at him.

He sat up and flipped his mop of wet hair backwards off of his face. “If you wanted to get me wet,” he drawled lewdly, “all you had to do was ask.” He did a little striptease, unbuttoning his shirt, before L cuffed him in the head.

Jayden snaked a hand out and smacked his cousin back good. “I’m just checking the damage, asshole,” he said, cupping a hand protectively around the nipple that had been so harshly abused earlier. The piercing was in place, none the worse for wear, but his skin around it looked flushed and a little angry. “That fucking hurt, you know.”

“That was the point,” L said, looking for an opening to smack him back. “It’s not like I tried to rip it out.”

“How sweet.”

Jayden’s eyes slid over to Light and he courted disaster by striking a sexy pose, running his hand through the wet tangle of his hair and sending Light a smokey-eyed look and an air kiss. “What do you think? I’m guessing _underwear model_.” The position displayed his abs to devastating effect and droplets of water were running from his hair down over his body in a poster-worthy display.

“Ha,” Light scoffed at him. “Who’d wanna see your scrawny ass modeling?”

“Ow,” Jayden winced as L cuffed him in the head while his guard was down, but sent Light a snarky look. “Who are YOU calling scrawny, chicken wing?”

“ _You_.”

“Shut up, I’m hot as hell and you know it. We all are.”

“Oh so I’m hot now?” Light said drolly, “What happened to all those ‘scrawny kid’ cracks?”

“Eh,” he shrugged, “you’re passable.”

Light shook his head at him, and L said, “Idiot.”

“Ok, being honest here,” Jayden said, “I’d say we’re all on par.” He slid an annoyed look towards his cousin. “Though my roommates think you are top of the pile for some godforsaken reason.”

“Oh? I’d say I’m flattered, only I’m not. They’re almost more insane than you are.”

“Aw shuddap,” Jayden pushed at him, knocking him over. “They have good taste, they just obviously have a little confusion on that one detail.”

“Except for maybe Justin,” Light added, just to wind him up.

“Oh ho ho, wait a second,” Jayden held his hands up, a severely suspicious look on his face, “did I just hear you calling out my roommate on something you know _fuckall_ about?”

Light said, “Uh…. after spin the bottle, I think it was pretty obvious.”

“Justice? Naw,” Jayden scoffed and yet it seemed to Light that he did know a little something and maybe just didn’t want to have it dragged out into the open.

“He totally has a thing for you,” L commented dryly.

“So bad,” Light agreed.

“Shut up.”

“You’d have to be blind not to see it,” L continued the harassment.

“And to think,” Light added, “you stirred that up pretty good during spin the bottle.”

Annoyance burst out on Jayden’s face. “I’m not an idiot,” he scoffed, “That’s why I didn’t go for broke-”

“Ha!” Light pointed at him triumphantly. “I _knew_ you knew!”

“Arrrghhghh,” Jaden growled in annoyance, having been foiled. “Well it’s none of my business who he’s into, and it isn’t yours either.”

“It is if you’re the one he wants to bone,” L said.

“It isn’t my business if I _don’t swing that way_.”

L looked nonplussed. “That’s debatable.”

“I **_told_** you fuckers, I don’t swing that way.”

Light and L exchanged an unimpressed look. “Who, in this room, would totally believe that?”

Jayden scowled.

“I bet Justin would be just over the moon if you let him be your experiment,” L razzed him.

“As if.”

Light added to the torment. “He looked like he was going to blow a gasket... and that was without all your usual bad behavior. Imagine if you set that perverse mind of yours to giving him a proper workout.”

“UGH.” Jayden glared at them. “He’s a roommate slash friend and NO.” He shook his head. “What the fuck is wrong with you people?”

“You’re about the LAST person who should get to ask what’s wrong with other people,” Light scoffed.

“For all your protests,” L said, “you sure had no problems sticking your tongue down _his_ throat.” He nodded towards Light.

“Hey,” Light frowned. “Leave me out of this.”

“It’s _different_!” Jayden exclaimed in exasperation. He nodded towards Light. “He’s like family.”

“Er….” Light said.

“Uh. Wait.” Jayden erased the words with a wave of his hand and wrinkled his nose. “That came out totally wrong. Seriously.”

“I’ll drink to that,” L said.

“Really?” Jayden piped up, looking hopeful.

“I’m calling a ceasefire and a suspension day.”

A wide grin spread itself slowly upon Jayden’s face. “Reason being?” He seemed to know exactly what was on L’s mind - not just a cheat day but an unregulated day.

“We’re all stressed out as fuck over this dinner thing and I think we earned it.” He narrowed his eyes at his cousin. “No getting fucked up though.”

“Deal!” Jayden jumped to his feet. He spun Light in a circle on his way to the kitchen and pressed an exuberant kiss to his mouth. “Thank god,” he exclaimed, in an instant good mood as he continued his trek, “my cousin has finally seen reason!”

“I also see some severe head trauma in your future,” L called out after him, peeved as all hell about the kiss.

“Oh lighten up.”

“If you don’t watch yourself, I am going to CHALLENGE you to put the moves on your roommate.”

Jayden paused in pouring some whiskey. “Now that is just cruel.”

“You earn my cruelty.”

Jayden continued pouring and said nonchalantly, “A proper challenge would involve both parties. Like a trade. You see what you can tolerate me getting away with and on the flip side, decide what I’d have to initiate with Justice.”

“It’d almost be worth it, just to see you suffer later.”

Light watched the battle of wills, L’s sharp and amped demeanor and Jayden’s affected calm. He didn’t even bother pointing out that he would be caught in the middle and uninterested in being in that position. He sighed. “And what would I be getting out of this?”

They both turned to look at him and said, “That dinner.”

“Wait, are you serious??”

“This is starting to look like a proper bet,” Jayden said gravely, regarding his cousin.

“Indeed it is,” L said back, looking quite serious with a slight frown on his face.

“No. Guys, come on.” He wanted no parts of this, none whatsoever.

“His protesting actually doesn’t put me off,” the deviant remarked as if just discovering the fact.

L was nodding, a slightly pained look on his face. “It’s too adorable. I never want to stop when he gets like that.”

“HEY,” he protested louder. “I don’t wanna be part of your crackass bets!” He turned just as Jayden lifted his hand and pressed a glass of whiskey into it.

“Don’t fret, lover,” the deviant said theatrically. “I’ll be gentle.” He brought the glass up to Light’s lips, encouraging him to take a bracing drink and making him splutter as the liquor was tipped forward too quickly for him to handle. He was pretty sure it was intentional.

“You do realize,” L said dryly, “that not only would you have to give it up to Justin, I would kick your ass afterwards.”

“Before or after Justice?”

“AFTER.”

“Goddamnit.”

“Repeatedly.”

“That sounds like a shit kind of bet then.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you!” Light exclaimed.

“And,” L said in a imposing tone that brought everyone’s attention solidly upon him, “It wouldn’t be an **_even_** trade.” His black eyes were unwavering. “For everything you did, you would be doing something _more_ involved with Justice.”

“How involved?”

“Hey!” Light protested in aggravation. “I’m _right here_! I can’t believe you’re even still discussing this.” This truly felt like a train going off the rails, and he seemed unable to stop it.

“A kiss for a blowjob.”

“What?!” Jayden exclaimed. “That’s BULLSHIT. I kissed him before,” he nodded towards Light, “and had no consequences, so you can’t suddenly make it that high stakes.” He downed a good amount of whiskey and set his glass down with a thud.

“Are you forgetting the consequence of going sober for a month?”

“At the moment? Yes.” He poured more of the brown liquor into his glass and downed it before he could be told otherwise.

L looked mildly annoyed at that. “And what would you see as the fair trade?”

“Honestly, a kiss and some serious groping. But the blowjob depends on who’s doing it.”

“What would it take for you to actually do one?”

“Uuuuuuuugh. I don’t know.” Jayden made a horrible face. “I don’t wanna…..”

“For a fair bet,” L prompted.

Jayden sighed egregiously, knowing he would be sealing his fate with any words he uttered. “Aside from enough liquor to make my liver catch on fire?”

“Yes.”

“Uggghhhhhhhhh.” He screwed up his expression, thinking hard. “I don’t know, what would it take for you to bang a chick?”

“Firstly, I wouldn’t be making a dumbass bet like that.”

“Secondly?”

“Secondly, I wouldn’t be making a dumbass bet like that with YOU.”

Jayden grumbled under his breath. He tossed in more than a few curses. “I can read between the lines.”

“ _Can you?_ Then did you hear me loudly saying you are a dumbass for claiming to be straight then even _entertaining_ the thought of a bet like this?”

“What can I say? I have low impulse control.” He brought a tumbler of whiskey over to his cousin. “Here. We can’t negotiate if we aren’t on even terms.”

L took it and knocked it back in short order. “Refill.” As his cousin fetched him the second round, he said, “What if we up the ante? Clare recording your penance.”

A shocked look actually took residence upon the deviant’s face. “Are you fucking serious?”

L nodded, eyes lazy but filled with challenge.

“Who the fuck would record their first time doing shit like that??”

“Wouldn’t be Justin’s first time.”

“How the fuck would you know? Maybe he’s totally repressed and closeted and shit.”

“Not the impression I got when he was feeling me up and trying to bust a move on me those times.”

“Oh.” That shut Jayden up. “You may have a point there.”

“Hey,” Light interjected, “everything else aside, what makes you think Justin would even go for this? Especially with the threat of being on video.”

Jayden shrugged. “Souvenir?” He gave L an assessing look. “Speaking of video, if there was going to be video on my end then there would have to be video on your end as well. I know you hate shit like that.”

“I’m not giving Clare fodder.”

“I’m not giving her shit either, unless YOU are. So either put up, or shut up and drop it.”

“Video aside,” L maintained, waving that off, “what would it take?”

Jayden heaved a monumental sigh, really thinking on it. “Probably…. I don’t know, a blowjob for a blowjob. I wouldn’t attempt giving one if I didn’t at least _get_ one.”

“That’s all it would take??”

“Hey,” Jayden shot back, “you said what would be FAIR, not what I’d prefer. If I had my say, it would be nothing short of the full deal if I had to later deal with a dick in the face. Jesus.”

“Aaaaaand suddenly this dinner is looking a lot less volatile,” Light said. He then dropped the slightly joking tone and added, “I hope we’re all clear that I’m not doing _shit_ with this lunatic.” If that came out sounding a little worried, it was because he was - a little.

“That remains to be seen,” Jayden scoffed sharply. “I dunno, enough alcohol and Clare filming a drunken orgy, that might just be entertaining enough for me to go through with it.”

“Poor Justin.” Light shook his head. He actually did feel kind of bad for him if he was crushing on Jayden at all. He likely knew himself that it was a bad idea. And to be treated as worse than a consolation prize at the end of a bet? Thing was though… he did sort of doubt Jayden was as straight as he claimed. Who knew, he might actually like it if he gave it a chance. Maybe Justin had a shot if he could do things up right.

He blinked suddenly as Jayden popped up into his personal space, peering at his face. “What the fuck are you thinking about in there, making a face like that?” Pale eyes were like twin scalpels, digging into him. “Because it _looks_ like you’re thinking _‘maybe if he tried it, he just might like it’_.” The deviant’s eyes glinted. “Let’s test that theory.”

Before he could even react, Jayden pulled him forward into a liplock that made him want to set himself on fire. Just like during spin the bottle, it was exceptionally dirty and scandalous, only this time he also got groped from behind. Jayden tasted like whiskey and the taboo.

Instead of exploding, L said, “And just that quick, he found himself on the receiving end of an awkward blowjob from his roommate.”

“Just for that?” Jayden griped.

“Or, I break your fucking hands.”

“Goddamnit.”

“Call him.”

“What, NOW?” Jayden was scandalized.

“Call him.”

Jayden let forth a slew of curses, several of them quite creative, and dragged his phone out. He scowled as he punched buttons on his phone. Holding it up to his ear, he was making a horrible face that was borderline pout. “Justice, where are you?” He paused, hearing the answer. “My cousin has lost his damn mind and wants you to come over here and fuck him, what do you say?”

“What the shit, Jayden?” L looked pissed.

“Oh yeah,” Jayden said, laying it on thick. “He’s so hot and bothered, I just can’t deal with it anymore. Footsie has gone waaaaay sideways.”

Light could hear what sounded like some serious aggravation on the other end of the line. Jayden held the phone out from his ear, a slight wince on his face. “Oh. He hung up. Guess he isn’t interested.”

L pulled out his own phone, a severe scowl upon his face. He dialed someone and held the phone to his ear. “Hello, Clare?”

“No.” Jayden looked utterly scandalized. “NO.”

“Jayden just threw off a bet.” He paused. “Yeah, sabotage. Mmmhmm. Is Justin home?” He gave his cousin an evil look. “What were the terms, you ask?”

Jayden made a dive for the phone. L had a hell of a time fending him off. “A video,” he got out, struggling to talk.

“Don’t you dare,” Jayden hissed, fighting him hard for control of the phone. “ **L** , I mean it!”

L’s evil look didn’t falter. “He initiated some shit with Light under the knowledge that he’d be facing some gay ass felatio with his biggest fan.”

Pale eyes widened. “Oh my fucking god, you did not-!”

Light burst out into laughter, hearing Clare doing the same from all the way across the room on the phone.

“You’re dead to me,” Jayden announced coldly.

“Yeah, I’ll hold on,” L said. After a few moments he started laughing. “Is that what he said?”

“What did he say?” Jayden demanded with a scowl.

“Hahahaaa! He said-” L had to work to compose himself. “-that filthy manwhore is seriously cracked if he thinks I want his overused junk anywhere near me.”

“So, he’ll think about it,” Jayden asked Clare, having snatched the phone from his cousin’s weakening grasp.

Clare was still laughing. “He also said maybe, if he’s really hard up for some action.”

“Ugh.”

“Why did you make this bet again?”

“I didn’t really….”

“Not what I heard. And by the way, what you said to Justice was TOTAL sabotage. If it were me, I’d reverse it so that you were the one blowing _him_. For penance.”

“Don’t threaten me, woman.”

“You really are your own worst enemy.”

“Shut up.” Jayden switched to the offensive then. “Did my sainted cousin mention he agreed to a video himself?”

The laughter dropped off of L’s face rather sharply. “No-”

Jayden grinned evilly. “Oh, yeah,” he told her. “Tit for tat. If I do a vid, he has to do one too. Part of the agreement.”

Clare sounded intrigued. “My long-standing request?”

Jayden glared down his nose at his cousin. “I’d say dealer’s choice.”

“Ooooo!!” she squealed gleefully, clapping her hands. “Finally!!”

L stood and made a grab for the phone. “I’m not a fucking circus pony.”

“And I am?”

“Well, if you fucking act like one-”

“Piss me off and I’ll make this worse for both of us,” Jayden threatened.

“OMG OMG,” Clare chirped excitedly. “When are we doing this? Right now??”

“No,” L said, able to hear her, just as Jayden was saying, ”yes.”

She laughed out loud. “I’ll grab Justin.”

“You tell her where I live and I will _murder_ you,” L threatened menacingly.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the delay. didn't realize it had been so long.  
> (i plan to post the next chap v soon. i wanted to do a double post but ran out of time...)
> 
> if ya'll have a few mins, please drop me some comments. it gives me motivation. thanks! <3


	70. (phase 4) Sex, Lies and Videotape

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden's roommates do come over, and there the chaos begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Song ref:**  
>  BlackOut by the Americanos ft. Lil' Jon, Juicy J, Tyga  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lphTi_XAvg
> 
> I said I wasn't drinking tonight, but you know what fuck it!  
> I think I'm gonna get so fucked up I might god damn blackout!
> 
> _*lol i think this song is really catchy. but yeah it's also a reference. ;D_

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 70: Sex, Lies and Videotape  _

_20 minutes later…._

“Oh wow, I really like the place,” Clare said, glancing around. “Very spartan, but nice. Where’s the bedroom?”

“Back there,” Jayden pointed, holding a cold beer to various aching spots from the fistfight that broke out after he’d divulged the location of the apartment.

Justice had on his patent surly look and plopped down on the couch. He went to put his feet up and commented drolly, “Your table appears to be in shambles.” It was still laying in broken pieces on the floor.

“Light’s fault,” Jayden said.

“Fuck you, it had nothing to do with me.”

“He’s still feeling defensive, as you can see.”

“Asshole.” Light felt really on edge, not sure how or what was going to happen now that Jayden’s roommates had arrived. Home was almost…. ALMOST looking good right about now.

“Soooo,” Clare said sweetly, steepling her hands. “What’s on the agenda, dears?” She tossed a brief look over at Jayden. “J, sweetheart, I seem to be missing a glass.”

He grumbled and went to pour her a drink.

“And one for your future costar,” she hummed brightly, getting a dig in and giggling as Jayden’s expression darkened and he started muttering.

“For the record,” Justin said, still fucking around on his phone, “I didn’t agree to oral. I agreed to maybe something.”

Jayden handed him a drink. “Yeah right, you _wish_ you could get your lips on me.”

The wavy haired brunet gave him an annoyed look. “What, and be like all the other lemmings?”

“Satisfied lemmings,” Jayden quipped, looking annoyed right back.

“Pfff. Like giving you head is supposed to be a mountaintop experience. Way to sound like a selfish asshole.”

“I give as good as I get.” Jayden looked over at Clare. “What the fuck did you do to make him such a mouthy asshole?”

“Ah, he sort of pounded a few back before he’d even get in the car.”

A sharp leer crossed Jayden’s face. “Uh huh, nervous, are we?” He was standing close enough that he was able to brush his leg against the brunet’s inner thigh. A slight flush appeared high on his cheeks. “You fucking punk. I am going to torture the _shit_ out of you.”

“Justice, drink your alcohol, sweetheart,” Clare said. “You’re going to need it.”

A quick glance at the petite, pretty girl showed that she was already filming and had caught the exchange.

Jayden rolled his eyes. Justin knocked back the whiskey. He did seem a touch anxious under the surly exterior.

“Light, refill,” Jayden demanded, waving him over.

Light sighed and brought over the bottle.

For some reason, he didn’t anticipate Jayden laying another kiss on him, but the opportunistic little shit did just that. What really sucked was that he was an excellent kisser. But more sucky than that was that Clare was probably capturing this on film and Jayden’s arm hooking around him prevented an immediate escape.

“It’s kosher,” the deviant said as he released him. “I’m about to pay up, I might as well make it worth my while.” He slipped the bottle of alcohol out of Light’s hand and took a swig from the bottle itself. “Here, punk,” he addressed his roommate. Justin chose to pour a liberal dose into his glass and worked on downing that while Jayden took another long swig.

Jayden stripped off his shirt, running a hand through his destroyed hair in an enticing way for the camera. “I’m not doing oral for a fucking kiss though.” He slid onto Justin’s lap, straddling him just as the brunet was finishing off the last of the whiskey in his glass. He almost choked.

Jayden went into full performer mode, and you couldn’t even tell what he was or wasn’t into. He tipped his roommate’s face up to receive a blazing kiss, tongue and everything. He even slid one of his hands into wavy brown hair, the other trailing down the other boy’s neck in a scandalous looking display. Justice was flushing hard, especially as Jayden pressed him into the couch and grinded against him.

“Hot damn,” Clare said under her breath, catching every moment on film.

Light had to admit that it looked pretty hot to him as well.

Things escalated as Jayden paused to pull his roommate’s shirt up over his head and tossed it aside. Now they were skin to skin as the steamy makeout session continued, and Justice’s hands hesitated only a moment before running over the deviant’s back.

If two people could look like they were fucking without actually being naked yet, this would be it. Light felt his body flushing just watching this. It was awkward too, because he had no idea how far they’d take it, and he felt a little bad for Justin as the guy had seemed set on trying to avoid his unwitting attraction to his roommate.

L came over to stand beside him, slinging an arm around Light’s shoulders and nuzzling a kiss against his cheek. “I might still kill him later,” he murmured. The bloodlust seemed to have dropped though. L seemed rather chill and a bit amorous even with the display going on in front of them. Light wondered if he was able to watch this and not see it as his cousin with someone, but as just two guys getting it on.

A moan caught his attention, pulling it back over to the couch. Jayden’s mouth was traveling over Justice’s throat in what looked like a horribly slutty way, and his hands might have been doing something below the belt. True to his word, Jayden was torturing the fuck out of his roommate.

L spoke in Light’s ear so his words wouldn’t carry. “I almost wonder if he wouldn’t try giving him head if only for the purpose of torturing him to the fullest extent. He can be pretty single-minded when it comes down to it.”

“You think?” Light whispered back, actually able to envision something like that happening.

“Hilarious as that would be, though, it isn’t something I’d really want to see.”

“Me either.” Although… he was finding it hard to look away at the moment. The expression on Justin’s face was a bone cracking mix of denial, penance, and pure sex.

They all sort of seemed rooted in place, unable to stop watching or leave the room. It was a little like watching a train wreck.

Justin’s face was flushing hard and he bit his lip. His back was quite obviously bowing and a strangled groan escaped him in between hitched breaths. It was stupid hot to watch, and it seemed like he might have just….

Light felt his eyes widen with shock as the wavy haired boy slumped back into the couch. Seriously?? Jayden actually…?

The deviant nonchalantly got up off of the couch, flicked off the camera, and took his leave, disappearing down the hall.

Clare stopped the recording, her eyes wide as saucers. She was also sporting a rather rampant flush upon her pretty face. “Did he just-?”

“Cheap out on the original bet?” L tossed out, not seeming that shocked over what had happened. “Yup.”

“You were really going to have him-” Clare was asking.

“He made the bet.”

“Are you going to hold him to it?” She looked at the scattered mess of the brunet on the couch, who was still recovering. “Besides, Justin would have to agree if he was going to be the one doing it.”

L eyed him blandly. “Yeeeah, I’m sure consent would be a problem,” he said sarcastically.

“Well, maybe for Jayden it would be,” Light added.

“Again,” L stated firmly, “we discussed the bet, though I wasn’t totally serious about it in the first place, and **he** initiated it.”

“What exactly did he do?” Clare asked him.

L’s arm around Light’s shoulders tightened, pulling him closer. He had an annoyed frown on his face. “Firstly, he pulled this one into a kiss more involved than the one he pulled during spin the bottle. Secondly, it was right in my face. Thirdly, he was feeling him up. Not to mention doing it again right before all of _this_.” He gestured to the scene before them, couch and Justin included.

“Maybe he was just bored or tense?” Clare wondered aloud. “You know how he gets. _‘Amusement, Fights, or Fucking’_ …. That is, once drinking is out of the way.”

“No excuse. I’m not letting him off that easy.”

“Yeah, well you better pony up yourself, cuz,” Jayden commented blithely as he came back around the corner. “Because now it’s your turn.”

“All right,” Clare said. “Back into the bedroom, all of you.” She paused to look at Justin. “Except you, dear. You’re fine where you are. Just take a minute or ten.”

Light felt uneasy. He didn’t trust her or the impending change in venue. “Uh… what for, exactly?”

“Your debut film.”

“No,” L said.

“Hypocrite,” Jayden jeered. “Put up or shut up.” He was shaking his head with a sharp look on his face that looked rather condescending. “Bitching about me not holding to some part of the bet while you ditch it altogether. Coward.”

L sent him a scathing look.

The two of them glared at each other in a contest of wills.

“ _Now_ ,” Clare snapped impatiently, holding out her arm and herding them to the back amidst grumbles and more glares. For being so sweet and harmless looking, she sure whipped them into shape. She indicated that all three of them should get onto the bed. This was met with protests. “Let me begin by saying I now have dirt on all of you and if you want to be difficult, I have no problems letting it slip out.”

Light especially protested. “You have nothing on me-”

“Oh?” Her eyes were about as empathetic as a snake’s. “So you didn’t do a stage show with another gentleman in front of a ton of people while also wearing a naughty outfit and angel’s wings?”

Light blanched.

“Oh, after J let a hint of that slip, I looked into it. Don’t fret, I obtained an unofficial video.” She smirked at Light’s defeated look. “On the bed,” she ordered pleasantly. “All three of you.”

L punched Jayden in the shoulder, hard. “I _told_ you not to tell her where I live, asshole. Nothing good ever comes of her getting involved.”

“Ow,” Jayden pouted. He seemed a tad tense as well, like he wasn’t sure what was going to happen either.

“How rude. For that, L, dearest,” she said sweetly, “I’ll make this tougher on you.”

L tossed a sharp smile back at her, which didn’t reach his eyes. “I’d expect nothing less.”

“Just so you’re aware, I’m going to make this wildly inappropriate. Should we grab the libations?”

L sighed, rubbing a hand over his face and muttering into it.

“Justice?” she called, “I changed my mind. Be a dear and bring the bottle.”

A few minutes later, the brunet tentatively entered the room, carrying the alcohol and a couple of glasses. He poured one for her, and another he held out towards L and Light.

Jayden’s hand snaked between them, snagging it, and he downed it in two gulps.

L gave him an aggravated look. “Are you telling me you aren’t drunk enough already?”

“Justice is one thing, Clare is another. She can be scary.”

L shook his head and grabbed the empty glass from him, giving it back to Justin. He filled the tumbler halfway and L took several hearty swallows before passing it to Light.

Light took it, with great misgiving. “Isn’t there anything we can do about this?”

L shrugged. “Get it over with quickly?” He ran a hand over Light’s hair, petting it, a solemn expression on his face. “Well, you did get roped into the bet, with the dinner thing and all.”

“Then I’ll go by myself.” He thought it was kind of dumb that he got dragged into the wager, even when L hadn’t been serious, with the justification that they were both going to do him a favor of attending the family dinner.

“Only she has dirt on you now, and make no mistake, she _will_ use it.”

“Ugghhhh.”

“Ok, listen up,” Clare stated primly. “Think of me as a director, and follow my instructions to a T. Fail me and I will fail you harder.” It was a not-so-subtle threat of divulging the dirt she had on them.

Jayden muttered under his breath, having been on the receiving end of Clare’s get-even style of disapproval before. “Alright already, hurry it up. What do you want to see, you pervertress?”

“I expect all of you to follow J’s example and put in a stellar effort. We’ll start with you boys-” she pointed at L and Light “-making out, because I’ve wanted to film that _forever_. And then I want J to come in from the other side and take off Light’s shirt.”

“Oh is that all?” Jayden snarked, rolling his eyes.

“And feel him up, because L peeved me. Plus, it will be hot.”

“This is not my fault,” Jayden announced, glancing at his cousin.

“ ** _Yes_** _, it is_.” L gave him a supremely annoyed look.

“I didn’t start the talk about this stupid bet.”

“No, but you sure took me up on it before I could call bullshit.”

L reached over to take the bottle from Justin and poured a liberal dose into Light’s glass and took a few swigs himself. He looked incredibly vexed and on edge.

“Make sure to get your rocks off, boys,” Clare said, mostly to Jayden and Justin. “This culminates in the original terms of the bet.”

“Like hell,” Jayden said.

“I promise not to film that part,” she said solemnly, reassuring him. “But a bet is a bet, dearest. And you have your end to fulfill.”

Jayden grabbed the bottle from L and took a mighty swig. “I’m going to need to get blackout drunk for this.”

L swiped the bottle back, a really scathing look on his face. “I told you, no getting fucked up.”

“This is already fucked up!” Jayden exclaimed.

“Well maybe next time you’ll think a little harder about your actions.”

“Fuck you.”

“And rolling in 3…. 2…. 1….” Clare was saying.

Justice scrambled out of the way, not wanting to be on film again, and likely regretting the last 30 minutes of his existence pretty heavily.

L heaved a sigh and took the last moment before it started to dart a hand out to slap Jayden upside the head really hard, giving him a significant you’ve-done-fucked-up glare. He then pulled Light to him by the front of the shirt to deliver a pants-dropping kiss.

Light mentally flailed, both at the situation, the sudden kiss, and at the knowledge that this was being recorded.

Strong arms looped around him, L pulling him close as his mouth was ravaged. He could feel L’s hips against his, and taste the possessiveness on his tongue; his knees were going weak.

He could hear Clare’s subvocal squeal of excitement.

Just as his head started spinning with the pulse-quickening feel of lust, L drifted back a little and he felt his shirt getting pulled up. His heartbeat was in his throat. Was that Jayden? Were they really doing this?? An nervous sort of anxiety pulled at him as he found himself suddenly unable to know what to expect. Clare had said groping…. Why oh why was this situation even happening?

His shirt was pulled over his head and tossed aside.

L leaned back in, slow and sure. He was wearing a super hot expression, probably drummed up for the camera, but it was mesmerizing. Dark eyes were smoky, intense, and filled with a look of desire Light knew to be quite real. He could also detect a bit of the annoyance leaking through L’s filters but lust seemed to be playing a bigger role. Light wondered if there was a little part of L that got off on having an audience, though he seemed irked over the situation as well.

L leaned into his throat, his mouth trailing hot and scandalous upon it.

Just as he was pulled closer and L’s mouth found a sensitive spot to tease and suck upon, he felt a warm mouth upon the other side of his neck and a second pair of hands running down his sides and over his hips.

He shuddered, reaction jolting through him. The double stimulus was beyond his ability to fight or stay stoic through.

Jayden was nipping a trail up his neck, pausing here and there to suck hard upon the skin, likely making marks.

“Oh my gooooood,” Clare said under her breath, “this is crazy hot.”

Light was trying not to react, really feeling torn about being in this situation, and not wanting to give L any more fodder for being pissed at him, but….

But…

L’s arms snaked around him, brushing up his back and making him shiver.

Jayden upped the ante and threaded a hand into his hair, tipping his head back, trailing lips just under his jaw, where the skin was super sensitive.

_Jezus…._

L’s mouth was trailing over a collarbone and down his chest as he sank down upon his knees. His tongue swirled over a nipple, flicking it and sending ripples through Light. He teased it and then pulled it into his mouth, making Light writhe with the pressure and the grazing of his teeth. He was also brushing a hand over the front of his pants.

A moan tried to escape his lips but was swallowed as his mouth was tipped suddenly to meet Jayden’s over his shoulder.

_Oh no…._

His head was totally swimming and he had thoroughly lost his bearings.

His pulse was beating wildly and his body was throbbing. The cousins seemed to be in some kind of competition of pulling larger, more intense reactions out of him, every step of the way, and he was fast being overcome.

Even now, Jayden’s slutty mouth upon his was being raised by L’s lips skimming enticingly over his belly, making his body clench with desire. L had also started unbuttoning his pants, putting the fear of god into him that he was seriously going to try taking things that far when there were other people in the room AND this was being recorded.

He cursed inwardly as the thought sent a little thrill jolting through him.

Light tried to wriggle free, but Jayden held him fast, looping arms around his upper body. He struggled. It totally didn’t help that he felt the deviant’s hard, toned body against his back, and L’s hot mouth sucking and nipping at his skin below the waistband of his pants, making him jerk each time, arousal punching through him with each touch.

Jayden’s hot mouth traced the curve of his ear and Light thought he could also feel the hard evidence of his interest at his back. “I’m stopping here,” he murmured in his ear, his voice sounding entirely affected. “Or he really will murder me.” He didn’t quite stop there though, and his hands trailed down Light’s chest as if wanting to do so much more. “Ah, goddamn this fucking bet,” he breathed out, aggrieved.

The deviant peeled himself away and called over to his roommate. “Justice, come on, before I change my mind.” He crawled off of the bed and walked out of the bedroom.

“But-” Clare said, looking torn between the potential of those two hooking up versus watching L and Light.

“You said you weren’t filming anyway,” Jayden tossed over his shoulder. “Justin, **now**.”

The wavy haired brunet followed after him like a dog with its tail between his legs. He looked entirely uncertain of whether this was exactly what he wanted to do, but he also looked more than a little hot and bothered after watching the scene on the bed.

Once Jayden abandoned the bed, L also stopped what he was doing as if it was an unspoken signal to cease the madness.

“Clare,” L said in an unrelenting voice. “Out.” Now that the filming part was done, he seemed really pissed off again.

She looked slightly cowed and actually listened, closing the door on her way out. L sank down onto the bed, putting his face in his hands. “Jesus,” he muttered.

Light sank down onto the bed as well, his legs suddenly giving up on him. He felt like a total wreck, arousal surging through him unchecked, yet his mind felt disturbed and disjointed. “Are you ok?” he asked.

L looked up at him, a vaguely tortured expression on his face. “You’re seriously asking _me_ that?” He shook his head, looking aggrieved. “Jesus,” he said again, rubbing his hands over his face. “I am _so_ sorry.”

The whole situation was seriously fucked up. But, he did feel a little better about it for seeing how L was also taking it the same way. And he’d actually expressed regret, right off. That had to be a first, where pushing his boundaries was concerned. “Sorry for what exactly?”

“That got out of hand.”

“Incredibly.”

Dark eyes searched his face as if looking for something damning there. “I lost track of myself.”

Light frowned at him. “Oh, so you didn’t notice having a competition, with me caught up in the middle?”

“No. Well, sort of.” L frowned, a dark look crossing his face. He glanced surreptitiously at Light’s face. “I was getting lost in your reactions…. and I let things go too far.”

“Jayden said you were going to murder him.”

“Still sort of want to,” he muttered. “But when he broke off it kinda snapped me out of it.” He seemed extremely reluctant to admit that.

Light closed his eyes briefly. Christ, he was still so turned on right now, even though he really didn’t want to be. Distracting himself with talking wasn’t really helping, but taking care of this arousal seemed wrong somehow, as it was generated by not just one but _two_ people. He didn’t want to cement that by trying to get off. He willed the tension in his body to go away, and the throbbing of lust to die down as well.

“I’m assuming the dynamic duo took up residence in the bathroom,” Light said. “How long do you think till they’re done?” Maybe he should just take care of it and forget this ever happened.

L shook his head. “I don’t know.” He looked conflicted for some reason.

“What?” Light prompted him, honing in on that look.

L took a deep breath, seeming to have difficulty. “I can’t help thinking…. that he’s going through with it only because he got fired up during all of that with you, and it’s an easy way to get off.”

Now that he thought of it, he was pretty sure L might be right. Although… “You were the one that wanted to enforce that part of the bet. So even if he did, when the hell else was he supposed to go through with something like that?”

L raked a hand through his hair. “Yeah… part of me is surprised that he’s actually going through with it. Even though he always sees bets through… I kind of didn’t think he would.”

“Are you okay with traumatizing him then? He said he wasn’t into stuff like that.”

“Well who would believe him, with how he acts?”

Ah, he had a point there.

“Besides, it really pisses me off that he keeps starting shit with you. If he was _anyone_ else, this would be an easy fix. I would beat the ever-living shit out of them and kick them the hell out of my life.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “And it’s getting worse. I thought the bet would put him off, to be honest.” He glanced at Light, looking remorseful. “I never thought he’d go through with it. I wouldn’t have put you in that position intentionally. I’m really sorry.”

Light nodded, an unimpressed look upon his face. “It **is** a special kind of fucked up.”

“It really is, and I’m sorry.” He actually looked uncertain, tense. “Tell me there is something I can do to make up for this.”

“I’ll think about it.”

That uncertainty amplified and L’s demeanor started getting a sharp edge to it. “Light, seriously. Don’t fuck with me here. I’ll fix this.”

“I’m not totally pissed at you, calm down.” He expelled a sigh from the depths of his being. “That was a shitty position to put me in. I feel a little jacked up reacting to any of that. And now I’m sitting here aroused half out of my mind and feeling like total shit because of it.” He tapped out an angry staccato upon his knees. “It’s not going away and I feel like taking care of it is almost like…. I don’t know, like cheating somehow.”

“That’s kinda sweet, actually.”

“Huh?”

“You’re so pure of heart. It’s actually really adorable.”

Light looked at him like he was crazy. “You realize I’m saying I was reacting to stuff Jayden was doing, too? You’re not pissed about that?”

L gave him a rueful smile. “Yeah, but everything else you said shows how you really feel.” He pulled Light into a tight embrace and nuzzled his neck. “Such a good kid,” he murmured against his throat, resting his chin upon his shoulder.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Jayden was cursing his compulsive need to see all bets to their conclusion. It had put him in quite a difficult spot here.

Seriously, he was straight. He WAS, despite what everyone else had to say about it.

Ok, so he did kind of sort of have a bit of a thing for Light - so sue him. It’s not like he had any control over that. Best he could do was ignore it most days. And plenty of times it wasn’t an issue - he was perfectly content just hanging out with him and harassing the shit out of him. Plus, he really did like how happy his cousin seemed to be since taking up with him. But still…… he got this stupid almost jealous feeling sometimes that chewed on his brain and drove him nuts, because he shouldn’t be feeling anything like that in the first place.

So here he was, seriously turned on from that little _Choose Your Own Adventure_ Clare had insisted on, now facing the other shoe dropping - owning up to the other part of the bet. At first, he sort of thought he should go through with it to prevent his imminent death by his cousin’s hand, since he’d let things go too far. _Then_ , he thought he could use this sexual tension to just square up on the bet. But just now he’d really rather be anywhere else.

He chewed his lip as his roommate undid his pants, actually feeling anxious. He never felt anxious during sexual stuff. But _fuck_. This was different!

Reaction jolted through him as Justice took him in hand, startling the shit out of him.

He blamed it on earlier and being way too turned up by that whole thing in the bedroom. Also, he personally had a bit of a kink for being filmed. He just didn’t want _Clare_ to do it because she could be evil and use it against him later.

Wet heat enveloped him, jerking his mind out of his ruminations. _Jesus._

He grit his teeth as pleasure fanned through him, entirely too distracted by the feel of a tongue swirling over his head and lips sliding down his shaft in a tight band. His body throbbed and a soft curse fell from his lips.

This was actually not that different from having any of the girls he’d been with do it. Only…. Justin was a lot better at it than most of them.

_Fuck…_

He leaned against the bathroom counter, eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through his hard-on and deep in his belly.

This was…..

The brunet was doing all of the things that usually felt really good, and that only a few of the girls knew to do. He wasn’t sure if it was because his roommate had a lot of experience or if he just did what he personally liked as a guy.

Christ, this was going to be so awkward later, he thought, his body tensing. A groan wrenched itself from his throat as Justin finished him off with his hand and mouth and a neat little trick at the end.

_Fuuuuuuuuuuck._

Jayden’s breath was coming fast and it took him a minute to get a handle on himself afterwards.

“That was a shitty bet, by the way,” Justice said drolly, rising to his feet and wiping the back of his hand across his lips. His eyes looked more intense than usual, darker. He was a decent looking guy, Jayden admitted. But still, a guy.

“You’re the idiot that raced over here,” Jayden scoffed, somewhat relieved that his roommate was acting peevish as usual. Having an attitude problem was his kind of normal. He would have freaked out if Justice suddenly started acting nice or simpering or some shit.

“Meh. It wasn’t all bad.” He shrugged. “No mountaintop experience though,” he joked sarcastically.

“Maybe you weren’t doing it right,” Jayden said imperiously, putting his clothes back to rights. “And what the fuck, why did you swallow?”

“Really, you’re going to bitch about something like that? You’re lucky the bet entailed you getting the easy end of things. Talk about ungrateful.” Justice pushed him out of the way and washed his hands in the sink.

“Usually you only swallow if you’re dating someone or you’re a dirty little slut,” Jayden razzed him. “So, are you a dirty little slut?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Actually, yeah,” he said thoughtfully, sort of having fun again messing with him. “Otherwise I feel like the profile I built of you is an utter lie and I’m living with a stranger.”

“A stranger who just gave you a blowjob.”

Jayden’s mouth twisted down into a frown and an unsettled flush hit his face. “Would you stop bringing that up? Jesus.”

“What, less than 5 minutes ago is dwelling in the past?”

“YES.”

“Idiot.”

Jayden felt a tension jitter through him and decided to put this punk on the defensive. “So I hear you have a total hard-on for me. When did that start?”

Justin rolled his eyes, but suddenly looked tense himself. “What the fuck?” he muttered. “So you’re attractive. So are a lot of people.”

“Well **that’s** an obviously evasive and bullshit answer.” Jayden cornered him, feeling a bit annoyed. “You’re attracted to _me_ , specifically.”

“And regret it with every breath I take,” the brunet said, his surly manner getting more amplified.

“AND my cousin.”

“ _Yes!_ ” Justin sounded truly peeved now. “But at least he isn’t an asshole.”

“Ha! Yeah he is, you poor deluded fuck. Why is everyone so blind to that?”

“Maybe because he’s nicer than you and hotter than you.”

“Wha-??” Jayden was scandalized. “He is not!” Goddamnit he was sick of people telling him this. It really smacked at his pride.

“And he’s not a manwhore.”

“Fuck you.”

“No, thanks.”

“You are SO full of shit, Justin, _seriously_.” Jayden favored him with an unimpressed look. He knew this punk like the back of his hand. It was transparent posturing. “You would _jump_ at the chance.”

“Don’t flatter yourself.”

Jayden pushed him up against the bathroom wall, getting into his personal space. “Oh really,” he drawled. “And who raced over here, nervous as fuck, and got off in seconds flat?”

“It wasn’t seconds,” the brunet griped, sending him an acidic look. “And not being an irredeemable slut, sometimes it gets to be a while between fucks.”

“Negging is so _passé_ ,” he taunted him. “No wonder you can’t get laid.” He stayed up close and personal, proving his point by inspiring a flush on his roommate’s face. “See? You say you aren’t into me and yet there is the proof.” He gripped Justin’s face by the chin. “Like no one can see through your bullshit attitude when you do this shit also.” He indicated his roommate’s flustered expression.

“Are we done here?” Justin said coldly. He couldn’t quite pull off nonchalance, though it was a valiant effort. Small things belied his tension and nervous energy.

“I dunno, are you done lying to my face?”

Justin gave him a look that could sour milk. “Fine. You’re hot, I kinda like you, and I think it’s fucking stupid and would change it if I could.”

“So we’re cool then, right?”

“Uggghhh.” Justin let out an incredibly exasperated noise. “You’re such an asshole.”

Jayden grinned, sensing things were now about back to normal. “There’s the surly little bitch I know and love.”

“One day, someone is going to murder you in your sleep.”

“Hmn.” That gave Jayden pause. “Possibly sooner than you think.” He had yet to see how pissed L was. Oh goddamnit, why had things turned out like this? Above all, the one person he couldn’t stand having pissed at him was his cousin.

“You ok?”

“Yeah... No. Maybe.” Jayden raked a hand through his hair. “Fuck.”

“What is the deal with you and this Light kid? If I was L I would have beat the shit out of you by now.”

“I know, I know. It’s complicated.” He sent an annoyed, off-putting glare at the other boy to quell that look of empathy that had taken residence upon his face. “I don’t want to talk about it,” he tossed out dismissively, tension starting to ride him hard. He added sarcastically, “Just chalk it up to me being a manwhore.”

“I would, except you claim to be straight.”

Jayden’s temper flared, and partly it was because Justin was voicing the inconsistency that had already been bugging the shit out of him. It was like shining a giant flood light on it, and he wasn’t in the fucking mood. “Jesus, let it go! I’m done talking.” Jayden stormed out of the bathroom, now in a sour mood again. What the fuck was with this _day_??

Clare was in the living room, Justin was trailing behind him, and the bedroom door was closed. “Harpie,” he addressed her rudely, “did you get kicked out so they could be indecent?”

She shrugged, a slightly worried look crossing her face. “Not sure. He seemed really pissed off, L did.”

“Yeah, I doubt you’re his favorite person right now. You’d best get the hell out of here.”

“I doubt _you_ are his favorite person right now either,” Justin added unnecessarily. He was back to full snarky mode. It was annoying as fuck, yet slightly reassuring.

“Get out.” Jayden pointed at the door. “Both of you.”

“What, don’t you want witnesses to the bloodbath?” Justin said, raising an eyebrow at him infuriatingly.

“Clare, I swear to god,” Jayden said, patience fraying. _Get him the fuck out of here before he says one more goddamn thing._

She let out a beleaguered sigh and took the brunet’s arm in hers. “Come on, sweetie, we need to go. J is feeling violent.”

Jayden bared his teeth at them, feeling even more aggravated.

They left and the apartment suddenly felt very empty, and quiet. Jayden drifted over to the couch and flopped down onto it listlessly, leaning his head upon the back. The feeling of disquiet was amplifying. He rubbed his hands over his face. “Fuuuuck,” he said softly, under his breath. He actually wanted to beat it the hell out of here, but he also didn’t want to be around either of his two roommates right now. Besides, it was going to bug the hell out of him until he could assess where he and L were at.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so i gotta know, did any of this chapter surprise anyone?????? as i was writing i was like HOLY SHIT WHAT??? over the scene on the couch, tooootally not expecting that at all. and basically that kinda thing kept going thru the chapter. me --> 0_____0 >.< o___0 *__* O_O
> 
> i do not feel directly responsible for anything that occurred,. i was just recording the trainwreck as it unfolded. sometimes the characters write themselves, and this chapter was almost exclusively one of those times. i was just along for the ride.
> 
> R&R plz <3 tell me your thoughts!


	71. (phase 4) Turmoil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> XXX. enjoy.
> 
> Dinner plans get made. Tensions run high and the boys have a fight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG AN UPDATE!!!!  
> happy friday!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

 

_ Part 71: Turmoil _

“I don’t want you to feel like shit about it,” L was saying, pulling back from Light enough to look him in the face. He ran fingertips over his check in a gentle, subversive touch.

“And yet, here we are.”

“It’s not where we have to stay.” L’s dark eyes looked somewhat apologetic, but the larger part seemed solicitous.

“What’s that supposed to mean-?” he started to complain, silenced by a pale finger touching his lips to shush his words.

“Seeing you like this is driving me crazy,” L murmured, leaning in to brush lips against his. “It makes me want to take you hard and fast.”

Lust and shock speared through Light in equal doses.

L leaned in closer to capture his lips and the taste of his reservation.

_Oh….. this….._

Light’s eyes fluttered shut as L stirred that thick, viscous lust that he’d been trying to push down.

It didn’t quite erase his misgiving though. “L…” he got out with difficulty as that dangerous mouth slid up the column of his throat, making him shiver and shake. Goddamnit he was so turned on right now. “When they’re done I’ll just take care of it…”

L pushed him down onto the bed, pinning his hands. His eyes blazed darkly. “No.”

“But-”

“No,” he repeated, his gaze intense. L’s body trapped his and was feeding the insane lust that was shooting through him. “I don’t want you alone with your thoughts. When you come, I want all that you think, feel, and see to be ME.”

His body throbbed hard, gut clenching in response to those words.

L’s mouth sank down upon his, tongue sliding inside, opening him up and violating him with sweet, dirty caresses.

A moan was slipping out of his mouth and L’s hands tightened upon his wrists in response.

“When people are no longer here,” L threatened sexily, “I am going to fuck you until your voice is hoarse from crying out.”

Light shuddered, his body going into overdrive at even the thought. It didn’t help that L’s hips were rolling against his, shocking him with pleasure.

“Should I make you beg for it as well?” L said against his lips engagingly. His voice was rough with desire, and his breath fanned Light’s lips in an entirely too distracting way. It got worse as his dark-haired lover started to tease him with the barest of touches, lips brushing lips, and the tip of a tongue flicking at the seam of his mouth.

Light tossed his head, a groan slipping out from the back of his throat. “Please…. you’re killing me….” He couldn’t take any more teasing. His brain was in full meltdown and his body felt like it was going to explode.

“Can I do whatever I want with you?” L said slyly, biting his lip as he surveyed the utter mess that Light was at this moment.

“Asshole,” Light got out. He moaned as L ground their hips together, causing the tight pressure of arousal to amplify. He could feel himself and L’s hard flesh in the space between them and it didn’t help the debased thoughts circling his head.

“Haha,” L laughed softly. “Your dirty mind is written all over your face. I love it.”

“Hurry up and do something, this is killing me.”

“So impatient,” he said indulgently, laying the words against Light’s ear. “It makes me want to drag things out even further.”

“I will **_murder_** you.”

L grinned at him. “You are so fucking adorable, you know that?”

Light thrashed against L’s hold, trying to free his hands. He wasn’t sure if his goal was to smack him or to take things into his own hands to speed this up.

“The way you wear restrained anger and sexual frustration is sooo hot,” L teased, plying him with more insanity-inspiring kisses.

Thankfully he soon released Light’s hands, leaving them free to rake down his back as L rocked hips against his, more deliberately and forcefully than before. L’s body shuddered under his clawed fingers. He so had a kink for that.

“Oh, if only we had more time, and less interlopers,” L murmured against his lips with annoyance. Then he was kissing up Light’s throat, making his belly burn and flutter.

Soon after, his mouth was marking a hot trail down his body, making him shiver. Like earlier, when L’s hands and mouth played at his skin near his hips and the lowering waistband of his pants, it drove him crazy.

L unbuttoned his pants, dragging them down a ways. He cupped Light’s arousal in his hand through his boxers. “Not to follow anyone else’s example,” he said smokily, licking Light’s hip with a long hot swipe of his tongue that pooled the blood into his lower regions quite promptly, “but I wanted to do this earlier.”

_Jesus…._

His boxers were dragged a bit lower and L’s mouth swallowed him, pulling a low moan from deep inside of him. Hot. It was so unbelievably hot. L’s mouth, L himself…..

A gentle suckling rhythm made him toss his head, breathing hard and craving MORE. L was still teasing him.

“Ugh… please,” he said in a strangled voice.

“Why don’t you tell me exactly how you want it, hmm?” L suggested with dark amusement, after pulling back. While he spoke, he switched to stroking a slow hand up Light’s pulsing flesh. “Harder?” he prompted, squeezing his hand in a tighter, constricting motion that was nothing short of devastating. “Longer?” he drew out the word as he stroked him in a caress that seemed to go on forever. “Shorter?” he demonstrated by pumping his flesh in several quick, gut-wrenching motions.

Light was gritting his teeth, so overwhelmed. His breath was coming hard and fast.

“L…” he groaned. “Stop…. toying with me.”

L flickered a tongue over the tip of the head. “Then answer the question,” he said sweetly.

“I want it all. Everything.” He met L’s eyes then, throwing every bit of his desire into that gaze, every bit of what was burning through him, burning him alive.

Dark eyes resonated with lust, and it permeated his expression as well. L slid back up his body to claim his mouth, forceful and dominating. His hand wrapped around Light’s arousal, setting a punishing pace that had him gasping and nearly choking on the gut-socking pleasure. It was borderline too hard and that fed some debased part of him. He cried out as he started to jerk and shudder, orgasm building rapidly. It was cutting and harsh, and L’s rough kiss was thrilling through him, dragging him closer to the edge.

“Come for me,” L whispered hotly against his open mouth. “Lose control for me.”

That intense voice punched through him, making his body seize. “Oh god,” he uttered as his back arched hard and orgasm pumped through his body, shaking it like a storm-tossed ship.

“So hot,” L was murmuring in an intense voice, biting his neck and shuddering as he brought himself off as well.

* * *

Jayden waited restlessly for the two of them to emerge from the room, tapping an anxious staccato upon the couch with his fingertips.

Truth be told, aside from not knowing if his cousin was going to feel the need to castrate him, he also felt the need to maybe talk to him about this whole bet thing. He felt twitchy and at odds with himself over having delivered the terms of the wager. He was torn between forgetting it ever happened and running things by L. Thing is, he had kind of expected it to feel more… well, horrific. In reality it was almost anticlimactic and his greatest concern had been an ‘awkward hookup situation’ with his roommate.

He heard the door open and he jumped to his feet, driven by nervous energy.

Hell, maybe a fight would even be welcome; he felt so out of sorts. His hand continued its spastic tapping upon his thigh now that he was off of the couch.

After a small delay to clean up, L appeared, heading down the hall towards the living room.

 _Fuck, maybe I’m not ready for this after all._ Adrenaline was suddenly surging through his veins and he felt like darting through the front door. Goddamn he wished the tension hadn’t made him feel stone cold sober. Where Light was concerned…. his cousin had a habit of getting levels of pissed off that he wasn’t even used to yet. He was still sort of flashing back to the last time things went _really_ south, right after the breakup.

“Hey, cuz,” Jayden said in a tight voice, almost anticipating an explosion.

L looked at him, his face unreadable.

Fuck. You could cut the tension with a knife.

“Where’s everyone?” L asked noncommittally, not responding directly to him.

“Gone. I kicked them out.”

“And why are _you_ still here?” L’s eyes swung to meet his and he did not like the look in them. On the surface, he was flat, blank. But it was a thin facade over something that could be described as something decidedly unfriendly, at best.

Fuck.

Jayden gnawed on his lip and tried to scrape himself together. He couldn’t afford a repeat of last time. “We need to talk about this, I think.” Yeah fucking right. The **_last_** thing he wanted to do was talk about this. How in the hell do you discuss an almost threesome with your _cousin_ and his _boyfriend_? It was fucked up. Seriously.

Light was coming down the hall now, too.

Jayden quelled the urge to beat it the hell out of there and stood his ground, even though his antsiness just about exploded.

“Jayden-” L started, his tense voice doing nothing to soothe his nerves.

“Do you want me to get the fuck out?” he said preemptively, hating that it was so hard to just see this through. But goddamn this was fucking awkward as hell and he especially didn’t want to hear L’s voice go all aggro on him again like he could go fuck off and die for all he cared. “I can do that…”

L shook his head, looking agitated. “No.” He looked like he was wrestling with something but his mood and expressions were damn hard to decipher.

The three of them stood there, facing off. For long moments, nothing was said. It seemed they were all waiting for L to make some kind of decision.

With much deliberation, L said shortly, “Can we all agree to just forget everything that happened?”

_What? Seriously?_

“Yes,” Jayden said staunchly. Light nodded emphatically at the same time.

“Ok, good,” L said tersely. He had on what looked like a battle-hardened expression. “We’ll blame this one on Clare, as I really don’t think it would have happened otherwise.”

“Are we good?” Jayden asked warily, not really believing that could be possible.

“Oh, I’m pissed at you, don’t get me wrong.” Oh yeah, that glare sure backed that up. “But this wasn’t entirely your fault.”

Jayden was finding it inordinately difficult to look Light in the eye this entire time, so he avoided it.

“Besides,” L said, “we have more important things to worry about. That dinner.”

“Oh, fuck me,” Jayden muttered.

“So,” L continued, “I’m shelving my issue with you for the greater good. No man left behind.”

“You really could leave me behind on this one,” he grumbled.

“ _Douche_ ,” Light said, making him look over at him at last.

“ ** _Tween_** ,” Jayden snipped back.

“Moron,” the brunet said scathingly, shaking his head.

“ _Fucking hug and make up_ ,” L said with a whipcrack voice, “so we can figure out what the hell we are doing here about this godforsaken dinner.”

“Can I punch him instead?” Light said under his breath.

“Yes, that will work.”

Light walked over to Jayden and clocked him good. Right to the face.

“OW, Jesus!” Jayden swore, almost losing his balance. Once more his jaw bore the abuse and throbbed ominously. Funny enough, the pain calmed his nerves a bit, though he did feel even more amped up for a fight. He took a step forward.

“ ** _Jayden_**.” L’s voice stopped him in his tracks. “Clare aside, you earned that. Let it be.”

“FINE,” he muttered, feeling peeved.

“Ok, now focus.” L brought their attention back to center. “What are we agreeing to, when, and where?”

“Shit.” Jayden rubbed a hand over his face. “This could go all kinds of bad.” What would be the _least_ horrible though, all things considered? Damage to Light could come from any quarter just based on his parent’s reactions. Overall embarrassment and shame, for any of them, would be from the venue. “You know what? Fuck it. Restaurant, inside. No special treatment, special rooms, or being on display outside.”

“Where?” Light asked.

Jayden thought about that. Not the usual places, in case it went bad…. “What about Reynaldo’s?” he asked his cousin. It was a passable Italian joint.

L thought about that. “Ok… middle of the road price, and middle of the road food. No loss if there’s a scene and we can’t go back, and it won’t break the bank for anyone.”

“Ok,” Light said, “when?”

“Give them the choice,” L said.

“Why?” The thought of that peeved Jayden. Why should they get to set the stage for anything?

“Because it gives the illusion of control. We already decided the more important things. Besides, letting them be part of the choices will probably set a better tone.”

Light was frowning. He said tentatively, “How bad do you really think this will be?”

“That’s anyone’s guess,” Jayden said, frowning deeply. Potentially horrific. Less potentially… not horrific. It was hard to say, though. The mom had seemed a little less stick-up-her-ass-righteous the last time they’d talked. Anything was possible, he supposed.

Light cursed softly, looking ill at ease. “Ok, I’ll go text them.”

L reached out to pull Light closer and pressed a kiss to the side of his head. “Look at you, handling things directly.”

“Shut up,” he groused, looking slightly calmer. “I just want this over with.”

“Hey…” Jayden said, a little uncomfortable at breaking into their moment, and with being there in general. “Can I go home now? Since we already destroyed the ‘not drinking’ thing, I shouldn’t be a liability on that at least for tonight.”

“Yeah, fine,” L said, making a shooing motion.

Jayden felt a small fissure of misgiving. “Are we still doing this after today?” For some reason the thought of L tossing off the whole ‘abstaining from drinking’ thing made him feel nervous. Maybe because torturing themselves with this seemed like a display of caring? How pissed was he? He still couldn’t tell.

L took a long moment, considering. “Not gonna lie, I might need a drink to get me through that dinner.”

“And then?”

L sent him a darkly annoyed look. “And then we are going right back to a dry spell. You are NOT getting off that easy.”

“And the training?” Light asked.

“ **And** the training,” he confirmed. “Aside from weight training and resistance training, we’ll run till you _puke_.”

“That sounds horrific,” Jayden announced. Inwardly though, he felt a smile building, and relief.

“Both of you, come here,” L said, gesturing them over. He slung an arm around each of them in a loose sort of hug. “You are both EPIC pains in my ass,” he announced darkly. “But I love you anyway.” He planted a kiss upon the side of Jayden’s head and then a sweeter one upon the top of Light’s head. “Jayden, today you get a pass. But get your shit together, seriously. I’m sick of wanting to almost kill you half the time.”

Jayden threw an arm around him, and another around Light and ducked his head, feeling the gravity of forgiveness. “Trying,” he said quite honestly, feeling a little cowed.

“Try harder, asshole,” the brunet said without rancor.

“Piss off,” he snarked back.

Finally…. finally that wretched tension was dismantling itself. They’d all be ok.

Maybe.

* * *

Sachiko heard her phone make a noise and she walked over to check the message. What she saw almost made her heart skip beats. “Soichiro!” she called out excitedly to her husband, waving him over.

“Hm? What is it?” he said in his somewhat gruff voice. To her, the grumpiness made him seem kind of like a cuddly, disgruntled teddy bear. She’d never shared that with him, however. His pride would probably sting at that. They were both proud, both the men in her life. Father and son.

She brandished her phone at him and felt something akin to relief and triumph. “Light’s agreed to dinner.”

He re-adjusted his glasses on his nose, looking at the screen, and his expression darkened somewhat. “They all have.”

“So? That was the point.”

“To have some awkward dinner with that heathen and the other one - the one that’s _defiled_ my son? _Our_ son?” He shook his head, looking angry. “What’s the point of even seeing him if he’s going to be flanked by these… by this _riffraff_?!”

After that outburst, Sachiko was silent a long moment. “I just want to see him,” she said quietly. “To see with my own eyes that he’s doing ok.”

“And that’s enough for you, is it?” He peered at her, daring her to say that it was. And she wanted to… but…

But, he knew her. He knew it couldn’t be enough for her, just this. “I don’t know,” she admitted, the elation leaving her and making her feel quite tired all of a sudden. She shook her head. “I just don’t know,” she repeated unsteadily, tears suddenly starting to well up in her eyes and eventually roll in fat drops down her cheeks.

Dinner had seemed like a step forward. That all the boys would be there, it had also seemed that way to her at first. But a very valid point had just been brought up. Perhaps this wouldn’t be about mending anything at all, and her son would still be as lost to her as the day he’d left.

Quite suddenly, that little bit of optimism she’d had was shattering, and her composure was too. “Why is this so hard?” she said in a choked whisper.

Her husband came to her, enfolding her in a heartfelt embrace as she cried. He said nothing, but the comfort was there nonetheless.

* * *

Light tossed and turned that night. His mother hadn’t said anything back to the dinner text, which was a surprise and also worrying. It had been her idea after all. Could it be that she’d since talked to his father about everything and he’d reacted badly? Was the offer off the table?

He fell in and out of a fitful sleep. Part was due to his parents and the other part….

His eyes creaked open, staring into the dark. His heart was racing and he felt ill at ease. Fragmented dreams rehashed that threesome on the bed from earlier and he didn’t know what to do about it. He was in total agreement with everyone to just forget what had happened and move past it, but… his stupid brain hadn’t quite gotten on board.

Something else tweaked at his brain, bringing him more fully awake. A moment later he worked out what it was. He was alone.

Light sat up, looking around L’s bedroom. The spot on the bed next to him looked long abandoned. He ran his hand over the bedsheet and it was cool to the touch. He frowned. Where had L gone? It seemed it wasn’t something as simple as a trip to the bathroom or the kitchen.

He slid out of the bed, glancing at the bathroom just in case. Everywhere was dark. It was about 4am.

Just as he reached the common area he was startled as the door suddenly opened and L walked through it, dressed like he’d been working at the club.

“Uh…” Light said, words not coming to him.

L seemed surprised to see him up, and he looked a little shifty. “Hey, when did you wake up?” He didn’t make eye contact as he threw his keys on the counter and took off his jacket to drape over the back of a kitchen chair.

“Just now.”

“Mm.” L busied himself getting a glass of water, still seeming a little unlike himself.

It was a little awkward seeing him dressed in this leather-and-straps sort of ensemble, in the early hours of the morning, and with him having said nothing and having left no note as to where he’d gone. It seemed surreal and set a tension in Light’s body, tingling uncomfortably through his limbs. He felt instinctively that something was up but he was equally sure that L wasn’t going to level with him about it. “Been out long?” he asked, and his voice carried a subtle, unintended sharpness, which sounded a bit like an accusation.

“Nah, not long.”

L was hiding.

“So you suddenly decided to go out to the club?” skepticism colored his voice and he found that his arms were crossing his chest.

L gave him a faint Mona Lisa smile, his eyes giving away nothing. “Couldn’t sleep.”

“And?”

“And,” L said with a faint drawl, which sounded somewhat tired, like he really could do with some sleep. “I headed over to the club. Figured I could make some extra money if I was awake anyway.”

“Does it work like that?” Light had thought when L worked it was all scheduled ahead.

“Sometimes.” L paused to drink down more water. “People recognize me and it’s pretty crowded on Friday and Saturday nights. Besides, once a few come to see me, word gets around pretty quick.”

That all sounded reasonable, but what wasn’t L telling him? There was something…

“Hey,” L redirected, “what do you say to falling back into bed with me and at least pretending to sleep?” Again, there was that tired smile with a weird edge to it.

“Okay,” Light said slowly.

“Alright, I’m just gonna shower first.”

“Okay,” he said again. _Surreal_ , he thought once more, watching him go. It was so strange knowing that while he’d been sleeping L had been out giving people double doses of pain and pleasure, as he’d witnessed that one night. He could see it in his head - harsh whips to make them cry out, soothing hands and a sexy voice to lull them back in, broken skin and L’s enigmatic dark gaze.

The skin between his shoulder blades twitched, almost itching as he thought about that very treatment to which he’d also fallen prey. The marks no longer looked new but were a distinctly darker shade than the rest of his skin.

* * *

L joined him in bed a short time later, fresh from the shower, his hair dripping with a little water.

Light regarded him silently, still wondering what was up and if L would actually tell him if he persisted in asking him about it. If he harassed him in the hopes of hearing it, would that work? Or would he just get L mad at his prying?

His lover sank back into the bed, eyes closing, black hair blending with the black of the pillowcase. He really did look tired. He couldn’t have gotten more than a few short hours of sleep, if that. Everyone had been here until pretty late.

“Lay down,” L murmured, reaching a hand out to press Light to the bed. It was a weak attempt, easily avoided, and Light batted the hand away. L yawned. “You’re not fooling anyone about being sleepy while sitting bolt upright like that.”

“You aren’t fooling anyone either,” Light said sharply, regretting the tone as it left his mouth. He wasn’t mad exactly, but he was starting to feel worried and on edge.

Deep, dark eyes opened and L’s gaze shifted up to regard him. His pale face was as expressive as a white wall. There was nothing there, nothing present, nothing to read. _Damnit!!_ “You look stressed,” L observed, avoiding responding to Light’s statement entirely. Something about him seemed resistant to talking, though Light couldn’t quite place why he thought that.

“You’re right. I **_am_** stressed.”

He decided to try a different track, being less forthcoming, in the hopes that making L work harder to get him to talk would give him more information to work with. If L got a little exasperated, maybe it would break that blank facade he was wearing. Plus, he felt agitated. He didn’t hide that from his tone too thoroughly.

“And that’s keeping you from the pretend sleep you agreed to?”

“Yes.”

L let out a small sigh, and frown formed upon his lips. “You’re mad about something?”

“Am I?”

“I’m guessing, since you’re being like this.”

“Like what?” Light was frowning now too. Couldn’t L guess? It didn’t take a genius to figure it out, and if he would just throw it out there himself, maybe they could actually talk about it. If he brought it up to L, as he’d already tried to, it just sounded like he was being controlling or possessive or something. And it wasn’t that - L was free to do whatever he wanted, it was just… he was acting out of character and that had him worried.

L reached over and pressed his thumb between the creasing skin between Light’s eyebrows, smoothing the tension there. “Don’t frown so intently,” he murmured, “you’ll give yourself a headache.” He rubbed the spot a moment longer before tracing one of Light’s eyebrows and the side of his face. “And stop trying to lead me around by the nose,” he chided in a calm voice. “I told you it bugs me.”

Light caught his hand and pulled it down, clenching it slightly. “Then talk to me. Something is off. Don’t make me dig for it.”

L pulled his hand away and laid back down. “It’s nothing. Come on, let’s get some sleep.”

Worry and anger flashed through Light like quicksilver. “You’re fucking _lying_ to me now?” he said incredulously. “Seriously?” Dismay was spearing his chest and heating his words.

Were things really so tenuous as this between them? Were they back to these old patterns again? He _knew_ they didn’t work. It was always what broke things down between them, but no matter what he was trying, he couldn’t seem to avert things from this path--! A mix of anger, panic and helplessness throttled him and he resisted the urge to punch the pillow next to him or smack it into something as hard as he could. Barely.

L sat up again with a sigh. He looked peeved but it was still his poker face. Yet, Light _could_ detect other things beneath the surface. It was incensing. Why was he hiding?! _What_ was he hiding??

“Why are you so mad?”

“You _know_ why!” he practically shouted, feeling beside himself with frustration and dismay over this bizarre reaction L was giving him. Flat, blank, empty!

“Because I went out without asking your permission?!” The sharp words came out a bit caustic and carried a hefty tone of ‘fuck off’.  “What are you, my keeper??”

Light bit his lip, hard, feeling the words and tone lash through him. He held back any sort of response, swallowing it and his upset. L wasn’t stupid. _He knows I’m not like that. He’s deflecting. So hard, that he’s willing to start a fight._ Knowing this didn’t exactly keep it from stinging. Uncharacteristically, Light abandoned the whole thing without a word, grabbing the pillow off the bed and leaving the room. _Fine!_ He’d fake-sleep on the couch then.

 ** _Fuck this_** \- dealing with L if he was set on being an asshole.

He did slap the pillow onto the couch rather hard, outletting some of the tension that was currently riding him. Flopping down on the couch, he crossed his arms angrily, feeling his heart still racing and adrenaline shooting through him. Fuck.

_Fuuuuck!_

He was too mad to sleep.

And, damnit, his brain was also unhelpfully supplying images of what had happened on this very couch earlier. “Ugh,” he groaned under his breath and rubbed his hands over his face, trying to dispel the image of Jayden getting his roommate off. He could still see quite clearly, that sex drenched look on Justin’s face, as well as the moment Jayden went all-in to make it a show. And what a show that was. Slightly horrifying (though also hot) and super awkward.

Argh! He crammed his pillow over his head, pressing it down until either the images stopped or he suffocated.

The scene on the couch was now shifting to the scene with the three of them on the bed. Which was _also_ hot, though almost everything in him had protested that situation. But it didn’t seem to make a difference to his body. And that pissed him off, and was making him lose sleep over it.

Light held the pillow harder to his face, still quite un-suffocated, and rolled around a bit, thrashing his legs in agitation. His mind was whirring quite steadily, chewing away on all of this, hashing and rehashing and thinking about what would come in the near future. L’s attitude just now wasn’t really helping, and if anything, made it all a lot worse.

Agree to forget about it?

Was that even _possible_?

Or was it more just an agreement to _pretend_ it didn’t happen and to not talk about it, even if everyone was thinking about it?

Fuck.

FUCK.

Sure, he was glad that the whole thing hadn’t ended in a yelling match between the cousins, though it seemed warranted. Jayden had crossed more than a few lines quite willfully, prompting the bet in the first place, but he’d seemed to want no part in Clare’s production. He’d practically radiated reluctance over going along with it. It was just _after_ that where it had seemed different. Once things got rolling…

Light’s hands clenched in the pillow. It had all become a tangled mess of lust and pleasure. His own trepidation was melted away through surprise, sensation, and then simply a lack of being able to think clearly. Just like he could taste desire on his tongue when L kissed him… he got a similar impression from Jayden. It didn’t _feel_ like he was playing, it felt like he’d legitimately gotten into it. And then after… before tearing himself away, it seemed he couldn’t resist staying close a little longer, touching a little more. And he also seemed to be cursing the bet for making him cross over the line so very far and wanting to maybe go farther.

It was a really bad situation.

He’d noticed Jayden avoided looking him in the eye after that. Was it guilt? Embarrassment? Honestly, he couldn’t tell. But the deviant had definitely acted off after that whole thing. He’d appeared to be really on edge and worried.

It seemed like a small miracle that L had decided that they’d all just ‘forget about it’. Jayden looked like he was equal parts relieved and wary, and Light felt much the same way. Could something like this really be ok? Was L really okay with it?

Light pulled the pillow slowly down from his head. _Was_ he okay with it?

This attitude of his, and the first insomnia he’d really witnessed in his partner… was L losing sleep like he himself was? For similar reasons? But why wouldn’t he just _say_ it then? Why hide?

Unless….

Light cast his eyes in the general direction of the bedroom. _It was his idea to let this all go. Maybe he’s too proud then to show if it’s still bothering him in any way._

And another thing…. _what if admitting this is a bigger problem then we all agreed… what if it forces him to choose between us?_

Light felt a little ill all of a sudden. He wouldn’t do well without L. And likewise, he couldn’t see that Jayden would fare well either. How would L even choose? Cut out the family that had been a consistent part of his life, a friend even, for how many years now? Or, would he have to choose the brand new relationship to let go of?

_He said he loves me, but… I don’t think the choice would be that cut and dry._

Shit.

Now he no longer felt angry, but the worry had amplified exponentially. He felt like he was on the brink of potentially losing L and he felt a panic building. _I shouldn't have pressed him,_ he thought wildly. _What can I do to smooth things back over…?_

He considered going back into the bedroom to sleep but that seemed wrong, and he wasn’t sure the anger he’d felt wouldn’t return if he was treated to more of that attitude.

Light sat up and debated a course of action for a moment then retrieved his phone from the kitchen table. He knew it was really early, but…

 _‘Hey,’_ he texted Jayden, chewing on his lip a little as he composed his message and his thoughts. _‘L left earlier without a word or note, to work the club. That’s odd right? He’s never done that before.’_

The deviant was likely out cold right about now, and though Light wasn’t sure texting him was the right thing to do, he didn’t know what else **to** do. Maybe if Jayden told him it was no big deal, he could at least try and believe that.

He laid back down, feeling marginally better from having taken some sort of action. He closed his eyes. Maybe if he faked sleep he actually _would_ sleep, despite himself.

Starting to drift off, it was jarring when his phone buzzed in his hand. He hadn’t realized he was still holding it. Jayden had responded back.

_‘you probably shouldn’t be texting me. and WTF it’s early!!’_

Annoyance made its way through the words, but not before that odd tone from before carried through, the one that made the deviant seem somewhat cowed and on edge.

_‘Shut up. Why are you even answering me then?’_

_‘woke me out of a dead sleep.’_ He could practically hear the grumbling.

_‘Answer my question. The first one.’_

_‘you’re such a pain in the ass. seriously.’_

Light frowned. Jayden seemed like he was deflecting also, just like L was doing. Was that a bad sign? ‘Please.’ He sent that simple request and hoped it conveyed the tone of quiet desperation. J _ust answer. Give me reason to believe things aren’t slowly gearing up to fall apart._

There was a really long pause. _‘what are you doing up?’_

_‘Couldn’t sleep. Woke up and L was gone.’_

_‘still?’_

_‘No, he got in around 4.’_

_‘and?’_

Light sighed. He’d hoped for Jayden to be forthcoming and yet it was more like _he_ was the one getting grilled. Though, when the deviant texted he often seemed short and dismissive. It could be pretty grating on the nerves. _‘Said he needed the money.’_

_‘huh.’_

There was a really long pause. Light tried to wait him out but eventually sent, _‘Well?’_

_‘it’s probably nothing.’_

Light frowned again, feeling that distracted sounding response might be less than honest. But… it was text. He didn’t want to read things into it that weren’t really there. The texting didn’t really ease his nerves a whole lot but having sort of talked about it with someone made him feel marginally better. Besides, Jayden was typically pretty honest with him at times like this, if not a bit caustic or rude.

 _I should just listen to him,_ he thought with resolve, making a decision.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey ya'll, thanks for the reviews - from the depths of my heart.   
> hope you liked the xxx! :3
> 
> the dinner with the parents, coming soon!! (i know some of you are waiting on that and want it NOW ALREADY.)


	72. (phase 4) Making Amends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light tries to smooth things out after the fight, and L does as well. Things seem to even out. Jayden is worried about the repercussions of the bet, both with the three of them, and with the tension it has caused at home.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 72: Making Amends _

Light woke to the sound of a pan clinking in the kitchen along with some other assorted noises. He creaked an eye open and saw L at the stove throwing something together. He slowly sat up and yawned widely, feeling sleepy and surprised that he’d fallen asleep so deeply.

He watched L work and felt content for a good few minutes until he remembered their fight from last night and those last cutting words L had thrown at him. He frowned, tension and misgiving starting to coat his chest. Would L be back to normal today? Or would the mood from last night continue to warp their interactions?

Light shook his head. He would do his part to let all that go and not ask L any more. If his ruminations last night were anywhere near accurate, no good would come of pressing L on it anyway. More importantly, he didn’t want to be fighting with him; It made his heart hurt and his head feel compressed.

“Morning,” L said, having walked over to Light unnoticed, making him jump. He had a cup of coffee in his hand, which he held out, and a slightly amused expression at Light’s reaction. “Here, take it.”

Light did so and took a small sip. His mind buzzed furiously as he tried to think of what to say, where to start, and how not to fuck up their first interaction.

“You look more awake than usual,” L observed. “Perhaps the coffee is unnecessary?”

“A little,” he said, “but the coffee is always welcome.”

“Hungry?” His careful inquiring tone sounded like a peace offering. “I’m making breakfast if you want some.”

Light decided to go for some levity. “Yeah, can you put some on the coffee table for me?” He purposely didn’t look at the shambles that were what was left of it, still lying scattered upon the floor.

L cracked a smile. “Should I balance it on the carnage for you?”

An amused smile perked up the corner of Light’s mouth in response. Nerves still kept him from freely expressing the feeling. “It is kind of funny it’s there in the normal spot, just irreparably broken.” He’d thought that earlier but he hadn’t exactly had an appropriate time to share that observation with anyone.

“Yeah, my dumbass cousin swears he can fix it,” L scoffed in good humor, “but I think it’s beyond hope and he just wants to avoid footing the bill.”

Their interactions were still feeling so tentative, like they were tiptoeing around each other and the fight. He was glad that they hadn’t sunk right back into the tension and arguing though, at least. “Look, about yesterday…” Light couldn’t quite let it go. He at least felt the need to apologize or something, to not feel like this was still hanging over them.

L held up a hand. “Oh no, you don’t get to go first this time.” He took a deep breath, a slightly pained look crossing his face. “Look, I was an asshole yesterday... I’m sorry. I was tired.” He looked mildly sheepish as he added, “And hoping to make it up to you through a lavish breakfast and coffee…” He made an expansive gesture to include the mug in Light’s hands as well as the kitchen behind him.

Tired? Oh, right, he remembered the last time L was a total asshole, he’d been very sleep deprived as well. Maybe that was all there was to it?

L took Light’s free hand in his, startling him from his ruminations. “I really am sorry. I don’t want to fight with you.”

Light’s eyes cut to the side. He felt a little conflicted. Sleep deprived or no, it wasn’t really an excuse. And was it just an excuse? A convenient explanation? “Me either.”

“I slept kinda like shit after you left.”

Light looked back over at him. He noticed that L looked fairly earnest and open just now. “Serves you right,” he grumbled imperiously, sort of wanting to see how L would react. If they were back to normal, he could expect L to take it like a joke, roll his eyes or say some smartass thing back.

L frowned at him. “You never go for the cute responses, like saying you slept like shit too.”

“You’d get bored with cute.”

“Smartass,” L said, reaching out to ruffle his hair and make it stand on end.

“Ugh, quit it. It’s surprisingly hard to make it lay flat after you do that.” He complained, but felt a distinct easing of tension and a warmth in his heart at the familiar form of harassment that he knew was an endearment.

“Hey…” L trailed. “Sorry to bring this up, but did you hear back from your folks about the dinner?”

Light frowned. “No, not yet. I’m stressing about it a bit. I don’t know if maybe something’s changed.”

“Well, no good will come of fixating on it.  Whether something changed or not we won’t know until we know.”

“You’re a regular fortune cookie,” he said drolly. “Chock full of wisdom.”

“That’s insulting.” L played at indignance. “My wisdom is **_far_** more appropriate than a fake-ass chinese desert. I like to think I’m closer to Gandhi... or a Zen master.” His eyes shone a little with amusement as Light snickered at him. “Or,” he added expansively, “a magic 8 ball at the least.”

“Oh yeah, that’s you,” Light laughed. “You even dress the part, all black. And with your ultra pale skin... hahaha!” L was all white and black, much like an 8 ball. It was pretty funny.

He was interrupted mid laugh with a kiss pressed to his mouth. His face was cupped in L’s hands, a tender touch upon the sides of his jaw and cheeks, and his heart clenched in his chest. L moved back a little. Solemn black eyes delved into and held his, unabashedly intimate. “I missed you.”

“I-It’s only been a few hours.” That sounded evasive even to his own ears, and he had trouble holding up under that straightforward gaze and had to glance aside.

“It feels like longer when I’m fighting with you.”

Light flushed.

L leaned in and pressed another gentle, poignant kiss to his lips, featherlight, as if asking permission or if the two of them were ok. It really wound him up, as it felt both embarrassing and painfully sweet. Light tried to clear his head a little. “Would it ruin things to say I did sleep like shit without you?” he deflected, referring to his comment that L would get bored with cute. Plus, the timing was all wrong for admitting it now anyway. It almost seemed less than authentic.

L smiled against his lips. “Not at all. Better now than never.” He nuzzled Light’s face. “And about as cute as I thought it would be,” he teased.

“Ugh, shut up. Forget it.” He struggled out of L’s gravitational pull, trying to flee embarrassment. “Weren’t you trying not to burn something in the kitchen?”

“Oh, fuck!” L jumped up, to the background of Light’s laughter, running to the kitchen. “ _Slightly_ burned,” he called out a report a moment or two later, “not completely dead. Probably.”

“What flavors of charcoal are we eating?” he called back cheekily.

“Potato, waffle, egg and sausage.”

“And what are the non-charcoal options?”

“Uh… potato, waffle, egg, sausage, tomato and bell peppers. Hopefully.”

Light drifted over to the kitchen to watch L over the rim of his mug, industriously trying to save breakfast. He’d also sliced up a tomato and an orange bell pepper as a side. What was impressive was that the waffles were real - and not something out of the freezer. He could see the waffle iron on the counter.

“Sausage I get,” Light commented, “but tomatoes and peppers? How does that work with syrup?”

“Gotta eat your vegetables. And anyway, it will make more sense like this…”

L turned, presenting him with a towering waffle breakfast sandwich, stuffed with egg and potato, some kind of green herbs, the sausage links sliced in half so they didn’t roll out, a little syrup, and with the side of raw vegetable and tomato. It looked kinda weird, but also like something out of a magazine and his mouth was watering. “Gimmie,” he said, abandoning his coffee on the counter. He put the plate down and picked up the massive sandwich and bit into it. Slightly crunchy waffles, fluffy and hearty and warm on the inside, gave way to the savory salty flavor of the sausage, the maple sweetness of syrup, the fluffy warm and satisfying eggs with the nuances their rich flavor added along with the herbs and the satisfyingly crunchy zesty bits of potato. “Omigawwd,” he said around that first bite, feeling like he’d just died and gone to heaven. It was like tasting food for the first time, and it was amazing.

“Good, huh?” L said, seeming amused. “Not that I need to ask, I can see it written all over your pornstar face.”

Light choked a little.

L was smirking at him. “For the sake of getting those looks you make when you’re really into what you’re eating, I think I could become a rather inspired home chef.”

“Shut up,” Light said as soon as he was able, his face flushing. “And quit watching me like a creepy stalker. Eat your own breakfast.”

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw L giving him one of those slow, sly smiles.

“Ugh, quit it! I want to enjoy this before it gets cold.”

“I slaved over a hot stove, this is my reward,” L razzed him, fulling intending to keep up the flustering staring. “Go on, unhinge your jaw and take another bite.”

“Lewd.”

Light turned his back and took another bite, plate resting on his knees, fully needing both hands wrapped around the sandwich to keep it under control. _Ohhhhh my gooooood this is so good._ His head kicked back a little as he savored it. He heard L snicker at that but ignored it.

“Mmm,” L said from around a bite of his own sandwich. “Obscene amounts of calories can taste soooo good.” Light glanced back over his shoulder and saw L was lounging at the table with his meal, putting a hefty dent into it already. “I’m going to need a long run to work this off.”

 _Shit, seriously?_ Light brought his plate over and joined him at the kitchen table. “Uh, how many calories qualify as obscene?”

“I think it’s safe to say ‘a lot’.”

L unconcernedly bit into the waffle tower of goodness, making his own version of a porn face as he savored it.

“So as a way of apology for earlier, you’re trying to make me fat,” Light deadpanned, making L choke on a surprised laugh.

“Brat,” he scoffed, once he managed to get through that mouthful without further mishap, looking highly amused.

“Who knew you’d have such a sweet side as that?” Light said facetiously, razzing him back.

“Don’t worry, I’ll drag you along with me. You’ll be back to damning me just as quick.”

Light scoffed at him. “Well, you don’t have to torture me. Jayden isn’t even here to warrant that kind of run.” Oddly, when he mentioned the name, L seemed to react. Nothing big, but it gave the appearance of a frown. It was gone so fast he almost wondered if he’d imagined it.

“Ah, it’ll be nice to go just the both of us. I’ll tone it down a little so you don’t die.”

“Gee, thanks.” He was sort of now NOT looking forward to a run, as ‘not dying’ in L’s book was quite close to actual death. “I thought you were supposed to ease people into fitness, not make them wish their heart would explode?”

L shrugged and worked through a mouthful of food. “Well,” he said after a few moments, “it depends.”

“On?”

“It gets technical. But in any case, I’m getting an idea of your baseline. We’ll do other stuff too, less intense but for longer.”

“Somehow that still sounds hard.”

“Giving up?”

“No,” Light scoffed. “I have a sense of follow through.”

L smirked at him. “As I and your parents saw demonstrated so thoroughly recently.”

Light growled at him, a flush crawling up his neck. He hated when L tried to embarrass him. And he was so damn _good_ at it. Even now his confession to his parents over loving L could make him get totally flustered - even though L had now also admitted his feelings, too. “Shut up, you.” Pointedly, then, he ignored his lover in favor of the amazing food he’d made. Which was a real surprise and totally unexpected after something lame like the Easy Mac. During that meal, he never would have imagined something like _this_.

L smiled to himself, looking quite content putting further damage on the meal.

The side of tomato and peppers wasn’t quite as odd as he’d thought. Light found that it offset the heaviness of the sandwich and was actually pretty good. A little weird, but not bad.

* * *

The rest of the day passed in a flash. The study session did, too. Jayden was notoriously absent and Light wasn’t sure if it was because of what had happened at L’s place or if he was avoiding the shit he’d stirred up last week with Shani and the group. L drove him, dropping him off on his way to meet a client.

When it was over, he was waiting outside the building for L when he got a text.

_‘Things are running late. Sorry.’_

_‘Should I start walking?’_

There was a long pause before L said, _‘Hang on.’_

“Light?” Shani came over to him. She’d been finishing some problems when the group disbanded, determined not to lose her train of thought. Her pretty face registered surprise. “You’re still here?”

“Yeah, guess so.”

She looked a little hesitant. “Who’s picking you up?”

Light felt a small frown form upon his face. “Well, L was… but I think something came up.”

“Oh.” The brunette visibly relaxed as she daintily sat down on the steps next to him. For a moment anyway. She twiddled her fingers a little and asked, “You think he’ll send Jayden to pick you up, then?”

“Uh… maybe?” He was a bit shocked to realize he didn’t think the answer was necessarily a yes. Why would that be? It largely seemed like things were back to normal….

His phone buzzed in his hand. _‘Hang tight a few mins. Sending a ride.’_

_‘Okay.’_

Now that was weird. Did that mean he wasn’t sending Jayden? Or was he? Light found his mind started to buzz and fixate on that. Maybe he did contact him, and Jayden said he was busy? Or refused? Or had L bypassed him entirely?

“Light?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

Light looked over at her and did his best attempt at a believable smile. “Yeah, why?”

She peered at him as if trying to detect any insincerity but there seemed to be nothing to latch onto. “Well you seemed distracted, I guess.”

“You seem that way yourself,” he turned it back on her. “Missing Jayden?”

She flushed and looked put out. “NO. Why?”

He didn’t respond, just kept up his gaze upon her, set to break down the walls of her defensive-ass answer.

“I don’t know. Shut up.” She frowned hard and started ripping microscopic pieces of paper off of a sheet of notebook paper sticking out of her textbook. “He hasn’t called.” She looked at him. “What does that even mean? Did he even intend to?”

“I honestly couldn’t say.” He was pretty good at predicting the unpredictable force of nature that was Jayden, but on this one his intent with Shani was probably 50 / 50. It was equally likely he’d been fucking with her and maybe proving a point, versus being serious about ‘hanging out’. “There’s kind of been a lot going on lately so I wouldn’t try and assume anything at this point.”

“I don’t even know if I _want_ him to call,” she muttered under her breath.

“Yet, you kinda do?”

She glared at him a little. “Well, wouldn’t you? I’d at least maybe have a better idea if he was actually serious or just being an ass again.”

“I hate to break it to you, but he’s an ass even when he **is** serious.”

She laughed a little and groaned, hands covering her face. “This is such a mindfuck, I swear.”

Light reached over to pat her soothingly on the back. “There there. I can’t say it gets better, though.”

“He’s insane,” she said, shaking her head and almost sounding a bit incredulous and amused at the same time. There was a distinct note of despair. “Why do I like him even the barest bit after everything? It’s mental. I’M mental.”

“His insanity has a certain charm, I suppose.” In an amusing way, that was kind of true. But largely the deviant’s determination to be an asshole was off-putting. Though, that was probably for the best. Tensions between the cousins in reference to himself were pretty thick even without Jayden being a viable threat as competition. He’d hate to see how things were if they were truly at each other’s throats over him.

“Does it?” Shani almost seemed on the brink of hope. “Or is he just a hopelessly fantastic kisser and an all around BAD IDEA?”

“Er…” Unwanted images of being subjected to such kisses flashed through his head unbidden. There were an alarming number of instances now, including the worst one - the most recent. Well, several were really recent, as in _‘the last 24 hours’_ , but that one on the bed had felt like some kind of _no-holds-barred_ kind of kisses that were more than toeing into some dangerous territory.

Huh... L was right though. His brain went from that almost instantly to what happened between himself and L after that. Any thoughts of Jayden terminated with that kiss and everything else bled into the amazing way L had made him feel afterwards. His determination to not let things go, insisting on toppling Light with his own hands and mouth and intensity - that was seared into his brain and heart and alleviated some of his distress over the situation. That guilt he’d worried about carrying - over reacting to Jayden - was effectively dismantled. Sure, he was still having issues with the situation and his brain rehashing things and all, but it could have been a lot worse.

“Light, did something happen??” Shani was peering at him with wide eyes.

Fuck.

He could absolutely not afford for even a shred of this to come out.

He laughed sheepishly. “You caught me out. I was thinking of something that happened last night.” He allowed her shocked reaction for a millisecond before doing a calculated waving of his arms. “No, no, no. With L! What are you even thinking of!”

She looked taken aback and then tentatively relieved.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to drift off there.” He smiled ruefully. “It’s just still pretty new and sometimes my thoughts get away from me.”

Shani laughed a little and ribbed him. “You little slut,” she teased.

He let his face flush, easy enough if he thought of any of the multitude of times L had tried to embarrass him. “Shut up,” he muttered.

“Awwww,” she continued gleefully, throwing an arm around him and poking at him. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered.”

Oh, thank GOD she was buying it.

He shrugged her off and she laughed. “Were you waiting out here to catch a glimpse of your favorite deviant?” he razzed her, to further distract her. “Or were you gonna hightail it out of here if he was the one picking me up?” Partly though, he was actually curious.

“I don’t know,” she pouted, looking a little down. “I’m really at odds over this.”

“It’ll all work out one way or another.” That sounded like something L would say. “If he’s really interested, you’ll hear from him. And if not, maybe that’ll be even easier to handle.”

“Pffft! When did you get so enlightened?” She kicked her sandaled feet out in front of her in amusement. There was a little color in her cheeks, giving her a healthy flush. She really was very pretty.

“Around,” he said with a smile.

“Brat,” she scoffed, looking a lot less stressed than before. “Well listen, I do have to go. Will you be ok out here?”

“I’ll find some way to amuse myself.”

She smiled again. “Ok.” She snaked out a hand and ruffled his hair to the sound of much protest. “Hee hee!!” She gleefully skipped out of range as he swatted at her. “Bye~eeee!”

“Bye, wench!” he called out.

She saucily flicked him off and headed down the sidewalk.

He watched her go, following her until she disappeared behind the edge of the building, partly for something to do. Right about then a vehicle pulled up and someone called his name. Light looked over and saw a car he didn’t recognize, an old whitish Cadillac that had seen better days. The paint was intact but it looked a little worn. The driver side door opened and a feminine hand waved at him with a little “Yoohoo~!” called out at him before she popped back inside.

Light stood and felt a bit confused. _Clare?_ Well, this was unexpected. He dragged his stuff over to the car and stopped short of getting in.

“Hi, cupcake,” she greeted. “Your hubby sent me. Hop in.”

“Did he?” Skepticism practically dripped from his voice.

She sighed and rolled her eyes before cutting them sideways and saying shrewdly, “Why, were you hoping for someone else? Someone decidedly taller and with a more obvious attitude problem?”

Light bit the inside of his mouth, feeling both put on the spot and also really really annoyed as she alluded to the deviant. “Bigger than yours? I couldn’t imagine who.”

“Jayden’s indisposed,” she said bluntly, being even more curt and obvious in retaliation. Her eyes really had the ability to go sharp as death. He’d hate to be on the wrong side of her temper. He’d never have believed it before seeing it for himself. She looked so sweet and harmless most of the time.

“Fine.”

He got in, still frowning.

“What’s got such a massive bug up your ass?” she complained under her breath and adjusted the rearview mirror.

“I think you know,” he said as they drove off.

She shook a finger at him. “Oh, no, sweetheart, that was the boys’ idea, not mine. Don’t blame all of this on me.”

“YOU wanted to film it,” he shot back. “YOU egged Jayden on since you said L annoyed you. How is that **_not_** your fault?”

“Shhhhh,” she said primly, seeming a bit peeved herself now. “Anyway, I didn’t know things would blow up like that and I actually feel bad about it.”

Something about that caught Light’s attention. “Blew up like what?” he asked pointedly, setting upon that like a bloodhound.

She waved him off but had a frown on her pretty face. “Nothing.”

“Tell me,” he pressed.

“No,” she snapped back, looking harried.

He ignored her. “ _Tell me._ ”

“God you’re annoying,” she griped, hands looking whiter for their grip on the wheel. “I don’t know how L puts up with you like this, even if you _are_ hot.” He could sense she was wavering.

“Tell me,” he said again, this time in a wheedling, borderline solicitous voice. He felt vindicated by the slight flush that touched her cheeks, despite her frown.

“I think he’s mad at me.”

“Jayden?”

“Yeah,” she admitted, looking like talking about it was about as fun as chewing nails.

“What makes you say that? Is he not talking to you or something?”

She shook her head, her soft brown hair waving back from her petite face. Her large brown eyes were solemn. “Nothing overt like that. He just seems… different. Mostly, you’d think everything was back to normal but… I don’t know, something is off.”

“How about with Justin?”

“Uuuuuugh,” she groaned, putting her head against the steering wheel. Luckily they were at a stoplight. “That’s what is even more strange! I thought J would be acting super weird with him, in light of his rampant straightness. I call bullshit by the way. But they seem more or less normal. It’s just with me.”

“Huh.” Light leaned back in the seat, bringing a hand to his chin as he sank into his thoughts. Perhaps… at some point the two of them had talked and somehow worked things out? And if Jayden was acting weird with Clare, maybe talking hadn’t happened yet and really needed to.

“Besides,” she complained, sounding stressed. “I heard the original stakes of the bet and if anything, Jayden has himself to blame for pushing the envelope! Anyone who knows L knows he doesn’t like to share and wouldn’t truly make a bet like that. But then J went and forced his hand. It’s not like he could back down then.”

“Pfft.” He made even that small noise sound scathing.

“What?” She sounded pissed.

“He still _wouldn’t_ have gone through with it, but you have some sort of dirt on him and THAT’S why he didn’t back down,” Light said. “Pretty sure Jayden wouldn’t have gone through with it either if not for that.”

“Well don’t you have a high opinion of him?” she said primly, implying things.

“Shut up.” He meant that, he truly did. He was getting really annoyed at her hinting around. It came out clearly in his tone.

“You might want to cut that attitude before you make me displeased with you.”

“And _you_ might want to shut up,” he tossed back somewhat rudely, not about to be intimidated by threats. “You totally earned this.”

She picked up a glossy magazine from the center console and _thwapped_ him in the face with it. She clipped out with faux sweetness, “On the plus side, my guilt is just frittering away and lightening my conscience with every self-entitled word you utter.” She smacked him again for good measure, catching him again right in the face.

“What conscience?” he sassed back under his breath, hands poised to ward off further attacks.

“Aw damnit,” she said sadly, “that was too much like how J gets….” he saw she was actually frowning and looking tearful. “Sarcastic, infuriating, and somehow really cute.” She cut a look at him. “Emphasis right now on ‘Infuriating’.”

“Aw,” he mocked, “do you want a hug?”

“.....yeah.”

“What, seriously?”

She sniffed and laughed a little. “Yeah, that’s stupid right?”

She parked the car and something wasn’t right. “Hey, what are we doing at your house?”

“Oh, sorry, L asked if I could babysit for a little while.”

“Shut up, he did not.”

“Essentially,” she razzed him, but without a lot of her usual energy. She still seemed sad.

“Who else is here?”

“Jayden left shortly before I did.”

Damnit, that wasn’t…. Why was she so fixated on the idea that everything he might ask or say was revolving around the deviant? He sighed and said nothing, not having the energy to keep correcting her.

* * *

Jayden killed some time, but felt annoyed at being kept from his usual vices. It was a pain in the ass to keep turning people down for hanging out and getting totally slammed for it. But he knew if he went, he’d be on the fast track to getting utterly shitfaced. He couldn’t help it, doing that felt like a good time. And it felt like so long since he’d had a drink. Usually he drank nearly every damn day so even these week long dry spells with some cheats in between were a huge hassle. He probably had poor impulse control on the best of days, but more so now, and especially lately.

Currently he was going for a long, late evening run. He’d be damned if L made him look like a complete failure, being winded as shit while his cousin was barely breaking a sweat. Asshole.

And, he was still kind of stressing over this whole _‘agree to forget it’_ thing. As much as he wanted it to be that simple, he wasn’t a very optimistic person at heart.

Fuck.

He shook his head. That text Light sent him was weighing on his mind. It was definitely odd for L to take off and work at the whipping post while the object of his obsession was staying over….

Shit.

Jayden grimaced and ran harder, pounding his feet into the pavement.

 _He **is** pissed. He is. **Has** to be. FUCK. Why else would he go except to blow off steam? _ He’d done the exact same thing before, when stuff with Light was stressing him the fuck out. And that was all right before that _epic_ breakup...

He would break Clare in HALF if this shit of hers caused problems for the two of them. He would not be the cause of another shitstorm like that.

Despite this, he could almost hear the sound of laughter in his head. Mocking, contemptuous laughter. It pissed him off. But he realized how fucking hypocritical he was being. Not wanting to come between them yet compulsively not able to leave well enough alone when it came to Light. He just kept pushing the fucking envelope, fucking around, playing a bit, and it was biting him in the ass so hard. And really, he knew Clare wasn’t the one truly at fault here. It was himself. He just didn’t want to fucking think about that and he was still pissed at her for putting him in an even worse situation than he ever would have gotten into on his own. Running his hands over Light’s body, hearing him react to what both he and L were doing….

Reaction flickered through him even now.

 _Goddamn you’re an asshole,_ he sneered at himself. _Fucking kissing him again, too, and like that? Amidst all of that?_ It was crossing a much bigger line than the shit he was pulling earlier, which was more than enough to piss L off. But this… Some demented part of his brain had been saying ‘why not?’ and racing ahead to what a lot more might be like as he fell into sensation. But mostly, his thinking brain had taken a holiday.

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” he muttered, a bit out of breath now, running himself as ragged as L typically did.

_This is so fucking **awkward**._

Things at home were as well. He’d made a sort of peace with Justin even in the moments after squaring up on the bet, though right after that his roommate was easily testing his patience. It’s just that he kept poking at this thing with Light and he didn’t want to talk about it, having someone point out shit he _already knew_ like: WTF ARE YOU DOING? Or reminding him of how pissed L probably truly was. And how fucking backwards he personally was with this whole fucking thing.

 _Fucking cubscout,_ he cursed Light in his head.

Things were so much simpler before he came along, too. He and L had a routine and an understanding of sorts. Nothing had changed in a long time. Sure they each had their own shit, their own interests and lives, but they hung out and harassed each other and all the usual stuff and everything made sense. They knew each other pretty damn well and he’d guess that no one knew them as well as they knew each other. Until now.

His own roommates knew him fairly well after all this time but Light was on a different level entirely. It was almost L level. It was disconcerting as hell but also almost nice in a way.

For a while it was almost laughable the contrast between how well Light knew him and how much the brunet fucked up regarding his cousin. But, he’d helped out on both ends and he was pretty sure L and Light actually both had an almost instinctual feel for each other now - actions, thought patterns, and all that shit.

AND SO.

Light texting him so soon after Clare’s impromptu filming session… texting HIM when there was practically an unspoken agreement to put some distance between all of them…. but who else could he ask about something like this? And he was right, it _was_ odd and it sure bugged the hell out of him. He could imagine it would feel much worse for the brunet.

In light of recent events…. Hell, some irrational part of him wondered if this all was enough to have fucked everything up already and they were only just seeing the tremors, heralding the earth eventually splitting open in chaos.

Jayden’s footfalls slowed and he stared with resignation as he passed the club and noted L’s car in the parking lot.

“Goddamnit,” he said under his breath.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if the drama/stress hurts, just remember that at least this is not a snuff fic (or cannon) so nobody dies. which is way more stressful. 
> 
> also, at least the boys are getting a bit better at conflict resolution! : ) At least, in part. Obviously L is having some deep troubles on this one at the moment.
> 
> thanks, guys, for reading! see you next time.


	73. (phase 4) A Night In, A Night Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light hangs out with Jayden's roommates, waiting for L. He and Clare have a talk. 
> 
> L and Light have a moment.
> 
> Club. Some of L's personal life is revealed.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 73: A Night In, A Night Out _

Around 10:30 pm L texted Clare.

“Light, suit up,” she said, “I’m going to drop you back by L’s.”

Light raised his brows, finding that odd. “Since when did you chauffer for him?” He’d gotten the impression they were not close and that L preferred more than a healthy distance between them.

“Since I felt bad. Shut up, it doesn’t happen a lot.” She fussed him towards the door.

“Bye, Justin,” Light said to the brunet, who raised a hand in acknowledgement. Jayden’s roommate wore his perpetual scowl and for the most part seemed like normal, however he too seemed a little on edge somehow. He almost got the impression the wavy haired brunet was…. a little jealous? If so though, it was super subtle. Overall he’d been fairly sociable and offered to play cards in the first place to pass the time. They’d all played for Cheetos and cigarettes. Which was ironic, as none of them smoked.

“He seem a bit off to you?” Light asked Clare as they stepped outside, just to see what she’d say. He was still trying to gauge her a person. Many times, she seemed fairly upstanding and reliable, and also appeared to have a heart. It was like the polar opposite of other things he’d seen up to this point. Not only that, but the game of spin-the-bottle had given him the impression that she and Jayden were the closest of the group and were actual real friends.

She shrugged. “Yeah…. I think maybe he’s a little jealous. Not your fault though.” She was quick to add that last part, but still seemed a little spacey like she had other things on her mind. “I think he’s kind of having a problem with liking J and having gotten so close to him and then nothing.”

“Well he certainly got closer than I have,” he said drolly. It really shouldn’t even be a problem, should it? Obviously the end of the bet no one else saw would have been **_way_** more involved than what happened between the three of them on the bed that night. Not to mention, the stuff between himself and Jayden being a fluke occurrence. Really, what could Justin really even be jealous over?

“Yeah, but…” she shook her head and just got in the car.

Somehow it seemed that whatever it was she was thinking on, would end up being a complication he probably didn’t want to hear. “But what?”

The pretty brunette looked evasive, and a bit regretful. “I probably shouldn’t.”

He wasn’t going to let her hint and stuff and then leave it hanging. He was also getting the impression that with a little pressure, she would fold. She definitely was aware of his sharp eyes pinned on her, pressing her into compliance.

“ _Clare_.”

“God, why are you so pushy?” She seemed exasperated again and expelled a deep sigh. Once more, he sensed that she was about to fold.

“Just tell me.”

She cursed under her breath. “Fine… against my better judgement.”

“You have that?” he razzed her.

“Shut up, brat,” she said primly. “Mouthy, adorable thing that you are, I could slap the hell out of you.”

“You did that earlier.”

“Hardly,” she said archly, looking almost amused. The humor seemed to loosen her up, and she finally started to talk. “Anyway…” she said haltingly, “I think Justin is struggling with the knowledge that though he got further with J, that it almost doesn’t matter because you’re the one J’s fixated on.”

Light frowned deeply. He really didn’t want to hear things like that... He wanted things to go back to normal. Being caught in the middle of something like this… he didn’t want to see the lid blown off of everything and the cousins fighting it out, or fighting over him. “Fixated with annoying the shit out of me at every chance maybe,” he scoffed.

“If you say so.” She accurately sensed he didn’t want to talk about this. “J is a sweetheart though, underneath all his mounds of bullshit. He probably **is** trying not to fuck things up. He’s just really terrible at being a good person sometimes.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said quietly and stared out the window. He knew Jayden was trying. But the deviant just wasn’t coming through with very good results, and it was really getting to L. If things kept on like this…. “L knows too. But I think there is only so much he can take.”

Clare was really quiet. “I hate this.”

Light looked over at her. “What exactly?”

“I just want things to go back to normal. I feel bad for everyone, and for myself too. Why is everything so backwards right now?”

“I don’t know.”

The rest of the car ride was spent in pensive silence and Light wondered, not for the first time, what had prompted L to call Clare for the ride home as well. Typically L would have just picked him up on his way home, wouldn’t he?

* * *

When they got there, Clare walked up the stairs with Light and came inside when he unlocked the door. “It really is a nice place,” she commented.

“Yeah.”

It wasn’t more than a few minutes when L emerged, fresh from the shower. He was wearing track pants that rode low on his hips and looked really sexy.

“Well damn,” Clare said with an appreciative look, “you didn’t say you were dressing up.”

“Consider it fanservice,” he deadpanned. “Thanks for all the driving.”

“Sure…” she trailed, that pensive look crossing her face. “Look, L, I really am sorr-”

He held up a hand, interrupting her. He obviously didn’t want to hear it. “Let’s just leave it at thank you.”

“O-okay.” The pretty brunette looked defeated. “Goodnight, Light.”

“Goodnight, Clare.” He hugged her briefly and felt her expel a bracing sigh. It was much like earlier - she actually _had_ wanted a hug and he’d been able to tell how appreciated it was. She must’ve been feeling pretty off. Her air of self-confidence and amused debauchery was glaringly underpowered. “Tell Truth I said hi when you see him.”

She gave him a faint smile, understanding his implication of taking comfort with the blue-haired guy, and leaning a bit on him. “Yeah, I will, thanks.”

Once she left, L said, “You seem to be good pals, suddenly.”

Light shrugged. “She feels really bad about all this.”

“I know.”

“But?”

L made a face that was hard to decipher other than it looked displeased. “She made things _worse_. And I’m not so quick to forgive.”

“And what about the other guilty party?” He didn’t even say Jayden’s name but once again there was that lightning quick _something_ from L, some kind of reaction.

“Well, he’s family,” he said dismissively. “I try harder.” Light had the distinct impression that he was thinking something more along the lines of: _‘He’s family. I give him more rope to hang himself with. And when he does this is going to be a goddamn mess.’_

“Were you working?”

“Yeah. And I’m tired.”

Light wasn’t sure why there was this slightly awkward air between them again. “The insomniac is tired? And here I was going to suggest we watch a movie or something.”

L gave him a faint smile. “Yeah that sounds nice. Do you want to shower or eat or anything first?”

Yeah, a shower actually sounded nice. He lifted an eyebrow and said, “If I grab a shower, will you still be awake when I get out?”

L gave a more genuine smile. “Guess we’ll find out,” he razzed him.

“Jerk.”

“You love it,” he scoffed. “Now hurry up, time’s a wastin’.”

* * *

Light went to go shower and L dropped himself onto the couch, still more than mildly annoyed about his broken table. He sort of did like to put his feet up on it at times; he’d just been annoyed at Jayden the other night, when telling him _not_ to, not to mention how he unceremoniously clonked his big ass boots onto it as if it were made of steel and wouldn’t suffer any damage.

He let out a long, pent up sigh, feeling agitation twitch through him and fizzling down along his limbs. S&M had been a good distraction, keeping this at bay. He hadn’t been going much overall since taking up with Light. It hadn’t seemed worth it when they had such limited time together. But now, now he felt it soothing to be within the embrace of that velvet darkness, liquid sound, and the role he often played there. He could still feel the motions in the dull but loving ache in his arms, the resistance of the whips moving through the air, and the impact against resilient flesh.

He could still feel the calming anonymity of the mask he wore, and still hear the gasps and sobbed breaths as he ministered his craft to the willing. There were more than usual tonight. Not only that, there were more than the normal amount of people wanting a truly hardcore session. He didn’t particularly enjoy those, but he had to admit it released a lot of this tension he was carrying around.

If he was being honest with himself, though, those sessions nearly lit a fuse of anger in him and made him more than aware of every detail of what he was struggling with. They spiked agitation through him with every remembered nuance of why he wanted to beat the everliving shit out of his cousin, though he knew it truly wasn’t _all_ his fault. It’s just that this agitation had nowhere to GO. He knew the best thing was to let this all slide and move past it but it was so much harder in practice.

He could still remember the feel Light’s stomach muscles jumping beneath the skin, under his lips, that unfortunate night... could still feel the soft smooth skin which beckoned him to explore, lick, bite. He could hear the brunet’s intakes of breath, and tell from the slight way his body began to writhe that he was getting really turned on. He felt the growing lust in the palm of his hand, and damn it all but he also heard Light’s moan getting muffled as his cousin took that moment to take things way too fucking far and claimed the brunet’s mouth.

At the time, in the moment, he wasn’t thinking all too clearly and sort of wrote it off as something done for the camera. And truly, experiencing the helpless desire that Light was radiating, and his anxiety about being in this situation… L couldn’t help but pursue it. It was like a drug, making him feel a bit high. He savored that extra jolt of fear he’d felt run through the brunet as he’d worried that L was going to take him in his mouth on film. But L had felt a jolt of lust run through him as well. It was so hard not to push the line, just to see what would happen.

But he heard Jayden murmur something and pull back, breaking the spell.

It brought everything about the situation back to stark reality. Clare and Justin standing on the sidelines, the camera that was recording, the bet, and the messed up situation this had placed Light in. The brunet had taken it well, gone along to the best of his ability but…

But the situation was seriously fucked, just as much as his own thinking had been until a moment before. Suddenly the effect this might have on everything crashed down upon him like a bucket of cold water and it was suddenly a very real worry that going along with this, with Clare and the bet, could have compromised what was most important to him. Light.

L rubbed his hands over his face. He’d salvaged it, barely. He’d been able to feel the hesitation and discombobulation that was riding through the brunet afterwards. He could practically taste the bitter tang of a developing mistrust. He couldn’t afford mistakes like these. Not after all they’d been through to finally get here.

He’d saved it that night, brought things back from the brink… but Jayden. Even with that talk about forgetting it all, Jayden seemed to believe it wasn’t that simple. He was jumpy as hell afterwards and though that had died down a little bit, it didn’t entirely disappear. His cousin was perceptive, and maybe that jumpiness was a truer indication of the reality of things than L liked to admit.

_Jay, why can’t we just go back to the way things were? Why does this have to become so complicated?_

Even through all of this, he didn’t believe his cousin was trying to come between them, but still. Still, sometimes he felt so _angry_. And sometimes on the whipping tables, it wasn’t the Supplicants that he saw kneeling expectantly to receive the kiss of a lash. Sometimes it was Jayden he saw in his mind’s eye, strapped down and receiving a flogging that was brutal, harsh, and not asked for. Whips used for pain and nothing else.

He’d never _ever_ do such a thing, or perform a flogging in such a way. But his mind was supplying these images unbidden, a manifestation of his upset, of his anger and frustration. His mind wanted a target for these feelings, a scapegoat.

L pulled his thoughts back from that and back to remembering the music of the club. It was safer there. He could almost hear the beats, feel them, and see the sway of dancers.

He recalled almost with amusement the night he discovered Light dancing among strangers, standing out in white. That bodysuit was about as ‘hello fuck me’ as you could get. It was goddamn enticing and seeing it on the brunet set his blood to burning. He horned in on the regular that Light had been dancing with, feeling vindicated when Light’s full attention swung over to him and never wavered. It was such a high, and he’d been able to see the other man had been hopeful to get the brunet’s interest, likely to get him in bed, but L had just thoroughly ruined his chances. All it had taken was a voice in the brunet’s ear, a few choice looks, and he was hooked despite himself. L could sense it in every line of his body, despite his standoffishness at the time.

Light was so….

He felt almost amused and fiercely turned on at the same time. The brunet was young but he was proud, and there was a sharp cast to his personality that felt like the rush of playing with razors and trying not to get cut. And the passion that was raised when that sarcastic mouth melted against his own…. God damn.

“Hey,” he heard a soft voice say. Light knelt on the couch, hovering over him. “You awake?”

L opened his eyes to see pretty gold ones staring into his. They were like jeweled prisms, deep, endless, compelling. And there was a warmth there, one he wanted to bask in forever. It stirred something bittersweet within his chest. “Nope,” he replied, reaching up to caress his lover’s neck, watching the brunet’s eyes slip closed at the touch. He gently pulled Light’s lips to his, capturing their softness and feeling a warmth within him. He just wanted to stay here like this, in this simple world where nothing mattered but the two of them. But nothing was so easy as that. Real life crept in to sour and maim all that was pure and true, did it not?

“I thought you were tired?” Light murmured.

“I am.” He pulled the brunet down next to him, wrapping an arm around him as the brunet sank against his side. “Wanna be my pillow as I watch this movie with you?”

“Not really.”

“Cruel. You would deny an insomniac sleep?”

“Yeah, cuz I wanna see you.” Light pulled back a little and looked at him with those eyes, studying his face. “Our time goes by so fast. It feels like there is never enough.” He paused, looking a bit uncertain. “Did you have to work?” he asked tentatively.

“I needed the money.”

“Is….” the uncertain look grew, and guilt. “Is it costing you too much to have me here, even just on weekends?”

“Brat,” L said, softly ruffling his hair. “I told you not to worry about stuff like that. Let me take care of at least this much for you. Okay?”

The uncertainty didn’t fade much but Light said ok.

“I missed you, too,” he said, nuzzling the brunet’s face. His skin was so smooth and firm. It felt wonderful beneath the brushing of his lips. A smile curved his mouth as he also started to feel the flushing of Light’s skin.

“Shut up,” the brunet groused at him, predictably. It was precious. He might never tire of seeing Light evade his own feelings.

“Okay,” L agreed amiably, pressing Light’s full lips to his own and sliding slowly inside, teasing all the way. He loved the way he tasted, loved the feel of his initial tensing up and then the melting sensation as he fell into it and started kissing him back. He loved the way such kisses quickly turned hot and fevered. He loved the feel of Light’s skin under his hands, the contour of his waist, hips and back.

A feeling of possession flared insidiously, snaking through him. He wanted this with Light, and for no one else to have him like this. And yet, ‘no one else’ had became others. He knew that dancer that had had his sights on Light. It was the same one that had been so forward during the stage show, aggravating him thoroughly as he’d watched him with Light. And he’d seen his cousin now multiple times interring himself against this soft mouth that should be his alone.

Hell, he’d even felt jealous a moment when watching him with Clare. STUPID, he knew. And yet the feeling arose.

But then, Clare was pretty, and Light was obviously also attracted to girls. It wasn’t like he was exclusively interested in guys like he himself was. And Marin, that had been an honest go at a relationship in a lot of ways, even though it was a rebound with Light trying to forget about him. And what about that buxom brunette girl at the study group? It was still unclear to him if Jayden had gotten so bent out of shape that time because he was jealous over Light or jealous over her, when he’d implied there could be ‘more than friends’ going on between the two school friends.

 _Jesus, fuck. My brain._ His brain was on overload and was annoying the shit out of him. He’d never dealt with such… with fucking _jealousy_ like this and it was asinine. It’s like he’d suspect any person within two feet of the brunet as being a threat. Beyond stupid and really unlikely.

He just wanted to sink into the feeling of a hot mouth and roving hands and stirring passion. But his fucking brain was doing its best to get in the damn way. It was the same feeling that had kept him up the last two nights, and made him just quit the farce of sleep and head to the club.

“I thought you wanted to ‘see a movie’?” L mocked softly, teasing Light. “Or was that ‘home movies’?”

Light snickered and scoffed at him, “I do, a real movie. Are you awake now?”

“Surprisingly, kissing you does nothing to lull me to sleep.”

“Unsurprisingly, you still managed to make that sound lewd.”

“It’s a talent.” He smiled infuriatingly, making Light roll his eyes. “What are we watching?”

“Dunno. What’s available?”

L picked up the controller and found the channel for the programs listing. Letting it scroll, he watched Light’s face as Light studied it. His expressions truly did make him look older than he was. It was the intensity of them, he thought. It was only in brief moments, or when sleeping, that Light looked all that young to him now. Well, that and the gentle curve of his cheeks that had yet to be chiseled more with passing years. It made him so adorable though, and especially so when he took that compliment and razzing with such a reaction of disgust and impatience. It was hilarious and special.

“Do you have to work tomorrow?” Light asked pensively, surprising him. L thought he’d only been watching the listings, trying to catch sight of something passable to watch.

“Hm? No, not really. Just in the evening, so you’ll miss most of it.”

“I’m glad,” Light said, abandoning his avid assessment of the channel guide and leaning into him with a full body hug, wrapping arms around him like a body pillow. It pushed them down onto the couch and neither of them bothered to move. It was nice here like this.

“What about the movie?”

“Meh,” Light shrugged, head resting on his chest. He yawned sleepily and shifted a little bit to be more comfortable. “We can pretend we saw something really awesome.”

L stroked a hand absently over his hair, watching the scrolling of the screen and only partially paying attention. It felt really peaceful just now, watching the meaningless drone of the channel together, laying on the couch.

After a few minutes, his eyes drifted shut and the lack of chatter from his brain allowed drowsiness to lull him to sleep.

* * *

Sunday passed uneventfully. In the evening, L dropped Light off at his friend’s house where he was staying and headed home. He had some stuff to do before he went out again.

Once the tedium was done, he headed over to the club. It was about 9pm, still a little early by nightlife standards, but word had gotten around that he’d been putting in hours there. He went in through the back and dropped off some personal effects before moving out into the main areas of the club. His hands itched for a drink but he abstained. It wouldn’t be fair to drink here if they were all doing this no-alcohol thing. _Still_ , he had to fight down the urge. Part of his brain was saying _‘who would know’_ to which he scathingly responded _‘I would’_.

“EEEEEEELLLLLL!” one of the bartenders called out to him cheerily across the not-so-crowded common area. She had wavy bobbed hair and a fringe of bangs. It was colored something along the lines of electric periwinkle. She was cute in a way that was somehow elfin and steampunk.

“Hi, Fern,” he said pleasantly, smiling as she darted around the counter to give him an enthusiastic hug.

“Where have you been hiding yourself? I’ve hardly seen you! Did you pick up with someone new?”

“Perhaps,” he said enigmatically.

“Oh you DOLL,” she said slapping his arm. “Is he super hot? Super DOMy? I keep telling you, it would be totally hot if you found the right person to let go of your iron clad control for.”

He plastered that same smile on his face that he often used when giving nothing away. He knew it was a pleasant expression and believable, even when he wasn’t feeling it.

“OMG did you find one already??”

Unfortunately, Fern could often read him like a book. It was annoying. But what were friends for? “Is that what you heard me say?” he said with a fakely surprised tone.

“Of course not, it’s what you _didn’t_ say.”

“He’s super hot,” he parroted her blandly, for comedic effect.

“Omg, you totally **_are_** considering it with him aren’t you????”

Damn it all. Her ability to read him was _really_ annoying. “Maybe,” he said vaguely. “We’ll see.”

“Well listen, do you want a drink or anything? I’m on shift so I should probably get back to it, even if it is a bit DEAD in here.” She let out a huge sigh and muttered for his benefit, “they’re probably all in the back waiting for your hands and eyes and the gorgeous sound of your voice.”

“Jealous?” he quipped.

“Haha a little. Aside from it being mind-numbingly slow at the moment, who would want to pass up a session with you? I swear it’s ruined me for other people.”

“I’m flattered.”

“You should be, it’s a high compliment.”

Fern was very high energy. ‘Mind-numbingly slow’ to her would be a solid ‘fairly busy’ to most others. He left her and her intensely periwinkle colored bobbed hair behind and immersed himself in the feel of the music. Oh, he’d missed this. Before Light, he’d been coming here a lot. Not so much to work, but to just hang out and BE. It was kind of like when his real job kept him too busy to get out much and he started getting a real jonesing for this place.

He closed his eyes a moment, a sort of contentment washing over him with the velvet acid beats and drums and the dark vibe of this place. It felt like home.

“Well, well, well, look who it is,” a jaunty voice taunted from nearby.

L looked up, mildly annoyed that his moment was infringed upon. “Hey, Hatter,” he greeted the stylish eccentric. They’d had a fling once upon a time but it more naturally settled into friendship over the years. Hatter was wearing some subtle face paint that gave only a slight illusion of a jester card over half of his face and had a black inverted teardrop under one eye, along with some odd but intriguingly done eyeliner and such. It made him look somewhat goth and somewhat unhinged. Just the way the eccentric liked it. The top hat he wore furthered that impression. Today his blunt cut chin-length hair and bangs were an orangey red. His attire was dark and dapper. “Dressed to impress someone?”

“He’s standing in front of me,” Hatter said charmingly.

“Bullshit.”

“Aw, you’re no fun,” he said brightly. “And yes, you remember Niccoli?”

“Oooooooh.” The good-looking one from overseas. Short on words. Stoic. “Yes I do.”

“My new flame.”

“Really.” Well now, that _was_ surprising. Niccoli had been catching his friend’s eye for a long while now but was stubbornly persistent that showboats like Hatter weren’t his type. And he’d long maintained that he was really more into women on the whole.

Niccoli was pretty hot. Dark hair and eyes, olive skin, very nice build, tall, and Hatter was more than a little enthralled with his accent. It was ‘brusque and HOT’, he’d described it many a time. Well, his friend had also gotten pretty involved in recounting what he professed that voice made him want to **do** , but L preferred not to recall that level of detail.

“I won’t tell you the details, even if you burn me at the stake.”

“What if I just whip you instead?” he joked, having had no plan to ask for details anyway.

“You’re so sweet. Nope, not even then. OH the things I want to do to that man.”

“I take it you’ve -”

“Not _nearly_ as much as I’d like,” he lamented, “and not **_nearly_** as creatively as I am capable. I AM AN ARTIST.”

L snickered at that, unable to help himself. This guy was a kook, but pretty damn entertaining. Nothing ever really came of them as L couldn’t quite take him seriously. They both also had a habit of wanting to take the lead and put their creativity to work. It was just a mismatch from the beginning. “Hey, listen,” L said. “I’m going to go out into the mess of dancing. I have to get to the back pretty soon, to handle a long queue of devotees.”

“Oh, ever the popular one.” Hatter winked. “I’ll admit, I was smitten as well.”

“It was fun, if unsustainable.”

“I’ll tell you what though,” Hatter leaned in and said conspiratorially, “I could sustain the _fuuuck_ out of that Niccoli.” He said ‘fuck’ softly, as if through a bitten lip.

“I’m sure he has his work cut out for him, surviving your charms.”

“And prowess.”

“All the above.”

“You’re a dear.” The oddball beamed at him and it lit up his striking face. “Now, I must be off. Don’t be a stranger. Come around sometimes, when you aren’t at the beck and call of others more needy than myself.” He said it jauntily, part theatrics, part serious.

“Duty calls,” L responded with a wink and something of a salute.

Soon, the solitude that the wall of sound offered was flowing back around him, lovely and dark. He slipped through the meandering throng, over to where dancers had more room to move and there was less milling about. All things considered, it was pretty busy for a Sunday night. It would ramp up a bit later as well, it always did.

He let loose, letting the music flow through him, guiding his movements and building a flow. It was mindless movement, liberating, freeing. Once again the thought drifted in that a shot or two of something strong would further this feeling, but he dismissed it. One, he was abstaining. Two, he’d be working soon and he did not mix that with alcohol.

“Why hello my dear,” a cultured female voice said, curling around him.

“Hello, Empress,” he said drolly, not even needing to see her to know who it was. If there was any doubt, the black metal filigree tipped fingers gave her away as they stroked up his chest. They were almost like claws, though they looked classier and vaguely vampiric.

“Goodness me,” she said, drifting around to the front of him, like a cat twining around a person’s leg. “Such an icy welcome you have prepared for me this evening.” She was decked out in full fashion tonight, a high necked Edwardian dress and frock that in the front was short and showed her shapely legs and thigh high boots. Her hair was in a puffy and huge updo. A fake beauty mark rested under her left eye upon her pale powdered face.

Nooooot his favorite person. She seemed convinced that her charms would one day sway him to dip into the honey pot. NOPE. “I wouldn’t want to encourage you,” he said with a smile.

“Oh,” she twittered, “you bluffer.”

“Not so. And recently attached.”

“Oh?” her voice lilted upwards and she fanned herself elegantly with a lace fan she’d pulled out from somewhere. “And who might that be?”

“He.”

“Well, whatever,” she huffed at his flagrant insistence upon his sexual preferences. “Who is _‘he’_?”

“You don’t know him.”

“Are you sure? I know a lot of-”

“No, I mean, he is a total unknown. You wouldn’t have seen him.”

She gasped theatrically. “Not one of the regulars?” He shook his head. “Not even a semi-regular?” He shook his head and she seemed quite flustered. “Well how did you meet?”

“Here. Literally his first few steps in the door.”

“How fortuitous,” she said primly, looking displeased.

“All the right parts in all the right places,” he added with a fakely wistful tone. His intention was to really get it through her head to give up the fantasy that he’d eventually go for her or any other girl.

“Now, that’s just lewd.”

He smiled at her, a patent way of being unrepentant.

“Really,” she huffed, “sometimes you are just the most shocking thing.”

“Madame,” he said, taking her hand and kissing it with something of a bow. “I bid you adieu.”

The Empress was somewhat mollified by this and accepted it before making her way onward. He happened to know that the lewd comment was pure irony. The Empress was quite the dominatrix. She only played at this prim and proper persona. Apparently she was quite good as well, or so he’d heard.

Man what was with today, though? He was running into so many people and he wasn’t really in a mood for company, friends or no.

Thankfully that marked the end of the interruptions, at least for the moment. He slipped into the driving beats of the current song, feeling it thumping through him with a force, the rest of the sounds thrumming through his limbs and electrifying his blood. He danced alone, danced with partners, and also in groups. It didn’t really matter. He just wanted to move, to bask in the sexual flair to the atmosphere and the vibe that the dancers put off with their slinky moves and trailing eyes. There were a few trailing hands as well but nothing overtly personal. It was not unusual at all here. He met it all with downplayed flirtiness, as was his manner. One particularly attractive man seemed to want to take it further. He was a bit taller than him, slender, and with blondish hair and blue eyes. Under different circumstances he’d probably have been interested. But things were different now. He left the man with an alluring smile and melted back from the crowd, disappearing into the people who were surrounding the dancefloor and were milling, talking, or watching.

It was time to get to work, anyhow.

He retrieved his attire from the dufflebag he’d stowed earlier. He swapped his black shirt and pants for leather ones. Donny had recently given him this leather tunic vest and gauntlets to try out and he’d promised he would. The tunic was skin tight, leaving nothing to the imagination, and left his arms bare. The gauntlets were flexible gloves that went up to mid arm and were made of overlapping leather that gave the appearance of spiked segments. The mask was different too. Once again, Donnovan had insisted. It was a half mask, a cloth that covered the lower half of his face and with the design on it, made it look like his lower face was a skull. It also draped around his neck and hid that from view as well. All that was visible was the strip of his eyes above it, like a shinobi. All told, the ensemble had a much more sinister look than his usual, though he found it be fitting.

On his way back, he ran into a staffer. “Is Donny here?”

“Nope,” a girl named Lemony said brightly, “but he’s going to looove you in this.”

“Can you just take a picture or something then? He’ll insist he doesn’t believe me otherwise.”

“I’d be delighted.” She dug into her pocket for her phone, her little sparkling tophat looking like it was going to pitch off of her head. It didn’t, however, so it must have been pinned on. “Okay,” she said, hefting it into position, “Smiiiiiile~!”

L scowled, even though both that or a smile would be quite hidden from view. “You aren’t ser-”

“Click!” she said brightly, taking pictures of him mid word. “Click, click, annnnnd click.” She giggled. “You’re quite photogenic when you’re annoyed. And obviously, I was joking. But really, we should do at least one with a smile. Something sexy. He’ll be thrilled.”

L rolled his eyes, heard her snap that too, and said, “Okay, give me a minute.” He sifted through his brain for an appropriate image to use. “Okay, ready?”

“Yup.”

He did the face, using his inspiration and pretended not to be annoyed by her ‘Oooooooh!’ and the excessive shutter snapping. “Alright, we’re done,” he announced after a few moments of enduring it. It was for Donny. Donnovan was good to him. He could hardly begrudge a little effort on his part and for free gear. It was sweet of him, if not a little self-serving. The designer was an avid fan of eye-candy and liked to collect shots of his work being worn just as much as he liked having shots of said work **on** said eye candy.

“Thanks, sweetie,” she piped up, standing on her tippy toes to kiss his cheek. “I know you hate the pictures, but he’ll really appreciate it. Besides, you’re so damn photogenic, it would be a shame not to.”

“Uh huh, I have to go.”

She did a little saluting tap to her top hat and went on her way, giggling a little as she left, at his abrupt manner.

He made his way down the halls, turning here and there and finally, _finally_ he reached his domain. The muscle silently acknowledged him with a slight bow, almost courtly in their adopted parts. He breathed deeply in the sanctity of the dungeon. Here was a world where everything made sense, everything was predictable, and everything was within control. Best of all, no one could catch him and chat at him here. Here, he was a faceless force of nature, bowing the treelimbs that were his Supplicants in the fury of his storm. Some cried, or cried out in pain, some called out as if in ecstasy, and some were largely quiet. But all of them were focused on nothing but him, and he on them, and it was like the world existed only in the bubble of this interaction, this little play.

There was a small crowd at the windows. People watching and waiting. He disappeared into the back for a moment, getting ready. The group would grow, a seemingly unending throng for him to wade through. So many, some nights, that his flailing arms moved seemingly forever, like he was in the ocean flailing at waves and water, trying to beat it back. Endless, tiring.

But he got a bit of a thrill from it at times too. There was the powertrip, and the sounds that slipped out occasionally which quickened his blood. Any manner of thing, just randomly would hit him just so. Sometimes a sigh, twitch, gasp, or even a look in someone’s eyes.

Light’s flogging was an extreme example of that.

Every little reaction had hit him at his _core_ , made him ravenous, for sound, for touch, for those heady sighs and gasped breaths and then the larger prize of his hot mouth and the even hotter feel of slipping deep, deep inside of him.

God that had been so hot. Not only that, he’d almost felt of one mind and body with the brunet. It was a surreal sense of oneness, like they had no need of words to even communicate. It had been an intense bond. One that, when shattered soon after, had frayed him intensely and left him floundering in a wash of anger and disbelief.

He shook his head, trying to lose the thoughts, as that fight swarmed up in gross detail. Arguing with Light, taking out some of his aggression upon his cousin...

Jayden again. Yes, he’d been there, he’d instigated, but even still… the breakup at that time hadn’t been his fault. It was Light’s choices and behavior that had deep-sixed that. Jayden had simply brought it all to the surface.

_I still want to blame him though._

_Heh. How irrational of me._

Maybe if his cousin hadn’t brought it to the surface, Light still would have eventually seen the folly of his ways, and they might have avoided the whole horrible thing.

 _How different he is now,_ L mused. Light almost felt like a different person now than the kid who’d obtusely clung to incomprehensible ways of trying to outrun his own feelings. Now he was more of a mind to be exceedingly direct and open. So much so that L now felt as if he was falling behind.

Jayden had changed too. Some of it was even for the better. He seemed a little more inclined to be selfless than before. That’s one thing he’d say for Light - he’d somehow cracked through part of the ‘fuck everything’ shell Jayden had constructed many years ago. And that was a good thing, a sign of growth. The only problem was, he now wanted to _kill_ his cousin half the time, as his acting out had reached infuriating new levels, especially when it involved the brunet.

What to do?

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> L's background is sort of vague and mysterious. I know a few of you were asking for more info, and it's been slow in coming, just bits and pieces. This seemed like a peek into his life pre-Light, and some of the social interactions he has, and people he knows. 
> 
> Hope ya'll enjoy your weekend.  
> xoxo
> 
> Z  
> _____________  
> (P.s.s.s.s.s.sssss I absolutely never thought any of the OCs in this fic would get developed as much as they have. for REAL. just... woah what the heck? Clare was only ever planned as an instigator to pop up now and then. Now she has feelings, thoughts and worries?! color me surprised. not planned at all, it just wrote itself. well, again, this happened with almost all the somewhat regular OCs. Clare, Justin, Jayden, Shani, Kai.... 
> 
> Now, who it didn't really happen with, off the top of my head... Germain, Katie, Heather (Kai's sister), Truth (roommate). Honestly I could probably pop out backstory, motivation, personality, etc in just about any of them if I gave them time, but this story is freaking massive enough as it is and it would be unnecessary.
> 
> Out of curiosity....  
> Is there anyone that you would actually want more background on, or see into their heads? A few of you wanted to know more about what was going on with Marin. Or are there any interactions you'd be interested to see? Or POV from anyone in particular? 
> 
> Or, TOTALLY random, what would you want to read as a spinoff?)


	74. (phase 4) Dungeon Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> L is working at the club and has a tricky issue with one of the supplicants. Jayden and Justin have an exchange. Jayden meets L for a run, the first time he's seeing him after everything happened, and there is a blowout.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 74: Dungeon Life _

L took in a deep full breath and let it out slow, slooow... emptying his mind on the exhale. In, then out, out, out, out…. In, and out, out, out, out...

Once he was reasonably in character, wrapping the cloak of anonymity around him and taking on a dangerous stride, he stepped out of the shadows. Usually he’d be donning a sort of grace and sensuality, manufactured to enthrall and taunt and pull people in. It was all part of the experience, something out of the ordinary. But when things were like this, and he felt such impatience and agitation, he found such frivolous things to be tedious. It had been like that before - when he’d been coming here before the breakup. His face felt nearly expressionless, but he could feel the spikes of anger and frustration and tension within him. They were held in check, however. But he’d funneled that energy into his work, pushing himself harder, throwing himself into being more creative.

When he’d seen it was actually Light on his table, recognizing the marks he’d made by his own hand, it had cracked the facade, filtering through. Bound to a table, hands in cuffs and a hood on his head, he was so helpless like this. It had surprised him to see the brunet there at all. But alas, he was intrigued. Something tugged at his chest, compelled him. He’d crouched down in front of him, deciding to pretend that he didn’t know who it was, just to see what happened. Light seemed spooked, wildly uncertain, and yet he was here. L had taken pains to soothe him, to see if he could break through that tension, ease him into trusting. It was such a thrill when it worked.

He’d moved around the brunet, trailing hands, touching, using his voice, and ever so slowly introducing the whips. If doing this with others could be described as becoming hyper-focused and losing sense of things outside of the immediate bubble of their action and inaction… doing this with Light was absolutely engrossing, and even the passage of time had escaped him. His awareness was nearly claustrophobic in its closeness. The tantalizing curve of Light’s back, which he could practically taste beneath his lips, the hitched breaths he could almost hear as if they were made directly in his ears, and the hard flesh he could imagine the feel of in his palm, as he trailed fingertips over the curve of his hip…

And the trust. He had felt trust in every line of the brunet’s body as he took the lashes, staggering under them, and yet stabilizing to the sound of his voice. It was enrapturing. Every lash felt electric, shooting up his arm as Light jumped from the sting of it or writhed as it burned. L was pulled in further as he soothed him back into that nearly meditative state and Light never shook his head to end it.

It had all been so intense and surreal, he could liken it to a spiritual experience.

Funny, that.

He’d gotten that impression from Supplicants, more than a few times, but had never quite grasped it himself until recently.

That was part of the reason he’d been so completely bent out of shape when things blew up around them shortly thereafter. It was like having this amazing, altering experience and then having it ripped out of him or shattered inside of him like a lie of a mirage. It had felt like all of those things to him, amplified by the guilty, anxious look on Light’s face and how very far away he felt in that moment when Jayden had outed his plans with that girl.

He probably shouldn’t have been so rough with Jayden, but he hadn’t been himself. As it was, his reaction was reigned in, and Jayden’s amusement at stirring things up…. it just surpassed his ability to contain the impulse to throttle him.

_Focus, L._

_Focus._

He took another breath in and let it out slow, grateful for the cloth that covered the lower half of his face, hiding his distracted break in character.

Moving past a few of the tables, he turned towards the door, planting his feet in a wide stance. He raised his arm, short whip wrapped and gathered in his hand as he pointed like a grim reaper, marking his chosen victim. A girl was brought forward by one of the burly men who flanked the door. They always did look impressive - bare chested bodybuilders wearing black hoods and carrying realistic, long handled axes. The fake weapons changed, as did some of the specifics of their attire, but still, the impression of them was the same - a wall of muscle, devoid of human emotions or compassion. He actually knew some of them from the gym he usually trained people at. Tonight he didn’t quite recognize either.

The girl was brought to the wall, where she was chained in manacles. He’d had the impression she was one of the hardcore ones. As the top of her dress was pulled down, his impression was validated. He couldn’t say he remembered seeing her before, but then there were plenty of times they got people from out of town.

Usually he worked the tables and other people did the walls, but he was the only one here tonight. Besides, he could do both equally well.

He stepped up behind her, bending towards her ear. “Rough?” he inquired with an indulging tone.

She shivered and nodded.

“Just shake your head if it becomes too much,” he murmured in her ear, skimming a hand over her bare shoulder.

She nodded again, face flushing a little as he pulled back.

His hand flicked out and the whip cracked hard against her skin, ripping a ragged gasp from her.

_Maybe I don’t favor the wall as it limits my movements,_ he mused. The tables were more interactive, and he could meet their eyes.

He flicked the whip again. _Crack!_ _Crack!_

She shuddered and cried out, her head ducking down a little as she tried to get a handle on the sharp pain. _Hmm_. He analyzed her reactions, her body language. She was going to be better off with more of a lead in, despite what she thought. He went to get one of the whips with multiple tails, one that could be used with a much softer touch.

He flicked that against her back, _soft, soft, hard, soft, harder_. Working it over her skin he kept the rhythm unpredictable but with sharp punctuations, and soft dizzying circles. He could see her breathing was more rapid now and she sagged a bit against the chains. Keeping that up, he took the original whip in his other hand and cracked it against flesh, amidst the soothing swirls of the other. She shuddered hard and let out a moan. _There, much better._

He built her up slowly, increasing the bite of the whips but never fully leaving off of the softer touches. By the end he had her writhing in what looked like pleasure, hands fisting in the cuffs above her head. He finished with three sharp lashes upon her upper shoulder, marking it with red stripes, and jolting a sob from her lips. She sagged fully against the chains, knees having gone weak. He nodded at the muscle and they took her off the wall.

“Thank you,” she murmured dreamily as they took her away.

He disappeared briefly to prepare for the next one, choosing new instruments.

As part of the theatrics, when he reemerged, he tapped the tip of the long whip upon the stone floor as if with impatience and stared at the door. Eager faces, thrilled or nervous faces... There was a variety. What he was looking for was….. there. He tapped the whip again upon the stones and confirmed the person’s expression. Once more he raised a damning hand, pointing out his target, eyes locked on them and theirs locked on him.

He nodded and the man was brought forward. He walked up on his own, taking off his shirt and exuding a sort of confidence that only regulars tended to show.

When they went to chain him, he forwent that with an upheld hand. Instead, he stood just in front of the wall, legs slightly apart and placed his hands on his head.

What was truly odd, was that despite all of this, his nicely muscled back appeared largely unmarked. The burly, hooded men left and L joined the stranger at the wall.

The lean, attractive man spoke first, sandy brown hair falling into his eyes. “I heard you were good.” There was a bit of a smirk to his lips, and a challenging tone rode his voice.

OH. Now this made sense.

“Just shake your head when you’re done,” L said simply, not reacting to the man. Then, he left to fetch a different whip, knowing the lunge whip was the wrong tool for this. He returned with a bullwhip, something that could be used with infinite finesse. His guess was either the man was a connoisseur of highly skilled whip play, the kind which left no marks, or he was a wielder himself and just got off on testing the skill of others.

L shook the whip out, letting it loose its coils upon the floor, then he set to work. The air reverberated with the cracks as he set a pace with sound alone, moving it closer and further from the man and watching the subtle flinches it invoked.

The tricky thing was rolling out the sound and releasing the energy from the whip only just before striking. That way, the inert touch of the whip brushed the skin like a caress, while making it seem as if it should be stinging flesh with full force. Done right, the only thing the Sub would feel was the harmless touch of the one-tailed whip wrapping around them, or sliding upon them like a lover’s touch - sensual and enticing, but leaving no marks.

This was an uncommon request. Most people, at least here, wanted the pain and the marks.

Damn but it had taken a helluva long time to get anywhere near mastery on this technique. It was a few years before he could say he felt confident in his control over the bullwhip like this, and consistent enough to offer it as a service. Which meant near perfect accuracy. It was something that could really cause damage if you fucked up. But then, all of the tools were like that in a way. It’s just that some took more skill then others, and some could do way more damage.

Time narrowed and became meaningless as he worked the whip with singlular focus, dancing it upon the toned body in front of him, leaving no trail but slightly pink skin that would fade within minutes.

At some point, the man shook his head, an indication to stop and L moved over to him as he was beckoned by a curling finger.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“I am nameless here,” L replied in an inflectionless voice, not breaking character.

“Your name,” he insisted, eyes intense. He added, “I want you to mark me.”

He’d obviously had it done before, there were ghosts of lash marks, likely from long ago. But nothing in recent times, not for a long time.

“Why?” His tone was blunt. For some reason he felt that he should keep interaction with this man impersonal.

“You’re good. I want you to do it.”

The man was oddly persistent. “How long has it been?” he grudgingly asked, half entertaining the request.

“About ten years.”

He blinked. That length of time really gave him pause, kind of throwing him for a loop. Had there been some mishap back then? Is that why he’d stopped? Wow, what a loaded gun this session was turning out to be.

“I don’t want to be beaten like an animal,” the sandy haired man said, responding to his unspoken question as he looked him in the eyes. “I want to _feel_.”

“Anyone can do that.”

“No. They _can’t_. And you can.”

L debated this heavily. He really, really suspected a mishap had occurred in the past. If this guy was going around testing flogger’s skills, a test such as this… then he had to have a reason for being so picky and selective. Perhaps the man was gun-shy and this was the only way he felt he could get back into it? Still, ten years was a long time if he’d been shopping around through all of it.

“How long have you been doing this? Evaluating.” He couldn’t quite shake his reluctance at complying and it almost felt like the request was more personal than simply a flogging session. Something in his manner was putting off that impression and made him want to keep his distance.

“Two years.”

“I find it hard to believe you encountered no one with skill in that time. Your back is proof enough.” Anyone unskilled would have inevitably left marks, there was no way around that.

“There is more to it than just skill. There is _talent_. You have it.”

It should have seemed like a nice compliment, but L couldn’t shake the feeling like he was moments away from stepping on a beehive. “And how do you want it?” he said bluntly, deciding to just move forward and be done with it all. “Rough? Light? Brutal?”

“I leave that up to your discretion.”

“No,” he said, his emotionless voice hard like stone. He leveled a steely gaze at the would-be Supplicant, not amused. “That isn’t how this works.” Expectations were always clearly defined. It was foolish otherwise and put him, or anyone else in his position, at risk. He was being toyed with.

The man gave a throaty chuckle. “Oh, I like you.” He seemed infinitely amused. “Light, bordering on rough, with you determining my threshold. Fair?”

“Workable,” he responded.

“You’re a puzzle,” the tall man commented, cocking his head to the side. “Dead face, flat voice, and yet your eyes are alive - so alive. It’s all an act isn’t it? And your eyes give you away.”

L smiled sharply beneath the mask. Irritation flitted through him. Personal... why was he so set on making this _personal_ and ruining the sanctity of this place?

“There, you smiled,” the man said triumphantly, if a little mockingly. “The mask doesn’t hide all.”

“More of a baring of teeth, to be honest,” L quipped back, darkly, still not amused and so it came out rather mockingly as well.

“What’s your name?”

He shook his head and made his face, eyes and everything go dead, shrouding him like dark clouds hiding the moon. “Table or exit. Your choice.” He wasn’t doing the wall again. And doing this at all… he wasn’t sold on it but at least if he did it, it would be done and he could be free of this man’s presence. The whole interaction irked him greatly and was not helping his mood whatsoever.

One of the muscled men came over to assess this unusual situation. “What is all this chatter?”

“Negotiations,” the man said smoothly.

The hooded muscleman looked to L who shrugged, eyes still on the Sub as he said, “Agree or leave, your choice.”

“Table,” the lean brunet agreed. “But I want your name.”

The burly man in the hood stepped in and said, “The Machine.” It wasn’t even an actual nickname or anything, just something he’d been referred to a handful of times. The muscle was apparently not wanting to cater to this man either, and presented a daunting unified front against his curiosity.

“That’s not-” the man protested, looking slightly aggravated.

“It’s the best you’ll get,” L said. “Now choose.”

The sandy haired Supplicant nodded his assent and the bouncer-like man dragged him over to a table, cuffing him for good measure. The muscle seemed annoyed. L quite agreed, he felt annoyed as well, and he wouldn’t enjoy a close and intimate moment such as the flogging would provide, not with this man. He wanted done with this already. Vaguely he thought that this self-entitled air and pompousness reminded him a little of his ex - the one Clare had almost mentioned. The same one she had some footage of him being indecent with, which he did not want aired out anywhere, least of all to Light.

_Damn fucking difficult people_ , he muttered silently to himself.

“The name’s Heiden,” the man commented, as if still trying to suss out L’s name. It was an odd name, sounding like Hee-denn. “It’s German for heathen,” he added glibly.

“Appropriate, I’m sure.”

“Apathy is really sexy on you,” Heiden said, as if trying to get a rise out of him. It was hard to tell if he was serious or just trying to undercut him.

“I will begin,” L responded, totally ignoring the comment. He cranked the table up so that the pain-in-the-ass Supplicant was nearly, but not quite in a vertical position. No need for eye contact or special treatment with this one. He set the whip upon him without much ado, medium hard, feeling some satisfaction in the rapid appearance of pink stripes over unmarked skin and at the man’s hissed intake of breath. He gauged where he thought the brunet’s tolerance was and kept just barely under it. The writhing was definitely from the stinging of discomfort.

But because his work integrity was important to him, eventually he flowed out into normal practice, peppering in some of the soft caresses of the bullwhip like before. He eventually stopped thinking about this personally and fell into the groove of just _being_ and doing. He treated the man like anyone else, pushed his limits, pulled him back, pushed him farther. And when a particularly cruel lash stung like fire and made the brunet writhe and contort, L pulled him back with the soothing tones of his voice.

It went on like this for a time, and eventually he sensed the end. Heiden had not shaken his head, but then he maybe never would. L eased him out of it towards the end, lightening the touch. He then looked over his shoulder and nodded at one of the hooded sentinels to come collect the man.

L felt much calmer now, and had a higher tolerance to the irritation he’d felt previously. It was really better this way, to have these sessions be impersonal. That way it was solely about the experience itself and nothing else. It eased distractions and worry and had a soothing, calming effect.

Heiden was peeled up off the table. He looked once more at L, eyes a little unfocused and dazed. Oh yeah, it had been good work. The man motioned him a little closer as if to speak over the music from the club which could be heard quite loudly back here. “That was…” he seemed to be groping for a word.

“What you were looking for?” L supplied, returning to his deadpan way of speaking.

“Yes.” A nearly enraptured and peaceful look skated over his Germanic features. His eyes moved back to meet L’s. “Are you certain you cannot just tell me your name?”

_Of course not._ “I-” he started to say but was interrupted by a hooked finger snaking out to drag the cloth mask down from his face, exposing him and spiking his outrage. He felt hellfire touch his eyes as his patience exploded and he snapped out, “BAN HIM.” He dragged the mask back up over his face, and stalked over to the back room in clipped strides as the muscle dragged the man out.

_Of all the asinine…!_

He seethed, aggravation crashing over him like a wave. Why did some people feel so fucking _entitled_?!

He quit the room for a time, letting them deal with the pest as he tried to calm his irritation. It wasn’t like people didn’t know who he was, but many didn’t. He didn’t _want_ to be seen as who he was here, that wasn’t the point. The point was stepping outside of normal roles and normal life and existing elsewhere. This uppity bastard had done everything he could think of to undermine that and it pissed him off. He’d _never_ , in all these years, had someone grab at him like that. It was infinitely insulting.

The back room had another door which led back into the hall. He removed the gauntlets and the mask and dropped them onto the couch before using it. He stalked through the hall and made his way back out into the club Proper. He was taking a break and having a drink. In a while maybe he’d return to his post. He didn’t stop by the bar Fern was tending, as he was quite done with talking.

He nearly felt he should text his cousin and tell him he could cheat as well, since that was only fair. But…. he still didn’t want to talk to him just yet.

In time.

The bartender slid him a stiff whiskey, a double, and he downed it fast, wanting the burn on his tongue and the way it caressed his throat with its fire. Fuck. He wanted more.

_See, Jayden, this is also why I’m not texting you to cheat. You have even less self-control than I do._

Probably before they knew it, his cousin would be shitface hammered. Hell, they’d both done it often enough, and many times in each other’s company.

He really debated saying fuck it and just getting another. _But, you’re working,_ he told himself in annoyance. If he had any more, he’d be abandoning his post for the night. He heaved a deep sigh. There were a lot of people waiting, and he couldn’t let one dickhead spoil it for all of them and so early in the night.

* * *

Monday morning came too soon. Jayden dragged his eyes open with his alarm and swatted it drunkenly. Oh, he wasn’t actually drunk, none of _those_ fun side effects; it was just shitty motor control as he often had the moment consciousness swung through him like a crack-addled monkey. He groaned and rolled around in the bed, coming to terms with being awake. He’d been out late with his run and then the porn site had called him just after he’d gotten to sleep and wasted a few hours there. “Jesus,” he muttered, rubbing at his eyes.

_Ok, asshole. Get up, you have places to be._

He dragged his ass out of bed, still bleary, and shuffled to the kitchen. Once there, he encountered Justice looking fresh as a daisy. “What the fuck, man?” he complained at his roommate.

“Wow, you look like shit,” Justin offered in an upbeat tone, amused at his expense.

Jayden noted that his roommate’s gaze lingered a little long on his bare chest and stomach and especially where his lounge pants were hanging precariously off of his hips. He scruffed a hand through the chaos of his hair. “Shut up, you’d fuck the shit out of a dead corpse if it looked like all of this,” he said as gestured widely to himself.

Justice rolled his eyes and muttered something about that being pretty fucked up. He went back to eating his cereal at the counter. Luckily, he’d also made himself some coffee. Jayden stole his mug and drained the hot beverage as fast as he could tolerate.

The brunet let out an exasperated noise. “Selfish asshole.”

“I can hear the endearment behind your thorny words.”

“Like hell.” Justice shook his head at him, set to ignore him.

“Did you make more?”

“What, coffee?”

“Yeah, I need more. Had a rough night.”

Justice gestured behind him at the coffee pot. He was looking over some papers as he ate.

“Get me some?”

Now the brunet leveled him with an exasperated look. “Do you have two broken hands??”

“If I did,” he said lewdly, “I’d probably have taken you up on your unspoken offer.”

“Asshole,” Justin cursed and muttered darkly, getting up to slosh some coffee in a cup along with some creamer and sugar. He shoved it at Jayden.

“I love you, too.”

“Pretty sure you only reserve that for yourself.”

“Wow, what kind of bug crawled up your ass last night?” Jayden sipped his coffee unconcernedly. Justin was being a little more touchy than usual. Probably it might have been his comment regarding sexual favors. Oops. Oh well.

“Shut the fuck up, I’m busy.”

“You don’t look busy to me.” He couldn’t help harassing him. It was amusing, and a little like why he liked harassing Light. Good reactions. But Justin’s exasperation was hard not to poke at, especially when he knew he’d largely be forgiven.

“Why are you up so early?” Justin asked in a tone of voice that conveyed ‘fuck off’ quite eloquently.

“Training.”

“Sometimes I think L makes time for you only in the mornings to torture you.”

“Mmn. There’s a thought.” He paused. “However,” he continued with a mildly antagonistic smile, somewhat amused, “he may also be aware of how I torture you all in turn. Makes it damn hard to get ready for work with me around, doesn’t it?”

Clare came around the corner. “It doesn’t affect all of us,” she commented, going into a cabinet for something.

“Sure it does,” Jayden reasoned, “Just by me taking up space in the middle of the kitchen - I can be a pain in the ass without expending even an ounce of effort.”

“You do that quite well even without being in the kitchen, sweetie,” she said sweetly.

“You’re such an angel in the morning,” he sassed back with faux sweetness.

“Trevor would agree with me,” she commented over her shoulder.

“Oh ho ho,” Jayden laughed, “but of course your blue-haired lapdog would agree with you.”

Said lapdog appeared from around the corner, looking a little harried and sleepy. “Come on, man, leave me out of this. Saying rude shit so early in the-” his face split with an epic yawn “- in the morning.” He had a case of bedhead that likely rivaled his own. But much like his own, it ended up looking messy and almost intentional. Haha that probably pissed Justin off - his wavy brown hair was unholy hell before he tamed it in the morning. Sexy bedhead was not in its vocabulary.

“Jesus fuck, why is EVERYONE in the damn kitchen right now?” Justin griped, taking his cereal and his papers to the other end of the counter.

“He’s such a love in the morning,” Clare said drolly. “But more so than usual. J, did you set him off already?”

“Moi?”

“Uuuugh,” she sighed and shook her head.

* * *

Shortly after that, Jayden scraped himself together and made the walk over to L’s. It was early as fuck, and he did sort of resent that it was the only time he cousin usually gave him, but he wasn’t going to bitch about it.

He yawned wide enough to make his jaw hurt and silently thanked whoever invented coffee as he would be seriously nonfunctional without it on days like this.

Today was the first day he was really seeing his cousin since all that shit with the bet had played out. He wasn’t entirely sure how things would go and he felt a bit on edge about it, to be honest.

* * *

L heard a brief knock at the door as he stood at the counter, going through some junk mail and intermittently sucking down some coffee.

Jayden came through the door, looking slightly cautious. The knocking was a giveaway too. Things were tentative. “Hey,” his cousin said.

“Hey,” L returned.

“You look marginally more awake then someone on short sleep.”

“Haven’t been to bed yet.” It would have been pointless anyway. He hadn’t been home too terribly long, and wasn’t feeling all that wiped out.

“Late night at the club?” Jayden asked, something seeming a bit sharp in the way he asked it.

L looked up. “Are you accusing or asking?”

“Doesn’t matter either way.” He shrugged, walking over to the counter. “Here,” he said, slapping down some bills. He almost seemed confrontational.

“What the hell is this?”

“I heard you were short on money. Let me help.”

For some reason this incensed L. “Heard from who?” Had Light texted him?? As far as the brunet knew, he’d only gone out that one night. What the hell?! Where was Jayden getting this from?

“Yeah, he texted me like one time. Get over it.” Jayden had a really sharp and annoyed look on his face, and that confrontational feel increased. “So you need money, the kid eats a lot or something. Let me help.”

L shoved the money back across the counter. “Take your shit, I don’t need it.”

Jayden leaned in towards him, eyes like scalpels. “Oh? Then you _weren’t_ pulling a bunch of hours at the club for money then?”

L felt his hackles raise.

His cousin continued, up in his face and sounding rather acidic, “Is my money not good enough for you? Or maybe you’re just lying through your _damn fucking teeth_. I saw your car there the very next night, when you sent Clare to pick him up.” Accusatory wasn’t a strong enough word to describe the look in his pale eyes as he was stared down. “Why the fuck is that? And I heard you weren’t even back till late. _What the fuck are you doing??_ ” He spat the last.

L shoved him back out of his space. “Not having this conversation is what I’m doing.”

“Yeah, _that’s_ healthy,” Jayden sassed back, looking pissed.

“What the fuck is your problem, huh??” L lashed out, sharply raising his voice.

“What the fuck is YOUR problem?!” his cousin hollered back, giving him a shove. “You’ve been there three nights in a row, and while your boy was here, no less. I looked into it.” Somehow, even with the hostile tone, Jayden didn’t seem to be just picking a fight. He was focused, and it seemed that this was stemming from concern. “And I **_know_** it isn’t about the money or you’d be acting a helluva lot different right now.”

“Tone it the fuck down, I had a rough night.” Suddenly he just felt tired. Real tired. And he kind of wanted a drink. His hand itched to open the cabinet with the whiskey.

“Then **_talk_** to me. When did you stop doing that, huh?”

“You _know_ when,” L said tiredly, patience fraying.

“Look, man. I know I’m probably the last person you want to hear this from but you’re being self-destructive.”

L looked up sharply. “Goddamn right you’re the last person who should be saying shit like that to anyone.”

“Ok, valid.” Jayden took the hit and didn’t look back. “You may think you’re hiding whatever this is, but he’s noticing and worried as fuck over it. And so am I.” He paused to let that sink in. “So what is this about?”

“Fuck,” L uttered under his breath, feeling harried, pressed, and cornered. He gave up on impulse control and grabbed the whiskey out of the cabinet.

“See, this is my point.”

“Shut up. And you’re having one with me.”

Jayden seemed cagey about that. “Why?”

“Because I’m going to try and square this with you.”

That edginess in his cousin did not relax one bit. Suddenly Jayden was a lot quieter and had the eyes of a penned-in animal. He looked resolute, though, as he reached a hand out to accept the alcohol he was supposed to be abstaining from. “Ok, I’m listening.”

“Drink first.” L kicked a shot or two back on his own.

Jayden looked reluctant to follow suit. He drained the small glass and set it aside, apart from the bottle. “If you want me on pins and needles, it’s working,” he joked without any levity.

“I know I said to forget anything happened…”

“Jesus,” his cousin said under his breath, practically radiating tension at that moment and tensing as if to brace himself for what would follow.

“... but I’m struggling,” L concluded quietly. “I don’t want to think about it and yet my brain won’t put it down.”

“Jesus,” Jayden muttered again, looking distressed. He ran a hand over his messy hair, looking agitated. “Look…” he said at last, after a long moment of silence which seemed to involve some mental flailing, “In the efforts of sharing... and being open and all that shit, and since you went first…”

L looked up at him and his cousin blanched a little, but he soldiered on.

After heaving a giant sigh and looking like a ball of nerves, Jayden said, “I know things are fucked up right now. And a lot of that is my fault.” He held up a hand as L started to say something. “AND Clare’s, obviously, and frankly I’m still pissed at her. But fuck, man, I _miss_ you. And this bad blood between us is driving me nuts.”

“Then _why-_ ”

Jayden could tell by L’s face and his exasperated tone that he was going to ask about Light, and why he kept doing shit there that would piss him off.

“Arghhhh! I’ll tell you why!” He started pacing with agitation. “I know you doubt me with every waking breath but I swear that I am not into dudes. And that thing with Justin has me a little fucked up, to be honest, thanks for asking. But look, I seem to… and I fucking hate admitting this… have a sort of thing for Light. And I can’t fucking help it so stop acting like I’m simply being an asshole at every turn when I’m trying to fucking ignore the whole thing and hate that it’s even there in the first place.”

L just blinked at him.

“Yeah I think I had too much coffee this morning,” he ended in a mutter.

There was a long, seriously long silence.

“Fucking say something,” Jayden uttered at last, not looking at him.

“I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me how to fix this.”

“HOW?”

Jayden frowned at him, looking really on the edge of fucked up. “So that’s it? You’re going to be like this forever? Pissed and barely speaking to me? I just bared my fucking SOUL to you. I thought the least you could do was fucking talk this out with me.”

L said nothing and poured himself another drink.

“Goddamnit, fine, fill me up,” Jayden muttered, offering his glass and pouring the alcohol down his throat. “Another,” he said, and did the same.

“Is that making it any better?” L asked facetiously.

“ _No_ , not a damn bit,” he admitted, “but I don’t know what else to do.”

L heaved a sigh, not very happy himself and feeling at quite a loss. “What were you saying about Justin?” he said at last.

Jayden frowned. “Oh, that.” He looked pensive and agitated and like it was hard for him to begin. “I didn’t hate it. I should have hated it.”

“Says who?”

“Says anyone who’s fucking straight, that’s who! Goddamnit,” he muttered scathingly, downing some more whiskey. “It should have sucked, been revolting. And it wasn’t and that is bugging the SHIT out of me.”

“So what?”

Jayden paused his tirade. “What do you mean?”

“So what, you reacted, you got off. Doesn’t mean you’re into guys you just reacted to stimulus.”

“WITH A GUY,” he pointed out emphatically.

L gave him a deadpan look. “Well, since you’re so hung up on it, maybe it **is** a symptom of hidden tendencies.”

“What the fuck?! You just said the opposite like half a second ago!!”

L smiled a little, amused despite himself. “Well, it’s one or the other. How are things with Justin right now?”

Jayden grumbled under his breath a little. “Still fun to harass, and still transparent as shit. I think he’d love to have a second or third round and is being a bit pissier than usual because of it... but mostly things are back to normal.”

“Well,” L supposed, pausing a long time before continuing. “You could always let something happen one more time, far and away from getting your rocks off with _my boyfriend_ ,” he couldn’t help the pissed off tone that leaked into his voice at that, “and then maybe you’d have your answer.”

“But I don’t **_want_** to.” He was very nearly pouting and looked seriously put out.

“Should I order you to do it out of penance?”

“Would that make anything better? If it would, I’ll do it. Don’t want to, but I would.”

“I’m sorely tempted.”

“ _Jesus_. Seriously?” Aggrieved was not a strong enough word to describe his cousin’s reaction. His eyes looked a little tormented and yet his face looked resolute.

L felt a little bad. Right now, Jayden looked like he would walk into a line of fire and take a bullet for him, no questions asked. “Tempted, I said. I never said it would actually help.”

Jayden put his hands over his face, resting his elbows on the counter. “I don’t know what to **do**. I’m pissed at Clare, mad at myself…. and I need things to stop being like this.” Frustration was leaking off of him in waves. “Jesus, I’d even _fuck_ him and traumatize myself for you if I thought it would help.”

“You realize that’s totally maladjusted of you?”

Jayden’s head popped back up, complete with a _‘what the **fuck’**_ look. “YES! Of course I realize!” He glared at L. “What will it take to show you I’m sorry? What will make you fucking believe me?”

L slowly poured himself a drink. “I believe you,” he said quietly.

“Then???”

L frowned heavily, feeling really far away. “I still think forgetting this whole thing would be best for everyone...” he said evenly. “But I’m only human... and I’m struggling here.” He let out a long sigh, feeling beyond pensive. “And I’m sorry you are trying to fight off having feelings.They piss me off, and I **_SEE_** them, but I know that’s not your fault. I just need you to stop acting on them. Just STOP. I don’t know why you even started in the first place.”

“I don’t know either. It makes no sense. I don’t want you pissed at me.”

“And yet-”

“YES. GOD! FUCKING DAMNIT.” Jayden threw himself into pacing again. “On the one hand, I do everything I can to help the two of you stay together and on the other I sabotage everything with these fucking impulses and I DON’T KNOW WHY.”

“Calm the fuck down.”

“I’D LOVE TO.”

“Can’t you just fucking date someone or something? Maybe this is stemming from the fact that you never let anyone **_in_** \- and the one time you do, it happens to be someone I’m dating and your compulsions are pushing you towards more?”

Jayden blinked at him.

L looked back, unsure of what his reaction to that actually was.

“That… makes a fucked up sort of sense,” his cousin said at last.

L took another shot. “Well, thank god for that.”

“No, really,” he said emphatically, still looking a bit dazed. “That actually would explain a lot.”

Unexpectedly, the mood lightened bit by bit. It seemed like something had actually just been resolved, like knowing the root of the problem would give them the ability to fix it. The cloud of oppression that had been hanging over them started to fade back slowly like mist burning in the sun. Jayden caught up with a few shots more whiskey for himself, seeming almost lighthearted now compared to before, though a little battle weary. “Is running while drunk a bad idea?” his cousin mused aloud. “Because I think we’re headed in that direction.” Humor was starting to inject itself into his tone.

L laughed a little. “Probably a bad idea. Maybe we should do it anyway.”

“DONE. Let’s go.”

L shrugged and headed out the door with him, locking up.

“Hey,” Jayden said, “don’t run me till I puke, okay? I didn’t eat anything and that’s probably going to be a lot easier than normal.”

“I’ll try.” His tone made no promises.

“Asshole.”

“Uh-huh.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> longass A/N!:
> 
> **story stuff:** ok i must confess, i had NO idea how the "Jayden has feels for Light" was going to be able to resolved. noooo friggin clue on how it could possibly not turn into a total dumpster fire. then they had this fight and i was like OH. i think i was about as surprised as Jayden on that, hearing what L said.
> 
> swear to god, i'm just along for the ride, too. half the time i have no idea how stuff is going to play out. i got walloped a bit after this as well with something else that i totally hadn't expected!
> 
> and well, the dinner was something i super struggled with, trying to plan. and when it came down to it, when finally it just played out and i recorded events... it was like i was just a bystander and ultimately i don't think i could have planned it in a better way. (yeah yeah i know, "get on with it then!" it will, very soon. the dinner sorta spans more than one chap so i'll have to post a multi at that time for those of you reading as i post.) but you can expect some tense ass shit at that event.
> 
> **updates:** i'm going cross country so if there is no update next week that's why. not sure how internet situation will be. and frankly i'm not there for the internet! lol. well one part is a work thing and the other is a National Park thing. :D so if i manage internet and time i'll post. 
> 
> and also providing i don't die in a fiery plane crash. hoping not. i would _legit_ be annoyed at not being able to finish posting this. (yeah, i know that sounds toootally whacked. oh well, what can i say? creative types. our work is like... idk close to the soul or some shit. just go with it.)
> 
> hoping to somehow have the stars, weather and universe align to let me see the _aurora borealis_ from where i'll be just south of Grand Teton. it IS possible. just need a strong geomagnetic storm, and stuff. so, if any of you can put some feelers out there and some hopes for it to happen, just enough so i can see it, i'd appreciate that. lol ;D 
> 
> Z


	75. (phase 4) To Dinner or Not to Dinner… That is the Question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to settle a bit between L and Light, from the events earlier, although L is still keeping secrets which has Light worried. Mrs. Yagami still hasn't gotten back to Light about the dinner, and he fears something has changed. An unexpected phone conversation takes place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi ya'll, sorry for the delay. BTW, I plan to post the chaps with the dinner altogether so you don't have to wait. Coming soon.
> 
> p.s. mountains are awesome! and amazing! but also always check your gas so you don't get stranded in the middle of a natural preserve, away from towns, and in the dark side of steep mountains where there is no cell reception. it would be a long damn walk. 
> 
> (this almost happened to me, on way to airport for flight back. the night before was late and exhausting, and i only got a few hours sleep - then i just plain FORGOT i told myself "get gas in the morning!!!" luckily for me, turning around on empty wasn't as dire as it could have been as it was a steep downhill on the way back. like magic, i made it miles on empty and was able to fill up. stress is a word for it but perhaps not a strong enough one. HOWEVER, the ups and downs and gratitude at the end really make you feel alive!! lol )
> 
> one of my fav things i got was a 'passport' for the national parks. you get a sticker for whatever one you visit, and put in the passport along with a stamp of the date and stuff. it's way cooler than it sounds. 
> 
> it spurred me to ABSOLUTELY go see yellowstone since it was 'so close' to the tetons..... fyi it takes hours to drive through teton national park to get into yellowstone. so guess what i did?? :D yeah, that was a 16hr round trip, and i have NO idea how i managed it. saw a good amount of yellowstone, loved it!! would totally do again. here's a few choice words: winter wonderland, snow, snowing!! (south end of the park). BISON! mud volcano! frozen lake, geothermal features, paint pots, and the dragon's mouth. 
> 
> this is all in what is called "the lower loop". i had no time to do the upper loop. i mean damn, dude, i packed in about as much as humanly possible in my whirlwind tour. haha. i feel good about it. i'll have to make it back to see more another time, and do hikes. (summer is better for that. more ppl, less chance of bear harassment (bear "encounters"). they have grizzlies too. grizzlies make my blood run cold. do NOT want to ever see one. guh. cold chills, seriously. right now.)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 75:  _ To Dinner or Not to Dinner… That is the Question

Light was still stressing, come Tuesday night, that he still hadn’t heard from his mother. Also, he was still stressing over the L and Jayden thing and how that was all left hanging in the breeze. He’d considered texting Jayden about it to see if anything changed, since L was being a bit weird and not forthcoming about anything at the moment. But… he remembered Jayden’s initial response of _‘why are you texting me’_ and he did sort of feel there was an unspoken agreement that they all were going to take a break from each other in an attempt to let this blow over.

Still though…

He understood L going to the club or even working there, but… while he was over at L’s place? And then he kept being evasive about it. They weren’t fighting now, but then he wasn’t pressing L over it either. He just acted like he believed L was doing trainer work, since that first night, though he was certain he wasn’t.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Kai asked.

“No, thanks.”

They were sitting at the kitchen table doing homework before turning in. They’d been at it since after dinner. Light was having a helluva time concentrating, and he was sure that it was pretty hard not to notice.

“Come on, you’ll feel better.”

“Somehow I doubt that. But thanks anyway.”

“Relationship troubles?”

Light surprised himself by saying, “Yeah.”

Kai put down his pencil and looked at him expectantly, all ears.

“Look,” Light said, “I can’t tell you a lot.”

“Ok,” the shorn haired blond said amicably. “Then just tell me what you can tell me.”

“It’s a bad sign if your significant other starts hiding things and being evasive, right? I mean, could it be anything _but_ bad?”

“Hmm,” his friend said, face screwing up in concentration. He rubbed his chin. “Well… what if you were worried about something and didn’t want to worry the other person with it? Or were upset about something and didn’t see it being helpful to talk about it to them? Kinda like… I don’t know, protecting someone in a way?”

“Huh.” Light leaned back in his chair. It was a much more pleasant scenario to consider, that was for sure. Just supposing… L was still pissed over what happened the other night, but did feel it was best to forget it… he guessed it might make sense that he didn’t want to keep bringing it up, and making it hard for others to forget.

“Yes/no?” Kai prompted.

“Maybe.” Even if that was the case, this evasiveness and tension was worse than just knowing what was up. He’d rather L admit he was having trouble forgetting about it rather than what he was currently doing.

“Is there something else? I feel like there’s something else.”

“Yeah.” Light frowned and fiddled with his pen. “My mother suggested this dinner thing to, I don’t know, break the ice or make amends or something. We actually all agreed to go, and I let her know that…” he shook his head, frowning harder. “But I haven’t heard back. I’m afraid something has changed. Or maybe my father had a fit over it, I don’t know. I can still hear the way he was yelling at L that last time at the house.”

He felt a little ill recalling it, actually. However would they go from that to something civil? Wasn’t it impossible?

* * *

Wednesday night, L was working with a client at the gym when he felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He read the message and then excused himself for a moment.

He rang Light. “Hey, what is it?”

A call wasn’t necessary, per se, and Light hadn’t requested one, but he sensed that one was warranted.

“Hey.” Light sounded down. Deflated. “So, like I said, I talked to my mother….”

“And?”

The brunet expelled a harried sigh. “I don’t know, she just sort of suggested that maybe we could do the dinner just immediate family. But really, what would even be the point? And why would they even ask me that?”

L was silent a long moment. He couldn’t help having the words _‘divide and conquer’_ ring through his head in regards to this. He wasn’t going to tell Light what to do but he worried that the pressure would make him cave and fall to old patterns of catering to his parents. “What did you say?”

“Well, obviously, I said no.”

 _Haha,_ L laughed mockingly at himself, feeling a bit foolish for underestimating him, especially getting that ‘ _obviously’_ tossed back in his face. It was like Light knew exactly what he’d been thinking.

“ _You_ thought I was going to cave, didn’t you?” he accused.

“Of course not,” he said brightly.

“Liar.”

L chuckled. “Ok, you got me. So what did you actually say to them?”

“Well…” he paused like he was biting his lip. “I sort of felt that my father was behind the turnabout, so I kind of poked at that and it seems that was the case. I think my mother was feeling hopeful about the idea of us all meeting and it must’ve been some talk they had that made things change.” He paused a moment, gathering words. “I sort of suggested that maybe we should just leave him out of it. And she got pretty upset. Kept saying things like why didn’t I want to see my own family...” His voice trailed off, fainter at the end.

“She guilt tripped you, huh.”

“Yeah.” Light sounded kind of rough. “It was pretty bad. I know she was emotional but, hearing some of the stuff she was spouting was really hard. Everything from sobbing about how society will never accept us, to how upset dad is, and then how she feels she’s lost her son, like I’m dead or something.”

“And?” He felt a pensive weight on the other end of the line.

“And… I feel horrible for this, but I almost want to just cut my ties and not freaking deal with this anymore.” His voice was so faint, being uttered under his breath, that L could barely catch the words.

“That’s not really what you want though.”

“Partly.” His voice was a little sulky and obstinate, yet beneath it there was still a tone of exhaustion.

“Yeah and you know you’d regret it.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

Those words almost sounded like an echo of the ones his cousin had used multiple times before their run Monday morning. Why did people tend to look up to him like some kind of magic problem solver? He couldn’t even solve all of his own issues, let alone -

“Sorry,” Light said, sighing and sounding distant. “You have your own shit to deal with. I didn’t want to bother you with this but I felt you should know.”

“No, I’m glad you told me.”

“Any advice?”

“At the moment? Not really.” Maybe if he thought on it a while, something would come clear. “Maybe when she calms down you can try again.” He chewed his lip in thought. “How did you leave it? The original dinner plan or nothing?”

“Or without my father. But pretty much, yes.”

There was another long pause, one that L didn’t feel was his to break. Light seemed to be thinking on something, maybe searching for words. He waited.

“Hey…. L?”

“Yeah?”

“Um… am I going to see you this week before the weekend? Or are you… uh... working?”

Oh. Shit. He’d really dropped the ball on that. Also, he didn’t miss the probing at whether he’d be at his second job again. He chose to not address that part though. “How about tomorrow?”

“Really?” The hopefulness stabbed him in the heart, kind of like watching a starving kid gratefully eating scraps. But it also warmed it, knowing that Light really wanted that badly to see him.

“Sure,” he said, a smile touching his lips.

“Uh…” Light still sounded tentative. “Will it be late?”

“I’ll rearrange some things,” he promised. It wouldn’t be too inordinately difficult to do. In fact, he felt like an ass for not even planning a night this week. Business had picked up and aside from that there had been that talk with Jayden and a lot to think about. He’d been a little distracted. It was sort of heartbreaking to hear Light ask him like that, as if afraid he didn’t want to see him. “Sorry you had to ask me about that, I should have gotten back to you first. I do want to see you.”

“It’s ok.” Light sounded way less tense now, he could practically feel the relief.

“I’ll get my head on straight soon, I promise.” It wasn’t just not planning a day midweek to see him, which he was referring to. He was also being apologetic for this weekend and the issues he was having over the video Clare took. Jayden was right about one thing, leaving Light to go work the club was some levels of fucked up and he obviously needed to get his shit together and not do things like that.

In hindsight, he wasn’t even sure why that had seemed like such a good idea, except for the fact that trying to sleep, staying in the apartment, or even being near Light just then was jarring him badly and he’d just wanted away from it all. He’d wanted to stop thinking. And boy had he - he’d stopped thinking so much that he was on the verge of fucking things up. That his cousin had to be the one to point that out to him really rankled.

In a way though, it also made him feel less angry over the whole mess, as Jayden was doing what he always did in regards to them. And that was help them keep from fucking shit up. Seeing Jayden get pissed on their behalf actually meant a lot. It also helped him to really pause and take stock of what he was doing.

“You still there?” Light asked, shaking him from his ruminations.

“Yeah… sorry.”

“I’ll let you go. See you tomorrow.”

“Ok. See you.”

* * *

Sachiko had a decision to make.

She’d been wrestling with it for what felt like some time now.

Going over everything that had happened thus far, she’d attempted _sitting_ with her feelings on things at each stage of events. Obviously, the whole thing had her beyond upset. Seeing Soichiro being as angry as he was - that was almost making it harder for her. Any sense of lenience or hope she’d had throughout any of this - such as when Light was speaking with her through text fairly normally and even on the phone, or even that conversation with Jayden at the coffeeshop - it had gotten blown away by the force of her husband’s reaction. Her feelings had been blasted away like a butterfly caught in a gale.

It wasn’t that she disagreed with him.

In fact, at her most emotional, she totally agreed with him on all of it. Only…. it wasn’t helping. And as Jayden had said to her that day, which continued to peck at her so unforgivingly, she truly had to evaluate what was most important to her and if her actions were in alignment with that. Light was the most important thing. She didn’t even have to think about that. Obviously her child was the most important thing to her in this world, aside from her husband.

But this stalemate….

Light and even the boys had agreed to meet. They’d showed a willingness to try and do something about all of this.

That was worth something. She still felt that. But after her husband’s outburst, her feelings of being upset and overwhelmed had overcome her and she couldn’t see her way out of it. It was only after many days now, and starting to feel a niggling anxiety over the lack of any forward progress, that she had started to shift out of it.

She’d eventually talked to Light and all they’d done is argue. Things were bad again.

Well, not bad, ‘worse’.

She sorely missed having her son in the house during this time. She also missed getting to see him and his father together - two people cut from the same cloth, but as alike as they were different. And in looking at him, at Light, she could still see him as the day he was born, and as a toddler, and as any and all of the ages he’d been while growing up. She also saw the young man he currently was. But she was so very fearful that, bright as he was, that he was just not as ready to meet life head-on as he seemed to feel that he was. And worse than that, she could no longer envision his future.

It used to be that she could see him at college, studying hard, mingling a little; then getting a prestigious job that was worthy of him, his intellect, and his bright smile; then she imagined him dressed in a tux, looking stunning and taking his vows with a wife-to-be. She’d pictured little grandchildren, sunny smiles, round cheeks, and adorable determination as they toddled about, looking like an echo of her son at that age.

The grief she felt at all that loss was staggering.

What if this ‘relationship’ with the other boy never ended? What if there was no wife-to-be at the end of all of this? No grandchildren. No nothing. And maybe no relationship with her son either.

The future looked so dark, bleak, and unforgiving.

Sachiko sat with that for a long time, until she found herself dialing a number and holding the phone up to her ear.

The line rang through and someone picked up. “Uh……………” they sounded totally poleaxed and a little on edge. There was a long pause. “Hi, Mrs. Y.”

“I’m sorry for the unexpectedness of my call,” she trailed. “Frankly, I’m a little surprised myself.”

There was another long pause, but Jayden didn’t hang up. “I’m not really sure what to do here.”

“Light and I had another fight. Over the dinner.” Her voice sounded a little flat to her own ears. But she’d be okay as long as she didn’t cry. “We aren’t on good terms right now.”

“You weren’t on good terms before, either.”

That stung.

It did. But at the same time, the blunt honesty felt a little comforting. Talking felt better than pat reassurances that could be had elsewhere. Because he was right, they hadn’t been on very good terms since all this started. “You don’t mince words, do you?” she said primly, a little tension in her voice despite herself.

“Nope.”

“I… keep thinking about our conversation.”

“What about it?”

“I do want a relationship with Light. He’s the most important thing in my life.”

“But?” Jayden seemed to sense the conflict behind that leading statement.

“Soichiro is so angry. And… it’s hard not to empathize with exactly why he feels that way.”

“Well, obviously there’s more to it or you wouldn’t be feeling conflicted enough to call **me**.”

Ah, there was that defensive sharpness peeking out in his voice. It was odd, but it was much like the time at the coffee shop. He gave off a feeling of reluctance at engaging, but at the same time, he wasn’t shutting it down and was soldiering on. Largely, aside from that, she also still got these distinct impressions of the sweet, respectful boy he’d presented himself as all those times at the house.

She let out a laugh that fell a little flat. “I’m not entirely sure why I’m doing this either.”

“Apparently I’m a fantastic listener,” he quipped, though the cautiousness never faded from his tone. “A sage, even.”

A more committed laugh trickled out of her at that. “And funny,” she said, feeling a little less ill-at-ease.

“It’s a talent and a curse.”

Maybe it was _this_ that made her feel a little better. The joking. It helped break up the tension and did lighten her mood if even a little bit. It was a nice distraction. Soichiro wasn’t much for humor, and she’d only recently realized her own son had a propensity for joking around. It had become apparent to her more after he’d left the house. “I felt better and upset in turns, after we talked,” she admitted.

“Uh huh.”

He was listening but withholding comment.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said. “I want to see him. I don’t want to fight. But I’m upset over all of this and I’m not sure what the dinner would really help. I thought it might…. do something. But Soichiro is convinced that it would be worse than pointless.” She let out a shaky sigh. “And then Light suggested just to leave his father out of this…”

“So why don’t you?”

She frowned sharply at the response. “What good would that do?” Suddenly, she felt rather betrayed and that flippant sounding response was triggering her.

“What good _won’t_ it do?” he tossed back.

Again, she felt triggered. “Might you care to explain that response?” she asked tersely.

There was a pause in which she would swear she detected a grand rolling of his eyes. “You’re on the fence, your husband is decidedly against everything. And we all agreed to meet for the sake of peace. It’s simple. If he doesn’t want to play, leave his ass at home.” He paused again, but before she could speak, he added, “Or don’t. Let this fester longer. I’m sure that would be helpful.”

“Don’t take that condescending tone with me,” she snipped out.

“You’re not my parent, grandparent, or any of the above. I don’t have to listen to shit. Don’t be so fucking entitled.” There was an exceedingly sharp edge to his words.

“It’s rude,” she persisted, but her voice had lost much of that conviction. She wondered if he’d brought up grandparents because, in some ways… maybe he did feel an echo of family with her. She wasn’t quite sure why she felt so certain of that in this moment, but it probably had to do with his mood shifts: sulky, grudgingly cheeky, then bristling. He was a complicated boy.

“Take it or leave it,” he said bluntly, absolutely unapologetic.

She took a deep breath. “I don’t wish to fight with you either, Jayden. I’m tired of all the fighting.”

“Then quit starting fights and start avoiding them.”

“I’m not starting fights!” She was appalled that he would even say such a thing.

“YES, you are. Fucking own up to your shit, woman.”

“Then will you own up to yours?” she swatted back at him.

“You have **no** idea,” he said in an incredibly heavy voice. “And yeah,” he continued, catching himself and adopting a slightly snarkier tone, “it’s fucking hard but dealing with it works better.”

That gave her pause. Had things been happening during this whole situation? She got the sense that they had, and maybe between the boys; this version of Jayden seemed to get peeved mostly when it came to his cousin or her son directly.

“How would you recommend I avoid whatever fights in this case?” She felt a bit irked, and really just meant it as a way to say, _‘And what is your advice, smartass?’_

“You do realize that Light was probably the only one of us who actively thought the dinner idea was a good thing?” he said with droll bluntness. “We didn’t want to go. Still don’t.”

Sachiko blinked in shock, quite taken aback. “B-but why?” she stammered in disbelief. Who would go out and admit something like that and so directly?? She felt sorely off balance now, and wildly uncertain of herself, of him, of everything.

“We care about Light. He wants to do it, to accept it as a peace offering. And so, we’ll be there for support.”

She blinked again, a pressure suddenly in her head like she was at the edge of realizing something profound. “For support?” she asked in a murmur.

“Yup.” Again, that unapologetic tone.

A long moment passed and neither of them said anything. Finally, Jayden seemed unable to keep the silence. “God, watching you step to the edge of _getting it,_ and not following through, is such a pain in the fucking ass,” he griped.

“Would you please mind your language?”

“Yes, I mind minding my language,” he stated matter-of-factly. “And please note, I am being less colorful with it than usual. You could try appreciating that. Or, I could let you have the full package, which I’m sure you’d love like a burning hole in the head.”

“You’re so acerbic.”

“Thank you for noticing.” His tone was flippant and also had that humor that kept ghosting back. She really felt like he was testing her boundaries at times. “By the way, hurry up and notice what is plain-as-fucking-day, or do I have to spell it out for you?”

Sachiko frowned, both at his continued use of crass language, and at the task before her. He’d been talking about not wanting to go to the dinner, and about supporting Light….

“Put yourself in Light’s position,” he said, dropping some of the attitude as he prodded her along. “Who might be supporting **_you_** in that case?”

OH.

Geez.

“My husband,” she said tentatively.

“Ah huh,” he affirmed.

“But what if this is the time that I should be supporting him?” she lamented. “Truly, I’m at a loss.”

“If you prioritize getting on good terms with Light, do you really think in the end Pops will hold that against you? Or do you think he’ll get the fuck over it?”

“I don’t know…” He was well and truly upset at all of this, but especially over the nature of their son’s relationship with Elliot, as was she.

“You could always just do your own thing and he can take part or not.”

“You mean have him not attend the dinner?” Anxiety swirled in her. “That’s what Light suggested.”

“He’s a bright kid. You should try listening to him sometimes.” He amended, “Well, he’s a brat too, so not all the time.”

She laughed a little. “You really do care about him, don’t you?” It was sort of ironic and amusing to hear him stand up for him and razz him in nearly the same breath.

“Probably more than I should.”

“Jayden-”

“Look, I have to get going. Just think on it. And get back to Light. Knowing him, he’s been stressing about this the whole time.”

“O-Okay,” she stammered out, unprepared for the abrupt shift and the sudden end of the conversation.

He hung up and she brought the phone down from her ear. What had even possessed her to do that? And what had possessed him to pick up?

It was odd, wasn’t it? That things being what they were, the two of them had managed to have a conversation like this, not just once but twice now.

“Sachiko?”

Soichiro poked his head around the corner. “I thought I heard your voice.”

She shook her head, subtly setting the phone aside. It might be prudent to keep that conversation to herself for the time being. “I’d like to talk to you about something.”

* * *

Come Saturday morning, Light was relieved that whatever epicly horrible tension had been building between L and Jayden, it seemed to have reached some sort of breaking point and had fizzled out a good deal. At the least, L was no longer twitching at the mention of him, and they seemed to be getting along ok. The unofficial ban appeared to be over, as they were all three of them gathering up for a run.

“Hey,” Light said, pulling L aside. “You wanna tell me what changed? Or-”

“Nope.”

“.......okay.” He frowned, thinking that was kind of a shit response to give, considering he’d been exposed to and involved in the whole mess.

“Sorry,” L said, seeing his face. “I just don’t want to jump into a bunch of rehashing things just yet.”

“Why not?” Light kind of winced inwardly as he poked at this but he wasn’t trying to be a pest, he just wanted to understand where L was coming from.

L gave him an unimpressed look, probably a little annoyed. “In a nutshell, I think things will change but I don’t want to get ahead of myself or jinx shit. I’d rather let it be and just see how things go.”

“Oh. Okay.” _See, was that so hard?_ No details, and yet the explanation was more than satisfactory.

“Well don’t _you_ look pleased?” L jeered at him with sly smile, probably sensing the nature of his thoughts.

Light resisted the teasing. “You know what? I think I am,” he said as if it was just dawning on him, razzing L back.

“Brat.” L grabbed him in a headlock, lightning fast and devastated his hair.

“UUUUGH stop!” Light tried valiantly to free himself, before L managed to create some kind of unforgivable looking bedhead that would not be tamed without a bucket of water being dumped over his head.

“Oh geez,” Jayden griped, giving them a baleful glance. “I thought we were training, not making passers-by sick to their stomachs with all this flirting.”

“Oh, shut up, you’re the only one out here this early,” L tossed back unconcernedly.

“Remember this,” Jayden jeered at Light, “when he’s got you staggering around, about to puke, and without a lick of compassion in his cold black heart.”

Light managed to free himself and took a half-hearted swing at L, making him laugh. “Pain in the ass,” Light griped at his lover with a mildly annoyed look. But yeah, it probably all did count as flirting he supposed. He’d just never thought of some of the harassment that way. Besides, it didn’t dim his more light-hearted mood at feeling things be closer to normal than they had been in a while.

He stuck his tongue out at L, and L ran his tongue along his upper lip in a scandalous fashion and gave him a sexy wink.

“Jesus god!” Jayden complained, shaking his head and rolling his eyes, making them both snicker a little bit. “Can we get this show on the fucking road or what?”

“Alright,” L said with an evil grin, “you asked for it.”

“Aw, damnit, Jayden,” Light complained, “before he was going to take things _easier_.” Now this was truly going to be one of those run-till-you-puke sessions.

Jayden flicked him off and they started on their run. It was dark and cool, and little to no traffic. It felt pretty nice. The feeling would likely last till at least halfway through, when they started getting tired, the sun heated things up, traffic got heavier, and L wasn’t the least bit out of breath which irked both himself and Jayden to no end.

“Hey, by the way,” Light said to Jayden a little later, once conversation seemed a necessary distraction in order to keep moving along. “I heard from my mother. About the dinner.”

The deviant arched an eyebrow at him, looking mildly unimpressed. He also looked a bit rough around the edges but seemed to be having an easier time of this run than he himself was. “And?”

“And, she said that the dinner is still on, but that she doesn’t know if my father will be attending or not.”

“Hmn.”

“Well, you’re sure being communicative,” Light scoffed.

“Shut up. When did she say to do it?”

“Tonight.”

Jayden rolled his eyes, muttered, grumbled and carried on. “There goes MY Saturday night.”

“Shut up. You were doing the study session thing with me anyway, or so you said earlier.”

The deviant shrugged. “I said _maybe_ I would instead of just being your damn chauffeur.” He sent Light a bland look, “You did mention that you were indisposed until after 9pm?”

“Yeah. Told her I was doing a study session. She asked if you would be there and I said maybe, as I had no idea. In any case, she suggested it would be convenient if we do it when we were already sort of gathered together.”

“Well,” L threw in, “luckily, or maybe unluckily, I’ll be done with work by that time.”

“Yaaaay,” the deviant said, looking moody. “I’m so excited for this dumb dinnerrrrrrr.”

“Shut up,” Light said again, feeling a little stressed now. “I more than earned no bitching from _either_ of you on this.”

The cousins groaned and clammed up, neither wanting to even get near the topic of the bet.

“Thought so,” Light grumbled.

* * *

TBC


	76. (phase 4) Pants Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden is solidifying his resolve to get his mind off of Light, and successfully this time. He's in need of a distraction. He later trips into something quite unexpected and gets himself in trouble. 
> 
> It's Saturday, the day of the dinner, and in a few short hours they will be facing the music. Tensions are running high. Nobody wants to go, and yet... they must.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Extra chap for ya'll since there was such a long delay for the last chap.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 76: Pants Down  _

After the run, Jayden returned home to shower, eat, and do some stuff. Plus it would be good to give the lovebirds some of their sickeningly sweet ‘quality time’. They’d probably bang or whatever. Haha he’d give them shit for that later if he suspected they had.

“Ahhhhhh,” he let out a deep sigh, feeling mildly agitated. He kicked his shoes off in the bathroom and stripped. While it was beyond nice to feel things starting to get normal again and see the tension leaving L to a large extent, the flirting was a little annoying to be around. He guessed because he was a little jealous; it was actually fucking cute.

“ _‘New Jayden’_ doesn’t give a fuck,” he announced to no one in particular. He stepped into the shower, enjoying the hot spray of the water on his face and body as he turned around. ‘New Jayden’ was serious enough about this fitness shit that he’d even run on the way back home. ‘New Jayden’ also hadn’t smoked in quite a while and was eating marginally healthy food right now.

 _Annnnnd,_ he thought _, ‘New Jayden’ might need a distraction._ Maybe then the stupid impulses towards Light would let up a bit more.

Since that quite serious talk he and L had had… that actually did a lot to rip the impulses out. Fear of completely losing his cousin was a good deterrent and, for a moment there, he’d thought that’s what he was facing. Instead, L had stumbled upon possibly the **root** of this whole stupid thing with Light. In doing so, it seemed it brought them to an understanding.

They’d talked a bit more, off and on, and he was relieved that largely they seemed back to normal. Not the normal where L wouldn’t rip his arms off for getting a little handsy with Light or for teasing him really hard… but close enough. He’d take it.

Jayden wasted enough water to make Clare bitch about the bill later, then got out and toweled off.

“Aw, shit… forgot to grab clothes.”

He debated for a moment, shrugged, and decided to just hold his workout clothes vaguely in front of his junk and not bother with the towel since he’d have to walk it back to the bathroom. Yeah, he was feeling lazy. Besides, no one seemed to be home. But just in case, he’d do partial modesty. Also, on occasion, neighborhood kids poked their faces up against the windows. He personally had a blackout curtain so it didn’t matter, but he was pretty sure it was Clare they were trying to see. The girls seemed to be too shy to peek, but they appeared to favor Justin.

He walked out of the bathroom and promptly ran into the wavy haired brunet, dropping half the coverage he had in his hands as he startled and jumped. “Shit.”

Justice blinked at him, catching an eyeful, temporarily losing the surly look for one of open-mouthed surprise. It swiftly turned acerbic. “What the _fuck_ , man??” He sounded aggrieved.

“Shut up, I didn’t think anyone was home.”

“I just got here. And I repeat - WHAT THE FUCK?” He seemed a little pissed, but also couldn’t seem to quite drag his eyes away from skimming up his bare legs, hips and chest, and that didn’t seem to help his mood.

“Oh, shut up,” Jayden said with annoyance, holding his trackpants firmly in front of him as he snagged his shirt, a sock, and his shoes off the floor. “You’ve pretty much seen it all before.”

“Not all at once!”

“This isn’t all at once,” he shot back, starting to feel that hyped up edginess taking over. “You wanna keep bitching,” he threatened, “I’ll take it as a challenge and you can **see** what ‘all at once’ looks like.”

“Jesus,” the brunet muttered, turning around and waving Jayden by. “Fuck,” he uttered a moment later, realizing he’d shot himself in the foot, as he was treated to an unobstructed view of his roommate’s ass as he passed by.

“You wish,” Jayden tossed out over his shoulder, not missing a beat, still feeling a bit peeved. “Serves you right, by the way.” That’s what he got for being so fucking melodramatic. Wasn’t his fault if Justin couldn’t plan ahead enough to NOT face his bedroom door when obviously he’d be headed that way.

“Damnit, Jayden!” he snapped out. “Could you at _least_ try to have the barest amount of common decency?”

“I’d say I have the ‘bare’ part in spades at the moment,” he called back from his room.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, seriously,” the brunet groused under his breath as his face flushed, not making it out of this exchange unscathed in the least. Jayden had no problems going over the top to turn things around on him.

“Plenty,” Jayden whipped back, still hidden from view, “and I don’t feel like making you a list.”

“Like you’d have the attention span to sit and write something that long!” his roommate snipped out.

“Uuuuuuuugh just drop it already!” he complained, coming back out of his room. “There, clothes.” He gestured at himself. “Happy?”

Justin frowned at him.

Maybe he should have thrown a shirt on as well.

“You’re an ass,” the brunet said bluntly, shaking his head and going into the kitchen.

Once more, though, Jayden had distinctly noted the staring. It must be pissing his roommate off that his roving eyes seemed to have a mind of their own.

Jayden snagged a shirt from his room and dragged it over his head before following Justice into the kitchen. “Hey, listen, I needed to ask you something.”

“Piss off.”

“Right,” he ignored him. “So I was talking about something with L and we had a difference of opinion you could clear up.”

Justin actually looked a little surprised and shot him a WTF look. “ _Me?_ What could I possibly-”

“Well, firstly the fact that I disagree that this is a good idea-” he said and pulled the unsuspecting brunet into a liplock.

His first impression aside from the sense of Justin mentally flailing, was that maybe the whole thing before, and reacting to stuff, **_was_** just because he’d been blisteringly drunk. He’d been known to be a little less than picky about partners when he was really lit.

That was actually pretty relieving.

Justin pushed him back, looking flushed. “What in the everliving fuck is wrong with you?!”

Jayden’s next reaction was akin to shock and panic. Instead of having it out with him, Justice then grabbed him by the shirt, pulling him in and kissing him aggressively. It was making his stomach drop out a little, as he did in fact feel something at _that_. Quite a large something.

_What the fuuuuuuuck??_

Even that time on the couch, his roommate hadn’t kissed like this. It hadn’t been hot at all. Plus, he’d been focused on proving a point and playing things up for the camera in addition to torturing the brunet for acting like a mouthy little bitch. Here, he’d been caught off guard, thinking the point had already been made.

 ** _Goddamnit, L,_** he cursed. _You just made things more fucking complicated!!_

Justin pulled back, flushed, but with fire in his eyes. “If it’s the question of your sexuality,” he said scathingly, “I’d say you’re the only one who didn’t have a fucking clue, asshole.”

“Fuck you,” Jayden flared back. “This doesn’t mean shit.”

“Of course it does, this, and plenty of other things.” He had a real nasty glare on his face. “You need me to list them aloud for you?”

Jayden just glared back at him, feeling wildly on edge and pretty squarely pissed off.

“Do this shit again,” Justin threatened, “And we are going to have a real fucking problem.”

“Oh,” Jayden sneered, “you mean do it again _with no follow up_? Because I would bet an _obscene_ amount of money **that’s** the part that’s actually making you so pissy.”

“I’m fucking serious,” he snapped back with an exceedingly dark look. “Quit doing this shit to me, it’s pissing me off.”

Jayden never was very good with leaving well enough alone. “Let’s be clear,” he said mockingly. “You’re fucking attitude problem is coming from the fact that sucking on me was soooooo good, you just can’t get it out of your head and want _more_ , yeah?”

Justin punched him.

“Ow.” Luckily, unlike Light and L, his roommate went for the solar plexus and not his oft abused face. He doubled over a little bit. 

“If anything,” the brunet leaned in to say harshly, “It would be **you** who owes **me** some reciprocity. So fucking think on _that_.”

Justin stormed out of the kitchen, leaving him to his own devices. Jayden sank down to the floor, nursing his new injury. “Well, that could have gone better,” he said under his breath.

* * *

Clare texted him a bit later. Jayden sighed and rolled his eyes.

 _‘WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?’_ She also sent an angry emoji.

 _‘which week, day, or minute?’_ he asked sarcastically.

_‘TODAY.’_

_‘nothing.’_

_‘TODAY IN THIS REALITY.’_

**_Godfuckingdamnit._** He hated reading things in all caps. It was like having someone yelling in his ear. _‘NOTHING.’_

_‘Oh, so Justin is practically spitting bullets for NO DAMN REASON??’_

_‘pfft. you know how touchy he is.’_

_‘Apparently not as touchy as YOU! I can’t believe you started shit with him! What reason could you possibly have had that would make that look like a good idea??’_

_‘well, it looked like even less of a good idea in hindsight than it did prior.’_

_‘J, what is WRONG with you?! You know he has a thing for you. YOU KNOW IT. Why would you instigate something like this? It’s too much.’_

_‘stop fucking bitching at me.’_ He was starting to get real sick of entertaining her incredulity and accusations. So things went differently than he’d originally thought. **_So sue me!_** Jesus.

He detoured and texted his cousin. _‘this is all your fucking fault. thanks a goddamn lot.’_

Not long after, L texted him back. _‘What the fuck did you do now?’_

_‘NOTHING.’_

He wasn’t sure why he’d texted L, except he was feeling peeved and wanted to vent his agitation upon him. But _of course_ all that would happen is being asked to explain himself, which he was obviously not in the mood for.

His phone started ringing. Goddamnit. Clare, he could ignore. L was different. He dragged the phone up to his ear. “What?” he said acerbically.

“What do you mean _‘what’_?” L clipped back at him, sounding real annoyed. “What did you do? Obviously something. Own up.”

“I took your advice, against my better judgement.”

“My advice?” he sounded bewildered.

“Well, part of it.”

“Which part of what?” Now L sounded exasperated.

“You said to see if the Justin thing was a one-time reaction.”

“Uh………. what exactly did you do?” L added, “Besides, I thought you were all against that idea.”

“Well, ‘let something happen’ seemed sort of vague and rapey, so no.” He fidgeted, suddenly feeling super awkward at trying to explain what had happened. It almost didn’t make sense in hindsight. “I said he could clear something up and determined through a liplock that I felt nothing.”

“.............”

Yeah, that was a long fucking pause.

Finally L broke the silence. “You realize that you are being the biggest fucking cocktease possible? That’s why I said _‘let something happen’_. Anyone would be pissed getting left hanging.”

Jayden frowned and sulked heavily.

“What else happened?” L pried sharply.

“That was it.”

“Fucking liar. I can tell that isn’t all of it.”

“Well, he called me an asshole, dragged me into kiss part 2, then he threatened to tear me life from limb for doing it in the first place. Then he punched me.”

“What did you say before he hit you?”

“UGH god! Why must you assume that -”

“Because I **_know_** you. What the hell did you say to him?”

“Tch,” Jayden scoffed, a bad mood really taking hold by now. “I suggested he was only being pissy about it because he wasn’t getting any, and that despite his attitude he’d jump my shit in a hot minute if more was on the table.”

“Pft. _Obvious_.” He could tell L was shaking his head. “Must you antagonize him like that? Poor guy. God knows why he even has a thing for you in the first place.”

“Because, apparently,” he sassed back, “you aren’t the only one who’s hot around here.” He ignored the other part of what L said. He also purposely left out the bit that had happened after his shower, with the nudity and all. L would probably cuff him in the head for that, though it wasn’t even his fault. It’s not like he did that on purpose!

L muttered under his breath. “Okay, so I’m assuming you’ll now be looking to get out of dodge?”

“Yeah, well I was planning to do the study session thing even before all this shit broke loose.” He’d sort of had the idea to poke at the thing with Shani. Things ought to have died down during the week he missed. Maybe.

“I heard you stirred up stuff there, too.”

“Well, somewhat. It’s no big deal.”

“Uh huh.”

“Shut up. Anyways, I’ll pick Light up for that and drop you at your thing. What time are you done?”

“About 8:30 pm.”

“Do you want to wait for me to get you? Or….”

“Nah, I’ll catch a ride. I need to go home first and clean up before this dinner thing.”

Jayden expelled a long pent-up sigh. “I don’t want to do it. Really don’t.”

“You think it’ll be that bad?”

“Maybe.” After talking to the mom, he really wasn’t sure what to think. If it was just her it might not be so bad, but if the dad did show… that could end up being quite unpleasant. He hadn’t told L or Light that he’d spoken to her and wasn’t planning to. The important thing was that things were moving along.

“Well, there’s nothing for it,” L said, sounding a little resigned himself. “We all agreed.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he muttered. “Fun for all.”

“By the way, tell Clare not to text me your drama. I can’t stand that ALL CAPS shit.”

“Haha I was thinking that earlier.” Jayden smiled, feeling a little less aggravated than before. “I’ll tell her to quit.”

“Not to be an asshole, but we aren’t friends like that.”

“You are never gonna let her live down what she did, are you?”

“Nope. Not this occurrence, nor the last several.”

“In her defense, she really did think ya’ll were only just making out that time. Before she got an eyeful.”

“And so she fucking kept filming and then later used it to blackmail me!”

“She’s a little harlot at heart. She couldn’t bring herself to delete it.”

L groaned, sounding real annoyed. “And knowing she watches shit like that…. I hate to think of her watching THAT one.”

“Oh, she probably saw it a few hundred times,” he jeered, “and has every indecent noise or word totally committed to memory.”

“Asshole.”

“Apparently,” Jayden said glibly, “and especially today.”

“All right, I’m gonna go before the urge to strangle you gets any stronger.”

“Love u too, cuz.”

L muttered under his breath as he hung up, prompting a grin from Jayden. He really did get quite a lot of joy from harassing his cousin. L was nearly unflappable most days, so getting grumbles, mutters and the like was damn near an accomplishment.

* * *

Jayden picked up the car and his two favorite people many hours later. He’d lazed about after that big run, did some work on the site, considered doing some laundry but didn’t, and lamented the fact that they had this stupid dinner thing tonight.

He still believed that doing it was probably more useful than _not_ doing it at this point; that’s why he pressed the mom into making a fucking decision, with emphasis on just _doing_ the damn thing. It seemed to work. But now he was reaping the fruits of his efforts, and a large part of him kinda wished he hadn’t helped.

Helping was such a massive pain in the ass sometimes.

 _Since when did I start doing shit like this at my own expense?_ he wondered listlessly. Fucking ugh.

“Hey, cuz,” he greeted his cousin as he walked in the door, and let out a wide yawn. Maybe he’d lazed about just a touch too long.

“Hey.”

L paused, looking him over. “This is what you came up with for later?”

Jayden looked down at his own clothing. Well, he _had_ spared at least 3.5 seconds on deciding the best way to go, with regard to dressing for the dinner and such. In hindsight, maybe a little longer might have been helpful. Oh well. “Yup.” He nodded at L. “And what about you?”

“Haven’t decided yet.”

“You should go in full club gear.” He winked. “Could be a conversation starter for the topic of your second job.”

“Oh, fuck off,” L muttered without rancor.

“It would be entertaining.”

“Yeah, I think I just got an ulcer even thinking about it.”

“Haha.” Jayden smiled. “Well, it’s between dressing nice or being casual. I didn’t like either fully, so…”

He’d worn his skully again, partly because he wouldn’t have to go through the effort of spiking out his hair, and had in all of his piercings. He knew that the whole package would likely set off World War III, especially if the dad happened to show up, and Mrs. Y. wasn’t a fan either. So sans-hair, he looked toned down. Other than that he mostly went casual but not lazy-fucking-bum sloppy.

L was looking once more at his shirt and was shaking his head.

“What?”

L made a face, bordering on skeptical. “Somehow I think a shirt that says ‘PornStars Unlimited’ is a little inappropriate.”

“Pffft you can hardly even read that, it blends in with the background.” It was black and grey, in a grafitti-esque style fading into all black near the bottom. Work swag.

L looked closer. “What the hell is in the background? Do I see a gas mask?”

“Maybe?” Jayden looked for it but only saw other things hidden about. Oops, there was a pair of jugs with tassels. Not **overtly** obvious, being a faded outline, but….

“Ok, I’m lending you a shirt,” L said abruptly, apparently spotting more inappropriate images. “No arguments.”

“Well, partly I picked this one because I never really wear it, so it was in better shape.”

“And this is the face of someone who cares.” L said over his shoulder and gestured for him to follow him back down the hall. “Come.”

Back in the bedroom, Light was doing something studious while sitting on the bed. It looked boring. “Hey,” the brunet greeted them, looking up.

“Apparently my cousin doesn’t agree with my choice of attire,” Jayden commented blithely.

Light took a look at the shirt. He blinked slowly. “Where in the _fuck_ did you get that?” His tone was incredulous and Jayden found that to be somewhat gratifying. “And in what universe did that seem like a good pick?”

“Work. And I sort of also neglected to do laundry.”

Light muttered under his breath. “Well, enjoy picking out a shade of black,” he commented drolly as he went back to his studies.

Jayden snickered as L’s face adopted a long-suffering look at the jab to his wardrobe. He peered into his cousin’s closet. “Got any fishnet?” he asked facetiously.

“Yeah, right here.” L smacked him upside the head.

“Ow.”

He spent the next five minutes in a scuffle with L, trying to deal back some similar damage.

“Oh my god, guys, seriously,” Light complained with a sigh. “I came back here to concentrate.”

“If you have to concentrate that hard in the bedroom,” Jayden joked, “you’re probably doing something wrong.”

L sniggered but also managed to snake a hand out and pop him in the head again while he was distracted.

“Ow, asshole. Way to be an opportunistic bastard.”

“You started it.”

“No, YOU did, Slappy Mc Bitch hands.”

“SHHHH!!!!”

“Oops,” L said quietly, laughing a little. “Come on, let’s hurry up and leave him be.”

“Ok,” he said back in a low tone, turning back to the closet. “What do you have? Maybe just a plain t-shirt would be fine.”

“Yeah, I don’t have any of that preppy stuff you’ve been wearing to these study things.”

“Well, aside from a few button downs,” Jayden pointed out with a mocking smile, trying to get a rise out of L, “for when you attempt to be _‘fancy’_.”

“I can hear you guys,” Light called out, though they’d been keeping their voices low. “And by the way, those shirts are hot on him so shut up.”

Jayden snickered and shrugged. “Alright, come on, he’s getting testy. Gimmie….. uh…. that one.” He pointed to something at random, unable to see what it was other then it was probably t-shirt-ish. Well, judging by the sleeve.

It ended up being a black t-shirt with a cryptic symbol on the front in faded white. It was probably from a band or something. He couldn’t recall seeing L ever wear it. But whatever, it would do.

They left the bedroom, prize in hand. L closed the door. “He’s trying to finish a section that’s being a pain in the ass.”

“Man, what a life. Studying, on top of studying, on top of fucking-shoot-me-in-the-face this is so goddamn boring.”

L laughed. “Yeah, well he has aspirations. Unlike present company.”

“I have plenty of aspirations.”

L held up a hand. “Don’t list them. I learned my lesson the last time.”

Jayden grinned. “It is an ambitious, if not unorthodox bucket list.”

L shook his head. “Don’t remind me.” He went to get a drink out of the fridge. Iced tea or something. “Anyhow, once the school year is up, there will be a break and he won’t be as tied up with this shit for a while.”

“So….. he pick a school or whatever yet?”

“Yeah, the close one. He got accepted. Crazy high test scores, by the way.”

“Ooooo are you bragging?” Jayden jeered. “You must be so proud.”

L’s face adopted a warm expression, even though he also looked a little annoyed. “I consider it a win if he managed to keep all this shit together during everything that’s been going on. Besides, it’s a nice big ‘fuck you’ to the parents. They seemed to think he needed them leading and herding him just to get him to be successful. They’ll have to swallow their pride a bit to see he’s doing just fine without the micromanaging bullshit.”

Jayden smiled knowingly. “Feeling a little vindictive, are we?”

He shrugged with an ironic sort of smile. “Guess so.”

“You’re dreading dealing with his dad again, aren’t you?”

L let out a sigh, looking less than pleased as he considered that. “Yeah, it wasn’t so fun the last time. He was beyond rude as fuck. I had _plenty_ I wanted to say in response.”

“And instead you held it in and played nice.” Jayden’s tone shaded sarcastic. “Feel better?”

“Shut up. Light was still living there. I had to play things that way at the time.”

“And now?”

 _“Yeah, we’ll see,”_ he said somewhat ominously. “I don’t feel nearly as inclined to pull my punches.” He surveyed the shirt, now that Jayden had pulled it on over his head. “Yeah, that’s better. You still look a bit like a thug with that skully though.”

“I dunno, Mrs. Y. seemed to like it. Or at least, more than my usual look, hair and all.”

“You don’t saaaay,” L drawled, teasingly. He peered at him, a condescending smile quirking up the corner of his mouth. “You’re actually _compromising_. I never would have believed it.”

“Shut up,” Jayden said scathingly, pouting. “Ass.”

“Awwww hahaha.” L grabbed him into hug, laughing harder as Jayden sulkily fought him off, a sour look on his face. “Did you know the hat also makes you look a bit emo?” he razzed him.

Jayden growled at him, muttering something about insufferable something-or-others.

“Done!” Light announced, coming out into the main area. He eyed them with some amusement. “What’s going on here?”

“He looks emo with this little cap doesn’t he?” L jeered, poking at his cousin who was still frowning sulkily and trying to get free from the hold.

“Haha!” Light said, “all he needs to add to the look is a black hoodie!”

“Goddamnit!” Jayden hollered, expression souring further.

L dissolved into laughter. “Just like the one you brought HAHAAAAA!”

Jayden escaped and cuffed him in the head. “Again, LAUNDRY.” Goddamnit, next time he’d rethink being fucking lazy.

“It really brings out your eyes,” Light snickered, pointing at the skully.

“God, QUIT IT ALREADY!”

“Hell no,” Light scoffed. “You deserve every bit, you fucking pest.” He was looking wildly amused at Jayden’s expense.

“L, fair warning, I might attack him.”

“Sans-groping, I’d say you’re in the clear.”

“HAHA!” Jayden cackled, evil in his eyes. “There goes your safety blanket, punk.”

“Shit.”

L stood by, calmly sipping his drink and watching the ensuing chase and scuffle with amusement. It was pretty entertaining to watch Light scramble, and see the two of them trying to outcraft the other and get the upper hand. He’d step in if there was a reasonable threat of real bodily harm. “You all have less than 5 minutes to declare a winner,” he called out. “Make it count.”

* * *

TBC


	77. (phase 4) Unveiling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden appears at the study group, looking almost entirely like himself, prompting shocked reactions from the students and an unexpected attitude from Shani. Light observes the odd interaction, wondering at the dynamic there.
> 
> The dinner begins....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I'll be posting chapters re the dinner all at once. I'll try and do it all today, right now even. Time permitting.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 77: Unveiling  _

Light had been so preoccupied with the dinner that he forgot all about the whole Jayden/Shani thing. It hit him like a blast to the face as they arrived at the study session.

The awkward was palpable.

Jayden, for his part, didn’t show any evidence but Shani seemed a mess of contradictions. It began by her ignoring his presence entirely, which he chose to respond to by pretending to be distracted by _everyone_ else and didn’t acknowledge her presence either. He fielded questions about his clothes, the additional piercings - which were regarded with almost as much shock as the revealing of the first half - and then their questions about schoolwork.

Frankly, it was bizarre to see him mostly adhere to the cleancut Jayden persona while dressed so casually in black jeans, a dark t-shirt and the skully (which made him seem both a little thuggish and almost cute at the same time). It all didn’t jive together, especially with the sheer number of facial piercings, which was unusual even for people who were fond of them.

The girls ultimately seemed to adjust pretty quick, however, and were soon sending him doe-eyed looks of infatuation once the usual routines lulled them out of their surprise. They almost seemed _more_ intrigued now, too, despite themselves. Except Shani. She was wearing a patently false look of boredom and was being _quite_ studious.

Light overheard Katie at one point, sidling up to her friend and asking, “Uh, are you _sure_ you aren’t dating?” She sounded tentative and a little excitable. “Because if you _were_ , the new look is kind of…” she trailed off dreamily, eyes drifting over to the person in question.

“No, we aren’t.” Her tone was brusque but she looked a bit twitchy.

“But last time, he said-”

Shani rolled her eyes heavenward and put her pencil down with a quiet sound of exasperation. “In all of _this_ …” she explained in an impatient tone, “‘ _unveiling’_ , let’s call it, does he strike you as someone who could be taken at his word?” Sarcasm and irritation were more than apparent in her tone. Light glanced at her face and saw her expression matched.

“Even with that kiss?” Katie persisted, looking perplexed. “And the stuff he was saying…. like, ‘my sweet’ and all….”

“Forget it,” Shani snipped, picking her pencil back up and looking really on edge. “It was all a bunch of nothing.”

“What was all a bunch of nothing?” Jayden asked then, choosing that moment to slide into the conversation and into the seat next to Shani. The timing _had_ to be intentional. That his arm looped around her shoulders escaped no one and Katie stared at it quite fixedly, questions in her eyes and that same excitement spilling into her face. Shani, for her part, tensed and her expression became more closed.

 _“Your mom,”_ Shani muttered in response, pointedly ignoring him and going back to her work. She looked crazy on edge, underneath the affected calm.

“How rude,” Jayden said amicably, not budging.

It really seemed like he was on the side of tormenting her, instead of having been serious about pursuing her. At this point, anyway. Light frowned to himself. He’d really kind of thought that the deviant had been entertaining the idea of taking up with her. He just hadn’t known in what capacity - short term or longer term. But then again, Jayden never was very good at passing up an opportunity to amuse himself.

“Uh, has she met your mom?” Katie asked tentatively, to break the uncomfortable silence.

Jayden rested his chin on his other hand and looked directly into Shani’s face. Light saw her twitch and struggle to maintain her facade. “Nope, not yet,” he said in perfect cleancut Jayden fashion. “She’s nervous.”

“So you **are** dating??” Katie said, her mouth going into an ‘o’ of surprise.

“Wasn’t that obvious?” he asked with polite confusion.

“Pffft,” Shani let out a derisive noise, looking peeved. “How would you call not talking ‘dating’?”

 _Ah, here comes the act,_ Light thought, watching Jayden’s face become somewhat crestfallen and confused. His pale eyes glistened sadly. “But, Shani, I’ve shared with you - that which is most important to a boy-” he lamented, ironically parroting what was usually stated as girls losing their most important thing to a boy, and sounding like a poor naive victim.

“What,” she said drolly, “your ego?”

“Dearest,” he said in a crumpled tone. “Whyever are you being like this? In the moment, you said the _sweetest_ things.” Shani’s eye twitched as he sought to embarrass her through this over-earnest, socially-retarded facade, waiting for her to crack. “Over and _over_. And made the most beautiful sounds-”

“Ugh stop it!” she uttered sharply, as she jumped up, her face flushing red. “That did **_not_** happen. _Did. Not. Happen._ ” She kept her voice low so as to not attract attention. The students nearest to their little table were starting to notice something was up.

Light could practically _feel_ Jayden’s sharp leer underneath the act. He seemed exceedingly pleased with himself.

Shani leaned close to the dark-haired deviant. “Why are you doing this, _Fraud_?” she demanded in a terse whisper. “Is it that much fun to torment me??”

“Immensely,” he mouthed back, out of eyeshot of Katie. He let his real grin spread upon his face.

“You’re horrible,” she shot back, looking a little flustered at the wattage of that smile aimed her way, as well as seeming angry.

He pulled a bit closer and spoke in her ear, “It’s _infinitely_ more fun, seeing that you see through it all,” he jeered softly, “and no one else can.”

She drew back and slapped him across the face.

“Ow.”

“You’re an asshole,” she swore under her breath, glaring daggers. To her chagrin, his face was perfectly devastated and he was playing the faux innocent Jayden to a tee. “Don’t you _dare_ cry,” she threatened, looking spooked at the idea he might pull that again.

He made his lip wobble instead, like he was having a moment of weakness. “Why must it be like this with us?” he said tragically. “You’re so hot and cold.”

Her eyes widened in indignation. “ ** _Me?_** Are you freaking serious???”

She looked prone to violence or shouting next.

Light chose that moment to dismantle the situation. He strode over and made like he hadn’t caught mostly the whole thing. “Heeey, Shani, can I borrow your for a second? I need your advice on something.” She looked up, surprised and a little confused but nodded. “Hey guys,” he called out to the rest of the group with an easy smile, “ten minute break.”

They walked out into the atrium of the building.

“What did you want to ask me?” the buxom brunette asked, shelving her feelings in order to be a helpful friend.

“Nothing, really,” he admitted. “I just wanted to break up that exchange before it got really ugly.”

She brought a hand up to her face and looked like she was warding off a headache. “What the hell is he even doing?” Her sigh sounded like she had the weight of the world resting on her shoulders.

“Why not ask me directly?” Jayden said charmingly, horning in on their private talk and making her jump. He looked entirely unapologetic and utterly at ease.

“Ugh!” Shani exclaimed. “Go AWAY, you freak! What the hell is wrong with you?”

That didn’t phase him in the least. “Did you want me to go? Or to answer?” he asked with a mildly condescending tone and a lift of his eyebrows. “Can’t really do both...”

“You are _infuriating_!” she snipped out.

“Aww,” he said with a smile. “She sounds just like you, Light.”

“Are you going to drive her to having an alcohol problem, too?” Light said drolly.

Jayden favored him with a look caught between amusement and annoyance. “Punk.”

“What even **is** this?” Shani said then, seeming to pick up something on their interaction. “And _why are you tormenting me_?”

“Because it’s fun,” Jayden said in a chipper tone, as Light said the same thing with a rolling of his eyes.

“Look, Shani,” Light started, smacking Jayden hard in the chest. “I’m sorry he’s being like this. I don’t know why, but it might be because we all have something stressful to deal with after this.”

Jayden glared at Light. “Overshare much?”

“You do?” the brunette asked, looking completely empathetic. She looked only at Light, though, and ignored his surly shadow.

“Yeah. And this asshole acts up like this sometimes.”

“Don’t call me an asshole, _meddler_ ,” Jayden griped with a sharp look of annoyance.

“Shut up,” Light snapped back, giving him a dark look. “And you are stressing me the fuck out, so quit this shit already.”

“Like you’re my keeper,” he sneered.

“Apparently!” Light shot back with annoyance. It was stressing him out to watch his friend at the mercy of this lunatic’s whims. “And make up your damn mind,” he added, meaning if he was seriously going to pursue Shani or not.

“I’ve been exploring my options,” Jayden said cryptically. He then dropped all pretense and looked at the brunette. “I hate being ignored. Did you actually have a reason for that or were you just being an entitled, moody _girl_?”

Shani glared at him indignantly. “What, now you have a problem suddenly with me being a girl??”

There was a very strange pause.

Jayden kept the same expectant expression, not moving a twitch. “Well?”

“I don’t even know what to do or what to expect with you!” she confessed with frustration. “You pull me back and forth, then say we should hang out, and then as soon as I agree - nothing.”

His face took on a pitying look, laced with condescension. He raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry, did I set a timeframe?”

“Wow,” she said under her breath.

Light shook his head. This was so reminiscent of how Jayden had copped major attitude with him, when the topic of the deviant’s overly flirtatious behavior and his potential feelings had surfaced. Was he pushing the brunette for some reason? Trying to prove something? Or was he merely being a menace and pushing her away? Light steepled his hands over his face and took a deep breath. “Jayden?”

“Yes?”

“Would you mind getting the fuck out of here for the rest of the session?” He wasn’t really asking.

“Pfft. Since you asked so nicely,” Jayden sassed, voice dripping sarcasm.

There wasn’t much longer left anyway, maybe only 40 minutes or so. “Alright, come on,” Light said to Shani, holding out his arm for her to take as if he were an escort.

He felt Jayden glance pointedly at that but the deviant said nothing as he disappeared out the door.

Again, Light felt compelled to apologize. “I’m really sorry about all that.”

She heaved a sigh, scoffing sharply, “And you call that layers.”

“It’s the most positive way of spinning that.”

“He’s an unholy terror! How do you put up with it?”

He gave her a nonplussed look. “And how do _you_ still like him?”

“Ugh.” She deflated. “I don’t freaking know. I suppose I’ve lost my damn mind.”

“By the way, he can tell that you do. This all might be nothing more than trying to make you crack. With singular focus, to the exclusion of all else.” He paused. “Other than his own entertainment perhaps.”

“I’m kind of relieved you had him leave,” she admitted. “He was being hell on my concentration. Even before harassing me.” She peered at his face with a questioning look. “But, admittedly, I am totally _shocked_ he actually listened.”

“It’s complicated.”

“I bet.”

She let it be at that and they rejoined the group. Some of them started asking after Jayden. Light just told them he had to run an errand.

* * *

9pm came too soon. The dinner was imminent and Light was stressing out over how that was going to go. “Come on, calm the hell down,” Jayden said, feeling kind of bad for him.

It was just after the study session and he’d picked Light up. They were now en route to grab L over at the apartment.

“Oh, so _now_ you wanna act like a human being,” the brunet muttered under his breath, still annoyed over the Shani thing. He still seemed distracted though. ‘Ball of anxiety’ pretty much summed it up.

“Human beings are fickle,” Jayden said glibly. “I’d say my performance did my species justice.”

“Jesus I am so stressed,” Light said under his breath, rubbing his hands together as if to try and calm himself. “I think I’m on the brink of a major ulcer.”

“You want to do this, though?”

“Well, no.”

“Well, WE sure as hell don’t want to,” Jayden said staunchly, referring to himself and L. “Cancel?” He couldn’t help the slightly hopeful cast to his voice.

“No. It isn’t that simple.”

“ _Make_ it that simple.”

“Jayden, I **can’t**.” Light gave him a complicated but ultimately annoyed look.

He shot the brunet an annoyed look right back. “Can you honestly hold onto the feeling of WHAT THE FUCK, which you had after what they pulled, and tell me you think this dinner will do any fucking good?”

“I don’t know.”

“They were going to ship you off to god knows where, forcing you to do what THEY wanted,” irritation crawled through his voice, “and you can really sit down to a fucking dinner? And what, hope for the best??” He wasn’t sure why he was pressing this issue so hard. Mrs Y. seemed like she could possibly relent. At least, it was in the realm of possibility, even if it wasn’t very likely. But it still bugged him to think of them getting their way after all this fucking bullshit, and with Light having to be the one making amends.

“I don’t _want_ to do it,” Light said in a harried tone. “But I don’t want to just give up without trying. I’m pissed about all that shit they did, you **_know_** that. But if there is even a chance they can change their minds, I have to try. I hate this, but they are my family. I think I’ll regret it if I just give up.”

“Isn’t that what you thought when you went along with them **_last_** time?” Jayden snarked at him, feeling irritated. “Just before they sprung that gay camp shit on you?”

Light leveled him with a distinctly pissed off glare. Probably because he was right. “Fuck you.”

“Now, now,” Jayden mocked him, voice falsely solicitous, “you know that’s off limits.”

“Oh _jesus_!” Light finally lost his temper. “Of all the things you’re going to use to be insufferable over, you trot out THAT?” He was shaking his head, a slight look of outrage upon his face. “Don’t fucking joke about that stuff. Don’t.”

“Tch. Touchy.” Jayden dropped it though.

“No fucking common sense,” he was muttering. “We literally _just_ resolved all of that shit. Days ago, no less.”

“Resolved is resolved,” Jayden griped. He figured the brunet was being extra pissy about that because he’d _reacted_ , that time on the bed, and not just to L but to him as well. Oh well, it did prove his point that they had chemistry, even if Light didn’t want to admit it. That’s a lot of why this blew up, in his estimation. _Ah, whatever._ He shook his thoughts from the topic, remembering his sort of vow to leave all that the fuck alone. “I still think you’re insane for doing this.”

“Me, too.”

“Oh, really?” He slanted a glance at Light, who was taking a deep breath.

“If not for you guys… I don’t think I could do this.”

“If not for us, you’d be risking your freedom trying to do this.”

“Yeah, maybe so.” The brunet looked a little ill. “I’m not sure _how_ to do this. How to get through this.”

“Well,” Jayden supposed in a chipper tone, “L did condone the use of alcohol to ease the nerves. Let’s take a detour and get utterly **_smashed_**.”

Light could tell he wasn’t serious. “Shut up. One, you’re driving.”

“Yeah, yeah. Two, my cousin would rip my face off. Or a limb or two.”

“At the least.”

“Oh, what a life,” Jayden lamented dramatically. “That my closest family could be so cruel and abusive.”

“Pfft. You do it to yourself,” the brunet scoffed. The very faintest hint of amusement graced his lips.

Jayden felt a grin light up his face. “It’s how I feel the _looove_.”

Light scoffed again, shaking his head and laughing. “Fucking insane. That’s what you are.”

“Why thank you.” Jayden reached out and ruffled the brunet’s soft hair. “And **_you_** are a total fucking masochist. It’s clear as day now.” He paused. “Not that it wasn’t before.”

“Eh, shaddup.”

“Somehow, on you, it shades more towards cute than dysfunctional.”

“Ha! YOU should talk about dysfunction. You’re the walking _poster child_ of dysfunction.”

“Loud and proud,” Jayden quipped. That was probably actually true. “Though I **am** currently bettering myself. Against my will,” he added pleasantly.

“And how’s that going?”

“Fairly well. Though I can’t say I’ve suffered a _total_ lack of alcohol.” He adopted a cheeky tone, “You can blame L for his shitty enforcement.”

“Hey, some of that was your own fuckups.”

“Yeah yeah.”

They pulled up to the apartment and Jayden honked the horn loudly. It seemed to ricochet off all of the nearby buildings.

“Geez, what are you doing? Just text him.”

Jayden honked the horn again. “Nope. He can run his happy ass out here all quick-like.”

“You’re such an ass.”

“You’re not wrong,” he said glibly. “Oh look, there he is.”

L got into the car and smacked Jayden upside the head. “You _know_ my neighbors get pissy.”

“We’re about to suffer, why not them too?”

L expelled a deep sigh. He also looked like he was counting to ten. “Whatever, just drive,” he said at last.

“That was some amazing self-control,” Jayden commented facetiously. “Have you been working out?”

His cousin groaned, which made him smile.

“Has he been like this-?” L started to ask the brunet.

“For hours, yes.”

Jayden chimed in, “The consensus is, I’ve been a delight.”

Light gave him a bland look. “I believe the more accurate description of the evening was ‘unholy terror’.”

Jayden laughed out loud, beyond amused. “Did she say that?”

“Yes.”

“Who?” L asked. “That girl at the study group?”

Light nodded. “It was fucking painful to watch.”

“Aw, it was cute,” Jayden said. He smiled peacefully.

“Nobody deserves you,” the brunet said. This made L laugh out loud.

“Heeeey, how about this _dinner_?” Jayden commented glibly in retaliation, reminding them of that impending doom and making them both groan.

“Asshole,” Light muttered.

“Payback’s a bitch.”

The brunet scoffed, “ _You’re_ a bitch.”

“Then you’re a _bitchlet_.”

L snickered.

“Oh geez, don’t encourage him,” Light griped, letting out a long suffering sigh.

L reached up from the back seat and ruffled Light’s hair. “So cute when you grumble,” he teased, rolling the brunet’s head a little. Then he leaned forward and tipped Light’s face into an impromptu kiss.

“Driving here.”

Jayden rather expected the middle finger his cousin responded with and didn’t mind. Maybe a little action would calm the brunet down; he was seriously out of whack over all of this. L seemed to be something of a security blanket for him. He could see the change in Light as soon as his cousin had gotten in the car. He seemed more stabilized.

He’d been noticing it more recently, how Light was with him versus his cousin. When it was just the two of them, Light was snarky, mouthy, emotive, and showed irritation and aggravation and amusement on his face plain as day. Around L, he largely seemed like he was letting go of some sort of long-held tension and his smiles were exceptionally warm.

Well, that was the difference between them, he supposed. The real difference. Light acted quite differently with each of them. And it was beyond obvious that he’d fallen hard for his cousin.

It was really cute.

Maybe that was also part of the reason he’d been unable to leave Light alone even in front of his cousin. He just felt prone to harass and prod him, seeing him like that.

 _But I’m quitting,_ he reminded himself.

Speaking of, his pursuit of a ‘distraction’ had proven…. interesting. He felt a sour expression touch his face. That was a nice way to put it. More like shooting himself in the damn foot. He wasn’t entirely sure what to make of that shit with his roommate, with how that went. Shani on the other hand was relaxingly predictable, though her starting off by ignoring him was annoying. He’d more than paid that back, though.

“Jay, did you forget where the place is?” L asked, tapping him on the shoulder.

“Huh? Oh.” _Fuck_ , he’d missed the turn. Several lights ago. “I’m taking the scenic route.”

“Dragging your feet?” Light asked with a bland look on his face.

“Oh ye of little faith.”

L was peering at him. Yeah, he knew something was up. He didn’t call attention to it, though.

Damn, he hadn’t thought he was that distracted. He’d tacked on a good 10 minutes to their arrival time and Light was fidgeting harder now.

He corrected their course, setting them back on track for the impending awkwardness that awaited them. He heaved a mental sigh. Maybe it was partly a subconscious thing that he’d zoned out and missed all the roads that would lead to this super fun evening meet up.

* * *

Reynaldo’s was a straightforward hole in the wall restaurant with minimal decor and lots of red brick. It was also fairly large inside. Segmented dining areas were suggested with arches and partial walls, which made it feel rustic and small, yet somehow the places seemed to go on forever. Some cheesy sounding Italian music piped through the speakers and oil lamps and dim lighting made the place almost look fancy, though that was offset by the cheap white tablecloths and rickety chairs. Somehow it seemed like a cross between The Olive Garden, Subway, and a Patio Supply store.

Though not entirely successful, at least an attempt had been made towards creating atmosphere. Fake plants hung from black wall hooks, which gave it an outside garden feel. For some reason there were small potted mini cactus plants on the tables. They were real.

It was kind of an odd place.

Light’s eyes and brain excessively focused on his surroundings as a way to not self-destruct out of extreme stress. This would only become real if he looked for his parents, already waiting at some table inside. He knew they’d be here first, even if it was just his mother. They loved to be early to everything.

He made himself look up and almost instantly saw his mother sitting at a mid-sized table, hands clasped on top of the surface, looking grim.

He swallowed hard, anxiety crawling through him like a storm. His throat felt tight.

“Hello, mother,” he greeted as they reached the table.

“I’m glad you could make it,” she said with a weak smile. She looked really on edge.

“Hi, Mrs. Y,” Jayden asserted himself, pulling her attention to the rest of their party.

“Hello, boys.”

Light noted that she avoided a direct greeting where L was concerned, and that ratcheted up the tension for him. “Where’s father? Is he not attending?”

“Oh, he’ll be right back,” she said distractedly, glancing past them to wherever he apparently was.

“Yay.” Light heard Jayden mutter faintly under his breath.

His mother was sitting on the bench side of the table, against the wall. The three of them sat in the wobbly chairs that were on the other side. It was SO AWKWARD.

Light thought for a moment that maybe a drink would calm his nerves and then mentally cursed a moment later as he realized there would be no way to do that here. He was not legal drinking age, and being out at a restaurant was a much different thing than being at L’s or even the club, where no one cared about that overly much. _I should have had something beforehand,_ he thought. But when? They’d come straight here after the study session. And in all honesty, arriving smelling like alcohol was probably not the best idea.

He was shaken out of the circling of his thoughts as L put a comforting hand on his leg. Light glanced up and detected a sense of pity and understanding from him. The look was something like: _Sorry you can’t actually drink to make this any easier._

Yeah, L had talked about himself and Jayden maybe drinking to get through this, but as a minor he wasn’t going to be able to do the same. He was on his own there. Besides, he almost felt that drinking would be a bad idea anyway. He needed to be sharp.

Coffee. He’d drink coffee. Until he fucking drowned in it. Yes, that sounded good.

“Good evening, sir,” Jayden greeted Soichiro as he sat down with a bottle of wine and 2 glasses in his hands. It seemed the deviant was taking point on making conversation, as a noble self-sacrifice to spare himself and L.

His father nodded but said nothing, preferring to uncork the bottle and pour a glass for himself and his wife.

“No glass for me, then?” Light said facetiously, the words slipping out as if he’d forgotten what filters were, since spending so much time around the cousins.

“You’re underage,” his father said gruffly, his frown not changing in the least. He’d had a grim, almost concentrating sort of look on his face since joining them at the table. “Or should I assume you’ve been as freely defying the law there as you have been ignoring propriety and decency?”

 _Damnit. Me and my big mouth._ “It was just a joke.”

“Not a very funny one,” his father tossed back.

Light felt himself frowning hard. “Can I expect this to be the tone of the evening then?” he replied tersely. The threat was there, palpably, that he didn’t feel obligated to endure this.

“Light, a moment?” L said quietly, standing up.

“Uh…” Well, that was unexpected. “Sure…” He excused himself and uttered a silent apology to Jayden for leaving him alone with his parents.

He followed L across the room and up to the bar. L rested his arm on the glossy wooden surface and turned to face him. “What are you doing?”

Light was confused. “Me? What do you mean? What are **you** doing?”

L sighed, shaking his head a little and signaled to the bartender that he’d like to order something. “Do you want anything?” It seemed he was getting a bottle of wine and two glasses as well.

“I can’t drink.”

“Alcohol, obviously. I meant something else.”

“Oh.” Light chewed on his lip feeling a little dumb. “Yeah, I was going to get a coffee or ten but…”

“We can get that here. You don’t have to wait for a server.”

“Okay.”

L placed the order and they waited for it to be ready. He turned to Light. “I’ll ask you again, what are you doing?”

“And I’ll _tell_ you again, I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Light was frowning again, feeling a little peeved.

L sighed again. “Ok, look,” he said calmly, as if set to explain something that might be hard to follow. “You are reacting to your father’s animosity, and you **can’t**.”

“Well _why the hell not_?” he bit out, feeling agitated. “Am I supposed to just sit there and take it?”

“YES. For now. Just ignore his shit, okay?” L was shaking his head. “He’s a lost cause right now. Focus on your mother, alright? If anything is going to change, it will be from that corner.”

“Maybe Jayden was right and this is a lost cause already.”

“Pffft. NOW you’re taking advice from him?”

Light chewed on that. “Yeah….. that sounds a bit mental, doesn’t it?”

L put a hand on his shoulder and squeezed it bracingly. “Look, you can do this. Don’t let your father sabotage it. Expect him to be an asshole. Don’t feed into it. The whole point of this is to see if there is anything to work with before abandoning the whole mess. If you don’t at least try, you’ll just regret that you didn’t and it will plague you. So try, honestly try, and we’ll help support you. Okay?”

Light closed his eyes, sucking in a shuddering breath. This was so much pressure. He wished it was over already. And his parents…. could they really come back from the people he’d seen forcing him into that van? Could that ever be water under the bridge? Could they come to see how fucked up that had been? “Yeah, okay,” he said shakily. L was probably right. Hard as this was, he already knew that estrangement wasn’t really his first choice here.

* * *

TBC


	78. (phase 4) Hellfire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner...

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 78: Hellfire _

Somehow, Jayden had struck up something of a conversation with Sachiko.

Soichiro felt his frown become more deeply interred. How was it even possible for her to sit here _conversing_ with this hoodlum? Granted, he looked slightly more acceptable than that day downtown, but only just. The boy’s attire wasn’t as bad, either, but then he wasn’t in a mood to be forgiving.

His nerves grated harshly the moment Elliot had excused himself, taking his son with him like a trained lapdog. It was disgraceful! And he could see them **_talking_**. _There!!_ That boy had the nerve to lay a hand on his son in PUBLIC. He grit his teeth. It was _outrageous_! Ghastly!

And was that treacherous fraud trying to give his boy alcohol despite what had just been discussed?? Why else would he call Light over there to the bar except perhaps to allow him a furtive drink, away from law-abiding eyes?

Soichiro could feel his blood pressure rising. Everything in him deeply protested this, everything about this, and something like rage burned within him. But, he was here to support Sachiko.

He’d agreed to come along to this abominable dinner, as it was inappropriate to have his wife come here alone to meet the three of them. At the least, if she was set on doing this, he would be here with her.

* * *

L was feeling a lot less at ease than he was projecting. He did his best though, for Light. He wanted to give a flawless performance and not give the brunet another thing to be worried over. Jayden seemed to be doing the same. It was subtle, and would likely be missed by eyes other than his own, but his cousin had a ‘ _get me the fuck out of here’_ look written all over him. Instead of showing it, however, he was doing his best to be personable and engage Light’s mother in conversation. The father was politely ignored.

Speaking of the father…. he had hell and brimstone in his eyes. That glare could peel paint off a barn. Being on the receiving end of it was about as fun as last time. He had hardly done anything to deserve it… aside from existing, perhaps. All of this must be a carryover from the _‘get out of my house’_ unholy unveiling of his relationship with Light.

He noted the glare lightened just a touch as they sat down at the table and Soichiro’s eyes noted the cup of coffee in front of his son.

 _Ah…. that must be part of it. He thought I was going to usurp his decree and get Light alcohol._ L poured a glass of wine for himself and his cousin and made a comment to noone in particular, “Wine looked like an excellent idea.” He told himself not to drink it too fast, though he wanted to.

“Indeed,” Jayden piped up, playing his ‘proper’ cleancut role and injecting some levity into his voice. He tilted his glass towards Light’s mother as if proposing a toast. She looked startled but didn’t move her wineglass away as he clinked them together. “To communication, and open eyes.”

She looked somewhat taken aback, as if the words had particular significance to her. Jayden saluted the father with his glass but did not attempt to clink glasses with him. L got the feeling if he had, Soichiro might have made a scene and upset the gesture’s goodwill. Instead, he seemed somewhat mollified by the fact that Jayden didn’t force the toast on him.

“Has our waiter come by yet?” Light asked politely, pausing in his endeavor to down his coffee as quickly as possible. He’d dumped milk in it to cool it down. L had never seen him drink it any other way but black. He must’ve been desperate for the caffeine boost.

“Not yet, dear,” Mrs. Yagami said solemnly.

“Father,” Light said, not really looking up. “I apologize for my tone earlier; being on edge is no excuse.”

Soichiro nodded gravely, accepting the words. “It **is** grossly inappropriate.”

L felt Light twitch with aggravation but the brunet said nothing.

“Goooooooood evening, folks!” a waiter bounced over to say. “How are we all doing tonight?” The young man, around Jayden’s age, was either total shit at reading the room or he was determined to force them into levity through sheer will and snag a good tip.

“Fine, thank you,” Sachiko said somewhat stiffly. Her smile was wooden as well.

“GREAT! Are we ready to place some orders?”

L discreetly rubbed a hand over his face. This exuberance was like acid on a raw nerve.

“I’d like some more coffee,” Light said. “Can you bring a carafe?”

“Burning the candle at both ends, ey?” the youngish waiter joked with a wink and a nudge. It was less personable and more irritating. At least, L felt a little aggravated over it - the obtusely flirtatious manner and the fact that it was doing nothing for getting their actual orders in.

Light managed to dredge up a sheepish smile for the sake of courtesy. “Long day of studying and then a 4 hour tutoring session.”

Jolly Mc Fucklebee the waiter gave a grin. “So, you’re the brains of the family, ey?”

“I resent that assessment,” Jayden said lightly, draining a good amount of his wine. He was joking for his own amusement.

“Ah, I see, a jealous older brother? From a past marriage?” he addressed the last to Light’s mother.

“We aren’t related,” L said, stepping in before Sachiko’s indignance exploded or ended in tears. She seemed to be worked up by the assumption. “Can I get the lasagna?”

“Okey dokey!” the waiter chirped, scribbling his order on a notepad. “And for you, ma’am?”

“Um…” she was still collecting herself. She cleared her throat. “I’ll have the caesar salad and the chicken parmesan.”

“And you, sir?”

Soichiro was gruff and to the point. “Steak. Rare. And if you imply one more time that my wife has been with someone else, or make any other such assumptions I will dock your tip or _worse_.”

“Hoookay,” the waiter said, not letting that chip his outward cheerfulness. “Will that be soup or salad then?”

“Soup. And garlic bread.”

“Got it. And you?” he tapped Jayden on the shoulder.

“Steak. Rare.”

L inwardly facepalmed, knowing that his cousin was amusing himself by parroting the father. Outwardly though, he looked earnest as spring sunshine and not mocking in the least.

“And on the side?”

“More steak?” Jayden quipped. “I’m a growing boy.”

Apparently this was too much for Light’s father to leave alone. “Boy, you can’t have steak with a side of steak,” he groused.

“Can’t I?” Jayden asked, nailing polite confusion. It was actually kind of funny, and Soichiro looked less pissed now, seeming instead to be more exasperated and confused by this exchange.

“It’s unbalanced.”

“But it’s soooooo good!” his cousin returned, a slightly dreamy look on his face.

“This is why you have issues,” Soichiro said gruffly, sounding a bit like he was complaining. The palpable rage was mostly absent at the moment. “You need to moderate!” Brow furrowing, he took a drink of wine.

Jayden leaned forward attentively, actively playing his part to the nines. “What would you suggest?”

“Soup? Vegetables? Anything.”

“Okay,” Jayden said amicably. “Then I’ll have the steak, the wedding soup dealy, and whatever vegetable thing you have.”

“Green beans or asparagus?” the waiter offered.

“Huh. Asparagus is different.” Jayden turned to L. “Hey, which one is healthier or whatever?”

“Get the asparagus. I doubt you’ve had that even twice in your life.”

“You heard the man,” Jayden said glibly. “Can’t argue with the expert.”

“Pfffft,” Light scoffed. “Yet you do that ALL the time.”

“Nonsense,” the deviant waved him off with a tamed down version of his grin, then drained his wine glass. “By the way,” he added to the waiter, “the three of us are on the _expert’s_ tab.”

L grumbled under his breath, shaking his head.

“And for you?” the waiter asked Light with a smile.

“The spaghetti, caesar salad and some garlic bread.”

“Oi, you’re outdoing me,” Jayden complained amicably. “Hey buddy, add some garlic bread and that leafy green shit to mine too.”

“Must you?” L griped, as his cousin held to his tradition to ordering enough to feed a family. “How do you intend to eat all of that??”

“Where there’s a will, there’s a way,” Jayden said staunchly, looking really amused at his expense.

“Sooooo,” the waiter trailed, pen poised, “are we good? Everyone happy with their order?”

“More or less,” Soichiro said, waving him off.

L noted that Light had ordered the same side dish as each of his parents. He wondered if that was to placate them in some subtle way or if those were things he truly happened to favor. Oh well, at least he was ordering food and intended to eat. It also didn’t escape him that the brunet had ordered what appeared to be the equivalent of comfort food.

There was an awkward silence after the waiter left.

L refilled his and Jayden’s wine glasses, hoping to alleviate some tension. Maybe then he could follow his cousin’s lead and get his mouth moving, if only to offset the quiet and pretend this wasn’t wildly uncomfortable.

“Ahhhh,” Jayden expelled a sigh as he leaned back in his chair and patted his stomach. “I could eat a horse.”

“I doubt they offer that here, dear,” Mrs. Yagami said absently, shocking L as he realized she was making a joke.

“I dunno,” Jayden drawled, “I heard they were revamping the menu.”

“Idiot,” Light scoffed, shaking his head and looking marginally amused.

“Hey,” the deviant protested, affecting a slight pout to go along with his indignance, “as your little intellectually aspiring followers will attest, I’m brilliant.”

“Pffft,” Light scoffed again, just to razz him.

L noted that the father was taking in this exchange, seeming slightly bewildered once more. He still carried that look of rigidness and judge/jury/executioner but it seemed that he was having problems processing their exchange. Maybe he hadn’t imagined that anyone could joke around at a dinner such as this, and frankly L gave Jayden major props for accomplishing that and the air of laid back ease that he was somehow managing to project. He was truly an artist.

“How **_is_** the study session thing going?” Light’s mother asked, contributing an offering to the angry god of awkward silences.

“Swell!” Jayden chirped, wearing a pleased smile. “I’ve even come out to them all as my unsavory self,” he gestured to his current look, “and they took it reasonably well. Seems they focused more on the fact that I’m smarter than them, extremely helpful, and have one helluva pretty face.”

“What kind of bizarre manner of bragging is this?” Light’s father asked, looking peeved and confused at the same time.

Jayden kept the chipper tone going, his expressions matching. It was like seeing the cleancut Jayden persona on a slight sugar high. “That was my version of modesty,” he said brightly.

Soichiro looked poleaxed.

Mrs. Yagami let out a tiny noise of amusement and hid it behind her hand.

“Refill,” Jayden said pleasantly, brandishing his glass at L.

“Ditto,” Light said, looking around for the waiter and his missing order of coffee.

L spotted him on the other side of the restaurant. He made a concerted effort to grab his attention, and mentally dragged him to the table by the throat. One of the two worked, as the waiter eventually made his way over. “Yessum?”

“Coffee,” L said, nodding towards the brunet’s empty cup. “Please.”

“A lot,” Light added, tossing a charming smile at him, likely in the desperate hopes it would make the coffee manifest this time.

“Okie dokily.”

L resisted the urge to facepalm. Goddamn this kid bugged the shit out of him. He heard Jayden snickering at him. Against his better judgement, he looked up at his cousin.

“I am sooooo using that one later,” Jayden laughed, eyes shining with mirth.

“Death warrant,” L stated without thinking.

Light elbowed him and he cursed mentally as he realized that was just the sort of shit he shouldn’t be saying in front of the parents. “I mean that with love,” he said expansively, taking his cousin’s lead and making it into a joke.

“It’s true,” Jayden nodded, draining his wine glass. “Or I’d be dead nine thousand times over, already.”

“You’re lucky he deals with your antagonism,” Mrs. Yagami stated drolly, shaking her head at the deviant, looking amused and chiding at the same time.

L felt Light have as startled a reaction to hearing that as he did. Largely this experience so far had been an exercise in the parents ignoring him and talking around him. He hadn’t expected a statement such as _that_ to drop from her mouth, as if she was speaking up on his behalf and having some level of empathy for him in light of Jayden’s usual bad behavior.

“Eh, he has a good point or two,” L quipped blandly, drinking some wine.

“Awwww isn’t he just the sweetest?” Jayden grinned, trumping things up. He reached across Light and pinched his cousin’s cheek, earning himself a self-suffering look that made him seem wildly amused.

L batted his hand away. “Quit it, menace.”

Actually, it was odd that they kept falling into these normal patterns even with such an audience. He got the feeling without looking that the parents were soaking it in. The mother seemed to be studying the whole of the three of them, while the father largely seemed bewildered and unsure what to make of it all.

“Heeeeere’s that coffee!” the waiter swooped in with another cup and stuff to go in it. Light seemed a bit deflated as it was only the single cup.

“Can you bring an extra?” L asked, affecting an apologetic tone.

“And one for me as well,” Jayden piped up.

“Okie dokie!” the waiter said in a super chipper tone, apparently also missing his blunder.

When he returned, both L and Light set their cups of coffee in front of Light. He accepted the one from L and said, “Thanks.” To Jayden, he said somewhat blandly, “This’ll be cold before I can even get to it.”

Jayden made a face at him. “You’re _welcome_. Now quit your bitching. Just dump some ice, milk and sugar into it when you’re ready and drink it _that_ way.”

L snickered at his cousin. “He doesn’t cut you a break at ** _all_**.”

“Tell me about it,” Jayden complained expansively. He reached a hand out to ruffle and destroy the brunet’s hair with a grin. “You little punk.”

“Ugh, quit it,” Light waved him off and gave a half-hearted attempt to remedy the chaos. It now looked sleep disheveled and was actually pretty adorable. The brunet nursed his cup of coffee and L was reminded of many mornings waking up with him and seeing just that sort of image. It made his heart feel warm and brought a smile to his lips, unbeknownst to him.

“Elliot,” Mrs. Yagami said then, grabbing his attention.

“Hm?” He looked up. She had on a weird expression that seemed relenting, placating and also worried at the same time.

“What is your intention towards our son?”

“I’m sorry?” To be honest, such a question took him off guard, being so unexpected. Intention? How did she even mean that? He let the confusion surface on his face.

“Do you…” she paused, collecting words. “Do you feel this is just a short term thing?”

Light froze beside him, body tense.

“Are you wanting this to be a short term thing?” he asked her, unwilling to answer just yet.

“I….” she glanced at Jayden for some reason. There was some minute exchange there. “To be honest, I feel sad at the thought. I always wanted my son to grow up, get married, start a family of his own…”

L could hear a sub-vocal growl issuing forth from the brunet. He put a hand on Light’s leg under the table, a bracing request for him to hold it together and not say anything just yet. “I can understand that as a parent, that would be a normal thing to look forward to.”

She looked surprised at his response.

“But I also feel like there is something different that you are really asking.”

Sachiko chewed on her lip. “I suppose I’m asking if you are serious. This is hard enough to handle and the idea that you are just killing time and leading my boy on….”

“Ma’am-” he cut her off, eyes deadly serious. “I am not playing around. If I was, I wouldn’t be here.”

Soichiro made a scoffing noise, looking angry again. “Well why would you want to give up someone like _my son_ , when you’ve likely been involved with the utter scum of the earth before this? Bending a good, straight boy to your purposes…”

This time it was Light’s hand on his leg that begged restraint as adrenaline and anger surged violently through him.

“That’s kinda funny,” Jayden piped up, offering interference. “Seeing as you were going to ship him off to a conversion camp.” He gestured unconcernedly with his wine glass. “Seems rather silly to me, if he’s straight.”

Soichiro’s face turned an unflattering shade of purple.

Jayden gave him bland eyes. “Oh, don’t get all pissed off about it, geez. I’m just pointing out a contradiction, and not even being particularly obnoxious about it.” He slid his gaze over to Light’s mom. “Come on, Mrs. Y, you see it, don’t you? It doesn’t match up. Either you all think he’s gay as that camp attests to, or you think he’s not and he’s just a poor, corrupted little victim. Which is it?”

“Watch your mouth,” Soichiro spat out.

Jayden faced him with a veneer of calm. “I am, sir, believe me.”

“Honey,” Mrs. Yagami put a restraining hand on her husband’s arm. “Perhaps not here,” she suggested.

“Also, I do have a point,” Jayden insisted, looking at her rather directly.

“Also, you are stubborn,” she snipped, seeming really at loose ends. Unlike her husband she didn’t seem to be subscribing to pat denial and anger. Maybe Jayden’s words were sinking in.

“Who at this table ISN’T?” his cousin scoffed with an expansive gesture.

L nodded to himself. Yeah, that was so true.

Many long minutes passed, no one speaking, no one looking up. They each independently nursed their drinks and there was a dark pall over the table.

Some time later, the waiter returned with a huge tray of food. “Alright then, whoooo’s hungry?” he beamed.

They all looked up at him with a similar look as to those who’d just experienced a death in the family. He seemed immune; he oozed faux cheer and obliviousness and talked aloud to himself as he placed the various plates of food around the table.

“I’m not hungry,” Light muttered under his breath.

“Well, we’re gonna try anyway,” L said quietly back, poking at his lasagna. Eating was about the last thing he wanted to do right now either. They were pretty similar there.

“Well, this is damn awkward,” Jayden announced to no one in particular. “However, that is no reason to be rude to this lovely steak.” He started cutting into it. “Or that one,” he added after taking a bite, nodding to Soichiro’s plate.

“Waste not, want not,” Light’s father said cryptically, to no one in particular, and methodically began cutting his steak.

Sachiko was watching them but made no move towards her own food. “Is there any more wine?” she asked at last.

Her husband lifted the bottle, but only the dregs poured out into her glass.

“I’ll get some more,” L said, excusing himself from the table without waiting for a response. He and Jayden were out as well, and to be honest he could use a break from all of this. He went up to the bar and ordered a whiskey and two bottles of wine. The liquor went down almost too fast and didn’t seem like it could even touch this sharp feeling of sobriety tinged with rage.

That man sure felt fucking entitled to say whatever the fuck he wanted.

It BEYOND pissed him off.

And he dearly wanted to slash back at him with words just as cutting and devastating.

But……

 ** _Goddamnit_** if he did that…. he lost all credibility. Not that he was being seen in much of a positive light anyway, but that would just give them the excuse to be worse, it would validate their skewed view.

He needed to refocus and not do anything to get in the way of Light and his parents. This was between _them_ , though he was getting dragged through the mud in the process. But really, he knew this wasn’t personal. They’d liked him before and he sensed that was genuine. It was the fact that Light was dating, and that he wasn’t dating a girl. That was where all this venom and strife came from. He needed to keep that in mind and let them hash out that issue, the real issue, and stay the fuck out of it.

_Right then._

_You got this, L. Just keep your damn fucking mouth shut._

L returned to the table only to find that Light and his father were engaged in a scathing exchange, voices kept just low enough so that they weren’t actually shouting at each other in a restaurant.

_Aw shit, what now?_

Sachiko was looking upset and her hands fluttered uselessly in front of her as if trying and failing to make placating motions at the two of them.

L decided to try to tune it out, his tension ratcheting up as he caught bits and pieces that centered around disobedience, disgrace, the point Jayden had made, being unnatural, and a disappointment to the family. Light was not embodying the cowed child seeking approval at this moment. His claws were out and he was waging war, not accepting intimidation. The brunet was also seething vehemently over the way his father was treating ‘Elliot’, just before he’d left to get the wine. Jayden was staying out of it as well, and was slowly cutting up and eating his meal.

“Your glass?” L said to the mother, offering to pour her some wine. She hesitated but then nodded and held it out.

He poured some more in his own glass and said, “To answer your earlier question, I don’t view this as something like a short term relationship. Neither of us really expected this, but I love him.”

She frowned mightily, and even looked a little tearful. “I can see that,” she said quietly.

“Sachiko,” L invoked her name. “I am truly sorry for how upsetting all of this has been for you. The last thing I would want is to cause strife in your family.”

She started to speak, but just in case she said something to the tune of ‘but why are you doing this then?’ he stopped her by holding up a hand. “I want Light to have a relationship with you both. I think that being without one’s parents can be really hard to deal with. I don’t want to see him suffer. Yet, that’s the thing. He IS suffering. Because of you. Because he loves you both and all of this anger and strife is killing him.”

“Us?” she wore indignance like a cloak. “We’re not the ones that started this immoral relationship!”

L grit his teeth but made his voice stay level and open. “No, you are not. But you are the ones that aren’t accepting your son for who he is and what he wants, and if you persist in that, you know you are going to lose him.”

She blinked rapidly, a sob slipping out.

The table fell silent as father and son heard it and turned to see what was going on.

“That’s what I was telling you earlier,” Jayden commented to her off-handedly, gesturing with his fork.

“When was this?” Soichiro demanded, looking back and forth between them.

“Oh, when was it,” Jayden mused idly, “some phone chat or other…”

L sensed he was stirring things up but wasn’t sure why. It seemed calculated though, as much of his behaviour throughout dinner had been.

Light’s father looked livid and faced his wife. “You’ve been talking to _him_?” He was incredulous.

Sachiko straightened herself up and stared him down. There were still tears in her eyes from before and her lip still wobbled. “Yes, that’s right.”

“To the deviant? To the _monster_?” he exclaimed.

“Keep your voice down, sir,” Jayden said blandly, admonishing him in his own way. “And she apologized for all that shit already.” The last was a calculated dig.

L and Light swiveled to look at him. They nearly echoed each other as they said, “When the hell did **that** happen?”

There was a very strange moment at the table just then. Sachiko was seated kitty corner to Jayden, her husband pointed her way, looking on in disbelief, while the two of them were pointed the opposite way, staring at his cousin with similar disbelief.

“How’s everything, folks?” the waiter popped by to ask.

L felt incredulity transform his face. “Can you **not** read the fucking room?? What in the hell is wrong with you?”

The waiter paused, jolly expression freezing somewhat on his face, looking caught out.

“We’re fine, thanks,” Light said shortly, trying to cover for his outburst. There was a frayed smile in his voice. “Thanks, Steven,” he added, reading the nametag and trying to usher him along promptly.

“Can I get some A1 sauce?” Jayden added glibly as if immune to all of this. “My fries are sad and naked.”

“O-Oh sure,” Steven the waiter said and beat a hasty exit.

Once he left, Jayden was shaking his head. “Can you even _believe_ that?” he exclaimed, shaking his head, looking aggravated and scandalized. “Fucking unbelievable.”

“Watch your language,” Soichiro snapped.

“BITE ME,” Jayden snarked out, seeming a little peeved now. He muttered, “fucking control obsessed sonnuva b…”

Light must’ve kicked him under the table as the muttering ceased abruptly.

“Jayden, watch your mouth,” L said, sending him a black look. They’d talked about this intentional stirring shit up, and it wasn’t helping. He was pissed too, but they couldn’t just fly off the handle and say whatever they were thinking.

“Oh so HE gets to say whatever the fuck he wants, and we don’t?” Jayden spat, referring to Light’s father and glaring daggers at L.

“For the moment, yes,” he snapped back. “It’s called self-control, now fucking quit it.”

He became aware of both Light’s parents viewing this exchange with wide eyes.

L stood up. “Follow me,” he said. It wasn’t a request.

His cousin grumbled darkly under his breath and got up. “This is bullshit, by the way,” he couldn’t seem to help saying, pointing a finger at the elder Yagami male.

“ _Jayden_ ,” L used the whipcrack voice and turned on his heel, leaving the table. His cousin followed.

Once away from the others, Jayden practically exploded. “L, I **_can’t_** _!_ This has me so fucking pissed off, I could chew nails. I’m DONE. I can’t be civil anymore, can’t play parts. I’m fucking DONE.”

“Calm down,” L said tiredly, holding a hand to his forehead.

“Can you even **_believe_** the shit that leaves his self-righteous fucking mouth?!”

“I know.”

“GOD DAMNIT I can’t stand it when he talks about you like you are the scum of the earth. It makes me want to beat the everliving shit out of him.” He was livid and positively seething. “It’s the same fucking shit he was spewing at the house, only hearing it _first-hand_ is pissing me off even MORE and I didn’t think that was even possible.”

“Are you assuming I’m not fucking pissed over this?” L asked sharply, catching his pale gaze.

That seemed to stop Jayden in his tracks somewhat. “Well, I’d assume you would _have_ to be.”

“So why do you think I’m reigning that in, huh?” he snapped.

“Aw, fuck.” Jayden rubbed a hand over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Light.”

“Yeah, that’s right. So while we’re over here after that little outburst, he’s stuck over there facing them down by himself.”

“Well, to be fair,” Jayden said, as if absolving himself from his crimes, ” ** _you_** did also try to snip the balls off of our waiter.”

Damnit, that was a valid point. “Shut up,” he groused.

Jayden peered at him for a moment then leaned in and sniffed. “You fucker, you had whiskey.”

“Guilty.”

“Fuck, I need something stronger than this shitty wine, too.” He looked like he was making an effort to compose himself and stood up straighter. “Ok, I’m going to go copycat you and when I come back I will try to hold my shit together.”

“Thank you.”

“Yeah yeah, love you too.” He made a rude gesture and set off for the bar.

L took a bracing breath and headed back to the table.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had no idea at the time that Light's dad was going to be SO pissed and venomous.... holy shit. :|


	79. (phase 4) Stardust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The dinner continues. Tension is running high as they battle it out. Afterwards, distractions are in order and Light is introduced to some local haunts.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 79: Stardust _

After the cousins left the table, Light was left with his parents. There was a good long moment of silence. Dead, utter silence.

“The language on them,” Soichiro said at last, oozing disapproval.

 _Oh not this again,_ Light thought with a groan.

“Light?” his mother said, and her face held a contemplative frown. She was sort of staring off the way the other two had gone.

“Yes?”

“That was…” she swiveled her gaze to him. “If I’m not mistaken... an example of Elliot trying to keep Jayden in line?”

Light blinked at her, really not having anticipated such a question. “It’s a constant battle.” He tested the waters, deciding to be honest.

“And he listened.”

He nodded. “When he thinks Elliot is _really_ mad, he listens without fail.” He slid eyes over to his father. L had been more colorful with his words in order to ensure cooperation. “Hence the _language_.” His tone shaded to sarcasm.

“Don’t take that tone with me,” Soichiro ground out. “You could see it plain as day, before that, with how he spoke to that boy waiting our table.”

“Aside from the language, could you disagree with what he said? The guy has _consistently_ acted like he has NO clue--”

“Irrelevant,” his father announced, cutting him off. “Now when are you ceasing this nonsense and coming home?”

Light couldn’t help the shocked laughter that fell from his mouth. “You have GOT to be kidding me.”

“Do I look like I’m joking?”

“No, you don’t - ” tension and panic was surging up, PTSD from the other times his father had tried to put his foot down and entrap him. “- and from here that makes you look INSANE.” That claustrophobic, caged feeling he sometimes got was rising up and constricting his chest and throat.

“Are you never coming home?” his mother asked, looking beyond crushed.

“How can I?” he practically exploded. It was a monumental effort to keep his voice low and not shout. “All you seem to be thinking about is yourselves. Do you have ANY idea how hard that is to live with?? Do you even care about me as an individual at all? Or is it my role as your son that is the most important thing to you?”

Sachiko bristled. “That is such an unfair, ungrateful thing to say!”

“Unacceptable,” Soichiro confirmed with a black gaze.

“No, _father_ ,” he practically sneered. “Unacceptable is your _attitude_ and your abusive treatment of someone I care about. And I will NOT stand for that.”

It was at that inopportune moment where L had the misfortune of showing up. “Uh… what are we doing here?” he asked Light, taking in the scene and noting that the brunet was now on his feet. L looked like he’d just stepped in something, and was cursing his timing rather vehemently.

“We’re leaving,” Light said.

“But you haven’t even touched your food,” L said, as if trying to tell him to calm down and think about this.

“That makes three of us,” he bit out, sending a cursory glance over at L’s and his mother’s plates. “We’ll take it to go if it’s such an issue.”

“Light,” his mother said sadly.

“Either you go or we go,” he said bluntly, his voice becoming quite cold. “I’m done.”

Soichiro stood up, wiping his mouth with the cloth napkin and tossing it on the table. “We’ll go.” He still looked pissed. “I’ll not stay here another moment hearing my flesh and blood make such an egregious display. It sickens me.” He looked to his wife and held out his hand. “Let’s go, dear.”

Sachiko looked torn. She was obviously upset but it seemed that she’d been more intent on peacemaking than her husband. She appeared reluctant to abandon everything.

* * *

Jayden returned, a surprised look on his face as Light’s parents brushed past him. “Uhhhh…. What did I miss?”

Geez, he’d been gone for like 5 minutes!

The brunet shook his head and excused himself, disappearing off in the direction of the bathrooms.

“L?” Jayden peered at his cousin. Grateful as he was that this dinner torture was over, he’d been prepared to do battle once more and wasn’t sure what to think of this sudden disbanding. It felt… not good.

“I need a minute, too,” his cousin said, and went to pay the bill.

Jayden looked at the table full of food, shrugged, and set at destroying more of his steak.

* * *

When Light returned, Jayden was eating his dinner and L was sitting at the table, head resting on his steepled hands. “What?” he asked as he sat next to his lover, poking him in the shoulder.

L turned his head to look at him, but didn’t raise his head. “After all that, he paid the ENTIRE bill.”

“Lucky us,” Jayden said around a mouthful of steak and fries.

Light frowned.

L was shaking his head. “Is it just me or does that have the makings of a power play?”

“And control issues,” the deviant sassed, mouth full once more. He’d made serious dent on the food in the last few minutes.

Light realized he was hungry, even though he felt stressed and his stomach was churning. He broke off a small piece of garlic bread and ate it. “Agreed,” he said after several long moments of contemplation.

Jayden reached over the table for one of the bottles of wine. He poured a liberal amount into his glass and slid it surreptitiously in front of Light. “Drink up, kid, then eat.”

“I don’t want to,” he said defeatedly.

“Do it, or I’m going to molest you while forcing you to do it anyway, and then my cousin is going to murder me in front of you and you will have PTSD for the rest of your life. Option one is a lot simpler, I’d take that.”

“Dumbass,” Light scoffed, but he did pick up the glass. No one was really directly around. He made a concerted effort to drink it fast and felt a little better as the alcohol warmed his body. It did nothing to ease the clenching in his chest, however. “L, can I get totally shitfaced drunk tonight?” he asked under his breath.

“Nope,” L said kindly, sliding an arm around his shoulders and giving him a squeeze. “But maybe slightly less than blazingly drunk is doable. We’ll see.”

“Hey,” Jayden protested, “why doesn’t **he** get the _‘covering your feelings with alcohol isn’t helpful’_ speech??”

“Well for one,” L said drolly, “he isn’t an alcoholic like you.”

“Or like _you_?” Jayden swatted back. “Since you have an obvious drinking problem yourself, _cousin_.”

“Oh, I’ll admit I can get to drinking too much.” He gave Jayden a baleful look. “YOU however…”

“Yeah yeah,” the deviant sassed. “Spare me the lecture. Besides, excluding tonight, I’ve been avoiding it. Well, more than I would have otherwise.”

“I know.” L reached over to cuff him in the shoulder. “You’re doing better than I thought you would, too.”

Jayden grinned. “See? I can still surprise you.”

Light said, “I really doubt that was ever a concern.”

“Oh shaddup, punklet.” Jayden subjected him to another hair ruffling session, making annoyance surface up through the sea of this miserable, angry feeling that had interred itself in his chest. Light waved him off, swatting at his hands. The deviant pestered him a little bit longer than said, “Hey, maybe we should just get this stuff to go.”

“Good idea.” L glanced at him. “You wanna handle that?”

Uncharacteristically, Jayden simply said, “Sure,” and went to do that.

“You alright?” L asked.

“Not really.” Light rubbed his hands over his face. “Part of that seemed to maybe go well, have some promise… then BOOM.” He shook his head. “I don’t even know what happened. One minute I’m thinking that Jayden’s maneuverings were actually working to crack through that huge wall my father had put up and then…. I barely _blink_ and he’s saying this shit to you that makes my blood boil.”

“Yeah, I noticed that too. I swear that the constant state of confusion he was in, trying to figure Jayden out, had put a damper on his foul mood. At one point, I’d even say he was acting like the exasperated parent of a child.”

“I was somewhat amused by that, actually.”

“It’s a shame it didn’t last.”

Light nodded. He needed to thank Jayden for all the effort he’d put into this. He wasn’t entirely sure but he thought he’d detected a tension underneath his flawless act. More than tension, actually. It felt about like what that last outburst had. He seemed PISSED. “I appreciate what Jayden did today, trying to keep up conversation, smooth them out, and all of that….”

“He was in fine form.”

“If I do something to thank him for it though, he’s probably just going to be an asshole about it.”

“Probably true.” L paused in thought. “Let me think on that and I’ll let you know if I come up with something. In the meantime I’ll convey your appreciation, and let you escape his attitude.”

Light gave him a tired smile. “He’s such a pain in the ass.”

“Hey, I heard that,” Jayden announced with a sour tone, arriving with take out carriers and plastic bags. “And I’m being a fucking angel. You could stand to show a little appreciation.”

Light raised an eyebrow. “Is there actually a way to do that without you turning into a total asshole?”

“Hmm.” The deviant pretended to ponder that as he started boxing up the food. “I’d say _‘pay for gross amounts of food’_ but your pops already took care of that.”

“Well, let’s just say if I _was_ feeling appreciative, I’d curb the impulse to let you find out.”

Jayden stuck his tongue out at him, flashing the barbell piercing in it. “Fucking punk,” he griped. “Ungrateful as shit without a lick of repentance in his being.”

Light watched him for a few moments and then just had to ask, “Why are you boxing up my mother’s meal?”

“One, because I’m a glutton. Two, because she didn’t even touch it.”

“Weirdo.”

Jayden turned to his cousin. “L, have you ever known me to wantonly waste food?”

“No, I daresay you shade to the side of making some highly questionable choices in your quest for indulging your gluttony.”

“Hoookay, one, thanks a fucking lot. Two, shut up.” He shrugged off the commentary. “Anyway that still mostly proves my point. I’m not gonna waste it. I eat a lot and it was free.”

“What about my father’s steak?”

“Oh FUCK him,” Jayden said scathingly, temper coming out at last. “His fucking food could ROT for all I care, untouched or not. Fucking goddamn narcissistic asshole.” He devolved into muttering, but it was no less scathing.

“Ooookay,” Light said, leaving that the hell alone. He turned to L. “Can we head back to the apartment?”

“Or,” Jayden proposed, “we pick up some food that isn’t this, and get smashed up by the river.”

Hmnnn. That didn’t sound awful. But he also wasn’t feeling like doing anything, or making decisions.

L studied his face then looked over at his cousin. “Let’s drop this shit off at the house. I have an idea on that.”

“Done,” Jayden said, finishing up his prep of the food.

* * *

They piled into the car, L driving this time, as he’d had less to drink. He agreed that something distracting would be good for the brunet. This impromptu little trip would work just fine.

At the apartment, L instructed Light to grab a couple of sweaters or whatever from the closet while he made a pot of strong coffee.

“Planning a long stay?” his cousin asked, leaning his elbows on the counter.

“As long as we feel like.” He grabbed a tall thermos from one of the cabinets that could fit the whole pot of coffee. “Will you bitch about drinking it black?”

“That’s Light’s preference I’m assuming?”

“Yeah.”

“I’ll manage.”

“Great.” That made things easier. “And can you see if that old blanket is still in the back of my closet?”

“Sure.”

“Oh, by the way-”

“Yeah?” Jayden paused, all ears.

“He really appreciated it. Also, you are an insufferable asshole when people try to thank you for anything.”

His cousin gave him a bland look and stuck his tongue out at him before heading back to the bedroom. L shook his head. He could then hear Jayden griping about how Light was picking the wrong stuff. Ah well, he knew that reaction and that his menace of a cousin had felt mollified by the admission. He’d also seemed a bit salty over the other part, about being told he acted like an asshole, but only because it was true.

His cousin returned with the blanket, a sack for throwing a few things in like the coffee thermos, and an annoyed brunet. Jayden dug in the lower cabinets and tossed in some water bottles, a bottle of rum and another bottle of whiskey. “I’m surprised you still had these out in the open,” he said conversationally, “seeing as how you don’t trust your alcoholic cousin worth a shit. Oh, or your own pathetic lack of self-control.”

“Shut up,” L responded automatically. Well, he’d sorta earned those words getting tossed back at him. And it was true that he’d put alcohol in his cousin’s hands at least several times now. After this, they were back to being serious. Today had been a bad day for abstaining.

“Can we leave him here?” Light practically begged.

“Can it, shrimp.” Jayden popped him upside the back of the head, but not hard. “Feel annoyed if you must, but also feel GRATEFUL as I am providing you with a much needed distraction.”

“I could do without wanting to strangle you.”

“Life would seem so pale and colorless in comparison,” Jayden lamented theatrically.

L surveyed their gear. It seemed they had everything. Now just one more stop. “Alright let’s go.”

“Where are we going exactly?” the brunet asked as they got back on the road.

“Late night sub shop,” L responded. “Then out to the river.”

The river was actually just a large canal that looked like a river but wasn’t. There were tall walls on either side, but plenty of grass as well. It was pretty much a park, and people hung out there a lot. It would be pretty dead on a Saturday night, though. It was also just far enough out of town that the sky looked pretty nice at night.

They pulled up to the sub shop. “Ahhhhh I missed this place,” Jayden said, looking pretty pleased. “I rarely get out here anymore.”

“You would if you had a car.”

“Or, if my sweet as pie cousin would drive us.”

L scoffed at him and got out of the car. “You coming?” he asked the brunet.

Light declined and said anything was fine. Jayden popped out and came with. “Cecil’s has the best bread.”

“Well, I don’t know about the _best…_ ” It was really good though.

“Okay, Ramaran’s Heros has a better bread,” Jayden relented as they entered the shop. “But the Italian subs here are top notch, right?”

“Agreed.”

They got in line, which was actually longer than you’d think at this time of night. But, it was a popular place. Jayden’s eyes skimmed briefly over the menu board behind the counter. “Let’s just get three of those and some chips and shit.” His cousin was quiet a moment, looking contemplative. “You know, it’s kinda weird. Normally a kid Light’s age would have known about all these places. I feel like we’re showing the ropes to a total out-of-towner. Or a foreign exchange student.”

L laughed a little, though there wasn’t much humor in it. “I had a similar thought on more than one occasion.”

“Man this whole setup is bad,” Jayden said, dragging his skully off of his head and running a hand through his hair, making it stand on end in a wild fashion. “I’m surprised he isn’t a total mental case. I mean, in some ways his folks are less bad than mam and gramps were, but then… I don’t know, in some ways it seems worse.” He frowned heavily. “At least in my case I was acting up. Light’s a good kid, he doesn’t deserve this shit.”

L put a hand on his shoulder briefly, squeezing it emphatically. “ _No one_ deserves it.”

Jayden looked distant. “Like… they don’t typically attack _him_ directly as a person, but then… well it’s not normal how they keep lashing out at you, either.”

“It seems to me that it’s because they often don’t acknowledge him as a separate, individual person.” He guessed in that way -through verbal attacks- they were acknowledging that _he_ was his own person at least, unlike their son.

Jayden shook his head like he was trying to shake off his sudden somberness. He changed the topic somewhat. “What were you saying to his mom earlier? I missed some of it.”

“You heard the important part. But she also asked me about my ‘intentions’ towards her son.”

His cousin let out a sputtered laugh, looking wildly amused. “Well THAT’S beyond obvious. You want to fuck his brains out, repeatedly, and on into the unending future.”

L put a hand over his face as the words practically bounced off of the walls of the tiny shop. People looked over and stared at them. “Inside voice,” he muttered.

Jayden didn’t look repentant in the least. He kept his volume at the same level. “Hey, you think the dad has this giant stick up his ass because he has a secret stash of denied ‘tendencies’?”

He gave his cousin a bland look. “Oh, like how YOU do?”

Jayden frowned. “Not cool, bro. Not cool.”

“Uhh….” the girl at the counter said tentatively. It was their turn. She was pretty, and looked a little uncertain about the whole conversation she’d just heard. “Would you like to place your order?”

Jayden rested his elbows on the high countertop and gave her a slutty smile. “He was just fucking with me on all that. I am unequivocally straight, and also quite interested in your phone number.” L kicked the back of his foot. “Providing you’re not underage,” he added.

She flushed red and stammered a repeat of her question about the order.

“Just order, jackass,” L prompted him.

“Right then,” Jayden said perkily. “He’s really into taking footlongs but won’t admit it, so he’ll have three. Wild night,” he added with a wink as L punched him. “And I hear Italian meat is good, if you’re into meat and all.” That earned him another punch and he grinned wildly.

“I’m sorry, Janice,” L inserted himself in front of his cousin, reading her nametag. “He’s off his meds. It’s usually a bad idea to take him anywhere. Can we get 3 Italian subs and some chips?”

“F-footlongs?” she asked, turning red again.

L spared a droll glare at his cousin, who smiled impishly, and shook his head at him. “Yeah that’s fine.”

“We uh…” she fluttered, “also have cookies and… whole dill pickles.” She couldn’t look them in the eye. There was a large jar of them and they were huge. “We have to offer those…” she explained, looking embarrassed and apologetic.

“OOOOH, he **_loves_** monster pickles,” Jayden said quite loudly.

L smacked him upside the back of the head. “Fucking quit it.”

“But I’m having fun.”

“I’m going to _drown you in the river_ ,” he threatened menacingly. Turning back to the cashier, he said, “No, just the chips, thanks.”

Jayden strolled out of the shop with a whistle and a bounce in his step. L was sort of regretting bringing him along. “By the way, one hour of good behavior does not earn you the right to be a goddamn pain in the ass.”

“It’s a thank you gift, from you to me,” he fluttered sweetly.

“Think again.”

“Ahhhhhhh,” Jayden sighed with a contented look. “Getting under your skin should earn me a fucking medal of accomplishment.”

“I’ve worried about the effect of all this repeated head trauma you bring upon yourself.”

“Careful,” his cousin said slyly, “you might just damage **all** my filters. And can you even _imagine_ the shit that will come out of my mouth then?”

“That’s the stuff of nightmares.”

Jayden draped an arm over his shoulders and hugged him. “I’m a little sorry, for the stuff in there, though it was HILARIOUS.”

“Can you at least act civilized around Light and not stress him out?”

“Yep, was getting it out of my system. Mostly.” He paused. “Well, it’s a pretty thought, isn’t it?” he said brightly.

Uuuuuugh. “Make the fantasy a reality.” He couldn’t help the long-suffering tone that slipped out amidst the vague threat.

“Hahahaaaaa!”

“What took so long?” Light asked as they got back in the car.

“A threeway with some Italians,” Jayden jeered, making L groan.

“Oookay, sorry I asked.”

“Technically that would be a four-way,” L commented blithely, putting the car into gear.

“ ** _All_** the meat!” Jayden got out before dissolving into laughter.

“How far away is this place?” Light asked a safer question and ignored the hyena in the back seat.

“Not too far. About thirty minutes.”

“How will we get back if we’re all drunk?”

“It’s called ‘hanging out’, my poor little exchange student,” Jayden said, reaching forward to pinch both of Light’s cheeks, hard. “We’ll leave when we feel like it. We’ve got enough stuff to last us as long as we want.”

“Owww,” the brunet complained, trying to detach the pinching hands.

Jayden waxed poetic, ignoring his struggles. “Think of it as a field trip, and a way to break the monotony of: sulking over your parents, then going home and banging L.” He cheekily added, “Wait sorry, that would be _‘being banged by L’_ , as I seriously _doubt_ you have the chops to try the reverse.”

Light growled, making L chuckle. It was likely as much in response to his face getting abused as it was to the words themselves. He knew the brunet got touchy when people assumed he’d only ever be a bottom. It was even more amusing because he could tell how Light was chomping at the bit to enact a role reversal. Hahahaa. He was still inclined to make him really work for it. It was so fucking cute, seeing that determination. Also, seriously sexy when Light put his mind into convincing him.

Ah man, now he really wanted nothing more than to kiss the brunet senseless.

He settled for reaching over and running a flirtatious hand up his thigh, making him elicit a startled noise. As much as the river would be nice, he did kind of lament the fact that they weren’t in a position to do the usual, much as his cousin mocked it. This fucking stress bomb of a night could do with a little distraction, and the comfort of a hot, wanton body against his.

“Hey, kids,” Jayden said, releasing Light, “it’s not _that_ kind of a camping trip.”

“It could be if you go for a walk,” L joked.

“Haha, NOPE,” Jayden sassed. “This is quality time, not ‘ _do the same shit you do every five minutes at home’_.”

“Oh, were you keeping track?” L said facetiously.

“As if,” his cousin groused. “Who’d wanna see the two of you banging?”

“Aside from Clare?” Light chipped in.

“Well, good point,” Jayden ceded. “And other souls that are of her kind. Speaking of which,” he added lightheartedly, “who here is worried about how many people have now seen that video?”

“The grand total on that had better fucking be ONE person,” L said sharply. Jayden was right, she totally would have watched it. “If she knows what’s good for her.”

“Do we want to make any bets on her impulse-control being any better than mine?” Jayden asked brightly, making them both groan. “And she is an _avid_ fan of social media.”

“Is she an avid fan of breathing?” Light said under his breath. “Because I just might help L murder her.”

Jayden laughed at that, ruffling the brunet’s hair as amusement poured off of him in waves. “Awww, cute doesn’t even cut it. So fierce.” He dissolved into laughter again as Light growled at him.

L left them to it. It was way better than that lingering pall of seriousness that had descended upon them after that dinner. His cousin was probably acting up as a way to rid himself of the tension. It was kind of annoying but he did have a point in that they were now almost exclusively focused on that instead of the parental problem. Jayden was wise in his own way.

* * *

Light shivered as they got out of the car, the chill edge on the wind cutting right through his clothes. They unpacked their stuff and spread the blanket out on the grassy bank overlooking the ‘river’ which turned out to be a canal. A nice one, though, and pretty huge. The water was dark but the whole area seemed clean, fresh, and a bit outdoorsy despite the concrete of the road, the shoulder they parked on, and the retention walls that sloped down to the lower banks.

They donned their jackets, while keeping their feet planted on the blanket to weigh it down. The breeze was strong enough to keep lifting up the corners and threatening to make the whole thing airborne.

He was grateful as hell for the way the jacket cut the wind, but it might be a while till he shook off the chilled shivering.

“Here,” Jayden said as they all sat on the makeshift groundcover, handing him a small cup. “Drink this.” It was the cap of the thermos, and in it was some delightfully hot coffee. He accepted it and felt doubly warmed as L settled behind him and wrapped arms around him.

He closed his eyes as he drained the coffee, feeling them prickle at the feeling of comfort, care and safety that stole over him.

L had shown him a peace he had never even imagined was possible. He’d also stood up for him and stood by him, during this stuff with his parents, in a way that was so noble he almost felt he didn’t deserve it. He was grateful as hell, though, and it just made him love L all the more. And he knew L expected nothing in return.

Wow, that no-strings-attached mentality…. it was such a difference from what he grew up with, it seemed nearly something from a fable or a dream. It almost didn’t seem like it could be a reality. But he’d been learning that with L he _could_ trust it.

He handed the small cup back to Jayden. “Thanks.”

“And this,” Jayden handed him the bottle of rum. “Take a swig, it’ll warm you up, too.”

The deviant’s fingers felt like ice as he took it from him. He noted that he was shivering a bit in his jacket, though his face looked unconcerned. It made him feel a bit guilty. L’s long legs on either side of him cut the wind a bit and also were warm, L’s body against his back was warm, L’s arms were warm where they wrapped comfortably around him, and the feelings inspired in his chest were warm as well.

“Hey, jackass,” L said, beckoning to his cousin. “Come here.”

“Why?” Jayden said cagily.

L didn’t respond, just waved him over, opening an arm up to him to join them.

Light noted Jayden looked both cold and a little wary.

“You’re freezing your ass off,” L said as his cousin came closer, “And we aren’t, so come here.”

Jayden relented and L dragged him into a one-armed hug, clapping the side of his shoulder. They were all now hip to hip and it wasn’t too terribly cold at all. “Well, if you’re offering,” the younger cousin said, tossing a leg over both of theirs and joining their tight knit group.

“Here,” Light said, draping an arm over his knee and handing the rum back to him, accepting him into the fold. The liquor had warmed him up a bit from the inside. He intended the timing of the gesture as a bit of a peace-offering and to show he was fine with this new seating arrangement. He really did also feel grateful to the deviant for his contribution tonight. It must have been hard to accomplish, and he was certain that Jayden was directly responsible for the parts of dinner that _did_ go well.

They passed the bottle around, getting pretty solidly drunk. Light felt his eyes get drawn up to the deep black sky, where the stars were glittering like crushed diamond dust.

Something distilled in him in that moment. A feeling of fate, rightness, peace, and oneness with the two people beside him. He could feel their love for him, and he for them.

Maybe the situation with his parents was fucked up, and maybe he didn’t feel great about that, but in that moment it almost didn’t seem to matter. He had gained two people who would do almost anything for him. It was a nearly unconditional regard, and something he never imagined he would experience. And he found he would do almost anything for either of them as well.

He felt overwhelming gratitude, and a sensation of being grounded and stable. They were his supports and with them, he felt he could handle anything. Regardless of how things worked out with his parents... they would take it on together.

* * *

TBC

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, I did it! Got all three posted in time. :D
> 
> Drop a review if you can. : )
> 
> Thanks, ya'll!


	80. (phase 4) Entwined

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys wake up down at the river, enjoying the moment of peace. Later, at breakfast, Jayden gets touchy as L tries to reveal the shit he'd started with his roommate. He and Light have a tense heart-to-heart.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 80: Entwined _

They fell asleep out there, on the blanket laid out on the grass.

Jayden regained partial consciousness. His arms were wrapped around someone and a warm body was pressed enticingly against his. It took him a few minutes to put it together, as this wasn’t the first time he’d fallen asleep out here. He realized he was spooning Light, who was lying entwined with his cousin. Actually, all three of their legs were a tangle of confusion.

He shrugged and lay his head back down, not feeling like breaking off from the warmth, or the novelty of being close to Light like this. For once, his mind wasn’t a hum of activity and it just felt peaceful and drowsy in the crisp pre-dawn air. The brunet felt good in his arms, despite the fact that the arm under his body had fallen asleep and was on the verge of pins and needles.

It was so good to be done with that abhorrent dinner and have that out of the way. He closed his eyes and tucked his head back against the brunet’s neck, arms closing a little tighter around him, like he was squeezing a pillow. Light barely stirred, just shifted a little and let out a soft, unconscious sigh.

The rum was still heavily in his system, which usually made him more amorous, but just now he was content with this and the feeling of belonging. L wasn’t pissed at him anymore, and Light had accepted him and seemed to have stabilized a bit from earlier.

Oh, he still had feelings for the brunet... he’d admit that in a drunken haze. But just now, this peace, it felt way more important than any urges he might have felt otherwise.

He only wished there were some way to make something like this last.

Jayden drifted off again to the sound of the wind, the night noises and whirs of hidden insects, and the soft flowing waters of the river.

* * *

Light woke up briefly, having the odd sensation of being the middle of a sandwich. Without opening his eyes, he could feel that he was sleeping with his face against L’s chest and could smell his comforting, rousing scent.

He also felt L’s body along much of his own. But oddly, there were more legs in the mix than usual. And, now that he focused on it, the warmth at his back was from a person. It appeared Jayden was spooning him, an arm curled around him, and his own arm was draped over that. The deviant’s deep, even breaths, felt faintly against his neck, meant he was asleep and dead to the world.

For some reason, this all didn’t feel horribly out of place and Light soon drifted off again.

* * *

L, being an insomniac, had woken up multiple times since they’d all listed over and fallen asleep. He didn’t want to disturb either of them when they seemed to be sleeping so deeply. Maybe it was the stress. He’d knocked out for a good amount of time himself.

The first time he’d woken and found the current arrangement, he almost woke them all up, having a possessiveness rise in him upon seeing how close his cousin was to Light. But as he looked down upon them, his cousin reminded him heavily of how he’d looked as a kid. There was an innocence in his features that was rarely to be witnessed these days, and he was wrapped around Light like he was just a kid hugging a stuffed teddy bear. There was nothing sexual in it, just a look of peace and contentment and being dead to the world.

He ended up doing nothing, and just went back to sleep. He felt a bit guilty over his cousin’s feelings for the brunet, since they both knew nothing could come of it. And after all he’d done to help them out with the parents and the dinner and everything… well, it seemed that he’d earned this little reprieve. Besides, the two of them really did look cute. It would be a shame to disturb them anyway. The two of them looked so young in sleep, and to be honest it tugged a bit at his heartstrings. He loved them both. In different ways, of course, but the urge was there to do whatever he could to keep them safe and happy.

L’s arms tightened around Light as he settled back down, and the brunet let out a soft, “Mmmm” and unconsciously tilted his head towards him. L tipped his chin up and brushed a soft kiss against his lips.

Ah, but that always stirred him towards wanting more. Even unconscious, Light really got to him.

Sleepy gold eyes fluttered open to look upon him, jewellike and beautiful.

Emotion lanced through L and he couldn’t help touching lips to that precious face, raining soft kisses upon cheeks, forehead, nose, and finally upon lips that parted sweetly for him with the gentle flick of a tongue.

It was a little scary to feel so much for someone. But at the same time, he wouldn’t take it back, and he felt so alive. Perhaps he’d die of stress, but in moments like this, he was simply drowning in emotion and sensation.

* * *

They went out for pancakes at an out of the way place the cousins both swore was ‘the best’. Well, truly waking up took a bit of time first. Jayden had shaken him awake, and L was sitting up already, watching the sunrise.

Light was surprised that somehow waking up all tangled together hadn’t seemed to cause any strife anywhere. Everyone just seemed sleepy and chill. Jayden was once more taking care of him, handing him coffee to drink. He rolled his eyes a little, knowing that he was at the butt of his own personal joke, needing coffee in the morning like needing air to breathe. Jayden snickered and ruffled his hair.

Without speaking they all ended up watching the spectacle of day breaking over the land. Jayden lay back with his hands behind his head, L sat with his arms behind him like braces, staring serenely at the sky. Light sat indian style, curled around the thermos with coffee. Periodically he offered a small cup to either of them, which they each accepted, then he continued his own journey to wakefulness with further cups for himself.

After the most glorious and intense colors had faded out into the lightening sky, Light said, “We don’t have any food, do we?”

“Oops,” Jayden said quietly, still watching the sky, “You know, you’d think that I would have thought about that.”

“Seeing as you are a glutton,” L added in a peaceful, laid-back tone.

Light’s stomach rumbled.

Jayden reached a hand over and patted it condescendingly. “Oh, L~ your pet is hungry.”

“Shut up,” Light grumbled, swatting him away, but not before Jayden started poking and tickling him.

L watched the ensuing chaos with some amusement. Light was starting to form a firm conviction that L enjoyed watching him be tormented.

“Quit it!” he laughed, unable to get much force behind the words due to lack of air, nor keep from laughing. He hated being tickled, it was so demeaning, but he couldn’t not react to it. And Jayden seemed to realize that and plagued him mercilessly.

“You can’t feel too hungry if you’re focused on trying to breathe,” he said gleefully.

“Ass,” Light breathed out, trying to get more oxygen in his lungs and launch a counterattack.

“Hey, menace,” L said lightly, “You think Azalea's is open?”

Jayden paused, a bright look upon his face. “Pancakes.” In the next moment he was wincing hard as Light punched him in the stomach in retaliation and put him in a headlock. “Damnit.”

“You’re lucky I didn’t go for a nipple twister.” He tightened the squeeze upon the deviant’s neck.

“Kin...ky…” Jayden fought to get out.

“Well, we don’t have cell service out here, but it’d be worth a drive to check it out I think,” L was saying.

“Un...hand me... runt,” Jayden said, now more motivated by the promise of food. “Pannncakes…” He then switched gears and stretched out a hand towards the thermos. “Coffeeeeee…..”

L poured a cup and held it out to him, just out of reach.

“Asshole…” the deviant griped at his cousin, though he kept reaching out grasping fingers for it.

L stroked a hand over Light’s hair and offered the cup to him. He let go and accepted it, still craving caffeine and the warm, rich taste of the black coffee. It tasted like life.

They made it to the pancake place in one piece and luckily it was opening soon after they got there. It was only about 7 a.m. so it was just in time to catch the early church crowd along with other early morning stragglers like themselves.

“I haven’t been here in an age,” Jayden was saying to his cousin. “Why don’t we come here more?”

“Have I heard you offering to chip in for gas money?”

“Yeah, ‘cause that sounds like me,” he joked back. “But maybe I will, this food is divine.”

A really hot waitress came over to take their order.

“And that isn’t the only thing divine around here,” Jayden added, sending her a charming smile and a once over. Light noticed the other girls who were waiting tables were equally attractive.

She smiled prettily, but didn’t seem to be a flustered pushover. She must’ve had a lot of practice with customers ogling and hitting on her. “Do you know what you want?” she asked, making it sound vaguely suggestive.

“How about you, with a side of pancakes and maple syrup?” Jayden said slyly, somehow managing to _not_ make that sound painfully embarrassing. His eyes said the pancakes could be optional.

“I’m on the clock, hun, so I’ll put in for what I can give you. Full stack?”

“I love full stacks.” He let his eyes drift to her chest and kept it only just marginally less than lewd.

Light kicked him under the table. It was waaaay to early to be watching shit like this.

“Oh, and I’ll have a side of corned beef hash, eggs, hashbrowns, toast and grits.”

Her eyes widened at that. “S-Seriously??”

“Oh, you’re right,” Jayden amended. “Orange juice and a bloody mary as well.”

She blinked a few times. “We don’t have bloody marys?” she stammered, still totally taken off guard.

“No? Then take that as a suggestion to management,” he said with a wink. “And make that a coffee.”

‘Samantha’ looked totally off her game now, and kept sneaking looks back at the deviant. It was hard to say if she was horrified or really intrigued. Jayden had on a self-satisfied smile and a come-hither look on his face for whenever she happened to look his way. She even seemed a bit flustered now. Jayden truly was an expert at cracking through the walls people put up.

“I’ll have the french toast and hashbrowns,” Light said.

“Pancakes, orange juice and sausage links,” L said. “And a full stack, as he doesn’t yet know what he’s missing,” he added and nodded at Light.

“Unlike my cousin, I’m not into sausage,” Jayden remarked offhandedly, giving the girl another meaningful smile.

She actually flushed at that, but carried it off well, promising to get their food out as soon as possible.

“Ass,” L said, kicking him under the table.

“What? It’s true isn’t it?”

“ _That’s_ debatable,” Light said drolly, remarking on the ‘unlike my cousin’ bit and giving the deviant a deadpan look.

Pale eyes narrowed and he snarked back defensively, “I thought we were over this whole _‘the world revolves around **you** ’_ thing?”

Light put his elbows on the table and leaned forward, not fooled by this response in the least. “And who was spooning me all night, huh?”

Jayden looked away and grumbled acerbically under his breath.

“Hey, kids, let’s lighten up, ok?” L chimed in. “Stop antagonizing each other. And me.”

“Then however shall we pass the time?” Jayden fluttered sarcastically in that southern belle type of voice.

“Ahhhh,” L expelled a breath and rubbed his hands over his face. “Where _has_ that fleeting feeling of peace gone?”

“Apparently it faded with the alcohol,” Jayden quipped.

The waitress brought over the coffee and set it before the light-eyed, piercing riddled charmer.

“Say, _Samantha_ ,” he said smoothly, “what time was it that you get off?”

“Of work, or in general?” she jested back just as smoothly, surprising them all.

Before he could answer, she added offhandedly, “Oh, sorry, I’m needed elsewhere,” and slipped away to take care of ‘something’ that was not at their table. It seemed to Light that the timing was intentional.

“Damnit, she’s a sly one,” the deviant said, impressed.

“Are you even seriously interested, or are you just entertaining yourself?” L asked blandly, taking a sip of his water.

“Hmmmmmm.” Jayden made a show of pondering that as he watched her from across the room, then turned to Light. His light colored eyes had that mischievous, slightly challenging look. “What do _you_ think?” It felt like a setup.

“Ugh, don’t ask me.”

“ _Come on_.” Yeah, there was the impatience, that hyped up edge to his tone. The sarcasm wasn’t far behind. “I’m lavishing praise upon your powers of observation. Spill.”

Light heaved a deep sigh. “Well… I’d say you weren’t serious until the point where she started to surprise and outshine you, and **then** you got legitimately interested.” In fact, he was pretty sure that was the reason Jayden had taken a shine to Shani - the girl could see through him and also wasn’t a total pushover for those eyes, that face, or any of his shameless flirting. Shit... that was probably also why Jayden liked him so much as well.

L snickered, likely thinking something along the same lines. “Predictable.”

“Shut up,” his cousin groused. “Can I help it that I like to feel engaged?”

“Still never stopped you from hitting up someone with a pretty face,” L tossed back. “You bullshitter.”

Jayden frowned. “Why did that sound like ‘manwhore’ just now?”

“Probably because I intended it to, and amusingly enough that description Justin gave was pretty damn accurate.”

“UUUUUUUUUGGGHHHHHHH.” Jayden rubbed his hands over his face. “I sort of almost forgot about… that.”

“That?” Light asked, sensing something was up.

“Well, you see - “ L started, eyeing his cousin.

 _“Don’t tell him.”_ Twin icicles pointed L’s way.

“Something may have happened between the two of them,” L said, shooting an annoyed look back at his cousin. “And shut up,” he added preemptively.

It suddenly dawned on Light, something that had been in the back of his head. That little comment Jayden had made about ‘exploring his options’... He felt his mouth go slack in an ‘o’ of surprise.

 _“Goddamnit, L,”_ Jayden seethed as he caught that reaction, looking really pissed now.

“What was it you said one time, while pulling all manner of bullshit…?” L said contemplatively, and completely unrepentantly. “Ah yes, _‘in this crew there are no secrets’_.”

 _Oh right_ , Light realized. That was from when they’d all been in the bathroom and Jayden had been telling him to strip. Which was right before he’d blown a gasket over either Shani or himself, and he’d seen the first really nasty fight between the two of them.

“Fine,” Jayden snarked back. He turned to Light. “My addle-brained cousin thought that after squaring up on the bet, I had a thing for my surly housemate. I proved him wrong.”

“Uh….. proved him wrong how?” Light asked, feeling confused. How would starting something with Justice prove he wasn’t into him? And why would L think something like that out of nowhere? Surely there was an actual reason behind it?

“Maybe if he yelled at you more often, you’d be totally into it,” L said sagely.

“Shut up,” Jayden snapped back darkly. “And you’re the one who gets all pissed about me airing stuff about you. So stop, or I’m going to retaliate.”

They shared a meaningful, threatening, wordless exchange.

The waitress returned with some more coffee, water, and juice, and Jayden didn’t even bother chatting her up. He was still brooding and had a sullen cast to his features.

“You let part of it slip to me anyway,” Light told him. “So don’t be in such a snit. No one cares what you decide to do or why.” Really, they’d probably both give him shit no matter who he picked, just because that’s how things worked. Jayden didn’t think that they’d be judging him for whatever he chose, did he?

“Unless it involves _you_ ,” he swatted back.

Light frowned deeply, frustrated and a little sad that this was how Jayden so often was with him. Moments like last night at the river seemed so rare. He wished things could just be calm and ok between them instead of having to worry about getting his hand bitten off every two seconds.

L put a calming hand on his leg, and said as an aside, “He said he busted a move, to prove me wrong, and that he didn’t feel anything.”

Light was feeling sullen now himself. He really could do without the stress and tension in general, or having the deviant be so standoffish and cutting. “Yeah _said_ he didn’t. And yet this attitude problem proves once more that he is full of shit.” He felt annoyed as well. It was obvious he was getting some of the backlash over Jayden having issues over NOT feeling _nothing_ with his roommate, and he didn’t want to be an emotional punching bag for that.

“I do NOT have a thing for my roommate,” Jayden snapped waspishly.

“Okay fine, whatever you say.” Light was certain something had happened and Jayden was deep in denial over it. Geez, why didn’t he just date Shani then? Why would he ‘explore his options’ in that case? It didn’t make any rational sense.

“You’d like that wouldn’t you?” the deviant sneered. “Then you could prove your little theory that I have a thing for YOU.”

Light expelled a sigh from the depths of his soul. “I’ll be right back,” he uttered to L and slid out of the booth. “ _Come here_ ,” he said sharply to the deviant and headed out of the restaurant without looking back.

As expected, Jayden did tail after him. He walked around the corner of the building, so as not to be in front of all the windows, and waited. When Jayden came around the corner he looked both surly and petulant. “Why are you attacking me??” Light asked bluntly, making sure his voice bordered on the whipcrack voice L liked to use on his cousin, because it was effective.

Jayden let out a derisive noise. “You don’t realize how that sounds? To not give a fuck about another person’s choices? I could just go be with anyone and you don’t give a rat’s ass, huh?”

“I didn’t mean it that way,” he protested with a frown.

The deviant moved up into his personal space, backing him closer to the wall. “Oh, who fucking cares anymore. You know how I feel about you. I know you’ve known for a while. And yet, you say such callous shit to me.”

“ _Seriously_ ,” Light said more emphatically, “I didn’t mean it like tha--”

Jayden cut him off with the sudden surge of lips meeting his. It was a morose, regretful kiss. He could practically taste the sorrow and emotion on his tongue. It speared through Light’s heart and made him feel wretched. Jayden wasn’t entirely wrong... maybe if not for L, they might have had _something_. But he was in love with L, and that wasn’t going to change.

He also couldn’t help that he felt something, that he reacted to this. It made him feel conflicted, almost confused for a handful of seconds, as he tried to sort out the surprise, indignation, and feelings. Like usual, there was the strong urge to kick him or otherwise retaliate, but the feelings were almost just as strong. Guilt - though Jayden’s feelings weren’t his fault; Confusion - as he stumbled through reactions to this and the reprieve from Jayden’s typical standoffish manner; Indecision - as he flailed at how to handle this.

The deviant pulled back just enough to form words. “I’m _trying_ ,” he breathed out. His voice sounded nearly like he was in confession - quiet and tortured. “I really am. But I’m struggling.” Light could feel the movement of lips almost against his own.

Somehow it felt more close and intimate than any of those other kisses… maybe because he could feel the struggle Jayden was having with himself. It was also a rare moment in which he was being transparent... and he seemed to be asking for help.

“Talk to me,” he said back quietly, not crucifying him for the transgression but not letting him back away from that admission of truth. Maybe if Jayden got this stuff off of his chest he wouldn’t feel the need to keep lashing out at him, or slipping up like this.

Jayden pulled back more and he looked seriously conflicted. He almost seemed like he didn’t know what to do with that response, as opposed to being on the receiving end of grievous bodily harm or a tongue-lashing.

“ _Talk_ to me.”

Pale eyes cut to the side and the cloying closeness of the moment eased as Jayden attempted to comply. His focus had gone inward, a few of his shields going back up. “I... maybe felt more than nothing with my roommate.” His delivery was reluctant, forced. He avoided looking at Light. “The first time, I figured it was just because we’d all…” he made a vague gesture and seemed to be alluding to that time on the bed which Clare had been filming. “But it was _bugging_ me, and L saying maybe it was about Justice himself…. THAT bugged me and I was bound to prove him wrong, and I **did**.”

“But….?” Light sensed there was more to it. Something maybe that he hadn’t told L either.

“I don’t know,” Jayden sounded exasperated. “He was really pissed, knocked me around, then rage-kissed me and…. well somehow,” he paused and scowled, running a hand through his hair and messing it up, “I sorta felt something.”

Ah.

He could see where all of this was coming from now. “So what?”

Jayden blinked at him. “Excuse me?”

Light shrugged. “It’s like you’re forcing yourself. No one is making you do anything. If you did have a thing for him, go for it. If the idea sort of wigs you out, even if you felt something a time or two, just ignore it. Go for a girl and don’t worry about it.”

“But….” He looked really conflicted again.

“What?” It almost seemed like maybe…. did Jayden feel like he had to push his own limits once he’d discovered what those might be?

“You make a logical argument,” he muttered at last. “But then why is this BUGGING me so damn bad?” His pale eyes looked a little cagey. “I wrote it off, with you, but now if there is another one in the mix….” He expelled a sigh and rubbed his hands over his face. “I do not want this. I do NOT want this….”

“So why aren’t you leaving it alone?”

“I don’t _know_.” He seemed sullen. “I guess I feel like I need to figure it out.”

“If it makes you feel better, I had an epic struggle with this myself.”

Jayden gave him a pitying look. “Yeah, **_loads_** better, **if** I was struggling with _a new sexual identity_. But like I said, I’m STRAIGHT.”

“Then _act_ like it,” Light shot back with annoyance. “Only a moron would put the moves on another guy of his own free will, just to prove a point, and with no one there to even see it.”

“Bitch,” Jayden sneered back, getting defensive again.

“You _know_ Justin likes you. What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I don’t KNOW!” he snapped. “I was convinced I was just hung up on you and that’s why stuff with him wasn’t terrible. I wanted to prove it to L but also to myself.”

“And it backfired.”

Jayden scowled. “Maybe, yeah.”

Light sighed. “I think you are torturing yourself for no reason. If you like someone, you like them. You don’t have to _choose_ someone to be in that role.”

Jayden expelled a breath and flopped against the wall next to him. “Well, kinda.”

“What do you mean?”

“L thinks I should date someone.”

“He’s probably right.”

“Yeah, I _know_ that. That’s why I’m trying to figure all this shit out.”

Light studied his face for a long moment. “Truly, what possessed you to bust a move on Justice? You could have left that well enough alone.”

“Poor impulse control?”

“DO you like him?”

“I like _harassing_ him.”

“You like harassing me, too.”

“Kinda my point.”

“So harassing Shani was all part of this whole ‘assessing your options’ for who to date?” He was a little incredulous over that, though not entirely surprised. “You have problems.”

“Tell me about it.” He looked heavenward. “Admittedly I haven’t really ‘dated’ in the conventional sense. So this is kinda not my forte. How the fuck do I tell if I’ll actually like someone enough to stay interested or not be bored?”

“I’m no expert there either,” Light admitted. “I’d say, just do what you usually do but if something feels like it has the potential for longevity, don’t cut it off. Over time you will see who you like spending time with.”

Jayden adopted a droll tone. “Uh… with both of the current _‘options’_ we’ll call them - though I am seriously exaggerating to call Justice one of those - my normal methods aren’t gonna fly. I think they’d both be expecting relationship status. And exclusivity. Hence, figuring this out is sorta step one.” He sounded slightly annoyed as he added, “I don’t have _time_ to do your drag-ass timeline. No offense.”

Light rolled his eyes, feeling annoyed in turn. “You could if you weren’t _sleeping with_ your options as you hung out with them.”

“Oh. Yeah, I didn’t think about that.”

“Shocking.”

“Shut up.”

“So why was Justice so pissed at you that he tried to throttle you?”

Jayden looked mildly regretful, though his tone was still kind of flippant. “Uh…. well I might have made some jokes that didn’t go over too well, revolving around how badly he wants me. I think he thought the kiss thing was me actively trying to fuck with him.”

“Pffffft! Wow, you are an asshole,” Light whistled.

“Shut up,” he griped. “L and Clare already read me the riot act.”

“Awww you actually feel bad about it,” Light teased him. “Seems to happen when you piss people off and it wasn’t on purpose-”

Right about then, L came around the corner.

It made them jump a little, and Light had a sudden anxiety like he’d been caught doing something wrong, but all L said was, “Hey, food’s up if you’re still planning on eating.”

“YES, thank god,” Jayden said staunchly, pushing off from the wall and heading back in.

“Everything ok?” L asked, eyeing Light.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s fine,” he said, waving off everything as no big deal. Largely, it wasn’t. But he felt guilty somehow for that kiss, even though it was unexpected and not like he could have avoided it. But even so, he hadn’t pushed Jayden away. Probably he should have. Yet, it hadn’t seemed like the usual type, with Jayden pushing lines and testing boundaries. It had seemed, from the beginning, like a sort of bracing goodbye or a moment of weakness not to be indulged in. The more important thing, he felt, was the conversation they’d had afterwards.

L slipped his hand into Light’s and held him back a moment. “You know I can tell when stuff has gone down, right?”

Light had another panic-filled moment, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.

L’s dark gaze was pointed in the direction his cousin had taken. “He seems calmer. But you know it isn’t your job to patch him up, right?”

Light felt relief flood through him as he realized L was referring to ‘talks’ as opposed to something of a physical nature when he’d said ‘stuff has gone down’. “I know, but I think it helped.”

“You’re too good for your own good,” L said, his eyes shading a bit warmer as he gazed down at him. “He really does get acerbic as hell with you.”

“He’s been really thinking on some conversation you guys had, and wrestling with something.”

“I know.”

“Do you?”

L nodded. “I can tell. Just as I can tell he was lying when he said he didn’t react to Justice when he pulled that stunt of coming onto him.” He glanced at Light. “And just like I can tell he probably did something inappropriate when you both came out here.”

Light felt the color drain from his face. Shit.

“I’m only not exploding, because I can tell he’s really trying to shift his focus. And because I think you talking to him is helping that.” He looped an arm around Light and pulled him close into a hug. “And because you loooooove me,” he crooned in his ear.

Light fought him off, and tried to fight down the flush upon his reddening face. The _last_ thing he’d have expected was for L to tease him just then, especially when something like this might have become a huge fight. It caught him off guard and embarrassed the hell out of him. “Shut up. _You’re_ too good for your own good. That’s a helluva lot of trust you’re giving him, with **_his_** track record.”

“And giving **_you_** ,” L said, catching his gaze. His eyes were richer than the blackest night and deeper than the ocean. It caught Light’s breath and made butterflies storm though his chest. The reality of that amount of trust was truly humbling and he felt crippled with emotion as warm lips pressed to his in a poignant kiss.

 _I love you_ , he thought desperately. He may have felt bad about Jayden, but L held his heart. And sometimes, it seemed, even his very soul.

Even in the whirlwind of emotion L stirred up in him so easily, he could still feel that central core of calm, that quiet place that L had instilled within him. And in it was the echoing thought: _I’m yours._

* * *

“Hey, sluts,” Jayden’s voice rang out from around the corner a few minutes later. “Hurry it up, food’s getting cold and I’m debating just eating it all.”

L let out an amused sound. “Come on,” he said.

Despite Jayden’s brass announcement of demolishing their food, he’d actually waited until they got back before starting in on his towering stack of pancakes. He was drizzling syrup upon the skyscraper of carbs as they slid back into the booth.

Luckily, the food was still very warm and Light dug into his french toast just as Jayden was attempting to spear the entire stack with his fork and cut out a towering wedge of pancakes.

As was their usual when faced with good food, they all just silently ate with gusto, not wanting to waste time on words. They’d had the subs last night, but it almost felt as if he hadn’t had any dinner, he was so hungry.

Wow, they really did know the best places.

* * *

Later that night, Jayden found himself leaving an unscripted message on voicemail. Damnit, didn’t people answer their phones anymore? “Hey, listen. Uh…” He’d kind of not planned to do this via voice message, but impatience made him do it anyway. “I’ve been thinking about things and maybe we should, you know, give things a try.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sidenote:  
> OMG! IT IS FINIIIIIIIISHED! I now know how it ends!! And I am just fucking thrilled to know I am so close to completion. This story has been posted for about a year, and it was being written for almost 3. 
> 
> Once I finish final beta, if that happens quicker than normal weekly posting schedule, I'll just post the rest. 
> 
> I am SO EXCITED for things that happened later and ultimately how things played out. I was literally stressing it even just this morning and it wrote itself out. What a relief. Endings are hard, and I found they can ruin a work for me as a reader so I always am really critical about them and want them to be good. I hope that most of you ultimately like how it goes and feel it is satisfying. 
> 
> Omfg though, NINETY CHAPTERS. This literally breaks my mind. If you asked me when I started, I would have said 20 chapters. If you asked me a year later, I might have said 55.
> 
> Ok, so celebrate with me in spirit. Or in reviews later. Thank you all so much for reading. Seriously. It's been real.


	81. (phase 4) Trying Things Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden gets into a fight with Justin. L and Light get some quality 'bonding' time and there just might be a role reversal in their future.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 81: Trying Things Out _

Justin stared at his phone like it had leprosy. He stared at it for a good 10 minutes, although there was nothing really to look at but the voicemail list. Only a small part of him considered that voicemail to be in any way serious. A very small part. The greater part was agitated and a bit pissed off.

After some deliberation, he shook his head at himself and deleted the message. _Ass_. He had to be fucking with him yet again. He was going to kick the **_shit_** out of him. Or, attempt to. Realistically, Jayden would probably be able to kick his ass in a proper fight. But it would be a close call.

He shook his head again and threw on his pair of headphones, resuming his lazing about on his bed. It was late, and there was nothing else he really felt like doing. He picked up his ping pong paddle, which had a rubber ball attached with an elastic string, and beat out a staccato to ease his annoyance.

_Plok plok plok plok plok…._

It was good for that, distracting. He usually kept it at arm’s reach, storing it under the bed where he could grab it without even getting up.

_Plok plok plok plok plok plok plok…._

Zoning out for a while, he listened to the driving beats of his music, staring at the ceiling and messing with the paddleball. He heard the front door slam shut a while later, announcing one of his roommates was home. They all were door slammers at one time or another. Kind of annoying. It could be anyone, though, since he was the only one here.

He jumped about a mile as his bedroom door swung open rather abruptly. “Jesus! What?” he blurted out, ripping the headphones off to drape around his neck. A scowl was firmly on his face even before he saw who it was. “What do **you** want?” Swear to god, he wanted to kick his handsome face in.

Jayden took note that he was wearing a pair of cargo shorts and, infuriatingly, flipped the wall switch to turn on the fan.

“What the fuck, man?” he complained, instantly shivering from the draft. What gave him the right or entitlement to just fuck with other people’s shit? Or fuck with people in general? Oh **god** it pissed him off. It was even worse, at the moment, because his roommate looked extra hot any time he came back from those runs he’d been doing lately. As usual, it was track pants and a tank top which showed his body off to good effect, tousled dark hair, and a fine sheen of sweat….

“Cold?” Jayden asked, as if he didn’t know. _What is he playing at?_ His pale eyes were hard to read, but he looked kind of confrontational. This suited him just fine, as he felt confrontational himself.

Justin glared at him and got up off of the bed, tossing his headphones aside. “Why?”

Eerie pale eyes flashed at him, giving nothing away. “‘Cuz I can think of a way to heat things up.”

Justin just blinked and shook his head at him, startled into confusion. Even if Jayden _was_ hitting on him, who the fuck would take it seriously with that blank-ass expression? At most, it could be called watchful. There was nothing lewd or solicitous in it at all. He should know, he’d seen those expressions on his roommate’s face a thousand times over. They were as natural as breathing.

No, this was more of that bullshit from before, and this asshole was fucking with him. His eyes narrowed and he stalked across the room towards him. “I warned you,” he spat out as he took a swing.

Jayden dodged, but not fast enough for him to avoid a fist grazing his chin. “What’s the matter, Justice?” he asked, somehow looking amused just then. A smirk was starting to pull up the edges of his lips. Pale eyes looked invigorated as he took a swing back. It clipped him in the shoulder.

It was a good thing the door was already closed, or it would have made a horrifically loud noise as he slammed Jayden into it.

“Ow,” he said almost pleasantly.

“Son of a bitch,” he growled, incensed by the calm way his roommate said it, as if the whole intention was just to take a dig at him. That and that infuriating smile. He swore he could see proof of insanity ghosting in those eerie, compelling eyes.

Jayden shrugged and said drolly, “Trading mom insults now? That’s where you want to take this?”

“Shut up!” He caught that pretty face in a harsh right hook.

“Ow,” Jayden said again, a little more authentically this time. A bit of red colored his mouth. “Not that I’m disagreeing with you,” he said, squaring up and looking for an opening to strike back, “my mom is probably a bitch. But I wonder what you’d do if I talked shit about _yours_?”

He still didn’t look particularly perturbed to be fighting like this. Justin lunged at him, intent to do some damage.

They traded a rapid volley of blows. Punches and kicks landed on their marks, accented by thuds and hisses of pain or sharp intakes of breath. This felt pointless, battering at each other, but he couldn’t stop. He’d known that having a thing for this asshole was a BAD idea, but to be mocked for it over and over was just the last straw.

A good 30 minutes later, bruised, bloodied and winded, they sprawled on the floor, every now and then mustering the strength to flail a limb at the other and land a half-hearted blow.

“Asshole,” Justin muttered under his breath after some time lapsed with a break in any sort of movement.

“Feel better?” Jayden mocked him with a sassy tone. “Get a good dose of Justice for yourself?”

“I kinda hate that nickname.”

“I know, why do you think I find it so funny?”

“Asshole.”

“So, I’m assuming you got my voicemail. What do you think?”

Justin lifted his head off the floor to give him an incredulous look. “Are you fucking serious?”

Jayden tilted his head as if considering it, “What if I _was_ serious?”

He sat up all the way, looking at this fool and shaking his head. “Are you HIGH??” Maybe this was worse than he thought. Jayden was clearly INSANE.

“Sadly, no.”

“........”

“Oh come on,” the deviant joked, “all this foreplay and you’re gonna leave me hanging?”

What was his angle here? This made no sense! And now, all roughed up and worse for wear, Jayden was now mocking him with his typical solicitous voice and shady smiles. He wasn’t immune. His brain knew it was an awful idea, but his body was reacting to it and to the adrenaline that was still pumping through his blood.

The next thing he knew, he was kissing his insanely hot roommate, tasting the blood that lingered at the corner of his mouth, and wondering just what in the hell he was doing. At the same time, his brain was supplying reminders of what it had felt like to have his roommate shuddering from the attentions of his hands and mouth, in the bathroom at L’s.

“I knew you liked it rough,” Jayden said against his mouth. He sank fingers into his hair and clenched his hands in it, holding him in place as their mouths meshed, raw and cutting. He smelled like sex, and it was driving him crazy. Working out must have just about doused him in pheromones.

Hormones overrode thought and he was reaching for the waistband of his roommate’s track pants. The kiss faltered as he took semi-hard flesh in hand and brought it to life. He sensed some hesitation in the dark-haired head case, but ignored it. With a little focused attention, Jayden was becoming hot and hard in his hand and muted curses were falling from his mouth.

Justin leaned into his neck, biting the skin in a trail leading upwards, feeling him shudder. “No more of that oneway shit,” he said harshly in his ear, voice sounding infected with lust. Flesh pulsed in his hand in reaction. He gripped it harder, pulling a groan from Jayden’s mouth. “Reciprocate or we stop here.”  

_What the hell am I saying? Like I could even stop here….!!_

Taking a domineering stance with him seemed to do the trick. The evidence was in the pulsing hard flesh in his hand, and that he was moving to comply. It was like he’d instinctively known the way Jayden would react to that, and he’d only done it on a thoughtless whim.

Justin’s eyes clenched shut as Jayden gripped and handled him, a soft moan slipping from his mouth. Sensation washed over him even more strongly than the last time. No cameras, no audience, no bet. It was just them, the heady taste of desire, and doing this for the first time at the SAME time.

That lingering thought came in again, _why **is** he doing this?_

But he couldn’t stop. Didn’t want to stop.

Jayden’s mouth slid back against his, force-feeding him lust with the incredibly slutty way he kissed at times - hot, slick, and vibrating slightly with their moans. God he was good with his tongue. He wanted to feel that elsewhere. Mmmmmm just thinking of that…. it sent electric pulses through his body, and with the delicious friction of a fast paced hand…. it was all doing him in.

“More, harder,” he growled into Jayden’s ear, seeing if he could get a reaction, setting a punishing pace upon throbbing flesh and feeling him shudder hard. A slight wetness rolled over his hand. Jayden was close, and his taut, muscled body was starting to tremor as well. Jesus Christ, why was he so damn sexy? This would be the death of him.

Orgasm started punching through Justin, making him grit his teeth. “Jesus, fuck.” Release was harsh, blinding. Jayden’s body was soon tensing as well, bowing against his. The deviant swore as it crashed through him, and the expression on his face was the _best_. If he hadn’t already come, that alone might have done it for him.

It took a few moments, but sense eventually trickled in. Justin looked at Jayden, a shrewd look on his face. “I don’t believe for a minute that this means anything. What the fuck was that voicemail you left me?”

Jayden scowled, like the thought of talking about it irked him. He rolled his eyes. “It doesn’t mean I want to cuddle, that’s for damn sure,” he said snidely.

That got his hackles up. It was beyond condescending. “Stop being a defensive prick and say what the fuck you are expecting here.”

“I dunno, guess I thought I’d try it out,” he said flippantly.

It was Justin’s turn to scowl. “You know I prefer to actually **_date_** the people I’m fucking.”

“Po-tay-to, po-tah-to,” Jayden groused, collecting himself. “And stellar self-control, there,” he said sarcastically. “Sticking to your convictions and all that, then.”

“Fuck you.”

The deviant stretched and favored him with a bland look. “I’m saying, quit bitching. You aren’t seeing anyone so who cares if you’re a guinea pig?”

“Ha,” he scoffed somewhat bitterly. “I knew it couldn’t be what it looked like. You’ve probably never even _tried_ to have a relationship with another person. It’s all just games and self-gratification.”

“ _Jesus_ ,” the deviant complained, “you bitch more than Shani and she’s an actual _chick_.”

Justin muttered darkly under his breath. “Such an asshole,” he scoffed loud enough for Jayden to plainly hear him. He dragged off his shirt and cleaned himself up, then fastened his cargo shorts.

“Well **_so what_** if I haven’t bothered with one till now?” Jayden’s tone was snarky as hell. “Are you saying people can’t try something new?”

Justin eyed him. “Somehow I don’t think that’s what you are trying out here.”

“Well how the fuck do you know?” he snapped back in annoyance.

“How would I **not** know? I know _you_ , remember?”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jayden grumbled. “Don’t know why I even bother.”

“Seriously, why are you doing this? Or am I just a convenient stand-in for who you **_really_** want?”

Jayden sent him a black look. It nearly made the hair on his arms stand up. “You call me an asshole,” he sneered, “but look at you, taking off the training wheels.”

“Yeah? And I also call you selfish, because you ARE.” He didn’t even hold back on the vitriol in his tone. Being this close to having what he wanted - bad for him though it would be - and finding himself to be nothing but a stand-in for someone else….. no **_fucking_** way. He had his goddamn pride. “Sit there and tell me you weren’t thinking of him this entire time.”

Jayden had a sour look on his face. “I wasn’t. More accurately, I’d say I was thinking, _‘what in the fucking nine hells do you think you are doing?’”_

That made Justin pause. “You’re serious?” But… if it wasn’t about Light, then….?

“ **God** you’re a pain in the ass…. LOOK this is awkward as fuck, but that stupid bet and then the thing the other day in the kitchen…. well,” he paused as if looking for the right words to use, “I felt that a little self-exploration was in order.”

Justin laughed at him. Laughed out loud, deep, and from the gut. “ _You moron_. You’d be about the only one who didn’t see these tendencies.”

“ _Dick_.”

Jayden scowled and actually punched him.

“Ow, Jesus,” Justin complained, doubling over and holding his stomach. He hit HARD.

“Serves you right,” he said darkly. “Fucking unbelievable. You think just because someone has a tendency that they’re gonna act on it or _should_?”

He felt a little cowed at that. It was a fair point. He sorta regretted laughing at him now too, and not just because of his protesting stomach. “Then why did you?”

“Because apparently I’m a fucking masochist.” He all but threw up his hands, looking peeved as hell.

“Well, you are…. but what do you mean by that?”

Jayden shook his head, scoffing. “I should just go with the girl. Why the fuck did I even do this?”

“Because you’re a masochist….?” he supplied, repeating Jayden’s own words back at him and wondering where this was going.

“Right, and because you’re a _friend_ and I thought maybe, just maybe there was sort of something here. But forget it.” There was a definite edge to his voice along with the sarcasm. “Obviously the substance abuse was actually keeping me **sane** and _aiding_ my decision making. Who knew?”

“Wait…”

What the hell, he was actually leaving?

“ _Wait_ , damnit-” he grabbed at Jayden’s arm and spun him around. “So what if there _was_ maybe something here?” He grasped at words. “It sounds to me like you are experimenting. So you have no idea what you would even be ok with aside from what we just did.”

“Right, I have no idea.”

“So you were using me to figure out how gay you are??”

“Jezus,” Jayden grumbled, rubbing a hand over his face. He definitely also bristled at the word ‘gay’.

“WELL? Can you see yourself giving a blowjob? Or taking one for the team? Or did you think your experiment would just involve getting head and maybe fucking a little _but only if you were on top_?”

“I said, I don’t know!” Jayden’s tone was scathing. “What part of ‘I DON’T KNOW’ are you not getting?”

“And what part of ‘you are FUCKING SELFISH’ are **you** not getting?” he snapped.

“BITE ME,” the deviant growled.

“I’D LOVE TO,” he practically snarled back.

“Goddamnit, why am I even wasting my time fighting with you? This is fucking asinine.”

Also asinine, was that Jayden was getting closer, as opposed to leaving. “What are you-”

Reaction zinged through him as he was pulled into an angry, rough kiss. What was it with them, this sex and violence?

Oh dear god, was he a pants-dropping kisser, though. And that tongue ring…. He had a visual just then of getting Jayden into one of those over-the-shoulders bars with the wrist shackles at each end, forcing him to his knees, and making him submit to trying out his skills on a guy for the first time. He could practically see the uncertainty on his face - like the flicker he’d seen on his face when they’d squared up on the bet. _God_ , that would be hot.

He wasn’t particularly into stuff like that, but he had seen some things at the club which had apparently perked his interest. And he knew Jayden was into shit like that… although he had no idea which end of it he was used to being on. Likely he was the one doing the dominating, based on his need to be in control all the time. But he did undeniably react to being ordered around… Was it a secret kink perhaps? One he wasn’t even fully aware of?

Oh, logic be damned, he wanted to explore this. Even now his lust was building back up to new heights. Maybe he should take what he could get and see if over time, his roommate could be swayed to getting more involved. It would probably take a hell of a lot for Jayden to consider being topped, and maybe that would never be on the table, but his hormones did nothing to dim his desire right now to do just that. And who the fuck was this girl he’d mentioned??

Justin pulled himself together, barely. “Look… what’s on the table here?” That tongue ring was driving him crazy, and so was the feel of flesh and muscle beneath his hands. He didn’t often go for two rounds in a row, but his body was buzzing for it. He wanted more, anything, even if it was just giving him a blowjob again. He’d actually been pretty into that and liked the power it had given him over his sarcastic, hot-as-fuck roommate.

“Nothing,” Jayden said nearly against his lips, keeping at least that small separation between them. “I was walking away.”

“Coulda fooled me,” Justin said, leaning in and kissing him roughly, feeling him shudder. It was probably too much to hope for any of the fantasies he had swirling in his head… but he’d settle for a repeat of earlier. He dragged Jayden’s tank top over his head and unbuttoned his cargo shorts again, kicking them off along with his boxers.

Pale eyes were eerie again, watching, but withholding expression. His face was slightly flushed though, and his breathing was quickened. Jayden didn’t make a move to stop him as he slid the track pants down his long legs. Now, when he raised up to kiss the deviant again, their bodies were touching everywhere - bare chests and only thin cloth between their hips. Their bare legs were brushing together enticingly.

“Wow, you really upped the ante there,” Jayden managed to get out, mocking him slightly, seeming caught between being disturbed and being sickly fascinated. His voice and body both bore testament to some level of interest, however, especially as Justin leaned in to nuzzle his neck and also ground their hips together. “Aaaand,” he added in that same slightly winded voice, “I’m not sure I’m ok with all of this.”

“Pfft, you’re fine, it’s the same as before,” Justin murmured against his throat, reaching down to cup him through his trunks and massaging him in rolling motions. He played his fingers in a wave, undulating his grip and juggling him a bit. It was not long at all before they were both quite hard. But enough fooling around, he wanted to feel hot flesh slapping his palm, and hear a few of those deep moans slipping out of him, stirring his blood and desire.

“It’s not, really,” Jaden struggled to say, eyes rolling back as Justin dragged his trunks down and took him in hand. He shivered at the first long stroke, breath coming quicker. “There’s a lot more ‘naked’…”

“Don’t be a baby, it’s still just hands,” he said, brushing their lips together. “Or did you wanna stop here…?”

“....fuck….” Jayden looked a bit indecisive, maybe 60/40 for abandoning it.

“Oh, just go with it, it’s not like you’re losing your virginity.” He pressed teasing kisses upon lips and cheeks. “That was probably dead and buried _eons_ ago.”

“ _Bitch_ ,” Jayden snarked at him, looking peeved.

“Fuck you,” he swatted back. “Now make your mouth useful.” He used that slightly condescending tone, that was close to a command, and lo and behold it kinda worked again. Jayden made a noise of annoyance but here he was kissing him hot and dirty and _hello, tongue ring_.

He took a chance and pressed in closer, moving his hand aside in favor gripping hips in both hands and thrusting against the warm flesh of a taut belly. Jayden shuddered against him and against his mouth, dropping one of those coveted moans. God this was hot.

His roommate surprised him then, reversing their positions and pinning him up against the wall. He even lifted him up, effortlessly, to wrap legs around his waist and thrusted against him like some primal urge had just flipped a switch in his head.

Oh wow, this felt a loooooot more like sex now. Holy shit. Their hips moved, rocked by the thrusts and he couldn’t keep quiet. Partly it was just the mindfuck and picturing that this was even happening. It was shorting him out, socking him in the gut with pleasure. Then, as if instinctively, one of Jayden’s hands was reaching down between them, and wrapped around both their arousals in a grip that felt burning hot. He pumped them both in short, quick motions, hard, relentless, making his body stutter.

“Oh… god….” he moaned, unable to hold back as passion lashed through him, making him shudder HARD.

“Jezus,” Jayden swore, head kicking back as his spine bowed.

* * *

This time, after the cleanup, they skipped the fighting part, mostly.

“I still don’t know what I think of this,” the deviant said matter-of-factly, after haven given him some of the best orgasms he’d had in a LONG while.

“Yeah, it was ok.”

“Pffft,” Jayden scoffed. “Right, whatever. Bitch.”

“Asshole.” He felt annoyance filtering back in. “And what do you mean you don’t know what to think?”

“Well, I dunno, maybe it’s a novelty.” He shrugged. “I mean sex with girls is easy… this feels more like jumping out of a damn plane.”

Justin heaved a monumental sigh. “Only you.” He shook his head. “Alright, get the fuck out of my room now, I was busy.”

The deviant looked nonplussed and coasted his gaze over the headphones and the paddleball. “Pressing matters, I’m sure,” he said drolly.

Justin postured a bit, putting on a sour face.“I have to figure out if it’s worth my while to be your _guinea pig_.”

Jayden laughed mockingly at him. “Oh, I’m _sure_ you were suffering there,” he scoffed sharply. “Don’t even try to spin it like that.” His sexy lips turned up in a sneer. “If I call, you’ll come running. Don’t delude yourself into thinking otherwise.”

“Ego much?” he said sarcastically.

Wow, that turned about quick. Jayden was almost acting hostile, and putting on this grade-A asshole attitude that he did sometimes. It kind of felt like posturing, like he was being prickly and ornery for some reason. He expelled a deep sigh, not wanting to deal with that. Jesus, he knew this would be trouble… why the fuck had he let things go this way? “Ok, get out,” he said dismissively, feeling quite tired all of a sudden, “and take your attitude with you.” He made a vague shooing motion.

Jayden lazily saluted him and flicked him off.

“Yeah, yeah, great….” he muttered under his breath.

 _Uuuuuuugh_. He closed his door behind his roommate and flopped face first onto his bed, feeling weary to his bones. Weary, and annoyed... but incredibly sated. _God, that was kind of worth it though….._

* * *

Jayden swung by the bathroom to shower, and seriously contemplate his own sanity.

He was feeling lazy and almost didn’t want to be bothered, but he had actually been out on a run before this, so...

He heaved a dark sigh, kicked off the clothes he’d just put back on not two minutes ago back in his roommate’s room, and wondered if knocking his head against the shower wall a few times might not be helpful.

 _What the fuck am I doing?_ he wondered at himself, not for the first time. He threw on the water and basked sullenly in the almost-too-hot spray.

 _(Well, you wanted a distraction)_ , some inner voice said, annoyingly.

Yeah, it was one hell of a distraction, wondering if he’d _lost his damn mind_. Seriously, what had possessed him? He’d pretty much sort of decided to see where things might go with Shani and the next thing he knew, he was leaving that voicemail for his roommate and wondering what the fuck was wrong with himself.

Normally, it might have been something done as a joke, which is probably why things with Justin began with a fistfight… He actually didn’t blame him at all for that. It was a pretty normal reaction, he supposed. But the thing was, he had been kind of serious about it. Serious, but totally unsure at the same time.

Distraction, yeah. He rolled his eyes. Sure, mild panic, uncertainty, and second-guessing oneself could sure offer a good bit of distraction.

A tiny part of him wanted to be annoyed at Light and at his cousin for pushing this whole ‘dating’ thing. But, L was probably right…. his attraction to Light might partly just be because he’d let him in, let him get to know him. An actual real relationship would do the same, as opposed to just living off of hookups like he had been.

Ugh.

He hadn’t been kidding when he said that doing this felt like jumping out of a damn plane. And not in the fun adrenaline surge way, but in the ‘why the fuck are you jumping out of a perfectly good plane??’ kind of way. It felt pretty similar to, he could imagine, staring out that open hatch on the plane and feeling the wind whipping and howling by and trying to convince yourself to step forward and fling yourself out into the abyss. It frayed the nerves and he felt a bit on edge.

It was nothing like that with the girls. With them, it was just soft and smooth and fun and easy. But with Justin, it was a bit gritty, a bit weird, definitely had a lot more fighting, but was almost more engaging. Pursuing it at all seemed pretty masochistic of him. Like, it felt off... not quite right, and yet… he felt compelled to press the issue and push himself.

And it truly was a _novel_ experience, if nothing else.

Comparing it to the brief interactions with Light, though…. Light was definitely more attractive to him. That cute face, sarcastic mouth, and those pretty gold eyes. And, if he admitted it to himself, it was the caring. He knew Light cared. He could be a total asshole to the brunet, and for the most part Light would be there for him, even if he was pissed off. And that kid KNEW him. He understood how he worked and could SEE him.

Shani on the other hand… she had some of these traits too, though they’d had less time to become acquainted. But she also seemed a lot younger to him than the brunet in some ways. And maybe, just maybe, he kind of wanted to be with someone he felt was more or less an equal. Light certainly had a way of making their age difference melt away, especially when he got all authoritative, bad habit that **that** was.

Well, to be fair, he felt that Shani yelling at him and calling him out on his shit showed some backbone.

That thought made him pause. _Shit... maybe I have a thing for people taking that alpha tone with me. Goddamnit._

Light might have gotten that from L, but where had Justin picked it up from? To his knowledge, his roommate hadn’t seen anyone do it around him. Was it just a natural inclination then?

He shook his head and held it under the spray, dousing it and rinsing out the suds. The tiles were cool under his hand as he braced himself there, and let the steaming water cascade over him. A large part of him was in a fierce debate on whether he hadn’t just bit off more than he could chew. Another part however, felt somewhat satisfactorily distracted by the whole mess. The chaos of it _was_ keeping him from thinking about other things that had been on his mind previously; but he wasn’t sure it was worth  the inner turmoil and feeling that he needed sized up for a nice white jacket with extra long sleeves. The biggest question though, was whether or not he’d persist in this.

After his shower, he trudged back to his room. He half-heartedly tossed some clothes into a laundry basket and kicked some shoes towards the general direction of the closet, his attempt at “cleaning up”.

_Ugh. Jesus. What the fuck am I doing with my life?_

He laid on his bed, the only light in the room coming from his computer monitor. It gave the room a cold blue cast. He folded his hands behind his head and zoned out, sort of staring up at the ceiling and sort of not.

Was this a phase? A new way of torturing himself? A whim to indulge in a little while?

He seriously couldn’t gauge it.

And he really didn’t want to fuck his roommate up over this... didn’t want him getting feelings and getting hurt. Being that they were guys, though, surely he could compartmentalize emotion from sex?

“Oh, Jesus H. C…” he groaned into his hands, suddenly realizing that if this did go on, he’d also soon have to deal with Clare and Truth finding out about it.

* * *

Meanwhile, Light and L were spending a leisurely Sunday together. Jayden had left not long after they’d gotten back from breakfast and their trip to the “river”. By 11am they had the place to themselves. They celebrated by lounging in bed, snoozing and talking in turns.

L let out a yawn and flopped an arm and a leg over onto Light, murmuring into his shoulder, “I don’t know why I’m so tired.”

That triggered Light to yawn as well. “Maybe we didn’t sleep as well outside as we thought?” He paused. “Or, you know, stress.”

“Stress? Us?” L scoffed sleepily. “Bite your tongue.”

“Rather bite yours,” Light tossed back, tilting L’s face up to receive an unhurried and thorough kiss. He felt a little unsure of himself when initiating things, even now. It was stupid - he couldn’t think of any time L hadn’t seemed open to it when he had… but the pesky feeling persisted. L’s mouth was warm and welcoming, sliding open beneath his, and making desire flush through him with the meeting of their tongues. Even drowsy, L was an amazing kisser.

“Mmmm,” L said.

“Does ‘mmm’ mean you can follow through on that, or are you gonna fall asleep on me?” Light teased him. L’s night black eyes were deep enough to fall into. There was just something about the quality of his gaze, and the expressions on his precious face. When sleepy, he had this unguarded sort of look that made him look so boyish and _cute_ that it Light want to mess with him. It also tripped the urge he had to grab hold of him and kiss him senseless.

“You’re making a convincing argument for staying awake.” His sleep-roughened voice and sexy smile were quite enough to get him stirred up, but then L was kissing him in earnest and making his toes curl.

Ah, initiating things felt exciting, but being at the mercy of L’s single minded focus was just as unpredictable and scintillating.

L’s body was half draped over his already, and he was becoming more and more aware of that fact as pleasure filtered through him and heated his skin. Just a kiss, but it was making his body throb. Oh how he’d wanted to do this….

To tell the truth, he’d kinda kept thinking about doing stuff like this last night. It had been a little hard to be so close, to smell the scent of his skin and know that they absolutely should not be doing anything of the sort out there at the river, especially with Jayden along. The urge had tickled his brain anyway, and he found himself imagining throwing caution to the wind and all. “You know, I’m surprised we made it this long,” he joked lightly as L nipped at his neck, making him shudder in reaction. With all that sexual tension, you’d think they’d hop right to it when they got back. But lazing about had been really nice.

L knew exactly what he meant, judging by the sly smile on his face. “Oh? Were you considering dusting off your title of ‘Exhibitionist’?”

“Oh shut up,” he laughed.

“I never said I was opposed,” L jeered, nuzzling Light’s neck and making him squirm. “Well, unless our ‘third wheel’ was present.”

“Mean.” He couldn’t get much out beyond a mild protest at referring to Jayden that way, and a slight jabbing at L over it. He was getting entirely too distracted to banter very well.

“Shhhh.” L tickled his throat with the exhale of breath. “Not in the useless way. We’re like a tricycle.”

“Uh huh.” Light rolled his eyes. He didn’t even sound serious.

“Hmmm, It might have been a little cold to be ass to the breeze though,” he supposed jokingly. His voice dropped a bit lower, and was infinitely more suggestive as he spoke in his ear, “Though sinking between your thighs might have been hot enough to make me suffer it.” He gently bit up the curve of Light’s ear, making him thrill and shudder.

“Geez, the stuff you say sometimes…” His face was flushing, he knew it.

“We could reenact that here,” L teased, nipping at his throat between laying kisses upon it. “Crank up the fan and turn down the AC.” He found Light’s lips and teased him mercilessly. His lips were hot, his breath sweet, and passion hung thick in the air. “And then, you can burn me alive,” he said against his mouth.

Lust shot through Light, zinging every cell and nerve it seemed. “I don’t think you’re gonna have time for all of that.” He sank his hands into L’s hair and pulled him into a demanding kiss, derailing the fluttering kisses that were driving him crazy with wanting. He felt vindicated as a shudder rode through his lover and a soft moan left his mouth.

That high he got from taking the lead started filling him, and filling his head with wicked thoughts. “And maybe you won’t be the one sinking deep inside,” he drawled softly into L’s ear, giving it a little lick.

L groaned, thrusting against him as he reclaimed his mouth with renewed vigor.

Light’s eyes fell closed, a moan catching in his throat. God he wanted to be naked right now. He grabbed at L’s shirt, pulling it over his head, practically ripping it off. Damn, he had such a beautiful body. L’s muscles flexed as he sat up to help, rippling under smooth pale skin. He pulled Light’s shirt over his head as well then trailed a heated mouth over his chest and lower, making him writhe. Light’s stomach jumped beneath that devilish mouth and he bit his lip as L slowly took his desire into his mouth, making him nearly explode with sensation. “Uhhhng god…” he groaned, back arching. His head thrashed side to side a little as L worked him over.

“Gonna be hard to take the lead if you can only last this long,” L mocked him softly, an amused gleam in his dark eyes.

Light grit his teeth as L switched from mouth to hand, stroking him firm and slow. “Or,” he countered, “I could be given the chance to prove you wrong.” He fought to get the words out.

L had on that warm-eyed look, and still looked amused at his expense. It gave the impression of him saying, _‘Well aren’t you cute?’_

“Control freak,” Light mocked back, though it cost him.

That grin on his lover’s face merely spread. “I looooove the look of you when you try to fight me,” he drawled.

Oh jesus, and resisting was becoming more and more difficult.

L leaned in close, flicking the tip of his tongue against slightly parted lips. Light’s breathing was already coming in shortened, panting breaths. “The way your face flushes, the lust in your eyes….” he nipped Light’s lower lip “...the way you taste…” His voice was deep, corrupted by lust. “And the pulsing heat of you in my hand…”

A deep groan wrenched itself from the back of his throat. He couldn’t even think straight to try and reciprocate. His entire body was throbbing. And, L was gloating over him as well. “Fucking tease,” he scoffed at him, trying not to lose even the last shred of his dignity.

L chuckled and nuzzled his cheek. “Your stubborn streak is so goddamn adorable.”

Light growled at him.

“And, it’s fucking hot,” he added in an intense voice that thrilled through him. L’s mouth met his, meshing with it and drowning him in heat.

Wait, was that sort of maybe an admission that L might actually let him lead? It was a stretch to say stubborn could equal authoritative... but maybe he just needed to keep up the lead past where L could turn things around and get control back so easily? Was that all? Just keep him hot and distracted to the point he didn’t really care how they spent their passion?

The thought of taking things there…. of being the one sinking inside **_L_** in such an intimate embrace and feeling that heat for himself…. Oh GOD he wanted it. With every fiber of his being, and every synapse that was currently overloading at the thought.

“FUUUCK,” he moaned, body seizing sharply and suddenly, jerking through him hard. He was practically blinded by sensation, and even though L’s grip upon him was tight and pumping him hard, it almost wasn’t enough. He wanted MORE. Not just more, he wanted it to be L’s body he was driving into, forcing groans from his mouth and making his body twitch and shudder in reaction to him.

He’d made up his mind. After something like this, if they didn’t both get off together, a part two with L laying him out on his back would usually follow. He was going to turn the tables.

As soon as he’d even marginally recovered, he sat up and pushed L back on the bed, giving him a look that he’d not be taking no for an answer.

Ah, there was that slight flush on his lover’s face.

It was thrilling to see, as he knew it meant that L was seriously turned on. As he’d said himself, he wasn’t much of a flusher. Light had taken that to be something of a personal challenge, to find ways to get L to that point. More and more he was successfully eliciting those sorts of reactions from his dark-haired lover.

He caressed a hand lightly down his chest, then stiffened his arm and firmly pushed him all the way down onto the bed. Light locked eyes with him, not looking away as he moved down his body and trailed fingertips over the curve of his hip and lower. L was biting his lip. Then Light sank down and took hard, silken flesh between his lips, teasing him as he gripped the shaft tight enough to make him gasp and flush hard. Already, L’s body was shaking slightly, a riot of lust and anticipation.

Originally he thought to go down on him and even things up… but maybe he’d just skip to the finale. Everything they needed was in arms reach of the bed anyway.

Yeah, why the fuck not?

He tortured L some more, loving the way he gasped and shuddered when he was super turned on, before reaching for the lube and stuff in the bedside table. It was actually really hard to pull away; he was just as engrossed in this as L was, and delays only filled him with impatience. Plus, it was little gaps like this in which L had often spun things back around on him. He didn’t want to fumble the lead and lose it. He took a detour then to kiss his lover, smoothing over his own irritation at having to tear away from this if even for a moment. He sank into the heady taste of desire and inflamed passion, immersing himself in it like a pool of water.

A tiny part of him wondered if L was really going to let him get away with this, or if control would be wrested away from him at the last second.

He made sure to tease him, to keep him at the brink of meltdown, so close to the edge but unable to cross the threshold. A noise of frustration slipped from L’s sexy mouth, and his eyes were practically glazed with lust. **_Perfect_** _. You look perfect like that._ Instinct overrode his slight hesitation at how to go about this. Seeing L like this was like tossing lighter fluid on a fire. It awoke a fierce desire in him, the like of which he was unfamiliar with. He wanted this, ALL of this, and he wanted it **now**. He took advantage of the moment, mimicking what L always did with him, stretching him while teasing him to the brink of distraction. It certainly was odd to be on this end of things for once, but he absolutely fucking _loved_ being the puppetmaster.

He had to be careful not to torment L too much, though, or he risked botching this whole thing. Impulse made him want to take L into his mouth, feel him on his tongue, make him beg and moan and shudder. He settled for nipping, biting and sucking at the softer flesh of his belly and deviated to flick his tongue against hard, straining flesh only enough to be a huge cocktease.

A slight case of nerves hit him when he slid up L’s body, nearing position to do this thing. He ignored it, playing it off by capturing his lover’s mouth in a heated kiss. Arms wrapped around him, heightening his own near blinding lust. His body throbbed as nails coasted down his back, stinging a little but amplifying the ache in his gut almost unbearably. Suddenly, thinking was no longer of any consequence. He was moving by impulse, desire, instinct.

He thrust slowly forward, meeting resistance, but soon he was sliding forward into the most incredible heat, and a moan was wrenching itself from deep inside of him. His body _throbbed_ , and smooth walls of muscle embraced him and moved upon him in the most indescribable ways. That it was L he was doing this with… that it was actually really _happening_ , it made it that much hotter and he shuddered hard, trying to hold himself together. His mind was buzzing a million miles an hour. He became aware then of the rousing touch of sweat dampened skin along his belly and chest, his own panting breaths, and the tantalizing feel of L’s mouth on his. It was overwhelming, bliss, and he was now moving forward and back, thrusts that were pulling moans from both of their mouths.

Good **_god_** , was it always like this?

Smooth muscle rippled against his cock, squeezing and sucking at him, making his head spin.

 _I’ve been missing out_ , he thought dazedly.

Even like this, reversed, they worked well. L’s kisses lit him on fire and he was shuddering as he kept this fevered pace. He wanted it to last forever, yet he yearned so badly for release.

L’s arousal was so hot and hard in his palm, and this time he couldn’t quite stop himself from impulsively giving it to him hard and fast. He was rewarded with the most goddamn sexy noises he thought he’d heard yet. Light groaned as L got close, body tightening around him and causing a deliciously tight resistance to his thrusts, and by god it was sooooo good.

Then his dark-eyed lover was seizing, shuddering, biting his lip as his back bowed. The image of that was one of the hottest things he thought he’d ever seen. What happened next was indescribable and the feel of L’s body clenching and shuddering around him wrenched orgasm out of him so hard he felt like he was tripping and about to fall on his face. “Jesus,” Light uttered as it caught hold and release shook through him with a fury.

He collapsed upon L, panting hard, totally out of it for a full minute or two. He wasn’t sure, but he may have even lost awareness for a bit there. There was a hazy, almost-recollection of a gut-wrenching moan rumbling through his throat, but sound had sort of ceased to exist while in the throes of THAT. Wow. _Damn_. He might actually be dead right now. That had been….

“Ready for another round?” L harassed him.

“Shut up, I’m dead,” he mumbled, not even opening his eyes. L’s breathing still hadn’t slowed to its normal pace either.

L tilted his face up to receive a slow kiss. It rippled a gentle pleasure through him, pleasant, but Light could feel the smirk on those lips. “What are you so amused at?”

“Nothing.” There was definite laughter in L’s tone. “You did good.” Oh, that still sounded like he was being teased.

Light looked at him at last, giving him a bland expression. L looked just as amused as he’d expected. His black eyes had that gleam in them that was often there at his expense. His black hair was mussed in an appealing way, and his pale face had a pleasing flush of color to it. His lips were kiss bruised, compelling, and beckoned to him even now.

“Honestly, I’m surprised that just happened.” Light implied _‘that you let me do that’_.

L shrugged, sexy lips turning up in a smirk. “You seemed pretty determined.”

“Jackass,” he muttered, not immune to his charm. Also, L almost seemed inclined to go another round. Despite feeling dead, and slightly embarrassed with the teasing, he’d almost maybe be able to be convinced. Even though L would probably torture the hell out of him, and gloat mercilessly over his reactions. “How is it you harass me no matter which way we do things? Hardly seems fair.”

That enticing look amplified, as did L’s amusement. “Well, I’m not gonna let you steal my fun.”

Light grumbled under his breath and buried his face in L’s neck.

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2 chaps in one day AND double porn. Lucky you.
> 
> R&R ya'll, we're in the homestretch. ;D


	82. (phase 4) Return of the Sadist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get to spend the day together and L has fun torturing Light in various ways, starting with a run. They make plans to go to the club later on, and L is actually forthcoming on details about his past.
> 
> "Flogging is an artform"
> 
> XXX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **On a random note:** when I first saw the show "The Magicians", and the first SECONDS I saw Eliot onscreen I almost spazzed. He looks SO MUCH LIKE DONNOVAN!! Like, that hair especially. And, super gay vibe (tho in a laid back chill way) but totally refined and idk, he was just PERFECT. 
> 
> (Also, LOL that his name is Eliot. I hadn't seen that name used since E.T. and like one obscure sitcom. So at the time I picked Elliot for L's fake name, it was pretty uncommon. Ah well.)
> 
> If you haven't seen that show, The Magicians, give it a try. It's amazing. Drama, magic, intricate plot, characters that feel real and nuanced, and character development. It's great.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 82: Return of the Sadist _

Sunday slipped by too quickly, as often happened when L and Light spent time together.

Around 3pm, they couldn’t really justify being so goddamn lazy, lounging around in bed or hanging out in the living room, watching random shit on TV. Light suggested they go for a run, so long as it wasn’t that absolute torture training L was so fond of.

L gave him a slit-eyed smile and a boyscout salute, and _swore_ it would be tame.

_It wasn’t._

Light wheezed through the last mile of the run, cursing him aloud for a fair portion of it.

“Aw, come on,” L chuckled, “be proud - you’re improving!”

“How…” Light huffed, “would **I** know…… asshole…. You keep... adding... miles….”

“Noticed that, did you?” L grinned at him. It was mildly infuriating that he was only the slightest bit winded, and quite full of life.

“I’m never…. believing you…. again…..”

L winked at him. Patronizingly.

“Ass,” he growled out. L was messing with him on purpose.

“You know,” he drawled, “I think I’m rather fond of listening you gasp out words. It motivates me to push you even harder just so I get to hear it.”

“Wouldn’t put it…. past you….” Goddamnit. Talking with all these gaps was taking **way** too much effort and made him feel vexed and impatient as it took longer to speak as well.

“Hey, on the plus side, you weren’t working through any addictions. Jayden was having a hell of a time kicking his smoking habit.”

“I think he…. realized…. he’d DIE….otherwise……” God this was annoying!

L gave him a vaguely condescending smile, looking beyond amused at him. “It’s adorable watching you still fight to talk, even though it’s pissing you off.”

“Shut it,” he wheezed.

“Oh, by the way, I was thinking…”

“Hm?”

L was loping next to him, keeping a steady, easy pace. “Let’s go out tonight. My treat.” He reached over and ruffled Light’s hair. “A reward for all your hard work.”

Wow. Stupidly, that made him go all warm inside. Stockholm Syndrome perhaps? But seriously, being praised for surviving this hellish training actually did feel really good. He knew he was improving, though it was hard to gauge as L continually kept him at the same level of effort. As an unexpected side effect, his sexual endurance had increased by leaps and bounds. That was one of the reasons he knew he was making some sort of progress, ironically.

“Yeah? Where... are we…. going?” he asked.

“Nowhere complicated,” L said, guessing that he was asking if they were going out to the club or something. “Just dinner. You still have something of a curfew after all. And, school tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t mind... going again... though.” It seemed like it had been a long while since he’d last gone. And he did sort of miss it, despite there having been so much going on lately. He’d been distracted by everything that had been happening, but he did think about the club now and then.

“Sure. Maybe next weekend or something. Not on a Sunday.”

“Deal.”

He pictured that - going out to the club with L. It was an elusive image and he realized that, actually, they hadn’t quite gone out to the club really ‘together’. Sure, when they met Jayden’s roommates there, they’d been together…. and they had ended up running into each other there many times… But, they hadn’t really gone there _together_ , or hung out there as they had at the movies or other places. They hadn’t been there as a couple.

He kind of wanted to try it.

But what did couples even **_do_** at a place like that? It more seemed a place for letting go, being solo, hanging out with groups of people… or looking for potential partners. It was almost like, it didn’t make sense to go there if you were dating someone. “Hey…” He figured he’d just ask. Why the fuck not? “Did you… hang out…. there…. with people… you dated?” God, _still_ annoying. When he got his breath back, he was going to give L an earful.

L slanted a querying look at him.

Light waved his hand a little back and forth, dismissing what he was sure L was assuming. “I’m not asking…. about past people…” _Jesus, was this run ever going to end??_ He was dying, even with the distraction. Wait, that might be their turn up ahead. _Please, for the love of god, be the turn!_ “Just... I can’t quite…. imagine…  couples there.”

“Ah.”

“Like…. what do… you do?”

“Fair question. It depends.”

“On?”

“A lot of people drink, talk, dance. Some hang out in the back rooms. Like the one you stumbled into.”

Light’s face flushed. Oh right, the orgy room he’d practically fallen face-first into when he’d been trying to evade L.

L chuckled at his expression. “Yeah, that one. But I do tend to spend less time there when I’m seeing someone.” He tilted his head slightly in thought. “Then there’s the dungeon of course, and people-watching, and the shows. A lot of people like to make it there at least for the shows.”

“Donny was... after me... to do another one…”

L slanted a sly look at him. “Yeah, I bet. How could he resist? You’re a perfect model.”

Light blushed a bit and looked away. ‘Perfect’ seemed a bit overboard, but he was flattered to hear L say it. “Yeah… I kinda... owe him one. If... he catches... sight of me... he may... start harassing me... for it. _Fuck_.” He added the last as a testament to his annoyance at his own stilted speech. He just could _not_ get enough air into his lungs to hold out for a full sentence.

“You want to? Do a show, I mean.” L didn’t seem mad or testy or anything, just mildly inquiring. Was this the effect of trust? He’d seemed so pissed over him being in the show that last time.

“Dunno... Not exactly.” The shows and the outfits were a bit nerve-wracking. A thought occurred to him then. “Have _you_ … ever done one?”

“Hmn?” L looked like he was debating his answer or even giving one. Eventually though, he simply said, “A few.”

“For Donny...?” he asked. Goddamn he was winded. “Letting... him dress you up?”

L shrugged. “Yeah, I mean that’s how shows usually go. He’s been there a while. There are other shows too, but the good ones are the ones he works on. Not just costumes but designing the lighting, casting, and creating roles.”

“All that, huh?”

“Some of the other ones are trash.” He laughed. “But it gives everyone a chance at creative expression. Well, some are okay, some are really good. But Donovan’s are consistent and that’s why people usually try and make it out to those at least.”

“Were you in... some of those?”

“A few.” He paused like he was debating divulging more. “I have an acquaintance who is a bit of a prima donna and loves stuff like that. I had my arm twisted.”

Light took note of the pause. It was more than a little suspicious. He decided to put L on the spot. “So, you mean… someone you dated?” He made sure to deliver that with a bland look. He wasn’t being jealous. In fact, he was proud of L for offering more than the barest information. But would he take that last step and admit to a relationship? He’d been stubborn as hell about that previously.

L looked a little torn. Finally he said, “yeah, we dated briefly.” He paused again, and added, “it just wasn’t a good match.”

“You still… friends?” Oh hallelujah, he could see the apartment door!

“Yeah. We don’t hang out a lot but I run into him from time to time.”

“You’re being…. rather forthcoming.” _Oh my god, I am going to die before I reach the door._ No air. Why am I still talking?? He wheezed as the words squeezed out a little too much of the air he needed for actually breathing. “Not fair… if… it’s only…. because I’m… gonna **_die_** ….”

L laughed at him as he collapsed on the bottom of the stairs to catch his breath, not willing to bother with taking the steps up just yet.

“If it makes you feel better, I actually did add more miles than usual.”

“Why???” he wheezed, feeling like the sky was going to crash down upon his head.

“So,” L concluded, “you actually are doing really well.”

“Asshole….” he grumbled, looking heavenward. “And answer.”

L took a seat next to him and reclined back on the stairs. “I dunno, you didn’t seem to be asking from jealousy. So I decided to give it a shot.” He slanted an appraising look at Light. “Also, you do look like you might die at any moment, so I figure there wasn’t too much of a risk factor if it went badly.” He snickered.

Light sprawled backwards on the stairs, feeling beyond exhausted. His breath was starting to come back to him at least. “I should make you… carry me….. up the stairs. Fuck walking….”

“Oh?” L teased. “Suddenly your pride would allow that? It wouldn’t before.”

He  thought about it, gauging humiliation against exhaustion, on the off chance someone saw him being carried bridal style, and…. No. Just no. He’d drag his own carcass up the stairs with the last scrap of strength in him, or _die_ trying. L carrying him through the club just that one time was bad enough. He’d forgotten about that.

“Hey!” Light hissed as he was suddenly being hoisted in the air. “What the hell are you doing??”

L quite easily picked him up and had an unforgivably amused look upon his face. “I saw your inner protest and don’t you know, I just couldn’t help myself.” He started up the stairs.

“Put me down! Seriously!”

“Shout a little louder, we’ll get a larger audience that way.”

Light hid behind a hand over his face, feeling somewhat mortified. He’d completed a hellish run, **_survived_** , and had even _topped_ L just earlier today, and now he was having all of his accomplishments stripped away with something so simple and demeaning as being carried up the stairs like a princess. _Shoot me. Just SHOOT ME._

Amusement was radiating off of L in waves, and he could feel the chuckle resonating in his lover’s chest. He wondered if in some way this was some sort of payback; It was like L was telling him not to get too cocky, about getting to take the lead earlier, by murdering him with a run and then also embarrassing the hell out of him.

Once inside the apartment, L let him collapse on the floor in a puddle of shame and exhaustion. “I hate you.”

L smiled down on him. “I hate you, too.” A self-satisfied grin set loose upon his face. “Ahhhhhh, I haven’t seen you make looks like that in ages!” He squatted next to Light and poked his cheek with a charming smile. “Shock, flustered anger, and shaaaaame. It’s such a great look on you. I’m hooked.”

Light swatted his hand away. “Shut up,” he grumbled. He knew it, L just lived to torment him. _Sadist_. “Penance,” he demanded. He’d almost caught his breath but not quite yet. “What’s the name… of your ‘acquaintance’?” That should be fair payback, since L wasn’t a fan of sharing details.

L sat back and heaved a sigh. “Oh, it’s not fun when you fight back.” Still, he didn’t seem overly bothered.

“And how long did you date?” he added, just to be difficult.

Ah, there was the annoyed look. Ha! Actually, he could care less about the second question, as it felt quite irrelevant when struggling not to die. But it would bug L, so he was going for it.

“He goes by the name of Hatter. We didn’t date long enough for me to bother finding out what his actual name was.”

“Weeks?”

“Er…..” L looked slightly abashed. “More like a few months. We uh… didn’t talk much.”

Light leaned back on his arms and stared up at the ceiling, feeling more contemplative than jealous at the moment. Near death could do that to a person. L didn’t exactly talk much anyway… Maybe as things had gone on longer, talking came up more? He’d said that they weren’t a good match… perhaps they only clicked physically and not on a deeper level? He rolled his head to the side and looked up at L. “Were you the one to break it off?”

L looked back at him, a bit reluctant, but still not quite closing off. “Sort of. I was the one who brought it up but I think we both knew it wasn’t going to amount to anything. It was fun, but like I said, we just weren’t a good match.”

“Oh? Was he scared off by your stone face and excessive conversation?” Light razzed him.

L rolled his eyes and pushed at him with his foot. “No, he was an oddball. A little over the top for me.”

Light smiled at him.

“What?” L said suspiciously, eyes cautious.

“This is the first time you’ve told me anything about anyone you dated. I’m proud of you.” He purposely let his tone of voice be like an adult addressing a little kid and praising him excessively for something small.

“Ugh,” L groaned, making a sour face.

Light felt glee surge up within him as he detected L’s version of embarrassment. “I knew one day, if you tried hard enough, you’d be able to use your words,” he teased.

Black eyes marked him, taking on a sadistic gleam. “I think he’s asking for more punishment….” a scary, self-indulgent smile surfaced upon his face to back up the threat. “Ohhhh yess…..”

“Uh oh.” Light scrambled to his feet, staggering out of range. Haha. He shouldn’t have provoked him so hard, but seeing L immediately try and turn the tables meant he’d won this round. Truth be told, that intimidating, spine-chilling look on L’s handsome face made his heart flutter. Though he’d still best avoid being in range and getting caught.

He wondered if he could win the race and make it safely behind the bathroom door before L got to him. The flight pumped new adrenaline through his veins and felt a bit like a high. The thought of getting caught did as well. Even in his cruelty, L was wildly stimulating. Pain, pleasure, humiliation, mindfucks… it was as awful and challenging as it was thrilling.

* * *

Some time later, Light found himself to be in something of a bind, being faced with something way outside his comfort zone. He was unfamiliar with cock rings, not to mention what this one came attached to, but soon found himself on the receiving end of an education. As usual, he couldn’t help protesting the use of foreign and thoroughly embarrassing looking implements. After the relatively non-eventful shower they’d taken, he’d stupidly thought he was in the clear.

Oh, but L had that wicked look in his eye.

“No,” he’d protested louder, face flushing the more he even tried to imagine using the thing. It was a black leather harness with metal studs that went about the waist, and had a strap that dangled down the front. At then end of that was a smaller leather ring that was intended to buckle around the base of your cock. It was sort of intriguing, really intimidating, but the part that made it a solid NO was the strap that went down the back, like a g-string. On the inside of the leather strap was a stubby silicone piece about 4 inches long that left nothing to the imagination. There was only **one** place something like that could go.

Geez, the last time had been mortifying enough…. he’d only been able to go through with it because he was so focused on breaking through to L and getting him to talk things out with him. Oh, and he’d been pretty wildly drunk. That had helped. Also, the insane state of arousal that L had worked him into… that had uh… well he guessed at that point he’d stopped caring as much and everything had started feeling good… but STILL!

L gave him a look like he had all the time in the world to bend him to his will. It sent shivers down his spine and tied his stomach in knots. “No really does mean **‘no’** , you know,” he said, feeling wildly nervous over how this was going and at the traitorous butterflies he was getting in his stomach as well.

“Does it now?” his tormentor said charmingly. “I must admit, you’ve had me fooled.”

Geh! His entire face flushed red. There was so much insinuation in that statement.

L stalked towards him, slowly, shifting into that persona Light had seen him adopt at work, in the dungeon or whatever they called it. It made him seem larger than life, less accessible, and more of a force of nature than a person. Hellion. All it was missing was that mask, but his eyes were the same - glowing coals in an expressionless face. Only they were more expressive, here, and also held things like lust and amusement. Or was that sadistic glee?

After their shower, L had donned one of those pairs of leather pants, when he wasn’t looking. Like always, they gripped his long legs like a second skin and were unbelievably hot on him. He’d only just pulled on a pair of boxers and jeans himself, when he’d turned and noted that. And that’s when he knew he was in trouble.

“So… uh… dinner?” he stalled. It was getting late, he actually was starving, and this looked like it could run late.

“Hungry?” L asked unnecessarily. His eyes flashed, and the butterflies in Light’s stomach swarmed. “Me, too.”

Light flinched as one of L’s hands caressed his cheek, jaw, then slid into his hair just as a wanton mouth was sliding against his. _Ah…._

God it was always so hard not to react to him.

Desire flushed through him the moment their lips met, and craving soon followed.

“We can do this the easy way,” L breathed in his ear, making him shudder, “or the hard way…” Now, why was it that L made that sound like he was really saying _‘the easy way or the fun way’_? And why oh why did he morbidly want to know what the ‘hard’ way entailed??

L laughed darkly in his ear and started nipping and biting the column of his neck, stirring the tension of lust deep in his gut. “I love how transparent your thoughts can be. Fine, the hard way it is.”

“What? No!” Wait, he wasn’t ready! And he hadn’t agreed to anything!

L gave him an engaged look, biting his lower lip as his mouth quirked up in amusement. “Didn’t I tell you, you have a special way of protesting something new?” He paused, his gaze caressing Light’s face. “It tooootally makes me want to violate you,” he drawled scandalously.

That made him flush red.

“I-I don’t know where that’s been,” he stammered out, pointing a damning finger at the harness and partially wondering how many other people L might have done this with. He tried to hold onto jealousy but with L looking at him like that, it was really hard.

“Oh, but I bought it just for you.”

Light’s mouth fell open just a bit and words utterly failed him.

“You should know me better than that,” L said silkily, drawing a line down his chest with one slow fingertip. His eyes were mesmerizing. “It was on a whim, and wouldn’t you know an opportune moment just happened to turn up.”

He honestly couldn’t tell if L was messing with him, or if he wasn’t. What would have compelled him to buy this? And for him?? He tried to find words, and all that came out was a few stammered syllables.

“Leather is personal,” L said with an enigmatic smile, holding the harness up for both of them to behold. “It should only have one master.”

Ugh, the stuff he was saying sounded like utter garbage and yet he kept reacting to it!! Despite the item being what it was, he felt touched that L had bought something, thinking of him. Ugggh but that? This gift was a dual edged sword. It was touching and yet… violating.

“Go on, try it out,” the deviant mastermind was saying, cajoling him into going along with this insanity.

“Last time I was irredeemably drunk,” he got out at last.

“Oh, you want a drink?” L queried like some sort of kind benefactor.

Well, hell, if it was on the table maybe he would. “Yeah, I-”

“Denied.”

Light flushed with embarrassed anger. “What the hell, you just-”

“No.”

“But-!”

“No.”

Light growled at him, prompting glee to break out upon L’s face. “So prickly when you don’t get your way.” He traced the curve of Light’s jaw, looking pulled into the expression on his face. “I don’t want you dulled and compliant. I want you sharp, present, and feeling every lick of protest that surfaces in you.” Lips flirted with his. “I want to feel every ounce of your resistance….and feel every shred of your shattering composure as control slips through your fingers.”

Goddamnit the words pissed him off and yet at the same time….

L cupped his arousal through the front of his jeans, flooding him with the shame of being found out. Damnit. Those poisoned words were calculated and perfectly caught him in that age-old war with himself. Pride, versus desire and submission. Pride was furious, pride rebelled at the words and the control they implied. Desire, simply was.

Sometimes he desperately hated that L could read him like a book. It gave him an unfair advantage. He shivered.

“Strip.”

Ugh, there was that instant surge of resistance that always surfaced. L knew it, and he knew that L knew. It was obvious how much he struggled with even simple commands.

“Or did you not wish to eat tonight?”

Oh no, that’s how it would go…. if he dragged his feet, or L decided to draw this out, he could kiss that dinner goodbye. But he was starving. The promise of dinner was what had gotten him through the last bit of that run, and the effort of staying alive afterwards, and the shower. Though, the shower had been nice. L had joined him in there and had plied him with warm, sexy kisses, in addition to washing his hair for him. Basically, he’d been the opposite of how he was _now_.

“There is something completely _mental_ about you, you know,” he tossed out, feeling a bit backed into a corner here.

“And you as well,” L said pleasantly, not taking the baiting to heart. He trailed his gaze over to the leather harness and shook it in a slow wave, pulling Light’s attention solidly to it once more. “For one, despite your protests, I can’t help but notice how your eyes have barely looked away from this since the moment I brought it out.”

“In horror,” he stressed, feeling more caged by the minute.

“Hmmn, no, I think not.” He trailed one of the straps over Light’s chest, which was thoroughly distracting. “I’d say it looks more like curiosity.”

“You’re insane-”

“Ah, I’m having fond memories of having you bound up against this wall, receiving lashes. Should we do that again instead?”

 _Geh_.

“Or this?” L offered. He then raised an eyebrow at Light. “Or both?”

Light cursed silently as his face flushed over that last suggestion. What the ever living hell??? That was a terrible idea, so why was he reacting to it???

L smiled indulgently at him. “You’re adorable. So at odds with yourself. Tell you what, be a little more honest with yourself and I’ll let you topping me not be just a one-time thing.”

Light blanched. “Who said it was a one time thing?” Was he serious or just fucking with him? He couldn’t tell.

“Who said it wasn’t?” L returned pleasantly. “Besides, you earned your torment, take it like a man.”

Shit…. that had been so great earlier…. one-time thing? That would be a damn travesty. But L had been into it, hadn’t he? Would he really curb it as a one-time thing? Or was he simply stubborn enough to dangle that over his head in order to secure his compliance?

L was stubborn…. incredibly so.

So, even if he’d loved it, he could totally see L abstaining as a bargaining chip. Fuck. Fuck it all and damnit.  

“Should I get some popcorn?” L jeered, watching the play of indecision upon Light’s face.

“Fuck you,” he grumbled back.

“Not without a little compliance,” he said with an antagonizing smile.

“ _Sadist_.”

“If the shoe fits-” He smiled. More of a leer, really. Yeah, that look always sent shivers down his spine. “Now, strip,” he said engagingly.

Light chewed the inside of his lip and moved to do so. How was it that he could have no problems getting naked at this stage of their relationship, but if the dynamic shifted in this way at all, he was nervous as hell and set to fight L with all he was worth? L’s dark eyes took in everything, and shone with the knowledge of all of this. He seemed to revel in the struggle, in the game of it, and in Light’s eventual, reluctant compliance.

“Turn around.”

Light held in the muttered response he wished to make, knowing that L would only use it as an excuse to act up worse. In fact, grumbling seemed to have a direct link to sparking his creativity. L was plenty creative without his unwitting help.

He jumped a little as fingertips trailed over his back, softly tracing the faded marks that were still in evidence there. He shivered, feeling the near obsessive fondness in the touch, and remembering the burning trail of each of the marks as clever hands drew upon each one. Unexpectedly, those pale, angular hands reached up to firmly grasp and massage the tightness in his shoulders. It took him totally off guard and his eyes fluttered closed at the almost-pain of the firm pressure, which was releasing the tension in him like magic. He hadn’t even realized there was a stiffness in the muscles there until L began working upon it.

“I’m not always cruel,” L said in his ear after a few minutes, stroking one hand under his chin and tilting his head to the side for more access. He nibbled a trail down Light’s throat, while his other hand trailed over his chest and down his stomach.

Light shuddered. Fingertips brushed over his navel, lower, not slowing down at all…. it made his back arch as they continued much lower over bare skin and traced maddeningly light over the stirring of his arousal.

“Have you ever thought of doing it again?” L spoke again, voice hot in his ear. My god was it distracting.

“It?” he struggled to follow. Fingertips had now shifted to form a loose circle around his desire which gave only the barest whisper of touch, but from all sides, and slid slowly from the base of his cock to tip. It was absolute torment. It was also making him really hard… that, and everything else.

“I’d love to give you a fresh set.” L nuzzled a sensitive spot just under his jaw, making him writhe.

To be honest, the thought of it hit him with some force. A slight moan slipped from between his lips, but he was going to blame that on the fact that L had just that moment taken him truly in hand, making him reel from the sudden flood of sensation. But he _had_ thought about that whipping session at the club… more than a few times. He’d felt so unbelievably close to L after that experience. “Not even once,” he said instead.

“Liar,” came the silky reply. Then L was kissing him, and it was much harder to think. His head felt like it was spinning and was going to float right off of his shoulders.

Uh oh… he was fast getting to the point where he started making concessions… But everything felt so _good_ , it was easier to ignore his inner turmoil.

“Give me what I want,” L trailed, teasing him mercilessly, making him shudder, “and I will give you what you want… and more.”

 _What I want?_ The flogging? He didn’t… but…

Well, fuck… somehow L had a talent for making something like that be sensual as fuck and he couldn’t say he _didn’t_ want to try it again….

He jumped a little as he felt something like a belt encircle his waist. _Oh geez no, not that…_ his face flushed in mortification. Stimulating as it had been the last time L had used something like the back piece on him, the silicone dildo…. he’d barely been able to live with the embarrassment of it. It just felt so demeaning… he wasn’t sure exactly why.

“Let me see you wear discomfort and shame like a crown.”

“I’d rather not,” he mumbled, his face ablaze with heat.

“Do you trust me?”

That gave him pause. What a weird thing to ask. “I’m currently debating my sanity on that one…”

“Do you trust me?” L repeated unhurriedly. Light looked up into his eyes, able to see them over his shoulder in the mirror wall’s reflection. He was drowning in the intensity of that laid-back gaze and knowing smile which was quirking his lips up in the corner. It didn’t exactly look like a safe place, but L’s eyes promised he’d love whatever torment he was dealt. Pretty much, he believed that… it wasn’t any less worrying however. His pride… his _pride_.

Ugh. He dropped his eyes, already feeling himself losing to this.

“This may look like a torture device,” L said lightly, petting his hips and driving him to distraction once more, “but I guarantee it will give you one of the most powerful orgasms you’ve had in your life.”

_What, really?_

He damned himself for having that perk his interest. But could that be true?

“Why don’t you try it and find out?” L nuzzled his neck and resumed stroking his desire, long and slow. God, it was getting him wadded up. He shuddered as L varied the pace and pressure, making his brain stutter to catch up. Short and light, long and firm, then the maddeningly light touches. All the while he was now nonstop thinking the words _‘most powerful orgasm in your life’_.

Oh damn it all….

Fuck.

He was going to end up giving in afterall.

“Good,” L drawled sexily, seeing capitulation upon his face. He caught Light’s mouth in a heated kiss, sealing the deal. Pleasure shivered through him with force, tasting lust upon his tongue and the slight change in L’s demeanor. His tormentor was pleased, getting his way, and he was going to blaze a trail of passion through his mind and body so that he didn’t even know which way was up anymore.

Light had to put a hand against the mirror to steady himself, as L stepped away for a moment to grab something. The harness really did look like a torture device, straps like trailing arms filled with latent intent. But alas, he did like the look of the leather…

Without much warning, L was reaching in front of him, opening the small circlet of leather dangling off of the front strap and spreading something upon the inner surface. Probably lube. Oh geez, was he really doing this? _I must be out of my mind…_

L pulled the front strap taut, and said, “You may feel some pressure.” He then circled the smaller strap around the base of his cock and underneath his sack and snapped it closed. It was a wildly bizarre feeling sensation and it made him tense up immediately. “Shhh,” L soothed him, “it’s only weird for a little while.” It felt somewhat snug but still had some give.

“Are you serious?” he said under his breath, wondering where in the hell people came up with stuff like this and how L had ever found his way into it.

L didn’t directly respond to that. “The pressure is what amplifies sensation. It will get tighter as you get bigger. But this style can be removed at any time so don’t worry about getting stuck.”

“Uh… there’s kinds you can’t remove?” What a horrifying thought.

“Yeah, like the metal ones…” L nuzzled the side of his face and along his jaw. “It’s just a ring. If you don’t size it right, you could be in a world of hurt.” As he talked, he resumed playing hands upon Light’s skin and working him up. It was totally disconnected from the current conversation, L was simply answering his question and getting that out of the way while he pursued more interesting things. “If it ends up being too small for you after you get to full size, well, I’m sure you can gather how that would go. And there is no convenient release mechanism.”

Jesus. WHY. Why would anyone do that?

Light jumped as L used his distraction to prep the back piece and start putting it in place. His face flushed hard and he covered his face with a hand, trying not to feel as utterly violated and mortified as he did at that moment. L obviously thought it was no big deal, so why couldn’t he just focus on that and pretend it wasn’t a big deal to him either? The silicone plug slowly slid inside, the tapered end widening closer to the base and stretching him open. He tried to take a few bracing breaths, now distracted by trying to accomodate the intrusion. Not only that, if he moved at all, it was angled to be incredibly stimulating.

L finished securing the final strap and admired his handiwork. “Take a look.”

Ugh…. He creaked an eye open to see the finished product and was surprised when it didn’t look ridiculous but actually looked really hot. It reminded him of how that chest harness of L’s accented his body. This did the same, and was much more interesting than simply being nude. The back was specifically a surprise. You couldn’t tell at all what was on the inside of it. It just ran down the back somewhat like a thong, but without being lost between the cheeks. There were side straps as well, short, and terminating into large metal loops. “What are these for?”

“Leather wrist cuffs. One attached on each side.”

He could picture it, and it was an intriguing visual.

“I thought I’d go easy on you,” L said with a smirk that didn’t quite match his words. At that, he tipped his hand and a pair of regular silver handcuffs unfurled and swung from one crooked finger.

“What are those for??”

“Flogging is something of an artform. I need my model to stay in place.”

“Performance art?” he managed to get out.

“If you like.”

He actually wasn’t trying to be difficult, but much like with the other things, he had that instant trepidation that made him fight off any new addition or restriction. L easily anticipated that, and chose to get around it by smacking him hard on the ass, making him jump and immediately shudder with pleasure as the silicone plug brushed against a really sensitive area. It was a more than sufficient distraction for L to get the cuffs on and secured to the ring over his head. Damn.

Not only that, he was starting to notice the pressure again from the restriction of the cockring. It wasn’t alarming, but it had gotten tighter as he’d reacted to things just now.

“Now,” L said pleasantly. “We may begin.”

Butterflies fluttered in his stomach with nervous energy at those words.

* * *

TBC


	83. (phase 4) Whipping Post

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light is reacquainted with flogging, and L's special method of twisting him up so bad. Torment, embarrassment, all the good stuff. The boys hit some previously tenuous subjects and things don't explode. 
> 
> "What's in a name?"

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 83: Whipping Post _

L picked something up off of the bed, what looked like a short whip. He knew nothing about whips, but this one probably wasn’t more than two or three feet long and was just a single tail, without extra stuff at the end. He remembered seeing L use a longer version of it at his work.

Unlike last time, L didn’t spend time working him up to it with encouraging words and massaging hands. He started in right away. The first strike stung a bit but wasn’t all that hard. The next many were like that as well, itching a little upon his skin, as the whip danced upon his back. He didn’t quite allow himself to be lulled into complacency, knowing that harder hits might come out of nowhere.

“What did you see, last time?” L’s smooth voice asked, as he continued the percussion of blows.

“It was-” his voice cut off abruptly as a harsher sting blazed upon his back. He jerked a little from the pain and immediately dropped a breathy moan as the movement shifted the silicone piece inside of him. His breath came a little faster as his brain tried to sort out the different stimuli he’d been subjected to all at once.

“You were saying?” L was unrepentant, if a little smug.

“Are you actually asking?” he whipped back, feeling toyed with.

“Yes.”

“It’s hard to describe,” he said shortly, not sure if he’d be allowed to get his full response out. He felt a little petulant, wondering if L was merely setting him up to talk so that he could gleefully torture him through it. But, L had let him finish his response this time...

“Take your time.” L kept up the tireless rain of percussive strikes, and eventually slipped in another harsher one. This one was upon his bare buttocks and quite a bit harder than the other one. A curse slipped from his mouth and he tried his best not to move and disturb the toy within him. He just barely managed it.

“Close your eyes,” L was saying in a lulling voice. “Sink down into the repetition of sensation. Feel that calm place in your mind.”

Ah… this was a bit more like last time. His tormentor’s voice could be incredibly soothing when he wanted it to be. It was leading him deeper into himself.

He started to become aware of more than just the darkness behind his eyes.

The whip picked up strength, gradually, but was without those startlingly harder blows for a time. His muscles twitched from the sharp kisses of the whip, but none made his whole body move in response to the pain. This was a tolerable pain. There was a bite, a sharp sting that made him almost clench his teeth but then it faded in a warm flood, a rippling of sensation upon his skin. Endorphins?

Eventually even that thought faded.

“Drift deeper…. sink down into the wash of calm…”

A harder blow landed upon his skin, zipping across flesh with a sort of fire. He did grit his teeth on that one, but he managed not to move much.

“Feel the tension leave you,” L’s deep voice stayed with him, recentering him. “Let thought leave you.”

It was the ocean he saw. He remembered it clearly now, as he was back there again, rocking in the gentle waves beneath the surface, if there even was a surface anywhere. It was dark. Empty. But there was a sort of contentment too. It felt free and calm here. He was barely aware of the metered strike of constant whipstrikes, now, though he was pretty sure they had gained in strength. It just felt kind of distant and separate from where he was right now. Even the random harder strike wasn’t quite enough to shake through the calm.

It was so peaceful here.

“What do you see?” came L’s rich voice, gently rippling through this space.

“An ocean,” he murmured. “Sort of.”

He drifted for a time, wincing slightly at some more substantial strikes, but he was largely distanced from all of that. Then came a wicked sting that shocked through him like fire. It pulled a groan from his mouth and made his back bow as if it could evade the flowering of pain. He hadn’t remained still enough and the silicone plug brushed something deep inside him, making him catch his breath in his throat as his body pulsed in response.

“Sink back down,” L’s voice dragged at him, coaxing him in and pulling him back down. “Deep… deeper…”

Both pain and pleasure started to fade back into the ocean, and once more it was just him in that space, one with nothingness. He was floating at the bottom, the surface near and yet far, currents lazily drifting by. Fingertips traced over his skin, creating a pleasing sensation that almost reminded him of the caress of water upon skin. There was also the feeling of the whip tracing up the inner thigh of his splayed legs. That somehow became infinitely distracting.

His eyes began following the drunken trailing of it. Up his thigh, over the curve of a cheek and under it, back down his thigh and across to the other leg and down, circling his calf muscle. Then, it traveled up the side of his entire leg from ankle to hip, and across his belly. He shuddered as the whip rested upon his arousal, playfully pushing down upon it in a gentle bobbing motion, and making him more aware of his aching flesh than he had been this whole time.

Actually, now that his attention was on it, he also felt a more intensive sort of pressure than usual. He wasn’t completely hard yet, but it felt like he was. It lent a sort of urgency to things, as if he was a lot closer to orgasm than he knew he was.

While he was contemplating this, a sharp strike raked over his backside, burning like fire and making him jump. A curse fell from his lips even as his cock throbbed hard in response to his movement, and the sensation it caused inside him.

“Breathe…” L said, “Breathe through it…”

He took a breath, but he was almost more distracted by the feelings of pleasure than he was from the pain. It was unexpected, but that feeling of near orgasm really had a way of overriding the flash of pain.

Another stripe of fire lit up his right side, making him gasp. He groaned as the sting and pain amplified, unfolding brutally, before sinking back under the wash of sensation as his body reacted to the other stimulus that was inside of him. And then there was an inquisitive hand stroking over his flank and his hip, making him tense up as it amplified the ache of desire in his belly. When it reached around to stroke his hardened flesh was almost too much. He let out a low moan at the first caress, head tossing as his backside was kneaded with another hand.

God he wanted to fuck. So badly. His hips thrust forward into that hand, and another moan rolled through him as L pulled him close and began nuzzling, biting and sucking upon his neck. It jerked through him sharply, amplifying this insane arousal. There was too much stimulus, everywhere. Everywhere, and yet it wasn’t enough.

L ran hands all over his body, raising this arousal to a fever pitch. His blood was pounding in his ears, a quiet roar.

His head was tilted back over his shoulder, and L was speaking against his lips. “I want to burn this image of you into my mind forever,” he said fiercely, lust crawling through his voice with force, before capturing his mouth in a damning kiss. It was violating, hot, and thrilled through him with an intensity he could barely withstand.

_Please…_

God, he was going out of his mind. It was bad enough when L kissed him like this, but just now it was spurring him to insanity. _Please, please, please…_ It was becoming a litany in his head. Like a prayer to some kind of god. Then L turned him around and was pushing him back against the wall, pressing bodily against the front of him and making him shudder hard with a moan. It was almost enough…

What he didn’t expect was for L to sink down to his knees and take him into that amazing mouth of his. He slid into blinding heat, lips and tongue pulling moans from his mouth quite easily. He tossed his head, quite overwhelmed. And then, that’s when L deepthroated him and he about lost his mind. Swirling, hot, wet, tight. The sensations embraced him and he slid into it for what felt like forever.

The pressure within him built to the point of pain before exploding, shaking through him with an orgasm so strong, he felt like it was taking him apart. He came with a guttural cry, back arching hard and making the silicone plug rub against what had to be his prostate because it was causing an intense layer of pleasure to overlay his already blown circuits.

He sagged hard in the chains as the last of his release pumped from him, and along with it, his strength.

He was dead. Dead, deceased, 6 feet underground.

Even so, he was somehow aware of the handcuffs coming off, and the use of his arms being returned to him. Then he was scooped off of his feet and laid on the bed. He didn’t even care to protest that, being dead and all. He noted having the harness taken off of him, but not in any great detail. L then laid down next to him and flopped an arm over his torso, in what seemed like a lethargic fashion.

This made Light rouse himself enough to ask, “Do you need me to-”

L waved him off. “Hell no was I gonna make it through all of that,” he laughed somewhat sleepily. “I took care of it already, while getting you off. Do you have any idea how fucking hot that was?”

Light felt a ripple of pleasure coast through him at that. He might have also felt somewhat embarrassed, if he hadn’t been deceased.

L tilted his head to receive warm, slow kiss. It was really nice, and flickered through him pleasantly. “I had no idea your voice could make sounds like that,” he teased in a self-satisfied voice, tinted with desire. “Especially at the end. Holy Christ.”

That made Light’s entire face flush, despite himself. “Shut up,” he mumbled, wanting to hide as his memory started happily providing flashbacks. “I’m never listening to you again.”

L wrapped arms around him like he was a stuffed animal. “So fucking adorable,” he said blissfully, resting his face in the crook of Light’s neck. It tickled a little, but also sent pleasant sensations rippling through him.

Something had been niggling at the back of Light’s brain. “Hey, what made you decide to go for oral at the end instead of what you started out doing?”

He gave a little shrug, though they were laying down, so the effect was hardly even noticeable. “I wanted to see your face,” he said simply, as if that should have been obvious. “And it was totally the right call,” he drawled with a grin, sounding entirely too pleased with himself.

“Jerk,” Light muttered, sure he was never going to live this down. Another thought occured and he sat up a little, dislodging his lover. He peered down at L’s face. “You were fucking with me over the _‘never topping again’_ ,” he said suspiciously, “weren’t you?”

L protested being dislodged, and ended up just flopping back onto the bed without his human pillow. He put his hands behind his head. “Oh, but that would be telling,” he hummed. His eyes had closed but there was a telling, mischievous quirking up at the corner of his lips.

“You totally made that up,” he accused.

“The funny thing is how quickly you fell for it.” He let out a laugh.

“Asshole,” Light gripped. He flopped back onto the bed. “And I’m still starving.” He paused. “And _dead_.”

“Well, if you’re dead, what do you need to eat for?” L razzed him, making him groan in annoyance.

“I can hear your stomach growling as much as my own. What time is it, anyway?”

“Well, time enough to eat, anyway,” L said with a yawn and a catlike stretch. “I swear I’ve never slept so much in one day in my life. You’re a terrible influence on me.”

“Pffft, oh yeah, _I’m_ the bad influence,” he scoffed. But today was sort of unprecedented. He couldn’t ever remember being so so lazy or falling asleep quite so much in a single day. Still, two of those times were directly after sex which wasn’t uncommon. But that run had mostly ruined him and then the sex afterwards had definitely finished him off. He was deceased. Even the thought of moving or getting out of bed right now seemed a herculean task.

L poked at him, prodding him to get moving and he groaned. “Kill me.”

“I thought you were already dead?” He sounded amused. “Would coffee help?”

Coffee….. Yeah, it was kind of late for it but maybe that would do the trick. If they were going out to eat, he still needed to get ready, dressed, walk downstairs, get in a car, be driven there, walk inside, stay alive... and upright...

“Ok,” L said, reading his face, “be right back.” He pressed a quick kiss to Light’s lips before he left, a fleeting touch that communicated affection quite loudly.

Light raised a lethargic hand to touch the spot, holding onto the warmth for just a moment longer, and savoring the even warmer feelings it spurred within his chest. Love was a funny thing, wasn’t it? Complicated, multifaceted… It was so many things all at once: Caring, teasing, anger, frustration, bliss, happiness... along with grief, sadness, contentment, forgiveness and self-sacrifice. It had reshaped his world, and himself as well.

This sort of love… it went beyond what he’d grown to know as parental love, or the sort his parents were capable of. It had opened up a whole new dimension of feeling and experience. And while what he had with L was the fuller experience, many of those things he had also learned through Jayden as well. Heavier on the aggravation, and minus the bliss, but still he’d witnessed the caring and self-sacrifice. He’d still seen some things that had been missing from his definition of ‘love’ up till a few months ago.

He rolled over on his side, folding his arm under his head. Meeting the two of them, L especially, had been like being on a rollercoaster. From the very beginning, there were so many snags and hurdles in the way they each thought and dealt with things, their misconceptions, their habits. And yet, that compulsion they’d had for each other kept pulling them together again and again. They’d learned, grown, evolved. And now this, the synthesis of all of that - this love and relationship they had - he couldn’t imagine being without it. It was part of him, to the depths of his being, for better or worse.

So how now could his parents ask him to give that up? How could they really compare a love for family and pit it against something like _this_? They were two very different things. Why did they have to see it as a battle for him loving them at all? Why should wanting to be with someone equate, in their heads, to abandoning one’s family?

He let out a long sigh, feeling the curdling of tension gathering in him with thoughts of his family. He knew they still didn’t understand that leaving the house really wasn’t about L, but about them. And that even if L was not in the picture, that he still would have wanted to leave.

How was he supposed to make them understand the issues between himself and them, and keep them from pinning all of the problems onto L? How could he make them _understand_?

“Deep thoughts?” L asked, standing next to him and holding a mug of coffee out to him.

He dragged himself upright shook his head, not really wanting to go into it, and gratefully reached for the coffee. “It’s nothing.”

L held it just out of reach and gave him a pointed look.

“Ugh, fine,” he relented, with a sour expression. “The usual. I’m sure you’ve heard enough about it to last a lifetime.”

“True,” he said shortly, “but I don’t want you stewing on stuff like that, then trying to keep it from me.” Displeasure rolled through the words. He sat on the bed beside Light and gave him the mug. He added in a more forgiving tone, “If you keep trying to protect me, I’ll feel bad.”

Light looked at him, taking in his expression and body language. He was a little surprised to hear L say that but he guessed in a way that was what he was doing. He’d been avoiding talking about stuff, trying to handle it himself either to keep others from worrying, or trying to save them from involvement.

“I told you, it’s ok to rely on me,” L said almost sulkily, clasping his hands before him with a slight frown on his face.

Light let that sink in as he started to drink the hot coffee, the heat from the mug prickling his hands. “I know,” he said at last, to let L know he wasn’t just dismissing it. “I also don’t want to have them come up all the time. Even if I think on it, it doesn’t mean we have to dwell on it each time.”

Hot black coffee was soothing. It was the smell, firstly, then the flood of warmth on the tongue, the cognition-jumpstart, rousingly brisk taste, and the flow of comforting warmth as he swallowed it down. The effects started within moments, and the tiredness would seep away within a minute or two. It was a near perfect beverage. Whoever had invented it was a saint. Also, the coffee L had here was pretty damn good. Better than at home, and better than many places he’d had it out - like at restaurants. It didn’t have that bitter, acidic tang. It was smooth.

L, he realized, was just sitting there watching him, seeming a bit lost in thought. A more peaceful expression had stolen across his face. “You look marginally more alert,” L mused.

“Marginally,” he agreed. “Did I ever tell you that you make really great coffee?” He had a feeling L was still going to ask him what he was thinking about, and he still kind of wanted to avoid it, so he deflected.

“No, but perhaps that is because most times you aren’t even conscious while you’re drinking it?” Amusement lingered upon his face.

“Shut up.”

L smiled.

He grumbled a bit and ignored him in favor of more life-fuel.

“You know I’m going to keep asking you,” L hummed, “until you give me something.” He leaned back on the bed on his elbows. “And isn’t it you who is always going on about ‘use your words’ and stuff like that? Sharing?”

“Ugh, fine.” Where to even start? “In a nutshell…. it was just thinking on how my parents have decided to put this all as an ‘either/or’ thing. If I love you, I can’t love them. My relationship with you precludes a relationship with them.”

L tilted his head consideringly. “Well, in regards to your father, that could be the case.” He held up a hand as Light spluttered indignantly at him. “In a way,” he amended. “Since he has such a massive stick up his ass on the matter of us both being male, he is so far from acceptance that it almost _does_ make a relationship with him impossible.”

“Oh.” Light frowned, hard. Why the hell was his dad **so** against it anyway? It was like he was taking it personally. He could understand someone struggling to accept it, but his father was positively waging war against it.

His mother was more the religious one, so he could get that she would be against it from the get-go. But his father wasn’t exactly the religious type. Sure, he went to service on Sundays and all of that, but it didn’t seem to impact him on any sort of deeper level. He didn’t seem to really believe in much, not like his mother did.

And yet… his mother was becoming much closer to accepting this than ever. _So what gives??_

L tapped him on the side of his head, a silent reminder that he was getting lost in thought again and leaving him out of the loop.

“Sorry.” He took another long, bracing sip of coffee. “I was just wondering why my father is not just angry over it all but enraged.”

“Hmn.” L thought about that. “Well… I suppose if he sees you as an extension of himself, maybe he’s taking it personally. Or, I don’t know, there could be events in his past that are having an effect here.”

Light felt his brows draw together. “Like what?”

L shrugged. “I don’t know, latent tendencies? A grabby adult role model? It could be anything. Or nothing, like I said.”

“Some morbid part of me wonders what would happen if I just ask him about why he’s so angry, and just poke and dig and weather the firestorm, then keep digging. It I assume all that vitriol is coming from something that has nothing to do with me, it does kinda take the edge off. Maybe I’d even discover the source.”

“Again, it might just be that he sees it as a personal insult.”

Light expelled a sigh and laid back on the bed. “Yeah.” His coffee mug was empty. He was no longer feeling dead, but the feelings towards this thing with his parents didn’t feel like a fair tradeoff. It was like a different state of being dead, and he wanted to feel _alive_.

His stomach growled loudly, sounding almost as pissed off as his father.

“Guess you’re still hungry,” L said, taking the mug from his hands, “even though you’re stressing yourself out.”

He decided not to answer that directly. “One more cup.”

“Done.”

“And my back itches.”

“Not surprising.” He stood up. “I’ll take care of that before we go.” He ruffled Light’s hair and swatted his cheek playfully. “Try and wake up before you drag me back into the mire of reverse-insomnia.”

* * *

It was about 7:30pm when they made it to the restaurant, freshly scrubbed and in clean clothes. L had cleansed and bandaged the abrasions on his back and backside, and assured him that with normal care it wouldn’t take nearly as long to heal up. He’d even promised to do the dressings himself each night, which meant he’d get to see L at least the next three days in a row. That alone might be worth it. Maybe it would be a little like staying with him, like he hoped they might do in the future.

The only problem was… typically the dressings were done after a shower… Was he supposed to come back to Kai’s each night, freshly showered and assume no questions would be asked about _that_??

He rested his chin on his hand. Aside from that… would L be home late each night, like at 8:00pm? Would he just go there after school and sit around the apartment waiting for him until he showed, get what felt like 5 minutes with him, then get dumped off at Kai’s house? Or would L be picking him up at Kai’s then dropping him off later?

Light felt the weight of a questioning gaze resting upon him. “What time do you get home this week? Late?”

“Ah… still haven’t told your surrogate family, huh?” L teased.

“Shut up. No, I haven’t told them. Only Kai knows, and he will harass me relentlessly.”

“Aw, kinda wish I could see that. I bet you get all flustered and defensive.”

Light leaned across the table with a sharp look. “He wants _details_ ,” he said conspiratorially.

L leaned across the table as well, putting their faces less than a foot apart. “Well, you certainly have plenty to choose from,” he said charmingly,

Light scooted back quickly, a flush suffusing his face, just as their waitress bounded up to their table. “Hi folks!” she said perkily. It seemed a little out of place, as the restaurant was fairly laid-back and on the nicer end of things. Then again, they did have a few small brain teaser games sitting at the end near the napkins and salt, along with some paper and pens. Quite an odd combination, seeing as the tables were set with empty wine glasses and long white tablecloths.

“Two waters,” Light said. “Thank you.” When she left he asked L, “Are you sure the food is good here? This place is a little bizarre.”

L waved him off. “Have I ever steered you wrong?”

“Plenty.”

“On food?”

“Oh… maybe not on that.” He sighed and picked up a menu. The name of the place was Pistachio’s. He could find no rhyme or reason behind that either. There wasn’t even any green decor and neither the menu or the building had even a hint of green. Inside it looked kind of like a classy Italian place, but there were weird metal wall art pieces like metal fishes and neon lighted alcohol logos. Bizarre.

The food ranged from simple bar food like burgers, fries, and chicken strips, to filet minion, a host of pasta dishes, and a selection of seafood.

Where to even begin?

He did see his usual favorite, Spaghetti and meatballs and garlic bread. He was tempted, though not everyone’s meatballs were that good. “What do you usually get here? What’s good?”

“Hmm, well the salads are crap, the steak is passable, but the seafood, burgers, and most of the pasta is good. Order a few things if you want. Leftovers are a good thing, especially if you stay over a few nights.”

“Wait, really?” L was going to let him stay over? He wasn’t going to go on about school and sleep and all of that?

L leaned back in the booth. “Well, I figure you can stay at your friend’s house tonight, grab some stuff, then crash at my place a few days. But only if you can keep to your studies, and get some sleep.” A wry look twisted upon his lips. “And that includes not letting me keep you up.”

“That’s a tall order. You can be quite persistent.”

“You’re just as stubborn as I am,” he scoffed lightly, seeming amused. “But I mean it. I’ll try hard to keep your sleep and studies in mind, but be my backup at least.”

“Are you anticipating failure?” Light asked with a sly smile, teasing him.

L rested his chin on his hand and gazed into Light’s eyes unabashedly. “Yeah.”

It made Light flush to the tips of his toes. Suddenly eye contact was more than he could handle and he had to look away from that penetrating, honest gaze. He busied himself with the menu, and a good thing, too, as the waitress had chosen that moment to return.

“Ready to place your orders?” She chirped.

L got a seafood dish, some kind of fish with vegetables and stuff, a soup, and a large chicken and vegetable pasta dish he probably intended for later. Light took a chance on their meatballs, ordered his standard meal of spaghetti and garlic bread, a different soup and a different pasta dish.

“I know you don’t have much of a sweet tooth,” L said, “but the deserts here are really good, too.”

“Such as?”

“Boring as it sounds, the apple pie.”

“Huh. Well, if it isn’t too sweet, I’d give that a try.” Dessert sounded like something that begged for more coffee, but he really should quit or he’d never sleep well tonight.

While they waited, he fiddled a bit with the brain teasers. There was a pair of linked, twisted nails that supposedly came apart; a mini chinese checkers that somehow wasn’t missing any parts; a tiny notebook of riddles; another of adlibs, where you fill in the blank with random nouns and adjectives and then read them aloud in a mini story. There was also a small glass jar filled with little folded pieces of paper. He unscrewed the top and fished one out. “The glass is half full,” he read. Huh. He looked again at the jar.

L reached over and pointed to a label that seemed to be written on with crayon. “Conversation starters.”

“Odd.” He put that one aside and picked out another one. “One man’s fish is another man’s freezer.” He made a face. “What the hell does that mean??”

“So, not all of them make sense. I suppose they figure it would give people something to ponder and discuss amongst themselves.”

“Next.” He picked up another one. “What’s in a name?” Oh, he recognized that one. It was a line from Romeo and Juliet. He slanted a look at L. “Speaking of names….” He’d been wanting to know about L’s name for a while now. Since he’d suddenly been more amenable to sharing, perhaps now was the perfect time.

L looked evasive.

Light went on to broach the subject anyway. “I want to know yours.”

“You already do. It’s L.”

“Legally?” he asked, suspicious.

“Yes.”

“Then what aren’t you owning up to?” he mused aloud. L was definitely not keen on cooperating here, that was obvious; he was holding something back. “There’s something...” A thought occurred to him. “L wasn’t your birthname, was it?” he said slowly, as it dawned on him. ‘L’ _had_ to be a name change. Afterall, who the hell would name their child with simply an initial? And moreover, why would L change his own name to be merely an initial? That was unusual. He really had thought this whole time that ‘L’ was a nickname. Had he legally changed his name **to** a nickname?

L nearly looked like he was pouting now, though on him it was subtle, and let out a sigh.

“I’m right, aren’t I?” Light announced in triumph. That reaction just now nearly guaranteed it. “Now what happened to the spirit of cooperation and sharing? Tell me what it is.”

“I would, it’s just…”

Wow, he seemed reluctant as hell, and the long-suffering look on his face was a curiosity. “What?”

“Nevermind. Hand me one of those pens. I’ll write it down.”

Intrigued, Light did so.

L scribbled something down on a piece of paper, all businesslike, and handed it to him. “My birth name,” he said simply.

_Elbrecht E Lawliet_

Light blinked at the hastily written words. _What the….?_ He’d never even _seen_ such a name before. Instead of commenting on that directly, though, he asked a safer question. “What’s the E stand for?”

L seemed to relax substantially with the non-reaction at seeing the name. “Nothing. I think one of my parents was simply amused at the thought that adding it makes my initials spell EEL.” His glib response was one part apathetic and one part sarcastic humor.

“That’s horrible!” It was awful but also kind of funny. EEL. Wow. But still, what the fuck at his parents. What had possessed them to pick such a name for their kid?

There was a good chance L made jokes about it because it bugged him, though he seemed to have made some sort of peace with it.

“Well, debatable which was worse,” L joked wryly, “that or Elbrecht.”

“Or leaving you.”

L frowned pensively. “Yeah, or  that,” he said after a long moment. “Anyhow... you can see where it’s easier for everyone to just call me L. Growing up, kids and teachers alike, everyone had trouble with that name. I changed it when I came of age.”

“So now it’s just L Lawliet?”

“Nicer ring to it, don’t you think?”

Light nodded.

L shrugged. His elbows rested on the table and he was idly fiddling with the paper wrapper from his straw. “I could have just left it, I suppose. But I figured if they weren’t around to watch me struggle with a name like that, fuck ‘em, I’ll just change it.” He tilted his head consideringly. “Elliot isn’t bad though, as names go. Kind of funny you picked a name that starts with El- like my given name.”

Light smiled a little. “I’m glad you didn’t hate it, seeing as you ended up having to answer to it quite a lot.” Way more than he’d ever anticipated, to be honest. He paused, trying to put a thought into words as he changed gears a little. He did his best not to botch it; he didn’t want to make L clam up again. “Hey… it is such an unusual name they picked…. do you know if it was supposed to mean something?”

“Yeah, I looked it up before. Some kind of old english name that means ‘noble’ and ‘bright’.” He quipped, “Sounds like just the kind of thing to name a kid you don’t want, who you’ll abandon later, doesn’t it?” The tone in his voice was disquieting.

“L…” Light said sadly.

L waved him off. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m over it, really.” He leaned back and stretched. “Just a bad joke.”

* * *

TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, thanks to all who are still onboard at this time. I know this story is HELLA long and has been running for about a year now. Wow, boggles the mind.
> 
> R&R <3
> 
> I'll be posting as fast as I get final betas done on chaps. Let's see how many I get thru this weekend. ;)


	84. (phase 4) Unexpected

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light juggles the interaction at the restaurant carefully, stressing a bit, trying to keep communication from shutting down. Later, L makes an interesting proposal. Back at Jayden's, he and Justin get into a heated disagreement over what had transpired between them the week before.
> 
> " _Me and my fucking pride,_ he lamented."

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 84: Unexpected _

It was hard to gauge where L was at after that comment. It seemed to Light that he’d let slip some actual real feelings on the matter, perhaps feelings he was used to shoving down and ignoring.

 _‘I’m over it’_ seemed more of a deflection than anything else. He let it be, though. There wasn’t much else to do with something like that. L seemed fine, mostly. However, he noted that conversation was averted rather directly after that from any talk of names, parents, or L’s past.

_Damn._

_Just when he’d finally started to open up a bit on all of that._

Light reminded himself that one tactical blunder didn’t mean he’d never get any further on the topic. It wasn’t like they didn’t have time. Also, he’d finally heard something straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, and not from the horse’s cousin….

It was still a success, something to be celebrated. But he couldn’t help feeling just a touch morose. He gazed across the table at his lover, noting every little detail about his face, his hair, his eyes, and the feel of him… every part of him felt precious. How could a parent just leave like that? And here, so many years later, L was still carrying the burden of that event. No matter how he may have pushed it down, and claimed he didn’t give a fuck anymore, it was still there - festering.

Being aware of it all was enough to break his heart. He frowned, also starting to feel some immense guilt over the situation with his own parents. Did he have the right to complain? Wasn’t what L was handed so much worse? At least his own parents wanted him around… though in a totally codependent, anal-retentive, control freak sort of way.

_Light, snap out of it._

He shook his head slightly, trying to remember that both L and Jayden had loudly proclaimed his home situation to be messed up. He had to stop overthinking this. He _wasn’t_ simply being ungrateful like his parents were claiming. He didn’t **_not_** love them. He _wasn’t_ just trying to be difficult, and he _wasn’t_ doing any of this just to upset them. He had at least two other people who were with him on this, providing a reality check that their behavior and methods really were abnormal, three if he included Kai.

L waved a hand in front of his face, gently grabbing his attention, but he jumped anyway. “You’re miles away. What are you thinking about?”

UGH the guilt stabbed him, seeing L make that concerned face at him. He didn’t want to give him **more** to worry about. It had been bad enough seeing the baggage he was obviously still carrying over his parents leaving. Thinking about his own parents was just a bunny trail. Guilt had a way of just rolling downhill and gaining speed and spreading.

He just barely caught himself before saying ‘nothing’ and dismissing it. Earlier, L had made it clear he wasn’t going to allow those half-assed kind of dismissals.

_I don’t want him to think I only ruminate over my own situation, which is how it looks if I just say it was about my parents…. But if I admit that I was feeling bad for him, he’ll probably get defensive, and maybe never talk about stuff like that **ever** again. Shit. _

“Parent stuff,” he said at last, being ambiguous.

L waved his hand in the air as if brushing it aside. “World’s hardest job or whatever. But plenty of people manage not to fuck it up. I guess we all just won some kinda shit lottery.”

“Yeah.” Ok, that was a good sign, he’d said something more on the matter. _I better think of something else quick and get us off of this topic before I mess something up._

Well, it was a good plan, but he was drawing a major blank. He could feel all those same thoughts stirring and curdling in the back of his mind, but nothing new was coming to the fore. It was just a racing blank. No ideas. Crap. He felt really put on the spot to talk about _anything_ else, but nothing was coming to mind.

“So I was thinking,” L said, making Light look up. “Once summer starts…” He trailed off for some reason, not quite finishing the thought, though there was obviously more to it. L almost seemed a little bashful, which on him looked nearly identical to his normal face; it was subtle.

Light’s heart was in his throat with anticipation. Was he about to say what he _thought_ he was about to say? About living together? It would be something like a miracle, especially on the heels of the recent concession L had made to have him stay over the next several nights. To broach such a topic before they even actually **_had_** their test run…

My god, the suspense was killing him.

“When summer starts…?” Light prompted.

L chewed the inside of his lip. It was barely noticeable, but between that and his somewhat evasive gaze… he definitely was feeling a bit anxious about something. Other than that, he looked completely calm. He had an excellent poker face.

“I know you got the full ride, and that scholarship includes dorms…” He looked up, his dark gaze bracing and intimate. “But what if we just tossed that part, and you just live with me?”

Light blinked at him and for a full minute could not put words to the feelings surging up in his chest. The anxious happiness, the shock as he was blindsided with this, or the dazed disbelief that L had actually just taken a step like this. He knew that not living together wasn’t _entirely_ about his schooling and sleep. Some of it had to do with L wanting his own space, privacy, and the autonomy to do whatever the hell he wanted and answer to no one. Was he seriously saying he was willing to give that up? The thought of that made him incredibly flustered. It seemed like such a HUGE step. “For just the summer,” he stammered, “or…?” Ok, he was still having trouble processing this. Maybe he’d misunderstood?

“Brat,” L scoffed, giving him a pitying look he was quite familiar with. “Not just for the summer.” There was almost an eyeroll in there. It seemed that L was regaining his footing. His face adopted a slightly imperious look. “But hinging on how the next few days go, and you proving to me that it’s not going to interfere with your sleep and studies.”

Light recovered slightly and swatted back at him, “Didn’t you mean _‘prove my self-control is better than yours’_?” He arched an eyebrow.

Light was pretty sure he was playing it off and that no one would know his pulse was positively racing and that he felt a little giddy.

L gave him a bland look. “Such a brat.”

“You inspire me, every day.”

L scoffed openly at him, reaching over to ruffle his hair and absolutely destroy it. “Mouthy, too.”

“Just like you like it,” Light said saucily, just to get a reaction. He could feel his lips turning up in a smirk.

“Ah, I’ve created a monster,” L lamented in mock theatrics. His eyes said he liked it.

Light felt his face start to flush a little under that steady, unwavering gaze. _God he’s hot._ It almost wasn’t fair.

L gave him a charming smile, dragging that flush further to the surface. “It’s probably a good thing you aren’t staying over tonight, because I could pretty much guarantee you wouldn’t be getting any sleep.”

* * *

Justin was lounging on the couch Friday evening, reading something on his tablet and leisurely drinking a beer when Jayden came in and flopped down listlessly on the other end.

“God this is a pain in the ass,” he vented caustically, head rolling back onto the back of the couch and limbs askew. “I’m _bored_.”

Justin didn’t bother to look up or make any acknowledgement of his presence. He just kept on reading, looking comfy as hell, ignoring him.

It was vaguely annoying.

Jayden swiped the beer bottle from the brunet’s hand, as he raised it to his lips, and drank half of it in one go.

Belatedly, Justin looked up, having been distracted by whatever he’d been occupied with on the tablet. Probably a book. He swiped the bottle back, a sour look on his face. “Aren’t you supposed to be avoiding that?” He shook his head and went back to reading, nonchalantly drinking his beer, and not paying him much mind. The story must have been a good one; as soon as he got engrossed with it again, that chilled-out demeanor settled back over him.

“I’m **bored** ,” Jayden said again, sprawling back into his original position. His head rested listlessly on the back of the couch. He muttered, “Now that I can’t _drink_ , I can’t hang out with people like I used to.”

“So get a hobby,” Justin said dismissively. He didn’t even look up.

“I _had_ a hobby,” Jayden said brightly, annoyed at his attitude, then snarked out, “It was **_drinking_**.”

Justin glanced up at that, giving him a bland look. “So go to an AA meeting and stop pestering **me**.”

Pale eyes narrowed. He took offense at the AA comment. “Bitch.”

“Asshole,” Justin shot right back at him, looking annoyed as fuck just then. It was possibly due to the sudden name calling.

Jayden gave him a haughty, unimpressed look. “I was _going_ to ask what you do when you’re bored,” he said, voice dripping with sarcasm, “but apparently being an **_ass_** is a full-time job.”

“Pretty sure you beat me on that.” He’d gone back to the ebook he was reading, and was swiping a finger across the screen to advance the page. “And I could be a _literal_ pain in your ass, so don’t tempt me.”

Jayden paused as he was mulling that over, and the not-so-subtle threat. In the end, he just said curtly, “Answer the damn question.”

The brunet expelled a sigh. “ _Reading_ is one thing,” he stated, lifting the tablet pointedly.

“What else?”

Justin shot him an annoyed look. It was less pissed off now, and more his standard vaguely irritated expression. “Speaking of jobs, maybe you should get a _real_ one. You’d have less time on your hands.”

“Sounds boring.”

“Yet you’re bored NOW,” he pointed out, seeming like he was trying to be somewhat helpful.

Jayden frowned hard. “True...”

“Or, get a second job, go back to school, learn a language,” he tossed out options, seeming exasperated, “I don’t know.”

Jayden gave him an bland look. “You suck at life advice.” It came out somewhat condescendingly.

Justin shrugged, eyes on his tablet. “Yeah, well I didn’t practice sucking _that_ ,” he said flippantly, going back to reading.

“Is that your way of flirting?” Jayden said suspiciously.

Justin gave him a bland look, tinged with an imperious aire. “In that case, wouldn’t _‘ **Fuck off’**_ be more your speed?” His roommate gave harsh emphasis to the two words, seeming to hint at him having a kink for authoritarian tones, and that being _denied_ or being hostile would set him into motion to initiate something. (In truth, that _had_ been where things had gotten heated between them - when they’d started fighting; and then, yeah, he guessed he tended to push the envelope…)

It _bugged_ him though. This punkass seeing through him at all, and he’d only _just_ figured some of that out for himself. It was unsettling and it pissed him off. “I hope you don’t fancy yourself an expert after a _one-time thing_ ,” he sneered back. Seriously, what the fuck?

“Oh, once is enough,” the brunet replied cattily, disdain on his face.

“Such a goddamn liar.”

“And you’re not?” Justin scoffed, looking really aggravated. “One-time thing? YOU’RE the one that’s full of shit. I can tell you haven’t made peace with letting this go.”

Jayden gave him a pitying look. “That’s just fucking sad,” he said condescendingly. “It’s been almost a week.”

Instead of reacting, Justin went back to ignoring him while shrugging his shoulders slightly, which only seemed to mock him. He seemed unconcerned as he finished off his beer at a leisurely pace.

Jesus Christ that pissed him off. “What the fuck is your problem??”

“Problem?” The wavy haired brunet looked up and feigned ignorance. “I’m fine, _you’re_ the one who’s all pissed off.”

It was incensing. This little punk… “Yeah well I ask you a simple thing, and you’ve got a damn attitude problem.” He barely kept his voice civil.

Justin leveled a solid glare at him. “You realize that this is one of the _only_ times you’ve ever asked me something like that? You don’t think that’s in _any_ way coincidental, considering a week ago?”

Jayden gnashed his teeth in aggravation. “ _No_ ,” he said stubbornly. It was just a simple damn question.

“Idiot,” he muttered, tipping back the last of his beer and setting the bottle down.

“I ask you plenty of stuff all the time!” he snapped, losing his temper.

“Since when??” Justin’s glare was full force. “Are you that self-centered and oblivious that you don’t even notice shit like that?”

“We’ve all hung out plenty-”

“Which is **not** the same thing as asking me for advice on something that is bugging you,” he persisted, aggravation crawling through his voice. “Drinking together, hanging out - that doesn’t get all that personal and you know it.”

“Just what are you trying to say?” Jayden’s eyes were cold and he was standoffish.

He was _obviously_ trying to imply something. If he had something to say, he could damn well have the balls to spit it out, or just keep it to himself.

“Nothing. Fucking forget it.” Justin got to his feet and stalked off to the kitchen.

“What the _fuck_?! Now you’re leaving??” he hollered at his roommate’s back, feeling out of sorts and really pissed off.

“Piss off!” the brunet yelled back, sounding peeved as all hell.

Jayden stalked after him, his temper demanding it. He grabbed a fistfull of the front of his roommate’s shirt. “Fuck you, if you’re gonna hint around at shit you might as well just say it!”

“What’s the point?” His eyes were cold and he wasn’t even bothering to raise his voice now. “Get the fuck out of my way.” Justin stared him down, the blockade to getting back to his room. “I’m _over_ fucking dealing with this.”

Jayden ignored that, and didn’t even bother contradicting the fallacy in that statement, though part of him practically itched to. Instead, he was like a bloodhound, staring his roommate down menacingly. He wasn’t letting this go. “ _Say_ it.”

“You’re an asshole,” his roommate tossed out a deflection, glaring daggers. “ _Happy?_ I’d tell you that **_any_** day of the week.”

Jayden growled at him.

“Intimacy issues?” Justin said sarcastically, though some stress was starting to show through in little ways, little cracks in his demeanor. They were practically nose to nose arguing with each other, and Jayden had both hands fisted in his shirt.

“OH,” he sneered, “so if I don’t wanna fuck **you** , I have intimacy issues?”

The brunet scoffed at him and shot him a look that was sarcastic as hell and with a tone to match. “No, I think your track record speaks loudly enough for itself.”

Jayden gnashed his teeth. “I want to beat the shit out of you.” He could feel it, too. The agitation, adrenaline...

“Do you want to cuddle after?” Justin’s snide sarcasm was cutting. “We didn’t quite get around to that last time.”

“Sonnuvabitch,” he ground out and shoved Justin into the wall, practically by the throat.

“More foreplay?” Justin taunted, looking like he’d just about had it with all of this and was now just instigating.

“Goddamnit why are you starting shit with me??” He was about one more comment away from losing his temper for real.

“Who started shit with who?” his roommate flared back. “As I recall, that was **_you_** , unsolicited! You started a fight then decided _‘what the hey, let’s see if I’m **gay** ’_-”

Jayden punched him.

He didn’t really feel proud about it, but he mostly felt vindicated.

A trickle of blood appeared at the brunet’s mouth, along with an exceedingly dark look. It was actually a bit startling, that look. Justin moved forward, seething hellfire, and Jayden took a few steps back. This was unprecedented, actually. His back hit the counter.

Justin leaned in threateningly. “You are one sick fuck.”

Jayden took the hit, cursing as pain gripped his abdomen and he doubled over a bit. Damn, in the stomach again. “So are you,” he said darkly. And the next thing he knew he was being pushed upright and a mouth crashed against his, spiking the threads of arousal that had somehow been stirring in this time. Honestly, it didn’t even make any sense. He was still pissed off, still in denial of everything his roommate had said, and yet… here he was in a liplock fueled by anger and frustration and maybe a little lust.

The counter dug into his back but he was almost too distracted to notice as he bore the brunt of this harsh kiss and felt it zinging through him. Fuck. How was this happening again?

He hadn’t started a fight on purpose, and certainly not for _this_ reason.

But shit, Justin was like an animal when he got pissed off. Hesitation and that slightly submissive manner he had at times seemed to evaporate, and he was like _this_. Rough kisses were charged with energy, and he forcefully led the encounter. And… he had to admit… it was kind of hot.

But still, he’d decided against all of this. Shani would be a lot easier, and simpler, for a trial relationship or whatever. Besides, there was Clare and Truth to worry about and have to explain this insanity to, and he’d really rather not. It had been bad enough trying to bullshit their other roommates about the reason they both looked so roughed up from that fight/sex the last time. Clare had fussed over them and seemed dismayed, saying things to the tune of, _‘but I thought you guys worked stuff out and things were ok??’_

They all did sort of pride themselves on a fairly drama free zone, when it came to the four of them. No one wanted to be stressed out. So they harassed each other, fucked around, but nothing was truly a bigass stress bomb. They usually all got along pretty good and hung out a fair amount when they were all home.

Probably having offset schedules helped them not all get on each other’s nerves. Justin would go out with friends on occasion, hole up in his room being antisocial, read, or be at the gym trying to up his chances by keeping in shape and offsetting his lazy nature. Clare and Truth would take off together, days at a time, or be immersed in a cuddlefest on the couch with some movie or other, but just as often Clare would be up for some mischievous fun and drag them all along for the ride. Truth was super laid back and wasn’t concerned about what he ended up doing most of the time, so long as it was entertaining. He liked to drink the most, out of all of them, aside from himself.

Jayden’s mind was dragged forcibly back to the present as he noticed his body felt like it had caught fire. His lower body was throbbing and his blood was racing through his veins. He bit back a moan as Justin reached down his pants to grip him roughly, just as a hand fisted in his hair and forced his head back to expose his throat to wicked teeth.

Ooookay, being serious here? He was a glutton. He knew he was a glutton. And not just for food. Anything that felt good, he was probably gonna do it. Binge eat just because? Check. Drugs and alcohol? Unfortunately, check. (Though he had successfully limited himself to alcohol now for the most part.) Copious amounts of sex? Check. Though, until recently…. that had been strictly with females only….

He stumbled a little as he was suddenly being dragged forward, out of the kitchen. Yeah, he supposed it would be pretty damn awkward to have anyone else come home right about now.

Some misgiving trickled in again. It didn’t take a genius to figure out what he’d be in for if he crossed the threshold to Justin’s room. _Am I really doing this again?_ Gluttony aside...

The door was soon closing behind them and such protests started slipping from his head. The kisses were raw, hard, honest. They contained lust just as much as anger, irritation, and other things they had between them. They were gritty, still a bit strange, but exhilarating and hard not to get swept up in.

Habit had him using a lot of his favorite tricks to make the kisses super slutty and get a reaction, and damn it worked like a charm. Justin was moaning in his mouth, and he had to admit he kinda liked it. As superDom as his roommate was trying to be, he could still be undermined just like this. Ah, he kinda really got off on the powerplay.

They drifted over to the bed and part of him solidly balked at the thought of taking things THAT far. It seemed a huge leap from this to that.

“Take off your shirt,” Justin said.

“Not my pants?” he joked. It was a compulsion. He couldn’t help it. Joking around eased his nerves a little and made him feel a little more in control when things went sideways.

Justin scoffed at him. “Like you’re ready for something like that.” His eyes flicked to the bed and said he’d somehow guessed at the thoughts in his head.

“How do _you_ know?” Jayden tossed back in irritation. “Are you the wizard of fucking Oz?”

Justin rolled his eyes and didn’t even dignify that with a response. “Take off your damn shirt,” he snapped in annoyance, more authoritatively this time.

Jayden grumbled and pulled it over his head. _Bitch._

“We’re doing something else,” his roommate said, stepping behind him and grabbing his wrists.

“Uh….” What’s this now? A muted clicking noise could be heard before he’d instinctively tried to pull his arms out of Justin’s hands. He knew that sound though. “Handcuffs, really?” He gave the brunet a bland look, though actually he was surprised.

“I dabble.” Justin looked mildly defensive along with irritated. “I dated a few people who were into it.”

Jayden felt juuuuuust a teensy bit unsettled to have his hands bound, though he was also kind of into stuff like that. It was just that being any bit nervous regarding sexual stuff was totally new ground, and hadn’t ceased with just that blowjob situation. It had been there, underlying everything that had happened so far between them. Also, where Justin was concerned, he had NO idea what to expect.

Justin pulled off his own shirt and then gave him a condescending once over. “You know what, you’re right. Pants, too.”

“Kinda hard with no hands,” he quipped back, seeing if he could make the other uncomfortable. Alas, it didn’t work.

“Shut up,” his roommate said, then leaned in to catch his lips and mouth in a slow, consuming kiss. Hands trailed down his bare chest and played with the nipple rings, making him squirm. He’d gotten them mostly for looks, but soon found out that the barbell piercings actually made his nipples a more high-profile erogenous zone. Sensation was about double what it used to be, and had been a shocking but welcome surprise. “Uhhn,” he groaned and shuddered as Justin pinched and rolled one, making desire flare in his belly. A lot of the girls didn’t bother with nipples, they assumed guys didn’t feel anything there. Some guys didn’t really, but plenty did. _Ohhhhh shit…._ Justin was following that with trailing a mouth down his chest and taking one between heated lips.

Goddamn that felt amazing.

His roommate went between soft and hard, teasing and punishing - gentle flickerings of a pretty skillful tongue, to sucking pressure and pinching nips of his teeth. His body flushed. A few moans dropped from his lips, especially as Justin combined those attentions with trailing a hand down his torso. Nails skimmed his belly, winding him up even more.

Honest to god, he never would have thought Justin had it in him to be sensual like this? Like he knew what he was doing. The brunet had always come across to him as such a Sub, someone who sat back and took whatever others decided to give him or tell him to do. He was so goddamn lazy on the whole, who would have ever expected him to have initiative?

Jayden’s body was throbbing hard by the time Justin started undoing his pants. Conflicted as he was, his body pretty honestly would kill for a blowjob. Lips teased the skin just above the waistband of his pants as they were unfastened and slid down his hips. Justin reached a hand out and flicked his balls teasingly, then skimmed lips along his clothbound hard-on. “Goddamn tease,” Jayden ground out.

“Oh?” Justin mocked him, catching his gaze. “You almost sound like you actually want it.”

Jayden winced, feeling a minor flash of misgiving as his trunks were slid down as well, and a tongue flicked at the tip of his arousal. His cock _throbbed_. “Oh, fuck you,” he got out, sounding a little winded.

Justin rose to his feet and kicked the pants and trunks aside, leaving him bare as the day he was born. The brunet gave him a looong look up and down, tracing the contours of his body, lust clearly on his face. That case of nerves came back, as he actually felt put on the spot being completely nude like this. Which, usually, he could give a fuck about. He was proud of his body and the work he’d put into it. Getting naked was pretty much a way of showing off, as far as he was concerned, and the girls had seemed more than appreciative of his physique.

“Get on your knees.”

Jayden blinked at him. “Excuse me??” That was rather fucking ballsy of him.

Justin flicked eyes down to the not insignificant evidence of being into this so far and gave him an imperious look. “I said on your knees.”

 ** _Shit._** _That’s_ probably why he wasn’t keen on being naked in this case. He felt sorely compromised reacting to any of this, and that reaction was there plain as day for anyone to see. He frowned at the brunet. Not like he had a specific idea about how things this time would go… but he kinda hadn’t expected _that_.

Unfortunately though…. he was painfully aroused and the thought of stopping entirely was not a pleasant one. The look on his roommate’s face was something of a challenge, an ultimatum.

“What, you weren’t gonna buy me dinner first?” Jayden said sarcastically.

Justin ignored the comment. “Or are you afraid your self-professed _skills_ are lacking?” he taunted, turning it back on him.

Damnit, Justin was getting better at not reacting to his taunts. How the fuck had _that_ happened? And it was gaining force. Since that first fight in the kitchen - and that kiss he wished he had never landed on his unsuspecting roommate - the brunet had gotten mouthier and was more likely to fight back then to get flustered.

Jayden sent him a black scowl and slowly got down on one knee, and then the other, his gaze promising grievous bodily harm. He had his fucking pride, and a challenge like that irked the shit out of him. He had absolute confidence in his skills, and didn’t need some asshole upstart trying to mock him over it.

He faltered a bit in his conviction though, as his roommate unfastened his pants.

 _Jesus. Me and my fucking pride,_ he lamented as uncertainty coursed through him like cold water. He was going to have to find a way to leave challenges well enough alone, instead of feeling compelled to conquer them no matter the cost.

Instead of whipping it out, Justin turned to the dresser first and pulled open a drawer.

“What are you doing?” he asked, finding that talking calmed his nerves.

The wavy haired brunet rummaged around in it for a minute and pulled something out, pushing the drawer shut again. It was a simple black bandana.

“Uh…. and what is _that_ for?” With the way he was rolling it, he had a suspicion.

“Shhh,” Justin said, placing it over his eyes and confirming that suspicion quite eloquently. It was tied firmly at the back of his head.

“No, seriously,” Jayden said, flailing internally at the sudden darkness. But then hot lips were meeting his and goddamnit these kinks of his were going to be the death of him. Blindfolds had a way of amping up sensation, and he personally found them to be pretty hot when used right. He was now almost neurotically aware of his bound hands, the strain in his body, and the lust he could taste on his tongue.

But what the fuck, usually in these situations he was about to _get_ a blowjob, not be expected to give one...

* * *

Justin slid a hand into Jayden’s night black hair, sliding a wanton mouth against his, loving the uncertainty warring with lust which gripped his conflicted partner. He wouldn’t push it if it was truly non consensual, but it was blatantly obvious that Jayden’s reluctance was more along the lines of self-identification than lack of interest. And he looked so fucking **_hot_** like this - the black blindfold over his pale skin, just above devastatingly high cheekbones; sexy lips that turned down in a frown almost like a pout; and his arms pulled uselessly behind him which was showing his muscled chest and torso to good advantage.

Never in a million years had he expected to have a setup like this.

Even just seeing his roommate’s body, in full, in the buff, was unequivocally stimulating. He was lean, a kind of pale that made you want to just lick the skin, like it was so much milk, and his washboard abs and sexily contoured body had him wanting to throw him down and fuck his brains out.

Jesus, since starting all of this, his sex drive nearly felt out of control. These _impulses_...

But here they both were. The game was continuing. He played at being in control, and Jayden wasn’t quite abandoning the whole thing. Were they really going to do this? He kept thinking that at any minute it would all stop, disbanded by a single misstep.

Truly, after a week had passed, he figured nothing more would happen. Jayden seemed set on pretending it had never happened. It was both annoying and somewhat relieving. He’d chosen to think of it in the more positive light, avoiding a headache, though part of him deeply regretted it and craved the chemistry he’d felt. But then, next thing he knew, Jayden was being stubbornly avoidant about everything, and his part in instigating all of this, and it had pissed him off. Then they were trading cutting words, fighting, and then somehow… this.

“How am I supposed to do this if I can’t see what I’m doing?” the deviant complained as their lips parted. His face was flushed, and he sounded sarcastic as hell, but that flickering uncertainty was there as well.

“I’m doing you a favor,” he said, tracing a hand down his side and over a hip. God, he just wanted to touch everywhere. He held himself back but it wasn’t easy. Lust had him biting his lip, wanting to feel the heat of silken steel against his lips, and wrenching more of those gut jarring groans from his roommate’s mouth. It was sooo hot and each one spiked pleasure through him in the most compelling and addictive ways.

“How so?” Jayden asked suspiciously. “Trying to see me fail? You know I’ve never done this.”

“That’s why it’ll be easier,” he amended, heart starting to hammer in his chest as the moment dragged closer to the possibility of this becoming a reality. “Just go by feel, and it probably won’t seem as strange to you.”

Jayden barked out a laugh and a condescending smirk turned up those sexy lips he wanted so badly to be inside of. “Uh huh, I see how it is,” he jeered. “You conniving bastard, you’re just afraid that having a VISUAL of a dick in the face will foil the whole thing.”

Justin frowned. “As you know, they’re not exactly the most pleasant of things to look at.”

“Yeah? You get blindfolded your first time so you didn’t wuss out?”

“No,” he tossed back, feeling irked. “I took it like a man. And I can tell you that the better you do, the more ‘grateful’ your partner will be with you afterwards.”

Jayden scoffed at him.

Damnit, things were starting to unravel. “Quit your bitching,” he snapped out. “Or _stalling_ , should I call it?”

“Asshole,” Jayden muttered, grumbling more creative insults under his breath.

“To- _may_ -to, to- _mah_ -to,” he mocked him, using one of the lines that the deviant often used to wave off logic and be generally infuriating. “I bet that tongue ring is just for show, too.”

The glare was palpable even through the blindfold. “If I had the use of my hands, I could tell you right now it’s your neck they’d be settling around.”

Justin bit his lip briefly in thought, still intent on steering this the right way. “Oh no,” he said drolly, “don’t tell me you have a choking kink, too? You’re just a regular Pandora’s Box.”

“God, would you just shut up and whip it out already? I’m assuming then I won’t have to listen to your bullshit for more than the two seconds it takes to get you off.”

Damn, that was a backhanded slap to the face. The claws were coming out. He must be feeling pretty compromised, then, and it seemed he was actually going to do it.

“Here,” he said in an annoyed voice, unzipping and kicking off his pants. He left his boxers on and just pushed them down out of the way. “Don’t let your ego get in the way of doing a good job,” he added derisively.

Jayden made a growling noise at him, seeming exceptionally pissed off at that, but then he was moving forward. The only uncertainty in him at the moment was having no idea how close they were and how far to slide forward on his knees.

Justin bit his lip hard, sudden wild nervousness flowing up in him. He reached his left hand out to brush fingers along Jayden’s chiseled jawline, giving him something of a queue, and guiding him towards where he was holding his arousal in his other hand. He brushed a thumb over his roommate’s full lower lip, fascinated by the soft texture and resilience of it, and put a slight pressure upon it, parting his lips. It was another small queue, vaguely communicating that he was within range.

“At least tell me left or right,” the deviant grumbled. “I’m not going for gold in the first pass.” He seemed to imply that he needed more than a minute to get his head around this and psyche himself up.

“On your left,” Justin said, voice thick with lust and tension. He moved forward a little and touched his length to the side of a pale cheek, giving him reference and letting him do what he willed.

Jayden subtly took a bracing breath. “I still say this is harder blindfolded,” he muttered. “Like I wanna poke my damn eye out.”

“Well at least the blindfold offers some protection, then,” he shot back in irritation. _God, just do it already!_ Being this close, and having the visual of it as well, it was absolute fucking torture. Two inches to the left and he would already be inside that sarcastic, amazing mouth, melting into the wet heat and feeling that tongue along his shaft.

“Such a bitch,” Jayden scoffed, turning his head then and running lips along hardened flesh. It seemed he was getting his bearings on where things were located, but even just that small touch had lust pooling in his gut in molten heat. It got worse as those damning lips parted and a pink tongue flicked out, flashing the silver tongue ring as he did so, beginning to lay teasing touches along his heated flesh. And it struck him over and over again, that it was his hot-as-fuck roommate doing this. His roommate, whom he’d unintentionally harbored a thing for, for god knows how long.

Oh wow did he know how to use that little ball of metal which rested on his tongue - the top of the barbell piercing. He’d taunted Jayden over not knowing how to use it well, but that was all bullshit. It was obvious from the kisses that he knew _exactly_ what he was doing.

His breath caught in his throat more than a few times, and a few moans had started to slip out. In response, it seemed, the deviant got a little more bold, going a bit further. Justin couldn’t even watch anymore or he’d be coming before he even knew what hit him. The visuals were just too much to withstand.

Shit, maybe he should have done this with the wall or dresser to lean on. His knees were going weak as he felt that tongue working its magic on the head of his cock, pulling a low moan from his throat as for a moment the tip slipped inside a stunning heat. He choked back the impulse to beg and bit his lip, hard.

“I almost wish I could see your face,” Jayden mused, breath caressing fevered flesh. “To show you what a piece of shit you are to doubt me.” He slid his tongue along the underside of his arousal in a long, ruinous lick, running the metal tongue ring squarely up the middle. A moan fell from his lips, and he grit his teeth. God that really felt like nothing else. “And,” the deviant added somewhat mockingly, “I can feel that you’re practically shaking apart in front of me.”

“Shut up,” he forced out in a lust-choked voice.

Jayden chuckled, not even needing words to mock him this time. Then he swirled his tongue upon the head of his cock like a curling caress and went for broke. Justin sank into the hot, wet, silken embrace of his roommate’s mouth and died a little inside. It was soooooo…. He groaned, going on overload. _Oh my god…._ Pleasure throttled him. He knew Jayden had never done this before, but the only evidence was in slightly hesitant movements, which he made up for it with his exceptional creativity. Hell, most of the guys he’d been with that knew what they were doing hadn’t made it feel quite this good. It wasn’t all the tongue ring, either, though that certainly added a layer to it.

He tried, but he couldn’t keep quiet.

Soon, he couldn’t even detect those small indications that Jayden was out of his element and doing this for the first time. He now seemed to be challenging himself into making this as torturous as possible for him, and dragging the lust from him audibly. It certainly seemed to inspire him to keep taking things up a notch.

Suddenly he was slipping impossibly deep into that mouth and a smooth throat, and he totally lost it. He sank hands into textured black hair, clenching fingers into the slightly spiky mess of it as orgasm punched through him HARD. “Jesus christ,” he swore as his body bowed, eyes clenched shut. He shuddered and shuddered, and in the back of his mind he thought, _he’s swallowing._ A flush blazed over his face and it just amplified everything he was feeling. You can’t deepthroat and not swallow. But how the fuck did he…..?

He sank to his knees, hands falling to Jayden’s shoulders, breathing hard and feeling dizzy.

“Ego, my ass,” Jayden scoffed condescendingly.

He was too winded to speak for a moment, but when he could, the first thing out of his mouth was, “HOW in the fuck did you pull off deepthroating your first time?” He snatched the blindfold down from the deviant’s face, needing to see all of it to make sure he could tell if he was being bullshitted or not. Even _he_ couldn’t do it, though not through lack of trying. He just could not seem to get around his gag reflex.

Eerie pale eyes regarded him almost solemnly, despite his mocking tones. He seemed a little… off?

Jayden shrugged. “I figured it I did that, I wouldn’t have to taste it. Besides, if the girls could do it-”

Another blush blazed across Justin’s face and he stammered, “Y-you _planned_ to swallow?”

His roommate gave him a bland look. “This wasn’t about me, obviously. It was about what would get you off, and hey look I was right.” The words _‘you dirty little slut’_ practically echoed unspoken in the background, from that blowjob he’d given Jayden. He hadn’t actually meant to swallow that time, he’d just kind of gotten caught up in the moment and hadn’t thought about it.

Despite that unaffected expression, now that his head was clearing, he could see evidence of strain upon the deviant’s face. He wasn’t sure if it was all due to desire, but a quick glance downward showed a fairly desperate situation. He tried not to stare, but much like the rest of him, Jayden’s cock was also appealingly shaped and enticing. Just now it was flushed and looked painfully hard.

“Are you just gonna stare at it, waiting for it to do a trick?”

Jayden was sitting on his heels, knees spread (mostly for balance) and the position was actually amazingly erotic. It made him falter a bit, and he almost couldn’t wrap his head around the reality where someone THIS hot had just given him head and one of the most amazing orgasms he’d had in his life. It kind of got under his skin and gave him a case of nerves. It was also irritating that on his first time, he’d been so fucking good at it. He’d put old pros to shame. _No way I can beat a performance like that..._

“Losing your nerve?” Jayden mocked him. “Was my ‘ego’ too hard of an act to follow?”

“Shut up.”

Lust was starting to trickle back in as his eyes kept drifting over his roommate’s body, despite himself. Somewhat surprising, too, was this total shift in their dynamic. He might have expected Jayden to be somewhat cowed or confrontational, but he was acting like he had everything in control and was openly taunting and goading him. It was very much like the night he’d initiated things for the first time. He seemed a little off, but was mockingly flirtatious.

Gone was that domineering angle he’d managed to build up with this head case. He was now busily fighting off the distraction of seeing all that bare skin, along with his irritation at Jayden getting him flustered so easily.

Justin pushed his roommate back against the edge of the bed by the shoulders, smirking a little as he saw a startled look flit over his handsome face when he felt for a moment like he was going to fall and not be able to catch himself. Instinct must’ve made him try to use his arms to brace himself but those were still bound behind his back. “I thought you said you were an old hand at bondage and restraint?” he instigated.

“When did I ever say _restraint_ was in my wheelhouse?” he cracked, back to making jokes.

“Pfft,” he couldn’t help but laugh at that, it was so fucking true. “I doubt anyone would argue that.”

Jayden looked so good like this… half reclining against his bed, all smooth muscle and pale skin, and parted thighs. His legs were sort of haphazardly arranged, like he couldn’t be bothered with them. It gave him an unintentionally disheveled and becoming look and seemed like something that could easily be a several page spread in a dirty magazine. Being a total headcase was probably the only thing that could have kept him single, looking like he did. Well, that and being an irredeemable slut, but just now that thought just burned in his blood and made him determined to make the deviant _his_ slut. At least for the moment, anyway.

* * *

TBC


	85. (phase 4) Proof of Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden and Justin get more involved and it's hard to say where the chips will fall. Jayden does some intense inner reflection. Light finally hears from his mother and wrangles with that situation, trying to find some solid footing somehow.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 85: Proof of Insanity _

Just seeing his roommate like this, like he was on display, just _radiating_ sex…. dammit, he was hard again.

He moved forward on hands and knees, locking onto his goal and pale, watchful eyes. He picked his way over the disarray of limbs and hovered just in front of him, hands on either side of his hips. If he were to lower himself down right now, it would be skin on skin, and the maddening feel of being almost in a position to fuck. The thought of that shivered through him with lust. Instead of acting on that whim, knowing it was well and beyond being a bad idea, he just paused and let his eyes skim over the deviant’s face. It was a compromising situation. He wondered if he could see his roommate react to it, even just a little.

It was an indecipherable expression on Jayden’s face, though as the seconds passed, his pale eyes were bleeding to black with lust. Justin leaned in, captivated by that look of desire winning out against the ghosting of reluctance, brushing his lips teasingly against the deviant’s. They’d always done this hard and raw, and he was curious what would happen if he did things this way, slow and teasing. It wasn’t about romance or anything like that. It was about withholding sensation and building up need through a _lack_ of sensation. His lips tingled with the slight contact and his body thrummed.

Jayden’s eyes slipped closed and he seemed somehow lost to it. Justin nuzzled his cheek, ran soft lips across his jaw, and over the hollow of his throat. His roommate’s breathing was coming faster, and it was somehow fascinating to see him like this. It was almost as if his guard was coming down. He wouldn’t be fooled though - he could imagine that at any time Jayden might open his eyes and snark out something sarcastic and mocking and tell him to hurry it the fuck up. But, as of yet, that wasn’t happening. So he continued this sensuous exploration of his bared throat and the graceful sweep of his collarbones, accented by a pair of silver piercings that sat just below them.

He was pretty ambivalent to the piercings overall, though he’d become an avid fan of the tongue piercing and was kind of intrigued by the prince albert piercing he had somehow managed to sit through. He shuddered a little at the thought of getting one’s cock pierced, not to mention the healing time… But it was kind of an interesting accent and somehow just seemed _so_ Jayden. He hadn’t known anyone directly who had one, not that he’d had sex with anyway, but he’d heard it could make things more sensitive and feel really good.

Speaking of which, as he trailed lips over the deviant’s chest, he noticed once more how sensitive his nipples seemed to be. The horizontal barbell piercings - an interesting accent - perhaps heightened sensation? It stood to reason that if it worked that way on one area, it would be that way for another. He flicked his tongue against one and felt Jayden shudder.

Ah… that was an interesting reaction.

He repeated the motion, pulling the same delicious reaction. And when he took the whole thing into his mouth, suddenly sucking hard to inflict a little pain, Jayden actually cried out. That sexy voice hit him where it hurt. It thrummed through him with force and he couldn’t help himself. He did it again, pulling reactions, and got a little more creative with it, feeling a sort of high as his roommate started to writhe beneath him.

_Ok, this is really fucking hot._

It was amazingly difficult to keep his mind off of actual fucking. No way would that go over well. He just had to push that from his mind. He was 98 percent sure that would end in a fistfight and a trip to the hospital, from the explosion of denial.

He mentally slapped himself as his brain kept feeding him images of sliding into blinding heat, feeling those thighs against the press of his hips, and hearing sounds like this being made while doing _that_.

It didn’t help that he was hard again. Amazing, after that stunning orgasm. What _was_ this asshole doing to his sex drive?

 _Ok, focus,_ he told himself harshly. If he dropped the ball here, there might be no more of **any** of this in the future. If he lingered too long, he might do something stupid and act upon his wanton impulses. There _definitely_ wouldn’t be more stuff like this between them if he pushed way too far past his roommate’s comfort zone. As it was, they were pretty far out there and he kept expecting it to backfire.

Justin decided to dwell on the fact that he needed to live up to the totally ridiculous standard a total _newbie_ had just set in regards to blowjobs. _I mean, Jesus, he set the bar pretty fucking high._ He moved down Jayden’s body, marking it haphazardly with nips and hickies, getting totally engrossed once more with his reactions.

He paid special attention to the enticingly soft, firm skin of his inner thighs, teasing him mercilessly as he lingered there. _Oh, god I wish I could fuck you,_ he thought hazily, his mind clouding over with lust despite himself. Second best was this, he supposed, feeling Jayden start to shake and quiver beneath his hands and mouth. _It would be so easy to…._ He wrenched his eyes away from that perfect backside, and had the damnedest time keeping his hands to himself.

Keeping himself out of trouble was proving difficult. He wrapped a hand around Jayden’s arousal and followed it with his mouth, making his roommate cry out in a choked groan as he went from zero to one hundred with no lead in there. He occupied his other hand with kneading a pale thigh, digging in the nails a little, which the deviant seemed totally into.

Jayden’s cock pulsed on his tongue, filling his mouth, and he felt his own cock twitch and throb in reaction. Hot, hard, sexy as fuck….

He loved the feeling of this and having this asshole totally at his mercy. The look on his face… it was so blissed out and expressive. When he did something Jayden especially liked, it showed immediately, his dark eyebrows drawing together and a heady moan slipping from his mouth. Other times he could be caught biting his lip as his body writhed. He knew from experience that hooking a couple of fingers up to stimulate the prostate would have made this even better, but he made continual efforts to stifle the urge. He was, admittedly, a fan of breathing. _Hands to yourself,_ he reminded himself harshly.

Jayden’s whole body was trembling now, building up to a crushing climax.

On a whim, he let his cock slide from his mouth, and moved up his body to capture heated lips in a dominating kiss. _You’re so fucking sexy._ He took Jayden in hand and brought him off hard and fast, making him buck his hips and moan loudly, which was hardly obscured even in the kiss. “Fucker,” Jayden breathed out with a groan, body bowing as he came hard.

He seriously lamented that Jayden’s hands were bound. Otherwise he could have asked for a little reciprocation at the end there. He was so turned on he could hardly see straight.

“Hey, take these off,” the deviant murmured, twitching his shoulders a bit to indicate the cuffs.

Luckily they had a quick release mechanism, because there was _no way_ he was of a mind to search for a key or anything successfully, let alone get up and walk.

Once his hands were free, Jayen rolled them over and hooked a leg around his, spreading his legs and melting his brain with the feel of his body along the length of his. Jayden caught his mouth in a devastating kiss, about where they’d left off, and reached down to grip him in a sure hand. “Hard again, and you call me the whore, you dirty little slut,” he mocked sexily, bringing him off.

Justin’s whole face flushed, and he gritted his teeth as the sensation overwhelmed him, almost too much after this whole time. “Manwhore,” he muttered obstinately as lights started to flash behind his eyes, and he teetered on the edge of orgasm. Jayden did something exceedingly slutty with his tongue just then, making him moan loudly into the kiss as his body seized and orgasm buried him a second time. “Fuuuuuuuck,” he gasped out against the deviant’s lips, eyes clenched shut, shuddering uncontrollably.

It took him a few long moments to come back to the land of the living. Jayden had already sat up and was pulling on his pants from where he sat on the floor. His roommate glanced over at him, and by the look on his face, was going to say something he didn’t want to hear.

“Do not,” he said, holding up a hand, “say more of that ‘I’m not sure what I think’ bullshit to me right now. Give me a damn minute.”

Jayden looked passingly amused at that. “You do realize that telling me **not** to do something is practically giving me a greenlight to amuse myself...”

Justin let his head loll back upon the floor. “Uuuuuuugh.” _Why me?_

“Think our roommates heard any of that?” the head case wondered aloud, harassing him. Though, Justin was pretty sure he wouldn’t be making a joke like that if he in any way suspected that they had, or had come home during that. He seemed strangely set on hiding any of this from them, although he typically didn’t give a rats ass about what anybody thought and did whatever he wanted.

Justin groaned. “If they did, I’m sure they’d think I was as insane as you and would be fitting me for a straightjacket.”

“Oh, great, so we’ll match,” Jayden said somewhat cryptically, in a faux chipper tone.

He tried to make sense of that statement but soon gave up. He put his hands over his face and groaned into them. “Ugghh, what are we doing?”

Jayden arched a brow at him. “Well, _clearly_ I’ve lost **my** damn mind. I don’t know what _your_ problem is.”

“I haven’t been dating enough,” he said, sounding out that theory.

“Meh, I bet it’s totally overrated,” the deviant said airily, seeming to validate his own perception of relationships. Funny, since **he** had never actually dated anyone and had been living the hookup life - he didn’t have a leg to stand on with that comment. “Probably everybody going on about that just wants people to share in the misery.”

“What about your cousin and the kid?”

Jayden frowned a little, considering that. “Well, aside from them, I guess…. They actually seem obnoxiously happy most of the time.” He stretched, bodily, a frown still upon his face. “Though the ups and downs there were a doozy.”

Justin sat up. “It almost sounds like you went through those personally.”

Jayden shrugged. “In a way. I was there, around for most of it.” He took a lofty tone, “And then I was the _patron saint_ of selflessness and kept it all from imploding on multiple occasions.”

Well now, that was interesting. He gave his roommate a shrewd look. “Was this before or after you realized you had a thing for Light?” He dropped the name, partly just to see the reaction it prompted.

Jayden looked annoyed and sent him a scathing look. “Don’t be a dick.”

“Answer the damn question.”

“Both, ok?”

Justin blinked. Seriously? Jayden had actually done something not directly self-serving? It was obvious he had some strong feelings regarding the cute brunet, but had that somehow prompted him to start doing things that weren’t selfish or to his own benefit? If Light and L had had difficulty in their relationship, wouldn’t it have made more sense for Jayden to _not_ help, and let it fall apart? Especially once he realized he had feelings for the brunet?

“Justin, I’m gonna say this one time,” Jayden suddenly threatened with a hard gaze. “Do not dissect me on this or question my motives. It will piss me off to levels you have not even seen before. They are happy, I’m good with that, _fucking drop it_.”

“Ok, ok,” he muttered. Geez, if he was so fine with it, why was he getting his panties in such a twist?

* * *

They took turns in the shower, still unsure of when their other roommates might pop in.

Jayden once more found himself under the hot spray of water, lamenting the loss of his sanity.

_Why do I keep doing this?_

It was a little awkward, after, but then they’d started talking and he got distracted from it. He definitely was not discussing Light, or his cousin’s relationship with anyone. Piss on that, it was complicated enough between just the three of them. Now that it was finally stable, he was most certainly keeping other people way the fuck out of it.

“Uggghhhhh,” he muttered, scrubbing shampoo through his hair with a sour expression in his face. _Why??_ So, this time was completely unexpected but _way_ more involved. For a few moments there, he thought his roommate was going to push for more and get a solid foot up his ass for his efforts. Right before being on the receiving end of that felatio, he could have sworn Justin was dabbling with the thought of doing him. If he’d have pulled some shit like that, _especially_ with him being handcuffed, he would have beaten the everliving **_shit_** out of him. He would have needed a hospital or a bodybag.

In the end, he hadn’t, and had kept it more or less in expected realms. Though…. shit.

 _I can’t believe I did all that shit. Seriously, what the fuck?_ He knew he’d been sort of goaded and challenged into giving that blowjob, and part of him was just determined to prove the little fucker wrong, which he _had_. But while horribly unsettling, and fucking bizarre, there were definitely times he’d lost track of anything outside of just making him _react_. Times like those… it almost seemed like he was into it. Some of those moans had definitely shot straight to his cock, and had been unexpectedly rousing.

He couldn’t say he ‘enjoyed’ the process and was still a little salty about being finegaled into that situation in the first place, but the power trip was fairly worthwhile. He guessed one of his big issues was feeling like he was being looked down on. But Justin hadn’t had a bit of sense in his lust-crazed head to be thinking that way by the end, he was just raw need. He didn’t need to see his roommate’s face to feel the truth of that.

Besides, L did this shit all the time and was as proud as they come. He must not think of it as being demeaning… or else he couldn’t imagine his cousin doing it.

Hmm….

He thought on that for a good long while. Maybe it was the power trip thing. L being a bit of a sadist, power trips were like candy to him. That being the case, he’d probably tortured the shit out of Light any chance he got, since the beginning, driving him mad with desire.

Once you got someone to the begging, pleading, ‘do me harder’ sort of phase, it’d be kinda hard for them to look down their nose at you. Like, _insane_ levels of arousal. Yeah, that was where the power trip would be. In that way, you’d sort of become like a god. You could control every sound coming out of their mouth, and their whole focus would be on you and surviving your whims and begging for release.

“Tch,” he scoffed at his cousin in amusement. “I knew you were a dirty bastard.”

Poor Light. L had _definitely_ tortured the fuck out of him.

“Ah, hell, I’d probably do the same thing.”

He rinsed the suds out of his hair, a pensive look on his face. Despite things with his roommate being surprisingly way more stimulating than anticipated, and giving him some pretty damn strong orgasms, if he was being honest about it…. he still felt torn.

It hadn’t escaped him that eventually he’d have to be up for just the sort of thing he would have _buried_ Justin for pulling while he was handcuffed. Not to mention, despite generally not giving a fuck about what anyone thought about him or what he did… he was loathe to be in a situation that would have him saying the two of them were involved like that.

Well, L wouldn’t give a fuck, though he would definitely harass the shit out of him. Light, he probably wouldn’t care overmuch or think of him differently - which was what he was trying to say the other day - but would _absolutely_ try and mock him for it. So neither of them were really an issue, if it came down to it, so why did it seem to matter so much?? And his roommates, what the fuck was up with that? He didn’t want to tell them either, which was stupid because normally if they didn’t like something he would just tell them to piss off.

So, _what_ then?

The uncertainty still made him want to abandon it.

 _Well, fuck, I **did** abandon it,_ he thought derisively. He’d well and fully decided to extricate himself from the whole thing, figuring Justin would get over it. It was only the one time, afterall. But then he’d floundered himself right back into it, and even deeper into it this time. He felt a distinct lack of control in all of this.

He thought of Red, his not-infrequent booty call. She was only just passable at giving head, but she was willing and able to hop on his lap at a mere moment’s notice. She had a high sex drive, like he did, and was a fairly decent lay. Plus, that ass, though. Yeah, he digged the red hair but that ass was on point.

Sadly, though… it wasn’t nearly as satisfying as these forrays with his roommate had been. Sure, those came with the baggage of feeling wildly out of sorts and almost spewing denial and anger, but it was absolutely in no ways boring.

_Shit._

_It’s okay as long as it’s not boring??_

He shook his head at himself. That kind of logic sounded like a sure recipe for disaster. Plenty of his other vices would have buried him if _that_ was the only safety net he’d crafted.

_Ok, forget Red._

They’d pretty much had a friends with benefits thing going purely from convenience. That was one of the reasons he’d never considered her when trying to work out this whole ‘dating someone’ thing. There was just something missing there, and he could tell before he started that it would have been dissatisfying.

God knows why he didn’t think the same over his _male_ roommate. Why had that option even come up??? A normal, **_sane_** person would have gone for Shani. Least of all, for her amazing assets, but also because she wasn’t boring. She was hot, but also had that rampant indignance and shock over his antics, which made her fun as hell to tease. She took after Light a bit, in that way. It was cute.

So why not her?

She’d seemed to be getting reasonably adjusted to how he really was, after the initial reaction faded. She also had one helluva pretty face, and he was rather partial to it.

“What the hell… **am** I just a fucking masochist?” he wondered aloud. Damn, his head was starting to hurt.

Justin knew him well, put up with his shit, and was fairly unflappable. In that way, he was kind of like his cousin, and it was a feather in his cap if he was able to get the brunet riled up. It was a challenge, and there was a gleeful feeling of accomplishment when he succeeded. Taunting him over his botched overtures towards L was like shooting fish in a barrel. Too easy, but still fun. Yeah, anything of a sexual nature, he was not _nearly_ so unflappable on, and it was gratifying to see him flush, get more surly, or mutter under his breath.

But, he was a dude.

Sexy was absolutely _not_ the first thing that came to his mind when he thought of his roommate. The brunet had a better body than he‘d realized, being that he hadn’t bothered to take much notice before. He’d always kind of assumed Justin half-assed it at the gym, but that definitely wasn’t the case.

Now, if you asked him what came to mind, say, during that fight they’d had earlier, right at the moment their lips crashed together…. he’d have to say hot. Really hot.

So, it could be that he didn’t jump to thinking of his roommate as being sexy because he was a guy. However, it didn’t quite line up. For instance, L was his cousin, but he could still vouch for him being sexy. He’d been around enough to catch some of those looks he’d aimed at people he was fucking, and that absolutely counted.

Light was a little punk kid, but yeah he definitely could be sexy as hell. The first thing that jumped into his head was that near-threesome on the bed, but that was an extreme example. Man, L was going to have his hands full if and when Light ever decided to start pursuing his ass in earnest. He got the impression the brunet could make a damn convincing argument. And with all this fitness training, he’d definitely have the stamina and strength to force things a little more his way.

Some twisted part of him kind of wanted to see that. He jokingly referred to Light as a kid but he was only a handful of years younger than himself, and he did have a really nice body. But more than that, he got a kick out of the thought of laughing his ass off at his cousin as the brunet enacted an unexpected role reversal. HAHAA!

Even so, he’d bet money on L tormenting the fuck out of him afterwards.

He felt an evil grin spread upon his face. Oh, that would be hilarious. For one shining moment, the kid would think he’d won, only to be torn down slowly by the ultimate sadist. It would be a pride thing, he was certain.

He slathered his hair in conditioner, a sobering thought striking him then. If he was so supportive of their relationship, and saw nothing weird about it, why was it so different if he dabbled in something like that himself? Hell, he’d practically lived vicariously off their happiness at times, what would be the big deal in trying to find something like that for himself?

_Maybe Justin isn’t the right fit?_

But honestly, he couldn’t think of any guys he’d ever thought of as being attractive outside of Light. And he only really started analyzing his roommate in this way after that rage-kiss that flicked through him with force.

What was it Light had said before? Something about struggling with his sexuality or something?

Ugh.

Was it something so cliche as that?

THAT was his issue? How fucking boring. Besides, he obviously was into girls, nothing had changed there in the least. It was, in fact, so much the norm that it had made more sense to his brain to just write off his compulsions towards Light as an exception. What would be wrong with writing his roommate off as another one? He knew he wasn’t gay. Bi then? Or something? Or mostly straight, with a bent towards insanity?

 _Guh._ He felt a sour expression take over his face and he hung his head under the water.

 _Ok, thinking about this from another angle…_ following the positive feedback cycle… Sex stuff with his roommate so far had been apparently good enough to keep him getting dragged into it. Correction: it had been almost alarmingly hot at times.

What if he could convince Justin to just **not** want full-on sex, if they kept doing this? Maybe that could work. Pegging had not been his favorite thing, though he gave it a shot for the novelty of it. He’d try most things at least once. He rubbed a hand over his face, deep in thought and feeling a bit harried. A few of the girls he’d been with were into taking it up the ass for whatever reason. They’d been hot so he’d said what the hell. It was kind of more work then felt entirely worth it, but then the payoff was pretty good...

There was a knock at the door of the bathroom. Justin’s voice called out, “Hey, asshole, would you mind leaving some hot water for me?”

“It’s already gone,” he called back, fucking with him.

The door swung open then, making him jump. “What the fuck?” he complained. “Get out!”

“No one’s home,” came the surly reply. Justin drew back the shower curtain and stuck a hand into the water, discovering it to be only lukewarm at best. “What the fuck have you been doing in here? Making out with the showerhead and rubbing one out?”

Jayden flicked water into his face, annoyed, catching him in the eyes. “Get out, this is my ‘me’ time,” he said infuriatingly, kind of getting a kick out of the super annoyed reaction he got. “And shut up, no. I think earlier took care of any urges I might have had for sexy shower time.”

“Oh, so you’re _not_ a nympho?” the brunet said drolly, looking unimpressed.

“Nope, just depressingly normal.” He slicked his hair back. “Now GET THE FUCK OUT.”

Aw, that was a shame, Justin didn’t even flinch, just shook his head. He was going to have to put more effort into getting reactions out of him now, it seemed. It wouldn’t do to lose that superpower.

“ **You** get the fuck out,” his roommate grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and leveling a glare at him. Jayden noted for the first time that his eyes were hazel, a clear sort of a grey-green with a reddish brown center. “I’m not leaving until you do, or you’ll leave me with _nothing_. Ass.”

“Aww,” he taunted, mocking him with a falsely endearing tone, “you’re so sweet for someone who just had their ass owned, twice.”

Justin got that surly look on his face that actually was a bit of posturing. Ha.

“I could say the same to you, asshole.”

“Ah, no, my good lad,” he corrected. “That was one time for me, and you got totally wound up all on your own after that. I just took pity on you at the end.”

The angry flush that hit his face was priceless. Jayden grinned.

“You are _unrepentantly_ an asshole.”

Jayden flashed him a flirtatious smile and sultry eyes, just to see what he’d do. It was just this side of mocking.

“Goddamn you,” his roommate muttered, covering his face with a hand. It was hilarious. His face was obviously turning red as well. It was cute to see how thoroughly that felled him, when he was clearly fighting against having a reaction.

 _Ah, maybe this isn’t so bad,_ he thought with gratification.

* * *

Light hadn’t heard from his mother all week. Whether she’d taken note of how wretchedly that dinner had gone and was giving him time to cool off, he didn’t know. She hadn’t historically done things according to _his_ moods… So maybe it was something else?

Friday afternoon, however, he did hear from her. It was as school was letting out for the day.

He frowned at his phone and the simple text requesting a phone call.

“What’s up?” Kai asked while they walked towards the school gate, as he’d started dragging his feet.

“Nothing,” he said under his breath, feeling instantly stressed, instantly reminded of everything about that awful dinner. It was like it started replaying on high def. His father’s harsh words and unacceptable animosity towards L burned in his stomach. It was accompanied by disappointment and a touch of despair. He didn’t feel up to sharing any of that at the moment, or inflicting it on his friend. “It’s fine,” he said at the concerned look on the brown-eyed boy’s face. “Give me a minute or two, I’ll catch up.”

Part of him wanted to avoid a call, with all he was worth. What would he be facing this time? Sadness? Chastising? Obliviousness, or guilt tripping? Just the thought of a call heaped a mountain of stress upon his head and threw a tension in his chest and a pressure in his head that he was getting really sick of. This stuff was enough to make him feel ill.

But, if he’d learned nothing else, avoiding it just dragged it out. It was better to face it head on and get it over with. L had mocked him a little bit over that and ‘becoming an adult’ by handling stuff directly, but it was honestly from his dealings with L that he’d learned this to be true. He’d actually changed a lot since meeting his lover. Not in the way his mother feared, such as becoming a different person, but he’d grown. Well, maybe she feared him speaking his mind and not just going along with everything, he supposed… Perhaps she would see _that_ as changing into a different person...

“Hello? Mrs. Yagami speaking,” his mother answered the phone distractedly. She must’ve still been at work… so why was she calling now at this time anyway?

“Hi, mother, it’s me.”

“Light?” she said, as if she hadn’t anticipated his call. What the hell?

“You texted me to call you?” he prompted.

“Yes, yes,” she fluttered distractedly. “You would be just out of school at this time, wouldn’t you?”

 _Uh…_ Was she perhaps trying to catch him when she was sure that L wasn’t around? “Yes, that’s right,” he said, somewhat stiffly. Or perhaps, from the other end, when his father wasn’t around?

This call was already being super weird and stilted. He started pacing, watching the sea of students leaving the school from where he was under the covered walkway near the entrance.

“Yes, well…. I wanted to talk to you about the other day… about the dinner…”

He chewed the inside of his lip, tension surging up instantly. “What about it?” he said distantly, trying to keep the anger and dismay from infecting his voice.

It made him sick to think about how all that had gone, and the only thing that had kept his mind from dwelling on it too hard was the distraction L and Jayden had cooked up for him afterwards. That time at the river had given him a bit of peace he’d never known before, and he held that memory as precious. It was also one of the few times the three of them had been in sync, no bickering or fighting, no tensions over who had feelings for who, and Jayden hadn’t felt compelled to be as much of an ass as usual. He would never forget the culmination of all those feelings, of belonging, that had lain over him as he gazed up at the stars. It was kind of ironic that a moment like that had stemmed directly from one of the most stressful events of his life.

“Well, now that some time has passed...” she began somewhat uncertainly, then paused.

He grit his teeth, anxiousness fluttering in his stomach and the tension in his chest tightening. Couldn’t she just spit it out?? “Yes?” He needed to know what she was about, here. He couldn’t even hazard a guess and that really set him on edge.

“Well,” she said again, trailing off like she was hesitant to speak. “I’ve been thinking about this and, well, I’m concerned that perhaps your father’s words might have made you become distant again, and unreachable.” She paused again, then said, “And I really don’t want that.”

Huh. Is that why she didn’t contact him before now? She was afraid that he wouldn’t answer? “His words?” he repeated back, thinking to himself that it was a helluva lot more than THAT.

“He was a little harsh. But I’m hoping that we can still keep making efforts to repair our family.”

Incredulity shot through him. Harsh indeed.

“Well, you need to talk to him about his freaking _attitude_ ,” Light said sharply. “Because I refuse to have him speak to me like that or demean any of us like that. Upset or not, the least he could do is be civil like the rest of us, not lashing out like a child.”

“But you understand why he’s upset, right?”

“Of course,” he said tersely, agitation gnawing at him and making him restless. “But what gives him the entitlementment to make these horrid statements about L’s past relationships like that?” He pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache coming on. “Father got angry enough on _your_ behalf, and that was towards a waiter who simply suggested a past marriage. Is he not connecting to the fact that what he said to L was **much** worse?”

“He was just angry, honey, and I’m sorry.” She _did_ sound sorry, but he almost couldn’t believe that she could sit there and keep defending and minimizing his behavior like this. “He shouldn't have said those things. I believe they came from a sense of fatherly pride - that you are a catch, and of course no one would want to give you up.”

“He has a hell of a way of showing pride, if you ask me,” he grumbled darkly. “Practically yelling in my face, and spitting nails at all of us.”

“It probably wasn’t appropriate…” she trailed, still not quite condemning his actions and being entirely too empathetic for Light’s taste.

There was a pause where neither of them said anything.

Light was feeling angry and dissociated. He couldn’t quite grasp that feeling of wanting to make peace with his family, and certainly not with his father.

He’d been more inclined to make up with his mother, but hearing her normalizing his father’s behavior at dinner… it made him feel distant, wary, and somewhat resistant to cooperating in any way. A tight sort of tension was starting to grip him in its claws, something like panic. For in the background of his thoughts was a tiny thread of doubt, stirred by her words, telling him that maybe he was overreacting and that how his father had acted was normal. He _knew_ it was not. He absolutely knew it was not. And yet… he felt in danger of being dragged in to have his feelings over this wiped out and glossed over just by her refusing to admit it was messed up, and by her offering this other reality. It made him feel crazy, and a bit threatened. The panic was gaining traction, a frantic feeling he was trying to stave off despite the tightness in his throat and his racing thoughts.

“Are you still there, Light?”

“Yes,” he said with difficulty. _You’re_ **not** _crazy,_ he told himself fiercely. _L and Jayden saw it, too. This **isn’t** just me. This truly isn’t right. I don’t have to be made to believe that it’s right or ok._

“I was thinking,” she said delicately, “perhaps we can try again? Perhaps have dinner this weekend?”

“No,” he blurted out before thought, feeling a bit unglued and defensive at the notion of enduring something like that again and so soon.

“No?” she echoed, almost sounding angry. Or maybe she just feeling upset? He couldn’t tell, as he was struggling with himself at the moment and his head felt like it was spinning.

_Take a deep breath._

_Breathe._

He could nearly hear L saying this to him, could nearly conjure his dark eyes and his concerned but stern face. _Breathe. Just breathe._

He took a breath, and another. Long, deep breaths, and let them out slow. The cacophony in his head dimmed just a bit. _Just tell her what’s on your mind,_ he counseled himself. _Speak your mind. Tell her what you are thinking._ Even if it didn’t matter to her what he thought or what was on his mind, he owed it to himself to say it anyway, to be honest with his feelings. He’d spent too many years bottling things up and it wasn’t helpful. It had let him survive at home, but he’d found that it crippled him when dealing with other people.

 _Ok, here goes._ “I don’t want to see father right now. I am too upset and angry.”

“Oh,” she said.

He couldn’t quite gauge how she was receiving that. He cringed, knowing at worst she might launch into a diatribe about him being difficult and abandoning his family. At best though… she might show a flash of understanding, as she’d been starting to do more recently at times.

“So you are refusing to see us?”

 _Damn it._ He tried to keep a patient tone in his voice and not react. “I didn’t say that.”

“Well how else am I to take it when you say you don’t want to see him?” She sounded upset and her voice was shrill, instigating more tension. “He is your _father_ , Light. How can you just determine something like that? Does family mean that little to you?”

“All I said is that I wouldn’t see him,” he said evenly, biting his tongue. “I said nothing about you.” Quite honestly, after this call he wasn’t keen on seeing her either.

“Wait… so you would meet with me then?”

“Perhaps. But not if father is there. Not right now.”

She chewed on that for a minute. “I still think it isn’t right to cut him out.”

“And I still think it isn’t right how he treated L at dinner,” he tossed back. Oh, it was hard to keep his voice even and civil. It was like reasoning with a five year old sometimes.

“Light, would you please for a moment stop being so obstinate? He didn’t mean anything by it, he is just concerned.”

Anger **_surged_**. “Do you feel it’s helpful to be so dismissive of this? I can tell you right now that it is lessening my inclination to see you at all.”

She gasped. “Why must you say such hurtful things?”

He snapped back, “Why must you wave things off when I am telling you how I _feel_?” Damnit he felt a rant building. He tried to hold it back but some of it still slipped out. “You are free to take events any way that you want, but I am telling you that to **me** they were unacceptable. And if I say that I am not ready to see father, then it is my _right_ to feel that way. I won’t have you dismissing it just because it is inconvenient or bothers you.”

“You needn’t be so rude,” she sulked, not really responding to anything he said. It almost made him wonder if she had really heard him or took any of it in.

“I am willing to have a relationship with father, if he can manage to be civil.” He practically grit his teeth trying to get that out. He was just so _angry_ thinking about any of the things that had been said, the yelling, the temper… “And that goes for you as well. I want a relationship with my parents but only if you can both be respectful.”

“And you feel you are the respectful one of all of us?” she swatted back, still missing the point.

“I don’t want to fight with you,” he said tiredly. “I just want you to hear me.”

“Well, I’m listening to you.”

It sure as hell didn’t feel like it.

He tried another tactic, a softer, more positive approach. “At dinner...” he trailed, both for effect and to choose his words.

“Yes?” that tone of hers died down. She almost seemed to be distracted from her earlier emotional reaction and was really intent on what he would say next.

“I felt a lot of hope, at least where you and I were concerned.” He hoped that appealing to her fixation on how the relationship between just the two of them was - making it sound uplifting somehow - and staying off the topic of his father might help. It grated a bit to say something positive at this moment, but he was stretching his comfort zone in the hopes that this might make a difference. Perhaps he could be the bigger person.

“You did?” She seemed to latch onto that immediately, with something like wonder and obsessive hope.

“Yes,” he said simply. “And for part of dinner, I felt optimistic on the whole.”

“Oh,” she said, as if taken aback.

“Could you perhaps persuade father to lay down some of this anger? I’m not sure where it is coming from, but it is concerning.” He channeled the meek, good son voice, and spun things in this way in the hopes she would stop seeing this as a battleground and more something to be worried about ‘together’ or that it was something she could ‘solve’.

“Well,” she reluctantly agreed, “It was a bit unexpected, to be honest. I know he was upset, but it was on a greater level than I have seen in a long time.”

“Is it really just in reaction to me and this situation?” he ventured carefully, making sure to inject a tentative concern into his voice. He really did wonder about this. He hoped he might gain an answer.

“Honey, I have no idea.” She paused as if in thought. “He is also more pessimistic than I would have thought, regarding things.”

“Are you saying you were more optimistic than him?”

“I suppose. And maybe I knew that on some level… and that he would just be mad with me having a talk or two with Jayden. So I hadn’t told him.”

“Hmn.” That was sort of eye opening, actually. “Yeah, Jayden didn’t tell us either, though I’m not sure why.” He chewed his lip a little and wondered if he should share his current thought, or if it would disrupt this tentative truce. “So… those talks… it seemed that perhaps you felt some benefit to them?”

“Isn’t that the oddest thing?” she mused. “Originally I only contacted him to see how you were, and to find a way to get your phone to you… but we ended up talking. It sort of did make me look at some things a bit differently.”

“I was glad that you both seemed to find some resolution. He was really upset about that stuff that happened before - being denounced and banned.”

“I know,” she said sadly. “When we met that first time, I could see it. And he really is a sensitive sort, under that prickly exterior. I may have judged him a little too harshly. Despite the way he chooses to look and dress, and act sometimes, he is a good boy.”

Light was absolutely _shocked_ to hear his mother say that. “Good?” he prompted. Oh, what were the odds he could keep her talking so he could actually hear what she meant by _that_?

“He really cares about you, and was willing to help with the phone and even go so far as to talk with me.” She paused and added primly, “I don’t always agree with what he has to say, however. He can be quite caustic and opinionated.”

“I see.”

“I do worry about his bad habits, and the influence his acquaintance might have on you,” she fretted. “Though, I think he’s been trying to be a good friend to you, despite his flaws.” She sighed somewhat wistfully. “And at times I can still see in him the boy we got to know. It’s like _that_ Jayden isn’t all gone, and I do miss him.”

“You might not want to admit that to him,” Light said, chewing his lip a little. Knowing the deviant, he’d be up in arms and acting out if she said something like that. He was so ornery about the weirdest shit, like refusing to let people thank him for things or getting pissy about people noticing if he was being nice, not to mention his stance on kindness being bullshit and fake. Obviously, he had issues. But he definitely got prickly with anything that could be taken as building true bonds with someone. Jayden was sort of over it with him now, not being such a dick about that stuff and being more accepting, but that had seemed to take _forever_.

“Why not?” his mother asked in confusion.

Uh…. well, he wasn’t sure how to put it into words. What had they called it in his Psych class two years ago…? Fear of intimacy? He didn’t act ‘afraid’, more just that he was an ass, deflected or got pissed off, and generally kept people at a distance. Huh… maybe that’s why he hadn’t bothered dating anyone? He didn’t want to get too close with someone? Or maybe he just wanted the feeling of complete independence? But he obviously had a close relationship with L, so what the fuck?

Light shook his head, refocusing on the current conversation. “I can’t really explain it but he will probably get snarky as hell and defensive about it. If that sounds like a fun time, however, be my guest.”

“Well, when you put it that way…”

“Mother, I have to go. My friend that I am staying with is waiting for me. I can see his mother’s van, and they can’t leave without me.”

“O-ok.”

“We’ll talk again soon.”

“Do you think perhaps we could meet briefly sometime soon, maybe for just coffee?”

That didn’t sound so bad. Though the cousins would probably insist that he didn’t go alone, at least initially. Maybe Jayden would have to run interference. His mother seemed amenable to him, and probably wouldn’t mind that so much as she would if L was the one tagging along. “Yes, I think that could be arranged. You can text me later, but I have to go.”

“Ok, dear. Talk to you soon.”

“Bye, Mom.”

Woah, where the fuck had that come from? He blinked in surprise. He hadn’t intended to call her mom _at all_. It implied a level of closeness he hadn’t much been feeling these days.

He heard the smile in her voice as she said, “Bye, son.”

Light hung up the phone, still feeling utterly surprised that such a thing had slipped out. He made his way across school grounds, ruminating on that and wondering if it was a sign of feeling marginally better about the state of things.

* * *

TBC


	86. (phase 4) Hangover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden has a night out with more than a little regret. Justin gives him shit and also has a hobby Jayden wasn't aware of. L and Light are hanging out at the apartment when they receive some somewhat shocking news.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 86: Hangover  _

Jayden staggered into the kitchen _way_ too early Saturday morning, for how late he’d been out the night before.

Going out had seemed like a good plan for getting out of dodge, after all that shit had happened with his roommate. Things had been mostly ok after, and they’d hung out a bit. Later, he’d holed up in his room, not wanting to hang around too long in case stuff got awkward….  He’d been a little too restless to sit at home all night though, but he was sort of on the other end of regretting that right about now.

He couldn’t quite make his eyes focus and the floor kept seeming to sway, getting on his nerves. If it would just stay STILL….

Justin was throwing something together to eat, looking like he hadn’t been awake all that long either. Mostly the tip-off was just his unruly, tousled hair being as bad tempered as its owner generally was. The amusing irony in that was somewhat lost on him just now, though. His head was ominously on the verge of a pounding headache.

His roommate put away the milk and picked up his bowl of cereal before noticing him.

Should he go back to bed? This whole ‘being upright’ thing seemed a bad idea… but no, he’d been tossing and turning and not really sleeping anyway. Tired as he was, trying to sleep more was probably worse than useless.

Justin eyed him. “You look like hell.”

“Got in late and slept shitty.”

The brunet peered at him. “Drinking?” There was something of a disapproving tone in his voice, or maybe in the bland expression on his face. Hell, he didn’t know, he was barely functional at the moment. It annoyed him though; Just like the other day, when his roommate had said, _‘Aren’t you supposed to be avoiding that?’_ Like he needed people monitoring his shit to see if he didn’t fuck up.

“NO, I actually didn’t,” Jayden said flippantly. “And that’s the problem.”

Justin all but raised an eyebrow and waited for him to elaborate, as if he wasn’t making any sense.

Explanations felt like a pain in the ass, and he didn’t really have the patience. “It’s just not the same.” He tiredly ran a hand through his wild hair, making it stand up at even crazier angles. He leaned back against the counter so at least he didn’t have to hold himself upright. Ugh, he felt like shit. “All the pieces were there but I was fucking bored.” Man, pushing words out of his own mouth was almost more effort than it was worth. He felt punchy. “And I may have had too many energy drinks. I’m dehydrated as fuck.”

His roommate seemed to contemplate this as he ate several bites of his cereal. Or maybe he was just hungry. “You don’t drink all the time around us, and seem mostly entertained.” His standard annoyed face took on a droll look. “Maybe you just need new friends.”

 _Dick._ “Yeah, maybe,” he muttered dismissively.

Ugh, he wasn’t in the mood for any of this. He slogged over to the other side of the counter and grabbed one of the stools to slump down upon. At the moment, he was inclined to agree with him, after last night. But before this everything was just _fine_. It was this whole non-drinking thing that was the problem.

“Here,” Justin said a few minutes later, handing him a glass of orange juice. “Electrolytes.”

“Thanks.” He folded his arms on the counter and rested his head upon them with a groan. “Just fucking shoot me,” he grumbled, cradling his head.

“It’s kind of funny seeing you suffer so much and it wasn’t even from drinking,” Justin mused unconcernedly. “Only you.” He shook his head at him. “How many did you have?”

“Safe to say, enough to slay a small army of school children,” he said in a muffled voice.

“You really don’t know when to quit, do you?”

“I might be starting to,” he muttered, then raised his head a little. “Believe it or not, this didn’t even seem like a good idea at the time.”

“Well, be careful, you could die of a caffeine overdose. Those things are loaded.”

Ah, that might explain the insomnia, headache, dizziness and nausea. Not to mention, his hands seemed to have the shakes. He’d kind of written it all off as too much sugar, and not enough water, but too much caffeine made a lot more sense. “If I didn’t believe that before, I sure as fuck do now…”

* * *

Justin regarded the pathetic sight that his typically energetic roommate embodied at this moment. He looked miserable and a little green.

He shook his head and picked up his phone, taking pity on him and googling to see if there was a way to get caffeine out of one’s system faster. “Ok, says here: potassium, magnesium, water, exercise…”

“Instant death might be faster,” Jayden muttered into his arms.

Justin ignored that and gathered up a few things, placing a banana, a handful of almonds, and a cup of water next to his roommate’s head. “Ok, eat up,” he said glibly.

Jayden groaned at the thought of food, which was kind of funny. “Alright, I’m done babying you.” He had shit to do, and was on his way out. “Exercise later, don’t overdo it.”

“Yes, boss,” Jayden said from the depths of his folded arms and lifted one hand in a tired salute.

He didn’t really expect the headcase to appreciate it, but it seemed to him that Jayden just might have.

* * *

By the afternoon, Jayden had mostly recalibrated. The food had been hard to get down, but he’d popped some antacids and somehow it helped keep everything in its intended place. Exercising was its own kind of hell. The sun seemed like the scorching hellfire of satan’s asshole, the heat made him feel punchy, and any more than a light jog had him on the verge of hurling.

_Ah, just like L’s runs…._

He supposed his cousin’s torture training was worth something after all. It had gotten him used to the feeling of running while near death, so this was all fairly familiar.

_Still not a fan, though…_

He brought water with him and took sips whenever he thought he could handle it without his stomach totally rebelling.

_Note to self, do NOT do this again._

And here he thought a regular old hangover could be bad. He had to say, this was a lot worse.

Just to be safe, he kept at exercising a lot longer than he probably should have. But despite feeling utterly wiped out by the end, he felt marginally ok.

Now he was home again, the cool air hitting him like a mixed blessing, and he shuddered from the chill. _Ok, hot shower, warm clothes…_

He grabbed something to wear from his room, and realized he hadn’t thought to check his phone since waking up this morning. He had a few missed calls and a dozen messages.

Shit. The job.

He rubbed a hand over his face. Goddamnit why NOW?

Things seemed to go wrong at the most inconvenient of times. _Well, fuck ‘em, I’m taking a goddamn shower first._ Another fifteen minutes shouldn’t make a difference.

Well…. unless the site was down.

He heaved a sigh and scrolled through the emails, reading in more detail. _Oh, what a pain in the ass…._ he thought, as he saw the scope of it. But it could wait. Shower first.

The hot water felt good, despite how the heat outside had felt overwhelming. The A/C just felt so cold at the moment, he was getting chilled. Plus, he hadn’t had time to take a shower last night before falling into bed. It was good to get the remnants of gel and stuff out of his hair, to wash off the night along with his run. He felt like a new man.

Jayden donned a pair of loose and comfortable crimson track pants, a black t-shirt and his black hoodie. His hair was still wet, catching the chill from the A/C vents as he walked under them, but the sweater was keeping him warm enough.

He heaved a deep sigh as he sat down at his laptop and set to work on the latest issues for the site.

* * *

Around 4 p.m. Jayden wandered out to the common area, finished with work, and just about dying for something to activate his brain and entertain him. No one was in the common area, so he glanced outside to see if anyone was home.

Claire’s old, white Cadillac sat in the circular driveway, along with Justin’s dark green beater. That thing was ancient, a 1970s something or other Toyota hatchback with some rust that looked like it should be fatal, yet the thing just wouldn’t die. It also had a sky blue panel over one of the front wheel wells, from a scrapyard repair, and one of the back quarter panels was bright yellow.

He’d taken to calling it Frankenstein. His surly roommate was less than amused. He didn’t exactly love the car, a hand-me-down from his brother, but it was free and insurance was dead cheap.

It was a total piece-of-shit car. L’s was old, but at least it was nice, more like an antique. Oh, and the monstrosity’s fucking A/C rarely worked. TOTAL piece of shit. He hated riding in the thing. Though… it was kinda nice to be able to borrow it when he didn’t have wheels. A shit car like that, if you were the owner, you generally wouldn’t worry overmuch about it getting into a fender bender. And so it seemed Justice didn’t care much about lending it out.

The random stickers from bands and stuff that cluttered the back and side windows did lend it an eclectic touch, so it had that going for it. The puking smiley face with devil horns that he’d drawn on the yellow panel, to irritate his roommate, was still there as well. _‘Lends it some class’_ , he’d said with a grin, tossing back some alcohol or other. He’d been a bit lit. But that doodle was a masterpiece if he did say so himself.

Justin had looked irritated but then just shrugged and said he could give a rats ass.

Speaking of his surly roommate….

“Hey, bitch, you home?” he said outside Justin’s wide open door.

“Goddamnit, I knew I shoulda closed that,” the brunet griped. He was sitting on his bed with a controller in hand. He dragged off the headset he was wearing, hanging it around his neck.  “What do you want?”

“I’m bored. What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Justin said unhelpfully, eyes tracking back to his tv screen. “Aw, fuck.” He frowned and started tapping the controller rapidly with a look of concentration.

Jayden waltzed into his room and peered at the screen. Whatever game he was playing looked like chaos and seemed to be a cooperative effort. That, along with the headset with microphone… “Ha. Nerd.”

“Fuck you,” his roommate said distractedly, all his focus on what he was currently trying to defeat.

“So **this** is what you do in your free time? Online gaming? If only I’d known, I could have harassed the shit out of you _much_ earlier.”

“Shut up, I’m not on mute.”

 _Oh ho?_ Jayden grinned, sensing opportunity.

Justin must have had a sixth sense. Just as he snatched at the headset, his roommate leaned to the side, dodging the effort. “Quit it. I’m busy.”

On the screen, a couple of messages were popping up from other players asking what the fuck was he doing and who was the interloper on the mike. Justin growled in frustration as it seemed he didn’t have time to pause now, from what he was doing, to put his headset back on.

“Looks like the honeymoon stage between you and your nerdy friends is over, _nerd_.” Ha, this was being waaaay too easy to get a reaction. Even better was the indignance in the onscreen messages. He could give a fuck about gaming or whatever, but they all seemed super touchy about it.

“Ignore it,” Justin said, tipping the mike to his mouth with his shoulder. “It’s just my asshole roommate, being a menace-”

This time, Jayden’s grab was more successful. “That’s ‘Mr. Fucking Menace’, to you,” he corrected jovially, donning the headset and speaking directly into the mike.

“Goddamnit, Jayden!”

Glee slid through him as the indignant squawks of several voices heralded just the kind of reaction he was going for. “Greetings, bitches,” he said expansively. “So in addition to sucking at getting laid, which I think would be safe to assume is the case, you’re spending your time getting your asses absolutely handed to you. So, would you say that you suck at _everything_?” He added somewhat condescendingly, “Or just fighting and fucking?”

Several “fuck you”s rang out, music to his ears. He laughed aloud, heartily. Ah, entertainment at last. Something caught his eye just then. “Uh, you **_are_** seeing the red person monster thingy about to launch a fireball up your asses, right?”

Another chorus of voices rang out, this time cursing and shouting that was completely unrelated to anything but what he’d just pointed out onscreen.

He turned to his roommate. “You seriously spend a lot of time doing this? You all suck.”

Justin growled, enmeshed in the battle, jamming his thumbs upon the buttons of the controller.

“Flying thing, 2 o’clock,” Jayden commented drolly. “Jesus, don’t you all have eyes?”

“It’s harder than it looks,” the brunet said.

“Is it?” Jayden said arrogantly, raising an eyebrow. He wasn’t convinced.

“Get off the mike!” Justin growled out, eyes deadlocked on the screen.

Jayden laughed as a couple of people said, _‘No, keep him on!’_ His eyes flicked back to the action. “Vorak is about to die,” he noted calmly. “Woah, what is with these names…. BallsD33p, is that you?” he jeered at his roommate.

“No. Ass.”

“Hahaa. Well what _would_ be you….” he pondered the screen. “GenieFairy, no. OrangeHat4283, no. CumTornado?” He looked at Justin again.

“What the fuck? **_No_**.” He actually did glance up incredulously at that one. “And that isn’t _anyone’s_ name.”

“Ah, must’ve misread it.” He grinned. “M4ssiveAtt4ck29? That’s music related isn’t it? Gotta be you.”

“Do you want a fucking gold star?”

“That’d be nice. By the way, TwisterSister is dying.”

“Shit,” Justin muttered, then barked out towards the headset, “Heal! HEAL!! It’s regenerating. MAGE, fucking heal us goddamnit it, before it blasts us!”

People were shouting and cursing. The chaos of it all was kinda fun. One by one, a few characters were healed, giving them full life bars again. However, the enemy tucked down, the screen seemed to start shaking and go dim, Justin cursed avidly, and what looked like an epic shockwave blew everyone to the ground and killed half of them.

“Ha, that was pathetic,” Jayden said as a message appeared over the whole screen announcing the mission had failed.

Someone in the onscreen messages flicked him off in ascii code. That actually warmed his heart. It took a bit of effort to type something like that up. OrangeHat, was it? He’d keep that in mind. They might be fun to harass.

Justin snatched the headset from his head and said, “You are such a dick.”

Jayden gave him a pitying look. “Don’t even bother to say I ruined your chances, you were obviously fucked before I even came by.”

The brunet hit a button on the headset, maybe turning it off, and glared at him. _“Dick,”_ he said again, emphatically.

“So are these total random strangers, or….?”

“Online friends. Some are local.”

Jayden clicked his tongue. “Shut in.”

“Fuck you.”

His roommate did have friends he hung out with, despite being antisocial on the whole, but it was still fun to harass him. “So apparently, despite my best efforts,” he said cheerfully, “I didn’t totally piss **all** of them off.” He pointed to the screen. “Looks like a few actually want me to _play_.” He could practically feel Justin’s eye twitch. Haha. “TwisterSister says I sound hot… is that a chick or…?”

“Like I’d tell you. I’d rather let you suffer the uncertainty.”

Jayden ignored him. It wouldn’t do to let him see any sort of reaction. With his luck though, TwisterSister, the one person with a vaguely feminine name, was probably a dude. “Ok,” Jayden said slowly, as if an idea was dawning upon him, “so I thought of a way to keep myself from being bored.” He made sure to sound somewhat chipper, just to annoy his roommate. “I’ll try this shit out,” he said expansively, then demanded, “ _Show me how_.”

Justin looked heavenward. “Why me….?”

“Oh lighten up,” he scoffed sarcastically. “This seems more fun than any of your _other_ suggestions. Working and reading or whatever…. Jesus.”

Grey-green eyes leveled an annoyed glare at him, and the wavy haired brunet seemed standoffish. “Has anyone told you that you act really fucking entitled?”

“Pretty sure I’ve heard it a time or two,” he said dismissively. “Now come on, how do we set me up on this nerd circus?”

Justin let out a sigh, predictably and satisfyingly annoyed by the calculated insults, but Jayden could tell he was going to get his way.

Unexpectedly, however, his roommate leveled a look at him and asked quite seriously, “Why are you so desperate for a replacement for drinking? Are you planning on making it not just a temporary thing?”

Jayden blinked, taken off guard and totally unsure of how to field such a question.

That was….

Well, he hadn’t really _thought_ about it, but…

“I’m... not sure,” he said uncertainly, feeling a little lost. Of course, the whole non-drinking thing had originally just been a punishment by his cousin for acting up. But in a way, he’d kind of gotten used to the torture for the most part - suffering the lack. Had he somehow thought to _continue_ , after the month was up?

He frowned and chewed his lip, deep in thought and a little restless. So far, he’d been saving a lot of money while not spending it on alcohol, had had _way_ too much time to think, **_and_** he’d been reassessing some things. Especially lately, he was wondering about his habit of going out and drinking and how it was kind of a waste of time. It was really fun, usually, but…. damnit, what Justin had said earlier about the quality of his friends had sort of stuck in his head.

With L, Light, and his roommates for the most part, he could be stone cold sober and still be entertained and at ease. His drinking buddies on the other hand… could he say the same? Did he even know them that well? He knew how they all _worked_ , based on personality and other predictable things… but mostly interactions were shallow, joking around, roughhousing. And did they really know _him_? The real him? If he were to really think about that… no. But he didn’t exactly open up and let people at his inner workings, he thought sarcastically. That was by design. They knew his sense of humor and that he was a troublemaker, a bit of a slut, and liked to have fun. But the deeper stuff? He’d have to say a definite no.

Damnit... thinking on this shit kind of put him in a bad mood. Drinking and having fun was a helluva lot simpler.

“Hey, nevermind,” Justin said abruptly, breaking into the tumultuous rambling of his thoughts. He waved a hand in the air as if dismissing his own words, a slightly annoyed look on his face. “I don’t need the whiplash.”

What the fuck was _that_ supposed to mean??

“You’re really serious?” the brunet asked, moving on. “You want me to show you the ropes?” There was a skeptical look on his face.

“Only if it comes without the fucking commentary,” Jayden said derisively, his hackles up after all of that. “And what the fuck do you mean, whiplash?”

Justin heaved a sigh and just gestured vaguely in a circle, indicating all of him. “This, right here.” Grey-green eyes gave him a deadpan look, and he said sharply, “I don’t need the fucking attitude.”

“ _What_ attitude?” This was pissing him off.

Things seemed to be amping up, tension in the air. Jayden made a paltry effort to reign in his temper and at least _try_ listen to whatever the fuck Justin was spouting off about. Meaning, he didn’t outright start a fight.

“Ugh.” The brunet looked hostile now. “You get introspective, and the next thing I know, you’ll _be biting my head off_.” His voice was borderline antagonistic. “Be aware of your shit already!”

“Oh, like you’re aware of _yours_?” Jayden said scathingly. “Who’s got the fucking attitude problem? I am a goddamn delight. YOU on the other hand, act like you have a ramrod jammed up your ass at any given moment, as a STANDARD.”

The hostile look on his roommate’s face did not diminish. He also didn’t respond to any of that, but just swatted him back. “Right, like you fucking with people 24/7 makes them really want to keep you the fuck around. Asshole.” The sarcasm was palpable and biting.

The dig also got under his skin as he was reminded of his grandparents not really wanting him around. Though, that was well and before he’d actively used people to entertain himself. In fact, after all of that disownment shit was when it had really started. And you know what? He was FINE with it. He got along just _FINE_ and he didn’t need some surly little _bitch_ trying to tell him what his damage was or how to fucking live his life.

Jayden rounded on him, voice cutting, “Did it ever occur to you to notice how people constantly have to work around _your_ surly ass attitude?” He gave him an antagonistically bland look. “Hey, I know! Ask the people you fucking live with. I’m sure they could enlighten you.”

“Ok, asshole,” the brunet snapped back, “if it’s such a fucking problem, then why doesn’t it phase YOU?”

Jayden opened his mouth to say something demolishing back, but came up empty for the moment. It was actually a decent question. He felt just as pissed off as before, but was now sufficiently distracted by the unexpected puzzle. He lifted a hand to his face and rubbed his chin absently, trying to find a reasonable answer.

Justin was watching him, a somewhat confused look battling for prime real estate on his face. “Uh…”

“Shut up, you’re still a bitch,” Jayden tossed out dismissively, focused inward. “I’m trying to think.” He supposed in some ways it was like with him and L - if one of them said something that seemed to deserve further thought, it could actually stop a fight in its tracks. Well, maybe it was mostly his own habit. But it only seemed fair to consider things when they weren’t just a hand grenade, and might contain some insight.

“That wasn’t intended to be an unsolvable riddle.”

Jayden sent him a pale glare, mostly just annoyed now. “You **are** familiar with what ‘shut up’ means, yes?”

Justin rolled his eyes. “Coming from you? Usually a denial of some kind.”

“Yeah well I meant _‘shut your hole for a damn second’_.”

To be fair, his other roommates weren’t overly bothered by Justin’s ornery nature, they were used to it. Though he’d bet that it had limited the brunet’s dating prospects quite a bit. The least his roommate could damn well do is _see_ that and quit pointing fingers at other people’s so-called _attitudes_. BESIDES, he was more than capable of charming people and had a more active social life than he even knew what to do with most days. Though, avoiding drinking and all that had certainly taken it down quite a few notches. Mostly because he was avoiding people. Which was fucking boring as shit. But hanging out while sober had _sucked_.

That thought brought back to him Justin’s comment about needing different friends. It **still** irked him. Was he supposed to take advice from a _hermit_?? Moreso, it pissed him off that Justin had tried to imply his current behaviors were a social detriment when _clearly_ , he had a lot more friends and acquaintances than his roommate ever had.

“You, are a bitch,” Jayden concluded scathingly.

Justin just gave him a nonplussed look and shook his head at him. “That wasn’t even the questi-” He cut himself off, seemed to grope for words, and in the end gave up. “Nevermind.” He fell listlessly back onto the bad, looking quite done with everything.

Jayden frowned. Actually, he wasn’t really sure what to do with himself if his roommate was giving up the fight. It kinda made him feel put on the spot, to be honest, having said the last inflammatory thing. He walked over to the side of the bed and kicked the brunet’s leg before sitting on the mattress. “Yeah, whatever, I didn’t forget the original question.” He heaved a sigh and leaned back on his hands. “Mostly I guess I’m just used to it. Your sour fucking attitude doesn’t phase me at all.” He tilted his head to regard the brunet with a bland gaze. “I’m not full of shit though,” he insisted, determined to get a word in, “it puts people off. I’m surprised you _ever_ got laid.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Justin grumbled, rubbing his hands over his face.

“Maybe you’d _date_ more if you didn’t always seem so pissed off.” It came out kind of sarcastic.

Justin’s hands lowered from his face and he tossed back, “Yeah and maybe people would _like_ you more if you weren’t such an _asshole_.” There wasn’t any effort towards antagonism really fueling that. Mostly it just sounded tired and a little peeved.

Jayden leaned over him, giving him a nonplussed look from fairly close up. “Well, **you** like me,” he pointed out, mostly to be an ass.

Grey-green eyes regarded him, flickering with something. The reddish brown centers were quite clear in this light and were actually kind of interesting looking. “Undiagnosed mental illness, probably,” Justin quipped, seeming somewhat maudlin.

On a whim, Jayden leaned down to kiss him. He felt surprise meet his lips, and noted the pleasantly soft but firm texture of lips against his own. They soon parted, almost reluctantly, as he teased the brunet’s upper lip with the small silver ball of his tongue piercing, and he slipped inside. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt like doing it, something like this.

It was different from the anger-fueled liplocks, and yet it wasn’t much like those earlier boring kisses either. He wasn’t really pissed off anymore, and the annoyed frustration wasn’t really there either…

It felt more simple than that, the impulse. And yet, somehow a lot more complicated.

He sank into sensation, the heat of a warm mouth opening to his, the slide of a tongue against his and the reactions it was sparking off in him.

It wasn’t soft, like with the girls. Even while gentler and teasingly slow like this, there was a sort of roughness, some quality that was just inherently different. There was a more forceful feel to it, something more raw…

At the moment, he just went with it, comparing the experience with those he’d had with girls, but not condemning it…

He could practically taste the building lust on his tongue as he played with and teased the brunet, cornering him in his own mouth. Justin’s hands rose up to push him away, but he seemed conflicted. His hands rested there, balled in his shirt and pushing at his shoulders with only moderate force.

A noise escaped the brunet’s throat as lust started to win out. It rattled through the kiss, rather hotly, really, and Jayden felt his body react.

Well, he was already reacting, but the sound just amplified it. It made him want to be more aggressive and pull more reactions from his roommate, just like that.

* * *

Light and L uncharacteristically made themselves at home on the floor of the living room, lazing about to a higher extent than normal. It felt sorta chill, actually, not bothering with furniture. Light was laying back on the floor, contemplating stuff, feeling happy to have the day off of school, due to the Monday holiday. It was wonderful to be able to kick back, do absolutely nothing, and not give even a passing thought towards schoolwork. He’d had quite enough just doing the tutoring.

Jayden had skipped the study session Saturday, which wasn’t unwelcome as it had given him a bit of a reprieve (he didn’t have to watch the next installment of the Jayden and Shani show)... but it had been a little odd that Jayden hadn’t bothered saying anything about it. Usually he’d say if he was going or not. L had just shrugged it off and said he wouldn’t count on him showing up, and that he would get Light there himself.

The deviant been pretty quiet over this past week, and moreso the last few days. So, it was somewhat surprising when he showed up unannounced that morning, letting himself in.

It wasn’t _early_ morning, so they’d already gotten through breakfast, coffee and the like, and were just hanging out in the living room contemplating the day. Neither of them had quite decided on what they wanted to do yet. By some miracle, L only had one session scheduled for later in the day and was mostly free.

Light glanced at the time and saw it was about 10:30am when Jayden arrived. “Hey, stranger,” he said facetiously.

“Hey.”

Well, that was an uncharacteristic response. It was civil and almost entirely devoid of fuckery. It seemed a little flat though?

Jayden looked around. “Save me any coffee?” he asked.

“Sure,” L said archly, “right next to the ‘where the fuck have _you_ been?’” He was regarding his cousin with an unimpressed air, tinged with curiosity.

“Around,” Jayden said cryptically. “The site has been a bitch lately, too.” He helped himself to what was left of the coffee, and sucked that down while starting another pot. “Did you run this morning?” His voice was retaining that lowkey vibe which was so unusual for him.

“Nah,” L said. “Took a lazy day off. You?”

“Yeah actually. I’ve been keeping up.” He spared a glance at Light. “Anything new with your mom?”

Light shrugged. “Sorta… she wants to do coffee somewhere. I shot down the idea of _‘Dinner part 2’_.”

Jayden almost spewed his drink out at that, barely catching himself. “Excuse me, WHAT??”

“Not with all of us,” Light went on to explain, waving his hands. That lively response was almost shocking after his deadpan manner. “She wanted to try again with just her, my father and I, which clearly I’d have to be insane to agree to.”

The deviant made a disgusted noise, then shook his head and polished off the rest of his coffee. “FUCKING insane, more like. What the fuck?”

“So, speaking of coffee,” Light continued as the dark-haired, piercing-riddled house pest impatiently checked the status of the brewing pot, “I was wondering if you would go with me.”

Yeah, it wouldn’t be fun, but Jayden seemed to have some sort of knack with dealing with his mother. He didn’t quite understand it, but they seemed to have found some bizarre way of relating to each other; unlike L, who got ostracized almost upon sight. Besides, he didn’t think any of them quite trusted her not to pull some bullshit… otherwise he’d just go on his own. The last thing he needed was a surprise like his father showing up, after all, and trying to strongarm him again.

Pale eyes regarded him with a flat stare and Jayden tapped out a faint staccato on the countertop. “Yeah, I guess you can’t ask L to go…” he glanced over at his cousin. “I don’t really want to, though.”

“But would you?” L asked.

Jayden heaved a sigh. “Ugh this being helpful shit never ends. Yeah, I’ll go I guess.” He frowned. “I mean, it’s not like the _cubscout_ can go all by his lonesome.” A level of derision started to color the words as he took a potshot at Light’s expense. “He might get scout-napped.”

“Seriously?” Light said with annoyance. “You pop up after a week of nothing, and start giving me shit right away?” What was with this sudden turnaround? First he was oddly subdued, now he was back to jokes and insults?

Jayden gave him a condescending look with a sharp leer. “Aww, did you miss me? Careful, don’t let my cousin catch wind of that.”

L expelled a sigh. “Is something going on with you, or what?” His dark gaze was direct and seemed to be seeing through his cousin, like x-ray vision.

Jayden looked cagey for a moment, though it was swiftly hidden. “Nope. Not a damn thing.” He made a cup of coffee and threw some ice in it to cool it down so he could drink it faster. He proceeded to chug it down and made another cup.

“Uh huh,” L said.

Jayden made his way into the living room, still drinking coffee at a rapid pace. “So listen, I get that you’re both being lazy as fuck, but might you be convinced to go for a run anyway?”

L raised an eyebrow.

“Well, it’s been a while,” Jayden said defensively. “And,” he muttered a bit under his breath, “then I won’t have to feel guilty about stepping in on your time together.”

“Uh huh,” L said again, his sharp eyes never having left his cousin. He looked unimpressed and almost like he was expecting something.

“Uh….” Light said, feeling confused about this weird ass dynamic. He didn’t doubt that Jayden was serious when he said he didn’t want to interrupt their time together, but it’s like L thought maybe his cousin had something more to say? Actually…. he did sort of get that impression as well.

“No one banned you from coming by,” L stated blithely, “or picking up a damn phone, or texting. So if it’s been a while, that’s kind of on you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jayden muttered, waving that off.

“But I could be up for a run if it eases your conscience,” L said, not unkindly. “Did you miss the ever-present state of nausea?” he joked mockingly. “You must’ve been slacking on your own runs.”

“You’d be surprised.” He looked a little antsy. “But no. I kinda missed talking with you guys.” It seemed he was a little reluctant to admit that.

“Aww,” L razzed him with a smile, earning a darkly annoyed look. “But what the hell, if you wanna talk, just talk. Nothing’s changed. When did you get to overthinking things and being conscientious and shit? You even _knocked_.”

Jayden tipped back his mug, emptying it. By habit, he went to set it down on the coffee table next to where his cousin was sitting on the floor. “Fucker, you still didn’t replace this shit?” he said incredulously as he surveyed the broken heap of the coffee table.

“Pretty sure someone said they were going to fix it,” L pointed out drolly. “Unless of course you were going to pay for a replacement like you should have already.”

Jayden rolled his eyes. “Are you _seriously_ leaving this here as a not-so-subtle reminder?”

“Yes.”

“Oh, jezus,” the deviant muttered with annoyance, shaking his head. “Whatever.” He made a terse shooing motion with his hand as if dispelling that whole subject. “Anyways. I do have something to say.”

Jayden got a sort of edgy, antsy look on his face. He glared. “Which I’m going to preface by saying _‘Shut up’_.”

L looked amused and crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, this is gonna be good.”

Light blinked and waited expectantly, not sure what to make of such a lead in.

“So, I’m sort of dabbling with Justice…” he said, looking like the words physically hurt to pry out of his own mouth. He loosely covered that by seeming confrontational.

“HAHAAAAAA!!!!” L burst out laughing.

Light snickered, but bit his lip to keep it in. He didn’t totally want to mock Jayden for this, not yet. He kinda wanted to, but didn’t feel like being on the other end of Jayden’s bad attitude. But _seriously_ , after all that denial?? And especially denial over there being anything possible between him and his roommate? This was about _the_ funniest fucking thing he could have said.

“ **Hey!** ” Jayden nearly shouted, seeming antsy as hell and more than a little betrayed, “I told you to _shut up_!”

“Sorry, sorry,” L struggled to get out, trying to compose himself. “Ahahaaaa!!” Yeah, he’d pretty much lost it.

“ _Asshole_!” Jayden exclaimed vehemently, absolutely indignant over the sustained laughter. “Cut it out.”

L tried to speak, maybe to voice the part of this that was causing such a riot of mirth but, as soon as he tried, he collapsed in another fit of laughter. He even at one point covered his face with both hands since he couldn’t stop. His shoulders were shaking with it, even when he did manage to contain them to the silent variety.

“Ass,” Jayden said harshly, kicking him. He had a powerful scowl on his face. The deviant whipped sharp eyes upon Light, like he was looking for a fight, and said imperiously, “And what about you, _huh_? Why aren’t you reacting?”

Oh _jezus_ , he was **so** sulky over this, it was a fucking riot. He wasn’t going to be able to hold his laughter in. “I’m,” he paused, his mouth turning down at the corners with a suppressed grin which was fighting to be free, “trying to be... supportive.” He barely managed to get the words out before the grin openly battled for dominance on his face, not to be put down, and silent laughter started to shake in his chest. Oh GOD, it was too hilarious though!

“Yeah, _thanks_ , wiseass,” Jayden scoffed sharply, looking totally put out and hostile.

L, watching this, fell back onto the floor and his laughter was once more audible. He laid there, arms outstretched, totally giving up now and laughing helplessly.

“Shut the fuck up,” Jayden grumbled, kicking him sharply in the side. “I don’t know why I fucking tell you anything.”

“Ow,” L said, wincing a little but still laughing.

“Are you fuckers done laughing it up yet?” he asked waspishly. “Can we move on?”

* * *

TBC


	87. (phase 4) Dabbling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jayden fesses up and feels put out over the effort. He, L and Light have a serious talk. Jayden realizes he's been spending a lot of time on this new hobby and with his roommate as well. Distraction was starting to take on a new meaning.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 87: Dabbling _

Light attempted to bring the conversation back around. “So dabbling… what is that in like, relationship terms?”

“Fuck if I know,” Jayden said quite honestly. He went over to the abandoned couch and flopped down upon it listlessly, resting his head upon the back.

“Uh…” Light regarded him with confusion from his seat on the floor, a slight frown on his face. “Why wouldn’t you know?”

Jayden shrugged, seeming somewhat obstinate. Something about him looked utterly exhausted. “Stuff keeps happening. And I don’t really know what to do with the whole thing. But I figured I needed to fess up to my insanity in case I start drinking paint or something next.”

“Is it a sort of regular thing?” L asked, having scraped himself together in light of the more serious turn the talk had taken. He was mostly back to normal now.

Jayden shrugged, a frown on his face. “Kinda…. I guess.”

“And are you hanging out at all? Any more than usual?” Light asked.

“Sorta.”

Light and L shared a glance. That mostly sounded like dating.

“What about Shani?” Light couldn’t help asking.

Jayden expelled a tired sigh, seeming weary to his soul. “Yeah,” he scoffed in an amped up, self-deprecating voice, “you’d think I’d go for the _hot girl_ , but no, for some reason I’m fucking with my roommate.” He shook his head at himself and muttered under his breath. Then he lifted his head, looking at L and asking quite honestly, “Am I a fucking masochist?”

L chewed on his reply, but eventually said, “Yes, absolutely. But possibly not in regards to this.”

Jayden expelled an epic sigh and almost looked crucified upon the couch.

“So…. did you guys-?” L prompted, seeming unable to help himself.

“Fuck you. No.”

“Well, how do you expect _that_ to work long term?” L propped his chin on his hand, elbow braced upon his knee as he sat indian style.

“No idea.”

“You did other stuff, right?”

“ _Yes_ , now quit asking me shit, I don’t want to talk about it.” His demeanor was getting rapidly more confrontational.

“Don’t get a fucking attitude,” L warned him, looking a bit pissed off. “You’re the one who brought it up, so obviously you **did** want to talk about it.”

“Well, not the details,” he grumbled.

“What part did you want to talk about?” Light prompted, a bit more compassionately.

Jayden heaved a giant sigh. “I dunno….” he trailed listlessly. “I guess I just wanted to know if I’d gone insane.”

Light thought about things for a moment. “Aside from the sanity check, you honestly want to know if you are doing this as a way of punishing yourself?” He was extrapolating from the masochist comment.

“Yeah. No. I don’t know. I guess.”

“What would you be punishing yourself for?”

“Where should I even start?” Jayden said sarcastically. “But seriously, what if I’m just using this all as a distraction? That’s what I meant about the masochism thing.”

“Well,” Light trailed, a little uncomfortable now, as he realized Jayden meant a distraction from his feelings for him. “Is that all it feels like to you? Like the indecision or whatever you are feeling is just a cover for stuff you aren’t dealing with?” He studied the deviant’s face. “Relationships are distracting in general. If that was the case, then wouldn’t taking up with Shani have accomplished the same thing?”

“Er….” Jayden said. “Well, it’d be distracting, but without the ultimate distraction of wondering if I’d _lost my damn mind_. I don’t know if you can really compare the two.”

“Maybe there is another reason you didn’t pick her initially?” Light suggested. Perhaps there was another angle to this than simply being self-destructive.

* * *

L found it to be kind of ironic that Jayden was opening up to Light about such a topic and that the brunet was gamely trying to help him out. Especially as it was more than obvious to him that the ‘distraction’ his cousin felt in need of was because he was trying to drown his feelings for the brunet.

At the same time, though, maybe it was _because_ of this that a deeper conversation about all of this was possible. Jayden had feelings _because_ of the connection he’d allowed between himself and Light. And because of that connection, felt able to open up a bit. Light also was coming from the perspective of a straight person who was finding themselves involved with someone of the same sex, so the brunet was likely easier to relate to on this in general.

He studied his cousin and considered various scenarios to explain the situation with Justin, as well as what Light might be angling towards. Sure, Jayden could just be masochistically pushing his own boundaries… but then it made less sense for him to be so wadded up over this like he was wrestling with some kind of decision. It reminded him of that one talk they’d had where his cousin had told him, _‘I didn’t hate it. I’m supposed to hate it.’_

If he was simply being masochistic, you’d think he’d be well aware of not really liking it, but doing it _anyway_. That was the question though, and one Jayden hadn’t elaborated on yet - did he just ‘not hate it’, or did he actually like it?

His cousin mostly just shrugged at Light’s question, seeming to not really have an answer.

L decided to jump in with a question of his own. “Not to be about ‘details’ or whatever,” he preempted so Jayden could lay down the attitude, “but what is it like - your interaction with him? In general. Since all this started.”

“Oh, uh…” his cousin looked pensive. “Kind of…. Well, the fighting was kind of new. So, hostile? But then the rest of the time it’s like usual but more so. I give him shit and harass him, and he ignores me or reacts in entertaining ways.”

“What do you fight about?”

“Er….” Jayden seemed less than enthused about answering that.

“Come on, you wanted to talk, so talk.”

The deviant heaved a sigh. “Asshole. Fine.” He had a surly expression on his face and there was an undercurrent of discomfort in his demeanor. “Things like him being a total _bitch_ , accusing me of tendencies and starting arguments and shit.”

“Uh huh.” L couldn’t help the skeptical tone in his voice, and he waited for him to be more forthcoming. He could tell Jayden was glossing over some relevant stuff. Probably there was a lot more in the arguments regarding his inherent ‘straightness’. He wouldn’t blame Justin for taking things there and fighting about it, especially after things had begun to happen between them.

Jayden gave him an annoyed glare. “You **_do_** realize a response like that makes this whole process less than rewarding for me? At least _he_ freaking uses his words,” he gestured vaguely at Light.

L ignored him. “How did all of this start? If all you were doing was fighting, how in the hell did this evolve into whatever you call this thing with Justin?”

Jayden rubbed his hands over his face and muttered into them. “I sort of started it. I don’t know why. But whatever, it happened. Then I decided to just leave it all the fuck alone. That was like a week ago. Then, I don’t know, it sort of came up the other day and he started with this major attitude and next thing I know it went from an argument and the start of a fistfight into….. doing this shit again. Fuck.”

Wow. He actually didn’t know what to say to that.

L glanced over at Light to catch his take on all this. He seemed similarly surprised.

The brunet rallied himself enough to say, “Did most of those encounters with him start with fights?”

Jayden absently chewed his lip as he ran things through his head. “Uh, mostly.”

“They can’t all be about your sexuality,” Light supposed. “What else are you fighting about?”

L watched his cousin sit a little more upright. “Now that you mention it, personality quirks, things that bug the shit out of us….”

“Hey-” L interrupted suddenly, catching his cousin’s attention. “Is it all just bullshit, or is he giving you things to actually think about?” He was starting to formulate an idea here.

“Why?”

“The stuff you fight about, does he make some valid points? Does any of it bug you because there seems to be something to it?”

Jayden frowned. “Yeah, I guess.”

“How well does he really know you?”

“Pretty well… though, as he pointed out,” his voice shaded sarcastic, “it was largely just as drinking buddies, and stuff that he doesn’t count as being really good friends.” An annoyed and pensive look stole over his face as he warmed up to that topic. “He actually had the _nerve_ to say I needed different friends, just because I had **_one_** night of boredom with them when I wasn’t drinking.”

“Ah.” L nodded his head. It was as he suspected. For whatever reason, in this interaction with Justin, Jayden was being made to analyze himself. And maybe, deep down, that was part of the draw. Funny, he’d thought of the wavy haired brunet as more of a submissive type, yet it seemed that wasn’t the case when it came to his cousin, if the fights were any indication. Well, he guessed that wasn’t a total shocker, the brunet had been ballsy enough to bust a move on him while he was crashing there. Not once, but twice. It had almost been like he couldn’t help it, and he’d just acted on impulse. So, that more aggressive nature seemed to be some part of his personality. “And the girl?”

“What about her?”

“Thoughts?” he prompted. “What’s your interaction like?”

“Ok, she’s really hot,” Jayden said easily. “And….” he paused to think. “Interaction-wise, she’s a little bit of a pushover, though she has a spine. She’s easy to read. She got heated at me a few times, but it was no big deal.” He scoffed a little. “Mostly just shock and indignation over the real me, and owning up to her shit.”

“Uh huh,” L said again, contemplating that and feeling like his assessment was on point.

“GODDAMNIT WOULD YOU QUIT DOING THAT??”

“Ow,” Light said, holding his hands up to his head from the volume. “Menace.”

L was nonplussed. So, his cousin was attracted to the girl, but from the way he talked of things, he wasn’t fully engaged. He seemed to like her but at the same time… ‘easy’ to read, and her anger being ‘no big deal’. It also almost sounded like he was speaking from a higher place, like he had his shit more together than her. Like they weren’t quite equals. “Would you say that you view either of them as an equal?”

“Er…” Jayden dropped his aggravation for a moment to consider that. “Sorta, yeah. Though Shani, I’m kind of aware of the age difference. We seem on different levels I guess.”

“So, do you see Justin as an equal?”

“I guess?” his cousin seemed a bit peeved now. “Just what are you driving at?”

“If the girl called you on some of your shit, how would you respond?”

“Pffft,” Jayden scoffed.

Light shook his head and chimed in. “Yeah, that about sums it up,” he said drolly.  He glanced over at L. “What are you thinking?”

“I think it’s not all about being masochistic. At least not entirely. Sure, there is an element of it, this asshole pushing his own boundaries and all of that.” He paused, looking contemplative. “But, between his roommate and the girl, one offers more depth and self analysis.”

L sat back, nodding to himself. “It’s a rare person that calls him on his shit, especially one that he’d actually _listen_ to.” His eyes coasted over to Light to emphasize that he was one of those people. “Self growth,” he summed up. Yeah, his cousin certainly had grown a lot since meeting the brunet. He wondered how much more he might grow if this thing with his roommate became a real thing.

“You know,” Jayden said drolly, “it’s kind of offensive to say that I’d bend my sexuality for the sole purpose of self-growth or whatever.”

“Tell me I’m wrong,” L suggested, giving him a deadpan, expectant look. “Go on and explain why you aren’t going for the girl. In your own words.”

“Uh….” Jayden looked a bit pouty and put on the spot. “Whatever,” he griped caustically, “I still resent you implying I’d have to take it up the ass for a little self-awareness.” A pale-eyed glare followed that.

“Oh like you never did _that_ before,” L scoffed.

“Jesus, that was like one time!”

“Try three,” L countered.

“And all of them were hot, so shut up. God, why do I tell you _anything_?”

“Uh…” Light said.

“GIRLS,” Jayden said fiercely, glaring at his cousin, “in case that was in doubt.”

“Uh, so did you try it the other way ‘round?” the brunet couldn’t seem to help asking.

Jayden took an imperious stance. “I’ve tried just about everything,” he announced condescendingly, staring down his nose at him.

* * *

Light blinked, slightly taken aback and a bit impressed by the imposing figure Jayden now embodied. He actually didn’t doubt that statement, and was sure there was a long and sordid history behind it. However, he could tell the deviant was trying to intimidate him into submission. “So I’ll take that as a yes,” he responded, not backing down. “So how different could it really be?”

“Ugh,” Jayden said with disgust, deflating back into sulky teenager mode. “It’s _different_. And I never said I was a fan of all that.” He waved vaguely and had a really sour face on just now.

Light cut to the chase. “If things with him sucked, you wouldn’t keep doing it. So obviously it’s decent enough to keep you coming back.”

“Not intentionally,” he maintained, still looking sulky.

“So it’s not hot _at all_?” Light countered, raising an eyebrow and making sure to have a condescending lilt to his voice.

Jayden let out an exasperated noise. “Sometimes? I guess? I mean we start fighting and he gets all aggro and initiates….” he trailed off as he realized he’d started indulging the kind of details he hadn’t wanted to share in the first place.

A soft snicker came from L, prompting them both to look at him.

“He orders you around, doesn’t he?” L teased, barely getting the words out before he set off into more of that quiet laughter. “Ahhhahaha.”

“Oh fuck you,” Jayden griped sullenly. “Asshole.”

This made L laugh even harder.

“Ugh, quit it. God.”

Light couldn’t help laughing a little himself. He’d say L’s assessment was spot on and Jayden’s attitude was just confirming it. He took pity on the deviant, however, and decided to switch gears. “Ok, kids,” he said, standing up. “What say you, that we stop torturing Jayden and go on that run?”

“You’re an angel,” the deviant said, raising his arms out. “I could kiss you. Come ‘ere.”

This prompted an annoyed look from L. “Not even the least bit funny,” he said.

Jayden leered at him. “Oh, but I think it’s hilarious. Payback’s a BITCH, isn’t it?”

Light knew Jayden wasn’t seriously trying to hit on him, but was just trying to get back at L. Even so, he had to evade a grab as Jayden sought to up the ante. “Bad dog.”

L got to his feet and favored Jayden with an impassive look. “I’m gonna run you until you vomit up what’s left of your liver,” he threatened.

Light snickered.

“Shut up, punk,” the deviant scoffed sharply, getting him into a headlock and devastating his hair with an industrious hand.

Light reached his arm around to punch him in the side, in retaliation. It took a few tries, but eventually he got in a pretty solid hit.

“Ow,” Jayden said and released him.

“You’re gonna go running in that?” Light asked. The deviant wasn’t really dressed for it, though he was wearing sneakers.

“Can I borrow some stuff?” he asked his cousin.

“Yeah, sure,” L griped, issuing forth a deep sigh. “Pain in the ass.”

“All I hear is the love, cuz. All the love.”

L rolled his eyes and grumbled. “Menace.”

“Heart of hearts,” Jayden lilted back in a fluttering southern belle voice.

Light struggled to keep from laughing. Jayden noticed and his eyes shone with mirth. “Oh, by the way, runt,” he said. “Did mumsey give you a day or time for the coffee thing?”

“No, not really.” Light followed them back to L’s room for a change of clothes. “Probably it could be any night this week. Is any time good for you?”

“As good as any. When’s she off work?”

“By six at least.”

“Okay.”

L threw Jayden some items. He cleverly managed to to keep them from smacking him in the face with force. “Oh wait, I can’t do Wednesday.”

“Why not?” Not that it mattered, the question just popped out. Being friends with people like Shani and Kai had started training him to keep conversations going in such a way. Although, those usually didn’t have a snarky kickback.

“Uh…..” Jayden wasn’t immediately forthcoming for some reason. “Just uh… people… stuff,” he said.

L honed in on that evasiveness like a hawk. “People…” he speculated. “but not one person, so not Justin… And not drinking, obviously, as you just call that going out.” He was wearing a patently pleasant look as he put the pressure on him. “What _are_ you doing on Wednesday, cousin?”

“Nothing,” he said, getting a little defensive and cagey. “Don’t worry about it.”

L just leveled that expectant look at him, which remained pleasant but seemed to harbor a glimmer of sadism. “I’m waiting,” he intoned, his voice holding a ring of authority. Dark eyes were relentless.

“Ugh. Damnit!” Jayden griped, shifty as hell. “It’s an online thing.”

L stared at him expectantly. “What kind?”

“Er…..” Jayden looked away, and around the corners of the room, like trying to find some way to avoid saying whatever it was. “Online… game… sort of thing,” he mumbled, looking thoroughly put out, and with a surly look taking residence upon his face.

“Pfffft!” L laughed at him sharply, amused at his expense. “You’re into online gaming? When the fuck did _that_ happen?”

“Shut up, I’m just trying it out.”

“Justin plays, huh?” his cousin guessed.

Jayden actually, bless his heart, _flushed_. Light couldn’t remember a single time the menace had ever gotten ruffled in such a way. It was like seeing a rainbow for the first time, elusive and almost magical. It was also funny as hell, and vindicating.

“Shut up, I was bored.”

* * *

Jayden scowled. He also was absolutely _not_ admitting that he’d played almost all weekend **or** that he’d spent a bunch of time with his roommate as well.

Justin had dragged him out to the store for his own system. His roommate had been adamant, insisting he was taking too much time on _his_ system, though Jayden had harrassingly insisted it was part of him showing him the ropes.

Three hundred and fifty dollars later, he had his own gaming system, used, with all the odds and ends Justin estimated to be of importance, and the game. Actually, he’d been mildly impressed at the brunet’s knowledge in this area, and how he’d taken charge and thrown everything together with the discernment of a pro. He’d also apparently known which store to go to for the best deals on stuff. While they were out, they grabbed a bite to eat and then even wandered around town a bit.

Hanging out was surprisingly easy, and not boring, though he did miss having a drink. There were a lot of his favorite bars on the strip and he’d sadly eyed them as they passed by. Something of note, was that Justin had almost walked into one of his go-to spots for a beer before seeming to think better of it and abstaining. He wondered if his roommate had done that in deference to him, since he wasn’t supposed to be drinking... It was a nice thought, though really it could have been for any reason.

After they set it up, Justin had hung out with him for a while in his room, reading a book and periodically looking up to see how he was doing and offering instruction.

Insane as it was, Jayden had found himself somewhat distracted by the fact that the brunet was lounging on his bed. He’d focused intently on the game, leveling up, and getting to a place where he’d be self-sufficient and wouldn’t need the pointers. Still… his brain was supplying images of the last time he and his roommate had been on a bed, just after the gaming session he’d horned in on in Justin’s room. Somehow, having stuff happen on an actual bed instead of against the wall or on the floor had made it seem almost more sensual. Or maybe it was that they hadn’t been fighting like wolves at the moment he’d initiated.

“You’re about to die,” Justin had said blithely, looking up to see where Jayden’s distraction had just about gotten him killed.

“Fuck.”

“You can outrun it and use a potion. Hit select, tab over twice, the potion is the blue one. Hit X.”

“God, why is it so buried?” Jayden griped as he tried to keep up and get all that accomplished before his in-game stalker finished the job.

“Fireball it. Hit circle.”

Jayden did so.

“Okay, and then yeah we need to set up your quick menu.”

Jayden paused the game and turned to look at the brunet. “This is a helluva lot of work for a leisure activity. How did you memorize all this shit?”

Justin had shrugged and went back to reading on his tablet.

“One wonders what _else_ you could have accomplished in the time you’ve spent on this game.”

His roommate gave him a droll stare. “Well,” he said facetiously, “I _could_ have spent all that time in a club and in bars, drinking and fucking my time away.”

“Oh, fuck you,” he muttered, turning back to the game and unpausing it. “Bitch.”

“Asshole,” Justin scoffed back unrepentantly. “And you started it.”

Along with mild aggravation, Jayden had noted that the impulse to abandon the game and start something of a different nature with the brunet had gotten stronger. Justin exuded that laid back air that he often had -despite the slightly surly expression that frequently rested upon his face- and it was kind of appealing. He was laying back against the pillows and headboard, long legs crossed at the ankles and seemed relatively at peace reading whatever book that was currently occupying him on his tablet. His wavy brown hair fell across his eyes.

It was a weird sort of…. attraction.

The brunet was wearing cargo shorts as he often did, and a loose t-shirt that was vaguely sloppy but also rested in an appealing way upon his frame. But then, unlike the smooth and shapely legs of a girl, his were definitely a guy’s.

Part of him still resisted, feeling no deeply ingrained appeal towards legs of the masculine variety. But if he contemplated them longer, noting how they were strong and muscular, following them upwards to where they were smoother and paler, his brain was soon a wash of images of Justin pressing him, and forcing the reluctant passion in him to surface. He recalled a hot mouth against his, a hotter hand working his flesh, and the raw feel of their bodies touching everywhere.

Yeah, his brain got caught up in sex, and was less picky about the details such as dudes having hair on their legs and such.

But still…. each time they engaged in something, he felt like he was being dragged closer to something more involved, and he really couldn’t deal with that.

Yeah, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. In fact, even the stuff they were doing currently was still, in some ways, against the very fiber of his being. So then, _why_? Why this compulsion to keep poking at it?

* * *

“Hellooo? Earth to Jayden.” Light waved a hand in front of the deviant’s face, making him jump.

“Geez what?!” he said scathingly. Light could tell it was just a cover for totally zoning out though.

“Are we doing this run?” Light asked, “Or do you need more time for your moon landing or whatever the fuck you are thinking about in there?”

“Shut up. Yeah let’s go.” He started to strip on the spot, changing into the workout clothes. It was obvious he was choosing to abruptly end the conversation by unapologetically toeing the line of something that was a real button-pusher. Light turned around before he saw much of anything, muttering under his breath as he went to the bathroom to change.

L was shaking his head and looking a little annoyed. He stayed in there though to change. “Ass.”

“Takes one to know one,” Jayden sassed back in a singsong tone, though it came out rather flat like he wasn’t quite feeling it.

* * *

The run had practically killed him, and Jayden slogged home like a robot on its last dregs of reserve energy. Doing two in one morning might have been a bad idea…

He made it in the door and just flopped down spread eagle on the living room floor. “Ugh, kill me,” he said to no one in particular.

“Hi, sweetheart,” he heard Clare say before he saw her. “Rough night?” she joked as she came to stand over him and peer down at him with a pleasant expression on her face.

“No, rough morning. I did it to myself.” He sighed. “Why did I think I could do a run and then survive one of L’s death marches?”

“I’d say you just live to torture yourself,” she said sweetly.

“Hey, where’s Truth at? I haven’t seen him lately.”

“Work, mostly. He’s picked up some extra hours to save up for a trip we want to do.”

“Mn,” he grunted. Not that he really cared, but it was sort of weird not having the blue-haired hippie lending his laid back nature to the ambiance. He could be pretty entertaining at times. He’d also been known to stir things up a bit when Clare was slacking. He was an instigator and troublemaker at heart. It kept things interesting, unexpected as it was when it did pop out.

“So, are you planning to die out here in the common area? I kind of need to vacuum and stuff, I’m having people over.”

“Anyone hot?”

“Of course.”

“Anyone that isn’t an incurable headcase?”

“Oh like you?” she scoffed, then added, “That’s debatable.”

“Meh,” Jayden said. He really should take a shower, but god damn he felt fucking lazy as _fuck_ right now. Moving was proving too difficult an aspiration.

“Is there anything I can do to help you get mobile? Or should I ask Justin to drag your carcass into your room for me?”

Jayden shoved down the pang of surprise that shot through him at that, which was accompanied by something like dread. No, but she didn’t know anything about them. He was sure. But still, damn, he apparently _really_ didn’t like the idea of being found out, if that reaction was any indication.

He almost said ‘coffee’, but he was too antsy to play theatrics and actually wait for it. “Nah, I’ll get moving.” He scraped himself off of the floor and swayed. “Oh, taking a shower is gonna be fun.”

“Uh…. well I suppose I could direct him to help you with _that_ , though I’m pretty sure he’d bite off my pointing finger.”

Jayden let out a laugh. “Yeah, he would.” He wasn’t really feeling all that amused but he played it off and decided to get the hell out of there before she could say anything else that could possibly make him let something slip.

* * *

TBC


	88. (phase 4) Gameplay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaming has started to become absorbing enough to bite Jayden in the ass. Justin is helpful and harasses him in turns. Things start to go sideways after a challenge issued by OrangeHat. Jayden finds himself getting more deeply involved with some things he never thought he would.

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 88: Gameplay _

Jayden muddled through his shower and headed back to his room, dragging ass. Surprisingly, Justin was sitting on his bed, feet up and reading a book as if he fucking belonged there.

“Uh…” Jayden said, “what the fuck are you doing in here?” It wasn’t a big deal exactly, but the unexpectedness threw him. His tone came out just short of cutting.

Justin ignored the attitude and nonchalantly flipped a page of his digital book. “Came to see how you were getting along in the game.”

“One, I just got home, two, what makes you think I’m gonna hop-to the _second_ I set foot in the damn door?”

“Please,” Justin scoffed patronizingly. “You’ve been on it practically every waking moment since you got it. Addict.”

“Don’t call me an addict,” he growled back, a little touchy about that. “Fucking hermit.”

“Oh, wouldn’t that be the life?” the brunet said lightly, sarcastic as hell. “Never leaving the house, hanging with friends, or seeing the inside of a gym. Hell, work would be off limits as well.” He threw a layer of wonder into his voice to accent the sarcasm. “I _do_ believe you just gave me a new goal to aspire to.”

“Shut the fuck up, wiseass,” Jayden grumbled.

“So how far did you get? And did you get _any_ sleep last night?”

“Far enough, and a few hours,” he relented and turned on the tv and game system.

“So you’ll hit level 20 before Wednesday?”

“Maybe.” He gave his roommate an assessing, borderline suspicious look. “Why are you so on about that?” This was a side thing, Justin wasn’t involved with it. He wasn’t even going to be home.

“No big reason. Only that if you want to survive a raid, you’ll kind of need to be at least that far.”

“Sonnuva bitch. OrangeHat was just trying to set me up?” He’d thought she was largely trying to hit on him; she’d been flirtatious, teasing and snarky in turns. “She was goading me into joining the raid and said I only need to be level 10.” Of course he’d planned to aim higher than that, to show her up.

“Pffft. I can’t believe she already knows how to push your buttons. She will laugh at your burning _corpse_ at level 10.”

“Shut up. It seemed a fair challenge.”

Justin leaned forward to look at the game screen and scanned it for info. Admittedly, his tv was a little small to be super awesome or, well, _readable_ for gameplay. It was certainly sketchy from any sort of distance, such as way back on the bed.

“So, level 9,” his roommate concluded, casting him a droll sidelong glance. “I suppose if you don’t work an actual _job_ for the next two days, you’ll be fine.”

“Ha. Ha. _Ass_.” Jayden gave him an annoyed look. “It’s still a job, even if I don’t keep the same boring ass 9 to 5 hours like most of you do.”

“ **8** to 5, asshole.”

“Whatever.” He changed the subject. “So, I think I can do it.”

“Unless the site goes down or has issues,” Justin pointed out. “You feeling lucky?”

“Well, not when you say it like _that_ ,” he griped. “Can’t you loan me some items or armor or some shit?”

“Transfer is permanent. No loans.”

Jayden made a sour face. “So give me some shit! I obviously need it more than you do.”

Justin raised an eyebrow, looking annoyed. “Entitled much?” Hazel eyes leveled a shrewd gaze his way. “What’s it worth to you?”

Jayden got the distinct impression his roommate was about to suggest bartering something wildly inappropriate. He got up to shut the door, partly to drown out the sound of Clare vacuuming which had just started up. “By the way, I am not whoring myself out for some cheap game.”

“Even for an orb that will let you level twice as fast?”

“Er…” Shit. If something like that existed, he _wanted_ it. He gave his roommate a suspicious look. “How do I know you aren’t making that up to have your way with me?”

“You don’t.”

“You know,” Jayden drawled sharply, “if **I** was trying to get on someone’s fuckable side, I’d try showering them with gifts first, and _then_ see where that got me.”

Justin ignored him. “I bet you’d just _love_ to make OrangeHat eat her words, showing up able to do more than just run around and die. With the orb and some armor, you’d actually be _useful_.”

“Are you trying to lure me in by way of a challenge?” Jayden accused, coming over and staring down his nose at the brunet with an imperious look.

The corner of Justin’s mouth quirked up in a kind of appealing smile. It was just this side of mocking. “I dunno, is it working?” he said flirtatiously.

Damnit, the impulses from the other day were surfacing again, and he kinda just wanted to shut him up by pulling him into a liplock. It was partially fueled by irritation and impatience. “Not a damn bit,” he said. Actually, his roommate was super shitty at flirting before, but he’d gotten surprisingly good at it in this short amount of time. It wasn’t the gag-worthy stuff he’d often heard people spew, it was more of a witty back and forth. Also, there were these new expressions that the brunet sometimes wore on his face, like the somewhat condescending smirks. It kinda did it for him.

Justin set his tablet aside and slid off the bed, locking eyes with him and coming to stand toe to toe with him. Jayden held his breath, unconsciously, still not used to the feelings of interest that sparked up at times like this.

That weird sort of anxiety ghosted through him, along with the case of the nerves he sometimes got when things seemed like they were gonna go into a more physical realm. He wasn’t much taller than his roommate and could clearly see every detail of his oddly colored eyes. They’d seemed boring at first, just sort of a nondescript hazel from a distance, but up close the elusive color that wasn’t quite grey or green or aqua was interestingly undefinable.

Lips met his slowly, jolting him with warmth and sensation as they touched. Justin initiated a kiss that was firm, sensual, and commandeering. He reacted to it almost as quickly as his brain supplied the usual uncertainty over giving into this and getting in too deep. If one thing kept leading to another and another, he might soon find himself in WAY over his head and dealing with stuff he was **not** prepared to get into. Handjobs and liplocks were one thing, but even just blowjobs were quite another. Sure, he did it the once, but he couldn’t quite picture repeating the process. Going whole hog seemed even less doable.

Yeah, his mind did a full 180 even trying to picture that, _either_ way.  

And Light had asked him _‘what’s the difference?’_ He scoffed at that, nearly sneering mentally. A whole fucking hell of a lot of difference! For one thing...

_Ah…_

Distraction pulled at him as the kissing got more steamy, driving the near constant hum of his thoughts into hibernation, though the vague feeling of uncertainty remained etched within him. Oh, but lips and tongue, and the black, slithering feel of passion that was winding up through him…. These kisses had evolved and now they quickly got to a point that they were hard to say no to. It was such a far cry from the first few - the not-hot ones and then the passable ones.

His hands raised up to cup his roommate’s face, holding him in place as he deepened the kiss and made it exceedingly dirty. He felt Justin shudder in reaction. Ha, he was a total whore for the tongue ring.

Yeah, being a glutton had its drawbacks... Even trepidation wasn’t enough to stall his actions when something started to have an appeal.

More and more, his roommate had taken an almost domineering role when initiating things, the very opposite of how he used to come across. And it was this more aggressive side that was making him fall prey to some of this seriously questionable shit. He still hated admitting it, but it was kinda hot.

Justin ran a hand up his back, nails biting into his skin and making his breath catch in his throat as the pain flared up and stirred the lust that was building in his gut. It probably didn’t help that the brunet had pulled up flush against him at the same time, grinding their hips together.

A moan slipped from his mouth, surprising him as usual. It’s like he didn’t expect it to happen, and so it was almost like hearing it from someone else. But it was definitely him and not his roommate… Justin’s mouth was currently marking a hot, slutty trail up the side of his throat, in a way that practically radiated SEX and actual fucking.

Which, at the moment, was starting to feel like it might be a good idea.

How? He had _no_ fucking idea. His brain must be leaping to normal sex, due to the increasing levels of arousal and where that usually went.

But no, this would be anything **but** normal sex. It would be a pain in the ass. And _literally_ a pain in the ass for one of them. Shit, he was getting so fucking turned on though, it was hard to _think_. It was getting harder to remember his reasons against it versus just chasing sensation.

 _Goddamn gluttony,_ he cursed.

Justin pulled back just enough to murmur against his lips, “I don’t suppose there is any way you’d-”

“No,” he said definitively, feeling vaguely unsettled even with lust starting to ride him pretty hard.

“Ass, I didn’t even say anything yet.”

“Yeah, well ‘no’ to either way,” he said stubbornly.

“Pffft,” Justin scoffed, choosing that moment to reach a hand down his pants and grip him hard. Jayden felt his eyes flutter shut, and shuddered as Justin spoke invitingly in his ear, “Maybe I was just gonna offer to give you head.”

Somehow he reeeeeally doubted that was the case, but his cock throbbed at the suggestion.

“Or perhaps you’d like to earn that orb?” he said charmingly.

“Fuck that,” Jayden got out with difficulty.

“You sure?” Justin said as he started to stroke him off. “Which would you rather, I wonder? If given the choice….”

Uh oh, this almost sounded like a bet. He desperately reminded himself of his new resolve to leave bets and challenges the fuck alone. Though, he’d already failed at it a few times since making that resolution. “A choice between what and what?” he couldn’t help asking. He cursed himself for doing it though.

“If you had to choose the lesser evil,” Justin proposed calmly, though lust was crawling through his voice. “Giving another blowjob, or topping?”

Uuuuughh………… that was a difficult one. He hated questions like these. It was like that bet he and L had stumbled into and his cousin asking him _‘what it would take’_ to give a blowjob. He could still recall the full-body aversion. Though, he hadn’t had a lust-addled brain to contend with at the time, which was encouraging him to make really sketchy decisions. Just like that time though, he felt pushed to give an answer, much as it pained him to choose either. “First of all, you are a _dick_ for asking something like that.”

“Second of all?” Justin asked unconcernedly, starting to play with one of his nipple rings and driving him to further distraction.

Jayden tried to picture either, and royally struggled. “Uh….” _Goddamn that felt good….._

Ok, so maybe there was no clear winner for ‘less awful’. Currently though, his body was putting up one rock hard vote for fucking _something_. “Topping, I guess,” he said, though hearing himself say it almost sounded like a betrayal. Goddamn hormones. Well, at least it was just hypothetical.

Justin gave him a look of surprise. “Seriously?”

“Is that a shocker for you?” He felt marginally better, having delivered that in a somewhat snide tone. “To be honest it’s more familiar ground than the other.”

Justin’s eyes widened even more in surprise and he actually flushed. “S-Seriously?”

Aha, seeing him get flustered actually calmed his nerves quite a bit. He liked seeing the brunet on the defensive. “What, you thought you were going to ask about fucking and say, ‘sorry, you have no experience, so allow me-’?”

“What? No-” he all but stammered, still off balance.

Ah, turning the tables was wildly amusing to him just now, and fulfilling as hell. He leaned in close to his roommate’s flushing face and said, “Are you embarrassed that you got caught out making a huge ass assumption? Or is your face turning red because you just pictured getting the shit fucked out of you, _by me_?” He said the last with a pointed, meaningful look, just to rub it in.

“Who the hell would answer a question like that?” Justin exclaimed, hiding behind that surly demeanor he adopted when he felt compromised.

Hahahaa, this was great. He slowly stalked his roommate, practically gleeful at the backpedaling, both mental and physical. “ _You_ would,” he intoned with a sharp smile. Just to be over the top, he gave Justin bedroom eyes. He wanted to see him utterly crack.

The brunet flushed harder and looked cagey as hell. “Cut it out,” he groused.

Ah, that sullen look….

It made him want to go in for the kill. It was sort of cute, and made him want to harass the _shit_ out of him.

He backed the brunet up to the edge of the bed, hounding him through nothing more but a sly look on his face and a shady smile. Justin got increasingly more flustered, especially as he dogged his roommate back onto the bed and hovered over him bodily. His face was bright red now and there was nowhere to hide. Jayden started torturing him with slow kisses, brushes of lips against the skin of his cheeks, jaw, neck. The strangled moan he let out as Jayden sank down upon him, body to body, was a stroke to his ego, as well as rousing. The brunet’s hips canted upward reflexively, grinding their hips together.

Ah damn….

If he hadn’t been thinking about fucking before, he sure was now…

Jayden took that moment to mock him, playing with him mercilessly. “Just the mention of fucking, and you are practically falling apart.”

“Fuck you,” Justin said, sounding winded. He was obviously _crazy_ aroused. It was in his face, his eyes, and his stilted breathing.

“How do you know I’m not just fucking with you?” Jayden said charmingly. He pinned Justin’s wrists to the bed and nuzzled the side of his face. “Maybe I’ve never done anything of the sort. Wouldn’t _that_ be disappointing?”

Justin groaned, rapidly becoming unable to keep his composure. His eyes flickered closed more often now, and his body was shuddering with even the smallest teases. Jayden ran a hand up under his shirt, along a lightly muscled abdomen and chest. He tweaked a nipple and grinned as the brunet writhed.

“Jayden… please…” he got out in a strangled voice, with gritted teeth.

The tormented plea to stop just warmed his black little heart.

He leaned down to speak in his roommate’s ear. “What’s it worth to you?” he murmured cruelly, amusement in his voice, running a delicate tongue along the curve of his ear. He could practically _feel_ the breakdown.

Justin was beyond words, beyond filters. He was just the raw truth of crippling desire. The look in his eyes was consuming. Raw.

In that moment, Jayden found himself saying _fuck it_ and threw caution to the wind. Lust was practically kicking him in the teeth and it wanted an outlet. He almost didn’t have to think. It was kinda like those times he’d said ‘hot girl’ as his reason for doing stuff he wasn’t inclined to do normally. Lust was a frightening thing indeed.

He had stuff in reach of the bed and so it wasn’t too terribly long before he was doing something he _never_ thought he would. Actually, if he was honest, Light had something of a point earlier. In the grips of lust, desire, and the like… details sort of fell away. He actually wasn’t that focused on things like gender, or the odds and ends of different anatomy. All that mattered in the moment were those helpless, desire-flooded eyes, the moans that fell from the brunet’s lips, and finally the feel of sinking deep inside a wanton body and feeling the heat wrap around him tighter than any pair of lips and hotter than a mouth upon him.

Jayden pressed the palm of Justin’s hand between his lips, encouraging him to bite down and muffle the sounds. They weren’t alone in the house, afterall. He slid forward and back, blinded by sensation. He didn’t realize the noises that slipped from his own mouth until Justin reached his other hand up to firmly cover his mouth as they rocked together.

By god, this was hot.

He could practically _feel_ the muffled moans, from both of them. Justin’s eyes were screwed shut, face flushing hot. He reacted to every movement, thrust, and change in angle. It was wildly satisfying, puppeting his reactions in such a way. It made him feel like god.

Maybe that was why it felt so much more involved than it had when he’d done this those other times. The girls seemed to be feeding a kink, whereas Justin - he was reacting to HIM.

On a whim, he pulled Justin’s hand out of the way, pinning his wrist to the bed and capturing his mouth in a heated kiss as he drove into him. He savored the moans as they rattled through the liplock, feeling Justin’s breath catch in his throat multiple times as his body began to tense all around him.

Oh… fuck…..

As the brunet began to shudder, the pressure around his cock amplified and pulled a low groan from his mouth. Pleasure bled through him, pulsing like a heartbeat. Faster, harder, HARDER, and then orgasm was splitting over him like a crack of lightning, swift and deafening.

Actually, this time it took more than a few minutes to come back to himself. Way longer than other times, and Justin recovered before him. In fact, even when he’d caught his breath, he found his mind was still empty and waiting to come online.

“Did you die?” Justin asked after a while, sitting up and rolling him over.

Jayden stared at the ceiling. Wow…. that was…. “I’m experiencing the death of my morals,” he quipped distractedly.

“Pfft, like you had any of those.”

“Shut up, you sound just like L.”

Actually, at this moment, he was almost afraid to think, afraid to come to terms with his surroundings. The other times, he still felt kind of off afterwards, a bit weirded out. This time was MUCH more involved…. he didn’t know what to expect.

Some part of him, in some corner of his psyche, was quietly freaking the fuck out. He was sure. Despite the amazing orgasm, which he mostly didn’t regret.

“All right, I’m gonna go,” Justin said. “If you work up to voicing more _‘I don’t know what I think’_ statements, you know where to find me.”

It was a joke, and also kind of relevant, but he could detect a fissure of uncertainty in the blasé remark. In response, he felt a flare of guilt, and uncertainty of his own. He couldn’t quite make himself look Justin in the eye. He _wasn’t_ sure how he felt about all this. Not knowing made it so much worse.

 _Don’t be a fucking little bitch,_ he sneered at himself. _If you can fuck someone, you can damn well look them in the eye._

Maybe he was just afraid that after getting off, if he looked at his roommate it would all flood back, the reality that it was a _dude_ he’d just done this with. Maybe with that dose of reality, he’d also realize he’d suffered temporary insanity. Maybe that sort-of attraction, that had been surfacing more often, would be utterly GONE and then shit would be _beyond_ fucking awkward…..

“Jayden, jesus,” Justin said. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

It didn’t seem tenuous or ‘worried’ per se… more like how L would do it. It was just a simple question, a simple jolt to the system, a kick to the pants. He appreciated that, actually. It wasn’t overly nice, and so it didn’t set him on edge.

He braced himself and looked up. The brunet was giving him a deadpan look, just short of raising an eyebrow. He could see the worry and uncertainty if he looked close, but largely Justin was wearing a comfortingly familiar surly look. “I know it wasn’t bad,” he said drolly, “I was there. So what the hell is up with you?”

“Uh…..” Yeah, he was right. It definitely wasn’t bad. And the vague attitude problem his roommate was giving him was helping him get his mouth moving.

Justin eyed him, somewhat cautiously, though his tone remained mildly sarcastic. “You know I wasn’t serious about the orb, right?”

Jayden ruffled a hand through his hair, making his dark locks stand up at odd angles. “Yeah, yeah. I know.” Justin was a decent sort. He really wouldn’t have extorted him and expected something like _that_. He’d just been joking around.

“And I wasn’t really trying to push you into anything…” he trailed earnestly, still watching Jayden for some kind of response.

“I know you didn’t. That was me. Or an alter ego or something,” he added with a mutter.

“Ok, seriously, I don’t know what to do here.” Justin made sure to catch his gaze. “You aren’t fucked up or anything are you?”

Again, Jayden noticed him not going for the nice way to say something, like _‘are you ok?’_ , which kept him from feeling the need to lash out. He guessed Justin actually did know him rather well. “I’m probably fine,” he said at last. “Just… I don’t know, kind of surprised that happened.”

Justin sat back down on the edge of the bed. He waved a hand just in front of Jayden’s face, prompting him to bat it away in annoyance. It actually helped ground him a bit.

“J, be honest,” he said bluntly. “Where are you at with all this? You seem off after, most times.”

Jayden blinked in surprise. He’d noticed that?

Justin gave him a assessing look that seemed to see through him utterly. “This isn’t worth fucking yourself up over, if that’s all it is to you.” He seemed sort of solemn and torn, but resolute. “I’d rather walk away.”

Jayden blinked again, utterly poleaxed. With how much he knew Justin was into him, it shocked the hell out of him that he would say something like that, or be able to walk away. “You’d just up and walk away?” he repeated skeptically.

“Well, that isn’t my first choice,” the brunet said sardonically. “But seriously, I can’t keep going with this if it messes you up.” His face became quite serious. “So, I need to know. Where are you at?”

Jayden slowly folded his legs to sit indian style. “Uh….. honestly I can’t tell.” His brain was still humming on empty. That alone was disturbing. What _was_ this fucking zombie mode? Usually his brain wouldn’t shut the fuck up!

Justin watched him a few long moments, waiting for him to say something more. He did not. “How do you feel about what just happened? Would you do it again, or does the thought not even enter in?”

He rubbed his hands over his face and considered that. “Despite myself, and defying all logic and reason… I probably would. I think.” He chewed on his lip a little. “The blowjob was harder to deal with, actually.”

“Look at me, and tell me if you think you can see this continuing into the future. Not just the next few days or weeks or whatever.” Once again, the wavy haired brunet looked very serious, almost solemn. His steely tone added to the effect, almost sounding like he was a little pissed off, but Jayden knew that on him it just meant he was being blunt and really direct. “If you can’t, then I need to stop now while I still can.”

Jayden chewed on his lip even harder…. Instead of overly processing and analyzing the few thoughts he had in response to that, he just said them directly. “Are you saying you have feelings for me or something?” _So the separation of sex and feelings had come to a head, has it?_

“I think you know the answer to that.” Annoyance poked out and he said sarcastically, “Don’t be an asshole.”

Jayden flicked him off. “You call me an asshole like every 5 minutes,” he scoffed, almost feeling amused at that.

“Because you _are_.”

Wow, this was starting to feel familiar. Almost like a script in a play. Somehow the annoyed and mocking tones of voices didn’t exactly feel like a fight, though. It seemed almost natural then to stir things up a little more, and joke sarcastically. “And yet you have feelings for me? What’s _your_ damage?”

Justin rolled his eyes, a touch dramatic. “We’ve been over this. Some kind of insanity, _obviously_.”

A smile quirked up the edges of Jayden’s mouth at his long suffering look. Something about him talking about having feelings for him in the same breath as claiming to be insane was really amusing and kind of cute. It had struck him that way the other day, as well. Oh, and on the tail end of that, he’d felt compelled to start initiating shit with the brunet…. hm…… He was starting to see something of a pattern, there.

His roommate gave him a suspicious, assessing look. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but are we flirting right now?” The way he said it was like it was the _last_ thing he could have believed was possible, but that he had to verify it anyway for a sanity check.

“Could be.” Jayden eyed him. “Let’s test that theory. Come here.” He pointed to the bed right in front of him with an authoritarian air, and didn’t move an inch. This would be the test. If, after that unexpectedly intense orgasm and the spending of passion, there was still any sort of interest, then that would be the tell. He’d fucked people before and lost interest.

Justin looked way less than enthused to comply.

“Justin,” he intoned, getting impatient and pointing to the bed in front of him again. “ _Come_.” His sharp gaze didn’t take no for an answer.

His roommate looked unhappy and on edge. After a moment he moved to comply, the masks he wore becoming utterly transparent. There was something like fear buried beneath them. Worry. He’d talked about walking away, but it was plain to see that he really didn’t want to. He saw the brunet subtly bite his lip.

Jayden slid a hand over his shoulder, sensually, feeling him flinch. He leaned in slowly, taking in his roommate’s reactions, and his own. Justin trembled under his hand as he stroked the side of his neck, and the conflict began to show upon his face. It clenched in Jayden’s chest with a feeling that was something like guilt.

He leaned in to brush lips against Justin’s, feather light. It was pleasant, the touch, even now. There was no aversion. He took it further, teasing the seam of the brunet’s mouth with the tip of his tongue, feeling him shudder as he slipped inside.

A slow wave of desire fanned through his gut, as the kiss got more involved. It was there, along with the urge to take things further, to see his roommate overwhelmed with feeling and sensation, and knowing he was the one to put those there. In fact, impulse had him start taking things in that direction.

Justin pushed him back after a few moments, trying to collect himself. “Enough.”

“Let me ask you something,” Jayden said. “Are you looking for promises of some rosy future where we grow old together?” Unintentionally, that came out a bit snidely. “Or are you just asking if I think we could date and it wouldn’t just be some short ass thing before moving on?”

“Uh….”

Jayden was unapologetically blunt. “Because I can’t promise you how things will go.”

Justin was chewing his lip again, looking to the heavens to give him strength and possibly for the words to say. The surly look was starting to settle back upon his face, which Jayden took as a good sign, it seemed more normal. After a long moment, he said, “Are you saying you would be giving this a legit try?”

“Yeah, I think that’s what I’m saying.”

“Continuing like we were?” Justin looked like he was testing the waters, trying to get a feel for what exactly he was proposing here.

Jayden nodded. “But only if you understand some of this shit is still fucking weird to me and not expect a bunch of shit from me.” God help him, he still had no clue if he could get past some of this guy sex stuff, or ever see it as normalized. It put him on edge, to be honest. But if the cubscout had gotten over it, maybe he might as well. He wasn’t going to try and predict shit like that, but he could go along with this so long as his roommate didn’t push stuff on him he wasn’t ready to handle.

“So… it’s not fucking you up?”

“Meh, not enough to worry about,” he joked.

That may or may not have been true, but he didn’t really want to talk about it. Anyway, he’d kind of already made up his mind to do this. Besides, he’d done plenty of stuff in his life that actually _was_ fucking him up, and despite knowing this, he’d done it anyway. So, the statement was at least loosely accurate.

“What about our other housemates?”

“Uh…… yeah, I’d rather keep things on the downlow for now, if that won’t be some massive stick up your ass.” He couldn’t help taking a jab at him.

“You are such a dick.”

Jayden smiled at him charmingly.

Justin muttered under his breath and looked away, flushing a little.

“Ah, don’t be a bitch about it,” he razzed the brunet. “They can find out eventually. For now let’s just see how this shit with us goes, okay?” As it was, things were still weird and unstable and he wasn’t confident about any of it.

Justin gave him a calculating look, after his reticence at springing out of the closet or whatever. “You know,” he said loftily, “it’s a good thing that orb wasn’t on the table or I might be regretting its loss right about now.”

“WHAT THE FUCK, MAN?” Jayden exclaimed, switching gears in an instant and hopping to his feet. His mind jumped to the game, OrangeHat’s fucking challenge, and the fact that he probably was going to die to the tune of her laughing at him. “You promised me!” Shit. What was he going to do to level _now_?

Justin crossed his arms over his chest. “Pffft, no I didn’t.”

This dating stuff was bullshit. Where were the perks? Justin was being just as much of a hardass as usual. “You _specifically_ said-”

“Uh-uh, you agreed that the stuff earlier wasn’t about the orb,” he said patronizingly, “so you did it to yourself, asshole.”

Ok, so if that’s the way he was playing it, and the bartar was off… maybe he could still get it _gifted_ to him. Actually, he’d rather expected this whole new ‘dating’ status to change things at least a bit. It never occurred to him that Justin wouldn’t just _give_ him the item in the end. Sure, not as part of the original bartar, trading it for sex, but out of a desire to help him out maybe? Without it, he was going to DIE afterall.

Jayden gave him a scrutinizing glare, as if scanning for weak points. “What if I just asked you for it?” he suggested shrewdly. “All nice like.”

“Are you even capable?” Justin scoffed, looking unimpressed.

“You seriously have the balls to issue a challenge? I think you know how those usually go.”

“Oh, ending with you having a mouthful of regret?” Justin countered.

“Woooah, not cool.” Like he needed a reminder of that challenge gone wrong. Figures, he let on to a weak point and Justin jabbed right at it. _Touché_. Jayden drew himself up to his full height. “How about this?” he said haughtily, “ _Give me the orb, **bitch**._ ” Another thought came in on the tail end of that and he switched gears again suddenly. “Wait, what is it you’re doing Wednesday?”

“Meeting up with some friends.”

“Cancel and be my backup,” he demanded in an entitled voice. “I don’t want to die and give OrangeHat more fodder.” He paused. “Or,” he drawled pointedly, “ _give me the damn **orb**_ , and let me try my luck.”

“I’m not cancelling for you,” he scoffed.

“Seriously,” he tried again, making an appeal. “What if I ask nicely? For the orb, I mean.”

Justin raised an eyebrow.

“Justice,” Jayden began, using the nickname as the one concession to himself. He also took the brunet’s hands in his as he stooped to one knee, and said melodramatically, “Have pity on your better half, who can’t go out drinking but wants to,” he gazed up at him, really selling it, “and know that while endless beers touch your lips and none touch his, that you can offset your guilt by knowing you will have saved his very life.” He used every trick he knew to make it look and sound as dramatic and embarrassingly intimate as possible, sure that he’d make Justin crack.

“Geez, guilt trip is right,” the brunet grumbled. “Fine, fine. Ok.” He was shaking his head.

Jayden noticed he also took his hands back rather quickly and looked a bit ruffled. Maybe it was due to the soulful expression he’d slapped on his face to accompany the theatrics. Haha.

* * *

TBC


	89. (phase 4) 20 Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light goes to meet up with his mother for coffee. Jayden is acting bizarre, even for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long pause. lots was going on. 
> 
> P.S. i have an original work i've been putting time into (not this recent delay though). when it is complete, i'll post a note in my author's profile. i plan to submit thru amazon, ebook. (btw, yes it is m/m). i hope you will check it out!

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 89: 20 Questions  _

“Thanks again for coming with me,” Light said, sliding a glance towards Jayden as they drove to meet his mother. He seemed quiet, somehow. Different.

“Yeah, whatever,” he replied, not even particularly caustic. Despite the somewhat laidback expression on his face, it was still kind of concerning. He pretty much without fail got testy over things like thank yous.

Light debated calling attention to it, chewing his lip as he ran likely scenarios. He wasn’t sure if it was quite worth the trouble, but it just seemed like something that should be said. “Are you ok?” The words slipped out before he remembered that saying things non-combatively would likely get his head bitten off.

Jayden just shrugged. “Fine, I guess.”

Again, the response was wildly out of character. Today was Thursday, many days after that admission of ‘dabbling’ with his roommate. Light wondered if something had changed. Had something happened? He couldn’t tell if Jayden was being chilled out, or if he was disturbingly _altered_.

The deviant hadn’t really said much to either himself or L since then, either.

“Hey-” Light punched him in the shoulder to grab his attention, maybe shake him up a little, despite the fact that doing so in a moving car was potentially an awful idea. His growing antsiness and tension called for greater measures - something to make Jayden react, like at all. “What the hell is up with you?”

He couldn’t gauge what was going on with him. He’d only seen Jayden get weirdly quiet when something was really wrong. And maybe it _was_ nothing... but, he had to know. This was just too bizarre and abnormal for the deviant. He was getting seriously worried.

“Ow,” Jayden said belatedly, favoring him with an annoyed look. “What the fuck was that for?”

The words were right, but there was no fire to it. No inflection. It just felt empty.

Unease rode through him again, flaring up sharply. “Jayden, what the hell is wrong with you?” He actually let the worry and concern leak out upon his face and into his voice, along with a sharp tone. “It’s like you’re _broken_.”

“I’m fine.”

It was about as flat and apathetic a response as you could get. There was a subtle tensing of his expression however, and he kept his eyes deadlocked on the road.

“That’s it? That’s all you’re going to say?” It was obvious that was total bullshit. He was anything _but_ fine.

“Yeah.”

Light ignored that. “Is it this thing with my mom? If it’s a problem, just drop me off. You aren’t obligated to do this against your will.” He didn’t truly think that was the issue, but voiced it anyway.

“Pfft. Tell L that.” Jayden scoffed sarcastically, shaking his head. He all but rolled his eyes. “Nah. It’s a pain in the ass and all,” he said, seeming mildly annoyed but honest, “but I wouldn’t want you to go alone.”

The sentiment caused mix of tension and relief hit him at once. The tension was at the thought of dealing with his mother, and the relief he felt was that he wasn’t doing it solo. Not to mention the penchant his parents seemed to have for springing things on him or trying to whisk him off to god knows where. “I really appreciate that,” Light said carefully, trying to keep emotion from leaking into his voice, and still uncertain if he would get his head bitten off for sounding grateful.

Jayden glanced over at him, giving him a faint smile. It was underpowered compared to his norm, but it reached his eyes and had a warmth to it that was usually missing from his manic grins.

Overall, Jayden seemed… subdued?

“Did something happen with your roommate?” Light asked tentatively. Had there been an incident? A fight? Or had Jayden gone way past his own boundaries in the physical realm? He purposely didn’t say Justin’s name, to allow some separation in case there _was_ something. Keeping it vague seemed to be helpful, in times like these.

“Not particularly.”

Hmn….. Light studied his face and found he didn’t quite believe that. No, not at all. “So where are things at? Did you make a decision?” Maybe he was just still agonizing over that choice? There had to be _something_.

He felt marginally better, getting some talking going.

Jayden made a faint noise of derision. “Like a dog with a damn bone.”

“Yeah, I’m not leaving you alone, you’re acting bizarre, even for you.”

Pale eyes glanced his way again. “It’s both touching and really fucking annoying how you do that.” It wasn’t even particularly caustic, the way he said that, and bordered on conversational. The barbs were still present, however. Light ignored them.

“Do what?”

“Read me.”

Those two words landed heavily and truthfully, and he could nearly feel the impact of them. “Oh,” he said weightily. He wasn’t sure what to say really, though there was a certain gravity to Jayden acknowledging him for being good at reading him.

Jayden expelled a sigh, saying under his breath, “One of the things I guess I really liked about you.”

“Pfft,” Light couldn’t help scoffing. “Ironic that you like the things that actually bug the shit out of you.” It felt like the usual banter.

Jayden shrugged and said glibly and a little sarcastically, “I’m quirky like that.”

Getting him talking seemed to be breaking through the zombie-like haze. Little by little, his snappy attitude was coming back out. The humor, the sarcasm…. without it, Jayden just didn’t seem like Jayden. He wasn’t himself when he didn’t seem like a loose cannon about to go off.

“So come on, give it up,” Light said. “Don’t make me play 20 questions.”

A faint smirk tilted up the corner of the deviant’s mouth. “Why, would that _bother_ you?”

“YES.” He played into the lunatic’s hands, feeling encouraged that he was brightening up a bit with the promise of being an absolute fucking pest.

“Aw, that’s sweet,” he said calmly, and somewhat mockingly. “Nice try.” He shrugged then, but retained the vaguely amused look. “Well, whatever. You wanna know about Justin.” He seemed to use the name to intentionally dispel the vagueness Light had set up, as if to say, _‘fuck if I care’_. There was a reckless feel to it. “Anything in particular?” He was nonchalant about it, yet seemed a little tense.

Jayden was stalling. He already knew what the question was. Light repeated it anyway. “Did you figure out what you were going to do about that situation? And does it have anything to do with you acting so weird?”

“Sort of. And maybe a little.”

Light waited a moment, but the dark-haired pest was not forthcoming.

“Oh jezus, you really **are** going to make me play 20 questions,” he muttered dramatically, honestly feeling a little frustrated. Geez, this reminded him of when Jayden had gone on that bender and gone missing. When he’d finally answered texts it was in _this_ manner, same as now: short, not helpful. Although, it wasn’t super caustic this time.

“Haha,” Jayden laughed lightly. Again, the deviant seemed mildly amused, but like his heart wasn’t totally in it. “So cute,” he razzed him with a hint of his manic grin.

“Shut up,” Light growled at him.

“Ahhaha!” That seemed to get him going. There, the real grin poked out and Jayden reached over to ruffle his hair, knowing he hated that. “Ah, I miss harassing you.”

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but no one said you had to stop.”

Jayden raised an eyebrow.

“Well, you know, like you had to disappear or something.” He scoffed, “Obviously I tell you to leave me the hell alone all the time, but it’s not like you actually listen.”

“Yeah, well, it was causing problems,” he said, grin fading as he turned his attention back to the road. “Me being around,” he added almost under his breath.

Light chewed his lip, a feeling much like guilt and sadness exerting pressure on his chest. It wasn’t his fault Jayden had developed feelings for him. He shouldn’t feel responsible, but somehow he still did. Yet, it seemed there wasn’t really anything he could do. He wanted to fix this, but he couldn’t.

“So you were staying away on purpose?” he asked, putting that out in the open.

“Ugh don’t say it like that, like I was sulking or some shit,” Jayden complained, looking annoyed. “And stop looking so fucking guilty,” he added waspishly. “You’re making me feel bad.”

“Well, I don’t know what to do,” he flared up a little. “I already feel bad about this.”

“Great, that makes two of us,” Jayden said snidely. “Real fuckin’ helpful.”

Ok, wow, Jayden was starting to shift into that nasty temper of his. “It’s called empathy, asshole. You should try it sometime.”

“Pffft, and break my perfect track record?”

Light muttered under his breath and rubbed a hand over his face. Ok, so apparently zombie-mode could be set aside when it came to Jayden’s apparently still lively feelings for him. Part of him had been hoping if the deviant did start dating someone, the feelings would shift.

“Look, don’t worry about it,” Jayden said stiffly. “It’s my issue. You have enough shit going on.”

“Well, it isn’t right. It’s like you’ve banned yourself.”

“Yeah.” He let out a sigh that seemed bone crushingly weary. “I needed to refocus. Being around you both made that kind of hard.” Pale eyes cut his way, glancing at his face. “It wasn’t just you. Seeing you both together… I envy it, I guess.” He looked back at the road. “Having that with someone… it seems pretty ok.” Jayden put on a long-suffering expression and added, “Also, it’s _disgustingly_ adorable and makes me want to smack the shit out of you both.”

Light snickered, partly from the delivery and partly from the coverup - like Jayden couldn’t stand having his feelings hang out there without an immediate deflection. “Uh huh.”

“Geez, don’t start channeling L,” Jayden griped, rolling his eyes. “I can’t take it.”

“Uh huh.” Haha. He did that one just to set him off.

“Fucking punk,” Jayden growled, reaching over to launch a flurry of light swats at his face to pester him and pinched his cheek hard.

“Ow ow ow hahaa!” He swatted back, trying to evade the clever hand as it kept popping him in the cheeks and jaw and chin. That pinch hurt! “Ow, quit it.”

“L’s gonna be pissed if you get us in a car wreck,” Jayden hummed, renewing his efforts. The swatting got more incessant and he had surprisingly good aim while mostly keeping his eyes on the road.

Light couldn’t quite fight off the flurry of motion, and it was only picking up speed and force. “Ok ok, I fold!” The likelihood of a wreck was looking more and more probable. “ _Maniac_.”

“Hahahaa you know you love it,” the deviant said, an easy grin spreading across his face. At that moment, he seemed mostly normal. The tension had abated.

“No, I love it when you _answer my damn questions_ ,” Light countered, not letting things slide. He was determined to drag this out of the pest and get to the bottom of things. He cared, and he wanted to make sure Jayden wasn’t holding onto stuff and struggling with things during this self-imposed dark out.

Jayden muttered caustically under his breath. “Maybe I don’t wanna talk about it.”

“Don’t give me that. You already agreed to.”

“Jezus. FINE.” The best description of Jayden’s expression right now would accurately be a pout - a sullen, fucking sour-ass pout. “Stuff got more involved…. and you may have had a point.” He paused as he seemed to have trouble admitting this, and added, “about some things not being all that different.”

Light didn’t bother to ask details about what events took place. It was amazing enough that Jayden was admitting he had a point. “And?”

“And…. well it was weird because _then_ Justin gives me some line about not continuing if I was all messed up about it. He said I seemed off, after stuff, each time.”

“Were you?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

Oh. Wow. “So,” he said slowly, wondering how Jayden was interpreting that sequence of events, “he was giving you an out.”

“Yeah.” Jayden was frowning, deep in thought. “Though why _now_? Why after I’ve sort of wrapped my head around it?” His voice was agitated, and it was clear to Light that he’d thought about this a lot. “If he was so worried about fucking me up with this, why offer the out after it’s gone so far?” _After I’ve gotten used to some of this,_ seemed to be the unspoken sentiment. “And it’s obvious he’d wanted more from me, so why would he back down after getting what he wanted?”

“Uh…..” Well, he didn’t exactly know Justin well, but… “Maybe he gives a shit about you and felt bad about it?”

“Hmn.” It was a non-committal response, like he wasn’t sold on that being a possibility.

“So, what did you do? Back down?” Light still didn’t have a sense of whether he had taken the out or not. Since he was having such issues over this, it would make sense if he’d taken it and dropped the whole thing. Though, this was Jayden, so...

“Uh, this is me, remember?” he said drolly. “I’m the one who makes questionable decisions and causes myself unnecessary suffering.”

“So, you aren’t stopping?”

Jayden heaved a sigh. “I don’t know what the _fuck_ I am doing, to be honest.” His hands gripped the wheel a little harder. “Sometimes I feel on the verge of losing my shit, like I just can’t handle stuff like this with a guy. Then other times it’s like I completely forget myself and I’m just chasing whatever feels good.”

“Believe it or not, I can relate.”

“I know. That’s why I’m even telling you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be saying shit.”

“How sweet,” Light said drolly.

“Shut it,” he snarked back automatically, without rancor. “So, yeah. He gave me an out. And what do I do? I agreed to _date_. ME. What the fuck do I know about that shit? And what am I supposed to say to Truth and Clare? Jesus….”

“Did he uh… threaten you or challenge you to do it or something?”

Jayden thought about that for a minute. “Not exactly…. more like,” he paused, searching for the right words, “He asked me if I could see this lasting more than a few days or weeks. He said if not, he needed to get out while he still could.”

Light blinked, taken aback. Oh, geez. He felt _really_ bad for Justin, then. That sounded like the brunet’s feelings were already pretty invested and he was trying to avoid some major heartache. Had Jayden even made that connection? He seemed pretty canny and observant on the whole but could miss really obvious things sometimes, especially anything related to his tendencies. “How did you react to that? What did you think?”

Really, he was wondering, _what made you agree?_

The deviant ran a hand through his dark hair, messing it up. “Man, I don’t know… I guess I felt kind of bad about it. This all seemed kind of out of my control and I was a little salty about it, then he goes and puts the decision in my hands, like the power of life or death. It was really unexpected.”

“So you’re guilt-dating?” He couldn’t help the incredulous, indignant tone that slipped out.

Jayden made a disgusted noise. “No.”

“Well?”

“Goddamnit are we there yet?” the deviant said in an agitated, amped up voice. “This car ride is INSUFFERABLE.” He was deflecting, hardcore. Not to mention, being an asshole.

“ _Well?_ ”

“Ugh, you’re a fucking pest, you know that right?”

Light fixed him with an expectant look and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well?” he intoned again, in a no-nonsense voice.

Jayden grumbled, then said, “ _I don’t know._ I guess I ran it through my head, ending it. And… I don’t know, I guess I didn’t exactly like the scenario.”

“Why exactly?”

The deviant shrugged. “The whole swordfight thing is still the same Pandora’s box of hell…. but I guess I’m kind of getting used to Justin being around more. Hanging out and stuff.”

 _Oh_. Realization dawned on Light. “You thought you’d miss him.” He couldn’t help the smile or the slightly teasing tone that turned up in his voice.

“Shut up. That sounds fucking stupid.”

“Maybe so, but it’s the truth.” He felt absolutely certain of it, especially after getting a reaction like that.  It was kind of cute, seeing him defend developing feelings with such a surly attitude. He wanted to tease him a bit, and kind of drive home that that’s what was really going on here, in case Jayden had missed that realization for himself, but he didn’t want to piss him off or deal with a backlash either. For some levity, he poked a finger into the deviant’s cheek as he teased, “And that’s why you’re so testy about it.”

“Fucking pain in the ass,” Jayden muttered. He leaned away from the poking finger and tried to shake the harassment.

Haha.

He tormented him a little longer before switching gears and shifting the conversation. “Ok, so that just leaves why you are acting so fucking weird.” Light studied Jayden’s handsome face, high cheekbones, pale skin. “Are you regretting your decision?”

Jayden frowned. “Not really… I just feel weird about it, you know? And…” he trailed off abruptly, seeming to think better of voicing the last. “Nevermind.”

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“Yeah it is, or you wouldn’t hold back on saying it.”

Jayden gave him a sharp glare. “Did I tell you it’s really fucking annoying how you do that?” he said acerbically.

“Yes, earlier. Now spit it out.”

Jayden muttered a few obscenities under his breath. “It’s stupid. But… it’s like, in doing this, I lose you.” He chewed his lip, frowning as he tried to dredge up a few more words. “Not that there was anything there, just…. well, I said it was stupid. And I don’t know how I’m supposed to act anymore.”

That was a really heavy thing to unload. He wasn’t quite sure what to say to it himself, and felt put on the spot. “Awww, you’re afraid of cheating on him already?” Light razzed him, nearly wincing at his own shitty joke the moment the words left his mouth. It had just sort of popped out, a deflection.

“ _Asshole,_ I’m being serious.” Pale eyes flashed dangerously. “You _know_ that.”

“I know,” he said solemnly, then was quiet a long moment. “But you don’t think that it’s in any way possible?” He tried to broach the idea delicately and not just launch it like a grenade. “That you are rethinking how to act because you are considering how Justin feels?” Unintentionally his voice was taking on a slightly impatient, borderline sarcastic tone. Which is weird because he’d meant to be encouraging. “And that maybe, just maybe, you’re trying to treat this like an actual relationship?”

“ _Jesus_!” Jayden exclaimed caustically, flaring up at him suddenly. “Why do you have to overanalyze everything??”

Light blinked, somewhat taken aback. “Because you _want_ me to.” _What the hell??_

“Whatever,” he muttered, sourly, his mood darkening considerably.

“Are you _seriously_ going to punish me for giving you what you want?” Light was incredulous. He knew to expect a level of testiness and attitude when having a serious talk like this with him, especially when things hit close to home, but this was getting more ugly than usual.

“What I want?” the deviant scoffed brutally, “What I **_want_** was never on the table, and would cause a rift between me and the _only family I have_. Don’t fucking patronize me.”

The attitude finally got to Light and he snapped back, “So, what the hell, are you just fucking around with your roommate, using him as a _rebound_ then?” If that was so, that was pretty fucked up and he wasn’t going to let that pass without commentary. Jayden could be an asshole but that was just going too far.

“Goddamnit, why does everyone fucking think that?!” Jayden exclaimed. “Jesus Christ, I’m not that big of an asshole.” He glared at Light and said acidly, “But nice fucking ego there, thinking I’d fuck him as a stand in for YOU.”

Light flared back, “ _You’re_ the one that said you had a fucking issue over me, so don’t bite my fucking head off.” Tension was starting to gather in his stomach. He hated fighting, it was so fucking stressful.

“ _Fuck you_ ,” Jayden lashed back, caustic as hell. “ _You’re_ the reason all this started. Everything made sense before **you** came on the scene.”

The force of those words crashed through Light like ice water and shook him terribly. “So now everything is my fault??” _What the shit?!_

“Yeah, that’s right,” Jayden said sharply. “NONE of this would have happened if not for you. L and I wouldn’t have been fighting, I wouldn’t be doing this fucking non-drinking BULLSHIT, and I wouldn’t be trying to fucking date anyone, _least of all_ a fucking **_dude_**.”

Wow.

That hurt as much as it also pissed him off. “And _nowhere_ in all of this, would you think to blame your own fucking tendencies?!” Light snapped back harshly. His voice escalated as incredulous words poured from his mouth, “You’re _blameless_ , are you? **I** made you get L pissed at you? **I** made you push the envelope till he punished you with going sober? And **I** made you fucking kiss your roommate and start shit there??”

“Might as well have,” Jayden grumbled darkly.

“You are a _fucking_ piece of work,” he said scathingly, crossing his arms over his chest and staring dead ahead. Tension was crawling through his limbs and he wanted out of the damn car. “Fucking **_asshole_**.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” the deviant said glibly, layering that fake-ass cavalier attitude over the poison.

“Just drop me off when we get there,” he said stonily.

“No.”

“What the fuck do you mean, no?!” Light snapped, turning in his seat to face him. “Did you have more to add on to how I _ruined your life_? Or did you just want more fodder for your fucking pity party, in dealing with my mother?”

Jayden glared at the road, looking straight ahead with a sour fucking face and said nothing.

“Yeah, it’s my fucking fault for thinking I could **_rely_** on you,” Light muttered under his breath, settling angrily back in his seat and staring straight ahead, still reeling from the vitriol. Tension was gripping his chest and throat. Did Jayden really believe all of that stuff he’d just said? Was that how he really felt?? And here, he’d thought that by this point they’d finally reached a stable ground, an understanding… he’d actually truly believed in him, despite his character flaws… believed him to care, believed him to be a support. He felt astoundingly _stupid_ right now for thinking such a thing.

“What are you doing?” Jayden eyed him pulling out his phone.

“Calling L,” he said shortly. “I’ll have him meet me there. I’d rather deal with my _mother’s_ attitude than yours.” _Fucking asshole._ He hated dealing with his mother’s attitude and she most certainly would have one if L showed up. But he’d be _damned_ if he was going to deal with Jayden anymore after this. Fuck him.

“Oh, calm the fuck down, you don’t need to drag him into this. I said I’d handle it.”

 _“Fuck you,”_ Light retorted scathingly. Seriously, he was done.

“Hey-!” Jayden said acerbically as Light ignored him, dialing anyway. “I said, put that shit away!” He grabbed for the phone.

Light heard L answer, but was now in a battle for the phone. Jayden had gotten a hand around it. “Don’t fucking break it!” It creaked warningly, Jayden’s grip wasn’t letting up. It was going to break.

In the end, he let go in order to save it. Jayden promptly pulled the phone up to his face and said, “We’re fine, disregard the call.” Then, he hung up without waiting for a response. He didn’t give the phone back. “Fucking brat,” he growled under his breath, his eyes narrowing as he kept them directed straight ahead.

“What is your _fucking_ problem, Jayden?!”

“Flavor of the week?” he asked condescendingly. “I’m pissed that you were right, at all, about ANY of this. On your fucking high horse, having ‘been through’ this before, handing down wisdom from a fucking pedestal-”

“I was trying to _help_ , you little-”

“And you know what else?” Jayden interrupted him, his voice cutting. “I hate that you’re both probably just _dying_ for this problem to go away, pointing me towards whatever would make your lives easier, but me? I have to fucking _live_ it.”

God this shit was enough to make his head spin. Now the headcase was back to being open after that vicious assault on him? Did Jayden think that he’d just let that slide?? “You know _damn_ well that we both give a shit about you, and suggested that you date for YOU. It wasn’t some cheap way to get rid of you. What the hell??” He rubbed his hands over his face, feeling stress and anger seething out of him in waves.

“And _you_ ,” Jayden added, practically in a sneer. “You can’t be rid of me fast enough. Jumping in at every chance to be a fucking marriage counselor. It bugs the shit out of me how you just fucking accept everything, how you have no conflict at all over who I get involved with.”

“I’m not _supposed_ to!” Light exclaimed in frustration. What did he fucking expect??

“Yeah and I’m not supposed to have feelings for you, and yet here we are.”

“No,” Light said shortly, “ _‘here we are’_ is you being an asshole to an _unforgivable_ extent. And right now I want nothing more to do with you.”

“Oh, do say it like you mean it,” Jayden mocked caustically.

_Wait a second…._

Light gave Jayden a pointed look as a thought occurred and said tersely, “Is this massive bug up your ass because you’re pushing your own boundaries, blaming me for that, and assuming I don’t give a shit about what you are going through?” He was pulling at straws. But that was just the sort of dumbass, un-fucking-reasonable thing that Jayden might actually be thinking. _God_ , he had a fucking headache.

Jayden was frowning, silent. He seemed to have lost the snide anger, and was almost back to that sulking look.

_Are you fucking kidding me? **That** was it?!_

“Shut up,” was all Jayden said.

The bomb was defused.

Light leaned his head against the window, using the coolness to soothe his aching head. Geez, this was a clusterfuck. He felt so tired suddenly, like he could sleep for a week. And here, he had to meet with his mother, and he never knew how that would go. “I hate you,” he said under his breath.

Jayden muttered something in a low tone. He wasn’t sure if he caught it, but it sounded like, “Good, that’ll be easier.”

Light closed his eyes and focused on the quiet rumbling of the car. The minutes slipped by in silence. A deep, uncomfortable silence.

“I’m sorry,” Jayden said at last. It sounded a touch confrontational.

“For what?” Light said tiredly. He was almost beyond caring.

“I shouldn’t have said all of that. It’s not exactly true.”

“I’m not in the mood, Jayden.” His tone was terse and aptly conveyed his mood at the moment. He felt fucking over this. “If you have something to say, spit it out. I’m not playing 20 fucking questions, I’m done.”

“Jezus, fine,” he said sulkily. “The part where I was blaming you for everything. It’s totally skewed, and I know it. I’ve thought stuff like that before, but I know I’m just venting.” His tone turned derisive and self-deprecating. “Probably every horrible or shitty thing that’s ever happened to me my entire life was my own fucking fault.”

Light cracked open his eyes and looked askance at him. “That’s just as skewed as the shit you said to me,” he said blandly, annoyed.

Jayden let out a long, rattling sigh, and looked a bit fucked up, actually. “Hell, maybe I was the reason my parents bailed, I don’t know. I was a hell child for my grandparents to deal with, I drive my cousin to drink, and I’m a pain in your ass, too. Can’t really deny any of that.”

“I don’t fucking know,” Light said impatiently, still angry and seething, though empathy was trying to infect him. He refused to let it in. “But you can’t just **_say_** shit to people and expect them to bounce back.” Even now he was still feeling the effect of Jayden’s caustic words and he hadn’t bounced back, _at all_.

“I said I was sorry.”

“Sorry?” Light snapped. “You really think ‘sorry’ erases the fact that I will now always hear those words ringing in my ears? You think I can somehow go back to trusting you, or feeling like you have my back?”

Jayden was exceptionally quiet as he parked the car. They’d reached their destination. “I lost my shit and I am _sorry_.” He actually did sound sorry, but he ruined it a moment later. “I didn’t realize I was having such a problem with this until you started _henpecking_ me with questions.”

“So it’s my fault again?” he said incredulously. Unbelievable.

“No, no,” the deviant said in an agitated voice, brushing that away with clipped gestures of his hands. For a moment he seemed to be struggling with what to say. Then he closed his eyes and rested his head against the steering wheel, like he was just totally giving up on that and everything in the world. “What am I doing with my life?” he uttered. Then he murmured under his breath, barely audible, “Everything’s falling to shit.”

Despite his anger, Light found the scene to be so tragic, it pulled at his heartstrings. It was like witnessing a total fucking meltdown. Impulse had him reach out. He hesitated a moment, hand hovering over Jayden’s shoulder. In the end, he let it settle down, though he half expected it to be bitten off at the wrist.

Surprisingly, Jayden laughed quietly. It wasn’t a pretty sound, full of self-deprecation. “Even if I had a shot, I don’t deserve you.” He shook his head without lifting it from the steering wheel. “I’m such a goddamn wreck... And taking things out on you… I’m sorry.”

“Are you done, or should I call a padded van to take you away?”

Jayden laughed a little, more authentically this time. “Well, aren’t you funny?” He sat up, rubbing his hands over his face and expelling a deep sigh like he was grounding himself. The moment of vulnerability was rapidly erasing itself.

“I’m still mad at you.”

No nonsense, Jayden agreed harshly, “You should be.” He was still aiming that anger inwards, like a moment ago, it was now just hidden from view.

“Well, that’s well-adjusted of you,” Light said sarcastically.

“You should also let me make it up to you somehow.”

“Why?” It came out as flat and had a resounding silence behind it. Really, what point was there? It wouldn’t change anything.

Jayden gave him an assessing look, and pained expression flickered across his face. “I actually really fucking upset you. God, I’m an asshole.” He kept up that searching gaze and said, “You really lost faith in me?” He almost seemed tentative, like he didn’t want to believe that could be the case. Why Jayden didn’t think a blowup like this could affect something like like that was beyond him.

Light frowned, feeling distant and unsteady. “I think you know the answer to that.”

“Goddamnit,” Jayden breathed out. “This is all my fault. I just-” He shook his head. “Look, do we want to keep your mom waiting? Or…”

“Or what, let you stumble through more self-deprecating apologies?”

“Are they helping?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Ok, look,” Jayden tried a different angle, his tone matter-of-fact. “Mostly, I have a stellar track record. I’ve been helpful to you and L, supportive in your family shit…. can’t you find it in your heart to forgive me **one** breach of sanity?”

“Your normal state of _being_ is a breach of sanity,” Light deadpanned, looking unimpressed. “And what the hell is your apparent reason for this psychotic break? In a nutshell.”

Jayden chewed on that a moment, seeming consternated. He gamely tried to find words to serve up Light’s request. “Uh, I feel okay and fucked up about the whole Justin thing in turns; I’m trying to get over you but it’s still kind of hard; And apparently when I get defensive, I snap people’s heads off at the neck, or so I’m told.”

“Justin tell you that last bit?”

Jayden rolled his eyes but agreed. “Among other things.”

“If I try and forgive you,” Light said shrewdly, “I reserve the right to call you an asshole, or _anything_ I want for a solid month.”

“Ugh.” Jayden hung his head. “Fine, agreed.” He still seemed to hate being called that. It had started after Jayden had single handedly caused the breakup between himself and L, just because he was having fun stirring shit up. Since that day, and the first scathing time he’d said it to the deviant, Jayden had _always_ protested when he called him an asshole. Light had no doubt it was because it reminded Jayden of his fuckup and the guilt he’d felt over it.

Light heaved an epic sigh. “Didn’t you have some sort of agreement, or personal goal at least, to not stress me the fuck out?” He still felt off, out of sorts, and not entirely sure he wanted to or could forgive all of this. Being a touch melodramatic gave him a little bit of distance from it.

“If so, I totally smashed it out of the park.” Jayden was back to joking sarcasm, though it was at his own expense. “I should buy a lottery ticket.”

“I feel wiped out,” Light complained. “And we haven’t even gotten to the main event.”

“Buy you a drink?” he suggested. “Or kiss and make up?”

“Pfft,” Light scoffed dismissively, rolling his eyes at Jayden testing the waters with his usual style of inappropriate harassment. “Shut up.” **_Idiot_**. But a drink would almost be nice, right about now. “Are you sure you can hold your shit together in front of my mother?” he asked warily. “You aren’t like, on the edge, are you?” For all he knew, this insanity would continue.

“No, the mountain has already blown its cap.” He sounded somewhat apologetic. “Again, sorry. But it should be fine.”

“You are a _real_ pain in the ass.”

Jayden opened his mouth for a snappy rejoinder then cursed as he realized he had to let that slide without comment. He looked somewhat pained, as it dawned on him that this would be his life for the next month. “What is it with you people doing things by the month? What’s wrong with weeks or days?”

“They _hurt_ less.”

Jayden rolled his eyes and grumbled under his breath. “Smartass.”

Light scoffed sharply at him. “You’re lucky I didn’t also ban your name-calling.”

“I might literally _die_ if you did that.”

“That would be a sight.”

“Pfft. Fucking cubscout.” He shook his head, then seemingly gathered himself. “Alright, come on,” he said with resolve, “before your mom has a conniption. We’re already late.” He got out of the car, shoving the keys into his pocket as he stepped out onto the sidewalk.

“Oh, and give me back my phone,” Light demanded, following suit. He held his hand out, resisting the urge to smack Jayden in the stomach with it first. “I need to at least text L after all that.” He couldn’t imagine what anyone would make of a call like that. At the least, he needed to let L know they weren’t in an accident or something.

“Ok, whatever.” Jayden tossed his phone to him.

Light decided just to call L, instead of messing with text. He waited for the call to ring through and wondered if he’d only get voicemail.

“Hello?” L said after a handful of rings.

“Hey, sorry for that call earlier. I’m just letting you know we’re going in to meet my mother now.”

“Everything’s ok?” he asked skeptically.

“Yeah. Mostly.

“Uh huh.” The scepticism didn’t fade. “Ok, well, **_don’t_** kill each other, and **_don’t_** say hi to your mom for me.”

Light laughed, despite himself, surprised that it was possible. “Ok, deal.” He felt his expression ease, and some of the tension begin to leave him.

He heard a smile in L’s voice as he said, “See you soon.”

“Bye, lover,” Jayden leaned in to say to his cousin in a lilting voice, making him and L both laugh.

“Get out of here,” Light said, elbowing him aside as he hung up the phone.

“Can I get pity hug?”

Well, that was random. “No.”

Jayden put on a fake pout. “But I heard you gave _Clare_ one.”

Light blinked, surprised that had been worth mentioning. She had to have, though, or else there was no way Jayden would have known about it.

“She said you were a mouthy little brat, but that you gave good hugs.”

Light gave him a deadpan stare. “Oh really?” He didn’t believe that for a minute. His Jayden bullshit meter was pinging, after all. He was likely ad-libbing whatever she’d actually said.

“You’ll always be left wondering,” he mused theatrically. “Anyhow, seriously. Hug and make up? I promise not to grope you or do anything else that would be a display of my typically poor decision making.”

“Whatever, I guess.”

Oddly enough, the hug reminded him a ton of the one he’d given Clare. Jayden authentically seemed to need one, and that surprised the hell out of him. Equally surprising was that he really did behave.

“You really are a good kid,” the deviant said near his ear, resting his chin on his shoulder. “L thinks you rubbed off on me a bit. Thank heavens for small favors I guess?” He said the last a bit sarcastically.

“And here my mother thought you would be a bad influence on me,” Light said drolly. Which, in a lot of ways, he had been. Late hours, clubbing, throwing caution to the wind, the whipping post, the slight bent towards alcohol abuse….

Jayden pulled back with a grin, practically able to see him mentally listing things off. “No, those were improvements. You were wound WAY too tight!” He snickered to himself and said, “I’d be happy to _correct_ her assumptions…”

“Not a word, or I’ll kill you.”

“Hahaa.”

“Pest.”

The just-short-of-wildly-amused smile stayed resident upon his face. “Alright let’s go. Coffee time. _Which_ , unfortunately also means I’m about to run off at the mouth. Nasty side effect.” Jayden seemed somewhere between honesty and amusement.

“Oooooh great, I can’t wait.”

“It’ll be fine.” He paused as if considering things. “Probably.”

Light shook his head, knowing Jayden was partly just messing with him. “Not inspiring confidence, here.”

“Well, she and I survived at least _one_ coffee session,” he drawled, seeming entertained, “so at least you know it isn’t _impossible_.

* * *

TBC


	90. (phase 4) Integration

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Light's mother is upset with their tardiness and has the guilt trip to prove it. Light is struggling mightily with it, and with trying not to lash back. 
> 
> Jayden plays interception, but also makes a joke that has unexpected and far-reaching consequences.
> 
> L provides some insight that changes everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the final chapter. Though, there will be a one chapter epilogue. ;)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 90: Integration _

Mrs. Yagami looked up as the little bell on the coffeeshop door rang. She’d been doing so for the last 15 minutes, waiting impatiently for her son to bother to show up, and this time he had.

She felt peeved, largely due to her worry that she was being stood up. “Did it not occur to you to let me know you would be late?” she started in right off as they arrived at the table.

Her son frowned at her, his expression dimming in response and a frown forming upon his face. It looked like a blend between obstinance and guilt.

“Sorry, Mrs. Y, that was my fault,” Light’s tall shadow said as they sat down.

She looked up at Jayden, hands on her hips. “So is being rude infectious? Does being in your influence prevent my son from using his phone?”

“Actually…” Light trailed, giving Jayden a sharp look.

“Uh…. Yeah, actually,” Jayden said apologetically. “I made him drop it and we were driving, so….”

She frowned at him. How that could have happened was beyond her. But if they had left on _time_ , that wouldn’t have been an issue.

“Look, we’re _sorry_ ,” Light appealed. He seemed tense and it was also reflecting in his tone, making it somewhat confrontational. “Can we move on, or-?”

Jayden jabbed him sharply in the side, cutting off the flow of words. “We’ll get the coffee,” he said brightly, standing up again. “Creamer and sugar for you, right?” She nodded, a bit perplexed. “Be right back.” He dragged her son with him.

* * *

“ _What the hell_ , Jayden?!” Light seethed under his breath as they went to get in line.

“Ok, put aside the fact that you’re pissed at me for a sec.”

The brunet frowned mightily. “Ok?”

This meetup was off to a really bad start and seemed poised to go straight the fuck downhill. “Ok, she’s being pissy and it’s fucking annoying,” he said shortly, “but you’re wearing your attitude on your sleeve and you need to pull it back.”

“Ok, **_L_** ,” Light scoffed sarcastically, looking really annoyed.

“Yeah, I hate when he says stuff like that to me, too, but he has a point.” He didn’t mince words and got directly to the point. It put a bit of an edge to his tone. “Are you legit trying to do this or not?”

Light muttered under his breath. “Yeah, I guess.”

“The way I see it, the only way this stuff with your parents will work is if you learn to stop reacting to their shit.”

“It just _bugs_ me,” Light seethed, barely managing to keep his voice low. “I mean, geez I’m sorry we were late but she just jumps straight to having a fucking problem over everything and I _hate_ that.” He shoved his hands into his pockets and scowled. “It’s like getting burned every time I try to move forward, and doesn’t make me feel very rewarded for the effort.”

Jayden nodded empathetically. It bugged him, too. It really did. But he had more distance from it since it wasn’t his own family - so it was easier to not react.

“I get it. I do. But how about you just _stop_ reacting?” Jayden spread his hands in explanation. “I mean, you apologize, _you_ know you feel bad about it. Why accept the attitude? Getting mad about it just means that you’re taking it in, and what good does _that_ do?” Oops, he was getting that blunt, testy tone that usually pissed Light off. “Does it change the fact that we were late and didn’t call?? Does it make you feel better? Does it make **_her_** feel better? _No_ ,” he concluded, “it just amps things up for a fight.”

Light pointed that sour-as-hell expression his way. “Have I ever told you I fucking hate when you have a point?”

“Awww, taking advice from the headcase makes you feel inadequate?” Jayden leered at him. He laughed.

“Shut up,” Light grumbled, a bit sulkily.

Aww, that was kind of cute.

Well, it was nice to know that as much as it peeved him to have the brunet read him unerringly at times, he could do the same right back at him and bug him just as much. It was also ironic that Light trusted his advice on a lot of things, especially with regards to L and now in regards to the ‘rents.

So, despite being dismissed in a lot of ways as being crazy and out of hand, Light relied on his judgement. All in all, that was a fucking riot.

“What are you looking so smug over?” Light asked suspiciously.

“Nothing,” Jayden said, beaming. He knew that would irk the brunet especially.

“Ugh.”

“Haha.”

A few minutes later, they had their coffees in hand and made their way back to Light’s mom and the tiny cafe table she was seated at.

* * *

Light made a concerted effort to not react to his mother’s chastising air of disapproval. It was _hard_. It was _really_ hard.

He understood what Jayden was saying. It made a sort of sense. But at the same time, doing it just felt _impossible_. It almost seemed like going back in time to where he’d had no say in _anything,_ and he just had to deal with whatever his parents did and play the part of the perfect son. How was it really any different?

Part of him absolutely panicked at the thought of being pushed back into that box, or anything like it. How did L or Jayden see it as any different? _Was_ it different?? Or was the only way to have peace, in the end, by playing roles? _God_ , that was fucking depressing.

He took a long sip of coffee, covering for the sick feeling that rode through him at the thought, hoping it didn’t show on his face too obviously.

Despair.

Yeah, that’s what this feeling was.

He hid it the best he could, and tried to think of conversation starters and push past it, but his head was starting to spin. He knew this stress reaction, this overwhelmed feeling. He needed to get out of here. If he didn’t, he’d eventually lose hold of it and things would really go sideways.

Jayden was eyeing him surreptitiously, sensing something.

“Mother, will you excuse me a moment? I’ll be right back.”

She started to protest, but he got up anyway. He hadn’t really been asking for permission, and he didn’t have the luxury of time to wait around hoping to get it.

It might have looked really rude, him doing this, but he just needed a moment. He walked out of the coffeeshop, the stressed feeling dogging him. He hated that this tricky stuff could affect his mind, mood, and even how he felt physically.

Away from the door and the shop windows, he dialed L’s number and dragged the phone up to his ear. Outside, it was pleasant. Clear blue skies, not too hot. The few trees and plants and stuff looked nice and were a strident green. He felt disassociated from the part of his brain that could notice such things.

L picked up. “Something wrong?” he asked cautiously.

“I needed to ask you something,” he said without preamble. Urgency made the words come out a bit abrupt.

“Okay?” L sounded a little on edge.

He supposed it was because L didn’t know what to expect, and this was out of the ordinary. His blunt-as-hell tone probably wasn’t helping, nor was the tension which was riding through it, but he didn’t have it in him to be anything but exceedingly direct.

“This whole _‘don’t react to their shit’_ thing-” Light paused, groping for words. He felt agitated and frustrated. “How is that different from what I was doing my **_whole life_** , playing a fucking role for them to keep the peace? I don’t get it!” The hopelessness of the last many years surged up as he spoke, and emotion leaked out into his voice before he could stop it. He grabbed it by the throat and forced it down, hard.

“You’re leaving your mom to wait on you while you ask me this?”

Guilt stabbed him, and the pressure of having others wait on him made him antsy and tense. But no, this couldn’t wait. He forced himself to speak as evenly as possible, trying to sound ‘reasonable’ and logical. “I know how it looks. But I just… I need to _know_.”

“Right now??”

“Yeah,” he said, voice cutting out a bit as the emotion tried to spill back in. “You’ve said it before, and Jayden did just now.” He stopped himself for a moment to take a grounding breath, hoping to steady his voice more. It came out faint, but fairly even, nevermind that he felt like the sky was collapsing in on his head, “And I realized that it all looks the same to me, and if it is… I don’t think I can do this.” He felt overwhelmed.

L expelled a sigh. “Okay,” he said, gathering himself. He seemed to be searching for words. “For one thing, when you lived at home, you _couldn’t_ say anything.”

“Right.”

“But now, you _can_. And you have.”

This was true, but it wasn’t shedding any new light on this and he felt frustrated. “But what _hasn’t_ changed is the whole _‘don’t react to them’_ thing.”

“When you were at home,” L talked him through it, “you were powerless and had to shove down your reactions.”

“Which is what I’m making myself do now!” Light exclaimed. “It’s the same damn thing!”

“Let me finish. Brat.”

Light fell silent, feeling a little chastised. He’d sort of jumped on L there and hadn’t meant to. Geez, he needed to get a handle on himself. “Sorry.”

“With how things stand now, you’ve set your boundaries and aren’t taking their shit. I think we can agree on that.” Light nodded reflexively, though L obviously couldn’t see it. L continued anyway, “Think about what you are reacting to and why. You’re acting like you’re still trapped, but you aren’t.”

Light chewed on that a good long while. It was true he wasn’t really trapped, and he’d mostly liberated himself from them and their chokehold of control…. but in some ways he still felt at their mercy, what with their moods and their demands…

“I think…” he said slowly, “I feel guilty.”

“About?” L waited for him to work it out.

“All I ever wanted was for things to be good in my family. I tried doing it their way, and I just reached a breaking point. And now… I got what I wanted, freedom, but it’s like… I had to go to such extremes and I wonder sometimes if it’s something wrong with me afterall. I see how upset they get and part of me wonders if I’m not the dysfunctional one.”

He leaned back against the concrete building and put a hand over his eyes, warding off the pressure in his head. “I know it’s them and the way they are... and they can’t even tell half the time that I _want_ things to be okay, or that I’m trying to have a decent relationship with them…” Anger started infecting his exhausted voice, “But their refusal to _see_ that, it wears on me. I start seeing this all through their eyes, through their bewilderment and upset,” he let out a breath, muttering on the exhale, “and it makes me feel _fucking guilty_.”

L was silent a few long moments, maybe hours. His sense of time felt seriously out of whack and he couldn’t tell even simple things anymore.

“I think what Jayden and I are trying to say,” L said at last, in a voice that was quite direct, but almost soft in a way, “is that you have to let go of the guilt and stuff that makes you lash back. It just kicks up more of the same. If they start shit, and you react, then they just feel vindicated and the loop repeats.” He paused to let that sink in. “It’s more about breaking the cycle. Stop accepting their disapproval and shit. Don’t internalize it, keep it out. Get your head on straight and realize that you truly are doing the healthiest thing you can by drawing up these boundaries with them. If they want to lash out like angry children, let it run its course and don’t feed into it.”

 _Internalizing it,_ Light thought, turning that over in his head. _Is **that** what I’m doing?_

“Let me ask you something,” L said.

“Yeah?”

“With Jayden, do you even pay attention to half his shit anymore?”

“Uh… not really.”

“And in the beginning, you reacted to almost everything, right?”

Oh. Yeah, he guessed he did.

“So, correct me if I’m wrong,” L continued, “but don’t you just let his moods and shit pass over like changes in the weather? There’s nothing you can really do about them, and in the end you have an understanding that despite being an incurable asshole, and dysfunctional as hell, he cares about you?”

A faint laugh slipped out of him at that. “Yeah, I guess that about sums it up.” He processed his next thoughts out loud, so as not to leave L with more of those long silences. “I just read between the lines. Like his attitude over people being nice and stuff like that. It doesn’t phase me because I know how it works.”

“Right,” L said patiently, “so why aren’t you doing the same with them?”

“Uh….” Jayden, he got. How he would translate this sort of understanding to his parents, he had **no** idea.

“You keep expecting them to act reasonable,” L said point blank, “and keep being surprised and disappointed when they don’t.” His tone got harsher, more blunt, giving him a kick in the ass. “ _Update your view of them._ Stop setting yourself up for failure.”

Frustration lanced through him and the pounding in his head was getting worse. He was reacting to that tone and to the impossibility of this whole thing. “I get what you are saying,” he said in a measured voice, trying not to vent his temper, though it tried to curl through his words, “but I just don’t know HOW. I’m not trying to be difficult here.” He was overly aware of how annoying this conversation must be on the other end, and that made him tense. He was _trying_ to get it, and let the call be done so L could get back to whatever, and he could get back to Jayden and his mother, but it was damnably elusive to him.

“In a nutshell?” L said. “Stop expecting them to be parents. Stop expecting them to be _good_ parents. Stop expecting them to ‘do the right thing’ or have compassion or self-awareness.”

Light’s heart sank. “You mean give up?”

“No, just let go of your ideal. Then you can stop being disappointed when they don’t live up to it. And you can stop blaming yourself for it, which you probably only do because your actions are the only thing you have any control over.”

Light expelled a sigh. “Wow,” he uttered under his breath.

“If they were a couple of kids,” L reasoned, “would you react to their fits? Or would you not react, let them get that of their system, and then move on?”

_Oh….. shit….._

Light blinked, wide eyed. _Children_. That was _exactly_ how his parents struck him at times. It was like… in all of their outbursts, he was allowing himself to be at the mercy of _children_.

What he needed to do, then, was stop subjugating himself to those ‘children’, and elevate his placement in his mind to one that was more of an adult role. As L had said, in a perfect world, adults didn’t react to children’s tantrums or feed into it. They let it go, instead of getting immersed and caught up into it. They let it blow through like a storm, and only tried talking and logic after the fact.

_Jesus. Seriously?_

It bothered him on a profound level to have to take this stance with his own parents. But really, what choice was there? And it made all too much sense.

“Not react,” he said slowly. “You’re saying to just keep out of the pool till the storm blows over and they act less emotional.”

“Bingo.”

“So… _that’s_ the difference? At home and even up till now I was trying to reason with emotional temper tantrums?”

“Basically. So, not reacting **_isn’t_** the same as shoving stuff down like you did before.” He could practically hear a shrug in L’s voice. “Sure, you may still get mad or whatever, but your goal is just to not engage the tantrums. You’ll still deal with stuff, talking it out later instead of shoving it down, but not during that mess. At home, you never really were in a position to deal with it, or talk it through, though I’m sure you tried.”

“Yeah, I did,” he agreed, expelling a weary sigh. “My hands were pretty much tied, though.”

“Anyway, you could take a page out of Jayden’s book. You notice how he ignores your mom flaring up? And he either gets real direct or makes jokes? I think it distracts her out of her reactions and keeps her on her toes. And notice also how ultimately your mom keeps seeking him out? Despite him ‘upsetting her’ with how blunt and unapologetic he is.”

“So, she’ll get over it,” he guessed.

“She’ll adjust,” L said, not unkindly. “Eventually. Just hold your own, don’t back down, but be fucking pleasant about it and not feed into that reaction cycle.”

Funny, that almost sounded like a pep talk.

“Ok.”

“Are you good?” He could almost see his lover’s dark eyes, watchful, analyzing his face and assessing where he was at. They assumed nothing.

“Well, good might be on overly optimistic assessment,” Light said wryly.

L chuckled. “You’ll be fine.”

“I appreciate this,” Light said, feeling that sentiment with great intensity. “Really. A lot.” What would he ever have done without L, or all the guidance and support either of the cousins had given him on this? “How did you ever get to be so wise?”

“I like to think I was born this way,” L quipped.

“Pffft. Come on.”

“I may have had people step in and help me through shit, like I’m doing for you now.”

Ah, that would make sense. “Mmhmn,” he teased slyly, “and I guess none of them had a lot of advice for dealing with a _cousin_ such as you have?”

L laughed out loud. “He’s unique. Parents were a much more common ground for them to help out on.”

“Ok, I should get back.”

“I’ll see you when you get home.”

Aw, there was a warmth in those words, and it seemed more intimate than L’s usual _‘see you soon’_. It brought a smile to his face and made him feel warm inside. It helped ease some of the nasty tension that had been rifling with his heart. “Can’t wait.”

* * *

“Everything ok?” Jayden asked, offsetting Mrs. Yagami’s stern look of disapproval. Light seemed better now than when he’d left. Calmer maybe? He suspected the brunet had called his cousin. Whatever he’d said seemed to have helped.

“Yeah,” Light said briefly, seeming to take a mental deep breath. “I apologize for that, mother.” He spoke in a tone that was a close approximation of the choirboy voice. It was collected and polite. “I’m sure that seemed a bit rude,” he said apologetically, though without prostrating himself to her disapproval,  “although that was farthest from my intent.”

“It _did_ , now that you mention it,” she huffed.

 _Oh, here we go,_ Jayden thought. Light was usually gritting his teeth when he made concessions, so when one of the parents acted uppity or bitchy back, it was like watching a powder keg go off.

“Again, my apologies,” the brunet said, with only a touch more tension, “it was necessary.”

Uh…. okay, so he _wasn’t_ blowing up? Jayden eyed him warily. This was new. Or maybe he was just holding it in for a bigger explosion later? Oh, that would be ugly.

“One wonders if you were raised with no manners at all,” she said pointedly, taking a drink of her coffee with a frown.

“I was going to suggest I make it up to you, perhaps going to dinner, just us…” Light trailed, giving her a bland look. “But I suppose my manners would just be a cause for embarrassment.”

Huh. Jayden watched the exchange with interest. It seemed Light had caught his mother between backpedaling at the promise of more time with her son, versus latching onto the opening to fuss at him more. That she was torn showed clearly upon her face.

“But you wouldn’t even come to coffee, just us,” she protested, picking something way on the sidelines to address.

“Did I indicate that would be forever?” he asked in an unassuming tone.

Wow, ok, he was impressed. Light was _playing the game_.

He’d like to think he’d rubbed off on the kid a bit and provided a role model for such maneuvering, but that might be going too far. He felt a grin twitching at the corner of his mouth. Ok, fuck it, he’d take the credit. Haha this was getting interesting.

“Well, no,” Mrs. Yagami said, almost seeming to pout.

“In fact, I believe that I stated that it was temporary, depending on how things went.”

“I recall.” She frowned. “But it seemed as if that was never going to change.”

“I’m sorry it seemed that way,” Light said matter of factly. He was managing an even, calm voice and didn’t let annoyance or anything slip into it.

 _Ooooh, good!_ Jayden approved. _Plus one for evasiveness skill!_ He’d dodged that guilt trip like a pro.

Actually, now that he was watching this go on, it wasn’t exactly the choirboy deal that Light was doing. It had a note of that, sure, but it wasn’t as…. accommodating. He had a pleasant tone of voice and _seemed_ to be accommodating, but he wasn’t ceding any ground.

“Aw,” Jayden said, stirring things up a little and tossing a ridiculous pout onto his face. “You mean **_I’m_** not invited?” He partly blamed the coffee for being unable to keep his mouth shut.

Mrs. Yagami looked torn between guilt and surprised indignance at him horning in on the proposed family time. HAHAA! Oh, god that was priceless. She was so taken aback that she was rendered speechless.

When she’d marginally recovered, she still hadn’t wiped that incredulous look off of her face. “I-I suppose you could come?”

“Nah,” Jayden said lightly, letting out a bit of the grin which fought to be upon his face. “If **I** went to dinner, then _everyone_ would want to go. First, pops, then L, and god knows, none of us are ready for something like _THAT_ again in this lifetime.”

Oops, he hadn’t actually meant to take it to ground zero. Even the mere allusion to _that_ dinner was like dropping a megabomb.

Light put a hand over his face, shaking his head.

Ugh, damnit. Damn coffee. “Well, come on,” he wheedled, trying to undo the damage and Mrs. Y’s shocked face. “That was less than fun. I’m sure if there comes a time where tempers are a little less volatile, it would be real nice. Like before.”

Sachiko blinked at him. “You… liked the dinners at the house?”

“Sure,” he said easily, selling the idea.

“But I thought you said that the last thing you wanted to do was the dinner,” she said, routing it somehow back to THE dinner, “and that everyone but Light thought it was a bad idea.”

 _Oops. Shit._ Way to air that _phone call_ he’d told no one about, not to mention the content. He could feel Light’s incredulous gaze upon him, even before the brunet said, “You _said_ that??”

Mrs. Yagami nodded at her son. “That and much more. He was fairly rude about it-” she sent Jayden a pointed, chastising look, “-and told me to make a decision.” She added, primly, “I am omitting his exact phrasing, as it was largely inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate, but helpful nonetheless,” Jayden added in a chipper tone, not to be intimidated. _Ugh….._ Light was going to murder him later. He’d pretty much omitted this entire conversation, keeping it from both Light and his cousin, and they weren’t fans of him withholding information.

“We should put that on your tombstone,” Light said drolly, giving him a look.

“Hey, I’m just glad the word ‘helpful’ would make it on there,” he quipped with an oddball smile. “I rather expected to have something more along the lines of a bunch of expletives.”

“Ha,” the brunet let out a short laugh, looking amused. “That _would_ be appropriate.”

“He also suggested not bringing your father,” Sachiko interrupted the banter, insisting on continuing the painful line of conversation the _second_ Jayden thought they’d broken free of it. _Goddamnit_.

“But you _did_ bring father,” Light pointed out.

“Yes.” She paused, and glanced at Jayden. “ _Someone_ told me that I should leave him at home if he couldn’t be supportive.”

“Er….” the brunet looked a little taken aback. “Is ‘supportive’ what we all saw? Just to be clear…” He kept his voice non-combative but it was obviously hard for him to do.

She frowned. “I would have liked it to go differently, to be honest.”

Wow. To say the _least_. There were about 31 flavors of _less assholish_ that the dad could have played out for that dinner.

“Then, I think we can all agree on that,” Jayden chimed in, determined to lighten the fucking mood. “By the way, Mrs. Y, when I said supportive, that didn’t include a pass for him to sabotage things. Supportive was supposed to be more along the lines of shutting his fucking mouth.”

Sachiko gasped at his language, utterly appalled.

“Oops, sorry, I forgot to filter.” That wasn’t true - he’d picked his words intentionally, looking to shake her up and get her thinking. It seemed to work better when he tossed out a few curse words, because then she wasn’t just leaping to denying the statement. Her indignance added a small amount of buffer time before she actually addressed whatever he’d said.

She shook her head at him and fussed sharply. “You needn't be so _crass_ , Jayden. Were you raised by wolves?” The moment the words left her mouth, her face fell and she seemed to realize her own mistake in referencing his family.

He felt somewhat vindicated that she felt bad, saying something so unthinkingly.

“I’m out of coffee,” he said abruptly and got up to get more, furthering the impression he might be upset by what she’d just said. The statement wasn’t that big of a deal, he’d come to expect such from her, but he didn’t need to let _her_ know that. Maybe a little embarrassment would make her watch her mouth a bit more.

While he was in line, he snuck some looks back at the table. The two of them were talking, and it didn’t seem like World War III. Good.

* * *

“Oh, I just feel dreadful for saying that,” Sachiko lamented, fussing over her comment.

“So just apologize?” her son suggested calmly.

“I didn’t mean to-” she wrung her hands. It wasn’t just the insult to Jayden’s family - bringing up the family that had abandoned him or the family that had raised him - it was as if she was saying he was deficient and that the events with his family were _his_ fault, that he should be held accountable for it.

The criticizing words had just slipped out, and she felt mortified over it.

But why wasn’t Light acting more upset over it? Didn’t he care how this looked? Didn’t he care about how the comment had affected his friend or how she felt over saying it? “I can’t believe you are sitting there, so blasé about this,” she said critically.

“Mother, this is between you and him. I can’t change that.”

“Since when did you get so cold and uncaring?” This was deeply upsetting to her. Her son often wore expressiveness on his sleeve, and he was acting so… detached. It made her heart feel cold.

Light blinked at her and shook his head. “Who said I don’t care?”

“Well, you don’t seem to care,” she huffed. If he cared, wouldn’t he have gotten mad? Glared? Said something?

“I think you may be confusing having a temper with caring. I’m working on my temper.”

It was her turn to blink back at him. “By not feeling anything?”

Working on his temper? Since when did her son say things like that? She’d had the idea that he thought himself without fault, especially as all this turmoil had begun in the family. Before that, she never would have thought of her son as having a temper. But since then, he’d often seemed ready to explode. What on earth had given him the idea to work on on changing himself?

It was…. well, it actually sounded incredibly mature. Soichiro could take some notes, his temper had been just short of ghastly at times.

* * *

Jayden came back, catching the tail end of the anger management talk and the mother asking where he’d gotten the idea. Before Light could answer, he slid into the chair next to him and inserted himself into the conversation. “Ever heard of the 12 steps program?” he said in an easy tone. Not so easy, was keeping himself from laughing. Light kicked him under the table.

“Of course. They run one of those groups at my church.”

“You don’t say.” Hell, that might help the dad with his fucking anger issues, if someone could wrangle him into attending one.

She seemed confused. “But those are for alcoholics.”

“Weeeeell,” Jayden drawled. “Not exactly. You’re forgetting narcotics, for one.” He should know. L had dragged him into a program a few years ago at someone’s suggestion, and had sat through quite a lot of the sessions, just to make sure he didn’t dip out. He’d been kind of a mess at the time, and such measures were needed. “They do the program for anger too, most places.”

Surprising to him at the time, some of the people at the meetings weren’t substance abusers and just had anger issues. Apparently the program accepted them too, and just considered them anger addicts.

“I… didn’t know that,” Light’s mother said delicately.

Hmn. This was ironic. He’d only mentioned the program as a joke. He hadn’t honestly thought of suggesting anything like it to her, though the dad sure as fuck could use _some_ kind of help, therapy, or a boot to the head.

“And it’s helping?” she asked her son.

Jayden’s eyes slid over to regard his companion. Light felt put on the spot, he was sure. He knew the brunet hated lying. He urged him to do it anyway, though, for fucks sake. If it could make her latch onto this idea, it might serve as an avenue to pull his father’s head out of his self-righteous ass. _Come on, cubscout, break with tradition! Lie your fucking ass off!_

“You want to know if it could help father?” Light asked gingerly. Jayden knew him well enough to tell he was afraid such a question would blow the fuck up in denial. From what he’d seen of Mrs. Y., that wouldn’t be unlikely.

“Are you saying he has a problem?” she asked defensively.

Light shook his head, still looking on pins and needles. “No, I’m responding to why you asked. I thought perhaps you were inquiring for reasons beyond just my benefit.” He paused and added, “Yes, it is helping.”

Jayden felt pride well up within him as the cubscout went for the lie in the end. _Aw…… There you go!_ It warmed his heart, like how parents must feel watching their kid take its first steps. _I knew you could do it!_ He was roughly 95 percent sure that, with an endorsement from her son, the mom would actually consider taking her husband to a meeting.

“Hm.” Mrs. Yagami had on a frown, but she was obviously thinking it over. “Maybe that is something to look into.” She turned to look at Jayden. “Why do you know so much about it?”

Shit. That sure put him on the spot. He considered his response for a minute and decided to go for shock factor. “I was a drug addict,” he said brightly.

Her mouth dropped open, yet her horrified surprise quickly turned to suspicion. “Are you just joking around?”

Haha, he knew she’d never take that seriously, delivered like that. Even if it was the truth. “Oh, one can never tell,” he lilted playfully.

Actually, to be honest, he really hated admitting it to anyone. Mostly because he’d completely lost a handle on everything and he’d put L through hell, pulling him out of that hole. It wasn’t something he liked remembering or owning up to. Truth be told, it was mostly the guilt over that which had kept him clean.

Alcohol was sort of another issue, but it hadn’t messed him up like drugs had. He overindulged, but he wasn’t cartwheeling out of control. Besides, he kind of felt like he was making up for lost time recently, toning down on the drinking as they had been. It didn’t feel as difficult now as it had when they’d started, and he could sort of see where he could pull it off for a longer time. Justin had noticed it before he had - that he kind of had a mind to continue. Not like, total abstaining. Hell, they hadn’t really done that anyway. But he could probably avoid it for the most part, and maybe just give himself a pass once a week or something when he hung out with friends.

Well, it was something to think about. On the other hand, he had to watch out for his compulsive nature. It had made it impossible for him to do narcotics at ALL without a total backslide. He wasn’t sure if alcohol would be the same way, if he gave himself some slack. It sure would suck to lose all of his hard work, simply because he didn’t quit entirely and bad habits had slid back to the fore. He was kind of going for a _balance_ between raging alcoholic and puritan, if he could manage it.

Jayden became aware of the silence that had descended upon the table. “What?” he said nonchalantly, downing his coffee as fast as he could, cursing his distracted introspection.

“Have you been going to meetings since you’ve been trying to stop drinking?” Light’s mother asked him tentatively.

Aw, fuck. Well, he supposed that was a logical conclusion to draw. Ironically, it bugged him to lie about this. It was tied to stuff that just felt way too fucking personal. “It’s a good program,” he said, doing one of the brunet’s moves of affirming her assumptions and not outright lying.

“Well, if both of you boys feel there is value in it… I’ll look into it.”

“That would be great, mom.”

That caught his attention. Before this moment, it had been mother, mother, mother. He surreptitiously studied the brunet and assessed the switch to be authentic. There was a feeling of relief around Light now, a lessening of tension.

* * *

Light felt nearly buoyant. Cautious, but buoyant. The rest of the time at the coffee shop seemed to go well, and they each had multiple cups, extending the time. It seemed like a huge breakthrough with his mom, over this 12 step thing.

When Jayden had first said it, he was certain it was only with the intent to amuse himself, and yet…. it had spawned something totally unexpected. The moment his mother seemed to open up to the fact that his dad had anger issues, and might honestly talk him into the program, it was like reaching past the shell of their usual stilted interaction to something REAL.

Not only that, L’s advice from earlier had helped immensely. He still felt sad over having it be necessary - thinking of his parents this way, as childlike adults - but at the same time it was a way forward. Maybe it wasn’t totally what he’d hoped for, but he’d take it.

Jayden dropped him off at L’s, and he clomped up the steps to the apartment. For the first time in what felt like forever, he had hope and it wasn’t balanced solely on the actions of his parents. He wasn’t totally at the mercy of their whims this way. Maybe his father would get help, maybe he would refuse it. Regardless, he now understood how to weather the storms and not drown in them. It wasn’t second-nature yet, and would take a hell of a lot of work, but he could do this. He could _do_ this. And maybe in time, even if his father didn’t go seek help, he’d get weary of the anger and things would hit a bit of a lull.

He pulled in a bracing breath, feeling more resolute. Yeah, he could handle this on his own... He believed that now.

Luckily, though, he didn’t have to.

He started to unlock the door with his key, but L opened it up for him, having been expecting him. His love swung the door wide, a warm look in his dark eyes as he said, “Welcome home.”

* * *

_Fins_  

 (Again, there is an epilogue to follow this chapter)

 

A/N: The feeling of this song fits so well, not to mention the lyrics. I hope you will give it a listen. **I made some notes in between the lyrics based on my reasons for feeling it fits, and also some final thoughts on the story overall.** : )    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JN2RuUcaUkk

**U2: The Miracle (Of Joey Ramone)**

_I was chasing down the days of fear_  
_Chasing down a dream before it disappeared_  
_I was aching to be somewhere near_  
_Your voice was all I heard_  

_I was shaking from a storm in me*_  
_Haunted by the spectres that we had to see_  
_Yeah, I wanted to be the melody_  
_Above the noise, above the hurt_

(*This to me describes Light's state especially at the beginning of the story, the tempest within as he struggled with things at home and his own increasing wish for rebellion. It also seems to mirror his wish for things to just be ok, and at the same time to have a voice and autonomy.)

_I was young, not dumb*_  
_Just wishing to be blinded*_  
_By you, brand new_  
_And we were pilgrims on our way_

(*This part SO makes me think of Light, both in his family restrictions binding him and making him feel dismissed and also wanting almost fatalistically to be free. And he did seem quite blinded by the brilliance of L, the almost harsh light of emotions L inspired him and facing them, _feeling_ , etc.

And it also seems to speak to the way Light's parents dismiss his views, on account of his age, as if he were dumb and couldn't know what he wants or what is best for him. And, how he just wishes he could be given some credit, and break free of all that.) 

_I woke up at the moment_  
_When the miracle occurred_  
_Heard a song that made some sense_  
_Out of the world_

_Everything I ever lost_  
_Now has been returned_  
_In the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard_

(*aww, to me this is when Light and L meet and things start getting really serious, and emotionally involved, fulfilling.)

_We got language so we can't communicate_  
_Religion so I can love and hate_  
_Music so I can exaggerate my pain_  
_And give it a name_

_I was young, not dumb_  
_Just wishing to be blinded_  
_By you, brand new_  
_And we were pilgrims on our way_  

_I woke up at the moment_  
_When the miracle occurred_  
_Heard a song that made some sense_  
_Out of the world_

_Everything I ever lost_  
_Now has been returned_  
_In the most beautiful sound I'd ever heard_

_We can hear you, hear you*_  
_We can year you_  
_We can hear you, hear you_

(*this part always sounded to me like "we can _**heal**_ " which seemed very appropriate. :) not just for one person but for many of the characters. their intertwining stories presented a lot of opportunity for healing. 

firstly, **Light**. L taught him to open up to love and not run away from his feelings. L and Jayden's support and mentoring helped him with his family, and finding something of a stable ground there, but also within himself.

**L** is learning to become emotionally available and also to open up and talk about his family a little instead of locking that down. he also is starting to learn that he doesn't have to bear the responsibility of things all on his own, that Light will share the burden. he's learning to trust and to accept support. 

**Jayden** , he's been growing as a person through his interaction with Light and also with Justin, and Light's mom. Through Light he learned about connection, and how that connects to deeper feelings. I think it paved the way for him to learn to have authentic relationships, something he'd been avoiding and truly believing he had no need for. He also learned selflessness, and how to do things for other people that didn't directly benefit himself. Justin has helped him become accountable and also see the truth in himself (selfishness, impulsiveness, feelings, etc). There was also some healing of the past with his grandparents, partly by dealing with Light's mother and receiving in the end a sort of acceptance.

**Sachiko** , through her interaction with Jayden has learned to see things differently, and also learned a great deal about acceptance. He was instrumental to the course of the change in her. His playing go-between and having those talks with her was more important than any of them probably realized. She has also learned to loosen up a bit, find humor, and also see other sides to her son that she'd simply overlooked until Jayden called attention to it. She genuinely also cares and came to realize it. She's learning to bypass the things she was having trouble with, such as his appearance, in light of their interactions. She's learning to be a little less critical in that regard.)

_I woke up at the moment_  
_When the miracle occurred_  
_I get so many things I don't deserve*_

(*this strikes me as Light's knee-buckling gratitude for all that he has at this point. it may not be everything he thought of originally - namely a stable and good relationship with his parents, but just like he was thinking of that night under the stars, he's been blessed in other ways. Stability, support, friendship, love, a place to call home, things he'd never give up for anything. and, odd that it might be at this time, the life he has feels pretty good.)

_All the stolen voices_  
_Will someday be returned*_  
_The most beautiful sound I'd ever heard_

(*This to me sounds like hope for the future. If not a repairing of all of the family rifts, at least a way to feel ok about it all, whole.)

_Your voices will be heard_  
_Your voices will be heard  
_


	91. (phase 4) Epilogue: Moving On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Several months have passed, classes will be starting soon, and tomorrow is the day of the move.
> 
> (Yes, this is the absolute FINAL last chapter.)

**S &M**

A Deathnote fic (yaoi - L/Light)

* * *

_ Part 91: Epilogue: Moving On _

_Several months later..._

“Come on, L,” Light protested against his lover’s lips. “We really do need to get some sleep for tomorrow.” Ugh, this was torture. He was really tired and knew they had to be up at a reasonable hour to do the move, and yet… as long as L kept engaging him like this, teasing him and stoking desire, he couldn’t stop. It was like some horrible yet beautiful kind of feedback loop. Each time passion was spent, it was being re-kindled. He could feel his soul being sucked out of him with these breathtaking kisses, wearing him down, and yet he couldn’t stop.

“Waste of a perfectly good Sunday,” L murmured, nuzzling his throat and making him squirm. “You don’t even need any of that stuff anymore, not really.”

“A few things,” he managed to get out, overly affected by L’s talented mouth. His eyes fluttered closed. “College starts in a few weeks. It wouldn’t hurt to have more than a few pieces of clothing to my name.”

“Pfft,” L scoffed playfully. “Like you didn’t hate that stuff you had to wear before.” He moved down to nip at Light’s collarbones.

“Yeah, but... they’re free.” _God_ that was distracting. “I don’t want to spend what little money I have on stuff like that, at least not right away.” He shuddered as L’s tongue flickered over one of his nipples. “I can use some of it at least.”

“Mmhmmm.”

L’s voice rumbled over his skin, making him writhe. Goddamnit he wanted that mouth on his skin, only much, _much_ lower than it was currently.

“Selling off the furniture would get me a little money, too.” Oh dear god, _yes_. L’s mouth was trailing downwards, over his chest and skimming the flat plane of his stomach.

“Lucky for you,” L said casually, while driving him to distraction, “my cousin knows a place.” He teased the line of Light’s hip with his mouth. “And was willing to help provide some muscle to move it.”

“Where... was he getting the truck from?” _So close…_ He wasn’t entirely sure why he kept talking, except that his mouth was moving on automatic pilot while his mind was begging for more sensation. He almost couldn’t think around it. Also, L had this way of keeping him talking, amused by the way he doggedly kept answering, even if he was practically drowning in lust.

“No idea,” he said lazily, trailing lips over fevered skin. “Borrowing it from someone, I’m guessing.”

What had made his mother suddenly decide that he should get all of his stuff was beyond him. Sure, she’d said they had decided to try renting the room out to college kids, that it would earn them some money and also the house wouldn’t be so quiet… But why not just toss his stuff out? He probably could get along without any of it.

Things hadn’t been going too badly lately, so maybe it was just an unexpected sign of courtesy. Though, a furnished room would be easier to rent…

Hot, wet heat slid over Light’s arousal, engulfing him quite suddenly. He melted into it, a curse falling from his lips. His eyes squeezed shut and all thoughts outside of sensation and _lust_ fell right out of his head.

He could feel L’s amusement at such a reaction, but he couldn’t properly address that, as he was a little too engrossed in the pleasure that was currently socking him in the gut over and over. “I… hate you…” he managed to get out between the intense waves of sensation, miffed at the playfully mocking light which lived in his night black eyes at times like this. It was so unfair how intensely L could make him feel. It was like being stripped of his defenses and lain bare, _every_ time.

“That’s adorable,” L mocked him with a smile, deviating to nip at the skin of his lower belly and stir him up even worse than he already was.

Light writhed at the sudden lack of sensation upon his arousal, and the cold air of the fan hitting slick, painfully sensitive skin. Each nicking of teeth was flaring in his gut, and strobing lights behind his eyes. It was L’s favorite brand of torture - get him to the edge and string him along mercilessly, watching him jump and moan at even the smallest sensations or lack thereof.

“I’m going to… kill you,” Light threatened, his whole body tensing and his head arching back as L flicked his talented tongue over throbbing flesh.

“So hot,” L murmured. He slid up Light’s body and buried his face in his neck, breathing him in. “Can you go another round?”

“Only if I don’t care about walking with a bowlegged swagger,” he joked, sort of willing to test it out anyhow. Maybe it would be fine? Hell, he didn’t know and he was sort of past caring at the moment anyway.

L laughed softly and blew into his ear, making him squirm. “You’re such a good sport.”

“Hurry it up already. I hate it when you do this to me.” This really was torture the way L got him so worked up. His arousal was so hard it HURT. Sure, it was almost worth it later, for how intense the orgasms would be, but _still_.

The lube was cool and slick, and slender fingers sliding into him and stretching him were doing nothing to dim his craving. L did minimal preparation necessary to ease his entry, accurately sensing that too much of that and he’d just lose it from the stimulation.

L kissed and sucked at his lips, distracting him as he moved forward, pressing against his opening. Luckily, his body calmed the fuck down a little bit as he adjusted to taking in L’s not-insignificant girth. He sucked in a breath, trying to relax through it, though being this turned on, even discomfort felt super hot and his body kept clenching at every reaction and even to just his own debased thoughts. L leaned in and bit his shoulder sharply, making him cry out in a hiss.

“Ow, you-!” he started, though he knew it was calculated to help him keep this reactiveness down a few notches, and it did work. For a moment, he was almost clear headed.

L’s hot mouth slid against his then, and he nearly melted. He moaned into it as L thrust all the way into him, arching his back. Pleasure fanned through him and made his head fuzzy and nearly spinning. “So hot,” L said against his mouth, sliding out and then deeper into him, making him groan.

Light raked his hands over L’s back, _hard_ , reveling in the sounds he was able to drop from his lover’s mouth. He rolled his hips and met the thrusts, desire, and lust, making the pace more frantic.

Ok, after this, he was done. He would quite literally die if he kept up this sort of exertion for more than a few hours. His muscles were still shaking from earlier. It was wringing every ounce of stamina and strength from his very being. And in the moment, all he could do was drive forward, push his own limits, and _react_. It was only afterwards that he was aware of the exhausting toll it took upon him.

But it felt sooooo good…..

He wrapped his legs around L’s waist as their bodies took a beating. “God, yes,” he moaned as L slid deeper, longer, harder. He kept catching glimpses of intense dark eyes, enticingly flushed cheeks, and lips that were slightly parted and could only be described as fuckable.

He imagined sliding his hard flesh between them, feeling them part and take him into an overwhelming, wet heat. He recalled the feel of a talented tongue bending him to its will and he moaned out loud, shuddering. _Ohhhh yes….._

L’s mouth reclaimed his, jamming lust into him almost as hard as the erotic thrusts deep within his craving body. His body flushed hard, in waves, and then he was shuddering and moaning around the meeting of tongues within their heated liplock as release spilled through him.

L swore as orgasm tore through him as well, holding Light tightly to him as it ravaged his senses and pulsed out of him in electrifying currents.

It was a full 10 minutes before either of them roused themselves to speak. It seemed like a full 5 before they had even moved apart and L had rolled onto his back next to him.

Light whacked him in the stomach with a lethargic hand. “As exhausted as I now am, I still don’t know how I’m going to manage to sleep after all of that.” His pulse was still racing and he felt in that mode of beyond tired where it was almost like zombie mode - endlessly awake yet running on fumes.

L shot him a cheeky grin. “I hear you saying you’re up for one more?”

“Pffft, shut up,” he scoffed, shaking his head with a bit of a laugh. That really would be the death of him and L knew it. “ _Menace_.”

“Haha. Alright alright, we’ll get some sleep.” He reached a hand up to ruffle Light’s hair and mess with him just a little bit more. He grinned as he got a tired and half hearted growl for his efforts, his hand being swatted at. “By the way,” L’s voice turned a little more serious. “You still want me to just hang here on this end for this moving thing?”

“Well….” Truth be told, he was torn. Things with the family were still a little tenuous, though much better than before. At this point he was pretty sure his mom wouldn’t be adverse to L existing in her presence, but his father was still a different matter. She was almost normal around Jayden now, but they hadn’t really pushed the issue to gain L acceptance, yet. L was more than fine with that, really not wanting the headache; he’d also maintained that too much all at once and it would likely backfire on them all. “She did ask if you would be coming along to help, and it sounded like that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world… but then, I don’t know how that would shake down if my father was there.”

“The 12-step meetings seem to be helping at least somewhat, if your mother isn’t worried about having any of us simply setting foot in there.”

“Yeah.” Light chewed his lip absently. That was sort of the part he was stressing out about. He’d met with his mother not infrequently in this time, with Jayden as well. Maybe once every two weeks or so. And that seemed to sort of be ok-ish now.

It had surprised the hell out of him when she’d even inquired after L somewhat recently, asking if he would be attending any of these little meetups. Partly she seemed like she was forcing herself to ask after him, for the perception of being a good mother and showing care about who he was dating. However, it also seemed like she might be letting go a bit of her total 100 percent conviction that L was an evil rape demon who had mind controlled her son into a sinful lifestyle.

He sighed and shook his head.

Well, at least she was putting in some effort, now. He did appreciate it.

L had declined several offers, begging off due to work, but actually had meet with him and his mother a few different times. (Jayden opted out on those occasions, letting them all settle their own shit). It had gone… ok? L was polite and respectful as always, and that seemed to finally be sinking in with her a little. There were still some flare ups of emotion on her end, but nothing worse than that conversation they’d been having at that dinner, really. But overall it seemed like maybe she was starting to remember how she’d really enjoyed his company before and was fighting an internal battle between that view of him and the son-stealing-headonist view of him.

“Hello?” L called softly, waving a languid hand in front of his face to gain his attention.

Light jumped a little as he was startled back from his whirring thoughts. Oh. Shit. “Sorry, I guess I just zoned out there.” Ugh, how embarrassing. He hated when he did that, getting so caught up in the tangle of his thoughts.

L was giving him a baleful stare. It wasn’t impatient, though. “You really go a million miles away sometimes.”

“Sorry,” he said again, sheepishly. He knew L tried not to take it as him being secretive, though it could tend to look that way. “It was just an avalanche of introspection. And… I didn’t answer your question. Um…” He paused to gather his thoughts which, at this moment, was like herding cats. “Maybe you should go, but maybe not. I have no idea, to be honest... It’s hard to call.”

Should they push the issue and have L show up, ripping the bandaid off so to speak? Or should they be more cautious and long-term about it, and avoid a face-to-face at the house? Ugh……….

“I get it.” L had a sympathetic look on his handsome face. “You wanna just play it by ear?”

Light breathed a sigh of relief. Yeah, tomorrow, that sounded great. Maybe after sleep, and a shit-ton of coffee, he’d be up for making such decisions.

“Have I told you how sweet you are?” Light said in a teasing voice, letting it also sound questionably sarcastic just to mess with him a little. But he really did appreciate the reprieve and the lack of pressure L put on him. He knew that he could choose either way, and L would be fine with it. That level of understanding from his lover, it gave him such a feeling of security and it laid a good deal of his tension at ease.

“Brat,” L said with a rueful smile, attacking a few ticklish spots in retaliation.

“H-Hey-!” Light got out, laughing and trying to evade his devilish hands. “How is this letting us sleep?”

“Payback is instant,” he scoffed, not letting up on the onslaught, “you should know that by now.”

“Elllllllllllll~!” He could barely gasp out part of L’s given name; tying to say Elbrecht while choking on your own spit and lack of air could be damn near fatal. Added to that was the winded laughter he couldn’t help, as L realized what he’d tried to say.

L doubled up on his attack. “Oh no you don’t!”

Since the day L had divulged his birth name, it had come up a few times, and now Light was able to say it without him totally locking up or giving him a surly ass glare. L was getting desensitized, and Light was pretty sure it was a good thing - a part of letting go.

Maybe in time L would be able to let go more and more of the past, the stuff with his parents and how they’d checked out and left him for somebody else to raise. He probably wouldn’t admit it, but it was all still lurking just under the surface and affecting him to this day. Maybe in time, it wouldn’t have to.

“Alright alright, truce!” Light was at his limit. He needed air and his sides ached from tickle torture induced laughter. “Sleep. Please.”

“What’s it worth to you?” L responded slyly, hands still raised and threatening to continue.

“Oh, not this again,” he griped, feeling like any agreement he made here only meant he was going to get utterly compromised in the near future. A sadistic smile began to quirk up the corner of his lover’s mouth, and he moved in to continue.

“No, wait-!” He couldn’t bear more of this - he was still trying to breathe and his sides were seriously hurting. “Ok, ok,” he said quickly, staving off the attack, hands raised like shields, “you get a free pass for something next week, whatever you want.” Ugggggggh. He hated handing out a pass like that, not knowing what would become of himself, but nothing short of that would ward off L’s determination to torment him.

“Aw, you folded rather fast,” L complained, though he also looked really smug and pleased with himself.

“Shut up, or I’ll make you go tomorrow for sure.”

“Hateful.” Dark eyes were amused.

“Come on,” Light said, “we really need to sleep.”

“If you say so.” L leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to a cheek. “I’ll make you some coffee tomorrow,” he murmured placatingly, since he’d gotten his way, “and bring it to you in bed.”

“See, you really are sweet when you want to be,” Light said sleepily. He turned and pressed a kiss to L’s warm lips, then settled his face against the curve of L’s neck. Tiredness was starting to roll in like a fog. Already, it had slurred his words and was making his head heavy.

* * *

Jayden checked the side mirror of the truck one more time, cursing how it annoyingly seemed to drift out of position, as they made their way over to the Yagami house. Well, fuck it. At least he’d known someone with a truck and had been able to borrow it for this move. Boxes were one thing, furniture required a **_truck_**.

Speaking of which...

“I owe him a _favor_ ,” Justin was stressing, sounding aggrieved. He seemed put out over owing his brother _anything,_ and that favors were akin to suicide. Well, from what he’d heard, it likely wouldn’t be pleasant. Haha.

Justin’s greenish hazel eyes were steely as they regarded him with a no-nonsense expression. “Now you owe ME a favor.”

There was an ominous tone to the threat.

Jayden wasn’t particularly concerned over it.

“Fair enough,” he said somewhat flippantly, “though I already know what you're going to ask for.” He rolled his eyes and added drolly, “Like you’re not getting it anyways.”

“Ass.” The wavy haired brunet glared at him. “I should make your life a _living hell_ , in proportion to whatever ‘favor’ my dickhead pretentious fratboy brother asks for.”

“If you do _that_ ,” Jayden said glibly, “you’ll be just like him.”

“Uggggggh.”

Jayden grinned at the noise that usually heralded Justin’s defeat in trying to deal with him. “Hey,” he added conversationally, “isn’t he always looking for tail? Maybe you can get out of it if you found a girl to throw his way.”

“I’d feel sorry for the girl.”

“Not if we find the _right_ girl.”

Justin gave him a baleful stare. “Such as?”

“Well, like you said, he’s a pretentious fratboy wannabe lawyer. Maybe we just need to find a girl who’d sit on his dick and likes the potential of money and prestige.”

“Is it beating a dead horse, at this point, to call you an asshole?”

Jayden laughed ruefully. “Yeah, yeah, I know but I’m being serious, though. There’s someone for everyone right?”

“He won’t be impressed with just anyone. He’s picky, and with his good looks he can be, which only makes him _more_ of an asshat. And besides, I think deep down he actually wants someone steady, not just a hookup.”

“Must be your upbringing,” Jayden scoffed.

“Shut up. Besides, he isn’t just a wannabe lawyer, he’s a soon-to-be lawyer.” He paused and added, “Who is also a dickhead.”

“Funny that as a lawyer, he isn’t driving some luxury piece of self-mastrabatory machinery.”

“Ha,” Justin scoffed, amusement infecting his expression. “He can’t afford it yet. He got dad’s hand-me-down, just as I got his. That piece of shit car.”

“Well, wheels are wheels,” he said pragmatically. Frankenstein was a piece of shit, but it was free and it worked. Mostly. He’d gotten a little less spiteful about it recently, and a lot more appreciative. Wheels were freedom, afterall. And it was nice to be able to go out without bugging L about borrowing the car. They could just jet whenever they felt like it. Living with two other people didn’t exactly afford the most privacy. Bonus, he’d discovered that with the back seats folded down, it was almost enough room to lay stretched out in diagonally. And it was certainly enough space to get indecent in. He’d tested that an obscene amount of times, just for the hell of it. Haha.

“Plus,” the brunet added, “he found the truck was useful for keggers.”

Jayden laughed. “Classy.”

“He seems to think so.” Justin rubbed his hands over his face, a little sleep-deprived. “But you also owe me for driving over there to pick it up.”

“Aw, you took the damn bus,” he scoffed. “And come on, I gave you cash for that.”

“Right, the _bus_ , Jayden. I hate the fucking bus. Then, I had to spend the weekend with my family. Not to mention the two hour ride back.”

Jayden shrugged dismissively. “Meh. Your folks don’t seem so bad.”

Justin smacked him upside the head. “Well, since I was borrowing _the truck_ , my dillhole brother had to be there. And he likes to treat me like a goddamn frat applicant who needs hazing.”

“Ow,” Jayden said belatedly. Ok, that did sort of sound like a pain in the ass. But it wasn’t like he didn’t appreciate it! “ _Bitch_. I realize a hermit like you would probably hate the bus. I’m not stupid.”

Justin was nonplussed and his surly expression didn’t waver. “You were probably laughing your ass off at the thought.”

Well, there might have been some truth to that. Haha. “Come on,” he wheedled, amusement tilting up the corner or his mouth despite himself, “I’m not a total asshole. With as much as you read, I figured it would be like sitting on the couch at home, only with wheels.”

“Asshat,” Justin muttered, crossing his arms.

He grinned. It was too fun to get him riled up. “Ok, but seriously. I’m sorry your parents decided to have more than one kid and that your brother was first. At least your folks are cool though.”

The brunet gave him a quick, wide eyed look like he suddenly realized he’d put his foot in his mouth earlier. “Sorry, man, I didn’t mean to say-”

Jayden held up a hand to cut him off. Ah, the parental abandonment thing. Yeah he knew Justin wasn’t trying to be inconsiderate of him by bitching about seeing his family. Geez, it wasn’t like his roommate shouldn’t be allowed to have an opinion on his family, just because his own had been fucked up and absent. “It’s ok, don’t worry about it.” He frowned, feeling a little edgy though, that nasty byproduct of people being nice. “Don’t walk on fucking eggshells about it, ok?”

“Ok, asshole.” It sounded sarcastic.

Jayden gave him a sharp look, but quickly determined Justin was merely catering to his anti-nice quirk. Ok, then. “You’re smarter than you look,” he said appreciatively, as if it was just dawning on him, razzing his roommate with a backhanded compliment.

“Pffft, asshole,” the brunet scoffed back, shaking his head. He seemed relaxed about it, not any more annoyed than usual. It looked like navigating little hiccups like this had gotten a lot easier. “Hey, is that our turn?” Justin asked, pointing at the road and looking again at the handwritten scribble that Jayden had scratched out on a piece of paper.

Jayden leaned over to look at the map as Justin held it up. “Maybe? What the fuck did I write?”

“Haven’t you been here a dozen or so times?” He really was skilled at injecting a flair of WTF in his words when he wanted; it blended with his naturally surly tone of voice. “Why wouldn’t you remember the way?”

Jayden shrugged, eyes back on the road. “Ah, the dangers of alcohol abuse,” he lilted, going for a joke.

“Idiot.”

* * *

Mrs. Yagami was bustling about the house when she thought she heard a vehicle pull up in the drive. She went to the door and watched as the two boys came up to the stoop, one of which she’d never seen before. He was nearly as tall as Jayden, not looking dwarfed in the least standing next to him, and had somewhat unruly, wavy brown hair. He was a fine looking young man, though it was ruined somewhat by the slightly surly cast to his expression. And was that a faint bit of deep purple she was seeing in his hair, glinting in the sun??

She didn’t have much more time to dwell upon that, or what would possess a person. She greeted Jayden, as per usual. “And who is…?” she trailed, looking at Justin. He seemed to put effort into standing a little straighter just then and losing a bit of the off-putting expression. He was rather handsome without the sour face.

“This is Justin,” Jayden said.

“His roommate,” Justin added quickly, trying to be helpful by being somewhat more descriptive. She appreciated that, Jayden was wont to be vague if he knew it would vex a person.

“Best friends with benefits,” Jayden corrected brightly, prompting a surprised look from the brunet and utterly shocking Sachiko at the same time.

“You… what?” she said, blinking rapidly in disbelief. Her head nearly spun with the indecency of it. More so than a relationship between two boys, the idea of a NON-relationship while engaging in such--!

“Nah, I’m just kidding,” Jayden said easily, a grin on his face. He looked exceedingly amused. She took something of a deep breath, trying to recalibrate after a joke like that. “It’s more of a _dating_ thing, really,” he added thoughtfully, practically giving her whiplash.

While she stammered, and did a poor job of recovering, he reached in to give her a one-armed hug. “Nice to see ya, Mrs. Y.” He practically radiated amusement at her stunned demeanor. “Oh and I was being serious with the last one.”

_Good gracious._

Sachiko did her best to pull herself together and not think too deeply on the new information. If there was one thing she knew about Jayden it was that he seemed to thrive on shocking people. She'd had to learn to be quick on her feet around him, and was regaining her poise more rapidly than she used to.

“You are enough to give a person a heart attack,” she groused. She noticed the other boy was shaking his head and giving Jayden a droll look.

“I’ve still got it!” Jayden announced with another grin.

“Like that was in doubt,” the brunet grumbled.

Jayden laughed at him. “Hey, lighten up, at least I’m telling people.” He clapped hands upon Justin’s shoulders and squeezed. He had a mischievous glint to his pale eyes. “You never said I couldn’t also bend it towards my own amusement,” he added, leaning over his shoulder and looking wildly amused by his roommate’s long-suffering look.

Sachiko heard another car pull up into the drive a few moments later. “Step aside, boys, if you would.”

“Sure, Mrs. Y.” Jayden pointed up the stairs. “Should we just get started, or…?”

“No, just wait here a minute,” she said as she opened the door and spied L’s black car. It was an antique, but somehow it didn’t really feel like it, being that it was in such good condition. She still remembered the days when cars like that were on the road fresh from the dealer, like it was only yesterday. It was somewhat nostalgic.

She waited somewhat nervously for the boys to walk up to the house. One was tall and pale, with wild dark hair and a lazy stroll, the other was her son, with his graceful and purposeful stride and smooth, shiny brown hair. They were chatting with each other, seemingly engrossed in whatever they were talking about and unaware of anything outside their interaction. Elliot was missing the tension she usually sensed in him, and he had on an easy smile. Her own boy seemed… happy.

It still tore her up inside, to be honest.

_Remember what the councillor said, Sachiko,_ she told herself.

In a moment of weakness, she’d opened up in that 12 step class she’d been going to in order to support her husband (and to make sure he went). The group leader had pulled her aside later that evening, and he’d recommended that she try going to an actual head shrink. Of course the idea put her off and she dismissed it as rubbish… but she kept sort of thinking on it. The 12 step leader had told her that it would be a safe place to talk things out and process them.

In another total moment of weakness, she’d almost called Jayden to run the matter by him. God knows _why_.

In the end, she hadn’t, but only because she was pretty certain of what he would say. Well, it was guaranteed to be snarky and borderline insulting, but he would have told her to do it. So, she skipped the whole unpleasant part and just booked an appointment to give the whole thing a try.

The councillor, Mr. Yates, had proven to be a good listener. He didn’t even offer much in the way of talking back and advice, but the few things he said had given her food for thought. It was a little like the benefit she’d started to feel in talking to Jayden, although it was devoid of the antagonism and snappy temper.

Mr. Yates had suggested that she didn’t have to agree with her son’s choices in order to be supportive, and that if she wanted a good relationship with him, she might want to try repairing bridges instead of burning them down. To start, he reminded her of how she’d said she originally felt in getting to know Elliot, that she and her husband had really liked him.

Initially, she’d gotten really upset and almost didn’t go back.

But eventually that pesky urge to talk came back, and so… she went back.

Over time she’d come to terms with the idea, and now had an action plan of sorts, which made her feel a bit better. She’d work on trying to see the dark-haired boy as she used to, and not only in the way she’d come to see him more recently.

Mr. Yates had also lead her to the realization that just because her boy was dating someone, it didn’t mean that she was losing him. He’d gently pointed out that accepting Elliot would be stepping in the direction of repairing that bridge between her and her son. And to be honest, she _had_ sort of already seen a flicker of promise after just inquiring after Elliot, and again when meeting with both of them.

It was still hard, and a little awkward, but she admitted that Elliot had continued to conduct himself in a respectful manner and had never stooped to being rude or reacting at her, despite some of the things she’d said.

_It’s so hard though!_ If only he were just a friend to her boy, she could have accepted things as they were, that Elliot was back around again. She would be able to get over all the things that happened. But despite everything, she couldn’t look at his handsome face and forget that he’d used his looks and charm to pull her son into a relationship with no future, no marriage, no children.

_Build the bridge, don’t burn it,_ she reminded herself.

Well, if she stopped thinking about the future, it was a lot easier. Maybe she’d just do that.

“Hey, mom,” Light said, reaching the stoop. She held the door open for him. Elliot hung back a step, seeming a little uncertain if he was supposed to follow, or what exactly he’d be walking into. She waved him in as well, and felt a little bad seeing him so tentative.

“Hi, Mrs. Yagami,” he said respectfully. His dark eyes glanced over the room behind her. “Is this really ok?”

“Yes, it is. You’ll have to excuse Soichiro. He’s back in the bedroom. I thought it for the best.”

The dark-haired boy came to a full stop, and again she felt the guilt and a bit of uncertainty bloom in her chest.

“Honey, it’s ok, come in,” she said, surprising herself with the endearment popping out of her mouth. It was quite unintentional and yet had felt right in the moment. “He’s aware, and it’s fine. We just decided to take things a little slower on his end. You understand, right?”

Elliot blinked at her, looking surprised.

Oh, he really was a handsome boy. Smart and sweet, too. She supposed there was that to be grateful for… at least her son had chosen someone like that and who really obviously cared for him. She reached out for his arm and guided him through the doorway, overcoming his reluctance.

_Why you had to be a **boy** , though... _she tsked at him with a mental sigh.

“Mom, how was church?” Light asked, noting that she was still dressed in her sunday best. They’d arrived here just a touch after she’d gotten home from the early service.

“Oh, it was lovely,” she said. “A really good message this week. It would be nice if you could have heard it-” She waved the topic off, feeling silly saying anything all. “But you wouldn’t care about that, dear.”

“I’m not totally against it,” he said with something of a frown. “Though yeah, I’m not going where you and father go anytime soon. Besides, they are totally anti- anyone who’s different. Screw that.”

“Language,” she huffed. Honestly, on a Sunday no less!

“Sorry.”

“I’ll go, Mrs. Y.” Jayden said with a mischievous grin. “I’m sure they’d get a kick out of **me**.”

“Oh shush,” she shooed him towards the stairs. “You are such a troublemaker.”

“You have no idea,” the wavy-haired brunet said drolly, shaking his head.

“Alright, time to move some shit,” Jayden said, rolling up his sleeves.

Sachiko swatted at him with a frown. “Language!”

“Oops,” he said with a bit of a laugh. He put his hands together like praying, giving her guilty eyes tinged with amusement. “Sorry Mrs. Y.”

Honestly, these boys. “Go on with you. Put those muscles to work. Let me know if you need anything.”

* * *

“Why am I here, again?” Justin asked, with a little bit of an attitude, as they reconvened upstairs.

“Oh, we’re using you for your muscles, lover,” Jayden razzed him, earning himself an annoyed glare. To be a pest, he leaned in abruptly and violated his roommate’s ear with his tongue.

“Damnit, Jayden, quit it!” he protested, slapping a hand over his ear, but there was a slight flush under the surly attitude.

“Ahhahaaa,” Jayden laughed at him.

“Ok guys, listen,” Light said, clapping his hands to get their attention. “I was thinking, boxes into L’s car to clear some space, then we can bring down the bed and desk and stuff and put that into the truck.”

“Do you really need all this shit?” Jayden asked.

“Well… no, probably not.”

“Hey,” L said to Light, “you wanna maybe go through some stuff first? See what you actually want to keep?”

“Er….” there seemed to be so many boxes. His mother had packed up his things, and he’d figured it would be easier to go through stuff away from the house. He could donate the stuff he didn’t need. Though, without his father standing guard like an angry sentinel, there didn’t seem to be as much of a rush.

“Actually,” Justin chimed in, looking around with a shrewd hazel gaze, “I think we need to make a full trip of just boxes, then come back for the furniture in a second trip.”

“Hmmm,” L said, surveying the room once more. “Agreed.”

“Moving sucks,” Jayden added with a nod and a slightly sour face. “You’re lucky we like you, short stack,” he said somewhat condescendingly to Light, trying to get a rise out of him.

“Yeah, thanks, asshole,” Light said sarcastically with an exceedingly bland look. He made a show of rolling his eyes.

That amped Jayden up, making him look both energized and annoyed. “Shut it, shrimp. Your month of getting a free pass on saying _whatever the hell you want_ has long since expired.”

“Too bad your assholery didn’t likewise expire,” he tossed back cattily, giving him a baleful stare.

“Oh, get a room,” Justin said, rolling his eyes. He didn’t seem overly concerned. “Come on, hop-to or we’ll be here all damn day.”

Light decided to ignore bantering with Jayden in favor of his roommate who seemed much better at planning and coordinating. “Ok, so boxes first, right?”

“Yeah. I think we can get most of it in one go, the rest would fit in L’s car on the second trip.” He gestured at different sections of boxes as he spoke, seeming to plan it all out. “Then, you and L can head home and handle those last boxes yourself. The asshole and I will take the furniture stuff over to the second-hand place.”

“Which **I** found out about,” Jayden added, as if Justin was trying to claim credit.

“Appreciated,” Light said.

“Oh, say it like you mean it.” Jayden gave him a nonplussed look.

“Hell no, you’ll bite my head off.”

Justin laughed softly behind his hand, looking wildly amused. “He knows you so well.”

“Oh, shut up,” Jayden muttered, glaring at his roommate.

* * *

Moving everything for the first trip went well, and as Justin predicted, the boxes that were left would easily fit in the car.

They filed back into the house for round two, feeling a little tired after hauling stuff down one flight of stairs and up another.

“Joy,” Jayden muttered, “can’t wait for round two, boss level.”

“Boys?” Mrs. Yagami said, poking her head from around the kitchen. “Would you like some refreshments?”

“Caffeine?” Jayden asked hopefully.

“And sandwiches, if you boys are hungry. It’s past lunchtime, afterall.”

Light shared a glance with L. That was… surprising. _Should we?_ he asked his dark-eyed lover. L shrugged and seemed to gamely say, _‘why not’_? Still, a sit down meal? It seemed a little strange. Awkward.

He shuffled into the kitchen after Jayden and Justin, L following behind.

“Wow, Mrs. Y., you’re an angel!” Jayden exclaimed, grabbing half a sandwich off of a platter stacked full of diagonally cut sandwiches. It was a bit of a stretch, calling her an angel, but Jayden did often think with his stomach. So, in the moment, being hungry, she probably did warrant that title. Plus, his mother did seem to perk up quite a bit at the boisterous complement.

“There’s a few different types,” she said, fussing over them, and looking pleased.

Jayden had already cracked open a soda and was downing it at an alarming rate. “Ahhhhhh,” he exclaimed as he finished it and crunched the can. “I can feel life flowing back into me.” He promptly downed another half a sandwich and another soda.

“Glutton,” L and Justin said at the same time, making Light laugh and Jayden scowl.

“Shut up,” the glutton retorted at his laughter. “I’m a growing boy. And you have some heavy ass furniture that needs lifting, so again, _shut up_.”

“There’s chips as well, if you’d like-” Sachiko offered to them.

“Sure,” Light said. He glanced over at Jayden. “And the glutton will take anything you throw at him,” he added drolly, since Jayden’s mouth was full and all he could do was nod. He got a thumbs up at the translation.

She poured out some regular flavored Lays chips and some nacho cheese Doritos into a couple of bowls and placed them onto the table. “All right, I’ll leave you to it.” She looked around at them, a smile on her face and said quietly, “it’s good to see the place so lively again.

Light caught that, a little surprised to hear her voice such a sentiment. He got up and went to give her a hug, partly in gratitude for this meal she hadn’t been obligated to set out for him, and partly so she could feel included as part of their group instead of an outsider looking on. It wasn’t the most natural thing to him, even now, but he was trying and he knew she was too. “Thanks for all this,” he said.

She beamed at him. “You’re welcome, honey.” They stood apart from the others for a few minutes, watching them bicker and eat. “It really is good to have you all here.”

“Is that sort of why you decided to rent the room out? Having company?”

“I think it will be good for us to have a little noise in the house. Your father and I… we still miss you, and miss you being here.” She got a little tearful and wiped at her eyes. “I think it may help us move on.”

Ah, his father. That topic still brought tension to the fore. He was trying to work on not getting an automatic stress reaction. Besides, they usually avoided talking about him these days. He hadn’t had much in the way of updates, and wasn’t sure if 12 steps was helping him or not. Still, he’d been shocked and also grateful that he was giving it a shot. More pressingly, he wondered if any of the vitriol had calmed in regards to his and L’s romantic relationship. “How’s he doing, with…?”

“Oh, honey, you know your father’s temper.” She shook her head a little. “But, there’s progress.”

“So, you think one day he’ll….?” He left that question open ended, not quite sure how to finish it.

She looked over at him and said wistfully, “Yes. I think, one day, he’ll come along. Maybe it can even be like it used to be. Something like this.” She nodded to indicate the group in the kitchen, reminiscent of the family dinners where the five of them had all gathered around that very table. A faint, nostalgic smile graced her lips as she watched the other boys eat.

Light put his arm around her shoulders. “I’d like that.”

* * *

THE END

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading. It was as much a journey for me as it was a journey for some of you as readers. I appreciate all of your comments, support and love. (This story has been running over a year!!) Thank you, from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> **One more shout out -** After this, I’m trying my hand at being a _published writer_. (It’s a little nerve wracking and a bit overwhelming at times with trying to figure everything out, so I’d been dragging my feet. Plus, self doubt, yay! Lol).
> 
> I have my current original work about 75 percent completed and my goal is to have it ready and available within the next 6 months.
> 
> I hope you’ll give these future works a shot, and stay tuned to announcements on my author’s page (bio thingy here on AO3). I’ll need some reviews on Amazon to get my start, since I’ll likely be beginning through ebooks, so please consider doing some to help me out once the work is made available. :D


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